Ramsey’s Flatting Nightmares

“Fucking RAW!” – Gordon Ramsey, numerous occasions

By Aiden Charles (they/them)

culinary world, because even though you’re a student who drinks crap beer and watches too much Netflix instead of working, you still deserve to be treated.

Portions portions portions

Let’s say you’re cooking for just yourself. Why make only one portion when you could make two? BOOM. LIFE HACK. You’ve just created dinner for the next night, and maybe the night after that if you forget about it and feel brave upon finding it. Doing this with pasta means you can just eat it cold outta your Tupperware, which means fewer dishes for you and more time procrastinating that overdue essay.

Cooking and communication

It’s your turn to cook, and you want tacos. Sally does not want tacos, and neither does Gary, Steven or Lucy. But it’s your turn, so you made tacos. And now your flatmates hate you, and you’re going to be kicked out of the flat for being selfish and making tacos. Don’t do this. Remember to communicate and compromise with your flatties. Mealtime should be enjoyable for all, not just time for some Remy the Rat antics where you make whatever you damn well please.

The way I see it, sad bellies make a sad home, so keep your flatties happy with meals you can all enjoy.

Chicken

You think you’re brave enough to cook chicken? You really wanna be the guy who gives everyone salmonella? Yeah, I thought so. Just don’t go there. Get KFC instead. You probably deserve it.

Try to have fun with it

If you’ve read this far then I shall reveal to you that all this advice is coming from a former kitchen hand, so yeah, I think I’m a bit of a Mensa level genius in this area.

Seriously though, I am someone who enjoys cooking a lot. Just cause the meals are basic, doesn’t mean it has to suck making them. Chuck on your favourite show, get everyone in the kitchen doing something, roleplay The Bear. Flat meals are what you make of them, on and off the plate.