Wedding 140829

August 2014

edding

Win

a weekend away for two!

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Editorial: Joy Mojela & Sue Ettmayr Layout: Winfred Baloyi & Tamryn Branch • Marketing: Jacques Smuts & Thinus van Deventer Front Page Photograph: Myra Harms • Photographer: Juné Joubert

A Bulletin Publication

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August 2014

Music is the food of love

A LUCKY COUPLE CAN

WIN Weekend Package

(including Friday and Saturday night)

Welcome drinks on arrival at the Lodge.

Dinner for two (A la Carte).

Bottle of wine & chocolate in the room.

A romantic turndown service.

Picnic basket for lunch on Saturday in our lovely garden.

Neck and back massage for two at our Earth Spa on Sunday.

Barge trip for two on the river (Friday and Saturday) (45 minutes).

Value: More than R5 000

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So the saying goes and it’s at its most poignant at weddings. The music when the bride enters the Church on her father’s arm, the music when the bride leaves the Church on her groom’s arm and the first dance are added to the highlights of the day. However there’s such a wide choice of music. Here are a few classical ideas.

There’s the traditional ‘Bridal Chorus’ from Wagner’s Lohengrin as an entrance piece and Mendelssohn’s ‘Wedding March’ for Musicians play at the wedding the exit. ‘Air on a String’ by reception Johann Sebastian Bach is a staple in many classical string quartet repertoires. Also his ‘Ave Maria’ is a hot favourite. Then there’s the elegant simple piece ‘Canon in D’ by Johann Pachelbel making it ideal for the bride as she walks down the aisle towards the groom.

A relative unknown number is ‘Procession of Nobles’

by Rimsky-Korsakov. Its regal fanfare presents the newly married couple to the world. As the groomsmen, bridesmaids and flower girls make their way to the sides of the altar consider ‘March of the Priests’ from The Magic Flute by Mozart or ‘Marche Troyenne’ by Hector Berlioz. A quirky and light hearted wedding song is ‘Wedding Day at Troldhaugen’ by Edvard Grieg.

How you choose your music to be played is entirely up to you and what’s available in the area. There are string quartets, soloists, bagpipers, organists, DJs and a host of other ways to represent your music on your special day.

Your first dance at the reception is also important.

There are so many fabulous numbers to choose from that here is simply a slice for your perusal. Classic opening numbers are ‘The Power of Love’ by Celine Dion, ‘The Way you Look Tonight’ by Tony Bennett, ‘When I fall in Love’ by Nat King Cole and ‘I can’t help Falling in Love with you’ by Elvis Presley. Then for the young bride are later hits like ‘My Boo’ by Usher and Alisha Keys, ‘We belong Together’ by Mariah Carey and ‘Thank You’ by Bon Jovi.

Lone bagpipers are often wedding Cheesy but oh so wonderfavourites ful for wedding receptions are numbers such as ‘Hopelessly Devoted to you’ by Olivia Newton John and ‘I will always Love you’ by Whitney Houston.

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Experience a kaleidoscope of textures and materials in our rock and thatch chalets, chapel and restaurant. Seductively placed within this paradise is a white marquee tent for slightly larger receptions. Through this myriad of architectural delight, flows beautiful green lawns on fertile soils, interspersed with massive, age old, majestic Jackalberry trees and friends.

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a relaxing, stress free day to remember. Extra accommodation can easily be arranged for family and friends in either our own or nearby lodges or bed and breakfasts of your choice. Let us be of service to you, share your experience of a magic destination wedding with us. For assistance with you destination, Moholoholo Ya Mati, Wedding in Africa, contact Marisa at our head office.

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August 2014

The role the groom plays Today there’s plenty of give and take as to who pays for what. The groom pays for the hire and cost of his own clothes, the marriage license, the officiant’s fee, the bridal party’s bouquets, corsages and buttonholes, gifts for the ushers and bridesmaids and

The groom and best man arrive at Cheerio Gardens outside Haenertsburg in an old Mercedes Benz

the honeymoon. When choosing a best man, the groom should look at who will handle the responsibility best, be it a good friend or a brother or other relative. He’ll look after you during this emotional time so get him the coolest thank you present that you can.

The groom chooses the rings with his bride-to-be and pays for them. Whether your suit is off-the-peg or tailor made take note that the most important feature of a suit is the shoulder line. It should be just wide enough to allow the sleeve to fall without being broken by the

triceps. A bespoke suit is usually 30% more expensive than a ready to wear suit. Traditionally the groom wore a black tuxedo but today any colour goes. One groom wore light grey with a matching tie and white shirt whereas the bridesmaids complemented his outfit in dove grey. Another wore a deep purple suit again complementing the bridesmaids’ dresses.

Grooms should start their grooming for the wedding with this three-step simple plan. Use a gentle soapfree facial wash that does not dry out the skin. Then use vitamin-enriched shaving gel that counteracts any inflammation and finish off with an oil-free moisturizer.

Make sure that your shaving technique is flawless.

Now is the time to hire the car of your dreams for you and your best man but don’t be late for your wedding. Never have your stag night the day before your wedding. This is the best man’s responsibility and he should ensure you have time to recover before your wedding. Book your honeymoon but make sure your bride likes your choice. Taking her to the Carousel outside Pretoria when she hates gambling, is a recipe for a disaster. In your speech remember to thank key people like your inlaws, the best man and your bride, of course. Carry a handkerchief during the ceremony.

You never know, you both might need one and wedding dresses don’t have pockets.

Princess Charlene of Monaco famously cried when she married Prince Albert. Magnanimously he produced a snow white handkerchief for her from his pocket. The groom checklist for the big day is: buttonhole; wedding rings; speech notes; thank-you gifts; first night luggage; going away outfit and car keys.

Marriage and the Law In a diverse society like our country, relationships between people take various forms. There are civil marriages, same-sex marriages, customary marriages, religious marriages and domestic partnerships (living together).

While civil marriages have always been recognised and protected by law, today same-sex and customary marriages are also protected by law. South Africa became one of very few countries to give legal protection and marriage benefits to partners in same-sex relationships following the acceptance of the Civil Union Act 17 of 2006. Religious marriages are only recognised in some instances. Domestic partnerships have no legal protection.

According to Marriage Act 25 of 1961, both parties must at least be 18 years old in order to marry.

Certain exceptions where minors can marry. The 1998 Act made provision for the legal recognition of both monogamous and polygamous customary marriages.

In South Africa, marriages are automatically in community of property, unless a valid ante-nuptial contract is signed at the marriage. Two kinds of ante-nuptial contracts apply - with or without accrual. In community of property means all assets are shared equally. An ante-nuptial with accrual is ‘what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours but what we’ve accumulated whilst married is shared.’

Marriage contracts are relevant in cases of divorce.

Couples must submit their identity documents on the day of the wedding. Introduced within the last decade or so is the bride gets to choose whether she wishes to retain her maiden name or wants to take on her married surname.

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August 2014

Various veil styles explained Blusher

Flyaway

Elbow

Fingertip

Waltz

waist. After the ceremony, the veil can be flipped back over the headpiece or detached altogether. The Blusher is often attached to a longer veil that trails down the back of the bride’s head and gown.

FLY—AWAY: Grazing the shoulders, this veil is the perfect accompaniment for a dress with a detailed back that you don’t want to cover The bride walking down the aisle, face covered by veil, on her father’s arm up.

Its multiple layers can be attached to a headpiece or held in place veiled bride will need help from her attendants.

THREE—PIECE: One of the more formal veils, this with combs. tiered design combines three styles: blusher, fingertip, ELBOW: Multiple layers of fabric are usually used and chapel. for this veil, which extends to the bride’s elbows. The BOUFFANT: This raised, fluffed style was the length makes the veil suitable for formal or less formal.

FINGERTIP: Typically made from a few layers of height of fashion in the 1950’s. Today’s versions tend fabric, this style extends to the bride’s fingertips when to be more streamlined and subdued than those of yesteryear and are no longer worn with a headpiece. her arms are resting at her sides.

MANTILLA: This was the head covering for CathoBALLERINA: Also referred to as ballet-length, this lic women at Church up until the 1960’s. It’s loose style varies in extent, falling anywhere between the bride’s knees and ankles. It can be paired with a for- in structure and draped over the bride’s head and shoulders like a scarf. The mantilla is worn without a mal or less formal gown.

CHAPEL: This wispy veil grazes the floor, extend- headpiece and is typically edged in lace.

Chapel

The origins of the bridal veil vary. In medieval times, the veil was used to protect the bride from “the evil eye” and was a symbol of purity, chastity and modesty. Other sources state that the origin was due to the circumstances of an arranged marriage. Men bargained with an eligible young lady’s father for her hand in marriage. After the ceremony, the veil was lifted to reveal the bride’s features. This was to keep a groom from backing out of the deal if he didn’t like what he saw.

Certain lengths of bridal veils got their names from how or where they were worn. Cathedral Veils, for example, were only worn at weddings that took place in cathedrals. The wearing of a bridal gown and veil is one of the big days in your life so the choice is entirely yours. Here are ten styles from which to choose.

BLUSHER: This style falls loosely over the bride’s face, extending below the chin but no further than the

Cathedral

ing a bit more than two meters from the headpiece. Its length makes it one of the more formal styles.

CATHEDRAL: The most dramatic and formal style, this veil, which flows from a headpiece or crown, is often paired with an equally powerful, long cathedral train. A trendy choice of material for a cathedral train is silk trimmed with lace. Because of the vast amount R600 of fabric, a cathedral The bride on the groom’s arm with a lifted veil after the ceremony

Bridal Package Spa Manicure, Pedicure and Brow Shape Contact us for more bridal package options

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August 2014

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August 2014

Showers on your wedding day How not to get soaked Some say it’s good luck if it rains on your wedding and others say it’s a blessing from your ancestors (or whatever they say), but the truth is, no one wants rain on their wedding day. However, with our local summer rains and thunderstorms, you might want to prepare yourself if the heavens decide to shower on your wedding day as we approach the warm seasons.

Wedding photographer Kay English talks about her experience of photographing rainy day weddings on her blog ‘Top Tips if It Rains on your Wedding Day’.

Here are her tips on how to prepare yourself, for as rain ruin your day. she says, “The more you prepare for this situation, the • Have a safe location happier you will be if it does happen”: - If you seriously don’t want to get wet, or can’t afford to, consider getting an indoors venue or a venue • Rain boots are like fashion’s gift to brides who get with a tent or some sort of covering – strong covering rain on their wedding days in cases of thunder- Get them with matching umbrellas; “[p]referably storms. In that way, [of] colours that will go with your wedding colours,” you know it’s a matsays English. In this way, you won’t have to mind step ter of getting to the your way to your venue and you’ll be free to move venue and the wedabout and take pictures. Warn your guests as well. ding goes on regard• Make sure your photographer knows what to do less of the rain. in such a situation • Have some towels - According to English, “interview your photograin excess pher”. Make sure they know the right techniques and - If your venue is lighting for each weather situation. outdoors and it rains • Look into water-proof make-up prior to your wed- Talk to your make-up artist about proper make-up ding, you might need for rainy weathers. It’s summer (or spring), it might be to wipe your seats super-hot or it might rain or whatever furniture with thunderstorms. you have with you.

• Be flexible with time This might be a check - The rain might be just for your assistants passing through. You and planner. Remind them to prepare. could just wait for it to • Get wedding insurance, preferably for outside stop. It might start in the popular venues middle of your ceremony, - Maybe not for simple drizzles, but if the weather in which case you’ll prob- gets pretty hectic and thunderstomy, power gets cut ably need to take a break off and you have to cancel your ceremony, you won’t and prepare yourselves. want to lose all your money. Make sure you are covKnow where things are ered and continue with your • Have your wedding planner help ceremony. Don’t let the - As English puts it, “[Wedding planners] have [likely] seen all different scenarios and can assist in helping to find locations, or switch around timelines”. Discuss a plan B with your planner. Plan to accommodate the rain in all your wedding events. In that way, even if it rains cats and dogs, very little hustle will be needed to adapt your events.

• Be relaxed, enjoy it still - As English again puts it, “While rain on your wedding day is not ideal, it’s still your one and only wedding day and it’s better if you just go with the flow and enjoy!”. Embrace the rain, get wet if you can, be creative and take awesome pictures.

Source: file:///E:/Weddingz/Top%20Tips%20if%20it%20Rains%20on%20 Your%20Wedding%20Day%20»%20New%20Jersey%20Wedding%20Photographers%20Kay%20English%20NJ.h

Fun wedding tradition and superstition In English tradition, Wednesday is considered the “best day” to marry, although Monday is for wealth and Tuesday is for health.

Saturday is the unluckiest wedding day, according to English folklore. Funny -- it’s the most popular day of the week to marry! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-knot/50-wedding-traditionsand_b_3901136.html

August 2014

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Tying the Knot with Xikombiso & Vincentia Love Story Turned Wrong Turned Right, Into a Wedding Sitting on a couch with their three-month-old son Shanga in their home in Nkowankowa, Vincentia (24), née Mkansi, and Xikombiso (25) Makhubela say getting married was a way to publicly make their relationship official and commit themselves to each other.

The couple got married slightly over a year ago at their church AFM Kononia in Nkowankowa.

“Because we are both Christians, getting married also meant committing our relationship to GOD and seeking His blessings. And so, what better way to approach GOD than by going to church?” says Vincentia, who adds that getting married in a church was also cost-effective for them.

Blushing, the couple say they met at a street-corner in 2006.

“Maybe it’s her yellow-bone colour or her smallslender shape, but her beauty struck me.

I couldn’t let her just pass me

by,” says Xikombiso, or “Pinci” as his wife calls him. ously this time around,” they say.

The 25-year-old network technician intern at Gijima in With a couple of parents-meetings in-between and Midrand says he then pursued the strikingly beaulobola negotiations, the two love-birds, who say tiful girl whose family had just moved to they enjoy singing and playing guitars toNkowankowa from Khujwana Village. gether, decided to tie the knot in March However, she turned him off for last year. “Our parents thought it was two years until after she saw him appropriate. The relationship had attending her father’s funeral in matured and we were not getting 2008. “We weren’t that close. I younger,” says the lovely, now was surprised that he could care mother of one, Mrs Makhubela. enough to attend my father’s fuToday, the couple say married neral,” said Vincentia. life has been very fulfilling. “It’s From there on, the 24-year-old way better than dating.” “Yes, Capitec Bank sales consultant way better,” adds Xikombiso. says she decided to give her ad“Our community is very consermirer a chance. The couple dated vative. We no longer need to hide for a while. A few months later, howour relationship.” ever, they called things off. “We were Now the rest, as the saying goes, young and very playful. We were not is history. ready to take things seriously,” says Ma-Vin, as her husband calls her.

But, Xikombiso says he did not give up on their relationship. “I continued sending her messages on her birthdays even though she wouldn’t send me any on mine.”

“We were not talking. I was the one to end the relationship. I didn’t wanna make him think I regretted my decision or that I still thought of him,” says she.

In 2010, with both being back in Nkowankowa after some time away at school, the couple say they started talking again. “There was some unfinished business between us and I wanted to clear it out,” says Xikombiso, laughing. About a year later they decided to give the relationship another try, “taking things seri-

Wedding Shenanigans — Quick Fire Questions with Xikombiso & Vincentia...

Q: Who paid for your wedding?

A: Both our families contributed Q: Did you observe the lobola custom?

A: Of course. It’s our tradition.

Q: Did you have a wedding planner?

A: Not at all. Our wedding was simple. Both our families were involved in the planning. And although we planned the wedding in a short period of time, it was lovely. Everything went right (except perhaps for the numbers which exploded way beyond our expectations), you’d think there was a planner.

Q: How did he propose?

A: In our culture, we don’t so much propose. Getting married was an advice from our parents. We both decided on the dates and all.

Q: Where was your honeymoon?

A: At Tintshaba Lodge, near Tarantaal Q: Advice to anyone planning their wedding?

A: Talk to your families about it; do the right thing with them. Don’t get into debts.

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August 2014

Lobola Shenanigans A Distinction of Culture or Just Plain Redundancy In September last year, Times Live reported on a dismissed application by a woman who wanted the court to force Home Affairs to register a customary marriage between her and her deceased partner. The court rejected the application on knowledge that the partner had not finished his lobola payments for the woman and his family did not consider her as his wife.

Although he says he is not the most “traditional man”, law student and part-time photographer Luvuyo Ngxiki from the Eastern Cape says he paid lobola for his wife because he wanted to do the right thing by her family.

Journalist and author of Marrying Black Girls For Guys Who Aren’t Black Hagen Engler says although he comes from a “very westernised family”, he embraced his then fiancée , now wife, Nomfundo’s Xhosa culture and paid lobola for her to build relationships between his and her family.

On the other hand, Lesedi Williams, a Sotho Bio-Green plant manager, says he counts himself lucky that he did not have to observe the lobola tradition when marrying his wife Kristle van Niekerk’s as she comes from a different culture. From a marriage that was not recognised due to pending lobola payments to a marriage between black people from different cultures and a marriage between a white man and a black woman, one thing is clear in the cases above – the African custom of lobola is still observed and regarded within the community.

Lobola is an Southern African custom in which a man pays his fiancée’s family in request of her hand in marriage. In most cultures the payment – which used to be in cattle in the olden days, but can today also be in cash – is negotiated between representatives from the two families. In some cultures, however, the payment is

fixed for all brides. and Weiss in Zimbabwe suggest lobola can be underAlthough the custom has been practised within South- stood as compensation for the expense of a girl’s upern African cultures perhaps for as long as anyone can bringing (including her education) and the loss of her remember, it is today surrounded by many controversies. services,” she says. In this way, as Mokoena points out in In his article ‘Is Lobola/lobolo still Relevent’, writer his discussion, some members of the African community Nkosinathi Mokoena points out that although the cus- believe lobola is no longer relevant in today’s society, tom was traditionally designed for a man to thank his and are opting to disregard the custom in their marriagbride’s family for raising her, it has today become an es. However, not everyone believes the custom is today “obsolete” practice in which the bride’s family extract no longer relevant in society.

Speaking to Herald Live earlier this year, St Stephen’s as much as they can from the groom to compensate for church Archdeacon and priest Zwelidumile Tom argued raising his bride.

In her scholarly article titled ‘“Because it’s our culture!” the custom is not irrelevant. Its main purpose is to bring (Re)negotiating the meaning of lobola in Southern Afri- the bride and groom’s families together as marriage can secondary school’, researcher N. Ansell points out is not only between the bride and groom. “Lobola is that lobola has, for a long time, been seen as a transac- aimed at .... developing mutual respect [between two families] and showing that a woman’s future husband tion of women between two families.

“Even if pre-colonial thought did not conceive of lo- is capable of financially supporting his wife,” he said.

Ansell also points out that although most of the young bola in terms of property rights, nineteenth century…

[Southern African]… women did not have full rights to people she held discussions with recognised the controthemselves: others could dispose of them through a lo- versies associated with the custom today, they mainly bebola exchange… With the colonial introduction of the lieved lobola is an important distinction of their culture.

“Many girls feel lobola offers security in marriage: a idea of property rights, a woman was seen to pass from the ‘ownership’ of father to that of husband.” In the pa- man who spends a large sum of money to obtain a per, Ansell discusses her late 1990s’ research on how bride is unlikely to leave her. At the same time, it is felt modern young people perceive lobola. She held discus- that payment of lobola ensures a woman’s fidelity,” she sions with secondary school students in Zimbabwe and says. Furthermore, one could add, failure to observe the custom includes, amongst others, the families (especially Lesotho on the custom.

The students, Ansell explains, also pointed out that the bride’s) refusing to recognise and therefore bless the with women getting educated these days, parents are couple’s union as in the first case above.

Sources: Ansell N (2001) ‘‘Because it’s our culture!’ (Re)negotiating the meaning of lobola in Southern African secondary schools’ requesting even Journal of Southern African Studies 27(4) 697-716 more for taking their file:///G:/Weddingz/Lobola%20ins%20and%20outs%20-%20HeraldLIVE%20%20%20HeraldLIVE.htm file:///G:/Weddingz/Is%20Lobola%20Lobolo%20Still%20relevant%20%20%20%20News24.htm daughters to school. file:///G:/Weddingz/Marriage%20not%20recognised%20because%20lobola%20not%20paid%20off%20-%20Times%20LIVE.htm “Asaba in Lesotho

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Wedding trends and plans today Tzaneen’s Laureen Els shares her big day preparations Reality TV star Kim Kardashian and rapper Kanye West had one of the most over the top weddings of the year at a castle in Italy. Kim wore a R5, 000,000.00 couture lace and pearl gown. She had a seven-tiered gold-leaf wedding cake and flew in a marble Steinway piano, believed to be only one of two in the world. Most bridal couples can’t afford such a lavish affair.

Ms Laureen Els from Tzaneen started planning her wedding as soon as she got engaged. This gives her six months to the big day. She says that her dream wedding was far too expensive and she has had to tailor her dream but remains firm about what she does and does not want. She has chosen to rope in her mother, future mother-in-law and godmother to help with the planning.

She says the three most important aspects, bridal dress, food and atmosphere, are in hand. She can now concentrate on the finer details. Being short she has had to be careful as to her style of dress. It will be a strapless well-fitting dress to show off her beautifully toned body. Her long blonde hair will be elaborately plaited and is the height of current wedding fashion. Her fingernail choice is the simple yet beautiful French manicure. There will be two bridesmaids who can choose their own dresses but within the earthy and nude colours.

Ill fitting shoes, in her opinion, can totally spoil a bride’s day. It’s all very well wearing exquisite, expensive Jimmy Choo impossible high-heeled shoes but comfort is what’s needed on the day. Laureen has ordered ballroom danc-

ing shoes from a shoemaker in Polokwane. They are being made especially for her and will complement her bridal gown.

The 150 invitations are still to come and will be posted two months before the wedding. Laureen wanted a venue with a difference. Not being able to find anything unusual her future in-laws jumped in. They are converting a barn on their farm in Ofcalaco into the reception area.

Laureen wants a farm wedding with hay bales, ‘Boerekos’ and a spitbraai. The tables will have a local theme with wooden plates, logs with proteas, dusty pink roses and the succulent desert roses.

In Tudor England brides carried marigolds dipped in rosewater and ate them afterwards.

They erroneously believed this to be an aphrodisiac. In Victorian times, the bride tossed her bouquet to a friend as she left the festivities to keep that friend safe and to offer her luck. This has now evolved in the single woman who catches the bouquet will marry next. Swedish and Danish grooms sew small pockets of strongsmelling herbs like garlic, chives and rosemary into their clothes for good luck. In a Greek Orthodox wedding, crowns of orange blossoms were traditionally made for the bride and groom.

Laureen’s wedding cake has been decided. It will be red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese topped with a real rose. Traditional heavy fruit cakes at weddings have given way to cupcakes and lighter cakes. However the tra-

ditional French wedding cake ‘crocquembouche’ remains a classic. This cake is choux pastry puffs filled with Chantilly cream, held together with caramel and spectacularly decorated with golden sponge sugar. Its name is derived from the fact that it crackles when put in the mouth.

An important aspect of any wedding is the photographer. A professional photographer is best as there is no replay should the photographer be inadequate in any way. The trend today is to make a professional DVD of the wedding.

Trendy too are photo booths at wedding receptions.

Props, such as masks and moustaches, are available for fun photos and most photographers now come with make-up artists for the bridal party.

Interesting wedding trends and traditions It’s Got a Ring To It Priscilla Presley’s engagement ring was a whopping three and a half-carat rock surrounded by a detachable row of smaller diamonds.

A pearl engagement ring is said to be bad luck because its shape echoes that of a tear.

Fashionable Lore Queen Victoria started the Western world’s white wedding dress trend in 1840 -- before then, brides simply wore their best dress.

On her wedding day, Grace Kelly wore a dress with a bodice made from beautiful 125-year-old lace.

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For a fairytale wedding in the heart of the Lowveld. Picturesque garden & waterfront with hippos and crocodiles.

We take the strains of planning your own wedding away from you and plan everything according to your needs.

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August 2014