10 Celebrities Who Should Consider a Career in jak zacząć rozmowę z dziewczyną przez internet

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING: Tips, tricks, and manipulations to Browse the pains and pitfalls I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill.

She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled.

Still, no reply.

It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it was not hers either.

Apparently, as I discovered later, I had fallen into a trap known as"the meal plan." The meal program, if you're not familiar with it, is when girls go on dates with men just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into.

When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone until there: all 37 dates to be precise. How could women take advantage of me like this?

As I matured in my internet dating, however, I understood that this was really a response for what men do to women.

Online dating sucks, but...

There are three significant levers in our lives which, if we pull on them properly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation.

I learned this firsthand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at once.

I stopped the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry.

All of a sudden I was a career and dating newcomer. I was depressed. I was scared. I was scarred. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene triggered and a small voice in my head said,"you're going to give up?

No, no you're not. You are going to kick online dating's ass!"

I began to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating like one big experiment. I began creating what I called,"The Process."

In this blog post I'll take you through the entire process I took to master online dating. By optimizing your profile, A/B analyzing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so that you can't only get dates, but possibly find the love of your life (with minimal stress).

Now, before I get into it, I must preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may need to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment.

If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet fascinating people and do interesting things," you'll be much more likely to enjoy the procedure. And, if you're diligent, you may end up finding that special person.

UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 years and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that crazy, but maybe they are, I'll leave it for you to judge.

Listen to the Modern Dating Show Podcast for more tips, tricks, and embarrassingly real stories.

Note: You can also hear the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a lot of these strategies as we browse the current struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship trip (and answer listener questions).

The absolute most common error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their target clearly. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we are looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun.

The more common scenario that I've found is that both women and men who are looking for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their dating for fun instead.

I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She is an incredibly smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help.

The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating website. Basically, so as to maximize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photographs.

Now I would like to be clear, there is nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" pictures online. The issue, in the event of dating, is the arrangement of a dating profile and what you lead with.

Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual clues much faster than written hints. In fact, they've found that men who are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain.

Because dating profiles conceal most information other than the profile photo until a user clicks, leading with provocative photographs sets a bad first impression.

So, while it's totally fine to have sexy photos up in your instagram, leading together on your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong type of guy. There are also lots of classy ways to have intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind.

Online dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was attempting to locate a relationship, her photographs were sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox.

For men, we tend to have the opposite problem.

Every man who has done online dating will testify to the battle of getting a girl to swipe directly on their profile, let alone to make them participate in a conversation.

Guys, this is entirely your own fault.

I've seen guys spend hours talking about the numbers of their favourite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will influence the team's chances.

But, when it comes to online dating, men have a tendency to slap a few pictures in their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans until their fingers develop calluses.

Men, stop.

Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to attain.

Are you trying to date a lot of people?

Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship?

And"both" is not an answer. As the saying goes...

"If you try to appeal to everyone, you will appeal to no one."

The techniques I'll outline below work for desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate.

By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a great deal of dates (3--4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled.

I just realized months after that, while it is great to go on a great deal of dates and get practice dating (remember I had been off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to be sure I was dating the right folks.

Fortunately I realized this before I was the victim of some more"meal plans" STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile images and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it's estimated that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make up our mind about if we like the person in less than 1 second.

The single biggest flaw in online dating is the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image.

They do not get to hear you talk. They do not get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it is a thing).

All you get is one picture and there's a 99% chance it's the wrong one.

If one is approaching online dating as an experiment, naturally the first thing to check is your profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way...

I went to every female friend I knew and asked her what she thought of my pictures.

One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first image was not my best.

It was interesting feedback, but I wasn't sure how I could test multiple pictures considering that I could only put one as the default option.

The response: testing across programs.

I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr.

I retained my profile description the same on every profile, but I put up a different profile image on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles until I could get a big enough sample size and be certain that the platform was not effecting results.

Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture which I thought was my best was always the one with the least games.

Interestingly enough, a film I didn't read much into, pic B, was actually a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of girls. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they replied,"it makes you look like a player."

I was shocked when I found this out, because the two girls in that photo are really good friends of mine, so that I never would have made that connection.

Sometimes your photos can be your greatest blind spot.

To totally test this idea out, I actually enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change their profile pictures.

They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best.

This is a super simple optimization that may seem like a pain today, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches.

This is the 20% of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often.

Top Tip: If you want to speed up this process, you can really ask your games exactly what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a game wasn't going well, I decided to get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I was not getting jobs.)

Now, a part of this error might be my fault, since I took his advice quite literally. I started to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wanted to act.

This turned out to be a horrible idea.

Without any filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way.

Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to realize that there is a difference between being your total self and being yourself.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our total selves except when we are by ourselves.

Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we knowingly choose which signs to give to other men and women. A man wearing a button up top, for instance, is not necessarily wealthy, but the button up top is putting out the signal that he is wealthy.

Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she doesn't want to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is signaling that he's okay with following convention.

In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my eye. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked very cute. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the entire party dancing and flirting.

We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria after that week.

I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a woman walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck.

Initially I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date.

She sat down and we began talking.

I was that guy.

I didn't really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized that we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a signal at the party didn't match her personality in any way.

We ended the date cordially and moved on.

Signals matter.

Choosing your signals is good, but picking false signals not so much.

You do not want to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You need to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you do not need to tell them about the way you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You need to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not want to let them know about how you ran over your cat.

Crafting a good description is perhaps the toughest and personal bit of enhancing your online dating profile.

There is absolutely no right answer, but there are definitely some incorrect answers.

The first step to having a good dating profile description is using a very clear structure.

I break down a dating profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A short sentence someone can read quickly.

Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that provides some color to your interests and character.

Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something that you can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you do not want guys messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with.

The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating programs the way they surf social media sites: fast and without much thought. It could be, in fact, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar way.

Because of this, I think the headline is perhaps the most important piece of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that is right for you. After a lot of testing Click for more info I discovered that this one worked best for me: The goal of the headline is to provide a fast snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and brief acts like a stop sign for the individual who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. It is likely that they'll laugh at the question.

As any good content marketer knows, great content is all about respecting the medium that you are creating the content for. For example, if I went up to a woman at a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she'll definitely get up and leave.

The reverse is true for online dating, however.

You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and make sure it is quintessentially you.

Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you can begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more.

This isn't the time to write a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your headline and picture being the first two.

The intro paragraph gives a little bit of color and possibly some talking points that you two can talk about in chat (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to add if you would like to have more meaningful conversations).

The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outdoors as much as you can! Some of my favorite items are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball.

I'm a creative at heart but I really like learning about new and businesses ideas. I am into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss.

My perfect Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at Promenade cafe."

This paragraph outlines a couple of basic activities and hobbies I enjoy and some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity.

The most important thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anybody. I can't tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching movies, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes."

While I am sure that there are people in the world who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of those people in your area enjoy both those things too.

Rather than trying to fit in, attempt to stand out.

Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can find common ground, but also things that are uniquely you.

For example in my description above: -- Most people like being outdoors and photography.

-- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss.

This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content.

In relationship, you essentially need the individual to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I've found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making initial contact.

I've heard countless stories of women who have matched with a man who they really like, but the man never messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they don't want to seem desperate.

The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you.

But, obviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific.

On OkCupid they have an individual section that says: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other online dating apps too.

Again, as with this information, when in doubt just check it out. Try using a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. When they don't, simply delete it.

The beauty of dating apps is that instead of having 1--5 chances to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a bar for instance, you have tens of thousands of chances and"do-overs" to play with.

STEP 3 -- Making first contact and chatting The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it comes to the conversation. Having to talk online as your first conversation is a massive limitation when you are trying to begin a new relationship.

For starters, it is a very unnatural way of communicating, because it's been proven that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating.

It is logical then that if you take millions of people and put them in an unnatural communication environment you get some pretty unnatural conversations.

While it may be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online relationship, then it is a fantastic idea to study your results a little bit.

As I got better at optimizing my profile, I started matching with more and more people. This gave me the chance to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply would not have been able to determine if I did not have a high match rate.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us test how well you can judge a good opener from a bad one. How's it going?"

C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or any other variation of this sort of question). How did you like X book?" (according to a book they listed in their profile) I will allow you to consider it for a second.

(I'll add some space before the reply below. Scroll once you're ready.)

Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response

And the answer is...

If you guessed D, then you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst response.)

In order of best to worst, the answers are D, B, A, C (D being best).

There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found that the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that clearly depends if they've put a book in their profile.

You can modify this to ask about some other part of their profile, such as a movie or a location in their own pictures. The reason I suspect that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it shows that you read.

If I may use the book opener to start a conversation I usually also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x publication? I'm currently reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is how I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend).

Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and moved past a few messages.

The next best option,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works nearly as well, but it is obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday).

An alternate version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it's because it sounds too much like I am going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting.

The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and another person has responded, it's time to have a dialogue. Every conversation varies, but there are some guidelines that I will put in here as suggestions.

First, some online dating suggestions for guys: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you the number of messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation just like you would with a friend.

DO try to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own thoughts. Among the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure.

DON'T make comments about her body or appearance. Irrespective of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You are..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation.

Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I've tried to be friendly and nice, I have still received quite curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much men pretend that they don't care about the dialogue, they do.

And they usually don't have any clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and direct the dialogue in a

positive direction.

DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you are tired of discussions feeling like interviews, then be certain to ask the man about things he is interested in as well. It takes two to tango.

DON'T make judgments too soon. In my experience women tend to place a good deal more thought into their text messages than guys do. If a guy says something that seems weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he did not either.

Now a suggestion for the two parties: Try to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a excellent tool to fulfill someone, but it is just that. It's a tool, it isn't actual dating.

My overall recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. So, if you match with one another on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about using a date by Wednesday.

So yes, use the apps, but also get them off quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too in case you know how to set up good dates...

Step 4 -- Making a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online portion of relationship, I soon realized that securing the date is just half the battle.

The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your residence.

As they say in real estate: location, location, location.

Where you have your date determines about 50--70 percent of the outcome of the date.

But a question...

Where's the worst place to have a date?

As it happens, it's actually at the most frequently selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant.

At first I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. But bear in mind, I was completely new to dating so I was only following what I'd seen in movies.

Many of them didn't go well, but I wasn't sure why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and pricey ) dates, I decided that I need to experiment with several other locations.

What happened next was absolutely mind blowing.

Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates improved tremendously.

It wasn't I was doing anything differently or that I had been picking better girls to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context.

Here's why I believe dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this:

You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a desk. You start talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about drinks. You choose beverages. You continue to talking. The waiter interrupts again for your food order. You're not ready to order since you've been talking. The waiter provides you"another moment." You examine the menu making remarks about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You continue talking. Then you run out of things to talk about. What do you do next? You have to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk!

A dinner date provides no choices. It is a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost instantly.

This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person conversations.

Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our inperson communication skills.

Therefore, if we're getting worse at having in-person discussions, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger?

3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that dating could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I was holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the floor like a giant cat toy.

My fingers started to sweat and I knew that I couldn't hold on to the ledge much longer. "O well," I thought,"this will be a great bonding experience."

As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp jolt of the rope in my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity.

As it turns out, my climbing partner had let go of the rope as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't catch the rope until I had dropped 15 ft to what I was sure was my upcoming death.

Finally the rope finally stopped and I felt a massive jolt, both emotionally and physically.

My whole dating profession made a 180-degree turn when I started taking my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. I would take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between.

Some of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most essential elements to a wonderful date place could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you're walking, your scenery is changing so that you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked man on rollerblades!"

Activity -- Can we do the action reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one fairly wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but be sure it is not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing?

Make sure she is not scared of heights first.

Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! No chemistry? No issue, how can we end the date earlier?

Using these three criteria, I crafted a three date sequence that nearly doubled the number of successful dates I went on.

Now I know what you're thinking,"This guy took women out to the same places like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?"

This was my go-to order, but, based on interests, I would substitute different activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was simply a template that simplified my choices and reduced the cognitive load I was putting on my mind. Happy brain = Happy dates.

So here is my perfect dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks each Friday from the San Francisco bay.

Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everybody has different food preferences. Then (if you're a guy) you have to account for cost of meals. Off the grid accomplishes this because there are over 20 distinct types of (affordable) cuisine. It also allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks.

Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the beach.

Why I like it: These actions had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between talking and activity. If we did a picnic on the beach, we could go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach.

Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night at the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can grab drinks and look at exhibits.

Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a woman had made it to date #3, it meant I actually liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the relationship to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, plus it was a semi-formal occasion so we could both dress well for that particular night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a girl did not like facts and science it likely wouldn't work out between us anyway. As an added bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the evening.

Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few ideas on what to search for on every date as you attempt to make your own dating arrangement: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places don't make for good conversation. Make certain that you can reliably go to this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you need to make reservations. Make sure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try not to book a person's weekend for a first date).

Date #2: You have broken the ice and you've both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you will both like that is not too difficult. Avoid intimidating actions like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and

speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations.

Date #3: You confirmed you enjoy each other, it is time to bring it to the next level. Try to make this date a bit more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it ought to confirm whether or not you want to continue seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates one and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you select provides new intimacy to the connection. By way of instance, if I did not go to the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead.

STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right Perhaps one of the most crucial pieces of the online dating puzzle that I see men screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the man is the one driving the relationship sequence (which isn't always the case) there are some questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss? When should you sleep together?

Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. I will share my experience (as a heterosexual male living in San Francisco) and you can make whatever adjustments you deem appropriate. The main thing is to actually consider timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling."

Going from Online to Offline It's very easy to let a great online conversation die out. You message , she messages youback and forth, back and forth. To be able to make sure that I do not waste all my time with online conversations I found that it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of continuous conversation.

Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of the virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's quite easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room.

Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, functioning as"the new guy" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff.

Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would utilize their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multimillion dollar balances.

One thing I discovered is that each and every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week then?"

Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" another meeting into the calendar with the option of cancelling if desired.

Once I took this technique and applied it to relationship, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always ask for the second date on the first date.

One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting plenty of uncertainty.

Nobody likes uncertainty.

No one likes to check their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most people don't mind if you don't like them, they only want to know.

So my suggestion is to quit playing games, both with another person and with yourself.

If you like them, tell them you like them.

If you don't, have the respect to let them know you do not. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them you are not prepared to date right now. I had a woman tell me this and it was the simplest let down I have ever experienced and used it later myself too).

I should pause here for a single caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly.

I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they have just met and then they proceed to constantly text them, call them, and watch them day after day after day.

Stop Chasing Shadows When I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He explained,"Women are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the more they chase you."

If you find someone who you want to be with really badly, don't scare them away by being fanatical. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively try to set up a date, but there's no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week.

Permit the relationship to get some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge if a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa.

There is a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it also.

In a number of studies, anthropologists have discovered that lots of primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that relationship have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans.

By data mining mobile phone records and comparing call patterns and duration, the researchers at the university found that humans will also invest more effort into relationships when there is a risk of that relationship weakening.

I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked very well. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, ironically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken.

My cadence for dating I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1

Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- factor This arrangement meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for enough time for the connection to mature and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them.

Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, these dating strategies helped me tremendously, but depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may need to be different than the one above.

The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come out of relationship. In fact, because relationship is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it is imperative to have a system set up to help you navigate the ups and downs.

By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply hop on and hold on. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less extreme rides can allow you to enjoy the ride a good deal more.

Perhaps the single most important point to keep in mind though is to let go of expectations and treat the process like an experiment. As we often discuss about the podcast, even when you let go of expectations and just make your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread.

Similar to the help of world-class investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and decrease your risk of catastrophic failure. A way of doing this is by going on dates which are not just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your dating partner behaves, at least you will have a good time doing something interesting.

And, to minimize the risk, you should build both an outreach and dating sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Find a few activities you enjoy doing and then fit the dates into those activities. This is also a wonderful way to filter out people who aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run.

Naturally, regardless of how well I did all the above things, I still had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal plan being just one of many. But remember, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You are not as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are."

Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on your own, improving your conversations, your dates, and your relationship with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating.

If you enjoyed this post, I'd super love if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more folks can find it.

And, if you have any more questions about relationship, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the show.