12 Helpful Tips For Doing jak zagadać do dziewczyny na messengerze

She looked me directly in the eyes and smiled.

Still, no reply.

It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it was not hers either.

Apparently, as I discovered later, I had fallen into a trap known as"the meal program." The meal program, if you're not familiar with it, is when girls go on dates with men merely to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she certainly fell into.

When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone until there: all 37 dates to be exact. How could women take advantage of me like that?

As I matured in my internet dating, however, I realized that this was really a response for what men do to women.

Online dating sucks, but...

There are 3 major levers in our lives that, if we pull on them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation.

I learned this first hand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time.

I stopped the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend that I believed I was going to marry.

All of a sudden I was a career and relationship novice. I was depressed. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene triggered and a small voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you're not. You're going to kick on online dating's ass!"

I started to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I started creating what I predicted,"The Process."

In this blog post I will take you through the entire process I took to master online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B analyzing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates.

We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so that you can't only get dates, but possibly find the love of your life (with minimal stress).

Now, before I get into it, I must preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process might have to be different than the under. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from dating and treat it like an experiment.

If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you'll be more likely to enjoy the procedure. And, if you're diligent, you may end up finding that special person.

UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that crazy, but maybe they are, I'll leave it for you to judge.

Note: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a lot of these approaches as we navigate the present struggles and embarrassments of his own dating trip (and answer listener

questions).

The complete most common error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their target clearly. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we are searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun.

The more common scenario that I've found is that both women and men who are looking for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their relationship for fun instead.

I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She is a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help.

In less than 5 seconds I saw the problem.

Basically, so as to maximize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photos.

Now I want to be clear, there is nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" photos online. The problem, in the case of dating, is the arrangement of a relationship and what you contribute with.

Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual clues much faster than written hints. In actuality, they've found that men who are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain.

Because dating profiles conceal most information other than the profile photo until a user clicks, resulting in provocative photographs sets a bad first impression.

So, while it's totally fine to have hot photos up in your instagram, leading together on your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong type of guy. There are also plenty of classy ways to have intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain.

Online dating pictures can be both intriguing and classy So, although Maddy was attempting to find a relationship, her photos were sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 For men, we tend to have the opposite problem.

Every man who has done online dating will testify to the struggle of getting a girl to swipe right on their profile, let alone to make them participate in a conversation.

Guys, this is completely your own fault.

I have seen men spend hours talking about the numbers of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will effect the team's chances.

However, when it comes to online dating, men tend to slap a few pictures in their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans until their fingers develop calluses.

Guys, stop.

Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to achieve.

Are you trying to date a great deal of people?

Or are you trying to find a meaningful relationship?

And"both" isn't an answer.

"If you try to appeal to everybody, you will interest no one."

The techniques I will outline below work for desired result, but the choices you make will significantly affect your"conversion" rate.

For example, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled.

I only realized months after that, while it's good to go on a lot of dates and get practice dating (recall I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I was dating the right folks.

Fortunately I realized this before I was the victim of any more"meal programs ."

STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile images and descriptions First impressions matter.

According to a study from Princeton, it is estimated that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make our mind up about if we like the person in less than one second.

The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image.

They don't get to hear you speak. They do not get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it's a thing).

All you get is one picture and there's a 99% chance it's the wrong one.

If one is coming online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to test is the profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way...

I went to every female friend I knew and asked her what she thought of my pictures.

One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first picture wasn't my best.

It was interesting feedback, but I was not sure how I could test numerous pictures considering that I could only put one as the default.

The response: testing across apps.

I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, along with the dreaded Tindr.

I retained my profile description the same on each profile, but I put up a different profile image on each. I rotated

the images across profiles before I could find a large enough sample size and be certain that the platform wasn't effecting results.

Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least games.

Interestingly enough, a film that I did not read much into, pic B, was really a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of girls.

I was shocked when I found this out, because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mine, so that I http://rylanyaav016.trexgame.net/15-best-twitter-accounts-to-learn-about-jak-rozpoczac-rozmowe-zdziewczyna-na-fb never would have made this connection.

Sometimes your photos can be your greatest blind spot.

To totally test out this idea, I actually enrolled a few friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures.

They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super easy optimization that can seem to be a pain today, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches.

This is the 20% of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently.

Top Tip: If you would like to speed this process up, you can really ask your games exactly what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a match was not going well, I decided to at least get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I was not getting jobs.)

Descriptions are negotiable In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me perhaps the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself" Now, a part of the error may be my fault, because I took his advice quite literally. I started to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wished to act.

This turned out to be a very bad idea.

With no filter or idea behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way.

Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to understand that there is a difference between being your overall self and being yourself.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our total selves except when we're by ourselves.

Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we knowingly choose which signs to give to other men and women. A guy wearing a button up top, for instance, isn't necessarily wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the signal that he is wealthy.

Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she doesn't want to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is signaling that he's okay with following convention.

In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my attention. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked very cute. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the entire party flirting and dancing.

We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria later that week.

I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a woman walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck.

At first I did not even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date.

She sat down and we started talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they'd dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a guy.

I was that guy.

I did not really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had practically nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a sign at the party didn't match her personality at all. We finished the date cordially and proceeded on.

Signals matter.

Choosing your signs is great, but picking false signals not so much.

The same goes for your online dating profile description.

You do not need to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You want to tell them about how you collect classic records, you do not want to let them know about the way you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You want to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not need to let them know about how you ran over your cat.

First impressions matter.

Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the toughest and personal bit of enhancing your online dating profile.

There is absolutely no ideal answer, but there are some wrong answers.

The first step to having a good dating profile description is using a very clear structure.

I break down a dating profile description into 3 components: Headline: A short sentence somebody can read quickly.

Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that provides some color to your interests and personality.

Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something that you can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you do not want guys messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with.

Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating programs the way they surf social media sites: quickly and without much thought. It might be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar manner.

Because of this, I think the headline is possibly the most crucial piece of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that is right for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active."

The objective of the headline is to give a quick snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and brief acts like a stop sign for the individual who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. It is likely that they'll laugh at the question.

As any good content marketer knows, great content is all about respecting the medium that you are producing the content for. By way of instance, if I went up to a girl in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she'll definitely get up and leave.

The reverse is true for online dating, however.

You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and make sure it is quintessentially you.

Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you can begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more.

This isn't the time to compose a book about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your picture and headline being the first two.

The intro paragraph provides a little bit of colour and possibly some talking points that you can talk about in chat (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to add if you want to have more meaningful conversations).

The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favorite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball.

I'm a creative at heart but I really like learning about businesses and new ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss.

My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at Promenade cafe."

This paragraph outlines a couple of basic activities and hobbies I like as well as some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity.

The main thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic activities that could apply to pretty much

anybody.

"I like hanging out with friends, watching movies, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes."

While I'm positive that there are people in the world who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of the folks in your area enjoy both those things too.

As opposed to trying to fit in, attempt to stand out.

Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to discover common ground, but also things which are uniquely you.

For example in my description above: -- Many people like being outside and photography.

-- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball.

-- But very few people like learning about businesses or Tim Ferriss.

The Call To Action This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they have viewed your content.

In relationship, you essentially need the person to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I've found that a whole lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making initial contact.

I've heard countless stories of girls who have matched with a guy who they really enjoy, but the man never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they don't want to appear desperate. Butobviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific.

On OkCupid they have a single section that says: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other online dating programs too.

Again, as with all this advice, when in doubt just test it out. Try having a call to action and see if your conversations improve. When they don't, just delete it.

The beauty of dating programs is that instead of having 1--5 opportunities to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a bar for example, you have thousands of chances and"do-overs" to play with.

STEP 3 -- Making first talking and contact where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it has to do with the conversation.

Having to talk online as your initial conversation is a massive limitation when you're trying to start a new relationship.

For one thing, it's a really unnatural method of communicating, since it's been proven that we receive 55% of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communication.

It is logical then that if you take millions of people and set them in an unnatural communication environment you get some pretty unnatural conversations.

While it might be fun to play around with bizarre conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a good relationship through online relationship, then it is a fantastic idea to research your results a little bit. This gave me the opportunity to begin testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I just wouldn't have been able to see if I didn't have a high match rate.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I will spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let's test how well you can judge a good opener from a poor one.

QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best?

For bonus points, try to purchase them from most effective to least effective.

A) "Hey! What is it going?" (or some other variation of the type of question). How did you like X book?" (according to a book they listed in their profile) I'll let you think about it for a second.

(I'll add some distance before the answer below. Scroll as soon as you're ready.)

Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer

Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response And the answer is...

If you guessed D, then you chose the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst answer.)

In order of best to worst, the answers are B, D, A, C (D being best).

There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that clearly depends if they have put a book in their profile.

You can alter this to ask about some other part of the profile, such as a picture or a place in their own pictures.

The reason I guess that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it shows that you read.

If I may use the book opener to start a conversation I usually also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? I'm now reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is the way I opened the dialogue with my now-long-term girlfriend).

Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and went beyond a few messages.

The second best choice,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works nearly as well, but it is obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday).

An alternative version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it's because it sounds too much like I am about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting.

The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and the other person has responded, it's time to have a conversation. Every conversation varies, but there are a few guidelines that I'll put in here as suggestions.

First, some online dating tips for guys: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can't tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that noise objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation just like you want a friend.

DO try to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own ideas. One of the most common complaints I've heard from female friends is they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure.

DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You're..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation.

Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I have tried to be friendly and nice, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much men pretend that they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they normally have no clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and direct the conversation in a positive direction.

DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you are tired of discussions feeling such as interviews, then make sure to ask the man about things he's interested in as well. It takes two to tango.

DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to place a good deal more thought in their text messages than guys do. If a guy says something that looks weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he didn't either.

Now a proposal for both parties: Attempt to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a great tool to meet someone, but it is just that. It is a tool, it is not actual dating.

My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. Thus, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have begun talking about using a date by Wednesday.

So yes, use the apps, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too in case you know how to set up great dates...

Step 4 -- Making a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less After I had mastered the online portion of relationship, I soon realized that procuring the date is only half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your house.

As they say in real estate: location, location, location.

In which you have your date decides about 50--70% of the outcome of the date.

But a question...

Where's the worst place to have a date?

As it happens, it is actually at the most frequently selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant.

Initially I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But bear in mind, I was totally new to relationship so I was only following what I had seen in movies.

Many of them did not go well, but I wasn't sure why. After a dozen or so awkward (and pricey ) dates, I determined that I should experiment with several other locations.

What occurred next was absolutely mind blowing.

It wasn't I was doing anything differently or that I had been picking better women to go on dates with, it was merely a matter of context.

Here's why I believe dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You sit down at a table. You begin talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about drinks. You choose beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You are not ready to order because you've been talking. The waiter gives you"another moment."

You look at the menu making remarks about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You continue talking. You talk and talk. You then run out of things to talk about. What should you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You have to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk!

A dinner date provides no options. It's a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost instantly.

This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in-person communication skills.

So, if we are getting worse at getting in-person discussions, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I was holding on to a small ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the floor like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a good bonding experience."

As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp shock of the rope in my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I started falling for what felt like eternity.

As it turns out, my climbing partner had let go of the rope as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and did not grab the rope until I had dropped 15 feet to what I was sure was my upcoming death.

Finally the rope eventually stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically.

My whole dating profession made a 180-degree turn once I started taking my dates on fun activities instead of dinners.

Some of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most crucial elements to a great date place could be distilled into three categories: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your scenery is shifting so that you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!"

Action -- Can we do the activity reasonably well? I've seen men get this one fairly wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but make sure it is not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing? Make sure she is not afraid of heights first.

Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! No chemistry? No issue, how do we end the date earlier?

Using these three criteria, I crafted a three date sequence that nearly doubled the number of successful dates I went on.

Now I know what you are thinking,"This man took women out to the same areas like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?"

No. This was my go-to sequence, but, based on interests, I'd substitute unique activities to keep the dates interesting.

This was merely a template which simplified my decisions and reduced the cognitive load I was putting on my brain. Happy brain = Happy dates.

So here's my ideal dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday from the San Francisco bay.

Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everybody has different food preferences. Then (if you are a man ) you have to account for cost of meals. Off the grid solves this because there are over 20 distinct types of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it lets you walk around, people watch, and get drinks. Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves.

Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a few go-tos, namely: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the beach.

Why I like it: These actions had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between activity and talking.

Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a girl had made it #3, it meant I really liked her. It also meant we might take the relationship to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal event so we could both dress well for that particular night. This was also my secret test because if a woman did not like facts and science it likely wouldn't work out between us anyway.

Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few ideas on what to search for on every date as you attempt to make your own dating sequence: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places don't make for great conversation. Make sure that you can reliably visit this area, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Ensure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book someone's weekend for a first date).

Date #2: You have broken the ice and you have both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you will both like that isn't too tricky. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence where you alternate between doing something and talking. Going on a 10 mile run is fantastic for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limits.

Date #3: You both confirmed you like each other, it's time to take it to the next level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it should

confirm whether or not you want to keep on seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the connection. By way of example, if I didn't visit the Cal Academy I would go dancing instead.

STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe one of the most crucial pieces of the online dating puzzle that I see guys screw up again and again is time.

Assuming the guy is the one forcing the relationship sequence (which isn't necessarily the case) there are some questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss? When should you sleep together?

Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. The important thing is to actually think about timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It is quite easy to let a great online conversation die out. You message , she messages you, back and forth, forth and back. In order to make sure I do not waste all my time with internet conversations I found it was best to ask a woman to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or about 20 minutes of constant conversation.

Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of the digital world too long. It might feel like it's necessary, but it is quite easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room.

Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, functioning as"the new man" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff.

One thing that I discovered is that every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no good too. Okay how about the week then?"

No matter what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" another meeting to the calendar with the option of cancelling if needed.

Once I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to a pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always request the next date on the first date.

One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting a lot of uncertainty.

No one likes uncertainty.

No one likes to look at their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. Nobody likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals don't mind if you do not like them, they just want to know.

So my suggestion is to stop playing games, both with the other person and on your own.

If you like them, tell them you like them.

If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them you aren't ready to date right now. I had a girl tell me and it was the easiest let down I have ever experienced and used it later myself also ).

I should pause here for a single caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly.

I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they've just met and they then proceed to constantly text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. He explained,"Girls are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the more they chase you."

If you discover someone who you would like to be with really poorly, do not scare them away by being fanatical. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively try to set up a date, but there is no reason to go on dates every single night of the week.

Permit the relationship to have some breathing room. A good way to judge if a relationship is going well is if you find yourself missing the other person and vice versa.

There's a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there's even scientific evidence for it as well.

In several studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that connection have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans.

By data mining mobile phone records and comparing telephone patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that people may also invest more effort into relationships when there is a risk of that connection weakening.

I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, paradoxically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken.

My cadence for dating that I found worked fairly well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- factor

This arrangement meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a one month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the relationship to grow and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was particularly helpful when I was really into them.

Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of the post, these relationship approaches helped me tremendously, but depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your procedure may have to be different than the one above. In fact, because relationship is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it is vital to have a system in place that will help you navigate the ups and downs.

By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to just hop on and hold on. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less extreme rides will allow you to enjoy the ride a good deal more.

Perhaps the single most important thing to bear in mind though is to let go of expectations and treat the process like an experiment. As we frequently discuss on the podcast, when you let go of expectations and just make your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread.

Similar to the help of world wide investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and decrease your risk of catastrophic failure. A means of doing that is by going on dates which are not just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your relationship partner behaves, at least you will have a good time doing something fun.

And, to minimize the risk, you should build both an outreach and dating sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Find a few activities you like doing and then match the dates into these activities. This is also a wonderful way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term.

Of course, regardless of how well I did all the above items, I had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal program being just one of many.

Dating is a rollercoaster that will frighten you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But bear in mind, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You are never as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are."

Take every date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on yourself, improving your conversations, your dates, and your connection with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating.

If you enjoyed this post, I would super love if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more people can discover it. And, if you've any more questions about relationship, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.