SPECIAL
DOUBLE
ISSUE
WITH BABY GUS
Bake a giant
CINNAMON ROLL Go all out with
S PA R K L I N G LIGHTS Pile onto the sofa and
THE B E ST TOYS and BOOKS OF THE YE A R
SNUG GLE !
DECEMBER 2021 PARENTS.COM
We don’t have a sleigh that flies through the night. But we do deliver millions of packages in a single day. Making more holiday deliveries to homes in the US than anyone else* might seem like magic, but actually, it’s our enhanced infrastructure at work. Spread the cheer at usps.com/holidays
*Based on parcels shipped by businesses to consumer residential addresses from November to December of 2020.
R AI S I N G T H E F UTU R E
CONTENTS
DECEMBER . SPECIAL DOUBLE ISSUE
I N E V E RY I S S U E Mandy Moore has long played the part of a mom on This Is Us. Now she’s taking on the role of parent IRL.
5 Editor’s Note 7 Playbook 36 Animal House! 161 Ages + Stages 164 Giggles
FUN
39 / Go With the Snow Your guide to keeping kids from bouncing off the walls on blizzardy days 46 / Sweet Traditions Instagram baking star Jocelyn Delk Adams is all about family recipes at this time of year, starting with eggnog pie pops. 54 / Raise an Adventurous Kid Thrills in a safe setting, whether skateboarding or zip-lining, can boost their confidence. 58 / The Most Wonderful Books of the Year Our roundup of enthralling titles chosen by kids
102
KIDS
19 / Every Kid Can Learn to Draw Even if they’re not future Frida Kahlos, children who are taught art will benefit for years to come.
24 / How to Quit Yelling In many world cultures, parenting isn’t quite so loud. Here are secrets for dialing things down. 28 / The Spectrum of Care Black children are often diagnosed with autism later than white peers.
How can families get the help they’re entitled to? 32 / Health News Make toothbrushing fun again, answer their health questions, keep sleepwalkers safe, and schedule that f lu shot, this year especially.
64 / Rock Your Cinnamon Rolls Winter vacay goals: Bake the classic spiced buns or a jumbo version. 68 / Handmade and Ready to Hang! Upcycled ornaments to get kids in on the decorating 72 / 50 Toys They Will Love This year’s winners are tested by kids, vetted by experts, and vouched for by parents—just in time for December wish lists. 82 / Your Kid-Adaptable Holiday Menu Tweak the “grown-up” fare for everyone at the table.
PA R E N T S
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2021
R AI S I N G T H E F UTU R E
CONTENTS
DECEMBER . SPECIAL DOUBLE ISSUE
144
YO U
93 / Pretty Gifty Curated beauty picks for the great women you know 100 / Ready to Party Makeup looks that are low on effort and big on glam 102 / “Life Is Technicolor Now” Singer and This Is Us star Mandy Moore has all the new-mom feels. 108 / 8 Little Ways to Put Yourself First Health hacks just for you 112 / Speaking Up About Depression in Pregnancy Traditional approaches to treating psychiatric needs in pregnant patients is due for a rethink, experts say.
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2021
46
118 / Juggling Your Many Selves It’s not just you: Shifting between roles—parent, partner, boss—isn’t easy. 120 / Welcome to the Family They adopted foster kids in need of a home, and these dads and moms say they got so much more in return. 128 / Born Perfect Parents staffer Tara Lustberg wasn’t prepared for her son’s cleft palate, or his sweet exuberance.
LIFE
131 / Deck Those Halls! Rainbow wreaths, modern menorahs, LEGO villages, and more ways to do it up on the home decorations
36
138 / Build a Blockbuster Snack Board Ditch regular dinner on movie night, and go for an epic, charcuterie-style spread to feed the family. 140 / Keeping the Peace Between Your Dog and Cat Despite what pop culture says, these two species can get along (with some help). 144 / The Traditions We Treasure Parents’ unique holiday traditions, from creative latkes to solstice parties 150 / Pillow Power Up the design ante in any family space with a few cool-looking cushions. 154 / The New Comfort Foods Liven up the rotation with twists on the standards.
On the Cover Mandy Moore and her son, Gus, 7 months. Photograph by Victor Demarchelier. Wardrobe styling by Kevin Ericson. Prop styling by Aneta Florczyk. Hairstyling by Kylee Heath. Makeup by Stephen Sollitto. Child wrangling by Billy Rogers. On Mandy: Dress, Brandon Maxwell. On Gus: Shirt, Mabo. Pants, Simple Folk. Pillow, Morrow Soft Goods. Lion toy, Jellycat. Toy cars, Merci Milo. Type design by Frank Augugliaro.
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ANUDS THE LEADIN V ER S
Pedialyte Powder Packs. Feel Better Fast. ©2021 Abbott Laboratories Inc. *Featured Pedialyte products have 1380mg sodium and no more than 25g sugar per liter; leading sports drink has ~460mg sodium and ~58g sugar per liter.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FAMILY HOLIDAY FLICK?
“Elf. ‘I’m a cottonheaded ninny muggins!’ ”
JULIA EDELSTEIN Editor-in-Chief Executive Creative Director AGNETHE GLATVED Executive Editor MIRANDA VAN GELDER Managing Editor PATRICK MOFFITT Deputy Editor DIANE DEBROVNER
“The Christmas Chronicles on Netflix, with Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn—a new tradition, perhaps!”
“We always watch 1978’s Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. I’m 39, and I haven’t missed a year yet.”
Food and Lifestyle Director YOLANDA WIKIEL Beauty Director KATE SANDOVAL BOX Senior Editor, Features KATIE ARNOLD-RATLIFF Senior Editor, Books and Travel KAREN CICERO Entertainment Editor JESSICA HARTSHOR N Staff Health Editor EMILY ELVERU Staff Beauty Editor SHANNON M. BAUER Assistant Lifestyle Editor CASSIE HURWITZ Editorial Assistant REBECCA RAKOWITZ ART & PRODUCTION Art Director EMILY FURLANI Associate Art Director JAMIE LEE Senior Designer MARIA FERNANDEZ-DAVILA Production Director VINCENT M. SPINA PHOTO Photo Editor JOANNA MUENZ Photo Coordinator MAGGIE BLATTEL Associate Photo Editor ERIKA THOMPSON RESEARCH & COPY
“Home Alone—it’s got all the funny and sentimental elements. Plus, the actual house is a few towns over from where I grew up.”
Research Director BARBARA BRANDON-CROFT Copy Chief JEAN RODIE Copy Editor SHELLEY WOLSON Test Kitchen Project Manager LINDA BREWER, R.D.N. Deputy Managing Editor TARA LUSTBERG Executive Operations Coordinator, Office of Editor-in-Chief ADRIENNE FARR Editorial Apprentice SIERRA HOEGER Contributing Editors DAPHNE de MARNEFFE, Ph.D., CATHERINE HONG, JOY HOWARD, TAMEKIA REECE, ERIN ZAMMETT RUDDY, VIRGINIA SOLE-SMITH D I G I TA L
Digital Content Director JULIA DENNISON Executive Editor, Trends and Features MELISSA BYKOFSKY Executive Editor, Black Parenting KELLY GLASS Features Editor ANNA HALKIDIS SEO Editor NICOLE HARRIS Visual Editor JILLIAN SELLERS Associate Producer FRANCESCA SPATOLA ADVISORY B OARD PEDIATRICS Ari Brown, M.D., Antwon Chavis, M.D., David L. Hill, M.D., Yvonne Maldonado, M.D., Terri McFadden, M.D., Kimberly Montez, M.D., M.P.H., Natalie D. Muth, M.D., M.P.H., R.D.N., Cara Natterson, M.D., Irwin Redlener, M.D., Michael Rich, M.D., M.P.H., Darshak Sanghavi, M.D., Jennifer Shu, M.D. NUTRITION Jill Castle, R.D.N., Maya Feller, R.D., Sally Kuzemchak, R.D., Dalina Soto, R.D. MENTAL HEALTH AND BEHAVIOR Lisa Damour, Ph.D., Wayne Fleisig, Ph.D., Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D., Laura S. Olivos, Psy.D., Silvia Pereira-Smith, M.D., Adiaha Spinks-Franklin, M.D., Timothy L. Verduin, Ph.D. ENVIRONMENTAL HEALTH Aaron Bernstein, M.D., M.P.H., Philip Landrigan, M.D. DENTISTRY Lezli Levene Harvell, D.M.D., Maria Velasco, D.M.D.
“We’re always amped to watch our home videos. We see the personalities of my adult kids from the get-go—very entertaining!”
WOMEN’S HEALTH Tamika Auguste, M.D., Yamel Belen, R.N., C.L.C., Marjorie Greenfield, M.D., Marta Perez, M.D., Laura Riley, M.D., Alexandra Sacks, M.D. EDUCATION AND LITERACY Patricia Edwards, Ph.D., Jennifer Serravallo, Colby Sharp ALLERGY Michael Pistiner, M.D., Hemant Sharma, M.D. EMERGENCY MEDICINE AND SAFETY Khama Ennis, M.D., M.P.H., Mark Anthony Griffiths, M.D., Wendy L. Hunter, M.D. SLEEP Maida Chen, M.D., Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., Judith Owens, M.D. DERMATOLOGY Anna Bruckner, M.D., Jody Alpert Levine, M.D., Kim Nichols, M.D. SOCIAL JUSTICE Traci Baxley, Ed.D., Nayeli Y. Chavez-Dueñas, Ph.D., Ibram X. Kendi, Ph.D., Julie Lythcott-Haims
MARK JOSEPHSON Senior Vice President, Group Publisher Sales Manager, Meredith Parents Network DONNA LINDSKOG ADVERTISING SALE S West Coast Director JULIE BANFIELD Advertising Sales Staff ALYSSA CRAMER COHEN, CATHERINE DAUN, ANNE GILHOOL, MOLLY THOMPSON, MARIA TOCCO TORRES, NADINE WAXENBERG Assistant BRITTON FORKER Business Development Manager BREANA TOLLA National Travel Manager KATY HILDMAN Senior Research Manager ALISON JAYE
“A Charlie Brown Christmas. At less than 30 minutes, it’s the perfect amount of time for my 3-year-old to sit through!”
MARKETING Group Marketing Director KRISTEN STUCCHIO-SUAREZ Senior Marketing Manager JUDY SCHIFFMAN Marketing Manager MARNIE DOWLER Marketing Coordinator DIANA ZULUAGA Group Creative Director JEANETTE CHOW Art Director TRACY D’AGOSTINO A D M I N I S T R AT I O N Executive Business Director JANICE CROAT Business Manager MEGAN WOOD Advertising Business Manager BOB PARLAPIANO Consumer Marketing Manager RACHEL BLACK Production Director MELANIE STOLTENBERG Production Manager COURTNEY PETERSON Director of Quality JOSEPH KOHLER Quality Analyst BEN ANDERSON Prepress Desktop Specialist GREG FAIRHOLM
“Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas!”
MEREDITH NATIONAL MEDIA GROUP President CATHERINE LEVENE President, Meredith Magazines DOUG OLSON President, Consumer Products TOM WITSCHI President, Meredith Digital ALYSIA BORSA EVP, Strategic and Business Development DAPHNE KWON Executive Vice Presidents Chief Revenue Officer MICHAEL BROWNSTEIN Digital Sales MARLA NEWMAN Finance MICHAEL RIGGS Marketing and Integrated Communications NANCY WEBER Senior Vice Presidents Consumer Marketing STEVE CROWE Consumer Revenue ANDY WILSON Corporate Sales BRIAN KIGHTLINGER Foundry 360 MATT PETERSEN Product and Technology JUSTIN LAW Research Solutions BRITTA CLEVELAND Strategic Planning AMY THIND Strategic Sourcing, Newsstand, Production CHUCK HOWELL Vice Presidents Brand Licensing TOYE CODY, SONDRA NEWKIRK Business Planning and Analysis ROB SILVERSTONE Finance CHRIS SUSIL Strategic Development KELSEY ANDERSEN Strategic Partnerships ALICIA CERVINI
Vice President, Group Editorial Director LIZ VACCARIELLO Chief Digital Content Officer AMANDA DAMERON Director, Editorial Operations and Finance ALEXANDRA BREZ
“Somehow I’ve managed to get my kids hooked on watching The Sound of Music.”
MEREDITH CORPORATION Chairman and Chief Executive Officer TOM HARTY Chief Financial Officer JASON FRIEROTT Chief Development Officer JOHN ZIESER President, Meredith Local Media Group PATRICK McCREERY Senior Vice President, Human Resources DINA NATHANSON Senior Vice President, Chief Communications Officer ERICA JENSEN Vice Chairman MELL MEREDITH FRAZIER
© Copyright Meredith Corporation 2021. All rights reserved. Parents is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation, registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. Executive, editorial, and advertising offices: 225 Liberty Street, New York, NY 10281. Email: writeus@parents.com. Submission of your material constitutes permission for Meredith Corporation to allow its use in any media. Subscribers please note: Our subscribers list is occasionally made available to carefully selected firms whose products may be of interest to you. If you prefer not to receive info from these companies by mail or by phone, please let us know. Send your request and your mailing label to Parents Customer Service, P.O. Box 37508, Boone, IA 50037-0508. Subscription help: Visit us at parents.com/myaccount, email pmmcustserv@cdsfulfillment.com, or call 800-727-3682. For syndication or international licensing requests or reprint and reuse permission, email syndication@meredith.com. Printed in the U.S.A.
EDITOR’S NOTE
Choose Your Own Winter Adventure
JULIA: PETER ARDITO. HAIR AND MAKEUP BY LINDSEY WILLIAMS. JULIA’S SONS: COURTESY OF JULIA EDELSTEIN.
W H E N T H E temperature dips
below 40 degrees, I morph into “indoor mom.” Her life philosophy: Snow is best viewed through a window, slippers always beat boots, and skiing is a nice sport for other people. For the first six years of my life as a parent, I managed to raise my kids without trekking much into the snow. Living in a city helped. We filled the kids’ weekends with playdates and birthday parties, museum trips and bounce houses, and piled onto the couch for cozy Sunday movie nights. But last year, as we waited out our pandemic days in suburbia, things changed. In the thick of isolation, with little ability to socialize and zero activities on my boys’ calendars, my sons looked to the outdoors for respite. And—reluctantly, at first—I went with them. (Snow pants do, in fact, come in adult sizes. Who knew?) When I think back on those wintry times—filled with exciting sledding excursions and botched snowman
Makin’ memories! An epic day and two happy kids.
attempts, numb toes and gloves that inevitably got wet—the days mostly blur together. Except, that is, for one. That was the Saturday my husband, Andrew, happened upon an old gardening bucket—bigger than a milk carton, smaller than a trash can—and started making snow bricks in the backyard. My boys watched the first row of the wall form with mouths agape—and then they were hooked. All day long, even past sunset, our family built with gusto, taking breaks only when I lured everyone inside with the promise of hot cocoa and popcorn. In the end, we made a big lopsided wall and an igloo that collapsed almost immediately the next day, when a visiting toddler pushed it over. But who cares about that part? My kids felt it in their nearly frozen bones that we were making the most of this fleeting natural wonder, and I knew for sure—in a way that is as precious and rare as
a snowflake–that my children were making a memory they would never forget. Plus, the day gave my own ever-buzzing brain a true break. Just try worrying about the ill effects of lockdown
A NOTE ABOUT OUR DECEMBER ISSUE
You may notice that this magazine is brimming with content—twice as much as usual, to be exact. There’s a reason! The holidays are special, so we’ve changed our publishing schedule to give you a double December issue, filled with our amazing kids’ book and toy awards (pages 58 and 72), two grown-up gift guides (pages 14 and 93), and much more. We’ll be combining the January and February issues in 2022.
life while you’re standing in 15-degree weather, shoveling snow into a bucket, then gingerly stacking it atop four other “bricks”—all under the watchful gaze of an opinionated 6-year-old architect. When your mind goes all in on an immersive activity, everything else miraculously rushes out. So what will your family go “all in” on this holiday season? This issue is bursting with ways to get into the spirit. You can rush through dozens of mini traditions, if you like, but I suggest picking a few new ones and embracing them. (You might even let your kids flip through the magazine and help decide.) You could get crafty decorating your house (page 131), build a fort and win the snow day (page 39), or master the giant cinnamon roll (page 64). Whatever you do, the effort is worth it. These cold months are a blank slate for the sweetest family memories, and all you need is your own version of the snow bucket—and your loved ones—to make the most of it. Happy holidays from my family to yours!
Visit Me on Instagram Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to catch my feed.
We’re here to help. Email JuliaE@parents.com to tell me about the topics you’d like to see in future issues of Parents.
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2021
PLAYBOOK Your guide to making the days easier and the journey sweeter
This alternative to gumdrop-studded cookies is made out of Hi-Chew candies. (Polar bear: optional but adorable.)
LET THERE BE DELIGHT!
PROP STYLING BY ASHLEY TOTH.
Holiday Candy Crush Gingerbread houses aren’t always what they’re cracked up to be (and often they literally crack in your kids’ hands during the construction phase). So consider this sweet, sturdy update on the seasonal classic, inspired by blogger Chelsea Foy, of Lovely Indeed. It’s an igloo made completely of Hi-Chew candies that are as easy to work with as building blocks. To make one, gather an assortment of candy flavors worthy of a pastel winter wonderland, and start by stacking the
photograph by K AT E M AT H I S
cubes upward into an arch to make the igloo’s doorway. (Because they’re chewy and malleable, the candies stick together nicely—no icing needed.) Next, form a ring of candies that meets at the doorway, and continue stacking them on top of each other, curving each layer inward to create a dome. Surround the igloo with mini trees to add some chill ambience, or consider sprinkling the base with shredded coconut for snow. Home sweet home!
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2021
P L AY B O O K
APPROVED
2021
/ I F YO U A S K M E /
“I’m thankful for any presents that loved ones give my kid. But what should I do if they give something I really don’t want my child to have?”
THE SHORT LIST What’s new, novel, and nice to know in December
Three parents, no wrong answers
LISTEN
“One of my friends changed my life when she told me you can ask people for gift cards instead of presents. I was worried I’d seem rude, but it worked! I have a stack of Amazon and Target gift cards to buy diapers and kids’ clothing—we’ll see if it continues once my daughter can pick out her own out�its. We still get presents we don’t use (usually noisy ones). If it’s someone I’m close to, I gently tell them that we’d prefer more low-pro�ile toys in the future. If it isn’t, I say thanks, send them a picture of my child with the gift, and put it in our garage, which is probably terrible of me.”
“The good news is you can receive the thoughtful and loving intention of a gift, and then donate it. Say thank you, be gracious, and �ind that present a new home—give it to a local charity shop, pass it to a friend, drop it at a toy drive. Then let go of the guilt. This is a chance to convey your values to your child. They might feel momentarily disappointed, so opt for an alternative gift or experience. If you want to live more simply or own less, tell friends and family before birthdays and holidays, and explain how they can help support your goals.”
—Amanda Vaughn, a marriage and family therapist and mom of four @amanda_vaughn_therapy
—Ayana Lage, host of the Asked by Ayana podcast and mom of one @ayanagabriellelage
—Shira Gill, author of Minimalista and mom of two @shiragill
WAT C H
Pile onto the sofa for Annie Live! On December 2, NBC will host a live performance with Harry Connick Jr. as Daddy Warbucks, Taraji P. Henson as Miss Hannigan, and newcomer Celina Smith as Annie. Good news for Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt fans: The cast also includes Tituss Burgess and Jane Krakowski.
—Caylin Harris
PREP / R E L ATA B L E /
Kids really will start explaining the rules at lunch and still not be finished by bedtime. @kdelune666
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To keep bread from going stale, “slice it and store it tightly wrapped in the freezer,” says Dawn Perry, author of the new cookbook Ready, Set, Cook, out November 2. This way, you’ll always be ready for sandwiches or egg-in-a-hole. Just revive slices in the toaster for goodas-fresh flavor. $30; bookshop.org
THIS PAGE, “IF YOU ASK ME”: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECTS. “SHORT LIST”: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS. OPPOSITE: NBC/GETTY.
“Keep the peace. Gifts are given with good intentions. And, fortunately, most people aren’t going to give the same gift repeatedly. It’s most likely a one-time problem. I had a hard no-toy-gun policy for my kids. I made the guns disappear before the kids noticed. And at the age my kids were more aware, it made space for a conversation between us: ‘Oh no! Auntie So-and-So didn’t realize we don’t keep these at our house. Let’s exchange them for something else.’ Your kid will love picking out a different gift—I promise.”
Even if puberty is a long way off, you might want to mentally prepare for what’s to come. Enter The Puberty Podcast, hosted by Parents advisor Cara Natterson, M.D., and Vanessa Kroll Bennett. They weave together research, parenting strategies, and amusing stories to help guide adults who are raising tweens and teens.
/ HIGHS AND LOWS /
Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell You’ve seen them play mom and dad on-screen (Dax in Parenthood, Kristen in Bad Moms). But they’re also open books about real-life parenting on their podcasts (his: Armchair Expert, hers: We Are Supported By). The couple behind the plant-based Hello Bello products and cohosts of NBC’s Family Game Fight give us an update on raising Lincoln, 8, and Delta, 6. Recent parenting win SHEPARD I figured out that if I scratch my younger daughter’s head extremely hard —her request—she is out cold within 90 seconds. Recent parenting miss SHEPARD I gave a “no TV for the weekend” consequence, which was later revealed to be a barbaric punishment for us. BELL Yeah, that will never happen again. Parenting superpower SHEPARD Not yelling. BELL Mine is patience while everyone moves like molasses getting out of the house. Parenting kryptonite SHEPARD Waiting for others to get out of the house. BELL But it’s true that he never yells. My kryptonite is when my girls give me sass. I have to bite my cheeks to keep from sassing them back! Fun of a family road trip SHEPARD Singing together in the family bus. BELL Getting out of our bubble and exploring together. Hitch in a family road trip SHEPARD Power struggles over who sits where. BELL Attempting to keep bedtime when everything is new and fun and exciting. Also, missing the dogs. High point of pandemic parenting SHEPARD Spending 24/7 together. There will likely never be another opportunity. BELL Agreed. Getting to know my kids in a way I never would have otherwise. Low point of pandemic parenting SHEPARD Spending 24/7 together, with a side of Zoom homeschooling.
BELL Attempting
to keep everyone’s brain occupied and growing when we had to stay indoors. Lovely thing about being a “mom and dad” on Instagram BELL Being able to drop words of encouragement to someone we don’t even know. Tricky thing about being a public “mom and dad” SHEPARD We’re performers, so we still need America to be sexually attracted to us.
It’s not the holidays until we do this SHEPARD Get the over-the-top exterior illumination banging! BELL Dax handles the outdoor décor, I handle the indoor. The holidays cannot begin until it looks like Santa has puked endless decorations in every corner of the house. One ritual we skip at the holidays SHEPARD Elf on the Shelf. There’s enough going on. BELL Agreed, the elf never worked for us. The kids would
hide it more than we would, and then we’d have to act surprised. I’m also into skipping cooking sometimes. Less stress and a way to support restaurants. At least we have this down SHEPARD Talking to our children. We’ve always been honest and respected their opinions. There has yet to be a problem we have not been able to talk our way through. I’m so grateful. I don’t know that I could ask for much more. BELL For me, it’s distracting them when they are on the brink of a tantrum. We are still figuring this out SHEPARD How to referee their fights. I’m growing pessimistic; the only solution may be tranquilizer darts. BELL I’m still working on packing lunches that they don’t complain about. Great thing about raising strong women SHEPARD Knowing that they will be seen and heard. BELL That the women they are becoming are women I’d want to be friends with. Challenging part about raising strong women SHEPARD Everything’s a court battle that ends, best case, in compromise. BELL Teaching them it’s their body, their choice, can really backfire when you are asking them to wear pants to school.
Exclusive Video! Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to see Shepard and Bell in our “I Wish Someone Told Me” series, or look for it on PeopleTV.
P L AY B O O K
TA K E 5
FINDING S O L AC E D U R I N G TH E H O LI DAYS The winter season can be especially difficult if you’re grieving the loss of someone close. But there are ways to cope with emotions that will naturally come up so you can stay present with your kids, says Krista St-Germain, a grief expert and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast. If you’re suddenly hit by what she calls a “grief grenade,” find a quiet space to try her Breathe + N.O.W. method.
T E AC H YO U R C H I L D T O . . .
B R E AT H E
LO S E G R AC E FU LLY
Put your hand on your heart and take three deep breaths. N a m e it. Say to yourself,
“This is sadness.” O p e n yourself to the experience. “Emotions are harmless sensations that pass within minutes if you don’t resist them. Allow the feeling to go through you like water sifting through a screen,” St-Germain says. W i t n e s s what’s happening in your body. Ask yourself, “Where is the sad feeling? What do you notice? What is its speed, size, shape, color?” Describe it objectively. Doing this helps normalize feelings, making it easier to sit with them and take part in the family events you’d like to.
Whether your kid is playing a board game, trying out for the school play, or stepping onto a sports field, it’s crucial for them to learn that things might not always go their way. Kerri Walsh Jennings, three-time Olympic gold medalist in beach volleyball and mom of three, shares how to empower kids to be team players.
Your child might want to quit if they aren’t good at a game or don’t pick up on an activity right away. Be empathetic, and help them understand that they’re capable of pursuing anything, even when they think it’s hard or boring. Walsh Jennings asks her own kids, “How can you make this tough situation better?” to spark their desire to try again.
Dial up the praise. “Encouraging quotes and phrases are my jam!” says Walsh Jennings, whose personal motto on and off the court is “Breathe, believe, battle.” Come up with a family motto, and use it whenever your child needs a boost.
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table by your opponents, whether it’s in Candy Land or kickball—or the Olympics, Walsh Jennings says. “Losing in the 2016 Olympic semifinals wasn’t my favorite moment, but I made sure to learn from it and sincerely congratulate Team Brazil for a match well played.”
Remind kids of their commitments.
Turn down the pressure. Perfection is impossible. (Say it again!) Remind your child that it’s their job to do their best and try hard. It’s okay to hate losing—all champions do—but if they stick with it, they’ll improve, and the wins will eventually come to them.
Lead by example. Always praise the level of play that was brought to the
Try something new. Encourage your kid to pursue an activity that they enjoy doing—not just something that every other kid in their class is signing up for. “My son, Sundance, loves music, so I encourage him to dance, take piano lessons, and play music-related games, in addition to participating in whatever sport is in season,” Walsh Jennings says.
“TAKE 5”: EMMA KIM/GETTY. “TEACH YOUR CHILD TO ...,” FROM TOP: JW LTD/GETTY; COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT.
N .O .W.
AG E : 3 +
P L AY B O O K
Three Simple Bathing Swaps
Suds up with Bathing Culture Mind and Body Wash ($18 for 8 oz.; bathingculture.com), a biodegradable soap that’s bottled in curbsidecollected recycled plastic. The concentrated formula means one dab goes a long way—you’ll get about 80 washes out of one 8-ounce bottle.
G R E E N YO U R R O U T I N E
S H OWE R TI M E
by C AY L I N H A R R I S
Turn down the temp. Using less hot water expends less energy, period. So instead of steamy showers, aim for warm ones. A cooler temperature is better for skin, anyway. “Hot water strips skin of essential oils needed for proper barrier function,” says Joshua Zeichner, M.D., a dermatologist in New York City. “As a general rule, adjust the water temperature so it’s similar to that of a heated pool in the summer, rather than a hot tub.” And if on chaotic days the most you can manage is the human equivalent of a birdbath (soaping up quickly with a washcloth at the sink), there’s a bright side: Every skipped shower saves about 16 gallons of water.
Check your fixtures. Buy a showerhead that regulates water flow to
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2021
1.8 gallons per minute or less (a good one: Moen Engage Eco-Performance Handshower, starting at $70; moen.com for stores). Most of us might assume a lower-flow showerhead means an ineffective, low-pressure shower, but
in fact, the opposite is true: The holes are smaller, which makes the water come out faster and with more pressure. That’s all while reducing water usage by 30 percent on average, says Friday Apaliski, founder of Sustainability Concierge, a company that provides eco home consultations.
Rather than tossing your plastic razor in the trash once it’s dull, try the Hanni Weighted Razor ($38; heyhanni.com). The blades easily swap out and provide a close, smooth shave—some say even smoother than your typical plastic version (so less shaving overall). Pair it with Shave Pillow gel ($22; heyhanni.com) and you won’t even need to use water to defuzz.
Air out your towels.
Showers are actually more efficient than baths—especially with a low-flow showerhead. The standard tub requires up to 70 gallons to fill. Source: U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.
When they dry completely, you’ll “cut down on odorcausing bacterial growth and avoid that dreaded wet-towel smell,” says Courtenay Hartford, who shares home tips on the blog The Creek Line House. That can mean less laundry in the long run. For a superabsorbent option, try the Resorè Body Towel ($99; us.resore.com), made with eco-friendly bamboo and Aegean Turkish cotton.
Give skin gentle exfoliation with the Firsthand Natural Sea Wool Sponge ($18; firsthandsupply.com). Unlike plastic loofahs, this handharvested scrubber inhibits bacterial growth and is biodegradable. Just rinse it clean after each use, squeeze out excess water, and let it air-dry to lengthen its life.
WOMAN: TORWAI/GETTY. PRODUCTS: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.
Thanks to small children banging on your bathroom door, you’ve no doubt perfected the five-minute limit already. But there are other ways to make your daily wash kinder to the planet.
P L AY B O O K
Grown-Up Gifts for All Your Helpers
APPROVED
2021
If it takes a village to raise a child, you may need a whole lot of gifts come holiday time. This roundup can give you an assist, with 21 picks that are $50 or less. photographs by J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K
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HOME & GARDEN
1. For the friend who loves
curling up at home, pick up Just Haven’t Met You Yet, by Sophie Cousens, a fun meld of drama and romance. When Laura’s suitcase gets switched at the airport, she must track down who has it—a potential soulmate, probably? $16; bookshop .org; available November 9
for the enthusiastic hosts in your life
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2. Look closely: The elegant
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flume on the Eleplanter Self-Watering Planter is in the shape of a trunk. Plop in greenery to gift to a hostess. $35; store.moma.org 3. This porcelain Celia
5
White Vase, just under 6 inches tall, is easy to fill with evergreen branches for a teacher or a work wife. $17; cb2.com 4. For a playdate parent
who’s always offering up cheese cubes, wrap a ribbon around this Ikat Indigo Shibori Terracotta Paddle Serving Board. $48; cameonouveau.com
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5. The Bodum Caffettiera
French Press brings a retro vibe to any kitchen—and it brews 34 ounces of java to jump-start your giftee’s day. $25; store.moma.org 6. A Society 6 Serving Tray
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7. For your preteen niece or favorite aunt, the pretty Sunrise Trinket Dish shows you’ve noted their great taste in jewelry and want them to have a place to set rings and things overnight. $14; anthropologie.com 7
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2–5: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.
acts as a catchall for remotes, magazines, and Goldfish crumbs. Pick from dozens of designs to fit a friend’s style. $45 for a 14x18-in. tray; society6.com
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KITCHEN & COOKING for your food-loving friends
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7
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1. Help satisfy a
bubble-tea craving at home: The Tea Drops Boba Bubble Deluxe Tea Kit includes tea, creamers, and tapioca. $50; myteadrop.com 2. Hot beverages stay
hot and cold stay cold in the steel Que Insulated Bottle, which has a leakproof bamboo twist top and a ceramic
interior. Plus, 10 percent of profits go to the Rainforest Trust. $33 for 17 oz.; quebottle.com 3. New York City’s
favorite chunky cookies ship nationwide. Pick Levain’s packs of darkchocolate chocolatechip, chocolate-chip walnut, dark-chocolate peanut butter, or oatmeal raisin. (You may need
some too.) $27 for a fourpack; levainbakery.com 4. A home chef can
never have too much olive oil. This Oleamea Organic Private Select EVOO looks great on a countertop and tastes even better. $23 for 500 ml; oleamea.com 5. Designed by
celebs like Bobby Flay and Hilary Duff, the
No Kid Hungry Tools for Change Silicone Spatulas benefit the organization working to end childhood hunger. $15 each; williams-sonoma.com 6. Delight dessert fiends
with Compartes chocolate bars, which come in unconventional flavors (like Donuts & Coffee) and equally cool
wrappers. Buy a batch and give out several. $10 each; compartes.com 7. Amateur barbecue
cooks can experiment with flavor using The Smoking Chunks Variety Pack, which includes pecan, cherry, oak, and hickory pieces that fit any grill or smoker. $49; cuttingedge firewood.com
P L AY B O O K
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1. Striped, solid, animal-print:
Sunshine Tienda’s handpainted earrings have a fun ’80s-yet-still-modern vibe and are made from allnatural materials. Starting at $36; sunshinetienda.com
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2. Move over, “Best
Dad Ever.” There’s a new motivational mug in town for holding hot brown water. (The Ted Lasso– obsessed pal in your life will know what this means.) $21.50; etsy.com/ shop/ChouetteStudioUS
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3. The vinyl billboard you
once saw on the side of a highway has been recycled into the durable, wipeable, hold-all Rareform Mini Blake Tote. Each design is different, so your friend will never twin with another mom at school pickup. $48; rareform.com
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4. The John Derian Painter’s
Palette 1,000-Piece Puzzle looks like a piece of art, even when halfway done on a coffee table. $20; johnderian.com 5. Founded by 7- and
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FUN
for the peeps with a colorful streak
9-year-old brothers, Are You Kidding Socks come in loads of upbeat prints and raise funds for charitable organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters and Autism Speaks. This cookies-and-milk pair benefits Cookies for Kids’ Cancer. $12 per pair; areyoukiddingsocks.com 6. Suitable for needlework
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newbies, the Burn It Up Beanie Easy Crochet Kit comes with everything to whip up a new winter hat, including a step-bystep pattern to learn basic stitches. The project is simple and satisfying (and pairs nicely with wine and Hulu after the kids head to bed). Starts at $34; woolandthegang.com home to office and back again, friends can protect their computer in Baggu’s Puffy Laptop Sleeve. Made from recycled nylon and polyfill, it’s like a cozy little sleeping bag for their device. $28; baggu.com
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1–2: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.
7. When schlepping from
Usar como se indica. ©JJCI 2021
TESTED BY PEDIATRICIANS DERMATOLOGISTS OPHTHALMOLOGISTS BECAUSE GENTLE IS ALWAYS IN.
SCAN TO SHOP
KIDS.
H E L P T H E M T H R I V E I N E V E R Y WA Y
A FEW ART LESSONS CAN HELP KIDS SEE THEIR WORLD IN A N E W WAY.
Every Kid Can Learn to Draw Most children love to scribble and paint, but too many eventually decide they’re “not good at art.” The problem? They never actually learned the basics. Now’s the time to pencil those in. by E R I N Z A M M E T T R U D DY photograph by S T E P H A N I E R AU S S E R
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K I D S Ñ C r e at iv it y
putting your 6-year-old out on a soccer field and expecting them to score a goal when they’d never practiced dribbling before. Or handing them a musical instrument and waiting for them to bust out one of Mozart’s sonatas, only they hadn’t been taught actual notes. You wouldn’t do it, right? And if you did, they’d probably hate it (and possibly you too) and never want to play again. When it comes to drawing or painting in the early grades, students are often told to “express their creativity” rather than being instructed in any systematic way. The problem with that method: “Kids who haven’t learned core art skills tend to grow dissatisfied with their drawings, decide art isn’t for them, and quit,” says Bette Fetter, a former illustrator working in early-childhood education who founded Young Rembrandts, nationwide drawing classes for kids ages 3 to 12. Have you ever heard a kid say, “I can’t draw” or “I’m just not good at art”? Unfortunately, the number of students receiving arts education has shrunk. “When education budgets get cut, the arts programs are first on the chopping block because they’re not seen as valuable,” says Fetter. A federal government report found that schools with a higher percentage of minority students were more likely to report cuts in time spent on the arts. “When kids do have art, they’re lucky if it’s 30 minutes once a week,” Fetter says. “They might go to the art room, or maybe an art teacher travels to them because there’s no dedicated classroom.” It’s a shortsighted approach because research shows teaching strategies that include the visual and performing arts improve memory for content in subjects like math and science. If we think of art
as a superpower for kids, we need to do what we can to give them those wings.
DR AWING HELPS WITH MATH AND MORE
In art, everything starts with a drawing. “Every painting, every sculpture, every watercolor, began with an idea drawn on paper,” Fetter says. “We need to know those core skills in order to progress and keep creating art.” It’s like anything else we’re taught—you need the building blocks to, well, build on. “Learning to draw is like learning to read or do multiplication
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tables,” says Janet Hartman, an artist who taught for 30 years at Roland Park Country School, in Baltimore. That’s not to say free-form creative expression (i.e., “Here’s a piece of paper, draw whatever you want!”) isn’t fun and worthy too. But it’s important to start at the beginning. “All the arts are areas for self-expression but often need direction. Art, like the other disciplines, has ordered steps. If you learn to draw and are taught about color and design, you can take what you’ve absorbed and use the parts you want to create your own masterpiece, but you cannot do that if you haven’t mastered the basics,” Hartman says. Learning to draw and developing “visual literacy” (the ability to interpret
THIS PAGE, FROM LEFT: LÉA JONES/STOCKSY; DANE TASHIMA. OPPOSITE: PETER ARDITO.
I M AG I N E
and think critically about visual images) also has broader benefits that help kids succeed academically. That’s because the majority of children are visual learners. “They learn by seeing things, so drawing is their language,” Fetter says. “It’s their native tongue, and it needs to be developed, because knowing how to draw is a tool that will serve them well their whole life.” They use it across subjects; there’s drawing in math (cube trains, anyone?), in science (hello, double helix), in social studies (maps!). And that’s a very good thing: Incorporating the arts into the curriculum has shown to be a significant factor in improving academic outcomes, from motivation for learning to thinking skills to retention of learned content. Mariale Hardiman, Ed.D., professor at the Johns Hopkins School of Education, directs the Neuro-Education Initiative, which studies how children retain what they learn in school. “A lot of the information we teach using traditional instruction doesn’t stick, but when arts are integrated into the curriculum, learning becomes more visual, helping children remember the information better,” she says. Dr. Hardiman’s research found that the arts impact the kids who need them the most. “When we looked at science lessons, for example, we found that the increase in retention was especially strong for students at the lower levels of reading achievement,” Dr. Hardiman says. Of course, the skills have benefits far beyond improving our kids’ grades. Learning to hold a pencil helps with fine motor and coordination skills, as does coloring between the lines. Art boosts a child’s imagination, allowing them to dream and think (and create) big. It’s also a great way to help them express how they feel and build confidence—or even find “their thing.” Scarlet Carey, an eighth-grader in Greenlawn, New York, has been drawing since before she can remember, and people notice. “It makes me feel really good when other kids see my art hanging in the school and tell me I’m a good artist,” she says. “And I love making art for family members for their birthday and seeing how much they love it.” Every individual has strengths that they gravitate toward, and giving
children an intro to art simply broadens their options. “If math is not your thing, but you realize that drawing in perspective is actually math and that you’re good at that, it can change your entire attitude toward both subjects and yourself,” Hartman says. “And maybe you aren’t an athlete or a singer, but you can design the set for the school play.”
START WITH LINES, SHAPES, COLORS
CREATE AN AT-HOME ART STUDIO The name of the game is accessibility, so have this stuff out and ready to be used. Buy the best quality you can.
Brown or white craft paper. “The bigger the better when they’re little in terms of paper size,” Jessica Howard says. “You want them to exercise their arms and really get into it.” Opt for paper that’s at least 18 by 24 inches. Ticonderoga pencils and a sharpener Charcoal pencils and an eraser Sakura Cray-Pas. They’re creamy, lush, and beautiful. Liquid watercolors and heavy-weight watercolor paper. Start with a pencil drawing, and use watercolors to finish. Tempera paints and good brushes
The most important thing you can do is make time—and space—for art in your home. In childhood, “pencils are more important than crayons or markers,” Fetter says. So have plenty of those on hand along with basic art supplies. Designate an area where your kids can come and create undisturbed, and don’t obsess about keeping it clean and tidy after every session. (Hint: Make this area out of sight if you can.) At Young Rembrandts, kids learn step-by-step how to draw things like butterflies, ice-cream cones, or even horses. This goes against the “just let kids express their creativity” message we often hear in preschools; instead, it’s about learning how-to techniques as an empowering tool for budding artists. “Children develop on different timetables, but I believe line, shape, and color are the best building blocks to start with,” Hartman says. If you have the confidence to show your kid how to put together lines that make shapes to create, say, a dog or a cat, that will help them see how it works. Just aim for a healthy balance between unstructured drawing time and your instruction. “You can spend time doing fundamentals, but in a sneaky way so they don’t feel as if they’re being taught,” adds Jessica Howard, a veteran art teacher and owner of Second Floor Studio, in Fairfield, Connecticut, where she hosts classes for young kids. “Teach them shapes, and help them understand that shapes make everything. Demonstrate what a circle looks like, and make little ones, big
K I D S Ñ C r e at iv it y
programs, free classes at your local library, even summer camps), or find instructional videos online. Young Rembrandts has a series of how-to clips on YouTube (their “How to Draw a Butterfly” has more than 11 million views). Just try not to evaluate your child’s art—you’d be surprised by how much we do it without realizing. “Rather than saying things like ‘I like it’ or ‘It’s pretty,’ talk about the art itself,” Fetter says. “Mention the things you see: ‘That orange really pops next to that blue’ or ‘Your marker lines are very straight!’ ” Even better: Ask them to tell you about their drawings. “You’ll be amazed at the story they tell about just one drawing,” Fetter says. Then hang that zombie alligator ballerina up. “When a student feels successful in an area, they are usually eager to continue,” Hartman says. “Good teachers know how to encourage
ones, and then say, ‘Oh, look, you can make it into a sun, you can make it into a snowman, you can make it into a flower—let’s see what we can add!’ ” Having them draw from life is key. “Put something down in front of them—like a vase with flowers—and say, ‘Draw what you see,’ ” says Howard, herself a working artist at Jessica Howard Ceramics and Art. “Help them break it into sections and use their eyes to find the different lines and shapes.” A house, for example, is made up of a square and then a triangle for the roof and a rectangle for the door. Add some more squares for windows and have some fun with the landscaping! “You want them to be able to draw by looking at something for reference to give them a foundation, but also let them be free to make their
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own decisions when it comes to art,” Howard says. (If they want to learn to draw a bus or an ice-cream cone or a unicorn, print out a picture of those things and have them draw what they see). Another trick Howard uses with her classes: playing classical music. “It helps the kids stay calm and focused,” she says. What can you do to enhance the experience? Help them notice proportion, balance, and perspective. “Really looking at what they’re drawing trains them to analyze, to consider various options, to think things through. That’s visual literacy, and the same observation skills that help you draw a cat help you spell cat,” Fetter says. Incorporate guided instruction when you can. Sign them up for art classes (look for after-school
students by displaying their artwork.” And nothing says success to a little kid like seeing their mini Cézanne tacked up on your family bulletin board. If your kid is churning out drawings at a rapid clip and you want to keep some of your walls for non-stick-figure art, have them pick three they’d like to hang and rotate them out periodically. Remember to keep art light and fun. Wanting to make marks on a page is a natural, universal drive. It’s for everybody, and it should be encouraged. “An interest in art is innate, but skill is not,” says Fetter. “It’s not either you have it or you don’t. It’s something you can absolutely teach.” And we must.
ZOE ADLERSBERG.
Drawing boosts learning retention in other subjects like math, reading, and social studies.
by lori wemple, “Toy Story” by rebecca smith, “Serene” by erin waters, “Mickey and Minnie on the Plane” by weronika sumak, “Lightning McQueen Route 66” by jill means, “Aliens” by vivian yiwing, “Glitch” by igor serazetdinov.
©Minted, ©Disney, ©Disney/Pixar, Slinky® Dog ©POOF-Slinky, LLC 2021 ART SHOWN: Clockwise: “Visit Arendelle” by erica krystek, “Elsa’s Magic” by lori wemple, “Escape to Motunui” by erica krystek, “Moana the Voyager”
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K I D SÑB e h a v i o r
How to Quit Yelling You don’t want to shout at your kids, but it often seems as though that’s the only way they’ll listen. Is it? I’ve learned from parents around the world that reacting in a different way makes everyone happier. by M I C H A E L E E N D O U C H L E F F, P h . D . / photographs by P R I S C I L L A G R A G G
FOR YEARS,
I relied on one primary parenting strategy: nagging followed by yelling. Sometimes I’d even yell to my 3-year-old, “Rosy, stop screaming!” The notion of anger-free parenting seemed a bit like the keto diet. I knew I shouldn’t eat so many carbohydrates, but it was just too hard to resist that big bowl of pasta. Doesn’t everyone yell at their kids when nobody’s looking? Turns out, they don’t. For the past few years, inspired by my work as a reporter for NPR, I’ve been studying how moms and dads around the world parent without losing their cool.
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I’ve visited communities from the arctic tundra to the Tanzania savanna where parents rarely—even never—yell, scold, or nag their children. These parents taught me to how to discipline and motivate my daughter without resorting to anger, punishments, or bribes. I wrote about their approach in my book Hunt, Gather, Parent. The book also describes a way of raising helpful, confident kids—by cooperating with them rather than fighting with them—that parents have been using for thousands of years. But once the book was published earlier this year, I discovered that I didn’t
have to leave the country to learn about this level-headed approach. Readers emailed and told me they’d raised their children (or had been raised) this way in the United States. For example, Tiokasin Ghosthorse, a member of the Cheyenne River Lakota Nation of South Dakota who hosts and produces the First Voices Radio show, told me, “I never yelled at my daughter when she was growing up—and never have.” Stevie Benanty, who grew up in New York City, said, “My paternal grandmother raised me and my sister. She was a French-Algerian immigrant, who was just so soft and gentle by nature.
K I D SÑB e h a v i o r
I feel very grateful that she raised me without yelling.” So how exactly does a mom stay calm when her 8-year-old blatantly disobeys her? How does a dad keep his cool when his 3-year-old slaps him across the face? The key isn’t suppressing your anger after it erupts, says psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Northeastern University, in Boston. “There’s a big misconception that you can easily stop yourself when you’re already mad.” Instead, parents who don’t yell at their kids use the following strategies to avoid getting angry in the first place.
Remind yourself they aren’t misbehaving on purpose. One afternoon, Rosy and I were in Kugaaruk, Canada, interviewing Dolorosa Nartok about how she stays calm with her grandchildren. Rosy kept grabbing my microphone and swinging the cord like a jump rope. I begged her to stop, and she looked at me, smiled, and swung it even harder. “Argh!” I thought. “She’s trying to push my buttons.” Nartok said something I’ll never forget: “If the child doesn’t listen, it’s because she is too young to understand. She is not ready for the lesson.” There’s a common belief in the U.S. that kids “push buttons,” “test boundaries,” and “manipulate” their parents, but there’s no scientific evidence that this is true. There are no brain scans in which the “manipulating” circuitry lights up when 3-year-olds misbehave. And there are no psychological studies in which 8-year-olds come clean and admit, “Yes, all I wanted to do was make Dad mad.” These ideas are essentially folktales that parents tell themselves to help explain their children’s bewildering behaviors, says clinical psychologist Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of Voice Lessons for Parents: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Listen. However, these folktales just fuel parents’ anger because no one likes to be manipulated. In many communities, parents have a different interpretation of a child’s motivation. They consider kids under about age 8 or 9 to be irrational, illogical creatures who don’t have “understanding” yet, just as Nartok told me. Children’s
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motivations are good—and they truly love us—but they just don’t know how to behave properly yet. “Young children are little animals—wonderful, expressive animals,” Dr. Mogel adds. “Parents think children have a higher general level of cognitive ability than they do—because kids are astonishingly sophisticated thinkers in some areas. But they are supposed to wail if their nervous system is taxed beyond capacity.” T R Y T H I S : Expect that young kids will misbehave. Expect them to be rude, bossy, and violent. Expect them to make a mess, do tasks improperly, lash out at you, and sometimes even hit you. Expect tantrums, emotional outbursts, and tears galore. “Don’t take any of it personally or think you’re a bad parent,” Dr. Mogel says. Although kids’ behavior improves as they get older, even teens have emotional outbursts and circle back to immature behavior. “When we think kids should know what not to do but they still do it, that drives us crazy and then we raise our voice,” says clinical psychologist Laura Markham, Ph.D., founder of AhaParenting.com. To help remember that children of all ages want to be good, come up with an endearing nickname for them, such
as Sweet Potato, Baby Girl, or My Love. Use the nickname often, including when your child is misbehaving, to soften your responses and your point of view. “Or pretend that your child is an exchange student from another country and you’re just fascinated by their behavior,” Dr. Mogel suggests. “This will help you swap out your anger for curiosity.” Just because you expect your child to misbehave doesn’t mean you let them do whatever they want. You can still point out mistakes, set boundaries, and guide proper behavior—you just don’t yell. For example, if your toddler climbs onto the table at a restaurant, simply move them back into their chair and remind them, “Tables aren’t for climbing on. At restaurants, we sit in chairs.”
Refuse to fight with your child. Arguing or even negotiating with your child will make both of you more frustrated—and you’ll end up teaching them to argue whenever problems arise, says Erlanger Turner, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Pepperdine University Graduate School of Education and Psychology, in Los Angeles, and the founder of the organization Therapy for Black Kids.
“Your kids are observing you and learning how to respond to the world by watching you as a parent.” Simply recognizing that anger will make a situation worse can help you yell less often. When a person believes that anger is a useful emotion, they tend to use that emotion more frequently, says Batja Mesquita, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Leuven, in Belgium. But if you have experienced that anger is unproductive, you’ll be more inclined to find another way to handle the situation. If Rosy spills her drink at dinner, I’m now more likely to assume she accidently tipped over the glass and quickly help her clean it up rather than immediately scolding her or arguing over why the drink spilled. T R Y T H I S : Stop arguing, bickering, and negotiating with your kids. Simply don’t do it. If you change your perspective on kids’ motivations, then arguing makes no sense. How can you convince an illogical, irrational person to be logical? If you feel anger building, be silent for a second and remind yourself: “Getting angry won’t help” or “Being angry at a child is unproductive.” When you can see a power struggle brewing, calmly state the reason behind your decision making, Dr. Turner suggests. Tell your child, “I’m not going to yell or argue because that’s going to make things worse.” Or simply remind them of your family’s rules: “In our family, we don’t argue over such matters” or “Sorry, Sweet Potato, no bargaining.” You can also put your hand gently on their shoulder when you’re talking to them. Then simply walk away.
doing? All three of you go to your room!’ ” she says. Instead, Gomez paused for a second. “In that moment, I went for some quick self-empathy. I asked myself, ‘What am I feeling and needing?’ I’ve been trying to get that one thing done and I keep getting interrupted! I am needing ease—and fewer obstacles in my way,” Gomez recalls. Once she felt compassion for herself, she was in the mindset to give the same to her kids. “Rather than yelling, I was ready to hear their feelings and needs,” she says. “Learning to construct emotions is like learning any skill—the more you practice,
4 Ways to Find Your Zen 1
W H E N YO U R K I D . . .
Takes forever to put on their shoes in the morning R E M I N D YO U R S E L F :
“Getting angry will only make this situation worse.” 2
W H E N YO U R K I D . . .
Nags you to buy something at the store and starts negotiating to get you to change your mind S AY T O T H E M :
“I’m not going to argue with you.” 3
W H E N YO U R K I D . . .
Shouts at their sibling
Summon positive, calm emotions. One afternoon, Michelle Leah Gomez found herself in a frustrating situation. The mother of three was trying to finish a task—for the eighth time—when something erupted in the backyard. “I heard the dog barking, a child crying, and at least one person yelling. It was a general cacophony of unhappiness and distress,” says Gomez, a nonviolentcommunication parenting teacher and coach in Santa Cruz, California. “Inside my head, I heard the conventional parenting response, ‘What are you
S AY T O T H E M :
“Yelling isn’t going to help.” 4
W H E N YO U R K I D . . .
Begins to scream, cry, or have a tantrum when you’re on an important Zoom meeting R E M I N D YO U R S E L F :
“Being angry at a child is unproductive—they are irrational creatures who don’t know how to act.”
the more expert you become,” Dr. Barrett says. “When you practice cultivating certain emotions, your brain grows new connections that make it easier to construct these emotions in the future.” T R Y T H I S : Next time you’re outside walking, find a crack in the sidewalk where there’s a weed poking out and let yourself take a few moments to really look at it in detail. “Try to experience the feeling of awe at the power of nature to overcome human attempts to constrain it,” Dr. Barrett says. “Then practice feeling awe at the beauty of a butterfly, a lovely flower, or clouds in the sky.” Also take a few minutes each day to practice feeling compassion for your child. Look at their chubby fingers or sweet face, and remind yourself how much they love and need you. Remind yourself of a time when they were vulnerable and trying to please you. You might also keep a gratitude journal. Each day, jot down several things your child did recently to help around the house or times when they were generous and loving. When you start to feel anger rising, you’ll be better able to swap out that negative, unproductive feeling for a more productive, positive one. Think about something in nature that inspires awe. Focus on your child’s cute little nose, and summon compassion for this irrational creature. Or remind yourself that although this kid is driving you bananas right now, they were kind to their sibling this afternoon when they needed help with their homework. This dash of positive feeling may be all you need to resist the urge to yell. And if it doesn’t work and you do yell? You’ll have an opportunity to teach your child how to make amends, says Dr. Turner. “You can sit down together later and say, ‘Let’s have a conversation about how we talk with people. I slipped up recently and yelled at you. I know that wasn’t the best way to respond,’ ” he suggests. “Kids are still learning how to regulate their emotions, and they don’t do that automatically. You have to teach them—and you do that by staying calm and compassionate yourself.” Michaeleen Douchleff, Ph.D., is a journalist and the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Healthy Little Humans.
K I D S Ñ D e v e l o p m e nt
The Spectrum of Care Black children with autism are five times less likely than white kids to get the early intervention that can make a crucial difference in their long-term development. It’s a complex problem, and it’s time to talk about solutions. by T E R R I H U G G I N S / illustrations by J A M E S YA N G
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2021
IT TOOK
Kisha Gulley, of Phoenix, nearly a year and half before anyone took her worries about her son’s developmental delays seriously, and another year before he received an autism diagnosis. “I knew early on that my son’s speech was delayed and that kids should be hitting certain milestones. But when I’d mention to my friends that he wasn’t saying anything, they thought I was overreacting. They’d say things like, ‘Boys always take longer to talk than girls’ or ‘He’ll speak in his own time’ or ‘It’s because you’re talking to him in Spanish.’ I was being treated like an overprotective first-time mom,” says Gulley, a Black Latina mom of two. That skepticism led her to hold off on getting an evaluation for her son until he was 31/2. Research shows that Gulley’s experience could have been worse. A 2020 study of more than 500 Black children enrolled in the Autism Genetic Resource Exchange, a nonprofit DNA repository and family registry available to autism researchers, found they were diagnosed at 65 months, on average, and about 42 months after their parents initially expressed concern about their development. Although the average age of all children who receive the diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder is a little under 41/2, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Black children are currently diagnosed about six months later. “That is very late in development,” says John Constantino, M.D., director of the Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities Research Center at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis. “The racial inequities in access to services are pronounced, and they severely aggravate the general delay.” Pediatricians in the trenches say Black children often don’t get diagnosed until school age. In a perfect world, a child would routinely get developmental screenings by their pediatrician at every well visit starting at birth, with a specific screening for autism at 18 months, says Audrey Brewer, M.D., a pediatrician at Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago. If there are concerns about a child at those visits, they can be referred to a developmental-
behavioral pediatrician or other expert for further evaluation. “When children get developmental therapy of appropriate duration and intensity, evidence shows that it absolutely improves their cognitive and adaptive outcomes,” Dr. Brewer says. But the process can be slowed when parents have trouble getting a referral or finding a specialist in their medical plan, Dr. Brewer adds. For a family of any background, a two-year wait for an autism evaluation isn’t uncommon, nor is having to travel a long distance if there are only a limited number of providers in their state. Researchers at Boston University School of Medicine found that Black children are five times less likely than white children to participate in early intervention, the free services administered by each state that include speech therapy, occupational therapy, and educational sessions for children under age 3 who display developmental delays. The path to getting that support is littered with roadblocks. The key to being eligible for such services is having a child’s developmental delays recognized before age 3. But because
RESOURCES FOR BLACK FAMILIES IN THE AUTISM COMMUNITY AUTI S M IN B L AC K
(autisminblack.org) provides support for parents and hosts the Autism in Black podcast. THE C OLOR OF AUTI S M FOUNDATION
(thecolorofautism.org) helps families identify early warning signs and get culturally competent support and services. HOLLY ROD FOUNDATIO N
(hollyrod.org), founded by Holly Robinson Peete and Rodney Peete and inspired by their son who has autism, provides resources to families affected by an autism diagnosis.
Pediatricians in the trenches say Black children often don’t get diagnosed until school age.
information about these programs is not widely available, not every parent is aware they exist, especially in communities that have been historically underserved. On top of that, parents who feel their child would benefit from support may not realize they can receive free services even without a doctor’s recommendation or an official autism diagnosis. And for working parents, taking a child to get the help they need with any regularity may be difficult. “The gap between a child who has and has not received services gets wider and wider the older a child gets,” says Parents advisor Adiaha SpinksFranklin, M.D., associate professor of pediatrics at Baylor College of Medicine. “They become more likely to display disruptive behaviors because they and their parents didn’t get the help they needed early on.” A late diagnosis also places a greater financial burden on parents who weren’t able to take advantage of free treatment. Without early intervention, a child’s challenging behaviors are often misunderstood. Far too frequently, a Black child will be seen as having a disciplinary problem rather than a developmental delay, says Maria Davis-Pierre, a licensed mental health counselor and founder of Autism in Black. As a result, the child may never receive the necessary tools to thrive, upping their risk of being shunted into the school-to-prison pipeline. According to the Civil Rights Data Collection, a bank of education data collected from the nation’s public schools, Black
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students with disabilities represent 18.5 percent of students with disabilities under the Individual With Disabilities Education Act, but they make up 29 percent of students with disabilities referred to law enforcement and 35 percent of students with disabilities subjected to school-based arrest.
Effects of Systemic Racism When Black parents try to enlist help for their children, medical professionals often don’t take their concerns seriously—a form of implicit bias that can play a significant role in medical outcomes for Black people in general. When researchers at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine evaluated more than 9,000 notes in the medical records of one clinic, they found that doctors were more likely to use judgmental words that suggested skepticism (such as “claims” and “insists”) for Black patients than for white patients, and that Black patients were more likely to receive lower quality of care. When it comes to developmental delays, a pediatrician may dominate the conversation and ask Black parents fewer questions, Dr. Spinks-Franklin says, even when their child is at high risk. “Simply asking parents what their expectations are about normal development would give them the opportunity to voice their concerns and discuss issues that need to be addressed,” Dr. Spinks-Franklin says. Breanna Major, a social worker in Aurora, Colorado, and mother of an 8-year-old daughter on the spectrum, says that her family’s experience was a clear case of implicit bias and racism. Major always suspected something was different about her daughter from infancy and started trying to get help for her at age 2, but she didn’t receive an autism diagnosis until her daughter was 6. After being bounced around to different agencies by her health-care provider, she was unable to convince anyone her daughter might have autism. Instead, she faced questions about her own aptitude and was directed to programs to improve her parenting skills. “They made it seem like it was my fault and even asked culturally
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WHEN FAMILY AND FRIENDS QUESTION YOUR CONCERNS If you find yourself on the defensive when you share worries about your child’s development, Dr. Adiaha Spinks-Franklin suggests these responses:
“Children with speech delays are more likely to struggle with learning how to read and make friends. I don’t want my child to have those problems, so I am going to talk to the pediatrician about getting help for them.”
“I would rather be safe than sorry. I am worried about my child’s development, so the wise thing for me to do is to ask the doctor to help us find the support they need, so they can be as successful as possible in life.”
“I know that Uncle Jerry was a very late talker and that he had a hard time in school. He didn’t have access to the kinds of help and resources that we have today. We don’t want our child to struggle more than they have to when there are many ways to help them while they’re young.”
“When we know better, we do better. We didn’t wear seat belts in the 1970s, but now we do. They used to use lead paint until we learned it wasn’t safe. Now we know that developmental delays can be a sign that something is seriously wrong, and we have resources to help children.”
insensitive things such as how often I washed my daughter’s hair,” Major says. During a visit to her own doctor, who is also Black, Major expressed her frustration about not being able to find help for her daughter. “My doctor said, ‘I think you’re being discriminated against because you’re a single Black mother,’ ” Major says. “When I finally met with an evaluator at a children’s hospital, I was told that my daughter’s prior evaluations had been enough to get her a diagnosis, and it wouldn’t have been a problem if I were white,” Major says. She says she’s filed an official complaint and shared her story with a regional administrator to address concerns regarding bias and providers’ cultural competency. Not only is there cause for Black people to be wary of the medical establishment, but kids with autism have behavioral issues that legitimately make parents uncomfortable about how they will be viewed in health-care settings, says researcher Emily Feinberg, Sc.D., a clinical nurse-practitioner and associate professor of pediatrics at Boston University School of Medicine. A child might bolt from their parents, for example, or struggle with clothing textures due to sensory issues. That was a feeling Major was very familiar with when attempting to get a diagnosis for her daughter. “At each appointment during the evaluation process, I made sure we were both well-dressed and her hair was combed well,” Major says. “I didn’t want to give them any reason to suspect that I was a negligent parent.” In fact, a study by Dr. Feinberg and her team found that Black mothers worry that discussing their own mental health challenges could trigger the involvement of child protective services—findings that suggest similar fears could also be a barrier to discussing concerns about their child’s development.
A Sense of Stigma Among Friends and Family Compounding the problems parents often face in health-care settings are ones they can experience closer to home. Not all parents know what the signs of autism and other developmental
disorders look like, Dr. Feinberg says. A study in Pediatrics found that Black mothers were more likely to consider their child to be “just different and developing on their own time” rather than developmentally delayed. However, parents like Gulley, who do have concerns, may delay seeking help out of fear of being judged by family and friends, Dr. Brewer notes. When a child has behavioral issues associated with autism—such as not responding to their name, having a limited vocabulary, losing previously learned skills, and having meltdowns—some Black parents say it’s common to hear skeptical remarks from elders and peers. “When people see my son behaving a certain way, they make comments—like I’m not disciplining him enough or that I’m using some kind of new-age parenting style,” Gulley says. “In my community, people love using social media to call out another Black mom who let her son yell and have a tantrum in the store.” It can be understandably hard for parents to address worries about their child when they get conflicting information from family and friends who believe there’s a stigma associated with autism and disability, says Davis-Pierre. Kenya Eaton, a mother of four in San Dimas, California, didn’t receive an autism diagnosis for her son until he was 3, even though she’d raised concerns with their pediatrician when he was 18 months. Not only did she get pushback from relatives about her suspicions, but even her husband gave a contradictory account of her son’s behavior to the pediatrician, making it more difficult for Eaton to get a referral for an evaluation. “Black communities typically know less about autism, so their radar may not go off when they see certain behaviors,” Dr. Spinks-Franklin says. “Doctors need to take the same educational messages
about developmental delays that they deliver to white families and target them to minority communities.” And those messages should ideally be delivered by trusted sources. A history of medical discrimination can make it hard for some Black families to accept information conveyed by a source they believe to be untrustworthy, Dr. Spinks-Franklin notes, and accepting advice that one’s child would benefit from special services can be more difficult when it comes from someone
who doesn’t look like you. Yet currently only 4 percent of speech-language pathologists are Black, 3 percent of occupational therapists identify as non-white, and less than 10 percent of developmental pediatricians identify as a minority.
Sending the Right Health Messages Eliminating racial disparities in the medical system is a tall order, one that requires systemic changes. But there
are some concrete ways to help make sure that all children get the diagnosis and treatment they need. For starters, public-health campaigns about developmental milestones and delays should target people of color in a way that makes them feel seen, Dr. SpinksFranklin says. “Posters in pediatricians’ offices need to represent every community they serve. You can’t have a picture of a blond-haired, blue-eyed girl with autism and expect Black and brown people to think it applies to their kids too.” Initiatives similar to those waged to educate communities about COVID-19 and vaccination could also be beneficial when it comes to autism and other developmental delays, Dr. Brewer notes. That may mean health experts visiting churches, traveling to underserved communities, and hosting events after hours to accommodate varied work schedules. “The more we’re able to provide access to different services—whether it’s health fairs, drives at libraries, or evaluations at day cares and schools—the more we can improve health equity,” Dr. Brewer says. Creating safe spaces for Black families within health-care settings will go a long way toward reversing feelings of always being judged, Davis-Pierre says. And the more everyone learns about autism and delays, the more parents will be supported (not blamed) by their peers, their village, and society—and the sooner more children on the spectrum will have the opportunities they deserve.
Special Report Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to read “The Children Left Behind,” a Parents digital spotlight on the inequities in our education system.
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Sparkling Kid Teeth, Minus the Battle If your child is a speedy brusher, prone to clamping down when you try to get in there, or too young to brush on their own (start when their teeth come in!), these tips from pediatric dentists can help take the stress out of sink time. have about 20 seconds to get in and out.” Dr. Yum suggests stocking up. Keep toothbrushes in every bathroom and in the kitchen so your kids can brush whenever inspiration strikes.
PAG I N G D R . M O M
“My child sleepwalks. How can I make sure they’re safe during the night?”
instinct might be to face your child while brushing their teeth, but it can be easier to stand behind them, says Dr. Beauchamp. This way, you can tilt your kid’s head back slightly and lean over with the brush. Dr. Yum suggests switching your usual grip when brushing someone else’s teeth. “Holding it like a pen is easier, because then you have a lot of wrist rotation.” G O FO R T R I C K Y S P O T S
K E E P IT F U N It helps when
parents create little challenges to encourage brushing, says Grace Yum, D.D.S., a boardcertified pediatric dentist in Newport Beach, California. “If your toddler ate dinosaur chicken nuggets, say, ‘I see dinos in your mouth! We have to get them out!’ ” Or, she says, try a game of “You brush my teeth, and then I’ll brush yours.” Using a brushing app or singing a song while they brush can also keep the time from feeling like a drag. F I N D FAV E F L AV E S “Try
different flavors until you find the one your children like,” says Jeannie Beauchamp, D.D.S., president of the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry and a pediatric dentist in Clarksville, Tennessee. Let their taste buds guide the way,
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whether that means strawberry, bubble gum, or plain old mint. Remember to use a small amount and get a child-specific one, which will have the right fluoride content. Look for the American Dental Association Seal of Acceptance, and steer clear of whitening toothpaste, which can be too abrasive on young teeth. LE T T H E M P I C K Give them
a say in their brush too. A sense of ownership goes a long way, and a brush with their favorite character on it can be fun. An electric toothbrush with soft bristles and a small head is an especially good option: The vibrations break up food debris without requiring a child to use the proper pressure or have the dexterity that a manual toothbrush calls for. “It also helps you,” Dr. Yum says. “If you have a toddler, you probably
“Whatever dominant hand your child has, they will brush the opposite side of their mouth first, so that side is much cleaner,” Dr. Yum says. Offer to take a second pass and focus on their dominant side, which they probably skimped on. And while you’re choosing sides, be sure the back teeth are getting special attention. The chewing surface of molars has grooves where bits of food can stick. S P LIT U P FO R S U C C E S S
When parents say brushing has really become a battle, Dr. Beauchamp suggests brushing their child’s bottom teeth in the morning and the top at night. “That way, at least once a day, all of them get brushed.” And if you absolutely must choose one time, prioritize nighttime brushing. You don’t want their meals from the day sitting on their teeth overnight. Dr. Yum explains that during the day, saliva acts as a natural buffer against cavities. “When you’re sleeping, saliva is not flowing, so your mouth becomes an acidic environment that is a feeding ground for bacteria,” she says. This means that before a nap is also a great time to brush.
The good news is that most kids don’t hurt themselves while sleepwalking. But it’s worth being on heightened alert for the first third of the night, when sleepwalking is most common, and around life events such as travel and illness, which can disrupt sleep and trigger episodes. Be sure to lock windows and doors and install gates by stairs. You shouldn’t need complicated locks since most people don’t do complex tasks while sleepwalking. You can also put an alarm or a bell on their door so you can hear if they’ve left their room. Keep the area near their bed and their walking paths clear of tripping hazards. If episodes occur frequently, leaving a dim light on will help you and your child make it to and from bed safely. You’ve probably heard this before, but unless your child is in danger, try not to wake them. Instead, if you see them, gently guide them back to bed. If they wake, know that they will be disoriented. They likely won’t remember sleepwalking, but they will remember waking up to your scared face. Do your best to remain calm so that they can too. Source: Parents advisor Maida Chen, M.D., director of the Pediatric Sleep Disorders Center and a pediatric pulmonologist at Seattle Children’s Hospital.
by R E B E C C A R A KO W I T Z
FROM LEFT: ALEXANDRA GRABLEWSKI; MEIKO TAKECHI ARQUILLOS.
G E T T H E S TA N C E Your
POWER UP AGAINST PEANUT ALLERGY WITH PALFORZIA PALFORZIA, the first and only FDA-approved treatment for peanut allergy, is a daily oral therapy that helps reduce the severity of allergic reactions to peanuts that may be hidden in foods.
LEARN MORE AT PALFORZIA.COM
For children aged 4 through 17 WHAT IS PALFORZIA? PALFORZIA is a treatment for people who are allergic to peanuts. PALFORZIA can help reduce the severity of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, that may occur with accidental exposure to peanut. PALFORZIA may be started in patients aged 4 through 17 years old. If you turn 18 years of age while on PALFORZIA treatment you should continue taking PALFORZIA unless otherwise instructed by your doctor. PALFORZIA does NOT treat allergic reactions and should not be given during an allergic reaction. You must maintain a strict peanut-free diet while taking PALFORZIA.
You should NOT take PALFORZIA if you have uncontrolled asthma, or if you ever had eosinophilic esophagitis (EoE) or other eosinophilic gastrointestinal disease. Tell your doctor if you are not feeling well prior to starting treatment with PALFORZIA. Your doctor may decide to delay treatment until you are feeling better. Also tell your doctor about any medical conditions you have and if you are taking or have recently taken any other medicines, including medicines obtained without a prescription and herbal supplements. Your doctor may decide that PALFORZIA is not the best treatment if:
IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION
• You are unwilling or unable to receive (or self-administer) injectable epinephrine.
PALFORZIA can cause severe allergic reactions called anaphylaxis that may be life-threatening.
• You have a condition or are taking a medication that reduces the ability to survive a severe allergic reaction.
• You will receive your first dose in a healthcare setting under the observation of trained healthcare staff. • You will receive the first dose of all dose increases in a healthcare setting. • In the healthcare setting, you will be observed for at least 1 hour for signs and symptoms of a severe allergic reaction. • If you have a severe reaction during treatment, you will need to receive an injection of epinephrine immediately and get emergency medical help right away. • You will return to the healthcare setting for any trouble tolerating your home doses. Stop taking PALFORZIA and get emergency medical treatment right away if you have any of the following symptoms after taking PALFORZIA: • • • • • • • • •
Trouble breathing or wheezing Chest discomfort or tightness Throat tightness Trouble swallowing or speaking Swelling of your face, lips, eyes, or tongue Dizziness or fainting Severe stomach cramps or pain, vomiting, or diarrhea Hives (itchy, raised bumps on skin) Severe flushing of the skin
Because of the risk of severe allergic reactions, PALFORZIA is only available through a restricted program called the PALFORZIA Risk Evaluation and Mitigation Strategy (REMS) Program. Talk to your healthcare provider for more information about the PALFORZIA REMS program and how to enroll.
WHAT ARE THE POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF PALFORZIA? The most commonly reported side effects of PALFORZIA were: stomach pain, vomiting, feeling sick, itching or burning in the mouth, throat irritation, cough, runny nose, sneezing, throat tightness, wheezing, shortness of breath, itchy skin, hives, and/or itchy ears. PALFORZIA can cause severe allergic reactions called anaphylaxis that may be life-threatening. PALFORZIA can cause stomach or gut symptoms including inflammation of the esophagus (called eosinophilic esophagitis). Symptoms of eosinophilic esophagitis can include: • • • • • •
Trouble swallowing Food stuck in throat Burning in chest, mouth, or throat Vomiting Regurgitation of undigested food Feeling sick
For additional information on the possible side effects of PALFORZIA, talk with your doctor or pharmacist. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088. Please see a Brief Summary of the full Prescribing Information and Medication Guide, including an Important Warning about anaphylaxis, on the following page. © 2021 Aimmune Therapeutics, Inc. PALFORZIA is a trademark of Aimmune Therapeutics, Inc. AIMT-PM-USA-0835 07/21
IMPORTANT FACTS This is only a brief summary of important information about PALFORZIA and does not replace talking to your healthcare provider about your condition and treatment. For complete product information, please see full Prescribing Information, including Medication Guide, at www.PALFORZIA.com. WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT PALFORZIA? PALFORZIA can cause severe allergic reactions called anaphylaxis that may be life-threatening. • You will receive your first dose in a healthcare setting under the observation of trained healthcare staff. • You will receive the first dose of all dose increases in a healthcare setting. • In the healthcare setting, you will be observed for at least 1 hour for signs and symptoms of a severe allergic reaction. • If you have a severe reaction during treatment, you will need to receive an injection of epinephrine immediately and get emergency medical help right away. • You will return to the healthcare setting for any trouble tolerating your home doses. Stop taking PALFORZIA and get emergency medical treatment right away if you have any of the following symptoms after taking PALFORZIA: Trouble breathing or wheezing; Chest discomfort or tightness; Throat tightness; Trouble swallowing or speaking; Swelling of your face, lips, eyes, or tongue; Dizziness or fainting; Severe stomach cramps or pain, vomiting, or diarrhea; Hives (itchy, raised bumps on skin); Severe flushing of the skin. For home administration of PALFORZIA, your doctor will prescribe injectable epinephrine, a medicine you must inject if you have a severe allergic reaction after taking PALFORZIA. Your doctor will train and instruct you on the proper use of injectable epinephrine. Talk to your doctor and read the epinephrine patient information if you have any questions about the use of injectable epinephrine. PALFORZIA is only available through a restricted program called the PALFORZIA Risk Evaluation and Mitigation Strategy (REMS) Program. Before you can receive PALFORZIA, you must: • Enroll in this program. • Receive education about the risk of a severe allergic reaction (anaphylaxis) by a healthcare provider who practices in a setting that is certified through the REMS program. • Understand that you will be monitored in a healthcare setting during and after the Initial Dose Escalation and for the first dose of each Up-Dosing level. • Receive education about how to maintain a peanut-free diet. You must attest that you will continue to avoid peanuts at all times. • Fill the prescription your healthcare provider gives you for the injectable epinephrine. You must attest that epinephrine will be available to you at all times. Talk to your healthcare provider for more information about the PALFORZIA REMS program and how to enroll. WHAT IS PALFORZIA? PALFORZIA is a prescription medicine derived from peanuts. It is a treatment for people who are allergic to peanuts. PALFORZIA can help reduce the severity of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, that may occur with accidental exposure to peanut. PALFORZIA may be started in patients aged 4 through 17 years old. If you turn 18 years of age while on PALFORZIA treatment you should continue taking PALFORZIA unless otherwise instructed by your doctor. PALFORZIA does NOT treat allergic reactions and should not be given during an allergic reaction. You must maintain a strict peanut-free diet while taking PALFORZIA. WHO SHOULD NOT TAKE PALFORZIA? You should NOT take PALFORZIA if: • You have uncontrolled asthma. • You ever had eosinophilic esophagitis (EoE) or other eosinophilic gastrointestinal disease. WHAT SHOULD I TELL MY DOCTOR BEFORE TAKING PALFORZIA? Tell your doctor if you are not feeling well prior to starting treatment with PALFORZIA. Your doctor may decide to delay treatment until you are feeling better. Also tell your doctor about any medical conditions you have. You should tell your doctor if you are taking or have recently taken any other medicines, including medicines obtained without a prescription and herbal supplements. Keep a list of them and show it to your doctor and pharmacist each time you get a new supply of PALFORZIA. Tell your doctor if you are pregnant, planning to become pregnant, or breastfeeding. Your doctor may decide that PALFORZIA is not the best treatment if: • You are unwilling or unable to receive (or self-administer) injectable epinephrine. • You have a condition or are taking a medication that reduces the ability to survive a severe allergic reaction. WHAT ARE THE POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF PALFORZIA? The most commonly reported side effects were: stomach pain, vomiting, feeling sick, itching or burning in the mouth, throat irritation, cough, runny nose, sneezing, throat tightness, wheezing, shortness of breath, itchy skin, hives, and/or itchy ears. PALFORZIA can cause severe allergic reactions that may be life-threatening. Symptoms of allergic reactions to PALFORZIA can include: Trouble breathing or wheezing; Chest discomfort or tightness; Throat tightness or swelling; Trouble swallowing or speaking; Swelling of your face, lips, eyes, or tongue; Dizziness or fainting; Severe stomach cramps or pain, vomiting, or diarrhea; Skin rash, itching, or raised bumps on skin; Severe flushing of the skin. PALFORZIA can cause stomach or gut symptoms including inflammation of the esophagus (called eosinophilic esophagitis). Symptoms of eosinophilic esophagitis can include: Trouble swallowing; Food stuck in throat; Burning in chest, mouth, or throat; Vomiting; Regurgitation of undigested food; Feeling sick. For additional information on the possible side effects of PALFORZIA, talk with your doctor or pharmacist. You may report side effects to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) at 1-800-FDA-1088 or www.T/medwatch. Manufactured by: Aimmune Therapeutics, Inc. Brisbane, CA 94005
© 2020 Aimmune Therapeutics, Inc. PALFORZIA is a trademark of Aimmune Therapeutics, Inc. Based on PALF-US-v1.0, 01/2020
AIMT-PM-USA-0479 07/20
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NEWS TO SMILE ABOUT
1
Charitable giving has increased. More than 90 percent of Americans say it is more important to support charities now versus before the pandemic, according to a report released by the cleft-focused charity Smile Train. Around 30 percent of those surveyed say their donations have increased, and 44 percent pick groups that help children. 2
Movement boosts vocab. Exercise may help a child’s vocabulary grow, shows research from the University of Delaware. School-age children were taught new words and then asked to do various tasks. Those asked to swim then did 13 percent better when tested on the vocab, while others showed no change.
FROM TOP: DANA GALLAGHER; ALEXANDRA GRABLEWSKI.
3
Empathy lessons have additional bene�its. Teaching students to empathize with others improves their creativity, says a study from the University of Cambridge. Students ages 13 to 14 were taught to solve problems by considering other people’s perspectives. They then scored 78 percent higher on creativity tests than other students and displayed more “emotional expressiveness” and “open-mindedness.”
How to Talk to Your Kids About Staying Healthy Nina Shapiro, M.D., is on a mission to get kids to take good care of themselves. In her new book, The Ultimate Kids’ Guide to Being Super Healthy, using language that children ages 6 to 10 can relate to, she explains how the body works. Here’s how to answer your kid’s tricky questions. “Why can’t I stay up later?” I know that when we say it’s time for bed, you’d rather be doing something else instead, but did you know that sleeping isn’t “doing nothing”? So much happens inside your body during the night. It produces a substance called growth hormone that helps you get taller and stronger. Your body then goes through five stages of sleep that help your brain rest and store information that you learn during the day. Pretty cool! The stage when you dream is called REM sleep, or rapid eye movement sleep. Your eyes move back and forth super-quickly even though they’re closed. It’s so fast that you can’t even move them
that fast when you’re awake. Plus, you did so much today! If you want to play tomorrow, your body needs a time to rest. Your breathing and heart both get to slow down overnight so you will have more energy to run around.
“Why can’t we have cookies (or cake or candy or ice cream) for dinner?” I know you love sweets. I do too! And it’s okay to have them sometimes, but you can’t have them for dinner because you need to leave the most room in your tummy for nutritious foods. Sometimes sweets have healthy ingredients, but they are usually missing important things that help us grow and give us
long-lasting energy. Proteins like the chicken, eggs, or soy on your plate give you strong energy, and the vegetables like broccoli, carrots, or peas on the side have vitamins that do all sorts of important jobs in your body, such as help you grow, have energy to play sports, and even focus at school. They also have fiber. Fiber helps move all the food you eat through your stomach, it slows things down in your body, and it helps you poop easily and regularly! You know what? There are recipes for cookies that have some of these healthy things too—let’s pick one to make for dessert.
“What’s the big deal about screen time?” Just like cookies, I enjoy screen time too! But spending too much time looking at a screen can cause you to lose track of time and get impatient. It’s easy to get pulled into an exciting, high-speed game or group chat. But when you’re used to the speed of screen time, the real world can seem slow and make you frustrated when the click of a button doesn’t make things happen. Remember when we give you a time limit, and then it feels as if no time has passed? That’s because you get so focused on the screen that your brain is tricked into forgetting about the world around you. Plus, the light from the screen puts a strain on your eyes and makes it hard for your brain to switch to other things like playing or sleeping. Your screen is especially distracting at night. Let’s pick a family charging station where all the devices go at night. Grown-ups too!
Another Reason to Get the Flu Shot If your child gets COVID-19, they’ll be less likely to suffer symptoms if they’ve had their flu shot this year. Researchers from the University of Missouri School of Medicine in Columbia reviewed more than 900 cases of children with COVID last year. Those who had received a flu shot had higher rates of asymptomatic cases (nearly 70 percent versus 61 percent). Through a phenomenon called viral interference, the inactivated virus in the flu vaccine increases the body’s resistance to a second virus, explains lead author Anjali Patwardhan, M.D. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has said the COVID vaccine and other vaccines can now be given within 14 days of each other.
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Animal House!
Naya, 6, and her German shorthaired pointer, T-Bone, 10, have each other’s back. photograph by P R I S C I L L A G R A G G 1
The silliest thing T-Bone does is the boogie! It’s his happy dance after he eats.
4
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I give T-Bone lots of kisses to take care of him.
5
If he had a superpower, it’d be throwing the ball by himself. Playing fetch is his favorite thing to do.
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We also have pet jellyfish, but T-Bone gets along with them. PA R E N T S
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WARDROBE STYLING BY LISA MOIR. GROOMING BY TRICIA TURNER. PROPS AND SET BY ALEXANDRA KASTNER. ON NAYA: POLO, MISHA & PUFF. SKIRT, BONPOINT. BELT, BELLEROSE.
T-Bone looks really cute when he begs for a treat.
FUN.
KEEP FINDING THE H APPY F R E E Z E T H E D AY ! H AV I N G S O M E E A SY- I S H ACTIVITIES IN MIND H E L P S E V E RYO N E M A K E T H E M O S T O F I T.
Go With the Snow For kids, waking up to a blizzardy day means shrieking with glee. But for parents, it means trying to dream up new ways to keep our children entertained for hours on end. Whether your family is the type that can’t wait to careen downhill on sleds or prefers hunkering indoors with blankets and hot chocolate, this guide will help you win the snowy day.
EVGENIJ YULKIN/STOCKSY.
by C A S S I E H U R W I T Z
For some cool new gear, see page 41.
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TAKE IT OUTSIDE
IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL PLAY AS S EMB LE AN OB STAC LE COURS E .
“Using snow as a hurdle is the best,” says Mandisa Watts, a mom of three, a blogger at Happy Toddler Playtime, and author of Super STEAM Activity Book, who loves seeing her kids scale snow mounds. But you can also add props. Kids can crawl through a “tunnel” made from two chairs and an inflatable sled, or throw snowballs into a bucket as part of the race.
through a fresh snowfall to create zigzags and winding paths (don’t forget dead ends!). If your yard is in a deep freeze, use shovels to dig out walkways. Once the course is complete, mark the starting and finishing points. (Up the amusement factor with callouts: “Hop on one foot!” “Crab-walk to the other side!”) BUILD YOUR OWN HILL .
Shoveling snow into a slope about 3 or 4 feet high should do it for small kids, says Lana Rodrigues, the mom of two behind @therodriguescartel. Pack the snow nicely, and
smooth out a concave sled path with the back of a shovel. Voilà: No need to leave your own yard. MAKE MON STER TR AC KS. Running through
snow is more thrilling when your footprints resemble Bigfoot’s, says Kimberly Stoney, a professional crafter and a mom of one. Make kids “yeti feet” by cutting out four cardboard ovals that are longer and wider than your kids’ feet and snipping triangles on the long ends for claws. Layer two ovals to make each “shoe,” then wrap completely with duct tape. To attach the monster feet, secure them to your kid’s snow boots with elastic bands or more duct tape. Then let kids stomp away.
KEEP IT COLORFUL C HANNEL EMILY’S WONDER L AB. Everybody
loves watching the chemical reaction of a science-classworthy snow volcano, says Louise McMullen, a mom of three and a blogger at Messy Little Monster. Start by arranging a mound of snow into a volcano shape, then press a small plastic bottle or cup into the center. Pour about three spoonfuls of baking soda into the vessel and add a squirt of dish soap and a couple of drops of food coloring. Use a squeeze bottle to add white vinegar—and stand back: Your snow-cano will spark a lava eruption of colorful, foaming bubbles.
MINE FOR JEWELS.
Let kids dig for ice “gems” in the snow, suggests Tara Rondinelli, a mom of two and a blogger at Little Pine Learners. Fill an ice-cube tray with water (or take it up a notch with a gemstone-shaped mold). Add drops of different food coloring in jewel tones to each section. Once the cubes are frozen, pop them out to hide in the snow—then hand your kid a shovel to excavate all the treasure. PL ANT A WINTER GARDE N. Splash some color
in a white-out yard by setting out empty flowerpots and artificial flowers. Put kids to work scooping up “soil” (snow) for planting the blooms. “This is easy to do with gloves on,” Rondinelli explains.
THIS PAGE, FROM LEFT: EVGENIJ YULKIN/STOCKSY; IMAGE SOURCE/GETTY. OPPOSITE: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.
STOMP OUT A S NOW MA ZE . Have the kids trudge
TRY S O M E RI FFS
WELL SLED! Lugging your ride to the top of a hill and zooming down over and over is the quintessential snow-day move. Get prepped with these chosen frozen ones.
O N TH E TR AD ITI O NAL S N OWMAN . FLIP YO U R S N OWPE RS O N O N IT S H E AD. Get some
double takes by placing the smallest sphere on the ground and two slightly larger ones on top of it. Stick a pair of shoes on top and add sturdy stick arms that touch the ground (the latter can act as support so your guy doesn’t topple over). And don’t forget the face—on the bottom, of course. MAKE S HARK FI N S .
The Classic With a wooden body and steel runners, the KIDS’ PULL SLED will weather season after season and still slide like a dream. $149; llbean.com
Shape some snow into thin triangles all over your yard. Cue the Jaws theme song (or “Baby Shark”!).
BRING IT INSIDE
HAVE A (SNOW) BALL The Insta-Ideal Be the coolest fam at the hill when you bring along this magical GOFLOATS WINTER SNOW TUBE ( and don’t
forget to snap some pics). $30; amazon.com
The Mini Get the little ones in on the action, too, with a FLEXIBLE FLYER TODDLER BOGGAN, which features
an extra-high back for added support, a safety strap, and a pull cord. $18; target.com
The Disc The side handles on this DAY GLOW SUPER SAUCER
have an ergonomic design so they’re more comfortable for small hands to grip. The neon shade makes it easy to spot your kid in a crowd. $22; homedepot.com
The Double For twice the fun, the SNOWCANDY PEPPERMINT CANDY SNOW TUBE
fits two people and up to 250 pounds. Plus, it deflates when you’re done for the day. Ages 6+, $40; bedbathandbeyond.com
C RE ATE FAUX S NOW.
This is a good one when all you have are flurries or if you live where snow is a rare occurrence. Set a deep plastic container on a baking sheet and add one cup of baking soda. Mix with foaming shaving cream until it looks crumbly. “This fake snow feels cool to the touch,” says Betty Boiron, a mom of two and a blogger at Mombrite, “so kids will love building a mini snowman with it.” Kids can add fake trees or animal toys to set up a winter scene, mold the snow with cookie cutters, or plow through it with toy trucks, she says. MAKE A S NOW G LOB E .
Clean out a jar—Mason, jam, or peanut butter will do the trick—and fill it up with
AD D M O RE AN I MAL S .
Extra creatures are never a bad idea. Let kids nominate variations like cute bear or sneaky cat. B U I LD A S N OW CASTLE .
If it works with sand, it can work on your winter beach too. Use a shovel and pail, any castle-building kit, or just go freehand. PUT O N A HAPPY FAC E .
Create a few small rounds of snow. Pull out the Mr. Potato Head accessories and you’ve got Mr. Potato Snowman.
tap water. Scoop in as much white or silver glitter as your kids desire, then add a dash of vegetable glycerin, McMullen says. Though the glycerin isn’t necessary, that extra step will make the glitter float as if it’s in a real snow globe. Finally, grab a fun figurine to hot-glue onto the underside of the jar’s lid. Your kid will be delighted with anything—LEGO pal, mini car, dino toy—but just make sure that it can handle the water. Seal it up and let it snow.
GIVE SNOW A GLOW-UP UPCYC LE AN ILLUMINATING FORT.
This is the time to use the cardboard box that’s so big it fits your child—with room to spare. “It’s a fun hideout or reading nook and also a great cure for cabin fever,” Rondinelli says. Grab the box and use a pen or some scissors to carefully poke a
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series of holes in the top. Then take a strand of holiday lights and push the bulbs down into the holes. Plug it in, and—wow—that fort is lit! FREE ZE AN IC E L ANTERN . “We keep these
MAKE COOL CRAFTS LE AN INTO SUGAR .
“Marshmallows are the ultimate edible craft,” says Jodi Levine, author and crafter at @supermakeit (supermakeit .com). “Once cut, they stick to themselves beautifully.” To step up the usual hot cocoa, use cookie cutters to cut shapes out of S’mores marshmallows (these are special flat, square ones). Try stars, hearts, or letters. Word to the wise: If the cookie cutter gets too sticky, just wipe it lightly with vegetable oil and it’ll cut smoothly again.
DECOR ATE THE WINDOWS. When
everyone’s at their stircraziest, Rondinelli suggests using dry-erase markers or liquid chalk markers directly on windows. “It keeps kids entertained for a long time, and everything erases easily with a damp paper towel,” she says. Use painter’s tape to section off different areas of the window, then let your kids go wild with color for a stained-glass effect. When the sunlight bounces off the snow and through the Technicolor panes, you’ll get a kaleidoscope right in your home.
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GETTING COZY WITH COCOA IS THE B E S T WAY T O E N D A S N O W Y D AY.
PAINT YOUR OWN S NOWFL AKES. Add twigs to the list of things the kids find on their nature hunt. Bring the sticks inside (let the wood dry if it’s wet from the snow), and snap them into pieces roughly 6 inches long. Apply a layer of white acrylic paint to the whole batch. Arrange the sticks in a snowflake shape, then use glue to secure them together (for extra staying power, an adult can use a hot-glue gun). Once the snowflakes are dry, hang them with twine or string.
ROC K A FIGURINE . Have kids search for flat, oval stones in the backyard and then use them to craft a huddle of penguins, Rondinelli says. First, coat the rocks with black acrylic paint. When they’re dry, take a cotton ball and glue it onto the lower front half of each rock to create the penguin’s belly. Stick on two orange paper half circles for feet below the cotton. Then glue on a face with a pair of googly eyes and an orange paper triangle beak.
FROM TOP: AMY GROPP FORBES; PRISCILLA GRAGG.
outdoors when it’s cold and snowy,” Rondinelli says. So consider the ice sculptures a potential bright spot on days when it gets dark at four o’clock in the afternoon. First, clean out two tin cans, one larger than the other, and ensure that there aren’t any sharp edges. Fill the larger one about a third of the way up with water. Fit the smaller can inside the larger can, placing something heavy in the smaller can, like stones, so that it sinks into the water. Tape the two cans together so that the smaller can is balancing in the center of the larger one. Place the whole project in the freezer, or, if it’s below freezing outside, let it sit in the yard. Once the water is frozen, remove the smaller can, then slide out the hollow ice cylinder. The smaller can will leave a small divot in the center of the ice—just drop in a flameless tea light.
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Use as directed.
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HEALTHY SKIN STARTS WITH OAT. Our clinically proven formula with prebiotic oat provides long-lasting moisture and helps prevent, protect, and nourish dry skin.
F U NÑP l a y t i m e
READ UP A STORM
with
Grands! ™ Cinnamon Rolls
This (wintry) mix of books will keep kids happily curled up.
2
1
Prep Instructions Heat oven to 350°F. Grease round or square cake pan.
Place rolls in pan.
3
Bake 23 to 27 minutes* *Bake 1-2 minutes less for nonstick pan
Spread with icing.
1. Cozy Written and illustrated by Jan Brett Brett, author of the 1989 classic The Mitten, has a knack for telling warm-and-fuzzy stories. This one is set in Alaska, where a musk ox gets separated from his herd during a snowstorm. One by one, woodland animals ask to nestle in the ox’s thick, soft fur, and he establishes some “house rules” that protect the whole gang. Springtime brings the best possible ending. Ages 4 to 8 2. Snow Globe Wishes Written by Erin Dealey, illustrated by Claire Shorrock This cute picture book highlights how a family makes the best of it when a snowstorm knocks out the power in town. After constructing a blanket fort
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and snuggling in front of the fire, a little girl shakes her snow globe, wishing for peace on earth. The soft pastel illustrations gently remind us all to slow down and enjoy the snow. Ages 5 to 7 3. The Story of Snow Written by Mark Cassino with Jon Nelson, Ph.D., illustrated by Nora Aoyagi While mesmerizing photos of snowflakes will draw in the whole family, the genius of this nonfiction picture book lies in its engaging, bite-size explanations about how the white stuff forms. Kids will soak up info about the three types of snow crystals, how many “arms” a snowflake has, and even how to catch the crystals so they can get a closer look. Ages 2 to 7 —Karen Cicero
FROM TOP: THAYER ALLYSON GOWDY; PETER ARDITO (3).
or until golden brown.
Find recipe inspiration at pillsbury.com
F U NÑD e s s e r t
SWEET TRADITIONS
There’s no better way to get in the spirit than by whipping up heaps of frosting with the family. Cookbook author Jocelyn Delk Adams (Insta-famous for her buttery pound cakes) shares her favorite holiday recipes. text by S U Z A N N E R U S T / photographs by J E N N I F E R C A U S E Y and B U F F S T R I C K L A N D
Mint-Chocolate Cake For recipe, see page 52.
The color of this dessert is inspired by the Grinch . “My 3 -year-old took one look and said, ‘Green cake!’ It feels fun and whimsical,” Delk Adams says. “Mint is a great flavor pop for the holidays, and it’s perfect with chocolate.”
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The self-described “Christmas fanatic” gets the party started early, cranking festive music as soon as fall hits and, of course, baking her way through the season, often alongside her mother, Joyce Small Delk, and her 3-yearold daughter, Harmony. The Texas-based founder of Grandbaby Cakes draws much of her inspiration from the heritage recipes of her grandmother Maggie Small. “She was known for her desserts—like peach cobbler and coconut cake—and neighbors would pick them up from her Winona, Mississippi, kitchen around the holidays. Her home was like a bakery.” Delk Adams inherited the baking gene, as well as her grandmother’s passion for mixing things up. “What I really loved about baking with my grandmother is that she experimented. She would say, ‘Hmm, let’s throw this in,’ and you know, it would work. I think I get a lot of my creativity in the kitchen from her.” For traditions to live on, they need to be passed along, of course. Delk Adams’s mother was also an avid baker, and that legacy continued with her daughter and now granddaughter. Harmony is a tiny baker-in-training who has a fondness for chocolate cake with buttercream frosting. No
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Delk Adams and her daughter, Harmony, age 3, get a lot of quality time over the mixing bowl.
longer just a happy eater, she’s at the age where she can be engaged and join the action. “She can whisk, stir, and fold,” Delk Adams says. “She really helps out.” Baking together, Delk Adams adds, has made kitchen routines exciting again. “She is experiencing everything for the first time, so now I’m seeing the entire process through her eyes, and it has renewed my enthusiasm!” Other aspects of baking that Delk Adams values:
SHORTCUTS ARE THE BEST “There’s no shame in using a store-bought cookie dough or cake mix,” Delk Adams says. “Just zhuzh it up and make it your own with colorful sprinkles and frosting. Buy a premade piecrust and make the filling yourself, and you’ll still feel accomplished. The point is being together and enjoying your family.”
sharing food and building community, just as her grandmother did. “As soon as one of my desserts leaves my kitchen, even if it’s just a recipe, I’m sharing with others and becoming like part of a quilt in someone’s family,” she says. “Some people share photos of themselves smiling, making my desserts, or of their children baking my recipes. I realize that this really is a legacy; it’s bigger than me.”
FOOD STYLING BY CHELSEA ZIMMER. PROP STYLING BY CLAIRE SPOLLEN.
To say that Jocelyn Delk Adams is a big fan of the holidays would be an understatement.
This custardy dessert is an interpretation of the classic Christmas drink (alcohol-free for the kids, of course). “I use store-bought crusts, but I elevate it so that in each bite, you get this incredibly creamy, indulgent filling,” Delk Adams says. “Plus, these treats are so easy to pass around. No plates necessary.”
Eggnog Pie Pops Active Time 30 minutes Total Time 3 hours 15 minutes Makes 12 pops I N G R E DI E N T S 1 cup heavy whipping cream 1/3 cup granulated sugar 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract 1/2 tsp. kosher salt 1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg 1/4 tsp. ground cloves 3 large egg yolks and 1 large egg, divided 2 tsp. all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting work surface 1 14.1-oz. pkg. refrigerated piecrusts 12 6-in. lollipop sticks 1 Tbs. water 3 Tbs. cinnamon sugar MAKE IT
1. Whisk together cream, sugar, vanilla, salt, nutmeg, cloves, and egg yolks in a saucepan. Heat over medium-low; whisk in flour, and cook, whisking constantly, until custard is thick, 6 to 8 minutes. Remove from heat, and pour custard into a bowl; place a piece of plastic wrap directly on surface of custard, and chill until cold, about 2 hours. 2. Preheat oven to 375°F. Roll each of the 2 piecrusts into a 12-in. circle on a lightly floured surface. Using a 2-to-21/2-in. round cutter, cut each crust into 12 rounds (24 rounds total). 3. Place 6 piecrust rounds on a large rimmed baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Stir custard, and spoon 1 Tbs. custard onto the center of each round. Place a lollipop stick in center of custard about halfway up round. Whisk together egg and water in a bowl. Brush egg wash around edges of piecrust rounds on baking sheet, top with 6 more piecrust rounds, and crimp edges with a fork to seal. Brush tops of dough rounds with egg wash, and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar. Repeat with remaining piecrust rounds, custard, sticks, egg wash, and cinnamon sugar on a second parchment-lined baking sheet. 4. Bake both baking sheets of pops until golden, 18 to 20 minutes. Remove from oven, and cool on a wire rack 10 minutes. Refrigerate pops in an airtight container for up to 2 days.
F U NÑD e s s e r t
“The Swiss meringue buttercream is a bit more difficult to master than American buttercream,” Delk Adams says. “But since you’re using an easy cake mix, you can spend more time decorating with the family.”
3. Meanwhile, add water to a medium saucepan to a depth of 1 in.; bring to a simmer over medium. Combine egg whites, granulated sugar, and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer; place bowl over simmering water (be sure water doesn’t touch bottom of bowl). Stir constantly, scraping down sides of bowl with a spatula as needed, until sugar dissolves and an instant-read thermometer inserted in mixture registers 160°F, about 5 minutes. 4. Remove bowl from heat, and place on stand mixer fitted with a whisk attachment. Beat on medium-high speed until stiff, glossy peaks form and bowl is no longer warm to the touch, 8 to 10 minutes. Reduce speed to low, and add butter, 1 to 2 Tbs. at a time, beating until well blended after each addition. Beat until frosting is thick, smooth, and glossy. Beat in vanilla extract until blended. 5. Use a 3-to-4-in. Christmas tree–shaped cookie cutter to cut out 16 trees from cake. Spread about 2 Tbs. buttercream on each of 8 cakes; top with remaining 8 cakes to create sandwiches. Place sandwiches on a wire rack set over a rimmed baking sheet.
Reserve the sugar pearls for kids 4 and up or closely supervise younger ones; the small pieces may be a choking hazard.
Christmas Tree Cakes Active Time 1 hour Total Time 3 hours 20 minutes Makes 8 servings I N G R E DI E N T S Nonstick cooking spray 1 151/4-oz. pkg. white cake mix 4 large egg whites 1 cup granulated sugar 1/4 tsp. kosher salt 11/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature 11/2 tsp. pure vanilla extract 24 oz. vanilla melting wafers 1 Tbs. coconut oil Green sanding sugar Cookie icing and sugar pearls, for decorating (optional)
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MAKE IT
1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 13x18-in. rimmed baking sheet with cooking spray; line bottom with parchment paper and coat with cooking spray. Prepare cake mix batter according to package directions; pour into prepared baking sheet, spreading as evenly as possible. 2. Bake until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean, about 15 minutes, depending on cake mix. Cool cake in pan on a wire rack, 5 minutes. Run a butter knife around edges of cake; turn out onto a wire rack. Remove parchment from cake; cool completely, 30 minutes.
6. Melt vanilla melting wafers according to package instructions, and stir in coconut oil. Spoon or pour melted candy coating evenly over cakes, using a small offset spatula to smooth over sides and collecting excess coating to redistribute, if necessary. Sprinkle each cake lightly with green sanding sugar. Chill cakes until coating is set, about 30 minutes. 7. Remove cakes from refrigerator, and decorate with cookie icing to resemble a garland and/or add sugar pearls as ornaments, if using. Let cakes stand at room temperature until icing is set, about 1 hour, before serving. Store cakes in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days.
Hot-Chocolate Cookies Active Time 30 minutes Total Time 2 hours 50 minutes Makes about 3 dozen cookies I N G R E DI E N T S 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature 1 cup granulated sugar 1/2 cup packed dark-brown sugar 1 tsp. kosher salt 2 large eggs 1 Tbs. pure vanilla extract 21/4 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa 1/2 cup hot-chocolate mix (from one 101/2 -oz. pkg.) 2 tsp. cornstarch 1 tsp. baking soda 1 cup semisweet-chocolate chips ⅔ cup Marshmallow Fluff 18 regular marshmallows, halved crosswise MAKE IT
1. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar, and salt with an electric mixer on medium-high speed until thick and fluffy, 3 to 4 minutes. Beat in eggs, 1 at a time, on medium speed, scraping down sides of bowl as needed and beating just until blended after each addition. Beat in vanilla until blended. 2. Whisk together flour, cocoa, hot-chocolate mix, cornstarch, and baking soda in a bowl. Gradually add flour mixture to butter mixture, beating on low speed just until blended after each addition. Using a flexible spatula, fold in chocolate chips. Carefully swirl Marshmallow Fluff into batter. 3. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper. Using a 11/2-in. (2 Tbs.) ice-cream scoop, portion one third of dough into 12 cookies, placing 6 cookies on each prepared sheet. Place both cookie-filled baking sheets in freezer for 30 minutes. Refrigerate remaining dough until ready to use.
It’s not the holidays without cookies. “I love how these are reminiscent of a nice cup of cocoa,” Delk Adams says. “They also make great gifts—just package them up for friends and neighbors.”
4. Preheat oven to 375°F with racks in upper and lower thirds of oven. Bake until cookies begin to spread, 5 to 6 minutes. Remove from oven and top each cookie with a marshmallow half, cut side down. Return to oven; bake, rotating sheets between top and bottom racks halfway through bake time if needed for even browning, until set and marshmallows are lightly browned, 5 to 6 minutes more.
5. Cool cookies on sheets 5 minutes; transfer cookies to wire racks to cool about 30 minutes. Repeat twice with remaining dough and marshmallow halves. Store in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 2 days.
F U NÑD e s s e r t
Jocelyn’s Holiday Traditions
Delk Adams (right) cozying up with Harmony and her mom, Joyce Small Delk (left)
Movies ... and cookies “We have a list of movies that we watch every year, like National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Home Alone, and It’s a Wonderful Life. I’m sure that my family is tired of me at this point, but it’s a big to-do. We’ll watch movies and I’ll bake.”
Mint-Chocolate Cake Active Time 30 minutes Total Time 2 hours 30 minutes Makes 16 servings I N G R E DI E N T S For the chocolate cake Nonstick cooking spray ¾ cup vegetable oil ¾ cup granulated sugar ⅔ cup whole milk, at room temperature 1/2 cup packed light-brown sugar 1 Tbs. pure vanilla extract 3 large eggs, at room temperature 2 cups all-purpose flour 1 cup unsweetened cocoa 2 tsp. baking powder 1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. kosher salt 11/4 cups very hot brewed coffee or water For the mint buttercream frosting 2 cups (4 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature 1/2 tsp. kosher salt 6 cups confectioners’ sugar 1/4 cup heavy whipping cream 1 Tbs. pure vanilla extract 1 tsp. mint extract 1 tsp. green food-coloring gel, plus more as needed for desired color For the ganache 1 cup white-chocolate chips or chopped white-chocolate bar 1/3 cup heavy whipping cream Green food-coloring gel Chocolate shavings for topping (optional) MAKE IT
1. Prepare the chocolate cake: Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat bottoms and sides of three 8-in. round cake pans with cooking spray. Line bottoms with parchment paper and coat again with cooking spray. 2. Beat oil, granulated sugar, milk, brown sugar, vanilla, and eggs in a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment on mediumlow speed until combined, about 1 minute. Whisk together flour,
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Kwanzaa customs “In addition to Christmas, our family celebrates Kwanzaa. We make a special meal and introduce Harmony to the seven principles of the holiday. The first one, Umoja, means ‘unity.’ ”
Music nonstop
cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a bowl. Gradually add flour mixture to sugar mixture in three additions, alternating with hot coffee, beating on medium-low speed just until blended after each addition. Scrape down sides of bowl as needed, and beat until smooth, about 30 seconds. Divide batter among prepared pans. 3. Bake until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean, 18 to 21 minutes. Cool cakes in pans 10 minutes. Transfer cakes from pans to a wire rack to cool completely, about 45 minutes. 4. Meanwhile, prepare the mint buttercream frosting: Beat butter and salt in a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment on medium-low speed until smooth, 1 to 2 minutes. Reduce speed to low; gradually add confectioners’ sugar, beating until blended after each addition, about 30 seconds. Increase speed to medium-high, and beat until well blended, about 30 seconds. Add cream, vanilla, and mint extract; beat until fluffy, about 1 minute. Reduce speed to low, and beat in 1 tsp. food
coloring. Add additional food coloring to reach desired shade of green. Chill until ready to use. (If the frosting hardens, beat on medium speed until smooth.)
5. Prepare the ganache: Place white-chocolate chips in a heatproof bowl; set aside. Heat cream in a saucepan over medium-high until cream starts to simmer (bubbles will form around edge and a soft boil will start in middle). Remove from heat; pour over chips, and let stand 1 minute. Whisk gently until smooth and shiny. Whisk in food coloring. Let cool to room temperature, without stirring, about 15 minutes. 6. Using a serrated knife, cut tops from cakes until level, if needed. Spread mint buttercream frosting between layers and on top and sides of cake. Carefully pour desired amount of ganache over top of cake, allowing it to drip over sides. Top with chocolate shavings, if using. Let cake stand until ganache is set, about 30 minutes, before serving. The cake can stand at room temperature for up to 1 day. Refrigerate leftovers, covered, for up to 3 days.
“I will start playing the instrumental jazz soundtrack of A Charlie Brown Christmas in September. By November, if I can wait that long, I put on my entire playlist, including the Jackson 5 Christmas Album, ‘This Christmas,’ by Donny Hathaway, and The Temptations’ version of ‘Silent Night,’my mom’s favorite song.”
Sleep cute “We are that ‘matching holiday pajamas’ kind of family. Last year’s version had a Christmas lights design. We voted on that theme, and we’ll probably vote on the pattern again this year.”
More Baking Inspo Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to follow Delk Adams on Instagram.
YOUR KIDS WANT NANA’S COOKIES. YOU’RE NOT NANA.
IT’S GONNA BE GREAT ª
Make Nana proud and everyone else happy. Scan the code for this Holiday Painted Cookies recipe.
F U NÑA d v i c e
Raise an Adventurous Kid
Ever found yourself shouting, “Be careful!” as your child catapults up a tree? It’s totally normal for your heart to skip a beat—and for your kid to want to climb higher. In fact, experts approve of that last part. Here’s what some good, safe adventure can do for your child’s development and confidence. by L I N D S E Y G E T Z
WHEN IT COMES
to adventure, I almost always play it safe. But when I was 23, I pushed my fear to its limits by going on a hot-air-balloon ride in New Mexico. I was exhilarated after trying something that made me feel so free, but little did I know that less than six hours later I would be in a terrible rollover accident in an SUV on the way to the airport.
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Thankfully, I was fine and able to walk away from the crash, but that experience certainly didn’t inspire me to throw caution to the wind. After all, you never know what will turn out to be truly dangerous. In fact, since having kids, I’ve often wrestled with how I can keep them safe while also instilling a thirst for excitement. Shortly after booking a
zip-lining experience in the Smoky Mountains earlier this year, I had nightmares of its ending in complete disaster. Those nightmares persisted up to the day of our trip. Had I made a terrible mistake? On the afternoon of our tour, as we climbed the tower steps and the guides began clipping in my excited kids,
ages 7 and 11, to ride tandem, I just about called off the whole thing. And then, suddenly, two of my favorite people whizzed away down a steel cable high above the trees. When my husband and I caught up to them at the next tower, we saw just how proud—and thrilled—they were. The downright fun of it all was contagious, and we eagerly waited to do it again. At the end, I could tell that my kids felt braver and more confident. And though we did lots of other fun activities on that trip, they couldn’t stop talking about this one. Experts say that fostering a sense of adventure in children can build life skills such as confidence, resilience, and a willingness to take risks in general.
GET READY FOR A NEW ADVENTURE So your family has a few feats under their belt already? Consider some leveled-up options next.
Baby steps: Start with a simple activity before jumping into something bigger.
If you’ve tried sledding … now try snowmobiling. If you’ve tried cross-country skiing or snowshoeing ... now try downhill skiing.
OPPOSITE: LUCA ZORDAN/GALLERY STOCK. THIS PAGE: CARA DOLAN/STOCKSY.
If you’ve tried a Ferris wheel ... now try a roller coaster. If you’ve tried a ropes course ... now try zip-lining. If you’ve tried monkey bars ... now try climbing a tree. If you’ve tried biking ... now try mountain biking. If you’ve tried skateboarding on the sidewalk ... now try skateboarding at a skate park. If you’ve tried canoeing or paddleboarding ... now try river rafting.
And all it requires from you is a little push and trust in the phrase “Everything will be all right.” In short, there are ways to make adventure happen without letting your fear get in the way.
Do your research. Sometimes parents worry about potentially risky activities because of a difficult or bad memory from their own childhood, says Parents advisor Khama Ennis, M.D., M.P.H., associate chief of emergency medicine at Cooley Dickinson Hospital, in Northampton, Massachusetts. “Remind yourself that you won’t be able to protect your kids forever, so you need to give them tools to navigate risks now.” The hours I spent investigating different zip-lining facilities in the Smoky Mountains and choosing which one I trusted to be the safest experience for my family was exactly what I needed
to do to assess all my safety concerns, explains Jill Wheeler, a psychotherapist and founder of Wellfit Girls, a nonprofit that teaches leadership to teen girls through fitness and outdoor activities. I read plenty of reviews and even called the various attractions to ask questions about how they operate.
Teach kids to assess risk. When children experience a thrill and master a fear through “risky” activities like tree climbing or sledding, they learn to deal with their fears and take control of more situations in general, says Peter Gray, Ph.D., a research professor at Boston College and author of Free to Learn, who has focused much of his work studying risky play. Life does not come without challenges, he adds. If your child is worried about an activity, you can reassure them that you’ve done your homework by looking into the safety
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records and certifications and that you wouldn’t put them in a situation that was truly perilous. “Walking a child through what will happen can give them a more accurate perspective of what they’re afraid of,” Dr. Ennis says. “Listen to what they’re worried about, and remind them of a previous time when they benefitted from doing something that made them nervous.” Of course, certain activities pose a higher risk for your kid to get hurt. “While tackle football is fun, there’s a chance that a player could get a concussion, fracture, or spinal-cord injury,” notes Parents advisor Mark Anthony Griffiths, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics and emergency medicine at Emory University School of Medicine, in Atlanta. Safety measures, like wearing a helmet and pads and refraining from tackling, can mitigate these risks. And, although exciting, riding an all-terrain vehicle is another dangerous activity that should be saved for kids over 16 years old.
Recognize when your fear is the issue. It’s natural to feel apprehensive about something you’ve never done before or to get caught up in the what-ifs of things that could go wrong. It can even happen to experienced adventurers like Monet Hambrick, founder of
The Traveling Child blog and Instagram account, who has circled the world with her family to surf, kayak, snowmobile, hike glaciers, and go sand-dune boarding. “I’m afraid of heights but try very hard not to instill this fear into my kids,” she says. When the family was vacationing in Costa Rica, her 3-yearold wanted to test out a Tarzan-style rope swing. Hambrick thought it looked terrifying, but the guide said her daughter met the weight requirements and could do it safely. “I held myself back from saying it was too high or too scary so that she could make her own decision,” says Hambrick. “She was really proud of herself for doing it.” Fear of heights or falling are rational concerns, but they can lead to excessive avoidance or distress when people are faced with situations that raise them. These fears then can be viewed as “phobias” that hold back kids and adults, says Wendy Silverman, Ph.D., director of the Yale Child Study Center Program for Anxiety Disorders. If you or your child is nervous, ease into the activity. If you’d like to work your way up to a white-waterrafting experience, for example, you might start by canoeing, kayaking, or paddleboarding on a calm body of water. Smaller adventures make the bigger ones more doable. “Look for ways that you can expose your child to their fear
LIVING WITH A DAREDEVIL While some parents might have to coax kids to try something adventurous, others wish they could rein in their risk-takers before they get hurt. If that sounds familiar, there are ways to reason with your little stuntperson. AS S E S S THE S ITUATION
First and foremost, take an honest look at what your kid is doing. “Ask yourself, ‘Is my child truly taking risks to the point of harm, or are they just stepping outside of my own comfort zone?’ ” says psychologist Jim Taylor, Ph.D. “Often we pass our fears on to our kids because we’re worried that they’ll get hurt. But in the process, we make them afraid of what we’re afraid of, rather than letting them learn and develop their own limits.” TALK OPE NLY ABOUT WHAT C OULD HAPPE N Of course, some
kids truly are risk seekers—it’s just how their brain is wired. These are kids who climb a tree too high, ride a bike too fast, or seem continually in search of higher places to jump from. These mini adrenaline junkies just might be future rock climbers, skydivers, or entrepreneurs. The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision making, isn’t fully developed in a kid, so you need to help them learn to think before they act. “Rather than totally killing your kid’s rush, talk about what they’re trying to do,” Dr. Taylor says. “If they want to climb all the way to the top of the tree, ask them what problems they might encounter and if they have a plan. Taking risks really is about decision making, and as parents, we can help guide kids to make better choices.” US E INJ URIE S AS TE AC HING MOME NTS If a daredevil kid gets
hurt—or has a close call—take a step back. “Tell your child you love that they take chances because it will serve them well in life, but that if they’re getting injured a lot (or almost getting injured), they need to consider different choices and take precautions, like wearing a helmet or knee pads,” Dr. Taylor says.
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Before they take off on their skateboard, yes, they still need their protective gear.
Fears can be inborn, or they can be learned through experiences. In early infancy, for example, babies are startled by loud noises. But a fear of heights, strangers, or getting lost usually kicks in at around 8 months, when kids become mobile. “At 4 years old, a child has a fairly good understanding of what they can and can’t manage—what’s safe and what’s dangerous,” Dr. Gray notes. “Kids this age will want to test themselves, such as by venturing away from their parent at a store or by trying to jump from something high up.” On our zip-lining adventure, I knew that my daughter, who had some fear of heights, might struggle at the top. Before we booked the trip, we talked about whether it was something she felt she could do, and we watched videos to know what to expect. But I knew she might still need a gentle push (metaphorically, of course) when it came time to jump. Had I not felt confident that she would love it after that initial line, I wouldn’t have encouraged her to do it. “We can let our kids know that we hear and see their fears—and that those fears are valid—but still urge them to do something thrilling,” Wheeler says. “It is ultimately part of building their confidence when we tell our kids that we know they can do it.”
OPPOSITE: STEPHANIE RAUSSER/GALLERY STOCK. THIS PAGE: SASHA GULISH.
Set a good example. incrementally so they start to build confidence,” says Jim Taylor, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child. “As they begin to realize that their fear was overstated, they’ll become braver.” And so will you.
Give just enough encouragement. While actually trying experiences such as skateboarding, skiing, or riding a roller coaster can help your child master their fear of them, make sure that they’re the ones choosing to participate—not you. Pushing a child past their boundary before they’re ready to go there can be traumatizing rather than empowering, Dr. Gray says. Still, there’s nothing wrong with encouraging your reluctant kid to embark on something that gives them
butterflies. After all, if they’ve never done it before, they really have no way of making a completely informed decision about whether or not they like the activity. “You don’t have to pretend it’s not scary, but you can let your kid know that it’s safe and something you think will be worth going for,” Dr. Taylor explains. Of course, many activities don’t have set age guidelines, and you know your child best. “Kids develop in their own unique ways and at different paces, thanks to a combination of their genetic predisposition and their upbringing,” Dr. Taylor says. You might have a kid who needs a little nudge or a kid who’s a complete daredevil. Or you might have a kid who falls in the middle—they’re down for cannonballing off the high dive into a pool but not for tubing behind a boat in a lake.
You set the tone for your kids on how to tackle adventure. When you’re positive, trusting, and engaged in the experience, kids tend to follow suit. And in the future, when they’re off at summer camp or in their gymnastics class, they’ll probably be more willing to go for that ropes course or work through a new tumbling routine. “I am afraid of heights, but I pushed myself and my child to get on a roller coaster once I was assured that safety measures were in place,” Dr. Griffiths says. “While a little fear-inducing at first, it turned out to be a great bonding moment.” Often it’s these endeavors that become some of the best memories your kids will recall from their childhood—it gives that sense of “we’re all in this together.” “It’s good to play,” Wheeler says. “This world can be so serious. We can’t forget that fun is important.”
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BEST CHILDREN’S BOOKS 2021
The Most Wonderful Books of the Year Get ready to read! The winners of our 13th annual list are brimming with excitement, adventure, and kindness. by K A R E N C I C E R O / photographs by C H R I S T O P H E R T E S TA N I
BOARD BOOKS 1
Washer and Dryer’s Big Job
elevate the peekaboo game. “My girls love to pull on the last tab and see their reflection in the mirror,” said one parent. “They laugh and yell, ‘Peekaboo, it’s me!’ ” Ages 0 to 3 3
Written and illustrated by Steven Weinberg
Turn Seek Find: Habitats
Inspired by his daughter’s fascination with clothes tumbling in the dryer, Weinberg spins a tale that will get kids excited to help with chores. The googly eyes on the cover attracted our toddler reviewers, while interactive elements and fun words like rrrumble kept them invested. Said one mom: “Now my son talks about clothes being yucky and moves our laundry from the washer to the dryer.” Ages 1 to 3
Written and illustrated by Ben Newman
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Peekaboo: Bear
Written by Camilla Reid, illustrated by Ingela P. Arrhenius
Modern board book, we see you: sturdy knobs that kids slide to reveal cheerful images that
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Kids rotate two activity wheels to determine which animal and color to look for in scenes that depict five habitats ranging from African savanna to Pacific island. Besides boosting observational skills, the book “helped my son, who has autism, discover many animals and words,” said a mom. Ages 2 to 5 4
Count to Love!
Written by Andrea Pinkney, illustrated by Brian Pinkney
Rhymes roll off the tongue in this playful book that urges parents to count to l-o-v-e (1-2-3-4) as they snuggle their little one. (“Count
to love on fingers and toes. 1-2-3-4. Touch your nose.”) Acrylic drawings of joyful babies cement a feel-good vibe. Ages 0 to 3 5
Comparrotives
Written and illustrated by Janik Coat
A colorful parrot demonstrates how adding -er changes the meaning of words; our preschool testers grasped the grammar concept. On left-hand pages, the parrot personifies a single adjective, like silly, cold, or fast, while the right side kicks it up a notch, making drawings sillier, colder, and so forth. Raised snowflakes and other textures add a hands-on element. Ages 2 to 4 6
Drive the Fire Truck
Illustrated by Dave Mottram
Testers’ minds were blown when they opened the book: Cutouts become handles to a steering wheel, and kids feel as though they’re looking over the
dashboard. Rhyming text instructs kids to make turns to reach a burning building. Noted one parent, “The story offers opportunities to teach kids left and right.” Ages 0 to 3 7
Who Needs a Hug?
Written by Dean Hacohen, illustrated by Sherry Scharschmidt
In this endearing read that will help kids feel safe and loved, frightened baby animals get reassurance from a parent. Said one tester: “The sweet message about needing and accepting comfort for everyday challenges touched my child.” Ages 0 to 3 8
Snap! Chomp Your Jaws! Written and illustrated by Bob Barner
As kids listen to wildly fun facts (like crocs have the strongest jaws on the planet), they can pull the solidly constructed tabs to watch each animal open and close its mouth. Ages 3 to 5
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Outside, Inside
Written and illustrated by LeUyen Pham
Sparse prose and bright illustrations juxtapose outdoor and indoor scenes from around the world during the height of the pandemic, helping kids process their experiences. Young reviewers felt the message deeply. As one 8-year-old told us, “I’m going to save this book for my kids so they can see how we stayed away from our friends to keep each other safe.” All ages 2
Stella’s Stellar Hair
Written and illustrated by Yesenia Moises
A colorful celebration of Black girls’ hair, this “zippy read-aloud
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Uma Wimple Charts Her House Written by Reif Larsen, illustrated by Ben Gibson
Kid reviewers related to the pressure that Uma, who creates charts for fun, feels when she’s tasked with making one about her house for a school assignment. “My girls understood what it was like for Uma,” said one dad. This cautionary tale of perfectionism ends with a heartfelt message of what genuinely makes a house a home. Kids requested a second read to take a closer look at
the book’s smattering of actual graphs in their many forms, like the bar chart “Who Holds Hands?” Ages 4 to 8 4
Our Skin: A First Conversation About Race Written by Megan Madison and Jessica Ralli, illustrated by Isabel Roxas
A diversity expert and an earlyliteracy advocate teamed up to help parents explain race, equity, and inclusion to young kids. “I’ve tried to talk to my children about these topics, and I ended up confusing them,” said one mom. “But not with this book. My 7-year-old loved the questions that got him to look at the nuances of our skin and those around us and the scientific reasons why skin has the shades it does. It spoke to race without judgment, and he felt empowered
after knowing he had the tools to better understand the beauty that is in each of us.” Ages 2 to 8 5
Chez Bob
Written and illustrated by Bob Shea
“One of the funniest picture books of the year,” according to judge Betsy Bird, a librarian in Evanston, Illinois, also happens to be a story about kindness and making better choices. A lazy but wily alligator tries to open a restaurant on his nose to trick birds into getting close to his mouth. While he doesn’t end up eating the birdies after all, our kid reviewers devoured the shenanigans, cheeky illustrations, and sweet ending. Ages 4 to 8 6
Bicycle Bash
Written and illustrated by Alison Farrell
Even families who aren’t “bicycle people” pored over
PROP STYLING BY CARLA GONZALEZ-HART.
PICTURE BOOKS
blends STEM and self-esteem into a narrative as artful and creative as any of Stella’s hairstyles,” says judge Liv Hanson, youth content curator at the Chicago Public Library. Ages 4 to 8
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It’s worth buying holiday books early this year—there may be shortages.
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this extra-large, multilayered book centered on a mysterious birthday invitation. It ushers readers inside a cool bicycle museum and takes on a Where’s Waldo? vibe. Kids aren’t just looking for things, they’re learning about them. Said one parent: “The facts about the history of bikes fascinated my daughter.” Ages 3 to 6 7
The Olphabet: “O” No! An Alphabet Revolt Written by Jess M. Brallier, illustrated by Nichola Cowdery
The letter O wants to move to the front of the alphabet, an amusing plot that helped our kid reviewers learn the true order. “The book brilliantly uses a different color to highlight the first letter of some words so a child will recognize them,” a mom said. Ages 3 to 6
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Stick and Stone: Best Friends Forever! Written by Beth Ferry, illustrated by Tom Lichtenheld
Stick can’t wait to see his “family tree,” so he ventures into the forest with his pal, Stone, to find it. But when he comes up emptyhanded, Stone reassures him that friends can be family, too, a message that kid reviewers appreciated. Ages 4 to 7 9
Milo Imagines the World Written by Matt de la Peña, illustrated by Christian Robinson
Told from the perspective of a boy whose mom is incarcerated, “this nuanced tale about the fallacies of first impressions is sweet but never cloying,” says judge Julie Danielson, creator of the literature blog Seven Impossible Things Before Breakfast. Ages 4 to 8
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Bear Is a Bear
Written and illustrated by Chris Haughton
Written by Jonathan Stutzman, illustrated by Dan Santat
With plenty of artistry and humor, this story starring mischievous, mango-loving monkeys teaches kids what can happen when they don’t heed their parents’ advice. “It expertly captures how it feels to be a child wanting to take a risk or simply sneak an extra cookie,” said one parent. Ages 3 to 7
The twisty ending sold kid reviewers on this story of a girl and a bear who’s her “soft warm pillow” and “brave protector” until she grows up. Parents, you’ll have all the feels from this emotional arc, which shows that while childhood is fleeting, the next generation will bring joy too. Ages 4 to 8
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Mel Fell
Written and illustrated by Corey R. Tabor
A bird who has never flown keeps kids on the edge of their seat as she plunges downward but then soars into the sky—which the book’s innovative design makes even more dramatic. In this story of determination and bravery, there’s plenty of humor as well. Ages 4 to 8
OUR PROCESS Librarians, teachers, literacy experts, and Parents editors nominated 350-plus titles published this year. A diverse group of more than 100 kids (and their parents) helped us land on these winners.
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C HAP TE R BOOKS 1
Pawcasso
Written and illustrated by Remy Lai
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A surprisingly sophisticated graphic novel with a unique title character (a dog who shops at markets by himself!) engrossed our kid reviewers. In the name of fitting in and making friends, the protagonist, Jo, passes the dog off as hers. Said one mom: “Though the circumstances in the book are unusual, this act of stretching the truth to impress people is extremely relatable to gradeschoolers.” Ages 8 to 12 2
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Stamped (for Kids)
Adapted by Sonja Cherry-Paul from the book by Jason Reynolds and Parents advisor Ibram X. Kendi, illustrated by Rachelle Baker
The youth version of the best-seller Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You exposes elementary-schoolers to uncomfortable truths about U.S. history. “I was unaware that President Obama faced so much trauma when he ran for office,” said a 10-year-old. Added another, ”I learned that President Abraham Lincoln, who is known for abolishing slavery, had opinions that Black people are unequal.” Ages 6 to 10
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Simon and Chester: Super Detectives! Written and illustrated by Cale Atkinson
The first book in a new graphic novel series debuts on a whimsical note when a boy and a ghost try to uncover how a mysterious pug got into the kitchen. High jinks and witty illustrations cracked up our kid reviewers. Ages 6 to 9
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Maybe Maybe Marisol Rainey 5
Written and illustrated by Erin Entrada Kelly
Sensitive and anxious Marisol is an exceedingly relatable Filipino American heroine in this book that bridges early readers and middle grade. The journey to overcome her fears and climb a magnolia tree in her backyard is full of suspense and heart. Ages 6 to 10
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I’m On It!
Written by Andrea Tsurumi
An entertaining way to learn about prepositions like through and under, this early reader puts a frog and a goat in hilariously tenuous positions. Ages 5 to 8
The Best Books for Teens Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code or go to parents .com/TeenBooks for ten 2021 faves from our teen reviewers.
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That Thing About Bollywood Written by Supriya Kelkar
With all the magic and heart of Bollywood, this book “deftly deals with the question: ‘When your parents separate, can you still be a family?’ ” says librarian Liv Hanson. Adds a 12-year-old reviewer, “It’s similar to the TV show Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, but way cooler.” Ages 8 to 12 7
The Chance to Fly
Written by Ali Stroker and Stacy Davidowitz
With an über-appealing story line, this novel cowritten by a Tony Award– winning actor helps kids believe in their dreams. “If you’ve ever doubted yourself or had crush problems, and you love Broadway,” said an 11-year-old reviewer, “this book about a character with physical limitations who wants to perform in Wicked is absolutely for you.” Ages 8 to 12 8
The Double Life of Danny Day
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Written by Mike Thayer
An intriguing premise—a charismatic 12-year-old who lives every day twice but only remembers the second time—enthralled our kid reviewers. They were fascinated by how Danny takes notes on his “do-over days” to deal with bullies, and heartened that he still manages to make friends. Said a 12-year-old reviewer, “The book made me think about the possibilities of getting to restart my day.” Ages 8 to 12
9. Sisters of the Neversea A suspenseful and beautiful retelling of Peter Pan, minus the kidnapping, sexism, and misrepresentation of Native Americans, is ideal for a family read-aloud. Ages 8 to 12
RAISING THE FUTURE BOOK CLUB
Join author Cynthia Leitich Smith as she reads a chapter and answers questions from viewers on @Parents Instagram Live on December 4 at 2 p.m. (ET). Go to parents.com/BookClub for details and discussion questions.
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The Troubled Girls of Dragomir Academy 10
Written by Anne Ursu
A mystery-fantasy mash-up with a feminist perspective drew in readers who longed for justice at the isolated boarding school where the main character has been sent as a punishment for practicing magic. “It’s an amazing story about family, friendship, and finding the truth,” said a 10-year-old reviewer. Lots of twists kept kids turning pages. Ages 8 to 12
K I D SÑB r e a k f a s t
Rock Your Cinnamon Rolls
Winter-vacation mornings call for next-level breakfasts. Grab the mixing bowls and make cinnamon buns (regular or gigantic!) from blogger Sarah Kieffer’s new cookbook, Baking for the Holidays. photographs by S A R A H K I E F F E R
Classic Cinnamon Rolls Active Time 45 minutes Total Time 5 hours 45 minutes, plus 12 hours chilling Makes 12 cinnamon rolls I N G R E DI E N T S All-purpose flour, for dusting 1 recipe Sweet Dough (see page 66) Nonstick cooking spray For the filling 1⁄2 cup packed light-brown sugar 1 Tbs. ground cinnamon Pinch of kosher salt 2 Tbs. unsalted butter, melted and cooled For the icing 8 Tbs. unsalted butter, at room temperature 4 oz. cream cheese (about 1⁄2 cup), at room temperature 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract 1⁄4 tsp. salt 1 cup confectioners’ sugar MAKE IT
1. Lightly dust a work surface with flour and knead cold dough ten to 12 times. Shape into a ball, dust lightly with flour, and top with a tea towel or plastic wrap. Let rest to come to room temperature, 1 to 2 hours. 2. Coat a 9x13-in. baking pan with cooking spray, line with parchment paper, then coat with cooking spray again. 3. Make and add filling: Mix brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt in a small bowl. On floured work surface, roll dough into a 12x16-in. rectangle. Brush dough with melted butter. Sprinkle cinnamon-sugar mixture evenly over the top, pressing lightly into butter so it adheres. Let kids choose which size to make. Both versions get an easy cream-cheese icing.
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4. Starting at one of the long sides, roll dough into a tight cylinder. Pinch seam gently to seal it and position dough seam side down. Use scissors or a sharp knife to cut dough crosswise into 12 equal pieces. Transfer pieces to the prepared pan and place them cut side up,
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A. Folding the Dough As you make the Sweet Dough (this page), you’ll fold the dough over itself several times between rises to help eliminate air pockets. B. Rolling Out the Dough When you’re ready to make the rolls, roll out the dough into a rectangle. C. Filling and Rolling After sprinkling on the filling (a good job for kids), you’ll roll the dough into a tight cylinder. D. Slicing the Dough You can use scissors or a sharp knife. E. Letting the Rolls Rise Before being baked, they’ll double in size in the pan.
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tucking tail of each cinnamon roll underneath itself. Cover pan loosely with towel or plastic wrap and let the dough rise until doubled in size, 1 to 1½ hours. 5. Preheat oven to 350°F with rack in middle position. Uncover rolls and bake, rotating the pan about halfway through baking, until light golden brown, 27 to 32 minutes. 6. While rolls are baking, make the icing: Beat butter and cream cheese on medium speed in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a paddle, until smooth. Mix in vanilla and salt on low speed. Mix in confectioners’ sugar. Scrape down sides of bowl and mix on medium speed until icing is light and fluffy, 3 to 4 minutes. 7. Transfer pan to a wire rack and let cool for 5 minutes. Using an offset spatula or table knife, apply a thin layer of the icing, using about one third of it. Let rolls cool 15 to 20 minutes more. Top with rest of the icing and serve. Cinnamon rolls are best eaten the day they are made.
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Sweet Dough Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 2 hours 20 minutes, plus overnight (12 hours) chilling Makes about 2½ lbs. of dough I N G R E DI E N T S 10 Tbs. unsalted butter, at room temperature, cut into 1-in. pieces, plus more for bowl ¾ cup whole milk 4 large eggs, at room temperature ¼ cup honey 4 cups all-purpose flour 2¼ tsp. instant yeast 2 tsp. salt MAKE IT
1. Grease a large bowl with butter and set aside. Warm milk in a small saucepan until it reaches 100°F to 110°F. Combine eggs, milk, and honey in a large liquid measuring cup. 2. Mix together flour, yeast, and salt on low speed in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment. Add egg mixture and mix to combine. With mixer still on low speed, add butter, 1 piece at a time, then increase
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speed to medium and beat until all butter is incorporated, about 1 minute. Scrape into prepared bowl; dough will be very sticky. Cover bowl with a tea towel and let dough rise 30 minutes. 3. Place fingers under dough and gently pull it up and over itself. Turn bowl slightly and
repeat. Repeat six to eight times. Cover bowl and let rise 30 minutes more. 4. Repeat folding series three more times, for a rise time of 2 hours and a total of four foldings. Tightly cover bowl and refrigerate overnight or up to 72 hours.
TIPS FOR SWEET SUCCESS * It’s worth getting started at least a day ahead: The Sweet Dough needs to chill overnight (or up to three days) before you make either classic or giant rolls. * That long chilling time makes the dough easier to roll out when it’s time to prep the Cinnamon Rolls. (If you skip this step, the dough will be sticky!) * If you don’t have instant yeast, active yeast can be used instead. The granules are larger, so dissolve it in the warm milk instead of adding it to the flour mixture.
Giant Cinnamon Roll Active Time 40 minutes Total Time 4 hours 15 minutes, plus 12 hours chilling Makes 1 giant cinnamon roll I N G R E DI E N T S Nonstick cooking spray ½ cup packed light-brown sugar 1 Tbs. ground cinnamon Pinch of salt All-purpose flour, for dusting ½ recipe Sweet Dough (opposite) 2 Tbs. unsalted butter, melted and cooled Icing (see Classic Cinnamon Rolls, Step 6) MAKE IT
1. Coat an 8-in. cake pan with cooking spray, line with parchment paper, then coat with cooking spray again. Combine brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt in a small bowl. 2. Lightly flour a work surface and roll dough into a 14x12-in. rectangle. Brush with melted butter. Sprinkle with cinnamonsugar mixture, pressing evenly and lightly to adhere. 3. Cut dough into 7 equal 2x12-in. strips. Roll first strip into a tight coil. Wrap next strip around coil, winding it around completely. Repeat with remaining strips to make a giant coil. 4. Place dough in prepared pan. Cover with a tea towel and let rise until doubled in size, about 1 hour. Bake in a 350°F oven until golden brown and set in middle, 20 to 28 minutes. Let cool on a wire rack for 5 minutes, then cover with icing.
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A. ROLLING THE STRIPS After adding the filling and cutting the dough into strips, you’ll roll one strip into a tight coil.
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B. MAKING A GIANT ROLL You’ll wrap the next strip around the first—and so on—until you have one giant roll.
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C. LETTING IT RISE AGAIN Before you put the roll in the oven to bake, you’ll let it rise in the pan one last time.
Excerpted with permission from Baking for the Holidays: 50+ Treats for a Festive Season (Chronicle Books, 2021), by Sarah Kieffer. Copyright ©2021 by Sarah Kieffer.
F U N Ñ M a k e It
Handmade and Ready to Hang !
These fun and festive upcycled ornaments are a cinch to make with the kids.
S H E LV E S A R E G R E AT, BUT THE TREE IS BEST!
Elf Buddies Hooray, a cute way to reuse the wine corks. 1. B O D Y Wrap a wine cork in felt, and secure with glue. Then glue a 1-in. wooden bead on top. 2. S C A R F Tie a ½x3-in. strip of felt where the bead meets the cork. 3 . H AT Roll and glue a 2½x1-in. triangle of felt into a cone; glue to top of bead.
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4. A R M S Cut small slits in sides of body felt and press two 1½-in. pieces of craft wire into cork. Slip small beads over wire ends and twist to make hands. 5. L E G S Insert two 3-in. pieces of wire into cork bottom and slip barrel beads over ends and twist for feet. 6. F A C E Draw on facial features with paint markers.
PROP STYLING BY JOJO LI FOR HELLO ARTISTS.
by A M A N D A K I N G L O F F / photographs by A A R O N DY E R
Good Yarns Variegated yarn that changes color in a single strand (often called print yarn) is the secret to these ornaments. (The bases are cardboard.) 1. Cut 3-in. stars or 2-in. squares from cardboard. 2. Stick Glue Dots to corners.
3. Wrap yarn around shapes, crossing Glue Dots when turning corners, until fully covered. Knot end when finished. 4. For star shapes, tie on yarn or string for hangers.
5. For gift-box shapes, tie yarn bows around squares, and add a loop for hangers.
TIP An adult can get things started by cutting out the shapes, then the kids can apply the Glue Dots and have at it with the yarn.
F U N Ñ M a k e It
Frosty in a Frame Grab a small box from the recycling bin (or gift-wrap stash) for this mini diorama. 1. B O X Paint the inside of a small gift box pale blue.
TIP We used Aleene’s Original Tacky Glue for most of these crafts: It’s thicker (and therefore more kid-friendly) than other water-based glues. $2.50 for 5 oz.; michaels.com
2. S N O W Use white paint and a small brush to create falling snow. Cut box’s white stuffing (or a piece of batting) into a hill shape and glue into place. 3. T R E E S Glue small, green-paper triangles to tiny pieces of twig, and glue them into the scene. 4. S N O W M A N Glue three pom-poms in a stack, then add paper eyes and nose and a felt scarf. For a hat, glue a black fusible bead to a small black paper circle. Glue the snowman into place at the base. 5. H A N G E R Glue thin ribbon around the sides of the box, leaving an open loop at the top.
S A LVA G I N G E M P T Y B OX E S ? HOW COOL.
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TIP Skip the string if you prefer, and line up a few houses on the mantel to make a holiday village.
Home Sweet Homes No baking required for these “gingerbread” houses; they’re cardboard. 1. Cut out various building shapes from cardboard. 2. Draw windows, doors, and roof tiles with a white paint pen to resemble frosting. 3. Glue on colorful yarn and tiny pom-poms to decorate. 4. Glue small loops of yarn to the backs to hang.
F U N —To y s
50
BEST TOYS 2021
Toys TheyWill Love
Give the gift that makes their holiday! Curated by experts, tested by kids, and rated by parents, these came out on top to win our annual seal of approval. by J E S S I C A H A R T S H O R N , R E B E C C A R A KO W I T Z , and J E N N A W I R T H photographs by P E T E R A R D I T O
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Ahoy, matey!
1. Pirate Booty Treasures Await! Adventure Ship sails (rolls, really) on the floor and comes with a rowboat, a captain, a first mate, and requisite treasure chest. “I hear my kids seeking gold, attempting a rescue, or just having characters fish off the boat,” a mom told us. (P.S. The anchor makes cranking sounds.) Ages 3 to 8, $60; lakeshorelearning.com
P L AYS E T S T H AT T H R I LL
$25
PROP STYLING BY ASHLEY TOTH.
or less
2. Taking the Cake
3. Dino Might
A pretend Bake-Off begins with the Play-Doh Kitchen Creations Rising Cake Oven Playset—toy oven, mixing bowl, and five cans of the squishy clay included. “My son loves making the timer ding,” a parent said. “And I got into using the cakedecorating tools with him.” Ages 3+, $20; amazon.com
A mash-up of choo-choos and dinos, iPlay, iLearn Dinosaur Train Adventure Set hits all the right preschool notes. Said one mom: “My kid likes manipulating the levers and knobs. It’s suited to his motor skills and the doing-thesame-thing-over-and-over thing that 3-year-olds love.” Ages 3+, $35; amazon.com
F U N ÑTo y s
BIG WOWS
7. Tumble Time This six-piece set of oversize shapes brings gym class home. One mom of a toddler said the Radio Flyer Tumble Town Foam Climbing Blocks give her son pure joy—and that she even borrows them to rest. Ages 9 months to 3 years, $180; radioflyer.com
A B A LL RUN F O R E V E RY AG E
4. Dominoes Down The eye-catching Haba Kullerbu Ball Track Kringel Domino Set has wooden tracks and brightly colored balls that set off rainbow dominoes. But beyond looking great, it improves kids’ engineering, building, and hand-eye coordination skills. “It’s one of those magical toys that encourages cooperation without competition,” observed a mom of sibling testers. “As my 6-year-old son put it: There are no winners here! Just fun.” Ages 2+, $70; habausa.com
8. Raid This Fridge “My son is obsessed with every item inside,” gushed a mom of the 16-inch Ryan’s World Chef Ryan’s Fridge Surprise. It offers up fake food (tiny eggs!) and things to squish (a slime cupcake) for a total of 15 gifts to unwrap. Then there’s the fridge itself, with a real dry-erase board. Ages 3+, $50; walmart.com
6. Next-Level Marble Track 5. Big Buildup This 145-piece, battery-operated VTech Marble Rush Ultimate Set has a spinning Ferris wheel, a light-up cone drop, and ball launchers that impress, plus ten large marbles. “Both of my kids giggle ecstatically as the run grows taller,” said a parent whose sons kept returning to it to try new things. Ages 4+, $48; walmart.com
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Whether they follow the designs in the Ravensburger GraviTrax PRO Vertical Starter Set manual or go rogue, engineers-in-training can build intricate paths for traditional marbles with this. One dad loved that it demonstrates physics and said, “My girls don’t want to stop until they figure out how to get a marble through.” Ages 8+, $80; target.com
9. Dig This Minecraft goes 3-D and IRL with this 542-piece LEGO Minecraft: The First Adventure set. Kids know the cat, sheep, and skeleton and build familiar features such “It’ss a as a waterfall elevator. “It 9-year-old’s epic dream,” raved a mom. Ages 8+, $70; lego.com
10. Back to the Batcave A nearly 3-foot-tall imposing Batman figure opens up to a ten-room lair for a small version of the superhero. The Batman Bat-Tech Transforming Batcave Playset has “so cool” details like an elevator, an escape hatch, and a jail for supervillains. Ages 4+, $100; target.com
11. Four-Story Fun Dazzling for any fan of the brand, the L.O.L. Surprise! OMG House of Surprises measures 4 feet tall by 4 feet wide, with ten rooms, a light-up fireplace, transforming furniture, and (yes) a spiral slide. Dolls aren’t included, but as a dad of three testers pointed out, “My kids already have a ton, and now they have a place to play with them.” Ages 4+, $230; target.com
12. Horse Play Perfect for two kids to play with together, the Schleich Big Horse Show With Dressing Tent has pairs of figurines, horses, and stations to bring the sport to life. “Small details like the scoring cards, makeup station, and hose occupied my girls for hours,” a mom reported. Ages 5+, $100; schleich-s.com
13. First Class One preschool tester was the “hit of the neighborhood” as he drove the Kid Trax USPS Mail Delivery Truck on the sidewalk. It comes with a pretend mailbox and envelopes, has working headlights and a horn, and offers an auxiliary input for playing favorite tunes through a portable music player. Kids go forward or in reverse with a foot pedal, like in a real car, but (don’t fear) there’s a max speed of 2.5 mph. Ages 3 to 5, $269; kidtraxtoys.com
14. Hello, Dolly! Splurge on the American Girl Kira Bailey Doll, Book & Accessories bundle to get a plush koala, a well-written book about Kira caring for the Australian environment, and more. “This brand is always top quality,” a parent enthused. Ages 8+, $170; americangirl.com
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$25
or less
CUTEST C H A R AC T E R S
15
21. Lead Guitar
16
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When in doubt: Everyone wants a Squishmallow.
18
Get psyched for a concert with this play instrument that looks like the real thing. The Little Tikes My Real Jam Electric Guitar has four modes: Play With the Band, Free Play, Solo Jam, and Play Any Song With Bluetooth, for connecting songs from a phone or tablet. The box becomes a guitar case! Ages 2+, $40; target.com
22. Hocus Pocus 19
Kids play sorcerer with Magic Mixies Magic Cauldron, combining potion ingredients (think bath bombs) to create real mist and make a creature appear (via a trap door). Kids can then invent new potions, buy refills of the misting balls, perfect their wand skills, and master their tricks. Ages 5 to 8, $70; walmart.com
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$25
or less
15. Fairy Nice
17. Buddy and Book
19. Go In for a Hug
Ten wrapped surprises are nestled inside each Zuru Rainbocorn Fairycorn Surprise egg, which has a set of wearable fairy wings on the back. The main attraction is the glittery friend (shown). Ages 3+, $25; target.com
The softest of loveys, Slumberkins Yak Kin gets kudos for the accompanying affirmation card and board book that follows a yak overcoming a perfectionist streak. Kids are encouraged to repeat, “I know I am enough.” Ages 3 to 8, $45; slumberkins.com
My Fuzzy Friends are wearable, animatronic kittens and koalas with extra-long arms for nuzzling. They react with some 50 sounds when kids do things like rub their nose or serve them their snack. “My son checks on ‘Koaly’ throughout the day to see if he’s hungry or tired,” a mom noted. Ages 4+, $25; amazon.com
16. Duet Partner Fisher-Price Linkimals Cool Beats Penguin introduces letters, opposites, numbers, and more through catchy songs and flipperflapping dance moves. One dad swore it was helping his son talk, explaining, “He’s focused on lipreading” when he sings along “like 100 times a day.” (Yep, that’s a favorite toddler toy.) Ages 9 months+, $30; target.com
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18. Just Squish It The Beanie Babies of our time, Squishmallows usually form a squad in a kid’s bedroom. New ones keep coming out, and old ones keep selling out: Our testers got their hands on Violet, a 12-inch octopus. Holiday editions include a snowman, an elf, and a peppermint candy with a face. Ages birth+, $30; claires.com
20. Switch It Up Kids can change Mixaroo endlessly by reassembling its dozen features. (Go ahead, put the nose on top of the head!) One parent enjoyed watching her two kids get creative. “They can’t stop laughing.” Ages 2 to 5, $30; educationalinsights.com
$25
or less
23. Work the Room Disney Toy Story Talent Show takes the planning out of performing. Pick a card, complete a low-risk act like rolling the game’s ball with your nose, and collect a ticket (and applause!). One family raved that it’s the first family game, for two to six players, that their 6-year-old enjoys. Ages 6+, $20; amazon.com
D O LL S A N D D O LLH O U S E S
25. First Home A diverse trio of besties hangs out at the Fisher-Price Little People Friends Together Play House. Kids can activate lights, songs, and sounds, including the always hilarious flushing toilet. One tester’s tot puts the figures to bed while turning on the lullabies (imitating real-life efforts to get him to sleep?). Ages 1 to 5, $40; walmart.com
26. Modern Mermaids The posable friends of Mermaid High have a secret—they’re really mermaids who can slip off their tail to reveal human legs (with cool shoes). “The hair is beautiful and fun to comb. Accessories, like a clamshell laptop, are a cute touch,” reported a mom of a 6-year-old. Ages 4+, $27 each; amazon.com
24. Open Top Unlike most playhouses, the wooden Haba Little Friends Dollhouse Town Villa has a modern, airy design that makes it easy for small hands to access it from all sides. (If you want resident figures from the brand, you can buy them separately.) Cutouts at the top function as handles for moving the house around, and assembly is a breeze. Ages 3+, $100; amazon.com
FUN READING & M AT H H E LP E R S
$25
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27. Letter Board It may remind you of a tablet, but the wood-encased LeapFrog Touch & Learn Nature ABC Board goes deep with ABCs, 1-2-3s, weather phrases, nature sounds, and activities around animals and conservation. One mom said, “My toddler is just learning the alphabet, so having the letters in order, instead of like a keyboard, is perfect.” Ages 18 months+, $25; target.com
28. Fine-Motor Friend
29. Math Practice
Pieces of Spike the Fine Motor Hedgehog Puzzle Playmate make a satisfying click as your tot fits them in place. Once kids grasp matching shapes, they can learn to order the quills from one to five. Ages 18 months to 4 years, $16; learningresources.com
With bright, familiar faces from the hit cartoon on Netflix, the Numberblocks MathLink Cubes entertain while helping kids hone number sense. (Look how short one is compared with ten!) “It puts the show’s lessons into three-dimensional concepts,” one parent said. Ages 3+, $25, hand2mind.com
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A R T SY K IT S
B U I LD I N G SETS
$25
or less
$25
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30. Light-Up Blocks Bricks for the Laser Pegs Multi-Models 4-in-1 Mini Construction Set glow, and the 91 tiny pieces turn into a truck, an excavator, a grader, or a forklift. Build, take apart, make another one! Ages 8+, $13; laserpegs.com
33. Piece It Together Throwback! Colorforms 70th Anniversary Edition engages kids and encourages storytelling with 500 modern design pieces that stick like magic to the board, then peel off to make way for new scenes. One mom appreciated how “it gives kids a chance to make striking art projects with no mess.” Ages 3+, $25; amazon.com
34. Graphic Designs Like the original, the Spirograph Animator lets kids create endless amazing designs. But now they can watch them appear to dance via a device that spins the spirals under light so they look as if they’re moving. One dad joined in. “I made a bunch of them because apparently I’m 9 years old again,” he said. Ages 8+, $27; walmart.com
$25
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$25
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31. That Arctic Life Add Magformers Cube House Penguin Set to your preschooler’s collection of magnetic builders, or make it a great first set. It’s got 20 stick-together pieces plus a trike, a table, and a character who wears either a penguin or bear hood. Ages 3+, $25; magformers.com
$25
or less
35. Brighter Thinking The battery-powered Crayola Light-Up Activity Board illuminates with lights so kids can learn color mixing and matching with the included clings. Use the washable markers with the drawing sheets to add scenes or more shapes. Supplies store in the back for easy travel. Ages 3+, $24; crayola.com
36. Make Them Yours The 2021 edition of this popular color-the-creature series, the Crayola Scribble Scrubbie Ocean Pets Lagoon Playset provides washable markers for customizing the shark, octopus, whale, and clown fish. Kids can use the lagoon shower to clean the figures and start fresh anytime. “My twins love drawing on the animals, and it doesn’t require a lot of water to erase them,” noted a mom. Ages 3+, $20; crayola.com
32. Vet Techs Kids like our 10-year-old tester may be so excited to “treat” the unicorn and flying pig at the Luki Lab Pinxies Vet Care Center, they won’t notice they use problem-solving skills to put the 110 pieces together. Ages 6+, $20; amazon.com
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37. At the Drawing Board Entice little ones to get creative at the wooden Melissa & Doug PAW Patrol Tabletop Art Center with a paper roll, a chalkboard, and a magnetic dry-erase board. Yes, Chase and the gang are there as magnets to hold activity sheets on the easel. Cups store the chalk and dry-erase marker. “My son loves this thing,” said a dad. “He uses it daily to draw.” Ages 3+, $54; melissaanddoug.com
$25
or less
GA M E S A LWAYS WIN
39. Dinner Is Served A riff on the card game Slapjack, Hangry has players racing to fill their table setting. In each round, three to six players simultaneously show a food card and look for a match. The person who claims matching cards first can keep them. Surprise cards like the Buffet add drama by changing the number of cards players hold. “Good for everyone to play together, including grandparents, unless you’re all vegetarian,” joked a tester. Ages 6+, $18; walgreens.com
$25
or less
40. Toppling Tower
38. Word Game Egg-citement Cluckle is a fast-moving, word-making game for two to six players that’s reminiscent of Boggle. Start by squeezing the chicken to pop the die out as though it has just laid an egg. Then flip the tiles, form a word, and grab the chicken to end your turn. “It keeps my kids’ interest while honing word skills,” a parent observed. Ages 7+, $10; target.com
$25
or less
Kids can monkey around with this suspenseful game by themselves or play with up to four people. It ends, Jengastyle, when someone accidentally knocks all seven figures off the ledges of the Super Mario Blow Up! Shaky Tower. “My daughter loves the anticipation,” a dad said. Ages 4+, $25; kohls.com
$25
or less
43. Opening Gambit 41. Cooperative Play Jumanji Deluxe takes two to four players on a jungle trek. To stay alive, you must work together to solve riddles, survive danger, and complete challenges. Press the dome to hear drums beating. “The kids’ faces during this game are awesome,” said a parent. “There’s also some theatrical screaming.” After all, if any one player loses all life tokens, everyone loses! Ages 8+, $50; amazon.com
42. Noodles of Fun Teaching dexterity, counting, pattern recognition, and friendly competitiveness, Noodle Knockout Fine Motor Game has a side benefit of letting kids practice with chopsticks. Play alone or with up to four players. “My daughter enjoys pretending to eat her completed bowl of ramen,” a parent reported. Ages 4 to 8, $20; learningresources.com
We were skeptical, but testing proved that Story Time Chess can teach the basics to preschoolers, using cute characters and mini games. “It’s a way to bring chess to young kids,” a parent said. “They must have put a lot of thought into deconstructing and translating the game.” Another remarked, “The stories are silly from an adult perspective, but they taught my 4-year-old chess.” Ages 3+, $50; storytimechess.com
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V E H I C LE S T H AT GO VROOM
STEAM S TA R S
44. Start Green America’s star mouse takes the wheel of the Green Toys Mickey Mouse Recycling Truck, made from 100 percent recycled plastic. The box it comes in has cut-out cardboard pieces to sort in the truck’s chutes. One dad said it inspired him to reuse household cardboard for his son to play with along with the truck. Ages 6 months+, $30; amazon.com
$25
$25
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47. Wing It Testers (and editors) couldn’t get enough of the Crayola STEAM Paper Butterflies Science Kit, which uses drops of dye to colorfully demonstrate how the creature’s capillaries move liquid along. Kids create a dozen one-of-a-kind butterflies to display or use in pretend play. Ages 7+, $20; crayola.com
49. Blast Off 45. Give Chase Kids can launch the top dog aboard his motorcycle right out of the PAW Patrol: The Movie Chase Transforming City Cruiser. It can send three discs flying through the air too. “Great for role play,” noted one mom of a preschooler. Ages 3+, $42; walmart.com
48. Code Clues Kids program a dragon or a unicorn to move using the Coding Critters MagiCoders wand and spell book. In essence, kids string together a code that tells the character what to do. Observed a mom, “Given how important coding has become, I’m glad this exposes it to my son in a playful way.” Ages 4 to 8, $55; learningresources.com
Testers said The Young Scientists Club Space Adventure Pack was out of this world. More than a dozen galactic activities are tucked into the backpack, teaching about moon phases and constellations. Sibling testers worked together to make a clay solar system. “They had fun mixing the clay’s colors and making the planets,” their mom said. “And they learned the order of the planets and their relative sizes.” Ages 6+, $25; amazon.com
46. Make Tracks The Hot Wheels Track Builder Unlimited Rapid Launch Builder Box has been in one tester family’s playroom for weeks as the kids continue to go back for more. The 28-piece set, with a four-car high-speed launcher and loop components, connects to other tracks from the brand, but it’s also a great starter kit. “Every time I walk past, my kids are yelling, ‘Watch this!’ ” a mom said. Ages 6+, $50; walmart.com
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50. Eco Action $25
or less
The Science4you: Green Science Kit earns the “fun indoor activity” stamp of approval for rainy or snowy days. It includes more than 15 cool projects such as building a solar oven and growing a plant from seed. “I love that this reinforces education on renewable energies, which my kids learn in science class,” exclaimed a parent with three school-age kids. Ages 6+, $25; playmonster.com
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We chose toys that encourage kids to interact, invent a story line, or play with others. BRAIN-BUILDING
Susan Michal, director of early childhood education at The Children’s Museum of Indianapolis, and Karen Elinich, director of research and evaluation of the Please Touch Museum, in Philadelphia, pointed us to toys that fire imagination. Jere Krueger, associate vice president of retail services at The Children’s Museum of Indianapolis, checked that these new toys improve on what’s already in the market.
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Laurie Schacht, chief toy officer of The Toy Insider, forecast what’s likely to top this year’s wish lists.
Our families, with 83 kids among them ranging from babies to teens, rated the semifinalists. We asked parents to report on: LEARNING BENEFITS
Every winner makes a kid think or gets them pretend playing. P L AY I N G T I M E
We love when kids keep returning to a toy.
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Our toys require reasonable assembly, have volume control, and otherwise do not drive parents bonkers. But generally, the old cliché holds true: When kids are happy, parents are happy.
Allergen-Reducing. Life-Changing.
S AN NOW TO BUY
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F U N Ñ C e l e br a t e FROM THE EDITORS OF
&
Your Kid-Adaptable Holiday Menu These party faves have tiny twists that will make everyone jolly, whatever their age (or taste preferences). photographs by J E N N I F E R C A U S E Y
Turkey Meatballs With Sweet Soy Dipping Sauce For recipe, see page 90.
MAKE IT KID- FRIENDLY
Give the younger set the option of dipping their meatballs in ketchup or barbecue sauce.
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Creamy Mashed Potatoes For recipe, see page 90.
MAKE IT KID-FRIENDLY
Hold back a cup of the plain mashed potatoes for the kids. Then add the goat cheese, dill, and chives to the rest for the grown-ups.
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MAKE IT KID-FRIENDLY
Before adding the jalapeños and hot sauce, set aside some of the cream cheese–cheddar filling. Use that to fill phyllo cups just for the kids, and top with bacon bits. (You can make up a name: “Cheesy Bacon Crunchies!”)
Jalapeño Popper Cups
I N G R E DI E N T S 15 frozen mini phyllo tart shells 4 oz. cream cheese, at room temperature 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese 2 jalapeños, seeded and minced 1 Tbs. hot pepper sauce 21/2 Tbs. bacon bits or 2 strips bacon, crisp-cooked and crumbled Chopped cilantro (optional) MAKE IT
1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Arrange phyllo cups on a baking sheet. 2. Stir together cream cheese and cheddar cheese in a bowl. Fold in jalapeños and hot sauce. 3. Evenly spoon cheese mixture into phyllo cups and sprinkle with bacon bits. Bake until golden brown, 15 to 20 minutes. Sprinkle with cilantro, if using. Serve warm. NUTRITION PER PIECE
61 calories; 2g protein; 5g fat (2g sat. fat); 3g carbs; 0 fiber; 0 sugar; 0 iron; 34mg calcium; 114mg sodium
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FOOD STYLING BY CHELSEA ZIMMER. PROP STYLING BY CLAIRE SPOLLEN.
Active Time 15 minutes Total Times 30 minutes Makes 15 poppers
Cheese. Tacos. No dinner drama.
© 2019 Kraft Foods
F U N Ñ C e l e br a t e
MAKE IT KID-FRIENDLY
Serve up the ham slider-style: Add thin ham slices to biscuits and top them with mayo, honey mustard, or the recipe’s honey glaze —whatever your kid’s into these days.
HoneyOrange Glazed Ham For recipe, see page 90.
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MAKE IT KID-FRIENDLY
Puff Pastry Christmas Tree For recipe, see page 90.
Do a cheese-only version with half the pinwheels, and serve with marinara. After Step 1, spread just 1/2 cup ricotta mixture on one of the dough sheets, and pick up with Step 4. (For the adults, you’ll halve the spinach, onion, and red-pepper flakes.)
F U N Ñ C e l e br a t e
MAKE IT KID-FRIENDLY
Top a few cheesecake bites with mini chocolate chips instead of the raspberry puree.
Raspberry Holiday Cheesecake Bites Active Time 15 minutes Total Time 5 hours 15 minutes Makes 12 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 3/4 cup graham-cracker crumbs (from about 51/4 whole crackers) 1/4 cup finely chopped pecans 3 Tbs. salted butter, melted 11/2 cups fresh raspberries, divided (6 oz.) 1/2 8-oz. pkg. cream cheese, at room temperature 1 cup sweetened condensed milk 1 cup frozen whipped dessert topping, thawed MAKE IT
1. Line 12 standard muffin-tin cups with paper liners. 2. Stir together grahamcracker crumbs, pecans, and melted butter in a bowl until evenly moistened. Spoon mixture evenly into prepared cups and press with the back of a spoon to pack into cup bottoms. 3. Process 1 cup raspberries in a food processor until smooth. Beat cream cheese in a large bowl with an electric mixer until fluffy. Beat in sweetened condensed milk and 1/2 cup of raspberry puree until well blended. (Refrigerate remaining puree and raspberries.) Fold in whipped topping. 4. Spoon filling evenly into muffin cups. Freeze, covered, at least 5 hours. When ready to serve, peel off paper liners, and put bites on serving plates. Thin remaining puree with water until it reaches desired drizzling consistency. Garnish with remaining 1/2 cup whole raspberries. NUTRITION PER SERVING
205 calories; 3g protein; 12g fat (6g sat. fat); 22g carbs; 1g fiber; 16g sugar; 0 iron; 90mg calcium; 114mg sodium
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DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF, JUST NAIL THE BIG STUFF. What’s another teeny, tiny stain? You’ve got more important things to think about—like making sure your kids are buckled correctly in the right seat for their age and size.
Check at NHTSA.gov/TheRightSeat
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onions, if using. Serve sauce with meatballs. NUTRITION PER SERVING
(about 3 meatballs) 120 calories; 9g protein; 6g fat (1g sat. fat); 8g carbs; 0 fiber; 4g sugar; 1mg iron; 22mg calcium; 380mg sodium
I N G R E DI E N T S 1 cup honey 2 Tbs. orange juice 1/4 tsp. ground cinnamon 1/4 tsp. ground cloves 1/4 tsp. almond extract (optional) 1 8-lb. fully cooked bone-in whole ham
Turkey Meatballs With Sweet Soy Dipping Sauce Active Time 20 minutes Total Times 40 minutes Makes 40 meatballs I N G R E DI E N T S For the meatballs 1 large egg, lightly beaten 1/2 cup dried breadcrumbs 1 lb. ground turkey 1/2 cup minced cilantro 1/4 cup finely chopped green onion (from about 2) 2 Tbs. less-sodium soy sauce 1 Tbs. vegetable oil 1 Tbs. toasted sesame oil 1/2 tsp. kosher salt For the dipping sauce 2 slices peeled fresh ginger, or more to taste 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 1/4 cup less-sodium soy sauce 1 Tbs. rice vinegar (not seasoned) Sliced green onions (optional) MAKE IT
1. Prepare the meatballs: Preheat oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Add egg, breadcrumbs, turkey, cilantro, green onion, soy sauce, vegetable oil, sesame oil, and salt to a large bowl. Gently mix together with your hands until combined. 2. Roll tablespoon-size scoops between your palms to form meatballs and transfer to prepared baking sheet. You will have about 40. Bake until well browned, 20 to 25 minutes. 3. While meatballs bake, prepare the dipping sauce: Smash ginger with the heavy side of a knife and put in a small saucepan. Add brown sugar, soy sauce, and rice vinegar. Stir over mediumlow heat until sugar dissolves and mixture is slightly thickened, about 3 minutes. Strain out ginger and transfer sauce to a bowl. Garnish with green
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Creamy Mashed Potatoes Active Time 15 minutes Total Time 35 minutes Makes 8 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 3 lb. Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and cut into 2-in. pieces Kosher salt and black pepper, to taste 1/2 cup (1 stick) salted butter 1/2 cup milk, plus more if needed 8 oz. goat cheese 3 Tbs. chopped chives 3 Tbs. chopped dill MAKE IT
1. Cover potatoes in a large pot with lightly salted water. Bring to a boil; cook until tender enough to easily pierce with a fork, about 20 minutes. 2. While potatoes cook, heat butter and milk in a small saucepan over low heat until very warm.
MAKE IT
1. Preheat oven to 325°F. Stir together honey, orange juice, cinnamon, cloves, and almond extract, if using, in a small bowl. 2. Put ham in a large, shallow roasting pan and bake 1 hour and 15 minutes. Baste ham with honey mixture and return to oven. Set aside remaining honey mixture.
I N G R E DI E N T S 1 cup ricotta cheese 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese 1/2 tsp. kosher salt 1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg 1 tsp. vegetable oil 2 cups chopped red onion (from about 2) 1 10-oz. pkg. chopped frozen spinach, thawed 1/4 tsp. red-pepper flakes 1 17.3-oz. pkg. frozen puff pastry (2 sheets), thawed Flour, for work surface 1 large egg, lightly beaten Multicolor cherry tomatoes , for decoration MAKE IT
1. Stir together ricotta, Parmesan, salt, and nutmeg in a bowl. 2. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add onion; cook, stirring occasionally, until soft and translucent, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool completely. 3. Put spinach in a colander and squeeze out liquid until dry. Stir onion, spinach, and redpepper flakes into bowl with ricotta mixture.
NUTRITION PER SERVING
4. Roll out the 2 puff pastry sheets into 11-in. squares on a lightly floured work surface. Evenly cover each with spinachcheese mixture, leaving a 1/2-in. border. Tightly roll up each sheet and firmly press edges into logs to seal. Wrap logs in plastic wrap; chill 1 hour (or freeze 15 minutes) so the pastry is easier to handle.
182 calories; 21g protein; 5g fat (2g sat. fat); 12g carbs; 0 fiber; 12g sugar; 1mg iron; 8mg calcium; 1,156mg sodium
5. Preheat oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
3. Continue baking ham, basting occasionally, until an instant-read thermometer inserted into thickest part of the ham registers 140°F, about 45 minutes more. Spoon any remaining glaze into a small bowl and serve with ham.
6. Wrap a string of plain dental floss around logs and pull ends to slice into 24 pinwheels (or use a very sharp serrated knife). Arrange pinwheels 1 in. apart on prepared baking sheet in the shape of a Christmas tree: 6 for a bottom row, then 5, then 4, and so on. Arrange remaining 3 wheels at bottom for a trunk. Brush pinwheels with beaten egg.
3. Drain and partially mash potatoes. Add butter and milk mixture, then continue mashing until smooth. Stir in goat cheese, chives, and dill. Add more milk as needed to reach desired consistency. Season to taste with salt and pepper. NUTRITION PER SERVING
333 calories; 9g protein; 20g fat (13g sat. fat); 28g carbs; 2g fiber; 3g sugar; 1mg iron; 107mg calcium; 297mg sodium
Honey-Orange Glazed Ham
Puff Pastry Christmas Tree
Active Time 10 minutes Total Time 2 hours 10 minutes Makes 24 servings
Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 2 hours Makes 24 pinwheels
7. Bake until pinwheels are lightly browned and puffed, 30 to 35 minutes. Decorate with cherry tomatoes. NUTRITION PER PIECE
73 calories; 2g protein; 4g fat (2g sat. fat); 6g carbs; 1g fiber; 1g sugar; 0 iron; 44mg calcium; 131mg sodium
Kikkoman® Soy Sauce is brining magic. It’s the secret ingredient that makes your bird succulent, savory, and spectacularly golden brown. Get more juicy ideas at www.KikkomanUSA.com. For a 16-24 lb. turkey: In a 5 gal. container, mix 2 gal. water, 10 oz. Kikkoman® Soy Sauce
m
(or Gluten-Free Soy Sauce), 1/2 c. kosher salt, 1/2 c. sugar, 2 Tbsp. dried sage, 2 Tbsp. celery seed, 1 Tbsp. dried thyme. Stir to dissolve salt, add turkey, cover and refrigerate 8 hours or overnight. Rinse turkey well and follow your regular cooking instructions.
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Ready, Set, Celebrate
YOU.
T E N D T O Y OU R S E L F, B O D Y A N D S OU L 21 BE AUTIFUL OPTIONS
Grown Alchemist Hand Creams are just the size for stashing in a handbag or a desk drawer. The tubes work wonders on cracked cuticles and have naturally zingy scents, like Rose & Argan or Sweet Almond & Sage. $22 to $39 each; grownalchemist.com
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Pretty Gifty This beauty roundup has something for all the amazing women in your life. Treat yourself while you’re at it, or mark these pages and keep them handy the next time a loved one needs a holiday hint. by S H A N N O N M . B AU E R photographs by ALPHA SMOOT PA R E N T S
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A mom of two and former pastry chef mixes up these lotion bars that use plantbased oils and butters. Each fits in the palm of your hand and melts as you glide it across your skin. We love the unscented Kate McLeod Mama Stone Moisturizer ($45; katemcleod.com), which is safe for babies, too, and the smaller, green Face Stone ($86), infused with camellia seed, tamanu, and rose hip oils.
Planet-Friendly Picks
It’s not a trip for two to Jamaica, but the sophisticated scent of Esas Beauty Jasmine Beach Organic Scented Mist ($34; esasnyc.com) is like a mini vacation in a bottle. Each refillable glass vial uses organic, locally grown ingredients—and 10 percent of profits are donated to The Ocean Project.
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This floral gift will last longer than the usual poinsettia. Bloomeffects Tulip Dew Drops ($55; bloomeffects.com) is a serum packed with botanical extracts sustainably sourced from the Netherlands, along with skin-hydrating hyaluronic acid and squalane.
Bold, botanical-inspired graphics turn the Aveda x 3.1 Phillip Lim Wooden Paddle Brush ($55; aveda.com) into a piece of art. It’s sold in a set with a travel-size shampoo and conditioner in one of the brand’s iconic formulas.
LOOFAH AND BRUSH: PETER ARDITO. PERFUME AND DROPS: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.
A go-to stocking stuffer: Saje Soap-Filled Wash Pad ($14; saje.com) is a loofah for the shower that sudses up fast, comes in unique but crowdpleasing scents (like lavender and honey, or orange and cinnamon), and has minimal waste packaging.
Glamorous Splurges Help your bestie tap into her inner makeup artist with the (1) Tarte Sea Salt Lyfe Eyeshadow Palette ($39; tarte.com). The curated mix of shimmers and mattes in velvety browns and deep plums offers inspiration for moms’ nights out to come. 1
Expectant mamas can rub on the nourishing blend of oils and flower extracts in (2) Evereden Golden Belly Serum ($32; ever-eden.com) daily to hydrate a growing bump as well as soothe any itchiness. This BIPOC-owned business was founded by a woman who partnered with top dermatologists to ensure the ingredients are safe for both parent and baby.
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Rose Inc products live up to the mom-makeup credo: ridiculously easy to use and still good-looking. We’re especially in love with (3) Blush Divine Clean Dewy Cream Blush in Azalea ($30; sephora.com), which has hard-working ceramides and squalane to hydrate skin and give it lit-from-within dewiness.
There’s something decadent about dipping your fingers into a jar of extra-rich body cream, like (4) Fenty Skin Butta Drop Whipped Oil Body Cream ($39; sephora .com). The shea butter and glycerin combo feels amazing when massaged in and leaves a nongreasy, gleamy finish.
One stroke of (5) Gucci Beauty Rouge à Lèvres Voile Lipstick in Love Before Breakfast ($42; sephora .com) delivers a shiny hit of color that can instantly liven things up. The retro pink floral motif on each tube looks great on a vanity too. 4 5
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They had us with the adorable bear bottle (put a bow on it and consider it wrapped!). But the Briogeo Don’t Despair, Repair! Vegan Apple Honey Deep Conditioning Hair Mask ($38; sephora.com) sealed the deal with its apple-pie scent and ability to make hair feel silky-soft.
Fun + Practical
Nails Inc Plant Power Vegan Nail Polish ($10; sallybeauty .com) is quick-drying and features 73 percent plantbased ingredients. (FYI: The rich burgundy shade shown here, called Flex My Complex, is having a moment.)
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Ah, the gift of not having to wash your hair for another day. This tropical-patterned Kitsch Luxury Shower Cap in Palm Leaves ($24; mykitsch.com) is waterproof and has a tight-fitting turban design and silicone band to keep water out.
Between the nostalgia factor and the gentle, won’tdamage-strands benefits, the ’90s-inspired hair accessories in the Scünci Favorites Box ($10; target.com) is a steal, with a whole slew of claw clips, satin scrunchies, and glittery hair ties to level up all kinds of buns, twists, and ponytails.
NAIL POLISH, HAIR MASK, AND BOX: PETER ARDITO. SHOWER CAP: COURTESY OF THE BRAND.
When’s the last time you replaced your makeup tools? Most of us: Um, never? The holidays are a good time to get a deal on a new set. EcoTools Sleigh All Day Full Makeup Kit ($50; ulta.com) comes with 14 woodenhandled brushes and makeup sponges for eyes and face.
UNCAP THE LOVE
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Doing Good in the World The daily foaming cleanser and once-a-week intensive exfoliating treatment in (1) Kate Somerville ExfoliKate Cleanse & Exfoliating Duo With Glycolic and Lactic Acid ($88; sephora.com) deliver lookat-my-new-skin results. Inspired by the founder’s childhood, the brand pledges money to Foster Nation, an organization that helps those who have aged out of the foster system.
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(2) Ceremonia Guava Rescue Spray ($18; ceremonia.com) detangles, hydrates, and provides heat and UV protection for all hair types and textures. And the Latinx-founded brand sources many of the raw ingredients from Latin America.
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A little pot filled with luscious lip balm, (3) TATCHA The Kissu Lip Mask ($28; tatcha.com) deeply soothes chapped areas. The cult fave is made more special by this limited-edition red tint. Any TATCHA product sold benefits Room to Read, a charity that focuses on literacy and gender equality.
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(4) Herbivore PRISM Botanical AHA + BHA Exfoliating Glow Facial ($58; herbivorebotanicals .com) has a clear jellylike texture so it can be worn without detection (and no toddlers will freak when Mama’s face is masked) and gently exfoliates dead skin cells for radiant results. A portion of sales goes to The Trevor Project, an LGBTQ+ crisis-intervention organization. Not a nap, buuuut (5) Mutha Up All Night Eye Cream ($90; mutha.com) is loaded with hyaluronic acid, peptides, and light-reflecting pearl powders that help perk up and brighten tired lids. Also uplifting: The brand donates to maternal health nonprofits through International Medical Corps.
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YO U Ñ Pe r fe c t i s h B e aut y
Ready to Party
For overworked and underslept moms, showing up at a holiday event and rocking an impressive (but doable!) makeup look can be the ultimate mood boost. Hand the baby to the sitter, and let’s do this. by N I C O L E P E A R L K A P L A N
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1 / Glow in a Bottle
Versed Mood Lighting Glow Drops ($18; versedskin.com) give skin a gleamy finish that’s always welcome, whether you’re at a brightly lit party or communing via FaceTime. Wear one on its own as a highlighter (blend a drop directly onto the tops of your cheekbones and Cupid’s bow), or mix it into your moisturizer and smooth across shoulders, collarbones, and legs for allover shine. 2 / Big Eye Color
“Pastels are trending this holiday season,” says celebrity makeup artist
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Courtney Hart. To play up eyes in one step, try applying CoverGirl Clean Fresh Creamy Eye Shadow Stick in Lilac Bloom ($11; ulta.com) all over lids. Thanks to its soft texture, the vegan eyeshadow goes on easily, and the twist-tip pencil can double as an eyeliner for a monochromatic look.
These dewy blushes come in five shades.
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3 / Fake Lashes for
Beginners
Falsies give impressive length so eyes look bigger (and, hey, less tired), and they add a fun hit of drama. Eyelash Kween Magnetic Lashes ($25; eyelashkweensupplies.com)
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are surprisingly foolproof. They’re flexible, so they conform to most eye shapes, and comfy enough that you won’t feel like small spiders have latched on to your face. All you do is line lids with the included black liquid liner, which doubles as a magnet for the lashes to adhere to. Place the lashes on once the liner has dried—and then watch them stick like magic.
they blend to (somehow!) match most skin tones.
4 / The Does-It-All Balm
9 / Stay-Put Brows
Celebrity makeup artist Jamie Greenberg’s Blighlighter ($34; jamiemakeup.com) is like the one-pot meal of makeup: The cream blush and highlighter hybrid can go on lids, lips, and cheeks with just your fingertip, giving the whole face some gleam. 5 / Turn Up the Lash
Volume
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A little brow tint can have a big effect.
A swipe of really good mascara offers another way to quickly party up any look. With a brush head that has 200 intertwined bristles, E.L.F. Cosmetics Big Mood Mascara ($7; target.com) makes even stubby or sparse lashes look super-black and thick. Apply a few strokes, and get ready for the “Are those real?” compliments. 6 / Lips That Wow
An energetic lip color that won’t smudge (even when toddler fingers reach for your face) is key. Natasha Moor Silk Suede Lipstick in Powerful ($25; natashamoor.com) actually stays put and has a sharp edge to expertly coat lips and leave a finish that feels comfortable.
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7 / Color-Changing
Concealer
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A multitasker worthy of moms, August + Monroe 3-in-1 Blemish Camouflage ($40; amazon.com) is a formula that primes skin, covers up redness and spots, and also treats pimples. And happily, you won’t have to torture yourself to find the right shade. The makeup comes out of the tube white, and the pigmentcontaining beads burst as
8 / Amp Up Skin
Smashbox Halo Plumping Dew + Hyaluronic Acid ($39; ulta.com) is a peach-colored primer that not only hydrates skin with hyaluronic acid and niacinamide but also gives it an immediate shimmer. Apply it under or on top of makeup to immediately look alive. Arches & Halos Brow Hero Tint Kit ($18; target.com) includes a temporary dye that darkens brows for up to 72 hours and comes with everything you need—brow tint, angled brush, and clear brow gel—to apply and set. “Full brows are in, which is great because they give a luxe, thick look without requiring you to perfect a complicated technique,” says Kejauna Ford, a brow artist in North Carolina. Brush the tint on, let it sit for 30 minutes (or even overnight), then wash it off to reveal an arch that won’t need touching up for days. 10 / Makeup That (Almost)
Applies Itself
Here’s to a makeup palette that creates a full-face look in five minutes. Charlotte Tilbury Look of Love Instant Look in a Palette ($75; charlottetilbury.com) comes with three coordinating eye shadows, a bronzer, a blush, a powder, and a highlighter— and has a paint-by-numbers setup so you know which color to apply where. 11 / Sprinkle-on Sparkle
If you’re not ready to go full force with the glitter this December, you can still bring on the festive vibes with a shimmery eyeliner. Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil in Smog ($22; urbandecay.com) is a copper shade that miraculously works with all eye colors. The pencil glides on smoothly without tugging at delicate eye skin and—unlike Cinderella—can party on past the midnight ball drop.
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“ Life
Is Technicolor Now ” Mandy Moore is blissed-out on new motherhood and happy to share her dreamyeyed joy. “I had no idea that this degree of love existed in the world,” says the singer, songwriter, and star of This Is Us. by C A R I N A C H O C A N O photographs by V I C T O R D E M A R C H E L I E R
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M A N DY M O O R E
Are you someone who always knew that she wanted to be a mother? I hoped that I would have the opportunity to experience motherhood, but it wasn’t until I met my husband that I was like, “Oh, this is the person who I want to do this with.” It really solidified once I met Taylor.
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him back to our room and spend the first hour or so hanging out in bed together. Yeah, the morning is magical.
Did the experience of being a new mom match up to what you expected? I had no idea what I was in for. I mean, there’s so much emphasis on pregnancy! Then the baby comes, and it’s suddenly all about the baby, and you just figure it out. I honestly felt a little forgotten and lost. I guess I expected friendships to be maintained. When you have a child, the world as you know it shifts in such a profound way, and for the most part everyone was waiting when I came up for air. But I’ve also found that some friendships have seasons. So it’s become important for me to reach out to new friends on social media, like chef Gaby Dalkin. We knew each other peripherally before, but now that we’ve had babies at the same time, I am like, “Can we hang out? Can we talk? Can I pick your brain?” This is them: Of her husband, Taylor Goldsmith, Moore says, “He’s so excited for the big-picture part of parenthood but also the minutia.”
How did you know he was the right person to start a family with? I just wanted to spend my life with this person. He’s an incredible teacher—his patience, his presence, his intuition. He’s a wonderful friend. He’s a wonderful pet parent, brother, and husband. I just knew that this was in the cards for him. It was inevitable. I’d say, within the first six months of our relationship, we were already starting to talk about a family. I mean, this is a man who has written songs about coaching Little League. What is your favorite part of the day? The morning. When Taylor’s here, which he mostly is, except when he’s touring, we make our coffee and then walk into the nursery together. We open the curtains and say, “Hi, Gus,” and this giant smile erupts on Gus’s face. He’s just so excited to see us. It’s as if he thinks, “You’re still here! You showed up again.” We bring
Do you guys have routines, or do you try to go with the flow? We’re loosely structured, trying to be as malleable as possible with our schedule because of the nature of our jobs. Gus was coming to work with me when he was a month old. I don’t have a stopwatch where I’m like, “Okay, it’s been an hour and a half, he needs to eat now” or “It’s been three hours on the dot, he has to go down now.” We sort of look to him for cues, whether he’s hungry or whether he’s rubbing his eyes. A month ago, I was in the studio making a new record, and he came with me every day. He was in the room next door in his Pack ’n Play with his toys. He was all set up. It’s good to prepare, but you also have to factor in the unknowns, right? Yeah, the books are fantastic, but you’re still going to find yourself googling. The other night, at eight o’clock, he’d been asleep for an hour, and I walked into his room and was like, “Ooh, I smell poop. Should I change him? He’s going to get a diaper rash.” So I get on my phone and start searching, “Should I wake up a sleeping baby for a poopy diaper?” And there are 50 contradicting answers
WARDROBE STYLING BY KEVIN ERICSON. PROP STYLING BY ANETA FLORCZYK. HAIRSTYLING BY KYLEE HEATH. MAKEUP BY STEPHEN SOLLITTO. CHILD WRANGLING BY BILLY ROGERS. PREVIOUS SPREAD, ON MANDY: DRESS, TROVE. SWEATER, KHAITE. ON GUS: SHIRT AND PANTS, KULE. THIS PAGE: COURTESY OF MANDY MOORE. OPPOSITE, ON MANDY: DRESS, ZIMMERMAN.
has played a mom on NBC’s This Is Us for almost six years now, but it wasn’t until her own son, August (Gus for short), was born in February that she completely understood her character. Before, Moore drew on experiences with her own mom and other maternal figures in her world to bring Rebecca Pearson to life, and was Emmy-nominated for her work. Last season, when she and her television husband, Jack, played by Milo Ventimiglia, were filmed changing diapers and swaddling babies like pros, Moore admits she had no idea what she was doing—despite being nine months pregnant at the time. After Gus, she learned not only baby-care basics but also that she had access to a whole new range of deep feelings. The experience was profound, and it almost made her wish for a do-over. “It’s like, ‘Oh, can we go back?’ ” Moore says. “ ‘Can we rewind to 2015 so I can redo this entire series?’ ” In real life, Moore, 37, is married to Taylor Goldsmith, 36, of the band Dawes. Moore is a singer and songwriter herself—your kids might recognize her voice as Rapunzel from the Tangled movies and TV series, and she released her seventh studio album, Silver Landings, in 2020. The couple met via Instagram in 2015, when she raved about a Dawes album and Taylor DMed her. They were married in 2018. Moore says Goldsmith was destined to be a dad, falling naturally into baby wrangling even though, like Moore, he had never held a newborn before having his own. When Moore thinks about the fact that her TV character did everything in triplicate, she feels a profound respect. “I stand in awe of Rebecca Pearson in a way that I didn’t before having my own baby,” Moore says. And this is with Gus being an easy, go-with-the-flow infant. “Three all at the same time? I don’t, quite frankly, know how she did it.”
“We’re very much still f lying by the seat of our pants,” Moore says. “But I feel like that is parenthood in a nutshell.”
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Has having him had any kind of effect on your creativity? Not to sound cheesy, but all the clichés are true. Life is Technicolor now. It just makes sense in a way that it didn’t before. I had no idea that this degree of love existed in the world. Yeah, it’s going to change what I write about and, as an actor, what I’m able to access. I have a new color to bring to the table that I didn’t have before. It’s going to impact the choices I make when it comes to work. Everything is different now. Did anything turn out to be more difficult than you thought? Once that initial wave of new-parent euphoria sort of wore off, when the chaos of those early weeks started to wane, and the extra support we had in the beginning started tapering off, the reality of being Mom was suddenly front and center. It was scary. Like, “Oh, wow. Now the onus is on me. Do I know what I’m doing?” And I watched my husband effortlessly step into it. Everything he did seemed easy. He could get Gus to go to sleep like that, to laugh like that, whereas I felt clumsy and awkward. I felt a lot of shame and a lot of guilt. But friends told me, “Find some grace and patience for yourself, and know that all of this is new.” Suddenly, we glided into a new phase and Gus preferred me to my husband. And it’s going to change again. It’s a roller coaster. There’s so much expectation placed on mothers and not quite as much on fathers, so maybe they don’t have that pressure hanging over their head? There’s so much expectation from society, and we put ourselves under so much pressure and scrutiny. It’s silly. I feel like I’m going to be constantly checking myself, because right now, I
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feel like I have a handle on things, but I know that any day I’m going to feel like I’m flailing again.
ParentsÕ Lightning Round With Mandy Moore SONG WE SING TO GUS
“When I Paint My Masterpiece,” written by Bob Dylan and made famous by The Band. CHILDREN’S BOOK WE READ
Dragons Love Tacos, by Adam Rubin, is his favorite. S W E E T S T O RY B E H I N D T H E N A M E AU G U S T
That’s the month we found out we were having a boy. Once we chose it, we also realized it starts with an A (my full name is Amanda) and ends with a T, for Taylor. FAVO R I T E B A BY T OY
He won’t stop chewing Sophie la Girafe. PA R T O F P R E G N A N CY T H AT I K I N D O F M I S S
Having him all to myself and feeling that deep connection. I mean, nothing is better than having him here, but feeling him inside, when it was just the two of us, was very special. H A R D E S T PA R T O F P R E G N A N CY
Being so sick at the beginning. MOST SPECIAL TREE ORNAMENT
A picture of our dog, Joni, who passed away last year when I was seven months pregnant. W H E N G U S G O E S TO B E D, I WATC H
Ted Lasso. SELF- CARE “MUST”
Baths. (Also, though, a bath with him is my favorite.) CHANCES OF MAKING IT TO MIDNIGHT ON DECEMBER 31
Less than zero. ONE OF MY RESOLUTIONS
Less phone time. NEW THING I HOPE TO T RY I N 2 0 2 2
Hitting the road to play music with my husband and baby in tow.
What are some of your goals for motherhood? Gus is the most important thing in my life, but I still love my job. I know it will be a balance of figuring out how to do a bit of everything. I want to be present and available, and I want to be involved at school. I very much want to be the parent who volunteers for the field trip. I had that in my own life with my parents. Does Gus already love music? He’s just fascinated by the mechanics of music being made. Gus will watch my husband’s fingers while he’s playing the guitar and will start kicking his legs when he hears a beat that he likes, and he really likes it when we sing. He watches my mouth when I’m singing. Maybe he recognizes my voice from in the womb because I used to sing to him all the time. What are some things you’re looking forward to experiencing with him in the next year? I’m super-excited about holidays. I love Halloween and Christmas and birthdays. Holidays mean family to me. I’m excited to figure out what our traditions are going to be. In my family, on Christmas Eve, we always had breakfast for dinner because on my parents’ first Christmas together, they had no food in the house except eggs and bacon and toast, and so that became Christmas Eve dinner. That might be a fun tradition to keep up with our family. Or maybe we’ll force Gus to have some sort of family band with us, and we’ll make him sing carols with us. Maybe you could even do a family Christmas album. Exactly. Gus will have no choice in the matter.
Exclusive Video! Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code for a look at our cover shoot and to see Moore in our new parenting series, “I Wish Someone Told Me.” You can also visit parents.com/mandy and watch on PeopleTV.
ON MANDY: DRESS, TROVE. SWEATER, KHAITE. ON GUS: SHIRT AND PANTS, MABO. PILLOWS, MORROW SOFT GOODS. TOY CARS, MERCI MILO.
explaining why you should and why you shouldn’t. So I’m like, “You know what, I’m just going to trust my gut and do this stealthily.” Of course, he woke up and started crying, and then he peed all over me and all over himself. It was a disaster. So we’re very much still flying by the seat of our pants, but I feel like that is parenthood in a nutshell, and we’re going to be doing that for the rest of our lives.
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8 Little Ways to Put Yourself First You often push your own priorities to the bottom of the must-get-done list. But these low-effort lifestyle tweaks will do you good for years to come. by K AT E R O C K W O O D
1 GO AHEAD, WORK OUT IN HALF THE TIME
Finally take that walk.
Not that your toddler isn’t the perfect ankle weight, but Bala Bangles come in pretty colors (and don’t scream at you). Secure the 1- or 2-pound elastic weights to add resistance while you walk, work out, or fold laundry. Starting at $50 for a set of two; shopbala.com
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You don’t have to commit to an hour-long HIIT class every time you want to exercise. Research shows that even small amounts of activity are beneficial to your health. Researchers at Pennington Biomedical Research Center asked a group of nearly 500 women—some who exercised, some who didn’t— to participate in a study and found that the group who exercised the least still saw significant improvements in fitness. While 30 minutes a day of walking at least five days a week is ideal, even 15 minutes a day is better than nothing. Another study found that if you get at least two minutes of movement for every 60 minutes of sitting in addition to your other exercise, you could increase your life span.
3 S L AT H E R S U N S C R E E N O N YO U R EARS ALL YEAR LONG
2 FLOSS—IT JUST FEELS
TOP LEFT: PEOPLEIMAGES/GETTY. TOP RIGHT: BRAT CO/STOCKSY. PRODUCTS: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.
SO GOOD
You know that hyperclean “I just got back from the dentist” feeling? You can have it every day. If you consider flossing just another annoying life task, think of it instead as a prerequisite to brushing. You’re already going to brush; flossing can be your windup. It adds only two extra minutes to your routine and loosens up plaque and leftover lunch particles you can’t see, explains Parents advisor Lezli Levene Harvell, D.M.D., a mom of five and a pediatric dentist in Newark, New Jersey. Aim to floss once a day, and make sure you really get in there: Bring the string down between your tooth and gum, then scrape it up toward the chewing surface of your tooth, says Dr. Levene Harvell.
W hile you’re covering your face for the day, reach over and smear some ’screen on your ears too. Between 5 and 10 percent of skin cancers develop on ears, according to Cancer Research UK. Apply protection to the entire exterior: top, side, bottom, and back, says Alyx Rosen, M.D., assistant professor of dermatology at the University of Miami Health System. She recommends asking for an assist if someone is with you or using a mirror to make sure your ears get fully covered. To play it supersafe, consider adding a wide-brimmed hat as well.
For an SPF that blends in quickly and won’t get in your hair, try Cetaphil SPF 50 Sheer Mineral Sunscreen Stick ($10; amazon.com) or Sun Bum SPF 30 Sunscreen Face Stick ($11; cvs.com).
4 B O O S T YO U R PE AC E OF MIND WITH AN ANNUAL PHYSICAL
Cocofloss comes in unconventional flavors like strawberry, coconut, and orange. Each spool arrives in recycled packaging, and refills come in a compostable packet. $33 for a four-pack; cocofloss.com
If you’ve put off your checkup this year or are generally nervous about doctor visits, air these concerns with your provider. “You might say, ‘A family member received bad news about their health at my age, so I’m nervous about my own health now,’ ” says Parents advisor Marta Perez,
The squishy Necklow Pillow fits stomach, side, and back sleepers. Its special fill of micro air balls forms around your neck, so there’s no need to fluff it. $69; necklow.co
M.D., an assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology and laborist at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis. “It helps us know what’s making you anxious.” Despite your dread, it’s less stressful to know that your health is just fine—and it’s likely that it will be fine, assures Parents advisor Tamika Auguste, M.D., chair of the department of obstetrics and gynecology at MedStar Washington Hospital Center, in Washington, D.C. A physical exam is also the best way to make sure you’re up to date on your screenings and to check your biometric numbers, such as weight, blood pressure, cholesterol, and A1C (or average blood glucose levels).
5 PICK UP A NEW P I L L O W —Y O U ’ D B E A M A Z E D B Y W H AT I T C A N D O FO R YO U R S LE E P
A good night’s sleep is the holy grail for parents—and it may also lower your risk of diabetes, depression, obesity, and high blood pressure. To boost your sleep, revamp your pillow, says sleep expert and psychologist Michael Breus, Ph.D. Pillows tend to lose supportiveness after 12 to 18 months. If you don’t know how old your pillow is, fold it in half and squeeze out the air. If it doesn’t spring back, consider a new one. And to keep yours in top form, toss it into the wash (ideally once a month) to get rid of dust mites, dead skin cells, and mold.
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6 S TO C K YO U R MEDICINE CABINET FOR I N S TA N T C A L M
Imagine this: You open your bathroom cupboard and spot your pill bottles and bandages neatly nestled in baskets, The Home Edit–style. No one wants to get sick, but stocking up on and organizing the essentials will leave you covered if your family comes down with a cold or a stomach bug. When you have time, sweep for these basic supplies and pick up anything missing the next time you’re at the store: thermometer; OTC meds such as fever reducers, pain relievers, decongestants, antidiarrheal, antibiotic ointment, and antihistamines; throat lozenges; tissues; bandages; gauze; and tweezers.
Make fruit fun again.
8 S HAK E U P YO U R APPROAC H TO PRODUCE: IT’S DELICIOUS
Never run out of bandages, thanks to the Welly Excursion Kit. It’s stuffed with all the goods you need to clean up cuts and scrapes. $40; getwelly.com
7 F R E E YO U R S E LF F RO M YO U R D E V I C E —YO U M I G H T EVEN REDUCE ANXIETY
Your phone, the frenemy: It keeps you connected, lets you work from anywhere, and helps you take a gajillion cute snapshots of your kids. But studies show that compulsively checking your phone can wreak havoc on your posture, productivity, attention span, and relationships. To turn down the compulsion dial, disable push notifications, says Larry Rosen, Ph.D., a research psychologist and author of The Distracted Mind. “Those alerts—a new friend request! a social media post!—create a false sense of urgency that can fuel anxiety,” he says. In each app’s settings, swipe to disable those pop-ups and dings. The updates and new posts will still be there—when you decide to give them your attention.
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For every additional serving of produce you eat each day, you may reduce your risk of heart disease by 4 percent, found a study in the British Medical Journal. But if you’re bored out of your gourd by apples or baby carrots, switch up your prep game. “I recently discovered a newfound love for smoothies, which are an amazing way to add tons of fruits and veggies,” says Parents advisor Dalina Soto, R.D., a nutritionist in Philadelphia. “And I’m obsessed with everything bagel seasoning—I always add it to roasted or sautéed veggies.” Stock up on frozen produce so you always have fruits and vegetables on hand, and don’t overlook the deliciousness of a fruity dessert. “My family loves berries with whipped cream,” Soto notes.
Rescue produce that’s deemed too ugly for stores and try some out-of-yourcomfort-zone fruits and veg with a delivery service like Misfits Market. Prices vary; misfitsmarket.com
TOP RIGHT: ZOLGA_F/GETTY. PRODUCTS: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.
AN D G O O D FO R YO U
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Speaking Up About Depression in Pregnancy Women often feel pressure not to take a drug for depression or anxiety—and yet doctors say no one should have to choose between her own health and her baby’s. by V I R G I N I A S O L E - S M I T H / illustrations by B I J O U K A R M A N
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mom of three in Atlanta, became pregnant with her first daughter, she says her doctors acted as though “it was a given” that she would immediately stop taking the combination of Zoloft and Xanax she had used for years to manage her chronic depression and anxiety. “When I asked whether I could keep taking them, they treated me like a heroin junkie or something,” recalls Emily, now 28, who asked to use only her first name. “I did stop, but I was submitted to a drug test at every prenatal appointment even though I’d never used recreational drugs in my life. The message was, ‘Be quiet, you’re fine, think of the baby.’ ” Emily didn’t feel fine. She spent her pregnancy in a deep depressive state and in her final trimester began wrestling with suicidal thoughts. At the sixweek checkup after giving birth to her daughter, Emily saw a different doctor, who recognized her symptoms as signs of severe postpartum depression. The doctor suggested Emily begin taking medication again, which she did. But during her second pregnancy and when she became pregnant for a third time, in 2018, Emily decided to pause taking her prescribed medicine again. “I didn’t want the very accusatory questions at every appointment, so I just shut up,” she says. “I thought, ‘This is what pregnancy is like. Being this sad is the norm, and I just have to get through it, even though my anxiety is so high, it feels as if I’m trying to crawl out of my own skin.’ ” Five months into Emily’s third pregnancy, her dad died unexpectedly, an event she says solidified her need for help and her resolve to ask for it. Emily met with her doctor, who wrote a new prescription for Lexapro, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) used to treat anxiety and depression, which she had been taking with great success prior
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to getting pregnant. “It was such a relief to finally be heard—and to feel better.”
A Shift for Doctors “For too long, the attitude has been that medicating psychiatric illness during pregnancy is optional and even selfish,” says Parents advisor Alexandra Sacks, M.D., a reproductive psychiatrist and author of What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions From Pregnancy to
Motherhood. “We need to reframe this. Being proactive about your mental health is responsible, not selfish.” Psychiatric illnesses complicate an estimated 500,000 pregnancies each year, making them one of the most common health concerns facing moms-to-be. Nevertheless, prenatal health-care providers are often reluctant to write prescriptions for antidepressants, mood stabilizers,
and other mental health medications because they frequently don’t have enough data about how the medications can affect a developing fetus. Most FDA-approved drugs (not only antidepressants) for adults are, by extension, approved for those who are pregnant even though there is very little pregnancy-specific data available. For example, 90 percent of drugs approved since 2010 have no human data on pregnancy. In many instances, doctors must rely on small case studies involving only a handful of patients or testing on animals. When guiding women in choosing medication during pregnancy, doctors often have to compare similar drugs, with data available for only one. Lexapro, for example, hasn’t been studied for risk of birth defects, but no risk is associated with Celexa, a similar antidepressant, which has not been associated with birth defects in human studies, though some research shows that taking it during the third trimester may slightly increase a baby’s risk for lung complications or cause mild withdrawal symptoms in the first few days of life. The lack of safety data is a problem for drugs that treat any medical condition that persists into pregnancy, especially when uncertainties about safety lead to reluctance to treat medical conditions that may harm women and their babies. However, this is particularly true for untreated depression, which is associated with worse pregnancy outcomes, such as giving birth prematurely or the baby being too small at birth. Mental health conditions often worsen during pregnancy and in the postpartum months because of hormone fluctuations. In fact, as many as one in five women suffer from mood or anxiety disorders during pregnancy, regardless of whether they had them before. Research has also found that anxiety, depression, loneliness, and post-traumatic stress in pregnant and postpartum women have been significantly higher during the pandemic, underscoring the need for studies that will give doctors and women the information they need to make the informed choices about their mental health treatment in pregnancy.
A Legacy of Omission “Pregnant women have largely been excluded from pharmaceutical research, even for medications they would benefit from and are likely to end up using anyway,” says Anne Drapkin Lyerly, M.D., an ob-gyn and professor in the department of social medicine for the Center of Bioethics at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. This is because clinical trial regulations passed in the 1970s prohibited women with “reproductive potential” from participating in early-phase clinical trials in order to avoid the possibility of birth defects—effectively stopping all drug research on women between the ages of 18 and 45. It wasn’t until the early 1990s that researchers began to question that logic. “Female bodies are not just smaller male bodies, especially when they’re pregnant,” Dr. Lyerly explains. “Given the physiological differences, they process drugs differently too. So if you’re going to prescribe medications for women, you should test them in women, rather than extrapolate from the data you’ve collected from men.” In 1993, Congress passed legislation requiring drug researchers funded by the federal government to include women
“My obstetrician was saying, ‘You should talk to your psychiatrist about this,’ and my psychiatrist was saying, ‘Talk to your obstetrician.’ ”
(as well as people of color) in clinical trials, unless they could prove that the medication would have no applications for women’s health (such as a drug to treat prostate cancer). “But pregnant women were still largely left out of the equation. For one thing, they were considered a vulnerable population along with children, prisoners, and people with intellectual disabilities. This had a chilling effect on research because there was fear that it was unethical to include pregnant women in clinical trials,” Dr. Lyerly says. This has left “pregnant women with the terrible choice of using a medication that may be dangerous or ineffective, or not using it and exposing themselves and their fetus to the risks of their disease.” Dr. Lyerly disagrees with the notion that “ethics” is what keeps pregnant women out of drug trials: “In fact, ethics demands that we do this research because without it, we don’t know whether drugs are safe or even dosed correctly,” she explains, emphasizing that “pregnant women deserve care that is based on evidence, and access to medications and treatments that will optimize their health as well as the health of their baby.” Caroline, a mom of two in Clinton, South Carolina, who had a psychotic break and was diagnosed as bipolar a year before becoming pregnant with her now 10-year-old, remembers the conflicting direction she received while pregnant. “My obstetrician was saying, ‘You should talk to your psychiatrist about this,’ and my psychiatrist was saying, ‘Talk to your obstetrician.’ They kept kicking it back and forth, and neither one would say what I should do.” Ultimately, Caroline (a pseudonym) decided to stay on both the antidepressant Prozac and the antipsychotic medication Abilify for her first two trimesters. She then weaned off during her third trimester and for the year that she breastfed because she was concerned that the drugs could pass through breast milk, though there is little data available about this. “My mom stayed with us, and then we hired baby nurses, because a lack of sleep can trigger my episodes,” Caroline says. “We got through it, but I was very aware that whole year of how dangerous
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it could be. When I had been psychotic the year before, I wasn’t safe for myself and certainly not for a baby.” In 2016, Congress passed the 21st Century Cures Act, which established a task force devoted to improving the state of research specific to pregnant and lactating women. Several research centers have set up medication registries. For example, The AmmonPinizzotto Center for Women’s Mental Health at Massachusetts General Hospital runs the National Pregnancy Registry for Psychiatric Medications, which collects data on women who used antidepressants, ADHD medications, and atypical antipsychotics during pregnancy and is currently conducting studies on treatments for postpartum psychosis, a severe form of postpartum depression. These registries help scientists collect data on how drugs may affect pregnancies, which can help inform the safest prescribing guidelines both during and after pregnancy. Most of the data collected in these registries are what scientists call retrospective—for example, a report from a woman who shares, after she’s had her baby, the medications she used while pregnant and the outcome of her pregnancy. Retrospective studies, however, have their limitations and are not considered the gold standard of drug research. They can’t always control confounding factors that may contribute to the risk that researchers are trying to assess, such as a subject’s depression history, genetics, or smoking and drinking habits. “These factors can blur the results of a study,” notes Dr. Sacks, who hosts the podcast Motherhood Sessions. “We also don’t necessarily know whether the risks are because of the antidepressant or because of the impact of depression itself.” Gathering new data is an important step toward finding more answers. (The website WomensMentalHealth.org provides information about new research and offers mental health resources for patients and doctors.)
Weighing the Risks Suicidal ideation, as Emily, the mom of three, experienced, is one of the
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Mothers should feel good before, during, and after their pregnancy.
worst-case scenarios of what can happen when a pregnant woman’s mental health condition goes unmanaged. But research shows that a poor mental state can affect pregnancy in other significant ways too. Louisa, a mom of two boys in Poughkeepsie, New York, who also asked to change her name, manages her depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder with a combination of Celexa and Latuda, an antipsychotic most often used to treat depressive episodes associated with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. “I finally felt like a normal person,” she says of starting the medications after years of struggling with “rage spirals.” “My work, my relationships, everything got better. It was the first time I could remember not feeling so angry and anxious all of the time.” When Louisa and her husband decided to start trying to get pregnant,
her doctor advised her to stay on Celexa. But Louisa’s doctor did advise her to wean off Latuda, because there haven’t been adequate and well-controlled studies in pregnant women, and similar drugs have been associated with respiratory distress and other complications in newborns. Louisa conceived her first pregnancy quickly at age 32 but miscarried at 13 weeks. “My mental state was not good after that,” she recalls. She went back on Latuda to help her cope with the loss and stress of trying again. But when she got pregnant a few months later, she stopped taking Latuda and continued on just Celexa. “Every time, it was a huge conversation,” Louisa says. “I was nervous about even staying on Celexa, but I also knew the dangers of my rage attacks.” Both her boys were born healthy, and she resumed her usual medication regimen after breastfeeding. Women with bipolar disorder do have a higher risk for pregnancy complications and birth defects than the general population when taking medication, but discontinuing medication can significantly increase the likelihood of a relapse, according to a 2017 review of 20 studies published in the Journal of Midwifery & Women’s Health. Another study found that women with depression who stopped medication were five times as likely to experience a relapse during pregnancy as women who continued with their prescriptions. “If you’re suffering from a mood or anxiety disorder or another psychiatric condition, you may need to take medication during pregnancy because the benefits of treatment for you and your baby may outweigh potential relative risks,” Dr. Sacks says. “This is true for psychiatric conditions just as it’s true for medical ones like high blood pressure.” Untreated anxiety or depression can also send high levels of cortisol and adrenaline through the body, which may increase the risk of low birth weight, preterm labor, gestational hypertension, and even miscarriage, explains Jennifer Adaeze Okwerekwu, M.D., a reproductive psychiatrist based in Boston. A baby’s social and emotional
development may suffer as well if their new parent suffers from depression. If a baby coos, for example, and their mom doesn’t have the mental energy to coo back, it can delay the baby’s language development. Mothers should feel good before, during, and after their pregnancy, says Dr. Okwerekwu. “Children of mentally healthy mothers have better mental, emotional, and behavioral health than those of depressed moms, whether exposed to antidepressants or not.” As for potential long-term impacts to a child, current accumulated research does not suggest a link between fetal exposure to SSRIs and an enhanced risk for ADHD or autism. “Because mothers’ mental illness can get in the way of the social and communication skills that babies learn from their caregivers, taking an SSRI to get you to a better place may protect these precious opportunities for brain development,” Dr. Okwerekwu points out. Still, more research is needed to understand the long-term impacts of a range of mental health drugs. Some retrospective research suggests that certain medications, such as Ativan or Xanax, which are antianxiety medications called benzodiazepines, may slightly increase the risk of birth defects like a cleft lip or palate. But early studies suggest that this risk appears to be relatively small—about 0.7 percent—and a more recent study suggests that the risk may be even lower than that number.
“You Could Enjoy This Pregnancy” Jessica Phillips, 34, of New Orleans, admits she worked hard to manage her generalized anxiety disorder without medication for years before becoming pregnant. “I met with a therapist to learn lots of coping mechanisms and also made changes to my diet and exercise that really helped,” she says. But during the first trimester of her first pregnancy, her anxiety spiked in ways she wasn’t prepared for. “I was terrified to drive on the highway in case I’d get in a car accident, and I woke up every morning afraid I’d lose the baby,” she says. “Pregnancy is supposed to
be so joyous, and this was quickly becoming the worst time in my life.” She saw her obstetrician at 13 weeks and explained how she felt, expecting to be told to try harder with her diet or sleep habits. “Instead, she looked at me and said, ‘You know, it doesn’t have to be this way. You could enjoy this pregnancy,’ ” says Phillips, whose doctor then recommended the use of an antianxiety medication. Her doctor explained that having high anxiety during pregnancy is a risk factor for postpartum anxiety and depression. In one study, Turkish researchers followed 73 women with depression during and after pregnancy and found that those who treated their depression during pregnancy did not report postpartum depression. However, 92 percent of the untreated
women continued to struggle in the months after their baby was born. “It’s a false paradigm to say you can separate the needs of mother and baby,” Dr. Sacks says. “We need to prioritize the mother’s health for her sake in order to ensure a healthy pregnancy.” Phillips agrees: “My doctor told me, ‘This isn’t something you can manage by yourself, and if we don’t treat you, it will affect how you bond with your baby and your memories of this time.’ ” Phillips, who since the time of the interview has had a second child and was medicated during that pregnancy and postpartum, says a combination of medication and therapeutic coping strategies greatly reduced her symptoms. “I enjoyed these pregnancies. And it’s because I felt in control of how we managed my mental health during them.”
Improving Health ( and the Science ) “ T H E B E S T WAY to have a healthy
baby is to stay healthy yourself—and that may involve taking a medication,” says Dr. Anne Drapkin Lyerly, of The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. If you use medication to manage a chronic mental health condition, women’s health experts recommend talking with all of your doctors (your ob-gyn in partnership with your psychiatrist) about whether to taper your dose or change medications before becoming pregnant. “Switching medications can cause relapses or flare-ups, and ideally you want your symptoms well managed before you get pregnant,” explains Sonja Rasmussen, M.D., a clinical geneticist at the University of Florida, in Gainesville. But if you become pregnant unexpectedly or develop worsening symptoms while pregnant, you should have an in-depth conversation with your provider about potential risks of your medication and weigh that with the risks of no treatment. If your provider is unsure, ask for a referral to a reproductive psychiatrist or a maternal fetal-medicine specialist,
who may be available for a virtual consultation. You can also look up fact sheets on the safety of specific drugs during pregnancy at MotherToBaby .org, a website run by the Organization of Teratology Information Specialists. “However imperfect, the safety research has been expanding, especially on psychiatric medications,” says reproductive psychiatrist Dr. Alexandra Sacks. In 2015, the FDA began requiring drug manufacturers to redo prescription inserts for all drugs (including generic) so that they offer more detailed explanations about the potential risks of a medication during pregnancy and lactation. (These descriptions replaced an earlier labeling system that categorized prescription drugs as A, B, C, D, and X based on available data—usually animal studies—but that critics said didn’t do enough to help women put the risks into context.) Advocates hope that the new labels are helping doctors and patients make more-informed decisions, although they say there is still room for improvement.
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Juggling Your Many Selves When it seems as if you’re constantly shifting gears between parent, partner, and worker, it can be hard to feel fully present in any of those roles. But there are ways to slow down and make the transitions easier. by D A P H N E
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she could hardly keep track of all her job descriptions—mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, volunteer. But the reason she came to me for help was the emotional toll of trying to do them all in the same day, and even within the same hour. One minute she felt she needed to be snuggly with her daughter, the next, calm and confident at work, and then connected with her husband. She said, “I can’t switch gears that fast!” Like her, many parents feel exhausted
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by all the mental shifts in a given day. However, we often don’t even realize when we’re switching gears—or that this may be the reason for our grumpy moods or marital spats. Samantha and her husband, Dan, had a strong relationship, but she knew she’d been getting snarky with him. “When he asked if I’d called the plumber yet, I literally blew up and said, ‘You do it for once!’ ” she told me. “I had agreed to do it, but with my daughter whining and work emails to send, Dan suddenly seemed like my worst enemy.”
“Switching gears” can mean multiple things—shunting not only between roles such as parent, employee, and spouse but also between different types of activities (watching Frozen II, dealing with an after-hours work crisis, slipping into bed with your partner)—all of which can involve transitioning from one mindset to the next. We each have different capacities for multitasking and handling unexpected situations. Samantha realized she tended to be a perfectionist, and having to juggle her responsibilities
made her feel as if she wasn’t succeeding 100 percent in all her roles. Once she acknowledged that, we were able to work together on crafting more realistic expectations for herself and others. If you can adopt strategies for feeling less stressed by the inevitable transitions in your day and the competing demands on your attention, it will translate into more calm and kindness with your loved ones. And if your partner commits to doing the same, you’ll be on your way to smoother gear shifts as a couple and a happier home life.
life where it pays to become more comfortable asking each other for help. In fact, psychologists call it healthy dependency. We may need practical help (“Can you stir the soup on the stove?”) or help changing our emotional state. I told Samantha, “Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to focus on Dan. Start by asking for what you need.” It put her in a better mood if, during the early evening, Dan listened sympathetically while she talked about the frustrations of her day. Once they were in the bedroom, a back rub helped her unwind and feel
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Build in deep-breathing breaks. Brandon was a loving dad who worked long days, commuted, walked the dog, and did the dishes. As soon as he flopped on the couch, his sons wanted to wrestle or jump on the trampoline with him. “I feel guilty if I don’t want to play,” he told me. “They’ll only be little for a short time.” He enjoyed playing with his boys—he just needed a break first. My advice to parents in the same boat is to recognize the power of a short mental and physical space between activities to help you switch gears. Give yourself five or ten minutes of “breathing room” if you need it. And when you take a break, remember to breathe. It may seem obvious, but most of us forget to do it. If you’re tense, your breathing gets shallow, which contributes to feelings of anxiety. Many people practice yoga and meditation, which focus on breathing and are hugely beneficial when it comes to finding calm. But at any time, taking a deep breath can help you relax so you can turn toward your kids and partner with more openness and warmth.
Get better at asking for (and giving) help. Moving from one role to another often requires a change in approach. “It’s hard to switch gears from mom to lover,” Samantha said. “My mind’s still thinking about to-dos when I’m supposed to shut it off and pay attention to Dan.” This is one of the many areas in couple
and do something as a couple, great. Even taking a walk in a different part of town, watching a new kind of movie, or looking at fresh scenery can help you reenter family life with a renewed perspective.
Relax your expectations. We all want to be the best caretaker we can be for an ailing parent, the most attentive partner to our spouse, the most helpful parent to our child, and the most competent employee. It’s a painful reality that we can’t always do our best at everything. But we make the pain worse by engaging in negative chatter inside our mind. We may focus on someone else as the problem (“If only my mom weren’t so needy”), but just as often, we direct it at ourselves (“I’m not loving enough toward my mom”). Try to use self-compassion to interrupt that process. Allow yourself to think, “The world won’t fall apart if I don’t do everything I’m supposed to do today. I can accept doing a little less.”
Remember that family life is a work in progress.
more relaxed with him. The more lovingly you can suggest to your partner how they can support you, the better the request is likely to be received.
Schedule a few hours off. Sometimes the fatigue associated with switching gears is hard to distinguish from gloom about the daily grind. There’s the old saying, “A change is as good as a rest.” And it bears repeating, because restoring energy isn’t only about getting a good night’s sleep—it’s also about experiencing something new or different that truly restores your spirits. Make an agreement with your partner to schedule one weekend day when each of you can take a few hours off to switch up your routine. If you can get child care
Figuring out what works for your unique family is one of the most important things you can do for your own mental health and happiness as a couple. If you often have nothing left to give after 7 P.M., come up with work-arounds to help avoid predictable moments of gear-shifting stress. A “fend for yourself” dinner night, for example, can teach your older kids some kitchen skills while giving you a bit of a break. As our kids grow, certain aspects of parenting become easier, others more challenging. That’s true of marriage too. The roles and responsibilities we are switching between also change. If you can maintain an attitude of creative problem solving, you’ll take more satisfaction in the evolving process of managing your many roles.
Daphne de Marneffe, Ph.D., is a psychologist and the author of Maternal Desire and The Rough Patch: Marriage and the Art of Living Together. Visit her at daphnedemarneffe.com.
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Welcome to the Family
Imagine a child in foster care who has lost hope that they’ll ever be loved and cared for. Then meet a few adoptive parents who opened their hearts and homes to kids who now have a bright future ahead of them. by J E N N Y C O M I TA
THE NUMBERS ARE
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The Graydon Family
In November 2018, Ernest and Tiffany Graydon experienced every parent’s worst nightmare: Their 6-year-old son, Evander, died after drowning in a lake near their Midwest City, Oklahoma, home. To say that the tragedy overwhelmed the family with a crushing sense of grief would be an understatement, but the events of that terrible day also left the Graydons with a sense of clarity. “We realized that life can change—or end—in an instant,” says Ernest, a sergeant in the Air Force who works in Religious Affairs. And so, the following year, the couple made the decision to turn one of their “someday goals” into an immediate priority. “Ernest and I had always wanted to adopt, but we had thought we’d wait until our biological children were older and we were more financially stable,” Tiffany says. “On Evander’s birthday, we realized the timing was never going to be perfect. We called and started the process to become foster parents that very day.” That process, coordinated through Angels Foster Family Network and the Oklahoma Department of Human Services, ended up moving more quickly than the Graydons could have
Ernest and Tiffany with their seven children, ages 4 to 13
imagined. In August 2019, just weeks after finishing their foster-family training, they got a phone call about two boys—8-year-old Messiah and 5-year-old Zion—who needed a new placement within a few days. Along with their three children, Zanman, then 10, Giuliana, then 5, and Aurora, then 2, Ernest and Tiffany welcomed the brothers into their home near Tinker Air Force Base. A few months later, when their caseworker let them know
U.S. AIR FORCE MASTER SGT. ALEXANDER RIEDEL.
mind-blowing. Currently, there are more than 400,000 children in America’s foster-care system. About 120,000 of them are awaiting adoption because the rights of their biological parents have been irrevocably relinquished or terminated. “These are children who have been neglected or abused and are in care through no fault of their own,” says Rita Soronen, president and CEO of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, a national charity committed to finding forever families for children in foster care. Every year, about 20,000 kids “age out” of the system, meaning they’re declared legal adults without having a family to depend on. It is one of our country’s least-talked-about and most heartbreaking problems. “Research shows that by the time a child turns 9, their likelihood of being adopted decreases significantly,” Soronen says. “A 9-year-old is still a very young child. And if that child is part of a sibling group, it’s even more difficult.” Any type of adoption is just the beginning of an ongoing process in which love and joy inevitably share space with more complicated emotions, including real and meaningful loss. And, of course, every adoption is different, with its own unique triumphs and challenges. But there’s one thing all the parents interviewed for this story can agree on: In expanding their families and becoming fathers and mothers to kids who needed them, they got back much more in return.
“When you see how resilient children are and how they don’t let their challenges keep them down, it’s so inspiring.”
that the boys were officially eligible for adoption, the Graydons found out that they also had two sisters. “We thought, ‘How’s that supposed to work?’ They were only asking us to adopt the boys,” Tiffany says. During the almost four years that they’d spent in the foster-care system, Messiah and Zion had never lived with their sisters—Jada, who was 11 at the time, and Teresa, who was 7. “To the caseworkers, the idea of splitting up
siblings had been normal,” Ernest says. “They were like, ‘This is pretty routine. You can just adopt the boys, and hopefully someone else will take the girls. Placing four kids for adoption together rarely happens.’ But we just didn’t feel comfortable with that, so we prayed about it and sought council from friends and family, and finally decided we had enough room in our hearts and in our home to take the girls too.” Jada and Teresa moved in, and
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They’ve been good to us and they’ll be good to you.’ ” Then, in July 2020, just a week after the adoption was finalized, Ernest was deployed to the Middle East for six months. “It was just me with all the kids,” Tiffany says. “It was a time when we really had to rely on our community and friends to help us. We have no biological family nearby, but we have people who feel like family, and it was amazing, the degree to which they stepped in and helped.” Ernest is back now, and the Graydons are busy building a new community at Whiteman Air Force Base, in Missouri, where they were transferred this past summer. “Our adopted kids have brought a lot of love into our lives,” Ernest says. “It’s amazing how well they’ve adapted.” Tiffany adds, “They have given me a real sense of perspective. When you see how resilient children are and how they don’t let their challenges keep them down, it’s so inspiring. They have this view of the world that anything is possible, and being around them makes me feel that way too.”
National Adoption Day Is November 20 This annual event focuses attention on the thousands of children in foster care who need a permanent family. Since 2000, a coalition of national partners and the Freddie Mac Foundation has encouraged courts to finalize and celebrate adoptions from foster care on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. To date, more than 75,000 children have been adopted on these days. The event was inspired by former presiding judge Michael Nash, of Los Angeles County’s Juvenile Court, one of the busiest courts in the nation. Because there was such a backlog of cases, he would open the court on Saturdays to finalize adoptions. This year, National Adoption Day events may be virtual or hybrid. For more information, go to nationaladoptionday.org.
They recently moved to a new home at Whiteman Air Force Base, in Missouri.
The Graydon family
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THIS PAGE: U.S. AIR FORCE MASTER SGT. ALEXANDER RIEDEL. OPPOSITE: JEREMY M. LANGE.
four months later, the Graydons were able to officially adopt all four siblings. Although the road to becoming a family of nine was short, it still had its share of bumps. The girls joined the household in March 2020, just as COVID-19 was kicking into high gear. “Overnight, we were homeschooling seven kids,” Tiffany says. There were also family dynamics to rejigger. Both Zanman and Jada were accustomed to being the oldest sibling—and calling the shots. “They had a lot of disagreements in the beginning about who was the boss,” Tiffany says. “So Ernest and I had to take over and make it clear that, no, actually neither one of them is the boss. We are the boss!” Even though Jada was only 11, she felt responsible for her younger sister and brothers in a way that no child should. “We had to convince her to relax and be a little girl, and to let us tend to her siblings, so she didn’t have to worry,” Tiffany explains. “It took a little while for her to believe us and trust us. The fact that the boys had been with us longer helped because they were able to say to her, ‘These are good people.
The Porter Family
The first time Kimberly and Brian Porter, of Burlington, North Carolina, met with a team of adoption professionals to see whether they’d be a good fit to parent an 11-year-old girl named Tonya, their social worker made a prediction. “She told us later that she’d said to the others, ‘Before long, Tonya’s going to have that man wrapped right around her little finger,’ ” Brian says with a laugh. She was right. Five years into fatherhood, he thinks his daughter hangs the moon. “Adopting Tonya is the best thing we’ve ever done,” he says. “Being her parent is such an awesome feeling that I have a hard time putting it into words. I’ve never been more proud of anything.” For a long time, it seemed unlikely that Tonya’s story would have such a happy ending. After experiencing abuse and neglect from her biological family, she spent six years bouncing between relatives and foster placements. Her last foster family wasn’t prepared to adopt her. “I didn’t know if I would ever have parents who loved and wanted me as much as I wanted them,” the now 16-year-old says. The Porters, who met at work, had talked about having children eventually. “But having a baby kind of terrified both of us,” Kimberly says. “We thought someday we’d adopt, but it took us quite a while to get serious about it.” They finally decided to take the plunge in 2015, about seven years after they were married. “All of a sudden, adopting was on my mind,” Brian says. “We were at LongHorn Steakhouse for lunch on a Saturday, and I was just picking at my food. Kim was like, ‘What are you thinking about? What’s wrong with you?’ She knew something big was up because I wasn’t eating. And I said, ‘I think it’s time to adopt.’ ”
Brian, Tonya, and Kimberly clicked early on and now love “just hanging out,” Tonya says.
They attended an information session at the Children’s Home Society of North Carolina, an adoption agency, and came away with a newfound sense of purpose. “We initially thought we’d want a 4- or 5-year-old,” Kimberly says. “But after hearing how many kids get aged out of the system, we decided to go for an older child because they have less of a chance of getting adopted. It became our mission.” The Porters started the process of getting certified to foster and adopt, which involved a 30-hour class and home visits from social workers. Soon after they were approved, they heard about Tonya, and everyone thought they might be a good match. Getting to know one another was almost like dating. After their second
meeting, at an amusement park, it was clear they had a real connection. “We saw her in the back of the car with her social worker, waving goodbye, and she looked so sad to be leaving,” Kimberly remembers. “I knew that she was meant to be my daughter,” Brian says. Today, the family’s tight bond is apparent. They love watching sports, going to the movies, and “just hanging out,” Tonya says. Kimberly and Brian hope to adopt more kids soon. “After we adopted Tonya, I said I wanted seven kids,” Kimberly says. “That’s probably too many, but there are so many kids out there—especially older kids—who deserve a fair shake. Once you realize that, it’s impossible not to want to do something about it.”
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The Nakamura Family
As the owner of a preschool in Port Orchard, Washington, Terri Nakamura was used to bonding with children, giving them the skills they needed to succeed, and then launching them out into the world. Eight years ago, when she signed up to be a foster parent, she envisioned doing just that for the kids who’d spend time under her roof.
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“My ultimate goal was always to try to reunify kids with their parents or, if that wasn’t possible, to help find them the perfect adoptive home,” says the single mom of three grown biological children. “I’d already raised my kids. I never intended to adopt.” But in 2015, a trio of siblings—Michael, 5; Roman, 4; and Liliana, 3—came into her life, and it became clear that the universe had other plans. “I had the kids with me for four years,” says Terri, who was working with her local foster-care adoption agency to search for an ideal forever family for them. But the three siblings had very little chance of being adopted together. “The agency had a stack of
files of adoptive parents who said, ‘I just want her or just two of them,’ and it was so hard for me to see that,” Terri says. Another stumbling block to finding a “forever family” for the children: They’re members of a Native American tribe, which makes the adoption process more complicated. In 1978, after it came to light that American Indian children were being removed from their homes and communities at a much higher rate than non-Native children and placed with white families, essentially erasing their rich heritage, Congress passed the Indian Child Welfare Act, which seeks to keep Native children with Native families whenever possible.
THIS PAGE AND OPPOSITE: VICTORIA KOVIOS.
Terri hadn’t planned to adopt—but then couldn’t imagine a life without this trio in it.
The kids had also experienced trauma in their biological home, resulting in behavior that many prospective families weren’t equipped to deal with. Terri had managed long tantrums, at least one child jumping out of a car and running off, school suspensions, and—after advocacy on her part—an ADHD diagnosis that finally brought much-needed help. Ultimately, the greatest obstacle to finding a new home for Michael, Roman, and Liliana was that they were so happy with Terri. “At one point, two of them went to live in a prospective adoptive home, and they had a really hard time being there,” Terri says. “They missed being here, and I missed them. So I starting thinking, ‘Why are they going to live with someone else? I love them. We’ve spent all this time together as a family.’ I couldn’t see life without them.” In June 2020, after getting approval from the children’s tribal council, they made it official with a Zoom court appearance to which they wore matching T-shirts they’d designed to represent the kids’ tribal background and the heritage of Hawaii, where Terri was born and raised. COVID has prevented them from celebrating their new status on a grand scale, but they have big plans for the future. “I’m going to take them to Hawaii so they can experience my history, and then the next trip will be to Alaska, where their tribe has its roots,” Terri says. “And after that, of course, we have to go to Disneyland.”
Questions for Families Thinking About Adoption From Foster Care Before prospective parents commit, there are key issues to consider. Foster-care adoption—or adopting a child out of the foster system—may not be a good fit for every household. On the flip side, it’s also important that would-be families don’t rule themselves out before they start the process. The notion that you have to be a young, straight married couple who owns a home in order to adopt is, happily, a thing of the past, says Rita Soronen, of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. Are you open to an older child? “There are fewer infants available, and they tend to be adopted much more quickly or to be part of a sibling group,” says Soronen. “The average age of a child in foster care waiting to be adopted is about 8.”
Is everyone on board? “It’s important that your family supports and understands what you’re doing,” Soronen says. This applies to members of your household, extended family, and even close friends. Will your own parents consider a child you adopt to be their grandchild? Will your biological children be able to accept the child as their sibling? Are you open to staying connected to the child’s extended biological family? If you are considering a transracial adoption, will you help that child, throughout their life, understand and be connected to their heritage?
Are you equipped to deal with the aftereffects of trauma? “Children land in the foster-care system because of abuse or neglect in one form or another,” Soronen says. Adoptive parents need to be prepared to educate themselves about trauma the kids have experienced and the possible mental, emotional, and physical impacts, and be committed to getting their child the help they might need.
Are you ready to navigate red tape? “Foster-care adoption entails stepping into a complex and sometimes frustrating government system,” Soronen says. “In some instances, navigating that system can be fairly easy, and in other
instances it’s more complicated.” Adoptive families need the time, patience, and emotional bandwidth to roll with a sometimes bumpy or drawn-out process. “However, if you want to adopt from foster care, you can specify that you don’t want to be matched with a child who has the potential of being reunified with their biological parents,” says Soronen. “It’s important to know that every state and often each county within a state operates its foster-care and foster-to-adopt programs differently. You need to check with your local government to fully understand what is required.”
Are you financially prepared? While adopting from foster care is essentially free, keep in mind that how much post-adoption assistance you will receive for education and medical- and emotional-care services varies from state to state. “For example, if you adopt a 15-year-old, you haven’t been saving for 15 years for college, as you might have done with a biological child or an infant adoption,” Soronen says. “Make sure to investigate adoption tax credits as well as employer-adoption and foster-care benefits and resources in your area to help with education costs or other possible expenses.”
If we’re interested, what’s the first step? You can adopt via a local private agency, which will contract through your state, or you can go through your state agency directly. The Child Welfare Information Gateway (childwelfare.gov) is a good place to start, and there is also a helpful adoption guide at davethomasfoundation.org.
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Born Perfect
I wasn’t prepared for the fact that my son would have a cleft lip and palate, but now I see his smile as one of the greatest gifts. by TA R A L U S T B E R G / illustration by A N N E B E N T L E Y
birthday. The last thing I’d ever want to share with anyone. But what I wanted and what I got were two totally different things. At my 39-week checkup the day before I would turn 36, my blood pressure was very high and my ob-gyn sent me home on bed rest. My husband, Will, and my then 4-year-old son, Noah, wished me a happy birthday with hugs and kisses that morning as I lay IT WAS MY
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confined to bed. As directed, I called my ob-gyn for test results. He diagnosed me with preeclampsia and ordered an emergency cesarean later that day. I’d been through this before. I’d had an emergency C-section four years earlier when Noah was born with the umbilical cord around his neck. So I thought I knew what to expect. The atmosphere in the operating room was joyful. The nurses even started
singing “Happy Birthday” as the doctor began the cesarean. “Ahh! It’s a … ” the doctor said as he pulled my baby boy out of me—but then he just went quiet. There was deafening silence. The doctor signaled to a nurse to come take the baby. No one said a word. “What’s going on?” I demanded, while the rest of the room stared. The baby started crying, but I still hadn’t seen him. “Everything is fine,” Will said reassuringly. “He’s crying. He’s okay.” I was near hysterics because I did not know what was happening. “What is wrong with my baby?” I remember screaming. My doctor composed himself and said, “Well … umm … he’s fine. We didn’t see this on any of your sonograms, but there appears to be a slight cleft.” A cleft what? Lip? Palate? Slight? Like unnoticeable? I had only heard bad stories about clefts and thought, “What did I do wrong during my pregnancy to cause this? But he did say ‘slight,’ right?” After examining the baby, the pediatrician came over to me and asked, “Do you want to see your baby?” “Yes! What kind of question is that? Give me my baby!” I yelled, still on the operating table. “Okay, but please understand that what you’re going to see may be shocking if you weren’t expecting it,” she warned. She handed the baby to my husband first. Will took the baby into his arms, still just out of my view, and started to cry. He kept repeating, “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” When he bent down and showed me our son’s face, I blacked out. I woke up in recovery, not sure whether what had happened was real. The baby wasn’t with me. My doctor pulled up a chair and started by saying, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know how we missed this on the ultrasound. It appears to be a complete, unilateral cleft.” So much for slight. “But don’t worry,” he continued. “With a simple surgery, they can fix it right up and you won’t be able to tell … ” I couldn’t stop all the questions popping up in my head. A “simple surgery?” I’d known someone who had a child with a cleft palate, and it didn’t seem like a “simple surgery.” “Was this something you could even pick up on an ultrasound?” I had been
COURTESY OF TARA LUSTBERG.
considered high-risk because of my age and weight and had more ultrasounds than I did with my first pregnancy—even the fancy 4-D one. After my 20-week anatomy scan, I had been sent to a specialist for what they thought was a problem with his heart, but nothing like a cleft palate had ever come up. My doctor continued, telling me that the hospital has one of the best craniofacial plastic-surgery teams in the country. He said he’d call the team coordinator in the morning. I felt a little reassured, but Will and I still had no idea what we were dealing with. Later on, as I sat in my bed, feeling scared about the unknown future that lay ahead for my son, a nurse brought him in. She said, “You’ve gotta try to breastfeed!” and placed him on my chest. I got my first clear look at Jacob. He had a huge gap on the right side of his mouth, all the way up to his nose. His right nostril was completely flat. I later found out that this was a 30-millimeter gap. It looked like a huge wide smile. I continued my gaze up the rest of his face, and for the first time, looked into his eyes. He had the biggest, most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen. At that moment, we recognized each other. I could tell he knew me. It was like he was saying, “Hey, Mom,” with his eyes. He rooted to my breast and tried to latch. Nothing. “What’s going on?” I asked the nurse. “Can he even latch like this?” “Sometimes they can, sometimes they can’t. You have to at least try so he gets the colostrum, but you may have to pump,” she explained. After several very painful tries, I gave up and asked for formula. After two more traumatizing days of being forced to try to nurse and not getting the care I knew I needed for the sadness and anxiety I was feeling, we finally received a call from the coordinator of the hospital’s cleft lip and palate team. She was on her way back to New York after a vacation and said she’d swing by to say hi on her way home. It was late and rainy on a Sunday night, so Will and I figured we would see her at some point the next day. But at 10 p.m. on that dreary October night, a tiny woman wheeled her enormous suitcase into my recovery
The Basics on Cleft Lip and Palate During a baby’s early weeks of development in the womb, tissues fuse to form the face. But for one in 1,600 babies in the U.S., the tissues do not come together properly, leaving a gap in the roof of the mouth called a cleft palate, or a gap in the upper lip called a cleft lip, or both. In most cases, the reason is unknown. Possible factors include genetics, diabetes diagnosed before pregnancy, and certain medications taken early in the
pregnancy. Even thumb-sucking during the critical period can block lip or palate fusion, causing a cleft. Surgery is needed to repair a cleft lip and usually happens in the first few months of life. Cleft palate repair surgery occurs around 12 months of age. Prior to lip surgery, infants can wear presurgical orthopedic devices, including nasoalveolar molding, which reshapes the gums, lips, and nostrils. These devices
room and said, “Congratulations on your baby boy! He’s adorable!” That was the first time anyone congratulated us. My poor baby never got the proper welcome he deserved on the day he was born. Regardless of his birth defect, Jacob was a beautiful child, and his entrance into this world deserved to be celebrated.
allow the surgeon to achieve better results. Cleft lip and palate can seem scary, and mothers and fathers don’t have to go it alone. There are parent support groups that can be helpful. The American Cleft PalateCraniofacial Association (acpa-cpf.org) offers information, resources, and reassurance. Sources: Parents advisor Ari Brown, M.D., founder of 411 Pediatrics; Stephen Warren, M.D., a craniofacial plastic surgeon.
She sat there and talked to us for more than an hour. This was the first conversation that wasn’t filled with negativity and what needed to be fixed. She validated our emotions, and reassured us that we were a team and would be in very good hands. It was the moment that changed everything. She gave us hope. I felt uplifted. That woman turned out to be our angel, and from then on, I was taken care of so completely by the medical team. She has become part of my family, and to this day, we still speak at least a few times a month. My little birthday thief is 5 now, and he’s had three surgeries so far (for his lip, gumline, nose, palate, and inner ears). He’ll need future surgeries as well (for his nose and possible bone grafting of his gumline). It hasn’t been easy. But I no longer see that he was born with a birth defect. It doesn’t define who he is; it’s just something that happened to him. It’s part of what makes him the special, strong, and fearless little boy he’s growing up to be. My greatest birthday gift takes a comb and styles his hair to one side, looks up at me with those huge brown eyes and big, beautiful grin, and asks in his sweet, innocent little voice, “Mommy, am I puhrfict?” “Yes, baby,” I answer, as tears fill my eyes, “you have no idea how perfect you are.”
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LIFE.
ENJOY THE JOURNEY TOGETHER
PRISCILLA GRAGG.
Deck Those Halls! Every twinkly light sparks wonder in kids, so we asked parents how they amp up anticipation and add a little extra magic to this dazzling time of year. by J E N N AN D RLI K
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L I F E Ñ G e t Fe s t iv e
TRICK OUT A TREE— OR SEVERAL
Theme it.
Pick a motif (candy canes, woodland creatures, plaids), and go all in. Melody Peralta (@melodyinthemaking), a mom of two in Riverside, California, starts each year with a mood board to corral her ideas and inspiration. “Last year we did a Nutcracker ballet theme. The year before that it was mid-century modern. Think The Jetsons!” Peralta says. “One idea I’m considering for this Christmas is Santa’s Workshop and trimming the tree in miniature toys.” Go beyond red and green.
Steal inspiration.
New York City’s American Museum of Natural History displays a tree decorated with origami every year. In 2020, the tree was awash in 1,000 folded cranes in many colors; in 2019, it was covered
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Grow a fore st of bottlebrush trees.
in 800 origami dinosaurs. “We try to go see it every year,” says Jodi Levine (@supermakeit), a mother of two in Westchester, New York. “My sons love origami, so we started keeping a basket of their own folded art, and then we fill our tree with their creations.” Make a kids-only tree.
There’s the traditional tree in the living room for Kate Dreyer (@kate_decorates), who lives outside Washington, D.C. Then she has another
just for her two kids in their playroom. “We DIY the ornaments for that one. Last year, we decided on a ‘sweet treats’ theme and made ornaments that looked like donuts and gumball machines,” Dreyer says. Put up a passion tree.
While the presents may go under your main evergreen, a secondary tree dedicated to something the family loves can live in the family room, the den, or a covered porch. Dress it in the colors of your
favorite sports team (never too early to indoctrinate the kids!), or make it an homage to a family vacation spot, with Disney ornaments, or shells, sand dollars, and starfish for the seashore. Rely on indestructible ornaments.
“Shatterproof is best because kids want to get their hands on them,” says Joy Green (@joyfullygreen), a mom of two in Houston. “We got soft, puffy balls last year that the kids could play with.”
AUSTIN DAY.
An unexpected palette can be just as merry. Hang a mix of ornaments in all the colors of the rainbow, going in order from treetop to bottom. Or do it up with nothing but pastels. “Last Christmas we did ours all pink, gold, and glittery,” says Kashia Palmer (@kashiapalmer), a mom of three daughters in Saratoga Springs, Utah. Many families lean into a single shade, such as all blue (which works well if yours is a Hanukkah bush). A total whiteout can wow too. Camille Lai (@houseof .lais), a mom of four in Orlando, went snowy white with a flocked tree last year.
GET SOME CHEER UP IN HERE
Go wild in the kids’ rooms.
“We decorate each of our kids’ bedrooms first thing for the season so they have a long time to enjoy them,” Green says. “My daughter Kai sleeps with her twinkle lights on, and the soft glow is so special.” You could swap their regular sheets for some in holiday colors and bring on the party décor. “I doll up their bookshelves with garlands and signs, and rotate in seasonal books,” Peralta says. Make an impact with multiples. Bottlebrush trees
are trending, and they’re fairly unbreakable; they contain bristles that look like little branches, and each tree comes on a tiny stand. “The kids help set out different-size ones in a bunch of colors,” says Lauren Richel Kelly, a mom of two in Katonah, New York. “Then, to display holiday cards, I string baker’s twine across a window. As new cards arrive, the kids use mini clothespins to attach them.”
GIRL: PRISCILLA GRAGG. MENORAH: ALEXANDRA GRABLEWSKI.
Inflate the excitement.
Why not a balloon arch at the holidays? You can buy a kit in any color combo on Amazon for around $20. Leave it up through New Year’s Eve, when you can pop the balloons at midnight. Or treat an arch like an Advent calendar, says Mandy Roberson, cofounder of the Magic Playbook kids’ subscription and a mom in Greenville, South Carolina. Her three kids get revved up by helping her put up an arch
around the doorway to their playroom. “The balloons are numbered for the days of the month leading up to the 24th, and we slip a little piece of paper inside each one with a fun holiday-ish thing to do as we count down to Christmas, like walking the neighborhood to look at lights,” Roberson says. “I pop a balloon for them each morning. It’s a great visual to show how much closer to Christmas we’re getting.” Cut out giant snowflakes.
“We are a blended family. My husband is Christian and I’m Jewish. So aside from the tree, we focus on nonreligious decorations,” Levine says. She loves to upcycle and uses newspaper to create painted snowflakes. “When you paint the paper, it gets stiff and easy to hang,” Levine explains.
Snow wonders!
OUR SWEET TRADITION
Why We Have Two Trees “We’re a military family, and in 2015, we relocated to Japan from South Carolina and arrived two days before Christmas,” says Victoria White (@thewhitepartyoffive). “I ran to a store and left with its last Christmas tree, the one that was on display, and we put it up in the hotel where we were staying. Now we’re living in San Diego, and after the turkey settles in our stomachs on Thanksgiving, we decorate a big tree in the living room plus that smaller one that we call our ‘hotel tree’ in the dining room or my office. It’s a reminder that we’ve had to adapt and overcome, and that while some years look different, having one another is what’s consistent.”
Spread some Hanukkah spirit. Try dried branches
in a vase with blue and silver balls hanging from them. Garnish your gingerbread house all in blues and whites.
“I like to display all our menorahs. We have one we got as an engagement gift, ones that have been handed down to us, ones our children have made, and more,” says Marti Kerner (@everydayjewishmom). “Often we just light one per night, but when we have people over, it’s nice to have a collection so everyone can participate.” Kerner adds that she embraces the eight-night aspect and celebrates only during that time. “We throw a party. I fill glass jars with chocolate gelt and dreidels. I also bring out the Hanukkahthemed kids’ books only for the holiday. It feels like having a visit from old friends.”
L I F E Ñ G e t Fe s t iv e
Elf yourself.
Use construction paper to cut out Santa hats and tape them onto framed family photos. Wait for the kids to notice!
Get their stuffies in the spirit.
Build a mini scene.
If you’re yearning to break loose from the usual popcorn and cranberries, try stringing up these items—and feel free to mix and match. (Save small objects for kids 4 and older to avoid any choking hazards.) 1 Simple paper shapes like red circles and white snowflakes
2 Baby socks decorated to look like mini stockings
3 Colorful cupcake liners
Dress up their toys too.
For some cheap and hilarious decorating, spiff up any doll or stuffed animal with a reindeer-antler headband or a winter hat, or maybe even outfit one of the kids’ plushies in your baby’s outgrown Christmas sweater. “For us, it’s the holidays when my daughters switch their dolls into their holiday outfits,”
says Katie Wilson, a mom of three in Lake Forest, Illinois. “We sit the dolls next to the tree for some added cheer.”
4 Dried orange slices
5
OUR SWEET TRADITION
Gelt
Why Our Menorah Is Outdoors
6
“The restrictions we had last year gave us a new, great idea,” says Daryl Rothman-Dick, a mom of one in Somerville, New Jersey. “We put a menorah with candles on our porch at the top of the stairs and invited friends and neighbors to gather at the bottom of the stairs for just a short while one night as we lit a new light. We described the meaning of Hanukkah and handed kids goody bags with a wooden dreidel, a glow stick, a bag of chocolate gelt, an Israeli chocolate bar, and stampers in menorah, dreidel, and Jewish-star designs. It was lovely, and we plan to do it again this year in addition to hopefully having an actual Hanukkah party.”
Paper letters that spell out phrases like “Happy holla days” or “Up to snow good”
7 Painted pine cones
8 Pom-poms
9 Ribbon ties
10 Wrapped peppermints
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Spruce up the faux.
“We love the smell of fresh garlands, but they’re also very expensive. For more look for less, I hang a strand of an artificial garland on the banister, then fill it in with natural greenery,” says Lauren Comer, a mom of a toddler in Smyrna, Georgia. You can often pick up excess branch trimmings at a tree lot or a hardware store for free. You can do the same to add some scent to a fake wreath. Assemble edible décor.
“We make little cookie cottages out of graham crackers and put them on cake stands with a bed of shredded coconut for snow and green gumdrops as landscaping,” Levine says. “Then the cake stands serve as our centerpieces during Christmas dinner.”
GARLAND: PRISCILLA GRAGG. CHAIR: TED + CHELSEA CAVANAUGH.
10 IDEAS FOR A DIY GARLAND
Many households run a train around the tree or set out a collection of tiny houses. “Mine are hand-me-downs from my parents. I decorate my mantel with a few antique houses that belonged to my dad,” says Allene Troy, of Sandy Hook, Connecticut, a mom of two. Kids can also make a miniature LEGO village (the brand puts out new holiday houses on the reg) or use wooden sticks or cardboard boxes.
RULE THE YULE
GO FOR
Turn your home into the North Pole with holiday decorations that sleigh.
H O L I DAY CURB APPEAL
1
Embrace big characters.
We all know those giant inflatables that dot suburban yards between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Even if you’re not a fan, there’s no denying that kids adore them. (Author’s admission: We caved and got one blow-up tree with a Santa. Things snowballed, and now we have over half a dozen inflatables, including a giant avocado that reads “Guacin’ around the Christmas tree”). If they make you giggle and get the kids psyched, it’s a win.
2
3
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HOUSE: FRANCES JANISCH. 1, 3–8: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS. 2: PETER ARDITO.
Make a splashy entrance.
This is the one time of year when you don’t have to shy away from going all out. White PVC pipe, striped candy-cane-style with red duct tape, looks cute bookending the door. “Last year I found two huge nutcrackers to stand on either side of the door, and then we lined our walkway
6 5
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1. Hang Tight The Festive Foliage Chandelier adds a dose of greenery to your house (without shedding pine needles everywhere). $45; merimeri.com 2. Fill ’Em Up A felted-wool stocking looks extra-joyful with multicolored trim. $25; worldmarket.com 3. Chase a Rainbow For a burst of cheer right into the New Year, go for this bold Fan Wreath. Keep it indoors to protect the hand-pleated, hand-dyed paper. $65; store.moma.org 4. Pom Party The new garlands are more understated (and softer) than the usual tinsel. String up this Pom Garland for the Festival of Lights. $20; papersource.com 5. Seize the Day Count down to Christmas by adding mini gifts to all the slots on the Tabletop Advent Drawer Calendar. Reuse it year after year instead of buying disposable ones. $79.50; grandinroad.com 6. Step on It Welcome! Let the Indoor/Outdoor Vacationland Rug be a place for playdate and party guests alike to stomp off snow, while keeping in line with your wintry décor. $50; llbean.com 7. Light Show All eight nights look stunning with this stylish Opalhouse Designed With Jungalow Dove Menorah. Maybe the peace-bringing bird will send chill vibes to your kids too. $30; target.com 8. Forest Views Accompany your Christmas tree with an army of adorable mini evergreens. The Opalhouse Bottlebrush Trees vary in size, and you can place them together or scatter them throughout the house. Set of eight, $15; target.com —Cassie Hurwitz
L I F E Ñ G e t Fe s t iv e
OUR SWEET TRADITION
We Hang Our Stockings Without a Fireplace “We have a wall painted with chalkboard paint, and every year we draw a mantel with chalk. We attach adhesive hooks to it and hang our stockings,” says Diana Baumgarte, a mom of one in Norwalk, Connecticut. There are plenty of places where you can tack up those fancy socks (and we promise Santa will find them!).
You can ribbon-tie stockings to a banister, for instance. But with the magic of adhesive Command hooks, stockings can securely dangle from a bookshelf, a kitchen island, a side table, or a bar cart. Or display them on the inside of your front door so the kids get excited every time they see them on their way out of the house.
sealing where one string of lights meets another. Use outdoor-rated lights and extension cords, and plastic (not metal) ties.
with Christmas trees,” says Jenny Reimold (@jennyreimold), a mom of seven and a HomeGoods style expert in Nashville. Personalize a wreath.
Perk up the porch.
Big balloons can form a giant, multicolored garland that can be seen from the street. “When you add a cardboard collar to the base of each balloon and connect them with twine, they look like oversize string lights,” Green says. Choose a focal point.
You’re maybe not on the Clark Griswold level (yet). Rather than trying to spread what lights you have across your entire facade, pick something to highlight with twinkle
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lights, whether it’s one tree, a bush near the front door, or your mailbox. Add a giant red bow for daytime cheer. Safety first with outdoor lights.
If you’re hanging lights yourself, choose a day that’s not wet or icy, and stay off the roof altogether, says Scott Parrish, owner of Illuminight Holiday Lighting, in Highland Park, Illinois, a company that will hang lights for customers. Don’t forget the basic first step: Test your lights by plugging them in somewhere like the garage to be sure they work before you go through the effort of stringing them up. Parrish recommends a sturdy ladder, of course, and electrical tape for
2021
For next to no work and less than $50, you can place an animated projector in the yard to light up your house with what looks like falling snow or twinkling stars. Tap into traditional.
A battery-powered LED candle paired with a wreath in every window gives a colonial-chic effect, says Candis Meredith, who with her husband, Andy (plus their seven kids), stars in the Magnolia Network show Home Work. Their candles are each on a timer to glow only at night. “Simple beauty is cheaper too,” Andy Meredith says, adding that they set up a few halogen floodlights in the yard to illuminate their home. A final touch: They trade in the porch light’s rest-ofthe-year bulb for one that resembles a flickering flame.
GRETCHEN EASTON.
There are so many ways to jazz up a basic wreath (real or faux) for your front door. Purchase an inexpensive one and add 3-D letters wrapped in yarn or painted to spell out your family name. Try paper snowflakes or kid-made ornaments. Add cinnamon sticks for an inviting scent.
Create an illusion.
L I F E ÑTo ge t h e r T i m e
Build a Blockbuster Snack Board
Change up your suppertime routine and park everyone in front of the coffee table for an epic snack-stravaganza for dinner—an easy-to-pull-together spread of store-bought faves and homemade fare. It may even make the kajillionth viewing of The Grinch feel new again. recipes by A N N A H E L M B A X T E R / photographs by C A I T L I N B E N S E L
Include the four basic food groups of prime movie watching: snacks, hot appetizers, fruits and veggies, and dips. The goal is to have a balance of treats and nutritional substance.
S W E E T ’ N ’ S A LT Y S N AC KS
First things first, getting in all the concession-stand goodies is a must. Hershey’s Popped Snack Mix (chocolate-drizzled popcorn along with pretzels, chocolate bars, and almonds) M&M’s Plain popcorn Tortilla chips Twizzlers Waffle pretzels
HOT APPETIZERS
A well-rounded variety of smaller bites that you can just heat in the oven will help fill everyone up (so no one demands dinner after the movie). Some staff favorites: Amy’s Cheese Pizza Snacks Green Giant Cauliflower Breadsticks Nathan’s Famous Coney Island Bagel Dogs (cut into bite-size pieces) Whole Foods Market Spinach & Cheese Spanakopita
S O M E H E A LT H Y STUFF
LOAD UP YOUR SNACK BOARD
Offset your kids’ candy and chip intake with a tempting array of fruits and veggies. (It just might work!)
Hint: Think artistically and strategically.
Carrot sticks Cherry tomatoes
Start with a good base. A large tray or sheet pan with raised edges will keep food from sliding off.
Cucumber slices Raspberries Bell-pepper slices
Set out the dips. Serve them in a variety of vessels—wide bowls, small ramekins, or tall jars—so things are at different levels and easy to access.
Red grapes
FOOD STYLING BY CHELSEA ZIMMER. PROP STYLING BY AUDREY DAVIS. RUG, MINNA GOODS.
Contain some items. Anything that has the potential to get messy (like pizza snacks oozing cheese) can go in a bowl. Corral errant popcorn kernels in folded-back lunch bags, and protect chocolate from melting in heat-resistant silicone muffin cups. Add the beige stuff. Divvy up the breadsticks on opposite corners, and place the spanakopita, bagel dogs, tortillas, and pretzels along the sides. Scattering these items around the board will help create visual balance. Fill in the gaps with color. Wherever there’s a hole in the tray is a perfect spot to inject bright fruits, vegetables, and candy. Consider neighbors. Try to keep complementary flavors as close as possible (mustard near bagel dogs, carrots by the ranch). Be careful that the watery vegetables like cucumbers don’t sog up the chips.
Bacon-Cheddar Ranch Dip I N G R E DI E N T S 1 8-oz. pkg. cream cheese, at room temperature 1 cup sour cream 1 1-oz. pkg. ranch dressing mix ½ cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese (about 2 oz.) ⅓ cup chopped green onions, plus more for garnish 1 Tbs. chopped dill, plus more for garnish 4 bacon slices, cooked and crumbled MAKE IT
Place all ingredients except bacon in a food processor; pulse until almost smooth, about 15 pulses. Transfer to a bowl. Reserve 1 Tbs. crumbled bacon.
Fold remaining bacon into dip to combine. Top with reserved bacon, green onions, and dill.
TA S T Y D I P S
Green Pea Hummus I N G R E DI E N T S 1 15-oz. can chickpeas, drained and rinsed 1 cup frozen peas, thawed ¼ cup loosely packed cilantro leaves 3 Tbs. tahini 2 Tbs. fresh lemon juice (from 1 lemon) 2 Tbs. olive oil 1 garlic clove, minced (about 1 tsp.) ½ tsp. kosher salt MAKE IT
Place all ingredients in a food processor and pulse until almost smooth.
Serve store-bought condiments alongside a couple of homemade recipes to keep those cucumber slices interesting. Bacon-Cheddar Ranch Dip (see recipe) Green Pea Hummus (see recipe) Marinara sauce Mustard
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L I F E Ñ Pe t C a r e
Keeping the Peace Between Your Dog and Cat They’re as different as human siblings, but with your help, felines and canines can accept each other—and even become friends. by J E N N A W I R T H WE’VE ALL H E ARD
the adage that cats and dogs fight like—well, you know. But there are exceptions to this supposed law of nature. As many people in feline-plus-canine households will tell you, these very different animals can coexist peacefully. The trick is to ease their getting-toknow-you transition, taking steps to ensure that Sparky and Binx live happily together for years to come. “Dogs and cats can learn to speak each other’s language if you give them the opportunity to do so safely and calmly,” says Matthew McCarthy, D.V.M., founder and medical director of Juniper Valley Animal Hospital, in Middle Village, New York. “They can come to respect each other and to read the signs for when it’s playtime and when it’s not.” If your family is ready to mix species, petwise, we can help guide you through the process.
One craves praise. The other needs to know that there’s an escape route.
Sorry, pup, but a lot of this transition is on you. Teaching your dog basic commands like “sit,” “stay,” “come,” and “drop” serves as a safety measure in multi-pet households. “A dog’s lack of impulse control can result in its chasing or nipping at a cat,” says Michelle Burch, D.V.M., a veterinary writer and adviser for Catological.com. Help your dog control its natural inclination to chase, and it’ll remain calmer when a kitty tail flashes by.
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LIGHTFIELDSTUDIOS/GETTY.
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L I F E Ñ Pe t C a r e
“Training can help dogs understand what’s appropriate to chase and what isn’t, and gives you tools to distract them if a problem does occur,” says Georgina Phillips, D.V.M., a veterinary writer and advisor for the feline-care blog BetterWithCats.net. It’s also crucial to give dogs regular exercise so they can relax at home. In the same way that kids are more easygoing after being tuckered out by physical activity, dogs need recess to help them chill. “Dogs have to get their energy out somewhere,” Dr. Phillips says. “A vigorous walk around the neighborhood or playtime with your children can be a great way for them to burn off extra energy. It’s especially important before a dog meets a new cat for the first time.”
FOR THE
Wrap up a sty treat for k y!
Give Your Cat Its Own Territory
Love them like family. Treat them like family.
Cats are legendary for being independent, and they will benefit from a comfy spot the dog can’t access. “Most cats feel safest when their perch is higher than the dog can reach,” Dr. Burch says. “A cat has a good view of its environment in elevated locations and can eliminate attacks from behind.” A kitty tower can be a cat’s sanctuary, and you might also consider strategically placing furniture so your cat can walk from the back of the couch to a table, shelf, or windowsill. If a cat has escape routes, any altercations will likely end quickly. “Without a safe and easy way of running away, cats may be left with only the fight response, which can lead to big problems,” Dr. Phillips says. You can also cut a kitty-size opening in a closet door or the door to your basement so your cat has a hideout, or put up a baby gate to make a room off-limits to the dog, Dr. McCarthy suggests. The most important safe space for cats is their litter box, since they need a sense of privacy and security for their bathroom breaks. “The cat may develop an aversion to the litter box if the dog is constantly approaching when the cat is trying to do its business,” Dr. McCarthy
TM
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says. “This can lead to urinating outside the litter box or other inappropriate behavior.” Keep the box gated off or behind a kitty door. One last tip: Make sure to keep kitty nails trimmed. To communicate their boundaries, cats will use not only vocalizations like hissing but also their paws and claws. “Their nails are their first line of defense when they feel threatened,” Dr. Burch notes. “Since cat nails grow sharp and easily puncture skin, trimming them routinely will help prevent injury to your dog.” (Not to mention your kids.) As a side note, teach children that if the dog has upset the cat, that’s not a time to offer the kitty reassuring pets or hugs. Let the cat calm down on its own. Show your kids how to watch for the cat’s tail to de-puff, for instance, before approaching.
Baby Them Both It’s important that you and your kids spend quality time with each pet separately, Dr. Burch says. “Animals who feel neglected can become destructive, territorial, or aggressive.” If the dog or cat is hanging out in your child’s room, suggest that your kiddo shut their door for a bit to enjoy peaceful together time without the other pet prancing in. “Dogs and cats can be especially territorial about their food, so serve their meals in separate bowls,” Dr. McCarthy says. Otherwise, dogs tend to sample the cat kibble. “Since cats can use vertical space, put their bowls up off the floor, if possible,” Dr. McCarthy adds. Most pets are fine with eating meals at the same time, as long as the dog stays out of the cat’s way. But if your cat is especially skittish, consider giving it a separate feeding time in a quiet place. Finally, separating toys and beds will also help prevent possessive aggression, Dr. Burch says. After you show them that they have their own special spots and plenty of family attention, don’t be surprised if you find them curled up together one day, acting as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.
L I F E — Fa m i ly T i m e
For people of all persuasions, this is a time for festive joy, peaceful comfort—and, as these eight writers will tell you, the meaningful celebrations that bind families together. photograph by T H AY E R A L LYS O N G O W DY
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Holding your loved ones close is a universal favorite.
L I F E Ñ Fa m i ly T i m e
Natural Wonders
W H E N W E were young,
spontaneous, and not yet admitting to ourselves that we would one day marry, my husband and I moved to London. One year, we didn’t go home for the holidays, forgoing expectations, instead hopping the Eurostar to Paris for sheer fun. We spent Christmas week in a little apartment with a claw-foot tub and spotty Wi-Fi in Montmartre. We visited museums, drank champagne, and followed only our joy. In that freedom from traditional obligations, we explored what we felt was most worthy of celebration. My husband’s ancestors have mostly been Christians, mine Jews. We grew up with Christmas and Hanukkah, respectively. We love those rituals and had no misgivings about continuing them, but we yearned for something more, something equally modern and ancient, provable, and profound in its grandeur. My dad was an astronomer, and my parents raised me with a sense of awe and wonder about the universe as revealed by science. My husband and I
are not people of faith, but we do think something kind of miraculous happens each December: the winter solstice. Because of how the Earth revolves and rotates with its slight axial tilt, after this day we know with absolute certainty that in the Northern Hemisphere the days begin getting longer. In Paris, snuggled up in the wee hours of the long nights, we—for the first time—discussed a vision of our future family and what we’d celebrate with children someday. Thirteen years later, we’re not as young or spontaneous, but that family we imagined is now real. We have a 4-year-old and one on the way. And every year on the solstice, we light lots of candles, make a feast, open gifts, and explain a little astronomy to our daughter. She asks deep questions about why we do things the way we do. On the other holidays, I sometimes struggle to explain that these are the rituals of the people who came before us. I tell her we don’t believe everything they believed, but we honor them because they led to her. But when she asks why we celebrate the solstice, my answers come more easily: It’s because no matter what, starting tomorrow, little by little, the light will return. Spring is coming. This has been celebrated throughout the ages the world over. It’s simple, splendid, and true, no matter what else you do or don’t believe. Sasha Sagan is the author of For Small Creatures Such as We.
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Rolling in Dough My mother has made two Christmas breads for as long as I can remember: stollen, a sweet, yeasted bread with currants and candied fruit, and a cranberry-orange nut bread from Betty Crocker’s Christmas Cookbook. We eat them as the kids dive into their stockings. Throughout my life, stollen with butter has been the taste of the holiday—a constant amid so much change. For me as a kid, the taste meant presents. Now it’s the flavor of my own kid’s unbridled joy. Soon, that bite will evoke nostalgia for the days when my son believed in Santa. What started as Mom’s easy way
Slices of Life Being Italian American, my grandparents had a tradition of eating fish on Christmas Eve. But we kids hated any dish from the ocean, so my grandmother made us pizza. The smell of garlic and dough filled the house, and we’d convince her to let us open presents; she was easily persuaded by her grandkids. Homemade pizza holds a special place in my now adult heart. The mere smell of it baking reminds me of the way I felt the night
to feed excited kids is now a sense memory that bridges our past, present, and future. I’ll bake those breads when my child has kids of his own, stitching a thread of holiday memories to the next generation. Laura Fenton is the author of The Little Book of Living Small.
before Christmas—part anticipation, part comfort, part togetherness. Last year, pregnant and without my family, I learned to make the holiday staple myself, with my mom advising over the phone. And so the meal brought my family together again—even if only from a distance, and even if my grandmother is no longer with us. It offered the comfort I needed while pregnant during a pandemic, celebrating without my loved ones. I started making pizza year-round, which is how it turned out to be the last thing I ate before going into labor in February. It was the perfect way to usher my daughter into the world. I’ll make it again this Christmas Eve, of course, but also on my daughter’s first birthday. After all, it’s her tradition now too. Kiera Carter is a journalist and an editor.
COURTESY OF THE SUBJECTS.
Each December, Sasha Sagan and her family revere the change of the Earth’s tilt, the shift of light, and the knowledge that those without faith can honor the season.
For these three revelers, the holidays mean one thing: good and deeply nostalgic eats.
Dancing on Air Sophie Brickman never much enjoyed The Nutcracker as a kid. But when her child fell hard for the Christmas classic, she saw it with fresh (and teary) eyes. W H AT I R E M E M B E R
Hot Potatoes Latkefest became our Hanukkah tradition thanks to two picky eaters. When my kids were small, they tried new foods by stacking them on top of their favorite things to eat. One Hanukkah long ago, that favorite food was a latke (a potato pancake, for the uninitiated). They devoured what we coined the Meat Lover’s Delight (grilled steak on a latke), and we began brainstorming other latke toppers. T H E S P I CY M A M A : a latke with hot chicken and pickles
FROM LEFT: GREG DUPREE; COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT.
T H E B E A S T: a latke with jalapeño peppers T H E G E O R G E (for George Washington—we’re a family of
history buffs): a slider patty on a latke T H E T E D DY (for Teddy Roosevelt): a latke smothered with
grilled mushrooms and garlic spinach T H E S W E E T I E P I E : a sweet potato latke and applesauce T H E G R E E N M A C H I N E : a zucchini latke with pea sauce T H E L I Z TAY L O R : a latke with caviar and crème fraîche
Now that the kids are grown, they eat everything, but Latkefest will always be our tradition, because fun foods bring people together. And for what it’s worth, everything tastes better on a latke. Sarah Aronson is the author of Just Like Rube Goldberg.
most are the itchy pink tights, the kind where the crotch inched down to your knees and the extra material bunched at your ankles, so you had to constantly hike everything up under your velvet dress and mince around in your very stiff patent leather shoes. This, to me, was my experience of going to the ballet as a child, which was made doubly worse by the fact that my mother had been an actual ballerina and adored sitting in an auditorium watching dancers twirl about. I went with her, grudgingly, to The Nutcracker at Lincoln Center each year. I spent most of the performance playing with the program and feeling guilty, wanting desperately to love what was going on onstage but actually waiting for intermission, when I knew I’d get chocolate-covered peanuts at the bar. When my oldest, Ella, was born, I never forced ballet upon her. I figured she’d reject it, as I had, in favor of soccer or tennis or something more rough. But then, one summer day, my mother introduced her to The Nutcracker. And just like that, she was hooked. Within days, we were playing the score on repeat, transforming our sweltering apartment into a Christmas miracle. She sat, riveted, in front of a version of the ballet I found online featuring a young Macaulay Culkin as the prince, which she requested whenever screen
time was allowed. One, then two Nutcracker dolls were procured, which Ella slept with every night, clutching them despite how hard and sharp and decidedly unfluffy they were. When she turned 4, the age my mother deemed old enough to sit through a full ballet, we got three tickets for a matinee. And suddenly, I found myself, the mother, dressing my daughter up in tights and a velvet dress. Ella brought one Nutcracker doll along and sat between the two of us, her feet dangling above the red carpet, waiting expectantly for the ballet to start. As the lights dimmed and the opening bars of the music began, she whispered to her doll, “You’re going to be onstage in a minute!” My mother and I both reached for each other’s hand across her seat. The curtain rose, and we looked over Ella’s head to find the other crying. After I’d wiped my eyes, I sat, riveted, watching the ballet unfold, and loving every minute. Sophie Brickman is the author of Baby, Unplugged.
L I F E Ñ Fa m i ly T i m e
Khama Ennis’s marriage may have ended, but that doesn’t mean her family’s happy holidays have to. M Y K I D S H AV E
always loved Christmas, a day on which they could reliably count on a captive audience of me and their father. They would wake up to gifts under the tree that weren’t there when they pretended to go to bed. Breakfast faded into a whirlwind of tearing paper,
the room a blur of happy chaos. Every Christmas of their lives, we had all been together. My daughters were 6 and 9 when our divorce became final. We were heartbroken that our girls had to live in two places. But we promised them that they wouldn’t have to decide between us for the holidays. Each year, we’d trade off hosting the festivities. In 2018, my ex-husband opted to host at his parents’ home, a five-hour drive away. He took the girls up, and I drove solo. I hadn’t been there since our separation, and when I got close, I had to pull over to cry. I’d had a warm relationship with my in-laws, but divorce leaves deep wounds, and I didn’t know
Roamin’ Holiday Catherine Hong finally cracks the case of her household’s mysterious, mobile tradition. ABOUT TEN
years ago, my husband invented a tradition he calls the Annual Christmas Walk. Shortly after our two kids open stockings, he says with exaggerated pomposity, “Children, it’s time for the Annual Christmas Walk!” They troop to the car, he whisks them away, and they return flush-cheeked, giddy, and starved for breakfast. For the first couple of years, I figured he was leading our former city kids on an exploration of the woods in our new town. Or perhaps
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he was taking them to the abandoned parcel of land across the train tracks where I, unlike their freewheeling dad, would never trespass. Though these are kids who’ve never done well with day-to-day transitions, I did notice that they always got their shoes on quickly. They even came up with a singsongy Gilbert and Sullivan–style chant: “The Annual Christmas Walk! The Annual Christmas Walk!” As the years went on, I idly fantasized that these jaunts were an excuse to buy me a
There’s bliss in finding ways to celebrate that are uniquely yours.
Khama Ennis, M.D., M.P.H., a Parents advisor, is the associate chief of emergency medicine at Cooley Dickinson Hospital, in Northampton, Massachusetts.
last-minute gift, though, of course, they never returned with anything but mysterious grins. Whatever they were doing, I wasn’t going to pry. I was usually so cantankerous by December 25 that this brief break was a bonus gift. It was only a couple of years ago that the three of them finally invited me to join them on their fabled outing. We got into the car, and my husband drove us to a nearby nature preserve. We pulled into the parking lot. Then my daughter got out and switched places with him in the driver’s seat. “Get ready, Mommy!” she squealed as she revved the engine and began to drive around the empty parking lot. After her turn, her brother
did the same. Aha! No wonder they both loved this yearly adventure. It’s a good thing they hadn’t told me, because I surely would have ruined the fun by making killjoy predictions of dented fenders. And I have to hand it to my husband: The Annual Christmas Walk will likely be one of their favorite childhood memories. It remains the best-held secret that they or their father ever kept from me. (As far as I know.) And it’s one I don’t begrudge them at all. Catherine Hong is a Parents contributing editor.
THIS PAGE AND OPPOSITE, FROM LEFT: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT; BONNINSTUDIO/STOCKSY; COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT.
All Together Now
how things would be. Tension built inside me; I thought about turning around. The last few miles were the hardest I’d ever driven. But the visit was lovely, and the girls had what they needed. We’ve had a joint Christmas ever since. My ex-husband and I both like to sneak gifts under the tree on Christmas Eve. In the morning, the girls wake up and pretend they’re not trying to figure out what’s inside them. We have breakfast, open presents, and do all the things a traditional family does. Making this work has not always been easy or comfortable, but for us it has been worth it. Our kids’ only complaint is that they don’t get double the gifts, like some of their friends. But I consider our holiday get-togethers a definite coparenting win.
Sawyer (right) with her brother and mother in 1972
What a Glorious Feeling Gene Kelly’s joyful footwork once carried Annie Sawyer and her mother through a dark time. Now, each Christmas, his classic film cements Sawyer’s bond with her own daughter. IN THE FINAL
21 days of my mother’s life, before she succumbed to lung cancer on New Year’s Eve, we spent nearly every minute together. I’d moved away to New York City after high school, and though we talked on the phone weekly, aside from holiday visits, we hadn’t
spent much time together in the intervening 15 years. So much had never been said by this woman who preferred reading to conversation. My mother gave me a fierce love of books and a rabid fear of littering, and fostered independence by teaching me select impractical skills: how
to embroider, carve a jack-o’lantern, and catch shrimp at dusk. Now we were sharing a small apartment on Key Largo, Florida, avoiding serious topics and left with little to discuss besides the weather, her next chemotherapy appointment, and the heron that fished at the dock. I was terrified of losing her and helpless to stop it. Both of us were unable to articulate our fears or our love. When she found out I had never seen Singin’ in the Rain, Mom insisted on a trip to the local video rental store. We spent Christmas Eve snuggled
in blankets on the couch, eating ice cream and laughing ourselves into tears at Donald O’Connor’s ridiculous directive to “Make ’Em Laugh,” Debbie Reynolds’s exuberant joy at greeting the dawn in “Good Morning,” and, of course, the ineffable and gorgeous Gene Kelly tapping his way into our hearts in the title number, “Singin’ in the Rain.” For those few hours we didn’t need words. Six years later, I became a mom myself. Motherhood is a bittersweet experience without your own mother to fuss and coo over your baby and tell you stories of your own infancy; to reassure you that you will get it right. I grew up, in a way, with my daughter, learning a new appreciation for my mother and the challenges and delights of raising a child. After the endless repetition of Disney princess movies and Studio Ghibli anime, I was excited to sit down with my daughter on Christmas Eve, cuddle in blankets, and laugh until we cried (or maybe I was the only one with tears in my eyes) as we watched Singin’ in the Rain together. It’s an annual tradition now, when she comes home from college for the holidays. But I am reminded whenever I watch the film that we never really leave our children if we give them memories to carry them through. Annie Sawyer is a writer, playwright, and stand-up comic.
L I F EÑD é c o r
Pillow Power
These cushy accessories are less of a splurge than, say, a new rug or sofa. But they can still spiff up your family’s spaces with a little color and texture—and a whole lot of comfiness. And that’s no fluff. by C AT H E R I N E H O N G
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MAKE A SOFA STATEMENT The most obvious landing spot for a passel of pillows is the family couch. Think about having enough so that every member can create their own plush nest on movie nights. “Deeper sofas demand more pillows,” says Megan Hersch, founder and CEO of the digitally based design firm RoomLift, in Los Angeles, and a mom of two. “But if you pile on too many, then there’s no room to sit.” Some combos to try:
All Neutrals
Wild Prints
Even the least design-savvy of us can pull off pairing these soothing shades, whether creams, camels, khakis, grays, or taupes. If you don’t want the combo to feel too snoozy, “the trick is to mix textures,” says Lauren Meichtry, founder of the Manhattan Beach, California, home-accessory line Elsie Home and a mom of two. So bring on the velvet, cable knit, and faux fur—or even fringe, tassels, and embroidery—and work a variety of shapes and sizes.
Start with whatever bold pattern makes your heart happy. Then search out a coordinating pillow that features at least one shared color. The basic rule of thumb is to mix large and small prints, like the oversize diamonds and the leafy botanical, below. “That balance of scale feels symmetrical,” Hersch says. Finally, offset all that drama with a solidcolored accent in a similar shade.
1
1 / Leisure Taupe 1
Pillow. $45; CB2.com
+
1 / Granada
2 / Saro
Pillow Cover. $98; serena andlily.com
Lifestyle Juneau Collection Classic Faux Fur Throw Pillow. $31; amazon .com
+
2 / Painted
Diamonds 2 Pillow by Brandy Folse. $44; minted.com
+
3 / Better Homes
& Gardens Knit Decorative Pillow. $13; walmart.com 2
+
2
3 / Bradford
Cotton Throw Pillow. $61; allmodern.com
WHAT GOES WHERE?
3
Anchor each end of the sofa with one or two of the largest pillows, and line up the rest in size order so the smallest sits toward the middle. For a sectional, layer two or three cushions of various sizes in the center corner in addition to the ends for balance.
3
L I F EÑD é c o r
GLAM UP THE GROWN-UP BED Once you’ve covered your bed in the basics (sheets, sleeping pillows, duvet or comforter), add a cushion or three for extra visual oomph. Just beware the temptation to clog up the bed with too many fussy pillows. (The two options here deliberately keep the formula simple.)
One and Done If making the bed is the least of your priorities on the day’s to-do list, you’ll love this hack. Just lay a single, extra-long lumbar pillow in front of your sleeping pillows—that’s all. It shows effort without actually requiring much. “If you have a king-size bed, you can fit two of the same lumbar pillows side by side,” Hersch says.
Trio Trick
1
Opalhouse Designed With Jungalow Oversized Oblong Woven Stripe Decorative Throw Pillow. $30; target.com
Here’s a hotel-worthy formula that’s as easy as 1-2-3. Start with your sleeping pillows in their usual places. Then prop up two large, identical cushions in front, side by side, Meichtry says. Finally, front and center, sit a smaller accent pillow that shares a common color. The look says orderly and calm without your having to do hospital corners.
or
1
1 / Darby Pillow.
$68; anthropologie .com
+ 2 / Laura Ashley 2
Sunbrella Quentin Woven Striped Lumbar Indoor/Outdoor Pillow. $109.50; potterybarn.com
Mila Blue Cotton Blend Throw Pillows. $31 each; homedepot.com
or WHY IS THERE SUCH A HUGE RANGE OF PRICES?
3
West Elm Lush Velvet Oversized Lumbar Pillow Cover. $59.50; westelm.com
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It’s true: Pillows can be $10 or $300, or anywhere in between. Factory-made pillows stuffed with polyester work just fine and are the ones most of us buy. Luxury pillows may be made of richer fabric, hand stitched, and stuffed with down or a high-quality alternative.
2
ADD SOME POP TO THEIR PLAYSPACE
PREVIOUS SPREAD, LIVING ROOM: GAP PHOTOS/PATRICK SORDOILLET. SARO PILLOW: PETER ARDITO. ALL OTHER PILLOWS: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS. OPPOSITE, BEDROOM: BRITTANY AMBRIDGE/OTTO (DESIGNED BY KESHA FRANKLIN OF HALDEN INTERIORS). SUNBRELLA, WEST ELM, AND DARBY PILLOWS: PETER ARDITO. ALL OTHER PILLOWS: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS. THIS PAGE, KID’S ROOM: PRISCILLA GRAGG. FLOOR PILLOW AND RAINBOW PILLOW: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS. ALL OTHER PILLOWS: PETER ARDITO.
Cushions lend themselves to forts, pillow fights, and cozy reading nooks. So let’s face it: Thinking they’ll stay perfectly arranged in a kid’s bedroom or playroom is a pipe dream. But if you try one of these strategies, you may at least offer some sort of coordinated chaos.
Two Shades Only
Mismatch Magic
Going with a bicolor palette will keep your kids’ stuff from looking too much like a random jumble. This tactic could be particularly useful if, say, you’re dedicating a corner of your living room to the kids’ toys. “It will impose order and help define the space,” Meichtry says.
Differences in shape, scale, textures, and prints are what make a quirky combo sing. Still, you’ll need a common thread so the mix looks cohesive, not sloppy. It could be a similar tone (for instance, all pastels or all brights). Or you could even commit to a theme (nautical, for instance, with pillows featuring waves, anchors, and sharks). Either way, the end result is just plain fun.
1 / Blabla Kids Heart
Pillow. $64; maisonette.com
+
1
2 / Rainbow
Tufted Mini Throw Pillow. $29; urbanoutfitters.com
1
+
3 / Hello Sunshine 1 / Wanderer Throw
2
Pillow. $29; crateandbarrel.com
Pillow. $44; occasionette.com
+
2
2 / Wee Gallery
CAN YOU WASH THEM?
Nursery Friends Fox Throw Pillow. $22; weegallery.com
+
3 / Black & White
Vertical Stripes Floor Pillow. $70; society6.com
3
3
Our editors have tossed inexpensive pillow covers into the washer set to delicate, with cold water. Cotton, linen, and polyester are generally fine, says Brian Sansoni, spokesperson for the American Cleaning Institute. Otherwise, you can always try to spot-clean using mild detergent and water.
L I F EÑD i n n e r
New Comfort Foods THE
Infuse your school-night meal rotation with some fresh flavors. These veggie-forward and kid-friendly picks are warm, satisfying, and blessedly simple to prepare. by N I C K I S I Z E M O R E / photographs by TA R A D O N N E
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Sheet Pan Chicken Drumsticks For recipe, see page 159.
L I F EÑD i n n e r
Shrimp & Pepper Fajitas Active Time 30 minutes Total Time 40 minutes Makes 4 servings I N G R E DI E N T S ½ red bell pepper, thinly sliced ½ yellow bell pepper, thinly sliced 1 red onion, thinly sliced 2 Tbs. olive oil, divided 3 tsp. chili powder, divided ½ tsp. kosher salt, divided Black pepper, to taste 1½ lbs. peeled and deveined shrimp ½ cup plain Greek yogurt ¼ tsp. lime zest plus ½ tsp. lime juice (from 1 lime) 1 small garlic clove, grated 2 tsp. chopped cilantro, plus sprigs for garnish 8 corn tortillas, warmed MAKE IT
1. Preheat oven to 450°F. Combine peppers and red onion in a shallow baking pan. Toss with 1 Tbs. oil, 2 tsp. chili powder, ¼ tsp. salt, and black pepper. 2. Mix shrimp, remaining 1 Tbs. oil, remaining 1 tsp. chili powder, remaining ¼ tsp. salt, and black pepper in another shallow baking pan. 3. Roast vegetables and shrimp, stirring once halfway through, until vegetables are lightly browned and shrimp are cooked through, about 8 minutes. 4. Stir together yogurt, lime zest, lime juice, garlic, and cilantro in a small bowl. Serve vegetables and shrimp in tortillas with the yogurt sauce and cilantro sprigs. NUTRITION PER SERVING
362 calories; 40g protein; 10g fat (2g sat. fat); 29g carbs; 5g fiber; 6g sugar; 2mg iron; 183mg calcium; 572mg sodium
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Cheesy Veggie Frittata Active Time 25 minutes Total Time 35 minutes Makes 4 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 6 large eggs ½ tsp. Italian seasoning ¼ tsp. kosher salt, plus more for salad dressing Black pepper, to taste 2 Tbs. unsalted butter 1 cup chopped onion ½ red bell pepper, chopped ½ yellow bell pepper, chopped 2 cups chopped, peeled, and roasted sweet potatoes ½ cup shredded cheddar cheese ¼ cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese 3 Tbs. olive oil 2 Tbs. balsamic vinegar 1 tsp. Dijon mustard 5 oz. mixed greens MAKE IT
1. Preheat oven to 425°F. Whisk together eggs, Italian seasoning, salt, and black pepper in a large bowl. 2. Melt butter over medium heat in a 10-in. oven-safe nonstick or cast-iron skillet. Add onion and peppers. Cook, stirring occasionally, until tender, about 6 minutes. 3. Add egg mixture and sweet potatoes. Stir until eggs start to set. Pat the mixture into an even layer in the skillet. Sprinkle with cheeses. Transfer to the oven and bake until set and golden, about 8 minutes. 4. While frittata bakes, whisk together olive oil, vinegar, mustard, and a pinch of salt and pepper in a large bowl. Toss with mixed greens. Serve with frittata. NUTRITION PER SERVING
453 calories; 17g protein; 33g fat (11g sat. fat); 24g carbs; 4g fiber; 7g sugar; 2mg iron; 240mg calcium; 693mg sodium
P R E P I N A DVA N C E :
To roast sweet potatoes, preheat oven to 400°F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Toss 2 cups peeled and chopped sweet potatoes with 1 Tbs. olive oil and ¼ tsp. salt to coat. Bake 20 minutes, turning once. Let cool and refrigerate.
Pasta With Sausage Bolognese Active Time 30 minutes Total Time 30 minutes Makes 4 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 12 oz. penne pasta 8 oz. sweet Italian sausage 1 large garlic clove, minced 1 Tbs. olive oil 5 oz. baby spinach 1½ cups jarred marinara sauce ¼ cup heavy cream Grated Parmesan cheese (optional) MAKE IT
1. Cook pasta according to package directions. Drain, reserving ¼ cup cooking liquid. 2. While pasta boils, cook sausage and garlic in oil in a large skillet over mediumhigh heat, using a wooden spoon to break up the meat as it browns, about 5 minutes. Spoon off and discard the fat in the skillet. 3. Add baby spinach, and toss until wilted. Stir in marinara sauce and heavy cream. Bring to a simmer. 4. Stir in pasta and reserved cooking liquid. Toss to combine. Sprinkle with cheese, if using. NUTRITION PER SERVING
635 calories; 21g protein; 30g fat (11g sat. fat); 72g carbs; 6g fiber; 8g sugar; 5mg iron; 80mg calcium; 865mg sodium
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F R O M PAG E 1 5 5
Sheet Pan Chicken Drumsticks Active Time 35 minutes Total Time 1 hour Makes 4 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 1 15-oz. can chickpeas, rinsed and drained 1 cup packed stemmed and chopped Tuscan kale leaves ½ cup chopped onion 3 Tbs. olive oil, divided 4 garlic cloves, peeled and smashed 2 Tbs. fresh lemon juice, divided, plus lemon wedges, for serving ¾ tsp. kosher salt, divided ½ tsp. black pepper, divided 8 4-oz. chicken drumsticks 1 tsp. smoked paprika ½ tsp. garlic powder 2 cups cooked quinoa (about ⅔ cup dry) Butter, to taste MAKE IT
1. Preheat oven to 500°F. Line a 15x10x1-in. sheet pan with aluminum foil. Place chickpeas, kale, onion, 2 Tbs. olive oil, garlic cloves, 1 Tbs. lemon juice, and ¼ tsp. each salt and pepper on the prepared pan. Toss to coat.
PROP STYLING BY CARLA GONZALEZ-HART. FOOD STYLING BY SIMON ANDREWS.
2. Combine drumsticks, remaining 1 Tbs. olive oil, paprika, garlic powder, and remaining ½ tsp. salt and ¼ tsp. pepper in a bowl. Toss to coat. Arrange chicken over vegetables. Roast 15 minutes. 3. Transfer chicken to a plate and stir vegetables. Rearrange chicken back on top of vegetables. Roast about 15 minutes more, until chicken reaches an internal temperature of 170°F. 4. Drizzle with remaining 1 Tbs. lemon juice. Transfer chicken and vegetables to plates, along with lemon wedges. Serve with quinoa topped with butter. NUTRITION PER SERVING
467 calories; 23g protein; 24g fat (6g sat. fat); 39g carbs; 7g fiber; 5g sugar; 3mg iron; 85mg calcium; 667mg sodium
Quinoa Pizza Burgers Active Time 1 hour Total Time 1 hour Makes 4 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 6 cups broccoli florets ¼ cup olive oil, divided ½ tsp. kosher salt, divided ½ tsp. black pepper, divided 1 15-oz. can reduced-sodium cannellini beans, rinsed and drained 1½ cups cooked quinoa (½ cup dry) 1 large egg, lightly beaten 1 garlic clove, minced 1 tsp. Italian seasoning 4 thin slices fresh mozzarella cheese
4 whole-grain hamburger buns ¼ cup marinara sauce, gently warmed MAKE IT
1. Preheat oven to 425°F. Toss broccoli with 2 Tbs. olive oil and ¼ tsp. each salt and pepper on a large baking sheet. Roast, stirring once, until browned and crispy around the edges, about 20 minutes. 2. Meanwhile, mash beans in a large bowl until nearly smooth. Stir in quinoa, egg, garlic, Italian seasoning, and remaining ¼ tsp. each salt and pepper. Shape the bean-quinoa mixture into 4 patties.
3. Heat remaining 2 Tbs. olive oil over medium in a large nonstick skillet. Add patties and cook, gently flipping about halfway through, until lightly browned on both sides, about 10 minutes. Top each burger with a slice of cheese. Cover the skillet and remove from heat. Let stand until cheese is melted. 4. Place the patties in buns and spoon about 1 Tbs. marinara sauce on top of each. Serve with the roasted broccoli on the side. NUTRITION PER SERVING
542 calories; 23g protein; 23g fat (6g sat. fat); 61g carbs; 11g fiber; 7g sugar; 6mg iron; 362mg calcium; 824mg sodium
Breast milk-inspired nutrition
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Ages + Stages ADVICE AS YOUR CHILD GROWS
Know that episiotomies are rare. P R E G N A N CY
HOW TO
Ease Your Labor Fears by A D R I E N N E FA R R
Understand the facts.
As an expectant mom (especially if it’s your first time), you may hear plenty of heroic labor stories from well-intentioned parents, and some of them may frighten you. That might send you straight to the Google monster to start doing some research, which could end up stoking any fears you have. Knowing the facts about the “scarier” procedures that some women face during labor can go a long way to alleviating your concerns. Try not to worry about a cesarean.
Vaginal births are considered the first choice because they present fewer complications for moms and their babies. But abdominal surgery may be the safest option if you’ve had one previously, you’ve had other uterine surgeries, or your baby is breech (their bottom is facing the birth canal). Your obstetrician may also call for a C-section if your baby is showing signs of distress or your labor isn’t progressing, despite adequate time. Keep in mind that a C-section is one of the most common surgeries performed. Rest assured, it is the right option for those who need one.
Get More Age-Specific Tips Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to subscribe to our daily newsletter.
An episiotomy is a procedure in which a doctor or a midwife cuts the perineal tissue (between the vaginal opening and the anus) to facilitate the baby’s birth. This tissue commonly tears on its own during birth (fear not; most moms don’t feel it when it happens). Decades ago, doctors believed that making a cut would prevent excessive tearing and make it easier to heal. But subsequent research has shown that there is no benefit to an episiotomy, and that it may actually cause unnecessary trauma to the perineum, especially since the tear may be smaller if it happens naturally. Therefore, episiotomies have fallen out of practice and are now done only in an emergency situation or extenuating circumstances. Prepare yourself to be induced.
Bringing on labor is safe and effective and can be recommended for a variety of medical reasons, including if you are well past your due date or have a medical condition that makes continuing a pregnancy dangerous. Depending on how dilated and effaced your cervix is at the time of induction, your doctor may start with a drug called Pitocin right away. Additionally, a small balloon catheter, called a Foley bulb, may be used depending on your individual situation and examination. If you’ve reached your 39th week of pregnancy, an induction can also be scheduled at your request. Welcome pain relief.
An epidural is a type of regional anesthesia that is not risky for a baby or associated with a longer labor, as you may have heard. An anesthesiologist places a small catheter into a space in the spinal column, and the medicine helps numb pain from the waist down. If you’re afraid of needles, don’t worry; you probably won’t see it. Plus, the option to ease your contractions might outweigh any anxiety you have about being pricked. And once the epidural has been started, you’ll typically be
given a button that you can press to increase the meds at will. Know that you will work closely with your anesthesiologist and birthing team when you are ready to start pushing. If you feel you are too numb to push, your epidural can be turned down. Oftentimes, patients have no problem pushing, even if they cannot feel their contractions. Sources: Tamandra Morgan, M.D., an ob-gyn and resident physician at the University of California, San Francisco; Parents advisor Marta Perez, M.D., assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology and laborist at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis.
0 –12 MONTHS
HOW TO
Introduce Solids by J E N N I F E R R A I N E Y M A R Q U E Z
Wait for the right time.
If you’re breastfeeding your little one, the American Academy of Pediatrics advises this to be your baby’s sole source of nutrition until they’re 6 months old. However, if your baby is formula fed, they may be ready for solids between 4 and 6 months. Some signs include your child being strong enough to hold their head and torso up or the beginning of their ability to make chewing motions. You may see signs of the extrusion reflex (the tongue pushing food out of the mouth) if you offer solids too soon. Starting too early will increase your baby’s risk of choking, or possibly developing type 1 diabetes, obesity, and celiac disease later in life. Invite your baby to dinner.
Starting solids will go a lot more smoothly if your baby is actually excited about eating. Pull their high chair up to the
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A G E S + S TA G E S
table during meals so they can watch you eat. If your baby reaches for your food, stares at you, or even mimics you by opening their mouth when you open yours, they just might be ready to take their first bites.
Sources: Amal Assa’ad, M.D., professor of pediatrics at the University of Cincinnati; Vivian Lennon, M.D., medical director for primary-care services at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta; Scott Sicherer, M.D., professor of pediatrics and director of the Eliot and Roslyn Jaffe Food Allergy Institute at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, in New York City.
Dazzle their taste buds.
Many parents choose to try a singlegrain cereal first, and vegetables are always a nutritious choice. But you can start with whatever you want—even pureed meat. Once your baby has begun eating purees, gradually increase the chunkiness of the foods you offer. Eventually, your little one will be ready for finger foods—usually at around 8 to 12 months, when they’ll be acclimated to different textures and will have developed the fine motor skills to pick up bits of food and place them in their mouth. If your family loves dishes like gumbo or Indian dal, go ahead and serve them to your baby too. After all, if you’re nursing, your breast milk already incorporates some of the flavors of the foods you eat. And exposing your baby to a broad array of foods now could help prevent them from becoming a picky eater later. Stay up-to-date on food-allergy info.
Old guidelines used to recommend that families with food allergies avoid feeding their baby certain foods—including fish, eggs, dairy, and peanuts—during the first year. But those recommendations were revoked due to a lack of evidence. Instead, research suggests that introducing your child early to common allergens may help build up their immunity. For babies as young as 6 months and in age-appropriate amounts, start introducing foods into your child’s diet that are known to cause allergies. To be safe, wait at least two or three days before introducing each new food. That way, if your baby does have an allergic reaction, you’ll know which item is the culprit. Most babies’ initial reactions are mild—it’s very rare for them to have a severe reaction after a single exposure. Warning signs include a mild rash, increased spitting up, and diarrhea or bloody stool. If you think your baby may have a food allergy, be sure to tell your pediatrician right away.
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1 –2 Y E A R S
HOW TO
Encourage Them to Share by L E S L I E G A R I S T O P FA F F
Make it part of daily life.
Find opportunities to show your child what sharing means. If you’re having a snack, offer some. Use words to reinforce the message: “Would you like to share my string cheese?” When your child is eating a banana, ask if you can have a bite. You can also help connect the concept of sharing with good, positive feelings. For instance, you can say, “I’m so glad you’re sharing your sandbox toys with me. Playing together is so much fun.”
them or wrestling a toy away and giving it to a playmate won’t convince your child to be generous in the future. In fact, it may have the opposite effect and make them cling to possessions even more tightly. Unless your child is physically aggressive, see whether they and their pal can work it out themselves. If not, redirect their attention to a different activity. Praise their progress.
Kids this age frequently engage in “protosharing”—letting someone else look at a possession while maintaining a firm grip. When you notice your child doing this, praise them (“Wow, it was very nice of you to show your tiger to Emma!”). Then encourage their friend to reciprocate: “Emma, do you have a toy you’d like to show Sophie?” If your toddler learns that showing things to others can be fun for all, it will help them develop true generosity down the road. Sources: Daniel Bober, D.O., assistant clinical professor at Yale Child Study Center and child and adolescent psychiatrist in Hollywood, Florida; Richard Dauber, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and director of Morris Psychological Group, in Parsippany, New Jersey; Susanne Ayers Denham, Ph.D., professor emeritus of developmental psychology at George Mason University, in Fairfax, Virginia; Heather Shumaker, author of It’s OK Not to Share … and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent and Compassionate Kids.
Help them get the hang of it.
Toddlers don’t yet understand that letting someone else use a toy doesn’t mean saying goodbye to it forever. Demonstrate that sharing is a temporary thing by practicing trading items with them. Pull out two trucks and explain to your child that each of you will play with one for a while and then switch. Once your toddler is comfortable swapping with you, see if they’ll do the same thing on a playdate. If they resist, ask if their friend can see the toy when they’re done. But if your toddler has a few treasured possessions that they simply won’t part with, stash them away when other kids are around. Say, “We’re going to put these away because they are your special toys.” While it doesn’t encourage sharing, it will keep the peace. Don’t force it.
It’s very normal to have a difficult time sharing at this age, but understand that your child isn’t being “bad.” Reprimanding
3–4 YEARS
HOW TO
Appreciate Their New Skills by I L I S A C O H E N
Enjoy convos together.
Kids’ verbal skills start to take off around age 3, so your preschooler will begin to speak in complete sentences, be better able to describe their feelings, answer questions more appropriately, use new words, and say things that are truly (and even intentionally) funny. And rather than merely repeating phrases they hear, they’ll begin to
Have a routine.
demonstrate a deeper understanding of how the world works. 5–6 YEARS
See how they’re hands-on.
Fine motor skills are developing rapidly at this age. Three-to-4-year-olds can usually manage buttoning their clothes, washing their hands, and using a spoon, though they may still need some help. Your child should be able to pick up their toys, put clothes in the hamper, and even clear dishes from the dinner table. They might not do it perfectly, but they can definitely be helpful and make your life a little bit easier. Marvel at their mind.
Kids this age are constantly asking questions and soaking up information. The “why, why, why” phase that commonly occurs now is their way of building a knowledge base and learning about their world. They’ll even grasp facts and details that might catch you by surprise. Your kid will also start to learn the names of shapes, colors, and letters, and might even recognize their own name on a birthday card or be able to read “STOP” on a stop sign on the way home. Watch them wave goodbye.
Separating more easily from you is often another benefit of this age. Your child will become more comfortable being away from you (sniff ... hooray!). That’s probably related to the fact that they are beginning to understand abstract concepts like time. When they realize you’ll be back soon, your kid will be able to say goodbye more easily, and you may feel a little less guilty about leaving . Take pride in their kindness.
Preschoolers will often start to identify their own emotions and pick up on other people’s feelings. That makes them more empathetic. They may go up to a friend who looks sad and ask, “Why are you crying?” or offer an “I’m sorry” if you look exasperated about the spilled milk on the floor. Although still a work in progress, they’re well on their way. Sources: Mike Assel, Ph.D., clinical professor of pediatrics in the Children’s Learning Institute at The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston; Laura Stout Sosinsky, Ph.D., assistant professor, department of psychology, Fordham University, in the Bronx, New York.
HOW TO
Teach Them to Bathe by J E N N A W I R T H
Follow safety precautions.
Children this age are often looking to gain more independence, so don’t be surprised if your child suddenly says, “I can do it myself!” during bathtime. Letting them bathe themselves is fine, but there are some precautions you’ll need to take. Always make sure you’re within earshot of your child (if not in the same room), and check on them often. To avoid any slipping, you should place slip-proof mats inside the tub, and use a skid-proof mat just outside the tub. Teach them not to stand or jump around and to ask for help getting out of the bath. Knowing your child’s abilities and level of developmental maturation is also important, as some children may require an adult’s full-time presence while bathing until they’re closer to 10 years old. Encourage showers.
One way to transition kids to washing on their own is to switch to showering. At this age, they should be able to stand in the shower with you or your partner close by, allowing them to be alone in a setting that is safer than a tub full of water. Plus, because they’re standing instead of sitting, there is less incentive to play and it’s easier to rinse clean more quickly. Prep the bathroom.
Keep all the necessary items (soap, a washcloth, shampoo, and conditioner) within easy reach during baths or showers. These things can stay in the tub or be organized into a mesh bag or plastic bucket for easy removal. You should also have a dry towel ready. Place it on a low hook or rack, on top of a closed toilet, or on the floor.
Everyone has their own bathing habits. Although there are no real rules, teaching your child to wash from head to toe will help them keep the clean areas soap-free after they’ve been washed. Encouraging them to stick to a routine will also make it easier not to forget a spot. When they’re in the bath, teach them to wash their hair (you may have to assist!) at the very end so they’re not sitting in a tub of shampoo-filled water. Be a team.
Children develop independence at different times, so if they’re struggling to grasp the finer points of bathing or aren’t into it at first, rest assured that they will be as they get older. Until then, you can do the more difficult parts, like shampooing, and have your child do the easier tasks. You can also give them responsibilities while you stay around to help. For example, have them wash their arms and legs on their own, and then check to be sure all the soap is rinsed off. Demonstrate each step first, then ask your child to repeat it. Their bathing skills will improve, and even though you’re still required to be present, you can take a much-needed break. And if your child still needs some encouragement, consider tub toys and their favorite character towels to make the process more fun and low stress. Sources: Parents advisor Ari Brown, M.D., a pediatrician in Austin, Texas, and author of Baby 411 and Toddler 411; Parents advisor Jennifer Shu, M.D., a pediatrician in Atlanta and medical editor of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ website, HealthyChildren.org.
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GIGGLES My son told me, “Just so you know, I’m gonna be a real handful when I’m a teenager, so good luck!”
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2021
I asked if we should do something different for my daughter’s birthday this year instead of a party in the backyard. She said, “Yeah, we could have it in the front yard!” Jacquelyn Schranz Seward, NE
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