femmes UNDER 40 Fall 2017 by femmes INTERNATIONAL Magazine

femmes UNDER 40

RISING STAR, Maci Hale An Entrepreneur at 19!

Robyn Short: The Cost of Workplace Conflict

MILLENNIALS

femmes FALL 2017

FROM 3906

I believe each day gives us something; a few minutes of afternoon light casting intricate shadows on a dining room wall, or a delicious Pesto because the basil got knee-high. Maybe some things broke my heart....... I write about them all. My name is Becca. I live in Dallas but I left my heart in Florence, Italy. I'd like to thank you for reading.

From3906.blogspot.com

femmes UNDER 40 Christina McMahon Regina Rowley

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Rising femme Maci HALE

Tell me something about your home life...where you grew up, siblings, experiences that maybe affected your life path. I’m very fortunate to have a loving, supportive family. I am the middle girl with an older sister, Dakotah, and a younger sister, Rilee. Born in Santa Rosa, California and have lived in several states which enabled me to be fairly flexible. From a young age, I always loved animals and horses, in particular. My parents supported my love and I started taking riding lessons at the early age of 4 1/2. I have had as many riding lessons and saddles as most girls have shoes. In school, I enjoyed sports and I played competitive soccer and Cheer and I value the lessons I learned from being on a team as you learn to work together. I went to public school until the middle of 7th grade and then I was Home-Schooled. There is so much written about school bullies so I won’t go there, I will just say I understand the cruelty. I was fortunate to have parents who understood and allowed me an option. In a strange way not taking the traditional school pathway afforded me the opportunity to pursue my passion. I graduated in May 2016 and started my own business. What is your passion? When did you know it was a passion? As mentioned above, my passion has always been horses. I love connecting with them and the unconditional love (or not) that a horse provides to its owners. I started English riding lessons when I was 4 ½ years old and then when we moved back to Texas I discovered my love of Barrel Racing and have never looked back. When I graduated from high school, I knew I wanted to own my own business and so today I am the Founder of Rockin Rebel Horses LLC and I’m working on classwork to become a Vet Tech, from which I will move on to becoming an Equine Massage Therapist. I love teaching and training and have had some incredible teachers, mentors and trainers so I want to pay it forward. Helping others discover their passion is what I most enjoy most. In my business, I provide Riding Lessons, Boarding, Horse Training and am now moving into Breeding. Working with horses is a gift and a responsibility. Many horses are not cared for correctly and I pride myself on making sure my horses, as well as any riders I work with, value and respect these beautiful creatures. It’s not for the faint of heart, as you have to provide daily care, Heat - Rain – Sleet or Snow you have to be available for feeding, cleaning, mucking stalls, exercise riding and don’t get me started on watching the weather, in case they need to be put up for the night. There is NO Off Season like other sports. What do you believe in? As a young woman, what is important to you in the world you will help shape? In order for society to be successful, everyone must contribute. Too often people don’t want to work for what they have. To be successful today, involves hard work. Not just sometimes, but every day. I live in the country on a very small Texas ranch with my parents and the pace is a little slower, and it is definitely quieter than the city. I work hard to have good relationships with my key partners. For example, the NRS Ranch Store, where I buy all my horse feed, tack, clothes, hay and all my supplies is very welcoming. They even encourage me to bring my Rodeo dogs; my Australian Shepard, Gypsy Bear and Chocolate Lab, Remi. It’s important for me to live in a small town where everyone knows each other and cares for one another and in times of need, shows up to Help! Outlaw Equine is the Vet I trust with my horses as they have proven to care as much as I do. Our recent Hurricane Harvey in Texas demonstrated the power of others coming to help. We should have that universally - everyone chipping in. Being my own boss if you will, allows me to not only follow my dream but to also make my decisions based on my values, my horses and what’s best for my career. How do you give back to your community? Throughout the years of growing up I have always volunteered and given back to the community. I have been told I have a soft heart when it comes to others and I guess it’s true as I have always Volunteered and don’t leave a stray puppy or kitty around me. I started volunteering in grade school by visiting “Nursing Homes”, working with children through “Therapeutic Riding” and teaching children with disabilities to play Sports. Can you give us a quote that has meaning to you? Quotes, words and messages convey meanings that are close to the heart and one of my favorites is based on two of my early horses, Luke and Harley as they were a challenge to work with and I had to learn to patience and listening to them. Therefore, my quote is. “It is the difficult horses that have the most to give you.” Lendon Gray

Rising femme AMBER HOUSTON

Tell me something about you...who you are as you see yourself. I see myself as a young woman that has a passion for God and helping children reach their full potential as a future instructor.

What is your passion? When did you know it was a passion? My passion has always been writing and painting pictures with words but recently I discovered a new passion which is teaching children. I discovered my love for writing as a little girl. I would always write little fictional stories and poems and I always got compliments on what a wrote. My mother noticed my talent and said I should be a journalist one day and I went to college to pursue that. As much as I love to write, I later realized as I reached my middle twenties that journalism was not for me and that's when I discovered my love for children and decided to pursue teaching. What do you believe in? As a young woman, what is important to you in the world you will help shape? I believe that God is the center of everything that happens in my life, so I believe that if I continue to have faith and put my trust in him then he will help me walk in my purpose. How do you give back to your community? We have a free food give away at Dellcrest Church of Christ every first Saturday of the month so I participate in that food give away and that's how I contribute to the community. Who are your mentors and how do they help shape you? My mentors are my parents because they help me stay strong in my walk with God. My mentor is also my God mother, Jarilyn Fox. She helps me stay focused on my goals and works with me on building my confidence.

The Most Critical Wealth Factor By Jet Black The most critical wealth factor is this: Produce more than you consume, kind of like feeding your body.

The wider the gap between what you produce and what you consume, the greater will be the possibility of increased wealth for you. If you spend all that comes in for you as income on a consistent basis, wealth creation will be far from you. However, if on the other hand you delay immediate consumption of all that you produce, you are more likely to be moving toward the accumulation of wealth over time. Of course, how you apply the surplus that results is vital to the way your wealth will grow; do you gamble it away, or do you invest it in say the stock market or some other profitable venture? Just as you invest in good health by not consuming more than you need! How do you produce more than you consume? One of the simplest ways of doing this is by cutting down on your expenses, exactly like cutting back on calories. You can certainly start your wealth-building this way. Before every expense ask yourself these two questions: "Do I really need this?" and "Can I pay less to get it?" Don't go for trendy label that will cost you more. Resolutely restrict your credit card spending. Determine to discipline yourself to resist every avenue that seeks to remove your money from your pocket.

You need to be able to say 'no' to enticements and to give up some of the unnecessary luxuries. If you're not willing to do that, then you wouldn't be able to turn your financial life around, just as your health. Say no to the huge plate of food! The other side of producing more than you consume is actually to make more money. If you increase your earning and keep your spending unchanged, you'll immediately move from living paycheck to paycheck to spending less than you earn. One easy first step is to look for things you no longer need and sell them off for cash. Another step is to actually look for work to do parttime or take a bold step to start a small business of your own. While working at a job, you can do things in your spare time to earn extra money. How do you utilize the surplus (i.e. the difference between what you produce and consume) in order to grow your wealth? The thing to do with your surplus fund is to put it to work so as to grow it. You do this by investing the money. You need to invest so as to keep the value of your money from inflation. The money you have today will not have the same value tomorrow. Inflation decreases the value of money. Inflation of your body weight decreases the value of your health in the same manner. Investing your money in avenues with high return than the rate of inflation will make the value of your money grow. Every investment has some level of risk, going from low-risk to very high-risk. Finding the safest investment requires understanding risk, your comfort levels and finding investments that have performed well historically. Note also that while the return on your money is important, the safety of your funds is more important. So go safe in your investing. Conclusion: Make more, consume less! Eat more, lose less! The financially intelligent person produces more than he or she consumes. By following the above plan, you can come to wealth and secure your financial future. Even a low paid person applying this principle will gain more financial freedom than the rich who consume all they produce. When you have surplus money to invest, you want to make sure it is a safe investment that can yield a return. By combining all the right elements, you can get the best investment results. Ultimately by spending less than you earn and putting the surplus to work by investing it, instead of using it to purchase things now, you end up having several rewards. You can build income for retirement, earn steady passive income, and even go on to build up funds for future investments and business endeavors. The simple strategies discussed above can help you achieve these effectively. 12

The Cost of Workplace Conflict by Robyn Short

If you have ever managed people or processes, you have no doubt found yourself in the middle of near constant workplace conflict. In fact, according to a study commissioned by CPP Inc. — publishers of the Myers-Briggs Assessment and the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument — U.S. employees spend 2.1 hours per week involved with conflict, which amounts to approximately $359 billion in paid hours (based on an average hourly earnings of $17.95), or the equivalent of 385 million working days. For the purposes of the study, the authors defined conflict as: “any workplace disagreement that disrupts the flow of work.”

According to the report “Workplace Conflict and How Businesses Can Harness It to Thrive,” the following statistics demonstrate how pervasive conflict is in the workplace: • 85 percent of employees deal with conflict on some level • 29 percent of employees deal with it almost constantly • 34 percent of conflict occurs among front-line employees • 12 percent of employees say they frequently witness conflict among the senior team • 49 percent of conflict is a result of personality clashes and “warring egos” • 34 percent of conflict is caused by stress in the workplace • 33 percent of conflict is caused by heavy workloads 13

• 27 percent of employees have witnessed conflicts lead to personal attacks • 25 percent of employees have seen conflict result in sickness or absence • 9 percent have seen workplace conflict cause a project to fail The inability for managers to effectively manage conflict and bring about positive resolution is costing them nearly one full day of productivity per month — two and a half weeks per year. It is not surprising that almost all employees recognize the critical need for conflict management skills in the workplace. In fact, the study found that 70 percent believe managing conflict is a critically important leadership skill. And 54 percent of employees believe managers could handle disputes more effectively by addressing underlying tensions immediately when they surface. And yet, conflict does not have to bring about negative results. When managed effectively, conflict can stimulate progress, deepen trust and strengthen relationships — all of which enhance productivity and optimizes bottom line results. Around the world, conflict resolution skills are rarely taught as core curriculum in education, which means most adults enter the workplace with little to no knowledge of how to prevent and/or manage conflict. Training is the single most important driver for high-quality outcomes to conflict. And yet the CPP Inc. study found that almost 60 percent of employees in the U.S. have never received basic conflict management and dispute resolution training. However, of those who have, 95 percent report that it has helped them to positively navigate conflict. Equally important is that almost 60 percent of workers who receive conflict management training report to seek out win-win outcomes when conflicts arise, and 85 percent of people claim to be more proactive when conflict surfaces without taking the conflict personally. 14

Perhaps the most important fact to surface from this research is that 76 percent of employees who receive conflict management and dispute resolution training experience positive outcomes from conflict: • 41 percent developed a better understanding of others • 29 percent found a better solution to the workplace problem (this figure rises to 81 percent for U.S. workers) When employees understand how to manage conflict and harness the positive powers of it, conflict can transition from a cost to the bottom line to an investment in the organization and the people who work for it. This quote from the report summarizes the positive power conflict can bring to an organization: “If organizations invest in building the awareness of self and others on which better relationships depend, they will see the energy created by interpersonal friction generate sparks of creativity, rather than consuming flames. HR, leaders, and employees must all accept their responsibility for becoming competent conflict managers.” What is conflict in your workplace costing you? Invest in conflict management and dispute resolution training and harness the creative power conflict can bring to your organization.

Robyn Short is a certified mediator with expertise in transformative mediation and restorative justice models for dispute resolution. Whether in a corporate, nonprofit, academic or home environment, Robyn assists parties in discovering the root causes of their conflicts, so they may transform their relationships and create new and productive paths forward individually and as teams. Robyn helps organizations through mediation, facilitation, onsite conflict training seminars, leadership training and dialogue circles. Learn more atwww.RobynShort.com.

50 Shades of Chameleons By Christina McMahon

Millennials are chameleons; constantly changing looks while adding more skills and knowledge to enhance their repertoire. They arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t interested in mastering just one career path or skill. Ask any young person what they do for a living and it will sound something like....at the moment...I blog, I freelance, I work at a startup, I walk dogs from a non-kill shelter, I want to make a difference.

Turning to online courses and learning is what the younger generations are doing, which according to Global Industry Analysts is valued at over $107 billion as of last year. Because there are a million and one ways to make money today, while doing work that is purpose-driven and what you love, millennials average two years in the same job before moving to greener pastures. The era of 30-year-long career paths with 17

one or two companies has come and gone. New careers are being invented every minute. Like the emerging tech scene in the cannabis and bitcoin industries or YouTubers taking home annual sevenfigures. The path to success is no longer linear and, now, you can create literally anything you want and be paid for it. While blazing their own path millennials will seek information to improve their nontraditional path. This route is becoming more common and more rewarding every day. No longer will the younger generation do the “right things” like getting good grades, getting into a good college, and getting a steady be the sole path. Finding their path requires more and shows that a new model for success is emerging. Innovative thinking, creativity, problem solving, and belief in yourself are foundations of this new paradigm.

STAY IN SCHOOL- There’s plenty you can do while in college to build a lasting foundation.

CREATE IDEAS- Innovative thinking is about looking for new ways to solve problems or meet specific needs.

60 percent of Millennials and Gen Y’ers are foregoing traditional careers for entrepreneurship. The young professionals emerging in today’s business world are selfstarters who want more freedom, more control over their projects, and more earning potential. To join their ranks, you need to possess the right skill set and the right mind-set. Here are a few ways you can prepare before launching your first startup.

STUDY STRATEGICALLY- Choose interesting studies that may produce fresh ideas.

BUILD A NETWORK- Surround yourself with smart, hard-working, creative people who will inspire you, collaborate with you, and encourage you in your efforts.

FIND A MENTOR-Successful people have wise mentors.

BE WILLING TO FAIL- You must keep going if the first few ideas tank! 18

Stress Less for Better Heart Health by Jenny Bair, MHE

1. Eat a fun, bright, varied diet. When you eat better you will feel better, and when you feel better you will stress less. Challenge yourself to try at least one new food a week. (Go for any yellow, green, purple, reds and orange veggies) 2. Move your body with the joy and excitement of a child. Join a bowling team, take a run, ride a horse, golf, belly dance, take a stroll through a local park, or dance you are a rock star even if you are in your own living room. Any activity that you enjoy and that will help you blow off steam is a great choice. 3. Think happy thoughts. Your mindset plays a huge role in your body’s reaction to stress. Your reality begins in your mind. So, what are you creating today? 4. Don’t bottle up your feelings. Life is too short not to express your authentic self otherwise you might explode, implode or your feelings might shoot out sideways in passive aggressiveness. This is not good for your heart. Increasing communication is a daunting idea in and of itself, but open communication can eliminate so much stress in our daily lives, both at work, in our homes and within ourselves. 5. Take one hour a day to organize your personal and professional worlds. It’s not the big things in life that “eat our lunch” it’s the small things like sorting the mail, finding your keys, packing your kids’ lunches, getting your clothes, organizing your emails, 19

picking out the right outfit for your big meeting…the list goes on doesn’t it? Take one hour at the beginning of every work day and one hour every night to help you get the most important tasks done to help your life run smoother. An organized life leads to calm, content relationships and environments. 6. Make “Me” time happen every day. You do not have to be literally attached at the hip to your email. Put some technology boundaries around when you will utilize the phone and email so that the people in your life don’t miss your presence. Spend at a minimum 15 minutes to one hour each day taking care of yourself. You can’t take care of others without putting yourself first on the list. Choose any activity that grounds you. 7. Take mini breathing breaks from work during the day. Create a healthy revolution – start breathing breaks instead of smoking breaks around this country. Enjoy being outside, take in the view, smell the roses, feel the sun on your skin, practice being in the moment instead of the next one otherwise you might miss something spectacular. Act like a kid, be in the now and breathe deeply. Breathe in this cool adventure called life. 8. Get some ZZZ’s. Easier than done, but it necessary for your body to have enough time (at least 7-9 hours) to recover from this fast pace life many of us lead. The only break your body, mind and emotions get a rest is when you are sleeping. It’s the only time your immune system has to do repairs. There is also new research to link lack of sleep to metabolic issues and weight gain. Nobody wants that… 9. Laughter is medicine. Laughing with your loved ones, by yourself and sometimes at yourself can be the best medicine for decreasing stress. So try watching some funny movies, try something new, play with your childhood games, and just find the humor of life in the moment; it’s all around you. 10. Pamper yourself with a healing touch. It is your daily and weekly duty to yourself to keep dis-ease away. Make a goal to get a minimum of 10 squeezes a day. Try massage, manicures, pedicures, (even if you’re a man), hand holding and whatever is right for you. Intimacy and healing touch is essential to every person’s quality of life.

Jenny Bair, MHE, http://www.livingwelldallas.com

The Perfect Sandwich for Fallâ&#x20AC;ŚBahn Mi 1/2 cup shredded carrot 1/2 cup grated peeled daikon radish 1 tablespoon cider vinegar 2 teaspoons sugar 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt 3 tablespoons chili garlic sauce (such as Lee Kum Kee) 1 1/2 teaspoons sugar 1 (1-pound) pork tenderloin, trimmed or Chicken Cooking spray 21

1/2 teaspoon salt 3 tablespoons fat-free mayonnaise 2 (20-inch) baguettes (about 8 1/2 ounces each) 16 thin cucumber slices (about 1 cucumber) 16 cilantro sprigs 1/4 cup thinly sliced green onions (about 2) 1 seeded and thinly sliced jalapeño pepper

Combine the first 5 ingredients; cover and let stand 15 minutes to 1 hour. Drain. Preheat oven to 400°. Combine the chili garlic sauce and 1 1/2 teaspoons sugar; stir well. Place pork on the rack of a small roasting pan or broiler pan coated with cooking spray. Spread 2 tablespoons chili garlic mixture evenly over pork/chicken; sprinkle the pork/chicken with 1/2 teaspoon salt. Bake at 400° for 20 minutes. Cool; cover the pork/chicken, and refrigerate. Combine mayonnaise and remaining chili garlic sauce mixture; cover and refrigerate. Cut each baguette horizontally, cutting to, but not through, other side using a serrated knife. Spread mayonnaise mixture evenly on cut sides of baguettes. Thinly slice pork/chicken; divide evenly between baguettes. Top evenly with carrot mixture. Arrange 8 cucumber slices and 8 cilantro sprigs on each baguette. Top evenly with onions and jalapeño. Press top gently to close; cut each baguette into 4 equal servings.

East African Swahili Salad, Kachumbari

Kachumbari is Kenyaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s favorite salad and is usually served alongside main meals or snacks. It can be compared to South Americaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s salsa due to its similarities.

Kachumbari Appetizer: Place beef tomatoes on a plate, spread mashed avocado on tomatoes then top with kachumbari.

Menestra de Porotos â&#x20AC;˘ Ecuadorian Bean Stew

For the stew: 1 lb. dry pinto beans (soaked overnight) 2 T canola oil 1 red onion, diced 1-1/2 T garlic, minced 1 c diced and peeled tomatoes 1/2 t achiote powder (or paprika) 1 t whole cumin seeds 1 t ground cumin 1/2 T chili powder Salt and pepper to taste 8 c water 3 T cilantro, chopped For the rice: 2 T olive oil 2 T white onion, finely diced 1/2 t garlic, minced 2 c long grain white rice 2-1/4 c water Preparation For the stew: Heat the oil over medium heat in a large stock pot. Add the onions and garlic and cook for 2-3 minutes, or until onions are translucent and garlic is fragrant. Next add the tomatoes and spices through the salt and pepper. Cook for five minutes, stirring occasionally. Then add the water and bring to a boil. Once boiling, add the beans and reduce heat to medium-low (or low), keeping the stew at a simmer. Simmer for 2 hours. Prior to serving, stir in the cilantro. For the rice: Heat the oil in a medium sauce pan over medium heat. Add the garlic and onion and cook for 23 minutes, or until onions are translucent and garlic is fragrant. Next add the rice and toss with the oil to coat. Add the water and bring it to a boil. When the water has reduced so that it barely covers the rice, reduce the heat to low, cover and cook for 20 minutes. To serve: Serve the stew with the rice and a fresh loaf of bread.

JayRae MUA, Jennifer Long, Beauty Blogger, www.facebook.com/JayRaeMUA

Sometimes Saying YES to Yourself is the Hardest Part by Candy Barone

I grew up often hearing the words, “don’t judge a book by its cover.” Now, while most of us understand what those words mean, and why they are said to us, I honestly didn’t realize the gravity of the meaning until I hit rock bottom about the age of 35. You see, I had convinced everyone, including myself, that I was successful, happy and healthy. But, what I failed to see was I was none of those things … I was, in fact, lost, stressed and sabotaging my health in more ways than one. As I found myself sitting in my doctor’s office with this incredible and debilitating pain in my chest (to which I was certain I was having a heart attack), I had to start coming to terms with the reality of my situation. For starters, I was about to confess to my doctor what was going on with me and where I thought the symptoms stemmed from. I may have denied the state of my health, at that point, but there was no denying the choices I had made that got me there. It was time for an open confession, not only to my doctor, but to myself. And, let me tell you, when you have to admit to the cycle of sabotage and destruction you placed on your body, the air feels pretty thin, your pulse starts to race, and you feel emotions such as shame, guilt, and embarrassment wash over you. I had all that, plus so much more, going on in my head as I waiting impatiently for my doctor to enter the room. Then the moment arrived. I forced myself to tell my doctor exactly what has been going on. You see, I was an addict; an addict to the obsessive compulsive and destructive behavior. An addict to cycles of abuse I put on myself, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And, the cycle began as early as I can remember. My childhood was not an easy one. My father was extremely narcissistic and a social alcoholic. He was mentally and emotionally abusive, and often times physically abusive, as well. And, I carried a belief that that was my truth, that somehow I deserved such abuse. So, when I “grew up,” I found ways to continue that cycle in my personal life, at work, and in my lifestyle. Even I was caught up in the image and mirage of the life I was “living” … I believed I was successful. By all of society’s standards, I was killing it. As an extreme Type-A personality, I only 28

knew how to “win.” I won awards, climbed the Corporate ladder, always was at the top-of-my game, or so I thought. I believed that in order to earn it, you must truly embrace the old adage of “no pain, no gain.” I believed it was supposed to hurt like hell, and that to be triumphant one must take the hits and keep bouncing back. This cycle continues throughout my teens and early twenties, and even into my thirties. I look back now and see how many times I put myself in abusive situations, believing I was better for the fight I put up. As the cycle continued, so did my own self-sabotage. I was a compulsive, emotional eater one minute, then an extreme gym rat the next. And, when that cycle didn’t work and I found I couldn’t pull the weight back off fast enough, I turned to fat burners … and, lots of them. I tried everything on the market, and sometimes used more than one at one time. So, now here I was at the age of 35, and the walls came crashing down on me. I felt empty and ashamed, and now found myself at the hospital with severe chest pains. And, I had to confess to the behaviors that had triggered my visit. As I mentioned before, I was certain something was wrong with my heart. After a battery of tests, the answer was conclusive. My anxiety levels were through the roof. I had so much stress in my body that it triggered my sliding hiatal hernia (which, until then, I didn’t even know I had). In my mind, I had convinced myself that I still was an athlete, and while I had put on a few pounds, it wasn’t nothing major and all just part of me being “think” and “muscular” and “built like a linebacker or soccer player (which I was when I was younger, and before three knee surgeries). Yet, the cold, hard facts were starting me straight in the face … I was on the brink of being the biggest size I ever had been. At only 5’2” I was weighing in over 180 lbs. and was pushing a size 16. I realized I was at that turning point, for I knew something had to change.

(Candy at her peak weight of 180+ lbs. and Candy today) 29

I began to take inventory of my life, and how I viewed myself in it. I also began to focus inward and ask myself the tough questions. I realize that I created this situation and the responsibility was mine to change it. So, I did. I recognized I needed more balance in my approach to my own health. So, I hired a trainer who worked more with my head issues than my body. And, did she challenge me. We dug through a lot of the mindset I needed to release, the beliefs I instilled in how I viewed my own worth, and the words from my father that still continued to haunt me. We worked on how to make my body work for me, without maxing it out at every turn. I learned to love a new way to approach fitness through resistance training and boxing, and even yoga, at times. I began to take greater responsibility for my eating, and became more mindful about whether I was eating to file my body or responding to my emotions. I learned how to assess my emotions and better understand them. I began to slow down to notice how food worked with my body, how it made me feel. I also became a student of which foods were triggers for me, and which foods truly helped me perform at optimal levels. Now, more than ten years later, I find I have a better handle on my life and my responsibility in it. Don’t get me wrong, I still have tough days. I simply have tools and strategize to help me conquer them, and not fall back on old habits and ways. I learned that it truly starts with learning how to say yes to yourself first and destroy the noise that gets in the way. It truly is amazing what you can accomplish when you set your mind and heart straight, and understand the value of your own worth. It hasn’t been an easy road by any means, and I definitely have had some ups and downs along the way, and some bruises to show for it. But, I still found my way through and made the change I wanted to be and see. And, I found my way home to a healthy lifestyle and attitude as result.

Candy Barone, CMCP, MBA The “Pull-No-Punches Accountability Powerhouse” http://candybaroneinternational.com (512) 693-973; candybarone@youempoweredstrong.com

Life is Changing By Melinda Cooper

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Change is the only constant in life.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Heraclitus

There isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t any doubt Life is changing, if nothing else the cooler weather and the days becoming shorter assures us time for change. This happens to be my greatest time for memories as our family comes together. Family members bring their best moments of this year and sharing their ideas for their dreams of the next. The laughter, the smiles, the looks and the greater understanding all joining together for the love of living our lives while sharing from the heart. I

am a Family person and I love living my dreams with each of them. There are no greater moments for me than to see our next generations taking their place in our society, learning, growing and building their dreams. Yet as I begin sharing my plans with my family I must also, as so many other entrepreneurs, set my business plans for the next coming year. Now is the time to cultivate my ideas, find the strategy and aim for the bullseye what is it I must change to achieve my goals of Living the Dream. I must adjust, recalculate, and create a path of where I am going and what are my FIRST Action steps. Begin the journey with filling your calendar family vacations, special events, birthdays, and anniversaries that are important. Putting these things first on your calendar in order to make certain they are kept fresh on your mind. Place your familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s special moments first while making certain to take care of yourself. This action alone allows your life to matter before your business. It is time to make small changes today for your greater self, family and business tomorrow. Make certain you are not letting your business run you, it is time you are in control of your business. Cherish your goals yet keep them balanced while living your life to the fullest and building your business as the dream you want it to be. Change is at the forefront at the end of every year. Many people begin to think what they are ready to change for next year. Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just hit the biggest one first, it always seems the biggest or most announced is that of dropping weight as the New Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Resolution! Diet, exercise, or perhaps running out to get that fantastic machine, gym membership, or outfit that will help us to fulfill that goal. The list could go on, just as your mind could begin to put your own things on the list. Now as things are changing, what kind of changes are you going to make?

Melinda Cooper is Living Her Dream. www.livingthedreambusiness.com

Are You PROHIBITING Your Own Success? As told by Regina Rowley

I write this article with a very specific intention. I intend to help every woman hiding behind the past to courageously step forward and expose that past to someone they trust to help eliminate self-limiting beliefs and unhealthy behaviors. Over eight years of personal training to help women lose weight, I find that women’s mindset about their worth greatly prohibits their success. During my years in the fitness industry I’ve met a very empowered and influential woman, Regina Rowley. Regina Rowley is unlike any one else I’ve ever encountered. She is a women’s safety advocate, fitness coach and group fitness instructor. She speaks from the heart and her voice is heard all around the world. I told Regina of a connection I’ve discovered over the years with many client’s troubles with their food control and exercise. Upon really digging deep emotionally with some of these women, many times I 33

found their struggles began at a much younger age. There was a real connection between sexual abuse and the ability of these women to view themselves as real people or worthy of weight loss and kindness to their body. I know this is a topic from which many people shy away but the truth is, sexual abuse is real and can cause years of self-neglect and suffering. I want to share with you Regina’s story as a survivor and an expert in women’s self-defense. This article is heavy. It touches on topics some of you only hear about in the news. But if Regina can open her heart, show her venerability, and shed some light on an abusive past, I know you can too. I also know even if your past is not a traumatic one, you know someone whose past still haunts them and affects them with daily decisions. Maybe, YOU can help them pull the black velvet drapery back and allow them to see the full potential of their future! It’s important that we preface this article with a quick peep into Regina’s past. Along her journey she did have a turning point. But before the turning point, Regina came from an unhealthy and abusive family. Regina: “Health was not a priority in my family even though I had a sibling who was a brittle diabetic and passed away during childhood due to that. They monitored her diet but the rest of the family was never adjusted. For me, as a parent, that would have been a turning point to bring health into my family but for my family it was not. As I got older, I had some very serious health issues and had to make the choice to make the change or I would not be in the physical health I am in today. Why I made those changes, I don’t know. I don’t know what inside of me is different from the rest of my family.” Throughout her childhood Regina suffered traumatic moments of sexual abuse that still haunt her today. Just as her family did not put their health as a priority, they did not help when she tried to express the ongoing abuse to her family. She was verbally shot down. She says, “As a child, the adults in my life should have advocated for my safety and been the voices to protect me but in my case, they were the ones perpetrating them. Coming up as a child, I was taught to respect your elders and don’t question authority.” For many years Regina wore this burden on her heart and didn’t not seek help. Even when she felt it was under control, it still manages to unexpectedly sneak back into her life. I asked Regina, “Can a haunting traumatic past like this ever go away? “ Regina: “We can learn to overcome and thrive. We are emotional beings and there is always the possibility life may throw a curve ball. And we readdress the feelings at that particular time. With that said, professional counseling can help you reduce the impact of these curve balls.” The constant variable in life is that there is no constant variable, and the only thing absolutely certain in our life is that there will be change. Here is the definition of change. The key word here is ‘different’. Experiencing different is scary. Fear paralyzes us from making choices, but if you never make a choice on anything, you will always do nothing. On the other hand, sometimes change is made as the result of fear.

For example, I sought Regina’s programs and personal self-defense lessons as a reaction to a scary experience. But I continue to work out every day as a proactive measure to my fear of the consequences of leading an unhealthy life. I asked Regina, “What do you think keeps women from coming forward to face their fears in order to become better versions of themselves mentally and physically? Regina stopped and paused for a moment. Then she carefully and thoughtfully spoke these words: “You know, society in general says, ‘If a woman looks like this, then this woman is beautiful.’ So a woman that has been assaulted in the past may subconsciously feel that if they do not look like what society says is beautiful, then maybe nobody will want to assault them. It’s a way of protecting themselves. If there is so much pain from their previous experiences, sometimes they cannot make that trade off to be healthy. They guard themselves from the fear of a recurring past. If this is the only way they know to guard themselves then this is where they will stay. This is their defense line.” Regina and I both see fear in the women we work with, but in different situations. Regina sees women with fear that also feel they are not worth protecting. She looks at case studies and creates ways for women to protect themselves through awareness and focus in different situations - not force. Regina works with women who are like me. They have been in a situation that scares them and they want to feel secure. I know my scare was tiny compared to what it could have been, but the fear made my whole body tremble and paralyzed me for days. I knew I never want to feel that again. She also works with women who are not necessarily living in fear or reacting to a situation. These are women who are proactive because of their living knowledge of inner cities. Women who have lived and witnessed the tragic possibilities of tough cities. Regina says, “Women that come from places where crime is so prevalent, they know the realities first hand. They want to add a reality-based training that’s going to give them hands-on, time tested techniques should they need them.” Now in the fitness industry, I see women that are reacting out of fear. Perhaps a spouse has said something, or they saw a glimpse in the mirror. There was a trigger that made them pick up the phone and call me. A decision to make a change out of fear. On the other hand, I also work with women who are relatively healthy but they have a close connection with the consequences of living an unhealthy life. Whichever fear is the catalyst to take action, frequently Regina and I both see the third and worst kind of fear. Fear that paralyzes a woman from taking action. I dig deep with women whom have the fear that feel they are not worthy of a better and healthier life. Regina seeks women she can serve that feel they are not worth protecting. I asked Regina, “It all boils down to how a woman values her worth. Why might some women fear they are not worth protecting or losing weight? Regina: “When a woman is assaulted, someone else has said, ‘Your thoughts, your opinions and your preferences are not important.’ They have taken away your voice because their desires are more important than yours. When someone takes your voice and your liberties from you, and there is no one there to advocate for you, it’s very difficult to find the confidence to advocate for yourself. When I asked Regina to allow me to interview her she told me from the very beginning, “Erika, at this time, I’m really struggling to keep my health a priority. I’ve had some recent contact with people from 35

my traumatic past that have thrown me into an emotions curve ball. I have not responded to it the way I thought I would. It’s had a very negative impact on me to the point where I sought counseling. This interview will be very raw.” We all need help because we don’t have the skill or ability to handle everything life dishes out. It doesn’t matter how many months, years or even decades have passed, anything can trigger it again. There is no shame in reaching out for help.” It’s time we all step forward and become proactive with our fears. I want every woman to pull back their dark draperies and see the light for what it can be. In that light, there will be fear. Once we accept the fear, embrace the fear, and prepare for the fear we can collectively encourage other women to reach out for help and do the same. Regina said her intention for this article is to give courage to women who identify with her experiences to seek help, so they too can be comfortable being their authentic self. Imagine yourself sitting in a dark room, looking at a window covered by thick, black velvet draperies. This room is completely void of the light of life or your future. You have been sitting in this room for years blinded by the darkness of your heavy past and you don’t know what is on the other side. As you quietly and patiently sit in this room feeling a bit unsettled you wonder what might await on the other side of the gloomy drapery but you never dare to take a peek for fear of exposure to what is unknown. The drapery aggressively blocks you from seeing the beautiful sunny day and feeling the heat of life. I see your light and I see your potential but until you make the decision to pull back the drapery and expose yourself to the light, you will forever be hiding your authentic self from the beauty of the world and depriving the world YOUR inner light. Fast forward five years. You’ve pushed open the draperies and have allowed yourself to live in the light but just like all pasts, they dwell in our subconscious. From time to time you find yourself sitting in the void, dark room but now you know what the light feels like. The drapery may fall back from time to time but now that you have opened up your awareness and this allows you to see the opportunity and continue to fight to keep the light in. There is only one YOU in this universe and none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. Embrace your fear and welcome the pain and tears of your emotions because only then can you live authentically. I plead with you, do not deprive the world of your authentic self. You are amazing and worthy of a happy and healthy life.

Oh, that every woman knew how to defend herself and would! http://www.reginarowley.com/

Bare Pt. 2: Anxiety By Nicole Stone

I’m stripped, I’m bare, I’m left with nothing.

Before, during, after. That’s the feeling when I’m having an anxiety attack. It happens sometimes during the most stressful times, or it happens when you least expect it. There is no telling when or why, it just happens. Having anxiety means feeling everything all at once and then feeling nothing at all. Some days you are completely normal, other days you feel like you’re going to fall apart. I always knew I got anxious easily and I always thought something was wrong with me, but I couldn’t explain why. I thought I wasn’t normal, I thought I was just crazy. It was mostly because of the relationships I had, with friends, boyfriends, coworkers I was always worrying about something. When I was in a relationship I would be the one to call a million times and worry about every little thing, fight over every little thing and the worst part is I knew how I acted and I hated who I was because of it but for some reason ...I couldn’t stop. I loved way to much, people always told me that I cared way too much, but I couldn’t help it. I give my all into everything I do and yea people will say that’s a great quality but it also comes with it’s consequences. You’re always stressing over every little detail, you’re constantly worrying; always worrying that my work wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough for relationships, for my parents, my sister, my friends…

I was never good enough I didn’t realize I had an actual anxiety disorder until my freshman year of college. I started dating my boyfriend, David, and my anxiety started happening again, I could feel myself just messing up over and over again. I didn’t mean to be controlling, I didn’t mean to call a million times, I was just anxious. I can’t even count the nights when David would come over and find me on the floor, crying and I couldn’t explain why, why I was sad, angry, depressed. And that hurt him so much because he didn’t know what to do, he would freak out because he didn’t know how to make me feel better, there was nothing he could do because it wasn’t his fault, it was mine. I was to blame for being like this, and that would hurt me so much knowing that he had to deal with this, deal with me, so I started to push him away. I thought it would be better if I went through this alone so he wouldn’t have to constantly worry if I’m alright. But he fought, he fought and fought for me, he’s pretty stubborn so I figured out. I realized he wasn’t going anywhere and seeing him fight for me made me realize that I need to fight for myself. I decided that I had enough. I couldn’t keep living in fear, hating myself and pushing everyone away, pushing him away. I made an appointment at the psychological services center at my school. Once a week I would go and talk, that was the worst part, explaining what you go through every day, how the smallest of things have the biggest effect on you, to me it just felt like admitting I was crazy. I hated going but at the same time I tried to have hope that this will help me get better. No one knew I was going except my best friend and David, I couldn’t bring myself to tell my family what I was doing. After a couple of weeks I took some tests and was diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and dysthymia. When I heard those words, there were like a flood of emotions that ran through me, I couldn’t tell if I was upset that I was “labeled” now or if I was relieved because now I could put a name to a face, so to speak. I wasn’t crazy but I definitely wasn’t normal. I’m not still not sure why God placed these obstacles in my life, but like David always reminds me, “He won’t give you anything that you can’t handle.” And he’s right, I was made this way for a reason and even though I still don’t know what the heck I’m doing I’m going to continue to fight. This past Sunday David & I went to church and the message was all about divine burdens and how they lead to divine directions. I’m excited to continue my journey and find my divine direction and then share it with all of you! Thank you for taking a step out of your life to read a piece of mine.

Nicole Stone, Student, Entrepreneur, Author

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