Life is Shit Festival Zine, Vol. 5

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Contributors Words: Jack Evan Johnson [0-1] Girls Rock Vegas [16-17] Emily Matview Tribute Kristy Calhoun (18-19) Becky Tucker [23, 24] Jennifer Battisti [29] Kazimir Prokopiev [33] Natalie Alexandrova [33] Andrew Romanelli [34-35] James Norman [39] Melanie Grace Munsell [40] Walker Rose [43] Richard Perkins [44] Zach Wilson [44] Images: Ian Racoma [1] Erin Case [20] Dakota McCullough [21, 22] Jean [23] Tsvetelina Stefanova [25] Victor Torres [26] Norma Jean Ortega [27] Ryan R Akerberg [28] Jennifer Battisti [29, 32] TG Miller [30-31] Nadezhda Chausheva [33, 35] Eridan [36] Matt Ortego [37] Robin Slonina [38] Brandon Earley [40] Vivian Martin [41] Evan Nix [42] Quindo Miller [43] Marisa Leilani [45] Jack Evan Johnson - Founder Executive Director Tsvetelina Stefanova - Director boss ass bitch Angie Randazzo - Dive Bar Owner Head Of Security Nate Bruce - Dive Bar Owner Chairman Of The Beard James Howard Adams - Artistic Dictator Poster Art Brock Frabbiele cover Art Design & Layout Vivian Martin, Joel Urioste, Eric West, And Spencer Haley SPECIAL THANKS TO
SHITTY SCHEDULE Desmother 4:20 Tyranis Morisette 5:00 Same Sex Mary 5:45 Spring Breeding 6:30 Zach Wilson 7:15 Luxury Furniture Store 8:00 Thee Saturday Knights 8:45 Jack Shit w/ Chandelle 9:30 The Mormon Church 10:15 Absent Minded 11:00 Evelyn Scythe 11:45 Headgore 12:30 Lords of Death 1:15 Los ghoulees 2:00 Outhouse Poetry Stage hosted by James Norman
DE S MO TH E R IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? To da n c e sex y w i t h t he aud ien c e ! W e like to pa r ty a n d s om e t i m es you nee d a li tt le ins p ir at i o n to sh a ke s om e booty w i t h u s . WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? W ell, p e op le h av e to l d u s t h at Lat in mu si c is n ’ t good en oug h o r t h at p e op le wo n ’ t like i t , but w e h av e p r ov en t h at w r o n g , a n d w ell, w e h av e gott en t his fa r w i t h t he s uppo r t of ou r p e op le. WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? Bi gg es t t ren d at Li f e is S hi t 2023 is go in g to b e mo re c r a z y ba n d s, c r a z y p e op le a n d mo re Des mot her ! Hop e fu ll y w e g e t to b e pa r t of t his c r a z y La s V e ga s s c ene a n d g e t to ex p erien c e i t at i t s ma x ! IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? “ Ca n ta re o M o rire” a n d he ma kes u s sin g op er a s t ill w e d ie ! ANDREA BOCELLI 2
T Y R ANI S MO R I SS E TT E WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? As a h u s ba n d a n d w i f e ba n d / pa ren t in g duo , w e oft en f in d ou rsel v es ex t re m el y t ire d , but s t ill h o rn y . S in c e ou r s c he du les a n d li b i do s do n ’ t a l way s line up , ou r r obot wou l d b e a fuc k- bot , to ta ke ca re of o ne w hile t he ot her is slee p in g . N o c he at in g , j u s t s om e boop - bop - b ee p in g ! “ You ’ll p r obab l y s ta r t a shi tty podca s t . ” E v en b i gg er butt s. IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? “ You oug h ta kn ow… you r wo rl d is fuc kin g ov er !! ” TYRANIS MORISSETTE 3
IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? L oad in g g e a r. WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? “ One of you w ill s ta r t a hot ne w t ren d at t his y e a r ’s Li f e is S hi t ” IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? “Be tc h a d i d n ’ t see t h at com in g! ” JESUS CHRIST S AME S E X MA R Y WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? S hi tt in g you r b ri tc hes . 4
IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? L i mbo ins t r ucto r. We m i g h t h av e to dow nsize ou r yac h t i f w e do n ’ t sell t hese t -shir t s . D o in g t he li mbo . “ How l ow ca n you go ? ” C ARESS S P R IN G B R EEDIN G
IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? Hyp in g t he c r owd a n d g e tt in g t he m to da n c e. “Q u i t you r day j ob . You ’ll b e ri c h a n d famou s s oo n. ” B a n d s w i t h t here m ins. “ W el com e to t he j u n g le. ” AXL ROSE Z A CH WI LS O N 6
IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? L UXU R Y FUR NI TUR E ST O R E Dr um s. W e w ill a ll b e a rres t e d fo r s t e a lin g a ss o r tm en t s of gummy wo r m s at o ne po in t . K h a ki sh o r t s . “ Oh, wo w . ” ROBERT DE NIRO
IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? TH EE S A TUR D A Y K NI GHT S Opening beers. “I t ’s go nn a en d , s o w h o ca res? ! ” Lo n g je a n sh o r t s “Li c k i t up . ” GENE SIMMONS 8
JACK SHIT W/ CHANDELLE IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? So n gw ri t in g . Capitol Records was going to sign us, based on the strength of our new songs. So n g s about bu il d in g r obot s to w ri t e you r s o n g s, w ri tt en by r obot s bu il t by fo r m er s o n gw ri t ers. “Mee t J ac k Je t s o n ! ” HANNA-BARBERA C ARTOONS
IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? W e o nl y kn ow w e wa n t t he r obot f r om R oc k y IV “ R e p l y h a z y , t r y aga in.” Ty in g a n o ni o n to you r b el t “ T h a nk J o se p h Sm i t h fo r Sata n. ” SATAN TH E MO R MO N CHURC H 10
IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? D oc kin g “ You ’re fuc ke d .” AB S EN T MINDE D WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? Som e t hin g shi tt y . “ H ere Com es t he Su n. ” GEORGE HARRISON
IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? S h a ke a ss, kill in c els, a n d s p ee d r u n S ilen t H ill 2 to g e t t he dog en d in g A shi tty d e but a l bum s oo n a n d s om e ne w shi tty m er c h <3 re a l ta lk i t ’s my f irs t off i c i a l rele a se e v e r. I am v e r y g r at e fu l fo r t he oppo r tu ni ty to b e a li v e do in g t his. T he ne w h ot t ren d w here e v e r yo ne is res p e ctfu l to e ac h ot her a n d ma kes t he commu ni ty f eel s af e a ls o sh otgu nnin g PB R s p r obab l y . “ S l ay! ” t.A.T.u. EVE L YN S C Y TH E 12
Credit- Danielle Riot IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOC ALYPTIC C ATCH PHRASE? W e wou l d ne v er ow n a r obot , w e a re v ehe m en t l y a n t i t e c hn o l og y T he in du s t ri a l re vo l ut i o n a n d i t s co nse qu en c es h av e b een a d is a s t er fo r t he h uma n r ac e . T he f lesh . " You w ill l ov e t he a n t i c hris t , d rink mo re co rn s y r up " THE ANTICHRIST H EAD G O R E You re a ll y wa nn a kn ow w h at t he y 're s ay in g about u s? ?
IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE? WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE? WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023? IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOCALYPTIC CATCH PHRASE? LORDS OF DEATH Dispenser of Subway sandwiches. “Your band’s going to be the next Barbara Streisand.” Skankin’. “Eat fresh.” JARED FOGLE 14

LOS GHOULEES

IF YOUR BAND HAD A ROBOT, WHAT WOULD ITS PRIMARY FUNCTION BE?

Smoke beers.

WHAT DID THE SHITTY PHONE PSYCHIC SAY ABOUT YOUR BAND’S SHITTY FUTURE?

WHAT’S GONNA BE THE HOTTEST TREND AT LIFE IS SHIT 2023?

IT’S THE END OF TIMES AND IS THE ANTICHRIST! WHAT’S THEIR APOCALYPTIC CATCH PHRASE?

“It’ll be a shit show.” Vaping poo. “Phil these nuts!” DR. PHIL
WHO ROCKS? GIRLS ROCK! IN OUR TENTH YEAR, GIRLS ROCK VEGAS IS PROUD TO PARTNER WITH LIFE IS SHIT! GIRLS ROCK VEGAS SEEKS TO EMPOWER GIRLS AND WOMEN THOUGH MUSIC CREATION AND PERFORMANCE. GIRLS AGES 9-17 COME TO OUR PROGRAMS AND LEARN TO PLAY ELECTRIC GUITAR, BASS, KEYBOARDS AND DRUMS, MOST PICKING UP THEIR INSTRUMENT FOR THE FIRST TIME. CAMPERS FORM THEIR OWN BANDS, AND OVER THE COURSE OF A WEEK, COMPOSE ORIGINAL SONGS THAT THEY PLAY AT A SHOWCASE CONCERT AT THE END OF CAMP. BANDS ALSO PARTICIPATE IN WORKSHOPS ON POSITIVE BODY IMAGE, WOMEN IN THE MEDIA, RIOT GRRRL, AND DIY BAND PROMOTION. LOCAL ARTISTS AND BANDS LIKE COCO JENKINS AND CANDY WARPOP PLAY LUNCHTIME CONCERTS, MENTOR AND SERVE AS POSITIVE ROLE MODELS FOR GIRLS WHO MAY HAVE NEVER MET A LOCAL FEMALE MUSICIAN. SURVEY DATA TAKEN AT GIRLS ROCK VEGAS’S PROGRAMS SHOW THAT THE EXPERIENCE ELEVATES SELF-ESTEEM, DEVELOPS POSITIVE BODY IMAGE, AND INCREASES ACADEMIC AND CREATIVE CONFIDENCE.
DONATIONS LIKE THOSE WE RECEIVE FROM LIFE IS SHIT HAVE ALLOWED US TO ACCEPT MANY GIRLS TO ATTEND CAMP, WHO COULD NOT OTHERWISE AFFORD TO ATTEND. FOR TWENTY DOLLARS, YOU CAN HELP ENSURE A GIRL HAS AN INSTRUMENT CABLE OR A PAIR OF DRUMSTICKS. FOR FIFTY DOLLARS, YOU CAN HELP ENSURE SHE HAS A MORNING OF INSTRUMENT INSTRUCTION FROM A PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN. FOR ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS, YOU CAN HELP ENSURE SHE HAS AN ELECTRIC GUITAR. GIRLS ROCK VEGAS IS A NEVADA NON-PROFIT CORPORATION AND A FEDERAL 501(C)(3) PUBLIC CHARITY. DONATIONS MADE TO GIRLS ROCK VEGAS ARE DEDUCTIBLE UNDER SECTION 170 OF THE INTERNAL REVENUE CODE. VISIT US AT WWW.GIRLSROCKVEGAS.ORG FOR MORE INFORMATION. 17
EMILY ROSE MATVIEW I think it’s pretty safe to say that it’s been a rough couple of years for everyone. Vegas has been hit hard. We’ve lost a lot of people. In fact, it’s been just over a year since we lost PunksInVegas founder, Emily Matview. ARE YOU IN CRISIS? CALL OR TEXT 988 OR TEXT “TALK” TO 741741 afsp.org 18

Emily started PIV in 2011. She spent ten years ferociously supporting local bands, passing out flyers, convincing bands to play Vegas, taking photographs and writing reviews, creating stripped down sessions, and tracking down and documenting oral histories. If you ever needed an opener or a venue or a PA, Emily would find it for you.

She was a walking encyclopedia of pop culture and knew everything about your favorite band (and probably filmed a session with them).

Emily worked as a children’s librarian for the Las Vegas-Clark County Library District for the same decade she ran PIV. In her tenure she was essential in advocating for the purchasing and promotion of graphic novels in libraries, teen programming, and making sure that libraries stayed relevant to younger generations. She started: Teen Tuesdays, Fandom Friday, Pizza Poetry, and Coffee and Comics. Her programming efforts focused on STEAM initiatives, capitalizing on current trends, and bringing food to low-income communities.

She was absolutely brilliant, impossibly stubborn, and the most passionate person I have ever met. She spent her whole life dedicated to supporting the community she grew up in and the scene that helped build PIV. The same community that helped her realize that before turning forty she needed to transition! Emily was met with strong support when she came out as a Transwoman at the end of 2019. However, 2020 made things difficult for everyone. The isolation caused by Covid and quarantine, in addition to the dysmorphia and surgical complications proved to be too much.

Emily committed suicide on June 8, 2021. Her death has impacted us all in different ways. Her absence is felt at every show, in every comic, and every cup of coffee. She is missed.

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