E C N A CH At 19st, Leanne Linds .. e. in el lif a er h ed d an h er g n ra st a en h T . bottom
WORDS BYLAEA MARSHALL IMAGES: SWNS AND ALAMY *NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED.
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lowing my car to a stop, I rolled down the window. ‘A double sausage and egg McMuffin, and a large full-fat Coke, please,’ I said into the speaker. A few minutes later, sat in the car park, I tucked into my delicious McDonald’s breakfast, ready to start my day. After filling up, I headed across town to my job as a hairdresser. ‘I’m starving,’ I moaned to my colleague an hour later. ‘I haven’t eaten anything all morning.’ Of course, it was a complete lie. But it meant that I could join her on a mid-morning trip to the bakery across the road, and tuck into a warm pasty without anyone judging me. It was 2006, and for years, I’d been eating in secret, not wanting anyone to know how much I was actually gorging on. What I wasn’t able to hide, though, was my growing frame. It had all started when I was 16, going out with my boyfriend James*. At the time, I was a trim and healthy size 6. We were young and in love, but the magic didn’t last for very long. The relationship became toxic, and to cope with how I was feeling, I started eating more and more. By the time I was 19, I’d gone up to a
eating habits. ‘Are you really having another size 12 – not massive, but much biscuit?’ he’d scold as I sat down on bigger than I’d been before. the sofa with a cup of tea. That year, I fell pregnant, and ‘Don’t start that,’ I’d say, rolling thinking we were doing the right my eyes. thing, James and I got married. It always ended in an argument. Still, it wasn’t a happy By the time our daughter Summa relationship, and James would often was born in 2007, I’d ended up judge my resenting James, eating in secret just to spite him. Every morning on my way to I was so work, I’d stop off for a full ashamed McDonald’s breakfast. Back at the salon, I’d lie to my colleagues, telling them I hadn’t eaten anything. Then throughout the day, I’d snack on crisps and chocolates. I would even hide treats in my hairdressing trolley, snacking in between customers. I’d drink about three litres of Pepsi a day, and on my way home from work, I’d stop for a pasty or sausage roll to eat on the way. ‘I haven’t eaten all day,’ I’d lie to James, so in the evenings, we’d tuck into huge cheesy dinners. On weekends we’d get a Chinese or Indian takeaway, and I could easily get through three ne I did it for days. my daughter as my , dark ret. No one new how much I was ating. I was nhappy ith my ationship, was eating mpensate. 3, our
relationship had reached breaking point, and James and I got divorced. By then, I was a size 20, and too afraid to stand on the scales. After that, being a single mum to Summa, then six, I went on what you would call a ‘divorce diet’. Suddenly feeling more in control of my life, I actually lost some weight without even trying. But when I met my second husband, David*, in December that year, all the weight came piling back on – and then some. I was finally happy, and David and I would often enjoy meals out together – but it meant that my waistline continued to grow. Four years later, by 2017, I’d reached 19st. And by then, my weight was starting to take a toll on my health. I struggled to run around with Summa, and I felt like I was failing her as a mum. I was missing out on her childhood, and it was all because of my weight. It became so bad, I was even diagnosed by my GP with asthma and high blood pressure. ‘You need to do something about this,’ he’d warned. But that was easier said than done. Later that year, I bumped into
