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EDITOR IN CHIEF Joan Herrmann —
ASSOCIATE EDITOR Lindsay Pearson —
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Matt Herrmann —
GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Chris Giordano Andrea Valentie Oliver Pane —
CONTRIBUTORS Guy Finley Sean Grover, LCSW Gayle M. Gruenberg Joan Herrmann Linda Mitchell, CPC
FROM THE EDITOR — Many of us look to external objects – things we collect and acquire – and outside circumstances to make us feel fulfilled. We assume that those with more material possessions, bigger houses, nicer cars, larger families, etc., have more for which to be thankful. However, research suggests the opposite: it’s not how much you have, but how you feel about what you have that makes the difference. That’s why someone who seems to “have it all” is miserable, while others with very little are full of joy. With Thanksgiving around the corner, I am sharing some strategies that can foster a more grateful heart. Focus on your gifts and blessings. Think about all of the things that you do have, not the things you don’t. There is a wonderful quote that states: “If you have food in your fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75 percent of the world.” Place emphasis on those treasures. Let go of the past. You can’t change the past, so worrying about it does nothing for you except rob your peace today. Learn from your mistakes, vow not to repeat them, and move on. Stop comparing yourself to others. Envy is poison for happiness. Release yourself from desires for material things. Possessions are just things. A big house or fancy car may be nice for the moment, but eventually the newness wears off and you’re back to being you. What good is the beach house if you’re miserable in it? Spend time with the people who lift you up. Surround yourself with grateful people. Joy is contagious!
— Joan Herrmann
GREGG BRADEN
ISSUE NO.133
INSIDE THIS
ISSUE WATCH AND RELEASE YOURSELF FROM DISTURBING THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS BY GUY FINLEY
PAGE 12
HOW YOUR UNWANTED FEELINGS ARE HURTING YOU BY SEAN GROVER
PAGE 18
THE HEART OF FRIENDSHIP BY JOAN HERRMANN
PAGE 24
ON THIS MONTH’S
C OV E R GREGG BRADEN IS A FIVE-TIME NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLING AUTHOR, SCIENTIST, INTERNATIONAL EDUCATOR AND RENOWNED AS A PIONEER IN THE EMERGING PARADIGM BASED IN SCIENCE, SOCIAL POLICY AND HUMAN POTENTIAL. HIS WORK REVEALS DEEP INSIGHTS INTO THE NEW HUMAN STORY, AND HOW THE DISCOVERIES INFORM THE POLICIES OF EVERYDAY LIFE AND THE EMERGING WORLD. HIS RESEARCH HAS LED TO 15 FILM CREDITS AND 12 AWARD-WINNING BOOKS NOW PUBLISHED IN OVER 40 LANGUAGES. GREGG IS THE RECIPIENT OF NUMEROUS AWARDS INCLUDING THE WALDEN AWARD FOR NEW THOUGHT, THE ILLUMINATE AWARD FOR CONSCIOUS VISIONARIES AND HE IS LISTED IN THE UNITED KINGDOM’S WATKINS JOURNAL AMONG THE TOP 100 OF “THE WORLD’S MOST SPIRITUALLY INFLUENTIAL LIVING PEOPLE” FOR THE SEVENTH CONSECUTIVE YEAR. LISTEN TO THE CONVERSATION WITH GREGG: www.cyacyl.com/shows/gregg-braden
CULTIVATE AN ABUNDANCE MINDSET BY LINDA MITCHELL
PAGE 28
IS BEING DISORGANIZED MAKING YOU SICK? BY GAYLE M. GRUENBERG
PAGE 32
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N OV E M B E R 2021
WATC H AND R E L E ASE YO U RSE L F FRO M D I ST U RB I N G T H OU G H TS AND FE E L I N G S Written by Guy Finley
A
All of our life experiences have been trying to teach us a certain grand lesson: Liberation from our captive condition (whatever that may be in the moment) cannot come by further deliberating it. We can see the wisdom in doing nothing toward our own troubled thoughts and feelings when we realize that the only way not to be dragged under by these negative states is to stay out of their life. In many ways, this kind of watchfulness is a meditation. It involves our willingness – wherever we are and in whatever we’re doing, and regardless of what that moment may be that brings up in us what it does – that to do nothing in the face of those reactions is the beginning of a new relationship with them, the beginning of the next level of meditation. Because you see, meditation isn’t just sitting someplace with our eyes closed, quietly contemplating something of a spiritual nature, or doing whatever discipline we do in order to make the mind be still. No. That’s not meditation, at least not the next level that we’re looking at together. Meditation is a direct relationship with the sum of ourselves in the moment, where we stand as a witness to what moves through us instead of becoming its captive through our reaction to it. In other words, meditation has nothing whatsoever to do with trying to reconcile some disturbance in our life. Meditation is our agreement to allow that disturbance, whatever it may be, to reveal to us something about ourselves that we don’t know yet. That revelation is the same as release. And that is the heart of meditation – being released moment to moment from a sense of self that doesn’t know what it’s clinging to. When it’s time to step back from some reaction that’s tempting you to jump in and to get out of some jam, remember to do nothing but watch.
This means whether you’re in your car, at work, at home, talking to your husband, your wife, be as inwardly still as you can be toward what you see in front of you. Why? Because what you see in front of you is always your reaction to what something in you perceives as being the source of the disturbance outside of you. The next level of meditation is to understand the disturbance is never outside of you, but within a level of consciousness that is constantly disturbed and then ceaselessly seeking a solution to its own disturbance. You don’t need to do anything else. Don’t fall into that fitfulness that’s pulling you left and right. Don’t accept the sound and fury of those ten thousand thoughts and feelings coursing through you as being the proof that somehow or other you somehow must protect yourself from them. Just watch it all, and you’ll soon understand the goodness of that kind of stillness, of that the next level of meditation.
About The Author
GUY FINLEY Guy Finley is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher and bestselling self-help author. He is the founder and director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit center for spiritual self-study located in Merlin, Oregon. He is the best-selling author of The Secret of Letting Go and 45 other books and audio programs. To Learn More Visit: www.GuyFinley.org
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NOVEMBER 2021
ISSUE NO.133
H O W YO U R UNWANTED FEELINGS ARE H U RT I N G YO U Written by Sean Grover, LCSW
Have you ever heard someone yell, “I’m not angry?” If you have, then you’ve witnessed an unwanted feeling in action. Disowned feelings are those prickly emotions that you attempt to block out of awareness. You tell yourself you’re not feeling them and give them the cold shoulder. Unfortunately, ignoring unwanted feelings comes at a high cost. The energy it takes to push away unwanted feelings frequently leads to: • Psychic tension that fuels mood disorders, such as anxiety or depression. • Psychosomatic symptoms, such as headaches, backaches, digestive, or stomach issues. • A loss of vitality, resulting in chronic exhaustion, inattentiveness, or forgetfulness. The Top 3 Unwanted Feelings Though all feelings are valuable, some are more popular than others. Unwanted feelings are generally unpopular because they create discomfort or distress. The top three disowned feelings that I’ve noticed in my psychotherapy practice are: 1. Anger. The adage, “depression is anger turned inward,” holds. To deny anger is to deny yourself a propitious source of energy. Learning to access and focus your anger can relieve depression and anxiety while also producing revitalizing bursts of energy and clarity. Learning to process and express your anger productively is definitely a life-changer. 2. Hurt. As a child, when your feelings were hurt, you had a good cry and moved on. As an adult, hurt is much more complex. Admitting that you’re hurt can feel shameful and humiliating, particularly if you have a history of being bullied. So you learned to deny hurt to protect yourself from feeling vulnerable. Ironically, anytime someone proclaims, “I’m not hurt” it’s very likely that they are. Learning to identify when you’re hurt and verbalizing it frees you from a cycle of shame, strengthens emotional boundaries, and elevates selfrespect. 3. Fear. While it’s fun to be afraid while watching scary movies or visiting amusement parks, unbridled fear causes escalating anxiety and panic in real life. Few people enjoy the feeling of being out of control, so when fear strikes, you may want to deny it or bulldoze over it. Unfortunately, fear denied invites poor decision-making, destructive risk-taking, and lapses in judgment. The Damage Caused by Unwanted Feelings Denying an unwanted feeling doesn’t resolve it; it simply drives it out of your consciousness. It still there, but in hiding. Sooner or later, like an annoying relative who drops by unannounced, the feeling pops up again. You find yourself caught in repetitive relationship patterns or miscommunications. Every time you disown a feeling, you weaken your sense of self. You water down your emotions until you don’t even know what you’re feeling. The fallout is even more discouraging: identity confusion, unhealthy relationships,
poor boundaries, and chronic disappointment, to name just a few. Unearthing and Honoring Your True Feelings When feelings are honored and expressed, your core sense of self strengthens; you are more focused and immediate. Since you’re better attuned to yourself, you’re better attuned to others. Authenticity becomes your guiding light, making it much navigate through emotionally charged situations. Of course, warming up to all your feelings takes time. It’s a process of evolution—not revolution. Here are a few tips to get you going. • Take a deep dive into your feelings. Too often, we move through life on automatic pilot, zoning out for hours in front of a computer or numbing ourselves with substances, mindless television, or social media. To redirect your attention inward, you’ll need to set aside time for reflection. Journal writing is a great way to get started. Every time you jot down your thoughts and feelings, you bring more mindfulness to your daily life. Feelings become less mysterious or frightening; understanding your pure feelings fosters personal enlightenment. Set a timer, write for a few minutes a day, and slowly increase your journaling time. • Work with a professional. There are more therapists in the world than ever before in history. Art therapy, dance therapy, mental health counseling, support groups, child and family therapy, couples counseling, sex therapy … the list goes on and on. And now, with teletherapy and virtual therapy, you don’t even have to leave your home. If the idea of talking to a professional is too frightening, start by opening up to a good friend and sharing feelings that you often keep hidden. • Reward yourself. Acknowledge your efforts, celebrate your victories. Changing ingrained behaviors is one of the hardest things in the world. It’s a lonely battle. That’s why you must make time to reward yourself. I worked with a young woman who suffered crippling social anxiety. As she started to assert herself, she developed many catchphrases to encourage her, such as “You got this,” “You’ll be glad later,” or “What have I got to lose?” As she became a cheerleader for her own growth, she made healthier choices and enjoyed more rewarding relationships.
About The Author
SEAN GROVER Sean Grover, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and the author of When Kids Call the Shots: How to Seize Control from Your Darling Bully and Enjoy Being a Parent Again. To Learn More Visit: www.SeanGrover.com
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November 2021 Issue
The Heart Of Friendship Written by Joan Herrmann
W
We hear so much about marriages, committed relationships, and romantic breakups, but I believe we neglect to truly understand the dynamics of what may be the most important relationships in our life – friendships. Boyfriends come and go, spouses are replaced, children grow up and leave the nest, but our friends will be by our side through it all. If we are blessed, some of them will be with us from childhood until death; and these people know us better than anyone else. We all have friends. Fate brings friend to friend, then leaves the rest to human nature. We have best friends that stick with us forever, and we have friends that come into our life for a brief period and then go on their way. Whichever role they play, you can be sure they serve a purpose. According to experts, friendships have a major impact on our health and well-being. Friends help us celebrate good times and provide support during the bad times. As philosopher Aristotle said, “In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge.” Friends prevent loneliness and increase our sense of belonging and purpose. They boost our happiness and improve our self-confidence. They help us deal with our mistakes. So … if friendships are so great, why do they cause so much pain? The word friend is defined as “a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people; a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.” We all have a preconceived notion of what a friend should be; we place expectations on relationships based on our needs. But sometimes we use the word “friend” to describe anyone
with whom we have contact. We project the intimate bond we desire onto a person where no deep bond exists. To avoid the pain of an unrequited friendship, it is important to recognize that there are different kinds of relationships and varying degrees of affection attached. When it comes to friendships it’s not one size fits all. Some people are great for Friday night outings. Others are partners for work events. Some people are not willing and/or able to commit to a relationship on a deeper level. And then there are the people who offer unconditional love and trust – they are always there, no matter what. They are the ones by which we set the standards for everyone else. But, they are a rare gift, not the norm. Each of these relationships has a unique purpose for our life and as such should be valued. Just as a financial expert advises to diversify investments, the same is true in friendships. Invite people into your life that bring different personalities and skills to the table – they will broaden your horizon and enrich your existence. But, to avoid heart break, see each relationship for what it is. Just as you wouldn’t rush into a romantic encounter without some courting, don’t place too many expectations on a friendship without getting to know the person. When you take it slow, you will be able to objectively evaluate the relationship and the role a person will play in your life so you won’t be disappointed. Even if a friendship doesn’t develop the way you want, acknowledge that you simply have different needs. Treasure the relationship for what it is and release your expectations; value the gifts it offers. Through the pain and through the triumphs, friendships are the treasure of a life well lived. As Emily Dickinson said, “My friends are my estate,” and I couldn’t agree more.
About The Author
JOAN HERRMANN Joan Herrmann is the creator of the Change Your Attitude… Change Your life brand and host of the radio show and podcast, Conversations with Joan. She is a motivational speaker and the publisher of 24 Seven magazine. To Learn More Visit: www.JoanHerrmann.com
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Novembe`r 2021 Issue
Cultivate an Abundance Mindset Written by Linda Mitchell, CPC, LMT
H
Have you caught yourself thinking with a scarcity mindset? These types of thoughts come from a scarcity mindset: there isn’t enough, I can’t do that, it’s already been done, this will never work, it’s too scary, etc. It’s an easy rabbit-hole to go down but if you catch yourself, you can flip the switch. What would it be like to adopt an abundance mindset and squash that scarcity mindset? An abundant thinker welcomes competition, looks for collaboration opportunities and feels optimistic about the future. It’s not about a winner and a loser. There are many winners because there’s enough for everyone. With an abundance mindset you’ll feel more in control of your life. You’ll feel empowered, more engaged and more positive about life in general. Those are some pretty great benefits, so let’s start with some foundational concepts for cultivating one. Think big and see the big picture. When setting big goals immediately start believing you’re capable of achieving it. You’ll see it when you believe it - read that sentence again because it’s true! Positivity is pivotal. An important part of cultivating an abundance mindset is the practice of finding good in any situation. Are you a glass half-empty or a glass half-full type of person? If you’re not quite there, don’t worry. Optimism is a trait you can develop. You can train yourself to be more positive and as a result, you’ll also be happier and more abundant. Expect good outcomes. In addition to the happiness that optimism brings, it can also make you wealthier and healthier. How? When you expect good outcomes, you more readily take consistent action to make them happen. Foster optimism
daily by squashing the negative self-talk in your head and choosing more empowering words instead: I can and I will, I’ve got this, there’s a solution, etc. These positive phrases prime your subconscious, help re-wire your brain for success and reinforce self-confidence. Set a daily intention. Before stepping out of bed, take a moment to set your intention for the day. There are many different ways to do this but begin by simply choose a word or phrase that resonates with the energy, spirit, or attitude you want to carry throughout your day. This will be your compass, helping focus your thoughts, energy and time more effectively. Celebrate the success of others. When people close to you achieve something, feel happy for them, even if it’s something you also want. Just because they have it doesn’t mean you can’t. The success of others is not your failure; it just proves it can be done. And, you can too! Recognize that there are plenty of opportunities and there is enough for everyone. Be proactive and keep an open mind. Remain in the energy of celebration, possibility and expectation. Practicing gratitude is another important piece. Every morning name one reason you’re grateful for the day ahead. Every evening before bed identify at least one thing you’re grateful for. When you dwell in gratitude regularly, you expand the positive circumstances, relationships and energy in your life. The more you practice gratitude the more you’ll find to be grateful for – it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy which certainly leads to more abundance and a more joyful state of being. Abundance is about much more than money and finances. An abundance mindset is about the expansion of possibility. It’s about the expectation of success, joy, love, good fortune and enjoyable relationships. Adopt an abundance mindset and watch each of these expand in your life!
About The Author
LINDA MITCHELL Linda Mitchell is a board-certified coach, speaker, intuitive healer and LMT. She empowers people who are stuck, overwhelmed, or ready for change, to move through life’s transitions and challenges with more ease, clarity, confidence and purpose as they release stress and struggle and step into their highest purpose. To Learn More Visit: www.LivingInspiredCoaching.com
Is Being Disorganized Making You Sick? Written by Gayle M. Gruenberg
I
If you’re living with clutter and chronic disorganization, you may literally be taking your life in your hands. Being surrounded by clutter takes a toll on your physical well-being. Having piles of clothes, paper, and general “stuff ” on the floor, tables, counters, in closets and cabinets, and even under furniture is dangerous. It creates hazards that can cause tripping and falling, which can lead to broken bones and the inability to call for help. Things stacked to the ceiling can fall, causing a concussion or more serious traumatic brain injury. Blocked entrances and exits prevent emergency responders from being able to access a space easily.
Clutter that has existed for a long time or that blocks air circulation from windows or ductwork, collects dust, which contributes to respiratory ailments. An overstuffed kitchen is an obvious fire hazard. Abandoned food and food wrappers attract rodents that munch on paper and clothes, then leave their droppings. These droppings give off toxins that get into the lungs when inhaled and cause hantavirus, a serious respiratory disease. Decaying food also attracts insects, such as flies, which carry myriad diseases. Clutter often causes and is caused by anxiety and depression, one aspect of which is low self-esteem, which leads to neglecting one’s personal care. Showering and brushing one’s teeth may go by the wayside. Improper oral health can contribute to cardiovascular disease, dementia, and many other physical conditions. Low self-esteem can manifest in having no energy to exercise, a disinterest in proper nutrition, and an erratic sleep schedule. These contribute to impaired cognition and executive function, making decisions and follow-through more difficult, which leads to even more clutter. Sleep deprivation alone is linked to many physical challenges, including weight gain, heart disease, impaired immunity, and diabetes. A cluttered space and a lack of systems causes stress and produces the hormone cortisol, which governs many important bodily functions. Cortisol regulates the amount of glucose, insulin, potassium, and sodium in the blood, and affects the metabolism of fats. Prolonged elevated levels of cortisol, therefore, put increased stress on the liver, kidneys, and small intestine. Cortisol affects the absorption of calcium, which decreases bone formation, contributing to osteoporosis. Cortisol also down-regulates the production of collagen, the protein that forms most of the body’s connective tissue
From The Story
“Clearing clutter and getting organized creates more than just a pleasant living or working environment, it literally improves your health and prolongs your life.”
(cartilage, tendons, ligaments, and skin). Cortisol works with adrenaline to create memories of short-term emotional events, a means to remember what to avoid in the future. Long-term exposure to cortisol damages cells in the hippocampus of the brain, resulting in impaired learning. While cortisol prevents the release of substances in the body that cause inflammation, it also weakens the immune system by preventing the growth of T-cells, white blood cells that fight infection, leaving the body vulnerable to disease. Clearing clutter and getting organized creates more than just a pleasant living or working environment, it literally improves your health and prolongs your life.
About The Author
GAYLE M. GRUENBERG Gayle M. Gruenberg, CPO-CD®, CVPO, is the chief executive organizer of Let’s Get Organized, LLC, an organizer coach, and the creator of the Make Space for Blessings system. To Learn More Visit: www.LGOrganized.com