KE'S TALES "REM Was Right" (ALTERNATIVE TITLES: "Depraved New World" or "Red, White, and Boomstick")
an original screenplay by Kera Hildebrandt
Kera Hildebrandt kerahildebrandt@yahoo.com
INT. LAB - MORNING A large lab that looks like it's set up in secret; as if in a basement or a warehouse. Windows are bricked up and the whole place just seems seedy. Lots of inventions are about the room. In front of a circular portal-making machine is two people. First is KE, whose disguise consists of a black wig, a trench coat, and stylish make-up. Second is URNWELL (40's, a mad scientist who could easily pass for a gentleman). Ke is looking at the gate in amazement. KE Wow....A real time travel gate. URNWELL Yes indeed, Ms. Pryor. And it can be yours for the price we discussed. KE Well hold on. How do I know this is an actual time gate? URNWELL You mean besides the fact that I can't lie? Oh, right. right?
KE Microchip in the brain,
Urnwell smiles and taps his head. URNWELL That's right. Keeps me from lying. KE Ah. URNWELL I mean it's not like I can give you a test ride. You might find out next week's lottery numbers and not tell me. They both share a laugh. KE I'm just happy to find one of these things. What with all time travel studies being banned and stuff. Urnwell walks towards a table of weaponry.
2. KE (CONT'D) I'll be sure to get the cash ready. URNWELL Lovely, lovely. Ke takes out a rag and begins rubbing the make-up off her face. KE Hey, Dr. Urnwell. I was wondering...Be honest. URNWELL I have no choice. Ke smiles and laugh. KE Right...Again, be honest... Ke's smile becomes sly. KE (CONT'D) Did my disguise fool you? URNWELL No. Shocked, Ke spins around and faces a grinning Urnwell, who's aiming a homemade laser rifle at her and wearing thermal goggles on his forehead. Ke, irritated and defeated, pulls her wig and coat off and tosses it aside. KE What gave me away? URNWELL I'm friends with one of your on Facebook. She tagged you post mentioning a mission of that sounded a lot like this "business meeting."
friends in a yours so-called
Ke sighs in frustration. URNWELL (CONT'D) I forget the friend's nameKE It's my friend Rose. She friends everyone and tags me in crap online all the time.
3. Ke turns invisible. Alarmed, Urnwell flips his goggles over his eyes and scans the area for any sign of Ke. After a moment, a splash of purple energy comes from above, which he dodges. Urnwell looks up and sees (thermal camera-style) Ke floating above him. The two exchange blasts- Urnwell on land and Ke from air- until Urnwell has his back to the portal. He eyes a large robot's arm he has hanging from the ceiling by some cables. Urnwell elbows the portal's activation button, creating a swirling blue and green portal, as Ke is flying towards him. KE (CONT'D) You're not gettin' away! Urnwell has a smug look on his face. Nope.
URNWELL Not me.
Urnwell, blasts the arm's cables and leaps out of the way of the portal. Ke spins around just time to be hit by the swinging robot fist and is sent into the portal swearing like a sailor. Urnwell shuts the portal off walks towards the lab exit. and hits a machine, creating machines and ending with the
and laughs to himself as he The robot arm swings backwards a domino effect with other one by the lab exit.
Urnwell notices the machine near him about to fall on him, his eyes going wide as a shadow falls over him. EXT. BEACH - MORNING A beach on a tropical island. Crashing waves, greenery inlands a bit, mountain/hill in the center. A portal opens up on the beach, throwing Ke out of it before shutting. Having landed on her bottom in the sand, Ke takes a moment to gather her dignity before getting up and brushing the sand, swearing and cursing her luck under her breath. EXT. JUNGLE - MORNING From within the jungle, someone it watching Ke brush the sand off her. Gun in hand, the person cautiously makes their way to Ke. EXT. BEACH - DAY After a moment of dusting off, Ke feels the person's presence right behind her.
4. KE (To self) This again... She tries to do like she did in the lab- invisibility, flying behind the target, and blasting him. But instead, she remains visible when she turns, jumps up, and ungracefully lands face-first in the sand. The man approaches her. Ke sits up, spitting sand and shaking it out of her hair. The man comes to her side and she looks up at him. She's facing MONTANA (20's, tank top a staple in his wardrobe and the aura of an action hero). Ke holds out her hand, expecting it to be glowing purple. To her surprise, it's not. She flicks her hand a few more tries, becoming more frustrated with each attempt. Montana, not sure of what to make of this scene, only stands and watches in puzzlement and fascination. Eventually, Ke gets tired and stops, letting herself fall onto the ground. KE (CONT'D) I'm so unfriendin' ya, Rose! (Main Titles?) EXT. JUNGLE - MORNING Montana is guiding Ke down a path in the jungle. MONTANA That was a portal? KE Yep. Time portal. Though I don't know how far into the future I was sent into. Ke scoffs. Or the past.
KE (CONT'D) I dunno.
MONTANA Do you really have powers? KE Mm-hmm. Flying. Energy blasts. That crap. ExceptKe stops and tries blasting a sort of spiral fruit hanging from a nearby tree (as well as many other trees on the island).
5. KE (CONT'D) Not workin'. So flyin' back home is outta the question. Ke puts on an innocent smile. KE (CONT'D) Sooo, Mister...? Montana smiles and nods. MONTANA I'm Montana. Ke shakes his hand. KE Ke. You wouldn't happen to have a boat to loan me or...? Montana shakes his head, his smile gone. MONTANA Plenty, but I'm not gonna let you have one. Ke's smile fades. KE Oh...I'll bring it back. MONTANA Still "no." Ke sighs and rubs her eyes. KE Sir, I got my ass handed to me by a douche bag mad scientist, sand, and fuckin' gravity. The only thing keepin' me from goin' full-blown mental is gettin' back to civilization. Montana sighs, his troubled expression that of a man who has to break some bad news to someone. MONTANA I hate to break it to you sweetheartKe frowns. KE And I'd hate to have you call me "sweetheart."
6. Montana frowns an annoyed half-frown. MONTANA But there's no civilization to go back to. Ke raises an eyebrow. KE What's that supposed to mean? Montana raises an eyebrow. MONTANA It means that humanity was destroyed after the outbreak. Ke's confused, which Montana sees. MONTANA (CONT'D) You do know what I'm talking about, right? Ke shakes her head. MONTANA (CONT'D) The outbreak? The one that destroyed civilization? Ke slowly shakes her head. Ke more bad news.
Montana sighs, dreading to tell
MONTANA (CONT'D) It's....not a pleasant story. Montana looks into the distance. He seems serious, but something gritty in his tone make is almost seem like he's narrating a movie tailer. MONTANA (CONT'D) There was an outbreak. A virus or something. None of us know. Either way, it spread like wildfire. Infecting people and turning them into monstersKe shrugs and speaks offhandedly. KE Oh, that's it? Surprised, Montana turns to her. MONTANA I'm sorry?
7. That's it?
KE That's all that happened?
Montana can't believe Ke's reaction. MONTANA I don't...Civilization collapsed! Ke scoffs. KE (Sarcastic) Like it didn't the day reality TV became a thing? Montana only stands there in silent surprise. rubs her eyes.
Ke sighs and
KE (CONT'D) Look, turn on a TV, crack open a book, pop in a video game, whatever. Outbreaks like what you're prolly talkin' about are insanely common these days. Montana shakes his head. MONTANA This outbreak was different. Ke raises an eyebrow. KE Oh really? Virus turns people into was are essentially zombies? Montana is surprised by Ke's knowledge of this. MONTANA Uh, yeah. KE Life as you know it collapsin', save for a few groups of uninfected humans? MONTANA Yeah. KE And said humans go out to rebuild society and not only combat the infected, but lunatic humans? MONTANA We had a few of those.
8. KE Soooo....yeah. Just like your standard outbreak. I don't see the need to pay attention to it. Ke's shot down Montana's balloon and the latter can't believe it. MONTANA But...But it's different from the other outbreaks! KE Yeah, sure. MONTANA The world ended! KE Well I'll have you know I was just there andTwo people happen upon the scene, carrying tools and a crank radio. They are JESSE and IKE (20's, both nice guys you know will bite it in a horror movie). JESSE What's going on? Montana turns to them. MONTANA Oh. Ke, this is Ike and Jesse. Jesse and Ike- Ke Ke and the two men exchange waves. MONTANA (CONT'D) Ke was brought to out island by a... KE Portal. MONTANA By a portal. IKE Ooooh, neato. First the plane washed up on shore, now a babe. Ke's eyebrow raises. KE Who will be gettin' off this island soon if she can get on said plane.
9. Jesse scoffs and smiles. JESSE Sorry, but it's busted. 'sploded or something.
Whole side
MONTANA Ya get into that back compartment yet? Ike presents a crowbar and a grin. IKE Still stuck, but we might get it open today. JESSE Better get going. Jesse and Ike go down the path towards the beach. MONTANA I expect a full report by the party tonight. Right boss! Ke!
IKE See you then!
You too,
Ke gives a half-hearted wave to the guys before facing a smug Montana. They start walking down the path again. MONTANA See? Exploded plane. Totally a sign of the end of civilization. KE Or something that happens if you fly over the wrong part of Detroit. Montana frowns at Ke's indifference and focuses on guiding her down the path. Eventually, they reach their destination. Montana stands aside and pridefully gestures towards his village. MONTANA Welcome to New America. EXT. NEW AMERICA SQUARE - DAY A large village with a spacious clearing and a wooden stage in the center. The buildings are created from plain/boat wreckage, crates, and stuff found in the woods. There are solar panels about.
10. The villagers, who are no older than their early-thirties and are inclined to club wear and mini skirts, are going about their business. Ke raises an eyebrow. KE "New America?" Montana guides Ke through the village and towards a clinic. As they walk, almost every survivor says/waves "hi" to Montana. MONTANA Named after what was once the greatest country in the history of forever. SHAUNA (O.S.) Montana! Montana looks over and sees SHAUNA (20's, always dressed as provocatively as a post-apocalypse could allow and carrying a baby on a backpack sling) walking over. Montana puts his arm around Shauna and kisses her. MONTANA This is my wife- Shauna. The baby coos. MONTANA (CONT'D) Oh, and my little girl Nevaeh. His kisses the baby. MONTANA (CONT'D) Girls, this is Ke. Our new neighbor. Ke smiles uneasily, nervous that Montana still didn't hear her clearly. KE Until I get off this island! Shauna smiles sadly and shakes her head. SHAUNA We all said that, but you'll eventually realize that this is the best place to live now. Shauna snuggles up to Montana. SHAUNA (CONT'D) Especially with my baby as the leader.
11. Ke looks at Nevaeh. KE You don't mean that littleShauna gestures to Montana and Ke realizes what she meant by "her baby." Oh!
KE (CONT'D) Montana! He's your leader!
Shauna nods. SHAUNA That's right. Because of his skill and foresight, we still have things like computers, electricity, and all that good stuff. Ke raises an eyebrow. KE Is that so? Montana fakes humbleness, but it's clear he's loving this attention. MONTANA Well...I just remembered to loot the Best Buy and bring stuff like solar panels here. Shauna playfully shoves him. SHAUNA Listen to him! MONTANA Well, we best get Ke here to Dr. Maggie. INT. CLINIC - DAY A clinic set up in a storage shed. Most things are kept in busted cabinets and plastic storage bins. Ke's sitting on the exam table, which is a few large crates with towels over it. Looking over her is MAGGIE (20's, sporting some professionalism in the midst of the free-forall), who is wearing a worn, white doctor's coat as she flashes a light in Ke's eye. Montana and Shauna are waiting outside the building, kissing and nuzzling each other.
12. MAGGIE So let me get this strait. undead? Yep.
You're
KE I usually have powers, too.
MAGGIE And they're not working now? KE No. There's some places that naturally cancel out powers; usually 'cause've certain minerals bein' in the soil or somethin'. I'm thinkin' that's the case here. MAGGIE And you came here through a portal? KE And my friends are currently alive and waiting for me back home, which is totally not ravaged by some zombie virus or whatever. Maggie sighs. Ke looks out the window, noticing a spiral fruit tree outside. She laughs to herself, which Maggie notices. MAGGIE What? KE That tree. Maggie looks over to the tree. MAGGIE Oh. They're everywhere. Nobody eats the fruit because they're too sour. KE Well, that's too bad 'cause...Nevermind. MAGGIE Listen....about what you've been saying about the outbreak. KE And how it's totally not a thing. MAGGIE But it is.
13. Maggie puts her exam stuff away as she talks. MAGGIE (CONT'D) It was very real and you should see it as an opportunity to start fresh. Ke rolls her eyes. Maggie takes out her cell phone and shows Ke a picture of her, smiling and in normal clothes, and her husband, who looks bored. MAGGIE (CONT'D) Like with me. My marriage was crumbling. Needless to say, it all ended with the outbreak. Ke raises an eyebrow. KE What's that a picture of? Maggie looks at the phone and discovers Ke accidentally went to a candid picture of Maggie in a garden. Maggie smiles uneasily at the picture. MAGGIE Oh...my stepson sent me that back before the outbreak....Did that a lot. KE Ah, so how do I get back to the menu? MAGGIE Just press that button. Ke accidentally goes to another picture of Maggie, this time of her watching TV. MAGGIE (CONT'D) Oh, another picture from from my stepson. Ke goes through more creepy candid photos by accident. Maggie's going into a shop. Sleeping in bed. Going into the shower. Maggie takes the phone and shuts it, trying to smile like everything's okay. MAGGIE (CONT'D) Th-That's enough of that, uh...Montana? Montana walks in. MONTANA Yeah, doc?
14. MAGGIE Ke checks out, but maybe a trip to the museum would do her good. EXT. NEW AMERICA SQUARE - DAY Ke, Montana, and Shauna are walking through the village. Montana looks over to the village's armory/weapons lab and smiles. MONTANA Hey Daryl! On the front pourch of the armory is DARYL (20's, a cross between a nerd and the crazy guy on the subway), working on a gun. Daryl waves and Montana brings Ke over. MONTANA (CONT'D) Ke, this is Daryl. Our weapons expert. Daryl outstretches his hand, which Ke's starts to shake. KE Nice t'meet'cha. Daryl continues to shake Ke's hand, a semi-leacherous smile creeping onto his face. DARYL You're hands are soft. It's clear Ke's disturbed by this, but she still keeps the remnants of a smile on her face. KE Uhh....thank....you? Daryl keeps his eyes trained on Ke's hand. Ke tries to gently pull it free.
After a moment,
KE (CONT'D) Can I have my....? I really need to... Montana steps in with a sincere smile. MONTANA Hey, Daryl? Daryl snaps out of his horny daze and looks at Montana, desperately trying to save face like a boy whose mother just walked in on him watching porn.
15. DARYL Y-Yeah? MONTANA You wanna show me what you're workin' on there? Looks awesome. Daryl releases Ke's hand and turns to something he put on the ground, the relieved girl rubbing it on her dress while Daryl isn't looking and mouthing a "thank you" to Montana. DARYL Right here. From the maker of the gunchuks, comes...this! Daryl proudly presents his latest creation- two double-barrel shot guns duct-taped together in opposite directions. DARYL (CONT'D) The flip-gun! You can now shoot in two different directions at the same time. Though Montana is impressed, Ke's less than so. MONTANA Whoa... DARYL I know, right? MONTANA Anyway, I just brought Ke from the clinic. Daryl looks up to Ke, sickness on the brain as he rubs his hands on his clothes. DARYL Oh... MONTANA She checks out. Daryl's excitement returns. DARYL Oh! Daryl looks at Ke's hands, lust oozing back into his expression. DARYL (CONT'D) Then I hope to see you tonight...
16. Ke quickly walks away. KE I'll be off this island.
Nope.
Daryl's let down by this and gets back to work. walks over to Ke. God.
Montana
KE (CONT'D) He's your weapon specialist?
MONTANA You didn't like it? KE My friend Remus, a real weapons specialist, would laugh at that thing. A grim thought spawns in Montana's head after Ke says that. MONTANA Not anymore... Ke scoffs. KE Again, I don't buy that whole outbreak thing. Remus is alive, well, and probably arguing with his co-workers about why katanas are overrated. INT. MUSEUM - DAY A large makeshift museum honoring the old world and the struggle of the survivors. A lot of exhibits are trivial; one example- the "Important People of Our Time" having photos of Washington, Tesla, and Shakespeare alongside the likes of Hulk Hogan, Paris Hilton, and 50 Cent. Ke, Montana, and Shauna walk up to the front desk, which is being manned by JAINIE (20's, voice and gaze hollow with stupidity). MONTANA Hey Jainie. JAINIE Hi there, Montana? Who's the girl? MONTANA Our new neighbor- Ke. Ke grits her teeth and narrows her eyes.
17. KE (To self) Again- not. Staying here. MONTANA Just here to teach her about our island. JAINIE Okay, like, come right in? Montana and Shauna guide Ke around, stopping at a display about the infection, which features a picture showing the symptoms (itself looking like it was drawn in a simple paint program). MONTANA Okay, here's the infection. It makes people bleed from their eyes, mouth, and nose. Drives them intoTo Montana and Shauna's surprise, Ke offhandedly finishes the spiel. KE Murderous rages. The virus spreads by biting or any transference of bodily fluids between an infected and non-infected host. Best way to dispatch an infected is by removing the head or destroying the brain. Ke looks at the speechless couple and shrugs. KE (CONT'D) Really nothing original here. Ke walks over to a huge portrait of survivors leaving the old world and coming to the island. Again, someone drew this in a paint program. MONTANA This, of course, is honoring our journey here. Ke laughs at the picture's quality. KE Who drew this thing? SHAUNA Paulie. Our best artist here. Once had his work displayed on what used to be the best online gallery- Deviant Art.
18. KE Explains why it looks like it was done in MS Paint. (To self) Shocked it's not Sonic recolors or My Little Pony versions of you guys. Montana puts a his hand on Ke's shoulder. MONTANA This is about the story of how we came to this island. Flashback begins. EXT. CITY - DAY City in the midst of a zombie outbreak. The survivors are seen going through the chaos, fighting infected and looting places, getting to some boats in the end. As Montana speaks, gratuitous amounts of exaggerated violence is seen, making it clear that the survivors mearly outgunned the zombies. Essentially an explosion or decapitation every five seconds. MONTANA (O.S.) Using our skill, strength, knowledge, wisdom, integrity, intelligence, tact, and grace we escaped the hell hole that was once our home and came here in an armada of boats and stuff. As if chosen by fate. By God. All to start a glorious new world in the ashes of the old. To rebuild society in a glorious image ofKE (O.S.) Okay, enough! INT. MUSEUM - DAY Flashback over. Ke is shaking her head in annoyance. displeased of Ke's interruption.
Montana and Shauna are
KE None of that happened, okay?! The world didn't end! There's been tons've outbreaks before. As such, the folks upstairs created measures against them. vaccines, protocols, bans on zombie virus research, all that shit!
19. MONTANA You're in denial, Ke! ended a year ago!
The world
KE I was home this morning! MONTANA But then you went through that portal, right? KE Yeah, so?! MONTANA What kind've portal did you say it was?! Ke recalls the type of portal it was and becomes horrified. She gathers her composure and turns away. KE (Quietly) A...A time portal. MONTANA What? Ke spins and faces Montana, defensive as hell. KE A time portal, okay?! I went through a time portal and presumably traveled through time! Maybe to the future! I don't know! Ke begins pacing around the room, relentlessly ranting and a few tears slipping out of her angry eyes as she does so. KE (CONT'D) But that doesn't matter! Because right now, my boyfriend Hiruko is watchin' Pawn Stars! My friend Hydra is at his gardenin' class! My friend Mesmos is at the bar he bounces until Remus meets up with him later tonight! My friend Rose is taggin' me in more goddamn Facebook posts! And...! And...! Ke stops moving, her face slowly going from pissed off to upset and herself about to full-on cry. KE (CONT'D) And they're all prolly fuckin' dead.
20. Ke starts crying to herself. comfort her.
Montana and Shauna go over to
MONTANA (O.S.) And that's Ke's story. EXT. NEW AMERICA SQUARE - NIGHT Montana is on the platform, an emotionally resigned Ke at his side and a sympathetic audience before him. MONTANA As you can guess, this is all a big shock for her. So I expect all of you to be kind and understanding to her. The audience mutters assumingly. and expression kind.
Montana turns to Ke, voice
MONTANA (CONT'D) Ke, I think I know something that might take your mind off of this. Do ya like spring break? Ke glances at Montana, a little puzzled. KE You mean like me gettin' a week off from school and playin' video games? Ke sniffs and smiles sadly. KE (CONT'D) Well, if ya guys have a Xbox or something. Montana laughs and shakes his head. MONTANA No no. I mean, the good parts of spring break! Montana snaps his fingers. A large stereo a dolly and kicked on, pumping out generic Club lights and a huge vat of spiked punch The survivors cheer and begin dancing like
is hauled out on club beats. are brought out. they're in a club.
Ke only stands still, shocked at the sudden change of events. Scene jump to Ke sitting at a table, grumpy. Daryl walks up to her with two cups of punch. He pokes her in the back, making her spin around in anger.
21. KE What?! Daryl presents the two cups with a shameless grin. her eyes and groans.
Ke rolls
KE (CONT'D) Listen, I was about to leaveDaryl sits right next to her, having not taken a hint. His eyebrow is raised seductively, but it's just plain creepy on him. He offers her a drink. KE (CONT'D) I'd rather not. DARYL Figured you wouldn't mind taking the edge off. Ke smiles sarcastically laughs. KE Oh no, no, no. Ke gets into Daryl face, her angry glare adding a sadistic element to her fake smile. KE (CONT'D) If I wanted to take the edge off, I'd stuff you into one of those speakers. Daryl becomes freaked by this as Ke gets more aggressive. KE (CONT'D) That way I'll be rid of this goddamn music and a certain little creep who's attached to me like a dog to a leg! Daryl is still for a few moments until a pervert's smile slinks onto his face. DARYL "Dog to a leg." Daryl grabs Ke's rear end, making her eyes go wide. DARYL (CONT'D) Sounds fun.
22. INT. CLINIC - NIGHT Daryl, bruised and bandaged, is on the exam table with Maggie bandaging his head. MAGGIE She just found out her friends were dead. Daryl's gone the route of whiny bitch. As he rants, Maggie looks out a window and sees Ke shuffling to a hut. DARYL That's no excuse! I was just tryin' t'have a nice conversation! That's all! Just an intelligent conversation with someone I only had respect for! She had no right to do that to me! No right what so ever! INT. HUT - NIGHT A simple little hut for Ke to sleep in. Stool. Bucket. Shelves.
Hammock.
Chair.
Ke is sitting on the floor with her back against the wall, looking at photos of her friends on her phone as melancholy clouds her eyes. MAGGIE Your friends? Ke turns to see Maggie in the doorway. Ke smiles sadly and nods as Maggie sits by Ke's side. KE I just can't believe they're gone. Maggie puts a hand on Ke's shoulder, her expression a mother's trying to comfort a child. KE (CONT'D) I just keep thinkin' about how if I didn't go into the portal, I could've been around to save 'em. MAGGIE It's no good thinking about things like that. Ke glances out the window and at the festivities. KE Y'suppose that's why you guys have a "kill brain cells" fest every night?
23. Maggie shrugs. MAGGIE That and it's fun. KE Essentially dry humpin' to club songs that all sound alike is fun? MAGGIE Better get used to it. Happens at least every other night. Ke sighs and turns back to her phone, smiling sadly at the picture of her friends. Maggie looks at Ke's phone and furrows her brow in thought. MAGGIE (CONT'D) Huh. KE What? MAGGIE The date on your phone. Ke scoffs and smiles wryly. KE Oh. Right. Didn't s'ppose it would go forward one year. MAGGIE No, that's today's date. Ke snaps her surprised gaze to Maggie. What?
KE Today?
Maggie nods. KE (CONT'D) Are ya sure? Maggie nods again.
Ke looks back to her phone.
KE (CONT'D) But...this is the day I went into the portal. Ke looks at her phone in thought for a few moments before getting up and heading for the door.
24. KE (CONT'D) I need to check something out. EXT. NEW AMERICA SQUARE - NIGHT Montana is partying like nothing's wrong in his world until he notices Ke walking towards the jungle, a troubled air about her. His attention piqued, he follows her. EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT Ke is walking through the jungle, looking for higher ground. Montana approaches her, seemingly sneaking up on Ke. Ke goes into the brush, vanishing into the green. Montana follows her... Only to have Ke leap up from behind and put him in a choke hold, sending Montana into a panic and only a strained voice able to escape his constricted throat. It's me!
MONTANA Montana!
Ke sighs out of irritation and lets stumble forward, coughing and rubbing his throat. MONTANA (CONT'D) Jesus! KE Sorry. Montana regains his composure, trying to seem like he's just fine. MONTANA No no, I'm cool. Just cool. KE Quick question- what's the highest point on this island? Montana points inland. MONTANA Small mountain. I can show you the way. Perfect. anyway.
KE I needed to talk to ya
Ke looks down at Montana's crotch, her eyebrow raising. Montana smiles proudly/lecherously.
25. Oh?
MONTANA Impressed? KE
Yeah. Ke walks away, a wry smile on her face. KE (CONT'D) Never seen a wet spot that big. Montana's smile immediately fades and he looks down, his the color in his shocked face draining. MONTANA I-I...! KE Spilled something on it, right? Montana, red faced, follows Ke. EXT. MOUNTAINSIDE - NIGHT A cross between a small mountain and a large hill. of rock and grass, the very top being mostly rock. MONTANA You're sure you went into the portal today? KE Damn sure. The fact that you guys spent a year on this island makes this whole thing more curious. Ke and Montana climb for a bit. KE (CONT'D) Okay, lemme just run this out loud. This morning, I stopped a mad scientist- Honest Urnwell. MONTANA Who? KE George Urnwell, but everyone calls 'im "Honest Urnwell" 'cause a chip in his brain prevents him from lyin'. He pushed me into a portal that he said could travel through time. (MORE)
Meshing
26. KE (CONT'D) I ended up here and according to you, the world ended a year ago from a zombie virus outbreak. However, this morning, I was back home and everything was all hunky-dory. MONTANA And getting on top of this mountain will help you figure things out? KE Might at least help me figure out where I am. Ke rubs her eyes in frustration, as if trying to look into her own head. KE (CONT'D) Not that I can think of any island in the Atlantic that can cancel out someone's powers. MONTANA What about the Pacific? KE Why would that matter? MONTANA Because that's where we're at. Ke stops and turns to Montana, surprised by this information. KE The Pacific Ocean? Montana nods. Ke works the information in her head, but it's clear a very large part of the puzzle has fit together. Her eyes brighten and a sly smile slides onto her face as she thinks it over. KE (CONT'D) The guy I confiscated the portal from is known for not bein' able to tell a lie. MONTANA He must've, 'cause it sounds like you didn't go into the future. Ke chuckles and shakes her head.
27. KE That's 'cause I went into the past. Montana's eyebrow raises.
Ke's smile becomes eager.
KE (CONT'D) I'm from the east coast, better known as "the future" if you consider that it's at least three time zones away. INT. LAB - MORNING Back to the fight in the beginning. robot fist.
Ke is punched by the
KE (O.S.) That jackass didn't lie. Ke flies towards the portal. KE (O.S.) (CONT'D) I technically traveled through time. Text, "10:53 AM (EST)" Ke falls into the portal. EXT. BEACH - MORNING The beach from the beginning. Ke lands onto the beach. Text, "6:53 AM (HST)" EXT. MOUNTAINSIDE - NIGHT Back to the present. business.
Though smiling, Ke's eyes are all
KE This outbreak. Where did it start? A confused Montana struggles to dig up information. MONTANA Oh, uh...some college town back home in California. Ke thinks a bit and snaps her fingers. KE San Padre? Montana nods.
28. MONTANA Yeah! Ke takes out her phone and begins going through it. KE You're lucky I saved the report files for it on my phone. Montana is still shocked and confused at this turn of events. MONTANA I just...Are you telling me you know about this outbreak? Ke nods. KE And I would've told'ja earlier if I didn't assume we were on the east coast. Ke shows Montana the phone. increasingly shocked.
As Montana reads it, he becomes
KE (CONT'D) The San Padre Incident. Last yearthe time you said civilization collapsed- a bacteria bein' studied at a university infected people and made 'em into zombies. But it was stopped by the local paranormal agency called "RANGER" who used the cure for the virus. Montana's still in shock. MONTANA But...I don't understand! able to make contact!
We weren't
KE Are you absolutely sure? Montana takes out his own cell phone. MONTANA Yeah! I couldn't call anyone! of us could!
None
Ke only looks at Montana, unable to believe what he just said.
29. KE You expected to get cell phone reception on a desert island? Montana shrugs. MONTANA I've got AT&T. KE Or anywhere? Ke shakes her head. KE (CONT'D) Look, the point is- the world didn't end! It was all a huge misunderstandin'. A hopeful smile slowly appears on Montana's face as his eyes brighten. MONTANA So...everything's okay? Ke excitedly nods her head and speaks eagerly. KE Everything's okay! My friends are alive, my bosses are bitchin' about me not checkin' in, and The Simpsons will be on tonight. Montana laughs to himself, smiling brightly. KE (CONT'D) Everything can go back to normal. The word "normal" echoes in Montana's head, making his smile fade away. INT. NURSING HOME, DINING ROOM - DAY Large room.
Tables and chairs.
Linoleum floor.
Quaint.
Montana, dressed in scrubs, is mopping the floor, hating life and (especially) his job. The dreary voice of a woman who's had the life sucked out of her crackles through the PA system. PA WOMAN Housekeeping to the south nurse's station.
30. Montana sighs. INT. NURSING HOME, NURSES' STATION - DAY An intersection of hallways. Circular desk where nurses can convene. Someone poured tomato juice on the desk. In a nearby med room, some nurses are eating and talking. Montana is scrubbing it out, but the tomato juice had left a stain in the desk. A RESIDENT'S DAUGHTER (40's, dressed in nice, normal clothes) comes up to him. RESIDENT'S DAUGHTER Excuse me. My father hasn't gotten his lunch yet. Montana turns to the nurses. MONTANA Guys, this lady's father needs help. The nurses don't even look at him. Not our job.
NURSE Go find a CNA.
Montana sighs in frustration and turns to the relative, already tired. He musters up a sad smile. INT. NURSE HOME, KITCHEN - DAY A large kitchen for multiple workers; the sort you'd find in a school or hospital. Inside, people are making lunch trays to put in large metal carts. Among them is a MEAN COOK (50's, a bulldog of a woman). Montana walks to the open door. MONTANA Excuse me, I need a tray forThe mean cook glares him, her voice loud and nasty enough to make a deaf person cry. (Montana's nearly scared out of his skin.) MEAN COOK Look, you're gonna have to wait one friggin' assin' minute, okay?! PA WOMAN Housekeeping to the south nurse's station.
31. INT. NURSING HOME, NURSES' STATION - DAY Someone spilled more tomato juice on the counter Montana was just cleaning. He looks at it in awe and anger, his mouth aimlessly moving as he tries to form words. A RESIDENT'S SON (40's, casual clothes and friendly demeanor) walks up to Montana, pushing a wheelchair holding an OLD WOMAN (80's, vulture-like and looking at the world like it's plotting against her). RESIDENT'S SON Excuse me. My mother needs to go to the bathroom. Montana looks into the nurses' room, finding no one inside. Montana turns to the visitor and tries to smile pleasantly. MONTANA I'm sorry, but I'm not a nurse. The old woman lets a moan that's a cross between a door in dire need of oil and a sheep being slaughtered. The resident's son gets a little irritated. RESIDENT'S SON Look, she really need to go. Montana looks down the halls to see if anyone's around, the woman screeching more and the son getting more impatient. He looks back to the resident's son. MONTANA I guess I canThe son walks away, much to Montana's surprise. RESIDENT'S SON Bring her to the sunroom when you're done, kay? Montana turns to the old woman. Bathroom!
OLD WOMAN Now!
She spits on Montana. INT. NURSING HOME, DINING ROOM - DAY Montana, spent, walks into the dining room and stops in his tracks. Someone poured what appears to be several gallons of tomato juice on the floor.
32. Standing still, eye twitching and trying to find words to say, the PA snaps him out of his trance. PA WOMAN Housekeeping to the west bathrooms. INT. NURSING HOME, OUTSIDE OF BATHROOM - DAY Doorway in hall leading to public restrooms. A few nurses are looking on in disgust, shaking their head. NURSE I only left her alone for a minute. Montana walks by, the nurses facing him. NURSE (CONT'D) Montana could you take care of this? Montana walks to the door. MONTANA Take care of wha-? He looks into the bathoom and looks as though he just peered into the very pits of Hell. Inside there's a CRAZY OLD WOMAN (70's, happily lost in her own little world), palms out and giggling to herself. It's not explicitly shown, but she's smeared her feces all over the room. One of the nurses walks away. NURSE I can't deal with this right now. I'm going on break. The other nurses agree and join her, leaving a shocked Montana to look at the situation he has to deal with. The crazy resident's giggle becomes full blown mad laughter. Montana gets more horrified at the sight. EXT. MOUNTAINSIDE - NIGHT Back to present. Montana still has a look of horror in his eyes, Ke not noticing and messing with her phone. KE I suppose you'll need to bust up the party. As Ke talks, Montana aims a steely, firm glare at Ke, as well as his gun.
33. KE (CONT'D) You said you have boats, right? 'Cause I'm still not gettin' a signal. So I'm guessin' we'll need toKe turns and immediately reacts to the gun. KE (CONT'D) Whoathat'sagun! Montana's voice is as stern as his expression. MONTANA We're not gonna tell 'em a thing. As far as they'll be concerned, society's been destroyed and there's no crappy civilization to go back to. Ke is surprised to hear Montana's plan. KE You...You can't be serious. Montana gets half-pissed. MONTANA Did you see me back in that village?! When the world's ended, I'm a bad ass. But when it's still in one piece, I'm just some loser who cleans up old people shit off the walls! KE Okay, but that's notMontana gets more pissed. Of!
The!
MONTANA Walls!
Ke gets a little more scared. KE And that's super gross. But you can't keep those people in the dark about something like this! MONTANA Like hell I caKe jerks out of the gun's path, knees Montana in the gut, then kicks him to the ground. Ke picks up Montana's gun and makes a break for the jungle, vanishing into the greenery. Montana recovers and follows her, taking out another gun he had on his person..
34. EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT Ke's nowhere to be see, but Montana is scanning the brush for any sign of her. Unbeknownst to him, Ke is in the tree branches above him, waiting for the the right moment to pounce. Montana trips over a rock, making his gun accidentally discharge upwards. The shot hits the branch Ke's on and sends her slamming to the ground. Montana rushes over to the downed woman, becoming worried when he sees that Ke's not moving. Cautiously, Montana pushes Ke with the handle of his gun. Ke groans, making Montana recoil, but does not awaken. Montana aims the gun at Ke's head, but the shaking of his hands and troubled look denotes that doesn't want to shoot her. Then he notices some fruit knocked from the tree Ke was in is oozing red dye.... EXT. NEW AMERICA SQUARE - NIGHT The party's going on as if nothing's wrong. Shauna is filling her cup in the punch vat when she notices Jesse from the plane excavation crew doing the same with some plastic water bottles. SHAUNA Refilling your guys' supply? Jesse nods. SHAUNA (CONT'D) How's the plane going? JESSE We're close to opening the back. SHAUNA Well if you find anything good back there, tell me. Shauna winks. Jesse smiles and nods before walking back towards the beach. A few moments later, Montana runs in and towards the platform, feigning panic. Shauna notices this and rushes over. Others take notice as well. Montana?
SHAUNA (CONT'D) What's wrong?
35. Montana gets on the platform and sounds the air horn, ceasing the partying. MONTANA We've got a code red, people! Blazer girl's infected!
The
EXT. PLANE - NIGHT A small, ten-passenger plane that washed up on shore. Heavy damaged, there's a whole side that appears to have been blown out by a bomb or something. Jesse approaches the plane, noticing the lack of sounds from within. Ike?
JESSE You in there, man?
There's no response, but Jesse starts getting in anyway. catches sight of some metal that washed up on the beach, realizing it to be part of the plane's missing side.
He
JESSE (CONT'D) Looks like more of the plane's washing in. Jesse goes into the plane. INT. PLANE - NIGHT Remnants of the destroyed plane. Barnacles and seaweed all over. A compartment in back that's been dented shut. Jesse sets the booze down and starts heading for the back compartment. To his pleasant surprise, Ike had pried the compartment open a ways. JESSE Way to go, Ike. Suddenly, there's the sound of something moving in the back compartment, scaring Jesse a bit. He gets his flashlight and slowly goes to look in the back compartment. JESSE (CONT'D) I...Ike? Suddenly, an INFECTED ZOMBIE (rotten and bleeding from its eyes, mouth, and nose) appears in the gap, reaching its arm out towards a startled Jesse. Jesse cries out and leaps out of the monster's reach. Unbeknownst to him, something is shuffling towards him from behind.
36. JESSE (CONT'D) In...Infected! Jesse hears the shuffling behind him and looks behind him. It's Ike; infected and already bleeding. He reaches for Jesse, a bite being revealed on his hand. EXT. PLANE - NIGHT Jesse's cries are heard from within. Water washes away sand covering the plane side that washed on the shore, revealing the words "San Padre University" to be written on the side of it. EXT. NEW AMERICA SQUARE - NIGHT The survivors are anxiously listening to Montana's every word as the prepare to fight an infected Ke. MONTANA She must've gotten the virus from her time period somehow. DARYL Wait, how come it didn't effect her sooner? Montana struggles to think of an answer, but does so after a moment. MONTANA Because she's not human! her! She's an alien!
You heard
Montana looks at Maggie. MONTANA (CONT'D) Right, Maggie? Maggie fidgets nervously, not liking the spotlight. MAGGIE Actually, she's undead. Whatever!
MONTANA Either way, we need to-
Jainie runs in screaming. JAINIE Th-The Blazer girl!
She...! She...!
Ke starts running in, her face still unseen.
37. KE Wait! Hold on! some-!
I need to tell ya
The people look at Ke and panic too. Oh my god!
MAGGIE He's right!
Ke looks around, eventually catching her reflection in a mirror in a hut. She sees that Montana put red dye on her to make it seem like she's bleeding from her eyes, nose, and mouth. KE Oh, sonuva...! Ke runs into the jungle.
The survivors take after her.
EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT Ke speeds through the greenery, the survivors hot on her tail. Eventually she takes cover in some bushes by a secluded clearing. All becomes quiet. She might have gotten away... Then she hears a noise that puts her on edge; the unmistakable sound of something munching flesh. Ke creeps over to the source of the sound, ready to fight... Lights flash behind Ke. others have found her.
Montana, Maggie, Shauna, and a few
MONTANA There she-! Montana sees what's in front of Ke and freaks out. MONTANA (CONT'D) Wh...What the fu...?! In front of Ke is some infected (Jesse and three other people) devouring the other people. MONTANA (CONT'D) In....! In....! Montana freaks out, surprising his group. MONTANA (CONT'D) Infected! The group dispatches the actual infected as Ke dodges the shots, pilfering a rag from a posse member's pocket. Soon, the infected are dead. Montana's still shocked.
38. MONTANA (CONT'D) Oh my god! There really is infected running around! Maggie narrows her eyes accusingly at Montana. MAGGIE You mean you didn't think they were already? Montana realizes he just implicated himself as a liar. MONTANA A-Ah... Ke walks up to the group, showing her pissed-off face clean and her rag, wiped-off red dye on it. Everyone glares at an uneasy Montana. MONTANA (CONT'D) Uh...w-well... A scream is heard. RANDOM PERSON There's more over here! MONTANA I'll explain later! A massive fight scene begins between the infected and the survivors. During this, the survivors use gratuitous, overblown, B-movie levels of violence. Ke fights unarmed for a bit, then looks at a katana that landed on the ground near her. She debates weather or not to take it for a moment before shrugging. KE Why the hell not? Ke takes the katana and fights very well with it. In the end, the survivors win. O-Oh god!
SHAUNA Montana!
Everyone turns to Montana, whom they discover to be nursing a bite wound from an infected. He takes fearful notice of the attention he's getting. People get their guns ready to put him down, their eyes sad and the rest of their expression as serious as a funeral.
39. MONTANA G-Guys...! W-Wait....! DARYL We don't gotta choice, man. got ya.
They
Montana looks at Shauna, his eyes and voice pleading. MONTANA Shauna... Shauna's voice cracks as she speaks. SHAUNA I'm sorry, baby....You're infected. Ke chimes in, her half-sarcastic voice hinting at a secret she and Montana have. KE Yeah. I mean, it's not like there's a cure or anything. Montana glares at her. MONTANA Tell 'em. Ke shrugs and gives a slight wry smile. KE I'd rather you do. That and any other revelation you might have had. Montana's glare gets peppered with more anger. MONTANA No way. Ke's slight smile fades, giving way to a drill instructor's assertive stare. KE Then you'll be a zombie and they'll shoot you. Montana says nothing as he stares at Ke, who doesn't seem to be giving much of a crap towards him. The survivors look on, teetering between confusion and the pressure of killing Montana.
40. KE (CONT'D) Either you tell 'em and I give ya the cure, or I tell 'em and you're not alive to hear it. A standoff between stares. choke someone...
The tension is thick enough to
Montana sighs in resignation and turns to his fellow survivors. He musters words after a few malformed attempts. MONTANA There's a cure people! The people are surprised and whisper amongst themselves. MONTANA (CONT'D) There's a cure to the infection. KE It's true, but only before you turn. Montana's silent again, dreading being knee-deep in a confession. Ke clears her throat. KE (CONT'D) What else? Montana gives her a killer's glance, getting an innocent smile from Ke in return. Montana sighs in frustration. MONTANA The world didn't end. He turns back to his group, defeated. His voice is a little urgent, as he can still become a zombie. MONTANA (CONT'D) We were wrong. The outbreak didn't destroy the world. Everything went back to normal. People mutter even more.
Montana glares at Ke once more.
MONTANA (CONT'D) There! I told them the truth! Happy?! Ke runs over to Montana, grabs his arm, then begins leading him into the jungle. KE Thrilled beyond belief. please.
This way,
41. Ke and Montana go into the bushes, the puzzled survivors following. EXT. BY SPIRAL A FRUIT TREE - NIGHT Ke takes a fruit and goes over to Montana. As she talks, she starts cutting the fruit to pieces with her sword. The survivors look on in a state of awe that slowly matures into surprise with each truth. KE Anyway, the reason I was laughin' about these things earlier is that they actually stopped quite a few zombie virus outbreaks in the past. Ke hands him a piece. KE (CONT'D) Eat this. Montana does so, his face crumpling from the sourness. As Ke talks, she's squeezing juice from the fruit pieces into the bite and rubbing the remnants onto the wound. KE (CONT'D) The fact that humanity was supposedly konked-off by an outbreak was ironic enough. More irony comes from the fact that the San Padre incidentthe thing the brought ya folks herewas stopped by chemicals from these things. MAGGIE Stopped? Montana looks to his people in shame. MAGGIE (CONT'D) So civilization really didn't end? MONTANA (O.S.) No. EXT. NEW AMERICA SQUARE - NIGHT Montana's on the platform, his subjects in front of him and Ke by his side, arms crossed and taking delight in his confession. MONTANA The outbreak was stopped. We were only under the impression that humanity was wiped out.
42. A stunned silent drifts in the air as the survivors process this information. SHAUNA Are you sure? KE Today was the day I supposedly went to the future and ended up here. Meanin' I was back in civilization this very morning. The survivors mutter amongst themselves. DARYL Hold on. If the world didn't end, how come we couldn't call anyone? KE We're on an island in the middle of the ocean! Ke shakes her head. At first, the survivors listen to Ke in hope as she talks. KE (CONT'D) Point is, the outbreak is contained. Civilization didn't collapse. Everything can go back to normal. The joy of the survivors starts to wane as Ke continues. KE (CONT'D) Your old lives are waitin' for ya. You can go back to livin' the way you were. As if none of this ever happened. Everyone in the audience looks at Ke in silent dread for a few moments. RANDOM PERSON Do we have to?! People start murmuring in agreement with this person, much to Ke's puzzlement. KE D...Don't'cha wanna? The audience showers Ke with enthusiastic no's and not really's. As the scene plays out, Montana warms to his people's mutual hatred of society and takes delight in Ke's bewilderment.
43. MAGGIE Didn't you listen to me back in the clinic? What do I have to go back to? A crappy semi-ex-husband? A creepy stepson? Disturbing love letters which I hope to God is written in red ink? Everyone murmurs in agreement/sympathy to her. JAINIE Back home, nobody ever took me seriously? Now I can be appreciated for my talents? Like....uh.... RANDOM PERSON Shooting things and looking hot? JAINIE Yeah! The survivors enthusiastically murmur and clap. Daryl steps forward and faces the crowd, his presence that of a proud, proud man. DARYL Can I get weapons like this back in Old America? Daryl shoots his flamethrower in the air above his fellow survivors, much to the applause and hooting of his comrades. DARYL (CONT'D) I don't think so! Old America can keep its background checks! Hail New America! Excitement roars in the crowd.
Shauna gets onto the platform.
SHAUNA I'm dressed like this because it's hot out here, not because I'm going to work! People cheer and whistle. Shauna soaks this attention up like a sponge in a puddle. Ke only looks on at the spectacle, lost for words. KE Y-You can't be serious about leavin' the world behind like this! Shauna gets into Ke's business and practically shoves her baby into the bewildered Old American's face.
44. SHAUNA You see this baby?! In the new world, she's a glorious start to the human race. In the normal one? Just me getting knocked-up by some guy who cleans old people shit. Shauna turns to Montana, panicked while still trying to be charming. SHAUNA (CONT'D) No offense, baby. Montana comes over to Shauna and kisses her. The audience goes wild, celebrating their new life on the island. Ke's a still rock in the midst of crashing waves of happy people, her expression unable to decide if it's shocked, angry, or sad. EXT. BEACH - MORNING A rising sun bathes the oceanside in orange. Ke, expression firm and pissed off, is checking a compass and sea chart by a motor boat. A farewell group is standing by and watching Ke work. Montana and Shauna are at the front of the group. MONTANA Are you sure we can't convince you to stay? Ke's voice is as bitter as her expression. KE Unless you can promise me a private island where I'm out of hearin' range of your hourly YOLO chants- no. Ke starts pushing the boat into the ocean, having some difficulty in doing so. KE (CONT'D) And even then- no. Ke continues to slowly push the boat into the ocean, still struggling a bit as the crowd only stands there and watch. After some moments, Ke angrily turns to the crowd. KE (CONT'D) You're free to help me, y'know! Shauna scoffs like the sassy bitch she is. SHAUNA Not if you're gonna be all "ugh."
45. The crowd mutter in agreement. RANDOM PERSON Maybe she's on the rag. Everyone in the crowd laughs at the "joke" (Maggie isn't really as pleased with the joke). Ke finally gets the boat floating in the water, her expression a mix of irritation and disgust. KE Okay, the fact that the women laughed at that is all the more reason to get off Guns and STDs Island here. Ke boards the boat and starts using a compass and sea chart to set a course. MONTANA You don't have to worry about us. We've got the cure and all the guns we need to keep any infected at bay. Ke tries to start the motor, but the key doesn't quite turn it over. The frustration of starting the engine only adds to her anger towards the idiot survivors. KE Listen, I don't give a crap 'bout what'cha dumbasses do. In fact, because you're outside US boarders, I don't legally have to. Ke turns the key just right.
The engine roars with life.
KE (CONT'D) And if any outbreak is gonna kill ya, it's gonna be super herpes or mega cirrhosis or something. Ke motors away.
The survivors turn to each other. DARYL
What now? Montana whips out a boom box. MONTANA What else, bitches?! He kicks on some generic club jams as people cheer and whip out jugs of booze. Another dance party begins.
46. EXT. OCEAN - MORNING Ke's on her boat, sailing away from the island as the beats grow more and more quiet. After a while, she flicks her hand. To her joy, energy crackles from it. She flies into the air, leaving the boat behind. After a moment of flying, Ke's phone dings. She looks at it and discovers Rose had tagged her in fifty different posts and her friends texted her like crazy (such as "Where r u?!?!" and "Sanago is PISSED!!!!"). Ke sighs out of relief and holds her phone to her chest like a missing puppy, high above cloud nine. THE END