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The Ultimate Conscious Cultural Creator‌ Mary Ann Thompson-Frenk HOPE, the Best Thing that Ever Happened to Mankind says Jane Mwangi
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LET'S STOP HUNGER AND FULLFILL HAPPINESS
OUR STORY Since 2009, we have volunteered in Dallas Fort Worth (DFW) homeless shelters, serving the homeless on the streets with food and clothing; helping organize and participate in health fairs for the under-served communities, delivering meals on wheels. What we saw and experienced led to a passion for helping the homeless in our communities and the founding of ICare Operation in 2015. While serving as volunteers, we observed the needs of the homeless were food and water. Besides that there is a constant request for a clean pair of socks. These became the major focus of ICare Operation and today we regularly provide these items to those in need. But we need your help! Whether you
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Publisher & Editor femme = femme, sister = sister Robin & Becca These days, as spring welcomes in summer, are for relaxing, enjoying the sunshine and fresh air, cooking out and eating lighter. We want to look fashionable but yet be comfortable. It’s a good time to look refreshed and healthy‐‐‐a reflection of taking care of ourselves inside and out! We are excited to showcase a new feature, WOMEN ON FIRE: a series about dynamic ladies who are blazing new paths globally and who will totally inspire you. Our first woman of exception is Mary Ann Thompson‐Frenk and Becca Menig’s portrait of this brilliant and talented woman will mesmerize you, and we hope, spark a fire in the passions that speak to you. The May‐June Health, Beauty and Fashion 2016 issue is packed with expert advice on caring for yourself and those around you; doing good deeds for the body and soul. Dr. Donna Barsky explains the important signs of melanoma and Phoenix Sagen shares her experience fighting it. Dr. Kathryn White offers a Breast Cancer Risk Assessment, so important and worthy of our attention. Have you heard about Hope’s Seed? Mothers speak frankly and from the heart, about their experiences raising medically challenged children. They offer us truthful, sometimes painful insight into their days, and we are the lucky readers who get to see the smiling faces of some of these kids. Another great organization you will have a chance to learn about is the Strength in Beauty Foundation which is changing the self‐esteem of many brave young children. Local entrepreneurs offer reflections on the beauty of business and how important self‐ reflection is for growing a successful brand while maintaining balance for yourself. There is beauty all around! Deborah Ricci tells us what is in style this season and shows us current fashion trends. Fire up your passions, share, and enjoy the best and healthiest you. Robin & Becca 7
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Mary Ann Thompson‐Frenk, Consciously Shaping Our World By Becca Menig
Thompson‐Frenk at the United Nations
Once upon a time, a baby girl was born on Mother’s Day, at 7:11 a.m. Five days later, she was adopted by Mr. and Mrs. John Philp Thompson. Thompson was the eldest son of the founder, Joe C. Thompson, and at the time was the CEO of the Southland Corporation, commonly known as 7‐Eleven. Instrumental in Mary Ann Thompson‐Frenk’s adoption, was Father William B. Wasson, who founded an orphanage near the Mexican town where the Thompson house, referred to as Casa Thompson, was built by her grandparents. When a polio epidemic hit Dallas, her grandparents were invited by friends to seek refuge in their home just outside Mexico City. As the polio threat
moved closer, they all escaped to their friends’ ranch located even farther out from the city. There, her grandparents fell in love with the people and the culture and decided that when they could, they would return and build a home of their own. “The story that we’re told today,” says Thompson‐Frenk, is that the grandparents drove and drove looking at land, her grandmother exclaiming, “Further, further,” until finally her grandfather stopped when they were in the middle of nowhere and said, “I’m not going any further.” There was a big, flat rock on a hill and he said, “That is as far as we’re going, and you can choose any piece of land that’s for sale out here, except 12
that rock.” “So of course,” she explains, “my grandmother said, ‘I want the rock,’ and so that rock is where we built Casa Thompson. At the time, the only thing in that area was a monastery and my grandparents were very social people and they always loved having people over for dinner, so that meant, they had a lot of monks for dinner! One of the monks was Fr. Wasson and he spent a lot of time with my grandfather and my dad. They quickly became very, very close friends and they influenced each other’s lives greatly.” The younger Thompsons had tried to adopt, but with little notice had been denied adoption of twins because they were of a different race. Grandmother Thompson suggested they reach out to Fr. Wasson, which they did, and when this baby girl was born that day and time, Fr. Wasson said, “I think God has other plans for you.” John Thompson made a pointed decision to raise this second daughter like he raised his sons. Thompson‐Frenk recalls sitting in his office when he had meetings, her father instructing, “Don’t say anything. Observe. I’m going to quiz you later.” “When they would leave,” she says he would ask, “Who had something to offer that they didn’t put on the table? Who was lying? Who was nervous?” Her father taught her how to read body language, how to take command of a room by the way she entered, how to stand, to articulate. “It was a different kind of education, but he said this is what men have taught their sons forever.”
The teacher‐student role reversed one day when, in fourth grade, she was looking at her father’s stack of business papers‐‐his homework as she thought of them‐‐and in one column were countries listed, in another were amounts of money ranging from fifteen cents to twenty‐five dollars. “What is this about?” she asked. He explained that the shareholders wanted to manufacture something but they didn’t want to do it for more than seven dollars and fifty cents. His daughter said, “Well then, go to the people asking for the least at fifteen cents and then give them the seven dollars and fifty cents you already have approved; you change everyone’s life and you’ve done something good and your shareholders are happy too.” Just after, her father got on his knees, close to her so they made eye contact, and he said,
“Thank you for reminding me what my job in this world is.” Thompson‐Frenk’s childhood visions for globalization grew with her, and she is today, the Co‐founder/President of the Memnosyne Institute in Dallas, Texas. “The mission of the Memnosyne Institute is to help the diverse people of the world consciously encourage an evolution for themselves and for future generations by providing humanity with the means to encourage positive, peaceful global collaboration in seven main areas of knowledge.”
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Global and Local Outreach
than ever, we are creating that world. It’s really not a choice of whether you want to do it or not. You’re doing it by being alive in this time. The question becomes, ‘Are you going to create the world around you consciously or unconsciously?’” That question and others are put to the young people of the world by the Nexus Global Youth Summit. Nexus is an international organization of millennial philanthropists, soon to inherit the majority of the world’s wealth. Thompson‐Frenk says, “A humanitarian has to be a conscious capitalist as well as a philanthropist. You can’t make your money hurting people. How you’re making money has to be as important as how you donate it.” Mary Ann Thompson‐Frenk’s story, from birth to this day, may seem to some like a fairytale come true. “I had nothing to do with having the opportunity that it gave me. It’s not earned,” she says. Many people beg to differ. As a steward of a fortune, determined to do and promote only good, she holds the rest of us up to high but achievable standards. “To be given this opportunity means the opportunity for an education, the opportunity to meet and fall in love with my husband, the opportunity for all the different things that helped create my life, respective. All of these things came about because of one moment. It creates a great deal of gratitude.”
Interfaith Inquiry & Innovations Indigent Cultures Spirituality Art Health & Medicine Environment, Science, Economics & Technology As people, we focus on different issues and interests, with wealths of information to be shared. One exercise Thompson‐Frenk offers, to help people understand how we connect, is demonstrated with a ball of yarn. She asks who is concerned with environmental issues and hands go up so the yarn is passed with each person holding on as it passes. But that we can’t talk about environmental issues without talking about economics raises more hands and the yarn continues to go around. Economics are influenced by human rights issues and human rights issues can break down into diversity concerns such as gender, and then there are faith issues and more. The human graph of yarn has, in the end, visibly shown how connected each issue is to another and how our approach needs to be viewed as such in order for strategic solutions to be viable. “It’s a very exciting time where we get to consciously shape our world the way we want it. To me, one of the best ways to serve humanity is to try and help all people become Conscious Cultural Creators. How we buy something, how we interact, the decisions we make on a daily basis, are building the culture around us. Now, more
Becca Menig, Editor of femmes INTERNATIONAL Magazine, is a freelance writer and author of http://from3906.blogspot.com/
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The Dream
Mary Ann Thompson had, since she was a little girl, recurring dreams of being in a place resembling a campus. There was a building for science, a building for different religions, a building for art, a building for every area of knowledge. “This vision was so vividly real and I kept having it from the time I was five years old through my whole life,” she explains. One day, when she was a young adult, she asked her father why she kept having this dream and he suggested that she pray on it, and ask for an answer. So, that night she did, and she had the same dream except this time, in addition, there was a barrel of water and a little boy playing with a paper boat in the water. When the boy looked up, she saw it was her father at that age. Barely awake from this dream, there was a knock on her door. It was her business partner who had just returned from a morning excursion. Wanting to see an archeological site, he had been taken to Xochicalco. Extremely excited, he began to tell her about the place. “Mary, you won’t believe it. They had a pyramid for science, they had a pyramid for art, and they had a pyramid for all these different religions! And, I don’t know why I’m telling you this--because it is the least important thing of all the things—but there was this little barrel of water and there was a boy playing with a paper boat in it.” “So, I drove out there!” Thompson-Frenk says.
Mary Ann Thompson-Frenk’s vision of a place for shared knowledge, has transformed into a Memnosyne Institute, long-term project. Read about the web-based Campus for Humanity Project and the projections for the Dallas Virtual Campus on the website memnosyneinstitute.org.
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You are never too old to set another goal or to Dream a New Dream. C.S. Lewis
I am
Living the Dream @Melindadreaming
“I hope. Because hope is probably the best thing that ever happened to mankind.” Jane Mwangi By Robin Roberson
Every now and then you are blessed to meet someone who inspires you to be the best person you can be, to offer a kind word or act for no reason other than you should, to understand that life is about sharing and caring. In this fast paced, materialistic world we live in, it is easy to forget the real meaning of what is truly important. I met such a person, Jane Mwangi, who traveled across the planet to gain back the life that she was robbed of, one fateful night. She is amazing in her determination to go forward, telling her now paralyzed legs to move, to walk, and to be ready to dance at her wedding. In her heart she knows this will happen. With determination, love of family and friends, and the kindness of strangers, I know she will too! Her story is one of faith, hope and inspiration. Walking home after church one evening in May of 2015, Jane Mwangi’s life took a turn she never expected. She had just completed her masters in communications studies at the Communication University of China, returned home to Kenya, and was excited about a bright future. But on this night, in the blink of an eye, her world was changed forever when three men accosted her, robbed, and shot her. They took her purse with valuables and asked for her M-Pesa PIN, which is the equivalent of an ATM card. When asked, scared and dumbfounded, she mumbled her four-digit bank code to the thugs, but one of them was not satisfied, and to prove it, drew his gun and shot her. Now a year later, her dreams of a bright future are delayed as she fights to walk again, paralyzed by that single bullet to the chest. "I remember the day very well. It was a bright Thursday, and the sun had pushed away the dark of the night quite early in the morning. May 28, 2015. Bright and promising. Not even the threat of a cloud anywhere in the horizon. Nothing could go bad. Yes, I remember the day very well. That bright morning made me feel quite upbeat. You know that saying about ‘feeling under the weather,’ though? I think there are some days when it acquires a literal meaning, days when the elements plot the trajectories of the day for us. They had done just that for me on May 28, 2015, only this time I did not feel under the weather, but over the moon. It was a bright Thursday. I remember very well. I had just come back home from China, had a meeting a friend, and then attended an evening church service at Hotel 680 in Nairobi’s central business district.
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The service over, I started the short journey home. It was around 9:30 pm when I alighted from the bus. While the morning had been bright, the evening was the exact opposite; so dark you could feel the darkness caress your cheeks. No moon in the sky, the stars so far away to make any significant impact, and no electric power as this part of the city was experiencing yet another one of its many power blackouts. There was an ominous feeling about this evening in Kariobangi, but I had stepped out of the matatu, and had to walk the few metres to my house at Civil Servants quarters. I had grown up here, and so I knew the place well. For some reason, maybe the familiarity that comes with it, or the au fait feeling that growing up in a place gives you, my heart never skipped a beat as I started walking to our doorstep. Then I saw them: two men, silhouetted in the dark. Even though I could not see their eyes, I was sure they were observing me. Instinctively, I turned around to scour the surroundings. Another figure was looming behind me. I had been cornered. Oh my God! The clear outline of a gun protruded menacingly from one of the silhouettes in front of me. Of the three, only the one with a gun was hooded. As the distance between me and them grew shorter and shorter by the second, I noticed, also, that the armed man was the jumpiest of the three. They stopped me in my tracks and the armed man asked for my mobile phone, handbag and M-Pesa PIN. I heard the orders, but my motor senses had gone numb on me, and so I just stared ahead, into nothingness, into the empty, dark abyss that lay in front of me. And then I snapped out of that momentary loss of my senses and handed my handbag and mobile phone to the thugs. However, at the moment when I most needed to remember my M-Pesa PIN, I could not. The armed man threatened to shoot me if I didn’t give him the PIN, and that made the situation even worse as I started trembling. He was in a particularly foul mood. The other two seemed composed, somehow in control of themselves, but their leader had a foul mouth and a pretty short fuse. I blurted out some digits and waited for them to disappear into the dark Kariobangi night. But they didn’t. Instead, and without as much as uttering a word, or a warning, the man with the gun lifted it, pointed it at me, cocked it and, with the casualness of a soldier in a particularly hostile territory, pulled the trigger. The impact of the bullet lifted me off my feet and send me flying in the air before collapsing me in a heap. The bullet had ripped through the right side of my chest and exploded out through the thoracic spinal cord. As the world around me turned into a dark, ominous cloud, I saw the man with the gun walk towards me, gun still in hand. He then stepped on my chest with his heavy boots and, again, asked for my M-Pesa PIN. I opened my mouth to tell him something, and then immediately went into a sleep so deep, so peaceful I couldn’t care less whether he was holding a toy pistol in his hands or a machine gun. I blacked out.
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The rest of what I am going to tell you, therefore, is not first-hand information, but what I have since gathered from different sources. A neighbor who heard the gunshot rushed to the scene and found me lying on the ground, immobile and bleeding profusely. The thugs had vanished. He rushed to my parents, who in turn rushed me to the nearby Metropolitan Hospital in Buru Buru, from where I was transferred to Kenyatta National Hospital (KNH).” Jane was stabilized but remained on a gurney for 16 hours before a doctor attended her. He drilled a hole near her rib cage and drained blood that had collected there as a result of internal bleeding. Immediately after the procedure, her parents transferred Jane to Coptic Hospital, where she was admitted to the Intensive Care Unit. On the second day, a neurosurgeon operated on her spine, without success of movement. The seemingly simple things that she could do before, like sitting up in bed or putting on a pair of slippers, became monumental tasks. Even though she had regained consciousness, she was still in a dire situation and states, “My hopes and the entirety of what remained of my life now lay in the hands of the doctors at Coptic Hospital.” And so the eternal waiting started.... Two days later, the final medical report was delivered to my bed: I had been paralyzed from the chest all the way to my legs.” “I’m sorry Jane,” the doctor advised, “but you will never walk again.” I turned my head and looked at him, then asked, “Doctor, don’t you believe in God?”
“Doctor, don’t you believe in God?”
In answer, he embarked on a long speech about how “these things” happen, how there are a lot of people going through the same transition Jane was facing, how she could still live a normal life, how she should not view a wheelchair as a limiter -- basically the good things that doctors are trained to tell patients in difficult situations. A month later she was discharged from the hospital. On arrival home, the reality that her body had really changed hit her. “I could not sit well, could not take care of myself, could barely leave the wheelchair, and was using a catheter, which made me susceptible to infections. A month later I was re-admitted to the hospital for a week, with a serious infection and a bedsore. Two weeks after discharge, the infection re-occurred and I was again treated at the hospital. Two months later, I suffered yet another infection and was taken to Jamaa Mission Hospital in Buru Buru. Doctors treated the infection while at the same time preparing me for yet another surgery to stop a bedsore wound that has developed just below the end of what remains of my spinal cord. The doctor at Coptic Hospital was right; life has really changed for me. While I was an able-bodied woman who travelled the world and had plans for a future as bright as the morning of the day I was shot, now I rely on other people to do the most mundane things for me. For instance, I could not even turn in bed, and so someone had to be on standby to turn me every two hours; Simple steps we perform every day, now mean the world to me. 19
As I spend my days limited in movement, I use the only thing that really means much to me: my brain. I focus on the good, like the fact that I can still reason, think, pray, or speak. I tell my parents, siblings, friends and those I speak to, whose lives were also changed and are really affected by my condition, to look at the brighter side of things because it is all we have now. All I care for. I believe I will walk again. My family sought a second opinion from a neurosurgeon who assessed me and said that if given intensive physiotherapy and rehabilitation in a specialized facility, my mobility could be restored. There is no such unit in Kenya as the National Spinal Injury Centre has a capacity of only 30 beds and lacks in equipment. Thus I sought treatment at a rehabilitation center that offered me hope and great care and Baylor Institute for Rehabilitation in Dallas was the one I chose.” Jane says she is the victim of what happens when a gun falls into the wrong hands. Many people across Kenya, and indeed across the world, find themselves in her situation, or worse, are killed by illegal firearms. A year after that man shot Jane, he is still free, roaming the streets and maybe shooting more people. Neither he nor his cohorts have been arrested and the police do not seem to be making much progress in the matter. Yet, she says, ” I am happy and humbled, though, to report that my friends have become my ‘army’. They have walked with me all along, sharing in the pain and the hope that I can indeed walk again.” Family and friends have mounted the vibrant #IstandwithJane and the #100,000pple100bob4Jane campaigns on Facebook, Twitter and other social media platforms within their networks and personal contacts, hoping to raise the $70,000 needed for the rehabilitation. Their campaigns have gone viral have gone viral reaching the diaspora where strangers unknown to her have set up a gofundme account to raise money for Jane’s treatment. “I am overwhelmed by the response,” she states. “It still gives me the hope that the world is still a good place. I know that I am not alone in this, only that I have a great support system. God uses people, He appeals to people’s compassionate hearts and that is how it has been for me. At the forefront of the #IstandwithJane and #100,000pple100bob4Jane campaigns is Daniel Nyutu, my boyfriend of five years. Daniel has stood by me through thick and thin. Though the incident shook him, he has held my hand all along and this has lifted my spirits. He has shown me that love really does conquer all. I have no medical insurance and I am still unemployed. It is the power of friendships that has paid my bills this far.
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The Jane Support Group on WhatsApp has given me the moral, material and spiritual support I desperately need, and this has strengthened not only me, but my family too. “In the horizon, I can see this dark night starting to ebb. The light has started streaming through the sky, and I know it is only a matter of time before the day becomes bright again for me, as bright as that Thursday morning in May this year.
I hope. Because hope is probably the best thing that ever happened to mankind.”
When I met this quietly eloquent young lady at Baylor Institute for Rehabilitation for this interview, and shed tears with her, I knew I was in the presence of a very, very special person. She is firm in her belief that she will walk again, but more importantly Jane knows in her heart that she has been extremely blessed throughout her life and she will continue to be blessed through this bump in the road. And I know she will be as well. Never have I met someone with such faith and trust that all will be as it should. If you meet Jane Mwangi you will feel exactly the same. When the interview was over, this beautiful lady said,
“You will feel, you will move, you will walk and you will dance at my wedding!”
This writer hopes she is invited to the wedding! Robin Roberson, Founder of femmes INTERNATIONAL & Publisher of femmes INTERNATIONAL Magazine.
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ww Hope in Love Ministries has devoted its energy to passionately advocating for the hungry, needy and politically under-represented members of our global family. We assist people by providing food, clothing and care packages. Our community is primary, but we also assist in our homeland of Kenya where the needs are great. Hunger isn't seasonal, which is why our regular meal and snack service at The Bridge & Austin Street Shelters is so important. And our personal care packages offer simple cleanliness dignity to the less fortunate. Devote an afternoon to serving and see first-hand the families we help daily. We work in partnership with you and/or your family to amplify the experience of philanthropy and ensure the greatest impact for the community. A partnership with Hope in Love can maximize tax benefits and ease the burden of administration, freeing you to focus on your charitable goals. Make a contribution!
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Beauty All Around You! By Melinda Cooper As we enjoy the changing of the weather, I look around my humble home and realize life is all about beauty. Yes, that is right: beauty of the tree bending with the wind or the magnificent flower allowing the soft wind to flow through the petals.
I get ready to revamp my business. I go to be with family and rejuvenate the love that stands so many times as my support, as I go through my business year. Yes, I sit and listen to what the ocean has to say. I hear the waves rolling in as they softly roll back out. I sit and watch as the force stirs up the ocean bottom while bringing newness at a moment notice to the top surface so that we can experience the power surrounding us. Just as in the song by Lee Ann Womack, “I Hope You Dance,� there is a certain magic in realizing you are small, when you stand beside the mighty ocean. Yet it brings you beauty that is so engulfing it becomes second nature, just as the trees within your own backyard.
I look also at many businesses, seeing the beauty from their very beginnings. Look at the various entrepreneurs who work in the world, spreading their beauty while helping others. They build, they create, they shift, and they grow simply as nature in their own realm. Pay close attention to the ins and outs of how business works: it goes like the natural flow of the ocean. In then out, it stirs from deep within while taking in the fullness of its surrounding, creating the life of the business to blossom and grow as others are ready to move forward.
Life is about the beauty you see within yourself as well as those around you. It is about the excitement of allowing others to shine around you while knowing it takes nothing from you. I am happy when I am able to capture the moment of someone’s smile, that special shine within their eyes letting us see their soul coming through. It is the excitement of sharing those moments of truth from within them whether it is happiness or a struggle. I find there is a beauty, in their process of growth and in watching them live to their next greater level from deep within their selves. Yes, life is all about beauty and how you see it within others.
Many entrepreneurs who begin small, grow into a bigger circle, collaborating with other entrepreneurs and building a space to nurture and support yet others. There are many entrepreneurs who begin their business as a helping hand to immediately nurture others to grow and spread their wings as quickly as possible. They become the music of blending different forces, different views, and different voices, together, in order to continue to grow. Yes just as in nature, entrepreneurs have a time for growth, a time for creating, and a time for accepting what has been brought to their table. I take a special trip at the beginning of every April, to Florida, to soak up the sun, the beach, and the magnificence of the mighty ocean, while
I am Living the Dream and gratefully seeing the beauty that is making my word spin in so many different directions. I ask you to reach out and share how you are living your dream, with us here at femmes INTERNATIONAL and Living the Dream Magazine.
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Are Your Knees Knockin’? By Susan Hamilton Ever get so scared you tremble? See yourself walking to the front of an unfriendly room to share bad news and possibly be recorded, shared on social media and ostracized? Yeah, it could happen to you. You saw it, didn’t you? You understood exactly how awful that would be, in just a sentence that created a picture AND an emotion in your mind. We have this habit of creating picture stories for ourselves. Without any way of knowing the outcome, we think that if we imagine the worst case scenario, we’ll be safer somehow. We use our imaginations to conjure up all the meddlesome details and things that could go wrong until we might actually talk ourselves out of that opportunity or strategy or relationship or next step. We do it all the time. We do it for our kids, our husbands, friends and coworkers. We do it not even realizing we do it. We do it in everyone’s ‘best interest’. But the future is unknown. Whether the awful sequence you imagine happens or not, the time you spent worrying about it was stolen from you. In truth, you have no way of knowing whether your worst case scenario OR the most incredible and amazing thing EVER would play out. Isn’t it weird how we gravitate to worry and doubt, and call that being careful? Isn’t it strange that people around us are so willing to pour water on our anticipation of an amazing experience, in the hopes that they keep us from getting our hopes up? Yeesh! I’ve so heard enough of that garbage. If either way, you have no idea what the outcome will be, how is it any worse to expect good things? And on top of that, your imagination happens to have a purpose. You create everything you experience first in your mind, and then through your words. You MUST have extreme vision because it evokes passion and fire that you do not have when you expect the worst. Passion keeps us in the game when it inevitably gets hard. Vision keeps us focused when every cell in our brain is looking for a way out. Stick-to-it-iv-ness, as my grandfather would call it, is something our culture lacks today. We’re too fluffy. We want to feel good throughout the process and we want everything we endeavor or consider embarking upon to make us ‘happy’.
But the reality is that if it doesn’t make you tremble, if it doesn’t make you a little - or a LOT - scared as hell, it will never grow you into who you need to be to manage success. Ever watch a plant coming out of the dirt? It will ALWAYS stretch to the sun. It knows what encourages its growth. Do you? Ask yourself, “If everything I ever wanted happened today, could I manage the volume? Could I manage the task force? Could I manage the record-keeping? Could I manage the celebrity?” Because odds are, you have a few steps to take before here becomes there. Change doesn’t feel good, friends. And we never stand still. We’re either growing or fading - nothing exists that’s just in-between. Whether you are moving forward, achieving your dreams one step at a time, or refusing to move and therefore dwindling - both feel like hell. Neither is pleasant. You think forward motion should feel great, but eventually you will shake and shiver as you are faced with the next step. You think your safety zone is better than facing your fears, but the truth is you’re suffering, and it’s lonely and dark and helpless. Both are painful, full of emotion, and horrifying. But you get to choose. Every time. Good or evil, abundance or loss, integrity or deception, great big dreams or a money-pit that never develops into anything useful for anyone. I’ve got news for ya. Your community needs a powerful, capable, influential, lucrative YOU. That will never happen without a major leap. It will feel like a fault line just broke, but it’s really a breaking free of all the things that held you back. Don’t freak out, keep going! Children, women, and men are hungry, abused, uneducated, untrained, in need of clothes and a place to live, and the solution lies not only in the beautiful hands of those who are willing to reach out physically in spite of their own circumstance, but the solution lies MAINLY in the ability of the business sector willing to shake a bit. More money = more time = everything necessary to solve the problems we face in our families, communities and organizations. When your knees knock, will you be willing to imagine that everything you need is available to you to conquer and solve? Will you be willing to imagine laughing at your screw ups so your attitude doesn’t alienate the people you love? Will you be willing to go forward, even if it hurts? Practice this: Look in the mirror. Square your shoulders. Raise your head. SMILE. Look yourself right in the eye and say, “TODAY, I am one step closer to the life I desire, to the purpose inside me, and I am capable of successfully addressing all I encounter. Today, I am not afraid to do something new, to stretch beyond my limitations and to raise the bar.”
And then remember to go encourage somebody else. It’s hard out there.
Susan Hamilton is the owner, host and editor of The OffBeat Business Show & Magazine 214-714-0495 or Susan@OffBeatBusiness.com
Thinking Like a CEO By Katherine L. Clausen
As business owners, we normally go into business because we are really good at something and we no longer want to do it for someone else. We want to do it for ourselves and our families. We want to be the boss. We hang out our sign and work really hard to be the best we can be in our chosen field. We become the doer, the technician - which is great and one way in which we make a name or build a reputation for our businesses.
ourselves this dream, and we want it. We want it badly. However, as any business owner knows, life gets busy, and the daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly tasks add up. They take priority. These tasks become our focus -- the phone calls, emails, customers, and the list keeps growing. Emergencies, a cause of major stress, must be taken care of right away, so are bumped up on our daily to do list, causing us to fall behind on the usual daily and weekly tasks. Our nights and weekends
As owners, we have a vision of what we eventually want our businesses to become in order to provide for ourselves and our family. Things like how large the business grows, the income it provides, the number of employees we have, the range of services and products we are able to offer and the lifestyle we are living. We have sold 29
become full trying to keep things on track and running smoothly. We are of the doer mindset. We have become the task master, as in we are the master of accomplishing tasks. Unfortunately, being a task master does not necessarily move us forward, towards the visions and dreams we have for our business.
from being your boss. We now need to become the Big Boss Woman, the CEO. We must make plans for what we want our business to become, that align with our dreams. Not only must we make plans, we have to act on those plans. Two things must happen. As the CEO, we must accept that we are responsible for making the plans and we must WRITE the plans down. Then we must take action every single week on those plans. No exceptions and no excuses. My challenge for all business owners: Take some time today. Consider your business. Dream about where you want it to be. Now, write both down. How far apart are they? Define one step you could take today that would move your business closer to that dream and then take the action needed to achieve that goal. See, we
In order for us to move our business forward we must shift our mindset. We must start thinking like a Chief Executive Officer (CEO). We must start thinking about our business as a whole, how we want to move and change things, and how to make our business worth more. Now, we might be thinking, “My business is small,” or “I am not running a corporation,” however, at some point, if we really want the business to grow, to be able to take nonworking vacations, to retire and have a business worth selling, we have to step out of the doer role and become the planner, the organizer, the marketer, and the big picture person. You know, the person that you fired
were just in the role of CEO. Not too bad is it? At Your Empowered Solutions, we support business owners in accomplishing goals, reducing stress, putting systems in place, leadership development, delegation, and the ability to take non-working vacations. Contact us at info@yourempoweredsolutions.com for a complementary Solution Session.
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Every business has a story.
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Janet Bernstein Content Strategist er" l l e t y r o t lS a t i g i D " A.K.A
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Breast Cancer Risk Assessment By Kathryn E. White, M.D.
All women are concerned about their risk of cancer and especially breast cancer. One out of eight women in the general population will develop breast cancer. Only about 510 percent of breast cancers are the inheritable type associated with the BRCA genes. Most breast cancers are sporadic and therefore 80 percent of women have little or no family history. There are some new testing options available however, which can help us identify those women at higher risk.
cancer, and Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry associated with breast or ovarian cancer in the same person. Having either of these mutations markedly increases the risk of cancer and it may be as high as 87 percent for breast cancer and 44 percent for ovarian cancer. This knowledge is extremely helpful in modifying the risk of developing either cancer as well as changing screening protocols for earlier detection. The large majority of women who develop breast cancer however have no significant risk factors. The challenge for physicians then is to figure out who these women are!
BRCA testing has been available for around 20 years and helps to identify those women with a genetic mutation which may cause not only breast, but also ovarian cancer. There are very specific guidelines on who is appropriate for testing and include: breast cancer diagnosed prior to or at age 50, history of ovarian cancer in yourself or close family relative, two unrelated breast cancers in the same person or family, male breast
There is some new testing now known as BREVAGen. This is a simple cheek swab which looks at your DNA for patterns that suggest an increased risk of breast cancer. This data is then combined with your clinical information which is obtained using the Gail Model. The Gail Model is another assessment which helps determine the risk 33
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for breast cancer. This involves a series of questions including the person’s age and race, age of menarche (menstrual onset), age of delivery of the first child, family history of breast cancer, personal history of breast biopsies and if atypia was present on pathology. The combination of this information gives an individual their five year as well as lifetime risk of developing breast cancer. Those women found to be at higher risk (>20-25% lifetime risk or >1.65% 5 year risk) can now be managed in a different fashion.
knowledge also allows management protocols.
HALO breast testing is another option which has been available for about eight years. This is essentially a “PAP test” for the breast. The device looks similar to a breast pump and takes about 5 minutes to perform in the office. Two suction cups are placed over the breast and gentle suction and massage are applied to try and elicit nipple aspirate fluid. This fluid can then be sent for analysis.
These different tests now give us much more information about an individual’s risk for developing breast cancer. This may allow your physician to recommend a different screening protocol but also allows for being more pro-active about other treatment options such as risk reduction surgery or chemoprevention with medications.
Approximately 50 percent of women will produce some nipple aspirate. The presence of atypia in the fluid confers a 4-5 times increased risk of breast cancer. This
for
different
Contact us today to inquire about this additional testing so you can really understand your risk. Options are available to lower your risk and enhance your screening. Knowledge is power!
Kathryn E. White M.D. is the owner of Azure Med Spa in Frisco, Texas www.azuremedspastonebriar.com 972-294-6992
Being Educated Made All the Difference for Me By Kristina Lehr
On Friday, September 25, 2015, 6:15 pm, I was driving home from an embroidery workshop, eager to get home to do some more embroidery when the phone rang. I’d had another breast biopsy on Wednesday and my surgeon’s nurse was calling with the results. “Kristina, you have Stage 1 Breast Cancer this time. We don’t have all the results yet but I didn’t want you to wait through the weekend. Can you meet with us at 6:00 Monday night?” I told her yes I could be there and she told me she didn’t want me to worry and then I hung up the phone – shocked that I wasn’t worried at all! I couldn’t believe how calm I was since I’d had a little meltdown on Wednesday after the biopsy. It was one of those days where everything that could go wrong did, and the biopsy just added to the stress.
waiting and keeping an eye on it, I definitely had the surgery! After that, I had a mammogram and sonogram every six months for the first three years and then once every year. In December of 2014, I was ready to celebrate five years of no incidence when I learned of a new spot and had another biopsy. It was yet another type of precancerous cell and I opted for surgery again. Fortunately, I have an amazing team of doctors who wanted me to get a breast MRI six months after the surgery. This team also fought the insurance company who did not want to pay for the test whose results lead to the biopsy which confirmed Stage 1 Breast Cancer. I am also thankful that I had several years to educate myself on tests and surgeries, so when I was told that I had two treatment options for my Stage 1 diagnosis, I knew right away that I would have a double mastectomy because I was unwilling to undergo 33 rounds of radiation. I then started educating myself on the different options for reconstruction and I am thankful that my breast surgeon works with a plastic surgeon who does the reconstruction the DAY OF the mastectomy! He told me, “You’ve already gone through the emotional turmoil of making the decision to remove your breasts. I want you to wake up feeling as normal as possible and your recovery will be so much shorter this way.”
I’m so blessed to have such amazing women in my life, and in a conversation with one of them, she said, “Kristina you’re just asking for trouble. Your last two biopsies have been precancerous and you had the surgery and dealt with it. Know that you are a strong woman and your family and friends will help you through whatever happens.” I hung up the phone that day and prayed for strength and peace, and I am so thankful He answered my prayer. During the 30 minute drive in heavy traffic, I called my family and some friends, but remained at peace. This had been a six-year journey that started with a precancerous spot on each breast. It was at the time a new study revealed there was no need for mammograms every year, and since some precancerous diagnoses did not result in cancer, surgery was not necessary. I thought it was interesting that those who were NOT personally dealing with my diagnosis, could so easily determine that the surgery was not necessary, so when given the choice of removing it or
It’s been six months since my surgery and while I’m still rebuilding my body after the surgery, I’m thankful that I’m not awaiting a second surgery. I’ve had such amazing support from my family and friends who traveled this journey with me and are still here to support and encourage me when I get frustrated that my 51 year old body doesn’t recover as quickly as I’d like. Kristina Lehr
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Dressing is a Piece of Cake! By Deborah Ricci
The comings and goings of fashion is, and will always be, a full-time job and not for the faint of heart either. And certainly, with all of its trending and weaving in and out of our periphery, it can be exhausting. So, with that said, I am going to take some of the work out of your fashion quandaries and bring you on a virtual shopping spree for what is on the bill of fare this season. Here we go! Jeans, jeans, and more jeans. The quintessential mode du jour, having never left their lofty status, still continues to be what calls us home. That worn-in favorite pair we defer to, and, the all the way up-town to find them, join forces with every kind of figure flattering look. Heading into a feminine version of a man’s world … a la Katherine Hepburn … wide-legged trousers. So many choices! Soft and flowy, crisp and tailored, paired with white shirts, cropped jackets, and brogues of course … a surefire way to strut your stuff at the office and beyond. Let’s hear it for color blocking, one of my favorite ways of dressing. So many different modes can be part of this unique and fun design element, be it various shades in the same color family or completely opposite and complementary, making it very unpredictable but exciting. We are also seeing a plethora of palettes in sherbet confections, even in the office, mixing and coordinating in harmony with one’s mood, strolling into the girly side of chic while donning pearls to match. So nostalgic! For those who just can’t get away from prints … choose the smaller or less dramatic, which focus on the details of the garment instead, allowing the print to come in second; a very acceptable daytime look, especially when paired with a more sedate partner. The safari trend never seems to be too far off, no matter what the season. Done with restraint, we can all take part in this exciting way of showing up. 39
Wait, are we cruising through the 80’s again? With all of these calf-length midi-skirts back in the picture, I keep looking for Michael J. Fox to come screeching back on the scene. They can be full, straight, or just plain simple … it’s all good, and very versatile. Grab a jacket, your favorite wedges, and a good bag, and you’ll be bringing it up to date with flair. And, don’t worry, there are still plenty of knee baring versions to choose from, should the 60’s come knocking at your door instead. These polished little minis are perfect for office attire. Perk one up with a silky chemise and heels, and the beat goes on. Have a formal fete to attend? Keep your evening look simply elegant with body-hugging styles that fit and flatter. You’ll never be sorry … and should you somehow find yourself on the red carpet, be sure to first stop by Tiffany’s because … remember ... diamonds are a girl’s best friend! After the party is over, slip into something more comfortable, pairing eclectic, contrasting prints via old school inspiration, with the casual comfort of simple pajama bottoms and soft girlie tanks and camisoles. Very sexy! Saving my all-time favorite for last is military chic. There is just somethin’ about a uniform that turns a woman on, isn’t there? I love this look! Pairing it with soft accents creates a kind of gender-bender feel. I never tire putting things together that spark the idea of that tough and tender kind of expression, and honestly, this trend remains near the top of the list for many a gal, making it easy to go from day to evening with a simple change of accessories. Military chic rocks! Truth be told ladies, putting together a very attractive and utilitarian core wardrobe can be done easily if you stick to neutrals. This allows for the most closet-friendly combinations, making dressing a piece of cake, always going for quality over quantity. And at the end of the day, having fun is the cherry on top! Deborah Ricci is a fashion stylist, radio talk show host, and freelance writer, fashionably living in McKinney with her husband Wil.
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Top Trends from New York and London Fashion Week, Spring/Summer 2016
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True Beauty By Denise Stricklin Ackerman
Walking through a crowded mall the other day, I became very conscious of the swarms of giggling teenage girls passing by. Perfect faces under layers of makeup: false eyelashes, dyed hair, the doll like looks of fashion models just coming from a day of shooting. In the periphery of my eye, I compared them to the mannequins in the displays of stores. Each with their well-designed faces and cute curvy figures, it was tough to tell which was real and not real. The girls, the real ones, also showed their tanned, perfectly sculpted tummies peeking from their low cut jeans and their budding breasts rounding above their push up bras, tantalizing observers, especially the young men goggling these delectable ripe fruits of womanhood. As an aging, overly ripe bit of womanhood myself, one could say I was jealous that I no longer could catch the eye of a man. I’ve had my turn, my day with youth. It is not the perspective of the jealous older woman from which I view, instead it is the sage in me, my wiser older self. Knowing that we all wear masks, I understand the outward expression of youth. At that age, all things seem external. Craving acceptance, youth will do anything to feel beautiful, as they navigate the treacherous climb to adulthood and beyond. Greater offenders of this quest for beauty are adult women who are schooled in the Lesson of Looks, taught by society and the media, that beauty is an outside job. Paying attention to what 45
the media and unfortunately some parents emphasize, young women today spend thousands of dollars trying to become a beauty on the outside while ignoring where true beauty lies. Looking at any magazine from cover to back, pictures of perfection are all the eyes see. Fortunately for me, I was raised by a very wise mother whose exquisite face stopped observers as she obliviously went about life curtailing her growing brood. With no time for fluff and little means to feed us all, beauty was rarely something she got to think about. Probably because of these circumstances, she taught her children that the true beauty of a person lies within, a truth that has resonated in me all my life. There is an old saying, “The eyes are the windows to the soul.” Inner beauty can be seen in the eyes. With their essence of childlike joy, sans the exterior need for outer embellishments, children express this best. In their innocence and simplicity, joy is the face they wear. They light up any happening with their expressions of delight. Turning within, we too can light up a room. Clearing the heart of jealousy, anger, and resentment, we free ourselves to wear the cloak of true beauty, a shimmering cloak of joy. When the heart is light, the countenance is beauty, no matter the structure or condition of face. There are countless cases of maimed, disfigured people who bring pure joy to those they encounter. What would our world be like if our magazines were filled with images of unadorned faces and bodies with headlines such as “Beauty: The Inside Job,” or “The New Look – Your Inner Essence.” Would our focus still be so external? Not only would our pocketbooks be fatter, our lives would be fuller, essentially richer in spirit. We’d spend more time on our inner selves, learning to find the creative parts of ourselves, allowing our children to express more who they are instead of what they look like. Perhaps our world might be a kinder, bully free world. Today when you consider the garment you wear, the makeup you must have, take a pause. Ask yourself what garment are you choosing inside? Is it a garment of anger or resentment, or the garment of joy? And as you dress and teach your children, choose carefully the lessons they learn from you. Your beauty, no matter your face, size, or age, is a reflection of the beauty within you.
Denise Ackerman TheRadianceCoach.com
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CLOTHES
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Call TODAY for Your PERSONAL STYLE SESSION 972.632.8925 “…Having Deborah shop for clothes that flatter me has been a huge time saver!” M. Skinner “ …Since working with Deborah, my over-shopping for too many wrong things has stopped. All I can say is WOW! Thank you, Deborah,” K. Glass “ …Deb is a lifesaver. I do not like to shop and I don’t have the time or interest, but I do like to look good. Deb helps me look my best. “ S. Bubler “ …Deb has talent for knowing what looks good on me. She’s fast, accurate and a delight to work with …She’s worth every penny!” L. Moore
Award Winning Fashion Stylist Deborah Ricci
Strength in Beauty Foundation is a non-profit organization that provides families with 100% human hair wigs FREE for children suffering from temporary or permanent hair loss due to chemotherapy, burns or other illness. Though losing hair is not usually life-threatening, it can scar a child's self-esteem by causing psychological and emotional stress. Children just want to feel and look normal, play with friends, and participate in the same activities as other kids. SIB exists to help give these children their lives back rebuild confidence and restore smiles. SIB Foundation was founded in 2015 by Kitty Green, whose own niece, Asia, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer at the young age of 5. Her family found out there were no wigs available to children her age, so Kitty began to make them herself. Kitty has since partnered with Bella Hair & Wigs, and together they make custom wigs for children of all ages and races. In order to help more children, donations are needed! Please go to StrengthiInBeautyFoundation.org and donate today. YOU could bring a smile to a child's face. Scan to Donate!
Hope Comes in All Colors - and there is Strength in Beauty
“Walk into the Sunset” for Autism By Deborah Ricci
So, once again, an evening to remember, with the unbeatable collaboration of Binzario Couture and “Round-Up for Autism” was hosted by The Space, in downtown Dallas. Everyone rallied to further the dream of getting crucial care for kids and their families all over Dallas Fort Worth. In addition, you couldn’t help but be touched, moved, and inspired by the breathtaking designs that graced the runway, all for the sake of raising essential funds and heightening awareness for this very worthy cause.
I’m sure you would agree … it’s all about location, location, location … and that is exactly why an esteemed gathering of colorful and committed guests came to support the incredible work the Autism Treatments Centers of Texas is tirelessly providing all over the DFW area. This dedicated group of people, headed up by Bobby Norris, its founder, Gina Marx, the executive director, and a cast of many others, are making it their business to ensure that everyone who attends, has the opportunity to get the much needed help they deserve. And, with one in every 68 children being diagnosed with autism, there is an overwhelming need for a great deal of funding, to be able to provide the kind of care families need.
Therapies of all kinds are being used to create amazing breakthroughs. For instance, children with social deficits are being helped with the implementation of robotics. This innovative method is being used to help them move into a more comfortable place and be able to communicate more easily, thus increasing their language and communication skills.
Over the past 25 years, there has been a core of 10 very generous people who have kept this ship afloat. However, as we know, it takes an entire crew of very devoted and skilled people to make sure the vessel stays upright. And, for that to happen, fundraising is an absolute must if they are to continue providing the expert services of their remarkable crew.
Nathan and Lindsey Witherell, just one of many grateful couples, have been the recipients of exemplary care for their son who was completely non-verbal when he first arrived. He has experienced an unbelievable amount of growth that they attribute to the work that is continually offered at the Autism Treatment Centers.
It was my pleasure to personally witness the Texas sized hearts that came and supported this lovely and exciting event. It was a multicolored evening of awakening, all wrapped up in the uplifting promise of a brighter tomorrow for autistic children everywhere! Deborah Ricci is a fashion stylist and freelance writer living in McKinney with her husband Wil. She continues to count her many blessings each and every day.
From the SUNSET COLLECTION
COUTURE
LUXE
BRIDAL
The ABCDE’s of Melanoma By Dr. Donna Barksky, D.Ph., R.Ph.
Do you know your ABCDE's of Melanoma? This could protect you from a future of suffering or no future at all. Here's what you are looking for:
A – Asymmetry: If you draw a line through this mole, the two halves will not match. B – Border: The borders of an early melanoma tend to be uneven. The edges may be scalloped or notched. C – Color: Having a variety of colors is another warning signal. A number of different shades of brown, tan or black could appear. A melanoma may also become red, blue or some other color. D – Diameter: Melanomas usually are larger in diameter than the size of the eraser on your pencil (1/4 inch or 6 mm), but they may sometimes be smaller when first detected. E – Evolving: Any change — in size, shape, color, elevation, or another trait, or any new symptom such as bleeding, itching or crusting — points to danger.
Other Warning Signs: • The appearance of a new bump or nodule • Color spreads into surrounding skin • Redness or swelling beyond the mole • Pain 55
• Tenderness • Itching • Bleeding • Oozing • Scaly appearance
Skin Cancer is growing at alarming rates. The 2007 Statistics from the American Cancer Society show that:
One in every five Americans will develop skin cancer at some point during their lifetime. Five or more sunburns during your lifetime doubles your risk of developing skin cancer. Sun protection is especially important in children because sunburns in early life can lead to skin cancer in adulthood.
It is true that 80 percent of lifetime sun damage occurs in childhood. Kids rarely allow proper sunscreen application when they play outdoors, ride bikes, go to recess or play on the playground.
Melanoma is the second most common cancer in women ages 20-29; one person dies almost every hour (every 67 minutes) from this disease. Both ultraviolet A (UVA) and ultraviolet B (UVB) rays can cause skin cancer. You can protect your skin and eyes in many different ways including sunscreen, seeking the shade, hats, sunglasses and sun protective/ultraviolet light protective clothing.
What is SPF? SPF stands for “Sun Protection Factor.” The rating is based on using 1 ounce of product per full body application. So if your bottle of sunscreen is 4 ounces that means you would use about ¼ of that bottle to get that rating each time you use it all over! Are you using enough sunscreen? answer is no.
For a majority of us, the
Currently, sunscreens are measured by their sun protection factor (SPF) which is only a measure of UVB protection. Make sure your sunscreen says it is broad-spectrum and also protects against harmful UVA rays. Statistically, most people only use about 1/3 of the recommended amount of sunscreen. For example, if you were to apply an SPF 30 sunscreen to your skin, the actual volume of sunscreen that is typically used is only equal to an SPF 10. So it is important to realize that with sunscreen, the number on the label is not necessarily the amount of protection you’re actually receiving. Using a higher number SPF sunscreen helps increase your chances of getting enough sun protection.
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Remember that water, humidity, and sweating decrease the effectiveness of sunscreen and numerous reapplications are necessary.
What is sun protective/ultraviolet light clothing?
Normal summer clothing does not fully protect your skin from the sun. They rate less than SPF 8 when wet. The clothing uses fabric to protect your skin from damaging UVA & UVB rays and can be worn instead of using sunscreen on those areas. But don’t forget to wear sunscreen on the uncovered areas like the neck and ears. The fabric is rated according to an Ultraviolet Protection Factor (UPF) similar to SPF for sunscreen.
What is the difference between UPF and SPF?
UPF is like SPF except UPF rates fabric protection against both UVA and UVB. A garment with a UPF of 50 only allows 1/50th of the UV radiation falling on the surface of the garment to pass through it. In other words, it blocks 49/50ths or 98 percent of the UV radiation. Factors such as tighter knit or weave, thickness, and dark color can increase UPF.
What are the benefits of sun protective clothing? Sun protective clothing:
Does not wash off Does not need to be reapplied Is long lasting – can be washed and dries quickly Has no known skin reactions from UV-absorbing compounds in the fabrics Is more reliable in protecting against sunburns Is a rash guard against surfboard and body-board rashes Saves money! The clothing actually reduces the need for expensive sunscreens and lotions and pays for itself quickly.
If you have any questions about your risk, how to find a physician, or how to treat areas that have had pre-cancerous areas removed, please, contact us at Texas Star Pharmacy, 3033 W. Parker Rd., #100, Plano, TX., 75023, 972-519-8475, or 5425 W. Spring Creek Pkwy, #190, Plano, TX, 75024, 214-291-5087.
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Happy Ending or Ending Hi my name is Phoenix, I’m 36 years old and I’ve had multiple melanomas removed from all over my body. I was not a sun worshiper growing up, and although I do have fair skin and would have to say I probably didn’t wear enough quality sunblock in my early life, the sun only plays a part of any melanoma story.
I’ve had 23 surgeries to remove suspicious things from my body including a portion of my jaw and gums (you see…the sun doesn’t shine there). Over 75 percent of what was removed was a melanoma or other type of skin cancer, and although I have a number of things under watch, I am blessed to say that I caught this early and melanoma will not kill me. The key being “caught it early,” so if you have anything that bothers you or doesn’t look right – get it checked. It could be the difference between a happyending or just an ending.
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Are You BLESSED to Know a Medically Fragile Child? By DeeDee Lowder Enriching the lives of Texas' children who are medically fragile and terminally ill, Hope’s Seed is offering more than just support to families of children with special needs. While most of us empathize, it is more important to understand the day to day challenges the families face and to offer what we can on an individual basis: understanding, friendship, comfort, assistance, and care. Before writing this article, I spoke with mothers of three medically challenged children and found common threads among them, though their kids have different issues and are of various ages and stages of care. That small gestures can mean so much when you are fighting for normalcy, seemed to resonate with all.
On average, Kai has 27 appointments per month in their home for physical, occupational, and speech therapy, as well as other specialty services. He is in public school for several hours per day which is the only time DaSha has a break from the constant caregiving. Yet through it all DaSha says, “We would not have life be any different, as the whole family loves him so much.”
DaSha Galloway and husband Bill, adopted a special needs child, Kai, after becoming a foster family and having this rambunctious little boy placed in their home. Besides the care required for Kai, she said one of the hardest aspects was losing many friends because she has to plan events ahead of time. “You cannot jump in the car in five minutes for the park or McDonald’s with a child who has special needs and many do not understand that or care to take the time for scheduling needs, she says.” Because health issues unexpectedly arise, families often have to cancel their participation in events, and other's don't understand. The majority eventually stop inviting those in this situation, leaving the families socially isolated.
No matter how much families love their children, they want so much to have friends who understand what they go through and are willing to accommodate their needs. Caregiving is a 24/7 job that never changes and those with special needs children feel this acutely.
Can you imagine how that must feel? To love and do all you can for your child, yet lose friends because they don't understand the demands of raising a child with special needs. Loneliness and/or lack of quality friendships can result, leaving the families without many social interactions.
If you meet three-year old Luke Ludwig you will be instantly charmed! Known as Super Luke, he radiates happiness and joy from the top of his sandy brown hair to the toes of his sweet little pudgy feet.
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According to mom, Angie, Luke has forever changed their lives for the better. Though he had a rough start in life, he is not letting it stop him from enjoying the world around him. He has no concept of limits and the things he shouldn't be able to do. Luke may not always wear a cape but, is a true superhero!
seeds of hope to show families they are not alone. At Children’s Medical Center in Dallas, Texas, there are four ICU floors, six Critical Care step down unit floors, and general pediatric floors, which total bed and care for an average of 495 children. The hospital treats children, from infancy through age 18, who have developmental or birth disorders, traumatic injury, or severe illness. Inpatient services include feeding, rehabilitation, and pulmonary programs. Intensive day patient programs include neuro and feeding programs. In 2014, about 6 million kids in America received special education, according to the U.S. Department of Education. One out of every 10 children under the age of 14 has some type of special need which includes any physical, cognitive, or medical disability, or chronic or lifethreatening illness. Thus the vision created by Simon for Hope’s Seed is:
His mother's greatest desire is for Luke to have more children to play with; children without medical needs so he expands his social circle and at the same time, she does as well. And an understanding by friends of what it means when he gets sick. It is not a trip to the doctor for an antibiotic, it is very involved and can be life threatening. Even with family support, an offer to check in, give her a moments break to run to the pharmacy, have someone make a quick trip to the store for her, or drop of a nice dinner would be so appreciated.
The mission at Hope’s Seed is multidimensional in scope and a big job for founder Shelley Simon, whose beautiful daughter Zoe has special needs. She has first-hand knowledge of what families go through on a regular basis and her goal is to plant
To inspire families of children with special needs to know that there is hope in every situation To support, educate, and encourage families of special needs children To promote a philosophy of normalcy for children with special needs To educate medical professionals regarding the importance of support for families To enrich the lives of children To connect communities and families with special needs children in order to promote understanding To empower families to look outside of their own issues in order to support other families with special needs children
Shelley says, “What is harder to deal with is not really the past trauma, but the current any 64
moment trauma that has yet to happen, but surely will happen any given moment. It is hard to stay in the present and to not give into the trauma that is lurking around the next corner waiting to pop out at you any moment.” She says that she does a pretty good job masking her fears of not really what the future holds but more for what is about to come. “I think we, as mothers of medically fragile children, actually have chronic-traumatic stress disorder (CTSD) and like our children who live with chronic disorders and illnesses, it is all the time, no break, no days off, follows you around ready to pounce on you trauma.”
of their lives, even with their closest friends. It seems there are some pretty universal feelings of which we can all be more aware, considerate, and understanding.
One common thread is the need for parents to make time for themselves so that their whole worlds are not centered on the disease and what is around the corner. Most have spent years trying to keep their children alive and trying to give them lives worth living, without carving out much time for themselves.
They feel alone much of the time; an outsider around moms of typical kids. While they want to be happy for them, hearing them brag about how their two-year old has 100 words or already knows the ABCs (or hey, even poops in the potty) is tough.
After talking with these strong, sensitive, and caring women, a general consensus of feelings appeared. For each, parenting is already an exhausting endeavor. But parenting a special needs child takes things to another level of fatigue. It’s hard for parents to come out and say, but at times they are jealous. When they see a one-year old baby do what their child can’t at four (like walk), they feel a pang of envy.
One major issue is worrying that they are not doing enough. What if they miss a treatment or a diagnosis and that window of optimal time for treatment has passed? They worry about their children’s future and are scared thinking of the hurts the child will experience being different in what’s often a harsh world. They are scared about finances. Finally, and this seems to be the most common thought, is the fear of what will happen to their child if anything were to happen to them.
“I bought into the lie that having a child who is medically fragile is a life for a life, but I am starting to see it doesn’t have to be. I think what we really need is caregiver fatigue management,” states Shelley.
Words or statements like retarded, short bus, as long as it’s healthy, hurt deeply. Please stop saying these things. It’s disrespectful and hurtful not only to the kids you're mocking but to those who love and raise them.
Raising a child with any disorder, condition or special need, can be both a blessing and a challenge. A challenge for the obvious reasons, and a blessing for the depths of love and joy when you see your child overcoming some of those challenges.
While these parents have been challenged and pushed beyond their limits in raising special needs children, most say they have grown tremendously as a person, and developed a soft heart and empathy for others in a way they never would have without their child. They are just like the next mom in many ways: they get
Chances are that you know a special needs parent, or you may be one yourself. Many parents don’t share t heir feelings on this aspect 65
cranky, their kids irritate them, and sometimes they just want to flee to the spa or go shopping, but seldom do. They still have dreams and aspirations of their own and want to travel, dance, write a novel, enjoy good food, talk to other adults about normal subjects. Their children are the most awe-inspiring thing to happen to their lives. There are days when they want to shout from the top of the Empire State Building how funny and cute he or she is, or how they accomplished something that day, but they hold it in. Most don’t often share with others, not even close friends or family, the depths of what they go through when it comes to their child. But it doesn’t mean that they don’t want to learn how to share their life with others. One thing I learned by listening to them is how appreciative they are whenever people ask a more specific question about their child. Starting with the small things gives them a chance to start sharing and opens a door for these families. Talking with Shelley Simon and other parents of beautiful children who are medically fragile has helped me better understand. Raising a special needs child shatters all the should be dreams we idolize and build our lives around, and puts something else at the core: love and understanding .
Facebook @Hope’s Seed www.hopesseed.org shelleycolquitt@hopesseed.com (214) 673-7047
So maybe that leads me to the last thing you don’t know about a special needs parent... they may have it tough, but in many ways they feel really blessed.
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