A MAN’S WORLD

A MAN’S WORLD DAVID FLATMAN

All the right moves

There are embarrassing bookmarks on Flats’ iPad, but they’re not what you might think…

“I’m unlikely to have an idea that transcends planet Earth”

My mum loves to tell the story about the bloke she met who, as well as being a friend of a friend, was also the man who introduced lollipop sticks to central Africa. What remains unclear is whether or not this chap went down the actual lollipop line or whether he just did the sticks. (Just doing the sticks would be simpler, obviously, but think of the likely profi t margins in ice lollies alone. I mean, it’s literally water!)

Anyway, this guy did the sticks in Africa then came back and ordered himself a crushed strawberry pink Rolls Royce and had the door handles done in gold. This vehicle would now be worth less than the gold iPad mini on which I am typing these words, but you’ll agree that its awfulness is as cool as all hell. He retired young and drove his Roller to the shops. Then there’s the person who invented cat’s eyes. I don’t mean God, because I don’t mean real cats. I of course mean the sort of cat’s eyes that refl ectively separate lanes on the road. My dad used to say, as we pootled along in our Volvo estate (not gold): “God. Imagine being the guy who invented cat’s eyes.” Apart from being sexist (it was a diff erent time), Dad meant that it would be fantastic both to be the person who invented something that so many people appreciate and need, and that this person would be minted, obviously.

I’m unlikely to have an idea that transcends planet Earth, mainly because I’m not the type. Also, though, because I would fi rmly expect an aggressive self-starter to have got their wheels in motion on the same idea already, so wouldn’t even bother calling Deborah Meaden for Dragon advice.

I do, though, appreciate the brilliant ideas of others. The best one of the last few years, as far as I can think, is RightMove. RightMove hasn’t quite become a verb, like Google, but it’s not far

off . Even when I am not seeking to buy or rent a new home, I’m on it three or four times a week. I tell myself it’s always wise to keep an eye on the market, but that’s a self-lie. I fl ick around on it, forever altering my fi lters and budgets, because I am addicted. Did you know, by the way, that some parts of central Bath are eff ectively as pricey as Dulwich? No, you didn’t. Well, now you do, so my addiction is justifi ed for another year. I’m not moving to Dulwich, either. As it happens, I am kind of tentatively thinking about moving house in the next year or so, so my addiction has gathered momentum via its fi rst dose of bona fi de direction in a long time. I viewed a house last week and, when the extremely lovely lady asked if I’d been on their website, I replied: “Er, no. I just go on RightMove, obviously.”

I expect estate agents want us all to go on their respective sites, but there is simply no point. Anyway, the potential move. As a big fan of Lansdown, I have worked out that Larkhall is indeed the best part of Bath to live. You can walk to a shop from Lansdown, but you’ll need lungs like hot air balloons to get home again. In Larkhall, everything is there; it’s just there. The only thing is that everyone else knows about RightMove, too, so if a nice house ever pops up there it will be sold before I’ve even scrolled down to the ‘Must Haves’ section and internally bemoaned the absence of an ‘Outdoor Kitchen’ box to tick.

Addictions are bad. Everyone in Bath should stop perusing RightMove now. Right now. Break the habit. I’ll let you know when it’s safe to go back in, and that will likely be about a week after I’ve moved into the house that nobody ever saw.

David Flatman is an ex-Bath and England rugby star turned TV pundit and rent-o-mic. Follow him on Twitter @davidfl atman

WHAT’S ON AT LUCKNAM PARK

Make time to enjoy some of these fabulous events this spring…

TIME FOR TWO Valid until 30 April 2020 It takes two to spa! Take a little time out for two to relax, indulge and catch up with a friend or loved one. This indulgent spa experience will consist of tea/coffee and pastries on arrival, 45 minute ESPA treatment, two course lunch in The Brasserie with a glass of wine or soft drink and use of the Spa facilities, a robe and slippers. Available Monday to Friday, 9am-2pm. £260 for two people.

MEET THE SCULPTOR: A CHELSEA FLOWER SHOW PREVIEW BY HAMISH MACKIE 13 March 2020 Join us in the elegant surroundings of Lucknam Park as we are joined by renowned wildlife sculptor Hamish Mackie ahead of his exhibition at the RHS Chelsea Flower Show. You will also enjoy a traditional afternoon tea before heading out into the estate to discover the collection. Commences at 2pm. £40 per person. Full payment is required at the time of booking which is nonrefundable.

FLORISTRY WORKSHOPS 16 & 17 March 2020 Perfect ahead of Mother’s Day – Lucknam’s talented florist will share top tips and trusted techniques to help you craft your very own professionally designed arrangement. Includes tea/coffee and pastries on arrival, workshop with all materials needed and a two course lunch in The Brasserie with a glass of wine or soft drink. Runs from 10am-2pm. £75 per person. Full payment is required at the time of booking which is nonrefundable.

REJUVENATE & RECONNECT New for Spring 2020 Begin your day with a 60 minute well-being class in the studio before relaxing in the awardwinning spa. After delicious, seasonal cuisine in The Brasserie you will head over to the Equestrian Centre to participate in an Equine Connect workshop. In this unique session, you will be working in the round pen using the horse’s natural instincts and methods of communication. Available Tuesday to Thursday. £155 per person, minimum of two people.

MOTHER’S DAY DINING 22 March 2020 Lucknam Park is an idyllic spot to treat mums. Set in 500 acres of parkland, you can choose from a traditional afternoon tea experience or a hearty Sunday lunch in the hotel’s relaxed restaurant, The Brasserie. Enjoy a three course lunch at £40 per person in The Brasserie or full afternoon tea in the Palladian Mansion from £40 per person – both include a special gift for mothers. You can also discover their range of luxury experience vouchers.

THE SLEEP RETREAT 23–25 March 2020 An exclusive two night retreat to help you re-discover how to sleep well. Through guided meditation and hypnotherapy, fears/worries and overthinking are released, allowing a peaceful state and more control over your thoughts. Sound Bath meditation will promote healing on a deeper level and a therapeutic session at the Equestrian Centre will teach you how to connect with a horse. From £462 per person per night, based on a Classic room.

*All events and packages are subject to availability. Please visit lucknampark.co.uk for full details and terms & conditions.

Colerne, Chippenham, Wiltshire SN14 8AZ 01225 742777 reservations@lucknampark.co.uk www.lucknampark.co.uk