M A G A Z I N E
F O R
T E X A S
W O M E N
EUSSI RETNIW EHT
02O2-9102 BEF-CED
T H E
LIZ KEITZ & NELDA MONTEMAYOR
OWNERS OF BUDA'S RED DOOR
FIVE FAVORITE FINDS FOR WINTER
FRIENDSHIP AND FELLOWSHIP
START YOUR OWN SUPPER CLUB
CONTACT US LOVE OF DI XI E lauren@loveofdixie.com loveofdixie.com Photo by Hilary Roberts Photography
EDITORIAL LAUREN FLAKE Editor-in-Chief
HOWDY!
Welcome to the winter issue.
CONTRIBUTORS Cheyenne Bell, Michelle Discavage, Rebecca Greebon, Terri Jackson, Hollie Kaszynski, Claire Mummert, Andrea Stunz
Happy holidays, friends! In the winter issue of Love of Dixie magazine, we're celebrating friendship and fellowship with recipes for a Christmas cookie exchange, tips for hosting a plant swap, and guidelines for starting your own supper club. We're letting go of pretense and the never-ending pursuit of perfection and embracing joy and comfort in our relationships this winter. Grab a big mug of peppermint hot chocolate, and get cozy by the fireplace with us while we share our hearts this holiday season.
Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year! LAUREN FLAKE Founder
Cover photo by Carly Fretwell Photography All content © 2019 For the Love of Dixie, LLC, unless otherwise stated.
ADVERTISING FI ND US ONLI NE loveofdixie.com/ magazine
CONTACT lauren@loveofdixie.com
TABLE OF CONTENTS 03 Texas Strong Women: Liz Keitz & Nelda Montemayor 06 Lone Star Lifestyle: Picks for Winter 07 Gardening: Host a Plant Swap
06
07
12
11 Entertainment: Top Ten Texas Podcasts 12 Devotional: When God Changes the Script
13 Let's Just Eat: Christmas Cookies
19 How to Start Your Own Supper Club
13
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22 Featured Article: The Beauty of Friendship
27 Family: Freedom to Feel Big Feelings 29 Travel: The People Are the Best Part
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LIZ KEITZ & NELDA MONTEMAYOR OWNERS OF BUDA'S RED DOOR
Buda, Texas
Friends for 20 years, Liz and Nelda have also been in business together for 14 years this winter. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE TITLES FOR YOURSELVES AND WHY?
Our favorite title is Mom!! Being a mom encompasses all of life’s emotions! It’s the greatest love, but it can also be the hardest and most amazing and rewarding journey.
WHO ARE YOUR ROLE MODELS OR MENTORS?
We love working with all of the entrepreneur women in Buda. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR OR CHALLENGE?
Our greatest challenge is modern technology! WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT?
Our children and grandchildren are our greatest accomplishments. Photos by Carly Fretwell Photography
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WHAT IS YOUR BEST ADVICE FOR NEWBIES IN THE AREAS OF RETAIL, FRIENDSHIP, AND MOTHERHOOD?
Be genuine. It’s the best gift you can share.
WHAT IS A FAVORITE QUOTE OR VERSE YOU LIVE BY?
"Love what you do."
WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT CENTRAL TEXAS IN THE WINTER?
We love sunny, warm days!
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE TEXAS-BASED NONPROFITS TO SUPPORT?
We like to support Austin Angels, Love and Hope for Kids, and our local schools. And we always adopt a needy family at Christmas!
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Custom Hand Lettered Ornaments Kelligraphy and Design Buda, Texas Facebook.com/KelligraphyandDesign
Lone Star Lifestyle: Picks for Winter Adrift 12" x 12" Mixed Media on Canvas Cristina White-Jones Buda, Texas cristinawhitejones.com
I Did It All for the Cookie Kitchen Towel Urban Chic Threads Magnolia, Texas urbanchicthreads.com
Costa Rican Tarrazu Coffee Perky Perky Austin, Texas perkyperky.com
Dachsund Memo Board Plastic Pearl Studio Buda, Texas Facebook.com/PlasticPearlStudio
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Gardening: Host a Plant Swap
Photos from Adobe Stock
TERRI JACKSON
As the holiday season is upon us, we tend to bounce from celebration, to party, to gathering, and to every other commitment without hitting pause. This year, slow down and take time to celebrate friendships with a gift you have sown with care. Host a plant swap, and share your garden’s bounty. You could do this by inviting your friends, neighbors, family, or even a group you meet with to your home. Ask your guests to bring cuttings or transplants from their home or yard. If they don’t have anything to share, tell them to bring divided seed packets to swap. You could make this a simple plant swap in your front yard, gathered around The Turquoise Table with hot chocolate. Or you could host a brunch plant swap with small bites and a coffee bar. Enjoy the company of your friends, and get some new plants for your home and garden to start out and have ready for spring planting.
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Plant swap how-to How should you go about your plant swap?
While you are dividing up the plants, your
You could either let your friends trade among
friends can share care tips and things that
themselves or arrange a lottery system.
have or haven’t worked for them in the past. My favorite part of a plant swap is when
Lay out all the plants, cuttings, and seeds on
people tell the stories behind their plants,
a table. Give each person a number, and have
like mine about my pothos that came from
the same numbers in a cup to draw from. As
my late grandmother when we moved into
each person’s number is drawn, they pick
our first home. I love to share this plant with
from the offerings. They keep their number,
others and talk about how wonderful my
and you lay the number out of the cup until
grandmother was at gardening.
all of the numbers have been drawn. Which plants are great to swap? Cuttings and You can then refill the numbers in the cup
baby plants, also known as starters and pups,
and go around again (especially if people
work well. You can bring them to a plant
brought more than one plant to share or if
swap, with their roots showing, wrapped in a
you have seed packets that can be divided).
damp paper towel, or already planted in soil.
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Varieties that are easy to divide out or that
Succulents are a timeless addition to your
divide themselves naturally with their shoots
garden, plus they are easy to swap —
are jade plants, air plants, spider plants,
especially Echeveria. You can share their
pothos, ivy, ferns, and succulents. Plants that
leaves, and they will produce new plants
commonly seed if you let their fruit drop or
from properly-cared-for leaves.
don’t pluck them going to seed, such as basil and other herbs, as well as tomatoes, also
Once you host a swap, you will be spreading
work well for a plant swap. Some garden
plants throughout your gardens and town.
enthusiasts, who may have already started
simply by sharing with others!
seeds for their spring gardens, could even bring extra seedlings.
TERRI JACKSON
Terri Jackson is a wife, mom of two boys, professional florist, Disney World trip enthusiast, coconut sparkling water junkie, backyard party hostess extraordinaire, and all-around craft genius in Buda, Texas. You can find her at TheInspiredHaus.com.
If you haven’t shared plants before, you can do some research on taking cuttings and dividing plants. It is pretty simple, especially if you start with plants that naturally shoot off offspring, like spider plants and Sempervivum tectorum, also known as hen and chicks.
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Entertainment: Top Ten Texas Podcasts 1. By His Grace with Misty Phillip (mistyphillip.com) 2. The Going Scared Podcast with Jessica Honegger (jessicahonegger.com) 3. Great Big YES with Sue Bidstrup (greatbigyes.com) 4. The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey (jamieivey.com) 5. Jesus + Juliet with Lara Doll Kennedy (laradollkennedy.com) 6. Jesus, Pie, and Coffee with Tara Royer Steele (tararoyersteele.com) 7. Mentor 4 Moms with Susan Seay (susanseay.com) 8. The Modern Motherhood Podcast with Julie Lyles Carr (julielylescarr.com) 9. Simple with Tsh Oxenreider (theartofsimple.net) 10. The Turquoise Table Podcast with Kristin Schell (theturquoisetable.com)
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When God Changes the Script MICHELLE DISCAVAGE
This has been an exciting season in my life. I am a featured speaker with The Unknown Tour and have received encouraging feedback from my book, Stained Glass Life. To say I love being on stage and teaching, encouraging, and challenging women, is a vast understatement. Even in the moments that are challenging and frustrating, I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Each of us have our parts during The Unknown Tour. We have nailed down our transitions and timing and know how to play off of one another. We know what is happening, down to the minute. And it’s amazing. However, one event required us to totally change the script. There was no way to use our slides or videos, and we were limited to one microphone. The space and the size of the crowd did not allow for the opening act. And the worship set? That had to be changed, too, approximately twelve hours before the event. Our entire plan was suddenly rewritten based on circumstances outside of our control. What did we do? We rolled with it to the best of our abilities. As I got up to speak, I looked at a friend and said, “I have no clue what I am about to say.” I was not stretching the truth. I did know that the talk I had prepared, the one based on John 15 that I shared throughout the tour, was not the message the women there needed.
Was it stressful and a bit scary to have to change so much at a moment’s notice? Absolutely. But, I am learning to trust where the Father leads rather than leaning on my own agenda. I spoke, not knowing exactly where I was going, but believing the right words would be spoken. And God reminded me, as I shared with the women in the room, that He is always faithful.
MICHELLE DISCAVAGE Michelle Discavage is the author of "Unnamed Women of the Bible," a speaker, and a certified Life Purpose Coach. She lives in Lubbock, Texas with her husband and daughter, where they are often found laughing together. You can find Michelle at SparkedLiving.net.
The moment we arrived, God changed the script, and my talk changed as well. What I shared was altogether different, as the whole event was, and altogether good. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
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Photos by Elizabeth Bernhardt
CHRISTMAS COOKIES HOLLIE KAZSYNKSI My grandmother’s birthday falls two days before mine. In some small way, I have always felt like this gave us an extra special bond. It felt so strange, the first year her birthday came after she passed away, not to call her and say, “Happy Birthday, Grandma,” and hear her reply, “Thank you! And in two days, it will be your birthday, too!” We’re both December babies. I can’t help but think of her often this time of year. My grandmother lived simply and without pretension. She showed love for others in her own way, and she seemed to be able to make something out of nothing. She cooked soups and stews without recipes in an old pot that had lost its handle many years before. She made sandwiches out of leftover ham and meatloaf that to this day have not met their match. She used her crochet skills to make sure everyone got a gift at Christmastime and found ways to make or buy things for her loved ones up until the last year of her life. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
I was spoiled by my grandmother, but not with expensive gifts or money. She spoiled me with her time and undivided attention. She was always up for whatever my whim was when I was with her. When I told her I was obsessed with the 1950’s, she spent the better part of a day making me a poodle skirt with the very sewing machine she later passed on to me. When I wanted to paint like Bob Ross, she took me to the art store so I could spend my allowance on painting supplies. She patiently put up with the "clickity-clack" racket I made for hours when I wanted to practice my typing skills on her old typewriter. Whatever craft, sewing project, or cooking or baking idea I had, my grandmother was all in. I miss her contagious belly laugh. I miss her making sure I am fully stocked on crocheted pot holders. I miss the simple times we spent together, making greeting cards and painting fingernails. I miss how she was so very easy to love and how she loved me unconditionally in return. My daughter was seven months old when she passed away. Shortly after she was gone, I started seeing my grandmother in her. She would move her head into a certain position. She would scrunch her cheeks or lift her eyebrows in a way that would make me stop and stare at her. Now, my daughter says certain words, and I just know it’s my grandmother talking to me. It’s just like her to show up like that. So simple.
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Along with some other holiday favorites, I’m sharing my grandmother’s recipe for “Cinnamon Stars." As an adult, I have begun to wonder why they are called Cinnamon Stars. They certainly don’t look like stars.
I looked up recipes for “German Cinnamon Stars” online. The cookies on blogs and recipe websites actually look like stars, and the directions differ slightly from mine. Their recipes call for finely ground almonds and confectioner’s sugar. My grandmother grew up in west Texas where pecans were abundant, hence her substitution. As for the confectioner’s sugar, my hunch is that it simply wasn’t available. Granulated sugar would have to do, and I believe it makes the texture of the dough unfit for rolling and cutting with a cookie cutter. Maybe she didn’t have a star-shaped cookie cutter. Maybe she made do with what she had. That is just the sort of thing my grandmother would do. She would make something out of what seemed like nothing. (Cinnamon stars are gluten free! They are very light and airy, like meringue.)
Cinnamon stars WE HELP YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED IN LIFE. INGREDIENTS
6 egg whites 2 cups granulated sugar 4 cups pecans, finely ground 2 tablespoons cinnamon ½ teaspoon lemon flavoring
Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Beat egg whites until stiff peaks form. Add sugar, and beat until well blended. Stir in cinnamon, pecans, and lemon flavoring. Use a medium size spoon to scoop dough, dropping it onto parchmentlined baking sheets. Bake for 12 to 14 minutes. Cool on a wire cooling rack. Makes approximately 4 dozen cookies.
Molasses cookies The molasses cookies recipe comes from my husband’s grandmother. The first year we made these, my father-in-law was visiting us for Christmas. When he took a bite, he said, “Mmmm. These taste like Christmas with Mom!” Like my grandmother’s cookies, they are simple and unpretentious. The flavors have a way of inducing nostalgia and jogging sweet memories of Christmases past.
INGREDIENTS
¾ cup butter, softened 1 cup granulated sugar 4 tablespoons dark molasses 1 egg 2 cups all-purpose four 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon cloves ½ teaspoon cinnamon ½ teaspoon ginger Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a medium bowl, sift together flour, salt, baking soda, baking powder, cloves, cinnamon, and ginger. Cream butter and sugar together using a stand or handheld mixer. Add molasses and egg, and mix well. Add flour mixture gradually until thoroughly combined. Use a small cookie scoop to form dough into balls. Dip each ball into sugar to coat, and place on a parchment-lined cookie sheet. Bake for about 12 minutes. Cool on a wire cooling rack. Makes approximately 1 ½ dozen cookies.
Rocket launchers INGREDIENTS
1 cup butter, softened 1 cup light brown sugar ½ cup granulated sugar 2 eggs 2 teaspoons vanilla 1 ½ cups flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon cinnamon 3 cups oats 1 cup dried cranberries 1 cup sliced almonds 1 cup white chocolate chips
WE HELP YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED IN LIFE.
Preheat oven to 325 degrees. In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and cinnamon. Using a stand or hand mixer, cream together butter and sugars. Add eggs and vanilla, mixing well. Gradually add flour mixture. Combine thoroughly. Add oats, and blend well. Stir in cranberries, almonds, and white chocolate chips until ingredients are evenly distributed. Use a small cookie scoop to shape dough into balls. Press each ball down slightly. Place on parchment-lined baking sheet. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes. Cool on a wire cooling rack. Makes 2 ½ dozen cookies. HOLLIE KAZSYNKSI
Hollie Kaszynski is a native Texan and lives in Austin, with her husband and three kids. She posesses a deep passion for teaching and service, which she pours into her children, church family, and local community. She loves adventure, traveling, writing, and being creative in the kitchen.
How to start your own supper club Photo by Cheyenne Bell
Several years ago, my husband and I moved to a new town where neither of us knew anyone or had family nearby. Staying home with a oneyear-old baby girl while my husband went to work every day, I soon felt isolated and lonely. Although I had joined a moms' group and we were checking out a new church, I still didn’t feel at home yet. Around that time, I began to read Jen Hatmaker’s book, "For the Love." In her bestseller, Jen talks about the supper club she started with friends many years ago. She discusses how those friends became so close that they also started taking vacations together. I thought, “This is what I want. I want these kinds of friends.” I realized that if I was going to cultivate these kinds of friendships, I needed to be the one to build the foundation. I was excited! I was nervous! I was perplexed. I had no idea where to start. When I shyly mentioned the idea to my husband that evening, he agreed that it was a phenomenal idea. Of course, he was the amateur chef of the family and just wanted an excuse to cook for a lot of people. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
CHEYENNE BELL
Nevertheless, once we spoke our idea into the universe, it manifested, as if on its own, into a beautiful, life-giving, soul-lifting event — one that changed our lives for the better.
I decided, right then and there, to start my very own supper club. CHEYENNE BELL
Cheyenne Bell is a writer and blogger with a slight obsession for old homes and good coffee. Her blog, Sense & Serendipity, focuses on inspiring others to create a home well-loved and a life well-lived. Cheyenne lives in San Marcos, Texas with her two young children. Find her at SenseandSerendipityblog.com.
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Whether you’re looking to make new friends or connect on a deeper level with old ones, here are some tips for starting your very own supper club: Choose your members. The first thing I did when I realized I wanted to start a supper club was determine who I was going to invite. I knew I didn’t want to have a large crowd; I preferred a smaller gathering where we could truly cultivate friendship. And since I didn’t know anyone very well yet, I tried to think of women that I enjoyed and wanted to get to know better. Immediately, two women came to mind. When I proposed the idea to them, they said yes without any hesitation. In the two years we had our supper club, these women became my best friends. Our husbands became peas in a pod. It was wonderful and heartwarming to experience.
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Ask yourself: how many do I want at our gathering? Six? Eight? More? Do you want to invite people you want to get to know better? Or old friends you want to deepen your connection with? When you’ve made your decisions, ask your friends to join your club, and I bet you’ll get a lot of yeses! Set a schedule. My husband traveled a lot for work, and the friends we asked to join us had young kids, too. We needed to set a schedule that made sense for all of our busy lives. We decided to have supper club once a month. Then we decided on Thursday nights, specifically third Thursdays, so that we wouldn't take precious weekend time away from young families. First decide how often you’d like to gather. Then decide which day works best for you and your guests. Consider setting a meeting time for a bit later if you’re meeting after work, to allow your guests time to go home and change before your gathering.
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Pick a place.
Keep it casual.
For us and our friends, the obvious location choice was a rotation of our three homes. Every third month, my husband and I hosted. This worked well for us and our friends, but you may decide to meet at the same house every time you gather.
Encourage your guests to come in casual clothing. The last thing anyone wants is to feel pressured to dress up just to go to dinner with friends! At my supper club, jeans were the rule, but one time we decided to wear pajamas just to be silly and have fun.
Lay down some ground rules.
Be flexible.
Do you want it to be a potluck-style dinner? Or do you want to provide the meal when you host? Do you want to make a “no phones at the table” rule? Do you want to forbid talk about religion and politics? Whatever your ground rules are, make sure all your guests know them. And don’t be afraid to enforce them. Our only rule was that the hosting couple prepared the meal, while the visiting couples brought either a bottle of wine or a dessert. No topics were off the table as far as conversation, but we all tried to take a break from our phones (we always had to make sure the babysitters weren’t trying to call).
Keep your supper club schedule and rules flexible. If something isn’t working, change it. If you can’t meet a certain week because of sick kids or crazy work schedules, reschedule for next week. The whole point is to gather with friends in a casual setting and enjoy a delicious meal together. Make sure rules and regulations don’t get in the way of fellowship.
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Real, lasting friendships are one of the rarest treasures of this life. But they do not happen by accident. Starting a supper club is an excellent way to begin to create these lasting relationships. I encourage you to give it a try!
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- FEATURED ARTICLE -
The Beauty of Friendship REBECCA GREEBON It’s always interesting to me how much I learn from watching children interact. They have this uncanny ability to be in the moment and to express themselves with a freedom adults rarely show. It’s kind of humbling when we think about it. It’s really telling when we pay attention. A couple of years ago, I was watching my daughter play at our neighborhood pool with some friends. There was splashing and squealing and the usual, “Mommy, watch me!” chaos of a summer afternoon. After a time, her friend had to leave, and she was left with a tough choice — continue playing alone, or approach the two little girls across the pool and ask to join in. Curiosity beat out shyness, and away she went. Within minutes, my little explorer was back in front of me, new friend in tow, as she called out, “Mommy! Mommy, look! See this girl? Me and her… we’re best friends! We’re best friends, Mom! Gotta go play now. See you later!” And just like that, they were off, giggling and splashing and jumping into the water, clutching hands, bonded for the hour.
It was easy. It was natural. It was fun.
I don’t know why the good Lord chose to put these women in my path, but I am grateful beyond words that he did.
It made my heart smile. Then it made my mind pause and wonder, “When do we lose that? At what point do we forget how to engage without fear? If it’s so easy and fun, why do we ever stop?” We have an inner need to connect with others, to build community. We feel fulfilled when we do so and empty when we don’t. Even the shyest among us likes to have a circle of friends. There’s nothing like it.
I thank him daily for each and every one of them, while simultaneously begging him to keep them an intimate part of my life for the next half-century or so. We are a colorful, loud mix of women. We are driven, outspoken, social, and fiercely loyal to the ones we hold dear.
Our lives get complicated, and the world gets a little more critical. We have to ask ourselves how to regain the secret to our childhood success. What does it mean to build a friendship? To create a tribe? And why do we even want to try? I have the phenomenal and (sadly) unusual circumstance of being one of those rare women who is blessed with a truly incredible group of strong, supportive, loving, nonjudgmental, not agenda-driven, crazy, hysterical girlfriends. They are amazing.
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REBECCA GREEBON
Rebecca Greebon lives in New Braunfels, Texas with her husband of 19 years, Gregg, and their three children, Luke, Drew, and Emry. She is a pediatric physical therapist and serves as the director of women's ministry at River City Church. You can find Rebecca's blog, The River Chick, at RebeccaGreebon.com.
WINTER 2019-2020
We throw one heck of a party, either just for kicks or to fundraise for a cause.
They bring light into this world and teach me lesson after lesson about everything from humility to joy to grace under pressure. They have exquisite taste in wine, shoes, and home décor. They bring out the best in me and show me what sisterhood truly means in a myriad of ways.
We get caught up in snapshots or social media frames with #tribe that look too different from our experiences. We worry about our inability to recreate the right vibe or lingo or trend. We focus on the time our vulnerability was too much (for us or the other individual) and things didn’t go all that well.
I know that each of these women will be there for me any time I need her. I love this group of Superwomen.
I wish every woman had this experience with the sisters and friends in her life. How great would that be? For all the girls in all the ages and demographics to know this, to live this. For the part of us that makes a new best friend at the pool to stay young and brave, keeping the confidence and faith of our childhood.
In reality, this doesn’t have to look a certain way. There’s no “wrong” way to find a friend or begin a new relationship. We don’t have to emulate anyone else’s view or style. And we don’t have to be someone we aren’t in hopes of attracting the “right” people to our crew. That ends up being way too exhausting.
They make me smile with my heart. They are crazy and beautiful and smart and funny and talented.
We hesitate to put ourselves out there at times because we forget that structure is not the point, relationships are.
We laugh and cry together. We meet to celebrate and to mourn. We are honest with each other, usually with a good degree of tact, sometimes not so much. We hold each other accountable. We respect each other tremendously, even when we don’t agree with one another. And we don’t sugar coat if one of us steps out of line.
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Structure is not the point.
WINTER 2019-2020
There are a myriad of types of personalities in community and tribe. Some are all in, all of the time. No holds barred, let’s go. Some want to wade in slowly, testing the waters. There are those on the outer edges, the fringes, watching and waiting and wanting to stay out of the center. It’s okay. There are many ways to do this — as many ways as there are members. That’s part of the beauty. It’s what keeps life interesting.
In all of history, there has been only one perfect person. Here’s a fun fact — you are not him, nor is that gal you’ve been wanting to meet. So, the pressure’s off. Let’s continue with the assumption that we are all flawed and go from there.
Not everyone is going to like you. But someone will. And in order to find that someone (or, more likely, multiple someones), we have to get out there, flaws and all, and ask them into our space. We have to be realistic in our expectations — of both parties.
A natural consequence of this fallibility is that somewhere, somehow, some day someone in your life is going to make a mistake. They are going to hurt your feelings, or tell you a lie (accidentally or on purpose), or get on your nerves, or break something of yours (maybe your coffee mug, maybe your heart). They are going to let you down, or forget your birthday, or leave you out.
I have moments when I am jealous or angry or small inside. I have days when I am not a good friend, or mother, or daughter, or wife. I have flaws I'd rather not share in public and a closet full of mistakes or episodes that make me cringe to remember. Getting wrapped up in those lists can make me feel inadequate and insecure unless I remember a simple truth. Everyone else out there is in the same boat. If we walk into our relationships accepting from the onset that both parties have flaws and deciding to love the other person anyway, we set ourselves and our connections up for a much greater degree of success. Lack of perfection is a human condition. We all have it, without exception. Trust me on this — it's the unadulterated truth.
We are all flawed.
And you are going to have to decide to love them anyway. You are going to have to decide that your bond with them is stronger than your anger, and that their presence in your life outweighs the temporary hurt they've caused. The truth is hurts are temporary. They go away eventually. Broken relationships can be permanent. So, you’ve got to decide to let go of the temporary condition based on emotion. Keeping our expectations of others realistic is key in building and maintaining solid relationships. Keeping our view and expectations of ourselves in check is another way to develop strong ties as well.
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When we embrace who we are, flaws and all, we bring our whole self to the table. We present the person we really are to the people in our lives, and we ask them to love us anyway. There's a tremendous amount of security in that. It leads me to Hebrews 12:1: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. "Throw off everything that hinders.” All of it — the insecurity, the doubt, the sense of not being good enough, the comparison, the competition, the fear. God did not create us to be imitators of his other creations. He did not go through the effort of making us each unique and individual, only to have us lament that we are not the same as everybody else. He certainly didn’t mean for us to stop halfway through our race, or before we even really get started, because we assume someone else would do it better, or laugh at us, or criticize how we run.
You are going to have to decide to love them anyway.
WINTER 2019-2020
That system would be one in which we are meant to fail, and while he is many things, our God is not a cruel trickster. It’s just not his bag.
There's plenty of love, talent, and crazy for all of us. He gives us each a set of gifts, talents, and tools; and he gives us each a set of opportunities, relationships, and circumstances in which to use them.
We just have to figure out the what and where, then take off. It’s generally not easy, but it shouldn’t be impossible, either. When we spend our time worrying about what everyone else is doing, or bemoaning our perceived inability or awkwardness, it gets harder to see the possible as well as the path. We miss out on so much when we get stuck here. My friends are beautiful and fierce and fiery and fun. They are talented, craft better than I ever could, have homes that are decorated in ways I only dream of, and manage to succeed in all of my weakest areas. Thank goodness.
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Because they are also generous beyond description with their time and talents, tirelessly sharing with me and the other people in their lives. We are a tribe, a family. One of the main keys to that is remembering that we are not in competition. Ever. There’s plenty of love, talent, and crazy for all of us. Thank God for our girlfriends. They make us laugh even when the only thing we want to do is cry. They make fun of our horrible days while helping out by taking care of our kids and promising a spa day. They remind us of our resiliency while cherishing our vulnerability. They show up with their kids’ hair slathered in olive oil to fulfill a promise to help paint the living room, despite a lice outbreak.
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Thank God for our girlfriends. They crawl under the covers and hold our teenage daughter while she cries out the consequences of bad choices. They bring meals when we’re too sick or broken to cook. They sit waiting on test results. They cheer for our children at games and performances. They defend us in public and provide reality checks in private. They listen. A lot. They offer advice and withhold judgment. They plan our parties, weddings, proposals, and memorials with equal skill and care.
They give us hope. They bring us joy. And if we are very fortunate, they help us to grow, live fully and shine brightly, even on our darker days. The value of sisterhood cannot be overstated. The importance of bonding and strength in numbers never decreases. The blessings that come from quality time with quality people multiply every time we meet. There is a reason we are called to community. There is a reason that social gatherings are prevalent in every culture. There is a reason we are told that whenever two or more are gathered together in his name, God is present (Matthew 18:20).
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We are made this way. We are beautifully created to lift each other up and bring each other joy. We are destined for fellowship, family, and friendship as we navigate through life. We are natural team players. All we have to do is accept our sister's hand, hang on tight, and jump. Adventures are more fun in group. Memories are more colorful when collective. Sorrows are lighter when shared. Our lives are fuller when filled with the love and laughter of others. Afterall, that's what it's all about — loving one another while shining his light. That's how the world knows who we belong to (John 13:35). So let's do it right and with lots of laughs. Our daughters are watching and learning along the way.
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Freedom to feel big feelings Photo by Claire Mummert CLAIRE MUMMERT Have you ever felt like all your kids do is complain? Do you feel like you spend a lot of your time telling them how to feel, how to act, what to do? This is exactly how I felt a few months ago. I felt like I was spending my life telling my kids, one in particular, to stop feeling their emotions. And then one day, I got mad. I was sad, angry, upset, and frustrated. I felt completely overwhelmed by my emotions. I took a break to calm down, vented my initial feelings to my husband, and then was able to take some deep breaths and move on. The point is, I needed space to feel my feelings in a safe place. My husband was that for me, but I was not being that for my kids. They had no safe space to feel all their angry feelings, their overwhelming feelings, their big big feelings. So we made a change. Can I just tell that trying to give your kids space to be angry is a process of trial and error? It’s one of those times where you get screamed at a lot, and you pray that they at least feel heard. In the end, we came up with a few methods that work and what we realized is that our children were starting to feel freedom. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
They didn’t have to be these perfect people or behave in an ideal way all the time. They could be children. They could make mistakes. They could think negatively and wish they could hit things. This freedom has made our days lighter in so many ways! We aren’t finished figuring this all out, but our kids love it and ask for it if we forget. They love the freedom to feel big feelings. Here are our steps: Many of us find ourselves too busy to consistently have dinner together as families, but I encourage you to find that time. We try to have 5 meals a week together as a family at the very least. After everyone starts eating, we ask this question: "What was the best part of your day today?" Each kiddo gets a chance to revel in the most awesome thing that happened to them. We all listen attentively (another lesson we are all learning), and we celebrate them! We cheer, we get excited, we ask follow-up questions. We want to be all in on those moments that are fun and special to our little people. “What? You saw a guinea pig today! That is so fun! What color was it? Did it have any special toys in its home?”
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All of our people, grownups included, take a minute to enjoy something about their day. Starting on a high really helps keep things in perspective for us. But not everything in our kids’ lives is good. I have a kiddo who has been bullied, one who has felt like a failure, one who lost a friend. We have everything from background trauma to paper cuts. And the things is, all of those feel like a big deal to our little people. A big deal! But when they tell us, they are usually met with responses like, “Don’t fuss,” or “Be grateful,” or “That’s not a big deal," diminishing their feelings and invalidating their emotions. Even worse, we are not teaching them to actually deal with their emotions in that moment. We are basically telling them to shove negative feelings down inside themselves. So after our joy moment, we ask this question: “What was the hardest thing that happened today?” It’s okay to play with the wording and find what is best for your kids’ understanding. During this time, we let our kiddos complain and tell us exactly how sad something felt. We ask questions and try to really feel that with them. We want them to feel seen and heard in this moment. Typically, we don’t try to fix it; we just listen. Occasionally, we ask if they would like help from us, and we make a plan if needed. Sometimes, we tell a story that is similar from our life so they know they aren’t alone. And sometimes, silence and hand holding is really the best response available. We end this time by saying one thing we are thankful for. I want to end on this note, not to invalidate their emotions but to remind us all that we have things to be thankful for even in the midst of difficulty. These little release valves for our kiddos have helped them to know they have space and freedom to express the hard things on their hearts. They won’t be punished for those feelings either. This also helps them not to react in ways during the day or complain all day because they know they will have our undivided attention at the end of the day. But let’s say one of your kiddos is having a day where they are so angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed that they can’t wait until dinnertime to use that release valve. What then? We have structured ways to get out our “angries,” as we call them. I like to ask them what their body is feeling, LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
When they are very little, I give them options: “Do you have hitting hands right now?” “Do you have angry feet?” Have you ever felt so angry you wanted to break something or scream? What did you do to get that pent-up energy out? I tend to go for a run, scream into a pillow, or do some high knees exercises. Sometimes, I go outside and pace. I need to do something with that energy so that I can return to a calm place. Our kiddos feel those same big emotions, but they don’t know how to get rid of all that energy in a way that is non-destructive. Many of us have not given them healthy outlets! In my kids’ rooms, they are allowed to be angry. They can scream into a pillow or hit their mattress. We even have an old crib mattress they can get on and stomp their feet to their heart’s content. Does your kid like to throw things when they are angry? Try stuffed animals and Koosh balls. Does your kid need something harder to hit than a mattress? We have a crash pad they can throw themselves onto without harming themselves, which they love. The last major thing we use to get out our angry energy is the Sit 'n Spin. I watch them spin and make sure they keep changing directions to get great vestibular input. They start out angry but end up smiling. Once they get out all this energy, they are more able to rationally explain to us what they need and why they are hurt and decide what to do in the future. This is another step toward freedom. We have to give our kids space to feel and a constructive outlet for big feelings. This gives them ownership of their emotions. It helps them start recognizing their feelings and asking for what they need. My four-year-old was recently screaming and started to yell, “I need to SPIN!!!” He knew what he needed to calm down! This was a huge win. Each time we help him make good choices, he becomes empowered to use his voice and regulate his emotions. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be frustrated. It’s okay to be sad. Let’s give our kids freedom to feel big feelings and healthy ways to deal with those emotions.
CLAIRE MUMMERT
Claire Mummert is a wife and mom of three. She is an adventure lover, Harry Potter aficionado, polyglot, baker, reader, traveler, and condoner of awkardness. She is passionate about racial justice, adoptee rights, and theology. Currently, she works as a children's/youth minister in Katy, Texas and camps in her free time. Find Claire at OutsidetheExtraneous.com.
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Travel: The People Are the Best Part ANDREA STUNZ I got my first passport at the age of 7 in the mid-1970’s. I’ve flown through and landed on a glacier to enjoy a smoked salmon picnic in Alaska. I’ve drunk cold, clean water from a waterfall in Milford Sound, New Zealand. As a young girl, I’ve run around emerald mines and coffee plantations in Brazil. I’ve eaten fish, caught and fried whole, in Nepal. I’ve danced (not well, by the way) on a stage with Kenyan dancers in Africa. I’ve ridden a rickety train up to the Incan ruins in Machu Picchu (not before enjoying some coca tea to combat altitude sickness before my mom figured out exactly what we were drinking). I rode in my first helicopter over the magnificent Philip Island, Australia. I savored my first taste of REAL mango sticky rice in Thailand. I’ve traversed the gauntlet that is the streets of Saigon (and survived to tell about it). I’ve sung in a choir in St. Paul’s Cathedral, London and enjoyed High Tea in King Henry VIII’s hunting lodge. And I can’t leave out that I’ve held a first edition copy of a Jane Austen book in Oxford, England — dreamy!! While all of that might sound arrogant, this list could continue for a while. You would undoubtedly roll your eyes, begin hearing my words in the "wah wah" voice of Charlie Brown’s teacher, and move on. But it’s necessary to showcase a few of the incredible experiences I’ve had to present the purpose of what I really need to share with you.
Andrea (far right) with her friends, Pauline and Linda, in Singapore
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After four years living in Singapore, our departure
And I hope they know I would welcome them
date was set and our flights booked back to Texas.
with open arms as well.
I had seven weeks to fit in all the “lasts.” I thought about everything I might need to do before we
I highly recommend picking up a friend or two
left. Go to my favorite market at least once more.
(considering your safety, of course) as you travel.
Purchase a Turkish lantern from Kampong Glam.
Make a connection. Keep the connection. You
Eat a favorite dish (or twenty) one last time. There
never know when your paths may cross again.
was nothing I wanted to do more, however, than
Heck, you might even make a friend who will loan
spend time with the friends I had made. Well
you her house in Australia when you need it!
aware of the realistic chance I may never see these friends again face to face this side of
I treasure the friendships I’ve made around the
heaven, that’s exactly what I set out to do.
globe. Friends from various cultures. Friends who are very different from me but all eager to learn
I spent those last seven weeks in Singapore
from one another. Friends who are like me, and
scheduling shopping dates, coffee dates (or
we both find comfort in that slice of community.
should I say “kopi” dates), Turkish tea dates, lunch dates, and dinner dates, as well as hosting
When I plan my travels, one of the first things I do
cooking classes with Chef Kay, my favorite
is comb through my cerebral cobwebs and think
chef/friend. I did go to my favorite markets and
about whether I have a friend where I’m headed.
shops, but I rarely went alone. I wanted to savor
Because if I do, rest assured I will try to make the
every last drop of time I had there experiencing
connection while I’m there. It might be a lengthy
life with people I loved. I wanted to sit across the
catchup over lunch or a quick airport hug. It
table from the people God chose to place in my
might not work out, but I will always try. I would
life and soak in the fellowship.
hope that if they came to wherever I am, they would do the same, knowing I will make every
More than four decades removed from my South
effort to hug their necks.
American childhood experience, I remain in contact with a few childhood friends from Brazil.
Sure, I’ve experienced some inconceivable
We keep up with the owner of the hotel we
adventures, but none of those adventures
stayed at on our two trips to Nepal. Watching his
compares to the friends I’ve found along the way.
young family grow brings me joy. A dear Australian friend loaned me her home on the
The people are the best part. (But that mango
coast of Australia without hesitation when I
sticky rice was delicious!)
needed an emotional health getaway. I’ve been able to meet dear online friends face-to-face in
ANDREA STUNZ
France and England, just to name a few. One of the most noteworthy gifts from all of my travels has nothing to do with the sights or souvenirs. It has everything to do with the people I’ve crossed paths with. I have friends all around the globe that, if I showed up on their doorstep, I believe would welcome me in with open arms.
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Andrea Stunz is a welltraveled Texan currently touring the U.S. in an R.V., having previously lived in Brazil, Asia, and the U.K. She finds joy in her family, grace in her friends, beauty in a story, purpose in the sunrise, wonder in her travels, and hope in Colossians 1:17. Find Andrea at AndreaStunz.com.
WINTER 2019-2020
at The Little House on Main Downtown Buda Historic District 569 Main Street, Buda, Texas 512.295.7818