VENEZIA Just let the magic happen.
Useful Information Population Genres
Population Age
Public Transport Map
Most used Sentences
Directions for Pedestrians
Postal Services
Water tranports
Forget about using your mobile, there’s no internet in Venice. Since the foundation of the city, pigeons are still in use as the best way to transmit messages and veneral diseases. Don’t miss your chance to feed them with grain and get shit on your head.
Unless your name is Jesus Christ, you cannot reach Venice by walking on the water. If you are not a millionaire or named like an an important movie star, locals won’t let you in with a big ship cruise without drawing a gun on your head. We recommend venetian public trasports: cheap indeed for evey pocket. The tipical gondola ride would cost just an arm and a leg, while the public waterbus, also known as the “Ghost in Venice” for its peculiar punctuality, could let you browse through the smelliest canals for the simple cost of an euro per second. Otherwise, if you already know the "Answer to The Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything", locals will welcome you with love and respect, and will offer you the tipical drink, better known as Spritz, more or less comparable to the pirate’s grog: a mixture of Campari, white wine, propylene glycol, artificial sweeteners, sulphuric acid, acetone, red dye no. 2, scumm, axle grease, battery, acid and pepperoni.
Va in cùeo da to mare Magnime ea mona
Women 30%
0-2
05%
Men
2-18
10%
Pigeons 15%
18-35
10%
30%
35-60
20%
Rats
20%
Muso da mona
Date cò un legno
Tumòr 80%
60%
100%
40%
55%
Ghe/te sboro
Men 0%
60-120
Women
20%
Seagulls 5%
Magnasborae
Chei cani dei to morti
Goldòn Chea putana de to mare
You always know where you come from, but you never know where you are going. Just let the magic happen.
After finding out everybody in town is a tourist, you will understand it is completely pointless to ask anyone the direction to the place you’d like to go. Preferably, you could find tons of ridiculously microscopic and unreadable signs with the most important indications.