Technological Memoir
Our relationship began around the summer before Junior High School. My older sister introduced us to each other and helped me get acquainted with how everything worked. She made me an email address, an AIM screenname, and a Neopets account. It was my first relationship so I was a bit shy and hesitant at first. I’ve heard of summer flings before from movies and hoped he did not consider our relationship to be one of them. In every story, the girl always becomes attached and the boy only uses her for his own entertainment. I promised myself that I would not fall too hard for him and become one of those heart broken girls. Despite my promise to myself, I quickly felt myself becoming more in need of him. He was funny, entertaining and always knew how to make me happy. Most importantly, I felt very comfortable around him. He did not care how I looked like or what I was wearing. I felt that he truly liked me for who I was. From what I thought would end up to be only a summer fling, ended up being an extremely long and complicated relationship. He showed me new things everyday, ranging from Neopets to Xanga at first. Later, Myspace, Runscape and Maple Story were introduced. There was so much to be discovered and it made me feel overwhelmed. With only twenty-four hours in a day, there was not enough time for him to show me everything. I could talk to friends online, play games, watch movies and he was always there besides me doing anything I wanted. We had fun doing almost anything. I could talk to other boys online and he never got jealous. He also wasn’t bossy when choosing what to do on our dates. I liked being in charge with planning things out and he gladly allowed me to do so. Our relationship, as serious as it was, never went public. We both agreed that we did not like labels and that we would see where things took us. We often got asked if it was official but we would just look at each other with a smiley. There was no need for us to explain ourselves to them. Sometimes people misunderstood our actions for something else. Because
we were so close, our conversations and pictures were misinterpreted by others. “Many people aren’t worried about false information posted by others – they’re worried about true information they’ve posted about themselves when it is taken out of context or given undue weight” NYT article The Web Means the End of Forgetting. The real danger occurred once he moved into my room. There was no sleep at first; just fun and games. I took awhile for me to realize that we were becoming too close and things had to slow down. I wasn’t ready to be in such a committed relationship. Teenage relationships can almost guarantee someone getting hurt. Despite all my fears about becoming committed to one another, I let it happen anyways. I felt pressured by him to get serious. Our times together were mainly all good, but at night when I got tired, he wouldn’t let me sleep. It only got worse from there. He followed me everywhere as I got older and my cell phone became more high-tech. I received messages from him constantly. If I didn’t answer right away, he would keep sending more and more. If I ran out of battery, things got messy. I would get home, charge my phone, and get tons of messages all from him demanding an answer. He always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing at all times. Sometimes when I wanted to take a break, he would get upset and spazz out on me. He could not accept the fact that I just need some space. I was aware that guys could be clingy and controlling but I never understood to what extent it could be taken to. My parents always told me I wasn’t allowed to be in a relationship until I was in college. The main reason was so that I could focus on school. I didn’t care to follow their rules and we maintained our relationship for a couple a years and counting. I do agree that having him in my life, has affected my grades. Sometimes he will not let me finish my homework on time or allow me to study for tests. He can always leave me distracted for hours. Sometimes he makes me neglect prior engagements just so we can spend time together. Without him, I felt empty and uninterested in anything. “The stimulation provokes excitement- a dopamine squirt- that researchers say can be addictive. In this absence, people feel bored.” NYT article Attached to
Technology and Paying a Price. From our years together, we learned that every relationship needs some compromising from both sides in order to make things work. He made me realize that my schoolwork should come first and that we will always have time later to hang out with each other. He promised me that he’ll be there waiting for when I am fully ready to commit.