How to Win Big in the jak zagadac na tinderze Industry

She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled.

Still, no response.

It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it was not hers either.

Apparently, as I found out later, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal program." The meal plan, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when girls go on dates with men just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she certainly fell into.

When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone on until that point: all 37 dates to be precise.

Of course at first I was outraged.

How could women take advantage of me like that? Especially since I was being so vulnerable by putting myself out there to ask them out in the first place.

As I matured in my internet relationship, however, I understood that this was actually a reaction for what men do to women.

Online dating sucks, but...

There are 3 significant levers in our lives which, if we pull them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation.

I learned this firsthand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time.

I quit the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend who I believed I was going to marry.

All of a sudden I was a career and dating novice. I was scared. I was scarred. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene triggered and a small voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you're not.

You're going to kick on online dating's ass!"

I began to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I started creating what I predicted,"The Process."

In this blog post I will take you through the entire process I took to learn online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B analyzing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates.

We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so that you can't only get dates, but possibly find the love of your life (with minimal stress).

Now, before I get into it, I must preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may have to be different than the under. But, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment.

If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet fascinating people and do interesting things," you'll be more inclined to enjoy the procedure. And, if you're diligent, you might end up finding that special person.

UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 years and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that mad, but maybe they are, I will leave it for you to judge.

Listen to the Modern Dating Show Podcast for more tips, tricks, and embarrassingly real stories.

Notice: You can also hear the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a lot of these approaches as we navigate the present struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship trip (and answer listener questions).

The absolute most common error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their goal clearly. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we are searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun.

The more common scenario I've discovered is that both men and women who are looking for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead.

I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with online dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She is a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help.

The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating website. Basically, so as to optimize for receiving dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photos.

Now I would like to be clear, there is nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" photos online. The issue, in the event of dating, is the format of a dating profile and what you contribute with.

Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual cues much faster than written hints. In actuality, they've found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain.

Because dating profiles hide most information other than the profile photograph before a user clicks, leading with provocative photos sets a bad first impression.

So, while it is totally fine to have hot photos up on your instagram, leading together on your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong sort of guy. Additionally, there are plenty of classy ways to possess interesting pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain.

Online dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was attempting to locate a relationship, her photos were sending signals that she's looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 For men, we tend to have the opposite issue.

Every guy who has done online dating will attest to the struggle of getting a girl to swipe directly on their profile, let alone to get them to participate in a conversation.

Guys, this is entirely your fault.

I have seen men spend hours talking about the statistics of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, and even how financial reports will effect the team's chances.

However, when it comes to online dating, men tend to slap a few pictures on their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans until their palms develop calluses.

Guys, stop.

Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to attain.

Are you trying to date a great deal of people?

Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship?

And"both" isn't an answer.

"If you try to appeal to everybody, you will interest no one."

The techniques I'll outline below work for desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate.

By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this process, I started going on a great deal of dates (3-4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled.

I just realized months after that, while it is great to go on a lot of dates and get practice relationship (remember I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to be sure I was dating the perfect folks.

Fortunately I realized this before I was the victim of any more"meal plans."

STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it's projected that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make our mind up about whether we like the person in less than one second.

The single biggest flaw in online dating is the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture.

They do not get to hear you speak. They do not get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it's a thing).

All you get is 1 picture and there is a 99% chance it's the wrong one.

If a person is approaching online dating as an experiment, naturally the first thing to test is the profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way...

One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first image was not my best.

It was interesting feedback, but I wasn't sure how I could test multiple pictures considering I could only put one as the default.

The response: testing across programs.

I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr.

I kept my profile description the same on each profile, but I set up a different profile picture on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles before I could get a big enough sample size and make certain that the platform wasn't effecting results.

Four of my actual dating profile pictures

Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least matches.

Interestingly enough, a picture I did not read much into, pic B, was really a massive turn off for pretty much 100 percent of girls.

I was shocked when I found out this, because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mineso that I never would have made that connection.

Sometimes your photographs can be your greatest blind spot.

To totally test out this idea, I really enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change their profile pictures.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super simple optimization that can look like a pain today, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches.

This is the 20% of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently.

Top Tip: If you want to speed up this process, you can actually ask your matches what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a game wasn't going well, I decided to at least get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I was not getting jobs.)

Descriptions are negotiable In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me perhaps the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself."

Now, part of the error may be my fault, because I took his advice very literally. I started to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wanted to act.

This turned out to be a horrible idea.

With no filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed more than a few people the wrong way.

Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to realize that there is a difference between being your overall self and being yourself.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our total selves except when we are by ourselves.

Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signals to give to other men and women. A man wearing a button up shirt, as an instance, is not always wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the signal that he's wealthy.

Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she doesn't want to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is signaling that he's okay with subsequent convention.

Signals matter.

In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my eye. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked very cute. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the whole party flirting and dancing.

We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria after that week.

I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck.

At first I did not even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date.

She sat down and we began talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they'd dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a guy.

I was that guy.

I didn't really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had practically nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a sign at the party didn't match her personality at all. We ended the date cordially and moved on. Choosing your signs is great, but picking false signals not so much.

The same goes for your online dating profile description.

You don't need to lie, but you also don't want to be your complete self. You want to tell them about how you collect classic records, you don't need to let them know about how you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You need to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not need to tell them about how you ran over your cat.

Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the toughest and personal piece of enhancing your online dating profile. There's no right answer, but there are definitely some wrong answers.

The first step to getting a great dating profile description is using a clear structure.

I break down a relationship profile description into 3 components:

Headline: A short sentence somebody can read quickly.

Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that provides some color to your interests and personality.

Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know something that you can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you don't want guys messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with.

Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating programs the way they surf social media sites: fast and without much thought. It could be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar manner.

Because of this, I think the headline is possibly the most crucial bit of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: The goal of the headline is to give a fast snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and brief acts like a stop sign for the individual who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone.

If you ask any top-performing marketer,"how do I create content that will be successful?" It is likely that they'll laugh at the question.

As any solid content marketer knows, terrific content is about respecting the medium that you are creating the content for. By way of instance, if I went into a woman at a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she will definitely get up and leave.

The reverse is true for online dating, however.

You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and be sure that it is quintessentially you.

The Intro Paragraph Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you should begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more.

This is not the time to compose a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your picture and headline being the first two.

The intro paragraph gives a small amount of colour and possibly some talking points that you can talk about in chat (again, ladies, this is extremely important to include if you would like to have more meaningful conversations).

The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I really like learning about businesses and new ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss.

My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a couple of basic hobbies and activities I enjoy and some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity.

The main thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anyone.

"I like hanging out with friends, watching movies, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes."

While I am sure that there are people on earth who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of those folks in your area enjoy those things too.

Rather than trying to fit in, try to stand out.

Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to discover common ground, but also things which are uniquely you.

For instance in my description above: -- Many people like being outside and photography.

-- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball.

-- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss.

The Call To Action This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content.

In dating, you essentially need the individual to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I've found that a whole lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making first contact.

I've heard countless stories of women who have paired with a man who they really like, but the man never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, they say that they don't know what to say or they do not want to seem desperate.

The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you.

But, obviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific.

On OkCupid they have a single section that says: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other online dating apps too.

Again, as with all this information, when in doubt just check it out. Try having a call to action and see if your conversations improve. If they don't, just delete it.

The attractiveness of dating apps is that rather than having 1--5 chances to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a pub for example, you have thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with.

STEP 3 -- Making initial contact and chatting The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to chat online as your initial conversation is a massive limitation when you are trying to begin a new relationship.

For starters, it's a really unnatural way of communicating, since it's been proven that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating.

It is logical then that if you take countless people and set them in an unnatural communication environment you get some pretty unnatural conversations.

While it may be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online dating, then it is a fantastic idea to study your results a little bit. This gave me the chance to begin testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I just would not have been able to determine if I did not have a high match rate.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I will spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let's examine how well you can judge a good opener from a poor one.

QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best?

For bonus points, try to purchase them from most effective to least effective. What is it going?"

B) "Hey! C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or any other variation of the type of question). How did you like X book?" (based on a book they listed in their profile) I will let you consider it for a second.

(I will add some space before the reply below. Scroll once you're ready.)

Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response And the answer is...

If you guessed D, you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst response.)

In order of best to worst, the replies are B, D, A, C (D being best).

There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that clearly depends if they've put a book in their profile.

You can modify this to ask about some other part of their profile, such as a movie or a place in their own pictures.

The reason why I guess the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it indicates that you read.

If I may use the book opener to initiate a conversation I usually also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? I am currently reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is how I opened the dialogue with my now-long-term girlfriend).

Pretty much every conversation I began with this opener felt a lot more natural and moved beyond a few messages.

The next best option,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works almost as well, but it's obviously limited to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday).

An alternative version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly too. I suspect it's because it sounds too much like I'm about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think of something interesting.

The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you have made contact and another person has responded, it's time to have a dialogue. Every dialog changes, but there are some guidelines that I will put in here as suggestions.

First, some online dating suggestions for men: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can't tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that noise objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation like you would with a friend.

DO try to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own ideas. Among the most common complaints I've heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure.

DON'T make comments about her body or appearance. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You are..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation.

Now, a few online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I've tried to be nice and friendly, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much guys pretend that they don't care about the dialogue, they do.

And they normally have no clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and direct the conversation in a positive direction.

DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you're tired of discussions feeling such as interviews, then make sure that you ask the man about things he's interested in as well. It takes two to tango.

DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women tend to put a good deal more thought in their text messages than guys do. If a man says something that seems weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he did not either.

Now a proposal for both parties: Try to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a excellent tool to meet someone, but it is just that. It is a tool, it isn't actual dating.

My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. So, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about having a date by Wednesday.

So yes, use the programs, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too if you know how to set up good dates...

Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online part of dating, I soon realized that securing the date is only half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well the date goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your residence.

As they say in real estate: location, location, location.

In which you have your date decides about 50--70% of the outcome of the date.

But a question...

Where's the worst place to have a date?

As it turns out, it is actually at the most commonly selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant.

Initially I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. But remember, I was totally new to dating so I was only following what I'd seen in movies.

Most of them didn't go well, but I was not sure why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and expensive) dates, I decided that I should experiment with several other locations.

What happened next was totally mind blowing.

It wasn't that I was doing anything differently or that I was picking better girls to go on dates with, it was merely a matter of context.

Here's why I think dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a table. You begin speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You choose beverages. You continue to speaking.

The waiter interrupts again for your food order. You are not ready to order since you've been talking. The waiter provides you"another moment." You look at the menu making remarks about the choices. The server comes back ten minutes later. You continue talking. You then run out of things to talk about. What should you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You have to keep talking.

A dinner date provides no options. It's a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost immediately.

This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at getting in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in-house communication abilities.

So, if we are getting worse at getting in-person conversations, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger?

3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that relationship could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I was holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the floor like a giant cat toy.

My fingers started to sweat and I knew that I couldn't hold on to the ledge much longer. "O well," I thought,"this will be a good bonding experience."

As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp shock of the rope on my climbing harness. But there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity.

As it turns out, my climbing partner had let go of the rope as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't catch the rope until I had dropped 15 ft to what I was sure was my forthcoming death.

Finally the rope finally stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both physically and emotionally.

"Okay this date may be a little too exciting," I thought.

My entire dating career made a 180-degree turn when I started carrying my dates on fun activities instead of dinners.

A number of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most crucial elements to a great date spot could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your scenery is shifting so that you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!"

Action -- Can we both do the activity reasonably well? I've seen men get this one fairly wrong. It is fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but make sure it's not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing?

Make sure she isn't afraid of heights first.

Scalability -- Would the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! Let's go get dessert!

No chemistry? No issue, how can we end the date earlier?

Using these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence which nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on.

I know what you're thinking,"This man took women out to the very same places like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?"

No. This was my go-to sequence, but, based on interests, I would substitute unique activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was simply a template that simplified my decisions and decreased the cognitive load I was putting on my brain. Happy brain = Happy dates.

So here is my perfect dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks each Friday from the San Francisco bay.

Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food preferences. Then (if you are a man ) you have to account for cost of meals. Off the grid solves this because there are over 20 distinct kinds of (affordable) cuisine. It also allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks.

You can extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands.

Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a few go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore.

Why I like it: What these actions had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favorite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between activity and talking.

Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a woman had made it to date #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, plus it was a semi-formal occasion so we could both dress well for that particular night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a girl didn't like science and facts it probably wouldn't work out between us anyway.

Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few tips on what to search for on each date as you try to make your own dating sequence: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for great conversation. Be sure that you can reliably go to this area, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Make sure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book a person's weekend for a first date).

Date #2: You have broken the ice and you have both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you will both like that isn't too tricky. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is fantastic for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations.

Date #3: You confirmed you enjoy each other, it's time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you both really are, and it ought to confirm whether you want to keep on seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates one and two, there can be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the relationship. For example, if I did not go to the Cal Academy I would go dancing instead.

STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right Perhaps one of the most crucial pieces of the internet dating puzzle that I see men screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the guy is the one driving the dating sequence (which is not necessarily the case) there are some questions you will need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? When should you go for the kiss? When should you sleep together?

Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most helpful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort your answers may vary. I'll share my experience (as a heterosexual male living in San Francisco) and you can make whatever adjustments you deem appropriate. The important thing is to actually consider timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling."

Going from Online to Offline It is quite easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message , she messages you, back and forth, back and forth. To be able to make certain I do not waste all my time with internet conversations I found it was best to ask a woman to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or about 20 minutes of continuous conversation.

Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of the digital world too long. It might feel like it's necessary, but it's very easy to waste plenty of time and Look at this website momentum in the chat room.

Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, working as"the new guy" at a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff. Every

day I overheard their sales calls where they would utilize their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi-million dollar accounts.

One thing that I noticed is that every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no good also. Okay how about the week after that?"

Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting into the calendar with the choice of cancelling if needed.

Once I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always ask for the next date on the first date.

One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting a lot of uncertainty.

No one likes uncertainty.

No one likes to look at their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most people do not mind if you do not like them, they just want to know.

So my suggestion is to stop playing games, both with the other person and with yourself. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you do not. (A gentle way to do this is by telling them you are not ready to date right now. I had a girl tell me and it was the simplest let down I have ever experienced and utilized it later myself also ).

I should pause here for a single caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly.

I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they've just met and then they proceed to constantly text them, call them, and watch them day after day after day. He explained,"Girls are like shadows, the more you chase them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the more they pursue you."

If you find someone who you want to be with really badly, don't frighten them away by being obsessive. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively attempt to establish a date, but there is no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week.

Allow the relationship to get some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa.

There is a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there's even scientific evidence for it also.

In a number of studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that relationship have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans.

By data mining cell phone records and comparing telephone patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that people may also invest more effort into relationships if there is a risk of that connection weakening.

I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked very well. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse in between dates, paradoxically, makes the connection

strengthen rather than weaken.

My cadence for dating I found worked fairly well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This arrangement meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the relationship to grow and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them.

Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of the post, these relationship approaches helped me tremendously, but depending upon your context, your culture, and your comfort, your procedure might need to be different than the one above.

In fact, because relationship is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it is vital to have a system set up that will help you navigate the ups and downs.

By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to just hop on and continue. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less extreme rides will help you enjoy the ride a whole lot more. As we often discuss about the podcast, even when you let go of expectations and only make your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread.

Similar to the help of world wide investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and minimize your chance of catastrophic failure. A means of doing that is by going on dates which are not only sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your dating partner behaves, at least you will have a fantastic time doing something interesting.

And, to minimize the risk, you should build both an outreach and relationship sequence so that you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you like doing and then match the dates into these activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run.

Naturally, regardless of how well I did all the above items, I had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal program being just one of many. But remember, when you're feeling down and enjoy giving up on love altogether: "You're not as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are."

Take every date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on your own, improving your conversations, your dates, and your connection with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating.

If you enjoyed this post, I'd super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more people can discover it. And, if you have any more questions about relationship, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the show.