New Mandan High School Is .............................................No Longer Needed

from MHS Carrier April 2021 Issue

Kia Is Canceled

April Fools 2021

New High School At Mandan Is No Longer Needed — Ryan Ulrich, Professional Benchwarmer

Loud, emotional screams fill the halls, while roars of pain suddenly errupt, giving migraines to students. However, this is not because of students receiving their chemistry tests back, but is instead because of the potential decision to build a new school. “Honestly it is totally not cool or whatevs,” premium Corn Hub subscriber Chad Beleni said. “It would be cool but not cool if you can relate to what I am trying to say.” This claim is quite valid as Mandan High School is clearly one of the nicest, fanciests schools in the state according to whenpigsfly. org. The prestigious vibes of Mandan High School fills a place in every student’s heart. “Who does not like the vivid halls and unique design of our school,” future Harvard Softball commit Audrey McKalen said. “The colorful hallways, totally new lockers and exciting outside look really makes Mandan High School stand out from the rest.” Besides also having an insanely unique design, Mandan High School also clearly has one of the finest parking lots in the state. Mandan High’s parking is home to a variety of close spots with students who always know how to park the right way. “The parking at our school is always great,” daily walker Harry Truman said. “I find myself always getting a good spot.” When looking to ask further questions, our interview was cut short as Truman had to fix his parking job, which covered three different handicapped spots. This is just one of many Mandan High School’s finest parking jobs. “Everyone follows exactly where to park,” hardened crook Ted Bundy said. “There are definitely no students in our parking lot that do not know where and how to park.” Besides our great look and terrific parking design, Mandan High School is also by far one of the youngest buildings in the state. However, there are those who try their best to tell you otherwise. “Those stories you see in the main-stream media are all a bunch of propaganda to brainwash our youth towards thinking Mandan needs a new high school,” conspiracy theorist expert Jasmine Walker said. “Those who are truly awake realize that our school is one of the finest in the state.” Thus, who even cares about wanting a new school. All those cries about space, not enough restrooms, the lunchroom only fiting 360 students at a time and the equipment and structure being at the end of its life cycle is just pure nonsense.