LOL with Beaver.

[by Beavers Banter]

Hello my Beaver Babies!

This month I feel I can relate to students, as I have the unforgivable and unfathomable writers block. I swear to god, my brain is more blocked than Howard Wollowitz bowels after 3kg of brisket. So, in this special case, I thought I’d do what I do best and talk an absolute load of shit and also share with you some of my most favourite jokes. I am trying harder than a fat kid doing a marathon to not produce my most inappropriate jokes. OH, how I wish I could share them with you! But you know what would happen, Karen and her crew would come baring down my walls with fiery pitchforks and I would never get hired as an employee after uni.

So, I hear there is a new ‘law’ about face masks being compulsory on public transport… I cannot wait for the drunken fuckers in town to realize they have no ride home because they have no face cover. I Don’t even know if this thing includes taxi’s, but I shall keep imagining it for my own entertainment. Thank you. Speaking of face masks, is anyone else finding it a real struggle to wear them for a long time? Yes, this is a total third world problem, because the bigger picture is we don’t want to spread the CORONA, but I think I finally know what its like to have a sweaty gooch sack, and while that may not be the first time I’ve had a gooch on my face, I’m now relishing in the fact my face now feels like one when I wear a mask. Fucking lovely.

Ok, time for some laughter you sad faced freaks.

Originally told by my father:

Q. What do you call a man with no feet?

A. Neil.

Told by anonymous 7 year old:

Q. What kind of bees produce the most milk?

A. Boobees!

Told by myself during inappropriate times:

Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?

A. Get an alter boy to fart in her fanny.

Told by an annoying 12 year old:

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. To get to the idiots house.

Q. Knock Knock. Who’s there?

A. The chicken.

Told to me in Year 7 while waiting for school photos:

There was this woman, and she was pregnant with triplets and walking through the mall. ALL OF A SUDDEN, these mall robbers shot her in the stomach three times.

She was rushed to the hospital to be told that she was going to be ok to which she responded with “WHAT ABOUT MY BABIES?”

The doctor said, “they’ll be fine too, but when they turn 15, they will each shit out a bullet.

Fast forward 15 years and the young girl runs up to the mum and says “Mum! Mum!

I just pissed out a bullet!” The mum explains the story and she is fine.

The next boy triplet then runs up to the mum and yells “Mum! Mum! I just pissed out a bullet!” The mum explains the story to him, and he’s cool with it.

The last boy triplet then runs up to his mum crying in horror and screams, “Mum! Mum! I was wanking and I shot the cat”.

Last joke. I’m going to use the name Sam to piss of our current president:

Sam walks into a clock shop and whips out his dick and balls. The lady behind the counter says, “Excuuussseee me, this is a clock shop, not a COCK shop”. To which Sam replies, well, why don’t you stick two hands and a face on it then.

My work here is done. Thanks for reading my fabulous friends! I’m just gonna leave you with this beaver motto to keep you going…. “If you don’t cover your face, Cindy will be on your case”.

Regards, Beaver