December 2009

the

laureate

Volume XXVII: Issue 3 2

Lassiter High School

October 2009

emily kehner/staff

At Shop With A Trojan, Renaissance Student Leaders team up with Santa Claus to brighten the holiday season for those who are less fortunate in our community.

Lassiter lends its hands for the holidays emily kehner editor-in-chief

The halls of Lassiter are filled with students fortunate enough to fully embrace the winter holidays, receiving gifts galore from their adoring parents and even from many of their friends. Around this cold season, Lassiter’s hallways are also decked with posters and advertisements to help less fortunate members of the community experience these happy holidays too. Trojans come together to form clubs and organizations which always lend a hand to the school community during these bustling, wallet-straining times.

Teaming up with Renaissance this year will not stop previous LSC members (now Renaissance student leaders) from carrying out their holiday service project: Shop with a Trojan. This year, the event took place

on December 12th. Renaissance members raised money to fund this event. From corporate donations to bagel sales in Skylight, the student leaders found creative ways to collect the money. At this event, underprivileged children experience a “Breakfast with Santa” in Lassiter’s café and enjoy time shopping for their holiday gifts with our high school students.

Lindsay Tuman, 12, loves Shop with a Trojan because “the kids always surprise us by getting gifts for their families as well as themselves.” The parents of these children also receive gift cards to local grocers in order to provide a meal for the family, “giving them a real holiday,” according to Lindsay. By giving these families a happy holiday experience without all the expenses, Renaissance helps create wonderful winter memories for these children and their families.

Other clubs prefer to take a

Holiday Cheer

New school calendar brings controversy to Cobb County PAGE 2

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the Hampton’s

more anonymous approach. For example, a number of Lassiter clubs have teamed up to donate gifts to those of our community. Spanish NHS and the Business department “adopted” families from the community for the holiday season. Members donated items from the provided wish lists for these families. Other groups, including NHS and Peer Helpers, are donating toys to the “Toys for Tots” organization to be distributed to less fortunate children around us. Boxes for donations have been placed around the school so that anyone can help! Even though the giving is entirely anonymous, those who donate know that they have had a positive effect. The president of NHS, Christian Erdman, 12, explains that “as people who enjoy many privileges, giving back to others helps to put everything in perspective and helps us realize how much we can do to make someone else’s life that much better.”

Science NHS and English NHS are also gathering presents, but theirs will be sent overseas to the men and women who fight for our country.

These gifts will bring some joy to the holiday season for the brave soldiers who cannot be home with their families during this holiday season.

Many other organizations throughout Lassiter also help our community, from those at Lassiter to those overseas fighting for our country. These service-oriented clubs, including everything from Spanish, Science, and National Honor Societies to Beta Club and Renaissance, support our community throughout the school year, but most especially at the holidays. This season is when the need is greatest and people anticipate a happy season of family. With the helping hands of Lassiter students, these joys are made possible.

happy new school holidays sports records! lassiter! Lassiter Trojans rewrote the record books during great seasons of volleyball and football.

PAGE PAGE 11 5

PAGE 12-13

14-15 PAGE 21

index THE 411 2-3 TROJAN TALK 4-7 A&E 8-9 FEATURES 10-11 CENTERSPREAD 12-13 JFF 14-15 COMEDY CENTRAL 16-19 SPORTS 20-23

2

The 411

Invisible Children enlightens students cory shaw staff writer

When Invisible Children came to Lassiter on November 17th, the students were educated on the current Civil War in Uganda. Many social studies classes made their way to the theater to watch two documentaries on the war, buy gifts that support its end, and sign a citizen’s arrest warrant for Joseph Kony, head of the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA).

A history of Africa’s longest running war helps to detail the mission behind this movement. According to the Invisible Children website, “the war in northern Uganda has been called the most neglected humanitarian emergency in the world today. For the past 23 years, the LRA and the Government of Uganda (GoU) have been waging a war that has left nearly two million innocent civilians caught in the middle.”

Joseph Kony has been the head of the LRA and has kidnapped thousands of children to fight against the government. Invisible Children’s mission is “…a social, political, and global movement using the transformative power of story to change lives. By inspiring youth culture to value creativity, idealism, and sacrifice, the movement fuels the most effective, adaptable, and innovative programs in the world.”

The winter holidays are quickly approaching and Invisible Children asks, “what will be your legacy?” as they continue their quest for peace

in central Africa. Their website continues that “the things that bring us the most joy don’t come with a barcode. This Christmas, as you fulfill your holiday shopping, give a gift that will create lasting change by donating on behalf of a loved one to the Invisible Children Legacy Fund.”

Now Lassiter has joined in making the dreams of these development programs into a reality. Through the club PAC (Politically Active Citizens), the international “Schools for Schools” (S4S) program hopes to raise money for the cause. The mission of S4S is to find “sustainable ways for secondary schools to continue to raise the bar of education in the north… using grassroots principles and engaging community involvement on all decisions concerning how funds are spent at each school.” Their website continues to say “three of the ten schools we chose had been displaced for over 15 years by the conflict. The S4S program is dedicated to helping these schools by ensuring that they return to their original sites, complete with brand new structures.”

Lassiter High School was given the opportunity to make a difference for the children of northern Uganda when the organization visited the school – and the student body came through with great willingness.

Ally Stone, 11, comments that “now the standards will be set even higher for the upcoming winter holidays.”

skye rubel/staff Sutherlan Booth, 10, shows support with a t-shirt about the Invisible Children.

skye rubel/staff Handmade in Uganda, these bracelets are sold to rebuild schools in Africa.

invisiblechildren.com

Next year’s schedule brings controversy katie hayes staff writer

The new calendar for the 2010-2011 school year has revealed a difference of opinion among students, staff, and parents all around Cobb County. The new schedule contains two new vacations: a fall break and winter break. But with the gift of these new breaks, two weeks of summer vacation have also been taken away. Of 100 students and teach-

ers polled at Lassiter, 48 agree that they like the new calendar, 35 people do not and 17 claimed that it didn’t matter to them. Taylor Robbins,11, says, “I really don’t care about it because it will be my SENIOR YEAR and it will be awesome anyways!”

With all the AP classes and extracurricular activities, students have a lot on their plate. “Breaks from school keep me motivated and give me something to look forward to,” says Emily Edwards, 10. School can be very stressful and with these extra

breaks, many students believe they will be able to accomplish more. Mr. Shaw says, “I think that more breaks will be beneficial to the students because it will give kids a time to relax and prevent them from burning out.”

On the other side of the argument, a substantial amount of students strongly dislike the new calendar.

“Summer is definitely the best time of year, and taking away two weeks of it is just plain wrong,” says Eli Long, 11. However, the idea is growing on many at Lassiter as they begin to ac-

cept additional fall and spring breaks and give away a part of summer.

The new breaks will also be very helpful for the teachers to relax and have a chance to refresh their plans. It may even put them in better moods, which is always good for students.

This also will give teachers a chance to catch up on grading assignments, which will knock off the stress of getting behind. Mr. Shaw says, “It has worked well in other schools that have recently tried it, and I am eager to see how it goes here at Lassiter.”

3 compiled by alex medders/staff writer

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Scientists made a breakthrough discovery of 40 ne w animal species. The animals live in a virtually undisturbed ra inforest in a volcano crater. So me of these new species includ e miniscule bear-like creature s, fish that make snorting nois es, kangaroos that dwell in the tr eetops, fanged frogs, and what ap peared to be the world’s larges t rat (having absolutely no fear of humans).

Lassiter blood drive a success

amrita banerjee staff writer

The holiday season is a time for giving, and what better way to give than by donating blood? On Monday, November 16th, Lassiter students had an opportunity to positively impact the lives of other people through donations of blood to the Red Cross Blood Drive. The blood drive was sponsored by Interact Club, led by Mrs. Perkerson and President Alexis Caldwell, 11, for the Red Cross.

The event was held in the small gymnasium from eight in the morning to the beginning of sixth period, when clean-up began. The Red Cross set up its equipment and organized

the papers to get ready for donors to come in and give blood. Interact Club volunteers also came to help give donors snacks and drinks after donation occurred. During each period, donors came at the time of their appointment and brought an identification card.

After showing their identification, donors were then set up to give blood in one of the nearby hospital beds, while the nurses prepared to draw blood. While most donors stayed calm, many were quite nervous. Some even fainted after the needle was inserted. Libby Butgereit, 11, recalled, “I felt both nervous and excited to donate blood. Since this was not my first time giving blood, I knew what the experience was like.”

Students who fainted were quickly given juice and snacks. Mrs. Perkerson reflected, “I felt like a mother hen when some students felt a little woozy after donating--usually the result of not eating a good breakfast.” Fortunately, most students handled it well.

The 2009-2010 fall semester blood drive was a definite success.

Exactly seventy-six pints of blood were donated, and about two-hundred and twenty-eight people were helped. The blood was taken to various hospitals around the area and given to patients in need of surgery or in dire accidents. Lassiter will continue this tradition of donating blood since it is for a good cause, saving the lives of so many people.

By the

numbers compiled by amrita banerjee

36 12

2009 seniors went to UGA

2009 seniors went to Georgia State

22

2009 seniors went to Georgia Southern

20

amrita banerjee/staff

amrita banerjee/staff

Lassiter students take pride in helping those in need; in total, the student body donated seventy-six pints of blood.

2009 Seniors went to Georgia Tech

4 mary ann staak centerspread editor

Trojan Talk and slide down the slopes. Or to just build a snowman. Or just to see it falling from the sky. Whatever the reason, travelling north for the holiday season is definitely a trip I recommend.

What better way to get into the spirit than to go up to some desolate state where the weather is in the teens and it has turned from wilderness to winter wonderland? There is no better way! Going out of your way to escape the cold—now that’s no fun. Don’t give me the overused excuse of “it’s too cold!” You know there is more than one way to get warm in December! Whether it’s turning up the heat (not very energy-friendly though), making a big mug of hot cocoa, or curling up with your sweetheart on the couch by the fire, it is easy to stay warm with the weather is frightful. Why ruin your winter with

summer activities anyway? People go to the beach and to the tropics to escape the cold and then when summer comes, you are wondering why you wasted your holidays at the beach instead of at home with friends attending holiday parties.

My advice? Embrace the snow. Well, figuratively of course if you’re staying in Georgia this holiday season. There’s not much snow to embrace here. But don’t spend your holidays in the exact opposite weather that there is supposed to be in December. So instead of packing your beach toys pack your snow gear and travel as far north as you dare to see the snow. Buy a pack of hot cocoa and take your favorite person along too. Have a happy holiday season and let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

O R P

The holidays are all about winter—and snow. From snowball fights to decorated snowmen to snow angels, seeing that cold powdery stuff right around the holiday season is tradition for our whole society. How could you miss out on that? It has become something that you expect at this time of year. It gets really cold and snows…well, with the exception of Georgia. It’s only natural though that since it doesn’t snow here you travel up north to slap on a pair of skis

Let it snow this holiday season?

seasclipartmicro.com

katie zion editor-in-chief

ing swimming on Christmas morning?

For the past three years, my family has gone on a cruise over the holidays. Although weird at first, the December experience of hot Caribbean weather is definitely worthwhile. Instead of drinking hot chocolate by the fire, you can enjoy a tropical drink by the pool.

Instead of a snowball fight, you can throw a frisbee or race on the beach.

Instead of frumpy winter coats and UGG boots, you wear bathing suits and flip flops. These trips definitely flashback to summer; everyone even comes back with a fresh tan in the palest months of the year. The change from snow to sun will enhance every aspect of your holiday experience.

Any break in the traditions of the holidays may be too drastic for some. Many think a change in their habitual holiday location would end traditions or lack significance. However, the staff on cruise ships go out

of their way to accommodate every traveler’s request. Performers on the ship present holiday themed productions, sing Christmas carols, provide genuine hospitality, and show holiday cheer. Everyone can customize their trip and make the ship just like home.

If not a cruise, any trip to a warm climate (maybe Florida) would work. The residents of warm areas always celebrate in the heat. If they can handle it, so can everyone at Lassiter! The holidays stay special in every setting. Changing the usual backdrop will definitely enhance --not degrade- your holiday experience.

Change up your holiday season. Leave the winter chill in Cobb County to relax out in the sun. Don’t embrace the snow; embrace this time off to travel and explore. Leave the “Winter Wonderland” at home and escape to paradise. You will not regret it.

N O C

What makes a perfect holiday season? When asked this question, most Lassiter students envision eating with family on Thanksgiving, setting up their Christmas trees, decorating, wrapping presents, opening presents, and many more special holiday activities. As descriptions of activities varied among students, the same exact backdrop and setting was described by everyone: snow. Does a chilly snow scene honestly play that large of a role in the holidays?

Let’s switch things up. How about laying out on the beach or go-

“S m a r t” choices emily weissert features editor

The healthy choice has not always been the tasty choice. When at home, people tend to grab the candy bar sitting on the counter rather than the apple in the fridge. It is this food laziness, and many other reasons, that Americans are gaining weight by the tens of pounds. However, the latest thing to hit the shelves is in hope of changing the weight of Americans one calorie at a time – the invention of the 100 calorie pack. Item after item is being packaged in diet portions and sold to the millions of customers that eagerly buy these overpriced snacks.

Supposedly great for portion control, this comes with its disadvantages. To compensate for this feeling of dissatisfaction, I feel myself longing for more after finishing a small package of 100 calorie pretzels, and then over eating. These packages also tend to give people the wrong impression. Small packages mean a small amount of food, which in turn meant the person can eat more packages because technically there is “less food in it.” This deception has given people numerous excuses to eat not just one or two of the 100 calorie packs, but five or six.

However, for those that do have self control and a clear mind about how calories work, the 100 calorie pack is genius. It’s a convenient little travel pack that gives you just the right amount of food to give you that last needed burst of energy you need to get through those long nights of procrastination. It also keeps those mindless eaters from eating an entire pound of Doritos just because they are bored. It has become more of a convenience than a dieter’s dream.

The 100 calorie packs are simply a license to overeat; not a stop sign telling you to stop eating, but a small speed bump meant to slow you down. They haven’t caused dramatic weight loss or made people increasingly overweight; they simply have existed and have kept lunch making moms from having to use zip lock bags for their child’s chip selection.

5 Want to tell LHS how you feel? broadheadoptimistclub.org

Holiday food fest: Just walk it off? natalie kieta staff writer Most of us have heard the phrase, “Eat with your stomach and not with your eyes.” It is common to pile on those scrumptious holiday dishes that just look so appetizing. Between the heavenly stuffing and the gooey marshmallows atop the sweet potatoes, what is there not to love? Those ambitious enough to make a mountain of food on their plate and eat it all may begin fasting for the beginning of the day. Others may simply cut down on their snacking. However you go about building up an appetite, there really is no way to avoid that food baby bound to develop after you devour your plate full of food.

The best way is to sample a little bit of every dish at the table while keeping the possibility for seconds open. A slow but steady approach is sure to satisfy you at holiday meals.

Although this strategy is fairly sensible, many people choose to ignore it. In fact, thousands choose to ignore it. Every year, it is some of these lucky thousand that end up in the hospital due to symptoms of overeating. Doctors admit that every year patients begin showing up around 4 P.M., always “like clockwork.” Hospitals are prepared as they always staff extra employees to work shifts that night. Chest pain, shortness of breath, or nausea can be symptoms you have taken a few bites too many.

Sometimes it may be that too much salt from the foods has put strain on your heart. There are numerous problems that can arise from something so seemingly simple.

One of the best ways to avoid what could be your next hospital

visit, other than of course not overeating, is to go for a walk after your feast. Not a run or some vigorous exercise that might cause even more stomach pain, but a brisk walk in the cold winter air. Overindulgence can be compensated for with a walk or other calorie-burning exercise, but the best precautions to take are simply not to overeat. Try to avoid eating anything later that night, wait until morning; a few hours won’t kill you.

The holidays are a time when family and friends are gathered around together, essentially the purpose for the celebration. So make it about spending time with them, rather than trying to beat your brother to the last piece of pumpkin pie that we both know you can live without.

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Is Lassiter too PC? mary ann staak centerspread editor

The holiday season brings a lot of things. But one thing it shouldn’t bring is censorship. Every year it’s the same—you hesitate to straight up say “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Chanukah” because you don’t want to offend anyone. How could you offend someone by just wishing them a happy holiday? Why would someone become offended if you wish them a safe and merry time with their family on whatever holiday he or she may be celebrating, even if you say the wrong one? I think it’s a bit ridiculous. The holiday season is about love, giving, and joy not about being offended and trying to be politically correct.

Don’t get me wrong though.

I’m not saying we should all celebrate one holiday. Everyone has different beliefs and all of them should be respected no matter what. But honestly, how offended are you really going to be if someone who is Christian wishes you a “Merry Christmas” when you celebrate Chanukah? If you are feeling like that’s inappropriate, I think you need

to relax and bit and remember—it’s the thought that counts. They aren’t purposely trying to call you out or embarrass you; they really are just trying to offer you a kind word this holiday season. So why does our society get so offended? I don’t know about you guys, but I’d much rather have a Christmas tree than a “holiday” tree.

If it’s a crime to say “Merry Christmas” then it is a crime to have to censor your holiday wishes. Is our world that censored that we have to change even the humblest of sayings to each other? I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all! I think we have become way too politically correct and it’s a shame.

It makes me sad to hear someone correct themselves after saying “Merry Christmas” or to hear someone correct their wisher by pointing out a different holiday practice. It disappoints me that even the holidays, the happiest and most cheerful time of the year, has been changed to make sure that no one gets left behind. What a shame. So if someone happens to wish an incorrect “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Chanukah”, I will not be offended and neither should you.

Everyone should forgive simple mistakes about the specifics. Everyone deserves a happy holiday greeting. So let me wish you an uncensored Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah.

6

Trojan Talk

Christmas > Christmahanukkwanzakuh

clark franzman guest writer

It’s Christmas time Lassiter!

Christmas Christmas Christmas time!

I over emphasized Christmas there just a smidge for a reason. That reason being that I am sick of people referring to this time of the year as “the holiday season.” While it is true, two other major holidays fall around Christmas time, they don’t hold a candle to Christmas (get it, because the other two use candles).

I mean c’mon! my Jewish and African brothers, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa are great. You get multiple nights of presents and fellowship with friends and family, but I mean c’mon! My Jewish friends argue that they get 8 nights of presents, but honestly 8 nights of spinning tops and chocolate coins doesn’t really compare to one morning of x-box 360’s and razor scooters!

And I am not gonna lie, I

don’t know anything about Kwanzaa at all, but I am pretty sure Kwanzaa doesn’t have a jolly magical man with a team of flying reindeer that can defy every law of physics ever conceived to deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls. Plus how often do you get to drag a tree inside your house and cover it with as much shiny stuff you can find? Once a year if you celebrate Christmas!

Now before you start writing me death threats and calling Al Sharpton on me, just know I am not talking about this from a religious stand point, I am strictly talking about this from a celebration stand point. I’m not here to argue about who is right and wrong. I am just talking about who can throw a better party. Actually, who can throw the best party.

All I‘m saying is that I’ve never seen a Hanukkah sweater or gone up to Lake Lanier to look at the Kwanzaa lights.

courtney ciesielski/staff Clark Franzman, 12, offers his witty approach to the holiday season.

They’re wanted, but dead or alive? cate cash jff editor

When it comes to buying the perfect Christmas tree for any family there is one main dilemma that many people face: real or fake? For many people the idea of replacing a real tree with a fake one is heinous. It can take away from the whole feeling of the holiday season. However, for others the idea of having to water the tree, sweep up the pines, it leaves on the floor, and make sure it is just the right height also gets very annoying.

First, when dealing with a real tree you must consider three things; money, maintenance, and effect. This year, during the holiday season, everyone will be looking for different ways to save money. With some parents out of jobs and prices on certain products not having any leeway, the tree will not be an item to splurge on. It is true you could go to the mountains somewhere and find yourself a tree to chop down like any respectful Lassiter boy would do. However, for many families getting a real tree means traveling up to the nearest tree lot and picking one

out. These trees can range from about forty to one hundred and fifty dollars, so when you are picking one out from the higher range of prices, be sure to really love it. Now when it comes to easy maintenance and a real tree, the two do not mix. From trying to get the tree on top of the car to setting it up in the living room it is just a nightmare.

Fights are always bound to break out, so be prepared. However, the effect a real tree has on a room during Christmas after it is set up with lights and decorations is magnificent. There is just something about the smell of a real tree and the way it looks that screams Christmas. It is always then that you know the struggle was worth it.

Now when it comes to a fake tree, the same three things must be considered. We will start with the investment of buying the tree. In my opinion, a fake tree is something every family should buy and always have on hand. The fake trees cost just about the same as the real ones. Although, unlike the ones from the lot that end up in the garbage at the end of the season, a fake tree will last you many more years to come. You could even just buy a smaller fake tree and put it in your foyer for effect (while the real tree sits in the living room with all the presents under it). No matter what, buying a fake tree, even if you do not have a place for it, screams

good idea. One great thing about them is they require no maintenance at all. Once you get them out of their box all you have to do is set the stick up on the stand, put the branches into the holes in the pole, and decorate. If you come from a family that does not like a lot of fuss over things, a fake tree is the way to go.

When the Christmas season kicks in and you find yourself faced with the dilemma of buying a real or fake tree, always do what feels best. There is no right or wrong answer here, truthfully. Each tree has something great to offer everyone. Plus it is the holidays! The last thing you want to be doing during your days off is wondering what tree to pick! Have fun with it and pick the one that fits y o u best. www.merryxmastrees.com Each year around the holidays, families debate about whether to decorate a real or fake Christmas tree based on their prices, maintenance, and overall effect.

7 The Laureate Staff 2009-2010

The new Chanukah tradition

Editors-in-Chief Katie Zion Emily Kehner Trojan Talk Editor Lindsay Hopkins A&E Editor Taylor Hayes Sports Editor Kevin Ankerholz Comedy Central Editor Courtney Ciesielski JFF Editor Cate Cash Features Editor Emily Weissert The 411 Editor Skye Rubel Centerspread Editor The Laureate Staff Mary Ann Staak 2009-2010 Editors-in-Chief Copy Editors Katie Zion Tyler EmilyMolinaro Kehner

Cory Shaw

Trojan Talk Editor Lindsay Hopkins Staff Writers Amrita Banerjee Alex Medders A&E Editor Frank Coutinho Julia Regeski Taylor Hayes Katie Hayes Natalie Kieta Jack Herman Sports Editor Kevin Ankerholz

skye rubel news editor My fellow Jews might get mad at me. My Christian peers might think I’m trying to copy them. The Chanukah bush lives to bring controversy during the holiday season. Though my decision to celebrate Chanukah with shrubbery might anger some, it has become an enjoyable tradition in my family. A few weeks before Chanukah starts, we all get together to make decorations out of Play-Doh--- Stars of David, Noah’s Ark, Hebrew letters--- and hang them on our three foot tall take tree. We sit near the bush and sing the Dreidel Song as we eat our latkes and star-shaped cookies. Many religious Jewish people may disagree with our decision to have a Chanukah bush but it is a beloved tradition of ours that brings joy to the Festival of Lights.

First and foremost, I understand that trees are usually associated with Christmas. In the seventh century, a monk went to Thuringia in Germany to teach the word of God. He used the triangular shape of a fir tree to describe the Holy Spirit. The German people began to revere the fir tree after many years of doing so to oak trees.

It was here that the tradition of Christmas trees began. As for the history of

The VENT

Courtney Ciesielski

LHSPRESS@GMAIL.COM

compiled by alex medders/ staff

“When students don’t show up to school for an exam but then later on in the day come to school”

-Dr. Brown

Advisor Mr. Todd Henry Comedy Central Editor

The Laureate is a student publiJFF Editor cation of Lassiter High School; a Cate Cash member of the Georgia Scholastic Press Association. Editorials reflect Features Editor writers the opinions of individual Emily Weissert and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Lassiter High School, Cobb Countyto Schools, their adWant tellorLHS ministrators. Financial support for feel?

The how Laureateyou is obtained through We welcome guest advertising and generous patron submissions to contributions. Contact through The Laureate. the school address or by email[cartoons, editorials, ing lhspress@gmail.com. pictures, and more]

the Chanukah bush? Well, there isn’t temple. This is why we light a menoone. But in my case, we started deco- rah and celebrate for eight days. My rating a small tree when I was in ele- family understands the meaning of mentary school. I was the only Jewish Chanukah and we have great pride student and I felt completely out of for our religion. If we embrace the place. We started the Chanukah bush words of God and try to be as moral as a fun way to celebrate the holiday as possible, does it really matter if we have a while still Chanuembracing kah bush our culture. in the

It is living important room? to point out

The that Chanufact of kah is not the matthe equivter is that alent of times are Chr istmas. changChristmas is ing. Both considered Chanuto be a makah and jor holiday Christin Christianmas are ity; Chanuabout kah is relaacknowltively minor edging in Judaism. one’s reliIn the Unitgion and ed States, skye rubel/staff s p e n d Chanukah ing time is becoming Some Jewish families celebrate with a modified progressively Christmas tradition: a decorated Chanukah bush. with loved ones. Remore about time with family, delicious food, and gardless of whether or not someour religious freedom. The signifi- one agrees with the ways of my cance of the Festival of Lights is that family, we embrace the meaning of the Maccabees fought for their reli- the holidays. Our Chanukah bush gious liberty and that one small flask has become a fun tradition that I of oil remained lit for eight days in the hope to keep for years to come.

“When people behind me sneeze on me” -Tess Huntington, 11

“People who don’t pick up their “When people crack their knuckles” feet when they walk”

-Ashtin Thomas, 10 -Mallory Zimmerman, 10

“When math teachers give free days before the test.”

-Michaela Leanard, 12 “People that stop walking right in front of you”

-Ashley Layton, 10

“When people talk to you when your headphones are in and they expect you to be listening to them” -Jordan McCormick, 11

“Having to pay extra for a regular coke at school”

-Kyle Jones, 11

“When people make fun of me.”

- Allie Snyder, 10

8

A&E

He Saw, She Saw: Oher and The Blind Side take in a homeless black boy who goes to her kid’s school, Michael Oher (Quinton Aaron). Through spending time with Michael, the two kids in the family, S.J. Tuohy (Jae Head) and Collins Tuohy (Lily Collins), soon treat him as their older brother. After one day in the car when Michael saves S.J’s life the family knows he is more than just a stranger in their home. The Tuohy family officially adopts Michael and gives him the identity he has always wanted. Together, they come to know and love Michael as one of their own.

From Tennessee to Alabama all the coaches come to watch Mi-

chael play football. However, things go badly after Michael finally chooses a team, and the NCAA has to investigate the Tuohy’s motives in adopting Michael. Was it because they thought he would be good at football and could play for a team they love? Or was it really because they wanted him as part of their family? You will only get the answer if you go see the movie!

All in all, if you love movies that touch your heart and make you feel like there is still some good in the world, go see this one. It is worth the money, and I promise everyone in your family will enjoy it. Sandra Bull-

ock does an amazing job at playing the role of the Leigh Anne Tuohy.

She makes the movie all the more real for the audience. At the end, they show actual footage of the real Michael Oher and family when he is chosen as a first round pick of the NFL Draft. The movie is truly amazing and I would encourage everyone to go out and see it this holiday season.

By the way, one of Lassiter’s own, Emily Weissert, can be seen in the film. She plays volleyball against Collins Tuohy and can be seen serving the ball in the #12 uniform.

frank coutinho staff writer

is still an underdog story at its finest.

“The Blindside” is the movie adaption of author John Lewis’s nonfiction novel by the same name. Directed

by John Lee Hancock (The Rookie) and featuring actors Sandra Bullock, Tim McGraw, and Quinton Aaron, the movie has a strong base of acting talent on which to develop its story.

Also featured in the film, and with notably less acting experience, are renowned college football coaches Phillip Fulmer, Lou Holtz, Nick Saban, and Houston Nutt. Sandra Bullock does a good job in the role of Leigh Anne Tuohy, the woman who originally brought Michael Oher into her family’s home. Quinton Aaron, with a massive frame unmatched by any more notable actor, portrays Oher’s part as a quiet, misunderstood boy

quite well. Together, the directing and acting unite to lay the foundation for the unlikely successes of one of sports’ most touching stories.

A different sports story needs a unique and unforgettable opening scene. The beginning of “The Blind Side” is unlike any sports move that I have ever seen before or any movie in general. The movie starts with Leigh Anne Tuohy’s narrating the dramatic1985 Monday Night Football “flee-flicker” disaster play. To be more specific, she goes, literally, second-by-second through the Washington Redskin’s failed pass attempt resulting in Lawrence Taylor’s crushing, career-ending sack of Redskins’ quarterback JoeTheismann. The film even slows in order to show the chilling image of Theismann’s unnaturally

twisted leg. Tuohy then goes on to explain how the legendary play of the defender Lawrence Taylor established a new found emphasis on the offensive position of left tackle, the player guarding the quarterback’s blind side.

The beginning of the movie I find to be extremely captivating and quite unlike anything I have ever seen. The introduction is an incredible hook to an incredible story that deals not only with football, but with life. The Blind Side is a movie that focuses on the behind the scenes efforts of a loving family that allowed an underprivileged child like Michael Oher to gain success. I recommend “The Blind Side” not only to sports fans, but to all movie goers looking for an inspiring movie experience. photo courtesy of imdb.com

If you have not already gone to see the movie, “The Blind Side,” over Thanksgiving break I suggest you go see it right now! This movie was the perfect feel good film to come out right around the holiday season. It has everything you need at this time of year: football, family, and a great story to share.

The movie, directed by John Lee Hancock, reveals a true story of a family currently living in Memphis, Tennessee. The mother, Leigh Anne Tuohy (Sandra Bullock), decides to

“The Blind Side” is not the typical sports movie. It is hardly a sports movie at all. A few high school football practices and the presence of college football coaching icons is all that serves to give the Blind Side a much needed nudge into the sports movie category. However, despite the fact that it is not completely sports oriented does not take away from the quality of the movie itself. The story of Michael Oher as told by “The Blind Side” shows all aspects of Michael Oher’s life, not only his stardom on the football field, but his impoverished past, generous upbringing, and the miraculous story of his success. Although there is no heroic fourth quarter comeback or overtime goal in “The Blindside”, it

lly On Nov. 19, Jay-Z officia e on earned his first number t hit song on Billboard Ho e pir “Em ng 100 for his so g State of Mind” featurin Alicia Keys. Jay-Z stated inthat the song “is about .” pe ho t spiration, it’s abou

this month

in

at Opening for Taylor Swift on nd Wembley Arena in Lo r on Nov. 24, Justin Biebe g rin du ge tripped onsta ne his performance of “O to Time.” He was rushed a the hospital and put in t. foo red cast with a fractu

In 2010, Shakira is launching a talent search to hire unknown artists as her world tour opening act.

MUSIC

e’s T.I. and Lil Wayn iqu Zonn e daughters cand Reginnae, respe eir th d rte tively, have sta th own musical group wi e two of their friends, th ve OMG Girlz. They ha sin eir already struck th .” dy gle hit “Ain’t Nobo

ce During her performan e th at s” of “Louboutin z pe Lo A.M.A.s, Jennifer r slipped off one of he rs male dancers’ shoulde tt. bu r and landed on he , During a later interview s Lopez claimed the fall wa raog ore part of the ch . phy and didn’t hurt a bit

compiled by taylor hayes/ a&e editor

cate cash jff editor

What do you listen to while you’re in the car?

52% 27% 21% lindsay hopkins/ trojantalk editor

e

9

Inside the art Studio:

Sarah Handlan sarah handlan Although frequently percieved as a photograph, this

detailed artwork was created by Sarah Handlan,12.

to recreate. Pictures of people are a constant in her portfolios. “I think of things I would like to draw and push

Art is more than just a hobby, it myself to make them the best I can,” is a passion and love for many people. explains Sarah when asked about her The students in the art rooms down inspiration. It is the desire to do better the hall from the cafeteria definitely with each and every piece of artwork agree. Their art is displayed all over that make Sarah’s work stand out the school among the from the rest. Creathalls outing her own side the art inspiration rooms to also makes the display each piece cases right u n i q u e outside the and differfront ofent from fice. Howthe next. ever, the

Sarah art done by has shown the Lassiter intense dedstudents ication to is not only her artwork. d i s p l aye d Each semesat school, ter in her but also high school outside. career, she The impreshad at least sive pieces one art created by class, with AP art stuthis year sarah handlan having three. dent, Sarah H a n d l a n , Sarah often creates portraits of Melanie Moore, 12. Her junior are no exand now ception; her work impress- senior years have been art intensive. es those in and out of school. Sarah has been in the AP art class

For as long as she can remem- both years and this has given her a ber, Sarah has “always been really into jump start on her journey to an art caart.” From the beginning, she has al- reer. These classes allow her valuable ways had something to draw with. The time to work on various pieces. She pieces she makes show this early love. creates artwork that would normally From oils to pastels, she has done it all. take about a week to finish; these are The pastels remain her favorite me- the pieces that will determine her coldium; people are her favorite object lege career. Portfolios are the key to

emily weissert features editor

getting into an art institute and that is what she has been working on in all her art classes. She completed a total of twenty four pieces last year. The art portfolios are split into two categories to best display the artist’s talent.

The first half is breaeth--pieces done in all different mediums of differernt

objects. The second half is concentration-- artwork that the artist creates while staying with one theme. “Last year my concentration was people playing with toys,” stated Sarah.

Sarah’s artwork is recognized in and out of school. She has displayed artwork in many art shows such as the Dogwood Festival and a Picasso Charity Auction. In both of these shows her art did extremely well, placing Top 14 at the Dogwood Festival and placing 1st at the Picasso Charity. Both of these awards are huge honors for Sarah. She also was awarded 2nd place at a competition between Pope and Lassiter. She has been looked at by several colleges that will even further her career. Overall, she has been highly sought after for her artistic abilities.

Sarah plans to forever have art in her life by majoring in art education; however, she also has plans if that does not work out. “I would like to do art therapy and help people that have been through tough situations cope with it through art,” explained Sarah.

Sarah Handlan is a talented artist that truly enjoys what she does. It is this love and passion that allows her to be the successful artist that she is meant to be.

sarah handlan Sarah frequently utilizes techniques of perspective in her artwork.

10

Features

Doubling the deeds katie hayes staff writer

‘Tis the season of giving and being thankful for everything we have.

Two of Lassiter’s students sure know how to give back to the community, while keeping plenty of time to hang out with friends, do outstanding in school, and play the sport they both love. These twin girls, Carly and Haley Zugel, are well known throughout the halls of Lassiter. “The Zugel twins always have smiles on their faces!

Just their presence can brighten up your day!” says Sabine Schartman, 11.

The Zugel’s charity of choice, the Brain Tumor Foundation for Children, plays a big part in the lives of these girls and helped them to realize how fortunate they are. For their sixteenth birthday party last year, rather than accepting gifts, they asked their friends to donate to this foundation!

“We raised more than one thousand dollars for the foundation from our party!” says Haley Zugel, 11. The Zugels’ chose this foundation because they know people affected by brain tumors and they were involved with

the foundation’s Christmas party last year. “It really touched our hearts when we were putting together Christmas letters for the foundation a few years back and we found out that we had to throw away almost a sheet of addresses because the children had passed away within the days of putting the letters together,”says Carly, 11.

Back in September, the twins got some of their friends together to do a fundraiser for the charity known as the Williams Walk. The girls and their friends walked in honor of a three carly zugel/lhs student year old girl named Catherine who has a brain tumor. These selfless girls The Zugel twins spend time with a few of the many children that benefit from want to give to these kids as much their hard work and dedication to the Brain Tumor Foundation for Children.

Not only have Carly and Haley as possible because they go through at all. What I want people to get out such hard times and still are able to of it is to learn to help others when- been able to give back in such a big stay positive and happy. Carly says, ever they can! Not only does it make way to their community, in the mean“Haley and I feel so moved to help the other person feel good, but you time both girls have been able to out because we feel like we are so will feel like a better person after- maintain 4.2 GPAs and keep up with lucky to have a great life and for all wards!” says Haley. Over the past AP and honors classes. They are both of our loved ones to be so healthy, so year the girls have been on the local a part of Lassiter’s lacrosse team and we want to help out others because news and in the newspaper, and Ha- love the aggressiveness of the sport.

The Zugel’s hope to inspire other that is the littlest thing we can do ley says, “We want people to realize to show just how thankful we are.” what we are doing isn’t about us. It’s teens to go out and show what they The twins encourage the Lassiter about those adorable kids that may stand for, give what you have even nation to get involved with chari- not live to see or do the things we if it’s not much, and show that you ties, “Helping out others is not hard have been able to, we are so blessed.” care during the season of giving.

D

E

C

emily kehner/staff Signs

of

DECA’s

continuous

hard

emily kehner editor-in-chief

All throughout a school day, Lassiter students come into contact with these four letters. From posters that advertise various marketing activities to the beloved LNN commercial for the new car raffle tickets, we constantly hear of DECA’s next promotion or activity.

Based on these advertisements for the club, we all know that DECA is a marketing organization, housed in the business/technology department and sponsored by Ms.

work

can

be

seen

all

emily kehner/staff

throughout

Palmer. All students are welcome to join the club in its efforts. Current and past projects include sending representatives to LA for a national marketing competition to just selling lollipops to classmates during a typical school day. We all see and hear of DECA on a very regular basis here at Lassiter, but what exactly do those four letters stand for?

After seeing one of the aforementioned posters in the stair well leading to the history hall, I began to ask my classmates and teachers where the name “DECA” came from. I

A

the

halls

of

Lassiter.

But

left school at the end of that day with my question unanswered. It seemed that no one in our school knew what the letters meant! Most responded in surprise, realizing for the first time that they honestly “have no idea.”

Some were able to generate a witty acronym on the spot. But still, I did not find an accurate answer to my question. Just when I began to think that “DECA” stands for nothing at all— that someone started the club and simply picked four letters that sound good together—Ryann Gildersleeve, 11, a strong leader within DECA,

what

does

D.E.C.A.

stand

for?

pointed me in the right direction and gave me just a little bit of hope.

She explained that “it used to stand for something, but the actual acronym has lost its meaning over time.”

Finally, I went straight to the source: Ms. Palmer. The club’s sponsor had to know the origin of its name! In discussing the organization with Ms. Palmer, I came upon the answer to my question. For all of you who still don’t know what it is, “DECA” stands for “Distributive Education Clubs of America, a marketing association for students.” Case closed.

11 Holiday Cheer at the Hampton’s

katie zion editor-in-chief

The holidays make winter a special season for all Lassiter students.

Some undeniably stand out as the most jolly and cheerful of all. Caroline Hampton, 12, a perfect example, definitely shows an immense love and passion for Christmas.

Christmas cannot come soon enough for this Lassiter senior. As soon as trick-or-treaters finish collecting candy on Halloween, Caroline begins preparing for her favorite time of year. Jordan Evans, 12, “love[s] being with Caroline during the holidays!

Her Christmas spirit is so fun and contagious!” Evans and many other close friends receive wrapped CDs with all the important Christmas carols— Nsync songs and Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” are a must. Caroline also often provides friends with Christmas coloring book pages and other holiday related items. She not only embodies the cheer of the season, but spreads this love to everyone around her.

Festive decorations adorn the Hampton home and Christmas carols play from early November until after the New Year. Annual decorations in-

clude eight trees, garland, ornaments, lights, wreaths, bows, reindeer, nutcrackers, and more. In addition, Mrs. Wanda Hampton, Caroline’s mother, displays her stunning collection of snowmen; the kitchen/entire house contains at least 200 snowman figures of various shapes and sizes. Yet, the most impressive part of their holiday décor is their largest Christmas tree: a beautiful, 15 foot tall tree sits in their den. Other trees exist in various rooms of the home; the shape and lights of Caroline’s personal tree shine from her room to the front of the house. Final decorations are put in place around the Thanksgiving holiday. Christmas music and movies usher in the finishing touches on the house and truly finalize the family’s holiday cheer.

The Hampton family follows a specific schedule each year on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.

Each year, they share a family dinner, attend the candlelight service at Johnson Ferry Baptist Church, enjoy Caroline’s special hot chocolate and open presents on the night before Christmas. Anticipation and excitement cause both Caroline and sister, Addie, to get up very early the next

morning. After waking their parents, the girls run downstairs to see what Santa has placed under their main tree. The family then makes and eats Christmas breakfast together-- their traditional meal includes sausage and eggs. Opening more gifts comes next-everyone unwraps presents one at a time in a circle by the tree. Caroline also spends time on Christmas with

best friend, Christen Beasley, 12. “We always meet and show each other our presents! It’s been a tradition since elementary school!” says Caroline.

Annual traditions with family and friends truly create Caroline’s endless holiday spirit; she absolutely loves the “warm and cheery atmosphere” of the entire season and the beloved Christmas day.

katie zion/staff Caroline Hampton, with Tessie and lots of wrapped gifts, poses underneath her family’s elaborate, fifteen-foot-tall Christmas tree.

Holiday “My favorite thing about the holidays is no school and everyone is happy!�

-AJ Perez, 10

Recipe fo

r Trojan h oliday cheer!

Region C hampion s........1 cu School of p excellence .....3 cups Santa.... ............... ........1 vis Hanukk it ah bush.. ........1 bu Mix Regi sh on Cham pions and school of excellence together.

Add in S anta & H anukkah bush. Ba ke for 30 mins at 400 degr ees. En joy!

Scrapbook

“What I love most about Hanukkah is all of my family coming together and getting to light our menorah!”

-Scott Schaffer, 11

“I love eggnog and cookies and Santa!

My favorite thing about Santa is his red suit.”

-Ellen Grade, 12

“I love Hanukkah more than any other holiday! It is the greatest time of the year. I love doing our holiday traditions together as a family most of all.”

-Julia Lebow, 9

Photos courtesy of Maggie O’H

14

JFF

~SUDOKU~

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Recipe for the Holidays 9 2

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I must admit, my family isn’t known for our cooking abilities. We get by with mushy pasta, overcooked chicken, and the occasionally burnt brownies. Even though we lack the skills needed to make most recipes, one never goes wrong: chocolate fudge for the holidays. Here’s the recipe:

Grandma’s Chocolate Fudge:

Ingredients: - 12 oz. pkg. semisweet chocolate chips - 14 oz. can sweetened condensed milk Directions: 1. Place chips and milk in microwave safe bowl.

2. Microwave on medium power for 2-3 minutes, stirring after 2 minutes.

3. Microwave, stirring at 1 minutes intervals, until chips are melted and mixture is smooth and thick.

4. Pour into greased 8” square pan and cool.

(You can also melt chips and milk in a saucepan over low heat.)

5

Heard in the Halls

Even if you have no luck in the kitchen, this recipe is sure to please. You’ll have your friends and neighbors begging for more!

Don’t hug me! No! We’re not friends!

Don’t hug me!

Your patio is showing!

cate cash/staff

Teacher to Student: I had a dream about you last night

CrossText Game

Jokes of the Month 1) What nationality is Santa Claus?

2) What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?

3) Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

4) What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa Claus?

compiled by Cory Shaw

1) North Polish 2) Crisp Kringle 3) He had low elf-esteem 4) Claustrophobic

15

Advice from Courtney and Taylor

cate cash/staff

Dear Courtney and Taylor,

With the economy in a downward spiral, I have been trying to save all my money as best I can. With the upcoming holiday season, I want to be able to afford gifts for my friends while keeping money in my pocket. How should I go about this?

Thanks, Friendly & Frugal Dear Friendly & Frugal,

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and with this cheery holiday season comes the stress of buying gifts. With the economy in a downward swing, it may be hard to find money to buy expensive Christmas gifts. Even if you have a job, you may find it hard to have enough money to buy ALL your loved ones nice gifts. I’ve got a few ideas to how to get the most bang for your buck.

If you are looking for cute accessories for ALL of your friends, look no further than TJ Maxx. They have all kinds of scarves and other cute winter items for fewer than ten dollars. The harder you look in TJ Maxx, the better deals you will find. Deals may not just pop out at you, but if you look hard enough there is no doubt you will find what you are looking for. You can spend a fortune on your friends without spending all of your money.

If you are looking for something a little bit more expensive, check out Target. They have anything you could ever need in life. There is no doubt in my mind you will find what you’re looking for at this wonderful store. In choosing between these two stores,

you will most likely be faced with this dilemma: should you go with quality gifts, or quantity? If you want lots of presents, choose TJ Maxx. If you want nicer presents for only a few friends, Target is the way to go. You choose.

If you are looking for bigger gifts for your family members, or just love your friend so much you want to buy them an iPhone, check out eBay. You can find tons of new (and used) items, from electronics to accessories. This would save you the stress of paying full retail price. However, it is stressful trying to keep up with the other bidders, and beware of high shipping prices. A price on an item may look too good to be true, so check to make sure you aren’t paying twenty dollars shipping on a twenty dollar item. eBay is a great place to find deals and will most likely make the recipient of your gift very happy.

You don’t have to spend a lot of money to delight your loved ones during the holiday season. No matter how much you spend on your presents, they will most likely just be happy you were thinking of them during this time.

It really is the thought that counts.

-Courtney

Dear Friendly & Frugal,

With the economy in its current recession, finding good deals on the gifts you want to buy for your friends and family can be a true challenge. Stores such as WalMart and Target may not even offer the deals you’re looking for. Your best bet this holiday season will be to browse the Internet, the weekly flyers, and the discount stores.

The Internet can be a true money saver with online specials, promo codes, and Amazon.com.

Some sites ask you to fill out your email address and name, and they will give you a discount that can sometimes be as much as 30% off. Many people avoid online shopping because of the shipping fees, which in some cases can be exorbitant. On most online stores purchasing a certain dollar amount of merchandise can make you eligible for the exemption of shipping and handling charges. Amazon.com more times than not has the best deals on the Internet. After finding the item you desire, Amazon can list them in order of least total cost, which combines the price with shipping and handling. Depending

on what you’re looking for, Amazon also has a used item option, which for some items, such as books, can yield prices near a single penny. As always, Google can be your friend. Searching the thing you’re looking for with the word “buy” will give you pages of websites all selling that specific item. In the end, if you plan on buying online, find a site with free shipping or buy enough from that one site to get shipping free, and search for online coupons, because they are there, waiting for you to find them.

The AJC weekend issues are typically packed with sale flyers for stores around the metro area. Some flyers will have coupons that will further keep money in your pockets. One of the tricks you can use is finding a sale flyer and coupon for stores like Ross and TJMaxx. These stores are already heavily discounted to nearly half of what department stores charge, so a 20% off coupon can really go a long way.

So remember this: during the holiday season, saving money is all about the effort you put into it, as deals rarely will just fall into your lap.

-Taylor

Horoscopes Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Your symbol is the Archer; your element is Fire; your ruling planet is Jupiter; and your lucky gem is Topaz. You require change in life and enjoy migrating to find life’s truths; you really like traveling.

Your strengths include your humor and your generosity. Your weakness includes your impatience.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Your symbol is the Goat; your element is Earth; your ruling planet is Saturn and your lucky gem is Onyx. You express much independence and are very serious. Your strengths include your responsibility and self-control. Your weaknesses include your unforgiving nature and expertise on everything (know-it-all).

Where’s Troy the Trojan?

Do you see Troy anywhere? We have hidden a character in the newspaper that we like to call Troy. He could be hanging out on the back page or hiding in Trojan Talk. It is up to you to find him. Once you spot Troy, go see Mr. Henry in Room 906 to claim your prize!

16

Comedy Central

The tragedy of my Christmas morning julia regeski staff writer

While visions of sugarplums danced through my head… at least until my little sister awoke me from my peaceful slumber at around 6:15 Christmas Morning. I was not expecting this. My ideal Christmas morning would be to sleep in until about noon, move downstairs to a beautiful Christmas tree and have some of my mom’s famous hot chocolate. But unfortunately my fantasy ended abruptly when a blast of icy air hit me as my sister yanked the covers off of my nice warm bed. I was certainly awake now.

“IT’S CHRISTMAS!!” she screamed. Oh really? I hadn’t noticed. “GET UP! GET UP! GET UP…” she then began to shout throughout the house that Christmas morning had arrived. My favorite pair of slippers was nowhere to be found. A pair of pink and yellow socks littered with holes lay on the floor. I pulled them on, irritated at the knowledge that I would have to spend my Christmas morning with cold toes.

When I reached the downstairs living room and gazed upon my expectantly beautiful Christmas tree, my eyes lit up. They did not however light up because of thousands of beautiful glowing white

bulbs and sparkling antique Christmas ornaments. Instead they lit up because they were being burned by the sight of millions of pink strands of lights. Hot pink. Accompanied, of course, by every Barbie doll imaginable. Then the screaming began.

They had done it to be kind, I know. But could they not feel their brains melting with every highpitched shriek of joy that came from their o v e r enthusiastic 5 year old daughter?

She just didn’t stop.

It went on for a good 5 minutes. After a quick break to gulp in gallons of air, each and every Barbie doll on the tree was to be inspected. And with every Barbie doll, another screech.

I stood in awe of the scene when my father appeared behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. “Dad… Why?” I began. I gazed up

at him expecting some answer that could ever justify this heinous act.

He continued to stare at the insanity that was this year’s Christmas morning. “Dad?” More staring. I jumped a n d acted as though I would smack him. “DAD?!”

“Hmmm? Oh what? I’m sorry.”

He then pulled a pair of v e r y large e a r plugs out of his ears.

My mouth dropped in a stunned silence. My own father, the one who was supposed to protect me, had chosen to save his eardrums rather than endure this tortuous continuous howling which was left for me to listen to it for what was supposed to be the most important day during the most wonderful time of the year? REALLY?

I wandered away in shock . My sister had just received a Christmas gift I knew she would remember for

the rest of her life. While I, on the other hand, would remember this simply as the day that my hearing was permanently damaged and my feet froze due to the lack of my slippers. Never again could I listen to music in peace.

My eyes have been blinded by the enormous mass of sparkling pink that was my Christmas tree. As I sat moping on my front stairs, a small shuffle distracted me. There stood my baby sister. Dressed head to toe in all of her Barbie décor, complete with a Christmas Barbie tucked in her arm and a poorly wrapped gift in the other. A gift?

The gift was plopped in my lap accompanied by a small smile from the little noisemaker in front of me. She nudged it and whispered, “Open it.” I untied the purple ribbon, not failing to notice that it was my favorite color. The mass of silver tissue fell to the floor revealing a pair of purple fuzzy slippers decorated with hot pink sparkles. All this from the creature that just moments before was screaming at the top of her lungs due to bunches of plastic dolls.

I slipped the shoes onto my feet and hugged my little sister then proceeded to help her begin to un-tie the thousands of twists and turns on the backs of toy boxes that awaited me.

On the way, I even managed to somehow steal my dad’s new earplugs. photo courtesy of hippyshopper.com

Do you think you’re funny?

Do you like to write?

If you answered yes or no to either of these questions, submit “unacceptables,” “heard in the halls,” stories, comments, or anything else that may or may not be comical to the Laureate in room 911.

All submissions welcome.

17 Thanksgiving revenge: Turkeys fight back clemson.edu

tyler molinaro copy editor

Turkeys enraged at the annual decimation of their population engaged in a heated debate over what they term as, “The unlawful and inhuman slaughter of innocent beings.” The debacle that broke out in Northern Iowa and a county of Southeastern Nebraska began with a book written earlier in the year by Gray Vee, a senior correspondent for the Feathered Feature,-- a publication popular among many turkeys nationwide-- entitled Gone Too Soon, The Tale of Brothers in Wings Lost to Cleavers, Knives, and Bloody Massacre (Baste on a True Story). The work, which instantly jumped to #1 in the Turkey Times Top Ten Bestsellers List, focuses on the abhorrent nature of Thanksgiving, a human tradi-

tion many turkeys view as unsavory.

Critics of the tale dismissed the book, one even going so far as to call the work, “Gobble-de-gook,” while others took the sad story as a call to action.

Scores of unhappy birds turned out in force as turkeys gathered to prepare for what they see as war. “We will not go quietly to the chopping block!” roared Vee, a major proponent of the cause he effectively created and the founder of the new Feathers of Freedom campaign, which calls for all-out revolt. “For too long we have been foully fattened, intrusively injected, brutally basted, terribly trussed, and fatally filled with stuffing! They treat us like animals, murdering thousands, skinning them, plucking them, COOKING THEM, and all in the name of giving thanks!”

Don Teetme, a less radical leader who still recognizes the need

for quick change to save the turkeys of America, suggests a less violent course of action. His plan focuses on a massive relocation effort that would send the majority of his turkeys to what he calls a safe haven for all turkeys, a land already peopled, but with creatures far less violent and more cool-headed than “the bloodthirsty and destructive Americans.” This place, Teetme says, is known to humans as the Middle East, particularly a region known as Asia Minor, which was renamed Turkey to foretell the fated coming of each and every individual of turkeykind to it. Teetme claims that turkeys in the land are venerated and that if his design is employed, no turkey will ever have to worry about “being invited to dinner only to realize that they are the main course.”

Leaders of the turkey population, those not being “greedily

consumed with an utter lack of respect and stripped of all pride and feathers,” as Vee shouted, met to determine the best course of action the day before Thanksgiving and decided to delay a decision until later in the year, postponing any revolution until next Thanksgiving.

“This is a problem that can’t be solved overnight,” surmised one leader. “Humans have been eating us for generations. And really, can you blame them? After all, we are delicious. Hopefully diplomacy will prevail, but we will be ready if it does not. My dream, and all turkeydom’s dream, is to one day realize the old adage that always gives hope for a better future where later human generations will see their inhumanity and cease their evil ways: ‘Ma and Pa my bones may gnaw, but children will not eat me.’”

Fails of the Month compiled by taylor hayes

wohba.com weblogs.baltimoresun.com

weblogs.baltimoresun.com

18

Comedy Central

[SFLN]:

[statuses from last night]

The wrongful woes of winter wrapping taylor hayes a&e editor

So you’ve finally finished

shopping for your family and friends this year, and as the holidays get closer, those gifts must get wrapped. So you bought your mom some sort of hand lotionbody wash-bath pebbles-shower goop gift basket, your dad a new golf club, your 6 year old brother a Transformers action figure, and your 11 year old sister the newest Miley Cyrus/ Hannah Montana album.

Your mom’s Bath and Body Works basket conveniently doesn’t really take any specific shape. The general look is that of a rectangle but those random pieces of straw and “fancy” designs that lay on each of the unknown number of corners cause the problems. The only way to attack this beast of gift is to go with the layers approach. The layers approach may waste the most paper, but since it is the thought that counts, you’re mom isn’t going to like, let alone use, the substances in the basket whether or not you can wrap like a pro. So slap on as much newspaper as you can, preferably the Funnies section, so she’ll at least have a smile on at some point during this gift exchange.

To your disadvantage, PGA Superstore ran out of the long, skinny boxes that make giving the gift of a golf club much easier. The debate lies in whether to wrap vertically or horizontally. The answer is that it doesn’t matter. You can, in no way, hide the shape of a golf club unless you can find a refrigerator box to put it in, which then yields the necessity of around 10,000 packing peanuts. Save yourself the trouble and hide it in your closet until Christmas morning, then slap a red bow on it and the deed is done.

If you’ve ever purchased any sort of action figure you know exact-

ly what the problem is with this gift.

It’s not like wrapping a cardboard box ,but it isn’t like you’re wrapping a soccer ball. After he rips off the wrapping paper, the true challenge awaits. The unbelievably strong plastic is melted or super-glued together in such a way that any mediocre pair of scissors would break if pushed hard enough.

The only way to truly get to his Transformer is to either use a steak knife or the hedge trimmers. This makes complete sense for a children’s toy because it won’t be the toy that injures the kid; it’s the razor sharp plastic that would give him the biggest boo-boo he’s seen since Johnny Jamerson had that terrible tricycle accident last year.

Anytime a sibling, parent or friend wants a DVD or CD for Christmas, wrapping will be a breeze. Only problem with your sister’s gift is that the clear plastic that proves the CD is brand new is now in shreds because you had to put “Party in the U.S.A.” on your iPod, and I don’t blame you.

Good news is that your mom has some of that clear plastic that she uses for the Easter baskets, so the CD will look brand new once again.

So you got all your presents wrapped just in time for the holidays.

You throw your hands up, you’re playing your new song, the butterflies fly away, noddin’ your head like “Yeah”, movin’ your hips like “Yeah.” Yeah, this holiday season will be a good one.

Remember that status you posted on facebook last night? We do... just filled 17.169 gallons of gas into a 17 gallon tank. cuttin it close!

--Not “cuttin it close,” you just don’t have a 17 gallon tank or the gas station is ripping you off. feels bad for people who are misled...

--i feel bad for people who post statuses like this one that end up on sfln. standin on a bridge watch the water passin under me it must have been much harder when there was no bridge just water --I believe they call that levitation. happiness is where it truly matters. Unfortunately some can’t reach it right

away. Some never can.

--Well I was having a good day…until I read this chunk of depression. and as I try to concentrate and work on my lit project my father is running around in the attic trying to hunt down a squirrel....

--Squirrel: 1 Humans: 0 some people are ridiculous..its kinda funny.

--I agree! Especially the ones who don’t know the difference between “its” and “it’s”. you know you are tired when “Party in the USA” comes on and u dont have the energy to get up and change the song.

--How about you lay off of the haterade? compiled by the laureate staff

19 Powers that be, this is unacceptable Umm... tyler molinaro copy editor

We spelled “unacceptable” wrong in the title of last issue. Powers that be, this is unacceptable.

I hit rock bottom. Then the jackhammer was tossed down so I could start to dig. It landed on me.

Powers that be, this is unacceptable.

I blew off all of the rest of my homework so I could finish a huge project. The teacher wasn’t there and the substitute forgot to collect it. I got zeros on all the rest of my homework and failed a test for a project that was collected after Thanksgiving break.

Powers that be, this is unacceptable.

I was invited to a party. When I got to the location, I stopped for a minute, observing the sheer sketchiness of there being nobody in sight and a lonesome dog bark coming from somewhere in between two

houses. I strode up to the house and tentatively knocked on the door. Almost instantly a dog threw itself at the window adjacent to the door at which I was tapping, making an unhealthy-sounding yelp as the slobbering face slid down the glass, leaving a trail of slime in which I could see reflected in my horror-stricken face.

A recitation of The Raven’s first stanza stopped somewhere deep within the depths of the house. I heard a shuffling as a form slowly approached the door, seemingly muttering the words from Macbeth’s porter. “Who is there?” rasped a voice from inside.

“Uh, I’m here for the party?” I questioned anxiously. A cackling filled my ears as the behind the still-closed door the form laughed. I was in the right place, just 168 hours early. Powers that be, this is unacceptable.

I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. And now that

song is stuck in my head. Powers that be, this is unacceptable.

When starting my first layout for the illustrious class for which I write these articles, InDesign decided to thwart me in any and all ways possible.

I was kicked off, logged off, not able to save, and then deleted. I just started using InDesign and it already hates me. I have to use it for 2 ½ more years.

Powers that be, this is unacceptable.

I filmed an entire movie, only to find that the camera is not compatible with Macs. Powers that be, this is unacceptable.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and I can’t even go to Australia. Powers that be, this is unacceptable.

Higher-level honors classes are rewarded for their hard work by missing out on a field trip that the rest of the grade took. Powers that be, this is unacceptable.

Eliminating our population’s worst genes, one at a time cory shaw copy editor

stove.’ Only a Darwin Award winner would learn the fatal reason why.”

While you sing your Christmas The following occurred in Georcarols or celebrate eight wonderful gia on December 21st, 2006. Titled nights in remembrance of that candle “Tree vs. Man,” this humorous unfortunate event does that just kept burning, serve a purpose: also take the time to it teaches others think of our fallen hethat pickup trucks roes. New York Times and trees don’t mix. bestselling author Wen“It looked at first like dy Northcutt published a bizarre traffic acThe Darwin Awards cident. Smoke rose in 2006 to poke fun at from the charred re“individuals who immains of a large tree prove our gene pool by that had toppled onto removing themselves a smoldering pickup from it.” People who retruck. The body of ceive a Darwin Award a man, burned besimply lack common yond recognition, sense – they were not undergroundhumor.com was found inside the meant to pass their untruck.

Investigators characteristically bad Darwin awards were inspired traits on to future gen- by author Wendy Northcutt. were puzzled. How could the truck have erations. Author Wendy collided with a tree behind a house?

Northcutt says, “most of us have basic sound judgment that eliminates the Why did the tree fall onto the truck need for no smoking signs at ammo instead of away from it? And what dumps. Darwin Award winners do had started the fire? As the pieces of not… There’s a reason the instructions the puzzle snapped into place, it besay, ‘Don’t heat your lava lamp on the came clear that the dead man was a

victim of his own device. Reggie, age forty-seven, had offered to remove a tree behind his girlfriend’s house. He burrowed his father’s pickup truck, apparently in the belief that he could yank out the bottom of the tree, which would then, cartoon-like, fall away from the truck. He tied the truck to the tree and floored the accelerator. The uprooted tree, pulled in the direction of the force, toppled onto the truck, crushing the cab and trapping Reggie. The still-running engine eventually overheated starting a grass fire that ignited the truck’s gas tank, turning it into a fireball that spread to the tree. Mercifully for Reggie, police determined that he was probably dead before the truck caught on fire.”

So, what have we learned here? An object falls in the direction of the force. Reggie obviously assumed the tree would fall the other way – something that in itself would literally defy the law of gravity. So enjoy the peppermint coffee courtesy of Starbucks and remember those like Reggie who died for the well-being of the human gene pool – whether or not they intended to.

Wh

at? !

compiled by tyler molinaro

-I don’t know why, but neon pink crocks have never called to me, especially the fuzzy ones.

-To Snuggie™ or not to Snuggie™, that is the question.

-That’s why I never trust guinea pigs with my money anymore.

-Ok, think about it like this: my life is like a giant, huge, mongo teddy bear, you know the one that is everyone’s favorite. Yours is like the one that is stuffed somewhere in the closet or dumped under someone’s bed and then forgotten the next day.

-No, you’re out of luck. I’m pretty sure that the zoo only adopts lions that are five years old or younger.

-So I was banging my head on my keyboard, and I looked up at what it had typed and I kid you not, it said “your life sucks.” It’s a sign!

-Biting the heads off of defenseless gummy bears is only slightly less fulfilling than doing the same thing to goldfish!

-It seems to me that you h av e m i s p l a c e d y o u r c a t t l e .

-Life is far less difficult when you have a dragon on your side.

-According to Dr. Brown, my grade is only partly mostly dead.

20

Sports

Two Lassiter teams reach “Elite Eight” kevin ankerholz sports editor

The holiday break is fast approaching and winter sports are in full swing. However, Lassiter students should not forget about the outstanding seasons put together by all of the fall sports teams, especially the playoff runs by the volleyball and football teams. Both the Lady Trojan Volleyball and the Trojan Football teams made it to the Elite 8 of the GHSA playoffs, gaining respect across the state.

After a Final Four appearance in 2008, the Lady Trojan Volleyball team garnered high expectations coming into 2009. The Lady Trojans lived up to the hype, putting together another successful season, finish fourth in Area 1 and earning a spot in the playoffs. In the first round of the playoffs, the Lady Trojans faced off against North Cobb, the number one seed from Area 5. In a hard battle, the Lady Trojans pulled off the victory three games to two. In round two, the Lady Trojans faced off against Norcross. After the dropping the first game, the Lady Trojans won three straight games to advance. In the Elite 8 Lassiter faced off against Northview, looking for revenge for their 2008 loss in the Final 4. In an in-

tense match, the Lady Trojans fell to Northview once again in a five game heartbreaker. However, 2009 was still an exceptional season for the Lady Trojans, finishing with an impressive 40-11 record. The seniors continued the tradition of excellence for Lassiter volleyball, and senior Katy McCollister was selected to the All-State team.

Similarly, the 2009 Trojan football team carried high expectations coming off of a 9-3 season in 2008. However, after graduating a talented senior class, many wondered whether the Trojans could make it back to the playoffs. After shaky wins against Sprayberry, Pope, and Kell in the beginning of the season, there were some doubts as to whether the new offensive line and new cast of receivers could propel the Trojan offense past tougher opponents. The Trojans quickly dispelled these doubts, averaging over 44 points per game over the remainder of the regular season. In the sea-

son finale, the undefeated Trojans faced off against the undefeated Roswell Hornets for the region championship. The sellout crowd was treated to a great game, and on senior night the Trojans defeated the Hornets 42-25, winning the first region title in school history and completing a perfect 10-0

regular season.

The Trojans entered the playoffs as a number one seed and faced off against the North Forsyth Raiders in the first round.

After falling behind 14-0 in the

first quarter, the Trojans came roaring back and pummeled the Raiders 62-37. In the second round of the playoffs the Trojans matched up against the South Gwinnett Comets.

In a matchup of powerful spread offenses, the Trojan’s air attack was too much for the Comets to handle, and Lassiter throttled the South Gwinnett 70-49 in a record setting game. Senior quarterback Hutson Mason broke his own state record for passing yards in a single game, throwing for 552 yards, and he tied the state record for most touchdown passes in a game with 8.

Senior receiver Griffin Roelle also had a monster game, gaining 209 receiving yards and scoring 4 touchdowns. The win placed Lassiter in the Elite 8 for the first time in school history, where the Trojans played the Colquitt County Packers. After jumping to a 10-0 lead, the Trojan offense faltered for the rest of the game due to the tremendous pressure on Mason by the Packer defensive line. In the end, the Trojans fell 46-17, ending the season with a 12-1 record. At the end of the season, Coach Lindsey remarked, “I’m really proud of what we’ve accomplished this year. Our seniors have set the standard for future Trojans. Now it’s time to start preparing for next year.”

Left: Griffin Roelle breaks a tackle as he returns a punt for a TD against Colquitt County in the third round of the state playoffs.

Above: Senior Jimmy Mayer celebrates after a long touchdown catch against South Gwinnett in the second round of the state playoffs.

lassiterfootball.net

Right: Junior Chrissy Ricketts jumps up to spike the ball in an early season match.

lassitervolleyball.net

21 New Trojan Records

4,541

The number of passing yards senior quarterback Hutson Mason threw for during the 2009 season, setting a Georgia high school record for passing yards in a single season.

552

Athlete of the Month: Paul Pelletier

The number of passing yards senior quarterback Hutson Mason threw for against South Gwinnett in the second round of the state playoffs, setting a Georgia high school record for passing yards in a single game.

alex medders staff writer

54

The number of touchdown passes senior quarterback Hutson Mason threw for during the 2009 season, setting a Georgia high school record for most touchdown passes in a single season.

2,840 1,225 The number of assists senior volleyball player Emily Weissert has compiled during her three year varsity career, setting a new school record for career assists.

This record also places her in the top 10 in the Georgia high school records for assists in a career.

lassitervolleyball.net

lassiterfootball.net

The number of receiving yards that senior receiver Griffin Roelle compiled during the 2009 season, breaking Philip Lutzenkirchen’s school record for receiving yards in a single season.

lassiterfootball.net

When you hear someone talking about the roster of any varsity sports team, you automatically think of a roster filled with strictly upperclassmen. Although the majority of the time this holds true, it is not the case for Lassiter’s wrestling team. This year’s exception is the Trojan Wrestling team’s 103 pound weight class representative, Paul “Tinkerbell” Pelletier, who happens to be a mere freshman.

Although he may be new to high school, Pelletier is no rookie when it comes to wrestling. When asked what made him want to wrestle, Pelletier answered, “My friend Austin Rose convinced me to try wrestling, but shortly after I had joined he had quit. I decided to stick with it because as a high school wrestler, my grandfather had gone undefeated and this was a big inspiration to me.” For the next nine years, Pelletier has wrestled for two organizations: Junior Trojan (Lassiter’s feeder organization) and G.W.C. (also known as the Georgia Wrestling Circuit). Eight of these nine years, Pelletier has received an invitation to compete in the annual, statewide wrestling tournament; four out of the nine years he had received both second and third places and the other four he had claimed the title of best wrestler in his weight class. When asked what his expectations are for the season and starting on a high school varsity team, Pelletier said, “My goal for the season is to try to place at least third in state. One thing I am anxious about though is when we wrestle Pope this season…they’re really good.”

Outside of wrestling, Pelletier, a Marietta resident, lives with his parents Kelly and Joe, his brother A.J. (7th grader at Simpson Middle School), and his two pet dogs. Aside

from wrestling, Paul also played travel baseball for the Sandy Plains Trojans from fifth to eighth grade. In his free time, Paul enjoys hanging out with friends, playing football, playing video games, and watching TV. His favorite thing about high school is all the independence you receive and how much more lax the teachers are. His favorite class is lunch and his favorite teacher is Mrs. Stoll. Overall, with a combination of talent and personality, Paul is a deserving recipient of Athlete of the Month for December.

photos courtesy of paul pelletier

Paul stands on the winner’s podium after an early season victory.

22

Sports

Our Super Bowl picks

photos courtesy of nfl.com

With the NFL season entering its final weeks, most of the playoff picture is beginning to unfold. Now the question is “Who do you think will emerge as Super Bowl champion?”

We asked 100 Lassiter students, and here is what they had to say.

LHS Trojans dive in jack herman staff writer

The 2009-2010 swim season has begun, and both the boy’s and girl’s teams look to continue the winning tradition. Led by a strong nucleus of swimmers and an unmatchable surplus of depth, the mighty Trojans look more than well equipped to go the distance this year.

In the past few years, Lassiter’s strong depth led the girl’s team to back-to-back state championships, and this experience will help the team prepare for the long haul this season.

On the other hand, the guys swim team is fresh off of a county championship and looks to continue their winning ways. As the 2009-2010 season unveils itself both the boys and girls swim teams look well armed and potent to continue their success.

With a close knit combination of freshman, sophomores, juniors, and seniors, the Trojan swim team will be a difficult opponent for fellow schools.

Sophomore Sarah Willford remarked about this year’s squad, “We are going to win because unlike any other

school we have unmatchable depth that no school can compare with.”

As the Trojans work hard and prepare for this upcoming season many should look out for the dynamic superstar swimmer known as Henry Loong. Henry is in his second season with the Trojans and he appears more than ready to achieve tremendous success this season. Henry asserted, “I really like our chances to do good this year. We have a great combination of new and old talent. There are veterans like Michael McCarthy and James Gooden and young talent with Jimmy Yoder and Zach Bunner for the guys.”

With the month of November in the rear-view mirror, the Trojans seem more enthused than ever as the season hits full stride and the bulk of their schedule comes upon them.

With a great mix of high energy, smart swimmers, Trojan fans can expect to see success this season. Tomorrow the team will compete in the Kell Invitational at the Mountain View Aquatic Center. Come out and support the Trojans!

hometeamsonline.com

hometeamsonline.com The Lassiter swin team participated in the Cobb County Relays. The boys celebrate their victory (top), and the girls dive in to the pool (bottom).

23 ? Sports Stumpers ?

3. Who was the first major league baseball player to be named Rookie of the Year and MVP in the same season?

1. On January 19, 1974, what college basketball team ended UCLA’s record 88-game winning streak?

pittsburghpirates.com minnesotatwins.com

uclabasketball.com

4. After being drafted by the Charlotte Hornets, Kobe Bryant was traded to the Los Angeles Lakers for what player?

2. What year did the Miami Dolphins win the Super Bowl and complete a perfect 17-0 season?

nba.com

miamidolphins.com

losangeleslakers.com

Answers: 1. Notre Dame 2. 1972 3. Fred Lynn of the Boston Red Sox in 1975 4. Vlade Divac

A Holiday How-To HOW TO:

show your holiday spirit

1 2 3

Below: Many students showed their excitement for the holidays through their bright, tacky sweaters at school on Friday.

emily kehner/staff

Wear it.

Everyone loves those tacky Christmas sweaters adorned with reindeer, jingle bells, and lots of color. Flaunt those and other wintery accessories to show people your cheer.

Drive it.

To really stand out, dress your car with holiday lights and proudly parade this festive display all around town.

Sing it.

As Buddy explains in the movie “Elf,” “the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.”

If you really want people to know just how much you love the holiday season, sing about it!

haley zugel/lhs student

Above: Mrs. Adams of the science department displays her holiday spirit through festive outfits, such as this shirt, which wishes everyone “Happy Holidays!”

Below & Right: Brittany Browne, 12, shows off her car, which she has appropriately decorated with Christmas lights to get into the holiday spirit.

emily kehner/staff

emily kehner/staff

austin emmons/lhs student Above: Students got into the spirit of the holidays by carolling to classrooms during the schoolday in the weeks before the break.