20 Questions You Should Always Ask About jak zagadać do dziewczyny na messengerze Before Buying It

I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill.

She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled.

Again, I looked at her and then looked at the bill.

Still, no response.

It definitely was not my best moment, but it wasn't hers either.

Apparently, as I discovered later, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal plan." The meal program, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when girls go on dates with men merely to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she certainly fell into.

When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone on until that point: all 37 dates to be exact. How could women take advantage of me like that? Especially since I was being so vulnerable by putting myself out there to ask them out in the first place.

As I matured in my online dating, however, I understood that this was really a reaction for what men do to women.

Online dating sucks, but...

There are 3 significant levers in our lives that, if we pull them properly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation.

I discovered this first hand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time.

I stopped the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year connection with my girlfriend who I thought I was going to marry.

All of a sudden I was a career and dating novice. I was scared.

After 9 months of misery and frustration I was about to give up on online dating all together. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a little voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you're not. You're going to kick on online dating's ass!"

I began to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I began to approach online dating like one big experiment. I started creating what I called,"The Process."

In this blog post I'll take you through the whole process I took to master online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, starting meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so you can't just get dates, but maybe discover the love of your life (with minimal stress).

Now, before I get into it, I must preface that based on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may need to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from dating and treat it like an experiment.

If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you

will be more inclined to enjoy the process. And, if you're diligent, you might end up finding that special person.

UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 years and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that mad, but perhaps they are, I will leave it for you to judge.

Note: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I pay a lot of these strategies as we browse the current struggles and embarrassments of his own dating trip (and answer listener questions).

The complete most frequent error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their target clearly. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we are searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun.

The more common scenario I've found is that both men and women that are searching for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead.

I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with online dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She's an incredibly smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. Basically, so as to optimize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photographs.

Now I would like to be clear, there's nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" pictures online. The problem, in the case of dating, is the format of a relationship and what you contribute with.

Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual cues much faster than written hints. In fact, they've found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain.

Because dating profiles conceal most information aside from the profile photograph before a user clicks, leading with provocative photographs sets a bad first impression.

So, while it is totally fine to have hot photos up on your instagram, leading together in your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong type of guy. There are also lots of classy ways to have interesting pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind.

Online dating pictures can be both intriguing and classy So, although Maddy was trying to find a relationship, her photos were sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 Every man who has done online dating will attest to the struggle of getting a girl to swipe directly in their profile, let alone to make them participate in a conversation.

Men, this is completely your fault.

I have seen guys spend hours talking about the statistics of their favourite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will effect the team's chances.

However, when it comes to online dating, guys tend to slap a few pictures on their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans till their fingers develop calluses.

Men, stop.

Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to attain.

Are you trying to date a lot of people?

Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship?

And"both" isn't an answer.

"If you try to appeal to everyone, you will appeal to no one."

The techniques I'll outline below work for desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate.

By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled.

I only realized months after that, while it's great to go on a lot of dates and get practice dating (remember I had been off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to be sure I had been dating the right folks.

Luckily I realized this before I was the victim of any more"meal plans."

STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it is estimated that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make up our mind about if we like the person in less than one second.

The single biggest flaw in online dating is the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image.

They do not get to hear you talk. They do not get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it's a thing).

All you get is 1 picture and there's a 99% chance it's the wrong one.

If one is coming online dating as an experiment, naturally the first thing to test is the profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way...

One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first image wasn't my best.

It was interesting feedback, but I was not sure how I could test numerous pictures considering that I could only put one as the default.

The answer: testing across programs.

I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr.

I retained my profile description the same on each profile, but I put up a different profile picture on each. I rotated the images across profiles until I could find a big enough sample size and make certain that the platform was not effecting results.

Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least games.

Interestingly enough, a picture I didn't read into, pic B, was actually a massive turn off for pretty much 100 percent of women. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they replied,"it makes you look like a player."

I was shocked when I found this out, because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mine, so that I never would have made that connection.

Sometimes your photos can be your biggest blind spot.

To completely test out this idea, I actually enrolled a few friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super simple optimization that can seem to be a pain today, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches.

This is the 20% of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently.

Top Tip: If you would like to speed this process up, you can actually ask your matches what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a match was not going well, I decided to get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.)

Descriptions are negotiable In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself" Now, a part of the error may be my fault, because I took his advice quite literally. I started to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wanted to act.

This turned out to be a very bad idea.

Without any filter or idea behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way.

Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to understand that there's a difference between being your overall self and being yourself.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our complete selves except when we are by ourselves.

Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we knowingly choose which signs to give to other people. A man wearing a button up shirt, for example, isn't necessarily wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the signal that he is wealthy.

Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she does not want to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is indicating that he's okay with subsequent convention.

Signals matter.

In college I met a girl at a party who immediately caught my attention. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the entire party flirting and dancing.

We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria after that week.

I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck.

Initially I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date.

She sat down and we began talking.

I was that guy.

I did not care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had practically nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a sign at the party didn't match her personality in any way. We finished the date cordially and proceeded on.

Signals matter.

Choosing your signals is great, but picking false signals not so much.

You don't want to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You need to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you don't need to tell them about the way you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You need to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't need to tell them about how you ran over your cat.

Crafting a good description is perhaps the toughest and personal bit of enhancing your online dating profile.

There is no right answer, but there are definitely some incorrect answers.

The first step to getting a great dating profile description is having a very clear structure.

I break down a dating profile description into 3 components: Headline: A brief sentence somebody can read quickly.

Intro Paragraph: A bit longer description that gives some color to your interests and character.

Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help another

person by letting them know something that you two can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you do not want men messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with.

Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating apps the way they surf social media sites: fast and without much thought. It might be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar way.

Due to this, I think the headline is possibly the most important bit of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that is right for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active."

The goal of the headline is to give a quick snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and short functions like a stop sign for the person who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone.

If you ask any top-performing marketer,"how do I create content that will be successful?" Chances are they'll laugh at the question.

As any good content marketer knows, terrific content is about respecting the medium that you're creating the content for. By way of instance, if I went up to a girl in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she will definitely get up and leave.

The reverse is true for online dating, however.

You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and make sure it is quintessentially you.

Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you can begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more.

This is not the time to write a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your headline and picture being the first two.

The intro paragraph provides a little bit of color and possibly some talking points that you two can discuss in conversation (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to add if you want to have more meaningful conversations).

The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as you can! Some of my favorite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball.

I am a creative at heart but I love learning about businesses and new ideas. I am into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss.

My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at

Promenade cafe."

This paragraph outlines a few basic hobbies and activities I like and some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity.

The main thing to remember about this section is to avoid the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anybody. I can't tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes."

While I am positive there are people on earth who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of the people in your area enjoy both those things too.

As opposed to trying to fit in, try to stand out.

Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can find common ground, but also things that are uniquely you.

For example in my description above: -- Many people like being outside and photography.

-- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball.

-- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss.

This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content.

In dating, you basically want the person to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I've found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making first contact.

I've heard countless stories of girls who have matched with a guy who they really enjoy, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they don't want to appear desperate. Butobviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific.

On OkCupid they have an individual section that states: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other internet dating apps too.

My CTA goes as follows:

"You should message me if you're an interesting person who likes to play outdoors."

Again, as with this advice, when in doubt just check it out. Try using a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. If they don't, simply delete it.

The beauty of dating apps is that rather than having 1--5 chances to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a pub for example, you have thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with.

STEP 3 -- Making initial talking and contact where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it has to do with the conversation.

Having to talk online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you're trying to begin a new relationship.

For one thing, it's a very unnatural method of communicating, because it's been shown that we receive 55% of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communication.

It makes sense then that if you take countless people and set them in an unnatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations.

While it might be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online relationship, then it is a good idea to study your results a little bit.

As I got better at optimizing my profile, I started matching with a growing number of people. This gave me the chance to begin testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply would not have been able to see if I didn't have a high match rate.

Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let's test how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a bad one.

QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best?

A) "Hey! What is it going?"

C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or any other variation of the sort of question).

D) "Hey! How did you like X book?" (based on a book they listed in their profile) I will let you think about it for a second.

(I will add some space before the answer below. Scroll as soon as you're ready.)

Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response And the answer is...

If you guessed D, you chose the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst response.)

In order of best to worst, the answers are D, B, A, C (D being best).

There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that clearly depends if they've put a book in their profile.

You can modify this to ask about some other part of the profile, such as a picture or a location in their own pictures. The reason why I suspect the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it shows that you read.

If I can use the book opener to initiate a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x publication? (This is the way I opened the dialogue with my now-long-term girlfriend).

Pretty much every conversation I began with this opener felt much more natural and went past a few messages.

The next best option,"Hey! Works almost as well, but it is obviously limited to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday).

An alternate version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it is because it seems too much like I am going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think of something interesting.

The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation

Now that you've made contact and the other person has responded, it is time to have a dialogue. Every dialog changes, but there are a few guidelines that I'll put in here as suggestions.

First, some online dating suggestions for men: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation just like you would with a friend.

DO attempt to talk about things she is interested in but also add your own thoughts. One of the most common complaints I've heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure.

DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You're..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation.

Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I've tried to be nice and friendly, I have still received very curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much guys pretend that they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they normally don't have any clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and guide the dialogue in a positive direction.

DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you're tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then make sure that you ask the guy about things he's interested in as well.

DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to put a lot more thought in their text messages than men do. If a guy says something that looks weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he didn't either.

Now a proposal for the two parties: Try to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a excellent tool to fulfill someone, but it's just that. It's a tool, it isn't actual dating.

My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one jak napisać na tinderze long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. Thus, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about using a date by Wednesday.

So yes, use the apps, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too if you know how to set up good dates...

Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less After I had mastered the online part of relationship, I soon realized that procuring the date is just half the battle.

The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your residence.

Where you have your date determines about 50--70% of the outcome of the date.

But a question...

Where is the worst place to have a date?

As it turns out, it is actually at the most frequently selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant.

Initially I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. But bear in mind, I was completely new to relationship so I was only following what I had seen in movies.

Most of them did not go well, but I was not certain why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and expensive) dates, I decided that I need to experiment with some other locations.

What occurred next was totally mind blowing.

Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates improved tremendously.

It wasn't I was doing anything differently or that I was choosing better women to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context.

Here's why I think dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a table. You start speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You choose beverages. You continue to talking. The waiter interrupts again for your food order. You're not ready to order since you've been talking. The waiter gives you"another moment." You examine the menu making comments about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You then run out of things to discuss. What do you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You have to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk!

A dinner date provides no choices. It's a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost instantly.

This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has enhanced our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in-house communication abilities.

So, if we are getting worse at getting in-person conversations, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact you will be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I was holding on to a small ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet above the floor like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this will be a good bonding experience."

As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp shock of the rope in my climbing harness. But there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity.

As it happens, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and did not grab the rope until I had fallen 15 feet to what I was sure was my upcoming death.

Finally the rope finally stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically.

My whole dating profession made a 180-degree turn once I started carrying my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. I would take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between.

A number of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most essential elements to a great date place could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your landscape is shifting so you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked man on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all).

Activity -- Can we both do the activity reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one pretty wrong. It is fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but be sure it's not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing?

Make sure she is not scared of heights first.

Scalability -- Can the date increase or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! No chemistry? No issue, how can we end the date sooner?

With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the number of successful dates I went on.

I know what you are thinking,"This man took women out to the same areas like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?"

This was my go-to sequence, but, based on interests, I'd substitute unique activities to keep the dates intriguing.

This was simply a template that simplified my decisions and reduced the cognitive load I was putting on my brain.

Happy brain = Happy dates.

So here's my perfect dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday by the San Francisco bay.

Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food tastes.

Then (if you're a guy) you've got to account for cost of meals. Off the grid accomplishes this since there are over 20 different kinds of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks.

Feel like going all out? Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves.

Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a few go-tos, namely: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore.

Why I like it: What these activities had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between activity and talking.

Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night at the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can grab drinks and look at exhibits.

Why I like it: This date was especially important because if a girl had made it to date #3, it meant I actually liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal occasion so we can both dress well for that special night. This was also my secret test because if a girl did not like facts and science it likely wouldn't work out between us anyway.

Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few ideas on what to look for on each date as you attempt to make your own dating

arrangement: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for great conversation. Make certain that you can reliably visit this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Ensure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try not to book a person's weekend for a first date).

Date #2: You have broken the ice and you have both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you'll both like that isn't too tricky. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations.

Date #3: You confirmed you like each other, it is time to take it to another level. Try to make this date a bit more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you both really are, and it should confirm whether or not you want to keep on seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates one and two, there can be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you choose gives new intimacy to the connection. By way of instance, if I did not visit the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead.

STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe one of the most important pieces of the internet dating puzzle that I see guys screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the guy is the one driving the dating sequence (which is not always the case) there are some questions you will need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss? When should you sleep together?

Here I will share my answers to these questions that I've found most helpful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort your answers may vary. The important thing is to actually consider timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It is quite easy to let a great online conversation die out. You message her, she messages you, back and forth, back and forth. To be able to make certain that I don't waste all my time with internet conversations I found that it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or about 20 minutes of continuous conversation.

Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of the virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it is very easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room.

Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, functioning as"the new guy" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff.

Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would utilize their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multimillion dollar balances.

One thing that I discovered is that each and every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no great also.

Okay how about the week then?"

No matter what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting to the calendar with the choice of cancelling if desired.

When I took this technique and applied it to relationship, it led to a pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it's worked really well: Always ask for the next date on the first date.

One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting a lot of uncertainty.

No one likes uncertainty.

No one likes to check their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. Nobody likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most people do not mind if you do not like them, they just want to know.

So my suggestion would be to quit playing games, both with another person and with yourself.

If you like them, tell them you like them.

If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle way to do this is by telling them you are not ready to date at this time. I had a woman tell me this and it was the simplest let down I have ever experienced and utilized it later myself too).

I should pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly.

I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they have just met and they then proceed to constantly text them, call them, and see them day after day after day.

Stop Chasing Shadows once I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He explained,"Women are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the longer they chase you."

If you find someone who you want to be with really poorly, don't frighten them away by being obsessive. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively try to set up a date, but there's no reason to go on dates every single night of the week.

Permit the relationship to have some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you find yourself missing the other person and vice versa.

There's a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific evidence for it also.

In a number of studies, anthropologists have found that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that connection have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans.

By data mining cell phone records and comparing call patterns and duration, the researchers at the university found that humans will also invest more effort into relationships when there is a risk of that relationship weakening.

I tried applying this research to dating in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse in between dates, ironically, makes the relationship

strengthen rather than weaken.

My cadence for relationship that I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This arrangement meant that I would spread out the first 3 dates across a one month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the connection to grow and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them.

Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of this post, these relationship approaches helped me tremendously, but based upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may need to be different than the one above. In fact, because dating is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it's imperative to have a system set up that will help you navigate the ups and downs.

By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply hop on and continue. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less intense rides will allow you to enjoy the ride a good deal more. As we often discuss about the podcast, when you let go of expectations and only create your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread.

Similar to the help of world-class investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and decrease your chance of catastrophic failure. A means of doing this is by going on dates that are not just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your dating partner behaves, at least you'll have a fantastic time doing something interesting.

And, to decrease the risk, you should build both an outreach and dating sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you enjoy doing and then match the dates into those activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term.

Of course, regardless of how well I did all the above things, I still had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal plan being just one of several. But bear in mind, when you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You're not as bad as they say you are, you are also not as good as you think you are."

Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on your own, improving your discussions, your dates, and your relationship with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating.

If you enjoyed this post, I would super love if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more folks can find it. And, if you've any more questions about relationship, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.