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EDITOR IN CHIEF Joan Herrmann —
ASSOCIATE EDITOR Lindsay Pearson —
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Matt Herrmann —
GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Chris Giordano Andrea Valentie Oliver Pane —
CONTRIBUTORS Guy Finley Kathryn Ford, MD Gayle M. Gruenberg Ed Hajim Joan Herrmann Linda Mitchell, CPC, LMT
WILLIAM W. LI, MD
ISSUE NO.139
INSIDE THIS
ISSUE SELF-COMPASSION: THE KEY TO LOVING THE WORLD BY KATHRYN FORD, MD
PAGE 12
SEVEN WAYS TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE BY JOAN HERRMANN
PAGE 16
HOW TO START ATTRACTING HIGHER HELP BY GUY FINLEY
PAGE 22
GET A SOUL SCRUB: HAVE A GOOD CRY! BY GAYLE M. GRUENBERG
ON THIS MONTH’S
C OV E R DR. WILLIAM LI BELIEVES THAT EACH OF US HAS AN ENORMOUS OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE CHARGE OF OUR LIVES USING FOOD TO TRANSFORM OUR HEALTH. HE TALKS ABOUT THE NEW SCIENCE OF HOW THE BODY HEALS ITSELF. DR LI IS AN INTERNATIONALLY RENOWNED PHYSICIAN, SCIENTIST AND AUTHOR OF THE NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER EAT TO BEAT DISEASE: THE NEW SCIENCE OF HOW YOUR BODY CAN HEAL ITSELF. HIS GROUNDBREAKING WORK HAS LED TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF MORE THAN 30 NEW MEDICAL TREATMENTS AND IMPACTS CARE FOR MORE THAN 70 DISEASES INCLUDING CANCER, DIABETES, HEART DISEASE AND OBESITY. HIS TED TALK, CAN WE EAT TO STARVE CANCER? HAS GARNERED MORE THAN 11 MILLION VIEWS. DR. LI HAS APPEARED ON GOOD MORNING AMERICA, CNN, AND THE DR. OZ SHOW, AND HE HAS BEEN FEATURED IN USA TODAY, TIME, THE ATLANTIC AND O MAGAZINE. HE IS PRESIDENT AND MEDICAL DIRECTOR OF THE ANGIOGENESIS FOUNDATION AND IS LEADING RESEARCH INTO COVID-19. LISTEN TO THE CONVERSATION WITH DR. LI: www.cyacyl.com/shows/william-li
PAGE 26
THE HIDDEN LESSONS IN PROCRASTINATION BY LINDA MITCHELL
PAGE 30
WHY EVERYONE SHOULD NOT GO TO COLLEGE BY ED HAJIM
PAGE 34
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SelfCompassion: The Key To Loving The World Written by Kathryn Ford, MD
C
Compassion, whether for others or for oneself, means responding with loving kindness to the pain that is as much a part of life as joy. Yet, while compassion for others comes naturally to most of us most of the time, somehow, we often find selfcompassion hard. Why is this? The first way this can get tricky is when the suffering is related to human limitations. Our need to have people not make mistakes or be limited can make it difficult to find compassion. And when the mistakes or limitations are our own, this can get even harder.
We carry various beliefs about what it means to be a good person that get in the way of self-compassion. Some of these are: • That we should not make mistakes, • That the way to improve ourselves is by being hard on ourselves, • That caring for ourselves is somehow at the expense of loving others. Thus self-compassion can be confused with both weakness and selfishness. Learning self-compassion starts with challenging these beliefs. We must entertain the possibility that in fact the best way to be both loving and strong is through self-compassion. I’m often reminded of the instructions on airplanes to “secure your mask before helping others.” When it comes to doing good in the world, taking care of ourselves is the starting place. Our strength lies not in expecting ourselves to be perfect, but in understanding that our greatest strength is our ability to learn. Self-compassion means loving acceptance of current limitations in a way that supports our marvelous ability to grow. The starting place for learning selfcompassion is a decision to experiment with the possibility that self-compassion is a good choice. For embarking on this new experiment we need three elements: attention, suspension, intention. Attention means paying attention to what happens at a moment when you are in difficulty. What are you feeling? And what are you telling yourself about this difficulty? Are you moving toward self-blame and criticism or are you inclining toward selfcompassion? Suspension means that even though selfblame and criticism feel natural and right, you decide to experiment with not doing that. You suspend, or inhibit, your old habits. Intention means that, though you may feel awkward and frankly, bad at it, you intend to experiment with self-compassion. You then simply observe, accept and value your
From The Story
“Loving others begins with loving yourself.”
tentative moves in this new direction. You practice loving acceptance of your current limitations and celebrate your exciting ability to grow. Loving others begins with loving yourself. Now is a good time to start.
About The Author
KATHRYN FORD, MD Kathryn Ford, MD, teacher and clinician, developed Aperture Awareness for relationship success. She received her MD from Brown University School of Medicine and completed her psychiatry residency at Stanford School of Medicine. To Learn More Visit: www.KathrynFordMD.com
THE WAY FORWARD in these uncertain times!
JEANNE NIGRO Jeannenigro.com info@jeannenigro.com
ISSUE N O. 1 3 9
J U LY 2022
SEVEN WAYS TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE When I was a young girl, like many other girls, I dreamed about what my life would be like. College … career … marriage … children … a house … a dog … and a big, loving family surrounding me. That was my dream. While some of it came true, many of my expectations were shattered, and my life didn’t live up to the fairy tale I had imagined.
Written by Joan Herrmann
For a while, that revelation had beaten me down. I looked at others with envy, believing that they were living the perfect existence, and I longed for everything I thought I was missing. And, when those things didn’t materialize, I was lost. Many of us look to external objects – things we collect and acquire – and outside circumstances to make us feel fulfilled. We assume that those with more material possessions, bigger houses, nicer cars, larger families, etc., have more for which to be grateful. However, interestingly, research suggests the opposite: it’s not how much you have, but how you feel about what you have that makes the difference. That’s why someone who seems to “have it all” is miserable, while others with very little are full of joy. As I’ve grown wiser, I’ve learned that ultimately, being happy with what you have is a matter of focusing on the good things, letting go of unrealistic expectations, and making yourself feel joy in the present moment. Here are a few strategies that I’ve picked up along my journey that can help you live with a more grateful heart:
complains. Negativity sucks the life out of you. Surround yourself with grateful people. Joy is contagious! Love the little things. Take time for small pleasures. Be mindful and savor life’s treats. A baby’s laugh. A beautiful flower. Playing with children. Listening to music. A funny joke. All of these moments become the snapshots of a full life. Don’t miss them. Change your attitude. The old adage of the glass being half empty or half full sums up the way you view your life. As Dr. Wayne Dyer stated, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” A happy life is an inside job; nothing “out there” can bring you lasting joy. You determine how you want to view your life. What do you want to see? v
Focus on your gifts and blessings. Think about all of the great things that you do have, not the things you don’t. There is a wonderful quote that states: “If you have food in your fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75 percent of the world.” Place emphasis on those treasures. Let go of the past. You can’t change the past, so worrying about it does nothing for you except rob your peace today. Learn from your mistakes, vow not to repeat them, and move on. Stop comparing yourself to others. Envy is poison for happiness. Don’t focus on what others have. Most people show their “A” game and while it may look good on social media, you don’t know what happens in private. Release yourself from desires for material things. Possessions are just things. A big house or fancy car may be nice for the moment, but eventually the newness wears off and you’re back to being you. What good is the beach house if you’re miserable in it? Spend time with the people who lift you up. There is nothing worse than being around a person who
About The Author
JOAN HERRMANN Joan Herrmann is the creator of the Change Your Attitude… Change Your life brand and host of the radio show and podcast, Conversations with Joan. She is a motivational speaker and the publisher of 24 Seven magazine.. To Learn More Visit: www.JoanHerrmann.com
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July 2022 Issue
How to Start Attracting Higher Help Written by Guy Finley
Living from our present life-level, we are almost always nervous about what’s going on around us. Why? Because we still live with the mistaken notion that who we are is somehow affected or determined by what happens to us. Events may happen to you, but you are not the event. Just as clouds are not the sky, you are not what moves through you. You are not who you think you are. Thinking that you are the event, being identified with it, gives rise to a certain wrong identity — an anxious and uncertain one. This mistaken identity is called the false self, a character created in our consciousness from the sum of our experiences in life… and that’s quite natural. Where things go “wrong” for us is that this level of “self ” only knows how to compare what “is” to what was; it can’t meet any moment with the same newness that moment brings because this self is, literally, a construct of one’s past. And as long as we see life through its eyes, the freedom that comes with living in the present moment remains impossible. This false self does feel real. There’s no mistake about that! It is animated and driven along by the flood of reactions we have as we run around seeking fulfillment. But the fact that this lower nature is driven doesn’t mean it is alive. A bulldozer rolls along too, but it cannot see or understand why it smashes into things. It is a machine. So, in many ways, is the false self. The false self is fueled by negative emotional reactions, which in turn, are maintained by habitual incorrect thinking. Because these punishing thoughts and emotions are merely the mechanical movements of our lower nature, they are “in time.” This means they have no choice but to fade with the events that gave them birth. As the master of making mountains out of molehills, the false self loves nothing better than dark and bumpy downhill roads. Our unhappy part in this recurring nightmare is that we willingly go along on this dark drive that leads us to repetitious events and unhappy endings. Why? Because we have mistakenly assumed this false identity that lives for troubles, and we fear that the end of its existence means the end of ours. Nothing could be further from the truth. Real rescue from our problems can only come to us from above the level of our problem. And yet, in order for any solution to be real, it must be found somewhere within us, since that is the real location of our problems. The question then becomes how can we reconcile these two seemingly
separate and distant notions, rescue from above and solution from within? The answer may surprise you. Above and within mean the exact same thing when it comes to attracting higher help. We can call this new and higher location of real rescue the True Self or our own undiscovered higher nature. But it isn’t what we call this compassionate intelligence that gives it authority over our painful conditions. Its power is its elevated position, which is above and outside of the false self’s sphere of influence. This beneficent and loving wisdom becomes your intelligence whenever you refrain from attempting to rescue yourself long enough for it to show you that what you need is more understanding, not more battle plans. Temporarily abandoning yourself in this special way, where you consciously watch and so suspend the influences and activities of the false self by refusing to go along with its directives, allows authentic understanding to flow into the vacancy and give you real direction. Everyone knows that a good general carefully chooses where he will engage the enemy. In this way, he always has the advantage of the upper ground. The same principle holds true in our work when it comes to learning to let go of who we are not. In our battle with the false self, we defeat it not by running away or through struggle with it, but by standing still long enough to see that we have mistakenly attributed power to it. One day it will be your greatest pleasure to realize that this false nature has no real power to pain you outside of what you give to it through your wrong reactions. This article is adapted from The Secret of Letting Go.
About The Author
GUY FINLEY Guy Finley is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher and bestselling self-help author. He is the Founder and Director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit center for spiritual self-study located in Merlin, Oregon. He also hosts the Foundation’s Wisdom School — an on-line self-discovery program for seekers of higher self-knowledge. He is the best-selling author of The Secret of Letting Go and 45 other books and audio programs that have sold over 2 million copies, in 26 languages.. To Learn More Visit: www.GuyFinley.org
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J U LY 2 0 2 2
ISSUE NO.139
G E T A S O U L S C R U B : H AV E A G O O D C RY Written by Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD®
T
To quote Rosie Grier, “It’s alright to cry.” I used to cry easily when I was a child, as most kids do. I’m a sensitive person, and I was always being told, “Don’t be so sensitive.” For me, that’s like saying, “Don’t breathe.” Now, as an adult, I get it. It’s who I am, how I’m wired. I even learned that there are others like me, and we have a name: highly sensitive people. Who knew? And here I always thought it was because I’m a Pisces! We fish tend to be quiet and observant, taking everything in, feeling things deeply, and not letting on that we see all. I’ve come to terms with crying. Granted, I’ve done a lot of internal work and learned to accept many things about myself that had originally made me think there was something wrong with me. I’ve learned to embrace crying, although I don’t cry as much as I did in the first four decades of my life. I say that crying is a “soul scrub.” It turns out that I’m right! Growing up in the 1970s and 80s, tears were considered a sign of weakness, a lack of resilience, an inability to cope. Little did we know that it was the exact opposite. Science has since proved that crying has myriad health benefits. Crying is physical; it gets your heart beating faster, which circulates more blood and oxygen to the brain and body. Stress creates tension in the body and tightens muscles. Crying releases stress and relaxes the body. Emotional tears also contain more manganese, which helps to regulate mood. Medical experts say that crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system and restores the body to a state of balance.
I created the acronym TEARS to sum up the physical and mental benefits of crying: T – Toxin Release E – Emotional Balance A – Aids Sleep R – Relieves Pain S – Stress Relief If you bottle everything up, it will come out somewhere eventually, and that can be dangerous. Crying is a natural reaction to a stimulus and a safe way to release pent up feelings. The next time you feel your eyes well up, your throat tighten, and your nose run, let yourself cry. Allow yourself to get it all out. You are a human being, not a robot or machine. Do not apologize for having strong feelings. Instead, celebrate being human, acknowledge those feelings, and appreciate your ability to connect with the deepest parts of yourself.
About The Author
GAYLE M. GRUENBERG Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD®, CVPO is the chief executive organizer of Let’s Get Organized, LLC, an organizer coach, and the creator of the Make Space for Blessings system. To Learn More Visit: www.LGOrganized.com
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July 2022 Issue
The Hidden Lessons In Procrastination Written by Linda Mitchell, CPC, LMT
H
Have you ever caught yourself stalled on a project and filling your time with other actions like an easier task, eating, drinking or finding just about any other distraction to put off the work at hand? It’s important to realize that procrastination is not so much a lack of selfcontrol - it’s more of taking ineffective and distracting actions that sooth the discomfort we feel when trying to tackle an unpleasant or unfamiliar task, situation or circumstance. Think of procrastination as a decision to stall moving forward. Yes, procrastination is basically a decision, consciously or subconsciously, to remain indecisive. And unfortunately, procrastination only compounds the negative associations we have with the given task. Additionally, it adds to our stress, anxiety, feelings of self-blame and guilt. Ruminating about our lack of action and getting stuck in the distraction torpedoes our self-esteem. What if instead you looked for the hidden lessons behind your procrastination? If you stop to ask yourself why and really get honest with yourself, you’ll likely uncover some of the real reasons for your procrastination. Some are easy to uncover. What’s in front of you might be uncomfortable or boring. But if you delve deeper, you may discover it’s your soul’s way of helping you see that you’re not in alignment with your true values or mission. If that’s the case, dig deeper into what your inner wisdom and guidance would have you do instead. Check in with your body and see where the discomfort lands. What is your heart, gut and head telling you? Be gentle with yourself and express gratitude to your body and brain for this new awareness. This is an important step and will truly help you discern what actions would be best for you! Our unresolved emotions and our issues land in our tissues! Listen deeply to your inner
guidance and course correct to get back on track. Take any inspired action steps that move you closer to discovering why you feel out of sorts and what you might do instead. If it’s simply an aversion to an unpleasantry, get out of the hole you’re digging and simply plan to get it done. If it’s a big project, break it down into manageable pieces, and if it’s a smaller task, either jump right in or schedule a date on the calendar. Pause to imagine how good you’ll feel once it’s completed and off your shoulders. Stop carrying around the weight of the undone task which is often heavier and more stressful than the act of completing it! Once you do so, you’ll feel so much better, and you’ll have a better understanding of the bigger picture. But if the cause of your procrastination is not simply due to an unpleasant task moving you out of your comfort zone, discern where the real discomfort is coming from. Perhaps you’re working in an industry that is diametrically opposed to your authentic self, making the project uncomfortable. In this example, procrastination that is a sign to find work that is more in alignment with your core values and beliefs. Here, procrastination isn’t simply avoidance, it’s your body and brain’s way of waving a red flag to wake you up to something better coming your way if you take aligned action. Begin to explore new possibilities, opportunities and paths forward. Thank your body for the pause and decide to make some empowering changes. You see, procrastination is not a trait, it’s a habit. The good news is when we understand the reason for our habits, we can also intentionally decide to create different habits and action steps that serve us better and allow us to feel more empowered and fulfilled in everyday life.
About The Author
LINDA MITCHELL Linda Mitchell is a board-certified coach, speaker, intuitive healer, and licensed massage therapist. She empowers people who feel stuck, overwhelmed or ready for change to release their fear, gain clarity, confidence and meaningful direction as they move through life’s challenges and transitions and step into their highest purpose with greater ease, focus and fulfillment. To Learn More Visit: www.LindaMitchellCoachingandHealing.com
Why Everyone Should Not Go To College Written by Ed Hajim
W Want to know why it can be tougher to get an appointment with your electrician or your plumber than with your doctor? The answer is simple: Our national and state policies funnel most high school graduates into colleges and universities. Even young people who show an interest in vocational training are urged to study computer technology. College for all is not working. Forty percent of those who enroll in college drop out. And not enough young people are mastering important trade skills. While technology matters, society also needs welders, electricians, plumbers, landscapers, woodworkers, nurses, other health care
workers, auto mechanics, and chefs. All important trade skills that now pay handsomely. Education is the solution to almost everything, said George Eastman of Kodak fame. Yet we seldom talk about education for jobs like these. And, when we do, the language is often disparaging. Trade school is one popular term of disapproval, suggesting that plumbing and similar activities are unworthy activity. Let’s get one thing straight: these are real occupations. Support for vocational training is critical. It is expensive and beyond the means of many families. Vocational programs range from $50,000 to $200,000 for a four-year program (plus room and board), although there are two-year certificate programs in fields like furniture design and one-year programs in others like welding. The late educator John W. Gardner said it best: “The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy; neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.” I’ve been involved in two programs that are trying to do something about this problem. In Florida, Monroe County and Ocean Reef are hard pressed to find enough skilled workers. The Ocean Reef Foundation is helping raise money for a new campus of the College of the Florida Keys. Set to open in the fall of 2021, it will offer bachelor’s degrees, certificates and workforce training in business, marine science, diving, marine engineering, hospitality, culinary, nursing, EMT, public safety and more. On Nantucket, that small island 30 miles off the coast of Massachusetts, we are finding ways to support kids who want to work in the trades. We still send about three-quarters of our high school graduates on to advanced education, but a growing number now receive
From The Story
“Forty percent of those who enroll in college drop out.”
scholarships that support their vocational training. Unfortunately, the number of these scholarships remains miniscule compared to college scholarships. A few years ago, the Nantucket Golf Club Foundation realized that young people with a vocational bent were being short-changed and launched a program to support students taking a different track. We’re in the second year of our Vocational Scholarship program, providing three scholarships to graduating Nantucket High School seniors attending technical schools. “Education has always been a dream of mine,” says Malkia Blake, a recent high school graduate who came to the U.S. from Jamaica. “It is not a common experience in my family, and education is one of the few ways I’ve seen other people escape from the grasp of poverty and illiteracy.” Malkia is attending the Culinary Institute of America on a scholarship – a vocational scholarship. Blaise Flegg completed a 16-month course for Welding Certification. A mobile welder for a small company, he was able to get an education in welding and put some of the money that would have gone into tuition into equipment for his trade. “Down the road, I hope to start my own company.” It’s time to acknowledge that what matters is continuing to study and learn. Not attending a four-year college. Today’s high school students understand that now they can have the best of both worlds with vocational training. They are guaranteed jobs when they finish the program and get to work at jobs they love. Supporting vocational programs like this will strengthen our economy and enable countless young people to live fulfilling lives. It will also make it easier to get a plumber when you need one.
About The Author
ED HAJIM Ed Hajim, Chairman Emeritus of the University of Rochester and Chairman of High Vista Strategies, has personally provided more than 200 scholarships to deserving students.