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I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill.

She looked me directly in the eyes and smiled.

Still, no reply.

It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it was not hers either.

Apparently, as I discovered later, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal program." The meal plan, if you're not familiar with it, is when women go on dates with guys just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into.

When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone on until that point: all 37 dates to be exact.

Of course at first I was outraged.

How could women take advantage of me like that?

As I matured in my internet relationship, however, I understood that this was actually a reaction for what men do to women.

Online dating sucks, but...

There are three significant levers in our lives that, if we pull them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation.

I discovered this first hand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time.

I stopped the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year connection with my girlfriend who I thought I was going to marry.

All of a sudden I was a career and relationship newcomer.

After 9 months of misery and frustration I was about to give up on online dating all together. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a little voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you are not. You are going to kick online dating's ass!"

I began to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating like one big experiment. I began creating what I predicted,"The Process."

In this blog post I'll take you through the whole process I chose to master online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B analyzing your descriptions, starting meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates.

We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so you can not only get dates, but maybe discover the love of your life (with minimal stress).

Now, before I get into it, I should preface that based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process might have to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from dating and treat it like an experiment.

If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you'll be much more inclined to enjoy the procedure. And, if you are diligent, you may end up finding that special person.

UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that mad, but maybe they are, I will leave it for you to judge.

Notice: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a lot of these strategies as we navigate the present struggles and embarrassments of his own dating trip (and answer listener questions).

STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The complete most frequent mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their goal obviously. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we're searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun.

The more common scenario I've found is that both men and women that are searching for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their dating for fun instead.

I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She is an incredibly smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. Basically, in order to optimize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photographs.

Now I would like to be clear, there's nothing wrong with women having"promiscuous" pictures online. The issue, in the case of dating, is the arrangement of a dating profile and what you lead with.

Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual cues much faster than written clues. In actuality, they have found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by without even activating their conscious brain.

Because dating profiles conceal most information aside from the profile photograph until a user clicks, leading with provocative photographs sets a poor first impression.

So, while it is totally fine to have sexy photos up on your instagram, leading with them on your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong sort of guy. Additionally, there are lots of classy ways to have intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain.

Internet Dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was attempting to locate a relationship, her photos were only sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 Every guy who has done online dating will attest to the battle of getting a woman to swipe right on their profile, let alone to get them to engage in a conversation.

Guys, this is completely your own fault.

I have seen men spend hours talking about the numbers of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, and even how financial reports will influence the team's chances.

However, when it comes to online dating, men tend to slap a few pictures in their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans till their fingers develop calluses.

Guys, stop.

Before you start creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to achieve.

Are you trying to date a lot of people?

Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship?

And"both" is not an answer.

"If you try to appeal to everybody, you will appeal to no one."

The techniques I will outline below work for desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate.

By way of example, the first time I mastered everything in this process, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled.

I only realized months after that, while it's good to go on a lot of dates and get practice relationship (recall I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to be sure I had been dating the perfect people.

Luckily I realized this before I had been the victim of any more"meal plans."

STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it is estimated that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make our mind up about if we like the person in less than one second.

The single biggest flaw in online dating is the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image.

They don't get to hear you speak. They don't get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it's a thing).

All you get is one picture and there's a 99% chance it is the wrong one.

If a person is coming online dating as an experiment, naturally the first thing to check is your profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way...

One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first picture was not my best.

It was interesting feedback, but I was not sure how I could test numerous pictures considering I could only put one as the default.

The response: testing across apps.

I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr.

I retained my profile description the exact same on every profile, but I put up a different profile picture on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles until I could find a large enough sample size and be sure that the platform was not effecting results.

Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture which I thought was my best was always the one with the least games.

Interestingly enough, a picture that I did not read much into, pic B, was actually a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of girls.

I was shocked when I found this out, because the two girls in that photo are really good friends of mineso I never would have made this connection.

Sometimes your photographs can be your biggest blind spot.

To completely test this idea out, I really enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2

This is a super easy optimization that can seem to be a pain today, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches.

This is the 20 percent of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often.

Top Tip: If you want to speed this process up, you can actually ask your matches exactly what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a game was not going well, I decided to at least get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.)

Now, a part of this error may be my fault, since I took his advice quite literally. I started to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wanted to act.

This turned out to be a horrible idea.

With no filter or idea behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way.

Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to realize that there's a difference between being your overall self and being yourself.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our complete selves except when we're by ourselves.

Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signs to give to other men and women. A man wearing a button up top, for example, isn't always wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the signal that he is wealthy.

Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she does not wish to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is indicating that he's okay with following convention.

In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my attention. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked really cute. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the entire party flirting and dancing.

We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria after that week.

I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck.

Initially I did not even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date.

She sat down and we started talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they had dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a guy.

I was that guy.

I didn't really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had practically nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a signal at the party did not match her personality in any way. We ended the date cordially and proceeded on. Choosing your signals is good, but choosing false signals not so much.

The same goes for your online dating profile description.

You don't need to lie, but you also don't want to be your complete self. You want to tell them about how you collect classic records, you don't need to tell them about how you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You want to tell them about the way you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not need to tell them about how you ran over your cat.

Crafting a good description is perhaps the most difficult and personal piece of enhancing your online dating profile. There's no ideal answer, but there are some incorrect answers.

The first step to having a great dating profile description is having a clear structure.

I break down a dating profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A brief sentence somebody can read quickly.

Intro Paragraph: A bit longer description that provides some colour to your interests and personality.

Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know something that you can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you do not want guys messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with.

The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating apps the way they surf social media sites: fast and without much thought. It could be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar manner.

Because of this, I think the headline is perhaps the most crucial piece of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active."

The objective of the headline is to give a fast snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and brief functions like a stop sign for the individual who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. Chances are they'll laugh at the question.

As any good content marketer knows, terrific content is about respecting the medium that you're creating the content for. By way of example, if I went up to a girl in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she will definitely get up and leave.

The reverse is true for online dating, however.

You want your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and be sure that it is quintessentially you.

After that initial curiosity is peaked, you should start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more.

This isn't the time to compose a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your headline and picture being the first two.

The intro paragraph provides a little bit of colour and possibly some talking points that you can discuss in chat (again, ladies, this is extremely important to add if you want to have more meaningful conversations).

The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outdoors as much as possible! Some of my favorite items are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I really like learning about new and businesses ideas. I am into photography, design, and Tim Ferriss.

My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a couple of basic hobbies and activities I like as well as some non-standard items like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity.

The most important thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic actions that could apply to pretty much anybody. I can not tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I like hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes."

While I am sure that there are people on earth who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of the folks in your area enjoy those things too.

As opposed to attempting to fit in, attempt to stand out.

Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can find common ground, but also things which are uniquely you.

For instance in my description above: -- Most people like being outdoors and photography.

-- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss.

The Call To Action This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content.

In relationship, you basically want the person to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I have found that a whole lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making initial contact.

I have heard countless stories of girls who have matched with a man who they really enjoy, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why pisanie z dziewczyną na fb they don't message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to seem desperate.

The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you.

But, obviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific.

On OkCupid they have a single section that says: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other internet dating programs too.

Again, as with all this information, when in doubt just check it out. Try using a call to action and see if your conversations improve. When they don't, simply delete it.

The attractiveness of dating apps is that instead of having 1--5 opportunities to make a connection, as you would

if you went to a pub for instance, you have tens of thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with.

STEP 3 -- Making first contact and chatting The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to talk online as your first conversation is a massive limitation when you're trying to start a new relationship.

For one thing, it is a really unnatural method of communicating, since it's been shown that we receive 55% of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communication.

It makes sense then that if you take countless people and put them in a supernatural communication environment you get some pretty unnatural conversations.

While it may be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online relationship, then it's a fantastic idea to study your results a little bit.

As I got better at optimizing my profile, I started matching with a growing number of people. This gave me the chance to begin testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply wouldn't have been able to see if I did not have a high match rate.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a good opener from a poor one.

QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best?

A) "Hey! What is it going?"

C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or some other variation of this sort of question). (according to a book they listed in their profile) I will allow you to think about it for a second.

(I will add some distance before the answer below. Scroll once you're ready.)

Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer

Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response And the answer is...

If you guessed D, you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst answer.)

In order of best to worst, the replies are B, D, A, C (D being best).

There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that obviously depends if they've put a book in their profile.

You can alter this to ask about some other part of the profile, such as a picture or a location in their own pictures.

The reason I suspect the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it shows that you read.

If I may use the book opener to start a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? I'm now reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is how I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend).

Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and moved past a few messages.

The second best option,"Hey! Works almost as well, but it's obviously limited to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays.

(It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it is because it seems too much like I am going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting.

The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and the other person has responded, it's time to have a conversation. Every conversation varies, but there are some guidelines that I will put in here as hints.

First, some online dating suggestions for men: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you the number of messages my female friends have shown me that noise objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation just like you want a friend.

DO attempt to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own thoughts. Among the most common complaints I've heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be certain that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure.

DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You are..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation.

Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I've tried to be nice and friendly, I have still received very curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much men pretend they don't care about the conversation, they do.

And they usually have no clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and guide the dialogue in a positive direction.

DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you are tired of discussions feeling such as interviews, then make sure to ask the guy about things he's interested in also. It takes two to tango.

DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women tend to place a lot more thought in their text messages than men do. If a man says something that looks weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he did not either.

Now a suggestion for the two parties: Try to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a great tool to meet someone, but it is just that. It is a tool, it is not actual dating.

My overall recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. Thus, if you match with one another on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about having a date by Wednesday.

So yes, use the apps, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too in case you know how to set up great dates...

Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less After I had mastered the online portion of relationship, I soon realized that procuring the date is only half the battle. The second half of this battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your house.

Where you have your date determines about 50--70 percent of the results of the date.

But a question...

Where is the worst place to have a date?

As it happens, it's actually at the most commonly selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant.

Initially I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. But remember, I was totally new to dating so I was just following what I'd seen in movies.

Many of them did not go well, but I was not sure why. After a dozen or so awkward (and expensive) dates, I determined that I should experiment with some other locations.

What happened next was absolutely mind blowing.

It was not I was doing anything differently or that I had been choosing better women to go on dates with, it was merely a matter of context.

Here's why I think dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a table. You begin speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again

to your food order. You are not ready to order because you've been talking. The waiter provides you"another minute." You look at the menu making comments about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later.

You order food. You then run out of things to discuss. What should you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You need to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk!

A dinner date provides no choices. It's a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost instantly.

This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person conversations.

Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our inhouse communication abilities.

So, if we are getting worse at having in-person conversations, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger?

3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that dating could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I had been holding on to a small ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet above the ground like a giant cat toy.

My fingers started to sweat and I knew that I couldn't hold on to the ledge much longer. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a good bonding experience."

As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp jolt of the rope in my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity.

As it turns out, my climbing partner had let go of the rope as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't grab the rope until I had dropped 15 ft to what I was sure was my upcoming death.

Finally the rope eventually stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically.

"Okay this date might be a little too exciting," I thought.

My entire dating career made a 180-degree turn when I started carrying my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. I'd take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between.

Some of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most essential elements to a wonderful date place could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you're walking, your landscape is shifting so that you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked man on rollerblades!"

Activity -- Can we both do the activity reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one pretty wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but be sure it's not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing?

Make sure she is not afraid of heights first.

Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! No chemistry? No issue, how can we end the date sooner?

With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence which nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on.

Now I know what you are thinking,"This man took women out to the very same places like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?"

No. This was my go-to sequence, but, based on interests, I would substitute unique activities to keep the dates interesting. This was simply a template that simplified my choices and reduced the cognitive load I was putting in my mind. Happy brain = Happy dates.

So here is my perfect dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks each Friday by the San Francisco bay.

Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food preferences. Then (if you are a guy) you have to account for cost of meals. Off the grid solves this because there are over 20 different types of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. It is possible to extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Queue the awkward whiteboy dance moves.

Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a few go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the beach.

Why I like it: These activities had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favorite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between activity and talking. If we did a picnic on the beach, we could go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach.

Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a girl had made it to date #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, plus it was a semi-formal occasion so we could both dress well for that particular night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a girl didn't like facts and science it probably wouldn't work out between us anyway. As an additional bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the evening.

Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show

These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating

arrangement. Here are a few tips on what to search for on each date as you try to create your own dating arrangement: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for great conversation. Be certain that you can reliably go to this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you need to make reservations. Ensure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try not to book someone's weekend for a first date).

Date #2: You've broken the ice and you have both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you'll both like that isn't too tricky. Avoid intimidating activities like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing.

Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and talking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations.

Date #3: You confirmed you like each other, it's time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you both really are, and it ought to confirm whether you want to keep on seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates one and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the connection. By way of example, if I did not go to the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead.

STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right Perhaps among the most crucial pieces of the online dating puzzle that I see guys screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the guy is the one forcing the relationship sequence (which is not always the case) there are a few questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss?

Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. The main thing is to actually think about timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling."

Going from Online to Offline It is very easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message her, she messages youback and forth, forth and back. In order to make certain that I do not waste all my time with internet conversations I found it was best to ask a woman to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of continuous conversation.

Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of this digital world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it is quite easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room.

Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, working as"the new guy" at a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team.

One thing I discovered is that each and every time they were ending a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week then? O that's no great too. Okay how about the week after that?"

Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" another meeting to the calendar with the choice of cancelling if desired.

When I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always ask for the second date on the first date.

One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting plenty of uncertainty.

No one likes uncertainty.

No one likes to look at their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals don't mind if you do not like them, they just want to know.

So my suggestion is to stop playing games, both with another person and with yourself. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them you aren't prepared to date at this time. I had a woman tell me and it was the simplest let down I have ever experienced and used it later myself also ).

I must pause here for a single caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly.

I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they have just met and they then proceed to constantly text them, call them, and see them day after day after day.

Stop Chasing Shadows once I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He told me,"Girls are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the more they chase you."

If you find someone who you would like to be with really poorly, don't frighten them away by being fanatical. If they like you as well, there is no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously try to establish a date, but there's no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week.

Allow the relationship to have some breathing room. A good way to judge if a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa.

There's a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there's even scientific proof for it as well.

In a number of studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that relationship have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans.

By data mining mobile phone records and comparing telephone patterns and duration, the researchers at the university found that people will also invest more effort into relationships if there is a risk of that relationship weakening.

I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked very well. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse in between dates, paradoxically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken.

My cadence for relationship that I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This sequence meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the connection to mature and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was particularly helpful when I was really into them.

Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, these dating approaches helped me tremendously, but depending upon your context, your culture, and your comfort, your procedure may have to be different than the one above.

In actuality, because relationship is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it's imperative to have a system set up that will assist you navigate the ups and downs.

By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply jump and hold on. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less intense rides can allow you to enjoy the ride a whole lot more.

Perhaps the single most important thing to bear in mind though is to let go of expectations and treat the process like an experiment. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, when you let go of expectations and just create your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread.

Like the help of world-class investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and decrease your risk of catastrophic failure. A means of doing that is by going on dates that aren't only sit-down dinners, so that no matter how your relationship partner behaves, at least you'll have a good time doing something fun.

And, to decrease the risk, you need to build both an outreach and relationship sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Find a few activities you like doing and then match the dates into those activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run.

Of course, irrespective of how well I did all the above items, I still had my share of terrible dates. The girl who used me as a meal program being just one of many. But remember, once you're feeling down and enjoy giving up on love altogether: "You're never as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are."

Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on your own, improving your discussions, your dates, and your connection with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride.

If you enjoyed this post, I'd super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more people can find it. And, if you've any more questions about dating, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own

dating questions and we'll answer them on the show.