not feeling it? Many women mistake a low sex drive for a clinical case of sexual dysfunction— but chances are, the cause is more than medical.
Here’s what you need to know about maximizing your enjoyment, staying safe and feeling empowered at every age. BY LISA VAN DE GEYN & SUSAN GRIMBLY
T E C H N I C A L D I F F I C U LT I E S How your smartphone could be messing with your sex life. No one can be present in the moment if they’re waiting to jump on that next ping, so, for God’s sake, put down your phone. Experts recommend charging your devices as far from the bedroom as possible. If you really can’t let go, at least turn down the volume. And consider trying “mindful intimacy.” The wellness buzzword can easily be applied to sexual health; mindfulness is about focusing on the present, and mindful intimacy means
F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 7 | C A N A D I A N L I V I N G .C O M
being aware of what you are experiencing while you’re with your partner. The idea is that couples who practise it can overcome the barriers they’ve built up and feel more connected to each other and their own individual sexuality. So sign up for a meditation class or use a mindfulness app like Headspace. (Ironic, we know—but apps really are easy and accessible ways to try mindfulness!)
54
ou aren’t exactly sure what’s up, but even though you love your partner, you just haven’t felt like sex lately. You duck his touch, opting to watch Netflix instead. Maybe it’s been months, and you’re starting to wonder: Is there something wrong? You can carry on with binge-watching The Crown, because, for most women, there’s nothing medically amiss between the sheets. And, if it’s any comfort, you’re not the only one who’s concerned about the possibility of sexual dysfunction. Teesha Morgan, a Vancouver sex therapist, says it’s the question patients ask most. But, “almost 100 percent of the time, what they’re experiencing is normal,” she says. “There are so many things that can affect sexual desire: if you have little kids; if you’re on antidepressants; if you take the birth control pill; if you’re perimenopausal, postmenopausal or going through menopause....” Dr. Natalie Rosen, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in Halifax, says true sexual dysfunction persists for at least six months and is “associated with significant distress for the individual or couple, as judged by a clinician.” So, while it may seem as though all of your friends are in the same sexless boat, just 12 to 20 percent of women and 11 percent of men have sexual dysfunction. But if it’s not a medical problem, what’s behind your lack of drive? As Morgan says, there are tons of reasons. However, one major cause might be a truism we were hoping to write off: In women, sex drive tends to dip over time. According to a study published in Psychological Medicine last year, which looked at sexual function (desire, satisfaction, ability to achieve orgasm) in more than 2,000 women, those in long-term relationships tended to see a drop in desire. But that doesn’t mean you should buy into the clichés about women hating sex; instead, take the opportunity to be more realistic about your expectations—it’s OK to have less sex! And take heart: The study also found that the longpartnered women had an easier time achieving orgasm. So, if you want to have sex like a champion, don’t be afraid to try new things: Get it on anywhere but the bedroom or use a sex toy—and make your personal preferences clear. Dr. Laurie Betito, a clinical psychologist in Montreal, suggests that you “liken having sex to going to the gym.” Put it in your calendar if you have to! Because, just as with exercise, the more you go, the easier it will be to keep your commitment.
ILLUSTRATIONS, SHUTTERSTOCK (FLOWERS, PLUG); THENOUNPROJECT.COM (BED, SMARTPHONES)
SEXUAL HEALIN HE ALIN G Y
