603 ESSAY
Consultant/writer Deo Mwano meets a new friend.
n BY DEO MWANO
W
e live in a divisive social culture. There’s a new controversy every day and we are always asked to take a side. Not taking a side is even taking a side. We imagine these debates as insurmountable barriers, irreparable fissures in the social fabric. It shouldn’t be this way. And it doesn’t have to be. We can overcome our differences when we focus on our similarities, how much we share, and how much we have in common. We are all human. Our neighborhoods present an opportunity to get offline and genuinely connect with people who, at first glance, may not be like us. It is a chance to step out of comfort zones, to overcome fear, and to truly connect with others, face to face. If we learn how to listen, to speak with hu-
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mility, and approach others from a place of curiosity, we can break down the ways of thinking that divide us. We can become good neighbors and better people. We can, one by one, change the tide of angry rhetoric we’ve become accustomed to and begin the work of healing the country. My childhood experiences as a refugee from the Congo, resettled in Manchester, taught me a great deal about getting to know people who were different from me. When we first arrived in the U.S., many of the people who helped my family were white. Even the church we joined was predominantly white. These people were very kind and we often broke bread together, talking about our life in Congo and their lives in America. But in school, my community of friends couldn’t have
been more different. I was in ELL (English language learners) with children from around the globe. We connected as new Americans, but in many ways we were segregated from the rest of the school. At lunch, ELL students sat together, without any opportunity for mutual learning with the other children born and raised in the U.S. This taught me an important lesson that informs the work I do today: You can’t be a good neighbor if you are passive. You need to be intentional, proactive, curious and empathetic. In order to get to know our neighbors, we have to acknowledge diversity. Your neighbor might be a different race, ethnicity, gender identity or sexual orientation, and they will almost certainly have a different lived experience from you. These are opportunities to learn, to broaden your horizons. They are not reasons to
“We can solve so many of our societal problems by talking face to face, being curious about each other, and listening.” retreat or withdraw or put up walls. Recognizing another person’s whole self — their entire identity — is the direct path to a true connection. People often claim that they don’t see color. This is not the time for that charade. Acknowledging diversity is foundational to forging new relationships. Getting to know your neighbor is a twoway street. Growing up in New Hampshire,
Courtesy photo
Get to Know Your Neighbor and Begin to Heal the Divide
