Short story maría ármann

The River of Pain I stood in the middle of the crowd and felt terrible. I felt like many little disgusting creatures were crawling all over me. I wanted to hide in the ground and stay there forever. I saw a thousand eyes stare at me and everyone laughing. I wanted to cry but then they would have won. But they couldn’t win! I had to be strong a little longer. Every day when I woke up I had to convince myself that I was worth something. I had to convince myself that I deserved to live. I never believed that, but at least I tried. It had been like that since I first started school but they always said that they didn’t mean it. That it was only a game. For me it never was, and deep inside they knew.

Every day when I was sitting in class I chose to sit in the corner so I could be as far as I could from the others. I never got to be just by myself, they always had to continue the “game”, because they said it was fun. Every day after school I felt awful and wanted to go home alone and be away from these monsters. But of course that dream never came true. Every day some of them followed me and laughed behind my back very loudly in case I didn’t hear it. One day, when I was walking down the street home from school I heard two of them following me. They were making fun of me and laughing this terrible and ugly laugh. I hated it! I got so angry, and they knew that I heard them. It was a part of their plan.

They had been behind me for a little while and I got angrier and angrier after every step I took.

After some time we were walking next to a big and fast river. (Many years ago a lot of people had died in that river and mostly children. For that reason it was called The River of Pain.) Suddenly I got so angry that I turned around and stared at them with eyes on fire and clenched fists. I saw how scared they got. One of them just froze and the other ran away as fast as he could. I jumped at the frozen one and he started to scream painfully and cry. I didn’t let that bother me and I punched him so badly that his nose started to bleed. For a moment I paused and looked at him lying on the ground all covered in blood. He stared wildly at me and then around to see a way to escape. The only way was to run past me because the river was behind him. When he tried to stand up from his blood and escape I punched him again and then he fell down into the river. He was screaming for help and his face was all wet, I wasn’t sure whether it was tears or just the water from the river. But somehow I didn’t want to help him. I stared at him going down with the flow. His friend had abandoned him so he had no help. I watched him drown and somehow I didn’t feel bad. Actually I felt happy, and a little smile appeared on my face and for a moment it turned to be one of the happiest moments of my life. Then I got second thoughts and remembered all of the other monsters that were still alive and how their game would be worse than ever. So to let my life end well it would be the best way to leave this life too. So I walked to a place in the river where the current wasn’t that hard. The only thing I heard was the current far away and I felt relaxed and happy. Deep inside I was peaceful and careless, just like I felt when I was younger. So now I let myself drown there. There would always be a lot of pain drowned in that river.