Solicited Advice

From Pocket

Solicited advice is a weekly column where Massive’s own four-legged Agony Aunty, Pocket, shares her wisdom and experience with you all. She speaks only truths.

Pocket, I’m having a disagreement with my friend. I know it shouldn’t be affecting our friendship, but it is. Any advice on being the bigger person and getting over it?

Why must you be the bigger person? To establish physical dominance? Power and size are not proportional, and I am an exquisite exemplar. In my opinion, you should simply be the bad guy. This week, I have been honing my skills of antagonism with a certain dog in Newtown. Each day I walk past his fence, and each day he barks as if it is an affront to his very way of life that I should be allowed to. This is not animal cruelty, because I do not see him as my equal. Aside from this little adventure, I have been doing my regular weekly activities; pulling succulents out of community gardens, loosening the cables in the computer labs in K block, fighting off the other cats that want to live in the MAWSA building, and croquet.

I live my life on my own terms with unparalleled delight and have yet to see any consequences. Why be the bigger person when you can be the villain?

Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered? Massive Magazine on Instagram or editor@massivemagazine.org.nz and look out for next week’s issue - no question is too difficult for Pocket.