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EDITOR IN CHIEF Joan Herrmann —
ASSOCIATE EDITOR Lindsay Pearson —
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Matt Herrmann —
GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Chris Giordano Andrea Valentie Oliver Pane —
CONTRIBUTORS Rick Hanson, PhD Rena Greenberg Gayle M. Gruenberg Joan Herrmann Linda Mitchell, CPC
FROM THE EDITOR — As we travel through the journey of life, we may stumble upon a person who changes the trajectory of where we thought we were heading. Sometimes the change is a minor reroute, but other times it re-charts our direction. For Mitch Albom that person was Morrie Schwartz. Mitch was a successful and ambitious sportswriter who wrote for newspapers, appeared on ESPN television, and did radio. He often worked 90 plus hours per week climbing the proverbial ladder. One day while flipping through television channels, he caught the Nightline program and on the screen saw a thin, sickly, white haired version of his college professor – Morrie Schwartz - with whom he had been very close, but hadn’t seen in years. He learned through the program that Morrie was dying from Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Feeling guilty about not staying in touch, he decided to call his professor. At the end of the conversation Morrie asked him to visit and he agreed, thinking it would be a one and done meeting. But the visit made such an impression on Mitch that he decided to return weekly on Tuesdays. From those visits he gained insight about what was important in life from a man who was dying. According to Mitch, their rekindled relationship turned into one final class: lessons in how to live. “Everything that he felt was important were things that I was not valuing in my life,” said Mitch. “And so from that point forward I started turning things around.” One of the biggest lessons that had a
profound impact on Mitch was the importance of giving. He recalled times people visited Morrie with the intention of cheering him up, but before long, the tables were turned and Morrie would be holding their hand trying to help them with whatever challenges they faced. Divorce, love life, work issues, he helped them all. After witnessing this time and time again, Mitch finally asked why he didn’t take their sympathy. Why did he give them more than they gave him? To this Morrie replied: “Mitch, taking like that just makes me feel like I’m dying. Giving makes me feel like I’m living.” Hearing those words, I realized that if what made a man who had weeks left on this earth feel the most alive was giving, then that had to be true for those of us in our younger, healthier years, said Mitch. “I started my first charity that year and have been deeper and deeper into that world ever since.” Today, Mitch has multiple charitable operations in the Detroit area committed to “lifting our neediest when they stumble.” He also operates an orphanage in Haiti, which he visits monthly. He noted that he sleeps better on the orphanage’s four-inch mattress than he does anywhere else in the world. Mitch’s advice to find contentment? Find someone who needs your help and you’ll be amazed at how good you’ll feel about your days. Listen to my conversation with Mitch: www.cyacyl.com/shows/mitch-albom
— Joan Herrmann
MITCH ALBOM
ISSUE NO.136
INSIDE THIS
ISSUE CHOOSE TO LOVE BY RICK HANSON, PHD
PAGE 12
IT’S TIME TO FACE YOUR FEARS
ON THIS MONTH’S
C OV E R MITCH ALBOM SHARES HOW A MAN NAMED MORRIE SCHWARTZ CHANGED THE TRAJECTORY OF HIS LIFE, AND HOW MORRIE’S LESSONS CAN CHANGE OURS, TOO. LISTEN TO THE CONVERSATION WITH MITCH: www.cyacyl.com/shows/mitch-albom
BY JOAN HERRMANN
PAGE 18
TIPS TO SPEED UP YOUR WEIGHT LOSS BY RENA GREENBERG
PAGE 22
FINDING FULFILLMENT IN EVERYDAY LIFE BY LINDA MITCHELL
PAGE 24
THE IMPOSSIBLE TASK BY GAYLE M. GRUENBERG
PAGE 28
WHEN YOUR CHILD IS AN ADDICT: A MOTHER’S JOURNEY BY BOOK CLUB
PAGE 30
P H OTO C R E D I T: G L E N N T R I E ST/ T R I E ST P H OTO G R A P H I C
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ISSUE N O. 1 3 6
F E B R UA RY 2022
C H OOSE TO LOV E
Many years ago, I was in a significant relationship in which the other person started doing things that surprised and hurt me. I’ll preserve the privacy here so I won’t be concrete, but it was pretty intense. After going through the first wave of reactions – What?! How could you? Are you kidding me?! – I settled down a bit. I had a choice.
Written by Rick Hanson, PhD
T
This relationship was important to me, and I could see that a lot of what was going through the mind over there was really about the other person and not about me. I began to realize that the freest, strongest, and the most self-respecting thing that I could do was both to tell the person that we were on very thin ice . . . and to choose to love meanwhile. To my surprise, instead of turning me into a doormat or punching bag, love protected and fueled me. It kept me out of contentiousness and conflict and gave me a feeling of worth. I was interested in what the other person was going to do, but in a weird way, I didn’t care that much. I felt fed and carried by love, and how the other person responded was out of my hands. I got interested in “loving at will,” in how to go to the upper end of the range of what is authentically available to a person in terms of feeling or expressing compassion, good wishes, and warmth. You shouldn’t falsify what’s truly going on with you, nor let yourself be mistreated. But whatever this range is for you at any moment in any relationship, it’s your choice where you land within it. I became less caught up in how I wanted the other person to think and feel and act, and more focused on my own practice of finding and re-finding some sense of love. It felt kind of like I was strengthening the heart like a muscle. I joked with myself that I was doing love pushups (not the sexual kind!). If it’s authentically within reach, you can deliberately, even willfully settle yourself in love as a central quality in your mind. This is not phony: the love that’s there in you is genuinely there. In fact, choosing to love is twice loving: it’s a loving act to call up the intention to love, plus there is the love that follows.
Looking back, my shift out of quarreling and into a healthy feeling of lovingness helped things get better with this person. And the relationship taught me a good lesson: Love is more about us being loving than about other people being lovable. Start with someone that’s easy to feel love around. Relax a bit. Take a breath or two and come home to yourself. Sense into the area of your chest and heart. Be aware of what compassion and kindness feel like; perhaps call up the sense of a time when you felt very loving. Ask yourself, can I feel loving now? Open to a natural warm-heartedness. Choose to love. Take a dozen seconds to open to feeling as loving as you can in your body. Take in this experience, let it sink into you. This will strengthen the neural trace of the experience – a kind of emotional memory – and make it easier to call up the next time. Also register the sense of deliberateness, of choosing to love. Then try these methods with someone you feel more neutral about, such as a stranger on the street. Eventually, try this approach with someone who is difficult for you. It could help to be more aware of the other person’s stresses, worries, and longings. Without staring, look closely at him or her for ten seconds or so. Can you let your heart be moved by this face? Get a sense of the different external and internal forces pushing and pulling the other person this way and that – perhaps leading him or her to do things that hurt you or others. Let your eyes relax and get a sense of the bigger picture. Disentangle from the parts, and open into the whole. Let love be there alongside whatever else is present in your relationship with the other person. There is love . . . and there is also seeing what is true about the other person, yourself, and circumstances affecting both of you. There is love . . . and there is also taking care of your own needs in the relationship. Love first. The rest will follow.
About The Author
RICK HANSON Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a psychologist, Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and New York Times best-selling author. To Learn More Visit: www.RickHanson.net
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February 2022 Issue
It’s Time To Face Your Fears Written by Joan Herrmann
D
Do you allow fear to stop you dead in your tracks whenever you think about trying something new? Does that voice in your head conjure up a list of reasons to be inactive, why you shouldn’t try to accomplish a goal? For most of my life, I was that person, too afraid to take a chance, self-sabotaging myself at every turn. I had a reason for every roadblock that I built; I allowed fear to govern my life. It took a major life upheaval and a lot of soul searching to get me to change my ways. And when I did, I realized that I hadn’t really lived - I played it safe and simply survived. Over the course of the past decade, I have had the opportunity to interview people that have inspired and challenged me to step outside of the comfort zone I called life. I met warriors who have overcome tremendous challenges and displayed courage that most can only imagine They changed my way of thinking! Some of these people were born without arms and legs, or feet, or hands; others have lost their vision or the ability to walk; and others have survived horrific trauma and now live their life in service to others. Every one of these people had every right to live in fear as they faced unfathomable challenges, but they all chose to confront their limitations and achieve what many would consider to be “impossible”. They understood that fear is nothing more than a mindset, a perception, False Evidence Appearing Real. They taught me that each time we face our fear, we gain strength,
courage and confidence in the doing. So, the next time you’re faced with an overwhelming challenge, an opportunity to try something new, or the chance to step out of your comfort zone, how do you push fear aside and take action? 1. Evaluate the driving force behind your fear. Is it a real consideration or something that you have created in your mind? 2. Make a list of your concerns and attack them one by one. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that can happen?” (btw…it usually doesn’t). 3. Develop a plan of action. What is your goal and how will you achieve it? Empower yourself with knowledge. 4. Muster up the courage and take a chance. The best plans are meaningless without action. As the explorer Christopher Columbus said, “You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.” Remember, it isn’t the end result that matters … it’s the journey. You may just enjoy the ride!
About The Author
JOAN HERRMANN Joan Herrmann is the creator of the Change Your Attitude…Change Your life brand and host of the radio show and podcast, Conversations with Joan. She is a motivational speaker and the publisher of 24 Seven magazine. To Learn More Visit: www.JoanHerrmann.com
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Tips to Speed Up Your Weight Loss Written by Rena Greenberg
You’ve been eating less, sweating at the gym, reaching for healthy meals and passing by the old snacks that used to call out to you, and still the scale numbers aren’t budging. Have you ever had the experience of feeling like you are doing everything “right” but not getting the desired result? You may wonder with frustration what is going on and why your weight loss is so slow. Here are a few tips to help you get through those times when it feels like your weight loss has slowed down to almost a complete halt. Keep going. Just because you aren’t seeing the results you are looking for yet, is no reason to give up. In all areas of your life where you are successful, it’s often a journey to get to where you want to go. The only one who fails is the one who gives up. Besides, there’s really no going back once you remember how awful it was to be controlled by food and to literally be putting poison into your body. As you re-train your brain and keep hitting the re-set button, every time you practice self hypnosis, you’ll start to realize that you’ve come too far — there’s no going back. Be patient. Give yourself the gift of time. Even if you were only to lose one pound a month, you would still be going in the right direction. One of my dear clients, Cathy McHugh, came to me for gastric bypass hypnosis. When she first arrived, she could barely walk. Within nine months, she had lost 90 pounds and was
ecstatic. Then the weight loss completely stopped. Nothing for six more months! As of today, she’s down 130 pounds. Imagine if she had turned around and started going in the wrong direction. Instead she continued to practice her hypnosis and have faith. It’s such a joy to get Cathy’s annual vacation photos and see her beaming, healthy, at her ideal weight. Appreciate your progress. Instead of beating up on yourself, begin to send yourself some appreciation. Have you ever watched a child learn to walk? When it fell down, did you want to yell, “What’s wrong with you?” Of course, not! Your instinct was surely to encourage that child. In the same way, encourage yourself for all your efforts and successes. Don’t only measure success by the number on the scale. Instead measure winning by your actions and accomplishments. Did you take the time to prepare a salad today and bring it to work instead of pulling into a fast food restaurant like you may have before? Give yourself a big smile, pat on the back, and deep encouragement, praise and gratitude. Heal your emotional patterns. See your frustration as a great opportunity to heal your own emotional patterns. Notice the familiarity of the feelings you are having right now. Realize that no matter what your life situation, your thought habits are repetitive and predictable. This is a great opportunity to break that old cycle. Without judgment, open your awareness. Be brave and let yourself experience any “dark” feelings of shame, anger, victimhood, fear, insecurity and jealousy. Whatever comes up for you, you no longer need to push down again. You can bring your feelings into the light of day to be acknowledged and healed. It’s time to hold yourself, instead of rejecting the parts of you that you feel uncomfortable with. Imagine a huge, radiant sun in your heart that can contains all your feelings — both the wanted and the unwanted ones. Imagine that the dark emotions passing through you can be healed by the light that’s in the core of your being — the light that is part of your true Spirit. Ask to release judgment and criticism of yourself.
From The Story
“Don’t only measure success by the number on the scale. Instead measure winning by your actions and accomplish– ments.”
Stop suppressing any discomfort within you. You no longer need to bury your emotions with food. Instead, summon your inner courage, breathe light into all your emotions and let this light expand and wash over you. You are much stronger than you think. Also, you are not alone. The feelings that feel unmanageable to you are simply your share of the feelings that all of humanity experiences. By bringing them into the light deep within you, and witnessing them, you can channel them into positive energy — even if that is simply compassion for others and for yourself. Shift your mindset. Reinstate a sense of certainty within yourself that you are moving in the right direction. Feel with every cell of your body the inner knowing that you deserve to be happy and to live the creative, happy life that your heart longs for. Know that weight loss is only the side benefit of living your life with authentic freedom — freedom to choose what your inner wisdom knows is best for you. Make a decision to release the old habits of thought and action that no longer serve you. Decide to love all parts of yourself, even those that in the past you may have been ashamed of. Embrace your humanity while more and more embodying your divinity. Practice self-hypnosis every day to help you get more and more connected to your authentic self. Never give up and know that all good things happen in their own time. Your job is to keep consciously moving towards living the life that you know is best for you. That means embodying the new habits of healthy eating, eating only just enough to satisfy your physical hunger and moving your body for balance, stress relief and energy. Focus on cleansing your mind daily and nourishing your body. And if you must look back, do so only long enough to see how far you’ve come!
About The Author
RENA GREENBERG Rena Greenberg is an author, healthcare expert, and educator whose programs are sponsored by over 75 US hospitals and 100 major US corporations, including Disney, Home Depot, and AT&T. She has helped over 200,000 people find their journey to health. Her weight loss and smoking cessation programs, as well as her organic CBD line of wellness products have been featured widely in the national press. To Learn More Visit: www.EasyWillpower.com
F E B R UA RY 2 0 2 2
ISSUE NO.136
F I N D I N G FULFILLMENT I N E V E RY D AY L I F E Written by Linda Mitchell
I
It’s safe to say that most people are seeking fulfillment in their life, yet many are unsure of how to actually get there, especially when we’re constantly satisfying obligations and navigating the details of daily life. Finding fulfillment is an intentional journey. When we find and follow our soul’s longing, we open a direct path to feeling fulfilled. While there’s no specific formula that guarantees fulfillment, there are important steps that help us pursue and achieve satisfaction and fulfillment. It doesn’t have to be challenging; it can even be fun and it’s definitely easier with consistent action. Here are the critical pieces. Ask yourself if you’re acting on these most days: Pursue your passions. Our passions drive us and motivate us. When we pursue things that bring us pleasure and a sense of purpose, we can’t help but feel more fulfilled. Passions are those things we feel excited about, and they’re generally tied to our values and convictions which means that they hold deep meaning and significance. Following our passions gives our lives an overall sense of value, purpose and worth, leading to greater fulfillment. Be true to yourself. When we’re our authentic selves it naturally leads to greater fulfillment. Joy is diminished by having to pretend to be someone else or having to mask who we really are in order to please others. But when we’re our authentic selves, it frees us to experience true satisfaction. It’s helpful to care less about what others think of us and more about what our true selves need in order to shine. This is when we feel more aligned, more confident in who we truly are and more empowered to live the life we desire. Help others. There are few things more fulfilling in life than helping others. When we can set our own pursuits
and desires aside to help another person improve their lives or obtain their dreams, it helps us feel we’re making a difference and having a positive impact in the lives of others. I’ve always found helping others to be a win-win as it brings happiness to both the giver and receiver. Challenge yourself. Functioning at status quo can be dull and uninspiring. Pursuing challenging goals or activities which push us slightly beyond our comfort zone makes life more exciting and interesting. Even a modest expansion of activities that stimulate us mentally or physically can be the boost needed to help us feel a sense of personal growth and accomplishment. Live in the moment. Being in the moment is an important function of finding fulfillment in life. Sometimes when we focus too much on the past, it can cause us to harp on negative experiences or mistakes made. When we focus too much on the future, it can lead to anxiety, worry and stress about what we imagine could happen. We often miss the little blessings or special moments because we’re already thinking of the next place we need to be. However, when we live in the moment, we can freely enjoy what is right in front of us. This breeds gratitude and a sense of appreciation that helps us experience fulfillment and satisfaction in our lives in a real way. We miss less and enjoy more of each day. These practices help us focus on more positives, be more authentic, and experience more joy, thus creating a life that makes us feel much happier and more fulfilled. Intentionally acting on them will not only have a positive impact on us and those around us, but we can expect to find a deeper sense of happiness, joy and fulfillment. What’s one thing you can do today to create a greater sense of fulfillment in your life?
About The Author
LINDA MITCHELL Linda Mitchell is a board-certified transition coach, speaker, reinvention expert and LMT. She empowers people who are stuck, overwhelmed, or ready for change, to release their struggle, gain clarity, balance and meaningful direction as they move through life’s challenges and transitions and step into their highest purpose. To Learn More Visit: www.LivingInspiredCoaching.com
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February 2022 Issue
The Impossible Task Written by Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD®, CVPO
I Is there one thing you absolutely, positively cannot do, and you don’t understand why? The task could be anything, like making a bed, doing dishes, paying a bill, or going food shopping. It could be assigning a home for a category of items or putting something back where it belongs after using it. It could be a project at work that you know you have the skills and bandwidth to complete, but you just can’t take the first step. This may be your impossible task. The term “the impossible task” was coined in 2018 by M. Molly Backes to describe the overwhelm, guilt, shame, and complete inability to do something necessary that appears simple and otherwise easy to perform on its surface. The longer the task goes undone, the more
the pressure and desire to do it continue to build, as does the inability to actually get it done, and the self-recrimination over not being able to do it. Organizing can be the impossible task for many people. They may know what they need to do, have the physical ability to do it, and understand why it needs to be done, but they just can’t initiate the action. The underlying cause of this lack of motivation can be varied. It is not laziness. It can be a symptom and a side-effect of some anti-depressants. It may be one aspect of anxiety. People with traumatic brain injury or PTSD can experience the feeling. The impossible task is how people with depression describe how it feels to not be able to do something. How can someone manage the feeling of the impossible task? First, let go of the guilt. Recognize the challenge as a
symptom of an underlying condition rather than a character flaw. Treat yourself gently. Break a task down to manageable pieces. Combine the task with something very enjoyable, like listening to music while vacuuming. Delegate the task to someone who loves to do it. Get support from a friend or professional.
About The Author
GAYLE M. GRUENBERG Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD®, CVPO™ is the chief executive organizer of Let’s Get Organized, LLC, an organizer coach, and the creator of the Make Space for Blessings system. To Learn More Visit: www.LGOrganized.com
20 22
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WHEN YOUR CHILD IS AN ADDICT: A MOTHER’S JOURNEY
FEATURED STORY
Parents dream of their children living a happy, healthy life. All they ever want for them is the best of everything. So when their child develops a drug addiction, it can be completely devastating. Drug addiction is a progressive problem and the longer one goes without help, the stronger the addiction becomes. When an addiction is very strong, people will do anything to feed the need. The difficult part for families and those who love an addict is that no matter how much they want their loved one to be the person they know, nothing will change until the addict decides that he or she wants to quit. Linda Henderson, author of the book, Wake Up, Mom!: Can’t You See Your Son Is An Addict?, shares her emotional journey through her son’s addictive years. She chronicles their family’s life and its downward spiral after a prescription drug, meant to aid her son’s ADHD, caused a nightmarish sequence of events that nearly destroyed him. In a recent conversation, Linda discussed some of the lessons that she learned. On recognizing the warning signs: If your child is taking any prescribed drug, especially those to treat ADHD, pay attention! I spent years missing what should have been obvious signs. I now realize that as a parent I should have been more attuned to the changes in his behavior. My son’s appearance changed, as did his sleeping habits, and his personality. He became secretive and his communication was guarded. He experienced a myriad of health problems and constant financial difficulties. I attributed his recurring, bizarre, and often ridiculous behaviors to not taking his medication. I didn’t realize he was addicted to it. If you’re not sure, seek the help of a professional. On the damage addiction causes to a user: It cost my son nearly everything, including his life. He lost his job, then several subsequent jobs. He was financially dependent on me for years and years. With that comes a loss of self esteem. His financial situation was abysmal to say the least. His addiction cost him his health; he had multiple surgeries as a result of prolonged drug use. He has lost at least half of his teeth. And he had to regain the trust and respect of friends and families, which was lost a result of the addiction. On what happens to the family: My son’s words: “Addiction not only held me
hostage, but held my family prisoner as well.” This insidious disease can challenge and often ruin even the strongest of families. Addiction affects the family emotionally, financially, and even medically and legally. My son’s addiction, like so many others, caused strain and conflict in our family. My daughters and I disagreed constantly about this and it led to heated discussions. I always defended him saying he was under the care of a doctor and taking a prescribed drug, which he was. I think my daughters saw the problem before I did. We argued about the money I was spending on him. The close relationship we always had was tested constantly by our disagreements over their brother. The closeness they all had as siblings began to unravel as soon as the abuse began. It is only now, over 20 years later, they are getting back to the close relationship they once had. On turning the corner: This is an interesting topic because when my son first when to rehab and returned home, I knew there was still a lot of work to be done. I knew we were on the right path and I was determined to have him stay clean. But a recovering addict is always that – recovering - and is never fully healed. They are always fighting it. Every family of an addict needs to know this. Part of my brain told me he was “cured” the first time out of rehab. I had a lot to learn. Every parent of an addict needs to arm themselves with as much information about the recovery process as they can. It is a lifelong process. On helping loved ones through addiction: A recovering addict needs support and love every day to keep them on that path. The family needs support groups as well as the one suffering from addiction in order to not only help their loved one, but to help themselves. The most important part for me was to never to give up. Even though there were numerous setbacks and multiple rehabs, I never stopped losing hope that he would find his way. His recovery was a result of love and support by his family, his girlfriend, friends, and by the Recovery Center of America program he was in, which constantly monitored his actions. On publicly disclosing her son’s addiction: One of the first questions I get from people when I tell them the topic of my book is, “Is he okay with you talking about this?” This is best addressed by his post. On the date of the book’s
From The Story
“Drug addiction is a progressive problem and the longer one goes without help, the stronger the addiction becomes.”
publication, August 20, he posted a lengthy statement on Facebook, which started: “If there was ever was a “good day” to publicly disclose for the first time, a personal part of oneself by identifying as an addict in recovery, today would be it. I am an addict in recovery. The first time I ever said those words was March 7, 2011.” He goes on.” I am not embarrassed nor am I ashamed about what has been written. Instead I am grateful. I am grateful to have made close friendships with those also in recovery. I am grateful for a career where each day I show up to work I see firsthand, what the depravity of the disease looks like. I am grateful to have had the chance to live another day. I am grateful for the chance to help others. I am grateful simply for the fact I have learned to be grateful. I am also grateful for my mother.” He now has a career that he loves, as an intake nurse in a rehab facility, where he faces the reality everyday of addiction and the effects on the families. On why she wrote the book: I put our story out there so others could see they are not alone. Many have told me they could relate to so many incidents and had experienced the same struggles. Our journey is not unlike others. I have found in talking with people there is hardly anyone who has not been touched in some way by addiction. When I wrote our story, I was seeking answers as to what I had missed and if I was somehow responsible for his demise. My son viewed it as a healing process for me, which indeed it became. Once it was finished and he read it, he agreed that our story may help other families. One of my favorite Amazon reviews is: “If you have a family member with addiction, this may help you, you are not crazy.” On offering hope: My message in Wake Up Mom, is don’t give up. My hope is that our story of chaos and determination will inspire others and encourage them to be the much needed support their loved ones need. The addict cannot do it alone. The family needs to be part of the process of recovery. Part of my recovery as a mother was writing. I encourage all parents or loved ones of an addict, to at least speak their voice, share their experiences and not to let it consume you. It can only help you in the healing process. To learn more visit: www.lindaleehenderson.com