The Advice Doctor©

Three friends are fishing from the shore of a beautiful lake when they see a bearded man in a long flowing white robe walking toward them across the surface of the water. He reaches the men and the first one speaks up immediately. “Lord! I know it’s you! Please help me. I broke my ankle as a child and it never healed properly. I’m in pain every day. Please heal me.”

The Lord touched his ankle and the man was instantly pain-free for the first time in 50 years.

“Dear Jesus,” begged the second man, “a firecracker blew out my eardrum when I was just a boy. I’ve been deaf in that ear ever since. Will you help me too?”

Jesus gently touched his ear and the man’s hearing was instantly restored to perfection. He then looked kindly toward the third man and asked how he could help him.

“Don’t you dare touch me!” screamed the man. “I’m on Workman’s Comp!”

Bill and his wife had such a stormy marriage that when she died some of his friends wondered if he would even show up for her funeral. Plus it was held on the same day as the

“Daddy, I want a pet elephant!” said the spoiled brat.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, but would not be possible,” said her father. “We couldn’t afford to feed such a huge beast.”

“Then get me one from the zoo, daddy!”

“What difference would that make?” her father asked in exasperation.

“You’re not supposed to feed those elephants!”

Moe: Did you hear about the suicidal geologist who threatened to jump off a cliff?

Joe: No, what happened?

Moe: It was actually a bluff.

Moe: I wish I could write my autobiography.

Joe: What’s holding you back?

Moe: I hate to admit it, but I haven’t done anything worth writing about. I’m all about good intentions with no follow-through.

Joe: You could write an oughtobiography.

Moe: Do you know how to make gold soup?

Joe: Never heard of it. What’s the recipe?

Moe: Start with 24 carrots...