the
laureate
inside
February 2011
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Lassiter High School volume XXVIII: issue four Right to bear arms? Black History Month Congrats to Hats Off! LHS Swim 2/12 ACT testing and Dive for placing first 2/17 Girls soccer @ Pope in the county 2/21-25 February Break champion11% 2% 2 ship again. 2/24-26 All-State chorus They compete in 32% 35% 3/02 LOL Mardi Gras party state this weekend.
a student publication of
Yes, guns too dangerous
news
No, takes away rights
BIG
Unsure Guns at home but not in public
events in
features
Cutest
couples
centerspread Lassiter’s finest singles
skye rubel editor-in-chief
a&e
Top
iPhone
An unparalleled streak of nearly 100 straight hours below freezing meant all play and no school for Lassiter students
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2-3 4-5 6-8 10-11 jff 12-13 a&e 14-15 sports 16-17 in the wry 18-19
news editorials features centerspread
Extreme amounts of snow in the Southeast paralyzed Georgia. Schools were shut down, businesses did not bother opening, and roads were too dangerous to be driven on. Georgia received approximately three to five inches of snow, but with temperatures consistently below freezing, ice made a “shut down” necessary. For northerners now living in Marietta, the snow and ice seemed nominal to what they are used to. Jordan Surrell, 12, just moved here from Baltimore, Maryland. She commented, “It’s crazy that it barely snowed and we had all of those snow days!” Georgia struggled to find enough equipment to tackle the snow; Atlanta only owns
10 snowplows. Atlanta Mayor, Kasim Reed, claims that the state could have never been prepared for the storm’s magnitude. The Georgia Department of Transportation (GDOT) rented seventy more snowplows and authorized the use of contractors to help clear the roads. Reed apologizes for not responding to the ice soon enough. Because of the icy weather, Cobb County students were out of school for five days. While many experienced “cabin fever,” others took advantage of the wintery mix. Kim Carducci, 12, commented, “We went sledding in my front yard when it was really icy. Though students enjoyed the break, the Cobb County School District only allotted room for four snow days in the schedule. Because of the week long break (ten days including Martin Luther King Day) the March 18th teacher workday is now
a regular day of school. Though all of the news stations advised against it, a few adventurous students attempted to drive in the icy conditions. “I had to go really slowly,” stated Nicole Dunham, 12, “and the fastest I ever went was 32 miles per hour.” Jill Goldberg, a GDOT representative, warned drivers about dangerous patches of black ice. Major roads like Sandy Plains and Shallowford were almost completely covered in ice. Many businesses were closed, but some like Publix and WalMart remained open. Bayla Rush, 12, and her family took a long walk to the supermarket to pick up food. She said, “Before the storm, we didn’t realize how long we’d be in the house. I never thought Georgia could experience this type of weather.” courtesty of madeline hudson
lhs news
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A breath of fresh air samantha weissert staff writer There is something new coming to Cobb County that is right in the Lassiter community’s backyard. The county bought land and is now in the planning process for a new park that will be located between Wesley Chapel and Sandy Plains, making it a perfect spot for Lassiter students. An interview with Lee Berg, a volunteer from the non-profit organization Friends of Mabry Park, provided insight into the development of the park. Before this new park can be
enjoyed, a few things must happen. First, a Master Plan must be created. This includes a design for a playground, walking paths, a parking lot, etc., and calls for input from the community through ways such as public meetings, email, and online forms. Hopefully, the Master Plan process will begin in the next few months. The next hurdle is funding. The land is owned by the county, but there is no funding available for the development of the park. This is where Friends of Mabry Park comes in. Their two main goals are to raise awareness and to raise money from individuals,
businesses, civic groups, and grants to fund the creation of Mabry Park. Until a plan is made and a road is constructed, the park will not be accessible to the public. So how can Lassiter students help? You can volunteer at one of the upcoming events such as the Spring Park Preview later this year or host a fundraiser. It would also help to spread the word by posting a note about your support on Facebook, writing letters and e-mails to County Commissioners to tell them why you want to see Mabry Park created, and telling people who work for local businesses or large
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corporations about the park and potential sponsorship opportunities. Or, you could simply make a donation. “Whether it is a large or small donation, one-time or recurring, it all gets us closer to having a park in our community that we can enjoy,” explains Lee Berg. Although the Master Plan has not yet been created, it is anticipated that Mabry Park will include open fields and paths. This will be great for walking, Frisbee, jogging, football, or whatever else you can come up with. The property also boasts a pond and several trees, making it an ideal spot for picnics, hanging out, and just taking it all in. Lee Berg adds, “If we can come together as a community, raise our voices and open our wallets when it comes to the park, we can speed up the process for having this beautiful place to enjoy.”
New congress
Changes in rhetoric for the 112th congress renee puvvada staff writer
mabrypark.org
Sneek-Peek
The park will be located off of Wesley Chapel.
New year, new congress. When January 5th, 2011, rolled around, the people of America prepared for a sworn-in fresh start for Congress and the federal government. America hopes that the future of America’s jobs, healthcare, and other important issues, are in the correct hands. Since the Tucson, Arizona, shootings in December, President Obama and newly-elected House Speaker John Boehner pleaded for a renewed civility among the members of Congress in efforts to raise bipartisan cooperation between the tense Democrats and Republicans. During the State of the Union Address on January 25th, President Obama related this to a “Sputnik moment,” which is a challenge he hopes will be a wakeup call for the federal government. “I hope both parties will come to an agreement,” said Danielle Pitrone, 12. “It’s probably the only way the country will be able to move forward.” Since the new Congress convened, the House of Representatives, which now has a Republican majority, has been using this opportunity as a stimulus for investigating Obama’s policies. Congressman Darrell Issa,
new Chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, has already launched a series of investigations, while Republican Paul Ryan, Budget Committee chairman, spoke out during the State of the Union address to acknowledge federal spending. He proposed that the only way to make more jobs is to first improve the United States’ fiscal health. “We need to focus on the deficit,” agrees Ally Stone, 12. Both the House and the Senate are working to meet the deadline of March 5th, the date when a federal spending plan needs to be agreed upon by both legislations. The obstacle: opposing parties have opposing viewpoints. “I saw the State of the Union Address on TV,” said Michaela Derosiers, 12, “and the country seems to be in a good place; even so, both parties need to work together.” The emerging civility between the Democrats and Republicans took its first baby steps during the State of the Union Address when the two parties were seen sitting together. The trust and hope that America places in the hands of the 112th National Congress will be instrumental in stimulating change and reform for the better of the country.
Did
You Know? According to the 2010 census, the U.S. population hit 308.7 million people. page
The year 2010, the first of the new decade, saw an increase in disaster stories, acts of heroism, triumphant moments of sport, and internet fame. Here’s a look back at the big events of the year:
Disaster
and copper mine left 33 Chilean miners trapped 2,300 feet below ground. They emerged one-by-one on October 13th, 54 days later. 16-year-old Abby Sunderland, in trying to become the youngest to circumnavigate the globe independently, was left stranded in the Indian Ocean after her 40-foot vessel was toppled. The closest ship, 400 miles away, rescued her two days later.
Among the many natural disasters of 2010, a man-made one dominated the news. The Gulf of Mexico oil spill, which was the result of an April 20th explosion at the “Deepwater Horizon” BP oil rig, took 86 days to cap and released 206 million gallons of crude oil. An Icelandic volcano halted The top YouTube hit of the flights in two-dozen European nations year was a rendition entitled Bed Infor six days and spewed 330,000,000 cubic yards of ash. Three earthquakes truder Song. Included is an auto-tune
Internet sensations
Chance’s sixth-grade performance of “Paparazzi” led ultimately to his signing Ellen DeGeneres’ new music label.
Victory Last year meant one thing for sports fans: a chance to showcase talents on an international platform. The buzz surrounding the FIFA World Cup, in South Africa, was the now infamous Vuvezela. Octopus Paul predicted the winner correctly in eight games. The Vancouver Winter Olympics had a gloomy start, with the death of luge competitor Nodar Kumaritashvili in a training round. U.S. Olympic heroes included Apolo Anton Ohno, short-track medalist, and Shaun White, half pipe
A year in review
2010 in Haiti, China, and Chile, measuring from 7.0 to 8.8-magnitude, killed and devastated thousands of people. Just ten miles away from Port-au-Prince, the capital of Haiti, the most devastating earthquake left 250,000 Haitians dead.
Survival
All was not riddled in travesty, though, as 2010 also marked a year of incredible feats of survival. Overshadowed by cleanup efforts, the 115 survivors of the Deepwater Horizon crew took to the lifeboats. An August 5th cave-in at the San Jose gold
julia regeski jff editor
of the now famous Antoine Dodson rant “He’s climbing in your windows, he’s snatching your people up.” Also making the list was “Hungrybear 9562” and his double rainbow sighting. The channel “nigahiga” became the first to hit 3,000,000 subscribers. The “It Gets Better” project became a viral YouTube outlet following prominent gay suicides, with people from Lady Gaga to President Obama participating. During the midterm elections in November, Jimmy McMillan became famous for his political rants representing New York’s “The Rent is Too Damn High Party.” Finally, Greyson
specialist. In Bobby Cox’s last season, the Braves lost in the first round to the eventual World Series Champion Giants. Phil Mickleson stole the limelight away from Tiger Woods, whose hiatus from the game after several affairs had gone public finally ended, with a tournament win at the Masters in Augusta, Georgia. The first month of this year has been one of mystery and coping. If the mass bird deaths and tragedy in Tucson are any measure, 2011 could be yet another year to remember.
fered a ‘gorilla gram,’“ states Kylie Dickman, who helped organize this event. A gorilla gram is a cute stuffed gorilla whose big tummy reads, “bananas for you”. His arms can be velcroed to form a comforting hug for the lucky receiver of this precious primate. The project raises money for the team to pay for food, buses, and the typical items necessary to care for an award winning group of swimmers.
The flowers cost $1, the Chocolate Covered Pretzels cost $3, and the gorilla gram costs $4. But can you really put a price on love? The Swim and Dive team is giving students a chance to express their feelings through a different medium on Valentine’s Day. If you’re looking for a carnation recipient, send some to Quinn Dolan, who gushes, “Getting flowers is so clutch.”
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Search for a super
renee puvvada staff writer
Since mid-December of last year, Cobb County has been searching for the next superintendent of education for our county. The Cobb County Board of Education is still searching for the right person to replace current superintendent Fred Sanderson, who has been head of the Cobb County School District since 2006 and now faces retirement after his contract expires at the end of June this year. Sanderson worked at several teaching and administrative jobs, including the principal position at Lassiter from 1994 to 1999, among others, before serving as Cobb superintendent. In spite of some controversy surrounding Sanderson’s tenure, the county will miss Fred Sanderson and his leadership. “From the looks of it, Cobb doesn’t seem to be going downhill,” says Harry Lane, 10. “If the new superintendent can improve things, then great.” To enlist a new superintendent, Cobb County will be using help from the Georgia School Boards Association (GSBA), who will be supervising the selection of superintendents for many of the school districts in the state. Putnam County, Troup County, and Appling County Schools have each been provided with a new superintendent, and Cobb County is currently pending. “Hiring a superintendent is the most important responsibility a school board can undertake,” said Lynnda Eagle, Board Chairwoman.
cory shaw/editor-in-chief
Carnation sensati ns
This Valentine’s Day, instead of buying the stereotypical chocolates and drugstore card for your significant other, Lassiter Swim and Dive team offered an innovative replacement to the traditional Valentine’s Day card. “It’s been going on for 3 years, but this is the first we’ve of-
cobbk12.org
Farewell
Cobb County says goodbye to Fred Sanderson.
lhs editorials B.P.E. Worthwhile, or not?
Students at Lassiter are reguired to take BPE. Should this class be a graduation requirement?
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“I run cross country and track... I don’t think its necessary that I take BPE to prove that I am physically active. Alix Hanna, 11
will
morris
PRO
I believe BPE should be exempted for students already participating in athletic organizations. Sure, people could lie but if someone put a small amount of effort into organization, it would be as easy as a quick no. School is time consuming and when BPE is tossed in, all it does is take up a period we could use for an academic class and make us stinky for the rest of the day. Do you enjoy being stinky and/or smelling stinky people throughout the day? I doubt it. If you do enjoy it well…. You are kind of a weirdo. As for health, as uncomfortable as it makes all of us to watch a birth the class is actually effective and has information we really should learn. Yes, annabel edwards it is disgusting and seems completely Lee, 11, and Quinn Dolan, 11, run the track Fatigue Alex unimportant while learning it, but but it seems that Alex can’t keep up. looking back are you not relieved they sat us down in fifth grade for human that there are simply too many condigrowth? tions that must be taken into account. laura Students are expected to be studious How many years must a student be on eight hours a day, go home and do a team? What if the student tried out roughly two hours of homework, and and did not make the team? What if the majority of students participate the student was kicked off the team? In the end, it is just easier to make BPE We have all seen the mediocre pre- in athletic after-school activities. We mandatory for all students. teen movies where the nerdy protago- have so much on our collective plates Let’s be honest, through all the nist struggles his or her way through and adding an extra hour of exercise is complaining and whining that comes the humiliations of gym class. It is unnecessary for physically active stuwith running laps, it’s not that bad. rather awkward yet amusing to watch dents. Those who do not participate Some fresh air and exercise never hurt the heavy panting of the scrawny gin- in sporting/physical activities should, anybody and there are students that ger and see the sweat lines forming on by all means, have at least one semesbenefit from being taken out of their the chubby misfit. Amusing to watch, ter of exercise. However forcing the element and forced to run. When it not so amusing to experience. Forc- already-exercising student population comes down to it, you just have to ing physical activity on anyone is aw- is just too much. This is Lassiter, not grab your sneakers, suck it up, and try fully cruel and unnecessary to those LA fitness. Maybe we should focus on to enjoy the mental break. students who are already highly ac- learning before we focus on getting tive throughout the week. This is why lean.
CON
BPE is arguably the most repetitive course at Lassiter. About three times a week, you will go out onto the track no matter the sweltering heat or freezing chill that awaits you outside and you will run laps. Around and around our football turf you’ll jog, seeing the same bleachers, the same coach with a stopwatch and the same woman in lane 6 here jogging on her own free time. Yes it may be boring, but BPE is a necessary class for all students to take. For the people that see BPE as an unwelcome hassle in your schedule, I challenge you to try and see the glass half full so to speak. There are plenty of perks you can’t get anywhere else. For example, taking BPE first semester offers the very rare opportunity of seeing the face of true fear. Plenty of freshmen take Team Sports as one of their first electives in high school and if your BPE class happens to fall on the same period, you get to watch a freshman on their first day of high school. In their first high school locker room. Petrified. If you don’t know what the word “timid” means, schedule BPE first semester and it will become very clear. Next, taking time out of the everchanging Lassiter climate for an hour a day is a nice change. I know I’ve asked plenty of teachers if we can have class outside, and the responses never seem to be as accepting as I would like. Coach Welsh on the other hand takes my idea and acts on it every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. If nothing else, it’s a good self-esteem boost to suggest an idea and have your coach agree with it three times a week. Some will argue that if a student participates in school athletics they should be exempt from taking BPE. Though it seems reasonable, the bottom line is
brink
Did
You Know? Teachers receive the most Valentine’s Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives, and then, sweethearts. page
The Laureate Staff 2010-2011 Editors-in-Chief Skye Rubel Cory Shaw
News Editor
School inhibits intrinsic motivation skye
rubel
Annabel Edwards
Editorials Editor Natalie Kieta
A&E Editor Katie Hayes
JFF Editor Julia Regeski
Centerspread Editor Mary Ann Staak
Features Editor Lindsay Hopkins
Comedy Editor Tyler Molinaro
Sports Editor Jack Herman
Staff Writers Laura Brink Jeff Ciesielski Vince Gonzalez Austin Hayes Will Morris Colleen Purdy Renee Puvvada Samantha Weissert
Out of everything I learned in AP Psychology, the lesson that stuck with me most was about motivation. People who are intrinsically motivated, or encouraged by their own will, are more likely to reach their goals than others who are given external rewards. I have to wonder if the concept of school is going against this idea. Mark Twain once said, “I never let my schooling get in the way of my education.” He realized that the only way he could learn was if he was interested in the topic for himself. Like Twain, I am beginning to see that grades are inhibiting me from gaining knowledge for my own good. I cram mind-numbing information for tests and “binge” it as quickly as I learn it. Can school truly be considered educational when students aren’t truly becoming educated? Senior year has really opened my eyes to the negative effect that school can have on one’s passions.
The Laureate is a student publication of Lassiter High School; a member of the Georgia Scholastic Press Association. Editorials reflect the opinions of individual writers and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Lassiter High School, Cobb County Schools, or their administrators. Financial support for The Laureate is obtained through advertising and subscription sales, and generous patron contributions.
Lassiter High School 2601 Shallowford Road Marietta, Georgia 30066 (678) 494-7863 lhspress@gmail.com issuu.com/lhspress
Some of my favorite subjects over the past few years have now become a burden in my schedule. I used to look forward to certain classes that I now dread walking into. I can’t stand how many of my courses focus on memorizing information for tests that weren’t even made by the teacher. I can’t stand the mechanical nature of the assignments. I can’t stand the lifeless projects and essays. My passion for many of my classes has disintegrated and disgust has taken its place. Instead of focusing on the subject matter, I have become obsessed with keeping an A regardless of whether or not I actually learn the information. In the place of a class in which I lost interest, I am now taking Comparative Religion. This course is based primarily on educated opinion and debate. To ensure that students do not feel hindered by their views, Coach Wright has assured us that if we do the work, we are guaranteed an A in the class. This is the first time I have ever taken an educational class where I am more interested in the content than my grade. In the short time that I’ve been in Comparative Religion, I have learned (and remembered!) more information
than in any other class where I was graded. I value the information on a totally different level than a class like biology or French where I learned the information simply to maintain my grade. When I go home from school, I actually think about our discussions. I even bring up the debates to my friends who are not taking the class. Comparative Religion validates Mark Twain’s point about school. Schooling and grades restrict my intrinsic motivation to educate myself. Obviously, school is a vital aspect of the development of society’s youth. If students were not so obsessed with grades and cared more about fully understanding the information, it would become even more worthwhile in our lives. As a second semester senior, I look forward to college courses with vibrant professors and thoughtprovoking information pertaining to my interests. Even though my love of certain subjects has fizzled, I now understand the difference between learning for a grade and learning for myself. For this, I am grateful.
pose of celebrating an emotion would be able to avoid the corporate revenue stream that is taking over America The most jarring indication of how tightly commercial America’s talons are wrapped around Valentine’s Day is the cards. Everyone buys them. Standard procedure is as follows: head to the jewelry section, select the chocolates on your way to the checkout (avoid almonds),
ings for us? Love is supposed to be a unique phenomenon. No love is the same, yet 50 different guys feel that “I love you more than life itself” is an adequate representation of the special bond they share with their significant other. In the humble beginnings of this country, we spent many years and lives fighting for the right to freedom of expression. Over 200 years later, we are throwing that right away in favor of convenience and efficiency. Each and every person out there has unique thoughts and feelings. Yet we ignore them, and instead willfully have words shoved down our throats. Valentine’s Day began when a man loved a woman with such passion that he had to write her one last romantic note before his death. It will end with a world of people who are afraid to say what they feel, and so they buy Hallmark’s empty words.
Is V day over-commercialized? annabel
edwards
Advisor Mr. Todd Henry
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Chocolate, roses, bears (stuffed, I’m presuming): these are the responses I got when I asked the students of Lassiter for the first thing they thought of after hearing “Valentine’s Day.” The responses are a bit alarming, considering none of them are remotely related to what the holiday is supposed to be about: love. Yes, it seems as though V-day has fallen victim to a common holiday killer: commercialization. Of course, it is not alone in its pit of corporate manipulation; we live in a country where anything that can be commercialized will be, and most holidays end up centered on merchandize. And yet, Valentine’s Day is the one that strikes me as the most upsetting. Call me a hopeless romantic, but you’d think that a holiday that was created for the sole pur-
a n d then steer yourself on over to the card aisle to pick up some prepackaged emotion and sentiment! I accept the fact that not all of us were born to write the great American novel, but when did we become so lazy and uninspired that we literally started paying people to write down our feel-
lhs features julia regeski jff editor
February fourteenth may be nothing but a money trap for romantics or a paradise for chocolate lovers, but this yearly love-fest had a pretty exciting start. Secret love? Demanding kings? A tragedy equal to that of Shakespeare? Surprisingly enough this isn’t the next disappointing romantic comedy, this is history. Once upon a time, in a far away land called ancient Rome, a king named Claudius outlawed any marriages, for fear of his warriors wanting to stay home with their wives instead of battling for their country. But the men of Rome still fell in love, and asked Catholic Bishop Val-
entine to marry the couples in secret. When King Claudius discovered this, he sent Valentine to jail, where he fell in love with the jail-keeper’s daughter. The two exchanged love letters constantly, but Claudius still believed Valentine needed to be punished. On the day of his beheading, he wrote
Valentine. From then on Valentine’s Day was a celebration of the euphoric feeling of two people, regardless of all obstacles. It was (and is) celebrated with all sorts of strange traditions. Men of the middle ages would draw a woman’s name out of a bowl, and in order to show
one last letter to his love and signed it, “From your Valentine.” Eventually, the Christian church took over the city and made Valentine’s Day an official holiday. The Lupercian festival was previously celebrated in February, when males would have an opportunity to choose a woman for a night. This was thought inappropriate by the church, who replaced it with the holiday to celebrate their martyr,
their affections, would wear the name of the lucky lady on their sleeve for a whole week. Hence the expression, “wearing your heart on your sleeve.” Women in Denmark would write names of men on little slips of paper, and then proceed to throw them into the canals. The first ball of clay to pop up was the ball containing their true love’s name. Some ancient women would even walk around a graveyard
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chanting, and expect a surreal image of their love to appear. Now modern teenagers may not have any fascinatingly awesome traditions like these, but our rituals tend to work just fine. We give a flimsy piece of paper with some sappy words to show someone how much we care about them, usually accompanied by candy and/ or some kind of floral object. Simple, yet effective. The cynics and the rest of the population laughs as this generation fulfills our own Valentine’s rituals. However this sacred day began, it is our responsibility as love-obsessed teens, to make up our own Valentine’s stories.
The origin of Valentine’s Day
Winter homecoming
Allison Gilmore and Kayvan Sofastaee take the crowns mary ann staak centerspread editor
little bit but it felt great seeing everyone cheering for me!” The other seniors on court all agreed that Allison Lassiter’s royalty filled the and Kayvan definitely deserved their court Saturday January 8 during the crowns. “Kayvan and Allison are some Sprayberry basketball homecoming of the coolest people I know. I was so game. The princes and princesses from pumped when I heard their names, all four classes dressed in their best for especially Kayvan’s!” said senior Eli the crowning of the king and queen, Long. Allison said the best part of her seniors Kayvan Sofastaee and Allison night was seeing her friend who was Gilmore. Said Allison about her crown- surprise-visiting her from St. Louis. ing, “I was really surprised and excited “He said that if I hadn’t been crowned when they called my name. It felt sur- he was going to sneak out the back! I was so glad to see him!” Both Kayvan real!” The senior class was euphor- and Allison were both very excited for ic as soon as the two seniors’ names each other about being awarded the were called. “I was so excited when I crown. “I was so happy for Allison. heard her name! She looked so gor- She is a very kind and sweet girl and I geous; we were all so happy for her!” knew she would get it. It was an honor exclaimed senior Maggie O’Hara. being next to her as she won queen!” “Once they called my name for king I exclaimed Kayvan. Allison agreed. “I was really happy! I was shocked for a was so excited for Kayvan! He’s such
How to make a Valentine! renee puvvada staff writer
What you need:
1. Cut six hearts (of identical shape and size) from craft paper by folding the paper in half and tracing half a heart along the seam. After cutting around the tracing, you’ll end up with a symmetrical heart.
a funny kid and I think he makes a great king!” Other seniors on court included Taylor Bradley, Zach Gray, Eli Long, Lindsay Hopkins, Meredith Levan, and Anna Thomas. The juniors on court were Natalie Kieta, Marin Abousaud, Emily Happ, Sarah Mayer, Adam Dowell, Ryan Adams, Mitch Reaves, and Jack Herman. Sophomores included Jacob Brabant, Ashley Brown, Will Young, Diamond Tucker, Trenton Gant, and Marci Merriman. Freshman court was Hannah Kim, Katherine Chesbro, Nicky Esposito, and Jeffery Green.
1 Craft paper
courtesy of allison gilmore
Queen
2
Allison poses for a picture after being crowned Homecoming Queen.
Scissors
2. With two hearts still folded, glue one half of one heart to another half of another heart.
3 Glue stick
3. Repeat this step until all six hearts are arranged in a 3-D shape. Open up the hearts, space them out, and decorate!
Did
You Know? 15% of US women send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day.
7 Lassiter’s cutest couples page
Sophomore
Freshman
How long have you been dating?
How long have you been dating?
About 2 months.
About 5 months.
What is your favorite thing about your boyfriend/girlfriend?
How did you get together? She said: We met at band camp this past summer.
He said: She is always there for me and we have so much fun together. She said: He makes me laugh! And he has the biggest heart.
What is your favorite thing about your boyfriend/girlfriend? He said: She always makes me happy when I am having a bad day. She said: He is sensitive, even though he won’t admit it!
What is the cutest date you have gone on? We are going to eventually go golfing, but as of now our cutest date has been dinner and a movie!
Describe your relationship in one word.
Describe your relationship in one word.
Phenomenal.
Dreamy.
Garret Jones & Jenna Reinhart
Adam Wright & Colleen Purdy
Senior
Junior How long have you been dating? 14 months, 3 days, 7 hours, 18 minutes, 7 seconds.
He said: Her fingers. And her miniature rib cage. And her nostrils, they are awesome. She said: He wears shorts no matter what the climate.
renee puvvada
How long have you been dating? A little over a year!
How did you get together? She said: I knew it was love at first sight when he bought me Cheetos out of the vending machine.
What is the cutest date you have gone on?
What is your favorite thing about your boyfriend/girlfriend?
We went to Chuck E. Cheese and practiced sneezing with our eyes open.
He said: How tall she is. She said: His flowing golden locks.
Describe your relationship in one word.
Describe your relationship in one word.
Dynamite.
Trevor Beverly & Sarah Mayer
Indescribable.
Chandler Hunt & Katie Cox
lindsay hopkins/features editor
What is your favorite thing about your boyfriend/girlfriend?
lhs features
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skye rubel
man’s best friend
courtesy of jordan brundage
courtesy of allie snyder
fun and games
The snow wasn’t just new to us. Nate Clark, 12 (below) takes his dog Ginger for a “walk”, while Allie Snyder, 11 (left) plays fetch. Above, Skye Rubel’s (12) dog Ralph looks just as confused by the snow as many of us were.
Cabin fever was no match for those willing to bear the elements and take to the slopes. While Nelson Ward, 12, and Jarod Aarons, 11 (left) try their hand at an extreme ramp, others pose before a more leisurely downhill adventure (above).
courtesy of marissa swanson
courtesy of kim carducci courtesy of nate clark
snow creations
Creativity was in full view. Tess Huntington, 12 (right) sculpted a person with near precision. Eric Milam, 12 (left) and others created a life-sized igloo they called home for a night. Even teachers got into the action, as Ms. Mercure (below) made a snowman and animal friends. courtesy of eric milam
courtesy of ms. mercure
It’s
snow
courtesy of tess huntington
joking matter
parker shank perfect date? A nice high quality Cici’s dinner and then an Aspen’s dessert that Rebecca Smith gets me for free If you were stranded on an island and could only bring one thing, what would you bring? A gun Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Makin’ bank! Celebrity look-alike? No one looks like me. Are you ready to date? I’m single and ready to mingle! ;)
mike breaugh
Idea of the perfect date? Cheap. Most attractive quality? Bubbly personality If you were stranded on an island and could bring one thing, what would you bring? Boat Describe yourself in one word: belligerent. Celebrity look-alike? I’m commonly confused with Megan Fox.
jordan bell
Perfect date? I don’t know. I’ve never been on one before. What do you look for in the opposite sex? I’m pretty shallow, so I mostly just look for superficial qualities. Most attractive quality? Probably my butt... Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Probably dead. Are you ready to date? 770-833-5290 ;)
daniel eremchuk
What’s your idea of the perfect date? Any day with the perfect girl If you were stranded on an island and could only bring one thing, what would you bring? Wilson Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10: I feel as though the results for this scale would be biased. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? I’ll be working hard, doing something I love, but still having a good laugh. Are you ready to date? Sure, why not! photos courtesy of the laureate staff
l a s s i t e r ’s m
BACHEL
RS &
erynn laflamme What do you look for in the opposite sex? Dark hair, 6-footish, 185 pounds, lax player......Luke Trevino! If you were stranded on an island and could only bring one thing, what would you bring? Luke Trevino...given. Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10: 11! Where do you see yourself in 10 years? I’ll be in Montana, rich, and happily married to Luke Trevino. are you ready to date? ...yes! 404-754-8833 ;)
kelsey baker
What is your idea of the perfect date? Grab something to eat at the Leaky Couldron and then walk around Diagon Alley What do you look for in the opposite sex? Anyone willing to hold my bags while shopping is a keeper! What is your most attractive quality? My guns. Get your tickets to the gun show! Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10: 3.141592653589793238... Who is your celebrity look-alike? Megan Fox.
tess huntington
What is your idea of the perfect date? Skydive down to Mount Everest, have hot chocolate at the summit, then sled down to the bottom where we have an epic pillow fight. Oh, and we get a puppy somewhere in between! Hobbies? Fly fishing, lumberjacking, curling my eyelashes What is your most attractive quality? I can fit 23 grapes in my mouth. Describe yourself in one word: Tess Who is your celebrity look-alike? Nala from the Lion King. We have the same nose.
sabine schartman
Hobbies? Knitting and playing with my 69 cats If you were stranded on an island and could only bring one thing, what would you bring? You ;) Least attractive qualtiy? Is this real life? High or low maintenance? I’d say I’m low...as long as I get what I want. are you ready to date? No...I’m single by choice. Of course I’m ready to date!
o s t e l i g i b l e
& BACHEL
RETTES
lhs jff
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Roses are red, violets are blue
While everyone knows a clover means good luck, how many of you non-florists knew that an Iris, the nationally recognized flower of France, is a call to hope and valor. Below is a list of flowers, and their meanings, to help those wanting to send a unique message this Valentine’s Day:
cory shaw/editor-in-chief
Indigenous to harshly dry environments, a cactus suggests endurance. Whereas a White Rosebud signifies girlhood, a mature Dark-Crimson Rose shows a state of mourning.
The Forget-Me-Not flower is perfect for a remembrance of events, a memory capsule. Be a secret admirer and give an Acacia flower, meaning secret love. Mint gum may leave the mouth feeling chilled, but the mint flower shows a feeling of warmth and comfort.
Give a Striped Carnation or bouquet of withered flowers if you refuse to acknowledge love’s existence.
Daffodil flowers represent a practice many think has long been forgotten: chivalry.
Poppy flowers, although famous for their relation to the opiate drug, also mean eternal sleep.
Although the Nasturtium flower is usually orange, it represents the red, white, and blue of patriotism.
Contrary to its name, the Monkshood flower signifies that a deadly foe is near.
Spread the love, expand your cultural horizons, and sound really silly.
Kimi o ai Shiteru?
colleen purdy/staff Who knew three little words could express so many emotions. “I. Love. You.” Let’s break this down, shall we? Dictionary.com states that the definition of “I” is “the nominative singular pronoun, used by a speaker in referring to himself or herself.” The definition of “Love” is clearly stated as “a profoundly tender, passionate affection.” And “You” is defined as “one; anyone; people in general.” So literally “I love you” in the English language translates to, a person who has a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Clear as day, right? So why do producers like Drew Barrymore and writers like Nicholas Sparks invest so much time and money into trying to put “I love you” into different words? Because, even if guys do not admit it, we all like to fan-
tasize about love, watch other people fall in love, and most of all we like to hope that one day that will be us, falling in love, saying those three simple words; I, love, and you. How do people of other languages profess their love for one another? In Japanese, “I love you: translates to, “Kimi o ai shiteru.” In Persian it’s the simple, “Tora dost daram.” In the lovely Russian, “Ya lyublyu tebya” In Swahili “I love you” becomes, “Naku panda.” Last, but not least in Turkish they profess their love as, “Seni seviyorum!” On a more realistic note, the Spanish language has three different ways to say “I love you.” “Te Amo” “Te quiero” “Me encanta tu,” there are just so many different ways to express this word, “Love.”
Contest Rules
Hidden somewhere within this paper is the logo of Lewis Electrical Contractors (shown below). If you are the first one to email laureate@leciga.com with the page number in which it is located, you win $50! Participants must also include their name and address to receive the check. One entry per person.
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find
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money
Lewis Electrical Contractors ...is a proud sponsor of The Laureate
julia regeski
Worldly
Autumn Gwaltney and Zoe Kakou attempt to bridge the gap of love between cultures.
So make a point this Valentines Day to tell someone you love them. Your mom, your dad, your best friend, even your little brother or sister would do. Let them know they are loved. Give a little “Naku panda” to
brighten their day. And if you are one of the lucky ones who has the privilege to say “Kimi o ai shiteru” to someone special, make it count.
Valentine’s
day word search boyfriend cupid girlfriend kiss sweetheart candy family
hearts love cards gifts
hugs sweet
Did
In Japan, Valentine’s Day is celebrated twice, on both February 14 and March 14.
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Make your own love letter Create your own love lettercolleen purdy/staff
Dear _______, (name) I have spent the last three _________ hopelessly devoted to you. I think about you all the time. (amount of time) You are the _______ of my _______, the root of all my_______, the one thing that makes my (fruit) (emotion) (part of the body) heart______. Why do I feel this way about you? You have never said a _______ to me. I’m not sure (verb) (noun) you know who I am. I’m in _______ of your classes. I know your whole schedule front and back: Lit with (number) _______, _______with Mrs. Helms, World History with______, Lunch (you had _______yes(name) (favorite teacher) (food, plural) (subject) terday), Math with________, and Sport’s Marketing with Mrs. Palmer. This______________, (best friend) (holiday) will you be________? Will you _________ my existence? (adjective)
(verb)
With all my ________, (affection) Your Secret Admirer!
All you need is love... and presents Make anyone say “wuv you!” with these simple yet sweet Valentine’s Day gifts
homemade goods
You Know?
To continue the homemade trend, and because everyone loves homemade stuff, fill a baggie or basket with your homemade treats. Things like chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate covered strawberries, heart-shaped cookies, puppy chow, Hershey’s kisses, or graham crackers with chocolate love notes on them are all nice. They’re sure to melt in you arms at the sight of that!
Something you boys may not have realized…girls love flowers! Pass over the cheesy store-bought cards and nasty chocolates and splurge on a gorgeous Valentine’s Day bouquet. You won’t regret it.
flowers
Hallmark is so ten years ago. Any boy or gal would feel exceptionally special with a card made with love. No matter how awful you think it looks or how goofy you feel doing it, it will be worth it when your significant other sees how much time you put into it.
homemade cards
Photo collage: This gift can be really adorable if you keep it within reason. Don’t go freaking your girlfriend or boyfriend out with a huge collage of thousands of pictures of them. Keep it light and simple. A collage photo frame is always a good start. Or even one simple picture of the two of you would be fine. Whatever you’re most comfortable with.
CDs
If your taste in music is appropriate enough for your significant other, or if you want to express how you really feel about him or her (ha, ha a little cheesy), make them a CD. Compile your favorite playlist of romantic love songs and fill up that little compact disc to your heart’s content. To make an evening very special, pick her up in your car, pop your romantic CD in, and take them out for a romantic dinner. Can you feel the love tonight?
photos
NOTE: If you are seeking to particularly impress, sweep them off their feet, or otherwise trying to free yourself from your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s wrath, it would be acceptable to combine all five gift suggestions into one massive gift for Valentine’s Day... or even a prom date!
mary ann staak/ centerspread editor
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Project 7: Wall-to-Wall
laura brink staff writer
Illuminate yourself. Bright blue lights wrapped around a full tutu exploded on a black stage filled with some of Atlanta’s most talented dancers. Illuminate yourself, the introduction said, and I was immediately in awe. The magic of Project 7 Contemporary Dance Company’s “Wall-to-Wall” winter show was the meaning behind every movement. Choreographer Cherrisse Wakeham has created a miraculous storybook. Not by writing or illustrating on starch white paper but by placing dancers on a midnight black stage and presenting true freedom in the form of motion. Lassiter’s own Taylor Bradley talked about performing in the show. “From the dancers to choreography, everything about it was so real.” And he did an absolutely incredible job! Walking into Seven Stages Theater, I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of Lassiter students filing into their seats. I am very happy to know fellow Trojans appreciate the new wave of dance showing up all around us. Senior Nicole Casey said this show “reminded me why I dance.”
The energy in the room was electric and everyone was breathing with heavy anticipation much like the dancers on the stage. Every dance evoked a different emotion. The Letter, a solo performed by company member Mary Frances Doss, was a voiceover of a letter written to her deceased mother and there was not a dry eye in the house. On the extreme opposite end of the spectrum, Smile was a powerful, sharp, and unbelievably fierce routine performed to a loud, speaker-pumping techno song renee puvadda that had every audience memstaff writer ber shouting in enthusiastic adoration. My personal favorite was the dance Collapse in which the dancers were incredibly sharp, technically flawless, and exerted themselves to the highest levels of energy, skill, and raw talent. “That was tiring just to watch!” A woman behind me said as Collapse concluded. These dancers illuminated themselves in the brightest light I have ever seen. The audience was awestruck and as soon as the opportunity comes again I recommend you run, not walk, to get your ticket to see Project 7 Contem- Big shirts, sweatshirts, and cardigans are porary Dance Company. becoming more prominent throughout the school. You can often find many girls wearing yoga pants and big tshirts. Colorful scarves and flannel shirts can also be seen throughout the halls at Lassiter. Floral and animal prints are also very big this season.
“This show reminded me why I dance.” - Nicole Casey, 12
@
Trends
Lassiter Here at Lassiter we have many different types of people, which means there are many different styles and trends throughout our school! A few that we have discovered lately are as follows. Ugg boots continue to be a favorite, comfy style for most, but TOMS, leather boots, and wallabees can also be found all over.
Polo Ralph Lauren is a signature look for most guys, along with lots of Nike apparel. Lassiter guys can be found wearing Polo shoes, Vans, TOMS, and of course Nike.
laura brink and renee puvadda
Did
You Know?
Over 100,000 apps are available on Apple’s iTunes store for the iTouch and iPhone.
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The best apps for your phone Have an interest? There’s an app for that!
For the Gamer: One of the main purposes to the touch screen apple products are the games of course. The top game right now is Angry Birds. We know everyone has it. The whole concept of it is to shoot angry birds off a sling shot towards the evil pigs that stole their eggs. The game has way too many levels and it will take you a while. Warning! It does get addictive. Other top games include Fruit Ninja, Cut the Rope, and Doodle Jump.
For the jokester:
Another top category for the apps is entertainment. The number one app that is all the hype right now is FatBooth. This hilarious app lets you take you or a friend’s picture and arrange their face to make them look fat. It gives them a little glimpse of the future if they keep sitting on the couch, watching television, and not exercising. Some other apps like FatBooth include AgingBooth and BaldBooth.
“My favorite app is Angry Birds!” - Jack Bentley, 10
For the Shopper:
The next category of apps includes utilities. A very useful app that happens to be number one is Barcode Scanner. This useful app lets you take a picture of the barcode and in seconds it gives you links and pricing to thousands of online shops. This helps you get the most bang for your buck. Other useful utilities include Alarm Clock Pro and Find My iPhone.
“Words with friends keeps me awake in math.” - Austin Abdo, 11
For the Social Butterfly:
The final major category is social networking. The top app right now is, of course, Facebook. It is no surprise that the number one social network happens to be the number one app. It lets people check their Facebook on the go. You can do pretty much everything on the mobile app as if you were just on the computer. Other major networking apps include Omegle, Skype, Twitter, and HeyTell.
“The ping pong app is fun!” Josh Brumfield, 12 austin hayes staff writer
lhs sports
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Heisman wins BCS title were held to numbers well below their ridiculous season averages. With his eligibility intact, Heisman winner Cam Newton threw for 265 yards yet only Auburn won its first rushed for 64. Heisman runner up LaBCS National Championship Michael James was held to a mediocre in fifty three years by 49 yards rushing. The play that won the beating Oregon in a game for the Tigers was James’ fourth relatively low scoring quarter run which appeared to be a six game, 22-19, on a field yard gainuntil it was determined that goal that went through Dyer was never down. the up-rights as time Defense won this game for expired. Instead of the Auburn. Led by NFL-prospect Nick shootout that was exFairley, the Tigers held the norpected in this matchup mally high scoring Oregon offense of prolific offenses, both to 19 points. Oregon’s defense held its defenses clamped down to own, containing Cam Newton’s rushkeep the scoring total to a ing game very well. Lassiter was wellpedestrian 41, much lower represented in the game; former Trothan the guess of 85 that cost jan star Phillip Lutzenkirchen recorded someone -me- a hundred doltwo catches for 48 yards for the Aulars in their bowl pool. burn Tigers. Two of the most explosive football Although Auburn was crowned players in college football this season BCS Champions, Texas Christian Uni-
jeff ciesielski staff writer
By the numbers
1 3 7 2 8 5
the place lassiter’s strong wrestling team finished in region the number of years the girls’ swim team has won state in a row the total number of region championships the baseball team has won the number of home wins the boys varsity basketball team has amount of freshman on the girls’ varsity basketball team total number of captains for the boys’ and girls’ swim team
versity (TCU) finished the season undefeated as well, toppling the Wisconsin Badgers in the Rose Bowl presented by VIZIO (they paid me to include VIZIO).By beat. fresnobee.com ing arguably the hottest Victory A few Tigers celebrate the championship. team in the country, TCU proved they could hang tience, as their Tigers went undefeated with the top teams in the country. In a for the eleventh time in school history perfect world, TCU and Auburn would and won their first BCS National Champlay each other in a de facto national pionship. Says sophomore Patrick Holchampionship game, but unfortunate- mes “It was great to see Cam Newton ly we live in the BCS world so that will and the Tigers go through so much on never happen. and off the field and still come out on The non-bandwagon-jumping Auburn top. War Eagle!” fans were well rewarded for their pa-
Lassiter wrestling team takes region Young talent shines through with Hall of Fame coach natalie kieta editorials editor
the other wrestlers agree with. According to all of the Lassiter team, he always knows what to say in times of pressure. He is in the National Wrestling Hall of Fame, after all. He knows how to effectively yell directions from the sidelines in a way that the wrestlers understand and are able to execute. When asked why the team has been so successful this season, Coach Day says that they practice hard every
es are now in the morning and the afternoon; two-a-day workouts are very strenuous but are making the team The Lassiter Wrestling team has better as a whole. In addition to the expanded on its prior dominance, rehard work of the wrestlers, the entire cently taking the regional tournament wrestling team would like to thank Mr. by storm. Their victories here placed O’Neill, the athletic director, and Dr. them as the top seed in the region. Richie, our principal, for their support. “It’s an honor to be ranked number Never has a principal shown as much one,” says Taylor Alfaro, 10. support for the wrestling team as Dr. After talking with some of the Richie, and Coach Day and his wrestlers are all very thankwrestlers on the team, it ful. A combination of is evident that this was hard work and support not an easy victory. The has really propelled tournament was very inthe wrestling team to tense and the matches the top this season. were well suited for each There are only two other. Many of themwseniors on the team, ere “swing” matches, or Patrick Shields and Ceones that are extremely drick Stanton, and the close. The teams were all team will definitely be at a very similar level and different without them that made winning even next year. Even with more satisfying. Coach that being the case, Day says that it was a hopefully the rest of “total team effort” and the team will be able explains that there were 7 duals in the region and natalie kieta to maintain this year’s top-notch level next they had to win 6, which they did, pinning in all Top-Notch These wrestlers were fundamental to success. year. But for the time being, we all just hope but one match. “Coach Day is the reason we won. day. Coach Day is very proud of his that the support and enthusiasm conHe is a boss of a coach,” commented wrestlers and says they have been put- tinues for our outstanding wrestling Scott Marmoll, 11, a statement that ting in a lot of hard work. Their practic- team.
Did
You Know?
This seasons varsity girls’ basketball team has only one senior, Rita Beshara, on the entire roster.
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Super Bowl XLV between two storied franchises
jack herman sports editor
When the announcement was made that the 2011 super bowl was to be played in the new Dallas Cowboys stadium, no one ever expected that two of the NFL’s most storied franchises, the Green Bay Packers and Pittsburgh Steelers, would be playing in front of the second highest super bowl crowd ever consisting of 103,219 people. Along with that, many great story lines followed the game. Would Aaron Rodgers shake the title as Brett Favre’s predecessor and establish himself as an elite quarterback? Could Steelers quarter back Ben Roethlisberger over come all the offseason turmoil, leading his team to a title? Would the commercials and Black Eyed Peas performances live up to all of the hype? On the field, Green Bay did exactly what they needed to do in the first quarter. The Pack were up 14-0 at the end of the first quarter, and Pittsburgh seemed in for a rough night. Senior Michael Fowke said, “I thought the game was over right there. It seemed as if there was too much for the Steelers to overcome.” After a quick four play, 53 yard
drive, Greg Jennings put the cheese heads up a comfortable 21 to 3 with only 2:24 remaining on the clock. Then Big Ben orchestrated a precise, super bowl savvy drive of seven plays, 77 yards, sending the game near half’s end with the score being Green Bay 21, Pittsburgh 10. While Grace Keheley, 9, thought the Black Eyed Peas halftime performance was an “all-around failure,” Mrs. Lohlein thought that the performance was a “good diversion from the rock performances of the past.” With the start of a new half, so swung the momentum. “You could really see the momentum begin to swing in favor the Steelers. They came out very aggressive in the second half,” said junior Sarah Boring. The third quarter was dominated by the Steelers as the Packers were outgained yardage wise, 195 to 7. As the contest wore on, it became more and more apparent that Aaron Rodger’s familiarity and rapport were in full stride. This led to a quick fourth quarter touchdown as Rodgers further completed his playoff dismantling of opposing defenses, throwing for his 12th touchdown in the last four games. The game remained relatively wide spread until the Steelers
put together another scoring drive that lasted just over four minutes and was capped off by 25 yard reception for a touchdown by Mike Wallace. And after the two point conversation in which Big Ben efficiently executed the old college option, the Steelers were suddenly just down three at 28-25. But just like he had all season, Mr. Rodgers proved that this in fact was his neighborhood as after a Mason Crosby field goal gave the Packers a 31-25 lead, the Packers never relinquished it and brought back the Lombardi Trophy to its birthplace city, Green Bay, Wisconsin. For Steelers fans, all was not lost though. The commercial
entertainment was aplenty. Mrs. Lohlein adds “The Chrysler commercial with the tagline ‘Imported from Detroit’ was chock-fill of American imagery and patriotism.” Grace goes on to say “I really liked the Dorito’s commercial where Grandpa miraculously came back to life after being fed the chips, as well as the Volkswagen Darth Vader commercial entitled ‘The Force’.” She then places a bet: “The Cowboy’s will be in next year’s big game.”
Swim and dive team poised for success
austin hayesstaff writer
The captains for the swim team are Stephen Robin and Michael McCarthy for the boys and Kim Carducci There is a nasty rumor going and Sammie Bosma for the girls. These around about the Lassiter Swim and skillful seniors want to make their last Dive Team and how they supposedly year the best yet, so they will be giving have gills. Though I am not aware of their all to achieve greatness. this mutation, it sure would make Though the swim team has sense seeing as how the girls have one grown, the dive team remains pretty state the past three years. small. The team has four members in Over the past years, the Swim it: Amanda Abbott (the team captain), and Dive Team Jack Bentley, has grown to Alex Fortanbe one of the bary, and Max best. The girls Levine. With are pushing two first-timers for the fourth on their hands, title in a row, the team still while the boys manages to just took back hold its own the county during the seatitle after having a dormant year. The son. Jack Bentley, sophomore, says, boys had won county two years ago, “The diving team does not get that but last year they got second. They much recognition here at Lassiter. It were hungry for it pushed as hard as doesn’t make sense due to the fact they could to achieve it. that we are amazing!”
“We’ve worked as hard as we can. We have a lot of potential on the girls and boys teams” -Henry Loong
.
Dominance
The swim and dive team celebrates another victory.
The Cobb County Swim Meet occurred on the last weekend of January, and both the boys and the girls won. Jimmy Yoder broke the county
record by one second in his event of 500 free style. Also, the girls 400 free relay beat the Cobb County record.
lhs in the wry Bird-en
of tyler molinaro comedy editor
PROOF
Substantiated reports of mass bird deaths in Arkansas and other unnatural phenomena throughout the world recently flooded blogs, news sites, and other forms of media for an extended period of time. First came bewildered descriptions of hundreds of blackbirds falling from the sky and dying, their corpses littering the ground and leading to the unpleasant inversion of the early worm getting the bird. Then were the inevitable conclusions drawn by scientists on what could have happened. First the assumption was that humans had poisoned the birds’ food supply. Once this myth was debunked, blame was focused on fireworks. Thereafter emerged the conspiracy theories, which revolved largely around last year’s canceled show FlashForward. The result of this widespread speculation boils down to the mere fact that a tragedy of this magnitude cannot and must not be repeated. Today I appeal to you as a fellow human. If our species has, indeed, been or provided the impetus for this disaster, there seems to be one course of action: stop these deaths at all costs. All else must be put on hold. All other news is irrelevant. All commercials involving the dead birds falling from the sky and crashing through the roofs of houses and the line “protected from mayhem like me” must cease. The world is in need of a plan. I have such a plan. If the current hypothesis of the birds’ lives ending in, quite literally, a blaze of glory, is correct, I demand that taxes be raised and each state charged with using the resultant money to provide each bird within its boundaries with sunglasses. Hon-
estly, no price can be put on birds aviary species living long, fulfilling, and happy lives. Secondly, fireworks must be outlawed across the world. I believe we can all agree that a sacrifice of obnoxiously loud booms and blinding lights can be made for the sake of the natural beauty of birds that are not dead. But alas this will not be enough. We, as caring human beings, must take every step to stop such a crisis from ever developing again. As such, the possibility that the deaths were caused by humans poisoning the food supply of the birds must be considered and addressed. There really seems to be only one viable option that could accomplish this end. This unfortunate yet effective stop is to poison the human food supply. This action will attack the stem of the problem, which is, regrettably, humans. Furthermore, the punishment fits the crime. A killer is killed and so the poisoners will be poisoned. This action will remove the root of the problem and will further ensure that all birds everywhere are allowed to live in peace without fear of fireworks, paparazzi, and human interference. Accusations that this is overkill are unfounded. I’ll tell you what overkill is. The death of even one bird due to negligence on the part of the human race is the over killing here. The plan, while possibly controversial, is guaranteed to work and is of noble intent. I will concur that the plan requires refinement, but I have neither the time nor the patience to finish it at this time. For one thing, it is too upsetting. For another, my chicken dinner is calling.
___,
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Dear blank, please blank Dear reader, Please read. Sincerely, author.
Dear lunchroom,
As encouraging as it is to know that Steve Nash and Serena Williams drink milk, I’d rather not have to duck every time I want some fries.
Sincerely, Students Over Six Feet Tall Dear AP Lang,
Thanks for making me read Angela’s Ashes. As if Junior Year wasn’t depressing enough.
Sincerely, AP Lang Students
Dear whoever makes the decision of whether or not to cancel school due to inclement weather, Thanks.
Sincerely, Georgia Students Dear Freshman,
If your book bag is larger than your body, that’s a sign you need to use your locker a little more often.
Sincerely, I Can’t Get by You on the Stairs Dear Ms. Hotle,
Please smile for once. You’re much too severe all the time.
Sincerely, Math Hall Commuters Dear Bathroom Vandal,
I agree; The Crazies was an okay movie.
Sincerely, A Nice Change From Body Parts Dear Red Dashes,
You are not welcome on my Scantron. Please leave.
Sincerely, Christmas Treein’ It Fails Me Again Dear Teachers,
Much like in baseball, if there is a close call to be made, tie goes to the runner. There’s no way I got beat by the bell again.
Sincerely, I Want an Instant Replay Dear 1st Period Teacher,
I am not now, nor have I ever been a morning person. Get used to it.
Sincerely, I’m Amazed I Even Made it Here Dear Desk in front of me,
You don’t have a basket. I have no idea what to do with my feet now. How can I learn if I am not completely comfortable?
Sincerely, At Least It’s Not a Closed Basket
will morris/ staff writer
Did
You Know? Scientists claim that bird deaths like those reported early in 2011 are actually relatively common.
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S
LN: “Wishes she would get something other than a boquet for once.” I already killed helpless flowers for you. What else do you want?
“Nothing says ‘I love you’ more than somebody else’s words massproduced on recycled paper” Single.
“I’m just wondering why some stupid chubby toddler with a weapon was chosen to represent falling in love.” Single.
tyler molinaro comedy editor
“Saint valentine was eventually imprisoned, beaten, stoned, and beheaded. They don’t tell you that on the cards.” Bitterly single.
“You are the Boston to my Cream pie.” Not even Kit to my Kat? Hopefully not single.
Sailing on the scholar ship
The recent snow break provided many interesting opportunities. Being snowed and iced into a house for a full four days means that you end up playing games that you thought were and surely should have been out of your life for years. It also means... gasp... getting things done. And so the scholarship search began. It had to start sometime and let’s face it, Candyland can only be played a certain amount of times before side effects start setting in. The search itself turned into something very like a train wreck. I just couldn’t pull myself away. I mean who knew that there were scholarships
out there for African American teen mothers who have surfed on the east coast? I kid you not. I have seen scholarships no man had seen before. There is a scholarship from the National Association of Christmas Tree Advancement for an essay describing how best to find Santa the World’s best Christmas tree. 6-16 year olds act now. But oh how it got better. I ran across scholarships for foreigners attending college in the USA, scholarships for every ethnicity imaginable, genders I didn’t even know existed, and one for the children of employees of a rubber duck factory. On a hunch I searched for scholarships for white men. Two came up. Unfortunately for m e
they were for gay, bisexual, transgender, or lesbian men. I decided not to email the foundation asking what their definition of a lesbian man was. Oh how I searched and searched for scholarships I qualified for. The girl scouts were well-represented. Those within the vicinity of a certain type of mall were set. But though I looked high and low, no scholarships for white, skinny men with spiky hair and 1/16 Italian heritage presented themselves. Determined to remedy this, I naturally applied for scholarships I very
nearly (code for not at all) met the requirements for. Must have overcome a major life obstacle. Hmmm, ah, not being related to anyone who works for a rubber duck factory. Must have been convicted of a crime. That’s only for seniors, so I still have time. Must have played Candyland over 50 times in a week. . . I sang. I danced. I will admit I cried a little. Victory at long last, fulfillment, satisfaction. This I could do. I pulled out the box from the l o cati o n I had hidden it for later disposal and called to the other inhabitants of the house. 37 more games to play. Back to work.