the
laureate
Volume XXVII: Issue IV
Lassiter High School
February 2010
Coach Lindsey addresses his players with excitement after winning the second round of the playoffs versus North Gwinnett, 70-49.
Lindsey goes from Trojans to Troy courtney ciesielski comedy central editor Anyone who has kept up with Lassiter football over the last two years knows what a record-breaking couple of years it has been. The 2008 and 2009 seasons were highlighted by two winning seasons, a region championship, multiple playoff appearances, and many school records. The man behind the scenes of the Trojan football team was none other than head coach, Chip Lindsey. Unfortunately for the Trojans, Coach Lindsey decided to leave for Troy University in Alabama to serve as their new quar-
Timeline up to 2009 A look back at the latest decade
terbacks’ coach. The fact that Coach Lindsey was offered this prestigious job proves how skilled he is at his profession and how lucky Lassiter was to have him lead their football team. Coach Lindsey came to Lassiter from Hoover High school in Alabama, where he served as their offensive coordinator. He was hired after the Trojan’s 3-7 season in 2007 with the hope of turning Lassiter’s football program around. He quickly turned the Trojans from a virtually unknown team into a state powerhouse. The Trojans went 9-3 in his first year as head coach and made it to the second round of the state playoffs for the first time in
school history. After graduating a stellar 2008 class, many were unsure how well our football team would fare the next season. The next season proved even better, highlighted by a perfect regular season, a region title, and an appearance in the state quarterfinals. The Trojan football team has gone from the bottom to the top in only two years, thanks to Coach Lindsey. Coach Lindsey was a favorite among football players and will surely be missed. “I’ll miss him standing on the sidelines because even if we were nervous or close to losing a game, he could always calm us down,” says Nick Law, a junior member of the foot-
ball team. “Coach Lindsey is the best coach we could have hoped for,” comments senior Griffin Roelle. “It’s sad to see him leave, but he deserves this coaching job for Division I football. We will all miss him.” Lassiter’s faculty and student body echo these sentiments. The Trojans are sad to start the next season without him, but extremely grateful for what he accomplished while he was here. He will always be remembered as the man who changed the Lassiter football program. “Although I am leaving Lassiter, Lassiter will never leave me,” said Coach Lindsey. “I will forever be a Lassiter Trojan.”
cutest Winter couples Olympics at lassiter
index
Valbanera
THE 411 2-3 TROJAN TALK 4-5 A&E 6-7 FEATURES 8-9 CENTERSPREAD 10-11 COMEDY CENTRAL 12-13 JFF 14-17 SPORTS 18-19
The decade
2
The 411 2000
Bush/Gore Scandal
Also in this year: - Playstation 2 released - People survive Y2K - Lassiter named School of Excellence
2001
2002
2003 2000
2004
9/11 attack
Premier of American Idol
Columbia shuttle explodes
Facebook created
- Winter Olympics in Utah - Department of Homeland Security created
- Saddam Hussein found - Martha Stewart indicted - Japanese earthquake
- iPod invented - The United States invades Afghanistan - Anthrax scare
- MA is first state to legalize gay marriage - Red Sox end curse and win World Series
The quake that rocked the world cory shaw copy editor A 7.0 magnitude earthquake struck the country of Haiti on January 12, 2010 at 4:53 p.m., leaving nearly three million people – one-third of the entire population – in dire need of emergency aid. It is presumed that 200,000 Haitians were killed. The quake’s epicenter hit just 10 miles west of Porteau-Prince, the capital of Haiti that two
come together donating money and time to help the efforts. Countries all over the world, including Belize, Brazil, Canada, Chile, China, Cuba, France, Guyana, Israel, Iceland, Japan, Mexico, Morocco, the Netherlands, Russia, Spain and the United Kingdom, have pledged millions of dollars of aid. Rosemica commented, “Haiti needed a lot of help before this tragedy. We are such a poor country. And we’re still poor. The donations we have
foreignpolicydigest.org The Haitian people face many hardships because of the devestating earthquake.
million inhabitants call home. The subsequent hours and days left the people of Haiti riddled with 33 aftershocks ranging in magnitude from 4.2 to 5.9. Haitian-born Lassiter senior Rosemica Fils-aime was in a solemn mood after the events, as her mother, four brothers, and her entire extended family reside in Haiti. There were no casualties within her family but their homes were completely destroyed and the tedious task of rebuilding engulfs every single waking moment of their time. As rebuilding begins, the world has
shown a great deal about the willingness of other countries around the world to do the right thing. We may bicker over the smallest of details, but when it comes to life or death – and that is no exaggeration – it is nice to see the world take a stance.” Just hours following the quake, President Barack Obama offered a glimmer of hope, “At this moment, we are moving forward with one of the largest relief efforts in our history – to save lives and to deliver relief that averts an even larger catastrophe. In these difficult hours, America stands
united--united with the people of Haiti, who have shown such incredible resilience, and we will help them to recover and rebuild.” And the progress has already begun, as nearly 5,500 infantry soldiers and marines arrived offshore just a week after the initial destruction. Furthermore, six ships equipped with supplies and a “hospital ship” with twelve operating rooms docked off the coast of Haiti the following week. In addition to the much-needed supplies and hospitals being provided by the United States government, an initial amount of $100 million has been promised – with expectations of that number doubling when all is said and done. Former Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush have teamed up and received more than 160,000 contributions for recovery efforts. Michelle Obama appeared in a television advertisement saying “The images from Haiti are heartbreaking. Homes, hospitals, and schools are destroyed. There are families searching for loved ones and parents trying to feed their children. But we can all do something.” The Hope for Haiti Now telethon that aired on NBC just a few weeks ago was organized by George Clooney and included special performances by Bruce Springsteen, Jennifer Hudson, and Taylor Swift among others. Participants Brad Pitt, Meryl Streep, Leonardo DiCaprio, Morgan Freeman, and Tom Hanks highlighted over onehundred of the biggest names in entertainment. Their efforts helped to raise over $60 million – and counting. Rosemica likes to think on the optimistic side. “People’s lives have certainly changed because of the earthquake, but there is some good coming from
By the Numbers:
Haiti edition
200,000
people presumed to have died
7.0
magnitude of the earthquake
number of aftershocks
33
60,000,000 dollars donated in the Hope For Haiti Now Telethon
80
percent of Haitians living under the poverty line
this. I speak everyday with my mom and she says that people have begun to focus on God. They have faith. They have hope. Over the past few years, the voodoo religion has plagued the country and this earthquake, although destructive, may be just as beneficial for the people of my country.” She continues, “Haitian citizens are going to need new clothes, food, homes, schools, hospitals, government buildings, and an on-going list of other essential items that we in America take for granted every day. Rebuilding has just begun. Pray for the people of Haiti.” To help donate money to rebuild the devestated country, text the word ‘HAITI’ to 90999 for a onetime $10 donation to the American Red Cross Relief Fund that will be added to your phone bill.
3 2007
Pluto not a planet
Virginia Tech Massacre
Barack Obama elected
Death of Michael Jackson
- Indonesia tsunami - Pope John Paul II dies - Lassiter wins men’s tennis championship
- Pelosi is first female speaker of house -Lassiter recognized as a top public school
- Michael Phelps wins eight gold medals - Lassiter recognized as top AP school in GA
- Hudson plane landing - Swine flu - Lassiter is region champ in football
- Liquids banned in airports - Lassiter wins GA baseball championship
2008 2000
in review
Hurricane Katrina
2009
2006 2000
2005 2000
facts compiled by alex medders/staff Atlanta b us driver, Leroy Ma thews, twas sus pended Novembe in r for a re cent incident in which h e sudde slammed nly on the b us’ brake and refu s sed to o pen the hicle’s do veors until all sengers joined him the pasin prayer.
pointsted after e rr a s a w A man Wendy’s tgun at a o h s a utes g in few min A . e e y lo r anemp ift-manage ow h s e th later, wind ached the ro p p a ly ri g the heck , “What d e ll e y d managan ing?” The man’s o d u o y are the up being er ended recognized d a h d n mom a andana. ugh his b ro th n o s her
A pig farmer was inv olved in a dispute with the go vernment over who has the res ponsibility for fixing the sewage system on his farm. Since he did not like the decision that was ma de by the council, Roy decided to save the farm’s sewage in 80 oil barrels and scatter them throughou t the city.
Olympics heat up in Vancouver
amrita banerjee staff writer
While most of us at Lassiter are preoccupied with schoolwork, a social life, and extracurricular activities, life goes on outside the halls. From the tragic earthquakes in Haiti to the weather debacle that consumed all of Georgia, it looks as if 2010 has started out with a bang. However, there is much happiness to share: the countdown to the 2010 Winter Olympics is over, and organizers have been working painstakingly hard to make this the best Olympics yet.
The 2010 Winter Olympic Games will take place at the Vancouver and Alpine Resort of Whistler from February 12th to February 28th. As many as 1.6 million people have been reported to come watch the broad spectrum of sports, which range from figure skating to snowboarding. More than eighty countries, including Australia, Brazil, the Czech Republic, and the United States, will participate in the winter Olympics. Unlike the past Olympic Games, the 2010 Winter Olympic Games will have an increase in security mea-
sures. Since the failed Christmas Day attack on a Northwest flight, security measures in public places have grown tremendously. Officers have decided to add more surveillance cameras at the grounds. A “secure perimeter” will also be placed around the entire venue. American officials have also warned U.S. tourists to be extra careful of suspicious activity and to go to events in groups. When asked about the increased security measures at the winter Olympics, Lila Farino, 12, commented, “I think that the increased security will
be a good thing because people will feel safer. After all, the better the security, the safer you are.” On another note, she added, “I’m looking forward to all of the events, especially figureskating and skiing.” Laura Aycock, 12, said, “I’m really excited about the 2010 winter Olympics; it makes me feel like the world is unified.” The 2010 Winter Olympics will be broadcast live on NBC and the opening ceremonies will be held on February 12th. The Olympics will undoubtedly be one of the most memorable events of 2010.
4
Trojan talk
A day
in the life of
Clark Franzman
katie hayes/staff
Clark, the thespian with a hopeless desire for romance, gets denied once again.
clark franzman guest writer I love theater. There is the rush of performing, the challenge of perfecting a character, the bonds you form with your cast mates and crew members. There is nothing not to love--except somehow it doesn’t get you girls. That is to say, why do I never hear, “Oh my
God that was a perfectly performed Shakespearean monologue! Take me now!” Theater doesn’t get you girls, and that hurts. Especially around this time of year. I see all my friends who participate in football, baseball, or track being all adorable and sickening with their girlfriends, and sometimes I regret not having a dad who forced
sports down my throat since before I could walk. I mean even the Beta club kids do better with girls than the vice president of the thespian society! Now this slight (MAJOR) drawback is still not quite enough to convince me to give up the performance life. Yeah acting doesn’t pay off in high school, but look at all the girls Brad Pitt pulls. And I know you’re probably saying, “But Clark, there is no way even with extensive plastic surgery and a magic genie that you will ever look half as sexy as Brad Pitt’s ugliest feature.” And to that I say, “Shut up--you’re a jerk.” What about Adam Sandler, who is uglier than a hobo’s foot, yet still gets girls like Drew Berrymore, Kate Beckinsale, and Kevin James? Also, at least an actor’s sexiness will hold a little more longevity than that of an NFL player. How many 40-year old ex NFL players make the “sexiest person alive list?” None-that’s how many! Yet George Clooney has been on there for the past 60 years! The man is closer to death
than birth at this point, yet women still go crazy for him. So that means when Rip Rowan is 40 and finished with his long, illustrious NFL career and looks like a broken fence with arthritis, I will still be making box office smashes and able to have any girl I so choose. In the mean time, Rip won’t even be able to get out of his chair when it rains, much less pick up girls. So even though watching my athlete friends blow through hot girl after hot girl as if they were firecrackers on the Forth of July slowly sucks the will to live from my very marrow, I will not give up my life as a thespian. And though the loneliness pierces me like one thousand needles plunging directly into my heart, I will not give up my life as a thespian. And despite the only thing being more depressing than being dateless on Valentines’ Day (which I currently am, ladies) is watching a puppy drown, I will not give up my life as a thespian! Because like old Evan Williams’ ads used to say, “Things only get better with time.”
Thank Goodness I ’m S ingle natalie kieta staff writer It seems like life has so many ways of reminding you that you are alone, dateless, and yes, single. Around Valentine’s Day (or should I say immediately after Christmas?), the store shelves begin to fill up with all things red and pink. There is no way to simply forget about this holiday, which happens to be geared towards only part of the population. But consider this: being single is something you should be thankful for. We all know that perfect couple, or rather, seemingly-perfect couple. Those two people who stroll through the halls hand-in-hand, gazing into each other’s eyes. Well let me tell you something: It is a rare phenomenon to find two people so perfectly compatible for each other. Being anything other than single is a full-time job, filled with so many of those high maintenance little things that occupy every single day. All that togetherness is just a little bit much, whereas not being committed can leave room for more excitement for meeting new people. Valentine’s Day is yet another prob-
lematic time for those who are taken. Valentine’s Day is first and foremost a commercial holiday, not about love and relationships, but rather about the industry behind flowers, candy, and jewelry. Consider yourself lucky for all of the money your saving. As Zach Strongin, 10, says, “You don’t have to waste your money on dumb things.” Buy yourself something you really want, not that teddy bear that will inevitably end up in the attic next to all of the other stuffed animals you outgrew ten years ago. As heartwrenching as that is, it’s true. (Reader’s discretion is advised. Do consider that girls do still appreciate teddy bears. After all, it’s the thought that counts). If in a relationship, you have to worry about what present to get your boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, there is that cliché box of chocolates and the little teddy bear or those candy hearts with the cute messages written on their surface. But for those people who actually want to be semioriginal and give a gift that is creative, good luck. Secondly, if you are in a relationship with someone, you might as well give up on the suspense of receiving one of those little carnation flowers sold at school. Forget about that secret admirer you will now never uncover. You may have just lost
natalie kieta/staff Stores stock up on teddy bears, chocolate, and flowers for Valentine’s Day!
your soul mate forever; way to go. However, being in a relationship is not the only way to have love. The friends and loved ones you surround yourself with everyday are a great reason to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Go to dinner with your friends and celebrate that you really are not alone, and that you have so many great people in your life. The good
news is that friends don’t expect little candy hearts that say, “Be Mine” or “Call Me.” So rather than walking through the aisles at Target staring longingly at the various Valentine’s themed goods, consider this a holiday to rejoice in your freedom and thank God that you are single.
5
The global warming deception which are or have been caused by the mass emission of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. And thus, I have begun to question the validity and scientific backing of the global cory shaw warming phenomenon as described by Al Gore and the IPCC (Intergovcopy editor I am not taking a poernmental Panel on Climate Change). litical stance. This is mere fact: John Coleman of KUSI News since the turn of the century, the in California recently spent over an earth has been cooling down. hour of broadcasting to present the compiled by natalie kieta/staff The first twelve days of January in East truth behind global warming. His Cobb saw temperatures in a constant program, entitled Global Warming: = 5 people freeze – nearly twenty degrees below The Other Side is “about scientific normal for this time of year. We all entruth--our carbon footprints are not joyed the three-day week following creating any significant global warming.” He goes on to say “The EPA (the United State Environmental Protection Agency) has now classified carbon dioxide as a health hazard, which impacts your way of life. This will lead to major taxes and fees.” And, he’s right: the modern lifestyle includes computers, abundant heating and air conditioning units, food, and gas, and all of these would be taxed extensively according to these new ‘guidelines.’ Continuing, Coleman reports “the entire global warming frenzy is based on the hypothesis of the effects of our carbon footprint on the atmosphere; the science behind global warming is crumbling.” Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth insinuates that a massive spike in carbon dioxide as a direct result of increasing global temperatures. courtesey of regan everett Not convinced? Five of the Cold temperatures leave pools frozen solid; these dogs easily walk on the surface. earth’s top scientists were interviewed by Coleman on his program and asked, “What proof is there that we shouldn’t be afraid of our impact?” Lord Christopher Monkton, former science advisor and consultant to British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, explains that compiled by julia regeski/staff “five and a half times as much warm”I love pineapple and Triscuits” “I love Katie Cox” ing during the period of global warm-Levi Holland, 11 ing from 1980 to 2000 was caused -Kelsey Baker, 11 “I love friends” “I love potato soup” by a reduction in cloud cover, letting -Ashtin Thomas, 10 -Nick Cantu, 10 more sunlight down onto the surface “I love O’Delicious of the earth than was caused by all “I love the giant, stuffed, One(Michael Lancour)” greenhouse gases added together.” pink unicorns in Kroger” -Julie Gardiner, 10 The four other scientists interviewed, -Laura Brink, 10 all of which are considered world re“I love puntos and Se“I love compliments” nowned for their philosophies on norita Holmes’ Class” -Marin Abousaud, 10 global warming, said a variation on -Maddy Buchanan, 10 the same principle: the climate is vari“I love Jersey Shore” “I love America” able, the system is robust, and carbon -Lauren Medders, 9 -Kyle Jones, 11 dioxide’s negative impact on hu“I love coloring books” man life has little scientific backing. -Emma Protis, 9 Science itself is no political debate. “I love creeping and starSo, as Al Gore flies in his private jets “I love working out and eating” ing at people during lunch” while at the same time complaining -Alex Mattle, 10 -Kayla Picchi, 11 of other’s “footprints,” his Inconvenient Truth seems conveniently incorrect.
Who s Valentine’s No!
Yes!
winter break when Friday, January 8th we were iced-in our homes. Nearby Cherokee and Paulding counties had the following Monday off as well. The streets were salted and sanded; otherwise, they would have been iced over like our driveways. There are subtle realities in Al Gore’s opinion on global warming. The polar ice caps are melting. But, just like when the dinosaurs died out millions of years ago, there is not one clear cut explanation to answer the question “why?” Many of the world’s top scientific minds reiterate this fact: the earth warms and cools in natural cycles, none of
What do you love?
6
A&E
He Saw, She Saw: A mystery is solved
frank coutinho staff writer
A detective movie is a risky proposition. In this day and age, when most movies look to keep the tiny attention span of most impatient adolescents, a movie based off of an Arthur Conan Doyle character may not seem like the wisest movie idea. When most movies offer over-the-top stunts, explosions, or irresistible vampires that capture the hearts of all teenage girls across the country, Sherlock Holmes is a well- written, witty detective movie that manages to keep viewers interested from beginning to end. Featuring a star-studded cast of actors, Sherlock Holmes manages to blend witty characters and an engaging plot to provide a movie that seems to absorb viewers into the intricate plot. Robert Downey Jr. , from Tropic Thunder and Iron Man plays the crazy, unpredictable Sherlock Holmes, a character who seems to always have a method behind his madness. Charged with putting up with Holmes’s out-of-the box attitude is his trusty side-kick, Dr. John Watson. Played by a mustached Jude Law, from The Holiday and Enemy at the Gates, Watson must endure Sherlock Holmes’s most peculiar habits, including experiments with flies and Watson’s dog. In the mix is Irene Adler, played by Rachel McAdams, from The Notebook, as a mysterious and equally witty counterpart to Holmes. Together, Holmes, Watson, and Adler (though sometimes on different sides) try to make sense of the supernatural resurrec-
tion of an infamous Lord Blackwood. cate cash The story unfolds in England, jff editor as an infamous member of ParliaSherlock Holmes, directed by Guy ment, Lord Blackwood, mysteriously Ritchie, is not one of the most impresresurrects from the dead. The news sive movies of the century. When I grips all of London with fear and went into this movie and sat down I preoccupies the minds of both Wat- was not sure what to expect. As it conson and Holmes to the fullest ex- tinued to play, I began to realize that I tent. The detective and his partner had seen this film before. It is the same fight mysterious and changing en- mystery and plot that were used from emies, find answers from the small- movies such as National Treasure, The est clues, and endure stints in prison. Mummy, and any other mystery mov Action and humor make this ie you can find. There is always a bad movie the huge success that it has guy who loses, a good guy who wins, become. From fighting giants to dis- and a romance thrown somewhere arming chemical weapons, the action in between. The movie lacked somein Sherlock Holmes is unique and ex- thing new. The only thing it did have plosive. The movie goes so far as to to score it points for originality would show Holmes winning a no-holds- be the fact that the “bad guy” in the barred fight with crazy karate moves. movie did black magic. Although, The humor also sparks personal- not really. You have to ity into the film, with Holmes’s cool go see the movie demeanor enduring even through to know what the most dangerous situations. I am talking With all due respect, I do about. Honnot think that that anyone (except estly, wait unmaybe literature teachers) at Las- til this movie siter remembers the original detec- comes out on tive novels written by Arthur Conan DVD or On DeDoyle, but I think that the movie is mand because a completely different story in itself. the nine dollars Sherlock Holmes is a movie that will you will spend on captivate audiences and is well worth the ticket is not worth it. the ticket price. If you have read any Although the movie had great efof the books by Doyle do not go into fects and excellently recreated Engthis movie expecting an exact fol- land, it just could not overshadow the lowing of the novels. If you do end fact that the story line was completely up buying a ticket to see this, go in unoriginal. The one thing that saved open-minded and you should come this movie for me would be the actout a happy customer as the movie ing in it. Robert Downey Jr., Sherlock truly is a complete movie experience. Holmes, did an amazing job playing
How many times did you see it? Multiple Times
24.2%
Never
34.8%
the role as the mystery detective we all know and love. His wit and his way of slowing things down to retrace his steps for the audience made the movie a slight bit better. Jude Law, who played Dr. John Watson, acts as an excellent wing man to Holmes. Together, the two make a great pair and get into plenty of fights and problems. Also, Rachel McAdams, who played Irene Alder, did a great job acting a part you do not get to see her portray often. She had to be mischievous and actually not fall madly in love with a hot guy for once. Two traits of her character that have strayed far away from her movies such as The Notebook and The Time Traveler’s Wife. Overall, I would not advise anyone to go to the movie theater and spend two and half hours watching this movie. You would be better off eating out with friends, watching TV at your house, going to the gym, or something else. If you are ever bored in the future and need a mediocre movie to watch then go to the video store and rent this. Otherwise do not waste your time.
www.cksinfo.com
How did you see it? IMAX 3D
24.2%
73% of people like this. Normal
31.0%
Once
3D
41.0%
44.8%
27% of people dislike this.
complied by laureate staff
www.shockya.com www.avatarplanet.net
7
Valbanera
compiled by taylor hayes/ a&e editor
The “Hope for Haiti Now” Telethon that aired on s several TV stations ha , far so n llio raised $57 mi um alb with the iTunes bringing in $7.99 each download.
this month
in e Aerosmith guitarist Jo e Perry announced that th a ing ek se band is currently e th replacement singer in ler. absence of Steven Ty d ce un no an They have not t en em whether the replac tly will sing permanen . nd ba e with th
Train’s hit song “Hey Soul Sister” reached the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100 for the first time since June 2001, when “Drops of Jupiter” hit No. 5.
MUSIC
British Prime Minister d Gordon Brown aske e uc od Simon Cowell to pr e a single to benefit th ll victims in Haiti. Cowe ord rec a has promised e out by the end of th month.
e OAR released a new liv st mo eir album from th recent tour titled “Rain or Shine”, which features s a whopping 37 song tes nu ranging from 3 ½ mi to 15 minutes long.
photos compiled by cate cash/ jff editor
been recorded. They have released one full length album and one single, and are in the processing of releasing three new songs in March. Valbanera recorded drums at a studio called Glow in the Dark Studios owned by Matt Goldman. Matt Goldman has recorded bands such as Cartel, Underoath, Drop Dead Gorgeous, The Chariot, Meg & Dia, and many other famous bands. Goldman helped in the studio the entire time as Valbanera recorded with Goldman’s intern Matt McClellan. “It was cool to record there because there were a bunch a famous people just hanging out there,” says Caffrey, 12. The band has been inspired by many bands, even some that were recorded by Goldman, Underoath. courtesy of grayson blanchette Some of them including:The Used, Rise The guys will hold their CD release show at Swayze’s on March 26, 2010. Tickets cost $10. Against, and Motion City Soundtrack. Swayze’s, and written about 20 songs. If you haven’t heard of Valtogether until about a year later. katie hayes Tyler Seaman says, “My fabanera, well now you have, and Since the start of the band, staff writer probably will in It all started about four years two new members have been added: vorite thing about back, three teenagers: Brian Caf- Anthony Founds and Tyler Seaman. the band is writing “My favorite thing times to come. a new song, and beThe band has a frey, Gavin Caffrey, and Peyton Foley, Gavin Caffrey does vocals and plays about the band is lot of promise, one love: music, one dream: a band, a “plethora” of instruments, Peyton ing so proud of it which they would name Valbanera. Foley plays guitar and also does vo- that you want the writing a new song, the dream has Valbanera got its name from a cals, Tyler Seaman plays bass and whole world to hear and being so proud grown to five guys, but they Spanish steamship that crashed in the does vocals, Brian Caffrey plays gui- it that second.” The that you want the still have one 1900’s. The steamship crash has no tar, with Anthony Founds on drums. band’s music has significance to the band as they sim- “I would describe our mu- grown a lot since whole world to hear love: Valbanera. You can ply liked the way the name sounded. sic as musical, emotional, and en- the beginning. They it that second.” check out Val The Caffrey brothers and ergetic. It’s a combination of new constantly try to banera’s Mystheir friend Peyton originally thought post-hardcore, 90’s emo, and indie,” better themselves and improve with each song. pace page to hear some of their of starting a band back when Brian, says Caffrey, 12. The band has played Of the twenty songs that songs at: myspace.com/Valbanera now a senior, was in eighth grade, about 50 shows, most of them hav- but the band didn’t really come ing been held at a venue called have been written, nine of them have
R I P 2 0 0 9 www.google.com
8
All you need
is Love?
skye rubel the 411 editor
The Beatles once sang, “All You Need is Love.” They obviously never received very good Valentine’s Day presents. Though Valentine’s Day is a special holiday to celebrate romance, the gift that you give to your significant other is just as important to express your love. With these gift ideas, you’re sure to make someone feel like the luckiest person in the world. The first thing that comes to mind when giving a Valentine’s Day present is a heart-shaped box of chocolates. RESIST THE URGE TO BUY SOMETHING AS CLICHÉ AS THIS. Instead of the box of Russell Stover, invite your sweetheart over for chocolate fondue. It’s easy; melt chocolate chips in the microwave and serve with strawberries, vanilla wafers, and brownies. Not only will you both get to indulge in a sweet treat, you’ll spend quality time with that special someone.
Features Another great present to give is a photo album. Fill it with your favorite pictures of the two of you together. To make it extra special, include heartfelt captions, quotes from love songs, and little memories of all of the great times spent together. The more time you put into it, the more your significant other will appreciate it. Your sweetheart will fall in love with you all over again if he or she sees that you made Valentine’s Day themed coupons. This unique approach to present-giving enables you to give whatever your heart desires: a massage, his or her pick of movies, dinner… anything! You can be as creative or traditional as you want. Make the coupon look official with an expiration date and company name to add a bit of humor. This present will definitely be a memorable one. Valentine’s Day is one of the most important holidays for a couple. Make it special with innovative presents that come from the heart. Love is a wonderful thing and truly is a gift in itself. But for those of us who want more than just a little romance, any of these gifts are a great idea. John Lennon’s song should be renamed to “All You Need is Love… and an Amazing Valentine’s Day Gift.”
Dating 101: Valentine’s Style julia regeski staff writer
At a loss on how to ask that special someone on a date? or to prom? Here are a few suggestions that just might work... ---Decorate their car with car paint, cans, streamers, and AT LEAST 30 balloons. (Warning: The Laureate may not be held responsible for cars that may have mysteriously floated away, damaged in any way, or involved in a traffic accident. Or hit by cans. Or lead poisoning from paint. Actually, we’re not held liable for anything because there’s a chance this might not even work.) ---Bring the desired date flowers when you ask them. The happiness from the surprise should increase your chances. ---Break out a guitar and serenade them. Who cares if this is in the middle of skylight? Give your crush, and the rest of Lassiter, a story they will be telling for the rest of their lives.
Cute Date Ideas...
* Picnic Dinner under the stars * Take a Ballroom Dance Class * Go to the Zoo
---Break into their locker and completely re-do it. We’re talking sparkles everywhere, forcing the sparkles to get into every nook and cranny of their clothes, books, and any innocent bystander. If done correctly, the absolute chaos of the locker love madness may result in a suspension. ---Make them a huge Valentine’s Day card. In order for this to work, the card must be at least half of the asker’s height, and only able to be carried by walking awkwardly through the halls allowing lots of staring.
---Bake them a cake. Complete with various colors, flavors, toppings, and you might even add a few candles on there for good measure. Bonus points: GUYS. Do this for the girl. Be sure to add pink. And lots of it. Whether it be balloons or sparkles, it isn’t the asking out, but the date afterward that is the most important.
* Hike Up Kennesaw Mountain * Bake Together *Go to the Circus
9
Cutest Couples at Lassiter freshman
How long have you been going out? 4 months
David Olson and Hannah Starnes
re
How long have you been going out? 8 months
What is the cutest date you’ve been on? The cutest was probably when we just laid on a blanket in his front yard under the stars.
What is your favorite thing about your significant other? David said: My favorite thing about Hannah is that I can go to her for anything, she’s fun to be with, has a great sense of humor, and an awesome personality :) Hannah said: I love David’s personality, humor, and character. He is a very caring person and he is my best friend.
What is your favorite thing about your significant other? Chris said: She is always there for me, no matter what she always listens. I know that she really cares. Katie said: He is the most understanding person I have ever met, and he is really supportive of me. I can always count on him to make my day.
How did you first meet? Hanging out when we were dating each other’s best friends.
junior
Chris Heitzman and Katie Corcoran How long have you been going out? Coming up on 3 years.
How did you first meet? We met at a Lassiter baseball game and started to talk then. Chris’s cousin, who is also my best friend, Allie, helped us get closer also.
r o i n e s
What is the cutest date you’ve been on? We went to Rancho Grande with friends and then went to the movies to see Wild Hogs.
What is the cutest date you’ve been on? We went ice skating and it was Eli’s first time!
How did you first meet? In the halls of Mabry Middle School… kinda.
omo
complied by katie hayes/staff
What is the cutest date you’ve been on? We went ice skating at Centennial Park for Hannah’s birthday.
How long have you been going out? 2 months, 22 days, 7 hours, 56 minutes, 12 seconds, and 58 milliseconds
What is your favorite thing about your significant other? Eli said: My favorite thing about Lindsay is that she gives me pep talks before tests. Lindsay: My favorite thing about Eli are his pick-up lines, they get me every time.
soph
What is your favorite thing about your significant other? Joey said: Caroline is fun to be around and is really easy going. Caroline said: Joey has a silly sense of humor that always makes me laugh.
Eli Long and Lindsay Hopkins
How did you first meet? I looked out my window and saw Joey climbing up a tree in my yard with binoculars around his neck. It was love at first sight...Just kidding, he prank called me.
Joey Crock and Caroline Bauknecht
all photos courtesy of katie hayes and emily kehner/staff
arian jabbary Describe yourself in one word: Fun Hobbies? Spring Break/Summer What do you look for in the opposite sex? I’m not into girls that score a 10 on the hot scale. They’re too perfect and know it. I like the 7.5’s. They are the “look at me I’m cute but not hot to the point where you owe me because I’m so incredibly good looking” kind of girl. Ya dig? Favorite pickup line? James Bond doesn’t use pick up lines, neither does Arian. Perfect date… Dinner, except we skip the main course and go straight to dessert. I don’t fool around. Next, we go back to my house where my mom makes us some popcorn (extra butter) while we watch the shark week marathon on the Discovery Channel until you fall asleep in my arms. That’s it really.
chris chaney
Describe yourself in one word: attractive What is your most admirable quality? Wittiness Worst quality? My ego What do you look for in the opposite sex? Sense of humor, intellectual (but not more than me) and someone who has morals Favorite pickup line? Global warming is obviously a hoax because you’re the one heating up this place. Perfect date… Taking a long walk on the beach discussing politics under the moonlight. Favorite Romantic Movie? When Harry Met Sally 2028!
craig melissas
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? I’ll be the President, Chaney/Nichols
Describe yourself in one word: Follows directions well. What is your most admirable quality? Helping backstage at dance recitals. Worst quality? Stalking tendencies What turns you off? No pulse Favorite Romantic Movie? Silence of the Lambs Where do you see yourself in 10 years? At least 200 feet from a school zone or Chuck E. Cheese. What do you look for in the opposite sex? Black Hyundai, peppy, 5’4”, born on July 22nd, a dancer Are you ready/willing to date? Yes I am, Katie Zion.
evan dessecker
Describe yourself in one word: Juicy What is your most admirable quality? My lavish gaze ;) Hobbies? Night time strolls, watching the sunrise, making women love me Favorite pickup line? If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Perfect date… Candlelight dinner on the beach, I’ll do the dishes. Favorite Romantic Movie? The Notebook Favorite Valentines gift/activity? The gift of love Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Rollin’ in the dough Are you ready/willing to date? Depends who is asking…
Lassiter High Scho BACHELORS &
photo courtesy of the laureate staff
brittany browne Describe yourself in one word: Swagger Hobbies: ping-pong and disco dance What do you look for in the opposite sex: Swagger What turns you off: Guys that can’t pop lock and drop it Favorite pickup line: How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice. Favorite Valentines Day activity: Dressing up as cupid and helping others fall in love Where do you see yourself in ten years: Better question, where don’t I see myself in ten years?
deirdre wilks What is your most admirable quality? My inner lioness…RAWR! Hobbies? Taking long walks on the beach and playing bingo with senior citizens What do you look for in the opposite sex? Tight abs, tight butt, loose wallet What turns you off? Egomaniacs…ex. Chris Chaney Perfect date: A party in the USA. Hands up. Playing my song. Butterflies fly away. Favorite Romantic Movie? Love and Basketball Favorite Valentines Day gifts? Teddy Bears & chocolate Are you ready/willing to date? Wouldn’t you like to know.
gretchen bernard Describe yourself in one word: Hawt Hobbies? Facebook What is your most admirable quality? Perfection What do you look for in the opposite sex? Big…feet What turns you off? Snaggle teeth Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Lookin’ like a fool with my pants on the ground. Perfect date… A long walk on a beautiful, starry night; with no shoes, just socks. Are you ready/willing to date? Duh, prom anyone?
delsa green
What is your most admirable quality? I’m single Hobbies? Gym, tanning, laundry. What do you look for in the opposite sex? “the situation” Favorite pickup line? Do you have an overdue library card? You’ve got FINE written all over you. Perfect date… Dinner and a movie works for me. Favorite Romantic Movie? How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days Favorite Valentines gift/activity? Anything! It’s the thought that counts. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Well, I’ll be 28… Are you ready/willing to date? I’m willing, but are you ready?
ool’s Most Eligible BACHELORETTES &
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Comedy Central
This is unacceptable tyler molinaro copy editor I bought a t-shirt for a club to which I belong. On the back were listed the names of every member of the club, except one. Guess whose. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. I put a password protection on my Ipod just to spite anyone who might steal it. I can’t remember the password. Technology: 1, Me:0. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. I was woken up early when the home phone rang. I picked it up just as the person hung up, leaving me with an ended call in my hand. I replaced the phone and trudged back up the stairs. Just as I was climbing back under the covers, the phone rang again. I ran back downstairs to pick up the call from the same number. It was a wrong number. The call was dropped before I could tell them that there was no Bobby Makelwitz here. They called back wanting to know what my son’s shoe size was. I was too tired to explain that they had the wrong n u m b e r. B o b by Makelwitz’s son will be receiving size 14 cowboy boots for his upcoming birthday. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. An entire country is controlled by a man who believes that the United States caused the earthquake that brought such destruction to Haiti. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. After the lockout I took my usual route to third period, which involves coming in at the back door at the far-left corner of the history hall. The door was still locked. I was late to class. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. My essay about Shogun was apparently a grammatical seppuku. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. I tried guessing passwords so many times that, as I had arranged before and promptly forgotten, everything on the Ipod was erased. Technology: 2, Me: 0. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. My hermit crab plays dead just to toy with me. Of this I am quite sure. He can stay still for weeks, only to start moving around the minute he detects that I am coming to clean up his carcass. Powers that be this is unacceptable. My parents and I missed
the address we were looking for and pulled into a driveway to turn around and to shake off whoever was in the car that had been following us for a ways. They pulled in behind us. It was their driveway. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. The founder of Taco Bell died. Reported cause of death: failure to think outside the bun. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. Apparently I was locked in a room with Spanish songs echoing in my head while learning about the Serbian Liberation Army’s kidnapping of…somebody…because some lady decided to fake being raped. Who does that? Powers that be, this is unacceptable. I understood the math joke of the day today. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. On Christmas morning I tried to sneak down to see my gifts early. I fell down the stairs and was sent back to bed. I wonder how much coal sells for these days. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. Every sock I own, or used to, has been consumed by my dog. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. I was shredding papers when suddenly I felt a tug at my sleeve. I looked around but there was no one in sight. I looked back down to see the sleeve of my favorite jacket in the midst of being shredded. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. I learned how to use a nail gun and did just fine. I then went home and promptly put a staple through my fingernail in trying to staple two papers together. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. We were playing doubles at tennis today. My partner serves rather hard, but doesn’t have very good control over where the ball goes, as evidenced by the searing red welt on the back of my neck. Powers that be, this is unacceptable. Our two-hour lockdown in ASE was a hoax. I had a test during second period. I stayed up until one in the morning to study for it. I woke up an hour early, too. It got postponed. Powers that be, this is unacceptable.
“Reported cause of death: failure to think outside the bun.”
[SFLN]:
[statuses from last night]
Remember that status you posted on facebook last night? We do... how is it possible to lose a game with a 17 point lead..... michigan can find a way to ...well they really blue that game… (zing). 11:11...make a wish January 1 at 11:10pm ...Fail. New day, same problems! ...It’s good to see someone with a positive attitude about their problems. RIP Tyler Snellgrove ...And the winner for Most Wrong Facebook Rumor of 2010 goes to… umm all the UNC hatin needs to come to an enddd ...Nobody hates them because they have 6 losses and are still in the top 25… oh wait. sore!!!!!!! and tired!!!! and now i have to do hw!?!?!?! maybe if i complain more it will all just go away!! ...Only if you use A LOT more puncuation. don’t worry about people in your past there is a reason they didn’t make it to your future. ...Well that’s what you get when you fall in love…or eat my last cookie when you knew I was saving it until I got my milk. compiled by the laureate staff
13 The Darwin Awards: seatbelts matter cory shaw copy editor
Wendy Northcutt, New York Times bestselling author of The Darwin Awards is at it again. The Darwin Awards are a comical compilation of individuals who have made Darwin’s theory even more of genius. His ‘intelligent design’ theory of natural selection is near and dear to the heart’s of those who have died in her book, some because they wanted to prove a point, others because they wanted to feel liberated from the law. Whatever the intended effect, the actual one was a ‘chlorinating of the gene pool,’ simply because these individuals took themselves out of it. Entitled, Darwin Award: The Nuisance of Seat Belts, Northcutt brings to light the following college student who went through with this very gracious and patriotic duty. It was the beginning of the 2005 year, when on January 5th, Derek received this prestigious award. The following is quoted directly from the book with my own critique in brackets.
“In September of his senior year at the University of Nebraska, twentyone-year-old Derek wrote an impassioned declaration of independence from seat belts for his college newspaper [He didn’t like seat belts]. Although ‘intrusive and ridiculous’ seat-belt laws saved 6,100 lives a year, according to statistics from the U.S. Congress, Derek concluded with the statement, ‘If I want to be the jerk that flirts with death, I should be able to do that’ [Whether he was the selfproclaimed jerk he set out to be is still unknown. But Derek learns his ignorance is standing up for clear].Derek ‘was a bright young boy, a 4.0’ majoring in five subjects and planning to attend law school. But
good grades don’t always equate with common sense. [If someone who fails to see the importance of seat belts also makes a 4.0 GPA at this University of Nebraska, I’m not giving it my personal recommendation].Derek was returning from a holiday in San Antonio, Texas. The driver of the Ford Explorer and his front-seat passenger both wore seat belts. courtesy of wendy northcutt Only Derek the hard part of was willwhat you believe in. ing to buck the system, riding without a seat belt in the back seat because, in his own words, he belonged to the ‘die-hard
group of non-wearers out there who simply do not wish to buckle up, no matter what the government does’ [He meant to say a ‘dying group of non-wearers out there’].When the SUV hit a patch of ice, slid off U.S. 80, and rolled several times, Derek, in an involuntary display of his freedom, was thrown from the vehicle. He died at the scene. The other occupants of the SUV, slaves to the seat belt, survived minor injuries. Alcohol was not involved in the accident” [Although it wouldn’t have impaired this guy’s brain any more than it already was]. So did Derek die a noble death? Did he further the cause of the antiseatbelt revolution? How ironic is it that he died doing the thing he loved to do? Or, if ‘ironic’ doesn’t do justice, are better words stupidity, ignorance, foolishness, and idiocy? These questions lead me to the following eulogy: Thank you twentyone-year-old Derek for teaching our kids a lesson on seat belt wearing while at the same time ridding America’s gene pool of the stupid, ignorant, foolish, idiotic traits we would be better off without in the future.
14
Routine shooting gone awry tyler molinaro copy editor
Comedy Central
Hartford, Connecticut, was the scene of an unusual incident Thursday morning as an area man was punctured through the heart with one of Cupid’s arrows. Police told reporters that witnesses had seen the tall, gaunt man stepping out of a taxi with a sour expression on his face, shaking his fist at a couple kissing on a nearby park bench, shouting “Bah lovebug,” and being instantly impacted by a dart-like projectile from an unseen location. The effects of the piercing blow were immediate and extremely powerful, causing intense feelings of affection for the first thing he saw after being hit, as well as an increased heart rate, dramatic spinning around while smiling and placing his hands over his heart, shouting of “I’m in love, I’m in love and I don’t care who knows it,” and a compulsive desire to hug everyone in his path. In between spins and jumping heel clicks of giddiness, the man, Robert Hart, sighted one Gracie Sicem, a woman walking her pug dog before work. Hart is said to have stopped upon sight, instantly clutched his heart even more emphatically than he previously had, and started to cry as he rushed towards her, unhanding his briefcase and rushing at the shocked woman for a giant embrace that never came. “It was like watching one of those moments in a movie where two people are running towards each other on a beach with open arms,” Bethany B. Mine, a witness of the event, explained. “Except she
stopped and just kind of stood there while he sprinted towards her blubbering and loudly humming that theme song that you hear at those exact moments in the movies.” As Hart ran across the street blindly in an attempt to reach his object of desire, he was impacted by a speeding car, sending him flipping over the vehicle to land face first on the gravel. The car screeched to a halt and the driver, Hugo Flying, rushed out in a panic. “I didn’t even see him before I hit him,” Flying said later. “One minute I see open road, and the
of gravel, smiled, and continued running towards wherever it was he was headed before.” Flying continued in amazement. “The only differences I could see were his ripped clothes, blood everywhere from scratches, and that arrow thingy shoved almost all the way through his chest.” This being hit with a car business only seems to have intensified Hart’s compulsions, as on his way to the shocked woman who was his target he began giggling and doing cartwheels. “It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before or ever want to see again,” described Whitney T. Heckle. “No grown man should be giggling, skipping, hit by a car, shot with an arrow, AND doing cartwheels within one minute. And then that lady he was after just made it worse.” “What do you expect me to do when I see a man with an arrow through his heart come running frantically towards me looking like he wants a hug, get hit by a car and then pop up all bloody to come after me giggling? Yes I did it, I unleashed my dog, but Butch Valentine here,” Sicem
“When one of Cupid’s arrows strikes someone through the heart, or when they are tipped with too much love potion, the effects can be dramatic. This, though, is such a dramatic response that it must have been a combination of both of them.” next there’s a man with puppy dog eyes, an arrow halfway through his chest, and his arms outstretched running in front of my car, then smashing into the windshield, and finally I hear a giant thud behind me” “I’ve never seen such good hang time either,” added Vlad Hadahurt, a bystander. “His legs got plowed and he did at least two flips before face-planting into the asphalt.” Flying is said to have ran up to the motionless body, fearing the worst. “Then he just popped up, scars on his face and all, spat out a piece
defended, caressing the top of her dog’s head, “Was even more confused than I was. He just sat there with his head cocked to the side, finally jumping at and biting the man’s feet when he cartwheeled near enough.” “This guy is my idol,” Hadahurt praised. “This chick has to have rejected him earlier in the day, right, but he still has feelings for her, I’m pretty sure. She’s all cold though and she’s way over him, and he’s been hit by a car on his way to her and she sets her dog on him too, and he just keeps laughing like his
life is awesome. That’s dedication right there man, even though what happened next was kind of weird.” “It went something like this,” Wanda Wye, a member of the growing crowd watching the spectacle reported. “So he gets attacked by this lady’s dog, it’s biting into his shoe, hanging on for dear life, and he just stops, looks down at the dog with teary eyes, crouches down, and starts hugging it while that woman backs away. If ever there was a confused look on a dog’s face, it was then.” An ambulance quickly arrived on the scene and painstakingly separated the blubbering, lovestruck man away from his object of affection, taking the man to a secure location to receive treatment. “Weirder things have happened, though right now I can’t name any,” confessed one medic who tried to soothe Hart. “We knew he needed to be trans- ferred to a specialized facility when he used the food they gave him at the hospital to make a picture of that dog with a heart of jello around it and started bawling.” “You have to understand that this event is not unprecedented,” said John Bovi, a professor of the history of cupidity at a Connecticut college. “When one of Cupid’s arrows strikes someone through the heart, or when they are tipped with too much love potion, the effects can be dramatic. This, though, is such a dramatic response that it must have been a combination of both of them.” Mr. Hart is now undergoing treatment, which includes therapeutic poetry writing about his favorite pug dog, a regimen of listening to “Stupid Cupid,” the removal of the faulty arrow bit by bit, and daily consumption of jelly hearts and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. Doctors say that with luck and maybe a visit from Butch Valentine, Mr. Hart can be out by Valentine’s Day. Cupid was unavailable to comment on his aim or the faulty arrow, though associates of the figure at the center of this controversy did say he had heard of the issue and was aiming to fix the problem. As said Bovi, “For the sakes of all of us and those of our dogs, let’s hope his aim is better in this than it was in shooting of Mr. Hart.”
15 Mike Leach: the truth taylor hayes a&e editor Until recently, news outlets across the nation reported that the head football coach at Texas Tech had been suspended after the treatment of an injured player surfaced. ESPN reported that Adam James, a redshirt sophomore wide receiver, had been locked in an electrical closet for three hours. James could not practice due to an elevated heart rate and the after-effects of a concussion. Just this past week, Adam James announced to the media that during the time he spent locked in the closet, the team had not been practicing. In fact, James admitted that the team was playing a very competitive game of Hide-and-Seek around the practice area. James reported that, “Hide-andSeek is a major tradition here at Texas Tech ever since Coach Leach joined the program.” According to James’ account, Leach had confronted James mid-count that he knew a great hiding spot where offensive lineman Lonnie Edwards, who happened to be “it”, would never find him. James
later said, “I questioned Coach’s motives as to why I would need such an elaborate spot when Lonnie was ‘it’, as I could have undoubtedly made it to base without being tagged.” Finally James came to his senses and admitted the truth behind the story. While in the mayhem of Lonnie chasing down the other lineman, as he had no chance to catch the cornerbacks, quarterbacks, running backs, wide receivers or safeties, Coach Leach had injured his ankle in a diving attempt to reach the pole that was base. As the medical staff took Coach Leach to the locker room to tape his ankle and scan it for any potential serious injury, Leach forgot that he had left James in the closet across the training grounds. In a final plea for forgiveness, James stated, “I only said that Coach Leach locked me in the electrical closet because I was angry that I missed out on tagging base for a few rounds. In all honesty, I never meant for Coach Leach to get suspended, and I now know that I should have just come out of the closet.” “No homo.”
Fail of the month
courtesy of courtney ciesielski
Will you be my Valentine?
photos courtesy of google images
courtesy of jockpost.com
After falling in an attempt to tag “base,” Mike Leach is carried to safety by two of his (former) players.
16
JFF
CrossText Game compiled by Cory Shaw
Heard in the Halls
~SUDOKU~
“Your dog would make a very convincing Babushca.”
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“Stop trying to make sketch happen.“
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“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.” - The Notebook “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” -Winnie the Pooh “Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control.” -Unknown “You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” -Barbara DeAngelis
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“I’m going to find a Jewish person to sniff you.“ “Just because you won this duel does not mean that this is over.“
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Love Quotes
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“You are what I never knew I always wanted” -Fools Rush In “I love her and that’s the beginning of everything.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald “There is no remedy for love but to love more.” -Henry D. Thoreau “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” -Helen Keller
17 Where’s Troy the Trojan?
Do you see Troy anywhere? We have hidden our friend Troy in this issue of the Laureate! He could be hanging out on the back or hiding in Trojan Talk. It is up to you to find him. Once you spot him, go see Mr. Henry in Room 906 to claim your prize!
Joke of the Month
Horoscopes
Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he woke up, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!”
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Your symbol is the Goat; your element is Earth; your ruling planet is Saturn and your lucky gem is Onyx. You express much independence and are very serious. Your strengths include your responsibility and self-control. Your weaknesses include your unforgiving nature and expertise on everything (know-it-all).
compiled by Amrita Banerjee
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Your symbol is the Water Bearer; your element is Air; your ruling planets are Uranus and Saturn; your lucky gem is Turquoise. You can be seen in two ways: you can be reserved and ungarrulous on one side, while on the other you may seem odd. You enjoy solving problems and are imaginative. Your strengths include your independence and humanitarian attitude. However, you can be detached and not wanting to agree.
Advice from Courtney and Taylor Dear Courtney and Taylor, Valentines Day is coming up and I am so excited to finally have a boyfriend to celebrate it with this year. There is just one problem, he goes to another school. I really like him alot and want to keep the relationship alive. How can I make everything work in the long run? -Lonely Lover
Dear Lonely Lover, Since your significant other goes to a different school, you will not be able to spend as much time together. No worries, though. There are plenty of ways that you guys can make this relationship work out just as well as if you were together at school. It is easier than you think. My first advice to you would be to text away. As sad as it is, our generation is now built around electronic messaging. It is a great way to keep in contact with your significant other and just “keep each other company” throughout the day. You will always have the lowdown on what they are doing, and it will help you feel like he or she is more a part of your day. Texting is not the only thing you can use your cell phone for however. Call each other at night a couple of times a week. You can tell them how your day went, and vice versa. These conversations will help you guys to feel as though you guys are more involved in each other’s lives. Another idea to help keep in contact with your significant other is to plan a weekly/monthly date that you will stick to. Whether it is seeing a movie every Sunday or just going out to eat every other Tuesday, you will
have a certain time that you will always look forward to. Aside from the times you spend at your respective schools. If you have a set date that you know will happen, then you will feel like your relationship is more stable. If your boyfriend or girlfriend goes to another school, it isn’t the end of the world. If you both want to make it work, it will work out. Communication is key, and it will take an effort to see each other. But if you both put in the effort, things will surely turn out the way you want them to. - Courtney
Dear Lonely Lover, First things first, I lack any type of experience relating to the topic so any advice given should be taken with caution. To be completely honest, I have little idea as to how having a boyfriend or girlfriend going to a different school affects the relationship at all. This probably results from my lacking experience in the field. At school the only time for socializing lies at the beginning and ends of classes. Of course if you sit in the back of a class you know this is not the case. If you have a reputation as a particular sneaky and stealthy person, you may also know otherwise. But back on topic, the chances of you and your boyfriend/girlfriend having a class together remains fairly minimal. As we all know, the class changes tend to be prime opportunity for couples to walk to class together or find the
cate cash/staff
“secret” hideouts around the school (such as the corridor that connects to skylight, the flight of stairs to the lit. hall and the junior parking lot). So if you’re boyfriend/girlfriend goes to another school, you miss out on three to four minutes of make-out time. To solve this problem, meet the nonTrojan somewhere after school and you can make up the 24-32 minutes you missed while you depressingly walked to your classes without them. On a brighter note, dating a student from another school can turn out better for the relationship (theoretically). Since he/she goes to say Roswell or Walton, you now have more things to talk about when you hang out. Bottom line, I think that the most obvious obstacle to overcome involves spending enough time together. If you are a freshman or even a young sophomore, you cannot yet drive by yourself so going to meet your boyfriend/girlfriend will either involve your parents driving you, his/ her parents picking you up, or having an older sibling/friend shuttle you from place to place. For juniors and seniors that shouldn’t be a problem. Putting initiative into hanging out can only help the relationship, unless you are one of those super needy, clingy types that never stops texting the other person and gets seriously annoyed when it takes more than 5 minutes to respond a text that reads, “K.” Hint: nobody likes to receive a message that just says, “K” and to be even clearer, “K bye,” is just as bad. -Taylor
18
Sports
2010 Winter Olympics: athletes to watch Speed Skating: Apolo An- Alpine Skiing: Lindsey Vonn- Team USA ton Ohno- Team USA
kevin ankerholz sports editor
Snowboarding: Shaun White- Team USA
Coming off of his gold medal performance in the men’s halfpipe of the 2006 Winter Olympics, “The Flying Tomato” Shaun White will look to defend his title. As an X-Games skateboarding legend, White has smoothly transitioned to the slopes. White’s success has transformed snowboarding into one of the Olympic’s fastest growing sports. Expect White to win gold in the men’s halfpipe and to compete for medals in the other snowboarding events.
Ice Hockey: Sidney Crosby- Team Canada
As one of hockey’s great young stars, “Sid the Kid” will try to bring the gold medal back to his home country after a disappointing 7th place finish for the Canadians in the 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino. At only 22 years old, Crosby already has an NHL MVP and a Stanley Cup to his credit, and he will look to complete his résumé by leading his team to the gold. Aside from Crosby, the Canadian roster is stacked with NHL all-stars such as Martin Brodeur, Rick Nash, and Jerome Iginla. Expect Crosby to be the leading scorer, and expect team Canada to be to the favorite to take home the gold.
As a five-time Olympic medalist, Apolo Anton Ohno has loads of experience coming into his third career Winter Olympics. At the 2006 Winter Olympics in Turin, Ohno collected three medals, becoming only the fourth American to ever collect three medals in a single Winter Olympics. Specializing in short-track speed skating, Ohno is the favorite to win the 500 meter race, and he will likely compete for medals in the 1000 meter and 1500 meter races as well.
Star athletes such as Shaun White (left), Sidney Crosby (left mid.), Apollo Anton Ohno (right mid.), and Lindsey Vonn (right) will make the 2010 Winter Olympic Games a spectacle to see.
photos courtesy of nbcolympics.com
Super Saints Brees to Victory jack herman staff writer
Superbowl XLIV was an epic showdown between two of the game’s great leaders: Peyton Manning and Drew Brees. These two field generals provided the fireworks, as both teams attacked through the air. Although there were no John Elway 98-yard comebacks or Santonio Holmes toe tap catches, the game was great in its own way. From the outset, there was a feeling as if destiny had chosen the Saints to finally bring some positivity to New Orleans. The Indianapolis Colts, 5-point, favorites started off hot. After forcing a quick 3 and out, Peyton Manning led a methodical 53 yard drive that ended with a field goal to give the Colts a 3-0 lead. Soon thereafter, Manning hooked up with Pierre Garcon for a touchdown to give the Colts a com-
manding 10-0 lead. The Saint’s Garret Hartley added two second quarter field goals to put the Saint on the board, and at halftime the Colts led 10-6. At the outset of the second half, Saints coach Sean Payton gambled by calling a surprise onside kick. The Colts were caught off guard, and the Saints recovered the ball and gained the momentum. On the ensuing drive, the Colts were pushed around as the Saints drove 58 yards on just six plays, ending with a touchdown pass to Pierre Thomas. With a 13-10 lead, the Saints possessed a newfound confidence.
As arguably the most accomplished women’s skier in history, American Lindsey Vonn will most surely be worth watching at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Vonn holds numerous world records, and she is the only woman in history to win two World Cup overall titles (2008, 2009). This year, Vonn will be competing in five events: downhill, super-G, slalom, giant slalom, and combined downhill/ slalom. With the skill and potential to win up to five gold medals, Vonn may be the “Michael Phelps” of the 2010 Winter Olympics.
However, Peyton Manning orchestrated a flawless 76 yard drive, resulting in a touchdown and a 17-13 Colts lead. On the next drive, the Saints’ Garrett Hartley tacked on a third field goal, cutting the Colts’ lead to 17-16. The g a m e continu e d to roll o n as both offenses sput-
tered, but the Saints managed to retake the lead with 4 minutes and 57 seconds left when Drew Brees threw a dart to tight end Jeremy Shockey, giving the Saints a 24-17 lead (after a Lance Moore 2 -point conversion). Just as Peyton Manning began to lead a comeback drive, cornerback Tracy Porter jumped a slant route, intercepted the pass, and took it to the endzone for a 74 yard touchdown. This interception sealed the Saints victory, and Bourbon Street burst into an early Mardi Gras celebration. Drew Brees was named the MVP of the game, completing 32-39 passes for 288 yards and 2 touchdowns. The New Orleans Saints, an underdog team in an underdog city, had finally won their first Super Bowl in franchise history. nfl.com
Sports Stumpers: Winter Olympics
1. What are the colors of the five rings in the Olympic logo? 3. Which country has the record for most medals at the Winter Olympic Games?
nbcolympics.com
2. In what city were the first Winter Olympic Games held? 4. In what year and in what city did the USA hockey team pull off the upset victory over the USSR known as “The Miracle On Ice?”
nbcolympics.com
Answers: 1. Red, blue, yellow, green, and black 2. Chamonix, France in 1924 3. Norway 4. 1980 in Lake Placid, New York
Athlete of the Month: Henry Loong jack herman staff writer
When it comes to Lassiter swimming, many think of their consistent dominance and winning mentality. One key member of this year’s Trojan swim team is sophomore Henry Loong. In only his second year with the program, Henry has displayed his brilliance by helping the team continue their winning tradition. Outside of swimming, Henry takes advanced academic classes and enjoys to hang out with friends. Henry began swimming at age seven, and he immediately fell in love with the sport. He began swimming competitively a few years later, and he developed a full-fledged dedication to the sport. From getting up and swimming in the early hours of the morning to going to the pool after school, Henry has always enjoyed practicing in order to hone his skills. With a strong, impressive work ethic, Henry has developed into an explosive swimmer, capable of winning races in several different strokes. Regarding this year’s team, Henry remarked, “We have a lot
of depth and talent. This extra depth should allow us to go far this year, and have a great chance to win it all.” Thus far, Henry has posted impressive numbers this season. Some of his best performances include a 1:59:64 200 yard individual medley and a 1:02:44 100 yard breaststroke. Aside from swimming, Henry is like any other kid. When asked about outside activities Henry remarked, “I really enjoy watching the Atlanta Thrashers (hockey), working out, and going to Lifetime Fitness with friends.” His diverse interests allow him to always keep an even keel mentality and never get too caught up in the heat of high-level swimming. In additon to his extremely high athletic ability, Henry also has success at school. He takes several advanced classes and manages to keep a high GPA. Not surprisingly, his superb work ethic for swimming has translated to success in the classroom. All in all, as an an all-star swimmer and great student, Henry epitomizes the great achievements of Lassiter student athletes. jack herman/staff
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Stat Corner
24.04
- The number of seconds it took junior Sammie Bosma to swim the 50 yard freestyle at the county championship meet, placing her 1st in the county.
0
- The number of games the freshman basketball team lost in the regular season.
29
- The number of pins senior wrestler Acton Pifer has recorded this season (as of 2/8/10). Acton placed first in the county and region tournaments, and he will look to repeat as state champion at the state meet March 18-20.
Keeping Tabs emily weissert features editor Swimming The girls swim team placed 1st in the county while the boys team finished as the runner-up. Junior Sammie Bosma placed 1st in the county in the 50 and 100 yard freestyle, and freshman Jimmy Yoder placed 1st in the 200 and 500 yard freestyle. Both teams are now looking forward to the state meet on February 13th. Both teams are looking to finish the season strong, so come out and support your Trojans!
Wrestling Off to a good start, the Lassiter wrestling team placed 2nd in the Knoxville Tennessee Invitational. This finish was the best team placing in history, and Lassiter came home with two champions and three runnerups. The team did just as well at the North Cobb Invitational with three champions and two runner-ups. As the season continues, more wrestlers are being recognized for their talents with Acton Pifer, Dillon Dupree, Brian Dobson, Scott Marmoll, and Paul Pelletier ranked in state. Keep an eye on these guys as the season becomes even more competitive. Basketball After a slow start, the Lassiter basketball teams are making a comeback. The varsity boys teamhad a comeback win against Roswell, which sparked their momentum. The team extended their winning streak to three games with wins against Alpharetta and Kell. The basketball team has a good wave of young players, with the freshman team being undefeated and several underclassman starters who are gaining the experience that will be essential to their career.
Seniors Ellen Grade and Courtney Ciesielski hoist the county champs trophy after the victory.
Which Disney couple are you? Find out which couple you and your significant other are most like!
Peter Pan and Wendy are a classic example of the “best friend” couple: everyone knows they are in love except for them! Peter is characterized by his unwillingness to grow up (immaturity) and his green tights (lots of self confidence). Wendy balances the couple out as the more grown-up and mature version of Peter, yet she still falls head over heels for him. Peter is quite the ladies’ man as well; winning the hearts of the beautiful mermaids as well as Tinkerbell.
Aladdin and Jasmine are the classic out-of-your league couple that everyone knows is meant to be. The boy is too genuine and the girl is too perfect for him for status to matter. This couple is also usually characterized by the girl owning an exotic cat (Rajaa in Jasmine’s instance) and the boy owning a flying carpet (one can be found in a Cave of Wonders near you!). This is definitely a more adventurous and fun-loving couple as well. How else can you describe flying carpet rides?
Simba and Nala are the ultimate long-lost lovers. After being separated for years when Simba runs away from his horrible uncle, Scar, Simba and Nala meet again only to fall in love. They are often characterized by the song “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” and their artist of choice is Elton John. Hobbies include frolicking through beautiful jungles at twilight, nuzzling, and sleeping in vine hamocks. Simba and Nala are a purr-fect royal couple and very feline-friendly.
Belle and Beast are the perfect example for not judging a book by its cover. Their pastimes include yelling at each other, playing in the snow, feeding birds, dancing, and talking to inanimate objects. Not to mention their matching hair color (or, in Beast’s case, fur color) and equal desire to learn as much as possible from books (Beast gives Belle a library!). The best part of this couple is that at the end of the story, Beast turns into a ridiculously handsome man. Now that’s Disney.
Ariel and Eric are one of the most popular Disney couples. With her long red hair and attractive fishtail, Ariel is a classic Disney Princess. This forbidden love between human and half-human, half-fish blossoms into a beautiful love story where Ariel marries Prince Eric at the ripe old age of sixteen. This couple is often characterized by a chatty boy and a less than talkative girl (Ariel spends half the movie voiceless because of her wish to be human). Leave it to the lobster to be funny. If you are a Hercules and Meg, you will know it. This is the couple with the boyfriend big enough to crush his girlfriend with a flick (like Edward and Bella) but he thinks that “she’s the most amazing person with weak ankles” he’s ever met (to quote Hercules). Meg is a sassy, independent woman who knows exactly what she wants and what she doesn’t want. She comes on strong to Hercules, but that makes her all the more attractive to him. I won’t say I’m not in love with that.
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