Issue 1: The Happiness Issue

MAGAZINE November/December 2013 Issue 1

The Time of Our Lives With Age Comes Happiness

The Happiness Issue HOW HAPPY ARE YOU? Take Our Happiness Quiz

Life Lessons from Dr. Lori

The Joy of Old Age. (No Kidding.)

by Oliver Sacks

Embracing Elderhood AND:

Do You Remember?

Brainteasers Kid’s Corner

TABLE OF CONTENTS

MAGAZINE A Service of Salon PS

November/December 2013

FEATURES

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The Time of Our Lives

14

Who’s Laughing Now?

With Age Comes Happiness

22 18

Happiness Quiz

The Joy of Old Age. (No Kidding.)

by Oliver Sacks 1

TABLE OF CONTENTS

DEPARTMENTS

6 8

Remember When Jack & Jackie: America’s Couple

25

Life with The Eden Alternative: Embracing Elderhood

30

Dr. Lori: The Things I Didn’t Expect When I Wrote a Memoir

IN EVERY ISSUE 4 32 33

Letter from the CEO Our Readers Book Review: Greedy for Life

34 Brain Exercises 38 Kid’s Corner Horoscopes 40 44 About Salon PS 48 The Last Laugh

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Salon PS LLC CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER

John Polatz

MAGAZINE

DIRECTOR OF EDUCATION

A Service of Salon PS

Scott Fisher

PUBLISHER AND CEO

VICE PRESIDENT, OPERATIONS

John Polatz

Shelley Edwards

EDITOR IN CHIEF

VICE PRESIDENT, FINANCE AND ADMINISTRATION

Christina Burns

ART DIRECTOR

Elle Chyun

EDITORS AT LARGE

Dr. Lori Stevic-Rust Laura Beck, The Eden Alternative CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Seamus Mullarkey Cristina Nascimento Patel

MANAGER OF SPECIAL PROJECTS

Kenish Patel

NATIONAL RECRUITER & HR ASSOCIATE

Serena Caruso

PS Magazine is published by Salon PS LLC Salon PS LLC

Susan Polatz

15 1/2 North Franklin St.

DIRECTOR OF TECHNOLOGY

Chagrin Falls, Ohio 44022

Brandon Crafts

Phone: (440) 600-1595

REGIONAL MANAGER

Fax: (440) 848-8560

Kristin Hinkson

REGIONAL MANAGER

Brian Goetz

FINANCIAL CONTROLLER

Ranae Lewis

© 2013 PS Magazine LLC. All rights reserved. Reproduction without permission is prohibited.

To order a subscription or to distribute PS Magazine at your business, contact info@salonps.com

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LETTER

An Invitation to Enjoy PS Magazine For hundreds of years, salons the world-over have served as gathering places where people come together to socialize and to share ideas in a comfortable setting. As much a reflection of culture as one of its drivers, the salon concept has evolved over time to embrace a specific focus on celebrating and enhancing the beauty and wellness of the Individual.

Today, Salon PS is a national leader in this universal cultural tradition, striving to extend the reach and benefits of the professional salon culture into senior communities across the country. With every successful service or lifestyle product we deliver, Salon PS elevates the spirit, dignity and quality of life of our clients.

Throughout our five-year history, we have forged lasting relationships with tens of thousands of seniors, families and caregivers, affording us the unique opportunity to learn from their collective experiences and share in their lives. We’ve laughed with them and, at times, we’ve cried with them…and we are always inspired by their individual stories and passion for living. We endeavored to harvest this energy and joy for life in a way that could be shared and celebrated, so we launched PS Magazine.

I invite you to find a comfortable setting where you are and explore the pages of “The Happiness Issue” at your leisure!

Sincerely, John Polatz PUBLISHER AND CEO

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REMEMBER WHEN

Do You Remember?

1933 • The chocolate chip cookie is invented.

• The first drivein theatre is established in New Jersey on June 6, 1933. The drivein theater was advertised with the slogan, “The whole family is welcome, regardless of how noisy the children are.”

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1943

1953

• The Bullet or Conical Bra is made famous by actress Jane Russell. Howard Hughes designed a cantilevered bra to show off the 38DD figure of Jane Russell, his star in The Outlaw (1943).

• Only 300 of the original Chevrolet Corvette (EX-122) are manufactured and sold. The original 1953 Corvettes are all roadsters, and all white with red interiors.

• US officials impose a shortlived ban on sliced bread as a wartime conservation measure.

• Scrabble debuts!

REMEMBER WHEN Pop culture, news and events from past decades

1963 • Zip codes are first introduced by the US Postal Service.

• The soap opera General Hospital premiers on the ABC television network.

1973 • Thoroughbred legend Secretariat wins the Triple Crown (only 1 of 13 Triple Crown winners).

• Federal Express begins operation.

1983 • Sally Ride becomes the first American woman in space on the Space Shuttle Challenger.

• M*A*S*H (TV series) ends after 11 years on CBS. The series finale, “Goodbye, Farewell and Amen,” becomes the highest rated episode in TV history.

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REMEMBER WHEN

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8

Jack

REMEMBER WHEN

&Jackie

America’s Couple

Time will not allow us to forget

Above: John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier on their wedding day, September 12, 1953 Photograph by Toni Frissell, in the Toni Frissell Collection, Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division

Left: President and Mrs. John F. Kennedy walking on the south lawn of the White House, April 16, 1962 Associated Press photograph, Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division

the union of John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier. One can hardly equate one without the other. John and Jackie married 60 years ago after a rather brief engagement, at a lavish ceremony and reception that included nearly 1,000 guests, with a crowd of 2,000 onlookers waiting outside for a glimpse of the newlyweds. At the time, the wedding was one of the most anticipated events in fashionable society and highly publicized. Surely, their wedding day would foreshadow the public spotlight and celebrity status that they would endure as the President and First Lady. A half-century has now passed since President Kennedy was assassinated, and that violent moment also marked the end of one of the most popular marriages in American history.

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THE TIME OF OUR LIVES

THE TIME OF OUR LIVES

WITH AGE COMES

HAPPINESS

by Seamus Mullarkey

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Being younger sure had its

moments. Most of us are likely to grin at some of the scrapes we got into as we stumbled along life’s journey—it can be fun to take a walk down memory lane occasionally, recalling all those adrenaline-filled firsts and magical moments. Yet, amidst all that rosy glow hovering over decades past, it’s all too easy to overlook times when things weren’t quite so peachy.

Sure, we trudged along, did our best, and eventually pulled it off somehow. Still, aren’t you occasionally relieved that you’re seeing some periods in the rear-view mirror rather than frantically trying to steer along some of those hairpin curves—with a seat full of cantankerous kids in the back?

Scientists—now that they’ve already figured out space travel and given us the Internet— have been focusing recently on the burgeoning discipline of happiness. Why are some people happier than others?

What makes folks the happiest?

Is happiness (or lack thereof) purely a matter of circumstance or do we play a crucial part in determining our moods? Among other factors, it’s fascinating to observe the correlation between age and happiness. Youth

THE TIME OF OUR LIVES

“Is happiness (or lack thereof) purely a matter of circumstance or do we play a crucial part in determining our moods?” and mid-life aren’t always the happiest times. Sure, there’s a lot of excitement but also big scary stuff to take on as we set off on our journey into adulthood. Remember school finals and job applications? And, mid-lifers have all that juggling of careers, finances, sibling rivalry, commuting, and chores to contend with. Is it really so surprising that happiness scores take a a tumble from adolescence through middle age? Best of all, don’t get too smug or smile too broadly when I tell you that the sweet spot seems to be somewhere about 85. Who knew? Or, perhaps you did but were keeping to yourself.

Good sport that you are, you just didn’t want to make all the young folks sulky and resentful, 11

THE TIME OF OUR LIVES

did you? It seems that as we get older we become—well, most of us, anyway—wiser.

Along with senior discounts come superior insights. Issues we used to frantically fuss over in the past no longer seem to matter quite so much. Life has taught us to see our dramas as simply part of the bigger picture. When you’ve weathered countless crises and somehow always came out the other side, you’re not as liable to get all hung up about deviations from the plan or a few unexpected bumps in the road. With —ahem— several decades under your belt, you manage to expect the unanticipated and shrug it off when the sky starts to fall in— yet again! Somehow the planet still spins on its axis, minor daily irritations seem, well, minor, and major challenges are something you know you’ll get through as best you can.

Somewhat surprisingly, it seems that mid-lifers are 12

most likely to be lacking in companionship and friendly support. Those long chats over coffee are sidelined as they strive to combine school runs with multi-hour meetings and PTA conferences. Or, they get to participate in some social activities, but only on the surface, with everyday preoccupations hindering them from really soaking up the moment.

What’s more, competition in today’s world means workplace friendships always have a slight edge of self-interest and keeping one’s guard up. No wonder that those in middle age moan that there aren’t enough chances to bond with others or be social just for its own sake. And, it appears that it’s the spontaneous daily sense of community, not merely communicating with others to move a project along, or make sure they’re onboard with some proposal or other that

THE TIME OF OUR LIVES really give humans a sense of purpose and contentment.

Yet, if you’re mid-career, deadlines can be deadly for fostering companionship and genuine interactions—there’s just no time. Even though today’s busy professionals are constantly in rather close proximity to others, in their minds they can be rather isolated, preoccupied as they are with their todo lists, short-, medium-, and long-term goals.

There’s a lot to be said for being older and wiser. As the credit card slogan once put it, membership does have its privileges, and seniors do enjoy certain benefits they’ve spent a lifetime acquiring.

We’re not just talking about a certain financial security but a profoundly more serene perspective. Our retirement years can be the chance to really engage and form meaningful connections with our peers, through daily social interactions that don’t have a hidden agenda of advancing careers, putting in face time or maintaining status.

Perhaps most importantly, we’ve gained insight into the reality of other people’s lives.

We finally appreciate the deep human aspects that link us all.

We’re less taken in by social status, wealth or other outward indicators. After a lifetime of keeping up with the Joneses, it’s refreshing to know that the Joneses were trying to keep up with us all along.

Or, that for all their shiny toys, the Joneses were over-burdened by keeping their show on the road—and unnerved by how they were going to pay for it.

Silly jealousies and petty irritations do seem increasingly trivial the more you see of them.

Life’s pleasurable moments and real human connections, whether they be a friendly word as you fetch your morning papers, or some light-hearted banter as you glide along the dance floor. These are what it’s really all about. So, next time the youngsters complain about how they’re finding life tough, just smile and let them know that things actually do get better— and that the best is yet to come.

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Who’s Laughing Now?

by Cristina Nascimento Patel 14

Historically, we’ve relied on

doctors to treat our ailments.

But brilliant comedians like Red Skelton, Charlie Chaplin, and Bill Cosby are the ones who really left us in stitches. In recent years, researchers have explored the role laughter plays in healing, but while laughter is undeniably entertaining, is it really the best medicine?

Doctors and therapists throughout the world are now prescribing laughter as a powerful complement to traditional medicine. Recent research conducted by Dr. Robin Dunbar of Oxford University found that muscular exertions of the belly trigger endorphins, the body’s natural painkiller, which increases our resistance to pain. Healing is not all in our minds and hearts— the physical act of laughing improves the state of our bodies.

The convulsions of our bellies during a good laughing spell actually stimulate circulation, improve mental functioning, and increase our immune system response. A good belly laugh might also be the trendiest core exercise, engaging ten major muscle groups without breaking a sweat.

As early as the 13th century, surgeons documented using

TAKING LAUGHTER SERIOUSLY humor to distract patients from the pain of surgery. In modern times, laughter as therapy owes its revival to Norman Cousins, a former editor-in-chief of the Saturday Review. When told he had six months to live after doctors diagnosed him with an autoimmune disease, Cousins went on to study the effects of human emotion on health.

He developed a self-recovery program which included laughter induced by Candid

“Laughter might be the universal language.”

Camera reels and Marx Brothers films. “I made the joyous discovery that ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of painfree sleep,” he reported. He lived another twenty-six years.

Laughter might be THE universal language. As a form of therapy, laughter is spreading rapidly throughout the world.

Cousins’ bestselling book, Anatomy of an Illness, would influence Dr. Madan Kataria, 15

a physician who founded the laughter yoga movement in Mumbai, India in 1995.

Laughter yoga incorporates the meditation, stretching, and relaxation techniques found in yoga, and combines them with breathing exercises and playful, prolonged, and voluntary laughter. Today, people in more than 65 countries practice laughter yoga, more commonly known as laughter clubs. The sidesplitting sessions typically last 30 minutes and can help relieve pain from chronic conditions like arthritis and fibromyalgia.

Steve Wilson, a psychologist from Columbus, Ohio, was influenced by Dr. Kataria. Wilson launched the World Laughter Tour in 1998 to spread the benefits of therapeutic laughter to informal laughter clubs and formal institutions across the world. A self-proclaimed joyologist, Mr. Wilson’s mission is to educate and train therapists, nurses, and other professionals on the benefits of laughter in healing.

Even in situations so dire you can’t find anything amusing— it works. Laughter therapy uses fake or forced laughter to trigger the endorphins in the body because physically, the 16

body cannot differentiate forced laughter from real laughter.

Traditional medical institutions across the United States are embracing laughter as a powerful tool of healing as they help their patients laugh away the pain. Project PHIL, a laughter therapy program at North Kansas City Hospital, provides a laughter library with humor books, comedies, and games to its patients. Volunteers at the Duke Humor Project in Durham, North Carolina stock laughter carts with whoopee cushions and other clownish materials for bedside visits with cancer patients.

Laughter clubs are doing exceptionally well in senior living facilities, where the group sessions have the power to reach beyond the healing of laughter. Seniors enjoy the meetings as it generates a sense of belonging and closeness with their peers during laughter yoga sessions.

Social laughter is not only contagious—it’s a natural pain reliever and it’s free.

Laughter may or may not be the best medicine, but it is infectious. If something feels off, remember to ask yourself, have you laughed today?

Margaret. 82.

Is on an Apollo Mission!

When Margaret first moved into a senior community she went to bed each night and cried – not any more. Her life has been transformed because of the right technology; It’s Never 2 Late (iN2L) empowers her to live life to the fullest.

With the world at her fingertips, and her loved ones a click away…

Margaret has something to do that is important to her. Whether enjoying her favorite games or puzzles or emailing grandkids! And now, with the addition of HAPPYneuron Vital, Margaret can also exercise cognitive functions while having fun!

Therapy, as well as activities, are never dull and repetitive using the iN2L system. Through research and real-world examples, iN2L computers help residents sustain therapeutic treatment for longer periods of time by keeping patients enjoyably engaged.

It’s Never 2 Late builds computers that empower individuals to connect, engage, and enjoy life through the benefits of today’s technology. We’ve been doing it longer than any other company. As Margaret says, “what a wonderful and amazing time to be alive”

When person-centered care is the ultimate goal, It’s Never 2 Late’s Apollo intuitive computer system delivers a technological experience that fulfills that vision. In addition to an improved look and feel, Apollo delivers the vast and expanding iN2L content as individual experiences to your residents. By completing an easy-to-read, online form from any computer, family members can detail their loved one’s interests and that unique content shows up behind their picture. Staff involvement is not required. Apollo continues iN2L’s mission: to bring the world into view…and allow ALL residents, regardless of physical or cognitive limitations, to stay engaged with their own unique likes and interests.

Introduce the power of technology to your residents and help them live their lives to the fullest. For information on iN2L Computer Technologies, visit us at www.iN2L.com.

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Happiness Quiz Below are five statements that you may agree or disagree with.

Using the 1–7 scale below, indicate your agreement with each item by selecting the appropriate number on the line preceding that item. Please be open and honest in your responding.

1 Strongly Disagree

2 Disagree

3 Slightly Disagree

4 5 Neither Slightly Agree Agree Nor Disagree

THE QUESTIONNAIRE 1. In most ways my life is close to my ideal.

2. The conditions of my life are excellent.

3. I am satisfied with my life.

4. So far I have gotten the important things I want in life.

5. If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing.

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6 Agree

7 Strongly Agree

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

HAPPINESS QUIZ THE RESULTS

30–35 Extremely Satisfied Those who score in this range love their lives and feel that things are going very well.

Their lives are not perfect, but they feel that things are about as good as life gets.

Furthermore, just because the person is satisfied does not mean she or he is complacent.

In fact, growth and challenge might be part of the reason the respondent is satisfied. For most people in this high-scoring range, life is enjoyable, and the major domains of life are going well: family, friends, leisure, and personal development.

25–29 Satisfied Individuals who score in this range like their lives and feel that things are going well. Of course their lives are not perfect, but they feel that things are mostly good. Furthermore, just because the person is satisfied does not mean she or he is complacent. In fact, growth and challenge might be part of the reason the respondent is satisfied. For most people in this high-scoring range, life is enjoyable, and the major domains of life are going well: family, friends, leisure, and personal development. The

person may draw motivation from the areas of dissatisfaction.

20–24 Slightly Satisfied The average of life satisfaction in economically developed nations is in this range—the majority of people are generally satisfied, but have some areas where they very much would like some improvement. Some individuals score in this range because they are mostly satisfied with most areas of their lives but see the need for some improvement in each area.

Other respondents score in this range because they are satisfied with most domains of their lives, but have one or two areas where they would like to see large improvements. A person scoring in this range is normal in that they have areas of their lives that need improvement.

However, an individual in this range would usually like to move to a higher level by making some life changes.

15–19 Slightly Dissatisfied People who score in this range usually have small but significant problems in several areas of their lives, or have many areas that are doing fine but one area that represents a 19

substantial problem for them. If a person has moved temporarily into this level of life satisfaction from a higher level because of some recent event, things will usually improve over time and satisfaction will generally move back up. On the other hand, if a person is chronically slightly dissatisfied with many areas of life, some changes might be in order. Sometimes the person is simply expecting too much, and sometimes life changes are needed. Thus, although temporary dissatisfaction is common and normal, a chronic level of dissatisfaction across a number of areas of life calls for reflection. Some people can gain motivation from a small level of dissatisfaction, but often dissatisfaction across a number 20

of life domains is a distraction, and unpleasant as well.

10–14 Dissatisfied People who score in this range are substantially dissatisfied with their lives, and may have a number of domains that are not going well, or one or two domains that are going very badly. If life dissatisfaction is a response to a recent event such as bereavement, divorce, or a significant problem, the person will probably return over time to his or her former level of higher satisfaction.

However, if low levels of life satisfaction have been chronic for the person, some changes are in order—both in attitudes and patterns of thinking, and probably in life activities as well.

HAPPINESS QUIZ Furthermore, a person with low life satisfaction in this range is sometimes not functioning well because their unhappiness serves as a distraction. Talking to a friend, member of the clergy, counselor, or other specialist can often help the person get moving in the right direction.

5–9 Extremely Dissatisfied Individuals who score in this range are usually extremely unhappy with their current life. In some cases this is in reaction to some recent bad event such as widowhood or unemployment. In other cases, it is a response to a chronic problem such as alcoholism or addiction. In yet other cases the extreme dissatisfaction is a reaction due to something bad in life such as recently having lost a loved one. However, dissatisfaction at this level is often due to dissatisfaction in multiple areas of life. Whatever the reason for the low level of life satisfaction, it may be that the help of others are needed—a friend or family member, counseling with a member of the clergy, or help from a psychologist or other counselor.

If the dissatisfaction is chronic, the person needs to change, and often others can help.

6 Scientific Ways to Improve Happiness

1. COMMIT ACTS OF KINDNESS 2. ACKNOWLEDGE THREE THINGS TO BE GRATEFUL FOR 3. SAVOR POSITIVE MOMENTS 4. EXERCISE—EVEN A LITTLE GOES A LONG WAY 5. SPEND TIME OUTSIDE 6. PRACTICE SMILING AND LAUGHING

Copyright by Ed Diener, February 13, 2006 Use is granted by permission.

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The Joy of Old Age. (No Kidding.)

by Oliver Sacks

L

ast night I dreamed about mercury—huge, shining globules of quicksilver rising and falling. Mercury is element number 80, and my dream is a reminder that on Tuesday, I will be 80 myself.

Elements and birthdays have been intertwined for me since boyhood, when I learned about atomic numbers. At 11, I could say “I am sodium” (Element 11), and now at 79, I am gold. A few years ago, when I gave a friend a bottle of mercury for his 80th birthday—a special bottle that could neither leak nor break— 22

he gave me a peculiar look, but later sent me a charming letter in which he joked, “I take a little every morning for my health.”

Eighty! I can hardly believe it.

I often feel that life is about to begin, only to realize it is almost over. My mother was the 16th of 18 children; I was the youngest of her four sons, and almost the youngest of the vast cousinhood on her side of the family. I was always the youngest boy in my class at high school. I have retained this feeling of being the youngest, even though now I am almost the oldest person I know.

THE JOY OF OLD AGE. (NO KIDDING.) I thought I would die at 41, when I had a bad fall and broke a leg while mountaineering alone. I splinted the leg as best I could and started to lever myself down the mountain, clumsily, with my arms. In the long hours that followed, I was assailed by memories, both good and bad. Most were in a mode of gratitude—gratitude for what I had been given by others, gratitude, too, that I had been able to give something back. Awakenings had been published the previous year.

At nearly 80, with a scattering of medical and surgical problems, none disabling, I feel glad to be alive—“I’m glad I’m not dead!” sometimes bursts out of me when the weather is perfect. (This is in contrast to a story I heard from a friend who, walking with Samuel Beckett in Paris on a perfect spring morning, said to him, “Doesn’t a day like this make you glad to be alive?” to which Beckett answered, “I wouldn’t go as far as that.”) I am grateful that I have experienced many things—some wonderful, some horrible—and that I have been able to write a dozen books, to receive innumerable letters from friends, colleagues and readers, and to enjoy what

Nathaniel Hawthorne called “an intercourse with the world.”

I am sorry I have wasted (and still waste) so much time; I am sorry to be as agonizingly shy at 80 as I was at 20; I am sorry that I speak no languages but my mother tongue and that I have not traveled or experienced other cultures as widely as I should have done.

I feel I should be trying to complete my life, whatever “completing a life” means. Some of my patients in their 90s or 100s say nunc dimittis—“I have had a full life, and now I am ready to go.” For some of them, this means going to heaven—it is always heaven rather than hell, though Samuel Johnson and James Boswell both quaked at the thought of going to hell and got furious with David Hume, who entertained no such beliefs. I have no belief in (or desire for) any post-mortem existence, other than in the memories of friends and the hope that some of my books may still “speak” to people after my death.

W. H. Auden often told me he thought he would live to 80 and then “bugger off” (he lived only to 67). Though it is 40 years since his death, I often dream of him, and 23

THE JOY OF OLD AGE. (NO KIDDING.) of my parents and of former patients—all long gone but loved and important in my life.

At 80, the specter of dementia or stroke looms. A third of one’s contemporaries are dead, and many more, with profound mental or physical damage, are trapped in a tragic and minimal existence.

At 80 the marks of decay are all too visible. One’s reactions are a little slower, names more frequently elude one, and one’s energies must be husbanded, but even so, one may often feel full of energy and life and not at all “old.” Perhaps, with luck, I will make it, more or less intact, for another few years and be granted the liberty to continue to love and work, the two most important things, Freud insisted, in life.

When my time comes, I hope I can die in harness, as Francis Crick did. When he was told that his colon cancer had returned, at first he said nothing; he simply looked into the distance for a minute and then resumed his previous train of thought. When pressed about his diagnosis a few weeks later, he said, “Whatever has a beginning must have an ending.” When he died, at 88, he was still fully engaged in his most creative work.

My father, who lived to 94, often said that the 80s had 24

been one of the most enjoyable decades of his life. He felt, as I begin to feel, not a shrinking but an enlargement of mental life and perspective. One has had a long experience of life, not only one’s own life, but others’, too. One has seen triumphs and tragedies, booms and busts, revolutions and wars, great achievements and deep ambiguities, too. One has seen grand theories rise, only to be toppled by stubborn facts. One is more conscious of transience and, perhaps, of beauty. At 80, one can take a long view and have a vivid, lived sense of history not possible at an earlier age. I can imagine, feel in my bones, what a century is like, which I could not do when I was 40 or 60. I do not think of old age as an ever grimmer time that one must somehow endure and make the best of, but as a time of leisure and freedom, freed from the factitious urgencies of earlier days, free to explore whatever I wish, and to bind the thoughts and feelings of a lifetime together.

I am looking forward to being 80.

Oliver Sacks is a professor of neurology at the N.Y.U. School of Medicine and the author, most recently, of Hallucinations.

LIFE WITH THE EDEN ALTERNATIVE

EMBRACING

Elderhood

by Laura Beck

I was one of those after-thought kids, born late in my parents’ marriage. Being old enough to be my grandparents, Mom and Dad gave me an interesting perspective on growing older at a young age. As a pre-teen, I recall watching my 55-yearold mother dance around our kitchen to salsa music, tipsy from wine and lamenting her so-called “lost youth.”

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LIFE WITH THE EDEN ALTERNATIVE “I want to be young and have fun!” she shouted, clapping to the beat and wiping a tear or two from her eye. I remember wondering then, what about this wasn’t fun? But the message was clear, as it so often was with her: Real fun and delight were privileges reserved for the young alone.

I didn’t see then how Mom, like all of us, was a product of a society that framed aging as just the epilogue to a dynamic, fast-paced adulthood. Media and advertising did their part to confirm the notion. While fresh young faces reigned in magazines and on television, satire and greeting cards poked fun at being “over the hill.” Clearly, being young and staying young was the winning ticket. With no contradictions in sight, I accepted my fate.

One day, I imagined that I, too, would be crying in the kitchen, unhappy and wistful for days gone by.

At the time, what Mom and I didn’t understand was the power of culture and its ability to influence, even define, our experience—if we let it. Thirty-five years later, cultural attitudes toward aging haven’t changed much.

We are as youth-crazed and 26

“At the time, what Mom and I didn’t understand was the power of culture and its ability to influence, even define, our experience— if we let it.” devoted to anti-aging as ever.

In What Are Old People For? How Elders Will Save the World, author Dr. Bill Thomas describes this as the “blindness that accompanies familiarity.”

Dr. Thomas asserts that we are so conditioned to bow at the altar of young adulthood that we’ve developed a kind of cult mentality. As a “cult of adulthood,” we glorify youthful energy and endeavors, while writing off old age as a period of decline alone. Declinist thinking, then, frames our experience of aging in terms of lack and deficiency, rather than possibility, and prevents us from tapping into the unique joys and gifts of growing older.

Our collective happiness across the human lifespan

LIFE WITH THE EDEN ALTERNATIVE calls on us to take a good hard look at our bad habits. Of all the “isms” out there, ageism— prejudice against others due to their age—is the one that we can all relate to. We’ve all been young once, and we are all developmentally engineered to grow old. Yet, despite this fact, ageism is one of the most pervasive and ingrained social patterns in our culture.

The Eden Alternative, an international non-profit focused on changing the culture of care and founded by Dr. Thomas and his wife Jude seeks to eliminate loneliness, helplessness, and boredom for elders and their care partners.

These three plagues of the spirit exist, in part, due to ageism. When people resort

“Dr. Thomas feels that full-throttle adulthood is so Doing-driven that we simply forget how to Be.”

to snap judgments based on our age, don’t take the time to know us well as individuals, and write us off as “too old,” we lose the opportunity to share our talents, our gifts, and our generosity. Pigeonholed by our age, we become ripe for boredom. In response, The Eden Alternative applies its ten-principle philosophy to affirming that no matter how old we are, we all have something to offer and have the right to thrive as empowered members of our communities.

A strong voice for reframing aging, The Eden Alternative philosophy has intentionally reclaimed the word “Elder,” defining it as “someone who, by virtue of life experience, is here to teach us how to live.” As elders-in-the-making, we have a responsibility to ourselves and to each other to untangle ourselves from negative cultural attitudes about aging and take a stand for, what Dr. Thomas calls, a new elderhood.

In What Are Old People For?, Dr. Thomas begins to break down our ageist assumptions by highlighting the work of Dr. Laura Cartensen. Curious about emotional experience across the human lifespan, Dr. Cartensen outfitted 184 27

LIFE WITH THE EDEN ALTERNATIVE subjects, ages 18 to 94, with a beeper and a journal. Over a week, these individuals were encouraged to note their emotional states when prompted by their beepers to do so. Results from this process revealed that not only were older people less likely than younger people to experience negative emotions, but they were better at managing their emotional experience. For instance, older participants seemed “more likely to maintain highly positive emotional states” over time. Older participants also seemed to “balance conflicting emotions” with more ease than younger participants.

These innate gifts of older life begin to define Dr. Thomas’ take on elderhood as a distinct period of human development rich with its own unique experience and quality of life.

From Dr. Thomas’ perspective, elders are naturally positioned to serve as the peacemakers, wisdom givers, and legacy creators the world so dearly needs. He shares that these important roles bring together a balance between BEING and DOING that brings richness to our interactions.

This energetic balance 28

“So, I may cry in the kitchen, but it won’t be for my lost youth.

Today, it’s more likely because I am moved and inspired by elders who show me every day that there are powerful ways to delight in older life.” demonstrates that while we are focused on the task at hand, we are also present in the moment and open to the possibilities it brings. Dr. Thomas feels that full-throttle adulthood is so Doing-driven that we simply forget how to Be. Tuning in to the moment keeps us from missing the good stuff, the unexpected, spontaneous happenings that bring us unanticipated joy.

While the tension between Being and Doing plays out differently from personality to personality, elders are developmentally prepared, through a life lived, to temper Doing with Being, creating the

LIFE WITH THE EDEN ALTERNATIVE potential for a deepening of awareness and perspective.

So, I may cry in the kitchen, but it won’t be for my lost youth. Today, it’s more likely because I am moved and inspired by elders who show me every day that there are powerful ways to delight in older life. There is Sarah, who, through her tender stories, inspires me to meet others where they are and find the joy in every moment, no matter how challenging it may seem. There is Joan, an activist who has an amazing gift for bringing to life her dreams and those of others,

both vast and small. And there is Nancy, who lives with dementia, a master teacher in the art of Being, whose talent for describing the colorful nuances of a sunset is the most soothing meditation I know.

Life is good…all of it.

Laura Beck is the Learning and Development Guide for The Eden Alternative, an international, non-profit organization focused on creating quality of life for Elders and their care partners.

For more information about The Eden Alternative, go to www.edenalt.org

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DR. LORI

The Things I Didn’t Expect When I Wrote a Memoir

by Dr. Lori Stevic-Rust

As a psychologist, I have

spent the better part of my last twenty years maintaining my privacy. Early training clearly taught me that while the therapeutic relationship between a psychologist and a client is often critical to the change/healing process, personal information about me was not relevant. I never had pictures of my children in my office and took special care during waiting room chitchat to limit topics about me.

With years of experience doing therapy, I have learned to strike the right balance between my early training of sharing nothing personal to the belief that some information is helpful in establishing and maintaining a therapeutic relationship. All of that said, it is clear to see why writing a memoir for me was like mailing my diary (if I had one) to 30

the world. The word “vulnerable” does not even begin to capture the feeling I experienced when I woke at 2:00 a.m. the day that the book was to be released thinking for the first time about the faces of those who would read my stories.

I worried about my neighbors and my father reading about my sex life. I worried that readers would not be interested in the stories. I worried about revealing information about my marriage but mostly I worried about the impact that the process of revealing would have on my professional life.

Since the release of the book, I never expected that the book would inspire people in the way that it has or to have what some have called “synchronistic events” or others have called “spiritual guidance”. Either way, they have all enriched me in ways I could never have expected when I started to write a memoir.

There was the story of a woman sitting on a plane reading on her Kindle, and my daughter Katie and her friend Kelli reading Greedy for Life in the seats next to her. They struck up a conversation and the woman shared with them that she was traveling back home after just burying her mother two days

DR. LORI before. She inquired what the girls were reading. My daughter shared that it was a book her mother wrote about families and gratitude. She then offered the woman the book and suggested that she may find it helpful. While fighting back tears, the woman accepted the gift and said, “I think my mom had some hand in my good fortune of selecting the seat next to you.”

Of the 829 people who entered a book giveaway that I offered, one of the winners from Arizona shared the following: “I have struggled with the loss of my husband of 35 years and read book after book on grief and ’going on’ but haven’t come across one of ’what comes next.’ Your book gives me an answer I haven’t found elsewhere.

And, my husband was an avid Cleveland Indians fan even up to his death of cancer so this was a little private gift. It made me smile.”

In my late night selfabsorbed worries about what readers would think of me, it hadn’t occurred to me that the messages in the stories would

resonate with so many. It is a reminder of how connected we all are to each other.

I have written three other clinical books designed to help and guide both professionals and the general public through issues of depression, heart disease, and behavioral change, but none has had the impact that this little memoir has had for so many.

I never expected the outpouring of hundreds of stories and experiences that have come to me along with the numerous opportunities to give talks on the themes from the book. And, I clearly never expected that writing a memoir may turn out to be one of the most therapeutic and healing things I have done over the past twenty years.

With that in mind, my intention for this column will be to share the latest information on caregiving and aging. To examine life lessons, offer some perspective through humor and education, and above all to inspire each of us to continue to live a life with gratitude and purpose.

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OUR READERS

DESERT FLOWER

In 1941, Roy Drachman photographed two young women in cactus-decorated swimsuits as a publicity stunt for the Tucson Sunshine Climate Club to attract more business to that city. One of the models was Mary Ericson of Arizona.

Her skirt was draped with prickly pear while her top was made with the tops of giant saguaro, all which were carefully trimmed.

These photographs appeared in 500 newspapers around the world, as far as China and South Africa. They also appeared in the April 7, 1941 issue of Life magazine (“Strange Are the Uses of the Desert Blooms,” page 57).

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BOOK REVIEW

Greedy for Life: A Memoir on Aging with Gratitude

Like her moniker, Dr. Lori’s

memoir comes across as personable and familiar, as she takes pause from a busy life to celebrate the relationships in her life, most notably that with her Centenarian grandmother, Nana, whom she draws great love, respect, and wisdom. However, don’t think for a moment that this sincere and thoughtfully written book tries to sugar-coat life’s inevitable realities. Nana and Dr. Lori have had their share of challenges and worries about health and loved ones’ well-

being. It’s about sticking with it and moving on boldly. For those worried about “getting it right,” it seems that what we do well is enhanced by love, and for those instances where things don’t go “quite so right” love sure is a soothing cure-all.

Perhaps the overarching message readers will glean from this engaging memoir is the vital importance of family and a support network of loved ones.

These make our accomplishments worthwhile and truly do put just about any setback in perspective.

Equally important is the central role of traditions and rituals that celebrate the passing of time and the preciousness of each and every moment. The adjective “greedy” in the title is carefully chosen. To this day, it remains Nana’s word of choice when describing life. She believes it’s all about plunging right in and scooping up as much as you can.

After reading Greedy for Life you’ll inevitably find yourself wondering how you’ll want a narrative of your own life to read.

And, no matter what the twists and turns of your personal story may be, if it’s half as fun and heart-warming as this chronicle of two remarkably charismatic women, you’ll have reason to be very grateful indeed.

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BRAIN EXERCISES

SUDOKU Sudoku—also known as Number Place—is a logic-based, combinatorial number-placement puzzle. The aim of Sudoku is to enter a number from 1 through 9 in each cell of a grid. Each row, column and region must contain only one instance of each number.

Sudoku Puzzle - Easy

www.sudoku-puzzles.net

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BRAIN EXERCISES

EASY AS ABC Easy as ABC—also known as ABC End View or Last Man Standing— is a logical puzzle played on a square grid. The objective of Easy as ABC is to fill the grid with the letters A through G. Each row and each column must contain only one instance of each letter. The clues outside the grid show which letter comes across first from that Easy as ABC Puzzle - Medium direction.

www.sudoku-puzzles.net

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BRAIN EXERCISES

CROSSWORD

ACROSS 1. Small amounts 5. Do-over button 10. Baseball stats 14. Scandinavian capital 15. Uneven 16. Diving birds 17. Revivalists 18. Menachem’s 1978 co-Nobelist 19. Anatomical passage 20. Supplementary part in music 36

23. Bard’s nightfall 24. Appomattox figure 25. Supervisor 33. Thai breed of cat 34. New Orleans is The Big ___ 35. Kabuki kin 36. Work without ___ 37. Stalks 39. Corn bread 40. Pot top

BRAIN EXERCISES

41. Prepared to drive 42. Bing Crosby’s record label 43. Widespread environmental disaster 47. Nothing but 48. Female fowl 49. Thoughtless 56. Org. 58. Paddled 59. “Roots” author Haley 60. Racer Yarborough 61. Italian white wine 62. Baseball team 63. Nailed obliquely 64. Ruhr city 65. Sets of equipment DOWN 1. Lady of Spain 2. Just ___!

3. Voting group 4. Nothing special 5. Grim character 6. Verdi opera 7. Planted 8. Morales of “NYPD Blue” 9. Unconditional 10. Showered 11. Push with the head 12. Tina’s ex

13. Georgia, once: Abbr.

21. Encounter 22. Start of a counting rhyme 25. ___ boom 26. Hives 27. Bit of butter 28. Food and water 29. Skye cap 30. Tennyson’s “___ Arden” 31. Time being 32. Take ___ Train 33. Cabbagelike plant 37. Free 38. Leaves in a bag 39. Energy 41. After-bath powder 42. Completed 44. Preserved in a can 45. Steal 46. Blush 49. Archipelago part 50. Greek temple 51. Ladies of Sp. 52. Social standing 53. Et ____ (and other men) 54. Camp sight 55. Former partners 56. Pretend 57. ___ Paulo, Brazil 37

KIDS CORNER

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE Can you spot the ten differences between these two pictures?

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KIDS CORNER

COLOR IN

39

HOROSCOPE

November–December 2013

by Chris Flisher

ARIES (March 21–April 19) This may have been a very active year for you, Aries, with lots of travel and exciting social opportunities. However, you have also had your fair share of challenges. Your ruling planet Mars will be pushing you from across the zodiac so try avoid taking the bait. You may find that your greatest hurdle is financial restraint while your most profound solace thrives at home.

TAURUS (April 20–May 20) You may have to submerge yourself in learning new skills in order to stay viable. While you may see the value in transforming yourself, the price you pay may be considerable. There may be a real uplift that comes from expanding your mind and you may find your creative spark ignited, as a result. This new and exciting surge of personal expression allows you to view relationships through a new set of lenses. Still, you may find that your conversations require a little more time and effort.

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Adapting to others may be your biggest challenge, but well worth the time.

GEMINI (May 21–June 21) Financial research may prove to be one of your key motivators as the year comes to a close. You may discover new ways to protect your investments through carefully guided advice and analysis.

Fortunately you may get a nice personal boost as your investigations lead you to uncover institutions that not only satisfy your fiscal needs but also provide aid for others.

Forward-thinking funds may be your best outlet since they appeal to your altruistic spirit while boosting your bottom line.

How nice to see real personal, financial benefit while helping others at the same time.

CANCER (June 22–July 22) Take the time to nurture your closest companions. You may find that the landscape is changing and you are working to adapt accordingly. This may feel like unfamiliar territory

HOROSCOPE

to the soft nurturer in you, but you may be able to see the value nonetheless. In many ways stagnation may be a less desirable option so relax and see where the road takes you. You are evolving and your identity may be reflected more by close personal relations than ever before. In that capacity, friends and lovers are your mirror. While you often like what you see, the reflection may be considerably different from the past.

LEO (July 23–August 22) As a bold leader, you may have been traditionally confident in your role while showing the way for others. Your admirable accomplishments may be an accurate reflection of your impact, so you can justify resting on your laurels. Despite your successes, you may want to do more; contribute in a new manner; step up to a higher bar, perhaps. Charities and altruistic ventures may feel like the best approach as you try to add value in some way. If you can provide balance between your home and work responsibilities with dignity, you may be able to

leave a significant impression on your community.

VIRGO (August 23–September 22) Creative situations may find you pushing the envelope like never before. That may feel a little like walking on the Moon. You may be treading into unknown territory that has as much potential excitement around each bend as the possibility of uncertainty. If you can take up the challenge and work within a team environment you may find significant opportunities to expand in ways you never thought possible.

Communication may be your biggest challenge because the right words at the right time can be incredibly effective; but only if used properly. If you can trust your instincts and pay attention to the details you may even surprise yourself.

LIBRA (September 23–October 22) The last few years may have found you adapting to a new home life. Relatives may be moving in, out, or all around you, in a swirl of 41

HOROSCOPE domestic reorganization. Just like corporate reorgs, your current daily routine may be under transition that makes way for a brand new pattern.

Despite some of the financial challenges that may accompany your transition, you may also enjoy the idea of a new role.

If nothing else, rearranging things can breathe new life into a stale room as a window opens with fresh, unusual options.

Be on the lookout for different people entering your life, since the possibility for chance encounters may bring new friendships and associations right to your doorstep.

SCORPIO (October 23–November 21) As you strive to reinvent yourself in a more meaningful manner you may find that people misinterpret or misunderstand you. The challenge may be to restate your thoughts or rephrase your ideas using new words or concepts. Communication may be the single most important tool in your life currently and you may want to improve your ability to express yourself.

Like re-training or going back to school, you may find that intellectual stimulation feels 42

right. Travel, adult education classes, and seminars may work well to help you along your way.

Remember that you can always learn new tricks if you have the right attitude. This should be fun.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22–December 21) You may be feeling some financial pressure, but rather than fret about it you would actually do better by jumping into the fray and investigate what’s going on. When you are well-informed you can act from a much stronger footing. The time that you can spend researching funds, investments, retirement options or other money-based themes will most likely prove to be invaluable to you. You would also do well to seek outside advice from a trusted professional who possess insights that you lack. The challenge for you is discovering how to bridge this current transition. Ideally, you want to be able to efficiently close one door and successfully open a new one.

CAPRICORN (December 22–January 19) Personal development may be one of your strongest motives

HOROSCOPE during this season as you soul search for a new direction. This has been a long-term theme and yet you may almost see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Interestingly enough, some of your best discoveries may have come through those closest to you. It makes sense, especially since these may be people who know you the best. They may be able to offer advice and insights as you evolve from a cocoon into a brand-new person. Another valuable resource may come from co-workers or associates who share a common desire as you.

Your challenge may come from working together, but try to remember what others can bring to you.

AQUARIUS (January 20–February 18) Starting over may appear to be a daunting task, unless you can visualize the potential.

You may not be able to see what’s behind the next door, but it may be one of the best things you have ever done. The hard part may be taking that leap; that first step. This would be an excellent time to operate from a place of promise rather than gloom. Each new transition brings the opportunity to grow

and expand. As a natural humanitarian you may find that community service suits you just fine. The rewards will be there if you take the chance.

PISCES (February 19–March 20) Much of your time in the coming weeks may involve becoming a better team player.

While the challenges may be real, the rewards may be plenty. Two-heads are truly better than one, so collaborative projects may prove to be your greatest area for personal growth. Try to bounce your creative ideas off others and see what gets tossed back at you.

This give-and-take exchange may allow your creative spirit to soar. All systems are go if you can loosen up and work together with the team. The only challenge may come from learning new skills and even that may be minimal if you are willing to put in the time to immerse yourself in the process.

© 2013 Chris Flisher 43

ABOUT SALON PS

Salon PS is a national operator of salons and spas within senior communities across the United States, providing exceptional amenity service and lifestyle product solutions for seniors, families and caregivers. Since our founding in 2008, Salon PS and its innovations have resonated throughout the market.

  Salon PS is raising the bar on what the senior community market has come to expect from a senior community salon. As a service leader within the industry, we recognize our responsibility to enrich the well-being and life experiences of our Elders, and we will continue to invest in innovations that foster participation and communication amongst and between residents, families and caregivers.   Please visit us online at salonps.com or on our Facebook page www.facebook.com/salonps to learn more.

Salon PS has partnered with approximately 300 senior communities in 24 states across the US, professionalizing their salon and spa operations.

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ABOUT SALON PS

We have invested over $1.6 Million in salon renovations and equipment within our Partner Communities.

Salon PS has delivered over 700,000 salon and spa services to more than 50,000 residents, family members and associates.

Our Shop PS program has sold thousands of personalized salon and spa Gift Certificates online.

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ABOUT SALON PS

Salon PS hosts hundreds of seasonal and celebratory Salon and Spa Events for residents, family members and associates.

We are committed to providing the CARES® Dementia BasicsTM and Alzheimer’s Association® essentiALZ® Certification program to all Salon PS employees.

Recently, we launched PS Lifestyle, giving residents and families a solution that both sources and delivers residents’ personal care and lifestyle product needs to their community.

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PUZZLE SOLUTIONS SUDOKU

EASY AS ABC

CROSSWORD

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

Pear, bird, tomato, cow horns, flowers, tractor, butterfly, fence, rooster comb and shutters of the window.

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THE LAST LAUGH

THE GAME During a long flight, a lawyer and a senior man were assigned to sit in adjoining seats. Early in the journey, the lawyer asked the senior if he’d like to play a little game.

The older man was tired and had planned to spend the flight napping, so he told the lawyer he only wanted to sleep. But the lawyer insisted the game was a lot of fun.

“Here’s how it works,” the lawyer said. “I’ll ask you a question. If you can’t come up with the answer, you have to give me a dollar. Then it’s your turn to ask me a question. But if I can’t answer it, I have to give you $20.”

The senior figured that if he just got this over with, maybe he could get some sleep. So he agreed to play.

The first question from the lawyer was: “How far apart are the earth and the moon?”

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The senior stayed completely silent, reached for a dollar, and gave it to the lawyer.

Then he said, “My turn. What walks upstairs backward and comes downstairs forward?”

The lawyer was stumped. He thought and thought. He tried to remember all the riddles he knew. He searched every corner of his brain. He even cheated and asked the flight attendants and other passengers when the senior nodded off. Finally the lawyer gave up. He woke up the older man and gave him a twenty. The senior stuffed the money in his coat and went immediately back to sleep.

The lawyer couldn’t stand it.

He woke up the older man and said, “I have to know. What walks upstairs backward and comes downstairs forward?”

The senior got out his wallet, gave the lawyer a dollar, and went back to sleep.

Dr. Lori Stevic-ruSt

HeaLtHy Living topicS

• Stress Maintenance: Stop Avoiding it and Manage it • Caregiving: Maintaining Balance Throughout the Generations • Dementia: Alzheimer’s Disease and Beyond • National Trends in Dementia Care • The Many Faces of Depression • Having The Difficult Conversations with Families • Stress and Your Health • Mental Illness and the Elderly • Snoezelen Therapy: Connecting Through the Senses

• Integrative Medicine: Health Psychology • Sexual Health • Depression and Heart Disease • Competency to Make Decisions and Avoid Exploitation • Vitamin G: The Health Benefits of Green Space • Depression, Anxiety & Dementia through a Different Pair of Glasses: Hoarding in the Elderly • Stress: Keeping the Demands of Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow Under Control

www.doctorlori.net

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