10 Best Facebook Pages of All Time About jak rozpocząć rozmowę z dziewczyną

She looked me directly in the eyes and smiled.

Again, I looked at her and then looked at the invoice.

Still, no reply.

It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it was not hers either.

Apparently, as I discovered afterwards, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal plan." The meal program, if you're not familiar with it, is when women go on dates with men just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she certainly fell into.

When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone until that point: all 37 dates to be exact. How could women take advantage of me like that? Especially since I was being so vulnerable by putting myself out there to ask them out in the first location.

As I matured in my internet dating, however, I realized that this was really a response for what men do to women.

There are three significant levers in our lives that, if we pull on them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation.

I discovered this firsthand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time.

I quit the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my Click for more 10-year connection with my girlfriend that I believed I was going to marry.

All of a sudden I was a career and dating newcomer.

One dayI was sitting in the shower feeling sorry for myself for over an hour. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene triggered and a little voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you are not.

You're going to kick on online dating's ass!"

I began to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I began to approach online dating like one big experiment. I began creating what I predicted,"The Process."

In this blog post I'll take you through the whole process I chose to learn online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B analyzing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates.

We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so that you can not only get dates, but maybe discover the love of your life (with minimal stress).

Now, before I get into it, I should preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your

process may have to be different than the below. But, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from dating and treat it like an experiment.

If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you'll be more inclined to enjoy the process. And, if you are diligent, you might end up finding that special person.

UPDATE: As of 2019 I have been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that crazy, but maybe they are, I will leave it for you to judge.

Notice: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a lot of these strategies as we navigate the current struggles and embarrassments of his own dating journey (and answer listener questions).

The complete most common mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their target clearly. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we're searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun.

The more common scenario I've discovered is that both men and women that are searching for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead.

I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with online dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She's a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. Basically, in order to maximize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photos.

Now I want to be clear, there's nothing wrong with women having"promiscuous" pictures online. The problem, in the event of dating, is the format of a relationship and what you contribute with.

Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual cues much faster than written hints. In actuality, they have found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by without even activating their conscious brain.

Because dating profiles hide most information aside from the profile photograph before a user clicks, resulting in provocative photos sets a bad first impression.

So, while it's totally fine to have hot photos up in your instagram, leading together on your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong type of guy. There are also plenty of classy ways to have interesting pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind.

Internet Dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was trying to locate a relationship, her photos were only sending signals that she is looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 Every man who has done online dating will attest to the battle of getting a woman to swipe right on their profile, let alone to make them engage in a conversation.

Men, this is completely your own fault.

I have seen men spend hours talking about the numbers of their favourite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will effect the team's chances.

But, when it comes to online dating, men tend to slap a few pictures on their profile and then start swiping like orangutans till their fingers develop calluses.

Men, stop.

Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to attain.

Are you trying to date a great deal of people?

Or are you trying to find a meaningful relationship?

And"both" isn't an answer. As the saying goes...

"If you try to appeal to everyone, you will appeal to no one."

The techniques I will outline below work for either desired outcome, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate.

For instance, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled.

I only realized months later that, while it is great to go on a lot of dates and get practice dating (remember I had been off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I had been dating the right people.

Luckily I realized this before I was the victim of some more"meal plans."

STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile images and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it's estimated that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make our mind up about if we like the person in less than 1 second.

The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image.

They don't get to hear you speak. They don't get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it's a thing).

All you get is 1 picture and there is a 99% chance it is the wrong one.

If a person is approaching online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to test is the profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way...

One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first image was not my best.

It was interesting feedback, but I was not certain how I could test numerous pictures considering I could only put one as the default option.

The response: testing across programs.

I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, along with the dreaded Tindr.

I retained my profile description the same on each profile, but I set up another profile picture on each. I rotated the images across profiles before I could get a big enough sample size and make certain that the platform wasn't effecting results.

Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture which I thought was my best was always the one with the least games.

Interestingly enough, a picture I did not read into, pic B, was actually a huge turn off for pretty much 100% of women. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they replied,"it makes you look like a player."

I was shocked when I found out this, because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mineso I never would have made that connection.

Sometimes your photographs can be your greatest blind spot.

To totally test out this idea, I actually enrolled a few friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures.

They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super simple optimization that may seem to be a pain today, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches.

This is the 20% of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently.

Top Tip: If you would like to speed this process up, you can actually ask your games exactly what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a match wasn't going well, I decided to at least get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I was not getting jobs.)

Descriptions are negotiable In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me perhaps the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself."

Now, a part of this error may be my fault, since I took his advice quite literally. I started to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wished to act.

This turned out to be a very bad idea.

Without any filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way.

Now that I've matured a bit, I've come to realize that there is a difference between being your total self and being yourself.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our total selves except when we are by ourselves.

Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signals to give to other people. A man wearing a button up shirt, as an instance, isn't necessarily wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the signal that he's wealthy.

Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she doesn't wish to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is indicating that he is okay with subsequent convention.

Signals matter.

In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my attention. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked really cute. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the entire party flirting and dancing.

We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria later that week.

I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck.

At first I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date.

She sat down and we started talking.

I was that man.

I didn't really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had practically nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a sign at the party did not match her personality in any way. We finished the date cordially and moved on. Choosing your signals is good, but choosing false signals not so much.

You don't need to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You want to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you do not want to tell them about the way you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You want to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't need to let them know about how you ran over your cat.

Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the toughest and personal piece of improving your online dating profile.

There is no ideal answer, but there are some wrong answers.

The first step to getting a great dating profile description is using a very clear structure.

I break down a dating profile description into 3 components:

Headline: A short sentence somebody can read quickly.

Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that gives some color to your interests and character.

Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something that you two can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you do not want guys messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to begin the conversation with.

Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating apps the way they surf social networking sites: fast and without much thought. It could be, in fact, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar manner.

Due to this, I think the headline is perhaps the most important piece of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that is right for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active."

The goal of the headline is to provide a fast snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and short acts like a stop sign for the individual who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. Chances are they'll laugh at the question.

As any solid content marketer knows, terrific content is all about respecting the medium that you're creating the content for. By way of example, if I went up to a girl in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she will definitely get up and leave.

The opposite is true for online relationship, however.

You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and make sure that it is quintessentially you.

The Intro Paragraph After that initial curiosity is peaked, you can begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more.

This isn't the time to write a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your picture and headline being the first two.

The intro paragraph gives a little bit of color and possibly some talking points that you two can discuss in chat (again, ladies, this is extremely important to add if you want to have more meaningful conversations).

The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outdoors as much as you can! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I love learning about new and businesses ideas. I am into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss.

My perfect Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a couple of basic activities and hobbies I enjoy and some non-standard things like

business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity.

The main thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anyone. I can't tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I like hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes."

While I am positive that there are people in the world who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of the people in your area enjoy both those things too.

As opposed to trying to fit in, attempt to stand out.

Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can discover common ground, but also things that are uniquely you.

For instance in my description above: -- Many people like being outdoors and photography.

-- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball.

-- But very few people like learning about businesses or Tim Ferriss.

This is optional, although it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content.

In dating, you basically want the individual to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I've found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making initial contact.

I've heard countless stories of women who have paired with a guy who they really like, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to appear desperate. But, obviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific.

On OkCupid they have a single section that says: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other online dating apps too.

My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you're an interesting person who likes to play outside."

Again, as with all this advice, when in doubt just test it out. Try using a call to action and see if your conversations improve. If they don't, simply delete it.

The attractiveness of dating apps is that rather than having 1--5 chances to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a pub for instance, you have tens of thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with.

STEP 3 -- Making first talking and contact

The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it comes to the conversation. Having to chat online as your initial conversation is a massive limitation when you are trying to start a new relationship.

For starters, it is a very unnatural method of communicating, because it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating.

It makes sense then that if you take countless people and set them in a supernatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations.

While it may be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you're serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online relationship, then it is a fantastic idea to research your results a little bit. This gave me the opportunity to begin testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply would not have been able to determine if I didn't have a high match rate.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a poor one.

QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best?

For bonus points, try to purchase them from most effective to least effective.

A) "Hey! How's it going?"

B) "Hey! How was your weekend?"

C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or any other variation of this sort of question).

D) "Hey! (based on a book they listed in their profile) I will let you think about it for a second.

(I'll add some space before the reply below. Scroll as soon as you're ready.)

Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer

Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response And the answer is...

If you guessed D, then you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst response.)

In order of best to worst, the replies are B, D, A, C (D being best).

There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found that the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that obviously depends if they've put a book in their profile.

You can alter this to ask about some other part of the profile, like a movie or a place in their own pictures. The reason I guess that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it indicates that you read.

If I can use the book opener to start a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x publication? I am currently reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is how I opened the dialogue with my now-long-term girlfriend).

Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and went beyond a few messages.

The next best choice,"Hey! Works almost as well, but it's obviously limited to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday).

An alternate version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it is because it sounds too much like I'm going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think of something interesting.

The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you have made contact and another person has responded, it's time to have a dialogue. Every conversation varies, but there are some guidelines that I will put in here as suggestions.

First, some online dating suggestions for guys: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation just like you would with a friend.

DO try to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own thoughts. One of the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure.

DON'T make comments about her body or appearance. Irrespective of how well intentioned you are, it'll be

perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You are..." will only result in a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation.

Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I've tried to be friendly and nice, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much men pretend that they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they normally have no clue what they are doing, so offer them some help and direct the dialogue in a positive direction.

DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you're tired of discussions feeling such as interviews, then be certain that you ask the guy about things he is interested in also.

DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to put a lot more thought into their text messages than guys do. If a man says something that looks weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he did not either.

Now a suggestion for both parties: Try to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a excellent tool to meet someone, but it's just that. It's a tool, it isn't actual dating.

My overall recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. So, if you match with one another on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about using a date by Wednesday.

So yes, use the programs, but also get them off quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too if you know how to set up good dates...

Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less After I had mastered the online part of dating, I soon realized that securing the date is just half the battle. The second half of this battle, how well the date goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your residence.

Where you have your date decides about 50--70 percent of the results of the date.

But first a question...

Where is the worst place to have a date?

As it turns out, it is actually at the most commonly selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant.

At first I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. But bear in mind, I was completely new to relationship so I was only following what I'd seen in movies.

Many of them did not go well, but I was not certain why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and expensive) dates, I determined that I should experiment with some other locations.

What occurred next was absolutely mind blowing.

It wasn't that I was doing anything differently or that I had been choosing better girls to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context.

Here's why I think dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You sit down at a desk. You start talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about drinks. You continue to talking. The waiter interrupts again for your food order. You are not ready to order because you have been talking. The waiter provides you"another minute." You examine the menu making remarks about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You continue talking. You then run out of things to discuss. What should you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You need to keep talking.

A dinner date provides no options. It is a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost instantly.

This issue is exacerbated by the fact that most of us are getting worse at having in-person conversations.

Spending so much time online has enhanced our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our inperson communication skills.

So, if we are getting worse at having in-person discussions, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet above the ground like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a good bonding experience."

As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp jolt of the rope in my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity.

As it happens, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope just as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't grab the rope until I had dropped 15 ft to what I was certain was my forthcoming death.

Eventually the rope eventually stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically.

My whole dating career made a 180-degree turn once I started carrying my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. I would take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between.

A number of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most essential elements to a wonderful date place could be distilled into three categories: Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your landscape is shifting so that you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked man on rollerblades!"

Activity -- Can we do the activity reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one pretty wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but be sure it is not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing?

Make sure she is not scared of heights first.

Scalability -- Can the date increase or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! No chemistry? No issue, how can we end the date earlier?

Using these three criteria, I crafted a three date sequence that nearly doubled the number of successful dates I went on.

I know what you're thinking,"This guy took women out to the very same places like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?"

No. This was my go-to order, but, based on interests, I'd substitute unique activities to keep the dates interesting. This was simply a template which simplified my choices and decreased the cognitive load I was putting in my brain.

Happy brain = Happy dates.

So here is my ideal dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday by the San Francisco bay.

Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food preferences. Then (if you are a man ) you have to account for cost of meals. Off the grid solves this because there are over 20 distinct kinds of (affordable) cuisine. It also allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. It is possible to extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Feel like going all out?

Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the beach.

Why I like it: These activities had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favorite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between talking and activity.

Why I like it: This date was especially important because if a girl had made it to date #3, it meant I actually liked her. It also meant we might take the relationship to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal occasion so we can both dress well for that special night. This was also my secret test because if a woman did not like science and facts it likely wouldn't work out between us anyway. As an additional bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the night.

Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and create a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few ideas on what to search for on every date as you attempt to create your own dating sequence: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places don't make for good conversation. Be sure that you can reliably go to this area, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Ensure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book someone's weekend for a first date).

Date #2: You have broken the ice and you've both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you will both like that is not too tricky. Avoid intimidating actions like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence where you alternate between doing something and talking.

Going on a 10 mile run is fantastic for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limits.

Date #3: You confirmed you enjoy each other, it's time to take it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it should confirm whether or not you want to keep on seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates one and

two, there may be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the relationship. By way of example, if I did not go to the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead.

STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right maybe among the most important pieces of the internet dating puzzle that I see guys screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the man is the one forcing the dating sequence (which is not always the case) there are a few questions you will need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss?

Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. I'll share my experience (as a heterosexual male living in San Francisco) and you can make whatever adjustments you deem appropriate. The important thing is to actually think about timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It is quite easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message her, she messages youback and forth, forth and back. In order to make certain I do not waste all my time with online conversations I found that it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of constant conversation.

Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of this virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's quite easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room.

Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, functioning as"the new guy" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team.

Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would use their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi-million dollar accounts.

One thing that I discovered is that every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week then? O that's no great too. Okay how about the week then?"

No matter what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" another meeting to the calendar with the option of cancelling if desired.

When I took this technique and applied it to relationship, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it's worked really well: Always request the second date on the first date.

One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting plenty of uncertainty.

No one likes uncertainty.

No one likes to check their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. Nobody likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most people do not mind if you do not like them, they only want to know.

So my suggestion is to stop playing games, both with another person and on your own. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle way to do this is by telling them that you aren't prepared to date right now. I had a girl tell me this and it was the easiest let down I have ever experienced and used it later myself

also ).

I must pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly.

I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they have just met and they then proceed to constantly text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. He told me,"Women are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the longer they pursue you."

If you discover someone who you want to be with really badly, don't frighten them away by being fanatical. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously attempt to establish a date, but there's no reason to go on dates every single night of the week.

Permit the relationship to have some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge if a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa.

There's a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it as well.

In several studies, anthropologists have found that lots of primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that connection have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans.

By data mining mobile phone records and comparing call patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that people may also invest more effort into relationships when there is a risk of that connection weakening.

I tried applying this research to dating in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, paradoxically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken.

My cadence for relationship that I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This sequence meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the relationship to mature and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them.

Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, these dating approaches helped me tremendously, but depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your procedure might need to be different than the one above. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it is vital to have a system in place that will assist you navigate the ups and downs.

By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply jump and continue. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less extreme rides can help you enjoy the ride a good deal more. As we often discuss about the podcast, even when you let go of expectations and only create your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread.

Similar to the advice of world-class investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and minimize your risk of catastrophic failure. A means of doing this is by going on dates which are not just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your relationship partner behaves, at least you'll have a good time doing something interesting.

And, to minimize the risk, you should build both an outreach and relationship sequence so that you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you like doing and then fit the dates into these activities. This is also a great way to filter out people who aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run.

Of course, regardless of how well I did all of the above things, I still had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal plan being just one of several.

Dating is a rollercoaster that will frighten you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But bear in mind, when you're feeling down and enjoy giving up on love altogether: "You're never as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are."

Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on yourself, improving your conversations, your dates, and your relationship with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride.

If you enjoyed this post, I'd super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more people can discover it. And, if you have any more questions about dating, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.