October 2009 by Lassiter High School

the

laureate

Volume XXVII: Issue 2

Lassiter High School

October 2009

cory shaw/copy editor

Lassiter students get into the spirit of this year’s football homecoming by decorating everything in sight: lockers, cars, and even themselves.

Homecoming shines a light on Lassiter

cory shaw copy editor

The first full week in October that marked the annual traditions of Homecoming proved successful for the Lassiter community once again. The student body was united during Homecoming Week as they dressed in the various themes of each day. Spencer Hanson, 11, declared that “spirit week is an excuse to dig out the most ridiculous thing from the closet and not get made fun of. I saw two guys dressed like Sylvester the Cat and Tweedy Bird and the cat was chasing the bird down skylight.” Brittany Brown, 12, rightfully proclaims that “being a senior and knowing that this is my final year only confirms the fact that I should go all out. Some kid

GA Flood 09:

How Lassiter and the Cobb community dealt with the tragic storms

was wearing a gorilla suit on animal print day which was pretty extreme.” The October 9th pep rally lacked the drama of the previous two – the circus acts of the cheerleaders and brave students was enough for one day. The seniors would not be denied the “spirit stick” a second month in a row. Laura Guenther, 11, affirmed that the drama may finally be over with when she pointed out, “class spirit is not better than school spirit and homecoming this year proved that.” The section of Sandy Plains directly across from the school closed just after 5:30 as the parade began. “There must have been thousands of people at the parade this year which

Halloween! Are students at Lassiter too old to

trick-or-Treat? PAGE 2

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was more than I ever remembered,” exclaimed Tansey Schoonover, 11. Everyone, including members of Homecoming Court, various clubs, and the cheerleaders, bombarded the crowd with handfuls of candy. Members of Homecoming Court sat in the corner of the end zone with parents awaiting the halftime presentations. Meredith LeVan, 11, had nothing but good things to say about her fellow members of court when she declared, “I think everyone on Homecoming Court this year is a great representation of the Lassiter student body.” Congratulations to seniors Melanie Moore and Derek Demyanek for winning Homecoming queen and king.

The Trojan football team kept its winning streak going to six games (now seven) in a 44-7 blowout against the Alpharetta Raiders scoring fourteen points in the first two minutes. Griffin Roelle, 12, doesn’t think that their undefeated record is a fluke, “we’ve worked hard and expect to win.” “The enthusiasm was amazing during Homecoming Week and the student body seems to be behind the successful football team,” said Coach Wright. Mrs. Grable added, “of the twenty-one years I have been teaching, this school spirit is the highest I’ve ever seen it.” Nearly 2,000 students go to Lassiter High School. And for those 2,000, there’s no place like home.

Find Troy the

Trojan! the information greatest More about this new show on Laureate contest can be found turf in JFF!

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index THE 411 2-3 TROJAN TALK 4-7 A&E 8-9 FEATURES 10-11 CENTERSPREAD 12-13 JFF 14-15 COMEDY CENTRAL 16-19 SPORTS 20-23

The 411

Dealing with the deluge: GA flood 2009 courtesy of logan rogers

courtesy of logan rogers

courtesy of katlyn krzyzewski

courtesy of jordan carroll

courtesy of kristin presnell

courtesy of emily kehner

andy stevenson guest writer A few weeks ago, a record amount of rainfall came down over the southeast, severely weakening the soil and causing rivers and streams to overflow. Because of this, Georgia experienced the worst flooding it has ever seen. Schools across the state were closed, including all Cobb County Schools for two days. While some Lassiter students enjoyed the break, others concentrated on cleaning up their homes. Michaela Desro-

siers, 11, commented, “I almost felt guilty having school off while others were suffering.” Flooded basements, leaky roofs, and overflowing gutters still must be repaired before the next round of heavy rain comes sweeping into the southeast. Damage across the county was high with over one hundred flooded roads, dozens of overflowing creeks, and entire flatland areas turned into lakes. Many schools like Clarkdale Elementary in Austell were completely surrounded by flood water. Because of this, the students at Clarkdale are marietta.com

courtesy of jordan carroll

resuming classes elsewhere until repairs on their school have been made. In the Lassiter district, homes were also affected by the flood. In a nearby neighborhood called Waterford, a road completely collapsed-- preventing many from getting to their houses. It took many days to restore power and water services to the affected homes and businesses and even more

time to repair the destroyed roads. The Georgia Department of Transportation and the Department of Water and Power worked endlessly to make the needed repairs. With more rain to come, the possibility of flooding is still on everyone’s mind. The flood damaged many homes and schools but it did not damage the sense of pride we have in our community.

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facts compiled by alex medders staff writer

Bulletin of the Bizarre

Senior Box

Go to the counselorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s office (in skylight) for more information.

compiled by amrita banerjee

Colleges are visiting lhs! -Rhodes College @ 9 AM (10/26) -North GA College @ 10 AM (10/26) -Berry College @ 9:30 AM (10/28) -Samford @ 10:15 AM (10/28) -GA Gwinnett College @ 11 AM (10/28) -Georgia Highlands @ 1:30 PM (11/4) -Armstrong Atlantic @ 10:30 (11/4) -Univ. of South Carolina @ 9 AM (11/6)

By the numbers:

Seniors party at the luau in the LHS cafe. photo courtesy of katie zion/ editor-in-chief

senior luau:

1658

Average SAT score at Lassiter

Average ACT score at Lassiter

Percent of graduating seniors went to UGA

33.6

Percent of graduating seniors went to out-of-state schools

Graduating seniors went to Ivy League schools

Trojan Talk

Trojans celebrate under the big top lindsay hopkins editorials editor

Every year, our school hosts a homecoming dance at a fancy hotel with decorations, food, and music. Every year, students and teachers spend immense amounts of time planning, preparing, and cleaning up after the dance. Every year, our school spends a great amount of money on the dance and the spirit

week afterschool activities designed to generate more excitement for the dance. Every year, Lassiter students choose not to go to the dance and the school ends up spending more money than they make selling tickets. All in all: the homecoming dance proves unsuccessful year after year. This time, Lassiter has come up with a brilliant idea on how to still have a homecoming dance and actually profit from it. The homecoming dance took place on the back fields under a giant circus tent immediately after the game. With our teams glorious victory, students flooded onto the

back fields to celebrate. The school made money by selling tshirts. They were not only school spirited, but they also served as a ticket to the dance. Plus, the school saved money by having it on campus, as opposed to renting out an expensive hotel ballroom. In the past, students made their own plans. The typical homecoming plans were as follows: 1. Get dressed up for a picture party with your friends 2. Rent a party bus and ride around for hours 3. Go to dinner at a fancy restaurant somewhere downtown

O R P

4. Avoid the actual homecoming dance Some students complained that they didn’t want the dance to be outside on the field, but it worked out perfectly…until the rain came. Personally, I feel the school made an incredibly smart decision. “It was awesome!” cheered junior Sara LaChapelle. “Everyone was already hyped up from the game so it was so fun!” The dance was amazing! Lassiter was able to host a great celebration that had financial benefit for the school. The best part? The DJ’s! Will Fortanbary, Leland Gross, and Kim Carducci made the dance so fun!

cory shaw/ staff

mary ann staak centerspread editor Homecoming is such a Lassiter thing. We go all out for homecoming—and three fourths of us don’t even go to the dance. But buses, dresses, dates, dinner; we get the whole shebang for homecoming. It is something that has been done for years too. I can remember going with

N O C

my sister to her picture parties for homecoming and wondering when I too would be taken to the homecoming dance and get to wear my gorgeous dress. It is tradition and the fact that we don’t get to do it this year is a little disappointing. I did love the idea of a huge after party on the backfields after our homecoming game (can you say Trojan spirit?) but I am a little bummed that there is no real reason to wear a pretty dress and hop on a party bus to dance the night away. I’ll admit it: homecoming is a little overemphasized at Lassiter.

It might as well be prom because of how much some students put into it. But Lassiter has always done that. It is a little sad that this is the first year that we didn’t have a dance—in fact it’s almost unheard of at Lassiter. “I was a little disappointed when I first heard about it,” said junior Taylor Bradley. “I thought that meant no party bus.” Even without the full-out dance, students still spent their Saturday following the homecoming game dressing up and going out with friends. I can’t say that I wasn’t excited for the after-game dance. Not only

were we all hyped up after decimating Alpharetta (cause you know we owned them!) but we had our very own Right Round DJs—Will Fortanbary, Leland Gross, and Kim Carducci—leading on the party. It was a very fun and very spirited environment for the students, and even I don’t recommend missing the make-up dance that is TBA. But you have to admit, without the traditional dance, homecoming feels a little less than Lassiter-y. But students shouldn’t fret too much—we have a legendary football record and hopefully we are on our way to playoffs.

Halloween is for candy companies! emily weissert features editor Each year on the first day in October, Walmart, Target, and other large stores have a new focus--to sell candy. Instead of promoting fruits and vegetables, candy decks every aisle. Instead of corn and fruit there are candy corn and jelly beans. Hershey, Nestle, and Mars pump out a record amount of candy, each competing for the top spot. Has Halloween become a candy company god send? The reason for Halloween (costumes,

candy and running around in the dark) have been replaced by budget worries, advertising, and profit margins. Back in the good old days Halloween was about the costumes. Whole sections in stores are devoted to costumes ranging from the standard witch and ghost to the explicit “police woman.” However, these sections have been made smaller and the candy section made bigger. It is placed at the opportune spot, the very front of the store. It is the first and last thing people see. Candy companies and stores are working together to make the focus on candy, and it is working. Children become entranced in aisle after aisle of sweets that they forget about the costumes or Halloween decorations they went to the store

for in the first place. This tactic always works as children become distracted and more excited about a piece of the candy than picking out their costume. A business is successful because it knows its customers and how to manipulate them. Luckily for these candy companies, their customers are very easy to control. Put a couple of colorful pictures on the wrapper, make it “scary looking” and consumers are hooked. Begging children can be seen in the candy aisles everyday of the month of October, persuading their parents to buy the latest edible body part. Little kids are not the only ones excited over the Halloween candy, Reed Anthes, 11, states “I love Halloween and all the candy that goes on sale for it.” Candy companies are

using the American love for candy to bring their sales back into the black. Granted, the candy is most definitely the best part of Halloween. It is priceless watching all of the little kids, and teenagers, organize and trade their candy. However, candy is not what this spooky holiday is all about. It is about one night of freedom where kids can truly be kids in all of their craziness. They can run all around their neighborhoods hopped up on sugar; they also get to dress up and pretend to be someone or something else. Don’t let candy companies rule Halloween. Show these businesses that the expierence matters more than the financial success. Enjoy it for what it is, not what it has become.

The Laureate Staff 2009-2010

The climate zones of Lassiter

Editors-in-Chief Katie Zion Emily Kehner Trojan Talk Editor Lindsay Hopkins A&E Editor Taylor Hayes Sports Editor Kevin Ankerholz In the Wry Editor Courtney Ciesielski JFF Editor Cate Cash Features Editor Emily Weissert News Editor Skye Rubel Centerspread Editor Mary Ann Staak Copy Editors Tyler Molinaro Cory Shaw Staff Writers Amrita Banerjee Alex Medders Frank Coutinho Julia Regeski Katie Hayes Natalie Kieta Jack Herman Advisor Mr. Todd Henry The Laureate is a student publication of Lassiter High School; a member of the Georgia Scholastic Press Association. Editorials reflect the opinions of individual writers and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Lassiter High School, Cobb County Schools, or their administrators. Financial support for The Laureate is obtained through advertising and generous patron contributions. Contact through the school address or by emailing lhspress@gmail.com.

Want to tell LHS how you feel? lhspress@gmail.com

cory shaw copy editor

“You change your mind like a girl changes clothes…‘Cause you’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no!” Katy Perry would be proud of Lassiter High School. The weather patterns and climate zones within the school are hot, cold, or everything in between. So be prepared! An anonymous student says, “we can spend a billion dollars on a jumbotron but we can’t get the air conditioning to work correctly!” Although that may not be entirely true, it brings up a valid point: if Lassiter were a person, it’d have bipolar disorder. So, best prepare yourself for the arctic blasts, the blazing infernos, and an occasional rain. It’s vital to dress in layers. Undoubtedly, the most uncomfortable rooms are those that remind you of a sauna. The second you enter, it feels like you have been magically transported to a Bedouin tent in the Sahara Desert. You try to concentrate but you feel your insides slowly melting away. So be prepared! Wake up in the morning and have your first layer be a bathing suit. Pack a cooler full of your favorite soft drinks and icecream and use it whenever necessary. It seems to me that other rooms

The VENT “I hate when people give me awkward high fives.” Carly Crowder, 10

have air conditioning on full blast every second of the day. It’s like trekking the Swiss Alps and it’s unforgiving. Your hands start to

stiffen up and every exhale reveals a small cloud of breath. Sit next to an outlet and have one of those old fashioned electric blankets handy. But no “snuggies” (the backwards robe), because being comfortable at the cost of looking ridiculous tells everyone around you that you lack sophis-

tication. If the room temperature drops below 65° or so, you have little chance of survival. So, do as the penguins do and huddle up, using the body heat of others to at least thaw your extremities. Then there are those rare occasions where rain water penetrates within the building. All of a sudden you find yourself at the beach. Flood water slowly leaks through skylight or creates a thin layer in remote corners of the cafeteria. Lassiter may have been spared from major flood damage, but you never know when the wrath of “Flood ‘09” may return. So be prepared! Pack a pair of those water-proof flip-flops and the goggle/breathing tube apparatus. Make sure that these things are accessible above ground level, in the rare case of rising water. Being comfortable at school can be difficult. The complexity of the climate zones and the unpredictability of natural disasters makes preparation an impossible task. If you want to be comfortable, apply these suggestions. Wear layers with many different combinations of seasonal clothes so that no circumstance provides problems for you. But, good luck meeting the dress code. cory shaw/ staff

compiled by lindsay hopkins/ editorials editor “I hate that I’m not popular like the drama kids.” Eli Long, 11

“I hate cats.” Will Fortanbary, 12 “I hate seeing the DECA commercial fifty times.” Leland Gross, 12

“I hate awkward hallway walkers. Especially when they stop in the middle of the hall.” Taylor Bradley, 11

“I hate when people lie to me about having homework.” Saureh Auskarian, 11

“I hate losing to Kell.” Katie McCollister, 12 “I hate freshmen who don’t dress up for homecoming week.” “I hate when people say ‘this is awk Emma Protis, 9 ward.’” Rachel Jenkins, 12

“I hate being the only one to show up at the game because I didn’t know it was a bye week.” Garrett Strunk, 11

Trojan Talk

Public outbursts... are they serious? julia regeski staff writer

Tired of people stealing your spotlight? Or of things you are sure aren’t correct? How about when you’re just really frustrated? If yes was the answer to any of these questions, congratulations, you’re just like those annoying celebrities out there trying to get their say out into the world. Kanye, Serena, and even a representative of congress have stooped to low levels to voice their opinion. This growing trend could be coming to you soon, or it may already be here. While Taylor Swift was humbly accepting her award for Best Music Video, upset Mr. West stormed the stage and whipped the microphone out of her hands. He then said, “Taylor, I’m really happy for you, and I’m gonna let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time!” The camera and crowd went wild to Beyonce’s shocked expression and to Taylor’s of stunned silence. Both divas maintained composure, while the crowd began boo-ing in obvious distaste. Kanye later issued an apology stating “I’m in the wrong for going on stage and taking away her moment!...But, Beyonce’s video was the best of this decade!!” This isn’t Kanye’s first surprising statement. In 2004, he became upset and stated he was robbed of the best new artist at the American Music Awards. In 2005, Kanye went off script and said, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people,” on live TV. In 2006, MTV Music Awards Europe, West was furious that his video with him jumping over canyons and including Pam Anderson hadn’t won. The list goes on and on. West hadn’t issued an apology for any of those. Explanations from numerous critics have gone from race to Kanye’s sipping of alcohol prior to Taylor’s almost acceptance speech. Representative Joe Wilson also dared to interrupt not one of the best female artists of today, but the president, Barrack Obama. On September 14 at President

Obama’s heathcare speech, the representative announced that Obama lies, challenging his idea that his healthcare reform does not include illegal immigrants. After much scrutiny and disapproval, Mr. Wilson apologized by calling the White House. Even sports stars are being reduced to cruelty in a reaction to anger and upset. Serena Williams declared ,”If I could, I’d take this ****** ball and shove it down your ****** throat,” to the lineswoman in charge of the game. The lineswoman then told the umpire to escort Serena out of the game. “I just really wanted to apologize sincerely, because I’m a very prideful person and I’m a very intense person and a very emotional person,” was Serena’s apology. Ms. Williams was then fined, but still allowed to play alongside her sister in an upcoming tournament. With all these recent outbursts coming from people on every corner of our nation, it is possible that this habit is becoming socially acceptable. No matter what, apparently, if one has a common belief, or even just a personal opinion, it’s ok to shout it out. Just issue an apology on any of numerous social networking sites. Oh, and don’t forget the possibility of thousands of dollars in fines and social distaste. Other than that, any rude outspoken American living today is all set to shout.

Which type of Halloween candy do you like best? compiled by emily kehner/editor-in-chief Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups: 12 votes

Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Bars: 8 votes

Kit Kats: 8 votes

Candy Corn: 22 votes

Skittles: 8 votes

Twix: 14 votes

www.google.com Serena Williams pictured with her natural crown and DIVA necklace.

Whether you’re handing it out on your porch or running door-todoor to get it, candy is clearly a central point of Halloween. Ever since you were little, you have gotten all dressed up to run around and find your favorites. You look into the bowl and search for the best of the best, but exactly which kind of candy are you trying to get your hands on? We asked 100 Lassiter students which type of Halloween candy makes the top of their list. These top picks ranged from caramel apple pops to candy pumpkins, Mike & Ikes to Take 5, Milky Ways to 3 Musketeers. However, the highest votes tallied in for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Bars, Kit Kats, Skittles, and Twix. The most popular among Lassiter students is the classic Halloween favorite: candy corn.

7 7 A Day in the life of

Clark Franzman clark franzman guest writer The bell that signals the end of fifth period pierces the halls of Lassiter, awakening students from their mid-afternoon naps. For seniors like me, this bell means that the school day is done. “I guess I will have to finish carving Nickelback into my desk tomorrow,” I think to myself. My day is over and that means I have the rest of the day to myself. On the way out to my car some nerdy looking freshman has the gall to make eye contact with me. To

remind him of his place I reach out to slap his books out of his hands. But he must be a ninja master because even after I hit his books he manages to hold on to them. Then he does this crazy side step move and before I can even turn around he is already out of arms length. I quickly forget about my dust up with the ninja because I remember that it is only 1:30. As I cross the parking lot I see a group of my friends standing by their cars. “Hey what’s up guys?” I yell across the parking lot. They don’t reply. It’s whatever though, because we will probably hang out later. When I finally reach my truck,

my heart skips a beat. “It is just so beautiful,” I think out loud. I hop in and rev the engine a little bit so everyone can experience just an inkling of the raw power rush I get every day. Before I back out of the parking lot, I roll all my windows down and crank up my Nickelback. No better way to end a school day then jamming to the greatest band of all time! After letting everyone bask in the glory of my truck I peel out of my parking space, hop the curb, and hit the street. “Freedom tastes so sweet” I scream, barely able to hear myself over Chad Kroeger crooning “Rockstar.” As soon as I get home I drop my back pack to the floor and head straight for my in home gym. I crank out twenty push-ups and then I rest for a little bit. Next comes a trip to my medicine cabinet. First a protein shake, then a creatine supplement, followed by another protein shake. “I’m gonna get Marcus Stokes big,” I scream between gulps of protein! Somehow I manage to check how my twelve fantasy teams did this week. Nice! A spotless 12-0! I am better at fantasy football then that ninja freshman was at being ninja Next it is time to check the ol’ facebook. My homepage comes up, and for the 117th day in a row, no new friend requests. But the twenty two updates brighten my mood. I go to my status bar and type “it’s gonna be a good day.” Every single status update lets me know there is a new quiz available or that my rankings in “com-

pare a friend” have gone down. I love getting quiz updates, how else would I know that there is a test that will tell me what kind of barn animal I am or who my celebrity soul mate is? I see a new quiz called, “which disney princess are you?” My match comes up as Snow White! I publish my results so everyone can see that I am the coolest princess of all time and rate the application 5 stars. The next quiz I see is called, “how popular are you.” Honestly, I don’t even need to take this test, I know what the answer will be. I start the test anyways. The page loads and I can feel my face become paralyzed with shock. My score reads zero percent. I read it again. Zero percent? I read the little caption below my score just in case zero is really the high score on this quiz. It says, “You are zero percent popular. You are the guy that no one wants around, but no one has the heart to tell you to go away. You try so hard to fit in that people just find you laughable. The only party you have ever been to is your six year old neighbor’s birthday party, and that was only because you paid him to invite you. You update your facebook status every twelve minutes with stupid anecdotes that no one reads. You probably think Nickelback is God’s gift to music. And even though your parents will never tell you to your face, they love your sister more.” “This quiz isn’t even mildly accurate. One star!” I shut down facebook in disgust (because it lied to me!), knock back another protein shake, and crank up some Nickelback!

LHS students too old to trick-or-treat? cate cash jff editor That one time of year that we all know and love has finally come. The cold weather starts to set in as we shift our outfits from shorts and a tank top to jeans and cozy sweatshirts. It is the time of year people always call magical, the time of year when spending time with friends and family is at the top of our lists. For seniors, this time will now be associated with the either great or notso-great news from colleges. Let’s all face it; this is the time everyone as-

sociates with some great memory. However, what is the one holiday that has trade marked the start of this time ever since we were little? The answer is Halloween. Now, whether you choose to celebrate Halloween or not, this day of free candy and costumes has been around for centuries. Even if the day falls on a school night, people stay up late running from house to house. At the end of the night, they run anxiously home to count all their loot. Schools across the country always know they will have tired and ragged kids the day after Halloween. Fortunately for us, the holiday will fall on a Saturday night this year. As high school students, the day has now come as a day of question where we all have three options. Option one: dress up just as you always

have since you were little. You go trick-or-treating from house to house and still reap the benefit of free candy. Now, this is a good choice, but if you do not want weird looks from parents or angry soccer moms yelling at you to let their kid go first then you will want to avoid this option. A second option is to dress up and go half party, half trick-or-treat. This is an option many of the underclassmen should take. You are at a stage where the free candy and idea of still trickor-treating are things you do not want to give up quite yet. With this option, you can dress up with your friends, go to someone’s house for a quick party, and when you know all the kiddies are already off to their beds, go out to houses and trick-or-treat. This way you are not caught in the mad rush of kids

starting out at the beginning of the evening. Also, the adults giving out candy will most likely give you more because they know there is no one left and they need to get rid of it all. The last option, this one highly recommended to upper classmen, would be to party all night. Halloween once you hit junior year turns from innocent candy and costumes to more racy outfits and parties where the candy is supplied for you. Since we have the pleasure of our senior year having Halloween on a Saturday, we should fully take advantage of this wonderful occasion. All in all, there are many ways to enjoy Halloween even though we are not all little anymore. You can celebrate the holiday however you want, and no one can tell you otherwise.

A&E

He Saw, She Saw: The Hilarious Undead cate cash jff editor

With the coming cold weather and Halloween right around the corner, I’m so glad there has finally been a movie produced that exceeds standards and that is original and funny. When I first heard that I had to go see Zombieland for this review, I truly dreaded seeing the movie. However, the second I sat down and the movie began, I was proved very wrong. This movie takes place during a time when earth is no longer the earth that we all know and love, but a planet that has been taken over by zombies. Now, the zombies did not just come out of the ground or outer space, they are humans too. The zombies, however, are humans that want to bite and eat you for a snack. The movie explains that a virus inhabited the earth turning some people into zombies. They bite other people who turn into zombies, and now only a few normal humans are left. Jesse Eisenburg plays the boy Columbus from Columbus, Ohio. Columbus lives his life daily life in fear. Everything in the world scares him. Even before the zombie takeover happened he was a loner inside his house all the time. This does not stop him though. Columbus survives Zombieland with a set of rules he makes

for himself. The rules include things like having good cardio (be able to run), always hitting the zombie twice (once does not assure death), and checking the backseat before entering a car (zombies like to hide out there). During the movie he teams up with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) from Tallahassee, Florida. Together these two make a hilarious pair traveling down the road killing zombies. Of course no movie is complete without a girl. Tallahassee and Columbus meet two con artist sisters Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin). At first, the sisters are a huge headache for the guys. The girls trick them, steal their car, and always seem to get their way. Throughout the course of the movie, however, the group will learn to trust one another along with learning the importance of having people around. Overall, if you were thinking of going to see this movie, I highly recommend you do so. It is not only funny, but the movie also has a couple of jumps in it no one sees coming. For me, scary movies are never at the top of my list, because I hate paying for a movie when I know I am just going to look away from the screen the whole time. With this movie you are able to get a little scared while laughing and enjoying your time at the theatre.

frank coutinho staff writer

Zombieland features a diverse lineup, mixing relatively unknown actors JaParents would frown upon it and son Eisenberg (The Village) and Emma cover their children’s eyes. Teachers Stone (Superbad), along with heavywould say that it represents the de- hitters Woody Harrelson and Bill Murclining values of American society. ray. Overall, Old ladies would the cast is flexleave the theible enough to ater in horror and curve the movie disgust. Howbetween hilariever, I thought ous and serious. Zombieland was Despite rea great movie. ceiving mixed reI sat down in the views, including slashfilm.com theater expecting a less than stellar Zombies fear Harrelson like no other. a mindlessly vioreview from the lent movie full of shooting and explo- New York Times and praise from the sions. I got exactly what I was expect- Boston Herald, Zombieland sat atop ing, but with a few surprises. The plot the box office after its first weekend in contains romance in addition to the theaters. No matter what your choice violence and action. Zombies and of movie, Zombieland is undeniably laughs are usually not mentioned in funny. Although zombies and humor the same sentence. However, in Zom- are usually not the best combinabieland these barriers were broken. tion for box office success, Fleischer’s Scanning the audience, I saw new movie redefines the expectamany mixed reactions. Some people tions for zombie movies to come. were hugging the seat in fear, others Zombieland managed to fill Cobb flinched and groaned with disgust, Park 12 with curious onlookers (inwhile some yelled and laughed. Ul- cluding me) on its release date. I pertimately, when the credits rolled, sonally liked the movie and thought the audience still deemed the mov- it was much different than anything ie worthy of a standing ovation. I have ever seen. Love it or hate it, Compiling a varied list of actors Zombieland draws so much interand a fresh new outlook on horror est and attention that people canmovies, Zombieland is one-of-a-kind. not help but see what it is all about.

Gleeful Family Community in Philadelphia julia regeski staff writer

With all the free time Lassiter students have been getting lately, there is nothing thousands of teenGlee (Wed. 9 PM FOX) It’s the classic high school tale of Glee club vs. Jocks, but in this show, its anything but classic. The captain of the cheerleading squad sets out to get to the unstoppable Glee with the help of some unexpected characters. All the while the captain of the football team has to deal with his spot in Glee alongside a soon to be star. Filled with catchy songs, comedy, and heartfelt drama, Glee is showstopping. Modern Family (Wed. 9 PM ABC) Modern Family has a familiar mockumentary style that keeps audiences laughing. Filled with odd couples and funny situations, the show keeps an insightful view of the variety of families.

certainly doesn’t stop the executives, as they have been pouring out show after show that plenty have people have been able to sneak in.

agers would prefer to do than watch all the new shows on primetime. Just kidding. It’s almost impossible in the hectic lives of all the Trojans to man-

age school, friends, and extracurriculars, and still have time to check out the weekly episodes of the new hits on the small screen. But that

Community (Thurs. 9:30 PM NBC) Joel McHale leads a group of students at a Community College in Colorado. Simple enough, that is, until they start learning plenty of lessons from each other they could have never learned in a classroom.

The Office (Thurs. 9 PM NBC) The hit show about a seemingly boring paper company in Scranton has returned and is funnier than ever. The endless laughs are still in Dunder Mifflin. However, there are plenty of new twists including Jim and Pam’s marriage that surely rubberbirdsoul.wordpress.com will delight any viewer. Some are calling this season of “Sunny” the best yet.

poptower.com

“Modern Family” has yet to displease.

House (Mon. 8 PM FOX) This season of House sure brings up some questions. Why is the lead character of the show stuck in a mental hospital? Only time will tell as this fascinating and funny show continues to amaze.

Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Thurs. 10 PM FX) A hilarious show about four friends trying to run a bar in Phliadelphia. It even has a star like Danny Devito to add extra comedy to the cast. With new characters such as Gail The Snail, this season looks promising.

this month

inJay-Z has reported th wi ng terest in worki n ma former Oasis front Liam Gallagher. He be uld co t ou lieves the turn ior end as well as his pr rk. joint with Linkin Pa

Soulja Boy was arrested tly in Henry County recen t oo sh for attempting to d a video in an abandone of lf ha y arl home. After ne d the 40 people present fle l by foot upon the arriva s of police, Soulja Boy wa n. tio uc str charged with ob

MUSIC

d U2, Kings of Leon, an d Blink-182 have all passe ten rec ta through Atlan e ly; they have left th to upcoming concerts an --H or eri inf seem far d an s, son, Miley Cyru . local bands like Atlas

of After the cancellation th wi her “Fame Kills” tour ga Kanye West, Lady Ga for tes da e th has released her “Monster Ball” tour. Kid st, Cudi, a protege of We nwill open Gaga’s co s ng so th certs for her wi ” y. Sa such as “Make Her

We asked. You listened. Here is your Top 10. 1. “Fireflies” -Owl City 2. “Whatcha Say” -Jason DeRulo 3. “Ignorance” -Paramore 4. “Party in the USA” -Miley Cyrus 5. “Obsessed” -Mariah Carey 6. “Replay” -Iyaz 7. “Love Drunk” -Boys Like Girls 8. “New Divide” -Linkin Park 9. “I Will Not Bow” -Breaking Benjamin 10. “Empire State of Mind” -Jay-Z

compiled by natalie kieta / staff writer

Method Man was arrested of in New York on charges , ed ict nv tax evasion. If co mthe Wu Tang Clan me r ber could face up to fou led fai He years in prison. in to pay around $33,000 es. income and earning tax

compiled by taylor hayes/ a&e editor

Willdabeast and LG spin into Lassiter mary ann staak centerspread editor

What do you get when you mix music, good dance moves, a good sense of humor, and killer moviemaking skills? That’s right, none other than Lassiter seniors Will Fortanbary and Leland Gross. These two inseparable best friends have been together for seven years and have shared almost everything together. And now these two hardcore dancers and partiers are putting their talents to good use by entertaining the Lassiter community. Will and Leland love making and editing their own films. Both, along with junior Kim Carducci, have started their own DJ business hosting nearby private and public events. Although it was originally started just for their love of entertaining people and having fun with friends, Right Round DJ Productions

has become a full on business for the two students. “It started out as something a couple of our friends asked us to do. We loved it so much though that we turned it into our business,” said Leland. “We never expected it to be as successful as it has been though!” From weddings to birthday parties and even raves, Right Round DJ Productions has been incredibly fortunate with their new business. “We get

“DJing and making videos—that’s something Will and I both really love doing, and we love doing them together even more...” courtesy of leland gross

Both Leland and Will really dive into DJing, never failing to impress the guests!

courtesy of will fortanberry

D J Willdabeast and LG dance it up!

hired for a lot of birthday parties, which is awesome because we always have so much fun DJing them!” said Leland. In addition to DJing, the two students also really enjoy making and editing short films together. “We like making movies that really capture the audience’s attention and make them laugh,” said Will about their production skills. From editing short films for fun to using their skills for class projects and public Lassiter events, these

two are pretty talented with a camera and a computer. “Will is more of the tech nerd, but I still love just hanging out and making pretty funny videos with him,” said Leland. Although not completely professional, their videos still portray both of their personalities and are always good for a laugh. “I love posting videos on YouTube too,” said Will. “Getting comments from viewers is always really nice!” From DJing together to making videos together to

just hanging out, seniors Will and Leland love doing really unique things with their free time. “DJing and making videos—that’s something Will and I both really love doing, and we love doing them together even more. That’s just the kind of friends that we are,” said Leland. Be it partying, DJing, editing, or the ever attractive dance moves, both DJ Willdabeast and DJ LG share a common goal: to make Lassiter High School one big party.

Features

The Dueling Sisters: Brandi versus SageH

cory shaw copy editor

Let’s play a dating game. On the left is senior Brandi Donaldson with notable achievements in fastpitch softball. On the right is junior Sage Donaldson with respectful success in competition cheerleading. They may be sisters, but that’s about the only thing they have in common. Who would you choose? Ask almost anyone who knows Brandi what it is she most enjoys doing and with near overwhelming repetition, your answer will be “fastpitch softball.” She won a state championship during her tenure (which, by the way, included starting on varsity all four years) but that’s just the beginning. Her resume also includes staggering titles such as winning region back-to-back, being second team all-state and all-county, as well first team all-region. Not to mention being named Lassiter’s best defensive player of the year. Sage, on the

other hand, year and prides heris now on self in her the Honor cheerleadRoll. “She ing. She has brightens made varsiyour day. ty competiShe altion since ways puts freshman a smile on year and is my face,” currently boasts her cheering best friend on the unMeaghan defeated Gildea, 11. Trojans at Her favorthe Friday ite teachnight footers are Mr. ball games. cory shaw/ staff writer M u r r a y But, Brandi ar- Brandi and Sage compete in more ways than one. and Senogues that she is rita Allen beobviously more gifted athletically, for cause they push her to her greatest she “actually plays an athletic sport.” potential. Brandi has also received Nevertheless, being able to a “Hi 5 Card,” as well as the citizenhit homeruns and do human pyra- ship character award and a princimids can only get you so far. They also pal’s award one semester freshman compete for grades and educational year. She says “My favorite teachawards. Sage received a “Hi 5 Card” last ers are Ms. Hotle, Ms. Lohlein, and

Ms. Gasaway because they pass me.” Their rivalry continues outside the halls of Lassiter as well. Most think Brandi is compassionate, thoughtful, and sensitive whereas Sage is said to be bubbly and charming. Quite possibly the most obvious example of their differences is in how they dress. With the comfortable jock look, Brandi prefers hoodies over tank tops. Being that Victoria Secret is Sage’s favorite place to shop, she appropriately classifies her clothes as “cute, girly, and precious.” On that note, Sage thinks she is better based on her appearance. She points out “just look at me.” So, who has taken your vote? Is it the wanna-be diva who says she can eat forty-six hot wings at bash night (Sage!) or is it the New York Yankees fan who recently got an athletic scholarship to Reinhardt (Brandi!)? Sage and Brandi Donaldson are both one-of-a-kind for their distinct and outgoing qualities. But, as the old saying goes, what makes them different makes them unique.

eHappiest emily kehner editor-in-chief

Ms. Adams AP Biology and Honors Biology Teacher, Dianne Adams, is tough competition for the happiest teacher at Lassiter. Always well-dressed from head to toe, Ms. Adams has a unique enthusiasm for her subject and her occupation. Her outlandish stories bring Biology to life, making the course a very well-liked class by the Lassiter students. Ms. Adams’ excitement about teaching also earned her the title of Teacher of the Year

Teachers at Lassiter

Lassiter is full of teachers who love their job. It shines through in the classroom as well as in the halls. Each day, they value their time with their students as they teach their various subjects. There are numerous teachers like this here, but the students chose ten to represent the happiest that Lassiter has to offer.

Ms. Poss

Ms. Henderson Ms. Hotle

In the math department, Ms. In the classroom and even Poss shines and smiles through Ac- throughout the halls of Lassiter, Ms. celerated Math 2 and Honors AnalyHotle expresses her joy for teaching. sis. Although these are very rigorous courses, she has a strong drive for stu- Even students who have not experidents to succeed in all situations. Her enced her class know her as one of willingness to help and her enthusi- Lassiter’s best. Her excitement about asm for numbers makes Ms. Poss a top Spanish makes the class a very handschoice among Lassiter students. In the on, enjoyable course. Her never-fading smile spring, Ms. Poss also “I love everything about teaching - I b r i n g s even more helps with love what I teach, the kids are enthujoy to the scoreas k e e p i n g siastic, and I love when the light bulb class she runs for our goes off for a student.” around Trojan Ms. Nelsen the room, basketteachball team. Throughout the year, she also serves ing all sorts of Spanish vocabuas an adviser and coach of the Math lary and usage techniques to Team.able, yet still very tough. her Honors Spanish students.

Ms. Helms

Mr.Leduc Many students will surely remember their Conceptual or Honors Physics teacher, Mr. Leduc, for his hilarious stories and memorable life lessons. Through his science lessons and experiments, Mr. Leduc constantly references “making connections” to everyday life as he prepares each of his students for a bright future.

“Two things make me the happiest: getting to know the students as people and seeing them discover new skills as readers, writers, and thinkers.” - Ms. Henderson

The language arts department also houses a very happy teacher. Juniors who take AP English Language (commonly known as AP Lang) enjoy Ms. Henderson’s upbeat personality as they learn about rhetoric. Reading comes alive in AP Lang as students enjoy creating many visuals about the literature. learners to earn credit.

Ms. NelsEn Just down the hall, Ms. Nelsen teaches AP Psychology with excitement and care. Her enthusiasm for the subject is conveyed through her lessons as well as her reading rewards! Her dedication to student success provides many ways for different types of learners to earn credit.

Ms. Nichols Also in this hall in the social studies department, Ms. Nichols teaches American Government. Her overall happiness and enthusiasm in teaching about our government make the class enjoyable, yet still very tough. Even through the “faces test,” Ms. Nichols maintains a positive attitude and a top ranking among Lassiter students.

On the top floor of the science building, Ms. Helms happily teaches Honors Biology and Honors Anatomy. Her students range in age across all the grades. Although these classes can be quite difficult for many students, Ms. Helms will be sure to help every student along the way in their work in her classroom. Her dedication to these biological sciences is evident as she teaches through experiments, dissections, and more hands-on activities.

“I love the students! I like teenagers. I’m not sweet enough for elementary.” - Ms. Nichols photos emily kehner/staff

Greatest s

e h

cory shaw/staff

julia regeski/staff

College Day

Animal Print

Color Explosion

show on turf

Flashback Day

Black Out

Homecoming 2009

JFF

Whereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Troy the Trojan? Do you see Troy anywhere? We have hidden a character in the newspaper we like to call Troy. He could be hanging out on the back page or hiding in Trojan Talk. It is up to you to find him. Once you do find Troy, go see Mr. Henry in Room 906 to claim your prize!

~SUDOKU~ 5

1 3

7 2 9

1 9

Horoscopes

Libra (September 23-October 22): Your symbol is the Scales; your element is Air; your ruling planet is Venus; and your lucky gem is Sapphire. You are very balanced and do not enjoy being by yourself. Your strengths include that you are social and enjoy teamwork. Your weaknesses include your indecisiveness and your self-pity. Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Your symbol is the Scorpion; your element is Water; your ruling planet is Pluto and Mars; and your lucky gem Opal. Your strengths include your passion and your courageous behavior. Your weaknesses include your jealousy and your violence.

CrossText Game

compiled by Cory Shaw

15 Ask Courtney and Taylor! Dear Taylor, I know many college application deadlines are coming up. How should I prepare my application so I have the best chance of getting in? Give me some tips on how to shape my application and essays for various schools. -Struggling Senior

Dear Courtney, As a senior I have started applying to college. My hope is to be recruited by a team or to be play a sport while at school. How can I go about doing this while dealing with the general stresses of the application process? -Stressed Athlete Dear Stressed Athlete, Thinking about college is a scary thing. You basically have to decide the path that your life will take at the ripe old age of seventeen. As a senior, you will have applications due, colleges to visit, and not a whole lot of time for life in general. And on top of that, you’ve decided to take your talents in your sport to the next level, which means the added stress of the recruiting process. While it is stressful, it is a very unique experience that not everyone gets to have. As an athlete experiencing college recruiting right now, I can tell you what to do and what not to do. I can help alleviate your worries and help you show college coaches in your sport that you deserve a spot on their team! Trying to start the recruiting process as a senior can be tricky. At this point you will be left with little or no time to relax and lots of time to stress. Lots of colleges already have a ballpark idea of who they want on their team for the next school year and do not look too closely at those who come out of the woodwork at the last second. However, there are

some that don’t. What you need to do now if you’re in that boat is call, call, call! If you want to make a lasting impression on these coaches for your respective sport, a phone call is the way to do it. Emailing just won’t do the trick at this stage in the game. The recruiting process is stressful enough in itself, and if you’re a little further behind than most, you need to kick it into high gear. Don’t hurt yourself by waiting until the last second. Although it will be a challenge to start the recruiting process as a senior, in the end everything always works out. If your talent matches up with what a school is looking for, they often help you out and get you a spot (and scholarships aren’t too shabby, either). Try to stress as little as possible and know that everything will fall into place. Good luck! Oh, and a quick P.S…Underclassmen looking to play a sport in college, start this process as early as possible! Recruiting is a tricky game without the stress of having no colleges know about you. Get your name out there, and you’ll be good to go! -Courtney

second thoughts as to whether they filled out the right form or remembered to send their SAT/ACT scores to the right schools. Well, some colleges have created a tool to help solve this dilemma. The “Online Application Status Check” should be your friend. The upside to this beautiful creation is that you have a definitive answer as to the completion of your application; the downside: you think the site will magically burst out balloons and fireworks with a flashing “You Are Accepted” sign as if you had just received your one-day pass to Disney World on your birthday. I am not 100% sure that it won’t do this, but it isn’t worth checking your application four times a day. (It is only worth 3 checks a day.) Essays, short responses, and the terrible “Why are you interested in this major?” responses potentially can determine acceptance or rejection. The essays and the short responses tend to way in significantly more than the latter option, but according to some, a good explanation for the choice of a major can really push you more into the “Yes” pile. Usually there is a very small word number limit set upon these descriptions but a solid fifty word statement can go a long way, but I highly doubt that it could hold you back; then again I’m not an admissions officer. I’m just a small town girl living in a lonely world. And in around a year, I’ll be taking a midnight train hopefully going in the direction of Athens, not just anywhere. -Taylor

Joke of the Month: Why do skeletons never go out of town? They have no body to go with

cate cash/staff

Dear Struggling Senior, Do you happen to be an above-average athlete is many sports, but you don’t play for any of the school teams, and you maintain above a 4.0. Or you just don’t have an ounce of athleticism in any bone of your body and have mediocre grades. Either way you know that you won’t be getting into college based on your athletic background, so you have to depend on extra-curricular activities and your academic background. Whether you are applying in-state or out of state, the application process varies to the slightest degree. The biggest problem with applying to colleges that haven’t come up to you and told you that they want is deadlines. Deadlines vary on a college-to-college basis and often there is more than one per college. The University of Georgia has an early-action deadline and a regular admission deadline for their applications. But for most students it isn’t the “application” that they forget about. As many schools attempt to go paperless, many applications can be submitted online, but there are a few essential pieces that simply cannot. Nearly every college will ask for an official transcript, available in guidance, or even a counselor review form, which can also be filed through guidance. Keeping track of which colleges have transcripts and counselor reviews, and which ones do not will help ease your application process. As deadlines creep nearer and nearer, many students begin to have

Comedy

Unacceptable tyler molinaro staff writer

My yogurt exploded all over my backpack today. Up to my elbows, dripping in the Pepto-Bismolcolored goop, I rushed to salvage my slopped-upon textbooks. I ran out of napkins and had to rip apart the nearest workbook at hand to use to mop up the mess in time. It wasn’t a workbook. It was the teacher’s grade book. Powers that be this is unacceptable. After mucking out my backpack, I returned what remained of my lunch to the sticky interior. When I opened the backpack up to retrieve the food, I found that I had put my heaviest textbook on the lunch sack. My juice had leaked all over the surviving textbooks. I owe the school $356.83 to replace all of my books. The sandwich, all I had left to eat, was wet and smashed. It fell to pieces onto the floor when I tried to eat it. Powers that be this is unacceptable. The stanza that couldn’t fit in the last paper because of spacial issues was the following, “And I had two more complaints but no matter what I tried, I couldn’t fit them on this page!” Powers that be the irony is unacceptable. Trying to kick someone under a lunch table, my shin connected with the metal bar. Curse you karma.

Powers that be this is unacceptable. Someone’s face book status was, “Walking down the hallway I suddenly heard someone singing “And Another One Bites the Dust.” Upon inspection I found it to be the honors English teacher grading papers. I am now afraid of senior year.” It was my paper. Powers that be this is unacceptable. My family finished the basement of our house a week and a half before the flood. We have to redo it. Powers that be this is unacceptable. As I was walking to my locker, I saw a guy laugh at something his girlfriend said, closing his eyes as he did so. He didn’t stop walking and ran into the pole that separates the two doorways head-on. I laughed hysterically. On my way to my next class, I was telling a friend about the incident. I turned to her to finish the tale and walked head first into the same pole. Poor pole. Powers that be this is unacceptable. Fifteen random people told me today that they liked my shirt. I went home to find that it was on backwards. No one thought to mention that. Powers that be this is unacceptable. I asked a woman at church when the baby was due. There is no baby. Powers that be this is unacceptable.

Back to “Bed”lam tyler molinaro unbroken and has worked fairly staff writer well for the last 18 generations. We It was a scene of chaos Tues- liked things the way they were and day as local residents came out in force to what is being hailed as “the march to save our way of life,” an event that has its origins in a conflict that many find more disturbing than any other in recent memory. “This is unacceptable,” proclaimed local man Paul Sleeprite. “Governmental shift, social upheaval, death, destruction—I can deal with all of that. But this? Things have been pushed too far and it’s high time we the American people take a stand for our rights.” Many members of Sleeprite’s community share his views, supplying themselves and others with much-indemand signs, markers, and duct tape. “We have had no say in our own society for far too long,” protest director Sarah Colski announced in a rallying speech. “The people of this grand nation deserve better. The previous system has been

we intend to get those times back.” “It’s truly an amazing movement,” assistant protest director Lee Hardy told reporters. “Flood victims literally wading through what remains of their past lives actually dropped what they were doing to come out and support this cause.” Protesters marched on the targeted location Tuesday, some staying through the night to get their message across, swaying back and forth to a chorus of “We Shall Not Be Moved.” “We are taking back our rights,” said one protester. “For those out there who think we will silently sit back and let our rights be taken from us one by one, I have something to tell you: you’re wrong.” There is no word yet on whether Bucky’s Mattress Hut™ will put their mattresses back on sale. Bucky, the owner of the controversial establishment, declined to comment.

[SFLN]:

[statuses from last night]

Remember that status you posted on facebook last night? We do... this week couldn’t be any more hectic i’m sure it could be. going on a walk. shower. then sleep. call or text me :) i love you baby well at least we all know what’s going on during your night...and who, exactly do you love? has sure been listening to a lot of Pink Floyd lately. well, congrats. is this rumor about no school cause of swine flu in any way, legit? definitely not. got her tube out! ewwwww i don’t even want to know not really sure anymore... A terribly vague status that is most likely meant to draw some sort of attention to your boy problems. Just what i love to see on monday nights. just checked my zoology grade, and she gave me a “z” on a lab. idk what a z is but if it’s the last letter in the alphabet then it can’t be good. that means your lab is missing. but good try.

compiled by the laureate staff

17 Don’t jack up your Jack O’ Lanterns abby brown guest writer

My dismay at the end of the driveway photo courtesy of x-entertainment.com

natalie kieta staff writer I sat on the floor preparing myself for the tedious task that lie ahead: Rummaging through candy and other unknowns that had found their way into my Halloween candy. Now was the time to sift through the assortment of candy and place it into piles entitled “keep,” “get rid of as soon as possible,” and “donate.” I vowed that not one Almond Joy would escape me. So I began. I shut my eyes and slowly reached into the pillow case, hesitantly peeking to see what the first piece was. Thank goodness, it was a Snickers. A fun-sized Snickers. Despite its unfortunate size, I placed it into the “keep pile.” Thirty minutes went by as I sorted through the good, the bad, and the disgusting. Amongst the various objects in the pile destined for the trash was a toothbrush, basically the dentist from across the street’s way of promoting his business. Cavities from this night alone probably pay his bills. Next to the toothbrush was a penny. The old lady from across the street insisted on handing out pennies every year. I understand that their value was higher in 1920, but someone needs to bring her up to speed with the current decade. And then there’s the popcorn ball. That unsightly chunk that

is harder than a rock and only good for target practice. I reached further inside my half empty bag, and felt some paper. I found that there were two pamphlets: one about Jesus and the other about being Mormon. Seriously? Halloween is not the night for local missionaries to gain conversions from the neighborhood children. And then there was the hard candy. The strawberry shaped strawberries and gold-wrapped butterscotch that hasn’t seen daylight in 20 years and tastes like the medicine you spit out. Next I pulled out a little red boxes of raisins. The shriveled globs that attach themselves to the sides of the box. These wrinkled grapes were yet another addition to my “throw away” pile. At the bottom of my pillow case were some water bottles, which did nothing but weigh down my bag. I wanted decadent chocolate, not the one thing on the planet with zero calories and carbohydrates. Then there was the Capri Sun (of course missing a straw), the smashed peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the homemade trail mix, and the McDonald’s kid’s meal toy. This Halloween could certainly have gone better. I expected my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Instead, I got long driveways with disappointment at their end, rather than that huge candy bar I had been hoping for. What a successful Halloween.

It’s October again, and you know what that means: Halloween! I know it seems like a holiday made for little kids with more patience and who can wheedle candy out of even the toughest of neighbors, but for those of us that are “too old” to trick-or-treat there are many other traditions to be taken care of. Among these strange and barbaric customs is the carving of a pumpkin, or Jack O’ Lantern. Year after year is spent wrestling the cantankerous fruit into shape, scooping out its guts with a spoon, and carving grotesque grimaces into its features. For those of you with little hand-eye coordination, here are some tips to keep you from cutting off fingers or other body parts. 1.) All art starts with the canvas, and since tradition dictates that the canvas is, in this case, a rather garish orange melon, that’s where you’ll start. Farmers have long ago realized that they can price pumpkins at whatever price they desire, since Americans are suckers for tradition and will pay almost any price for said tradition. When selecting your victim, try to not overreach yourself. Don’t pick a small pumpkin, because you will end up carving either minuscule or gigantic features, both of which look awkward on a tiny “pie pumpkin.” Also, stay away from large, especially if you’re geometrically challenged. You’ll just end up upsetting yourself. 2) They don’t call it “pumpkin guts” for nothing. Honestly, unless you’re into all the blood and gore of melon torture, then you’re going to want to protect your skin from the mucous-like interior of your victim. Also, cutting into a nice gardening glove is a lot better than chopping off a finger – although that would make for one delightfully gruesome pumpkin (especially if your finger fell into it before you got rushed to the hospital, and then forgotten.) Safety goggles wouldn’t be a bad idea either – you never know when a projectile seed is going to nail you in the eye. Despite the fact that the interior of the pumpkin is fairly easy to dispose of, there’s no way you’re getting through a pumpkin’s security system without a hacking tool. For

example, the aptly named hacksaw, maybe even a chainsaw if you can find a small one. Maybe even a drill if you want to have a round shape anywhere, seeing as it is impossible to make curves in a pumpkin with a regular knife. Whoever decided that carving a pumpkin would be a good idea in the first place would be a good idea apparently didn’t account for how thick the skin was, and as a result, hours of world professional pumpkin wrestling were born. Newspaper is your friend, since you can just scoop out your guts onto it and dispose of them easily, rather than spending another large amount of time figuring where to place to orange goop. 3.) Just so that you don’t go insane during the process, here are some tips: 1. Don’t use a stencil. You will (a.) hurt yourself, (b.) cut out the wrong parts of it, or (c.) both. Also, whoever makes the stencils thinks that it is easy to make a semicircle in a pumpkin. Newsflash: it’s not. 2. Don’t mark out the face beforehand with a sharpie. You will only disappoint yourself when your nose ends up looking like an octagon and there are still sharpie lines where you cut. 3. Don’t try anything fancy.You will poke your eye out and/or ruin the pumpkin, so all your effort will be for no reason. 4. Take deep breaths. Do not throw your pumpkin, knife, or self off of the nearest cliff. 5. Do not bury pumpkin remains in your backyard at midnight. Your nosy neighbors will call the police. 6. When you are done, line the inside of the pumpkin with lead before you put the candle in. Teach those young whippersnappers a thing or two about respecting fruit art! If you chop off a finger or seriously mess up your pumpkin, the best option would just be to hurl the melon at your wall (or, better yet, your neighbors’.) You’ll feel better, at least until you have to clean up the wall (that’s why it should be your neighbors’ wall.) Honestly, the pumpkin is a strange and outlandish beast that can withstand a knife, but not a wall or a boot. Try to keep your pumpkin carving disasters to a minimum this year, but be sure to enjoy yourself, and happy carving!

Comedy

Parent sues school over pumpkin carving tyler molinaro staff writer An angry parent filed a lawsuit against Cherokee County School District Wednesday over the alleged “repeated encouragement of pumpkin carving.” The offended party, Mrs. Applebomb, expressed her view, saying, “I find it unbelievable that a public school system would support such blatant destruction of nature, promoting the brutal hacking away of children at innocent objects.” The issue is not a new one and the curious practice has raised many an eyebrow before, making its first national headlines when stores began carrying pumpkin carving supplies in September of 1861. The invasion of what many consider to be a cold-blooded practice into schools, though, is a recent phenomenon. A rally in support of the local parent and in protest of the school’s actions formed quickly, showing the true extent to which many families are fed up with the school’s support of the practice. “It’s criminal and hugely insensitive,” a protester in a mob of incensed parents told reporters. “I once even heard that class time was

used to discuss the relative merits of carving happy versus spooky faces into pumpkins. They are teaching our children to plunge knives into things to make happy faces!” Other guardians shared the woman’s views: “The amazing thing is that our tax dollars are being used

think the defacement of nature’s bounty should be forced upon innocent children.” Mrs. Applebomb’s attorney told reporters Tuesday. Leading child psychologist Hilary DeMoore shared her views: “Children at that age have minds like clay—they can be shaped and molded. They are still forming habits that they will influence the rest of their lives for good or bad. In cases such as this in which views and habits are pushed u p o n children, the longterm effects can be devastating.” In response to growing resentment of their public schools, Cherokee County School District released the following statement on Thursday: “The Cherokee County School District does not condone the killing of innocent pumpkins, their carving and defacement, or the barbarian idea of leaving them to rot and scare people afterwards. The concept is as chilling to our school board as to the rest of the community and the views alleg-

edly expressed in the teacher’s classroom were the views of that teacher and not the school district or any of its constituents. We wish to express our sincerest apologies that such a horrid idea was introduced to the young minds in our care and express our deepest condolences to the family of the especially-affected youth in attendance at that class. We wish them a speedy recovery to full mental health.” School officials and coworkers of the teacher who initiated the events were shocked at the conduct of one of their own: “I would not have pegged that particular teacher for a closet pumpkin-carver,” one teacher at the school told reporters. “She always seemed so peaceful, and now this…I guess you never really know someone until you see what they do for Halloween.” The teacher herself declined to comment and has since been relieved of her duties at Caldwell High School indefinitely.

“She always seemed so peaceful, and now this…I guess you never really know someone until you see what they do for Halloween.”

photo courtesy of flickr.com Pumpkin carving has drastically changed over the Halloween years.

to pay teachers their huge salaries while those same teachers spend time on deliberately hateful acts of violence against nature. Our children’s impressionable minds should be off-limits to institutions so obviously incapable of being respectful.” “My client simply does not

Fails of the Month Left: Will Young (9) gets hit with a beach ball in the face at a football pep rally. Right: Gunner Gilliam (9) slips and falls on a rainy day.

photo courtesy of emily kehner and katie hayes

Stories of D-Day The classic Get-Caught-In-The-Doorway-I’m-So-Excited-To-Get-A-Paper Grab.

taylor hayes a&e editor

Once a month, as most of you all know, the newspaper staff distributes the latest issue of The Laureate all over the school. Nearly all students end up catching a glimpse of a copy at some point throughout the day, and if students want their own, there are usually enough for them to have one. Surprisingly, not all Lassiter students want to read this super publication that we, the staff of The Laureate, compile for you, and frankly, it hurts. But if you don’t want to read it that’s fine, whatever, but give it a chance. I am not saying that every single article in here will interest you, as there are a variety of topics, but with this new *Comedy* section and the off-thecharts A&E section, you are bound to find something that will captivate you. So the next time you see The Laureate staff distributing our beautiful babies of text consider taking a copy in one of the following ways that you feel would be most appropriate. The Blow-Off is one of the

more common reactions, we as staff members receive during distribution days. To achieve Blowoff status you must (a) not take a paper, (b) completely avoid any eye contact with any Laureate staff member, and (c) not acknowledge a single word that any staff member says as you walk by with your head down with an expression on your face revealing that if you break focus the world may end. The Suave Snag is a complex maneuver, only achievable by a select few. To classify yourself as one who pulls off a Suave Snag, you must (a) take a paper, either (b) make no eye contact with a Laureate staff member or (c) give a super cool head-nod of approval, as well as (d) not breaking stride as you accept the paper. The Get-Caught-In-The-Doorway-I’m-So-Excited-To-Get-A-Paper Grab is exactly what it sounds like, yet a lot more difficult than you may think. Personally, I’ve seen it happen once and only once. To complete this maneuver you must have an abnormally large backpack that contains every single item in your

locker. Next you must attempt to enter through one door just as the adjacent door closes, clamping your backpack in a trap of humility. Finally you must struggle to free yourself and finally take a paper with pride. The Free Freshman happens to only occur to freshman, just by complete coincidence. The Laureate staff receives this reaction from the few confident-enough freshmen that respond to our attempts at enlightenment. To pull of this foolish reaction you must (a) be a freshman, either (b) try to pay for the newspaper or (c) say that you can’t pay for the newspaper because you don’t have enough money. A little advice for you freshmen: the newspaper does not cost you any money, unless, of course, you want it to, in which any Laureate staff will accept your donations. The Wanna-Be is essentially a failed Suave Snag. The WannaBe requires that the accepter of the paper follows all the guidelines of The Suave Snag up until the final portion of part (d). Here is where The WannaBe earns its stripes. While attempting to not break stride and keep that “I’m awesome” smirk on your face, you must completely whiff on the paper transfer. The whiff is followed by (a) the look of complete disbelief and a back-track to the paper or (b) the always classy, “Well I didn’t even want it” combined with a shoulder shrug and an obvious pursing of the lips. The Sudoku Superhero disappoints every single staff member who witnesses it. To classify yourself as a Sudoku Superhero, upon reception of a paper, you must walk away with the paper held up in superhero fashion yelling a version of, “Yes! I can’t wait to do the Sudoku and the Sudoku only!” Whether or not that last portion of the phrase is mentioned, all Laureate staff members know you’re thinking it, and deep inside we are broken. Our little birds of hope and accomplishment are eaten by your nasty Sudoku-loving vulture…and it’s mean. The Genuine…ughhh…Reader is by far, without a doubt, easily the greatest title you can gain by taking a newspaper. The key is you don’t take it, you (a) run to a staff member, (b) have almost reached a point of hyperventilation, and (c) act as if you have received the Holy Grail. These students are seriously excited to read the stories written by The Laureate staff, and The Laureate staff writes what we write for you, and slightly because we have to, but mainly for you!

Heard in the Halls @

Lassiter

compiled by laureate staff “Ugh, I’ve had that stupid Little Bunny Foo-Foo song stuck in my head all day!”

“And he always comments on my status in Korean!”

“Honestly, how did he sunburn his tongue?”

“I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose”

“All I have to do is say ‘Daddy this, Daddy that’ and POOF I get a car!”

“Which elephant were you talking about?”

“That would suck-- death by golf cart.”

“Why are you awkwardly cupping my elbow?”

“We are now due southwest of the middle of nowhere”

Sports

Trojans off to best start in school history kevin ankerholz sports editor The Lassiter football team has never won the region 6AAAAA championship. However, after a record breaking 7-0 start, this year’s team looks poised to capture the region title. Lately the Trojans have steamrolled their opponents, outscoring them 212-73 in the last five games. Led by seniors such as Hutson Mason, Griffin Roelle, and Rip Rowan, the 2009 Lassiter football team has the potential to run the table and earn a number one seed in the state playoffs. In week four the Trojans traveled to Campbell to take on the Spartans and their multithreat quarterback Tay Wright. For most of the first half the game was close, with the stifling Trojan defense shutting down Wright and the Campbell offense. However, the Trojans took advantage of a few Spartan errors at the end of the second quarter and went into halftime with a 21-3 lead. In the third quarter, the Trojan offense came to life, scoring two quick touchdowns. Senior linebacker Rip Rowan returned an interception for a touchdown to cap off the

scoring, and the Trojans prevailed 42-10. This win vaulted the Trojans to 4-0, the best start in school history. The Trojans went to Wheeler in week five to take on the Wildcats. Coming into the game the Trojans knew they were the superior team, and they did not waste any time showing it. Lassiter scored 42 points in the first half against the dreadful Wildcat defense, and the Trojans went on to win 42-7. After the bye week, the Trojans returned to the Frank to take on Alpharetta. The Trojan defense looked to have their hands full against an Alpharetta offense that featured several Division I college recruits. However, from

the opening kickoff, the Trojans took control and never looked back. Lassiter scored two touchdowns on its first five offensive plays, and the rout was on. The Trojans scored at will, finishing with a 44-7 victory. Senior quarterback Hutson Mason finished with 366 yards passing and four touchdowns while senior receiver Griffin Roelle led the receivers with 98 yards. In game seven the Trojans faced off against Milton at the Frank, looking to stay undefeated in the region. Milton marked the beginning of the toughest part of the Trojan’s schedule, and many believed this game to be the true test to see if Lassiter was for real. Once again, Lassiter got off to a quick start, claiming an early 15-0 lead. However, Milton fought back and cut the Trojan lead to 22-20. The Trojans pieced together two touchdown drives near the end of the second quarter, going into halftime with a 36-20 lead. In the second half, the Trojan offense continued to click on all cylinders, scoring 20 more points and making the final score 56-32. Hutson Mason

lassiterfootball.net

Above: Senior running back Trey Graham runs through an opening during the Milton Top Left: Senior receiver Jimmy Mayer makes an impressive catch during the Campbell Top Right: Freshman running back Tyren Jones runs through the defense during the Alpharetta Right: Head coach Chip Lindsey directs the offense from the sidelines during the Alpharetta

game. game. game. game.

completed 32 of 45 passes for 545 yards, setting a new state record for most passing yards in a single game. Freshman Tyren Jones and senior Griffin Roelle helped Hutson achieve this record with 84 and 163 receiving yards respectively, most of which came on screen passes. When asked about the team’s success, head coach Chip Lindsey remarked, “I’m so proud of the team for believing in the system and executing the plays that are called. We are in great position right now, but our hardest games are to come and we must continue to improve if we want to win the region championship.” The 7-0 Trojans have a tough schedule to finish the regular season. Tonight they play at rival Walton in what should be a hard fought game. The Trojans then play a t Centennial on October 30th and wrap up the season at home against Roswell on November 6th. The team will need all the support it can get in order to stay perfect!

493 545

The number of passing yards senior The number of receiving yards quarterback Hutson Mason threw senior receiver Griffin Roelle for during the Milton game, setcompiled through the first ting a Georgia high school record. seven games of the season.

lassiterfootball.net

16:47

The time it took for senior Christian Erdman to run 5 kilometers (3.1 miles) at the Berry Invitational cross country race this season.

lassiterfootball.net

335

The number of kills that senior volleyball player Katy McCollister has recorded so far this season.

lhsxc.org

This

lassitervolleyball.net

Month’s Stats

compiled by kevin ankerholz/sports editor

Athlete of the Month: XC’s Natalie Bishop jack herman staff writer Sophomore Natalie Bishop is more than meets the eye. Whether she is making great grades, hanging with friends, or showing off her phenomenal athletic skills, Natalie always remembers to keep things in perspective and keep her eyes on the goal. She is currently in her second season on the Lassiter cross country team and has quickly established herself as a threat to runners all over the state of Georgia. Where does this ambition and drive come from? When asked, Natalie remarked, “I have always run. My parents inspire me to be a runner and through them I get my drive and passion. They are also runners, too.” These strong words help boost her confidence. This determination helps Natalie excel in cross country as well as other sports. For example, she plays on an elite select A level NASA soccer team t h a t c o m petes at the highest of levels. When asked about her personal best accomplishment, she calmly answered the question by saying, “I actually set my biggest accomplishment over the October 3rd and 4th weekend as I ran my race in 20:02 beating my old personal best at Jesse Ow-

ens Competition in Alabama.” This was an amazing performance that one could only match with years of intense training and sacrifice. Natalie knows what it takes. For her entire life she has been working hard to get to where she is now, and nothing can stop her as she strives to become the best runner she can possibly be. Even with all of her eye popping athletic accolades, she still finds time to be a normal, everyday teenager. During her free time, Natalie likes to watch television, movies, hang with friends, and go to parties. Some of her favorite shows include Grey’s Anatomy and House, and she enjoys watching movies that are comical and sad. Natalie’s friendly and accepting personality enables her to have a wide variety of friends. A native of Atlanta, Natalie has always excelled in everything she has done. Whether it is running track, being the ultimate team player in soccer, or getting fantastic grades, Natalie always remembers to put everything into perspective. She understands that cross country is one of her passions and that it may not last forever. “I have not decided if I want to pursue this in college. I want to keep my options open; it is easy to experience burn out from running. Hopefully I will have a chance at a scholarship. That would be great!” As you can see, Natalie is a realist and understands what the future may hold for her. It is obvious that the possibilities are endless. All in all, Natalie possesses the traits necessary to be a leader and a true athlete, making her a well deserving recipient of athlete of the month for October! lhsxc.org

Sports

Swinging for the fences jack herman staff writer Lassiter High School has a long-standing tradition of excellence from the fastpitch softball team, and this year’s team is no exception. Fueled by dedication and passion, the Trojans look more than well equipped to make our school proud as they embark on the arduous journey known as the playoffs. The Trojans are fresh off a two game sweep of Roswell High School in the first round of the region playoffs, our team made a great effort but ended up losing in the first round of the playoffs against Duluth. The season began pedestrian to say the least as the mighty Trojans began with 3 wins and 2 defeats (Cherokee

young talent from players like Jordan Adams and veteran talent from seniors like Brandi Donaldson and Annie Soltis. When asked about her duties as one of the senior’s on the team, Brandi replied, “It is something that makes me happy and sad. I have waited three years to be a senior and now it is finally here. I have been friends with all of these players for so long and it is hard to believe this is the last year I will be playing with them and the coaches, too. I just want to do my part and help this team go far into the playoffs.” Any observer was able to see that this year’s team possessed the camaraderie most teams search decades to find. New to the mix is sophomore Carley Pizza who

as any team out there and we now just need to use the tools the coaches have given us to go far into this year’s playoffs.” Those are s t r o n g words from a young player that has found a home at second base and as a

strong everyday contributor in the lineup. With a first round thrashing of the pesky Roswell Hornets the Lady Trojans were able to cruise past the Kell Longhorns with a clean, two game sweep securing the Region Championship. Sadly, the Trojans lost in the first round of the playoffs. Even though they lost, it was a great year and one to build on for the Lady Trojans.

jack herman/staff

“This team plays great together. Everyone really motivates each other and we all want the best for each other.” and North Paulding). As the season began to kick into full gear, so did the Trojans as they went on a phenomenal seven game winning streak where they outscored their opponents’ at the unreal clip of 44 runs to zero. Led by some lights out pitching from freshman Mackenzie Kayler and timely hitting, the Trojans improved to 10 and 2. The Trojans finished the season with just four more losses and ended a remarkable 14 and 6. Senior Annie Soltis remarked, “That streak really gave us momentum and confidence. Those were big wins that really jump started us.” The recipe for this year’s success is characteristic of past Trojan teams. They have a great blend of

commented, “This team plays great together. Everyone really motivates each other and we all want the best for each other.” This newfound confidence led the high-powered Trojans to the dominating 14 and 6 record during the regular season. The Trojans earned themselves a birth to play for the coveted region championship where they beat the powerful Kell Longhorns and claimed the region championship. When asked about the playoffs and what got them there, sophomore Jordan Adams said, “We have worked as hard

cobbk12.org/Lassiter

This year’s softball has been successful because of its stellar pitching.

jack herman/staff

23 ? Sports Stumpers?

1. What NBA player was the first (and only) member of a losing team to be named Finals MVP?

basketballoracle.com basketballoracle.com 2. The New York Yankees have the most World Series championships with 26. What team has the second most World Series championships, and how many have they won?

3. In 2005, what QB-WR combo became the first in NFL history to hook up for more than 10,000 career yards?

detroitlions.com sportsallday.com 4. Who’s the only player to ever lead the NBA, ABA, and NCAA in scoring?

yankees.com

Keeping Tabs: LHS Sports Volleyball Continuing last year’s success in which the team reached the Final Four, this year’s volleyball team finished the regular season with an impressive 38-10 record. Through success in the regular season and the region tournament, the team earned a berth in the state playoffs. The Trojans beat North Cobb 3-2 in the first round. Led by talented seniors such as Katy McCollister, the team should make another deep playoff run. - Kevin Ankerholz Cross Country This season the cross country team has continued its strong tradition. Both the boy’s and girl’s teams posted strong performances at the Berry College Clara Bowl, the Warpath invitational, the UGA invitational, and the Jessie Owens invitational. The boy’s team is led by seniors Christian Erdman, David Heath, and Craig Melissas. The girl’s team is led by Natalie Bishop, Sabine Schartman, and Catherine Schmidt. Both teams should compete well in the upcoming meets and compete for the region title. - Kevin Ankerholz

ncaa.com nba.com

Competition Cheerleading Lassiter High School’s varsity and junior varsity competition cheerleading team are in full swing. The junior varsity is off to a hot start placing 3rd and 1st in their two competitions, while the varsity is trying to get going as some injuries have prevented them from performing to their maximum potential, placing 3rd and 10th. Sophomore Alix Hanna remarked, “We are working really hard and have been able to do a good job so far. Everyone puts forth the best effort and so far it is evident.” Both teams have a lot of potential and a bright season ahead of them. - Jack Herman The

varstity

aba.com

Answers: 1. Jerry West in 1969 2. The St. Louis Cardinals, 10 championships 3. Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison of the Indianapolis Colts 4. Rick Barry

baseballfan.com

cheerleadiig

team

performs

during

lassitercheerleading.org a

home

football

game.

November

what’s up in Sunday

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

SCHOOL

9 Interact Club’s Blood Drive

Election Day

Cobb Fastpitch Softball County End-ofGovernor’s Season Honors Banquet Program Audtions Veteran’s

Band-Winter Auditions

PAC’s “Invisible Children” Presentation

Day

Friday

Saturday

SENIOR NIGHT

SAT

Varsity Football @ the Frank vs. Roswell & Pep Rally at school!

GMEA Honors Chorus

Beta Club’s Induction Ceremony

AP Language Field Trip: Shakespeare’s Tavern

Varsity Cheerleading Regional Competition Cross Country State Meet

Cross Country End-ofSeason Banquet

FALL BREAK -- SCHOOL CLOSED Lacrosse Recruiting Tournament @ the Frank

Thanksgiving Day!

23 Back to School

Only 3 weeks left of First Semester!

December 1

27 GHSA Rifle Team vs. Allatoona in the Cafe

Lassiter Invitational Math Tournament