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EDITOR IN CHIEF Joan Herrmann —
ASSOCIATE EDITOR Lindsay Pearson —
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Matt Herrmann —
GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Chris Giordano Andrea Valentie Oliver Pane —
CONTRIBUTORS Guy Finley Lorie Gardner, RN, NBC-HWC Gayle Gruenberg Rick Hanson, PhD Joan Herrmann Linda Mitchell, CPC Jude Morrow
FROM THE EDITOR — This month, July 8 to be exact, marks the 11th anniversary of the premiere of the Change Your Attitude…Change Your Life brand and radio show. Back in 2009, I was going through a bit of an identity crisis trying to figure out my next move. I had given so much of myself to my family that I got lost. I had no career, my children were growing up, and my marriage was stagnant. It was during that time, from what I was feeling, that I had the idea to create a medium that would bridge the gap between people who needed information for self empowerment, and those who could provide it. Eleven years ago, my life was pretty ordinary - I was a wife, mother, daughter and sister – just an average woman experiencing what many wives and mothers feel. To this day, I cannot say from where this seed was planted. I had no special training, or no radio or business ownership experience. And yet, I wanted to take it on. Looking back, I must have appeared insane. A few told me I was, but I didn’t care. Completely out of character, and against the wishes and advice of a few closest to me, I followed through with my “crazy” idea. To be honest, I didn’t know what I was doing or how I would accomplish my goal, but forward I went; mostly by the seat of my pants. But hey, a little common sense goes a long way! Within a few months, I had created the CYACYL radio show, was the CEO of my first company, and was publishing 24 Seven magazine. Just when my career was starting to gain traction, my life took a tumultuous turn. Within a period of six months, my 23-year marriage ended, my mother died, my sister died, and my oldest son left for college. The life I knew ceased to exist. I was broken
hearted, depressed, and exhausted. I didn’t see much of a future for me. The irony of it all is that months before any of this loss, I chose to work under the Change Your Attitude…Change Your Life brand. When I selected that title, I had no idea what was to come. I had no idea exactly how much change I would need to embrace. But as I have come to learn, God has a sense of humor. Over the course of the next 11 years, and during some very dark moments in my life, the one constant was this brand. Through it, I have met some of the world’s most inspiring and influential people. These teachers have enabled me to turn my personal tragedy, transition, and transformation into something that has the potential to positively impact hundreds of thousands of lives. It hasn’t always been easy. I have had many obstacles to overcome, financial problems to solve, betrayals to survive, and endless business lessons to learn. But in the end, I have emerged strong and selfconfident and I face each day with renewed passion and joy. So, when I discuss the importance of attitude in changing your life and surviving, I don’t speak from an abstract concept or program I have taken, I speak from personal experience and from the heart. In a brief period, I received a crash course in life - death, divorce, financial uncertainty, self doubt, and low self esteem. But, it was in those moments that I recognized a turning point, and followed the words of Dr. Wayne Dyer: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” It was with that outlook about change that I was able to move on and create a life I could have never imagined. And, you can too!
— Joan Herrmann
MARK NEPO
ISSUE NO.117
INSIDE THIS
ISSUE KNOW YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON BY RICK HANSON, PHD
PAGE 13
HOW TO GET THE HELP YOU NEED FROM YOUR HIGHER SELF
ON THIS MONTH’S
C OV E R MARK NEPO TEACHES THAT NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD AROUND US, WE CAN TAP INTO OUR INNER WISDOM AND STRENGTH FOR SUSTENANCE. MARK WAS NAMED BY WATKINS: MIND BODY SPIRIT AS ONE OF THE 100 MOST SPIRITUALLY INFLUENTIAL LIVING PEOPLE. HE HAS APPEARED ON SUPER SOUL SUNDAY AND TRAVELED THE COUNTRY WITH OPRAH ON HER THE LIFE YOU WANT TOUR. HIS NEW BOOK IS THE BOOK OF SOUL: CREATING A PATH TO WHAT MATTERS . LISTEN TO MARK ON CYACYL: https://spoti.fi/37TdKoT
BY GUY FINLEY
PAGE 16
FIVE TIPS TO STAY YOUNG AT HEART BY JOAN HERRMANN
PAGE 22
IS YOUR BRAIN WIRED FOR POSITIVITY OR NEGATIVITY? BY LORIE GARDNER
PAGE 28
HOPE CHANGES EVERYTHING BY LINDA MITCHELL
PAGE 32
WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE THE SPOUSE OF SOMEONE WITH ADHD PHOTOGRAPHY PROVIDED BY MARK NEPO
BY GAYLE GRUENBERG
PAGE 36
THE ANTISOCIAL SOCIAL WORKER BY JUDE MORROW
PAGE 38
J U LY 2 0 2 0
24 SEVEN MAGAZINE
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ISSUE NO.117
LEADING OFF
Written by Rick Hanson, PhD
J U LY 2020
Know You’re A Good Person For many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that “I am a good person.” We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, act ethically – but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah!
We end up not feeling like a good person in a number of ways. For example, I once knew a little girl who’d been displaced by her baby brother and fended off and scolded by her mother who was worn down and busy caring for an infant. This girl was angry at her brother and parents, plus lost and disheartened and feeling cast out and unloved. She’d been watching cartoons in which the soldiers of an evil queen attacked innocent villagers, and one day she said sadly, “Mommy, I feel like a bad soldier.” Later in life – whether in school or adulthood – shamings, moral indictments, religious chastising, and other criticisms come in many shapes and sizes. Feeling morally compromised – the essence of not believing you’re a good person – is fed by related though different experiences of worthlessness, inadequacy, and unlovableness: as my ranch-born father would say, “feeling like you’re the runt of the litter.” I’ve also known people – including myself – who have done bad things or said them or thought them. Things like hitting an animal, risking the lives of their children while driving buzzed, being mean to a vulnerable person, stealing from a store, feeling contemptuous, or cheating on a partner. These don’t need to be felony offenses to make one feel guilty or ashamed. In effect, to simplify, it’s as if the psyche has three parts to it: one part says, “you’re not good”; another part says, “you’re good”; and a third part – the one we identify with – listens. The problem is that the critical, dismissive, shaming voice is usually much louder than the protecting, encouraging, valuing one. Sure, there is a place for healthy remorse. But shining through our lapses of integrity, no matter how great, is an underlying and pervading goodness. Yes, it may be obscured; I am not letting myself or others – from panhandlers to CEOs and Presidents – off the moral hook. But deep down, all intentions are positive, even if they are expressed problematic ways. When we are not disturbed by pain or loss or fear, the human brain defaults to a basic equilibrium of calm, contentment, and caring. And in ways that feel mysterious, even numinous, you can sense profound benevolence at your core. Really, the truth, the fact, is that you are a good person. (Me, too.) When you feel deep down like a bad soldier – or simply not like a good person – you’re more likely to act this way, to be casually snippy, self-indulgent, selfish, or hurtful. On the other hand, when you feel your own natural
“Seeing the good in yourself and others, you’re more likely to do what you can to build the good in the world we share together.”
goodness, you are more likely to act in good ways. Knowing your own goodness, you’re more able to recognize it in others. Seeing the good in yourself and others, you’re more likely to do what you can to build the good in the world we share together. I’ve learned five good ways to feel like a good person – and there are probably more! Take in the good of feeling cared about. When you have a chance to feel seen, listened to, appreciated, liked, valued, or loved: take a dozen seconds or more to savor this experience, letting it fill your mind and body, sinking into it as it sinks into you. Recognize goodness in your acts of thought word and deed. These include positive intentions, putting the brakes on anger, restraining addictive impulses, extending compassion and helpfulness to others, grit and determination, lovingness, courage, generosity, patience, and a willingness to see and even name the truth whatever it is. You are recognizing facts; create sanctuary in your mind for this recognition, holding at bay other voices, other forces, that would invade and plunder this sanctuary for their own agenda (such as the internalization of people you’ve known who made themselves feel big by making you feel small). Sense the goodness at the core of your being. This is a fundamental honesty and benevolence. It’s there inside everyone, no matter how obscured. It can feel intimate, impersonal, perhaps sacred. A force, a current, a wellspring in your heart. See the goodness in others. Recognizing their goodness will help you feel your own. Observe everyday small acts of fairness, kindness, and honorable effort in others. Sense the deeper layers behind the eyes, the inner longings to be decent and loving, to contribute, to help rather than harm. Give over to goodness. Increasingly let “the better angels of your nature” be the animating force of your life. In tricky situations or relationships, ask yourself, “Being a good person, what’s appropriate here?” As you act from this goodness, let the knowing that you are a good person sink in ever more deeply. Enjoy this beautiful goodness, so real and so true.
About The Author
RICK HANSON, PHD Rick Hanson, PhD, is a psychologist, Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UYC Berkeley, and a New York Times best-selling author. His books have been published in 29 languages and include Neurodharma, Resilient, and Hardwiring Happiness. To Learn More Visit: www.RickHanson.net
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ISSUE N O. 1 1 7
J U LY 2020
HOW TO GET THE HELP YO U N E E D F R O M YO U R HIGHER SELF
In these difficult days we often feel ourselves strongly reacting to events and then wanting to go into action. But actions taken on the basis of emotional reactions rarely improve situations, and often make them worse.
Written by Guy Finley
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That’s why it’s important to understand the nature of these reactions and learn a new way to meet them. To that end, here’s a little story. Stories are great for introducing new ideas. They leave a picture in our minds we carry with us and can remember when we need the truths they reveal. Once upon a time there was a kingdom with a great queen. The queen had a daughter who watched her mother with great interest, hoping to prepare herself for the day when she would be queen. The princess especially noticed that every time a crisis befell them, the good queen would go on a journey up the great river that came from the mountain above the kingdom. The queen always returned with a new answer to the trouble, an answer the princess never would have thought of herself, but that ultimately brought about another order of harmony in the kingdom. One day the princess asked her mother, “Where do you go when a crisis comes?” The queen answered, “One day I’ll explain it to you.” But the princess didn’t want to wait, so, the next time a crisis came up, she tried to follow the queen up the river, but she couldn’t do it. The princess, who represents our present level of consciousness, wasn’t able to follow the queen who was on a higher level. Our present level cannot possibly be in a relationship with a higher order of consciousness because, by its very insistence and demands, it separates itself from it. Time passed, and finally the princess went to her mother and said, “You know, I’ve tried to follow you, but I can’t. I understand that if I’m ever going to be a good queen as I’m intended to be, I have to understand what you do. How do you accomplish what you accomplish? And why can’t I do it myself ?” We are like the princess. Don’t we know without having to think about it, that there is something noble, good, and kind? A wisdom that is already in us but that we just can’t
quite touch? From time to time it touches us, and we have a new understanding, but we don’t know why. This is what this story is about. So, the queen said to her daughter, “Here’s the answer, but you’ll have to discover its truth for yourself. I go up the river because my task is to catch messages. I bring the message back with me and use that understanding to restore balance to the kingdom.” The princess shook her head. “I don’t understand. It seems there’s nothing beyond the river. It just stops. What do you mean you go up the river to catch a message? Where does the message come from?” The queen explained, “There is an invisible Kingdom above our kingdom. I can’t see it but I receive messages from it.” In the same way, our consciousness can receive insights from our higher Consciousness. The princess was intrigued. “There is a kingdom above ours? How do I get there?” “You just have to follow the river to its end.” “But I know where it ends.” “No, you don’t know. You know where you see an ending to it, but you don’t know where it ends. The fact that messages come to that place from above proves that’s not the end.” When it comes to the growth of our own understanding, thought is not the end of truth. We may follow thought to a point, but the fact we don’t have an answer tells us there is further to go, even if we can’t yet see how to go further. The princess still wasn’t sure of what her mother was telling her to do. “All right, I’ll go up there to where I think the river stops, and then what do I do?” “Wait.” Now the princess got upset as most of us do when we hear this. Why is the idea of waiting upsetting to us? My reaction tells me I don’t have time for that. Too many things depend on making sure the problem is reconciled immediately. The princess is no different than us. She is us. The princess could no longer hide her impatience. “How long am I supposed to wait?” “For as long as it takes.” “But from whom is the message going to come?” “It will come from the one who watches.” It will come from the one who watches – the indwelling Divine self. We want to reconnect to our own higher self, to be in contact with another level of ourselves that literally is never afraid. A fearful reaction can never find an answer to itself. It can only continue itself. So, we wait at the point
between the event and the reaction it brings up. When a crisis occurs, we have an immediate reaction. That reaction comes out of our past experiences and fears. It’s often an automatic resistance to whatever is happening. As we are now, we never question that reaction. That negativity seems like the natural response. We don’t know the place between the event and the reaction to it. We’re disconnected from it. But that higher nature waits between the reaction and the event that produces it. That’s where the answer comes from, if we will stay there. We may already know that place exists from our own experience. We’ve all had insights that our reaction in a moment was not the best one. That we hurt ourselves and others by responding too quickly. How would that insight pour into if it didn’t come from a higher place where the consciousness already exists that is aware of the condition but isn’t itself a part of it? When we really see this, we know we are not alone. We are capable of being connected to that which put us here, and which already knows everything we need to know in every condition as it appears. An awakening human being knows it is not a question of whether help is coming. It’s just a question of when it’s coming. And if we know help is available, we want to work
to learn how to wait patiently in the place where we can receive an answer. This doesn’t mean we will never again have a crisis. But it puts us in a place of understanding where a crisis is not the continuation of a self that fears being inadequate. Rather, we are released from that sense of inadequacy because we’re no longer disconnected from the higher consciousness that gives us the wisdom we need to meet every moment.
About The Author
GUY FINLEY Guy Finley is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher and bestselling self-help author. He is the founder and director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit center for transcendent self-study located in Merlin, Oregon. He also hosts the Foundation’s Wisdom School — an on-line self-discovery program for seekers of higher self-knowledge. To Learn More Visit: www.GuyFinley.org
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July 2020 Issue
Like A Fine Wine, We Get Better with Age! Five Tips to Stay Young at Heart Written by Joan Herrmann
L
Last month I turned 57 years old. 57 YEARS OLD! Like most other 50-something-year-old individuals, I’m not sure how this happened – it feels like a blink of an eye. One day I’m a college girl, the next a young mother, and now more than one half a century old. How can I be over 50? Most days I feel, think and act like a 25-year-old, so I know it’s only a number. But when that AARP membership card arrives, it’s easy to think otherwise. When I was growing up, I thought 50-plus women were old, that they were on the downside of life. I looked at my mother who, at the time, was actually younger than I am now, and thought she was over the hill. Now, I view that period of her life through a different lens. On one hand, growing older can be a challenge. We must work hard at looking good, keeping our mind sharp, and maintaining our weight and health. Nothing comes naturally anymore. But, on the other hand, even with these new challenges, I truly feel the best I have felt in many years. I am stronger, more confident, much wiser, and doing work that I never dreamt possible. And, this transformation began at age 46, an age that most feel the best is behind them! I know I’m not the first half centurion to say age is only a number, but it really is! I think the reason I feel so great is because I don’t buy into ageism. Sure, I joke about getting older, and my kids tease me about my age almost daily, but I don’t buy it! People always say 50 is the new 30, and if you look around it’s true. Middle age people are accomplishing more than ever
before and doing it at later ages. Growing older does not mean it’s time to retire, it means it’s time to refire! My advice to you: don’t let age be a factor in your life. Don’t buy into the false messaging, and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re too old to embark on a new journey. Here are a few ways to help you maintain a young heart & mind: Be positive. First and foremost, what you believe is what you live. If you think you’re old, you will be. One of the bestknown ways to keep feeling young is to have a positive mental outlook and believe in life’s possibilities. Keep moving. Regular exercise lowers the risk of heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, obesity and dementia. It improves circulation, strengthens bones, and helps keep joints and the brain working properly. Pick an activity that you enjoy and get going! Eat well. Find a healthy way of eating that works for you. Eliminate items that increase the risk of lifestyle diseases, which can potentially take years off your life. Fuel your body with energy boosting, nutritious food. Stay connected. Research shows that social connection improves health, well-being, and longevity. Spending time with others provides feelings of belonging and purpose. It helps you have fun, be happy and content. Try something new. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s too late to follow a dream. Go on the adventure of a lifetime. Julia Child was 50 when she published her first cookbook, launching her career as a celebrity chef. Ray Kroc spent his career as a milkshake device salesman before buying McDonald’s at age 52. Laura Ingalls Wilder published the first of her Little House books at age 65. Colonel Sanders was 62 when he franchised Kentucky Fried Chicken. Henry Ford was 45 when he created the revolutionary Model T car.
About The Author
JOAN HERRMANN Joan Herrmann is the creator of the Change Your Attitude… Change Your life brand and host of the radio show and podcast, Conversations with Joan. She is a motivational speaker and the publisher of 24 Seven magazine. To Learn More Visit: www.JoanHerrmann.com
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Is Your Brain Wired for Positivity or Negativity? Written by Lorie Gardner, RN, NBC-HWC
Could it be possible that our brains are wired for negativity? Could it be possible that our brains are wired for negativity? Have you found yourself dwelling on mistakes that you make or insults you’ve felt? Are you drawn to drama and bad news? How much of your day is focused on negative occurrences or thoughts? Are you uncomfortable with compliments or positive events? If you answered yes, the reason may be what is called negativity bias. Neuroscience reveals that our brains are wired to focus more on the negative aspects of life than the positive. Negativity just has a bigger impact on our brains than positivity. It has been shown that the electrical activity of the brain’s cerebral cortex is greater when exposed to negative stimuli. In the evolution of the human, this negativity bias was essential in earlier times when survival counted on being aware of danger and the ability
to self-protect. One had to be aware of the threats around to survive, so the brain being hard-wired for negativity was life-saving. This negativity bias can affect everything from your health and behavior, to decision making and your relationships. It has been shown that negativity can lower your immune system so it behooves us all to address this negativity bias. There is hope! Researchers have shown that it is possible to rewire the brain. It may not be easy, but with a little awareness and a change in some of your daily practices, you can create more positive thinking and gratitude and minimize anxiety and worry. For several months we have been immersed in the worst pandemic and crisis we have ever experienced. Although listening to the news is important, I recommend minimizing it because it tends to create more fear and drama than if you read a newspaper. We can become addicted to the fear and negativity watching the news and be in a constant state of anxiety and worry. This is a time where you may have real reasons for anxiety and worry, but to manage this, it is important to incorporate a few habits each day to stay in balance. Limit the amount of negative news you immerse yourself in and try not to start the day with being at the mercy of the TV news. Read an update on your favorite online news source and move on. • Make an intention first thing in the morning on how you plan to feel during the day • Name 3 things you appreciate about yourself each morning and each evening • Plan positive events during the day such as exercising, spending time with your special person, etc. • Set yourself up for success and plan some ealthy meals • Being mindful and live in the moment • Avoid allowing your brain to drift to the past or future too much which can cause stress and anxiety • Awareness is key. Become clear about
From The Story
“Negativity just has a bigger impact on our brains than positivity.”
what your brain is attracted to. If it’s too much negativity, do a mindset shift. If your anxiety or anger level is rising, quickly shift to do something positive and life-giving that you enjoy or just take a “brain awareness break” •Find someone to help or volunteer for a good cause Most importantly, give yourself a break. Don’t be too harsh with yourself. Forgive yourself every time you “fall off the wagon” and know that you have the awareness to improve and swing into a more positive mindset at any moment.
About The Author
LORIE GARDNER Lorie Gardner RN, BSN, NBC-HWC, founded Healthlink Advocates, Inc., to assist people with all aspects of their healthcare. As private nurse patient advocates and board certified health and wellness coaches, they partner with clients seeking assistance navigating the complex healthcare system and those seeking self-directed, lasting health improvements aligned with their values. To Learn More Visit: www.healthlinkadvocates.com
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July 2020 Issue
Hope Changes Everything Written by Linda Mitchell, CPC
O One of our greatest gifts is hope. It’s the belief or feeling that what you desire can happen. Hope is trusting in possibility; it’s positive expectation. It’s one of the most essential and powerful human emotions We all have two things in common - no one is immune from difficult times and we all have a choice in how we handle those events. How we react determines the intensity of the stress we encounter during trying times. With hope anxiety is lessened and possibilities expand. Without it, nothing feels likely and motivation to journey forward is a true struggle. Hope allows us to stay openminded, creative and positive even in the most difficult times. It allows us to keep investigating new ideas, solutions or pathways to solve or deal with the hardship. Hope give us something positive to focus on. Without hope there’s nothing to propel us forward and it’s tempting to raise the white flag of surrender. Hope pivots our perspective. With it we can see light in the darkness, without it, the walls feel like they’re closing in. How do we maintain hope in a crisis? We must look for the tiniest glimmer of
light; the smallest blessing or reason to be grateful. Spark hope by continually asking, what’s one good thing in my life right now? What can bring me comfort? What possibilities can I hold out for? Nurture those thoughts because what we focus on expands. When tempted to go down the rabbit hole of despair, remember the energy of our thoughts is like a boomerang - what we put out, comes back to us amplified. Focus on something positive. You don’t have to be a pollyanna to make this work; you simply need to spotlight one good thing happening in the present moment to resuscitate hope. We can’t simply wish for something to happen; we must take inspired action to create the desired outcome. Is it a plan of action with small steps toward realizing a goal or is it quiet time with compassion and prayer? The action depends on the situation. Hope changes us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Physically, the brains of those who regularly acquiesce to negative thinking create neural pathways that are reinforced with each additional gloomy thought. This leads to a cascade of emotional and spiritual challenges including constant melancholy and even depression. In contrast, the opposite is proven in
plenty of research - holding a hopeful outlook literally safeguards our bodies from illness and dis-ease. Embodying hope means you consciously look for evidence that good things can happen which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, raising your vibration. Hope allows us to feel connected to positive people or a higher power therefore we feel less alone and more secure. Need a game changer? Create a habit of nurturing hope in every circumstance. Feed your soul by grounding yourself in positive expectation. Set a daily intention that good things will come and practice deeply connecting to the organic joys and blessings life offers.
About The Author
LINDA MITCHELL Linda Mitchell, a board certified executive and personal coach, speaker and reinvention expert empowers people who are stuck, overwhelmed or ready for change to confidently transition into their next meaningful role with clarity, purpose and ease and emerge more powerful, passionate and fulfilled. Reclaim balance and joy! To Learn More Visit: www.LivingInspiredCoaching.com
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What It’s Like to Be the Spouse of Someone with ADHD Written by Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD®
L Life is never dull when you’re married to someone with ADHD. I asked a friend to tell me a little about what it’s like living with an ADHD spouse. Mark, you’ve been married to Denise for over 25 years. Did you always know she had ADHD? Yes and no. I knew she was very smart, outgoing, and had a lot of energy, but I didn’t know it had a name. How did you find out? Denise reads a lot. She was looking something up online and found an article that described her perfectly. It talked about people who can’t
focus on “boring” things for a long time but can hyperfocus on something they love for hours, who are always racing here and there, and who can easily get distracted. How did Denise react? She was thrilled! She finally felt like she wasn’t the only one who was like this. What is it like for you to be the spouse of someone with ADHD? Two words: exhilarating and exhausting.
From The Story
“Life is never dull when you’re married to someone with ADHD.”
see similar behaviors. My son is very outgoing yet easily distracted. My daughter loves to move, and she gets hyperfocused on certain activities. Does Denise work outside the house? Denise did a lot of volunteer work while we raised the kids. Recently, she started a business as a companion to lonely and infirm seniors. That is definitely a very giving profession. Sometimes people with ADHD have a hard time with a structured work environment. Denise found something that plays to her strengths: she can have a flexible schedule, be with people, and feel creative. That’s a win all around.
What do you mean? It’s like the adrenaline rush of a roller-coaster that leaves you wanting more at the end. Denise is the epitome of love. She walks into a room, lights it up, and everyone flocks to be around her. She loves to laugh and make jokes. Denise loves to dance; if there’s music, she’s moving to it, and she’ll pull you in to join her. That can be tiring. How else is it exhausting being with Denise? She’s very smart, always thinking. Those thoughts race around her brain at a million miles an hour. It’s almost impossible to keep up with her! It’s physically and emotionally exhausting too. Because her mind is so busy, tasks don’t always get done and clutter piles up. I’ve cried because I came home to a literal and figurative mess. I was hurt, angry, and frustrated; it felt like she didn’t love or respect me. How did you deal with it? We had a long conversation. I told her how I felt. She explained that she isn’t trying to hurt me; that’s just how her brain works. We decided she would get help, including medication to help her focus, and a professional organizer to help keep her on task. I would learn about women with ADHD and relax my expectations. ADHD is hereditary. Did your children inherit Denise’s ADHD? They haven’t been formally diagnosed, but I
About The Author
GAYLE GRUENBERG Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD® is the chief executive organizer of Let’s Get Organized, LLC, an organizer coach, and the creator of the Make Space for Blessings system. To Learn More Visit: www.LGOrganized.com
ISSUE NO.117
CULMINATION
J U LY 2020
T H E A N T I S O C I A L S O C I A L W O R K E R Written by Jude Morrow
F
From the misinformation, sadly believed by many, autistic people are awkward and antisocial beings who have no understanding of the world around them. When the word “autism” is mentioned, many people sense fear, pity and dread. I am also guilty of this because I was so pre-conditioned to believe the misconceptions that are so readily available in the world. Like many autistic children, I had my own challenges. I found communicating and fitting in difficult because I didn’t accept myself as being autistic at a young age. When speaking to other autistic people, this is very normal since most people want to fit in rather than stand out from the crowd. I found it difficult to fit in, but my abilities to learn quickly and apply logic to any given problem was always lauded by my teachers. Of course, with a liberal dose of “negative bias,” I held onto what I perceived as shortcomings and always strived to overcome them. I couldn’t mix with people well when I was young, so naturally, I decided to pursue a career as a social worker. Funny as it seems on face value, it was and still is the perfect career for me. In my teens, I attended a youth group who put my talent for problem solving to good use. I was good at writing funding applications and indeed, chasing them up to secure funding. I thrived in this situation and achieved many good outcomes for my youth group with the help of the others. The independent learning model of third-level education suited me perfectly. I didn’t have to conform to an already set timetable to research. I was always able to organize my time and efforts with surgical accuracy. Even when working in challenging work placements, I was always able to
organize myself in an onward journey to achieving my goal of passing the degree. As I had expected and hoped, I passed and graduated in July, 2012. I have been doing the job ever since and spread my experience over a wide range of service groups. I have worked with young children in care, hospital settings, and now with the elderly. Across all service user groups, crises can occur. Emotional dilemmas and crises are an integral part of being human, and I have to be on hand to assist the most vulnerable. A common scenario is when a family is seeking comfort at home for their dying relative. It can be easy to become emotionally overwhelmed when working with grief. I can empathize with people very well, and I can understand their pain of the process of losing a loved one. In my mind, I can break the situation down. I can logically decide what the person needs to maintain their comfort and dignity whilst offering practical and emotional support to their family. This redefines the concept of what being “social” is. I always thought that I was antisocial because I didn’t like contemporary or trendy things. I also felt I didn’t understand a lot of societal norms. This turned out to be completely false. I realized that I am actually very social, if only in my own unique and autistic way. Autistic people can be talented, creative, passionate, and driven — but most of all, human beings. We are not emotionless or awkward or anything else that society leads many of us to believe. There are too many misconceptions about autism, and sadly, I believed many of them, and felt inadequate, for so long. When I learned to appreciate my positives, rather than focus on what society says I don’t have, I became much happier. We too, are capable, and we too, can achieve success.
About The Author
JUDE MORROW Jude Morrow is an autistic author, motivational speaker, and social worker from Derry, Ireland. Jude’s debut book is, Why Does Daddy Always Look So Sad? . To Learn More Visit: www.JudeMorrow.com`