11 Embarrassing jak pisać z dziewczyną Faux Pas You Better Not Make

She looked me directly in the eyes and smiled.

Still, no reply.

At that moment I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could.

It definitely was not my best moment, but it was not hers either.

Apparently, as I found out afterwards, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal program." The meal program, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when women go on dates with men just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into.

When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone on until there: all 37 dates to be precise. How could women take advantage of me like this?

As I matured in my internet dating, however, I understood that this was really a response for what men do to women.

Online dating sucks, but...

There are 3 significant levers in our lives that, if we pull on them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation.

I learned this first hand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at once.

I quit the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year connection with my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry.

All of a sudden I was a career and relationship newcomer. I was depressed.

After 9 months of misery and frustration I was going to give up on online dating all together. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a small voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you're not. You're going to kick online dating's ass!"

I began to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating like one big experiment. I started creating what I called,"The Process."

In this blog post I'll take you through the whole process I took to learn online dating. By optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, starting meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so you can not only get dates, but possibly discover the love of your life (with minimal stress).

Now, before I get into it, I should preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process may need to be different than the below. But, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from dating and treat it like an experiment.

If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet fascinating people and do interesting things," you will be more inclined to enjoy the process. And, if you are diligent, you might end up finding that special person.

UPDATE: As of 2019 I have been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that crazy, but perhaps they are, I'll leave it for you to judge.

Notice: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a lot of these strategies as we navigate the current struggles and embarrassments of his own dating trip (and answer listener questions).

STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The complete most common mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their target clearly. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we are looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun.

The more common scenario I've found is that both men and women who are searching for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead.

I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She is an incredibly smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help.

The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating website. Basically, so as to optimize for receiving dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photographs.

Now I want to be clear, there's nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" photos online. The issue, in the case of dating, is the arrangement of a relationship and what you contribute with.

Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual clues much faster than written hints. In fact, https://canvas.instructure.com/eportfolios/135588/andersonbynp032/20_Resources_Thatll_Make_You_Better_at_portale_ra they've found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain.

Because dating profiles conceal most information other than the profile photograph until a user clicks, resulting in provocative photos sets a bad first impression.

So, while it is totally fine to have sexy photos up on your instagram, leading together on your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong type of guy. There are also lots of classy ways to have intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind.

Online dating pictures can be both intriguing and classy So, although Maddy was trying to find a relationship, her photos were only sending signals that she is looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 Every guy who has done online dating will attest to the struggle of getting a woman to swipe right on their profile, let alone to get them to participate in a conversation.

Guys, this is completely your own fault.

I've seen guys spend hours talking about the statistics of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, and even how financial reports will influence the team's chances.

But, when it comes to online dating, guys tend to slap a few pictures on their profile and then start swiping like orangutans until their palms develop calluses.

Guys, stop.

Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to achieve.

Are you trying to date a lot of people?

Or are you trying to find a meaningful relationship?

And"both" isn't an answer.

"If you try to appeal to everybody, you will appeal to no one."

The techniques I will outline below work for either desired outcome, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate.

By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled.

I only realized months after that, while it's good to go on a great deal of dates and get practice relationship (remember I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I had been dating the perfect folks.

Luckily I realized this before I had been the victim of any more"meal plans" STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile images and descriptions First impressions matter.

According to a study from Princeton, it is projected that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make up our mind about whether we like the person in less than 1 second.

The single biggest flaw in online dating is the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture.

They do not get to hear you talk. They do not get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it is a thing).

All you get is 1 picture and there's a 99% chance it's the wrong one.

If one is coming online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to check is the profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way...

I went to every female friend I knew and asked her what she thought of my photos.

One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first picture was not my best.

It was interesting feedback, but I wasn't certain how I could test numerous pictures considering I could only put

one as the default.

The answer: testing across apps.

I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, along with the dreaded Tindr.

I retained my profile description the same on every profile, but I put up another profile picture on each. I rotated the images across profiles until I could find a large enough sample size and be sure that the platform wasn't effecting results.

Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture which I thought was my best was always the one with the least matches.

Interestingly enough, a picture I did not read into, pic B, was actually a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of women. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they answered,"it makes you look like a player."

I was shocked when I found this out, because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mineso I never would have made this connection.

Sometimes your photos can be your greatest blind spot.

To completely test this idea out, I actually enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change their profile pictures.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super easy optimization that can seem to be a pain today, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches.

This is the 20 percent of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently.

Top Tip: If you would like to speed this process up, you can really ask your games exactly what they think of your pictures. If a conversation with a game wasn't going well, I decided to at least get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.)

Descriptions are negotiable

In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me perhaps the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself."

Now, part of this error may be my fault, because I took his advice very literally. I started to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wanted to act.

This turned out to be a very bad idea.

With no filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way.

Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to realize that there is a difference between being your overall self and being yourself.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our total selves except when we are by ourselves.

Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we knowingly choose which signs to give to other men and women. A man wearing a button up top, as an instance, isn't always wealthy, but the button up top is putting out the signal that he's wealthy.

Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she does not wish to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is indicating that he's okay with following convention.

In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my attention. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the whole party dancing and flirting.

We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria later that week.

I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck.

At first I did not even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date.

She sat down and we began talking.

I was that guy.

I didn't really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a sign at the party did not match her personality at all. We finished the date cordially and proceeded on. Choosing your signals is good, but choosing false signals not so much.

You do not want to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You need to tell them about how you collect classic records, you do not want to tell them about the way you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You want to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't need to let them know about how you ran over your cat.

Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the toughest and personal piece of enhancing your online dating profile. There's no right answer, but there are some incorrect answers.

The first step to having a great dating profile description is having a very clear structure.

I break down a dating profile description into 3 components: Headline: A short sentence somebody can read quickly.

Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that provides some colour to your interests and personality.

Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something that you two can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you don't want men messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to begin the conversation with.

The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating apps the way they surf social networking sites: quickly and without much thought. It could be, in fact, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar manner.

Because of this, I think the headline is possibly the most important bit of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I discovered that this one worked best for me: The objective of the headline is to provide a fast snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and brief functions like a stop sign for the individual who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. Chances are they'll laugh at the question.

As any good content marketer knows, terrific content is about respecting the medium that you are producing the content for. By way of example, if I went into a girl in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she'll definitely get up and leave.

The opposite is true for online relationship, however.

You want your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and make sure it is quintessentially you.

The Intro Paragraph Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you should begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more.

This is not the time to compose a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your headline and picture being the first two.

The intro paragraph provides a little bit of colour and perhaps some talking points that you can talk about in chat (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to include if you want to have more meaningful conversations).

The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I really like learning about businesses and new ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss.

My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe."

This paragraph outlines a few basic activities and hobbies I like and some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity.

The most important thing to remember about this section is to avoid the generic actions that could apply to pretty much anybody.

"I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching movies, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes."

While I'm positive there are people on earth who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95% or more of those people in your area enjoy both those things too.

Rather than trying to fit in, try to stand out.

Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can find common ground, but also things which are uniquely you.

For instance in my description above: -- Most people like being outside and photography.

-- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss.

The Call To Action This is optional, although it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content.

In relationship, you essentially want the individual to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I've found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making initial contact.

I've heard countless stories of girls who have paired with a guy who they really enjoy, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, they say that they don't know what to say or they do not want to appear desperate.

The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you.

Butobviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific.

On OkCupid they have a single section that says:

My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you're an interesting person who likes to play outdoors."

Again, as with this information, when in doubt just check it out. Try having a call to action and see if your conversations improve. If they don't, just delete it.

The beauty of dating apps is that rather than having 1--5 chances to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a bar for instance, you have tens of thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with.

STEP 3 -- Making first contact and chatting where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it has to do with the conversation.

Having to chat online as your first conversation is a massive limitation when you're trying to begin a new relationship.

For starters, it is a very unnatural way of communicating, because it's been proven that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating.

It makes sense then that when you take countless people and put them in a supernatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations.

While it might be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a good relationship through online relationship, then it's a good idea to study your results a little bit. This gave me the opportunity to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I just wouldn't have been able to see if I did not have a high match rate.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I will spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us test how well you can judge a good opener from a bad one.

A) "Hey! What is it going?" How was your weekend?" (or any other variation of this sort of question). (according to a book they listed in their profile) I'll allow you to consider it for a second.

(I'll add some distance before the answer below. Scroll as soon as you're ready.)

Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer

Scroll for the answer And the answer is...

If you guessed D, you chose the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst answer.)

In order of best to worst, the replies are B, D, A, C (D being best).

There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that clearly depends if they have put a book in their profile.

You can modify this to ask about some other part of the profile, such as a picture or a location in their pictures.

The reason I suspect that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it shows that you read.

If I may use the book opener to start a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book?

(This is how I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend).

Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and went beyond a few messages.

The next best choice,"Hey! Works nearly as well, but it's obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday).

An alternate version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it's because it sounds too much like I'm going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting.

The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and another person has responded, it is time to have a dialogue. Every dialog changes, but there are a few guidelines that I will put in here as suggestions.

First, some online dating suggestions for guys: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can't tell you the number of messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation like you want a friend.

DO try to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own ideas. One of the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure.

DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You are..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation.

Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I have tried to be friendly and nice, I have still received very curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much guys pretend they don't care about the conversation,

they do. And they normally have no clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and guide the conversation in a positive direction.

DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you are tired of discussions feeling like interviews, then be certain that you ask the guy about things he's interested in also. It takes two to tango.

DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to put a lot more thought in their text messages than guys do. If a guy says something that seems weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he did not either.

Now a proposal for the two parties: Try to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a excellent tool to meet someone, but it is just that. It's a tool, it isn't actual dating.

My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. Thus, if you match with one another on a Monday, you should definitely have begun talking about having a date by Wednesday.

So yes, use the apps, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too in case you know how to set up good dates...

Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less

After I had mastered the online part of dating, I soon realized that procuring the date is just half the battle. The second half of this battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your house.

In which you have your date determines about 50--70 percent of the results of the date.

But first a question...

Where is the worst place to have a date?

As it happens, it is actually at the most frequently selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant.

At first I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But bear in mind, I was totally new to relationship so I was just following what I'd seen in movies.

Most of them didn't go well, but I wasn't certain why. After a dozen or so awkward (and pricey ) dates, I decided that I need to experiment with some other locations.

What occurred next was totally mind blowing.

It was not I was doing anything differently or that I was picking better women to go on dates with, it was merely a matter of context.

Here's why I think dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a table. You start speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again for your food order. You're not ready to order since you've been talking. The waiter provides you"another minute."

You look at the menu making remarks about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You continue talking. You talk and talk. Then you run out of things to discuss. What should you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You have to keep talking.

A dinner date provides no choices. It's a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost instantly.

This problem is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions.

Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our inhouse communication abilities.

So, if we're getting worse at getting in-person discussions, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a small ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the floor like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a great bonding experience."

As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp jolt of the rope on my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity.

As it happens, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and did not catch the rope until I had fallen 15 feet to what I was certain was my forthcoming death.

Eventually the rope finally stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically.

My entire dating career made a 180-degree turn when I started taking my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. I would take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between.

Some of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most crucial elements to a great date place could be distilled into three categories: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your scenery is shifting so you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all).

Action -- Can we do the action reasonably well? I've seen men get this one pretty wrong. It is fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but make certain it is not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing?

Make sure she is not afraid of heights first.

Scalability -- Can the date increase or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! No chemistry? No issue, how do we end the date sooner?

Using these three criteria, I crafted a three date sequence that nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I

went on.

Now I know what you're thinking,"This guy took women out to the very same places like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?"

This was my go-to sequence, but, based on interests, I'd substitute different activities to keep the dates intriguing.

This was merely a template which simplified my decisions and decreased the cognitive load I was putting on my brain. Happy brain = Happy dates.

So here's my ideal dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks each Friday from the San Francisco bay.

Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everybody has different food preferences. Then (if you're a guy) you've got to account for cost of meals. Off the grid solves this since there are over 20 distinct types of (affordable) cuisine. It also allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. Feel like going all out?

Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a few go-tos, namely: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore.

Why I like it: What these actions had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favorite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between talking and activity. If we did a picnic on the shore, we can go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach.

Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a girl had made it #3, it meant I really liked her.

Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal occasion so we could both dress well for that special night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a girl didn't like science and facts it probably would not work out between us anyway. As an added bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the evening.

Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few tips on what to search for on each date as you attempt to create your own dating arrangement: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places don't make for good conversation. Be sure that you can reliably visit this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Make sure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try not to book a person's weekend for a first date).

Date #2: You've broken the ice and you have both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you will both like that is not too tricky. Avoid intimidating activities like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations.

Date #3: You both confirmed you enjoy each other, it's time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a bit

more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you both really are, and it ought to confirm whether you want to continue seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the connection. By way of example, if I didn't visit the Cal Academy I would go dancing instead.

STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right Perhaps one of the most crucial pieces of the online dating mystery that I see men screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the man is the one forcing the relationship sequence (which isn't always the case) there are a few questions you will need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss?

Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most helpful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. I'll share my experience (as a heterosexual man living in San Francisco) and you can make whatever adjustments you deem appropriate. The main thing is to actually consider timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It is quite easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message her, she messages you, back and forth, back and forth. In order to make sure I don't waste all my time with internet conversations I found that it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of constant conversation.

Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of this digital world too long. It might feel like it's necessary, but it is quite easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room.

Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, working as"the new man" at a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff.

One thing I discovered is that every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week then? O that's no good too. Okay how about the week then?"

Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting into the calendar with the choice of cancelling if needed.

When I took this technique and applied it to relationship, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it's worked really well: Always ask for the next date on the first date.

One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting plenty of uncertainty.

No one likes uncertainty.

No one likes to check their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. Nobody likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals don't mind if you do not like them, they only want to know.

So my suggestion would be to stop playing games, both with the other person and with yourself.

If you like them, tell them you like them.

If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them that you are not prepared to date at this time. I had a woman tell me this and it was the simplest let down I've ever experienced and utilized it later myself too).

I should pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly.

I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they have just met and they then proceed to text them, call them, and watch them day after day after day.

Stop Chasing Shadows once I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He explained,"Women are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the longer they pursue you."

If you find someone who you want to be with really poorly, do not scare them away by being fanatical. If they like you as well, there is no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively attempt to set up a date, but there is no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week.

Allow the relationship to get some breathing room. A good way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa.

There's a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific evidence for it as well.

In several studies, anthropologists have discovered that lots of primates invest more effort into a relationships if the people in that connection have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans.

By data mining mobile phone records and comparing telephone patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that humans may also invest more effort into relationships when there is a risk of that relationship weakening.

I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked very well. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, paradoxically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken.

My cadence for relationship I found worked fairly well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This sequence meant that I would spread out the first 3 dates across a one month period. This allowed for enough

time for the connection to mature and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them.

Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, these dating approaches helped me tremendously, but depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your procedure may have to be different than the one above. In fact, because relationship is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it's imperative to have a system in place that will help you navigate the ups and downs.

By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply hop on and hold on. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less intense rides can help you enjoy the ride a whole lot more. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, even when you let go of expectations and only create your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread.

Similar to the advice of world wide investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and decrease your chance of catastrophic failure. A means of doing that is by going on dates that are not only sit-down dinners, so that no matter how your relationship partner behaves, at least you will have a fantastic time doing something fun.

And, to decrease the risk, you need to build both an outreach and dating sequence so you reduce the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Find a few activities you enjoy doing and then match the dates into these activities. This is also a great way to filter out people who aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run.

Naturally, irrespective of how well I did all the above items, I still had my share of terrible dates. The girl who used me as a meal plan being just one of several.

Dating is a rollercoaster that will scare you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But bear in mind, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You're never as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are."

Take every date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on your own, improving your discussions, your dates, and your connection with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating.

Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride.

If you enjoyed this post, I'd super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more people can discover it. And, if you've any more questions about dating, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.