Parents - July 2018 by Lawrence Ambrocio

SECRETS TO SHORTER WA I T S AT D I S N E Y

JULY 2018 PARENTS.COM

THE YEAR’S BEST CARS F O R FA M I LI E S

WHY MOMS ARE SPEAKING UP A B O U T M I S C A R R I AG E

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CONTENTS

I N E V E RY I S S U E 6 Editor’s Note 9 Let’s Get Real 108 Giggles

doesn’t mean you both don’t deserve to be taken care of sometimes.

KI D S

MOM

15 News + Ideas Safety tips that could save your kid’s life, surprising uses for baking soda, strategies to help your child develop a healthy relationship with food, and more

45 The Secret Power of Lipstick Our editor found that the right hue can update your look—and your outlook.

22 The Case for Boredom “I’m bored!” only means it’s time to tap into your child’s creative energy. 26 Just Taste It Get her to try ricotta cheese, cherry tomatoes, and other new foods by pairing them with watermelon! 28 Signs a Fun Spot May Be Unsanitary It smells too strongly of chlorine, plus 35 other unexpected red flags to watch out for. 36 Snacks to Save Summer These healthy, kid-tested ideas are perfect for the pool or the park. 42 Animal House! Meet Lexi and her Newfoundland, Chewbacca.

52 Get Your Abs Back This workout’s just in time for chasing after your toddler in a swimsuit! 56 Sharing the Sadness of Miscarriage More moms, like actress Brianne Davis, are opening up about their loss—and the outpouring of support is healing. 62 It’s Okay to Be Needy Even though you and your partner are now parents, it

LI FE 67 A Patriotic Potluck Celebrate Independence Day with no-stress recipes and crafts for a crowd. 75 The Car Your Kids Will Grow Up In Parents and Edmunds evaluated more than 300 vehicles to find the most family-friendly options. 80 Winging Your Walt Disney World Trip (Almost) You don’t have to schedule every minute to enjoy the happiest place on earth.

ON THE COVER Brinley, 6 years, and Addison, 4 years. Photograph by Priscilla Gragg. Wardrobe styling by Ashley Montague. Clothing on Brinley: Bikini top, Flora and Henri. On Addison: Bikini, Acacia. Mural by Block Shop. Shot on location at Ace Hotel & Swim Club, in Palm Springs, California. Illustration by Lisa Congdon.

86 7 Road-Trip Essentials These expert-approved books, games, and activities will keep your little passengers entertained on long car rides. 88 Your House Is Not a Zoo Furry family members are the best—but also a mess. Try these ingenious tips for cleaning up after them. 92 Supper Is Solved! Keep your kitchen cool with these oven-free ideas.

AG E S + STAG E S 101 0–12 Months Help him crawl. 101 1–2 Years Transition to a different activity without a tantrum. 102 3–4 Years Get her ready to use the bathroom at preschool. 102 5–6 Years Rules for the first bike ride 104 7+ Years Manage his collections.

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What’s your best Disney tip? T U R N T O PAG E 8 0 FOR MORE M U S T- R E A D A DV I C E !

LIZ VACCARIELLO Vice President, Editor-in-Chief

Creative Director AGNETHE GLATVED Executive Editor MINDY WALKER Managing Editor MICHAELA GARIBALDI Deputy Editor DIANE DEBROVNER

STEVEN B. GRUNE Vice President, Group Publisher Associate Publisher, Meredith Parents Network TRACY HADEL ADVERTISING SALES

Beauty Director KATE SANDOVAL BOX Lifestyle Director LAURA FENTON Senior Editor, Health JULIA EDELSTEIN Senior Editor, Nutrition and Travel KAREN CICERO Senior Editor, Food JENNA HELWIG Entertainment Editor JESSICA HARTSHORN News Editor MARISA LASCALA Even the Contributing Editor SHARLENE BREAKEY happiest place Associate Editor, Beauty SHANNON M. BAUER on earth Associate Editor, Features EMILY ELVERU can’t prevent Assistant Editors LESLIE CORONA, RIYANA STRAETKER a sunburn!” ART & PRODUCTION Art Director EMILY FURLANI Associate Art Director JAMIE LEE Senior Designer MARIA FERNANDEZ-DAVILA Art Production Manager VINCENT M. SPINA PHOTO Executive Photo Director LILY FRANCESCA ALT Photo Director DAVID COOPER Photo Editor JOANNA MUENZ Photo Coordinator MAGGIE BLATTEL Assistant Photo Editor ERIKA THOMPSON RESEARCH & COPY

a treat. The only problem … my daughter wanted to see her bedroom too.”

Research Director BARBARA BRANDON-CROFT Copy Chief LISA K. MARUM Copy Editor JEAN RODIE Test Kitchen Project Manager CARLA CHRISTIAN, R.D.N.

Northwest Director JULIE BANFIELD Southwest Director WENDY SEELIG WALKER Advertising Sales Staf MARY JOE CLARK, ALYSSA CRAMER COHEN, CATHERINE DAUN, ANNE GILHOOL, HILLARI LAZZARA, MOLLY THOMPSON, MARIA TOCCO, NADINE WAXENBERG, MEAKA WERNER Assistants MICHELLE KWAN, KIM SCHWARTZ, MAGGIE THELEN, BREANA TOLLA Parents.com Advertising Director ALISA JANOWITZ GOLUB Manager, Direct Media TYLER HUB National Travel Director MELISSA LUEBBE Senior Research Manager ALISON JAYE MARKETING Group Marketing Director SUSAN JOYCE because people Senior Marketing Manager JUDY SCHIFFMAN really do make Marketing Managers PAIGE JORDAN, WILL PRIGGE them six months in Marketing Assistant DIANA ZULUAGA advance.” Group Creative Director JEANETTE CHOW Art Director TRACY D’AGOSTINO Associate Art Directors GOSIA NOSOWICZ, DAVID L. TRACY ADMINISTRATION Business Director ROBYN DEAN Senior Business Manager SANDY GALLENTINE Advertising Business Manager BOB PARLAPIANO Consumer Marketing Director JON MACARTHY Associate Consumer Marketing Director SHERI STEGER Senior Production Director KATE REMALY Production Director TIFFANY GJERSTAD Advertising Production Supervisor ASHLEY SCHAUBROECK Director of Quality JOSEPH KOHLER Prepress Desktop Specialist BEN ANDERSON

Editorial Business Coordinator CATHY SIMPSON Executive Operations Coordinator, Ofice of Editor-in-Chief ADRIENNE FARR

DIGITAL Digital Director JULIA DENNISON Senior Editor MELISSA BYKOFSKY Social Media Manager MELISSA CHAVEZ Social Media Editor GILLIAN NIGRO ADVISORY BOARD Pediatrics ARI BROWN, M.D., DAVID L. HILL, M.D., HARVEY KARP, M.D., PHILIP LANDRIGAN, M.D., JANE MORTON, M.D., IRWIN REDLENER, M.D., MICHAEL RICH, M.D., M.P.H., HARLEY A. ROTBART, M.D., DARSHAK SANGHAVI, M.D., JENNIFER SHU, M.D., WENDY SUE SWANSON, M.D., M.B.E. Nutrition JILL CASTLE, R.D., CONNIE DIEKMAN, R.D., DAVID LUDWIG, M.D., Ph.D., Mental Health ROBIN BERMAN, M.D., DAVID FASSLER, M.D., HAROLD S. KOPLEWICZ, M.D., REBECCA LANDA, Ph.D. Dentistry LEZLI LEVENE HARVELL, D.M.D. Child Development and Behavior WAYNE FLEISIG, Ph.D., EILEEN KENNEDY-MOORE, Ph.D., JENN MANN, Psy.D., WENDY MOGEL, Ph.D., MICHAEL THOMPSON, Ph.D. Women’s Health ALICE D. DOMAR, Ph.D., MARJORIE GREENFIELD, M.D., LAURA RILEY, M.D. Education and Child Care DEBORAH STIPEK, Ph.D., CATHY VATTEROTT, Ph.D. Allergy WILLIAM E. BERGER, M.D., HUGH SAMPSON, M.D. Emergency Medicine and Safety MARTIN EICHELBERGER, M.D., WENDY L. HUNTER, M.D., GARY A. SMITH, M.D., Dr.P.H. Sleep JODI MINDELL, Ph.D., JUDITH OWENS, M.D. Dermatology LAWRENCE F. EICHENFIELD, M.D., JODY ALPERT LEVINE, M.D. Subscribers please note: Our subscribers list is occasionally made available to carefully selected firms whose products may be of interest to you. If you prefer not to receive info from these companies by mail or by phone, please let us know. Send your request and your mailing label to Parents Customer Service, P.O. Box 37508, Boone, IA 50037-0508.

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MEREDITH NATIONAL MEDIA GROUP

JON WERTHER

President Meredith Magazines President DOUG OLSON President, Meredith Digital STAN PAVLOVSKY President, Consumer Products TOM WITSCHI Chief Revenue Oficer MICHAEL BROWNSTEIN Chief Marketing and Data Oficer ALYSIA BORSA Marketing and Integrated Communications NANCY WEBER Senior Vice Presidents Consumer Revenue ANDY WILSON Digital Sales MARLA NEWMAN Research Solutions BRITTA CLEVELAND Chief Digital Oficer MATT MINOFF Vice Presidents Finance CHRIS SUSIL Business Planning and Analysis ROB SILVERSTONE Content Licensing LARRY SOMMERS Corporate Sales BRIAN KIGHTLINGER Direct Media PATTI FOLLO Strategic Sourcing, Newsstand, Production CHUCK HOWELL Consumer Marketing STEVE CROWE

Vice President, Group Editorial Director LIZ VACCARIELLO Director, Editorial Operations and Finance ALEXANDRA BREZ Meredith Corporation President and Chief Executive Oficer TOM HARTY Chief Financial Oficer JOSEPH CERYANEC Chief Development Oficer JOHN ZIESER President, Meredith Local Media Group PAUL KARPOWICZ Senior Vice President, Human Resources DINA NATHANSON

Executive Chairman STEPHEN M. LACY Vice Chairman MELL MEREDITH FRAZIER © Copyright Meredith Corporation 2018. All rights reserved. Parents is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation, registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. Executive, editorial, and advertising offices: 805 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10022. Submission of your material constitutes permission for Meredith Corporation to allow its use in any media. Printed in the U.S.A.

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Contributing Editors SABRINA JAMES, SALLY KUZEMCHAK, R.D., SARAH MAHONEY, LAURA MORGAN, ERIN ZAMMETT RUDDY, DARSHAK SANGHAVI, M.D., COLBY SHARP, VIRGINIA SOLE-SMITH

NEW M I CE L L AR H A IR C A R E w i t h bl u e g i n g e r f o r a g e n t l e , w e i g h t l e s s h ai r c l e a n s e .

N O PA R ABE N S NO GLUTEN NO DYES N O M I N E R AL O I L

EDITOR’S NOTE

below was taken after our SUV slid down an icy hill and crumpled against a telephone pole. The whole thing was terrifying in its grace—the car rotated in slow motion as Steve gently pumped the brakes. I cut my finger on shattered glass, but otherwise we were physically unscathed. Sophia, who sat in her car seat behind me, fears any snowy descent to this day. THE PICTURE

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The family car. It’s arguably the single most important purchase a parent can make. Not only must it protect us during our most vulnerable moments, but it’s also the thing we spend more time in (and money on) than anything other than perhaps our house. Stunning, then, that most of us spend more time researching infant car seats than our car itself. That’s where Parents magazine comes in. We believe your car purchase is worth rigorous testing, which is why we worked so hard to create “The Car Your Kids Will Grow Up In.” Starting with 300+ cars, we only considered ones that are a Top Safety Pick of the Insurance Institute for

BEST CARS BY THE NUMBERS

2018 new car models

Cars that made our first cut

Cars that made our second cut

Car seats installed

Auto dealerships visited

People involved 7 Experts from Edmunds 1 Child Passenger Safety Technician 6 Editors 1 Fact-checker 2 Designers 1 Photo editor 1 Videographer 2 Lawyers

Months to choose the winners

SEE TH E LI S T, PAG E 7 5

Months to complete the story

Go to @LizVaccariello on Instagram for more behind-thescenes fun. I invite you to email me at liz@parents.com.

ARI MICHELSON. WARDROBE STYLING BY JEN SMITH FOR ELYSE CONNOLLY INC. PROP STYLING BY JOJO LI FOR HELLO ARTISTS. HAIR STYLING BY RHEANNE WHITE FOR TRACEY MATTINGLY. MAKEUP BY LINDSEY WILLIAMS FOR KATE RYAN INC. ON LIZ: DRESS, KAREN MILLEN. RING, VINTAGE FROM PILGRIM NYC. BOTTOM LEFT: COURTESY OF LIZ VACCARIELLO.

A Look Under the Hood

Highway Safety or received a 5/5 rating from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. A mere 109 vehicles made that first cut. Senior editor Karen Cicero organized the cars into our six categories and received testing and review data from our partner, Edmunds, including driving and comfort, price, and gas mileage. We narrowed the list to 20 semifinalists based on these ratings. We then hired a certified Child Passenger Safety Technician and visited dealerships to see all 20 cars. In a whirlwind, two-day effort, we installed at least 60 car seats of various sizes and in various configurations. Our team also counted cupholders, looked for USB charging stations, and measured trunk space. We talked to families who own the cars and even asked a mom and baby to meet us at a Honda dealership so we could test out the “CabinWatch rear seat monitor” on the Odyssey. Afterward, Edmunds and the Parents team selected the ten winning cars in the story. As the issue was coming together, our teams went to the New York International Auto Show to film the winners—and we got to see some 2019 vehicles. That’s right—we’re already thinking about next year! Shop wisely. Drive safely.

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R E L AT E . R E J O I C E . R E AC T. R E M I N I S C E .

• PERSPECTI V E

4 Social-Media Moms We Love When we need to get a grip on parenting or crave a laugh or a wise word, we look to these feeds.

MOMMY SHORTS mommyshorts.com @mommyshorts W H Y F O L L O W To let yourself off the hook! Ilana Wiles, author of The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting, posts hilarious lists, like “City vs. The ’Burbs” or “57 Photos That Would Get Our Parents Arrested if They Were Taken Today.” O U R FAV O R I T E P O S T “My kids growing up is the most bittersweet thing I have ever experienced. They get more layered and awe-inspiring by the day, but the speed of it all is literally keeping me up at night.”

W H OA ! S U S A N N A H whoasusannah.com @whoasusannah @whoasusannahblog W H Y F O L L O W To LOL at her gut-busting videos! Susannah Lewis’s rants, about everything from shopping at Kroger to juice cleanses, are all the funnier delivered in her thick Tennessee accent, typically from the driver’s seat of her car. O U R FAV O R I T E P O S T “If your children are sick on the porcelain throne, for Heaven’s sake, please keep them at home!” (The smart slogan sounds even better coming from the mouth of a Southerner.)

B U N M I L A D I TA N @BunmiKLaditan @bunmiladitan @HonestToddler W H Y F O L L O W For stick-with-you insights into parenting! Laditan first garnered acclaim as the anonymous voice behind the “Honest Toddler” Twitter feed. Now she posts as herself, with photos of her wisdom handwritten on notebook paper. O U R FAVO R I T E P O S T “It’s annoying to feign interest in another scribbled house or dog until I consider that, one day, I won’t be the first person they want to show things to,” she says about her kids’ artwork.

B A BY S I D E B U R N S babysideburns.com @BabySideburns

COURTESY OF THE SUBJECTS.

“No, this can’t be happening. He’s my baby!”

W H Y F O L L O W For permission to be a hot mess! Karen Alpert’s open letters—to everyone from her husband to the park mom who scolded her kid—joyfully detail being a “mediocre mom.” (Her words!) O U R FAV O R I T E P O S T “Dear mom who wears pajama pants in public places ... you have your priorities STRAIGHT ... Love, A proud pajama pants–wearing woman with a greasy bun, a tattered bra, four butt cheeks, and a crapload of self-esteem.”

—Sabrina James

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LET’S GET REAL

•

I F ON LY

The Theme Park of Your Dreams

Daniel Tiger Songs for Adults “It’s Okay to Feel Sad Sometimes, but This Is the Fourth Time You’ve Watched the Same Episode of This Is Us, so Let’s Maybe Take a Break”

•

“It Helps to Say What You’re Feeling, Todd”

•

“There’s So Much to Explore When You’re Outside and Have a Good Wi-Fi Signal”

•

“You Gotta Try New Food ‘Cause It Might Taste Good, Unless It’s Pineapple on Pizza, Then What Are You Doing?”

•

“In Some Ways We Are Different, but in So Many Ways, We Are Codependent”

•

by Sara Given / illustration by Melinda Beck

“We’ve Gotta Look a Little Closer to Find Out if It’s a Benign Mole” —Riane Konc

of parents admit they’ve dropped their phone on their baby while trying to take a photo or a video of their little one, according to a survey from kids’ clothing retailer Mac & Mia. Hold on tight the next time you go for that perfect shot.

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MADE TO MOVE NEW FITS AND FUN STYLES

LET’S GET REAL

Ankit slippers, $15; amazon .com

F R OM M Y L I T T L E ON E

An Only Child With a Caring Heart My 5-year-old, George, doesn’t have siblings. Because of that, my husband and I often wonder whether he’ll have any of those dreaded only-child characteristics. What if he turns out to be uncompromising, overindulged, or—gulp—selfish? Thankfully, while George is certainly the center of our universe, he does not yet act the part. Case in point: At school pickup recently, he brimmed with excitement about a pair of plastic googly eyes he’d received in class. On the way out, we bumped into George’s friend Jackson and his mother, who were headed out of town for the weekend. I noticed George passing over the new toy to Jackson, eager to show off his swag. When it was time to say goodbye, Jackson’s mom dutifully prompted him to return the googly eyes. Without missing a beat, George said, “That’s okay. Why don’t we let Jackson borrow them for his trip, since he likes them so much?” The resulting look of wonder on Jackson’s face was priceless—and as George registered it, his own expression mirrored the sheer delight he saw in the other boy. We’ve all heard the line “It is better to give than to receive,” and witnessing George come to that conclusion on his own made my heart swell with pride. It was also an important reminder to me that I don’t have to constantly look for opportunities to dole out heavyhanded lessons. Sometimes the best “teaching moments” are the ones children create for themselves. —Ingela Ratledge

• THIS

I S H A P P E N I NG

Emoji Products for Every Mood World Emoji Day—which is really a thing!—is on July 17, and what better way to celebrate than by emoji-fying everything in your life?

Standard Baggu, $10; baggu.com

Jack Chloe portable charger, $15; amazon.com

JAMOJI Bluetooth wireless speaker, $19; qvc.com

Poop emoji stud earrings, $15; thinkgeek.com —Riyana Straetker

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SLIPPERS, EARRINGS, AND CHARGER: PETER ARDITO.

• L E S S ON

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3 Safety Lessons That Could Save Your Kid’s Life You do plenty to keep your child safe—putting plugs in electrical outlets, strapping on a helmet before biking. But the most important way to protect your kid is to teach him how to be cautious when you’re not around. Amy Frias, community educator at CHOC Children’s in Orange, California, and coordinator of Safe Kids Orange County, shares crucial safety advice. photograph by M A R C U S N I L S S O N

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K I D S — Ne w s + I d e a s

How to treat a gun

About a third of all American adults are gun owners, and according to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia Research Institute, 1.7 million kids live in households with unlocked, loaded guns. Even if your family doesn’t own one, your child could visit a friend whose family does. Talk through the differences between real weapons and the ones seen in video games or movies: It takes extensive training to use a real gun, and shooting one can hurt, or even kill, you or someone else. If your child finds a gun, explain that she should never touch it; doing so could cause it to go off accidentally. Instead, step away and tell an adult.

How to read a dog

Each year, 800,000 Americans —half of whom are kids—seek medical attention for dog bites, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. But that’s less likely to happen if your child understands how and when to approach a dog—including her own. Explain that she should never go up to a strange dog unless it’s with an adult who says that’s okay. If the animal is eating, wait until it has finished before approaching; it might assume that your child wants to take away the food, and it could become defensive, says Frias. The same rule applies if your child is eating or has a piece of food in her hand. And stay away from a sleeping pooch too. It could get startled and might snap or bite in response.

OR DIFFERENCE!

The Right Age to Start Solids half of infants eat solids before they hit 6 months, according to a new study of children ages 6 to 36 months in the Journal of the Academy of Nutrition and MORE THAN

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Dietetics. Why? Parents may be receiving conflicting advice from their family, friends, and health-care providers. The American Academy of Pediatrics

3 How to cross a street

Don’t let a young kid cross on his own. “Children can’t judge the distance and speed of oncoming vehicles until they’re about 10 years old,” says Frias. Before then, practice together. Cross only at a corner, and when possible, at a traffic light or a crosswalk. Never go if the light is red or reads “Don’t walk.” If the walk sign is flashing and you’re unsure how much time you have, wait for the next walk signal. When crossing, look left, right, then left again. Keep looking around as you go to the other side. Put away your phone and earphones. “Distracted walking is a major cause of pedestrian accidents,” says Frias. —Leslie Garisto Pfaff

recommends parents wait until their baby turns about 6 months before introducing her to anything besides breast milk or formula. Experts emphasize that giving your infant anything other than breast milk or formula before 6 months might cause her to miss out on key nutrients for growth and development if she fills up on other foods first. “ Plus, your baby likely doesn’t have the skills needed to eat solids before that 6-month mark such as proper head control, the ability to sit upright on her own, and the oral-motor strength to chew and swallow solid foods,” says study author Chloe M. Barrera, M.P.H. Take your time with her first tastes of real food—she’ll be eating off your plate before you know it! —Emily Elveru

Bug Off! A DEET-Free Solution Keep your patio open for play once the sun goes down with the Thermacell Radius Zone Mosquito Repellent. “It releases an EPAregulated repellent that disorients mosquitoes and is based on a natural repellent produced by chrysanthemums,” says John Hainze, Ph.D., an entomologist in Seattle who conducted research on the product. “It’s been shown to clear the air within a 110-square-foot area, even when there are a lot of biting mosquitoes.” The scent-free portable device is smaller than a soda can and lasts for at least six hours on a single charge. $50; thermacell.com —E.E.

FROM TOP: PETER ARDITO; JGI/TOM GRILL/GETTY.

… CONTINUED

OB/GYN & Dermatologist Recommended for Stretch Marks. GfK, 2014 & 2016

K I D S — Ne w s + I d e a s

PAG I N G D R . M O M

SURPRISING USES FOR BAKING SODA

Thoroughly clean produce. Soaking whole apples in a baking-soda solution is the most effective way to remove pesticide residue from the surface, according to a study by scientists at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Mix 1 teaspoon of baking soda with 2 cups of water, soak whole apples in the solution for two minutes or more, then rinse.

A. Most people think snoring means someone is in a deep sleep, but it’s the opposite. If your child snores, she could be a restless sleeper who isn’t getting adequate shut-eye at night. It’s also possible she has sleep apnea, which can start up at any age for toddlers, preschoolers, and school-age children. Take a video of her sleeping to show the doctor. Keep track of how loudly she snores and whether it happens every night or only once in a while (when she has a cold or seasonal allergies). Also, pay attention to whether she has breathing pauses, makes any choking or gasping sounds, or moves a lot when she sleeps—all potential signs of sleep apnea. Other clues: She may be hyperactive, have mood swings, and be irritable or inattentive during the day because she isn’t getting solid sleep at night. If your pediatrician diagnoses enlarged tonsils or adenoids (the most common cause of apnea in kids), he may refer your child for a sleep study in a sleep lab and also to an ear, nose, and throat doctor to discuss removing them. Another possible treatment option is wearing a special dental appliance at night. —Judith Owens, M.D., director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Boston Children’s Hospital

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A Good Relationship With Food Starts Young It’s normal for a child as young as 2 to sneak candy or a cookie and then deny it. But if you frequently catch your child raiding the snack drawer after a meal, hiding how much she eats, or mysteriously gaining weight, your family’s approach to eating and serving food may need to change, says Lauren Knickerbocker, Ph.D., assistant professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at NYU Langone Child Study Center, in New York City. Here’s how to best handle the behavior. Watch what you say. Don’t yell at your child; it will only add to the shame he likely already feels. Instead, calmly address the habit by saying something like: “You don’t need to sneak around to eat this. But you do have to be honest and stick to our house rules about eating in the kitchen” or “I found the candy wrappers under your bed. Let’s talk about it.” Plan treat times together. Explain that there’s nothing wrong with having a snack or a sweet—as long as she also eats the nutritious meals you serve her. Let your school-age child choose two days each week when you’ll pack an extra favorite food for lunch, suggests Justine Roth, a

certified eating disorders registered dietitian in New York City. See our healthy snack ideas on page 36. Ease up on portion control. You already decide when and what your child eats. Some kids sneak food as a way to assert independence, so give your older child the freedom to choose how much he puts on his plate during mealtime. Be spontaneous. Share a bowl of ice cream just because, or munch on pears together at a farmers’ market. This will help your child think of eating as an enjoyable activity people do together and out in the open. —Aleksandra Weber

Take the ouch out of a bee sting. The alkaline level of baking soda helps neutralize the venom, which means less pain, itching, and swelling. After removing the stinger, wash the area with soap and warm water. Mix baking soda and water until you get a paste. Poison Control advises applying a thick layer to the sting. Cover with a bandage for at least 15 minutes.

Clean up after car sickness. Wipe up as much as possible and liberally sprinkle baking soda over the stain (if wet spots form in the powder, sprinkle on even more), then let it sit for a couple of hours or overnight. Later, use a spatula to scoop up most of the powder and vacuum the rest.

Freshen up a lunch box. Get rid of that persistent stink by pouring in baking soda, stuffing the box with newspaper, and letting it sit overnight. In the morning, dump everything out, then rinse and dry. —Riyana Straetker

SLEEPING CHILD: G-STOCKSTUDIO/GETTY. GIRL STEALING COOKIE: FUSE/GETTY.

My 6-year-old snores. Does she have sleep apnea?

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22 J U L Y

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with your button again!”). And they don’t seem like they’d be interested in playing Fruit Ninja on their iPad, if either existed.

I wish our kids had more opportunities to be bored than today’s world seems to allow. Of course, you’re familiar with the world I mean: the overscheduled one, where kids immediately turn to YouTube or Xbox in their bits of downtime. If there’s ever a lull, they might fling

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Prairie books to your kids, then you know the kind of life I’m nostalgic for. The one where the kids get a single button for Christmas, and they play with it all day, inventing a million games that involve just that button and, say, a rag doll or a goat. They never yell to Ma that they’re bored

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they don’t care about the studies imagination, motivation, and creative problem solving. They just want something to do (when they’re not doing one of the 10 million things For kids, those feelings of boredom are almost painful because their brains and hands are meant to be busy but they don’t see a way to use them, says

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K I D S — B e h av i or

I actually did that with my own children, who, even as teenagers, can fill a lazy afternoon sniffing the perfume inserts in a magazine or counting the different colors in our tabby cat’s stripes. They are rarely bored, and that’s because we allowed them to be bored so often when they were little that they learned the art of self-entertaining. Eventually, the fun builds on itself. Unhappily video-game-less as kids, my two once moped around the house for half a summer’s day until someone finally picked up a pencil and drew a rabbit, sparking the invention of a paper-andpencil game called “Club Animal” (modeled, I believe, after Disney’s penguin computer game that was all the rage). They played it for years—tiny cutouts scattered across my living room like a zoo of paper dolls. Yes, I was hard-core.

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If I could have handed them an iPad back then, it would have been easier for everyone. But would it have been better? Only in the way that giving your tantrumming kid the candy bar in the supermarket is better than teaching the harder lesson about patience and disappointment. Of course, shifting your family’s routine is easier said than done—now more than ever. But here are some ideas for doing exactly that. Make space for spacing out. If you take the importance of downtime seriously, then make sure you’re not actually keeping your kids from the valuable work of doing nothing. When they’re draped over the couch and staring into space, don’t nag them to find something to do or assume that this is an unproductive moment better spent unloading the dishwasher. Researchers have identified daydreaming as a link between boredom and creativity, with rewards as varied as self-awareness, creative incubation, and improvisation. Dr. Kaufman recommends filling a quiet moment or a car trip with the kind of day-dreamy questions that lead to open-ended wondering: “What do you think would happen if … ? What would a new animal look like?” Think of this as a mental habit you’re creating, a brain muscle you’re strengthening. And remember to actually listen to the kids. “You want them to feel that what they’re saying has value,” says Dr. Kaufman. “That way, they’ll learn to trust their own minds to invent creative solutions.” Pay attention to them. You can set your kids up to tackle their own boredom by showing them how to muscle through tedious tasks—an investment that might mean long stretches of your helping them follow a recipe or get the watercolors set up. But once they experience the joy of mastery, they’ll be more able to do what it takes to get there on their own. For those days when you just don’t have time to play Monopoly or drive to the library, here’s a counterintuitive tip: If you’re not engaging with your kids completely, then try ignoring them completely. By doing that, you won’t accidentally model the distracted

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Gary Gute, Ph.D., director of Iowa State’s Creative Life Research Center. When left to his own devices, a kid will eventually find a challenge—and it’s that unpleasant bored feeling that juices his imagination. “Boredom provides an opportunity to invent possibilities,” Dr. Gute explains. In other words, the very moment when your kid is out of options—if you don’t put a tablet in his hands—could be the moment when the seesaw tips towards creativity. But therein lies the problem. “We’re living in an age when it is almost impossible to get to the point of being bored,” says James C. Kaufman, Ph.D., professor of educational psychology at the Neag School of Education at the University of Connecticut. To help our kids reap the benefits of boredom, we need to be intentional about it in a way that Caroline Ingalls never had to be.

videos about tie-dyeing, papier-mâché, or learning how to do a magic trick.

half-assed attention span of texting your mother-in-law while you wait for someone’s top hat to land on Park Place. Create a help-yourself home. Joshua Glenn, coauthor of the deeply inspiring book Unbored: The Essential Field Guide to Serious Fun, believes in organizing a house that offers plenty of alternatives to screens and boredom that kids can help themselves to. To him, this means outside stuff (bikes, skateboards, and helmet headlamps for nighttime adventures) and inside stuff (wellcurated books and games, musical instruments and sheet music, supplies for modifying and fixing things). At my house, this means, among other things, a large tray of working everyday art supplies that stays out at all times. But it has also, historically, meant some ongoing projects—knitting, sewing, carpentry, jigsaw puzzles—so that a bored kid has something to pick up and isn’t always starting from scratch. Technology can still have its place in a boredom-proof household. The trick is to encourage your kids to use those phones and Internet connections for real-world activities: making stop-motion films, playing outdoor GPS games such as geocaching, and watching YouTube

Find the fun. Kids can learn how to inject a dull situation with enthusiasm. For example, my kids and I used to play a yawn of a board game called Harvest Time, but we succeeded in creating a lot of drama and suspense about the coming of winter—“Quick! Harvest your corn!” (One time I challenged my son and his friend to hack the ho-hum game Candy Land into an interesting one, and after a number of hours, along with lots of tape, cardstock, and some dice, they succeeded.) Whenever your kids are enjoying an experience, try to leave them alone, even if it’s not your idea of a good time: I’m thinking of toddlers stopping to play in the sand on the path to the beach. Consider it a form of meditation. Just breathe and go with the flow. Boredom is a state of mind, and you can train your kids out of it. On rainy camping trips and in waiting rooms, for instance, challenge them to find pleasure—singing in the tent, having a good conversation. Or just start doing something yourself, and the kids may join you. Unplug. You’ll want to manage, limit, and make the best use of those pesky, ubiquitous devices. These are habits that you’re creating for life, since your little kids are (yikes!) going to have their own phones one day. Of course, you can, and should, set time limits and create conditions for screen use. Start by shifting everyone’s attitude a little. If not being on a device feels like punishment to your kids, they’ll learn to hate that restriction. So make it cheerful, and include yourself. “Hey! Let’s put the screen away and play KanJam!” A friend of mine instituted something her kids coined “Amish Days”—more reading and games than taffy pulling or candle dipping, but still good old-fashioned screenlessness. Another friend extends

this practice to gentle bribing: “If you guys turn off the video games and cycle to the donut shop, I’ll pay for the donuts.” For older kids, try a different strategy. Jessica Lahey, educator and author of The Gift of Failure, says phone use is a problem she asks her kids to help solve: “Look, you know how much I hate to create a blanket limit, so what do you think might be a good solution?” They chose to set a timer and monitor the duration of their own screen time rather than imagining it’s less than it is and relying on her to cut them off. My son and his friends have organically instituted what they call the “phone pile,” where they dump phones before playing a board game. Inevitably, that screen-free nothingness resolves into conversation and imagination, into wonder and play and creativity. Which is pretty much exactly what you might wish your children’s lives to be filled with.

Yes, I know, your kids are complaining from beneath a hoarders-style mountain of toys. But this list of grab-and-use household basics is designed to inspire creative action. ART MATERIALS: good pens, sharp

pencils, tape, ruler, scissors, stapler, punches, paper, index cards, glue, paints, tons of brushes, easel, smock CRAFT & HOBBY ITEMS: fabric, felt, yarn, fabric glue, sewing kit, buttons, beads, pipe cleaners, old cardboard tubes and cans, clay, labels, double-sided tape, collage paste, glitter, magic tricks, origami paper, juggling balls, modelbuilding kits, stationery OPEN-ENDED TOYS: Lego, blocks, dolls, animals, dress-ups, pretend food, play money, cars, playing cards OUTSIDE PROPS: Frisbees, Hula-Hoops, balls, jump ropes, flashlights, sidewalk chalk KITCHEN STUFF: step stool, small tools, DIY snack options BOOKS: fiction and nonfiction as well as how-to books, field guides, puzzle books, cookbooks, and books about cats, aqueducts, drawing, tiny houses—any interest of the moment

K I D S — Ju s t Ta s t e It

U S E A FAVO R IT E FO O D

Watermelon TO GET H E R T O LI K E : RED ONION CHERRY

Introduce your kid to an onion’s strong flavor (and heart-healthy antioxidants) by making a salsa with ¼ cup onion, ½ cup cucumber, and 2 cups watermelon (all chopped). Serve with tortilla chips, or use to top fish tacos.

T O M AT O E S On a kabob, alternate watermelon cubes with cherry tomatoes and fresh mozzarella balls, suggests Silvia Baldini, a Food Network Chopped champion and mom of two.

R I C O T TA C H E E S E

SUGAR SNAP PEAS There’s no rule that a salad requires lettuce. Make a leaf-free one with ½ cup cubed watermelon and a handful of raw sugar snap peas tossed in olive oil. Top with your kid's favorite cheese.

Grapes + Watermelon = Candy Raisins

CHILI POWDER Help get your child used to a little heat in food by lightly sprinkling a watermelon wedge with chili powder, suggests Baldini. Call it freckled watermelon.

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photograph by L I N D A X I A O

Our 20 kid testers gave two thumbs-ups to Sun-Maid’s new Sour Watermelon Flavored Golden Raisins, noting that they tasted like candy. We had to check the facts, so we tried them ourselves, and the kids were spot-on. (Think Jolly Rancher candy.) We also noticed that the raisins have no added sugar and the same amount of calories and fiber as in the original kind. Excuse us as we act like we’re 6-year-olds again!

PROP STYLING BY PAIGE HICKS. FOOD STYLING BY MONICA PIERINI.

Make watermelon “pizza”: Cut a 2-in.-thick round piece from the middle of a melon. Top with ricotta cheese and berries, and slice into wedges.

K I D S — S a fe t y

Swimming Pools An overwhelming chlorine scent. Think this

is a sign of a well-treated pool? A strong chlorine odor in an indoor facility actually signals that chemicals are working hard to neutralize a heavy load of urine, sweat, poop, and other icky stuff in the water—and smelly chlorine gas is released into the air as a by-product, explains Frank Goldstein, president of Chesapeake Aquatic Consultants, in Grasonville, Maryland. In fact, lots of chlorine odor in the air suggests there may not be enough left in the water to kill off diseasecausing contaminants like E. coli and giardia. Cloudy water. This means that a pool’s chemicals are off balance, there is not enough active sanitizing chemical in the water, or that the circulation/filter system isn’t working properly. Brown bubbles on the surface of a spa. It’s a

When it comes to avoiding dirty or dangerous summer attractions, a little intel from safety experts and germ scientists can go a long way. We rounded up the red flags to watch out for at the most popular places. by P E G R O S E N

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Broken tiles, missing grates, debris floating or sunk to the bottom of the pool, trash on the deck.

Poor maintenance and disrepair may hint at dangers you don’t see, like undertreated water. Additionally, any crack or

DEJAN RISTOVSKI/STOCKSY.

Signs a Fun Spot May Be Unsanitary

sign of a heavily used and improperly maintained Jacuzzi, says Goldstein. That brown stuff is likely body oil, urine, and cosmetics.

K I D S — S a fe t y

Stagnant wading pool.

Because they are a bigger challenge to keep clean, many kiddie pools have additional water treatment

and faster filtration systems than adult pools. When you look at one, it should be obvious that the water’s moving, says epidemiologist Jonathan Yoder, deputy chief of the waterborne-diseaseprevention branch at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Lots of babies swimming in diapers. How can you tell

Overcrowding. Too many people packing a pool isn’t merely a drowning risk. All

they’re in there? Look at parents changing diapers on the pool patio.

those bodies (and the germy stuff that washes off them) can be too much for pool chemicals to keep in check. Ask the lifeguard what time the pool tends to clear out, and if possible, come back at that hour instead.

A run-down lobby. If there’s no budget to keep up the space that makes the first impression, you can bet there’s little money for guest rooms, says Jacob Tomsky, author of Heads in Beds, a memoir of his years working in the hotel industry.

Indoor Play Areas Outdated or absent signs. Kids and parents love freestanding Funplexes and the play zones attached to restaurants. But only one state (Arizona) requires them to meet standardized health-and-safety guidelines. “When operators buy play equipment from a company, they sign a contract that they’ll do certain things to keep the structure clean and safe. But no one makes sure they follow through,” says Erin Carr-Jordan, Ph.D., CEO of Phoenix-based Kids Play Safe. Every indoor play area should post its cleaning schedule. If it’s not visible, ask the person in charge how often the space is sanitized. Also helpful: Have your kids wash their hands as soon as they emerge from the play area and before they eat.

Bare flooring. Children have fallen off play equipment and suffered brain injuries. Floors should be covered with a forgiving surface, like rubber.

Obvious wear and tear. Those rigid plastic tunnels can be razor-sharp when cracked; they’ve actually lacerated children and caregivers, says Dr. Carr-Jordan. Exposed bolts can cause injuries too. In addition, kids have fallen

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Hotels

Exposed blankets on beds. Hotels launder sheets

between guests, but even some of the toniest places wash blankets monthly or less often, says Bjorn Hanson, Ph.D., a professor at the NYU School of Professional Studies, in New York City. Your best option: hotels like Holiday Inn Express & Suites, which “triple-sheet” their beds, with one sheet over the mattress and two around the duvet. A strangely sweet or musty smell. Exterminators

through torn netting. Before letting your child roam free in a playspace, accompany her through the space to give the equipment a once-over. A sagging net is your clue that a rip may be imminent and your child should stay on the ground.

Visible smudges, stains, and graffiti. “If you see this outside a play structure, you can assume it’s even worse inside,” says Dr. Carr-Jordan, who spent months crawling into

tunnels and tubes herself. The dirt and grime is not just gross, but dangerous. Dr. Carr-Jordan and her team took samples that showed high levels of fecal contamination and diseasecausing pathogens.

Buildup of food, trash, and dirt in corners. “It’s a telltale sign they’re using fans to blow debris away, which doesn’t clean the equipment and instead spreads dust and dirt around,” says Dr. Carr-Jordan.

say this can be an indication of a heavy bedbug infestation. Even if there’s no odor, check for critters, flaky casings, and rust-colored spots (blood) on the mattress, mattress piping, and box spring. Greasy smudges on light switches and door handles.

Housekeepers who miss these obvious spots likely miss many others. Wipe those germy areas, as well as the TV remote, phone, bathroom door handle, and bathroom vanity, with disinfectant towelettes.

FROM TOP: JULIE MAK/OFFSET; ANDREW M C GOVERN/EYEEM/GETTY.

hole in the pool wall (except “skimmers,” the water outlets on the side that continually filter out debris) could catch onto a child’s bathing suit or hair, drowning him or causing potentially fatal injuries, says Goldstein.

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K I D S — S a fe t y

Petting Zoos

No signs. In a clean and sanitary petting zoo, you’ll see posters everywhere warning that animals carry germs that make people sick and advising visitors to follow all safety guidelines. Insufficient hand-washing station. You’re in good shape if there’s running water, a soap dispenser, and disposable towels for drying, says attorney Bill Marler, managing partner of Marler Clark, in Seattle. Sanitizer stations don’t cut it in this setting, but bringing sanitary wipes—and using them frequently on your kids’ hands—does help.

No personnel directing visitors. A teenager seated

Manure outside animal pens. No surface will be completely clear of animal poop (sorry). But piles that kids might sit in or stand in, or that strollers might roll through, are a clear red flag. Look down!

Food service near animals or their pens. “There have been illness outbreaks linked to county fairs where dried manure became airborne and contaminated food,” warns Marler. An easy fix: BYO lunch.

General disrepair. If a ride at a local carnival looks like a rattling rusty mess, go with your gut and skip it. The same applies to rides that seem to be in and out of service throughout the day. “The Consumer Products Safety Commission sets safety standards for traveling amusement rides, but outside inspections by a third party are not mandatory in many states,” says Bill Avery, president of Avery Safety Consulting, Inc., based in Maitland, Florida. One restraint for two or more riders. Some rides have

a restraint bar and/or one seat belt that cinches across two people. “If you have kids of two different sizes, the restraint may be tight around the bigger child but leave room for the smaller child to get up

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and move around,” says Avery. If an adult can ride with the child on a low-key ride and supervise, that’s a good idea. Otherwise, it may be a no-go. Poorly fitting restraints.

“Among the most awful things I’ve seen are kids ejected from a ride while wearing a one-size-fits-all restraint that doesn’t fit them snugly,” says Avery. If your child plans to ride alone and an attendant isn’t willing to show you that his restraint is sufficiently snug, don’t let him on the ride.

No one at the controls while the ride is going. “A

ride operator must be trained and prepared to engage the emergency-stop button and shut down the ride when necessary, says Avery. Make sure the attendant remains at the controls while your child is on board. Sagging bouncy houses.

When these are underinflated, they’re too pliable, which makes it easier for kids to twist their ankle or even suffocate, says Avery. Check for creasing at the base and drooping in the decorative details up top. “If those are sagging, you know there’s a major leak,” he says. Look for a soft landing pad at the entrance and exit too. Kids can be seriously injured when they bounce out of an inflatable onto hard ground.

FROM TOP: WUNDERVISUALS/GETTY; SARAH RYPMA/OFFSET.

out front isn’t enough. Staff should be telling parents and kids how to touch the animals and where to wash their hands.

Amusement Parks

K I D S — S a fe t y

Outdoor Playgrounds

Insufficient or inappropriate ground cover. Falls are a major cause of

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Lack of signs. In a well-designed and well-maintained playground, the intended age range for the equipment is clearly posted. A sign should also include contact information for the person who oversees the playground. Lots to stumble on. Tree roots and

broken rubber ground cover can easily cause a child or a caregiver to take a

Restaurants

Sticky tablecloths and seats, condiments clotted with dried food, trash under the table. All are signs of subpar upkeep that make you wonder how gross that wipe-up rag will be when your waiter finally comes to clean.

Greasy, spotted menus. Staff should frequently wipe them down with cleaner and a paper towel, or replace them if

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spill. They may also be a sign of poor playground oversight and maintenance. Catch hazards. Strangulation is the top cause of death on playgrounds, so diligent managers do all they can to minimize the chance of scarves and drawstrings getting caught on hazardous hardware. S-hooks that make up chains for swings should be completely closed. If you can squeeze in even a dime, it’s dangerous, says Snyder. Bolts on equipment shouldn’t protrude more than one eighth of an inch, since they, too, can catch onto loose clothing and scrape or cut kids. To do your part, supervise children at all times and remove any drawstrings, scarves, jump ropes, and dangling jewelry before your kids get onto the playground. Rust. It could be a sign of deterioration and equipment that may be dangerously weak. Broken fencing. Good, solid fencing makes it harder for kids to wander away into traffic and for sketchy strangers to wander in unnoticed.

they’re disposable. This can be hard to monitor, so have your kids wash their hands or use hand sanitizer after they place their orders. Never rest your menu on your plate.

Bare hands. Gloves are mandatory for kitchen workers who come into direct contact with food, so sneak a peek on your way to the restroom. Another common hand problem: Counter staff who bounce back and forth between prepping food and working the cash register. If the guy making sandwiches is the same person running customers’ credit cards—and he’s not changing his gloves—find another lunch spot.

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playground injuries that send children to the E.R. “Some private communities use insufficient materials such as grass under their equipment, but it’s just not enough to cushion a child’s fall,” says Karen Snyder, senior manager of certification for the National Recreation and Park Association based in Ashburn, Virginia. (Obviously, concrete or asphalt aren’t soft enough either.) The materials that are considered safe include wood chips, and sand and pea gravel, which should extend about 6 feet beyond the equipment. “If you can push away that covering and see the dirt, it means there’s most likely not enough there to provide protection,” says Snyder. If you can’t avoid the playground altogether, encourage your child to use the equipment that’s low to the ground, or bring a ball along to play catch or soccer.

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K I D S — Fo o d

Snacks to Save Summer At the park. At the pool. At home. Let us help you with these healthy ideas. by K A R E N C I C E R O / photographs by C H E L S E A C AVA N A U G H

NIBBLE THE R AINBOW

Work fruits and veggies into snacks to make sure your child gets enough, says Deborah Malkoff-Cohen, R.D., a pediatric nutritionist in New York City. 1 R E D Wiggle out cherry pits for kids under age 4 with a chopstick or a straw. Give kids stem-on cherries with vanilla Greek yogurt for dipping.

2 O R A N G E Use an ice-cream scoop to remove a hunk of cantaloupe. Put it on top of a wafer cone. 3 Y E L L O W Stuff mini yellow bell peppers with cream cheese or guacamole. 4 G R E E N Top sliced zucchini with tomato sauce and a little cheese. Heat in the toaster oven to make mini pizzas. 4

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5 P U R P L E Put seedless grapes (halved lengthwise for kids under age 4) in a resealable snack bag and freeze. Thaw for a few minutes before serving.

PROP STYLING BY REBECCA BARTOSHESKY. FOOD STYLING BY NORA SINGLEY FOR PAT BATES AND ASSOCIATES.

K I D S — Fo o d

Smoothie whisperer Catherine McCord, creator of Weelicious.com, makes a new blend daily for her three kids. Combine fruit, veggies, dairy, and “extras” in your blender for about 1 to 2 minutes, or until smooth. You’ll have enough for four 8-ounce servings.

FRUIT (2 cups fresh or frozen; use any or all) • Banana • Strawberries • Peach • Blueberries • Cantaloupe

20 0 10 0 t o ie s r o l a c r fe c t e p i s t he or a f r a n ge . sn ac k

EXTRAS (Use any or all) • Nut or sunflowerseed butter (1 Tbs.) • Chia seeds (1 Tbs.) • Vanilla extract (½ tsp.) • Cinnamon (1½ tsp.) • Dates (1 or 2)

VEGGIES (1 cup spinach or ½ cup of any of the others) • Peas • Broccoli • Cauliflower • Carrots • Spinach

DAIRY (1¼ cups milk plus ¼ cup of one of the others) • Milk • Plain yogurt • Cottage cheese • Plain Greek yogurt • Kefir

“ CA N I H AV E A S N AC K? ” How long has it been since your child ate?

2+ hours, but the next meal will be soon

Less than 2 hours

Offer a lighter snack of mainly fruit or vegetables.

Offer a glass of water (kids confuse hunger and thirst), and say when the next meal will be.

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2+ hours, and the next meal will be a while

Offer a snack that contains at least 5 grams of protein.

The cold pasta salad kit from Sunset has everything you need—bow-tie pasta, fresh grape tomatoes, and an herb-infused oil packet—to make a bowlful in 20 minutes. Serve a few spoonfuls as a snack, use half for a dinner side, or take the whole thing to that Fourth of July picnic you forgot about. It’s sold in the produce section.

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K I D S — Fo o d

S H O P FO R S O LU TI O N S

Twenty kid testers, ages 2 to 12, munched their way through nearly two dozen healthy products that recently hit supermarkets. The biggest hits:

of the corn. Blue corn contains anthocyanins, the cancer-fighting compounds also found in berries. Make these chips even healthier by topping with salsa or guac. 1/ Saffron Road Crunchy Chickpeas Sea Salt Even kid testers who don’t like the texture of canned chickpeas gave two thumbs-ups to these protein-rich roasted gems, in single-serve bags. 4

2/ Lantana Hummus “Wow, unicorn hummus!” said one budding food critic about this brightpink dip that’s a mix of white beans and beets.

3/ Kind Fruit Bites Each single-serve pack is made from 4/5 of an apple, two mango slices, and two pineapple chunks rather than juice. The kids thought they tasted more like fruit leather than fruit snacks, but they asked for another bag.

7/ Popchips Nutter Puffs If Cheez Doodles and a jar of peanut butter got married, these PB puffs would be the baby. “Good thing my kids woke up from their naps because I might have eaten most of the bag,” says one mom of two testers.

4/ Stonefire Naan Dippers Kids liked dunking these small, oval-shaped pieces of naan into tomato and pesto sauces. 5/ Garden of Eatin’ Organic Blue Corn Chips Kid testers were surprised that the blue chips tasted like regular ones. What’s the advantage? The color

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6/ Yoplait FruitSide Mixed Berry Kid testers thought this yogurt was fun to eat because they could see through the clear container and mix the four kinds of berries on the right side with the yogurt on the left to create a purplicious blend. It’s also one of a handful of brands that add bone-building vitamin D—a nutrient shortfall for many parents and children.

K I D S — Pe t s

Animal House! Lexi, 8, with her Newfoundland, Chewbacca, 2 photograph by

“He’ll demand belly rubs when you give him any attention.”

LEX I GUSHES A B OU T H E R G E N T L E GI A NT: 1

He thinks he’s best friends with our two cats—but they don’t feel the same way. 2

We named him after the Star Wars character because he’s so hairy. 3

Swimming is his superpower. Sometimes he’ll try to save me, even though I’m fine. 4

After he comes out of the water, he looks like a big wet mop. 5

When he stands on his hind legs, he’s almost 5’9”. But he’s afraid of balloons!

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3. Erdem for NARS Lipstick in Bloodflower. $28; narscosmetics.com 4. Flower Petal Pout Lip Color in Poppy Pout. $7; walmart.com 5. Aveda Feed My Lips Pure NourishMint Lipstick in Goji. $24; aveda.com

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PROP STYLING BY SARAH GUIDO FOR HALLEY RESOURCES.

The Secret Power of Lipstick One swipe of the right hue and you’ll look, well, stunning. Here’s why, plus how to find a few that work for you. photograph by CLAIRE BENOIST

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M O M — M a k e up

The Week I Just Wore Lipstick

by beauty director K AT E S A N D OVA L B OX

YO U K N O W that mom meme that declares, “I’m just impressed with how ugly I’m willing to look in public these days”? That pretty much sums up how I’ve felt since having my second child last year. Most mornings I can get my kids clean and dressed, but I can’t say the same for myself. I likely have unwashed hair tied into a topknot from the evening before, dried oatmeal stuck to my shirt, and not a drop of makeup on. If it’s a weekday, I do manage to apply a little makeup at the office (I am a beauty editor), but on weekends, zilch. Honestly, this new me hasn’t been great for my sense of self, and when I mention that to Maggie Ford Danielson, a mom of two and the global beauty authority for Benefit Cosmetics, she gets it. “When I got through those newborn months and started putting on makeup again, I thought, ‘Oh, right, now I remember who I am.’ ” Just like it is for our children, routine can be key to our day-to-day well-being, and putting on makeup in the morning was an integral part of mine. Recognizing that, I decide to embark on a week of just wearing lipstick. Why lipstick? It’s the

fastest way to look pulled together, says Toby Fleischman, a makeup artist and mom of two 9-month-old boys. Ford Danielson agrees, adding that she reaches for a bold color: “I haven’t had a soft, calm moment in the past four years—in life or in lipstick.” And, for me, eye-catching hues will also distract from my greasy roots and jagged nails. Saturday morning: My 21/2 -year-old is begging to go outside. The task of getting everybody ready, including myself, usually feels like a marathon, but then I remember that all I have to do is apply lipstick. The thought is like downing a gel pack at mile 25. I can do this. I smooth the color across my lips while my son makes one last pee-pee attempt. He looks up and says, “Mommy, you have red on your mouth.” My 9-month-old goes to touch it. The 36-year-old husband is oblivious but thrilled that I’m ready in record time. We’re oooooooout! The next test is Monday morning. Eventually, lunches are made and kids are dressed. I strap them into the stroller, then run to the mirror and swipe on a crimson lip color. And I do mean swipe—there’s no time to line or blot because I can sense a meltdown brewing. Still, it must be good enough; when I drop off my son, his teacher

somehow doesn’t see my dark circles and rumpled clothes and instead says, “Wow, you look nice.” More wins during the week: People are asking if I got my hair cut (nope, still greasy!) or if my outfit is new (most certainly not). It’s official: The decoy works. Bold lipstick is now my thing. It’s easy to do, and the positive feedback it brings is a welcome boost. What’s more, I think my kids sense my feelgood vibe. They certainly reap the benefits: I’m now up for more outings because I’m not worried about how I look. Most important, I feel more like myself. Lipstick is a little thing, but for me, it’s a game changer.

LIFE-PROOF YOUR LIP COLOR When you’re used to plain balm, switching to a bold lip can be major. Makeup artist Lottie Stannard shares her strategies.

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I F YO U R LI P S TI C K TE N D S TO GO OUTSIDE THE LINES

I F I T A LW AY S E N D S U P O N YO U R TE E TH

I F YO U LE AV E K I S S MAR KS O N YO U R KI D S

Try Ardell Beauty No Slip Liquid Lip Liner. $10; sallybeauty.com

Wrap your mouth around your finger as if it were a straw, then pull your finger out to remove any excess color on the inner rim of your lips.

Swipe on lipstick, blot with a tissue, apply another thin layer of lipstick, then blot again. This helps it stay put, Stannard says.

photographs by N A DYA WA SY L KO

MAKEUP BY SUZY GERSTEIN FOR HONEY ARTISTS USING CHANEL PALETTE ESSENTIELLE. HAIR STYLING BY JEANIE SYFU USING T3MICRO FOR ATELIER MANAGEMENT. MANICURES BY YUKIE MIYAKAWA FOR KATE RYAN USING ESSIE. WARDROBE STYLING BY MORGAN GIBBONS FOR TRICIA JOYCE INC. ON MODEL: SHIRT, RODARTE, COURTESY OF ALBRIGHT FASHION LIBRARY. PRODUCT STILLS BY CLAIRE BENOIST. KATE: MARY ELLEN MATTHEWS.

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M O M — M a k e up

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They now drape lips in a flattering, light-reflecting finish or hydrate them with nourishing, weightless oils while also offering a natural-looking tint. 1. Nivea Shimmer Lip Care. $3, drugstores

LIQUID LIPSTICKS Sw ipes on like gloss.

These are made for moms: Apply, allow it to dry, and it’ll stay on for eight, 12, even 14 hours. The pigment acts like a stain so it won’t wipe off on your kids or your clothes. The formulas can be thick; blot the wand on a tissue before you put the product on your lips, Fleischman advises. And if you start to feel a bit dry or the color needs a boost, add a coat of lip balm.

2 3

1. Buxom Va-Va-Plump Shiny Liquid Lipstick in Kiss & Tell. $20; ulta.com 2. Pixi by Petra MatteLast Liquid Lip in Prettiest Pink. $14; target.com 3. CoverGirl Katy Kat Gloss in Purrple Paws. $7; drugstores

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ON MODEL: SHIRT, COS. HOLOGRAPHIC LIPS: SARAH SILVER/TRUNK ARCHIVE.

2. ChapStick Total Hydration Vitamin Enriched Tinted Lip Oil in Midnight Magenta. $7; target.com

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MOM BOD

Get Your Abs Back Try these moves for a tighter core and a boost in confidence—just in time for chasing-after-your-toddler-in-a-swimsuit season. by M A RY A N D E R S O N / photograph by T H AY E R A L LYS O N G O W DY

W H E N A W O M A N emerges from pregnancy, her abs are pretty much guaranteed to be weak, even if she exercised for all nine months. “It happens because the abs have been overly elongated,” explains Michele Olson, Ph.D., an adjunct professor of sport science at Huntingdon College, in Montgomery, Alabama. Fortunately, the damage doesn’t have to be permanent. The connective tissue (or fascia) of the abdominal

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wall—not the abdominal muscles—is what stretches most to accommodate your growing bump. For your abs to tighten back up, they need to regain their muscle memory, so to speak. “After pregnancy, your abs have to relearn how to work in their normal range,” says Carrie Pagliano, DPT, owner of Carrie Pagliano Physical Therapy, in Arlington, Virginia. “The good news is that you can achieve great ab conditioning

at all stages—whether it’s six weeks postdelivery or after you’ve had your third child.” Our two-pronged plan can get you there. All it takes: 30 to 40 minutes of exercise three or four times a week. You’ll burn the fat that’s covering up your abs through cardio and sculpt and tighten the underlying muscles via tailored exercises. Keep up the routine for a few weeks, and you’ll start to see and feel flatter and leaner results.

WARDROBE STYLING BY SHIONA TURINI. PROP STYLING BY CLAUDIA MIYAR. HAIR AND MAKEUP BY VICKIE GRANADO.

M O M — F it n e s s

BREAK A QUICK SWEAT High-intensity interval training, aka HIIT, is as close as you can get to zeroing in on lingering abdominal fat. Numerous studies show that doing HIIT is more effective at burning off ab fat selectively (it mobilizes certain fatreleasing hormones called catecholamines) than doing steady cardio, like traditional jogging or lap swimming. Spin, take a sweaty circuit class, or simply alternate pushing your pace for a minute and then going easy for a minute. Aim to do cardio or HIIT at least three times a week, ideally for 20 minutes or more. TIGHTEN YOUR CORE Compression moves (think navel-to-spine exercises) like planks flatten your stomach by drawing in the deepest ab muscle, the transverse abdominis. Often referred to as the TVA or TA, this muscle is the only one in your core that does a full 360 around your waist, which means it has superior cinch-you-in powers, says Dr. Olson. Once you strengthen your TVA, you can move on to more intense exercises like jackknives or plyometrics, which also recruit your superficial ab muscles—the obliques and rectus abdominis. “Then your ab strength and definition will come even quicker,” says Anna Kaiser, founder of AKT studios, in New York, Connecticut, and Los Angeles. Kaiser designed these five moves to tighten your deepest ab muscles. They’re safe for every fitness level, and the whole circuit takes about 15 minutes. Throughout, remember to focus hard on squeezing your abs. Aim to complete the routine three or more times each week.

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5 T U M M YTRIMMING MOVE S

Number Breaths

Sit in a chair with your feet planted on the floor. Inhale, expanding your belly, and then exhale, pulling your navel to your spine as much as you possibly can. Hold for one count, let your belly button halfway out, then forcefully pull it back in as you count “one” out loud (to make sure you’re not holding your breath). Do 20 reps, counting aloud. Rest by taking one big belly inhale and exhale. Repeat the exercise twice more.

Belly Burn

Start on the floor or a yoga mat on all fours. Press into your palms and round your back (like the Cat Pose in yoga). Pull your navel in toward your spine, then do small pelvic pulses (tucking your pelvis with little thrusts), exhaling each time and pulling your navel deeper toward your spine. Do 20 pulses. Rest and repeat.

Curve and Reach

Sit on the floor with knees bent, feet flat, and a rolled-up towel at the base of your spine. Round your lower back against the towel so your torso forms a C-curve, and draw your navel to your spine. Hold that position—but don’t hold your breath—as you slowly swing your straight arms forward and then up, then lower them to the floor. Do ten reps. Rest and repeat.

Curve and Lift

Sit on the floor in a C-curve position: back rounded against a rolled-up towel, navel pulled in to spine, and hands by sides with fingertips touching floor. Maintaining hold, lift and extend right leg directly in front of you. Bend knee, and return right foot to floor. Do eight reps, then switch legs and repeat. Rest and repeat.

Curve and Twist

Repeat the Curve and Lift, but this time, very slowly twist your torso toward the leg you lift. Start by lifting your right leg and rotating your torso toward the right with right arm extended. Return torso to center, and lower leg and arm. Do eight reps, then switch sides and repeat. Rest and repeat.

illustrations by SY D N E Y VA N DY K E

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M O M — H e a lt h

Sharing the Sadness of Miscarriage As more and more moms courageously go public with their pregnancy losses, Parents shines a light on what it takes to open up and how this inspiring trend could change motherhood for the better—forever. by J E A N T W E N G E , P h . D . illustrations by VA L E R I A P E T R O N E

T H E D E C E M B E R after our daughter turned 2 was happily frenetic, with my parents visiting from out of town and my husband and me playing Santa for the first time with a child old enough to be excited by presents. The day after Christmas, I got a gift myself: a positive pregnancy test. Soon after telling my husband, I shared the news with my mom and two of my friends. I had happy dreams about an early-September baby and buying a mother’s ring with my favorite gem—sapphire, September’s birthstone.

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Five days later, I started to spot, and by that afternoon I was no longer pregnant. The baby I thought would be our second child was gone in an instant, along with the plans I now felt I was foolish to have made. It was a very early loss, but it still felt like the death of possibility for me, especially at age 37 with an irregular menstrual cycle. To make matters worse, I was also embarrassed. I’m a social psychologist who wrote a book on fertility. What was I thinking, telling my parents and

friends that early? Why was I sad, when other women had miscarriages when they were much further along? Those emotions were only compounded when I tried to talk to friends about my loss. “Don’t be sad,” some said. But I was. “You can try again,” said others. But I wanted this one. “At least you can get pregnant,” said still others. But I didn’t know if I’d be able to conceive again. At times I wondered if I should have simply kept the news to myself.

M O M — H e a lt h

That was ten years ago. My loss occurred when Facebook was mostly for college kids, Instagram didn’t exist, and no one knew what a #rainbowbaby was. (If you’re in the dark, the term refers to a child who is born just after a miscarriage, a stillbirth, or an infant death and whose existence personifies the hope that can come out of grief.) Just as they always had, the vast majority of women then viewed pregnancy loss as a painful secret—and consequently, commiseration was scarce. Today, as celebrities from Mark Zuckerberg to Beyoncé to Six’s Brianne Davis (see opposite) come forward with their losses, women across the nation are following suit in raw Facebook posts, heartfelt emails, group texts, and face-to-face conversations. And instead of suffering silently and solo, grieving women are finding one another. We still have a long way to go: Two thirds of women who’ve miscarried say they feel they can’t even talk to their best friend about it, according to a 2015 poll of 6,000 women conducted by Tommy’s, a miscarriage-research nonprofit in the United Kingdom . But the tide is undoubtedly turning on this taboo—and there are big and surprising implications for the health and wellbeing of women everywhere.

What to Say to a Friend Who Has Miscarried

The women Parents spoke with all agreed on these two points: You should treat a miscarriage as the loss of life, no matter how early in a pregnancy it occurs. And if you don’t know what to say, you can’t go wrong with “I’m sorry for your loss.” No one is ever going to be hurt by that, says Karen Kelly, founder of the national nonprofit organization Through the Heart, which provides women with miscarriage support and education. Three phrases to avoid: “It’s not meant to be right now,” “Everything happens for a reason,” and “There will be others.” Be sure to check in with your friend or family member in the days and weeks ahead, Kelly adds. “The pain doesn’t go away instantly for most women, but the support often does.”

Shifting the Blame Historians have found seeds of miscarriage stigma that date as far back as the Middle Ages, when a woman’s failure to provide a male heir was a deep source of shame. “It was her marital duty to give birth to a son who could take over the farm or the shop and bring in a fortune through his bride’s dowry,” explains Edward Shorter, Ph.D., professor of the history of medicine at the University of Toronto. “The miscarriage stigma was largely an economic one.” What’s more, because the reasons for miscarriage were a medical mystery until fairly recently, mothers were always considered to be the problem. Back in the 1500s, English physician Thomas Reynalde wrote that dancing or leaping; feeling angry, sad, or suddenly joyful; and spending too much time in the cold air could all lead to “aborsement,” the 16th-century word for pregnancy loss.

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Centuries later, the long-term consequences of all this mom-shaming and mom-blaming are plain to see. Women traditionally keep mum about their pregnancies until the “safe” threemonth mark and hide their grief if they miscarry anytime along the way. More than half of adults believe that miscarriage occurs in less than one in 20 pregnancies, when the real figure is at least one in five, according to a national survey of more than 1,000 adults in the U.S. published in Obstetrics and Gynecology. And false beliefs about the causes of miscarriages are still pervasive. About 64 percent of those in the study believed lifting a heavy object could cause a miscarriage, and 21 percent thought getting into an argument could be the trigger. A shocking 41 percent of men and women who had experienced a

miscarriage (either themselves or their partner) felt they had done something wrong. In reality, miscarriages are almost always caused by factors that are outside of the mother’s control—most commonly, genetic abnormalities in the embryo. These misconceptions have a direct psychological impact on grieving mothers. Studies have shown that pregnancy loss can be traumatizing, isolating, guilt-provoking, and difficult to disclose. Research in Family Relations found that the absence of support from friends makes these symptoms worse and can increase a mother’s risk of depression. Renee Cowan, M.D., who recently completed her ob-gyn residency in Washington, D.C., diagnosed and treated hundreds of women for miscarriage during that time. “Yet when I miscarried, I was totally unprepared for the sadness surrounding the loss, the anxiety surrounding being pregnant again, all of it,” she says. “I had drastically underestimated the emotional toll.” For Esther Augenbaum, a mom of two in Silver Spring, Maryland, miscarriage was a source of deep embarrassment. “I felt like it was my fault,” she says. “I only told my husband and my parents, and the first thing my husband said was, ‘It’s a normal part of life and happens to so many people.’ I know he meant well and was trying to be my emotional rock, but all I heard was ‘Stop crying—you’re overreacting.’ ” When she miscarried a second time, Augenbaum opened up to scores of friends. “Some told me the same thing had happened to them, which was very comforting. Sharing with them gave me so much more strength.” In the Obstetrics and Gynecology survey, 46 percent of respondents said that having friends who discussed their miscarriage with them helped them feel less isolated. An expectant mother’s go-to support network is typically her family. But in the face of miscarriage, many women find that the greatest comfort and solace come from those who have also suffered a pregnancy loss—and frequently, that isn’t their partner, sibling, parent, or even a close confidant. But it just might be one of their Facebook friends. Continued on page 60

THE CELEBRITY FACTOR

“Tell Everybody. Speak Your Pain.” In a Parents exclusive, Brianne Davis, star of Six on the History channel, reveals what it felt like to lose her first pregnancy.

COURTESY OF BRIANNE DAVIS.

As told to Erin Bried W H E N I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I FaceTimed my husband, Mark, right away. He was at our home in Los Angeles and I was in Wilmington, North Carolina, filming Six. You should’ve seen our faces. They were a mix of surprise and pure terror. Can we raise a kid? I’d just gotten the job, so it wasn’t the best timing, but still, we were so happy. We told our families immediately, but I kept it a secret from my costars and producers. At 9 weeks, I went to an ob-gyn in Wilmington and heard the heartbeat. It felt like the sky opened up. There was so much love. Then, a week later, I woke up at 4 A.M. with horrible cramps and started bleeding. I was alone in this rented house, and I can’t describe the terror. I was thinking, “Please, God, make everything okay.” But in the back of my mind, I knew this wasn’t good. I called my husband, crying. Then I called my mom in Atlanta, and she got in her car as soon as we hung up. I had to be on set in three hours, and all I wanted to do

was ball up in bed. By the time I left the house, I was already grieving. Almost unbelievably, the scene I had to shoot that day was at the grave of a child my character had lost, and my character was supposed to be stone-cold, no tears. Filming it was one of the most difficult things I’d ever done. I told the producers, the director, and my costar what was happening, and they were devastated for me. After the scene ended, I started hyperventilating. My mom, who’d arrived by then, drove me straight to the doctor. The exam room was silent except for my crying. I already knew the answer. There was no heartbeat. Instead of having a D&C, I opted for the pills that cause contractions, because we were still shooting and I didn’t want to delay things. What a mistake! Before long, I was in so much pain that my mom rushed me to the hospital. They kept me overnight, and I had the D&C in the morning. By then, my husband had arrived. Seeing him walk into the room was like seeing an angel.

Every mom who publicly shares news of miscarriage is helping to fight stigma. But when a famous mom opens up, the impact is staggering. In the Obstetrics and Gynecology survey, 28 percent of women with early-pregnancy loss said that hearing celebrities disclose their miscarriages helped them feel less alone. Megan Petrosino, of Toms River, New Jersey, credits The Big Bang Theory actress Melissa Rauch’s miscarriage confession as the reason she came out to her own social network. “She wrote all of my feelings in one article, and it touched me,” says Petrosino. “Sharing about my miscarriage was one of my proudest moments as a woman, because I felt like I helped other women not feel so alone.” Westchester mom Suzanne Delio was moved by actress Hilarie Burton’s recent birth announcement, which included a candid account of her long and troubled journey to pregnancy, including miscarriages. “It was so poignant, I cried and cried,” says Delio. “Fertility, pregnancy, motherhood— it’s hard for many of us in one way or another.”

When you miscarry, it’s hard not to blame yourself. You replay everything in your head. What if, before I knew I was pregnant, I hadn’t had that glass of wine or hadn’t worked out so hard? It turns out I had a small fibroid, and the pregnancy hormones made it grow faster than the baby. The fibroid took nutrients from the fetus. When we got back home, my husband made calls to our family, because it was too hard for me. As a woman, I feel

like I’m built to have babies, so I struggled with feeling inadequate. But, of course, keeping it a secret keeps in the sadness. After I got through the initial pain, I started talking about my miscarriage, and that’s when my healing began. Many of my girlfriends told me they had been through miscarriage too! I felt less alone and less ashamed. Only one person said something stupid: “Well, at least you don’t have to get fat.” But everyone else was there for me. Five months later, I started preparing my body again. I had a myomectomy to remove my fibroid and took vitamins and received fertility acupuncture. We got the green light to start trying two months later, but I didn’t feel ready, so we waited six months more. Then we conceived right away. I was shooting our second season in Vancouver when I took the test. Mark and I were so happy, but I was worried too. I woke up almost every night, thinking that 4 A.M. situation would happen again. Trauma doesn’t go away. But now I feel stronger. I also feel blessed that I get to talk about my loss, because when I hear others share their pain, it reminds me that we all go through horrible things we can’t control. I’m lucky my story has a happy ending. Many believe in rainbow babies, but that’s not how I see my newborn. I think the same spirit who tried to come has now made it, and I feel that Davis Nolan Gantt will be the kindest, sweetest soul in the world.

AT LONG LAST, JOY! Davis’s beautiful baby boy, Davis Nolan Gantt, arrived on April 21, 2018.

M O M — H e a lt h

FIND MORE WAYS T O F E E L B E T TE R AT PARENTS .COM/STRIVE.

Expecting a #Rainbowbaby

The Newsfeed Effect At first glance, Anna Myers’s Facebook post looked a bit like a pregnancy announcement. But when her friends and relatives read closely, the truth was clear. The Indiana mom of four had posted a picture of her family’s hands holding an ultrasound photo, and alongside it, her sad news: “I would be 11 weeks tomorrow, but our sweet baby died a couple weeks ago.” The post received 200 supportive comments, including one in which a friend revealed her own miscarriage. “It turned out to be such a good way to get support. I don’t have family living nearby, so social media is one way I stay connected with my relatives and childhood friends,” says Myers. “I got so many responses and virtual hugs at once. I was able to heal a lot faster, and it helped that so many people found out so quickly.” Many women say that social media gives them the control they need and desire when they tell their stories. “I didn’t have to say the words out loud,” says Crystal Henry, who lives in San Antonio. “I didn’t have to steady my voice or fight back tears. I could cry

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when I typed it out, and I then could have genuine reactions to people’s comments. I could stop reading comments that were hurtful, and I could reread comments that were helpful.” But the decision to post isn’t easy for every mom. For some, the rapidly shifting social norms around miscarriage have left them feeling pulled in opposite directions. When Mikela Jewel Nelson, of Carson City, Nevada, miscarried at 14 weeks, she was cautioned about sharing the news too widely. “I had three other friends who were all due the same week as I was, and someone said to me, ‘Don’t scare people like that,’ ” says Nelson. “I took that under consideration, but what I was going through was a struggle, too, and as scary as it was, it was real.” Opening up about her miscarriage was about more than just her experience. “Being quiet about miscarriage makes women who miscarry feel like a disgrace—like we’re not the same as everyone else,” Nelson says. Although she agrees that women who miscarry should think about other people’s feelings, she says, “People should care about ours too.”

When a woman who has miscarried gets pregnant again, the anxiety can be overwhelming. Even though my own loss was early, I had no idea why I miscarried, so I worried constantly that a hormonal issue would cost me my next pregnancy. Karen Kelly, of Alexandria, Virginia, had a similar experience when she became pregnant with her son Ryan, who is now almost 2. “Everything was going perfectly, but I couldn’t help feeling like something bad was going to happen. As we passed certain milestones, the anxiety eased slightly, but it never went away.” For Suzanne Delio, a mom of 2-yearold twins in Westchester, New York, losing two prior pregnancies gave her the gift of perspective. “Morning sickness? Awesome! Swollen feet? Great! Constant exhaustion? Loved it! Boys or girls? Who cares! I knew the alternative. I was floating on air for 35 weeks,” she says. “Of course, I was also very anxious. I never really exhaled that deep breath of relief until I held them both in my arms.” In the end, I was lucky: My rainbowbaby girl was delivered in October 2009 by a kind doctor wearing Halloweenthemed scrubs. A little more than two years later, we welcomed our third daughter in the cold of January. With a busy schedule revolving around three school-age children, I rarely think about my early loss anymore. But there are days when I wonder: “Would it have been the boy we never had? What would he have been like?” I have still not bought that mother’s ring, perhaps because a part of me has yet to accept that a September sapphire will never come my way. Yet the more I share my story, the more freedom I feel and kinship I have with the many others who’ve suffered the loss of a pregnancy. As Dr. Cowan so wisely puts it: “These days, I’ll talk to anyone and everyone who wants to know about my miscarriage, because keeping this journey private doesn’t do anything for me or anyone else. I have no secrets.”

—Additional reporting by Aleksandra Weber

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M O M — H ap p i ly E v e r A f t e r

He ’s still your

It’s Okay to Be Needy Just because you have little humans who demand constant attention doesn’t mean that you and your partner don’t deserve TLC too. by D A P H N E D E M A R N E F F E , P h . D .

O N C E A M O N T H , I teach a class called “Staying Happy as Partners When Becoming Parents” at a local hospital, for couples expecting their first child. Over and over, they’ve told me they’re worried that once there is a lovable bundle in the center of their lives, they won’t be able to be as close as they’ve always been.

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Of course, children take time and energy. There are endless tasks to juggle and roles to fill. Pretty soon, limited time itself becomes a source of conflict and stress. The couples I work with in my practice regularly disagree about how to allocate their time. One husband wanted to hash out hurt feelings in bed

every night when his wife wanted to sleep. Another kept checking work emails when his wife wanted to catch up after the baby was finally asleep. However, the biggest challenge that parenthood poses for partners isn’t about time; it’s about emotions. Before children, you were each other’s “baby,” but now there’s a real baby who needs your care. Bit by bit, you both may begin to prioritize “necessities” such as parenthood and work over “luxuries” such as tending to yourself and your relationship. You may even try to adopt the “adult” approach and accept that your feelings should take a backseat. I’ve seen many parents stay silent about what they want or need for fear of making their partner mad. I’ve seen others base their self-worth on being all-giving, ignoring their own needs until they become depleted, resentful, or depressed. For many couples, the prohibition against being “needy” is exactly where the slippery slope to marital discontent begins. Say it’s 5:30 P.M., and you’ve just put the kids’ dinner on the table after a long day. Your spouse has been in bed with a cold and calls for a glass of water. You think, with a flash of irritation, “He’s such a baby when he’s sick.” Before you know it, you’re telling yourself a story about how he’s too helpless or he’s just like having one more kid. Why is this? After all, giving and receiving care is part of being a loving couple. The difference is that once we have kids, we’re so focused on their needs that we start thinking we shouldn’t have any needs of our own. And when we feel too taxed, we try to solve the problem by needing less—or by thinking our partner should need less. Imagine yourself as a big round bowl. During the day, different demands are being poured into the bowl, at rates and times you can’t predict. As long as it isn’t spilling over, you can cope. The dog throws up, the dishwasher breaks, the baby bumps his head—you may be filling up, but you’re still holding it together. But then your mother calls to say she didn’t get your birthday card and your partner texts about an unexpected late meeting. Now you have one (or two or three) demands too many. You

THOMAS BARWICK/GETTY.

NEW COLUMN!

M O M — H a p p i ly E v e r A f t e r

Remember that depending on each other is good. The wellspring of closeness and connection is giving and receiving care, affection, understanding, and help. Whether you are age 2 or 42, depending on other people is healthy. Asking for help is healthy. We need support all along the road of life, from cradle to grave. And we especially need it from our partner. Continuing to turn toward your partner will make the parenting journey a lot more pleasurable and give your children a positive model of an intimate relationship. It’s also your best insurance policy for being contented when the kids eventually leave the nest.

Resist blaming your partner (or yourself) for having needs.

• GMO free • Gluten free • No artiﬁcial flavors or colors • Available in 5 delicious flavors

The problem isn’t the needs themselves; the problem is when we start to feel overwhelmed and then start criticizing each other for having them. For one couple I saw in therapy, the wife’s biggest “aha” moment was realizing the link between feeling swamped and thinking her husband was “clueless.” That allowed her to communicate her needs more clearly, without negativity or snark. In situations like hers, it helps to remind ourselves of the same thing we tell our kids: Use your words. That means trying to ask respectfully, of course. It also means explaining what’s going on with you, rather than simply acting it out. For example, when you’re stressed, you can send a signal (by

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burying yourself in Facebook), or you can say it: “I’d like to listen right now, but I’m so wiped out. Could we talk about this first thing in the morning?” In the heat of the moment, we can’t always control our first reactions. But we can turn it around. For instance, if you blurted out, “Can’t you see I’m busy?” you can circle back and say, “I’m sorry I sounded annoyed. I wasn’t as patient as I wanted to be.”

Accept that you can’t always meet each other’s needs. This step may be the hardest. When our partner fails to respond to our needs, it can leave us feeling unloved. John, a dad of two young kids, felt unloved when his wife didn’t want to have sex. In therapy, I helped him question his assumption that her lack of interest meant he was unlovable or that she was being unloving, and they learned to manage their differences in desire more constructively. It’s also easy to feel inadequate or guilty about our own limits in taking care of those we love. But not being able to meet every need doesn’t make you bad; it just makes you human. If you can accept that there are (many) times in family life when it’s not humanly possible to give everyone what they need, you’ll be able to develop more gentleness and compassion toward yourself and others. That’s why I tell expectant couples in my class that it’s good to be needy. It’s a sign you’re a vulnerable person who wants love from your partner. The challenge is to learn how to express your needs in a skillful way—low on shame, blame, or drama and high on tact, sensitivity, and self-control. Love is not about perfect behavior. It’s about understanding feelings and trying to respond the best you can. That’s true for parents, and for partners too.

Daphne de Marneffe, Ph.D., is a psychologist in the San Francisco Bay area and the author of The Rough Patch: Marriage and the Art of Living Together. Follow her on Twitter @DaphnedeMarneff.

JENNIFER LEIGH SAUER.

“overflow” and become overwhelmed. It’s hard not to get upset with the person who made that last demand and caused your bowl to slosh over its sides. We feel terrible when we take that feeling out on our kids. Kids are kids, after all. They fill us with their demands all day long, whether it’s their endless questions, their sibling squabbles, or another poopy diaper. We spend a lot of emotional and physical energy trying to be as caring as possible because we know it’s unfair to get angry about our children’s needs. But in overwhelmed moments, it can seem almost reasonable to get angry about our spouse’s. Here are three helpful steps you can take to deal with this ongoing challenge.

SEKTION/VEDDINGE Kitchen

1399*

Based on a 10αx10α kitchen

©Inter IKEA Systems B.V. 2018

When mealtime heats up, you and your kitchen should work like a team. Find double the storage in your drawers within drawers, multitask with cabinets that spring open to your touch, and let integrated lighting help you ⇒nd the perfect ingredients. With designs so affordable, you don’t need to hold off on building a dream kitchen that’s made just for you.

1234 1234 1234 1234 10/18

IKEA CUSTOMER

Introducing the IKEA Projekt credit card.** There’s never been a better time to remodel your kitchen. Learn more at IKEA-USA.com/kitchens

SEKTION cabinet frames in white melamine foil. VEDDINGE doors/drawer fronts in painted ⇒nish. MAXIMERA drawers in powder-coated steel and melamine foil. Shown with BAGGANÄS handles/knobs in brass-plated stainless steel. *The total price includes cabinets, fronts, drawers, door dampers, interior shelving, hinges, toe kicks, legs, and cover panels. Your choice of countertops, sinks, faucets, knobs and handles, appliances, and lighting sold separately. Requires assembly. See IKEA store for limited warranty, country of origin and 10'x10' details. Valid in US stores only. **Subject to credit approval. Comenity Capital Bank issues IKEA Projekt credit card accounts.

E N J OY

B E S T FA M I LY C A R S _ _ _ _ _

THE JOURNEY

_ _ _ _ _ DOAB LE DISNEY PL ANNING

TOGETHER

E A SY S U M M E R S U P P E R S

RED, WHITE, AND BLUE ICE-CREAM TERRINE,

WARDROBE STYLING BY LAURA PRITCHARD FOR SEE MANAGEMENT. HAIR AND MAKEUP BY SUSAN DONOGHUE FOR NEXT ARTISTS. PROP STYLING BY PAM MORRIS. FOOD STYLING BY MONICA PIERINI. FOLLOWING SPREAD: ON LITTLE GIRL: SHIRT, SNEAKERS, SUNGLASSES, AND BRACELETS, CREWCUTS. SWEATER, ROCKETS OF AWESOME. SKIRT, SONIA RYKIEL. ON WOMAN: SHIRT AND SANDALS, J.CREW. SKIRT, ANTHROPOLOGIE. EARRINGS, CLUB MONACO AND ANTHROPOLOGIE. BRACELETS, CLUB MONACO.

PAGE 106

MAKE-AHEAD TIP

Well wrapped, this colorful dessert can be frozen for up to a week.

A Patriotic Potluck Whether you’re the host or a guest, these no-stress recipes will make your Independence Day party one to remember. by K R I S T I N D O N N E L LY photographs by TA R A D O N N E

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L I F E — C e l e br at e

If You’re the Host Light up the grill with these classics.

Firecracker Burgers Active Time 45 minutes Total Time 45 minutes Makes 10 servings

I N G R E DI E N T S 1½ lbs. uncooked fresh chorizo sausage 1½ lbs. ground turkey

¼ tsp. salt 10 hamburger buns, split Mayonnaise 2 avocados, halved, seeded, peeled, and thinly sliced 3 radishes, thinly sliced 10 butter-lettuce leaves

MAKE IT 1. If necessary, squeeze the chorizo out of the casings into a very large bowl. Add the ground turkey and salt. Using your hands, combine the meats. Form the mixture into ten ¾-in.-thick patties. 2. Preheat the grill over medium-high heat. Grill the patties on the rack for 10 to 12 minutes or until no longer pink (165°F), covering the grill and flipping once halfway through. Transfer to a clean plate. Grill the buns, cut sides down, until toasted, 30 to 45 seconds. Spread the cut sides of the buns with mayonnaise and top with the burgers, avocado, radishes, and lettuce leaves. NUTRITION PER SERVING

609 calories; 34g protein; 41g fat (13g sat. fat); 25g carbs; 3g fiber; 3g sugar; 4mg iron; 88mg calcium; 1,190mg sodium

Spiral Hot Dogs With Salsa Verde Active Time 35 minutes Total Time 35 minutes Makes 10 servings

I N G R E DI E N T S 1 lb. tomatillos, husked and quartered ⅓ cup chopped white onion ⅓ cup fresh cilantro 1 fresh jalapeño pepper, halved, seeded, and coarsely chopped Pinch of salt Pinch of sugar 10 hot dogs 10 hot dog buns, split MAKE IT 1. In a food processor, combine the tomatillos, onion, cilantro, jalapeño, salt, and sugar. Pulse until finely chopped, then stop and scrape down the sides. Continue processing until just chunky. Refrigerate until serving. (Or skip this step and use store-bought tomatillo salsa.) 2. Insert an 8-in. wooden skewer through the center of a hot dog from one end to the other. Starting at one end, use a paring knife to make small slices through the hot dog at a 45-degree angle until you feel the skewer. Turn the hot dog and continue making small slices in the same direction until you reach the other end of the hot dog. Carefully remove the skewer, and repeat with the remaining hot dogs. 3. Grill the hot dogs on a covered grill directly over medium-high heat for 4 to 5 minutes or until heated through and hot dogs have char marks, turning occasionally. Remove to a clean plate. Add the buns to the grill, cut sides down. Grill for 30 to 45 seconds or until toasted. Serve the hot dogs in the buns topped with the salsa verde. NUTRITION PER SERVING

279 calories; 10g protein; 15g fat (5g sat. fat); 26g carbs; 2g fiber; 6g sugar; 2mg iron; 72mg calcium; 679mg sodium

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CONFETTI QUINOA SALAD, PAGE 72

M E ATLE S S M A I N

Double down on this protein-packed salad if you’ve got vegetarians coming.

PRO TIP

Making small cuts around hot dogs before grilling them boosts the flavor.

P AMP U THE FUN

FOR TH E KIDS !

Plan a craft. The DIY tees at left are easy for kids to help make. They’ll be proud to wear them! Turn the meal into an activity: Lay out all the condiments for a make-your-own-burger bar. Ask kids to name their creations! DIY FIREWORKS

Have old-school fun on hand. Throwback toys like Hula-Hoops and Frisbees bring kids together.

BURGER LOVE

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FLUFFY FLAG

CRAFTS: ASHLEY TOTH. BOY WITH BURGER: BUTTON-DOWN, H&M. ON MAN: UNDERSHIRT, CLUB MONACO. BUTTON-DOWN, J.CREW. BRACELET, GILES & BROTHER. GIRL HULA-HOOPING: TANK TOP, GARDNER AND THE GANG. OVERALLS, H&M. PIN AND HEADBAND: J.CREW. SOCKS, CREWCUTS. SHOES, ZARA. ON LITTLE BOY: SHIRT, MOLO. SHORTS, H&M, SNEAKERS AND PATCHES, ZARA. FENCE DÉCOR, OH HAPPY DAY.

L I F E — C e l e br at e

Whipped Topping Raspberries Blueberries

Get recipes for any get-together at ritzcrackers.com/recipes ©Mondelēz International group

L I F E — C e l e br at e

If You’re a Guest Bring a colorful, make-ahead salad. And don’t forget serving utensils! LIT TLE- E ATE R T W E A K

You can reduce the jalapeño pepper or skip it altogether. The dish will still taste great!

Watermelon “Ceviche” In a very large bowl, combine 8 cups cubed watermelon, 1 chopped English cucumber, ⅓ cup chopped white onion, 1 seeded and finely chopped jalapeño, 2 Tbs. fresh lime juice, and ⅛ tsp. salt. Refrigerate for 30 minutes, stirring once or twice, to allow the flavors to meld. Chop ⅓ cup fresh mint leaves, and add to the salad just before serving. Makes 8 servings.

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NUTRITION PER SERVING

57 calories; 1g protein; 0 fat (0 sat. fat); 14g carbs; 1g fiber; 10g sugar; 1mg iron; 27mg calcium; 40mg sodium

Confetti Quinoa Salad ( P A G E

69)

In a very large bowl, stir together 4 ½ cups cooked quinoa, kernels from 4 large ears fresh sweet corn (about 3 cups), one 15-oz. can black beans (rinsed and drained), 1 cup

cilantro (coarsely chopped), ½ cup thinly sliced green onions, ½ cup roasted salted pepitas (pumpkin seeds), 6 Tbs. fresh lime juice, and 3 Tbs. canola or corn oil. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Makes 8 servings. NUTRITION PER SERVING

337 calories; 13g protein; 15g fat (2g sat. fat); 42g carbs; 6g fiber; 4g sugar; 4mg iron; 47mg calcium; 523mg sodium

L I F E — B e s t Fa m i ly C a r s

The Mother of All Test-Drives You expect a lot from your car, so we challenged the 2018 models. SAFE TO DRIVE

All winners received a 5 out of 5 ranking from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration; some are also Top Safety Picks from the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety. E A SY T O H A N D L E

Edmunds staff test-drove cars on the road and at its track, measuring acceleration, braking speed, steering, and much more. Winners needed to receive at least a 4 out of 5 overall rating from Edmunds; only one in every three cars tested made the cut.

+ BE ST FAMILY CARS 2018

The Car Your Kids Will Grow Up In Starting from the momentous drive home from the hospital, your car plays a big role in your family’s life. We partnered with car-shopping site Edmunds to help you find a ride as safe and beloved as you deserve. Hop in!

M A D E W I T H FA M I L I E S IN MIND

Parents installed car seats in 20 semifinalists, examined trunk space and legroom, counted cupholders and charging outlets, and looked for other family features.

CAR KEY

Passenger capacity Car-seat capacity

by K A R E N C I C E R O / photograph by P R I S C I L L A G R A G G

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L I F E — B e s t Fa m i ly C a r s

BEST

3-ROW

2-ROW

SUVS

Volkswagen Atlas

Chevrolet Traverse

Ford Edge 5

Debuting a year ago, the American-built Volkswagen Atlas ($30,750+) provides a lot of legroom in the third row and is easy to maneuver. “We rated the steering 5 out of 5,” says Dan Edmunds, head of vehicle testing at Edmunds (but no relation). “It drives a lot smaller than it is.” Installing car seats is simple because the lower anchors in the LATCH system are some of the easiest to access of all the cars we compared, says Abbie Patterson, a certified Child Passenger Safety Technician. You can check if your doors are locked and see where your car is parked with Atlas’s Car-Net app. The standard warranty covers six years or 72,000 miles—double that of many other brands. Comes in 7 colors, 19 MPG

T H E V O L K S WA G E N AT L A S BOASTS 17 CUPHOLDERS, THE MOST ON OUR LIST!

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Fresh from a redesign, the American-made Chevrolet Traverse is more comfy and fuel efficient, plus easier to drive. Passengers in the second and third rows snag a few more inches of legroom, and the cargo area is significantly expanded. “It’s great for driving around kids who have sports equipment and musical instruments,” says Dan Frio, an editor at Edmunds. The LS base model ($33,595+) fits eight thanks to a benchstyle seat that pops up in the middle of the second row; this feature is an option available on the LT ($36,490+). All models have added tether anchors on the passenger and driver sides in the third row, making car seats easier to install. “We couldn’t believe it has six USB charging stations,” says Felicia Bowers, of Sullivan, Missouri, whose kids, ages 6 and 8, have each claimed a row to themselves. Comes in 10 colors, 22 MPG

Our winning SUVs make it easy to climb into the third row without disturbing second-row car seats.

Acura RDX 5

While the new colors (hello, blue metallic) are worth swooning over, it’s the Ford Edge’s back row, which is big enough for you to install three car seats, that deserves your applause. “Even with a rear-facing seat behind the driver’s side—which you might need if you have twins—a taller driver still has legroom,” explains Patterson. The cargo area is also larger than that of most other vehicles in this category, and when you press the button to fold down the backseats, they lie flat enough for you to do some serious bulkyitem shopping and have enough space to haul it home. By adding the Ford Safe and Smart Package ($1,495) to the base model ($29,315+), you’ll get features like sensors that help guide you in and out of tight parking spaces and a heads-up when you put on the turn signal and a car is in your blind spot. Comes in 9 colors, 24 MPG

Not only does the Acura RDX look more expensive than it is, the base model ($36,000+) includes higher-end features like heated front seats and a sunroof that you typically have to upgrade for in other cars, says Frio. “It’s also one of the few two-row SUVs that comes with a powerful V-6 engine on standard models, earning it a 5 out of 5 Edmunds rating for drivability,” he says. While you’ll easily be able to install two car seats in the back row—the lower anchors are particularly accessible—you might have trouble fitting three across, depending on the size of your seats. On the plus side, there’s virtually no center seat hump, so it’s more comfortable than other SUVs for a kid who has outgrown a booster or for an adult to sit in the middle. Comes in 7 colors, 22 MPG

“We rated the braking on the Ford Edge 5 out of 5. The Edge can go from 60 mph to a complete stop in a shorter distance than most SUVs. ” —Brent Romans, Edmunds

BEST

BEST MINIVAN

HYBRID

WAGONS

Honda Odyssey 7

BEST

SUV-LIKE

Thanks to a makeover this year, the Honda Odyssey ($30,090+) looks and drives better—plus it offers more family perks. “The rear-row head restraints are adjustable in several ways, making car seats easier to install,” says Patterson. The 2018’s engine is about 15 percent more powerful, so it won’t feel sluggish if you need to quickly merge onto the highway, notes Brent Romans, an editor at Edmunds. The EX model or above ($34,060+) will beep if another car is in your blind spot when you put on your turn signal. With its “Magic Slide” system, you can move secondrow seats apart to give kids personal space or push them together so passengers can climb into the third row. If you splurge for the Touring or Elite model ($44,610+), you’ll have a screen with a view of the back rows to see if your baby has drifted off. “I love how the navigation system links with the ‘Are We There Yet?’ app so my kids can see on the screen how much time is left in the trip,” says Kate L. Mary, of Troy, Ohio. Most models come in 8 colors, 22 MPG

Kia Soul 5

The lowest-cost vehicle on the list ($16,200+), the Kia Soul is “fun, funky, and has so much maneuverability,” says Edmunds. The boxy design allows for more interior space so you won’t have trouble taking boosters or car seats in and out of the back. Front crash-protection and highintensity headlights (available in a package for an extra $4,500) helped it garner the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety’s highest rating. Comes in 11 colors, 27 MPG

Cars in this category are shaped like a wagon but sit higher like an SUV.

Subaru Outback 5

The Subaru Outback’s standard all-wheel drive easily handles bumpy, nonpaved surfaces so there’s no limit to your family’s exploring. Roof rails and integrated crossbars on all models allow you to haul bikes or kayaks. The Outback comes with Android Auto and Apple CarPlay smartphone integration. “It’s a great car in any kind of weather,” adds Frio. By adding the “EyeSight Driver Assist Technology” ($1,995 in a package with other features) to the 2.5i Premium model ($27,995+), you’ll be alerted if you stray out of your lane. The technology also reduces the engine power and applies the brakes if you are likely to hit another vehicle. Comes in 9 colors, 28 MPG

“I get so much use out of the roof rails on my Outback. TheyɅre perfect for bringing paddleboards when I take my 9-year-old and my 18-month-old to Lake Tahoe. IɅve also used them to take surf boards on a California coast road trip.” —Laura Costa, Sacramento, California

Toyota Prius 5

If you want an eco-friendly car that you don’t need to plug in, the Toyota Prius Hatchback ($23,475+) will be your family’s jam. It gets 52 miles per gallon by combining its efficient gas engine with a selfcharging electric motor, says Edmunds editor Cameron Rogers, who calculated that it will save you more than $500 on gas a year compared with a similar-size nonhybrid. The Prius offers enough space in the backseat to comfortably seat three or install two car seats, unlike some other hybrids that are a tight fit. “I’m 6 foot 4, and I can get in the back with no problem,” says Rogers. He adds that the Prius doesn’t have power surges that plagued older vehicles with its type of transmission (an eCVT, if your dealer uses geek speak on you). Comes in 7 colors, 52 MPG

THE PRIUS C H A R G E S YO U R DEVICES W I R E L E S S LY !

L I F E — B e s t Fa m i ly C a r s ®

NEVER

BEST

SETTLE FOR

SEDANS

51% REAL CHEESE.

Honda Accord 5

The best food doesn’t start with Pasteurized Process Cheese Food. It’s only required to contain 51% real cheese. And taste buds deﬁnitely aren’t getting excited for that.

The Honda Accord has been a favorite family pick since the ’ 90s—and the tenth generation, which debuted this year, looks sleeker, has more interior room, and is packed with advanced safety features even on the LX base model ($23,570+). The ride is more comfy, too, with back support in the front seats. Spray-foam insulation throughout the interior helps keep out external noise, making it easier to have a conversation with passengers. Backseat passengers also have a bit more space. Comes in 11 colors, 31 to 33 MPG

Chevrolet Malibu 5

A redesign of the American-made Chevrolet Malibu ($22,555+) in 2016 made the back roomier for car seats and modernized the shape in addition to adding tech features like a Bose nine-speaker sound system on some models. It’s also a great choice if you have tweens—and you’re thinking ahead to what car they’re going to learn to drive in a few years. The Teen Driver Technology, on all models except the L, allows you to register a teen’s key, which disables the audio unless the front seat belts are buckled. It also automatically turns on optional notifications, such as when another vehicle is in your teen’s blind spot, and lets you track the car’s speed. Comes in 10 colors, 30 MPG

D A S H W I L L D I S P L AY

“Sedans typically get better gas mileage, fit as many car seats, have ample trunk space, and cost less than small SUVs, making them a great choice for families with one or two kids.”

THE CURRENT

—Brent Romans

ON THE 2018 HONDA A C C O R D, YO U R

SPEED LIMIT TO KEEP YO U S A F E R .

Check the safety rating of just about any car (even from past years!) at iihs.org.

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REAL CHEESE PEOPLE

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

100% REAL, NATURAL CHEESE MAKES.

51% vs. 100% While Pasteurized Process Cheese Food is only required to contain 51% real cheese, Sargento® Slices are always 100% real, natural cheese. A burger can’t be its best when it’s made with anything less. © 2018 Sargento Foods Inc.

Winging Your Walt Disney World Trip (Almost) It’s okay if you’re not a planner. Experts sort out where you can take shortcuts and which things you definitely need to do ahead of time. by K A R E N C I C E R O / photograph by B E T H S T U D E N B E R G

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L A S T M AY, Crystal Henry and her husband decided that they wanted to take a vacation in late August before their kids, ages 5 and 8, started school. But they weren’t sure about where they wanted to go. “We found discounted award fares on Delta, and we ended up using our points for flights to Orlando,” says Henry, who lives in San Antonio. The family immediately booked a deluxe studio room at Disney’s Wilderness Lodge. However, they didn’t make a single reservation for meals or rides (called FastPass+) until they arrived. “Our friends have gone to Disney with their kids and planned out every detail six months ahead of time,” says Henry. “Many came back stressed. They overscheduled themselves and couldn’t linger at spots they loved because they had to get to the next ride. That’s why we decided to plan as we went.” Ultimately, they had a blast being spontaneous, feeling free to head back to the resort pool when the kids got hot at the parks and even snagging last-minute tables at a few restaurants with characters. Insane or genius? A little bit of both—experts say. Disney travel pros reveal how much advance legwork you really need to do to get the happiest vacation on earth.

WARDROBE STYLING BY MICHELLE PRICE. HAIR AND MAKEUP BY JAN TINKLEY. CHILD WRANGLING BY SARAH BLASZCZAK.

L I F E — Fa m i ly Va c at i on

Reasonably Priced Flights H O W FA R A H E A D YO U C A N B O O K

You can typically reserve airfare a year in advance. GOOD-ENOUGH PLANNING

Settle on a flight two to four months ahead—the window when you’re likely to lock in the best fare, says Gabe Saglie, an editor at Travelzoo .com. “If you can swing it, schedule your trip to begin and end on a Tuesday or a Wednesday, when fares are usually the lowest,” he says. “Try to avoid flying in and out of Orlando over the

weekend, which tends to be the most expensive.” L A S T- M I N U T E O P T I O N S

Airfare typically jumps within 14 days of a flight, so it’s not worth waiting that long to book. But occasionally you may get lucky and find a rock-bottom price on a flight that prompts a spur-of-themoment vacay. Sign up for airfare alerts from your hometown airport to Orlando on the TripAdvisor mobile app to receive notifications when prices drop.

Rides With the Longest Lines The average wait for these rides exceeded 90 minutes last summer, says Len Testa, whose company, TouringPlans.com, tracks lines in all the Disney parks. Use your FastPasses on them! MAGIC KINGDOM

Seven Dwarfs Mine Train Zoom through an “enchanted forest” with lines of shiny gems on this kiddie coaster. 38 inches and up

Avatar Flight of Passage Climb atop a mountain banshee to get a 3-D view of Pandora. 44 inches and up

Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin Kids fire a laser from their space cannon to rack up points. #1 KIDR AT E D RIDE

Jungle Cruise Hop on a ten-minute boat tour with a captain making corny puns. DISNEY’S

Space Mountain Blast off into a dark universe on this indoor coaster. 44 inches and up Splash Mountain It’s the cutest log flume ever, with a passage that takes you through Br’er Rabbit’s home. 40 inches and up EPCOT

First-Choice Hotel or Vacation Rental H O W FA R A H E A D YO U C A N B O O K

You can reserve at a Disney hotel 499 days in advance (crazy, right?); many other hotel chains and rental companies allow you to book a year ahead. While you’re likely to get the best selection at this time, it’s not usually at the best price. GOOD-ENOUGH PLANNING

If you want to stay at a Disney hotel, book around the same time as you book your flight, since sales on packages are usually for arrival dates up to four months in the future, says Don Munsil, president of Mousesavers.com, a website

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that organizes all the Disney discount offers. Another reason to lock in a room a few months ahead: Budgetminded Disney hotels like the All-Star Sports or Pop Century resorts and family-size villas with kitchens are usually the first to sell out, especially during busy times of the year like spring break and Christmas week. “If you find a better deal, you can change or cancel your reservation up to 31 days in advance of your trip without penalty,” Munsil says. On the other hand, staying outside of Disney doesn’t require as much

Frozen Ever After This fairly new gentle water ride features kid faves Anna and Elsa. Soarin’ Around the World Feel like you’re hang gliding all over the globe. 40 inches and up Test Track Use touchpads to design your own car, and then see how it rides as you hop into a simulation vehicle. 40 inches and up ANIMAL KINGDOM

Kali River Rapids You’re sure to get soaked on this river-raft ride through the jungle. 38 inches and up

H O L LY W O O D S T U D I O S

The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror Feel a little scared as you hear a story about the hotel’s haunted past—and drop 13 stories multiple times while seated in an elevator. 40 inches and up Toy Story Mania! Put on 3-D glasses and play games inside Andy’s room to rack up points. Rock ’n’ Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith This 60-mph coaster will take you upside down three times. 48 inches and up Slinky Dog Dash Dip, dodge, and stretch around Andy’s backyard on this brand-new family-friendly coaster. 38 inches and up NEW IN 2018!

Alien Swirling Saucers Join aliens circling in flying saucers as you board your own rocket ship to blast into space. 32 inches and up NEW IN 2018!

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Peter Pan’s Flight Board a magical pirate ship to fly over Neverland.

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advance planning. “After Las Vegas, Orlando has the largest number of hotel rooms of any U.S. city, so you’ll likely find good availability and prices even a month ahead of your trip,” Munsil says. L A S T- M I N U T E O P T I O N S

No ofﬁce visit required.

Chances are, you’ll find a decent number—especially in summer, which

draws families but not the convention crowd, says Munsil. Search trivago.com to quickly compare pricing of hotel rooms. Vacation rentals on airbnb.com or homeaway.com are another option, especially if you want a kitchen. Even at the last minute, you can find rentals for a family of four for under $100 per night.

Must-Try Restaurants H O W FA R A H E A D YO U C A N B O O K

If you’re staying at a Disney hotel, you can make dining reservations for your entire trip 180 days before your vacation starts. If you’re staying off-property or haven’t booked a hotel yet, you can still make your first-day’s reservation 180 days in advance, but you’ll have to wait until the following day to book tables for the second day of your trip, and so forth. It’s easiest to search for reservations on the My Disney Experience mobile app, so download it.

days before your trip—that’s when reservations start to fill up at most restaurants. There are two exceptions, both in Magic Kingdom: Cinderella’s Royal Table (dining with the princesses in Cinderella Castle) and Be Our Guest (a newish restaurant in Beast’s Castle, which includes a photo op with him) often fill up 180 days in advance. If either of these is on your must-do list, book it as soon as you can. If you can’t

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GOOD-ENOUGH PLANNING

First, think about how many reservations you really want, because your kids may be just as happy eating at the grab-andgo places at the parks, where there’s no rushing to get to your table on time. “We had one character lunch and ate at a couple of buffets, but for the most part, we found food when we were hungry rather than letting reservations dictate the day’s agenda,” says Henry. “That way, when the kids wanted to linger in the hotel pool or go on another ride, we didn’t have to say no.” Decide 60 to 90

snag a table, Epcot’s Akershus Royal Banquet Hall (another dining spot with princesses) and the 1900 Park Fare at Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort & Spa (breakfast with Mary Poppins, Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter, Tigger, and Winnie the Pooh) are great alternatives.

COURTESY OF DISNEY.

L A S T- M I N U T E O P T I O N S

Rest assured, there are plenty of places to eat on the fly. “In the Magic Kingdom, I like the Columbia Harbour House,” says Len Testa, coauthor of The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World 2018. “There’s extra seating upstairs—a good place to decompress with the kids.” Most of the year, Epcot sets up food stands in the World Showcase area that are a perfect place for families to grab a fast bite, says Testa. And Woody’s Lunch Box, an adorable Toy Story–themed counter-service restaurant, will open at Disney’s Hollywood Studios this summer. You might even be able to score an eleventh-hour reservation at some of the most popular sit-down restaurants. “Disney charges $10 per person for reservations not cancelled within 24 hours, so if you’re using the My Disney Experience mobile app, you’ll see a lot of tables open up 24 to 36 hours in advance,” says Testa.

Ride Without Waiting H O W FA R A H E A D YO U C A N B O O K

If you’ve bought your park tickets, you can make three FastPass+ reservations (which get you on rides with little or no wait) for each day of your trip 60 days in advance provided you’re staying at a hotel on Disney property (even if it’s not operated by Disney), and 30 days ahead if you’re not. GOOD-ENOUGH PLANNING

Book the passes as soon as you’re eligible. “If your plans change, you can rebook later or simply skip going on the ride,” says Testa. “There’s no downside to reserving FastPasses.” And the payoff may be enormous: “We didn’t book any and ended up waiting two hours for Animal Kingdom rides,” says Anita Kirkbride, of Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. (To decide which passes will save you the most time, see “Rides With the Longest Lines,” page 82.)

here’s something to consider: When Testa and his team asked thousands of kids what they enjoyed the most about their Disney trip, every ride ranked lower than parades, fireworks, and meeting characters. “Many parents think it’s all about the rides,” he says. “But for young kids, especially, it’s better to skip the two-hour wait for a ride and find a spot to watch a parade 15 minutes before it starts.”

L A S T- M I N U T E O P T I O N S

Keep checking the My Disney Experience mobile app, because some FastPasses are released the day of, says Testa. And when you’re faced with a long wait for a ride,

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L I F E—M e d i a M i x

7 Road-Trip Essentials When it comes to long drives, “20 Questions” and “I spy” won’t get you there. We asked children’s media pros for their families’ go-to travel diversions. by M A R I S A L A S C A L A

The Book That Gives Kids Wanderlust Gabrielle Balkan’s The 50 States (below) and 50 Cities of the U.S.A. (ages 7 to 10) offer info-packed illustrations of a destination’s landmarks, notable residents, historical nuggets—even famous food trucks—that kids can pore over as you drive along.

The Bingeable TV Show The DuckTales reboot (ages 6+), available on the DisneyNOW app, feels every bit as great as the show we remember from the late ’80s because executive producer Matt Youngberg grew up an avid fan of the original series. 7 What can we say except “You’re welcome”?

The Endlessly Repeatable Playlist Kenny Curtis is host of The Animal Farm radio show on SiriusXM’s Kids Place Live, a channel beloved for its familyfriendly songs, skits, and games. He suggests keeping these tunes on hand for a long drive: “Keep Calm and Carry On”

Youngberg likes: Moana. “My daughters usually watch it multiple times on longer drives,” he says. “Movies save our parental sanity on road trips.” Ages 6+

5 Tinkercast’s Wow in the World (ages 5+), helmed by Meredith Halpern-Ranzer, gets kids asking questions about the everyday things around them, such as how horses got their hooves.

The Hilarious Podcast Balkan likes: Story Pirates. “Fantastic musicians and actors make short plays out of stories that real kids have written and sent in,” she says. “Sometimes they grow from letters as short as a single sentence, and each story is utterly bananas.” Ages 3+

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6 Halpern-Ranzer likes: original music by Tim Kubart or The Laurie Berkner Band. “We throw it on,” she says, “because our family loves to sing at the top of our lungs on road trips.”

“Paletero Man” by Lucky Diaz and the Family Jam Band. ”The Latin Grammy winner serves up a sing-along ode to the ice-cream man.”

“Let My Love Open the Door” by Andrew & Polly. The Pete Townshend classic is covered by two children’s podcasters. “They add playfulness to a tune that’s already lovable.”

“Imaginary Friend” by Secret Agent 23 Skidoo. ”A summertime feast, with hip-hop, horns, and choice beats.”

“Lemonade” by Justin Roberts. This perennial pop-rock favorite is “a happy toe-tapping song” perfect for listening to with the windows rolled down.

ILLUSTRATION: JAMES YANG. KENNY CURTIS: COURTESY OF KENNY CURTIS. MOANA: ALAMY.

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by Rabbit! Made by veteran indie rockers, Curtis says the “infectious upbeat tune evokes the pop music of the ’60s.”

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L I F E—H o m e

Your House Is Not a Zoo Furry family members are supercute but, let’s face it, incredibly untidy. Use these expert tips to tackle your worst pet messes in the safest, smartest way. by L E S L I E C O R O N A

A shaggy sofa running the hand vac over the upholstery—many, many, many times … INSTEAD OF

T R Y the rubber-glove trick: Put a pair on, moisten them with water, and then run your hands over the cushions to collect fur. It’s so satisfying to see all the hair that accumulates. P R O T I P ! Brush your pet regularly, ideally once a day (even if just for one minute!), to reduce the amount of fur that ends up on your sofa, says Kurt Venator, D.V.M., Ph.D., Purina’s chief veterinary officer. Keep up the habit during shedding season, which is both spring and fall for cats and dogs.

A funky pet bed washing Fido’s bedding only when your mom comments on the odor … INSTEAD OF

H E Y, I S N ' T

HE MESSIER THAN ME?

T R Y laundering it once a week to kill bacteria and other weird stuff, like parasites. (Separate it from your own loads.) Use a fragrance-free detergent, since cats and dogs have sensitive noses, says Gary Richter, M.S., D.V.M, a veterinarian spokesperson for Rover.com. Pass on fabric softener, too, since the residue can be harmful to pets.

A grimy crate grabbing your strongest cleaner and spritzing away… T R Y spraying with a bleach-free cleaner, says environmental biologist Lorraine Rhoads, of Dogtopia, a dog-day-care franchise. Bleach can be irritating to pets and corrode metals. We like Lysol’s Power & Free Multi-Purpose Cleaner With Hydrogen Peroxide ($2.75 for 22 oz.; dollargeneral.com). Or DIY by mixing equal parts hydrogen peroxide and water.

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Spray the solution, and let sit for ten minutes. Rinse with warm water, or wipe off with a damp towel to remove residue.

(lorfenicol, terbinaine, mometasone furoate) Otic Solution Antibacterial, antifungal, and anti-inlammatory For Otic Use in Dogs Only

A crusty food bowl banging remains into the trash and rinsing the bowl …

The following information is a summary of the complete product information and is not comprehensive. Please refer to the approved product label for complete product information prior to use.

T R Y washing your pet’s dishes with hot soapy water after every meal to kill bacteria, says Dr. Venator. Use a different sponge from your regular one. Experts do not recommend feeding raw diets to pets, but if you do, immediately remove what isn’t eaten, especially if you have a crawling toddler. Wash your hands with soap and water. Then disinfect surfaces the raw food has touched with a spray like Seventh Generation Disinfecting MultiSurface Cleaner ($3 for 26 oz.; target.com).

CAUTION: Federal (U.S.A.) law restricts this drug to use by or on the order of a licensed veterinarian.

INSTEAD OF

A foul-smelling litter box scooping only when you start to see huge mounds … INSTEAD OF

T R Y to scoop twice daily, and replace all litter at least once a week. We know, this isn’t a fun activity, but stinky old litter will repel your cat, and it may try to tinkle in another area of your home. Scrub the box with warm water and unscented dish soap. Rinse and let dry. For speedier tidying that eliminates the need to scrub, line your box with a litter-box liner or a trash bag that you replace every week. P R O T I P ! If you’re pregnant and can’t delegate this task, wear gloves and wash your hands afterward to reduce the risk of toxoplasmosis, says Dr. Venator.

Hairy clothes passing the lint roller over your sweater and avoiding black clothes … INSTEAD OF

T R Y a fabric sweeper like the FurLifter Garment Brush ($15; oxo.com), which will remove more hair with its microbristle pad. Dry clothes with plastic dryer balls, which lift fur as clothes tumble, depositing hairs in your dryer’s lint trap.

Furry floors frantically sweeping or busting out the vacuum when you get a surprise text from a friend who wants to swing by … INSTEAD OF

cleaning hard floors daily with a vacuum or a microfiber mop. But don’t sweep, says Rhoads. It’ll kick everything back up into the air! For carpets, regular TRY

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PRODUCT DESCRIPTION: CLARO® contains 16.6 mg/mL lorfenicol, 14.8 mg/mL terbinaine (equivalent to 16.6 mg/mL terbinaine hydrochloride) and 2.2 mg/mL mometasone furoate. Inactive ingredients include puriied water, propylene carbonate, propylene glycol, ethyl alcohol, and polyethylene glycol.

vacuuming is especially important because pet hair tends to needle into carpeting, making it harder to remove over time, says Jeremy Strickland, of Randy’s Carpet Care in Michigan. P R O T I P ! If you’ve let the carpets go a long time, use a squeegee or a rubber carpet rake to pull up hairs, says Michael Silva-Nash, executive vice president of Molly Maid of Northwest Arkansas and Greater Little Rock. Follow up with another vacuum sesh if necessary.

A carpet accident I N S T E A D O F drenching the spot with water and rubbing in the accident … T R Y blotting—not scrubbing!—pee with a clean towel. This will soak up excess moisture. Dip another clean towel into a 50/50 mix of white vinegar and warm water, and dab the area with it. Let dry. Don’t get the spot too wet, because that may turn your carpet brown, says Strickland. If there’s still a smell and your rug is made of synthetic materials, spray on hydrogen peroxide and rake it in with a gloved hand. For carpet made of natural fibers, like wool or cotton, sprinkle baking soda over the area after it’s dried. Let it sit overnight, then vacuum up. Use the same regimen for poop, but don’t pick it up right away (as gross as it is!). Let the mess, ahem, “harden” before collecting. P R O T I P ! Our experts recommend homemade cleaners here because they’re usually safe on carpets and they won’t leave behind chemical residue that can trap more dirt. Do a test patch first. If you opt for a store-bought spray, avoid ammonia- based ones, which can intensify the urine smell, making your pet think the area is an acceptable place to go.

INDICATIONS: CLARO® is indicated for the treatment of otitis externa in dogs associated with susceptible strains of yeast (Malassezia pachydermatis) and bacteria (Staphylococcus pseudintermedius). DOSAGE AND ADMINISTRATION: CLARO® should be administered by veterinary personnel. Administration is one dose (1 dropperette) per afected ear. The duration of efect should last 30 days. Clean and dry the external ear canal before administering the product. Verify the tympanic membrane is intact prior to administration. Cleaning the ear after dosing may afect product efectiveness. Refer to product label for complete directions for use. CONTRAINDICATIONS: Do not use in dogs with known tympanic membrane perforation (see PRECAUTIONS). CLARO® is contraindicated in dogs with known or suspected hypersensitivity to lorfenicol, terbinaine hydrochloride, or mometasone furoate, the inactive ingredients listed above, or similar drugs, or any ingredient in these medicines. WARNINGS: Human Warnings: Not for use in humans. Keep this and all drugs out of reach of children. In case of accidental ingestion by humans, contact a physician immediately. In case of accidental skin contact, wash area thoroughly with water. Avoid contact with eyes. Humans with known hypersensitivity to lorfenicol, terbinaine hydrochloride, or mometasone furoate should not handle this product. PRECAUTIONS: Do not administer orally. The use of CLARO® in dogs with perforated tympanic membranes has not been evaluated. The integrity of the tympanic membrane should be conirmed before administering the product. Reevaluate the dog if hearing loss or signs of vestibular dysfunction are observed during treatment. Use of topical otic corticosteroids has been associated with adrenocortical suppression and iatrogenic hyperadrenocorticism in dogs. Use with caution in dogs with impaired hepatic function. The safe use of CLARO® in dogs used for breeding purposes, during pregnancy, or in lactating bitches has not been evaluated. ADVERSE REACTIONS: In a ield study conducted in the United States, there were no directly attributable adverse reactions in 146 dogs administered CLARO®. To report suspected adverse drug events and/or obtain a copy of the Safety Data Sheet (SDS) or for technical assistance, contact Bayer HealthCare at 1-800-422-9874. For additional information about adverse drug experience reporting for animal drugs, contact FDA at 1-888-FDA-VETS or online at http://www.fda.gov/AnimalVeterinary/SafetyHealth.

NADA 141-440, Approved by FDA. Bayer, the Bayer Cross and CLARO are registered trademarks of Bayer. ©2016 Bayer HealthCare, LLC. Distributed by: Bayer HealthCare LLC, Animal Health Division, Shawnee Mission, Kansas 66201

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L I F E—D i n n e r

NO-COOK SPECIAL!

Supper Is Solved!

G R O C E RY L I S T, PAG E 1 0 7

Step away from the stove. We’ve planned five days of dinner for you, and not one of them involves actual cooking. by SAR AH WALD M AN / photographs by LI N DA XIAO

M O N DAY

BBQ Chicken Lettuce Wraps Remove meat from 1 rotisserie chicken, discard skin, then shred. Mix with ¾ cup storebought barbecue sauce. Slice 2 avocados. Fill a platter with 12 Bibb lettuce leaves. Add an avocado slice to each, and then scoop chicken into leaves. Top with more avocado, 2 Tbs. finely chopped red onion, and 2 Tbs. chopped fresh cilantro. Serve with lime wedges and ranch or blue cheese dressing, if desired. NUTRITION PER SERVING

INGREDIENT TIP

Look for a lower-sugar barbecue sauce. We like Stubb’s Original.

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PROP STYLING BY PAIGE HICKS. FOOD STYLING BY MONICA PIERINI.

(4 servings) 394 calories; 34g protein; 18g fat (3g sat. fat); 28g carbs; 6g fiber; 16g sugar; 2mg iron; 60mg calcium; 957mg sodium

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L I F E—D i n n e r

PART Y R E ADY!

This salad is a crowd-pleaser for any Fourth of July cookout.

T U E S DAY

Summer Garden Zoodles Spiralize 2 large zucchini into a very large bowl (or buy two 12-oz. pkgs. precut zoodles). Add one 15-oz. can reduced-sodium cannellini beans (rinsed and drained), 1 pint cherry tomatoes, halved, and one 6.5-oz. jar basil pesto. Toss gently to coat. Sprinkle on ½ cup torn fresh basil leaves and ½ cup chopped roasted, unsalted almonds. Crumble 2 oz. goat cheese over top and sprinkle with ⅛ tsp. ground black pepper. Drizzle with 1 Tbs. olive oil. NUTRITION PER SERVING

(4 servings) 471 calories; 17g protein; 33g fat (6g sat. fat); 29g carbs; 10g fiber; 7g sugar; 4mg iron; 268mg calcium; 633mg sodium

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L I F E—D i n n e r

W E D N E S DAY

Cantaloupe Skewers Cube 1 cantaloupe into 24 cubes. (Or just buy cubed melon.) Cut ¾ of a baguette into twenty-four 1-in. chunks. Cut 6 slices of prosciutto into quarters. Arrange the bread chunks, melon cubes, prosciutto, 36 basil leaves, and 24 small fresh mozzarella balls (ciliegine) on a work surface. Using twelve 8-in. wooden skewers, stick 3 basil leaves, 2 chunks of bread, 2 pieces of prosciutto, 2 mozzarella balls, and 2 melon cubes, onto each skewer. Sprinkle with a pinch each of salt and pepper, and drizzle with honey. Dress 4 cups mixed baby greens with 1 Tbs. lemon juice, 1 Tbs. olive oil, and ⅛ tsp. each salt and pepper to serve as a simple salad alongside the skewers. NUTRITION PER SERVING

(4 servings) 503 calories; 22g protein; 15g fat (7g sat. fat); 64g carbs; 2g fiber; 22g sugar; 1mg iron; 345mg calcium; 1,062mg sodium

PREP SCHOOL This is the perfect easy dinner for kids to help “cook.”

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T H U R S DAY

Breakfastfor-Dinner Banana Split Slice 4 bananas lengthwise through the center to resemble banana splits, and lay them in individual dishes. Using a small ice-cream scoop, scoop ½ cup vanilla Greek yogurt over each banana. Sprinkle each with ¼ cup fresh raspberries, ¼ cup fresh blueberries, and 2 Tbs. granola. Drizzle each with 1 Tbs. almond butter. NUTRITION PER SERVING (4 servings) 413 calories;

20g protein; 15g fat (3g sat. fat); 56g carbs; 9g fiber; 34g sugar; 2mg iron; 205mg calcium; 111mg sodium

T R E AT T I M E We won’t judge if you replace the Greek yogurt with frozen yogurt. It is summer after all!

L I F E—D i n n e r

F R I DAY

Tuna Snack Board Drain one 6.7-oz. jar olive oil–packed tuna and place in a small bowl. Place the bowl on a large platter or cutting board. Fill the board with the following items: ½ English cucumber, sliced, 2 carrots (peeled and cut into sticks), 1 cup sugar snap peas, 1 red sweet pepper, sliced, 4 oz. wholewheat crackers, ½ cup pitted olives, 4 oz. mozzarella balls, ½ cup roasted-red-pepper hummus, and ½ cup roasted, unsalted nuts, such as almonds. NUTRITION PER SERVING

(4 servings) 482 calories; 25g protein; 28g fat (6g sat. fat); 36g carbs; 9g fiber; 5g sugar; 4mg iron; 257mg calcium; 680mg sodium

F R I D AY F R I D G E CLEAN-OUT! Stack your snack board with any veggies, cheese, or nuts you have on hand. PA R E N T S

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ADVICE AS YOUR CHILD GROWS

0 –12 M O N T H S

HOW TO

Encourage a Crawler by TA M E K I A R E E C E

Build those muscles.

In order to crawl, your baby must hold himself up and maintain his balance using the muscles in his stomach, neck, arms, back, and shoulders. Starting supervised tummy time during his first weeks of life makes a difference. Put him on a blanket or a playmat on the floor for three to five minutes two or three times a day. Place a toy just out of his grasp, or try to get him to reach for you. Whenever he lifts his head, looks to the side, or kicks his legs, he’s building strength in his upper body, core, and legs. As his muscles grow, steadily increase his tummy time to a total of 40 to 60 minutes each day. Pay attention to the signs.

Watch her head for clues that she’s ready to crawl. Around 1 or 2 months, she’ll only be able to lift it for a few seconds. But with enough tummy time, she’ll be able to hold it up for longer periods by 3 or 4 months. Next, she’ll do mini push-ups—first propping up on her elbows and, eventually, her arms. Soon after that, she’ll push up

illustration by R O B I N R O S E N T H A L

onto her hands and knees. She likely won’t crawl yet but instead rock back and forth—which means the muscle tone is there, but she hasn’t figured out how to move. She may do this for days or weeks. Then one day she’ll push off and crawl! It might look funny at first.

Babies usually start by crawling backward, not forward. They explore with their arms and legs, and if their arms are stronger it may send them off in the wrong direction. Even if your baby isn’t moving in reverse, his crawl may look a bit odd. He might scoot on his bottom, walk on all fours with arms and legs straightened, or crawl like a crab with one leg extended. He could even get into a frog-like position and hop forward. It’s all good—the important thing is that he has the coordination and strength to get from point A to point B. Voice any concerns.

Talk to your child’s pediatrician if your baby has not shown any signs of mobility (such as rolling over or scooting) by her first birthday, or if she crawls with asymmetric movements (like dragging her right leg). Otherwise, her style of crawling—or lack thereof—is likely fine. She may not be interested in crawling because she’s focused on building other skills, such as babbling. Some infants even skip crawling and go straight to cruising. Just be patient. Your baby will find a way to get around when she’s ready. Sources: Joseph F. Hagan Jr., M.D., clinical professor of pediatrics at The University of Vermont Larner College of Medicine, in Burlington; Elisha McCoy, M.D., assistant professor of internal medicine and pediatrics at Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital, in Memphis.

1–2 YEARS

HOW TO

Switch Gears Without Tears by M I C H E L L E C R O U C H

Offer clear, simple warnings.

Have you ever pulled your toddler away from a place or a thing he loves—whether that’s the playground, a birthday party, or the iPad—only to spark outrage or even an outright tantrum? Toddlers live in the moment and have trouble with transitions. But that’s totally normal. And it’s easy for your child to filter out your verbal heads-ups, especially if he’s engrossed in play. To make sure he’s paying attention to your cues, give him multiple warnings (such as announcing when you have ten, five, and two minutes before you have to leave). Instead of shouting across the room, walk over to him, get down on his level, touch him on the shoulder, and look him in the eye as you say, “We have to go in two minutes. Got it?” If you’re at the playground, you might say, “You can go down the slide three more times, and then we have to leave.” When you’re at home, try putting on a song that your toddler likes and tell him you’ll be heading for the car as soon as it’s done.

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AG E S + S TAG E S

Then remind him: “It sounds like the song is about to finish. Be sure you have your shoes on before it does.”

3–4 YEARS

friends who use the bathroom, and simply seeing her classroom buddies going on the potty can give your child’s skills a boost.

Make a game out of it.

Incorporate a little fun to help your toddler forget about being interrupted from what she’s doing at the moment. A classic example of this strategy? “Let’s race to the door!” Another option is to start a silly game of chase. Say, “I’m going to get you … ” in a playful tone. Then give your child a few chances to escape before you scoop her up. She might let out a few cries of resistance, but if you maintain a lighthearted approach, you may be surprised by just how quickly she settles into your arms. Share something he’ll look forward to doing.

Change your toddler’s focus from the fact that a favorite activity is ending to what he’ll be doing next. Instead of “ It’s time to turn off the TV now,” you can say, “Are you ready to read that new book we brought home from the library today?” If you’re out and about, toting along a healthy snack can ease the anguish of ending a zoo visit or a playdate. Saying “It’s time for a snack, and I’ve got your granola bar waiting in the car” is far more likely to yield cooperation than “It’s time to pack up and head home.” Swoop in sympathetically.

If, despite your best efforts, your child refuses to budge, simply say, “We’re going now,” and then wrap her in your arms and whisk her away. Stay calm and empathetic even if she wriggles or screams; losing your cool will merely prolong the tantrum. Acknowledge her feelings by saying something like, “I know you’re sad to say goodbye to Emma, but we’re going to have lots of fun at Grandma’s house.” Eventually, your child will learn to handle these tough emotions and settle down. And while the notion may seem far-fetched in the moment, it won’t be long before she learns to stop what she’s doing and move on without a big fuss. Sources: Linda Sonna, Ph.D., author of The Everything Toddler Book; Heather Wittenberg, Psy.D., a psychologist in Wailuku, Hawaii.

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HOW TO

Stay positive through setbacks.

Potty Train for Preschool

Going to preschool is a big transition, so children—even kids who are considered fully potty trained—may regress a bit during this time and have occasional accidents because of the stress. But a few slipups certainly don’t mean that you’re back to the beginning. Once your child gets used to his new setting and routine, there’s a good chance he’ll rebound and use the toilet again. Even if he seems to be going backward, don’t resort to using diapers. If your child is truly worried about going to a new school, he might prefer to regress to that familiar baby stage and put off the potty even longer. Stick with big-kid underwear, and congratulate him when he’s successful. When he’s not, stay positive. Offer encouraging statements like, “Don’t worry; you’ll make it to the toilet next time.” Punishing, scolding, or reminding him about the preschool requirement could add to his anxiety. And just to be safe, make sure you send a few changes of clothes and socks to school, along with plastic bags to hold any soiled items.

by I L I S A C O H E N

Be patient.

It’s important to remember that there is no universal timeline for when a child should be potty trained—kids learn anywhere between 18 months and 4 years old—so pushing your child to master the potty before he’s ready can drag out the whole process for both of you. When a child is pressured to accomplish something that he’s just not prepared for developmentally, it has the potential to negatively affect his self-esteem. Ask your child regularly if he has to go to the potty. As long as he’s developed the physical control required for potty training, prompts will help him notice on his own when he needs to go, and sometime soon, he won’t even need your gentle reminders. Check the school rules.

Rather than worrying unnecessarily about the issue, call your child’s school directly to see how its policy defines “potty trained” and whether there is some flexibility. The teachers may encourage using disposable training pants in school for now or keep a log of potty attempts to share with parents. While you may hesitate to speak up, be honest with the administrators. Let them know you thought you’d be further along in the training process by now and, though your child is making progress, she’s still having some challenges. Ask whether their teachers can work with you to devise a plan for boosting your child’s skills; maybe it’s just asking her every so often whether she needs to use the toilet. Even if your child has been taking her time to train, she may surprise you with quicker progress at school. Preschoolers might not want to seem babyish to their

Sources: Daelyn Dillahunty, vice president of franchise operations for Children’s Lighthouse in Fort Worth; Linda C. Whitehead, Ph.D., senior advisor to the Education and Development Department for Bright Horizons Family Solutions in Watertown, Massachusetts.

5–6 YEARS

HOW TO

Break Out the Big-Kid Bike by R E B E C C A S U L L I VA N D E L A N E Y

Make sure she’s ready.

Even if your child asks to take her training wheels off, it’s important to assess whether she can manage a two-wheeler. Watch for how well she

AG E S + S TAG E S

performs other “non-bicycle” activities, such as gymnastics, skateboarding, or scooter-riding, to get a good sense of her balance and core strength. Your child must also be mature enough to understand the rules of traffic. If she can’t cross the street on her own yet, make sure that she knows to stay on the sidewalk until you’re there to help her cross safely. Scope out a good space.

Find a quiet, open area to practice riding on two wheels. Kids need to have plenty of room to swerve and get their balance. If you’re nervous about having your child ride on pavement, look for a park with a gentle, grassy slope away from parked cars, playground equipment, and rough bushes that may block his path. This way, he can get a feel for how the bike moves and can learn how to steer without worrying about obstacles.

call it quits after a positive moment, such as a longer “scoot” without falling over. If your child has a frustrating day but still seems eager to learn, try again tomorrow or the next day. If he doesn’t make progress toward being able to control the bike on his own within three practice sessions, take a break for a couple of weeks or even a month and then come back to it. Some kids have the necessary coordination and balance it takes to ride a bike earlier than others. In the meantime, encourage him to focus on other ways to improve his skills, such as riding a balance bike or a scooter or swinging. Pay attention to any cues that he may want to try learning again, like if he’s talking about his bike or mentioning that his friends are riding. Sources: Steven Finkelstein, founder of Professor Pedals, in Syosset, New York; Susan McLucas, founder of the Bicycle Riding School, in Somerville, Massachusetts.

Take it step-by-step.

Your child should be able to place her feet flat on the ground when she’s sitting on the bike’s seat. Show her how to get on and off by standing on the side and then swinging her leg over the back wheel. Then make sure that she knows how to use the brakes. When she’s ready to try riding, have her “scoot” on flat ground to practice balance. While she’s seated on the bicycle, have her walk with it and try to raise both feet off the ground for a few seconds, slowly increasing the duration. When she’s comfortable doing that, incorporate pedaling into the process. Stay by her side and put one hand on her upper back and the other on her arm to help her steer. (Resist holding the back of the bike seat—it can hamper your child’s balance and even injure you in the process.) As she develops the skill of balance and control, loosen your grip on her but stay close in case she needs your help again. Keep lessons short.

Your child’s initial learning session should be no more than 60 minutes. At the first sign of fatigue—flagging energy, whining, maybe a few tears—take a break for the day, but if possible, try to

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7+ YEARS

HOW TO

Manage Your Kid’s Collections by J E A N N E T T E M O N I N G E R

Accept the quantity of stuff.

To an adult, all those boxes of pinecones, albums of baseball cards, or herds of plastic animals might look like clutter, but to a child, collecting is an exciting exercise in creating a world all his own—one that he has control over. It also helps kids this age fit in and bond with their peers by giving them a starting-off point for conversations (“Hey, wanna see my Beanie Boos?”) as well as an easy way to socialize (like trading Squinkies). It’s also empowering for a child to know more about a subject than his parents or other adults do. Give it a home.

The same child who can’t recall where she left her jacket and has to be reminded

a billion times to pick up the toys in her room will astound you with her devotion to caring for her prized possessions. Collecting instills a sense of pride and ownership in kids. You can foster this enthusiasm by helping your child find the best way to display her treasures, like on shelves or in albums, tins, craft boxes, or small hammocks for cradling stuffed animals. Let him take control.

Whether your child is showing off his newest squishies at a playdate or telling a school friend about an addition to his unicorn menagerie, collectibles bring peers with common interests together. Collections that require trading, like baseball cards, also teach the art of friendly negotiation. If the stakes aren’t high, let him make his own deals. What might not seem like a fair trade to you could be acceptable to him and his friend. If he later regrets trading, he’ll learn to think through decisions more carefully next time. Support her love through learning.

If your child collects state quarters or American Girl dolls, it’s a pretty good bet that she knows exactly what and how many are in her collection and which ones she hopes to get next. Don’t tell her, but all those hours she puts into counting, sorting, labeling, categorizing, and organizing are actually exercising her math skills. Reading also gets a boost: Dinosaur fans may want to invest time learning more about the creatures, so take a trip to the library or a museum to read up on all the cool facts. Teach money skills.

Asking children to pay for collectibles out of their own funds is a smart way to teach them about saving and budgeting, as well as helping them learn delayed gratification. The point shouldn’t be to complete a collection or to accumulate mass quantities. Each addition should have meaning, and having to plan for and earn the funds for that next coveted item makes owning it even more special. Sources: Kathleen Camara, Ph.D., associate professor of child development at the Eliot-Pearson Department of Child Study and Human Development at Tufts University, in Medford, Massachusetts; Monica Cardoza, author of Child’s Play.

Not a low calorie beverage.

RESOURCES

A PAT R I O T I C P O T L U C K

page 67

Red, White, and Blue Ice-Cream Terrine Active Time 30 minutes Total Time 7 hours (includes freezing time) Makes 10 servings

I N G R E DI E N T S ½ cup sugar ¼ cup water 2 cups raspberry sorbet 2 cups vanilla ice cream

1 12-oz. bag frozen unsweetened blueberries (3 cups) 2 Tbs. lemon juice MAKE IT 1. In a small pot, bring the sugar and water just to a boil over medium heat. Stir until sugar dissolves. Remove from heat and let cool. Refrigerate until chilled. 2. Line a 9x5-in. loaf pan with plastic wrap so it overhangs on all sides. 3. In a large bowl, stir the sorbet to soften. Spread evenly in the loaf pan. Freeze for 15 minutes. Wipe bowl clean. In the same large bowl, stir the vanilla ice cream to soften. Spread in an even layer on top of the sorbet. Freeze for 15 minutes. 4. In a food processor, combine the blueberries and lemon juice. Cover and pulse until the berries are finely chopped. Scrape down the sides of the bowl. Add the sugar syrup and puree the berries until they form a sorbet, stopping to scrape down the sides as needed. Immediately spread blueberry mixture over vanilla ice cream in the loaf pan and smooth the top. 5. Press the plastic wrap onto the surface of the terrine and freeze for at least 6 hours or overnight. Using the plastic wrap, lift the terrine out of the pan and onto a work surface. Slice the terrine and serve immediately.

Fluffy Flag Lay out the flag design as shown: five rows of mini pom-pom trim (three red and two white; you’ll need 1 yard of each) and a grid of eight mini silver pom-poms for stars. Once you’re happy with the design, adhere it to a T-shirt with fabric glue. Let dry completely before wearing. TIP: L I G H T LY A P P LY G L U E T O THE CUT ENDS OF THE POM-POM TRIM SO

NUTRITION PER SERVING

T H E Y D O N ’ T F R AY.

165 calories; 1g protein; 3g fat (2g sat. fat); 33g carbs; 2g fiber; 30g sugar; 0 iron; 40mg calcium; 24mg sodium

DIY Fireworks Cut a piece of cardboard so that your T-shirt can stretch flat and taut over it. Use red and blue permanent markers like Sharpies to draw asterisk shapes on the shirt with lines and dotted lines. Leave space between the individual asterisks (this will prevent them from bleeding together too much). Use an eyedropper to apply a few drops of rubbing alcohol at the center of each asterisk. The alcohol will spread the markings into firework-like shapes, as shown. After ten minutes, add more alcohol to the centers to spread further if needed. Let dry before wearing.

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Supper Is Solved!

Burger Love Sketch out the elements of the hamburger (flag pick, bun halves, tomato, cheese, lettuce, and patty) on a piece of paper sized to fit the center of your T-shirt. Cut out the elements and trace them onto the appropriate colors of iron-on vinyl (available at craft stores and amazon.com). Cut out the vinyl shapes and lay out the design on the shirt. Following the instructions on the vinyl, iron the design onto the shirt. TIP: W E F O U N D T H E 2 - B Y- 3 - I N C H A M E R I C A N F L A G – PAT T E R N V I N Y L AT E T SY. C O M / S H O P/ B R E E Z E P R I N T C O M PA N Y.

GROCERY LIST PAGE 92 2 large zucchini 1 pint cherry tomatoes 4 cups mixed baby greens 1 head Bibb (Boston) lettuce 2 avocados 1 English cucumber 2 carrots 4 oz. sugar snap peas 1 red sweet pepper 1 red onion 1 bunch cilantro 1 bunch fresh basil 1 lime 1 lemon 1 small cantaloupe 4 bananas 6 oz. raspberries 6 oz. blueberries 6.5 oz. basil pesto 1 bottle barbecue sauce Ranch or blue cheese dressing (optional for BBQ lettuce wraps) 4 oz. whole-wheat crackers 4 oz. roasted, unsalted almonds 1 small jar almond butter One 12-oz. bag granola One 15-oz. can reduced-sodium cannellini beans

PA N T RY I T E M S :

Olive oil, honey, salt, pepper

Contest Rules BEST OF GIGGLES CONTEST, PAGE 108 NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. Send your funny story to kidquotes@parents.com. Include your full mailing address, phone number, and your eligible child’s name and date of birth. Subject to Official Rules at parents .com/gigglescontest. The Best of Giggles Contest begins at 12:00 A.M. ET on 12/1/17 and ends at 11:59 P.M. ET on 11/30/18. Open to legal residents of the 50 United States and the District of Columbia, 21 years or older. One entry per person per email address per day. Void where prohibited. Sponsor: Meredith Corporation, 805 Third Ave., New York, NY 10022.

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One 10-oz. container roasted-redpepper hummus 16 oz. vanilla Greek yogurt 12 oz. small fresh mozzarella balls 2 oz. goat cheese 1 baguette 2 oz. pitted olives 2 oz. prosciutto 1 rotisserie chicken One 6.7-oz. jar olive oil–packed tuna

During a party, my sister-inlaw told all the kids to come into the dining room, but my son wanted to keep playing. She said it was time for dessert, to which he replied, “Well, why didn’t you lead with that?” April Martinez Port Jefferson Station, NY

Ananya, 5

My daughter calmly resolved a dispute with her friends, so I praised her behavior. I asked her if she had any tips for keeping cool. She replied, “It’s easy. I just don’t talk too much, like you.”

108 J U L Y

Zachary, 5 Carmine, 5

My son and a couple of friends were playing ringaround-a-rosy at a playdate. I wondered to another mom how they knew about such an old-fashioned game. Then I heard them sing, “Hashtag, hashtag, we all fall down!” Odette Janiak Lockport, IL

Our family was halfway through a 20-minute walk when my son informed us his legs were too tired to keep going. We told him he’d have to do a lot more walking when we went to Disney World next month. He looked very disappointed and replied, “Aw, man, I thought we were gonna get to take an airplane.”

Mason, 4

I was running late and ended up behind a super-slow car. I said aloud, “Hurry up, I’m late! Oh, my goodness, I’m always late to everything!” Then my son said from the backseat, “Me, too, because I’m always with you!” Kim Hamilton The Woodlands, TX

Stacy Krygier Tonawanda, NY

C R AC K U S U P & W I N ! Your funny story could appear on this page and you could win a $50 gift card from kids’ clothing company Crazy 8. Plus, you could also win the Parents Best of Giggles grand prize—a $500 gift card from Crazy 8. Find out how to enter and see the abbreviated rules on page 107.

Deepa Satish Rocky Hill, CT

PA R E N T S

While remodeling our basement, my husband smashed his finger with a hammer. He then soaked it in a glass jar of ice water to ease the pain. The next evening, my daughter hurt her finger and asked if she could soak it. When I offered her a small plastic cup, she said, “No, I want the glass Daddy used when he got hammered!” Felisia Rayment; Johnson City, TN

2018

ILLUSTRATIONS BY ELISE GRAVEL. PARENTS (ISSN 1083-6373); July 2018, Vol. 93, No. 7, is published monthly by Meredith Corporation, 1716 Locust Street, Des Moines, IA 50309-3023. Periodicals postage paid at Des Moines, IA, and at additional mailing offices. Subscription prices, $15.98 per year in the U.S.; $27.00 (U.S. dollars) in Canada; $49.00 (U.S. dollars) overseas. Your bank may provide updates to the card information we have on file. You may opt out of this service at any time. POSTMASTER: Send all UAA to CFS. (See DMM 507.1.5.2); NON-POSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: Send address corrections to Parents, P.O. Box 37508, Boone, IA 50037-0508. In Canada: mailed under Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 40069223; Canadian BN 12348 2887 RT. Return undeliverable Canadian addresses to Parents, 2835 Kew D, Windsor, ON, N8T 3B7. © Meredith Corporation 2018. All rights reserved. Printed in the U.S.A.

Nyla, 4

They look ferocious, but inside they’re just no antibiotics ever.

Parents - July 2018

Articles inside

Giggles

Editor’s Note