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EDITOR IN CHIEF Joan Herrmann —
ASSOCIATE EDITOR Lindsay Pearson —
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Matt Herrmann —
GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Chris Giordano Andrea Valentie Oliver Pane —
CONTRIBUTORS Lawrence Doochin Lorie Gardner, RN, NBC-HWC Sean Grover, LCSW Gayle Gruenberg, CPO-CD, CVPO Mark Hyman, MD Joan Herrmann Linda Mitchell, CPC
FROM THE EDITOR — It has been reported that the divorce rate in America is 50 percent for first marriages, 67 percent for second marriages, and 73 percent for third marriages. These numbers indicate that many people repeat the same mistakes over and over again. While a new relationship may look different at first, before long we are right back where we started, dealing with the same issues again, repeating the same patterns. I recently had the opportunity to speak with Allana Pratt, a relationship coach and intimacy expert, who is the author of six books on love and relationships. We talked about why these repeating patterns occur and what we can do to create a healthy, lasting love. According to Allana, people repeat the same mistakes when they don’t evolve from the previous relationships – when they don’t take the time to integrate the life lessons and they don’t sit in the fire to heal their wounded hearts. She says that we play a huge rule in the creation of our bad relationships, and therefore, we have the power to change the patterns. Allana believes that the biggest mistake people make after a breakup is rushing back into a relationship to to try to soothe the emptiness inside. She advises that we turn towards the pain and our wounded parts in order to learn the lessons that were presented by the relationship that didn’t work out.
She adds that it takes bravery and humility to face our pain, and she cautions that we should seek support from someone who doesn’t judge and who can ask reflective questions that teach us to take responsibility for the choices we make. Allana’s advice to help us create a lasting relationship: Be mindful of thoughts and actions. Understand that vibration is everything and that it is important to create the vibration you want to attract. When a person comes from a place of desperation, he or she will attract that kind of person. Be a whole, healthy person to find a whole, healthy person. Find your tribe. Be with communities that align with your values and beliefs. Within “your people” you will meet potential partners who are up for meaningful, deep, conscious communication that lasts. Stop dating numerous people from apps and build relationships within aligned communities. Let go of the results. Don’t be attached to an outcome. Live your life and stop desperately searching for “the one”. Become the one to find the one. Let go of the neediness and watch what happens! Listen to my conversation with Allana: https://spoti.fi/3l26TzU
— Joan Herrmann
ALLANA PRATT
ISSUE NO.125
INSIDE THIS
ISSUE DO YOU NEED A DIGITAL DETOX? BY MARK HYMAN, MD
PAGE 12
STOP SELLING YOURSELF SHORT: 3 STRATEGIES TO BEAT SELF DOUBT
ON THIS MONTH’S
C OV E R ALLANA PRATT SHARES HER TIPS ON HOW TO FIND LOVE SUCCESSFULLY AFTER DIVORCE. SHE IS A RELATIONSHIP COACH AND INTIMACY EXPERT WHO IS THE AUTHOR OF SIX BOOKS ON LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS. SHE HAS BEEN FEATURED IN HUFFINGTON POST, PEOPLE MAGAZINE, AND FORBES, AND ON CBS, TLC, ABC AND FOX. LISTEN TO ALLANA ON CYACYL: https://spoti.fi/3l26TzU
BY JOAN HERRMANN
PAGE 20
A SURVIVOR’S 5 STEPS TO OVERCOMING FEAR BY LAWRENCE DOOCHIN
PAGE 24
3 TYPES OF PEOPLE MOST LIKELY TO LIE TO YOU BY SEAN GROVER
PAGE 28
ORGANIZE TO AGE IN PLACE BY GAYLE GRUENBERG
PAGE 32
SQUASH YOUR FEAR OF FAILURE BY LINDA MITCHELL
PAGE 36
THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATING YOUR WISHES BY LORIE GARDNER
PAGE 40
MARCH 2021
24 SEVEN MAGAZINE
NEED NEW AD
ISSUE N O. 1 2 5
MARCH 2021
D O YO U NEED A D I G I TA L D E T OX ?
I visited a tech company once in San Francisco, and I walked into a lunch area and saw everyone sitting on couches and at tables, all on their computers. I asked, “Is this the silent lunch room?” and was surprised when I was told no.
Written by Mark Hyman, MD
F
Far too often, I find myself on my phone or computer for most of my day – often missing the people and live events that are all around me. This is why it is important to do a complete “digital detox” – something I do at least a few times a year so that I can get back to just being. More and more studies have been coming out showing the link between too much internet usage and screen time and mental and mood disorders (like ADHD, anxiety, depression etc.). In a recent study, people who reported excessive internet use also reported social anxiety disorders, loneliness, social isolation and lower quality of life. The study also showed that Internet addiction was associated with reduced immune function. That’s right, too much Internet and screen time can actually make you sick! How is this possible? Your addiction to your screen prevents you from the habits that make you a healthier person. People who are addicted to their screens often live very sedentary lifestyles. They don’t make enough time for exercise, movement, community and play. These are important factors in achieving optimal health. People who habitually sit have as much risk of dying as people who have bad diets or smoke. Being sedentary also increases risk of cancer, heart disease and diabetes. If you think about it, sitting is the new smoking. Also, more time in front of your screen means less time for face-to-face contact with other humans, which not only increases stress but also feelings of isolation and social anxiety. Too much FaceTime and Facebook, and not enough real face-to-face time. And there’s more. Too much screen time, especially before bed disrupts our circadian rhythms, affecting our hormones, our sleep and our energy. This artificial light coming from our screens delays melatonin secretion (needed for sleep); and we now know, that inadequate
sleep can quickly sabotage our efforts at getting healthy and losing weight. Sleep is a major cornerstone for an energetic, joyful, healthy life. One problem that’s been proven is that not getting enough sleep or getting poor-quality sleep adversely affects the hormones that make you hungry and store fat. One study found that just one partial night’s sleep could create insulin resistance. Ever wonder why you get bad carb and sugar cravings after sleep deprivation? This is why! Other studies show that poor sleep contributes to cardiovascular disease, mood disorders, poor immune function and lower life expectancy. So, banish your phone from your bedroom or at least switch it to airplane mode. Downtime Linked to Healthier Habits So many of us are used to slaving away in front of our computers, pushing ourselves to get more work done and be more efficient. However, a Stanford University study found that creative output increased by an average of 60 percent in people who took regular walks. In fact, the more fun we have, the more we move, the more we get out in nature and away from our devices, the more productive we become and the healthier we are. Attention and focus are hard to come by. Psychiatrists increasingly diagnose “adult attention deficit disorder” and prescribe Ritalin for grown-ups who can’t focus or pay attention. A lot of this is caused by our distraction by email and the ping of a new text message. Our bodies’ break down under the onslaught of stress – insomnia, anxiety, depression and all chronic disease are made worse by the unending stress from being constantly plugged in. In order to manage all of this stress, we need to unplug and have fun. I love to incorporate play and fun in my daily life: horseback riding, playing basketball, biking, doing yoga, and decompressing with friends over a good meal. These are all things that keep me happy and allow me to recharge so I can perform well at all of my jobs – and I have a lot of them! Play is not just for kids, it’s for adults, too. Playing gives us the chance to unplug, de-stress, find joy, challenge our brain in different ways and connect with new and old friends. It also keeps our immune systems healthy and elevates our energy level. I know it sounds impossible, but I suggest you give it a try today. Here are my tips for unplugging for a successful digital detox:
First, use a timer. Commit to only a certain amount of screen time per day. I like to set a timer to stay focused on the task at hand and when the timer goes off, I get up, take a walk, stretch or take a yoga break. This keeps me from being sedentary even on days where I have to do a ton of work on the computer. Next, silence your cell phone. Unplugging does not mean going for a walk while scrolling through Facebook and Instagram. Put your phone and your notifications on silent so that your unplugged time isn’t interrupted by noise. Carve out specific times to do emails, answer texts, do social media or surf the Internet, and leave blocks of time where your technology is turned off so you can focus, play, read or just be. Next, quit TV. Try going without TV for a week. Television is a serious time suck that prevents us from doing things we actually love to do and it keeps us from accomplishing our goals. Quit TV for a week and watch how much more time you have to cook and stay active. And, finally, when it comes to exercise, find something
you love. When you don’t feel excited about going to the gym, Netflix and that game on your smart phone become very attractive. It’s important to find an activity that you love. You won’t find me at the gym. I love sports and adventurous activities that challenge my body and my mind. Find what works for you. Find something that you love so much, you’d rather do it than sit in front of a screen.
About The Author
MARK HYMAN Mark Hyman MD is the Director of Cleveland Clinic’s Center for Functional Medicine, the Founder of The UltraWellness Center, and a ten-time #1 New York Times Bestselling author. To Learn More Visit: www.drhyman.com
DISCOVER YOUR INNATE WISDOM AND CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BODY IT'S YOUR BIRTHRIGHT TO LOVE THE BODY YOU'RE IN. CHANGING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BODY STARTS WITH SELF-LOVE. AND THAT - CHANGES YOUR LIFE! CONTACT US TODAY TO RESERVE YOUR SEAT FOR GROUP OR INDIVIDUAL SESSIONS ON YOUR SCHEDULE. THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
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But this is not a time for New Year's resolutions. Resolutions are associated with the negative energies of "sacrifice," "struggle," and a separation from the quantum field of potential and abundance. But the Law of Attraction is always at work, working with your INTENTIONS, and when you internalize that you are receiving everything that is a match with the vibration of your intentions, you will understand that getting in alignment and leveraging this natural law is how you are going to make your dreams come true.
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March 2021 Issue
Stop Selling Yourself Short: 3 Strategies to Beat Self Doubt Written by Joan Herrmann
L
Last week a friend called me to share the story of something that happened to her, which she described as ‘horrible’. While in a meeting at work, she was put in the difficult position of having to make a quick decision that could have serious ramifications. She said that she was presented with two possible choices, each valid, but each with a downside. Without much time, she weighed the options, acknowledged the potential problems, and made her decision. In public, she remained confident and self assured, but in private, she was anxious, unsure, and scared. By the time she called me, she had worked herself up into a frenzy, having spent many hours beating herself up. She wondered if she had made the right choice. She questioned her decision making skills and if she had what it took to stay in the job. She questioned her judgement. She allowed her self doubts to take over and belittle her capabilities. My friend is an intelligent, educated woman with many years on the job, and yet, she doubted herself. Does this story sound familiar? Have you ever allowed the voice inside your head to question your abilities and cloud how you viewed yourself? Self doubt is part of the human experience. While it is good to self examine and analyze action, the problem arises when you allow the fear that fuels your doubt to consume you. When that happens, it’s easy to become over cautious and inactive. Self doubt makes many sell themselves short! We’ve all been there at one time or another. Whether on the job, managing children, or handling a personal situation, it’s easy to question our abilities. The key is to not allow the
questioning to keep you stuck. When in doubt, try these strategies: Doubt your doubts. Understand that having doubts is part of being human and that they are not the truth, but rather stories you create about yourself. Stop writing the story. The voice within is skilled at telling you what is wrong. Doubts are fear driven and most of what we fear never materializes. Before running with the fear, evaluate its legitimacy. Challenge the doubt and call out your inner critic. Ask yourself: What if you are more than prepared for the promotion? What if you had everything needed to launch a business? What if your advice was right on point? Surround yourself with support. The people you hang out with will either fuel your doubts or fuel your confidence. Build a tribe of supporters. When you surround yourself with the right people, you can be more, achieve more, and give more. Choose wisely. Be brave. The best way to overcome doubt is to take action. With baby steps the more action you take, the less fear will govern your life. When you dare to do the very thing you doubt you can do, you will realize how little you needed to doubt yourself. As Dale Carnegie said, “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” It doesn’t take much to go down the black hole of self doubt. And there will always be situations in which you will question a decision or your ability to make it. The important thing to remember is that as long as you use your best judgement and do what you believe to be the right thing with the right intention, that’s all anyone can ask of you. Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. Don’t allow it to kill yours!
About The Author
JOAN HERRMANN Joan Herrmann is the creator of the Change Your Attitude… Change Your life brand and host of the radio show and podcast, Conversations with Joan. She is a motivational speaker and the publisher of 24 Seven magazine. To Learn More Visit: www.JoanHerrmann.com
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March 2021 Issue
A Survivor’s 5 Steps To Overcoming Fear
I
Written by Lawrence Doochin
I was sexually abused by my mother during puberty. As you can imagine, this had significant consequences for my self-worth. I came out of that experience with a certain set of colored beliefs. We are each conditioned by childhood, whether we have undergone obvious trauma or not. Not only did my abuse create a lot of guilt, shame, and anger in me, but it also created tremendous fear and a need to control. When we have been physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abused, we try to control situations and other people to keep ourselves safe. Certainly, I did not recognize any of the underlying effects of my abuse well into my twenties. I was just an angry person, which is how most people react when they are in fear. I realized around age 30 that I had a large amount of dysfunction, which was inherited from my abuse and which was creating unhappiness within myself and my relationships, especially with my wife and children. Something pushed me to start individual therapy as I knew that life could be much better than living as the angry and depressed person that I was. I also entered into a spiritual path at the same time. My thirties and into my forties held some difficult times for me and my family as I worked to unwind many false beliefs I held about myself, but I was grateful for the positive changes occurring in me. I have always viewed this process as peeling an onion — you take off one layer of beliefs to discover a deeper layer underneath it. Being willing to look at our unhealthy patterns is the key to growth and eventually getting out of fear for good. Once we start to shine the light of awareness on what is supporting it, our fear dissipates. One thing I learned early on and could apply in every
situation was to watch my emotions and reactions and ask what the belief was that was behind them. For instance, I often was angry because I could not control a person or situation, which stemmed from fear. This pointed me back to the abuse. I also realized that my judgment of others was just my self-judgment being projected out. Carl Jung, the father of analytical psychology, said, “Projection is one of the commonest psychic phenomena. Everything that is unconscious in ourselves we discover in our neighbor and treat him accordingly.” So my task was to pull my judgments and projections back in, realizing this was how I felt about myself. Every time I made an awareness on the above situations and others, I healed a little more. Additionally, I recognized that there were numerous personal and business situations where I saw myself as a victim and gave away my power to others. These were some hard lessons — as I had to learn that power resides in me, and in my knowing and trusting in who I am. Giving our power away to others or even authorities in the hope or expectation that they will take care of us is actually disempowering, and causes a lot of fear. As I released those false beliefs, my fear would increasingly dissipate as what was true began to be revealed. What I had previously believed about myself came only from my experiences, but my emotional work and spiritual journey helped me to see that my identity was not my experiences. My spiritual journey also helped me to trust in something outside of myself, which I call God, and to believe that this benevolent force “had my back” so to speak. I felt that love and support, and I was slowly able to release the need for control. My spiritual revelations also helped me to understand that there was much more than this narrow ego lens of my experiences on this planet. We are all here for a purpose, and we can take comfort that we are individually and collectively being guided, loved, and supported, and that there is much we cannot understand. This was huge in my releasing fear, and these realizations have been my bedrock during the turbulent times we have been living in. Take these five essential steps to release yourself from fear: Acknowledge it. You can’t solve something if you are in denial about it. Ask for help. Asking for help is a type of surrender. Even if you don’t have any type of spiritual or religious belief, there are many human helpers you can turn to. Watch your emotional reactions. If you are
From The Story
“Projection is one of the commonest psychic phenomena. Everything that is unconscious in ourselves we discover in our neighbor and treat him accordingly.”
angry, ask what belief you are angry about — usually it’s a fear over something. If you are blaming (that’s been big lately!) or being judgmental, and feeling unwilling to forgive, pull that projection back and ask what belief is supporting that judgment. You will notice that as you do this, your judgments soften. Those who are most trapped in fear are the least willing to release judgment and let their beliefs evolve. We see this manifested in all the polarization around us. Don’t be judgmental of yourself — as this is a process. Be kind and especially compassionate to yourself. We are all being pushed to evolve and grow, both individually and collectively. Be willing and be hungry for positive change! It won’t always be easy, but you have to follow the steps you are shown. Your choice is to stay in the prison cell of your fear, or to be a warrior and take the steps to release yourself from that cell. You are your own jailer. But you are also much more powerful than you know. And you are meant to live a joy-filled life.
About The Author
LAWRENCE DOOCHIN Lawrence Doochin is an author, entrepreneur, and devoted husband and father. A survivor of harrowing childhood sexual abuse, he traveled a long journey of emotional and spiritual healing and developed an in-depth understanding of how our beliefs create our reality. In the business world, he has worked for or been associated with enterprises from small startups to multinational corporations. He is the cofounder of HUSO sound therapy, which delivers powerful healing benefits to individual and professionals worldwide. To Learn More Visit: www.LawrenceDoochin.com
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3 Types Of People Most Likely To Lie To You Written by Sean Grover, LCSW
Y You don’t want someone to lie to you; no one does. Yet, eventually, someone will hurt with a lie. Whether you see it coming or not, it doesn’t matter. You still feel devastated. Sometimes the hurt is so bad, you wonder if you will be the same again. I used to think “feeling heartbroken” was just an expression, even a tad dramatic and over the top. It wasn’t until I was lied to by someone I loved that I understood heartbreak to be a genuine phenomenon. No other expression better captures the essence of hurt. I had a dull pain in the center of my chest. Sometimes it faded during the day, but at night it returned with a vengeance, a phantom that delighted in my sleeplessness tortured me with unanswered questions.
Why did this happen? Was it my fault? Why didn’t I see it coming? It’s natural to feel flooded with questions after someone has misled you. Behind every question is a yearning for relief, the hope that understanding will relieve the pain of the lie. Yet even with knowledge, the hurt is likely to endure. Certain people are more inclined to lie and deceive than others. Of course, this is an oversimplification; people don’t fit into neat categories, but after 25 years of practicing psychotherapy, I’ve noticed three personality types that are more likely to lie to you. And, chances are, you won’t see it coming.
From The Story
“Sometimes the hurt is so bad, you wonder if you will be the same again.”
evaporate, and you may find yourself alone and abandoned. A failed relationship with someone with these diagnoses may hurt you so badly that you may feel like you lost a piece of yourself. Of course, it would be difficult to find a person who hasn’t lied to someone. Everyone is capable of it. Yet there is a big difference between small lies - I’m busy Saturday night - and lies that wound - I would never cheat on you. Are there acceptable lies in a relationship? That’s for you to decide.
Narcissists Narcissists are frequently charismatic and engaging. As long as they’re the center of your attention, they shine. Unfortunately, you get caught up in their glow. The moment you start to question or challenge their views, they’ll turn on you. For narcissists, love always has an expiration date. Substance Abusers Oftentimes, those who are addicted to substances become frequent liars. They may say anything to maintain their addiction and deceive others in their life. Too often, out of love, you may deceive yourself and believe them; even when their lies are blatant, you may remain blind to reality. It may seem to some that no one is greater skilled at lying and manipulation than someone with a substance use disorder who is seeking a fix. Individuals with Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorders Though there are 12 different personality disorders, I have personally found bipolar and borderline disorders to be among the most destructive. In relationships, they can provide you with a roller coaster ride of excitement. For instance, when they love you, they love you unconditionally. But when the tide changes, it may be best to watch out. Their love may
About The Author
SEAN GROVER Sean Grover, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and the author of When Kids Call the Shots: How to Seize Control from Your Darling Bully and Enjoy Being a Parent Again. To Learn More Visit: www.SeanGrover.com
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March 2021 Issue
Organize to Age in Place Written by Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD®, CVPO
I
Imagine how you would react if you were 85 years old, you’ve lived in your home for 50 years, and then your family told you that you have to move to a studio apartment in an assisted living facility. Chances are you would dig in your heels and say, “No way. I’m not leaving my home.” OK. So what’s another viable option? You can organize to age in place. Aging in place supports the notion that older adults should be able to maintain a desirable lifestyle by participating in their communities, remaining independent as their health allows, having access to educational, cultural, and recreational facilities, feeling safe, and living in an intergenerational environment. Organizing to age in place yields the need to organize for safety. Using the acronym DEAR, a few simple modifications can make it easier for an older adult to continue living comfortably and safely at home. D - Delegate what the older adult can no longer do. Activities like mowing the lawn, grocery shopping and food prep, maintaining organizing systems, house cleaning, personal care, or even driving can be outsourced. Having help can also be a source of companionship for an older adult who lives alone. E – Eliminate safety hazards in the home. Move furniture to accommodate a senior’s changing mobility and create unobstructed access throughout the home. Tack down or remove area rugs and electrical cords that may create a tripping hazard. Relocate often-used items to within reach to avoid the need to climb or bend. Keep things off stairs; corral them in a basket used to transport things up and down. If using the stairs is an issue, eliminate their need by closing off upper or lower levels and moving living areas to one floor.
A – Automate repetitive tasks that can be time and energy drains. As we age, things “seem” to take longer to do than they used to, and time feels more precious. Older adults may want to spend that time in meaningful ways. Technology allows us to schedule automatic grocery or food delivery, bill paying, and laundry pickup. Home automation, like security systems, lighting, thermostats, and medical alerts, enhance an older adult’s feeling of safety, comfort, and peace of mind. R – Re-evaluate systems and spaces as the older adult’s needs change. Different furniture, fixtures, and equipment may be needed for easier mobility. There are chairs designed for easier sitting and standing, door handles and appliance knobs made for arthritic hands, grab bars and handrails in attractive styles, clocks that speak or have high-contrast illuminated larger numbers, doorbells with modified tones, and smoke alarms with strobe lights.
About The Author
GAYLE GRUENBERG Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD®, CVPO is the chief executive organizer of Let’s Get Organized, LLC, an organizer coach, and the creator of the Make Space for Blessings system. To Learn More Visit: wwww.LGOrganized.com
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MARCH 2021
ISSUE NO.125
S Q U A S H YO U R F E A R O F FA I L U R E Written by Linda Mitchell
Could fear be holding you back from evolving to your full potential? Fear can hold you back from stepping into your power and from living your soul’s true purpose. Fear creates resistance to the natural flow of events and blocks blessings. It can even prevent you from overcoming obstacles and recognizing your true strength. Fear can stop you in your tracks even when you’re on the right path. It can keep you from pursuing your dreams, from rewarding opportunities and relationships because fear squashes courage. Simply stated, fear keeps you stuck. Overtime, fear leads to feeling unfulfilled, sad, confused and even settles into the body creating illness, anxiety, imbalance and dis-ease. Humans are emotional creatures and need to be able to express, not repress emotions. Holding emotions inside means they’ll emerge elsewhere. Unprocessed emotional energy like fear gets stored in muscles, organs, tissues and bones. It leads to inflammation, chronic health problems and compromised health. Often, I see fear stuck in the mid and low back, the kidneys and abdomen. Yes, your unresolved emotions and issues land in your tissues. It’s essential to acknowledge the fear, accept it and feel it fully - without judgment. This is the key to healing and conquering fear. Feel it to heal it! The good news is you can choose to grow from your fear in a way that catapults you into a field of opportunity, adventure and liberation! Fear is a normal and often healthy human emotion. It’s what we choose to do with it that makes all the difference. Rather than letting fear run the show, tune in to your body and listen to the fear. Is it a healthy signal of a potential threat to your safety or is it a chronic emotion fed by your ego-brain trying to keep you from trying something new? Are you drowning in a sea of fear; fear of failure, rejection, embarrassment or simply fear of not feeling good enough? You can get slapped by a wave of discontent and boredom in one moment and in the next get knocked over by fear of moving beyond the comfort of the familiar. So how do you navigate these choppy waters and choose to ride the wave of opportunity rather than then get stuck in the undercurrent of status quo? First, discern the source of your anxiety and then put your objective glasses on to see if your fears are real or mostly speculative. Some people tend to catastrophize and look only at the worst-case scenarios. If so, your fears could be keeping you stuck. One of the best definitions I’ve seen for fear is this: False Evidence Appearing Real. False evidence keeps you comfortable and safe.
Stagnant in fear, you’ll be most comfortable when you rationalize (I call them rational-lies) all the reasons why you can’t move forward. I have a sign in my office that I look at daily; it says, everything you want is on the other side of fear. This propels me forward, ever expanding my comfort zone and keeping me keenly aware of the excuses I create when fear sneaks in. If you find yourself mired in fear, recognize this human condition, give yourself some compassion and then a gentle nudge forward. Trying and failing is so much less painful than settling and regretting never having tried. Don’t let fear take control. Fear stagnation, not failure! There isn’t a single person who hasn’t met with failure, disappointment and the sting of defeat. Along this journey, failure is inevitable. When you look at it as simply part of the process, you’re more accepting. My kids used to think I was crazy when I congratulated them for their little failures along the way. As young adults they see the wisdom in that encouragement. The greatest gift you can give yourself is to recognize that your journey toward realizing your dreams is never a straight path, but one dotted with hurdles, fears and valuable lessons. Conquering fear makes you fierce, wise and free. When fear rises up, pause, breathe and choose one small step that will move you beyond the current obstacle. Running from your fear is more painful than facing it. Don’t fight fear; it’s an opportunity to grow into a better version of yourself. That’s liberating and so much more fulfilling than staying stuck in dissatisfaction. When you face your fears, you’ll uncover the courage to overcome them and find the fulfillment and peace you desire and deserve.
About The Author
LINDA MITCHELL Linda Mitchell is a board-certified transition coach, speaker, reinvention expert and LMT. She empowers people who are stuck, overwhelmed or ready for change to release the struggle, gain clarity, balance and radiant health as they move through life’s challenges and transitions and step into their highest purpose. To Learn More Visit: www.LivingInspiredCoaching.com
March 2021 Issue
The Importance of Communicating Your Wishes Written by Lorie Gardner, RN
Do you feel you are important enough to let others know your goals, preferences, and wishes? Have you spent the time deciding what matters to you most about your life? What are your values when it comes to making hard healthcare decisions? These are all important questions to address as you make decisions regarding your end of life wishes. I know we all don’t want to have to think about this, let alone discuss it with a loved one and write up a document about it. As a nurse advocate, I can agree with these feelings of wanting to avoid this difficult subject, but I can assure you that once it is done there is a sense of freedom. I have been involved in many healthcare situations where this matter was not addressed and there were tragic and costly consequences that you would want to avoid. Not to mention, plenty of guilt to go around because a crisis occurred, and you were not prepared. I remember a complicated case where the client sustained a stroke and was hospitalized for an extended period of time. The client did start the recovery process but experienced a cardiac arrest and was placed on life support. The patient never regained consciousness and was cared for in the hospital and then at long term care facilities for two years. There were complicated family issues and due to this and not having a clear advance directive it was not clear what this client would have wanted. There are so many online resources that can make this conversation easier and more effective. There are wonderful checklists and booklets you can complete and answer questions so that all of the pertinent information you want to share is in a clear and concise booklet. Picking Your Healthcare Person It is important to select a person to be your Healthcare Proxy or Power of Attorney. That is the person who should know your end of life wishes. This the person you designate and ideally have a legal document drawn up. If before you have a legal document written up, you can informally have that conversation about your end of life wishes and that can be very helpful as well. On the subject of legal documents, listed below are all of the documents and considerations that should be addressed that involves your end of life wishes. • Advance Directive (Living Will) so you can be specific about what your end of life wishes are.
• Healthcare POA - a person you choose to discuss your end of life wishes and your chosen quality of life. This person makes medical decisions for you when you can’t. Take some time and counsel choosing this person. It is not always a family member. It should be someone you think has the strength and integrity to follow through with your wishes. •Durable POA - a person that is designated to act on your behalf regarding financial matters if you become incapacitated. There is a difference between a general POA and a durable and that is the general is effective until someone is incapacitated while the durable POA continues to death. • POLST - Physician orders for life-sustaining treatment decide with your physician what end of life orders will be put in place. This is frequently kept on a refrigerator in a home which instructs any EMT personnel on what to do. Without that the EMTs are required to perform all available lifesustaining treatment. • DNR/DNI orders – Do not resuscitate, no CPR, cardiac drugs, or placement of a breathing tube otherwise called intubation. DNI – do not intubate, but CPR and cardiac drugs can be used. • Organ donor designation Although this is a difficult discussion and one that most of us don’t want to ever think about, once you do, there is a sense of accomplishment and freedom. When you do this planning, you show your loved ones that you are providing them some peace of mind for a time in the future that would be more difficult without this information.
About The Author
LORIE GARDNER Lorie Gardner RN, BSN, NBC-HWC, founded Healthlink Advocates, Inc., to assist clients with all aspects of their healthcare. As nurse advocates, they help clients navigate the very complex healthcare system. Also, as nationally boardcertified health and wellness coaches, they partner with clients seeking more balance, less stress, increased energy, and improved health outcomes. To Learn More Visit: www.healthlinkadvocates.com
