Mawaleh English #1 by Mahmoud Hassino

Mawaleh Syria’s First Queer Magazine

syrian heterosexuals support LGBTI rights Survining Homophobia Interviews with Gay Syrians

Nawar Jairoun: Dad, I’m Gay a missing connection between syrian lesbians Double Life Mawaleh M Ma wa aleh English: h No.#1 No. o 1

Mawaleh Syriaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s First Queer Magazine

now in english

Mawaleh M Ma awa w le eh English: Engl En g is i h: : No. No. 1

Mawaleh Mawa Ma wale wa eh English: Engl En g is gl ish: h: No.#1 h: No. o 1

CONTENTS

6-11 Mawaleh: Syriaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s first Queer Magazine Read about: The Story The Name The Risk The English Version Mawaleh Arabic

12. A Missing Connection Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s missing in the Syrian lesbian community? Loulia Dawood and Layla Rihani have the answer.

14. meet the contributors Sarmad al-Assi and his Double Life

16. meet the contributors Adam Domari will tell you What happened in Beirut last July

Mawaleh English: No. 1

18. meet the contributors Nawar Jairoun, after a long wait:

Dad I’m Gay

22. meet the contributors When he’s not drawing or writing, what does Nour

Marrawi do? Tea and Nuts

26-29 Surviving Homophobia A series of interviews with gay Syrians suffered and might be still suffering from homophobia.

Mere Survival Raped by the Law Tortured by the Church

32. Mawaleh Survey Fınd out what our readers told us.

And More: Sarmad al-Assi discusses a Syrian issue:

30. Relieved from sectarianism Sami Hamwi gets nuts:

34. So What? A lesbian girl writes to Mawaleh:

36. In Damascus Mawaleh English: No.#1

Mawaleh: Syria’s First Queer Magazine Sami Hamwi SyrianGayGuy@gmail.com

The Story Although no one in Syria is willing to call the current war a civil war, most Syrians have accepted the “war” term to describe the situation in the country. It is a war, in which the Saudi backed Salafists are becoming stronger. It is a war where al-Qaeda groups are arriving to the country, waiting, and hoping that the rebels will win so they can fight them afterwards and start an Islamic Caliphate in Belad al-Sham, i.e. Syria. A nightmare is materializing in a country where secularism must win for the sake of the world. It is Syria; the cradle of civilization and the country where history started to take a form of stories about inhabited cities. It is where we, queer Syrians, want to live. In the 1980’s, Muslim Brotherhood took over an uprising in Syria only to be crushed by Hafez al-Assad in 1982 after a massacre in Hama. Later, not only did Assad’s regime oppress all Syrians, but it also targeted gay men. In the 1990’s, raids on cruising areas and arrests were common and almost regular. In 2000, Bashar al-Assad inherited the Republic and promised some reforms. At that point, an internet connection was the dream of all young Syrians, and they got it. However, when some dared to have a dream of a better country where a handful of human rights could somehow exist, they were crushed and arrested. It was not until 2008 when gay Syrians started to try to have some form of a community, which survived despite the ongoing raids of 2010. Old habits die hard! Raids on gay places were the habit of Syrian police. In 2010, 35 men were arrested at a gay party in a remote area in Damascus suburbs. They were detained for months until their families and friends knew they were gay. They were released later to face social retribution. Some of them had to flee their cities, some fled the country, while others managed to stay because of the open-mindedness of their families and friends.

Homosexuality is punishable with imprisonment up to five years under article 250 of the Syrian law. There is no record of a verdict under that article; nonetheless, the raids and the threat of that punishment were always the cause of fear among gay Syrians. In 2011, when demonstrations broke out in Syria, the homophobic regime decided that homosexuality is an easy target; they started a campaign on Addounia TV promoting that the regime is saving the values of the Syrian community because they are fighting protesters who are homosexuals backed up by other homosexuals who own Arabic news TV channels. When that trick did not work out, they decided that the protesters are Islamists and terrorists. Any argument that suggests that this regime is better than the “alternative” for homosexuals is refutable. We do not know what is going to happen in Syria in the future, but the “alternative” is becoming less and less promising; Salafists are expanding and lurking. No matter who wins the war in Syria, the future does look darker for homosexuals. Assad’s regime is repeating itself with the way they are handling the rebellion. Bashar Assad managed to have it the way he wanted it to be; an armed rebellion, three vetoes, and Islamists to fight. It was an uprising; an aspiring revolt against a tyrant and an autocratic regime, and it was nonviolent for six months, during which, the regime did not mind killing peaceful unarmed protesters, and you know what? We were there; homosexuals protesting and dreaming of a better future for the country and for ourselves. We were brave enough to stand up for ourselves, but now, we are terrified! Both sides are becoming an eminent danger. That requires a plan, a voice, and a united queer front. Syria’s first Queer magazine had to be born, and it needed a name

Mawaleh English: No. 1

Mawaleh: Syria’s First Queer Magazine

The Name In Syrian dialect, Mawaleh means “nuts”. It is derived from “maleh”, which means “salty”. Choosing the name and the concept of the magazine was the most important task before starting working on it. People in Syria love nuts and enjoy having them with tea, beers, arak, or mate. It is true that almost all Syrians love nuts. They have to love us, queers, as well; let’s hope so. LGBTI people are like “Mawaleh” somehow; we, queers, have different looks, wants, needs, styles, and tastes! But, we all have the same worry and struggle within our community. After choosing the name of the magazine, we had to give each section a “nut” character, which is taken from a Syrian tradition, or a Syrian pun. Fostok, “peanuts”, are the nuts “Jouz” is the title of the section that most Syrians start with, thus, concerned with Syrian LGBTI it is the title of the editorial section. community news, such as raids, arrests, parties… etc. The Levant area is the original habitat of the almond tree, and Pistachios, “fostok Halabi” - literally, Syria is the number one producer “Aleppo’s peanuts”, is given to the of shelled almond in the region. section dealing with Lesbianism. Ouja is the “green almond”. Ouja We are hoping that we will discuss can also mean “crooked” in Syrian sexism and women’s rights in this dialect; it is used in local dialect to section in the future. Pistachios are describe the hard issues that need the most beloved nuts in Syria, a lot of work, therefore, for the and are used with special Syrian use of the Syrian pun, the section dishes, desserts, and as nuts. dedicated to LGBTI issues in Syria was given the title “Ouja”. Cashews are adored in Syria as well, yet, they are imported. The Louz “almond” is the title given to name was given to the section the sexual health section. In Syria, which provides LGBTI news from there is an expression that can be around the world. literally translated into “one will have almond”, which is used to Ajweh is used in Syrian dialect to express the beneﬁts of taking an refer to the seed or nut inside any advice or working hard. kind of fruit. It can be used for any kind of nut, and it also has the Walnuts are used in many Syrian meaning of the “most important dishes. Jouz is the Arabic for walnut. thing in a subject”. We hope that In Syria, “Louz & Jouz” are used “Ajweh” will have real stories about in another expression to express LGBTI people in Syria. Two readers the beneﬁt of taking an advice. have already sent us their stories;

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they will be published in Arabic in November’s issue, and will be translated into English in our next English issue. Moshmosh, “Apricot”, is not a nut, but it has a pit with a seed that is used in Syria as a nut. The section entitled “Moshmosh” is supposed to be an interactive discussion with our readers, after which we hope to reach the “core” of the solution, i.e the nut.We published two surveys in Moshmosh so far, and we are looking forward to publishing more. On a side note, Damascus is the original habitat of apricot; apricot is “damasco” in Portuguese, isn’t it? When close friends or families want to have a night at home, they normally have nuts and popcorn, and sometimes Bezer, “seeds”. Boushar is the Arabic word for popcorn; the section provides ﬁlm reviews, while Bezer is the title of the section for entertainment news, art, book reviews… etc.

Mawaleh: Syria’s First Queer Magazine

The Risk

In a country under a war, where homosexuality is criminalized by law, where journalist Fidaa Itani was kidnapped by the rebels for writing what has been described as “incompatible with the course of the revolution”, where Dana Bakdounes was verbally attacked and abused for throwing away her veil by the “freedom fighters” newbies despite the fact that she protested against Assad’s regime while most of her attackers were still hiding in fear; in a suffering country where Islamism is growing, writing for a gay magazine is nothing less than extreme danger. Mawaleh’s contributors are defying everything; they are defying the laws, the Syrian community, the traditions, the war, the autocratic regime, and armed men on the both sides of the ongoing war in the country. They are doing all that while they are still in Syria, risking being hunted down by any homophobic person around; there are many of those in Syria now. “Hey and its really nice that you’re starting this... it’s a huge step... now... I had a bit of cold feet because of the political situation and if god forbid someone of the guys working with you or even you got caught because of this magazine and was asked for names of people working with you then I’ll be doomed...” This is what Loulia sent us on her first message after suggesting that she writes for Mawaleh. It is true! All of us will be doomed if we don’t take precautions. We have to, although it is the worst and hardest thing to do; experience says that. Living in this growing fear of being caught is energy draining. You are supposed to be cautious and a good observant of all your surroundings all the time. This is why we were hesitant to start the magazine. We know the risks very well, but at the same time, we know how to work around them, and we know how to protect the contributors’ identities. Despite all the risks, we still have hopes. The war will be over no matter how long it takes. Afterwards, we will have to join other Syrians once more to fight for a secular democratic Syria, where all Syrians will have their rights, queers included.

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Mawaleh: Syria’s First Queer Magazine

The English Version Many suggested that we have an English version or at least some articles written in English in our issues. The second idea did not seem practical as we do not want our readers to get lost between languages. After some discussions, we decided that Mawaleh should have a separate English version, but working on two issues in two languages each month is impossible, so, we decided that the English version should be a quarterly. It has a beneﬁt that English readers will miss us. You have to! Mawaleh English will not be only a translation of Mawaleh; it will provide an overview about the previously published Arabic issues and informative articles about homosexuality in Syria if needed. There will be translations of the Syria-related topics in the magazine, while we will not translate general topics into English. Mawaleh English #1 will introduce you to the contributors. Each one has written an introduction about themselves, which can be found in this issue of Mawaleh English. This is not only for the readers, it is also for journalists who are asking for interviews. We are hesitant to give too many interviews because of the risks that might surround that. Only Loulia Dawood and Layla Rihani haven’t sent their introductions yet because we couldn’t reach them on time for this issue. Their introductions will be published in our next English issue. We hope that our fellow journalists understand the risk surrounding too much exposure at this point. We hope that ethics win over their professionalism and scoop-hunting instincts. It is true that the magazine and our work are important and need attention, but we need to be careful and try not to put ourselves at unneeded risk. That said, don’t just ﬂip through the magazine. There are interesting articles inside. Good reads!

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Mawaleh Arabic: Overview August 2012 What do you normally want when you start a new project? Attention? Support? Involvement? In Mawaleh, we were looking for the big shock element. August’s issue, although a small trial one, had the biggest shock for any Arabic reader; an article about anal sex. It is the most read issue so far, and whenever anyone wants to share a link for the magazine, they choose to share the link for August’s issue. The issue was cheerful with a lot of rainbow flags; hey, we are here! It received a lot of attention within the Syrian gay community, and it was a good start. The editorial called upon Syrian LGBTI’s to unite and ask for their rights, asserting that Mawaleh is just a small first step towards awareness and rights. Sarmad al-Assi wrote the first interactive article in Moshmosh, while Sami Hamwi interviewed Bradley Secker, came out, and revealed his true identity. Nour Maarrawi wrote about the main problem gay Syrians have; the lack of educational resources.

September 2012 In September’s issue, we tried to deal with a major dilemma; the political differences between Syrian LGBTI. Some readers started to use the magazine’s Facebook page to attack either the opposition or Assad’s regime. While no one of the contributors was hiding his political views, we have been trying to keep the magazine apolitical, but with this English version being released, we do not think it is a possible thing anymore. In this issue, Nour started a two-part article about Homosexuality, Adam started a series about STD’s and STI’s, Nawar asked the “coming out” question, Sarmad wrote about the double life of homosexuals in Syria, and Sami started a series about homophobia with interviews with Gay Syrians. We started suffering from bad internet connection and the issue was delayed for about a week; Nour disappeared for more than a week, but he managed to send his articles ﬁnally.

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Mawaleh Arabic: Overview October 2012 You can judge this issue by its cover! Mawaleh is ﬁnally complete; Pistachios have arrived, and lesbianism was presented through an article by Loulia Dawood and Layla Rihani, an interview with a lesbian girl by Sarmad, and a contribution from a lesbian friend. It was a 62-pages issue, to compensate for the delay in publishing it on time once more. It is all because of the damn internet! Nour continued his series about homosexuality, and so did Sami with his series about homophobia with two moving interviews. Adam wrote about HPV, while Sarmad wrote about homosexuals and sectarianism. Nawar encouraged the readers to tell their stories by writing his; Dad, I’m gay, which was the story of his coming out to his father. Bezer was expanded to have an LGBTI celebrity proﬁle, a book review and an art section, in which Nour presented his latest paintings entitled “Behind the Moon”. We used one of them for the cover of that issue, and the other for the cover of Mawaleh English.

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A Missing Connection

“Being a girl is hard enough in this country, the way we’re treated on the streets or in public transportation… Now imagine that this girl is a lesbian! Believe me, it’s a living nightmare” an anonymous lesbian told Mawaleh. “On the other hand, it’s frustrating; there is neither an ofﬁcial hangout nor a known dating website where all girls can meet” she added. Loulia Dawood loulia.dawood@gmail.com Layla Rihani layla.rihani@gmail.com

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Being a lesbian in this country puts you under too much pressure; if a straight girl gets hit on the streets once, then a butch lesbian will get offended ten times more. This is the reality that we’re living in. But as it turns out, this is not the main issue for lesbians in Syria.

ended up being the irrational type, calling my parents and telling them about my sexual orientation? I can’t just trust girls I never met that easy!” an anonymous bisexual girl told Mawaleh. “Most lesbians would understand what I’m talking about” she added.

The main problem is not having a known way to connect; there is no ofﬁcial dating website that all girls know of in the country, nor a hangout or a café or anything. On the other hand there is a dating website for gays in Syria. It’s an international website but it happened that all the guys know of it which makes it easier for them to connect.

And as it turns out, she is not alone. Most of the lesbian community in Syria is living under that same fear. It is not only the fear of hurting the family when the girl is outed, but mostly, the fear of getting hurt herself.

Most of the Syrian families come with a mixture of tradition and religion in their backgrounds. There could be some open-minded families that “We are everywhere in this country” an accept and support their daughter, unfortunately, anonymous lesbian said. “The problem is that is not the case for the majority. that we are divided into many small groups for no way for us to get in touch with each Women in Syria are less likely to be financially independent nor settled apart from their other” she added. families. The idea of being kicked out of the As many of the girls were interviewed for this family house is hunting most of the lesbians, and article they all agreed on the same point; being the consequences of being homeless and in small groups with no way to connect is one unsupported are something no one wants to of the main problems of the lesbian society in face in this society. Syria. Yet, there could be a solution. But being kicked out is not the only problem, Lately, secret groups have been taking place on since a lot of lesbians come from conservative the worldwide socializing website, Facebook. families, another type of struggle floats to the These groups can’t be found if you look for surface; forced marriages. them by name. You must be added by a person who already belongs to the group. “Wearing too many faces, would only kill the spirit inside of me” a lesbian married to a “I made a fake account on Facebook and then man said. a lesbian friend of mine added me to four secret groups and they were all about lesbians There is a big number of lesbians who were in Syria” an anonymous lesbian told Mawaleh. forced to get married. Some of them played it “At first I was afraid that some members on the smart and managed to marry a gay man in group might be straight guys with fake lesbian order to avoid problems but even in such accounts and just wanting to fool around with situation it doesn’t get that easy. girls. But it turned out that all 79 members of the group are lesbians and the number in At the end; being concerned about other increasing by the minute” she added. lesbians to find out about your sexuality is not the main reason of not coming-out to Yet, even lesbians are afraid of meeting other them. The real reason is the fear of the future. lesbians on such secret groups. “What if she But you know what! It gets better!

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Sarmad al-Assi

When I was told that I need a pseudonym to cover my real identity, the first thing that came to my mind was my city of Hama. I chose the last name of Orontes to tell of my affection and respect to a city that stood in the face of tyranny, many times throughout its history, and continues to do so to this day. The Orontes also passes in the city of Homs, which holds a dear place in my heart, for the many friends I have there and out of respect for its long-suffering. I graduated from Damascus University studying civil engineering, a field in which I found much joy. It helped me develop my instincts and my reasoning abilities. But my passion remains in the art of writing, and thus when I was presented with the opportunity of working with such a pioneering magazine, I immediately took it, even though the job is risky and involves a great deal of jeopardy since such activity is forbidden by the government and rejected by the society. When I was first introduced to the homosexual community in Syria, I discovered many disadvantages and witnessed many flaws that can be fixed. I saw the need to point out these obstacles and work with the gay community to overcome them. Such a thing can be managed through active work and using the written word. In the magazine, we enjoy a friendly environment yet a serious one. We help each other achieve our goals in a better Syrian gay community, and a better look from the whole society to us. I write several columns for the magazine that cover different fields from gay Cinema to gay social issues. Under my real name, I have written many articles and short stories in many websites and periodicals, but the honor of representing the gay community was only possible through Mawaleh Magazine.

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Double Life Sarmad al-Assi SarmadOrontes@live.com

Many gays do not consider their “double life” to be a matter of concern. We do what we wish to do in away from people, and pretend when they are present. We pretend until it becomes a second nature; not a temporarily state of which one must always remain aware. This may not be limited to gays in our society, but rather a characteristic of all Syrians. One must appear to be obedient to thier parents, faithful to their partners, honorable when with colleagues, ethical before children, nice with neighbours, a good believer before one’s God, practices religious rite as daily habits but not necessarily as soothing rituals that calm the soul’s pain or ease one’s tiresome. We do have a seemingly utter moral system with many outlines that makes living accordingly an easy task since these laws cover most, if not all, aspects of one’s life; powerful and clear in presentation and thorough in detail. But the devil lies in the details, and many devils lay in our silent minds ready to be unleashed. The existence of such a moral system gives away the delusion that everything is all right. Many rules to follow, therefore, breaking one or two or even a few won’t be a big deal considering that quantity is what matters, and not quality. The members of the gay community have accepted to live their lives away from their lives, and to nod in approval to all statements made by those who “rank higher”, and then, do what pleases them with guilt ﬁlling their hearts. We have accepted the social ranks, whether within the family or society. “Personal freedom” is conceived as a matter of sexual behaviour rather than life-changing decisions. Some do not even include everyday-life habits and practices in personal freedom, and abide with what society dictates. The pinnacle of the problem, however, is not in the paradox between one’s two lives, the gay one and the “straight” one, but rather between their thoughts and their acts in life. Many in our gay community

brag about their polygamous life-style that does not stop with sex but rather exceeds that to having several lovers. However, the worrisome issue is that many of those see the practices of a gay life to be morally and naturally wrong, not only outside of the norm, but rather contradictory to nature! Some even wish to seek “professional” help, but only after satisfying their needs, which evolve around their lust and sexual satisfactions, and maybe excessive emotional drama. As many gays insist on hiding their true selves from family and friends, keeping a “good” image, a pure and moral one away from homosexual “filth”, in which they indulge, many also exaggerate in showing their homosexual identity in an impudent display of “nature”; nothing like a parade and more like a circus. They tend to yell at passers-by if they look at them, and scream in the streets in a desperate sign of power, false power. A very incorrect presentation of the gay community and rather a self-chosen representation of the gays to the Syrian heterosexual society that knows nothing about us except what we let out. Instead of practicing activism and educational activity, we choose to hide our identities or show the worst of us. The society doesn’t accept homosexuality, and will not do that soon. Some families in Syria might embrace their children’s sexual orientation, but most of them don’t. And while some may passively remain in denial, others may actively try to force homosexuality out of their children’s systems, and quiet a few of them resort to violence as means to achieve that. Nonetheless, it is on us to accept ourselves first, and to reconcile with our nature. Desire is natural in humans, and fulfilling one’s desires is highly recommended. Only the swap between the means and the end is what stops development from going on. Instead of being interactive and colourful, the gay person becomes one-dimensional, and homosexuality becomes their only feature rather than a rich characteristic, one among others; being gay becomes the alter-ego instead of a part of one’s life.

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Adam Domari

I first started realizing that I might be gay at 13 years-old. We had just gotten internet connection at home and the first thing I did was to Google the word “gay”. The idea of two guys kissing and touching seemed very interesting to me. I had a somewhat troubled adolescence and I was very confused and self-conscious about being gay. Although I almost never thought I was straight, it took me a long time to start accepting my sexuality. It wasn’t until I was 18 that I had the guts to act on it, when I came out to one of my English teachers. My time at the University of Damascus was much better as I met a few gay-friendly classmates and came out to them; we became very close friends. I heard about the magazine through a close friend of mine, who’s also an editor now. At first, I didn’t know if I had the courage to participate in the project but after some thinking, I finally decided to take part of it. The biggest reason I wanted to do this is to let LGBT teens in Syria and the Middle East know that they’re not alone. That there’s someone, who might be living right next door to them, who understands everything they’re going through and who’s trying to make life easier for them. For all of us. Also, I’ve always been interested in journalism, particularly news reporting, and I suggested that I write the about STDs and sexual health and International LGBT news because I felt I could excel at them. I finished college last year and I was fortunate enough to find a job only a few of months after graduation. In my free time, I like to listen to music and I go out with my friends almost daily. My number one interest is definitely learning foreign languages and I also enjoy reading about history and geopolitics. I’m very excited about Mawaleh and I truly think that it’s a step on the right track in the struggle for LGBT rights in Syria in particular, and in the wider Middle East in general.

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Several gay men arrested in Beirut

Adam Domari adam.domari@gmail.com

On Tuesday, July 28th, Lebanese police closed down “Cinema Plaza” Movie Theater in the Burj Hammoud neighborhood of the capital Beirut. The movie theater, which is a known cruising spot for gay men, had been closed three times already. However this time, the police arrested 36 people including the theater’s owner.

“Al-Nahar” newspaper published an article about the subject as well. It stated that both the Lebanese Association of Physicians and the Ministry of Justice issued two ofﬁcial statements condemning the tests, both scientiﬁcally and morally, and demanding Lebanese police to halt their usage immediately.

The detainees were taken to a notorious police station in central Beirut where they were subjected to anal tests to verify if they had had anal sex. Homosexuality is still theoretically illegal in Lebanon and punishable by Lebanese law with up to one year imprisonment.

On the other hand, the Lebanese Murr TV (MTV) satellite channel described the detainees as “perverts and sodomites” and applauded their arrest and the closure of the theater. This is the second time the channel declares its homophobic stand. Earlier this year, an episode of a popular show on the channel showed the faces of several gay men in a public cruising spot in Tripoli without hiding their identities. This outraged LGBT rights activists in the small conservative country who called the actions “unprofessional” and “unethical”.

After conducting the tests, all men were released except for three whose tests were “positive” for having receptive anal sex. These tests have been banned in most countries of the world and they’re considered demeaning measures and a violation of basic human Sharbel Maydaa, the executive director of Helem, rights by international LGBT organizations. an LGBT organization in Lebanon, criticized in a The owner of the movie theater also remained in public statement the arrest of the men and called custody and might face criminal charges under on Lebanese authorities to release all detainees immediately and to ban the anal tests they were Lebanon’s public morality laws subjected to. As for the Lebanese media, they didn’t remain silent on the incident and took contradicting As a sign of solidarity with the arrested men, stands regarding it. The Lebanese Broadcasting Helem organized a demonstration opposite to Company (LBC) mentioned the incident in its news Palace of Justice in Beirut, an initiative never bebroadcast under the title “Republic of Shame” fore seen in the Middle East. Participants held which discussed the topic among other more banners calling for the release of the detainees general ones such as electricity outages and the and the ofﬁcial legalization of homosexuality in increasing negligence of national security. Lebanon. Mawaleh English: No.#1

Nawar Jairoun

Nawar Jairoun is the alias I use to hide my real identity from my community; since I grew up in a suburb of Damascus in a closed religious community that rejects homosexuality. It’s the alias I use to hide from all Syrian society since being gay – in their perspective – is a sin and a filthy behavior that needs to be cured. I found out about my sexual orientation when I was very young but I didn’t accept myself till a very long time later; after my first relationship. The period in between held a lot of pain, suffering and sadness, since I believed that my feelings were completely wrong and unacceptable, or so I’ve been taught. I’m a normal college guy now, who likes to hang out with friends and have fun, write poems and draw some paintings. I’m optimistic most of the time despite living a double life as most gays in this country do, but I’m not upset with this situation and I got used to it, and I’m really happy with my life, surrounded by good friends and have a great partner. Accepting myself made me a better, stronger and happier person who believes in equality for all people on this planet, and that’s what made me take the risk of being part of “Mawaleh” magazine. I wanted to stand for those who have been rejected like me in this country, to give a voice to all those suffering in silence, to take the first step in battling for our fundamental rights and to be treated as decent humans. I believe that one day this world will be a better place, not only for LGBT people, but also for all people who are different, sexually or otherwise. And that’s what we’re fighting for and aspiring to achieve in “Mawaleh”.

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dad, I’m Gay Nawar Jairoun jairoun.nawar@gmail.com edited by: Adam Domari

I came back home one day after hanging out with my friends to find my father acting weird with me. I felt that something was wrong but I couldn’t really tell what it was. I tried to ask him, but he just kept quiet and didn’t respond, as if he didn’t want to talk about it in front of the family. I was worried that he might have found out about my sexual orientation. It was the first thing that came to my mind because I had left my external hard drive at home and it didn’t have a password. It contained pornographic videos and some pictures of me with my ex-boyfriend, not sexual ones but enough to make him know that we were boyfriends. Thousands of ideas were floating through my mind about how he would react if he really saw those files and what he would do to me. My father knew about my sexual orientation a long time ago. I was fourteen year-old and we first had internet connection for about 6 months in my town, a suburb of Damascus. I started searching some gay sites and looking at pictures of nude guys. I really liked what I was seeing but I didn’t know that this was called “homosexuality” or that society rejected it and considered it a psychological disorder. I didn’t know a lot about the internet, so my father found out about the sites that I had been visiting. He scolded me and started yelling and saying insulting and offensive things about gays “Son, those people are perverted and disgusting, do you really want to be one of them?” I was scared and I said that I was only going to those websites to know more about them, not because I was one of them. I don’t think he believed me; he just nodded. At the time, I actually didn’t know the answer to his question myself, am I gay or not? I had no idea. I was terrified that he might do something violent. My father is a harsh man and hitting me was an easy thing for him. That’s why I said I wasn’t gay. After that incident, it was all forgotten and never came up again until that night.

I couldn’t sleep at night. I was very scared and I talked to some of my gay friends about what had happened. It was one of the worst nights in my life. The next day, my father was on the balcony having coffee with my mom. After a while, she went to her room to change her clothes, so I went out and sat next to him hoping to talk about the problem; I couldn’t bear the fear anymore, but he was the one who started the conversation. My father: What did I tell you long ago about those pictures of naked guys you were seeing? Me: Why? What’s the problem? My father: I was going through your external hard drive and found some gay movies and pictures. You told me you were going to stop watching those movies. But I didn’t believe you, so I looked through your hard drive. And I was right, you’re still watching them. My mom came back after changing her clothes so my dad stopped the conversation. I went to my bedroom thinking of what I was going to do after he saw the videos on my hard drive, although I was really lucky that he didn’t see the pictures I took with my ex-boyfriend. I started thinking about what I would say when he talks to me about it again. I asked all of my gay friends for advice. Some of them advised me to deny the whole thing and say that a friend asked me to keep the videos for him and I didn’t know what they were. Others thought that I should just come out and tell him the truth about my sexuality. I wasn’t sure which advice to take. My father was too smart to fall for the lie if I go with the ﬁrst one, and even if he did, I wasn’t sure that lying to him would solve the problem. At the same time, I couldn’t predict my father’s reaction and the consequences of telling him the truth, so, I had to be prepared for whatever he would do.

Mawaleh English: No.#1

After a lot of thinking and long conversations with my friends, I decided not to deny who I was and to tell him the truth about my sexuality. I packed myself a small bag in case he didn’t want me in the house anymore. My father is a religious person and I didn’t really know how he would react.

Dad (surprised): So you get turned on if you hold a guy’s hand?! That’s just wrong, son! It’s against God’s will. Don’t tell me you’ve had sex with a guy before!

I started preparing myself for the conversation with my dad about my sexuality. I don’t deny that I was afraid, but I was determined to tell him the truth. After a while, I got more and more scared and fear started devouring my courageous thoughts.

I kept denying that I had had any sexual or emotional relationship with another guy because such a confession would have disastrous consequences.

My father came to my room, grabbed a chair and sat next to me. His face was full of anger and seriousness. My already shaken self-conﬁdence was then crumbling. He gazed right into my eyes and started talking.

I tried to convince him in many different ways, scientiﬁcally and psychologically, that I cannot control those feeling but he kept insisting that it was a disease and I should seek a psychiatrist’s help. But if my feelings were a disease, then what’s there left to be healthy in me?

Dad (with a very intense tone): Okay, tell me now. What do you have to say about those movies I found on your hard drive? And don’t even think about lying to me. Just tell me the truth. Me (after taking a deep breath): Dad, I’m gay. What can I do about it? He looked at me with a shock on his face. Then he calmed down a bit and talked to me in a soft tone like the one he used to use not so long ago, as if he genuinely wanted to listen to me and not judge or scold me like I was expecting. Me: Dad, when you found out about the gay sites I visited a long time ago and I told you I wasn’t gay, I really didn’t know back then if I was gay or not. I was a kid and didn’t know about these things. Dad: But it’s wrong, it’s not normal. You should’ve done your best to stay away from these things instead of keeping those dirty gay movies. Me: and who told you that I didn’t try my best?! I had a really rough period some time ago. I couldn’t face who I was. I used to pray to God every night and ask him to change me. But nothing happened, nothing changed. And honestly, I feel a lot better now that I made peace with who I really am.

Me: No no!! I never have. I’m afraid to even think about it. I’d never be able to do it.

After a long discussion, I realized that I wasn’t going to convince him. He then suggested that I go to the church regularly and ask one of the priests there for help. He also asked me to delete the gay movies as a ﬁrst step in my “healing” process. I complied with his suggestions even though I knew they weren’t going to change anything. I had already tried all of them a long time ago but they were worthless. Nobody can change their feelings in any way. After our conversation ended, he went into his room and came back with a smile on his face with my allowance, which he had refused to give me the day before. I felt relieved after our conversation, it hadn’t gone the way I had planned it, but it was a step forward. As days went by, I didn’t notice any big change in the way he or mom treated me. Everything felt the same. Yes, he didn’t completely accept the idea but at least he was discussing it. More importantly, he didn’t react against me in any way, and that was worth the huge risk I chose to take by telling him the truth.

Mawaleh English: No. 1

Mawaleh English: No.#1

Nour Maarrawi I knew that I am “Gay” at quite an early age, which, combined with small town environment, created a dark depressed state; I felt drown into seas of questions. I felt all alone; as if I am the only one in the world with this kind of feelings, with no resources of knowledge, I only experienced what I feel via dreaming. I wasn’t lucky as other gays who lived in big towns, I had no one to talk to, which later became an advantage because it made me come out to my family, although I had to do it about ten times, but it was worth it. They took a long time to understand; until now, my mom doesn’t fully get it. I had a troubled childhood and adolescence, I was often bullied and verbally abused, I wasn’t strong enough to fight them back, I had a small body. This made me shut myself off from the world and start to build my own imaginary castle to shelter me from reality. The university wasn’t any better, actually it was worse, I didn’t finish my first year

at the IT major because of bullying, so I went to “Open Learning Center”, because I didn’t have to go to campus or deal with any student. I had a lot of free space so I started writing, I wrote about my feelings and the way I perceive world, although my writings sometimes seemed unrealistic, I was happy expressing myself in writing. And then, came the fast internet, and later, the blogging trend. I felt so tempted to try it. It became a part of my daily routine. Later on, I was contacted by Sami Hamwi, the magazine’s founder, telling me about the magazine project to support LGBTQ’s rights in Syria, I immediately accepted and I was very excited about the idea, I have nothing to risk or lose. Mawaleh promises a lot, and I know it can and will deliver, with so much to offer for the LGBTQs community. I believe it is the right step towards having a better perspective of ourselves and our rights.

Mawaleh English: No. 1

Tea and Nuts Nour Maarrawi sgayright@gmail.com edited by: Adam Domari

It was a fairly hot night. I was sitting in front of my PC alone, thinking about what I was going to write for the magazine. Along with many chaotic, random thoughts, I drifted away to a realm of imagination where I found myself in a better world; a world where humans are created to be humans. Where their humanity is not a commodity sold in a marketplace that displays normal behavior behind bars of prejudice and discrimination. The phone’s ringing, which sounded more like moaning, brought me back to reality. I picked up and it was one of my friends inviting me over to his apartment. He had already invited two other friends of ours who had ﬁnished their pack of cigarettes. I heard them in the background telling him: “tell him to bring a pack of cigarettes with him”.

underwear slamming his belly and showing it off while eating what was left of the plate of fruits. The other one was looking at him with resentment and fear, because the ﬁrst used to punch him for fun like he was doing with his belly. I sat down and before I caught my breath, I took the pack of cigarettes out of my bag and gave it to them. I saw the light and happiness of their yellowish teeth thanking me for what I had brought. The pack was opened and the cigarettes were handed out, I didn’t take one because I had quit smoking a long time ago. The conversation started along with the smoking. We talked about the situation and politics. We played the roles of political analysts, as if we were aware of all political schemes. Then we became medical experts. One of my friends was studying pharmacy but he always gets upset if you ask him a medical question so we quickly changed the subject. We then turned into religious scholars and started a pointless discussion. My friend with the belly was the leader of this conversation as he was the closest one of us to a religious man, although he wasn’t exactly one. Just like the other conversations ended, so did this one.

I was hesitant at first. It was already dark outside and the situation wasn’t very stable at the time. But then I said to myself “why not? Que sera sera”. I called a cab because my friend’s house was far away from mine. I arrived to his building and he welcomed me by opening the building’s door. I went up the stairs and he opened a second then a third. We finally arrived to his apartment and he opened the door for me; that was the fourth door. I wasn’t surprised, it With sounds of bullets from light weapons, was very normal considering the situation. followed by medium and heavy weaponry which were then followed by their big sister, Smiles were the first thing I noticed, and then the mortar; we rushed inside to the living kisses on the cheeks. Ironically, after all the room where the evening took a different reinforcements and doors, we sat on the taste especially after the tea and the snacks balcony. As usual, I found my first friend in his had arrived.

Mawaleh English: No.#1

When the pot of boiling tea arrived with vapor rushing out of it, it brought with it all kinds of foggy topics. We talked about politics again, followed by human rights and then our emotions and feelings – the last was always brought up by my friends for mockery. I don’t know why but I had a weird feeling when I looked at my third friend, who was studying philosophy. He had a strange grin on his face; as if he was saying “I’m going to start a conversation that will change the atmosphere”. Of course I thought to myself: “he’s going to talk about homosexuality”. And I was right; he always opens it for many reasons, I only know some of. Smiles started growing bigger until they became laughter with the pharmacist; but stayed a wide yellow grin with the other two. Homosexuality always brought sexual thoughts to their minds, regardless of the reason of the discussion and where it was going. After starting the conversation, he cleared the field for our religious friend who didn’t hesitate to start saying what he was taught about the “abnormality of the act” without even thinking that he should give a reasonable or logical explanation. Instead he just kept going on and on about how normal vaginal sex was and how anal sex was a disgusting unnatural act. He didn’t dare to say “not even animals do it” because I had convinced him a while ago that homosexuality is widespread in the animal kingdom. This time around he came up with a different explanation. He suggested an animal’s sexual behavior was not an innate behavior but it developed as it happened with humans. All of that of course without stating any piece of scientific evidence to back his theory. I tried to ignore him as much as possible. Even if I had something to say, his words were wrong according to any scientific level; psychologically, biologically and medically. I wanted to know what their biggest reason for rejecting any gay

relationship was so I asked them one by one and all three had the same answer.

They all said that they accepted homosexuality and realized it was a normal social phenomenon. Their rejection was based on the idea of the sexual relation. “How can a man have sex with another man?!” they said with disgust and disdain visible on their faces. I immediately realized what the reason for their disgust was. They were imaging themselves having sex with another guy, which instantly triggered their paranoia about their masculinity. They’re not exactly homophobic as they had declared clearly that they would have sex with another guy, provided they were the active partner. Their fear came from imagining themselves in the passive partner’s position. Another interesting point they made was that they had no problem with having anal sex with a girl – a lot of guys do that in Middle Eastern societies to preserve the girl’s virginity. This indicated that they had a problem with the gender of their partner, not the “abnormality” of the act. This is perfectly understandable considering they were heterosexuals but it was wrong to use it as an argument against homosexuality. One of them then suggested an even more “modern” approach to the subject. He stated that homosexuals were mentally ill people who needed our help and acceptance to get better. Of course this is also rejected by most scientiﬁc evidence dating as far back as the days of Froid. Finally, I sadly have to say that most people, even psychiatrists, in the Middle Ease still hold on to negative thoughts and prejudice against homosexuality, as do some Westerners as well.

Mawaleh English: No. 1

Mawaleh English: No.#1

Surviving Homophobia Interviews with Gay Syrians In a series about the different types of homophobia, Mawaleh interviewed some gay Syrians who suffered, or are still suffering, from homophobic actions or reactions made against them.

interviews by: Sami Hamwi translations by: Nour Maarrawi translations edited by: Adam Domari

Mawaleh English: No. 1

Mere Survival “M.F” was just a teenager that did not have enough knowledge when his mother asked him to get married before she died. He had just ﬁnished high school and wanted to continue his studies at the university, despite the rambling thoughts and emotions he used to have and had been too afraid to show.

was looking for in a young man a few years his junior. He fell in love with him and they started to meet more frequently before they tried to rent an apartment where they can get together from time to time. This relationship started before he and his wife separated and continued until after they did.

It was the early 1990’s and Syria had not caught up with the technological revolution yet. Having a landline was a dream that needed a ten-year plan to achieve. “M.F”’s only option was to wander the streets and public parks searching for someone with whom he shared the same feelings and thought; someone who had a place, any place, where they can steal some moments alone and surrender to the desires that raged inside them.

He thought that life started to smile, and that he would be able to continue with his secret relationship in peace; he was fulﬁlling all his responsibilities towards his family, and at the same time, he had a lover with whom he can be his true self. That smile did not last for long.

The nineteen-year-old gave in to his mother’s wishes of an arranged marriage to one of his relatives. For a while, he thought that his desire for men would eventually die; he relied on prayer and the Quran to help him in his journey. He also focused his attention on studying, even more than on his marriage. Only a few months passed by before he started loathing his wife’s body that lay in their bed next to him. Although he was doing his marital duties, he could not sleep next to her. So, he started sleeping in the living room turning its sofa into his perpetual sleeping bed; he is still sleeping on that sofa until now. That decision sparked the expected problems with his wife; they separated several times but she returned to him every time. Years passed by, during which their strange relationship did not prevent them from having a son and two daughters. He thought that his luck is changing when he was granted a master scholarship abroad. He spent two years before he coming back to a wife and four children; his wife had given birth to a third daughter while he was studying. Having four children proved too difﬁcult for his troubled relationship with his wife and they separated for a long time. After two years of studying abroad, “M.F” came back with the same level of religiousness. But he was able to reconcile with his desires and started to look for a partner to share a secret life with. He found what he

His wife found out about his sexual orientation and started threating to tell his family. He did not comply, so she told his and his lover’s families about their secret relationship. Having some photos the two lovers took helped her prove that she was not lying. Then his journey with pain, persecution, threats and torture began. Months passed by with “M.F” living in constant fear until one day, one of his brothers ﬁred a gun at him in an attempt to intimidate him into going back to his wife and remaining faithful to her without causing any more scandals. “M.F”’s wound was superﬁcial and after his brothers bandaged it, they handcuffed him to a toilet, beat him, and urinated on him until he complied with their conditions. He went back to his wife, who still follows him, threatening to expose his sexual orientation to his employers and colleagues this time around, if he even thought of trying to meet or have sex with someone. She even taught their own son to humiliate him with the word “sodomite” or “faggot” when they argue about something. Some scars on “M.F”’s body are still visible as an evidence of his family’s brutality. His life is yet an example of the troubles and hardships gays in Syria still have to go through. But “M.F” doesn’t even consider it to be a life; his life has been taken hostage and he was prohibited from living. Every time he manages to steal a moment to speak with a gay friend of his, he says, “I just want to live. I just want them to let me live. My life is like death…”

Mawaleh English: No.#1

Raped by the Law

On that day, “A” didn’t know that his life was going to ﬂash in front of him every day for the next ten days; he couldn’t even dream that his sick heart would bare all that pain. That day seemed like any other in “A”’s routine life. His medical condition prevented him from having sex in spite of his young age but he was always trying to break the routine by going to a park with some friends. He would get lost in his imaginations but even those would affect his ill heart if he drifted away with his thoughts. He was used to seeing other gay guys in the park. They were all used to seeing police cars patrolling the streets around it without coming close to them, until they started thinking that nobody cared about their sexuality; they have been going to the park for years. But, that was about to change soon.

between them, orders to get into the police car that none of the men needed; it was clear by now that they were targeted. Before they even thought about how they were going to get out of their cells, they wondered about what would happen after their release. Would their parents ﬁnd out about their sexual orientation? Would the neighbors, friends and coworkers ﬁnd out? They all begged their captors for forgiveness for sins they didn’t commit. But their begging was overshadowed by the insults of the screaming prison guards. Their calls for mercy were lost between the letters of words like “faggot” and “sodomite”. Everyone nearby knew that they were the ones they called “faggots”.

The police cars closed in and surrounded the park as if they were raiding a dangerous mob that threatened national security. They hunted the gay men down, one by one, and took 30 of them to the police station. “A”’s heart beats were almost killing him as they rose too fast to become more than his poor heart can handle.

“A” told his captor about his health condition, but the latter didn’t care. Instead, he asked him to dance naked in front of a group of ofﬁcers who were supposed to arrest real criminals. “A” couldn’t do anything but give in to their demands while his life was ﬂashing before his own eyes. The most thing he remembered back then was the operation room where his poor heart was saved. But his captors didn’t see any of that; it wasn’t only their hatred that blinded them from his pain.

Humiliation began at the very moment of the arrest. Verbal abuses were pouring on the detainees, and in

“They raped me, more than once. And every time they did, I wished that my heart would stop beating.”

Mawaleh English: No. 1

Tortured by the Church

“Z” was the only child of a very well-known family in his city so his struggle with homosexuality was significant. He tried not to mix with other gays thinking that that would make it easier for him to get married and stop being gay. But his knowledge and education confirmed to him that his homosexuality is not something he can change. Although he excelled in mathematics, he could not apply the mathematical equations to his life, which turned upside down when he fell in love. Everything changed and his focus turned from trying to hide his sexuality from his family to trying to look for an opportunity to spend most of his time, if not all of it, with his lover. “Love is Strange”, he says. Its symptoms started to show on his face and manifest in every move he made. Even his mother noticed and started following him to know for whom her son’s heart beats. His efforts were directed to creating an opportunity to meet his lover without giving much attention to hiding anything from his mother, who started following him more often. She didn’t want her son to marry into a different religion or social class. One day she looked through his cell phone and she was shocked to find a number of love messages that he shared with Ahmad; a guy she had never known or heard of before. She instantly considered him to be a corrupt man seducing her son into shameful actions that she must stop right away. She immediately went to the church and told the priest about her son’s actions. The priest asked her to bring him to the church library for a meeting. And she did what he asked for. In that disconsolate room, which was supposed to glow with love, “Z” felt an amount of hatred he never

thought he could experience in his life. The priest, who used to smile at him every time he went to church, seemed now like an anger-ﬁlled devil that was making him feel guilty and ashamed. Not only did the priest ask “Z” and his mother to come, but he also invited his psychiatrist brother to discuss Z’s case and how to cure him. His brother suggested various ways of treatment, starting with psychological counseling and he insinuated that it might include electro-shock therapy; an exorcism was suggest by a psychiatrist; an electro-shock therapy accompanied with Bible’s verses read by his priest brother. The boy just stood there, shocked with how everyone that agreed that he was evil and corrupt. The priest’s threats were clear and his instructions were strict; “Z” felt that he had to obey them. He was about to lose everything, and everyone around him was about to know of his sexual identity; everyone in that small community where people enjoy gossiping about others and their family secrets. The psychiatrist didn’t listen much to what “Z” had to say. He only said “nobody taught me anything, I’m just the way I am” before the electro-shock therapy and exorcism sessions were decided. The priest helped Z’s mother to arrange a marriage for him. They chose a good God-fearing woman that would help him rid himself of the devil that was inside him, but without telling her what it was ordering him to do. Z just complied. The priest’s looks towards “Z” still hold a lot of doubt and judgment. His mind is still trapped in the electro-shock sessions he had to go through. The echo of the priest’s prayers still haunts his ached head, forcing him to say from time to time, “I’m not evil. I was born this way”.

Mawaleh English: No.#1

relieved from sectarianism Sarmad al-Assi SarmadOrontes@live.com

Although Homosexual are a part of the entire society, they also form a community of their own that have similar characteristics to other gay communities around the world. What distinguishes the gay community in Syria, and other conservative countries, is that it has evolved more than the society it belongs to on many levels. It is difficult, in a conservative society like ours, to have an inter-sectarian romantic relation, and the difficulty increases as the couple try to formalise the relation and legitimately marry. A difficulty the gay community almost does not have at all. Gays have already broken the traditional rules and thus will not be observing other rules they may see as less important. They have altered their standards of choosing a partner to fit their needs, not the pre-set qualifications made by society. By doing so, they have made a step forward towards personal freedom, which many heterosexuals work hard to make. Some might say that a same-sex commitment is not legitimate in the society, and barely legitimate for gays themselves. They don’t consider it a binding contract, but rather an agreement between with the labels of “boyfriends” or “girlfriends”. This may be the case with many gays, but others created new ways to manage their lives threwing away the rulebook. They noticed that the morals that the heterosexual society demands are the very same reason for its backwardness, and thus ignored them and made the human their only criterion. Some homosexuals look at themselves as lesser citizens; they do not think they have the right to a formal union, and think that it is unnatural for two men or two women to make such a step. True, gays are different from others, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t or won’t commit to each other or have a healthy relationship. And when a gay relationship doesn’t succeed, homosexuality is not to be blamed, for not all relations are meant to last. However, one must not ignore facts. It is a plain simple

fact that homosexuals cannot reproduce, and can’t have kids, at least not legally in Syria, and thus do not have the responsibility of “Dogma transfer” that is essential in almost all faiths and beliefs. They do not see their commitment as an institution like the heterosexual marriage, nor an investment of time and effort into recreating one’s dreams, as some would see having kids. This might be the case now, but one day, gays will have the same rights as everyone and will have to make the decision of having kids, and must bear full responsibility to do so. Legalising same-sex marriage would reinstate the reality of the commitment, and reinforce its moral state. A legal contract is a biding one, and a lawful act is viewed with much more respect, even by the eyes of those participating in it. When homosexuals override the obstacles heterosexuals face when romancing with someone, they declare the state of the relationship. Commitment to gays is less a material union and more a uniﬁcation of two souls, a companionship to walk the path of life. It is a partnership and an offer of support between two people deeply in love with each other. They differ from some heterosexual marriages in this country where a wife sees the husband as a life insurance policy, or a means of reproduction in order to have kids that can support her in her older days. Some husbands see a maid in their wives, a mistress to enjoy nights with. These are facts in our society, and stating them should not be considered dispraise to the heterosexuality, but merely an observation. When two men or two women call themselves partners, they have decided to be chaste and virtuous, at least emotionally in some relations. Not having a ceremony or a legal contract doesn’t make it a lesser commitment. If gays respected these commitments between each other, it is because they respect themselves. Only through self-respect and mutual understanding can gays embrace the sanctity of a union, and have the joys of a long lasting relationship.

Mawaleh English: No. 1

Mawaleh November cover by: Nour Maarrawi

Mawaleh English: No.#1

Mawaleh Surveys LGBTI RIGHTS - 1 In Mawaleh Arabic, we dedicated Moshmosh to the interactive section in the magazine, hoping that will be able to have polls and surveys through an idea discussed in that section. We normally write an article that raises some questions, and then publish an online form to receive readers’ answers and views. Our two surveys have dealt with LGBTI rights. The first one asked the normal broad first questions about gay rights. Since the form was online, we added a “nationality” field to help us know what Syrians think about gay rights, but we did take into count, however, answers from other Arabs.

We published the results of the ﬁrst survey on October’s issue of Mawaleh with 106 participants, but it is still online and available, even though we have been busy with the second one and did not repost or re-promote the ﬁrst one anymore. Nonetheless, we received 11 more participantions.

Sexual Orientation

Age

Do you want full LGBTI rights?

Do you find asking for LGBTI rights disgraceful?

Mawaleh English: No. 1

The original form did not include a “heterosexual” option, but a friend of the magazine asked us to add it. Afterwards, 11 heterosexuals showed support for LGBTI rights in Syria with encouraging comments in the paragraph ﬁeld. Only one heterosexual answered with “no” to the question asking about LGBTI rights because he objected to the Arabic phrasing of the question, “do you dream of having full and real LGBTI rights?”, to which he commented, “It’s not a dream of mine”, which is true. However, 11 heterosexuals are 9.4% of the participants so far. We asked another “Yes - or - No” question; “If you believe in LGBTI rights, do you have an idea about the way to ask for those rights?”, to which 48 said no; those are 41% of the participants. Almost all participants were Syrians; only one heterosexual identiﬁed as Syrian American, an Egyptian lesbian, a gay Lebanese, and two gay Jordanians participated as well.

The paragraph questions were: 1- What are the rights that you want? 2- Why do you think asking for LGBTI rights is disgraceful? 3- What is, in your opinion, the best way to start asking for gay rights in Syria?

We added paragraph questions to form an idea about the participants’ views. Irrationality and disdain against the social and religious views and laws against homosexuality were evident in some of them. Nonetheless, we received some interesting thoughts and comments.

92 (78.6%) participants responded to one or more questions. Only one participant of those responded to the second question. To the ﬁrst question, 91% expressed in exact word that they ask for decriminalizing homosexuality in Syria, a few of those went as far as asking for samesex marriage. The rest of the answers varied between freedom of expression and social acceptance. Around 84% believe that the best way to ask for LGBTI rights is to start a Syrian LGBTI group that will work on awareness, helping the LGBTI community, and asking for LGBTI rights in Syria, while some thought that we should start with awareness and then move towards other steps. The participant who answered the second question thought that asking for LGBTI rights is a violation of other people’s religious rights.

Mawaleh English: No.#1

So What? So, I came out to the world, and my face is all over now! Some might say it’s courageous, some might say it’s outrageous, and some say it’s reckless. To me, it’s just a political statement, and it was calculated. I am in Turkey; I can escape. I have already escaped, haven’t I? It is true that I am going to Syria more regularly, meeting with rebels who are becoming more and more Islamists, and meeting with Sheikhs there, the ones who can get the money from the “donors”, and they all ask, “Do you want to pray?” I imagine sometimes, when they ask me too many questions, that they might Google my name and find out about Mawaleh. It is scary, but it is also a choice; other contributors might not have a choice. Mawaleh was received well. We received many emails asking for interviews, when we gave some, the attention in the story was directed towards me. No one gave the well-deserved attention to the risk the contributors are taking by just writing for Mawaleh. Yes, I came out. Everybody knows that Sami Hamwi is Mahmoud Hassino! So what? Why can’t anybody understand that those five contributors are braver than me? Why can’t anyone understand that the magazine is what matters now, not Sami Hamwi or Mahmoud Hassino; the out nut guy? The magazine is more important, the other contributors are more important, and I want to talk about them. I have been thinking of starting the magazine since as long as I can remember, but who can make a whole magazine alone, no matter how small it is? I have been satisfied with blogging, until Sarmad came along. Sarmad and I have a big thing in common, our big love for the city of Hama. I am not from the city itself, I am from a town in the same province, a great town, but I have always felt guilty towards Hama. The city was massacred and deformed, and it was against the law to speak about that massacre. Even saying something as “what happened in Hama” could have made anyone disappear. I blogged about Hama, and Sarmad was happy that I was blogging about it as a gay person. He sent me an email, and added me on

Facebook and I noticed something. A great gay guy with a writing talent; he writes and expresses himself eloquently. I told him about the magazine, and he became so excited that he talked to Nawar and Adam about it, and they agreed to write for Mawaleh. As Sarmad introduced me to Nawar and Adam, we realized something. Adam and I have met brieﬂy in Damascus just before I left. A small world, but our gay world is too small anyway. We talked and remembered that day, and we spoke about the people we were with, including my best friend, actually, she was my only friend in Syria, and now she’s the gay-friendliest person in the Middle East, at least I think so. Adam writes perfect English, which makes my job easier. I never read or try to edit what he writes. He did the editing for all of the articles in this issue, and he’s always there, on time, in spite of everything. Every place needs a cutie, and we have Nawar. I think he can get at least Mr. Congeniality in any gay contest. He is always there, silently coming, making a nice joke, sending us nice poetry and great written thoughts, and leaving us in a better mood. Nawar and I have

Mawaleh English: No. 1

something in common as well, but stating it here might give away too much information about him, so, I better not. While we were trying to edit and find out subjects for the first issue, someone mentioned me in a tweet on Twitter. I looked him up and I found that he had a great blog. I immediately asked him if he wanted to contribute for Mawaleh, and he accepted. It was Mawaleh’s good luck, for Nour is a talented writer, designer, and painter. He feels now responsible for the cover, a job he took voluntarily, and I hope that he keeps doing it. He made the magazine look great with that artistic eye of his. I feel more connected to Nour now because I have recently visited his town. I walked down his deserted neighborhood wondering which building was his, and I also wondered about the place he went to have the tea and nuts with those nuts he wrote about. I lived the same moments he lived, the shelling, bombing, and gunfire, and I even experienced more, air strikes. I was introduced to Loulia just before we released October’s issue of Mawaleh. A great young woman living in Damascus, who is a journalist by profession, and who writes perfect flawless English. I couldn’t be happier to have a female journalist who is starting her own project, Syrian LGBT Media monitor; a Facebook page that is monitoring articles about LGBTI issues in Syria, the Middle East, and around the world. Loulia brought Layla along, and they somtiemes write together, but we only have a regular contact with Loulia, who has been having some problems lately. Those contributors are my family now, and sometimes, I feel I need to be overprotective of them, because they helped proving that Syrians, all Syrians, will excel at everything they do, no matter how dangerous, no matter how unprecedented; no matter what, we will be there, and queers will be there as well. Mawaleh is not only a refelction of the Syrian LGBTI community, it reflects the broader Syrian community as well. Syrians are there since history started, and they are great at whet they do. Queers are there since history started, as well, and if one guy felt it is a good time to come out, so what? Braver, smarter, and greater Syrians are there, backing him up. That said, the t-shirt says smile! So, please do, along with all of your friends whom you must tell about Mawaleh.

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In Damascus

A contribution from a lesbian friend

So, let’s talk about the main problems that a girl have to face in this world of us.

First, like any gay person, everyone thought that there is no one like her in Syria, feeling ashamed, shy and confused. Some of those girls were even too cowered to figure out what they were feeling, or follow their needs, so by default in this community, they got married, and turned into a sex and parenting machine. The brave, only a few brave ones, tried to find a window; they found it online, talking to other lesbians in other countries, then with time passing and knowledge spreading, they tried to find each other here in Damascus and around Syria. The very new ones who dared to speak and meet others created a small network, they are very few and well known. The network finally grew bigger and bigger growing with some issues in it, some drama and a lot of fun.

First, we have the seeds of religion fears, which parents plant in us through the ﬁrst years of our life. It’s a big wall that needs courage to try to break through or even think it through. Then marriage, which, somehow, is not a choice most of the time; girls get married at the age of 14 or even less before knowing what they want, and by admitting who they are, they are saying no to the life written for them, to the parents, to society, and to people. This is why every couple’s dream here in Syria is to get out of the country and live together. Living together, this simple dream that we can’t have here, what are they going to tell their parents? What about when she gets 30 and people start asking why she didn’t get married? What excuse is she going to come up with every time a random new guy, whom she doesn’t know, comes to the house proposing to her?

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