STAYING SAFE @ CHRISTMAS

Tinder, there’s nothing unusual about using a phone app to find dates and hook-ups. Thousands of people use these apps everyday in Northern Ireland and the vast majority without any incident – but in recent months a number of gay/bi men they met on dating apps have been blackmailed and had their intimate photos circulated to friends and colleagues, the need to be cautious is real.

In the time of writing this article, COVID-19 is still happening. We are advising that you stay at home and minimise your contact with others to stop the spread. But if you are going to hook up, we are advising you to hook up safely with others and, if you can, avoid sexual conduct with those exhibiting symptoms, which include fever and a cough. COVID-19 is spread through touching infected surfaces as well as from coughing or kissing.

In recent years, we have seen gay/bi men in Northern Ireland be targeted by so-called ‘paedophile hunters’ over the Grindr app. These vigilantes create fake accounts to entrap gay/bi men by asking the person to engage in sexual conversation and swapping pictures. If you’re talking to someone online, ask them their age or ask them to send other social media accounts to prove who they are. If you think you may be communicating with someone under the age of 18 on an app, report it to the app or police. I don’t want to be the Christmas Grinch telling you not to hook up because of COVID-19 or safety concerns. I just want you to be safe and think about it before you hit send on that message. The majority of people on apps are just like you: looking for hook-up, possible romance or someone to hang out with. It’s a lot of fun to engage in online chats or play, but you need to be aware of the potential privacy risks that come with apps such as Grindr.

It’s exciting to meet someone new — even if you know it’s not going to last. Whether you’re looking for some casual sex or are just looking to send some naughty photos back and forth – here is a few things to keep in mind. Not every person who is on these apps is a real person.

If you are sharing pics or video online, ask the age of the person you are chatting with and get their consent before you send that pic!

Only send intimate pics or video to someone who you trust – once that image is out there you have no control over it. Once the photo is in their possession, control is theirs. Do you trust them? Ask the recipient for pics – if they are not legit it is unlikely they have more pictures to choose from.

Keep your face and other identifying features out of the frame of the image, don’t forget to check the background of the image so that your work uniform, badge etc are not visible.

When chatting with them don’t share private information like your password, addresses, place of work or your bank information.

Ask for their phone number or ask for a facetime call – most people who are looking a hook-up are happy to have a brief chat before meeting up in real life. During this chat you can talk about what you want to do before (sexually) meeting and discuss protection etc. This isn’t pushy or too much work, simply a chat about what you plan to do together.

Tell some-one what you are planning to do - Send a friend a text to let them know you’re going out for a hook-up, and if they don’t hear from you in a few hours or see any movement, they should find out what’s up!

Meet them somewhere in public – granted this was easier before the time of COVID-19. But even if it’s a hook-up, it’s best to meet them outside in a park, close to their building or at location in the town/ city centre. This meeting will help you figure out if they are legit and just because you planned to do things with them sexually before meeting doesn’t mean you lose all sense of autonomy the moment you meet them. If it doesn’t feel right, you always have the option to get the hell out of there. TRUST YOUR GUT! There is plenty out there and it is not worth risking your safety and emotional wellbeing for a casual hook-up.

We’re not here to judge, only to help! As long as the sex that you’re choosing to have is consensual, pleasurable and all parties consider the wellbeing of those involved, then I’m not going to be concerned about what sex you’re having or even who you’re having it with. Take care during sex – use condoms or lube, wash and clean sex toys before and after play.

The Rainbow Project is funded to provide LGBT individuals with access to free Safer Sex Packs in Northern Ireland. You can receive a pack by simply filling out the form on our website and you will receive your pack within 2 weeks.

To protect yourself from STIs, it’s best for you or your partner to wear a condom especially if you’re having anal or vaginal sex. Remember that you can get PEP for free at any A&E in Northern Ireland to dramatically minimize your risk of contracting HIV if you’ve had unprotected anal or vaginal sex. For PEP to be effective you need to start taking it within 72 hours of having unprotected sex, the sooner the better!

If you want to eliminate your risk of contracting HIV altogether then you can access PrEP (a drug you take daily or before and after you have sex) via the NHS or buy privately online at www.iwantprepnow.co.uk. Remember that the NHS PrEP clinic is only beginning to resume after being on hiatus due to COVID so returning clients have priority first. judgemental rapid HIV & syphilis testing at our Belfast and Foyle centres Monday to Thursday 10AM-5PM by appointment. This is to limit the amount of contact we may have with clients outside of the actual testing process (AKA, taking your finger prick blood sample).

Please contact Leo Lardie by phone (028 90 319 030), text (079 04 864 861) or e-mail (leo@rainbow-project.org) for more information on PEP, PrEP and sexual health or to book a rapid test.

It is unlikely that you will be the victim of abuse or blackmail while using the apps. However, I would encourage any person experiencing any issues, then report it to the PSNI and if you don’t feel that you are able to, tell us!

Tell us what has happened, we need to stop people abusing the systems and apps. We need to have fraudsters and blackmailers reported to the police. By reporting them, means this can stop them harassing or hurting someone else. Just because you met someone who has targeted you on a dating/hookup app doesn’t make the abuse or crime any less real.

The advocacy service has been put in place to support victims who naturally and understandably are fearful of the consequences to themselves and the perpetrators of homophobic or transphobic hate.

Should you need to speak to someone – please contact Aisling Twomey, Advocacy Officer on 02890 319030, Text 07904 864957 or email advocacy@rainbow-project.org .

Happy Holidays from The Rainbow Project – Be safe, be smart and most importantly have a GAY AULD TIME!