M A G A Z I N E
F O R
T E X A S
W O M E N
EUSSI GNIRPS EHT
02O2 YAM-HCRAM
T H E
DR. ERIKO VALK, PH.D. OWNER OF HOUSTON CENTER FOR COUNSELING AND CONSULTING
FIVE FAVORITE FINDS FOR SPRING
MENTAL HEALTH AND ADDICTION
REFRESH YOUR OUTDOOR SPACES
CONTACT US LOVE OF DI XI E lauren@loveofdixie.com loveofdixie.com Facebook & Instagram @loveofdixie Photo by Hilary Roberts Photography
EDITORIAL
HOWDY!
Welcome to the spring issue.
Bluebonnets are blooming, and Easter, or Pascha, as I'm learning to say in the Orthodox Church, is on its way. I feel incredibly blessed to be able to share Dr. Eriko Valk's story with you during this season of renewal and new beginnings. Dr. V is an inspiration to many of us who struggle with mental health issues, including addiction. I hope her joy, faith, and gratitude will encourage you to take the first step in your own recovery.
Here's to spring! LAUREN FLAKE Founder
LAUREN FLAKE Editor-in-Chief
CONTRIBUTORS Cheyenne Bell, Michelle Discavage, Terri Jackson, Robin Lee, Andrea Stunz
All content © 2020 For the Love of Dixie, LLC, unless otherwise stated.
ADVERTISING FI ND US ONLI NE loveofdixie.com/ magazine
CONTACT lauren@loveofdixie.com
TABLE OF CONTENTS 03 Texas Strong Woman: Dr. Eriko Valk, Ph.D.
06 Lone Star Lifestyle: Picks for Spring 07 Gardening: Succulent Terrarium
06
07
12
11 Entertainment: Two New Books to Love 12 Devotional: Bring the Jars
13 Let's Just Eat: Lauren's Famous Chicken Salad 17 Décor: Refresh Your Outdoor Spaces
13
17
20 Featured Article: My Mother in the Mirror
23 Family: The Battle for Mental Health 27 Travel: Making Lemonade when Life Gives You Lemons
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ERIKO N. VALK, PH.D. OWNER OF HOUSTON CENTER FOR COUNSELING AND CONSULTING
Houston, Texas
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE TITLES FOR YOURSELF AND WHY?
After receiving my second doctorate degree in 2004 at the ripe young age of 54, my friends dubbed me “Double Doc.’ However, most of my peers and clients address me as “Dr. V.” “Dr. V” is a safe title, whether I am speaking, presenting a workshop, providing counseling/therapy to my clients, or enjoying fellowship with women over lunch. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR OR CHALLENGE?
Facing life with deafness can be intimidating, frustrating, and sometimes causes a bit of depression and self pity. Those times (yes, even therapists get depressed), I have to stay in gratitude for the blessings of technology, for the gift of speech reading, and for the patience and understanding of family and friends. There are applications on my phone that allow me to make phone calls, participate in worship and Bible study, and yes, even “listen” to my clients. I can do everything except hear! I pray for the ability to keep up with technological advances and for the willingness to learn them. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
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WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT?
Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I can do nothing without God. Being a supportive wife, mom, grandmother, and a recipient of the Jefferson Award, as well as doing television appearances, completing post graduate work, founding a ministry, closing the ministry, starting my counseling center, and making and keeping friends — all of these I consider to be accomplishments that I thank God for every day. Being able to forgive others for past hurts and, therefore, love others fully is by far the greatest of accomplishments. This gift is from God alone. WHO ARE YOUR ROLE MODELS OR MENTORS?
Before I was adopted at age 5 from my Japanese birth mother, God placed a very kind man in my life who brought me ribbons for my hair and chocolates/food for my mother. Growing up in post-World War II Japan, these items were considered luxuries. My adoptive parents were abusive, but God placed teachers and friends in my life to guide me through the pain and tears. Now, as an alcoholic in recovery (sober since 1991), God grants me the presence of strong women in recovery, including my daughter, who lead spiritual, God-filled lives and show me how I can stay sober and joyfully walk with the Lord. As I wrote about abuse, abandonment, deafness, and recovery from alcoholism in my book, His Comfort of Silence, two godly women stood alongside me, although neither are in recovery. DiAnn Mills is a Christy
Award-winning author of Christian fiction, and I am honored to call her “friend.” She wrote the foreword for my book and provided valuable insight. DiAnn shows me how to balance career, family, and friends, placing Christ in the center of it all. God placed Brenda Croucher in my life in early 2005. She is the pastor of women’s ministry at Cypress Bible Church and often presents me with opportunities to speak and refer people to our counseling center. Brenda emulates Christ's grace, strength, and love.
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My husband, son, and daughter hosted my book signing at The Bell Tower on 34th Street. In addition to many friends, Dominique Sachse, local celebrity/KPRC TV news anchor, and her husband also attended. HOW ARE YOU BUILDING COMMUNITY RIGHT NOW?
On a monthly basis, a group of twelve women meet at my counseling center to pray for our community, the revival of our nation, the growth of our churches (many denominations are represented), the safety of our neighborhoods, godly wisdom for our government leaders, and our own personal requests. We utilize social media to expand our prayer efforts. WHAT IS YOUR BEST ADVICE FOR NEWBIES IN THE ARENAS OF COUNSELING AND MINISTRY?
The Holy Spirit guided me through the founding and startup of a nonprofit, Christ-centered counseling ministry as I completed my post-graduate education in 2004. Navigating the challenges of applying for a 501(c)3 while seeing clients, fundraising, and training interns was exhausting and overwhelming. I hope you realize more quickly than I did that you don’t have to do everything yourself! God allowed me to almost exhaust myself so that I could learn this valuable lesson. Thankfully, our founding board of directors saw the vital importance of praying through all challenges and lending a helping hand with hiring, interviewing, and other tasks. Prayer is the most important aspect of any activity. Currently, in my private counseling practice (the nonprofit closed in 2017), prayer continues to guide me not only in what direction my clients could go, but it also helps my clients each day to be more willing and receptive to the Holy Spirit’s leading. WHAT IS A FAVORITE QUOTE OR VERSE YOU LIVE BY?
I firmly believe that if you have Christ in you, then you have his joy. Joy is a constant theme for me. It is something I did not have before I came to know Christ and accepted him as my Lord and Savior, joyfully! On my Facebook page, my “slogan” is, “ Find joy in everything.” I love to spread joy whenever and wherever I can. Romans 12:12 says, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT CENTRAL TEXAS IN THE SPRING?
Last year, my husband, a native Texan, and I purchased a piece of land in Brenham, Texas. Our plan is to clear the land, plant wildflowers like Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrushes. Nothing captures the eyes of a camera lens more than a field of Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrushes! We also plan to build a small home on that piece of land so that we can look at the wildflowers when we “retire.” WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE TEXAS-BASED NONPROFITS TO SUPPORT?
My husband and I agree that our church is the primary nonprofit we are called to support. It can be overwhelming to read about so any wonderful ministries that need prayer and funding. We offer up our prayers and support ministries that our church supports, and when we are led through the Holy Spirit to offer support outside our church, we do so willingly. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
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VISIONARYFAMILYCOUNSELING.COM 112 CIMARRON PARK LOOP, SUITE B BUDA, TEXAS 78610 512-940-1168
The Companion Bag Amy Ray - Noonday Collection Austin, Texas amyray.noondaycollection.com
Lone Star Lifestyle: Picks for Spring Custom Pet Portraits Bailie Rat Art Denton, Texas bailierat.com
Texas Wildflower Embroidery Hoop Blushing Owl Stitchery Austin, Texas Facebook.com/BlushingOwlStitchery
Dark Teal Studs Avery + Emory Designs San Marcos, Texas averyandemorydesigns.com
Jasmine Body Oil Rachel's Plan Bee Buda, Texas rachelsplanbee.com
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Gardening: Succulent Terrarium TERRI JACKSON
Terrariums are an easy starting point for building confidence towards reaching your #plantlady goals. Whether you already have a home full of plants or you are just starting out, terrariums provide a simple, low maintenance way to bring plants into your home this spring. Supplies:
Sand Succulent soil Thin dowel or pencil Small watercolor-type paintbrush Succulents Decorative sand, rocks, and/or trinkets (Find these at a craft store, or make your own. You can use shells you found at the beach, rocks you picked up on a hike, or even something small your child made out of modeling clay.) Terrarium vessel (Find this at a craft store, or use any dish or vase with a good opening.) [Note: This is for an “open” terrarium, not a “closed” one.] Steps:
Add succulent soil (a good soil usually includes sand, pumice, and perlite) to the bottom of your clean container to create your first layer. Add a layer of sand. Depending on the size of your vessel and the size of your plants, you can likely fit one to five succulents inside. Dry fit them into an arrangement inside to see how you want to lay them out. Then remove them. Using your dowel, poke holes for your succulents' roots. Carefully nest your plants into the holes you created inside your terrarium.
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Photo by Terri Jackson
Using your paint brush, dust off your
Enjoy your creation!
succulent leaves, freeing them of any sand or soil.
Most succulents enjoy sunlight, around six hours a day. Rotate the vessel every so often
Add a little water to the sand and soil. You
to give you a new view as well a different way
do not want it to be drenched. Add water
of getting light for your plants. Keep your soil
gradually, until the sand and soil is evenly
damp but not too wet. Depending on the
wet throughout.
season, they may require more or less water.
Here is the fun part! Add your decorative
Happy planting!
sand, rocks, and trinkets, however you envision your creation. There are no rules!
TERRI JACKSON
Terri Jackson is a wife, mom of two boys, professional florist, Disney World trip enthusiast, coconut sparkling water junkie, backyard party hostess extraordinaire, and all-around craft genius in Buda, Texas. You can find her at TheInspiredHaus.com.
Again, use your paint brush to dust off your succulent leaves in case any of the decorative sand got onto them. Finally, add a touch of water to wet the newly-added decorative sand and rocks. Do not over water.
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Entertainment: Two New Books to Love The Power of Pretend: An Actor's Struggle to Unite Faith & Work
by Elizabeth Bernhardt of Austin (elizabethbernhardt.com) The Power of Pretend invites actors and artists who feel they have to
choose between a passionate pursuit of Christ and excellent creative work. Can we trust God enough to do the impossible? Can we dare to believe that by making God our director, we'll be the artists we were created to be, watching the Kingdom touch earth through our work? Eat. Pie. Love.: 52 Devotions to Satisfy Your Mind, Body, and Soul
by Tara Royer Steele of Brenham (tararoyersteele.com) Eat. Pie. Love. serves 52 days of powerful Scripture, heartening
devotions, and reflective questions designed to satisfy your spirit. With easy-to-follow recipes and quirky illustrations sprinkled throughout, this devotional will encourage you to hang on when life gets tough.
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Bring the Jars MICHELLE DISCAVAGE
Many years ago, a woman found herself widowed and deeply in debt. In the midst of her mourning, she found her creditor was on his way to take her two sons as slaves. Grief and worry consumed her. The widow turned to the only person she could think of, a prophet, Elisha. With fear in her eyes, she recounted her story and pleaded for help. All the widow had was a small jar of oil. Elisha looked at the widow and told her to ask her neighbors for empty jars, and to ask for many. Then, she was to go inside, shut the door, and begin pouring the oil. Every jar she and her sons collected was filled with oil. Every single one. As Elisha instructed her, the widow sold the oil to pay off her family’s debts and lived on the remaining money. "When all the jars were full, she said to her son, 'Bring me another one.' But he replied, “There is not a jar left.' Then the oil stopped flowing. She went and told the man of God, and he said, 'Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left.'" (2 Kings 4:6-7 NIV) The widow claimed she had nothing, except a jar of oil. She saw nothing, Elisha saw plenty. Bring the jars. One jar of oil and an act of obedience saved the widow and her sons. Bring the jars.
Bring the jar, pour the oil. Friends, God is faithful. We can believe what he says and trust him to lead us. When we trust him with all we have and all we are, he will do more than we could imagine. For the widow, God didn’t just allow her to pay her debts but also provided all she needed to live. What jars are you being asked to bring for God to fill? Would you be faithful to bring them and trust God to fill every single one? Father, help us to trust you as we bring our jars. Every goal, every desire, every dream, we lay at your feet, believing you will use them for our good and for your glory. Amen. MICHELLE DISCAVAGE
How often do we see lack, while God is trying to show us an abundance? We look in the mirror and too often focus on our shortcomings or failures. When God begins showing us where he wants us to go, we begin listing the reasons we will not be able to accomplish what is being asked of us. No, we tend to respond like the widow, “I have nothing at all, except a jar of oil.” But friend, one jar of oil is all God needs. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
Michelle is a certified life purpose coach, the author of Unnamed Women of the Bible and Stained Glass Life, and a speaker. She loves helping women discover and walk in God’s purpose for them. Michelle lives in Lubbock with her husband, daughter, and miniature poodle. Find out more at SparkedLiving.net.
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Photos by Lauren Flake
LAUREN'S FAMOUS CHICKEN SALAD LAUREN FLAKE
It's about time I shared this go-to recipe I've "perfected" through trial and error with our readers.
I like to serve this chicken salad when I'm having friends over for lunch. Both of my girls love it.
This chicken salad is super simple and easy, and it's perfect for spring gatherings at the Turquoise Table or for summer picnics and potlucks. It's even Paleo if you make your own mayo!
Side note: I'm not real precise about measuring ingredients, unless I'm baking. Therefore, all of the ingredient amounts are approximate and can be adjusted to your liking. Have fun with this recipe, and make it your own!
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Lauren's Famous Chicken Salad INGREDIENTS 1 lb. cooked, shredded chicken breast (You can cheat and use canned or preshredded, grocery store rotisserie chicken.) 1/2 cup seedless red grapes, halved 1/4 cup parsley leaves, chopped 1/2 cup walnuts, chopped 1 bunch green or red onions, chopped 1/2 cup celery hearts, chopped lengthwise and widthwise 1/2 cup mayonnaise 3 T garlic powder 3 T paprika Salt and pepper, to taste
WE HELP YOU GET WHAT YOUÂ NEED IN LIFE.
Combine all ingredients in a large bowl. Serve with slices of crusty French bread and sliced tomatoes and cheese or on top of salad greens, like arugula and baby spinach. Enjoy with a cold pitcher of iced tea and a few lemon wedges!
Refresh your outdoor spaces Photo by Cheyenne Bell
After a long, hard winter here in Central Texas (do you hear the sarcasm dripping from my voice?), I bet you’re ready to prep your outdoor spaces for spring! Spring is a wonderful time of year to host dinners and gatherings outside. If you’re lucky enough to have a spacious outdoor space like a porch or patio, now is the time to refresh your space for spring shindigs! Here are a few ways you can do just that:
CHEYENNE BELL
Let's spruce up your outdoor spaces to prepare for spring gatherings. CHEYENNE BELL
Add some hanging baskets.
Cheyenne Bell is a writer and blogger with a slight obsession for old homes and good coffee. Her blog, Sense & Serendipity, focuses on inspiring others to create a home well-loved and a life well-lived. Cheyenne lives in San Marcos, Texas with her two young children. Find her at SenseandSerendipityblog.com.
Hanging baskets bursting with flowers is an easy and inexpensive way to add beautiful pops of color to your patio. Some of the best flowers to plant in a hanging basket include: petunias, begonias, geraniums, and lantana. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
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Hang a spring wreath.
Invest in a pretty outdoor rug.
Hanging a spring wreath on your front door is a great way to add a spring welcome to your front porch. Spring wreaths can easily be made (for all you DIY lovers!) or purchased (no fuss, no muss). The best places to look for a premade spring wreath are Michael’s, Hobby Lobby, Target, and HomeGoods.
Rugs are a good idea in any space! Rugs help create a cohesive look for any grouping of furniture. Outdoor rugs are specially made to withstand lots of wear and tear as well as the changing weather on a daily basis. Make sure you get a rug large enough to place your furniture comfortably within its boundaries, so that it doesn’t make your space look and feel cramped.
Focus on flower pots.
Flower pots are another inexpensive way to add pops of color to your outdoor spaces. Place a grouping of smaller pots with different types of flowers on a large table as a centerpiece. Or place larger, or varying, sizes in the corners of your patio. If you’re feeling extra fancy, hang window box planters filled with cascading florals under your back windows!
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Seating is key.
Adding a comfortable bench or a couple of rocking chairs to a smaller porch is essential for spring. For larger outdoor spaces, consider adding a few groupings of chairs and a dining area where you can host some evening outdoor gatherings. Dinner on the “veranda,” anyone?
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Add a fun doormat.
Hang some lights.
Doormats are quite functional, but they can also be fun! Add a spring-themed mat for a traditional look or maybe order a mat with a fun saying, like “Come back with wine!” or “Did you text first?” You can find a wide variety of pretty or funny doormats on Etsy.
Outdoor lights are a simple but very effective way to add a little magic to your outdoor spaces. Whether you choose small or large, steady or twinkling lights, illuminating your patio with a few strings of lights will give your dinner party a warm, welcoming, and enchanting atmosphere. A great place to find a pretty wide variety of outdoor lights is Target, but you can also find a great set of simple but beautiful outdoor lights at Costco.
Plant a container garden.
If you have an itch to try a garden this spring, but you don’t want to commit to digging up the yard, try a small container garden. You can use large planter pots or you can buy pre-made, porch-sized container gardens on websites like Amazon.com, Walmart.com. You can also order them from a company like Earthbox.
No matter the size of your outdoor space, taking some time to refresh your porch or patio will pay off in spades this spring. Using these simple tips, you can create a space that will serve you well for your next get together, happy hour, or dinner party. Happy spring, y’all!
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My Mother in the Mirror: A Legacy of Depression LAUREN FLAKE
I remember standing outside my mother’s walk-in closet, listening to her sob for what felt like an eternity, on multiple occasions during elementary school. Pain and tears were something she taught me, quite literally, to hide behind closed doors. Years later, I often found my mother talking to her “best friend,” her own reflection in the mirror, as her early onset Alzheimer’s disease progressed. Now that she is gone, I often find myself talking to my mother, in my own reflection in the mirror. Friends and family frequently comment on my uncanny resemblance to my mother. Some have even commented on the striking similarities in our interests and personalities. But few see our similar struggles with anxiety and depression.
"But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.'” (1 Samuel 16:7 ESV)
I imagine the public stigma of depression for a small town church of Christ girl was just too much to bear, much like the stigma of divorce. Depression is often seen as a sign of weakness, instead of as the legitimate mental and physical condition it is.
When I was struggling to find peace in high school, my mother sat me down on the couch and explained that she believed I had inherited an anxiety disorder from herself and my maternal grandfather. Having a name and a reason for the way I felt was my first breakthrough in understanding and coping with my mental health issues. My mother battled anxiety and depression for much of her life. And, as far as I know, she never sought help for her emotional health. No counseling, no medication, no support.
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LAUREN FLAKE
Lauren was born in Austin and raised in Dripping Springs, Texas. She and her husband, Travis, live in Buda with their two daughters. Lauren is the author and illustrator of two award-winning children's books for grieving preschoolers. She loves green tea, dark chocolate, and collecting all things turquoise. Read more at LaurenFlake.com. SPRING 2020
In fact, when I tried to tell my father about my depression as a teenager, he told me I just needed to pray more, which, of course, made me feel like it was my fault that I couldn’t shake my depression and only pushed me further into the abyss.
Left untreated, depression and anxiety can wreak havoc on the brain. A few years ago, a global study showed that chronic depression shrinks the hippocampus, but, fortunately, the damage is most likely reversible. According to The Guardian:
At the end of my first year of college, my mother feared that I was self-medicating with alcohol. She was right.
"The researchers found 65% of the depressed study participants had recurrent depression and it was these people who had a smaller hippocampus, which is near the centre of the brain and is involved with long-term memory, forming new memories, and connecting emotions to those memories."
My mother recognized my suffering because she had faced the same struggles and never reached out for help. But she wanted better for me.
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It is difficult for me to believe that my mother’s chronic depression and anxiety did not play a role in her development of early onset Alzheimer’s disease. Of course, there are plenty of situational reasons for depression, like grief and abuse. But there are also physical, and often treatable, reasons for depression that should not be ignored. Sources of inflammation, like gluten, dairy, and sugar, deficiencies in magnesium and vitamin D3, and hormone imbalance can play a powerful role in mental health.
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Fortunately, my mother left me with something more important than a legacy of depression. She also left me with a legacy of faith. It took me a long time to realize that my sensitive nature is not a weakness but a spiritual gift. Several years ago, my maternal grandmother, concerned over one of my blog posts I’d written about my mother’s illness, remarked that I “sure have some deep thoughts.” Unfounded worry and anxiety is never helpful. But is feeling deep emotions a curse? I don’t think so. Even Daniel, a man of unwavering faith, was deeply disturbed by his prophetic vision from God: "And I, Daniel, was overcome and lay sick for some days." (Daniel 8:27 ESV) Daniel trusted God’s plans but felt deep concern for the Hebrew people. He was overwhelmed with empathy, internalizing the pain and struggles of others, making him an effective leader and minister to his people. Prayer, meditation, exercise, and aromatherapy are great temporary mood boosters.
But I’ve found that the best way to beat depression and anxiety is to guard my heart by staying true to myself.
And it is certainly detrimental to those around us. "What then, brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up." (1 Corinthians 14:26 ESV)
"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." (Proverbs 4:23 ESV)
Writing is how I process these deep, deep feelings.
A few years ago, I came clean and shared my struggles with depression and anxiety on my blog’s Facebook page, terrified of the negative feedback I might receive.
Writing is my therapy and the truest expression of my heart. When the #TexasStrong flood relief fundraiser took on a life of its own in 2015, I temporarily lost my truest self to shirt sales and media interviews. I lost my mainly introverted, highly sensitive self to a fabricated image of trendsetting confidence in the public spotlight. But, the truth is, pain and tears aren’t meant to be hidden behind closed doors. In fact, I believe hiding our struggles is oftentimes dishonest, disobedient to God and detrimental to our health.
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The response was immediate and overwhelming. Countless comments and private messages poured in on Facebook, basically saying, “I struggle with that, too. Thank you for being open about this.” Yes, we are called to celebrate in community. But we’re also called to struggle in community so that we can build one another up in His name.
We are never truly alone in our pain. [A version of this post originally appeared at LaurenFlake.com/blog.] SPRING 2020
The battle for mental health Photo by Robin Lee ROBIN LEE
I was driving from East Texas to Louisiana for therapy for my precious little peanut. (She’s my youngest with special needs, who is no longer little. Nicknames die hard.) Her art notebook was open, and pens and markers were scribbling away as we listened to The Penderwicks on audiobook. It was a beautiful, blue sky day. We were just beginning our trek when the audiobook went silent as the phone rang. It was my mom. My mom hasn’t called me in over two years, since she lost the ability to speak. She has Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, a terrible neurodegenerative disorder that presents like ALS. If she was calling, something was desperately wrong. I answered the phone to hear the guttural wails of my non-verbal mother. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
I took the next off-ramp, turned around, called the caregiver (who was taking my father to therapy) and began speeding to her house. There was no way to assess what was happening. Was she dying? Did the dog get hit by a car? Had her eyes finally given in to the disease, and she was suddenly blind? “I’m on my way. Keep breathing.” I prayed out loud, “Father God, I know that YOU know exactly what is happening. Help us in the midst of all that is going on. Fill my mom right now with YOUR presence and YOUR peace.” I could hear her calming just a bit. I called 911. I got pulled over for speeding. I arrived just behind the ambulance. My mom had fallen and ended up spending the next two nights in the hospital. The gouge around her eye was operated on and repaired.
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She tripped down two concrete stairs getting the mail. She was terrified and vulnerable and trying to maintain as much independence as possible with a brain that simply wouldn’t cooperate. Brain health and mental health are constant obsessions in my life. I have dear friends and family members with severe mental health issues — situational depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), addiction, major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, medical diagnoses, and some unique things I have never heard of before. If you are also one of the millions and millions of people struggling with the impact of the mental health crisis in this country, I get it.
The opinions of the various experts feel like death camps that spew contempt for anything on the other side. To be totally transparent, I am not an ideologue. I am a pragmatist desperately searching for anything that will work. I am not intellectually, medically, or spiritually opposed to little white pills. If I could find one that worked every time I would praise big Pharma for the rest of my days. Likewise, I am not intellectually, medically, or spiritually opposed to alternative methods of health and healing. We are willing to try (almost) anything that resonates as possibly helpful upon thorough research.
I am on your side.
I have looked into so many things for my mother, father, kids, and friends that I refer to myself as a walking catalog of crazy.
Navigating the journey of trying to get a healthy brain is a minefield.
Got an idea? I have probably already looked into it. If not, I am happy to do so.
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I am not an expert, but I am woefully experienced, and my experience has allowed me to create a framework to function in difficult (and often confusing) circumstances. These are the realities I have learned: Some mental health issues are emotional in nature. Emotions impact physical health and feelings of well-being. Sometimes, the root cause of feeling depressed is circumstances that simply need to be dealt with and processed. When my mother-in-law died after a 20-year battle with dementia, I struggled to figure out how to grieve. There were complicated family dynamics muddying the process. What I needed was some help looking at things in a way rooted in truth and validation for the angst in my heart. Once I got that, I felt better. Some mental health issues are physical in nature and temporary.
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One dreary February morning, I got a call from the staff at the memory care unit caring for my mother-in-law. She was teary, and they could not cheer her up. They put her on the phone, and I told the same jokes I had used hundreds of times to make her laugh. By the end of the conversation, she felt much better. The caregivers asked me about increasing her anti-depressants. I explained, “It is the end of winter. She has severe seasonal affective disorder. When the sun comes out in two weeks and the days get longer, she will feel better.” For my mother-in-law, the shorter days of winter physically impacted her body chemistry. Once the weather warmed up and warm rays of sunshine hit her face, she felt better. Her emotional life improved. She had severe dementia. This was not a choice. This was not a pattern or a habit — she was incapable of either. This was how her body processed life.
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SPRING 2020
Some mental health issues need medication. I understand this is controversial. There is a bitter divide about this in my own family. As my mother continued to decline and my father faced his own issues with aging, he became increasingly angry and depressed. In order to keep as much peace as possible with opposing factions regarding medications, I tried multiple things to help my dad. We did counseling, supplements, neuro feedback, and exercise, yet the darkness persisted. Once we got him on antidepressants and figured out the right dose, his world improved significantly. Dealing with the terminal illness of a loved one is hard — he needed help. In his case, medicine was absolutely the right decision. Sometimes mental health challenges are hardest to see in the ones you love the most. I have lacked sensitivity to the issues of people I am really close to in the past. Some of my very favorite people struggled to help me “get it.” It was a Bible verse, Job 6:26 from The Message, that finally clued me in: “You pretend to tell me what’s wrong with my life, but treat my words of anguish as so much hot air.” I realized that when I think someone is amazing, I look at them through a filter that leaves no room for difficulties. Just because a person is smart, good looking, funny and compassionate, does not mean they are also not struggling with anxiety, depression, or PTSD.
Because our family deals with so much, we have lots of conversations about how to function. We remind each other: “Sometimes your brain and your body need a reset.” We’ve experienced enough to know that life’s battles and heartaches grip both our physical and mental lives. Stress and trauma leave an impact. We pray, read the Bible, and go to church all the time but sometimes additional help is needed to deal with exceptionally hard things. I cannot encourage you enough to rebuild and recover after you are lambasted by life. Find what works for you: Try essential oils, nature, exercise, counseling, neuro feedback, sensory deprivation therapy, cranial sacral therapy, medications, massage, yoga, or any of the myriad of things we have done. Whatever you can do, do it. Help yourself heal. I don’t know if anything will work. I know people who have “done everything right” and still live really, really hard stories. I tell my own mother, “Just because no one has ever been cured of this disease doesn’t mean no one will ever be cured of this disease.” I search the internet for help and swipe my dad’s credit card to pay, but I have exactly zero odds stacked in my favor. I don’t care. I keep fighting to help my mom’s ailing brain, my daughter’s anxious brain, my friend’s learning brain, my dad’s aging brain, my own needing-sleep brain. We are all in this together. We are not alone. The hope is worth the fight. ROBIN LEE
It turns out, “I don’t want that for you,” doesn’t impact reality. I hate that.
Robin Lee is a recent Texas transplant, wife to an airplanepart-inventing, manufacturedhome-selling man who keeps her in stitches, and mom to three beautifully unique kids who keep her on her knees. She lives near Tyler, Texas. Find Robin at Robins-Corner.com.
Words that are full of great ideas, but no compassion, are exasperating to people in the fight for mental and emotional health and balance. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
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SPRING 2020
Travel: Making Lemonade when Life Gives You Lemons ANDREA STUNZ
A series of extremely unfortunate events, leading to a therapeutic separation for my husband and me, forced the cancellation of our 30th anniversary dream trip to New Zealand. The tickets were non-refundable and non-transferable, or so my husband thought. I knew I didn’t want to sit around sulking for two weeks when I should have been celebrating in a beautiful country I love, so I called the airline and explained the situation. A kind lady on the other end of the line said, in her amazing Kiwi accent I should add, “Yes, I can help you but let’s get this done quickly, shall we? I’m a very emotional person, and this is making me cry.” She was able to split our tickets and to give me a credit for mine to go anywhere the airline flew before a certain date. I would only need to pay the transfer fee and any additional ticket fee if the flight I chose cost more. "Let's do it!" I said. "Before we both cry."
Andrea with her sister in Australia in 2018
LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
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SPRING 2020
I looked at their destinations to see where I
Traveling with a trusted friend (or sister) is
could go. I paused on Melbourne, Australia. I
an inconceivable gift.
had fond memories of a short weekend spent
The rewards of an adventure far outweigh
in Perth but had never been to Melbourne
the potential anxiety.
before. I needed new. The trip would be hard
Joy is an antidote to pain.
enough, but going to New Zealand, or
I can do hard things.
anywhere else my husband and I had previously been, would be too triggering.
So often in my travels, I gain a refreshing view of my bigger story — much like stepping back
Everyone should have a travel buddy. (You
from a stained-glass masterpiece. When
know, the person who you can call and say,
you’re too close, you only see bits of broken
“Hey, do you want to go to …?” And they say,
glass. When you step back, you can take in
“Yes! Let’s do it!”) My travel buddy is one of my
the entire story the Creator has masterfully
sisters. We’re both empty nesters who love
pieced together.
adventure and can generally plan something at a moment’s notice. After decades of
While on our trip, we passed a site offering
sharing a room as children, we respect each
scenic helicopter tours of the island, which
other’s boundaries and have learned how to
boasted a “once in a lifetime experience.” The
play nice. We genuinely enjoy each other’s
forecast predicted rain but, for now, the skies
company and travel really well together.
were perfectly blue. With a quick “do you want to?” glance at each other, we pulled in
After hanging up the phone with the kind
and went for it. It did not disappoint! Just
and empathetic Kiwi service rep, I
before we hovered up for takeoff, we looked
immediately texted my sister and asked her if
at one another inside the chopper and
she would be interested in going to Australia
simultaneously exclaimed, “We’re in a
with me for my 30th anniversary trip. As
helicopter in Australia!!”
expected, she said, “YES!”, and the planning began.
While it may have been a once in a lifetime experience, it gave us a memory for a
Throughout my healing journey from
lifetime. We still, over a year later, randomly
childhood and marriage betrayal trauma, I
text one another saying, “Hey, remember that
have learned a few things.
time we rode in a helicopter in Australia??!!”
Having something planned to look
Laughter, or loads of smiling in this case, was
forward to is good for me.
most definitely good medicine.
I need to be mindful to not run away from pain but, instead, run toward inner
Some may see my adventurous lifestyle as a
healing.
“highlight reel,” but for me, my travels are my
Breaking out of my routine offers a
“life reel.” Travel is a part of who I am and has
refreshing perspective.
been critically important in my healing
Making new memories helps me
journey.
remember the good in the old memories. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
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SPRING 2020
It goes back to my oft-repeated mantra,
Something that will help you heal.
“Know what you need. Do what you need.”
Something that will bring you joy.
Understand that needing isn’t the same as
Then go! Go make some lemonade. And
wanting. Often, what I want, what I really
enjoy every. single. sip!!
really want, is unwise and unhealthy. Having boundaries for myself and with myself, for my safety and health, is imperative. Knowing
“Today’s ‘first lesson’ was in these little mountain paths. I followed mine only a few yards further this morning and such an outburst of beauty came. You can never
what I need and doing what I need to
tell to what untold glories a little humble path may
become the healthiest version of me is what
lead, if you follow far enough.” (Lilias Trotter, 1899)
helps me feel alive when everything else ANDREA STUNZ
seems lifeless.
Andrea Stunz is a welltraveled Texan currently touring the U.S. in an R.V., having previously lived in Brazil, Asia, and the U.K. She finds joy in her family, grace in her friends, beauty in a story, purpose in the sunrise, wonder in her travels, and hope in Colossians 1:17. Find Andrea at AndreaStunz.com.
Maybe you can’t go to Australia or Paris (which is where my sister and I are headed next) but what can you plan? What adventure can you take? What would bring life to your soul? I encourage you to get something on the calendar soon to look forward to. LOVE OF DIXIE MAGAZINE
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SPRING 2020
In memory of Myrle Dee Grubbs Benton
{1925-2020} Carly Fretwell Photography
at The Little House on Main Downtown Buda Historic District 569 Main Street, Buda, Texas 512.295.7818