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PANACHE DESAI
ISSUE NO.116
JUNE 2020
TABLE OF CONTENTS ISSUE NO. 116 PANACHE DESAI
HEALING FROM SHOCK AND TRAUMA 42
WHY RELATIONSHIPS MAY NOT WORK 28
INSIDE THIS ISSUE Mark Hyman, MD The Biggest Drug to Prevent or Reverse Heart Disease Isn’t a Medication
Lorie Gardner Communication: A Key to Managing Burnout and Stress
P16
P38
Guy Finley Rise Above All Runaway Reactions
Linda Mitchell A Path to Healing from Shock and Trauma
P20
P42
Joan Herrmann Sometimes It Just Doesn’t Fit
Janna Lopez Midlife Is No Crisis — It’s Grief
P28
P44
Allison Carmen Why Is It So Difficult to Be a Positive Thinker?
Julie Evans Reaching for Joy in Isolation
P32
P46
Gayle Gruenberg Organizing Small Spaces P36
PREVENT OR REVERSE HEART DISEASE 16
ON THE COVER
Panache Desai teaches how to discover your power, potential and possibility.
LISTEN TO PANACHE ON CONVERSATIONS WITH JOAN:
https://spoti.fi/3bRcRgV
EDITOR IN CHIEF Joan Herrmann —
ASSOCIATE EDITOR Lindsay Pearson —
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Matt Herrmann —
GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Chris Giordano Andrea Valentie Oliver Pane —
CONTRIBUTORS Allison Carmen Julie Evans Guy Finley Lorie Gardner, RN, NBC-HWC Gayle Gruenberg Joan Herrmann Mark Hyman, MD Janna Lopez Linda Mitchell, CPC
FROM THE EDITOR — Life can present many challenges, as most of us know from recent events. A pandemic, financial concerns, isolation, and health issues can create anxiety and fear. Re-emerging from a crisis takes inner strength and determination. But, when we are in the throes of emotional turmoil, it often feels like we can’t get through it. I recently sat down with Panache Desai, author of the new book, You Are Enough: Revealing the Soul to Discover Your Power, Potential and Possibility. Panache teaches how to reconnect to inner wisdom and guidance so we can reach levels of personal and professional success. According to Panache, during challenging
times there is a lack of certainty and everything we believe to be solid and reliable is shaken. This puts us in a moment of redefinition and reprioritization. It becomes a time where the authentic aspect of who we are emerges. Panache shared insights as to how we can navigate difficult situations and emerge strong and whole. Panache is a bestselling author, thought leader, and business and life catalyst. He has been interviewed by Oprah Winfrey on Super Soul Sunday, and he has collaborated with Deepak Chopra, Reverend Michael Beckwith, and Neale Donald Walsch. Listen to my conversation with Panache: https://spoti.fi/2Bw0ydj
— Joan Herrmann
As We Enter a New Decade, Mark Nepo Will Be Guiding Three Spiritual Journeys
w The Gift of Deepening & the Radiance in All Things A Weekend Retreat: Aug 7-9, 2020
The Temple Is the World: Clearing a Path to What Matters A Six-Day Deep Dive: July 17-22, 2020
Drinking from the River of Light: The Life of Expression A Yearlong Journey over Four Weekends (March 6-8, 2020, June 12-14, 2020, Oct 9-11, 2020, March 12-14, 2021) These journeys offer three different ways to work with Mark in a smaller group setting, each intended to help clear your path and deepen your heart. Each of these circles will explore the practice of being human as an applied art of spirit while unfolding the dynamics we all encounter in our struggles to enliven and inhabit a full life.
“Those who wake are the students. Those who stay awake are the teachers. How we take turns.” — Mark Nepo For details and to register, please visit: http://threeintentions.com/three-spiritual-journeys-registration. Mark Nepo moved and inspired readers and seekers all over the world with his #1 New York Times bestseller The Book of Awakening. Beloved as a poet, teacher, and storyteller, Mark has been called “one of the finest spiritual guides of our time,” “a consummate storyteller,” and “an eloquent spiritual teacher.” His work is widely accessible and used by many and his books have been translated into more than twenty languages. A bestselling author, he has published twentyone books and recorded fourteen audio projects. Discover more about Mark and his work at www.marknepo.com.
Allison Carmen
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ISSUE N O. 1 1 6
JUNE 2020
THE BIGGEST DRUG TO PREVENT OR REVERSE HEART DISEASE ISN’T A M E D I C AT I O N A recent question: “Dr. Hyman, my father has heart disease, his father did too, and I’m obviously concerned about my own heart. What can I do to prevent heart disease?”
Written by Mark Hyman, MD
M
Most importantly, please know while genetics contributes to some degree, many other factors completely within your control can contribute to or reverse heart disease. Genetics loads the gun, but environment pulls the trigger. The way you eat, how much you exercise, how you manage stress, and your exposure to environmental toxins all contribute to things like high cholesterol, high blood pressure, high blood sugar, and of course, heart disease. The current way doctors treat heart disease is misguided because they treat the risk factors not the causes. To think we can treat heart disease by lowering cholesterol, lowering blood pressure and lowering blood sugar with medication is like mopping up the floor while the sink overflows. Instead, we need to ask what causes these risk factors like high blood pressure, high blood sugar or abnormal cholesterol in the first place. Spoiler alert: These are not medication deficiencies! We treat these problems with medication, but studies have increasingly shown that treating these risk factors has only little benefit, or none at all. Research shows changing your lifestyle can be a more powerful intervention to prevent heart disease than any medication. Your environment, in turn, changes gene expression, subsequently modulating inflammation, oxidative stress and metabolic dysfunction. These are the reasons we get sick and develop heart disease along with other problems. That’s actually good news. Addressing and fixing the root causes benefits most chronic disease. These modifications will make you feel alive and healthy without the side effects of medication. Occasionally, I will use medications if I feel a patient shows a strong genetic predisposition for heart disease or if significant heart disease already exists. Under those circumstances, I carefully weigh a medication’s risks and benefits.
At the same time, most patients can achieve the benefits of most medications through lifestyle changes. Simply put, preventative medicine becomes the best form of medicine. These 10 simple modifications can go a long way to preventing or reversing heart disease. Eat a healthy diet. Increase healthy, whole foods rich in nutrients and phytonutrients (plant molecules). Aim for at least 8 to 10 servings of colorful fruits and vegetables every day. These foods are loaded with disease-fighting vitamins, minerals, fiber, antioxidants and anti-inflammatory molecules. Steady your blood sugar. Studies show blood sugar imbalances contribute to heart disease. Stabilize your blood sugar with protein, healthy fat and healthy carbohydrates at every meal. Never eat carbohydrates alone, and avoid processed sugars with carbohydrates. Increase your fiber. Work your way up to 50 grams of fiber per day. High-fiber foods include vegetables, nuts, seeds and lower-sugar fruits like berries. If that becomes a challenge, try a fiber supplement. Avoid processed junk foods. That includes sodas, juices and diet drinks, which adversely impact sugar and lipid metabolism. Research shows liquid-sugar calories become the biggest contributor to obesity, diabetes and heart disease. Don’t be fooled that 100 percent fruit juice is healthy. Juices are essentially pure, liquid sugar because processing strips away the fruit’s fiber. Increase omega-3 fatty acids. Eat anti-inflammatory foods like cold-water fish including salmon, sardines and herring, as well as flaxseeds and even seaweed. Healthy fat actually benefits your heart by improving your overall cholesterol profile. It also lowers the small, dangerous LDL particles that contribute to heart disease by converting them into light, fluffy, safe LDL particles Eliminate all hydrogenated fat. Hydrogenated fat lurks in margarine, shortening, processed oils and many baked goods and processed foods like cookies and crackers. Even when the label states “no trans fats,” the word “hydrogenated” indicates that the product contains trans fat in one or more of the ingredients. Use healthy oils instead like coconut oil (rich in medium-chain triglycerides or MCTs), extra-virgin, organic, cold-pressed, olive oil, organic sesame oil, and other nut oils.
Avoid or reduce alcohol intake. Alcohol can raise triglycerides, contribute to fatty liver and create sugar imbalances. Reducing or eliminating alcohol intake lowers inflammation, which contributes to heart disease and nearly every other chronic disease.
stress increases inflammation, raises your cholesterol and blood sugar, increases blood pressure and even makes your blood more likely to clot. Find your pause button to manage stress and relax. Yoga, Tai Chi, meditation, breathing techniques and guided imagery can lower stress.
Take quality supplements. Combined with a healthy diet and exercise program, supplements can dramatically improve cardiovascular health. Take a good multi-vitamin/ mineral along with a purified fish oil supplement. I also recommend a fiber supplement to lower cholesterol and balance blood sugar levels. About The Author
Get out and move! Research shows 30 to 45 minutes of cardiovascular exercise at least five times a week can benefit your heart. After all, your heart is a muscle, and muscles need exercise. If you feel stronger and more capable, highintensity interval training (also called burst training) and strength training help build muscle, reduce body fat composition and maintain strong bones. You simply cannot age successfully without sufficient, optimal exercise. Manage stress levels. Stress alone can cause a heart attack. Sadly, chronic stress often triggers a cascade of events that cause that final, fatal heart attack. Among its problems,
MARK HYMAN, MD Mark Hyman, MD, is a practicing family physician, an nine-time #1 New York Times bestselling author, and an internationally recognized leader, speaker, educator, and advocate in his field. He is the director of the Cleveland Clinic Center for Functional Medicine. He is also the founder and medical director of The UltraWellness Center, chairman of the board of the Institute for Functional Medicine, a medical editor of The Huffington Post, and has been a regular medical contributor on many television shows including CBS This Morning, the Today Show, CNN, The View, the Katie Couric show and The Dr. Oz Show. To Learn More Visit: www.DrHyman.com
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JUNE 2020
I S S U E N O. 1 1 6
RISE ABOVE A L L R U N A W AY REACTIONS
R
As events occur in our lives, it seems we always know exactly what they mean for us. Then immediately we rush into what feels like the appropriate emotional reaction.
Written by Guy Finley
E
Early on, as events occur in our lives, it seems we always know exactly what they mean for us. Then immediately we rush into what feels like the appropriate emotional reaction. That reaction further influences the way we view the event, and in this way our initial response is confirmed. We rarely question either our view of events or our response to them. As we are carried away unconsciously from one automatic reaction to another, these conditioned responses grow more entrenched. And with each repetition, they feel more and more natural to us. The likelihood that we will ever question them diminishes. Our behavior grows more settled into these mechanical responses and the way we view events becomes increasingly rigid. As a result, we are taken further away from the spontaneous lives we were meant to enjoy. But it’s not necessary to continue being defeated by our own mechanical responses. We can learn to recognize these “dark horse reactions” eager to take us on a bad ride, before we are carried away by them. If we know what many of these runaway reactions are, the battle is half won. Fear is dark. Anger is dark. So are anxiety, dread, self-pity, and feeling the whole weight of the world upon our shoulders. Add to this list the dark horses of hatred, revenge, insistence on being right, impatience, and depression — and you have most of those negative states which, if not outright trampling us under their heartless hooves, are certainly sources of unconscious torment.
Recognizing the true purpose of these harmful reactions is not that complicated. You can be sure you’ve taken the wrong horse - one that will lead you on a punishing, pounding ride - whenever your inner state has you feeling: • like you’ve lost control • frightened by what you see • angry with yourself or another • confused or anxious about where you’re headed • pained in your present position • hatred or resentment for someone else • sorry you were ever born • envious of anyone • desperate for a solution • certain nothing else counts besides fixing how you feel Now, the truly amazing thing is that in spite of these “rides” that wreck everything from our health to our relationships, we still take them! Surely, if we were aware of what we were doing, nothing on earth could convince us to hop on what is hurting us. So, let’s see what’s happening to cause us to continue making the painful mistake. An event occurs. We’re not sure how to react so we naturally look for help. We know that a right response is the same as a rescue. And it is. But before we know it, up pops a self that always comes complete with the appropriate thoughts and feelings to support why we should let it be in charge of the moment. Simply put, this is the dark horse, and it’s there to carry us off. In the past, we’ve always been so grateful for the arrival of that response that told us who we were and what to do that we never questioned it. But now we want to be selfruling rather than get carried off by one ride after another to nowhere. Before we release ourselves into the hands of any automatically appearing rescuing agent, we must first take it into the light in order to see who sent it. The higher power to choose what will carry us and what won’t, is only as powerful as our willingness to come to a special kind of psychic pause, an inner halt. Momentarily anchoring ourselves in the fully present
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moment, we bring our own thoughts and feelings into the light of consciousness to see them for what they are. In that moment, it’s not so much going with what feels right as it is basing your choice in seeing what is truly for you; in knowing without thinking about it that no negative state wants what is right for you. This exercise of taking a psychic pause may sound as though it would be easy, but it takes practice and persistent effort. You see, it’s very tempting to just let ourselves be carried away. In fact, there’s nothing to it! Then the rest of our time is spent trying to straighten out the bad rides we’ve taken. All this not only steals our energy, but also keeps us from being someplace real. So now, we’re going to take that pause before we believe that any automatic response is the right one. We’re going to just come wide-awake. This conscious choice transforms us from a person who is completely identified with the runaway state into a person who is aware of it. Through that awareness we jump off the wild ride and into the safety, sanity, and solid ground of the present moment. Jumping clear of your own jumbled reactions takes special skills, but these come to you as you see the need for them. So, don’t get discouraged. Stay off of that horse! The aim is to try to be aware and know what’s happening, so you don’t fall into the same mistake again and again. When we see ourselves looking for a reaction and putting a light on it, we make an effort to determine the quality of the help that comes to get us by first choosing to help ourselves by stepping back from our own rush to be rescued. Standing apart in this way is the only way to see whether the
From The Story
“Momentarily anchoring ourselves in the fully present moment, we bring our own thoughts and feelings into the light of consciousness to see them for what they are.”
arriving solution is, for us in that moment, true or false. If we take that psychic pause that empowers, and in it allow Reality to show us that our real self cannot be hurt – or betrayed – then we are free!
About The Author
GUY FINLEY Guy Finley is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher and bestselling self-help author. He is the founder and director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit center for transcendent self-study located in Merlin, Oregon. He also hosts the Foundation’s Wisdom School — an on-line self-discovery program for seekers of higher self-knowledge. To Learn More Visit: www.guyfinley.org
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JUNE 2020
ISSUE NO.116
Written by Joan Herrmann
Sometimes It Just Doesn’t Fit
This morning I was perusing a toy catalog, shopping for a gift for a friend’s child, when I stumbled upon an item that brought hours of enjoyment to my children. It’s a square box that has different shapes cut out into each side with accompanying matching pieces. The goal of the toy is for children to fit each piece in its corresponding hole thus learning to recognize shapes and how to fit “like” things together. My boys spent hours placing the various shapes into their respective holes. Most times the pieces fit together with ease, but on occasion, they would work tirelessly trying to make the wrong piece fit into the wrong hole: an oval in a circle; a square in a triangle; a rectangle in a square. As I reminisced about them sitting on the floor working at this task, I began to think about how this activity mimics what we do throughout our life: work to make the pieces fit. Sometimes our choices fit perfectly, but sometimes we expend tremendous energy trying to make the wrong relationships fit. How many times have you been in a friendship or romance that didn’t work out? In most situations, when the breakup occurred, anger, heartbreak, and disappointment soon followed. Then blame. Someone must be at fault! Someone was wrong! You tried so hard so why couldn’t it survive? Instead of being consumed with anger and resentment, did you ever stop and think that maybe, just maybe, it was simply a wrong fit? And that no one is to blame? Like the pieces in the toy, each of us has an individual design derived from life experiences. We are each as unique as a circle, square, triangle or octagon. When we make the right match, everything fits perfectly, but when we have the wrong pieces, it doesn’t work no matter how hard we push or on what angle. It would be ridiculous to say something is wrong with the circle because it doesn’t fit in the square, we recognize the shapes as being different, so why do we make those claims about people? Why do we assign blame to a person and then spend the rest of our life being angry and resentful, thinking about what could have been? Perhaps a new perspective would be to view each
“Sometimes our choices fit perfectly, but some– times we expend tremendous energy trying to make the wrong relation– ships fit.”
of us as the pieces of the toy – unique with our own characteristics, perfect in our design – but not always a fit, no matter how hard we try to squeeze it together and how much we want it. Perhaps looking at life experiences in this way may make it easier to let go and stop assigning blame. It may enable us to forgive and move forward. So, the next time you experience the loss of a valued relationship, rather than being consumed with anger and bitterness, just release it. Try to view yourself and the other person as shapes, different from each other, but with their own purpose, beauty and value. Perfect in their individuality, but they just don’t fit!
About The Author
JOAN HERRMANN Joan Herrmann is the creator of the Change Your Attitude…Change Your life brand and host of the radio show and podcast, Conversations with Joan. She is a motivational speaker and the publisher of 24 Seven magazine. To Learn More Visit: www.JoanHerrmann.com
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June 2020 Issue
Why Is It So Difficult To Be A Positive Thinker? Written by Allison Carmen
I have spent most of my life trying to be a positive thinker. Each morning, I’d wake up and try to put a positive spin on everything in front of me. However, often times before I even got out the door, something unexpected happened and I would be thrown off course. It could have been as simple as spilling my coffee and I would start to feel the day was not going my way. Still, I would take a deep breath and try to return to my positive thoughts; but as the day went on it became harder to hold onto this positive outlook. Sure, good things would happen to me each day, but also unexpected events would happen that I perceived as bad or “life not working out.” As I started working as an attorney at a large law firm, life became more complicated and so did my struggle with positive thinking. I would still try to start each day with positive thoughts but it became more apparent that I couldn’t control the events around me. If a partner at the law firm did not like my legal memorandum or the firm lost a longstanding client, I projected what each event might mean for my job in the future. I worried that I might get fired or not get a raise. Sure, these were only possibilities, but these thoughts consumed me each day. My fear of the unknown and “what could happen tomorrow” seemed to have a more powerful effect over
me than my positive thoughts. Ultimately, at the end of most days, I felt negative and fearful of what the future might bring. Nevertheless, as the years passed, I persevered and continued my journey of trying to be a positive thinker. When I came across Norman Vincent Peale’s, The Power of Positive Thinking, I was so re-inspired that I tried even harder to be a committed positive thinker. I began to hold onto my positive thinking so tightly that, instead of battling between negative and positive thoughts as I had before, I now found I could force away the negative thoughts with positive ones. I later learned that there was a problem with my new practice. I realized that we can’t push down a negative thought completely, because it stays inside us, festers and grows. In fact, after a short while of only permitting positive thoughts, I had a horrible nightmare in which many people that I loved died. I woke up petrified and when I fell asleep again I had the same dream. I had never had the same dream twice in one night or a dream with so much negativity and loss. To this day, I believe these nightmares surfaced because I was not permitting my mind to be negative. I was suppressing my feelings and then the pressure became so great that my mind released a tremendous amount of negativity when I fell asleep and could not consciously control my thinking. After decades of struggling with the pain and pressure of trying to shape my perceptions, one day I heard a simple Taoist story that introduced me to the idea of Maybe. The very minute I heard this story all the experiences in my life immediately changed. I was struck with the realization that every situation has multiple possible outcomes and within those outcomes is always the hope that whatever is happening, Maybe it will lead to something good, Maybe circumstances will improve, or Maybe I will find a way to accept the situation and still be okay. For me, it was the perfect combination; I could stay positive but with Maybe I could accept and dilute my negative thoughts. Once I accepted that life could unfold in infinite ways, I was no longer stuck in my negative projections of the future. I began to live with the continuous realization that Maybe something else could happen other than the thing I feared most. Since embracing Maybe I am now a much more effective positive thinker. Negative thoughts no longer hold sway over me
We can’t push down a negative thought completely, because it stays inside us, festers and grows.
because I know they are just a limited view of all that is possible. As I held this mindset of Maybe and transitioned my work to become a business and life coach, I started to see how many of us struggle with positive thinking. In fact, most of us start each new endeavor with hope and a positive outlook that we will be successful. We start businesses, take new jobs, save our money for a new home, marry and much more. Then life throws us a curveball and something happens that we didn’t expect. The economy could change, we could lose a good job, our business’ profit might decrease dramatically or trouble might brew in an important relationship. For many of us, when we don’t see the results that we had hoped for we worry and get stressed that things won’t ever work out or will get even worse. We create negative projections about what the future will bring based on what happened in the past. Because of this, some of us give up on our dreams completely or we live with tremendous stress and worry that leads to serious emotional pain and sometimes even physical illness. With the mindset of Maybe we can hold on to our goals and just find new ways to achieve them. We can stay positive and open because we hold onto the realization that we are not “stuck” and that life can unfold in many ways. We are not “leaving things to chance” but instead we are expanding our minds to embrace all that is possible. In turn, Maybe shows us more opportunities to find the life we are seeking. I hope you are able to embrace Maybe in your life. It is just one simple word, but MAYBE it changes everything.
About The Author
ALLISON CARMEN Allison Carmen is a business consultant, business/ life coach, and author of The Gift of Maybe: Offering Hope and Possibility in Uncertain Times, published by Penguin Random House. Allison’s podcast, 10 Minutes to Less Suffering, provides simple tools to reduce daily stress and worry. Allison is a blogger for Psychology Today, Huffington Post, Thrive Global and Mind Body Green. To Learn More Visit: www.AllisonCarmen.com
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June 2020 Issue
Organizing Small Spaces Written by Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD®
S Single-family homes are becoming too time and energy consuming to maintain. Condo communities are popping up like mushrooms after a rain. Tiny houses are all the rage. Some people are giving up their mansions for a motorhome. Are you now or would you like to be living in a small space, but you have enough stuff to fill an airplane hangar? While it can be a challenge to go from expansive to contracted living, it’s also an opportunity. How do we achieve an organized small space? The first step is to have the right mindset. If you’re claustrophobic, small space living may not be for you. It may feel like the walls are closing in on you, even if the room is empty. If feeling cozy sounds appealing, then let’s continue. Pare down to the essentials. I advocate organizing according to our core values. Dwelling in a small space is the perfect way to identify what is truly important and live according to that criterion. To paraphrase 19th century architect William Morris, keep only what you love, know to
be useful, or believe to be beautiful. Let the rest go. We tend to use 20 percent of our stuff 80 percent of the time. That means we can purge four times as much as we keep. If something doesn’t satisfy your body, heart, soul, or mind, you probably don’t need to hold onto it. Next, contain. Remember the old adage, “A place for everything and everything in its place”? Think of the phrase “ship shape.” Only what is needed is kept, and everything has a home. That mindset is essential for safely and healthfully living in small spaces. Choose furniture pieces, sized for small spaces, that will do multiple jobs, like a storage ottoman or a coffee table with drawers and a lift-up top. Having fewer pieces that can multitask eliminates the need for more stuff and creates more open space. In the office, a standing desk may have a small footprint, eliminates the need for a chair, and provides the bonus opportunity to burn a few calories while working. Consider receiving documents only electronically, scanning and recycling or shredding most existing documents, and eliminating a file cabinet. Utilize every possible nook and cranny.
Be creative. Look critically at your home or office to identify overlooked and underutilized areas where things can be stored. Use the insides of cabinet doors and the backs of room doors. These are hidden spaces that keep things organized yet out of sight, which helps to create a serene and peaceful environment. Go vertical. Use the walls and hang as much as possible. This gets things off the floor and makes a room appear to be bigger. Hooks and mesh shoe pockets are some of the tools I like to use most often. The final step is to mindfully maintain your small, organized space every day. Put things back after you use them and return things to their proper homes if they wander away.
About The Author
GAYLE M. GRUENBERG Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD® is the chief executive organizer of Let’s Get Organized, LLC, an organizer coach, and the creator of the Make Space for Blessings system. To Learn More Visit: www.LGOrganized.com
Communication: A Key to Managing Burnout and Stress Written by Lorie Gardner, RN, NBC-HWC
T The COVID-19 pandemic has shaken us to our core physically, mentally and economically. This has caused extreme stress. Burnout and stress are common worldwide problems. We are overloaded by news, updates, warnings, dire predictions, and fear for our abilities to care for ourselves in this new world. We have been isolated in our homes. Our daily routines have been turned upside down. What once came easy, like finding toilet paper and basic necessities of life, is now an everyday challenge. We may continue to have challenges related to recovery to this pandemic and this can be hard. So, how do we move forward and
manage this stress, and what does communication have to do with managing stress? Worry and fear caused by chronic stress begins in the mind and can have negative consequences in both the brain and the body. Communication with self is the beginning of learning how to cope and manage your stress. You may not be able to change all of your circumstances, but you do have some control over how you react. Stress and Brain Function It is important to know that what happens in your mind affects your body. In a state of chronic worry and stress, an imbalance is caused in your body and it affects every cell in your body. It can affect brain function, which can affect your memory and decision making. Inflammation can also be a side effect of chronic stress, which could lead to disease. What if you could break that mental pattern of chronic worrying? What if you could retrain your brain to “break the cycle” of fear and worry to adapt new powers to cope and move forward? This is possible but takes some self-communication. It takes a desire to become aware of what your thoughts are doing to you. Rather than getting caught up in an anxious thought, your self-awareness of what that thought is doing to your body and if it is actually true in this moment, can be the start to breaking that mental pattern. Communication Helps It is important to be in communication with yourself regarding your feelings and how you are coping. Often, you may be hesitant to ask for help. You think there are others under more stress. You may feel vulnerable and weak asking for help. You may not want to burden anyone with your woes. You want to seem like you have it all together and are self-reliant. Here is where communication is important. Asking for support and help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength and
From The Story
“Worry and fear caused by chronic stress begins in the mind and can have negative consequences in both the brain and the body.”
self-awareness. Stress, anxiety, and worry are not to be ignored. Communicating the things for which you are grateful in the present moment can minimize stress and increase hope. When you increase your level of hope, you are more likely to be solution oriented and find answers to your problems. Tips to Manage Stress Focus on beep breathing. This will relax you providing space to identify your needs. Question thoughts. Are your fears and anxieties true at this moment? A majority of what you worry about never actually happens. As you challenge whether a thought is true, you will develop more balance and calm. Develop a support system. Identify who your support system is and communicate with them. Share yourself and your feelings. Create a daily plan. Make a daily to-do list to keep you focused and on task. This can minimize “mind wandering” if you can go from one task to another. Practice deep breathing between tasks and applaud yourself for each accomplishment, no matter how small. Practice gratitude. Spend some time each day focused on what you have or what is happening that you can be grateful for. Eat healthy. Focus on eating healthy foods and minimize sugar, caffeine, and alcohol. Exercise. Plan your favorite way to exercise regularly. Sleep well. Try practicing good sleep hygiene to improve your ability to sleep soundly. Keep a list of “worry items” and add to them as needed. Dedicate yourself to letting these all go in the early evening and finding positive thoughts to focus on in preparation for sleep.
About The Author
LORIE GARDNER Lorie Gardner RN, BSN, NBC-HWC, founded Healthlink Advocates, Inc., to assist people with all aspects of their healthcare. As a private nurse patient advocate and boardcertified health and wellness coach, she partners with clients seeking assistance navigating the complex healthcare system and those seeking self-directed, lasting health improvements aligned with their values. To Learn More Visit: www.healthlinkadvocates.com
June 2020 Issue
A Path to Healing From Shock And Trauma Written by Linda Mitchell, CPC
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Somewhere along this journey, we’ll all encounter some type of overwhelming adversity or trauma that challenges or changes us. When life pulls the rug out from under us, we feel out of control, anxious, and uncertain. Our confidence is shaken, and we’re consumed with fear and worry. How do we process and release grief, loss or pain and return to some semblance of normalcy? There are several stages in the process. We must honor ourselves with time, self-compassion and honest introspection in order to heal. Pain, grief or trauma leave deep imprints that can alter our identity if the mind relives a trauma over and over without truly getting beyond it. Unresolved emotions and issues land in our bodies causing physical pain which compounds the hardship. While there is virtually no way to forget life-altering circumstances, being able to heal is a vital component of living a happy, healthy life. These tips will help you begin moving beyond the darkness into the light: Practice self-compassion, seek support and resist temptation to self-medicate. When just executing the activities of daily life feels challenging, it’s imperative to seek support. Don’t go it alone. Some tend to shut the whole world out but that simply encourages marinating in the pain. Accept favors and gestures that lighten your load. Be gentle and treat yourself as you would treat your best friend. Tempting escapes like comfort food, alcohol, smoking or shopping only feel good in the moment and typically result
in feeling worse afterwards. The last thing you need is to pile on guilt, shame or self-loathing. Instead, take baby steps toward goals that lift you up. Walk in nature, call a friend, enjoy a healthy nourishing meal. Don’t expect perfection. Use the 51% rule: if you’re doing something good for yourself 51% of the time, it’s technically the majority of the time. Celebrate that and take another small but helpful step forward. It’s about progress, not perfection. Allow emotions to surface. Be real, don’t stifle your emotions, acknowledge them. You can’t dance around difficult emotions - you have to travel through them. Distracting yourself or stuffing emotions simply means they’ll reappear again later. Allow yourself a good cry, even a short pity party as long as you don’t unpack and live there. Dealing is healing. Stuffing is postponing the inevitable. Find an uplifting spiritual practice. Try yoga, journaling your feelings and musings, reading spiritual or uplifting messages, practicing meditation or prayer, playing music or anything that gives you hope and allows for quiet reflection. These practices bolster connection to your inner wisdom and guidance. Practice gratitude. Sound unthinkable? Maybe, but gratitude assists healing. Those who find things to be grateful for create a faster and easier path to wholeness. Ask yourself – What’s good in my life right now? It’s impossible to be in a state of gratitude and anger or fear at the same time. Try these tips to regain balance, wholeness, move forward and truly heal. You deserve it.
About The Author
LINDA MITCHELL Linda Mitchell is a board certified coach, speaker, and reinvention expert. She empowers people that are stuck, overwhelmed, or ready for change to release the struggle and gain clarity, balance, and radiant health as they step into their highest purpose and move through life’s challenges and transitions. To Learn More Visit: www.LivingInspiredCoaching.com
June 2020 Issue
Midlife Is No Crisis — It’s Grief Written by Janna Lopez
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People often ask how I got through it. By “it” they mean the funky dark mass of midlife junk. You know, the time from when everything you believed about your self, life, and your being, made sense. Then one day, one month, or one year, they didn’t. Something happened. Someone you loved died, you received a disease diagnosis, a child left the nest, or maybe a decades-long marriage ended. Life became overwhelmed by change, sadness, and confusion. Calling such radical midlife transitions a “crisis” is a superficial term for a complicated juncture. This entire conversation needs reframing. In the midst of the transitions is another often overlooked, mostly never talked about element: the loss of identity and subsequent grief. I’ve discovered that midlife is actually a profound time for mourning the loss of connection to and understanding of, one’s self. Whatever individual circumstances turn your world upside down, a common thread is a buried cesspool of unnamed grief. This goes beyond not becoming who we’d thought we’d become, or not getting a
promotion we thought we would. Whatever it is that shifts in midlife, (and something will, it’s inevitable), this shakes the foundation of what we believed to be true about who we are in the world. This leaves us with heads spinning. But more to the core, to our truth and our foundation, it leaves us clutching completely crushed hearts. I believe midlife wounds us in ways we don’t fully understand. We’re often disassociated. Angry at ourselves. Searching for ways to move forward, yet what we once did to change emotional channels, or tools we once applied, no longer work. There’s a layer of helplessness. Back to the question at hand: how did I get through? Here are three among many things I learned. First, I had to acknowledge that these midlife intersections of time, place, and circumstance craft perfect storms for lost identity. I donned this particular juncture the “dark flight of the self”. By understanding I was in something I couldn’t necessarily “fix” or “do” differently helped me feel less crazy. Second, I had the stark realization that the changes were part of and left a groundswell of deeply rooted grief that needed to be named, acknowledged as
such, and specifically attended to. Grief is complicated and has its own rhythm. This leads to my third insight. Knowing it was grief meant I could be a little kinder to myself along the way. Would you ever tell someone in grief to hurry up and get their act together? The same grace should be provided from and to your self. When midlife circumstances drastically change, a foundation of our identity dies, too. We’re left searching for familiar fragments of who we are for comfort, clarity, and connection. Please be kind to yourself as you navigate through midlife’s dark flight of the self. This isn’t a crisis, you’re not crazy, nor alone. You’re doing your best to fly your way through a forever transformative realm of grief.
About The Author
JANNA LOPEZ Janna Lopez is a speaker, midlife coach, and author of Me, My Selfie & Eye - A Midlife Conversation About Lost Identity, Grief and Seeing Who You Are. To Learn More Visit: www.jannalopez.com
JUNE 2020
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R E A C H I N G F O R J OY I N I S O L AT I O N When I was a young girl growing up in a small town in Minnesota, my mother drank too much. Her drinking separated us from neighbors, relatives, and sadly, from each other. We existed in a strange state of isolation.
Written by Julie Evans
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Early on, I learned to busy myself by rearranging and polishing the furniture, raking the shag carpeting, and dragging heavy dresser drawers into the TV room to organize. Today, nearly 60 years later in the midst of a global pandemic, I just finished doing the same thing. During this time of isolation, I have found myself or parts of myself, that were buried beneath the rubble of the trauma of my early years. My mother’s life was full of tragedy and loss. So was mine. By the time I was 17, she was dead of cirrhosis and I muscled through the loss of her company and love on my own and found my way into a profession that helps people recover and feel better. For 40 years I have given massages in my home office, in hospitals, nursing homes, and in a free mobile alternative health clinic. During Covid19 my hands are tied. I can’t work on people with my hands but maybe I can still touch them through my writing. I opened my laptop and stared at the blank page. My eyes wandered to a neglected pile of papers on my desk. I picked up a list from last spring with the words ‘buy a bluebird house’ scribbled above this quote from Steve Jobs: “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” His words stirred something within me, but my fingers just rested upon the keys. I didn’t know what to write so I closed my laptop and headed out for a walk. As I crossed a little bridge over the stream I wondered if I’ve forgotten to live my life as if time were running out.
Why don’t I take more chances and go for what I want with everything I have? As I walked the familiar path a bluebird flittered from branch to branch and tree to tree. I was caught up in its flight. It happens every time. I fell in love with that bluebird. Even in her aloneness she seemed so complete, so at peace with the world, her color so vibrant against the sky. How glorious she dipped and soared. I once had bluebird houses, but my dear goat, Willie Belle, took it as his mission in life to butt the 4x4 posts they were mounted on to the ground. After Willie died, I didn’t have the heart to move them so those bluebird houses got broken and rotted away. They, like so many other things in my life need to be replaced. I hurried home, put on my mask and gloves and ventured out into the world to buy a bluebird house. It is time. Time to get rid of limiting thoughts and behaviors and get started living the life I dream of. Time to break up the hard ground and do some inner gardening. What seeds do we want to sow into this beautiful world of ours? I am hopeful that there is something courageous going on right now in my heart, my yard, and my world. The bluebird house is a step toward something wonderful. It feels like I am finally ready to address what is lacking or in need of renewal. In this time of fear, suffering, and loss, we need to hold on to our joy and inner peace more than ever.
About The Author
JULIE EVANS Julie Evans is the author of the book, Joy Road: My Journey from Addiction to Recovery. To Learn More Visit: www.WordsByJulieEvans.com