vol_15_no_3 by Michigan Review

Presidential Search Faces Turmoil BY EvAN KNOTI'

HE UNIVERSITY OF Michigan's Presidential Search Advisory Committee (PSAC), moments away from announcing its final list of five candidates, was abruptly halted by a court order resulting from a joint suit collectively filed by The Ann Arbor News, The Detroit News, and The Detroit Free Press. Circuit Judge Melinda Morris, after declaring the Regents' proposed interviewing procedures illegal, stunned University officials and delayed the announcement and final stages ofthe process by several days. Once the smoke cleared, the PSAC released the names of over 300 potential contenders for the President's position as well as four finalists for the job. The joint newspaper suit, according to Ann Arbor News editor Ed Petykiewicz, was filed for several reasons. "After promising openness for more than a year, U-M Regents abruptly switched tracks and decided to allow private interviews with presidential finalists in clear violation of state law," he stated in an Ann Arbor News opinion essay. The state law Petykiewicz refers to is a 1988 Michigan Supreme Court ruling issued in the aftermath of former President James J. Duderstadt's controversial selection, which ultimately was declared to be in violation ofthe State's Open Meetings Act. "Newspapers don't relish court fights, and our suit was a reluctant last option. It was filed because we believe that accountability is limited by secrecy, that public officials are most likely to make the best decisions after open discussions that include all view points and that the public has the right to observe officials make decisions," Petykiewicz wrote. Although the court ruling only dented the search process by a couple

Letters to the -Editor

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From Suite One

A look at the actions of the Regents and political correctness on campus.

Readers share their views on current issues .

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of days, the Regents' have already completed interviews with three of the finalists in front of the public at the Gerald Ford Library on North Campus. In addition, one of the five finalists decided to withdraw his candidacy after the court ordeal, dropping the number down to a mere four finalists for the position. The final four candidates are Lee Bollinger of Dartmouth College, Stanley Chodorow of the University of Pennsylvania, Carol Christ of the University of California at Berkeley, and Larry Faulkner ofthe University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Other distinguished members of the list included Colin Powell, Gerald Ford, and Jimmy Carter, as well as several prominent academic figures and Ivy League administrators. The first of the final four candidates to visit and interview on campus was Carol Christ ofUC Berkeley. Christ has been serving as the vice chancellor, provost, and professor of English at Berkeley since 1994. Receiving her Ph.D. at Yale University, Christ has also served as the Dean of Humanities and Dean of the College of Letters and Sciences at Berkeley during 1988-1994. During her interview, Christ exhibited strong support for state universities and a firm commitment to serving undergraduates at the U-M. "I love public research universities, and aspire to serve them in the best ways I can," Christ said. She also hinted at the importance of making public universities more accessible to instate students, an endeavor the current administration has all but turned its back on . Christ's most dramatic remarks came in her strong support for strengthening undergraduate education at the university. "I think it's not only principle but paramount," she stated, adding that "tenure should be based not only on professors' research achievements, but also on their com-

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mitment to teaching." Christ adat the University and hinted at an dressed the issue of vigorous tenure agenda to increase this role. Touted review at some length, as well as by University professors to have both distinguishing the University's posia well-respected and friendly relation as a state institution rather than tionship with the faculty, Bollinger the arm of privatization. is considered as a man oflarge capacThe second of the four finalists to ity with strong intellectual and lead- visit the U-M campus was Stanley ership skills. A fanatical proponent Chodorow. Chodorow has been servof free speech, Bollinger has argued ing as provost and professor of medito remove nearly on all restraints on eval history at the University ofPennspeech in his famous book "The Tolsylvania since 1994. Before his posierant Society". Another interesting aspect of Mr. Bollinger's career is his tion at Penn, Chodorow also served as the Dean of Arts and Sciences, then role in testifying against one-time Dean of Arts and Humanities and Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork. associate vice chancellor for Academic As of our press time, the fourth Planning at the University ofCaliforfinalist for the President's seat will nia - San Diego between 1985-1994. not have yet visited campus. Larry Faulkner is scheduled to meet with Receiving his Ph.D. at Cornell University, Chodorow spent most of his Regents on Monday, October 28. visit to Ann Arbor focusing on the role Faulkner has currently served as and expansion of undergraduate eduprovost and vice chancellor of acacation. His remarks exhibited strong demic affairs at the University of advocacy for expanded research op--'-~ Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Reportunities for undergraduate stuceiving his Ph.D. at the University of Texas at Austin, Faulkner has also dents, increased hands-on learning served as the Dean of the College of techniques in the classroom and lab, and the creation of interdisciplinary Liberal Arts and Sciences at the Unilearning through new programs. versity of Illinois at Urbana While much of his presentation was Champaign between 1989-1994. filled with broad, ambitious ideas for The PSAC seems to be on the fast the University, Chodorow demontrack to choosing a President; it is strated his sharp ability to clearly estimated that the new leader will be articulate his ideas and proved an determined sometime around Thanksinspiring force in the realm of higher giving. Ultimately, the remaining education. weeks of the process will be largely Lee Bollinger, currently serving determined by the Regents, a factor as provost and professor of govemthat has public advocates like Ann ment at Dartmouth College since Arbor News editor Ed Petykiewicz 1994, was the third ofthe four finalconcerned. "The Regents themselves ists to visit campus. However, were a significant hurdle in the bid to attract quality candidates," accordBollinger is no stranger to the University. He has served as the Dean of ing to Peter McGrath of the Associathe Law School at the University of tion of State Universities and Land Michigan from 1987-1994, as well as Grant Colleges. Petykiewicz elaboan assistant, then associate, then full rated on these comments, adding that professor of law at the University "unfortunately, the regents are seen between 1973-1994. Bollinger, recollectively as among the least distinceiving his J .D. at Columbia Univerguished part of a very distinguished sity, presented strong remarks in support of the administration's role Continued on Page 6

· 5 Nicaragua

Commentary on today's lack of ethics in politics and on California's proposed new investments law.

Geoff analyzes the national elections while Ben goes on a rampage and takes the CRs to town.

From Exile in

Columns

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"Ij7UV'NG ~ CULTURE Reviews on the latest books, music and movies, and interviews galore.

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October 30,1996

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

')·HI ·. IVII( ·III(iAN RI -V II -. \\'

o LEITER FROM THE-

EDITOR

The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan "We wll tape EVERYTHING In slg~!lr E[)ITQRIAL BOARD

REETINGSI WELCOME TO yet another issue of the Review. While it's never really our intention, eam issue of the Michigan Review tends to follow a rertain theme. This issue is certainly no dif· ferent. With election day a mere six days away, and this being a presidential election to boot, our obvious theme is the national elections, with special focus on how they affect students. It's our opinion that events need not take plare on campus, necessarily, to be of interest to students. Unfortunately, this issue has another, smaller theme, one we wish that we didn't feel the need to focus on: the College Republicans. As a conservative journal, we are often (incorrectly) associated with the College Republicans (CRa). Nothing could be further from the truth. As a matter of fact, we have just about had enough of their pointless and often insensitive actions as of late. The University of Michigan has always been an extreme center of1iberalism, ane.. thus a rather unfriendly climate for Republicans

and other conservatives. Rather than participate in meaningful, intelligent dialogue on campus and national issues, the CRs have felt the need to engage in such brainless and childish actions like posting flyers reading "Want to Cure AIDS? Try morality!" and defacing sidewalk chalk adver· tisements of the Queer Unity Project. While we at the Review are the last to advocate political correctness, and have participated in our fair share of confrontation, we have "picked our fights carefully," and have always preferred meaningful confrontation to meaningless antagonizing. Many of our staff and editorial board consider themselves to be Republican, and as such are highly embarrassed when the official student arm of the GOP participates in such brash and hateful acts . Many articles in this issue will deal with the actions of the CRa and serve, we hope, to remind the general public that not all conservatives are capable of such insensitive and unintelligent tripe. On the lighter side, we have many

articles dealing with relevant issues in society, and as always, a nice healthy dose of satire and humor. Featured in this issue is a pull~ut section, The Michigan Delay, which is a light-hearted. parody of our rivals, the Michigan Daily. I hope you will enjoy it, and, as many of their editors are friends of mine, I hope the Daily staff will take it in the light-hearted spirit of friendly rivalry it was intended. In closing, I hope you enjoy this issue of the Review, and as always, I welcome your comments, good, bad, or otherwise, either by phone, US Mail, or email (mrev@umich.edu, with "LETrER TO THE EDITOR" in the subject).

BenJamin Kepple Evan Knott Lisa Wagner Tom Jolliffe Mohan Krishnan

EDITORIAL STAFF SPORTS EDITOR: MUSIC EDITOR: WWWEDITOR: P.R. IlAt:fAGER:

Mel Myers ChritHayel MarkW8St V.ISM"

STAFF WRITERS: Lee Bockhom, Matt BucIdey, Conrad DeWItte, eric Grinnell, Calyln Hwang, Reah Johlllon, Chris KIng, Joe 1.esI8r, Nora ObrInger, CharteI 0tIman, , Youshaa Patel, Drew Peters, Jade Rahmani, Scott Russel, Ryan Sherriff, Maureen Sirhal, Adam Starr, Daniel Succarde, Nate TeIsman, Dana Tompkins, Josh Trapani, MIranda West, Jane VWlg, Cultia ZImmermann.

The Mchigan Review is an Independenl sludenHun jOII'-

nal a moderately conservative and civ~ libertarian opinion al the University a Mchigan We neither soIici nor ~ monetaJy donaIions from the U-M, and have no respect lor anyone who does. Anyone who has a problem wlh this be led irrrnedialely to the organism which is grC7Ning. as we speak, In OLf refrigerator. It is slowly evolving and wiU, by " . 0Ul es1irrations. gain sentience by lenn's end. By the way, contributions to lIle Mchigan Review are tax~ductible under Section 501 (c)(3) 01 the Internal Revenue Code. The Review Is not aHUiated with any political party or university political group.

wi"

Geoff Brown Editor-in-Chief

by Usa Wagner

Unsigned edilorials represent the opinion a the ediorlal board. Ergo, they are unequivocably correct and just. Signed articles, lellers, and cartoons represent the 0pinions a the author and rn necessarily those a the Review. The opinions presented In this publication are not necessarily those 01 the advertisers or 01 the University 01 Mchigan. We welcome letters, articles, and comments abo~ the joumaJ, as weB as burgers from Blimpy Burger (make mine a quin1 with cheddar, bacon, onions and rrushlooms on an onion roA, please).

Signs of midterm stress... Me Senior LSA, Russian &East European Studies

"You start looking like this!"

GeorfBrown PatEIk..

EDITOR EMERITUS: James A. Roberts, U EDITOR-AT-LARGE: Geraldo Ar~ulz

DROVING PHOTOGRAPHER

Geoff Brown Senior LSA, Biology

EDITOIHN-CHIEF: PUBUSHER: MANAGING EDITOR: CAMPUS AFFAIRS EDITOR: FEATURES EDITOR: ARTS EDITOR: EDITOR EMERITUS:

"Changing the bong water twice as often. n

Please address aU subscription inquiries to: Associate Publisher, clo the Mchigan Review. AU advertising inquiries shook! be directed to: Publisher clo the Michigan Review. Please address all death threats to Mchlgan Review Edltor-in-Chiel, clo The Mchigan Daily, Second Floor, Student Publications Building. Editorial And Business Offlcee: 911 N. University Avenue, Suite One Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265 EMAIL: MREV@umlch.edu Tel. (313) 662-1909 Fax (313) 936-2505 CGpyr1(111018M. by TIlt llk:hlgan~ Inc. AI ,1(11. , _ _ TIlt",cItJg6n lie_ie. _bel 0I1he CoI~" ~

Wink Kepple Junior LSA, History

Jon Keyes (a real ladies man) Senior .. LSA, Film and Video

"It's when my idea ofagood time is taking 43 doses of Xanax and snorting Prozac like cocaine. Hey, it works for ME ... '"

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THE MIClflGAN REVIEW

October 30, 1996

o SERPENT'S TOOTH I"

Recently, billionair&-turn-politico H. Ross Perot, when asked by presidential candidate Bob Dole to remove himself from the elections, replied that this was a "weird and inconsequential" suggestion and refused to do so. In related news, Dole, when asked by his party to make a serious effort to win the election, replied that this was a "wacky and inane" idea and then said, "Bob Dole does not win. I won't let him. Bob Dole is a wanior for the people."

In other election news, the media was shocked when President Clinton daringly followed Dole into the heart of GOP territory, with his first visit as president to Alabama. Hell, I can't blame Clinton for not going to Alabama sooner. I personally hope to die before setting foot in Alabama. Recent flyers for the Workers of the World Party's presidential candidate have exuberantly shouted the slogan, "No Clinton, no Dole, no Capitalism."

Not bad, but how about trying Clue, no Followers, no Chance."

~No

Serpent's Tooth has to say the administration really did it this time with the finalists for the position of President of the University. Really, what was the idea behind this Carol Christ? After the recent letter to the Daily from a student at her present home, Berkeley, denounced her as being everything up to and including the incarnation of Satan, can you imagine the field day newspapers "\lVill have annoucing her imminent rejection? Just picture it: "Candid California Campus Commentary Cans Commie Candidate Carol Anti-Christl" NWROC recently launched a protest against police brutality and the "racist, fascist, sexist kapitalists who are hand in hand with the Klan and who have joined forces with organized krime to kill babies." When Serpent's Tooth got to the scene, a lone, unidentified white male in designer flannel

was seen waving a sign angrily and shouting support to his non--existent "proletarian comrades and sisters."

In a talk to students and other voters in Ann Arbor last week, the infamous Gloria Steinam, supporting local candidate Lynn Rivers, decried the GOP as having "been taken over by the ultra-right wings." It sure is a good thing that true moderates like Steinam are around to set the issue straight and warn us against the radicals. Steinam also lamented. that "only one-third of the population is conservative to right wing, and the other two thirds are centralists to progressive." Anyone care to place bets on what percentage of the population is radical-feminist? And we thought the number of supporters the Michigan Party had was pathetic.

into the Stone Age if the Democrats take over again. Everyone knows that the College Republicans defaced Queer Unity Project chalk messages into slogans of hatred and intolerance against homosexuals. We were initially surprised that no one noticed all the CR messages defaced into slogans of hatred and intolerance that would ensure a GOP loss in the election. But then we thought about it, and realized they hadn't been defaced at all.

Finally, in response to an advertisement placed in the Michigan Independent, Review Editor-in-Chief Geoff Brown and Publisher Pat Eskew agreed to sell the Review to the Independent at their bidding price of $1.25; however, the whole deal fell through . when they were denied funding by MSA. The Independent, supposedly Did everyone remember to turn their published on alternate Tuesdays, has clocks back one hour over the weeknot been seen since October 7, when end? Good. Now, everybody make sure to turn the United State's clock ba~~ .. they ran out ofITD funny-money.

OLETIER TO THE EDITOR Open Letter to President Homer A Neal, 'The Daily, and the University community at large:

unfortunate lapse of judgement. The additions, that I saw, at least, were light hearted plays on words. I doubt that Mr. LaLonde has As one of the few who can claim to had to change his phone number behave joined in all of the College cause of harassing calls from College Republican's chalkings this year, I Republicans. What is unacceptable is feel a responsibility to respond to the that Nick Kirk should have to keep small war that seems to have started. his number unpublished in the first For the sake of clarification, Nick place, much less that he should have and I both gave strict instructions to had to change it, this week. keep the chalkings positive. We felt We are the civil ones, Mr. Presithat Bob Dole had acquitted himself dent. well in the debate, and we wanted to To Miss Hutchins' implication maintain that sPirit in our chalkings. tha t the CRs are "bigots" and With that said, let's correct some of "homophobes," I must answer emthe untruths which have crept into phatically that we are not. I oppose the Daily in the last week. homosexual behavior. Nothing more. Firat, the chalkings done by QUP Nothing less. As with most Ameriwere not merely "pro-gay" as Katie cans, I do not think of homosexuals as Hutchins would have us believe. leas than human, for we are all ereQUP's cha1.kings were blatantly antiated. equal. I will defend their right to heterosexual. "A pair beats a sttaight," practice their "sexual orientation" to "Join a Fag Frat," or, my personal the end favorite, "Sorority women are lesbiHowever, I consider such behavans." I'm the one being offensive? ior to be immoral. I will not assign nor 'The bate, Mr. Neal, was spread accept the assignment of moral parby QUP. What the University comity, for it is impossible to do so and munity saw was much cleaner for our maintain a civilized society. Sexual having been there. None of our writorientation is not like race. It is a ings called. for "violence against other learned behavior, a choice, not a conmembers of our community," as you sequence of genetics. We are all erewrote. That some of our members ated equal, but our actions are not. oover.e~t.ovet Ql.JP 'chalkings an .• '. , And a bigot fOF standing· up-for , .

was

my convictions? Am I to overlook the that's not a good thing. 'The meaning fact that homosexuality is an immoral of the word has changed this century.) lifestyle, so that I may "celebrate di"Free speech for me, but not for thee." versity"? "This is what we believe , if it's not I guess I should ignore the words offensive to anyone." No tight or of John Adams. "Our Constitution wrong. Just do what feels good. You was made only for a moral and a can affirm behavior, but you must religious people. It is wholly inadaffirm everything because everything equate to the government of any is morally equal. other." And James Madison's words, To borrow a word from my 8th too, I suppose. "We have staked the grade sister... whatever. whole future of American civilization...upon the capacity of each JIM RISKE and every one of us to govern ourSoPHOMORE, COllEGE OF ENGINEERING selves according to the Ten Commandments of God." Mr. Riske: I find it very disturbing Finally, let me return for a mothat not once in this letter or in any of ment to the claims that we are intolthe communications from the CRs, erant of other views. While I do not has your organization apologized for support the altering of QUP's the actions ofdefacing the QUP's chalk chalki.ngs, where were the 0 holy supm essages. Wh ile you and Mr. Kirk porters offree speech when our flyers admantly cite the First Amendment, were being pulled down? Where were perhaps you should take a look at the they when Dean Bakopoulos proudly Ninth . Whether or not you find homoboasted of urinating on ourchalkings, sexuality immoral is immaterial - if for the mere reason that he didn't like you oppose homosexuality, don't pmcwhat they said? (He couldn't claim to tice it, and leave it at that. Adams' be offended, for how can you claim assertion aside, I defy you to point out offence on behalf of a President with the part of the Constitution that disno honor?) And where were they when CUS8eS morality. And (rankly, I have to Republican chalkings were altered or ask you who the hell you thinA you are destroyed? to dictate what constitutes morality. Oh that's right. Mr. LaLonde and Perhaps your eightlrgrade sister will : his friends-are ·liberals.- (No' Dean; - " '·knd you a:cllie' as well: ' -, · :·:.:GMB ·

October 30, 1996

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o FROM SUITE ONE

Regents' Search Flawed

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EVERAL WEEKS AGO, ON THE BRINK OF ANNOUNCING THE five finalists contending for the presidencyofthe University of Michigan, the Presidential Search Advisory Committee and the Board of Regents were stunned by a ruling from Circuit Judge Melinda Morris that temporarily halted the search process. The ruling resulted from an eleventh hour joint lawsuit collectively filed by The Ann Arbor News, The Detroit News, and The Detroit Free Press. Reluctantly, the newspapers decided that suing the University would be the only means by which the Regents' interviewing process would open up to the public. The basis ofthe suit rested on the notion that the University was attempting to complete the final stages of the selection process in haste and secrecy, a clear violation of a 1988 Michigan Supreme Court Ruling that forces the U-M to comply with the Open Meetings Act. Although this temporary halt to the search process has resulted in the loss of one of the finalists and has created other minor inconveniences, it exhibits an abundantly clear instance of the administration's failure to communicate, cooperate, and act in accordance with state law and the greater interest of the University community. Consider the relationship between the Board of Regents and the administration in dealing with significant University issues in the past. Early last fall, former President James J. Duderstadt announced he would resign from his post after feeling a sense of completion in the renovation of campus buildings and his agenda for minorities and women. Not long after, a confidential lOemo regarding the true nature ofDuderstadt's resignation was released after :3everal newspapers filed a FOIA with the administration, revealing a constrained and hostile relationship between University executives and the Regents. Looking back at Duderstadt's term, it is apparent that little meaningful communication and cooperation took place between his team and the Regents . The deterioration of this relationship is brightly illustrated in several respects. Recall the low-key buyout of former U-M football coach Gary Moeller, a move that gave away thousands of University dollars and enraged many of the Regents. More recently, it has been disclosed that Duderstadt promised many high ranking members of his executive team several lucrative financial perks and sabbaticals, monetary deals that will cost the University literally hundreds of thousands of dollars. Not surprisingly, the Regents frowned upon this incident as well. It is the very nature of this tainted relationship between Duderstadt and the Regents that many potential candidates for the presidency preferred to be interviewed in private. In court, University officials and lawyers made this argument the backbone of their defense. The University community should be extremely grateful that the process was halted and put somewhat back on track in the direction it should be going. If the Regents were permitted to complete th e search through a process of secret interviews and obscured micromanagement, we would likely face another eight years of constrained relations and limited policy achievements . It is not so difficult to envision our next president as the product of a backroom deal between several scheming Regents . It is these examples ofthe Regents' overwhelming inability to set aside petty bickering and politicking that forced Vartan Gregorian to withdraw from his name from the last presidential search eight years ago, a choice that was strongly favored by Q,early the entire board . It is high time that the vicious cycle between the Regents and the President is dismantled for good. Unfortunately, it may already be too late for the current search process to select the candidate that might truly best represent the concerns and goals for the University in the years to come. In the first place, consider the list of 302 potential contenders for the position. Such prominent academic and political figures as former Presidents Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford, Gen. Colin Powell, and other top Ivy League administrators were included throughout the list. The fact that these people were even considered as candidates demonstrates a flaw in the search committee's sense of reality from the beginning. Next consider the controversy already surrounding several of the final four candidates. Carol Christ ofUC Berkeley has been harshly criticized in a Michigan Daily editorial by a Berkeley research student for her supposed inability to interact with other students and faculty. Regent Deane Baker seems ready to base his decision on former law school Dean Lee Bollinger on the mere fact that he testified against Judge Robert Bork in his nomination to the U.S. Supreme Court. Instances of this type of controversy this early in the process is extremely discouraging and troubling. It is imperative that the Regents make great efforts to communicate with both the public and the administration to ensure the best leadership at the highest levels for the greater good of the University community. I,\R ,

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o COMMENTARY P.C. Mfects Coursework ~'1"' ~ '"

T IS DISTURBING TO NOTE THAT ON CAMPUS, THE SPECTRE OF political correctness has still not been laid to rest. While many students hold distinct political views that are at odds with those of the prevailing Powers That Be in the ranks of the University, they are taught views that are contradictory with their own and histories that do not mesh with their memories. All students have most likely had a brush or a run in with a course or professor that taught semitruths or unimportant minutiae instead of solid facts and backing. Some instructors may hold beliefs so strongly that they will knowingly teach a course yet focus on such topics as social history and gender relations during the 19th century, when ignoring the broader topic as a whole. Such a method of education is detrimental to the student body. The outside world will not look kindly on graduates who think that Abraham Lincoln was our first president. For one student in my American Business History class did think that the first President ofthe United States was Abraham Lincoln. The professor in this class gave the entire class a survey to fill out, asking the class to identify 35 major historical and cultural figures . It was shocking to,find that there were incredible gaps in students' knowledge . One student thought that Copernicus was a 2nd century Roman emperor. Some thought that Shakespeare was an American "playwrite". George Bernard Shaw? One thought he was a Civil War general. The fact that students at the University of Michigan, upperclassmen, were giving answers like this to a historical survey suggests that the University is simply not doing its job in teaching its undergraduates . The University was founded to educate students to prepare them for a productive life. This education should teach them something meaningful, not about academic fads of marginal real-world importance. Fortunately, most professors do strive to teach their students relevant subject material that will help them in later life. However, some certainly po not. The University must ensure that students are being given a wellrounded education, and while academic freedom is certainly a necessity, is is apparent that a Core Curriculum is vital to ensuring that all students receive a quality education. A good way to start would be by ensuring that students complete a reading list of Great Books and that all students are well versed in American political history and economics. A reading list and a few select courses is a good compromise to ensure that students will not leave the University with a degree but without an education. For when political correctness is shoved down the throats of students, and when they are told how to think about events and ideas, it stifles and dulls the minds of the very people the University is supposed to be - Benjamin Kepple educating. ML ·.,

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October 30, 1996

o FROM EXILE IN NICARAGUA Ir--

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Political Ethics Ignored

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ANYHAVE BEMOANED THE LACK OF CIVILITY AND DIGNITY that occurs within today's political realm. However, it is disturbing to note that apparently very few are concerned with the lack of professional ethics and conduct that actually occurs in the political world today. How can we trust the leader of the American people, or a member of Congress, with carrying o~t vital functions of government when his personal conduct is lacking in ethics? It is unfortunate that many willingly blind themselves to the character flaws in political candidates, regardless of political affiliation. Republicans and conservatives have attacked President Clinton with serious (and numerous) charges of unethical behavior, including infidelity, possible drug use, money laundering, and using government agencies in an improper manner (e.g. ''Travelgate" and the FBI file scandal). However, very few Americans seem all that concerned with the ethical improprieties of their elected officials. Clinton's character problem has not been a major factor in this election. However, President Clinton is not the only governmental official with questionable ethical activity on his record, of course. Former Tennessee governor and Republican primary contender Lamar Alexander was involved in a shady land deal similar to the Whitewater scandal, in which Alexander was able to receive a great deal ofland for an incredibly low price. However, many Republicans still voted for Alexander in light of this, and he placed a respectable fourth overall in the GOP primaries earlier this year. Newt Gingrich (R-Georgia) is currently being investigated for possible ethical violations due to his questionable activities regarding his political action committee GOPAC. Former Representative Mel Reynolds CD-Illinois) was convicted for having sexual relations with a minor on his campaign staff. However, even with all of these improprieties on the part of elected officials, the American public does not seem to care. This is partly due to a feeling of hopelessness and apathy regat:dHtg the political system. Many citizens undoubtedly feel that all politicians, regardless of their political affiliation or their stated views, are merely acting in their own self-interest. This is certainly exacberated by the frustration that the average American feels with the apparent "gridlock" in the government, and the seemingly-ever-decreasing quality of services that the government provides. When politicians are caught in the act of doing something unethical or improper, these citizens simply regard it as routine. The outrage that exploded in America over the Watergate controversy was far greater than the outcry over the Iran-Contra affair, and the outcry over the Whitewater scandal has been comparatively mute when even compared to the Iran-Contra scandal a scant decade ago. These citizens must certainly reason to themselves that unethical and lawbreaking individuals abound in government, and that the exposure of one or two is simply an aberration. The ranks of these disillusioned persons are growing ever more numerous, and are certainly a factor in the rise of a "third party movement" in the United States. But perhaps the main reason for the lack of concern over the ethical problems present in the political arena today is not due to apathy regarding these improprieties but in fact a feeling among the populace that the negative ethical aspects of their candidate, combined with the positives of their candidate, are simply preferable to the other candidate. This would certainly explain the reaction ofliberals who support Clinton. They most likely are not pleased with their candidate, but they don't have any liberal alternatives to him. These voters reason that it is better to have a liberal in power rather than a conservative, and to take the negatives that come with Clinton -these ethical problems - and take them in stride. This bears out when you consider that Clinton has all but sold out the Democratic Party to attempt to gain re-election by moving towards the center. It all boils down to the fact that most people are willing to grin and bear it ifit comes to making a choice between what they see as a moderately agreeable candidate and an extremely disagreeable candidate. However, we must ensure that we take action against those who commit ethical violations, and punish them for their actions . We simply cannot entrust the greater good and the safety of the nation to persons who are unable to act in an upstanding and ethical fashion, not only in their private affairs, but in the public arena as well. We must hope that honorable legislators and other governmental officials will stem the ever growing tide of dishonorable activities by increasing their efforts to create higher standards of ethics and standards. By doing so, we can hopefully begin to weed out the bad elements that are currently existing in government and begin to restore public trust in the

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o COMMENTARY Kill Proposition 211

HILE THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA HAS TRADITIONALLY BEEN the breeding grounds for progressive legal reforms that help the people and are quickly adopted by other states, California's ballot proposition 211 is a foolish idea and should not be allowed to pass. This proposition seeks to make class-action lawsuits against companies easier in cases of alleged fraud and to make the companies' directors personally liable for court-assessed damages. This may seem benevolent on the surface. However, many of the results of this proposition would be disastrous for the people of California, and might well hurt many outside of California as well. -This proposition would allow shareholders to sue a company if financial forecasts are not accurately realized. The nature of forecasts makes them subject to risk. Companies cannot guarantee forecast accuracy. Intel and Microsoft have already announced that they will not make financial forecasts if the proposition passes. Shareholders understand the risks involved with forecasts; if fDrecasts are unavailable, they will be the primary sufferers. -This proposition will encourage frivolous lawsuits . When legal action makes class-action lawsuits easier to press, it encourages them to be more trivial as well. If shareholders can sue companies for inaccurate forecasts, they may well begin suing them for other problems that are beyond the companies' control. These frivolous lawsuits will clog up California's judicial system unnecessarily and might well block other, more important suits from seeing proper attention. -Consumers nationwide could be hurt, since many companies have operations in California. These companies could be the focus oftrivial lawsuits in California, forcing them to raise prices or remove services that are offered nationwide. - Many companies are considering leaving California if the proposition passes. Economists estimated in a recent Reuters story that this could cost California 150,000 jobs and $1 .3 billion in revenue, and a recent survey of American Electronics Association members revealed that nearly half would consider leaving California if the proposition passes. The Economic Strategy Institute estimated that, due to the nationwide effects of the proposition, it would cause the loss of 1.8 million jobs and as much as $102 billion in gross domestic product. -This new proposition would unfairly remove protection for corporate directors, by making them personally liable for lawsuits against their company. This will cause entrepreneurs and others Who give vitality to business to leave CalIfornia, rather than put their own property and assets on the line to work there. Shareholders, like consumers, need some protection. Legislation, such as the federal Private Securities Litigation Reform Act wisely acknowledge this need but balances it with the protection of companies and the economy. Proposition 211 suffocates corporations with the fear oftriviallawsuits, hurts citizens of California and all Americans by robbing them ofjobs and income, and blinds investors by making forecasts unavailable to them. The people of California must say "no" to proposition 211 , and everyone must take note of it and en~UTe that it is not repeated elsewhere.l\R -Moll$'k,Kfi#h"Fd~:' ~'''''''''._W''''''''''-'-'-''~''_''~'''' ~''''_''''''H''

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THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

October 30, 1996

o CAMPUS AFFAIRS

CRs, QUP Clash Over Chalkings BY EVAN

KNo'IT

EVERAL WEEKS AGO, ON a dark and cold Sunday night,' members of the University of Michigan College Republicans and the U-M Queer Unity Project (QUP) chapter clashed while chalking messages on the sidewalks around campus. Since the incident, many members of the University community expressed outrage at the controversial College Republicans, sparking a fierce editorial letter battle in the Michigan Daily. Even U-M Interim President Homer Neal expressed his dismay over the incident. Ultimately, the issues of free speech and tolerance on campus have become blurred, scarring many members of both the student body and the faculty. The College Republicans have been routinely coloring campus sidewalks with pro-Dole and pro-GOP chalk messages. However, the chalked messages took a negative turn on the eve of National Coming Out Week. In celebration of National Coming Out Week, members of QUP cov-

ered much of the campus sidewalks by 9:00 p.m. with messages such as "Straight But Not Narrow," "Come Out Come Out Wherever You Are," and an assortment of pink triangles. At about midnight, members of the College Republicans gathered in the FishbowL 50 members turned out for the event, probably due in part to the New York Times desire to photograph the group for a feature in an upcoming issue. Having seen QUP's work from several hours earlier, officials in the College Republicans asserted that no member was to write negative messages or alter any of QUP's messages. However, nearly all of the QUP chalkings were significantly altered in a manner that ridiculed gay pride and suggested a universal gay acceptance of GOP candidates and ideals. For instance, "Come Out Come Out Wherever You Are" had the words "And Vote DolelKemp" added to the end of it, while many other messages with the word "Gay" in it were altered to "GOP." College Republican leadership insists that only 3 or 4 members were responsible for the negative messages and were not in-

dicative of the group as a whole. Yet, some Republicans have been porCR President Nicholas Kirk has yet trayed in a negative light, many are to apologize to QUP and members of wonderful people. The problem is that the University community, and has they chose a leader who represents firmly avoided responsibility in the them badly." manner. Elias Xenos, vice-president of the U-M student, QUP member, and CRs, also offered some comments on LGBPO member Ryan LaLonde ofthe incident. "No administrative action was taken to my knowledge, as fered his remarks on the incident. "I no systematic breach of lawful First don't feel the administration will do any more. They are afraid to push the Amendment privileges took place. The leadership of the CRs made it clear to issue. It is always left up to the students to handle," he added. On QUP's the membership that we fully intend relationship with the College Repubto follow the guidelines of ethical camlicans in resolving the issue, LaLonde paign practices as put forth by both stated that "I think QUP handled it national parties," he explained. As to maturely and with a great amount of the reaction tothenegativechalkings, solidarity. However, the College Xenos stated "Other than inflammatory letters to the Daily based on Republicans' president handled the situation for the rest of the group, erroneous assumptions, none of the and handled it very poorly. He made CRs were attacked verbally or physimany anti-gay remarks in his supcally as far as I know." In concluding, Xenos remarked "it is no mystery posed public apology. From what I was told, many Republican leaders, that an event like this fed the appesuch as Joe Fitzsimmons, told Kirk to tites ofliberal student networks whose put a lid on it." In concluding, LaLonde legitimacy rests in victimization. Renoted that "many Republican memalize that the feeling of victimization bers apologized and sent letters sayis often intoxicating - re-evaluate ing how disgusted they were with your motives before reacting to frivoKirk. What is horrible is the fact that... ~"wlous mishaps." l\R

Sexual Harassment ... in 1st Grade? BY LEE BOCKHORN

ITHIN THE SPAN OF two weeks, a 6-year-old boy from North Carolina and a 7-year-old from Harlem were recently slapped with everything from banishment from class ice cream parties, to outright suspension from school because they had "sexually harassed" (i.e. kissed) female class~ mates. Now this is Hie sort of story we hear which causes us to sigh in disgust. However, the message behind this latest silliness resulting from our society's obsession with political correctness should give us pause. A spokeswoman for the North Carolina school district that suspended 6-year-oldJohnathan Prevette said that "a 6-year-old kissing another 6-year-old is inappropriate behavior." Perhaps, but the reaction to such "inappropriate" behavior by a 6year-old and say, a 30-year-old, should not be the same. Whatever happened to the concept of taking aside such a youngster and simply explaining to him that kissing little girls (even when thegirl asks them to, asinJohna~'8 .

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case) is "unwelcome"? Little boys are not sexual "predators"; they haven't the slightest idea what sexual harassment is. They simply haven't been taught to know any better. Lest you think all this nonsense is a recent phenomenon, have a look at Senator Ted Kennedy's comments on the "crisis" of sexual deviancy among the nation's very young, as addressed by the "gender equity" education bill he co-sponsored in 1993: "You have first-, second-, and third-grade harassers ...We're reaching out and identifying them at the earliest grades, disciplining these individuals." It is not just Mr. Kennedy, however - it seems that our entire country is taking itself much too seriously. Doesn't anyone realize just how ridiculous all this business about grammar school "harassers" is? And yet, this might not even be the silliest example of America's heightened "sensitivity" and "awareness". Antioch College, of Yellow Springs, Ohio, has outlined the following policy to combat. the Johnathan Prevettes ofthe world when they grow

"All sexual contact and conduct between any two people must be consensual; consent must be obtained verbally before there is any sexual contact or conduct; ifthe level ofsexual intimacy increases during an interaction (Le., if two people move from kissing while fully clothed - which is one level - to undressing for direct physical contact - which is another level), the people involved need to express their clear verbal consent before moving to that new level; if one person wants to initiate moving to a higher level of sexual intimacy in an interaction, that person is responsible for getting the verbal consent of the other person(s) involved before moving to that level... Asking 'Do you want to have sex with me?' is not enough. The request for consent must be specific for each act." There has been much discussion about education in America. Surely we need to reevaluate our priorities when our schools spend more energy on tracking down 6-year-old Bob Packwoods than on trivial matters like requiring students to demonstrate basic competence in core subjects in

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What exactly is the message we are trying to send to these youngters, really? And what kind of message is being sent to the girls involved? Must we start cultivating a "victim status" mentality in their minds? As best as I can remember, girls that age can handle themselves quite nicely, thank you. Like it or not, such things as the cases of these two boys are to be expected in a society that, while desensitized to casual sex, random violence, and other sorts of reproachable behavior that coarsen our culture, is oversensitized to any slight possibilty that someone, heaven forfend, might get their feelings hurt. m

Search Continued from page 1 university. The impact the process will have on the University's future will not be determined immediately, but the struggle to maintain the high standards of the U niversity of Michigan and a staunch commitment to the public will remain a heated community issue for a time to come. Ml '> , ~

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THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o CAMPUS AFFAIRS

Do Not Boycott US News BY MOHAN KRISHNAN

ECENTLY, THE MICHIGAN STUDENT ASSEMBLY (MSA) APPROVED a provision that denounces the US News & World Report college rankings as unfair and urges the University to remove itself from the system. Speaking to the Daily, MSA Vice President Probir Mehta said the ranking criteria has "no bearing on our lives and is not reflective of the quality of education atthe University." His comments may be well-intentioned, but the provision is not the right move; iffollowed, it will hurt prospective students and soothe only the wounded egos ofU-M fanatics. The process of choosing an undergraduate institution is, for most high school students, a nightmare. Voluminous applications for admission are repetitive and tiresome; financial aid requests are intrusive and obnoxious. Students typically have neither the time nor the money to personally visit every school to which they apply. Furthermore, when they do visit, they are shown inaccurate, irrelevant, and

rose-tinted images including lunch at the student union, and a select display of the nicest facilities on campus. The scraps of information woven into the nonsense ofthat process must then be joined with meager bits of knowledge from biased college-review books and wildly distorted opinion passed from person-to-person. Because students must then use this information to make an "informed" decision between schools. While rankings such as those of the US News may be just as biased as other sources, they nonetheless help students make the extremely important decision of what school to attend. While many of the criteria, such as the monetary contribution of alumni, may be highly irrelevant to the merit of an undergraduate institution, US News wisely lists a school's ranking in each criteria which they consider alongside their overall rank1ng. Many of these categories - the size of the school's budget, its academic prestige, or the satisfaction of its alumni - are relevant to a prospective student's choice of school. Students who are considering univer-

sities such as U-M are among the brightest and most intellectually advanced high school students, it is not at all hard to believe that they can look past the overall rankings US News publishes and examine the important individual criteria. Then, one must consider the consequences of a U-M boycott. Would US News actually concede and change their criteria? Probably not. Last week, Mel Elvin of US News told the Daily, "Even if colleges stop participating in our surveys it will not affect us very much ... a lot of the information we seek is part of the public record ... " The University itself echoed US News' lack of interest in the MSA suggestion - U-M Vice President for University Relations Lisa Baker told the Daily, in the same article, "I'm not for boycotts per se ... " If the U-M were to boycott the rankings, only prospective students would be hurt. Although US News affirmed that they would not be affected much by the action, it is possible that some information would not be available to them, or that, worse yet, the uncooperative nature pfu::-11

would subconsciously weigh against it in the minds of the US News staff and result in additional bias against it in the rankings. Either way, prospective students would be unable to use the US News rankings to consider U-M since it would not have parity with other universities in the rankings. Inflated bias against the U-M could also result in lower rankings, driving better students away from the University. By rejecting the University based on this biased information, prospective students may choose another university that would eventually dissatisfY them. MSA did well in bringing this issue into debate. The ranking system that US News employs, like all such systems, is biased and does not necessarily highlight all of the criteria that students should consider in selecting an undergraduate institution. However, the rankings form a small but important part of a library ofdata that students can pore through in their search for the perfect university. U-M should remain in this ranking system, for the benefit of prospective students. ~

Libertarian VP Candidate Visits U-M BY MAUREEN

SIRHAL

HE IS AN ENTREPREneur; a sma~, successful, independent woman. She is the model for the Bob Dole gender gap, and yet what is Jo Jorgenson doing running for vice president along side Harry Browne under the Libertarian party? "Personal rage," she says. Personal rage at Bill Clinton and Bob Dole. Both the Republicans and the Democrats sing the same tune about cutting government and lowering taxes, said Jorgenson. "Bill Clinton wants to increase the government 4 percent and Bob Dole wants to increase it by 3 percent, What's the difference? :tdon't,tbinkit is worth the fight." . Disenchantment is growing among the nation's voters and it is giving rise to third parties. Embedded in what appears to be a radical message, Jorgenson, in a speech to the College Libertarians two weeks ago, addressed the realistic concerns of Americans - the concerns that the other presidential candidat~ ignore while theyta11f.8.bout buildingbnOges. While JoigE'ms'6n m'adepdwerful, assertions that the t.ibertmian-PM'ty~ '~""-""""'~'''''~''~''~'''''''~'''''''''''----'-''~''~","",

is not just another side show criticizing the establishment, her philosophy does not necessarily cut against the grain of conservatism. "Why does it take both the husband and the wife to support the family? If you look at the tax rate in 1950 and today, dollar for dollar, it takes the wife to support government," she argued. She commented that Republicans and Democrats have jumped on the bandwagon of the Libertarian philosophy oflimited government during the campaigns. Bill Clinton jumped from one end ofthe political spectrum since his first 100 days in office to the center. Yet her "personal rage" with Bill Clinton would not incite Jorgenson to work for the re-election of a candidate who is the 'Qnly true opposition, Bob Dole. "People are not seeingthe Republicans fight ... and they've had enough. For years I heard the excuse that Ronald Reagan wanted small government, but those gosh darn liberals wouldn't let him. He never proposed a balanced budget in eight years in office," said Jorgenson: .. .. . BroWne .and Jorgen~on:prbmise great things if elected'tb-\titfi<!'e:."'W'e' have three main goals: eliminate the

income tax, the insane war on drugs, and social security," Jorgenson said. But realistically speaking, the chances of their election is so remote that one can hardly begin analyzing the repercussions ofsuch a presidency. Political Science Professor John Kingdon notes the incremental differences with the two major parties cause such huge obstacles, it would be hard to imagine a Browne presidency not being seriously challenged by Congress. While the conservative tones lingered in her speech, Jorgenson vehemently attacked RepUblicans as though they were a giant let downignoring the fact that a Democratic president and small majority in the Senate produced the unforeseen obstacles. Jorgenson urged voters not to be content with the two major parties. But it is not likely that Harry Browne will win. What do these third parties accomplish by spending time and money campaigning in what is all but considered a two party political systern?' .. '''The history of third paitiesis that there has been apenod ... ofdis~ satisfa'ctIori:1'lleyfise to'give \rent ttl the dissatisfaction," Kingdon said. "It

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doesn't mean third party efforts are useless." In fact Kingdon said that the third party movement has been pivotal in some instances to bring certain issues to the foreground. In 1992, Ross Perot made the poorly performing economy the main issue. Though he did not win, voters were reminded of George Bush's broken tax promise which ultimately lead to the Bush defeat and Clinton victory. For all its influences, Kingdon remains firm in his belief that third parties will never really pose a great threat against the Democrats and the RepUblicans. "1 don't agree with that," Jorgenson said. And while Jorgenson herself may be resigned knowing she will not win, her point is founded on the principles behind seeking office, not obtaining it. Her advice made an impression. LSA Junior Alex DeMottes said he would be voting for Harry Browne with the knowledge that Browne probably will not win. DeMottes said that "size and scope of government" is the biggest issue in this campaign&nd while other c&ndidates. may addr.ess certain asl{ep~ ofth,~:wberta.p,an plak form, '''you carilt take a specific policy and look at it by itself." ~ :Z;"-

October 30, 1996

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o ELECTION VIEWPOINTS

GOP Deserves Student Votes BY

MATI BUCKLEY

HY WILL I VOTE FOR Dole? I suppose my own calculation conveys the futility of it as well as anything. As an outof-state student, I had the chance to vote either in Michigan or Iowa. I chose to vote in Iowa since Dole needs my help there more: he is down 14 points in Iowa, as opposed to only 10 in Michigan. It's all over, the fat lady is singing - why vote Dole? I wish I could look at the tax cut with optimism in my heart. I wish I could look at plans to cut the Department of Education with a sincere belief that it will happen. What I would give for a credible plan by the DoleKemp brigades that a GOP administration would lead to lower taxes, increased deregulation, and at least some token gestures to stern the tide of moral relativism which society has apparently embraced. But to be honest, I don't pretend that Dole can be the entire answer to these or a host of other problems. I will vote for Dole, and I suppose for lack of a compelling policy answer,

I need something else. What one should look at is current conservatism in general. This is what Dole represents, and in a political realm where a candidate is unable to singlehandedly change the policies of the nation, principles matter. As an example, Dole's taX cut policy is part of a larger principle of lower taxes by conservatives. While his plan is probably unobtainable, the principle is sound and contrasts with Clinton and the Democrats. Neither party can be proud of their candidates. While Dole suffers from an out of touch, aging image, Clinton suffers from the all-too frisky passions of youth. Both have records of compromise with commitment to party principles. In this election, then, the principles of the parties matter. This race is not just Dole v. Clinton; both leave much to be desired. With two such malleable candidates, principles and party matters. On this point, the decision is a simple one. Republicans stand for smaller government, lower taxes, and a government that trusts people with their own money. Democrats fundamen-

tally view people as selfish, naive incompetents. They view your money as something given to you, at the blessing of government tax policy. And what the government giveth, the government can and will taketh away. While both parties look stupid over Bosnia, the Republicans support a foreign policy that gives America its due as a great power. Republicans realizethatAmericahasresponsibilities in the world, and do not shirk the fact that in many cases economic interests and the advancement of freedom coincide. Democrats by and large picked the wrong side of most of the major foreign policy conflicts of our time, from the Cold War to Iraq. In education, the Republicans think parents have a right to choose aspects of their children's education, that schools prosper under competition, and that real educational standards are necessary to ensure that our future is in competent hands. Look into the public schools and see what Democratic education policy has left us. Parents and parental involvement are often seen as hindering "enlightenment" of children, competition ig.···

hissed about in haunting intonations, and "standards" claim that knowledge of remote cultures is of equal importance as basic math. Though Republicans generally draw fire for positions on social issues, at least they are realistic. Do we seriously believe affirmative action is mending wounds in our society, or do we realize that allowing the government to create and use race-based differences pushes us away from a goal of a race-blind society? Do we want to become a society in which morality becomes subjective,and people are not expected to be responsible for their actions? The Democrats have in large part run social policy for the last 30 years, and where has it gotten us? How the Republicans could do much worse is beyond me. On these issues and others, I find myself more and more pro-Dole. He is not a magnetic or vibrant candidate. However, the party he represents is the right one. His principles are the correct ones. On that basis Dole deserves my vote. This November, he will most certainly get it. l\R

Re-Elect Clinton For Leadership BY MIRANDA WEST

NNOVEMBER5,MILLIONS of American will cast their vote for the leadership that will guide this country into the 21st Century. The months of campaigning have contorted the issues and skewed the facts, leaving many voters COIlfused and apathetic. Yet, vot.ers need to makl' an educated choice. With four years of experience behind him and a dear vision for the future ofthe nation, Bill Clinton is clearly the best choice for President of the United States. Bill Clinton hat! demonstrated his concern for the ability to achieve a higher education in this country. To aid students financially, Bill Clinton has signed numerous reforms. Among these are the Student Loan Reform Act which aided 5.5 million students financially by reforming the loan system while saving billions for taxpayers. Under Clinton, Pell Grants were expanded, at! well as the creation of AmeriCorps, which gives 45,000 youths the opportunity to serve the community while earning money for college. The opposing candidates do not support such sweeping efforts to aid college students. In terms of c~(OOl Clinton has i

already proven himself a leader, In 1993, he signed the Brady Bill, making a mandatory five day waiting period before the purchase of a gun in order to allow for time for a background check. This law has prevented 60,000 people with criminal records from buying guns. He signed a $30 billion Crime Bill in 1994 that has brought down the rate of crime. As part ofthe Crime Bill, Clinton signed the Violence Against Women Act, protecting thousands of victims of domestic abuse. He has also signed the Safe and Drug-Free Schools Act to expand security and violence prevention in the schools. With a sharp record and a tough stance, Bill Clinton will surely continue to fight against crime in this country. The accomplishments of the Clinton Administration in terms of the economy show the ability of the Democrats to work toward a balanced budget and the reduction of the deficit. Within the last four years alone, the federal deficit has been cut in half, federal spending has been cut by $255 billion over a five year period, and 8.5 million new jobs have been created as a result of economic policy, The Administration has proposed a plan for balancing the federal budget in seven

Office numbers. The Clinton Administration has also achieved the lowest combined rate of unemployment, inflation, and mortgage rates in 27 years. The promotion of peace has been gracefully tackled by the Administration. An agreement has been made with Russia to detarget all of its nuclear missiles trained on the U.S., as well as to safely dispose of nuclear materials. The Administration also proposed and has helped to create the Partnership for Peace which has led to the start of an orderly NATO process. Israel has been provided with $100 million to combat regional terrorism, humanitarian operations have been carried out in Rwanda, and economic sanctions against Cuba were tightened after the downing of U.s. planes. The Democrats have shown themselves to be dedicated to the extension of peace as well as tough policies against any country who threatens such an objective, The Clinton campaign is committed to the security of the American people in the form of affordable children's health care, expanded Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit, and protection of pensions programs, Social'security and Medicare, In the

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have tried to cut Medicare by $270 billion, voted against protecting Social Security from deep cuts, and cut pension protections so corporations can raid pension funds without notifying their employees. The Democrats and Bill Clinton are dedicated to balancing the budget without harming Social Security and Medicare. The Administration is working toward a safe and clean environment by preserving the Great Lakes, cleaning up toxic waste dumps, and protecting the quality of the air and water from polluters. The Democrats are also fighting for welfare reform, a crack down on deadbeat parents, and significant reductions in teen pregnancy. Bill Clinton is the necessary choice to implement these reforms and bring the United States into the next century. He will work for the general betterment of the nation by protecting the common citizen, and not aiding the rich and privileged. He proposes realistic solutions to the problems facing the nation and has the leadership to get things done. Leadership under Bob Dole will only mean the reversal of the Democratic gains. Another four years of Bill Clinton in office will mean another four years of· results. :Mt .' '. i'

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THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

October 30, 1996

o ESSAY

History of American Political Parties BY ERIC GRINNELL AND MmANnA

WEST

ITHTHEEXCLUSIONOF H. Ross Perot from the Presidential Debates in this year's election season, there has been cause to question the role of third 'parties and independent candidates in the political process, The commonly held belief is that America is a twoparty governmental system, and that third parties are inconsequential at best-and disruptive at worst. Mr, Perot's winning of 18.86 percent of the popular vote in 1992 was seen as unprecedented, and heralded by some as the dawning of a new political era with the inauguration of the Reform Party. However, even with the most generous ofestimates, candidate Perot is attracting only 6 percent of the popular vote at this time. With that, the question "What power do third parties have?" arises. The answer, at least in the opinion of the media, is "very little"indeed. However, this has not always been the case. Besides the Democrats and the Republicans, three other parties have held the Presidency. Can you name them? As well, nine parties other than Democrats or Republicans have won electoral votes in past presidential elections. How many of them do you know? Here's a look at the third parties that have helped to shape America's political history and are helping to shape America's political present:

free plots for homesteading, a revenue tariff on imports, and a more efficient postal system. They won 10.1 percent of the vote. • The Prohibition Party. The Prohibition Party is the longest lasting third party in America Starting in 1872 and continuing even to this day, the Prohibition Party won notable percentages in 1888, 1904, and 1908. While never making a strong showing in the polls because of its limited platform, the Prohibition Party showed the true strength of the third party: pressure on the majority parties to adapt certain policies or lose votes. This is clearly shown by the enactment of Prohibition in the beginning of the century, with the ratification of the Eighteenth Amendment. • The Populist Party. The Populist Party of 1892 ran on a platform denouncing government corruption, demanding railroad regulation, and calling for more gold and silver coinage. They also called for the direct election of Senators. They were very successful. In addition to their 8.5 percent of the popular vote, the Populist Party also elected six U.S. Senators and seven Representatives in Congress.

• The Anti-Masonic Party. In the presidential elections of1832, the first true third party won eight percent of the popular vote nationally, carried the state of Vermont, and had very strong showings in several others. The party was formed in protest to the existence of and covert actions of secret societies, and attracted farmers, laborers and evangelical Christians. The Anti-Masonic party continued to exist until 1840. • The Liberty Party. The Liberty Party was formed in 1844. The first anti-slavery party, it pulled 2.3 percent of the popular vote, later becoming the basis of the Free-soil Party. • The Free Soil Party. In addition to the anti-slavery Liberty platform, in 1848 and 1852 the Free-Soilers added a call for freedom of speech,

Eric Grinnell and Miranda West arestudents in LSA and staff writers for the Review.

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• Socialist Party of America. This was the party in America dedicated to spreading the Leninist ideal of Global Socialism. Citing the inherent class struggle between the working class and the capitalist class as the most important political issue, the party called for the abolition of private property, unemployment relief, drastic improvement of working conditions, and guaranteed insurance for the poor. Begun in 1904, the Socialist Party of America has faired better than the Socialist Workers Party, Socialist Labor Party, or Communists. They have won as much as 6 percent of the popular vote, and were especially popular during the time ofthe Great Depression. It partly faded in prominence due to its antiwar stance, and lost its greatest leader when Eugene V. Debs was imprisoned for sedition against the state. The Socialist Party of America changed its name and became Socialist Party, USA in 1980. • Bull Moose Party. The most successful third party of this century was the Bull (Progressive) Moose Party in 1912. Headed by former • President Theodore Roosevelt, the Bull M00~ Barly sought to rejnS't'ate;'

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Roosevelt in the Presidency, after an unsatisfactory performance by Roosevelt's former V.P. William Howard Taft. On a platform of"New Nationalism;" they called for strong central government, control of big business, currency reform, and conserving nature. The Bull Moose Party won the most popular votes ever, grabbing 27.4 percent of the popular vote, and 88 electoral votes. Following Roosevelt's departure from the party, the Progressives named Robert Lafollette as their leader. In 1924, the Progressives won 16.6 percent ofthe popular vote. In addition, LaFollette carried the state of Wisconsin in the Electoral College. • States Rights Party. In 1948, Strom Thurmond and the States' Rights party ran in protest to federal imposition on states' rights to establish their own policy. The true source of debate, however, centered on civil rights and segregation. Thurmond won several electoral votes, and between himself and Progressive candidate Henry Wallace, cost Republican Thomas E. Dewey the election againSt Franklin Delano Roosevelt's former Vice President, Harry S. Truman. • American Independent Party. George C. Wallace started the American Independent Party in 1968, to promote continuation ofSegregation. He condemned governmental failure in handling Vietnam, called for a repeal of Lyndon Johnson's Great Society programs, and demanded a return to States' Rights. Winning 13.5 percent of the popular vote, mostly in the South, Wallace is largely responsible for Richard Nixon's victory over Democrat Hubert H. Humphrey.

been a potent force in American politics since anybody can remember, With that in mind, consider the alternatives available to you this voting season, Environmentalists could consider the Green Party or the Natural law Party, Those that think that Industry rules America will find that the Socialist Party agrees with them. Strong Chrstisan Conservatives and pro-life activists should note that there is now a Right-to-Life Party. The Libertarian Party is still alive and well, fighting to protect individual liberties and Constitutional rights from the infringement of big government. And, of course, H. Ross Perot is running again, calling for an end to government waste and corruption for a country run on common sense, Ross Perot style. If you don't know where to look, try the Web, talk to some of your political friends, or glance at a few of the millions of flyers plastered all over the campus. If you think that the two majority parties in America don't represent what you believe politically, ,."",ou're probably right. And if you look around, we're sure that you can fmd a political party that agrees with you. The third parties that represent the true beliefs of millions of Americans can be found anywhere you look except on the television or in your daily newspaper.Mt

• The Libertarian party.The Libertarian Party was formed in 1972, mostly made up of Republicans who thought that the ideological differences between Democrats and Republicans no longer offered anything like a viable choice. Emphasizing personalliberty, and opposing welfarestate politics. A strong supporter of individual rights and liberties and privacy laws, the Libertarian Party defends freedom of speech and press, union bargaining rights, and fights against a large federal government. The Libertarian Party is the largest active third party functioning today, fielding candidates not only for President, but also in most Senate, Congress, and local races. .' ·;AsYOtl.fCIDisee,ltliird1pat'ties have " ,.,_>~.~>, ..;;;;:::o;:::u;;

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October 30, 1996

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o NATIONAL AFFAIRS

Mustn't See TV Dole v. Clinton BY LEE BOCKHORN

ITH THE FALL ELECtions fast approaching, the last realistic chance for Bob Dole to make up ground on President Clinton has come and gone with the passage of the presidential debates. While they lacked anyone defining moment that might have turned things around for Dole, they were instructive in the evidence they gave us for the perilous state of American democracy and the pernicious effect of television on it. The debates were, for the most part, boring enough to justify the low viewership ratings they received. In reality they were not debates in the traditional sense so much as separate press conferences for the two candidates held in the same location. Ohe heard the same tired soundbites from both -,"build a bridge to the future," "my word is my bond," "tax scheme," and on, and on, and on. Anyone who has viewed even a few of the campaign commercials that have saturated the airwaves over the last several months has already heard most of these phrases hundreds of times. As for the candidates' performances, Dole did fairly well considering the low expectations for his performance against the rhetorically gifted Clinton. He even managed to make some progress in softening his image by telling a few good one-liners, revealing the dry wit which he has been known for in Washington for many years. (He also managed to look rather silly by encouraging America's youth to visit his Web page at the end of the first debate.) Unfortunately, Dole found himself between a rock and a hard place - needing to attack Clinton on the character issue, but unable to do so effectively because of the risk oflooking like a mean, grumpy old man. Clinton, on the other hand, had the relatively easy task of staying "on message" and avoiding the urge to respond to Dole's character attacks in order to appear "presidential. n He was annoyingly effective at continuing to characterize Dole's tax plan as a "scheme" that would "blow a hole in the deficit"- a phrase that, between Clinton and Gore, was used at least 12 times to my best estimate in the three debates. (If anything needs a hole blown into it, it is Mr. Clinton's enormous ego - but I digress ... ) The vice-presidential debate offered more hope for Republicans for a good performance from their side. Lee Bockhorn is a junior in Music and LS&A and a staff writer for the Review. 't.L

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Unfortunately, Jack Kemp's usual eloquence in illuminating the conservative gospel of entrepreneurship and free market capitalism seemed to escape him under the pressurized atmosphere of a national audience. While he displayed his ever-present enthusiasm for his beliefs, he often stumbled verbally to the point of appearing unprepared, and several times he seemed to wander around looking for a big finish to a response, only to end with a whimper. Gore was in his usual irritating form, plodding along in his slow, monotone, Tennessee drawl. He chanted the "tax scheme" phrase to the point ofridiculous redundancy, and repeated his mantra about the Democrats "protecting Medicare, Medicaid, education, and the environment" so many times that by the end of the debate, you could tell when it was coming next and recite it in unison with him, word for word. Perhaps the most annoying thing about this particular debate was the way Kemp and Gore made such a fuss about having a "civil" debate, and then seeing Gore continue to call Dole's tax cut plan a "scheme." It is one thing to debate about the merit or lack thereof in Dole's plan, but it is another thing entirely to call it a "scheme," which implicitly questions the motivations of a man who nearly gave his life for his country. What has struck me most in preparing this article is just how few people here at the U-M paid any attention to these debates. In the course of trying to gauge some student opinion on the debates, I was hard pressed to find anyone who had watched even one ofthe them. While there were many legitimate reasons to tune out on these debates, which I will address momentarily, it is a sad commentary on our generation that we seem all too willing to fulfill the "apathetic" label we are so often given. Having said that, I myself admit that I found these "debates" boring enough to flip the channel to baseball every once in a while. I think there are several reasons why this was so. One of the frustrating things I noticed while watching the debates was just how often the candidates simply didn't answer the questions asked of them. There were two reasons that they did this - in some cases, they didn't feel comfortable answering a question on a particular topic, so they steered their responses towards prepared soundbites (Dole took this route when posed with a question about his statements con,c~rning tobacco he changed the

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subject quickly to drugs); the other reason was that they wanted to rebut something that their opponent had said during their response to the prior question. Sometimes theyusedhalfof their response time just to "clarifY" something concerning what their opponent said during the last question. Usually they would begin such a response by saying "with all due respect," then proceed with a litany of statistics. After a while, this became tiresome to watch. Another distracting aspect, specifically in the last "town hall" debate, was the terrible camerawork. I know this was probably a difficult event to televise because the candidates kept leaving their podiums, but it was bothersome nonetheless. Another problem was the split screen used several times, I assume, to show the candidate's reaction to the other's statements. If the hope was to catch one of them in a scowl caused by something the other person said, the split screen failed (They had their poker faces on.) About the only thing it did was provide a comparison of how the two candidates drank their water (a criteria that, I'm sure, som€'"""'" one will use to make their choice on Election Day). And last but certainly not least on the list of debate "pains in the posterior" is the endless parade of political pundits who appear after the debate to tell us who "won" and enlighten us with their brilliant analysis. By the time Sam, Dan, Cokie and the rest are through telling us what we think about what we just saw, you're abol).t ready to chuck the TV out the window. Given all of these distractions, however, I think these debates highlighted some larger and more important problems with our democracy. The medium of television is proving to be both a blessing and a curse for our republic. While it has given us greater access and insight into the workings of our government (with CSPAN, CNN, and the like), it has also reduced our politics into a never-ending stream of ten-second soundbites capable of comprehension by a public whose attention span has been diminished, by television, to the equivalent of a two--year--old's. Television is the primary culprit for the most important reason people didn't watch these debates - they weren't really debates. Television, which places every minute aspect of the candidates under the microscope in front of millions, compels candidate~ ~o ~hoose the safest route - to mmlmlze all possibility of risk. This is what leads to idiocies like the rule (agreed to by

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both campaigns) that the candidates could not directly address questions to each other. How is it possible to have any compelling give-and-take between the candidates when everything must be filtered through a moderator? Eliminating this rule, while perhaps creating more chances for the candidates to make a slip, would almost certainly lead to more interesting debates and thus, more viewers. Another problem with televised debates is that instead of having indepth, intelligent discussion of issues , the format (and the previously mentioned short attention span that television has created) leads the candidates to spend more effort trying to produce the most memorable oneliner that will be repeated over and over on television and in the papers the following day (such as Reagan's "Well, there you go again" to Jimmy Carter in 1980; or Lloyd Bentsen's "You're no Jack Kennedy" line to Dan Quayle in 1988). The Lincoln-Douglas debates they certainly are not. It is a good thing that televised debates are a recent addition to our political landscape. Think of all the good presidents we might have lost because of the premium television places on style over substance. Imagine the well-polished television persona of Bill Clinton matched up with, for instance, a gangly, awkwardly tall lawyer with a shrill, tenor Kentucky accent, hailing from Illinois Abraham Lincoln; or, against a stern fellow (he looked like he had "been weaned on a pickle") who stated such profundities as "the business of America is business," but nevertheless presided over a decade of great prosperity - Calvin Coolidge. Clinton would have most likely routed either one of them on televison - a chilling thought, indeed. Unfortunately, televised debates are now just one part of a larger process for electing presidents that encourages qualities (such as obsession with obtaining the office, willingness to beg for and accept money from anyone, and emphasis on style over substance) that are diametrically opposed to the qualities required for good leadership. Bill Clinton has mastered the former qualities well, and it appears that his return to the Oval Office on November 5th will most likely be the result. l\R

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One hundre(f1; ix years oj edltorlallndecislon

Bob Dole heads smack ring By Wink Kepple Del.y Staff Reportef

In an independent commission headed and funded by the Democatic Natiooal Canmittee (DNC), President Bill Ointon accused his main rival, Senator Bob Dole, of nmning an illegal, nationwide heroin smuggling operation to make up for overspending to defeat rivals in the GOP primaries. Dole aids rejected this as "the stupidest thing we've ever heard," wheRas Dole himself stated "Bob Dole doesn't need a fix. Bob Dole's a lover, not a fighter. Bob Dole's going to Fix America. Because Qinton. you. sir. are a liberal... "The miaophone was then hastily pulled by Dole aides. Unbiased citizens were aghast at the revelation. Glenda Saunders. a spokesperson from the National Inept Education Association (NlEA) responded. "It's no surprise that Dole would be selling heroin. He wants to cut education and cut student loans, CuI, cut, cut while GWING TAX BREAKS TO TIIE RICH." Cyndi Lucas. a spokesperson from the Federal Government Employees Union (FGEU). agreed "Dole is cruel. and heartless, and evil, whereas Bill Clinton radiates with a pure and shining light " Other citizens held similar views. Victor "Vic the FISt" Codeone, President of T eamster3 New York I..tX:al 666. said. "We made Ointon an offer he couldn't refuse. He owes us for '92." Corteooe refused to comment further on the matter. saying "You betta get outta here before you get yourself

whacked" In order to gauge campuswide and nationwide conservative opinion. the Delay called Dick Jerk. President of the Ollegekay Epublicans-ray. 'mae rich made this country great! " said Jerk. effusively, bubbling over with bitterness. Jerk then went on a rampage. continuing. "That commie bastard Ginton's behind everything! HE'S TIlE ONE WHO MADE CHALK SO EXPENSIVE! He'll say anything! The libernJs 'n say anything! THE llBERALS! ainton wants Americans to worship Hitler and work on collective farms while destroying capitalism! The rich make $110 a week. The poor only make $50! The p<,><>r and the middle class are blUnan weeds!

ilelap

Wednesday

Tonight: Who knows? Tomorrow: Who cares?

IN TooAY's

elap

ichigan

MSA Condemns Everyone By Adrlanna Kanney

reporter. In a frantic search for extra comments, this reporter accosted students on the Diag. 'Three white boys and one white girl for the U-M Presidency?! RACISM! RACISM! " cried Beavis Jones. co-founder of the Liberate Mumia NOW. DAMMIT! student group. Student Hank Lassiter re8pOnded, "I knew Dole was racist, sexist, and a homophobe all along, and this proves it! I'm voting for Clinton, because!" Evil subversive conservative fascist Boyd Brown, who was instrumental behind the racist "Willie Horton" anti-Dukakis ads for the 1988 Bush campaign, released dooumented footage of Ointon selling heroin to four year old children in a rural suburb of Little Rock, Footage also showed Ointon running guns across the U.S.-Mexican border, and selling weapons secrets to China. In response, the DNC released footage of Dole falling off the stage while doing the Macarena. ainton held steady in the latest polls. when:as Dole slipped 9 points. Qinton maintained his solid 25 point lead over the extremist Republican Senator. Students on campus doubted that foreign policy would be an issue in this election. A majority of students disagreed with the statement "Do you feel Bill Clinton is racist?" In related news , Sinn Fein admitted responsibility for a wave of new bombings in London. Dole dropped 4 points due to the Sea SMACK, Page 20

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MSA stunned the Michigan Delay staff last night by passing a record 67 resolutions condemning various governmental, commercial, and student organizations. The response to the resolutions was quick and painful for many involved. "That's it. I quit" said former Rackbam representative Doug Friedman. "Good Christ!" responded Danny Bilcbik. Delay MSA reporter. "Why in hell did I get stuck with this beat? Is is something I've done? Is it because I had that 15% Vote Dole button on my coat? Come on, what did I do?" MSA was "apparently angry with everyone." said a stunned Jon Winick, MSA Treasurer. "I don't know what happened out there tonight. Why did I get involved with this?" The resolutions, cosponsored by MSA President Fiona "We're Not A Next Day Air Mail Government" Rose and MSA Vice President Probir "Funk Lord" Mehta. condemned a total of 318 organizations,

ranging in scope from the UM Adminis1ra- " ~~' in, demanding that the College Republition to the military government of Myanmar. Student groups condemned were the Michigan Delay, the Michigan Review. the Michigan Independent, the Monroe Street Journal, the College Republicans. the College Democrats, the College Libertarians. Alianza. the Black Student Union, the Free Mumia NOW Coalition, NWROC, RAIL. the IFC, along with twenty or thirty other student groups ranging from the Ad Hoc Committee on the Bullshit in the Michigan Delay to the UM-ACLU. "tjust got out r1 control. In order to poos

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cans be condemned for " not supporting affirmative action". This caused a major response from the three conservative memhers of the Assembly, who then condemned the Michigan Delay for printing "absolute tripe on their editorial page." In order to support this. all the members then demanded a resolution condemning Newshour for even considering Fiona Rose as a guest "representative of college students" when whe isn't even representative of the UM student body. Fiona then went on a rampage. and condemned the entire Assembly and the See CONDEMNATION, Page 20

Review editorial board member caught in disturbing sex scandal can expel him again. We will then reinstate him and have him imprisoned in our new Code gulag."

By Tad Zambonl Del.y Staff Reporter

Michigan Review Campus Affairs Editor Evan Knott was found in a compromising position last week by several DPS officers. "It was an obvious violation of community standards," said Vice President for Student Affairs and Codemaster Maureen Hartford. "We will likely prosecute him under the Code, to its fullest extent We will , expel him, and then renstate him so that we

3D OPINION .. ~

all the resolutions, we had to keep adding subamendments to the subamendmenlS, and ...oh God! The horror! The horror! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! " cried Chad Tonsil, LS&A Michigan Party rep. , breaking down into tears. The session started out peacefully enough. with newlyappointed External Relations Chair Tad "Ferdy" Marcos receiving Assembly approval for $9,000 for a cruise to the Bahamas for a factfmding trip to explore offshore banking operations. Then, UPC represenative Wayne Johnson proposed a resolution condemning the Michigan Review for "provoking an unfriendly campus environment " This was seconded by UPC representative and NWROC membtt Beavis Tolstoy, who proclaimed that "the Review was simply a bunch of fascist capitalist pigdogs obviously in league with College Republicans to destroy the UPC's plan for a Maoistl..eninistTrotskyist KbruschevistChernenkoistZyuganovist . ~ociety! " Then, an irate Fiona Rose broke

Delay Staff Reporter

They must be DESTROYED! Enslaved. I TELL YOU! I only made one mistake! I paid the price! Can't a man live the rest of his life in peace. without being harassed by YOU PEOPLE!?! YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING! HA! HA! HAHAHAHA! " In a pathetic attempt to influence campus opinion, the failed President of MSA, Fiona Rose responded that she and the assembly was committed to defending affirmative action. no matter what the cost "If we have to raise the student fee to $100 per term, we'll save affirmative action. If we have to chain ourselves to the governor and go on a hunger strike for three months, we'll save affumative action. We need people to vote Democratic, because Republicans are racist and don't want affirmative action. We need affumative action." The few conservative representatives on the Assembly avoided the issue and refused to talk to this

2D INSIDE NEWS

October 30, 1996

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DPS officials had no formal statement, although one officer commented anonymously that the incident was "revolting." Knott was apparendy involved in a steamy tryst with several highly attractive women. Knott allegedly had removed all of his clothing, and was opening the containers of "Cool Whip"topping and Christmas tree lights at which point he had planned to See SCANDAL, Page 50

4D DAZED AND BLURRY

hc' c,u.rb ,.,;j .-- u:..,·"iiu :i'ifltU6e Typhopolous rants and rants .

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20 - The Michigan Delay - Wednesday, October 30,1996

Crime Notes Rogue Review Editors Pursued Through Diag

SMACK

Continued from Page 10

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news . Many students felt Alan Greenspan, Fed Chairman. should wear a yellow tie instead of a more conservative red tie, Legions of DPS officers chased editors of whereas only some students felt that the the Michigan Review through the Diag l...aIt environment was more important than naThursday. The editors were holding a candletional defense. Sororities were ambivalent light vigil in honoc of their fallen comrade, towards Jack Kemp's proposed to cut taxes, Geraldo Annando-Ruiz. when the DPS ofbut were pleased with Al Gore for no apparficers asked them to leave. As they fled on ent reason. In Indonesia, East Timorean foot. several of the editors were identified rebels were crushed by army forces, and in by witnesses . Review Editor-in-Chief Burma, the ruling SLORC government deGeoff Brown reportedly was heard screammanded the United States Consulate give ing. "Nicaraguaaaaaaaaa!!!! Back to them "their SUbscription to the Michigan Nicaragllaaaaaaal!!" while Managing EdiReview." Students do not like the Code or tor Benjamin Kepple allegedly tripped, burnProzac Pistaschio ice cream, and many ing himself on his own candle as he made wonder just what is in "nougat". However, his路escape. All of the editors escaped withthere was a recurring ioterestin 1970s bubble out being captured. and are still biding in an gum pop, with special emphasis on The undisclosed location. Anyone with information as to their . Captain and Tenille, Cady Simon, and Le Chic albums. whereabouts is asked to contact Major Hmo Quackwood of DPS.

CONDEMNATION

whined "But I wanted a logo on the helmet, that's why I moved the team." UM President Homer Neal reportedly responded "Uh huh. Really." whereas UM Vice President for University Relations Walter Harrison said "For the last time, Spike Lee is not a qualified University Presidential candidate." Overall, students were nonplussed abOut the whole affair. "The Michigan what? Suckers Assembly?" said LSA First-year student Timothy Dolway. 'Those sons of bitches!" responded LSA sophomore Jack Jones, "THAT'S IT! THIS proves that Dole is out to give TAX BREAKS TO THE RICH! I'm voting for Ointon, who saved small children from evil chicken processing companies in Arkansas!" cried LSA senior Ted Adenoid.

Continued from Page 10

Michigan Review (again) for "no apparent reason at all. " Most condemned groups were not concerned with the Assembly's condemnations. 'To hell with you!" said an unidentified staffer at Tikkun, the leftleaning intellectual journal. An American Spectator editor responded "You're with who? You're kidding, right?" Woody Allen reportedly replied, "What IS this, a meeting of the Teamsters? Jesus! " The PLO responded with a wri tten statement, reading simpl y " WAHHAHAHA!", whereas the government of Iran placed death sentences on all Assembly members. Myanmar took similar action. Art Modell, Baltimore Ravens owner,

ARE

YOU AN UNBIASED, OBJECTIVE, AND

CONSCIENTIOUS WRITER? No? GOOD! COME WORK FOR THE DELAY!

The Law Firm of Spankwell, Spankwell, Spankwell, and Spankwell

The ~ Delay Is pubII&had prettymucIl ~ we 'M hke It by the Mic:hIgM Relliew. SubaCripUcrts to the Delay are more money tIllWI you'd evil( spend on tills, Inasmuch as you flaw a f1a1tl time plclclng 14l the Delay - - . tt'e 'ree. lack, RonnIe, ,. you're reading tis, no naro .eellngs? The ~ Delay Is a mtmbef 01 the Aaeo::Iated P_ lind 1he A880CIatact Cdt9(jate Pr_, bee.- M pretty mucIll'eve to get 8QITIe euboItanuve arIIcIe8 --INft, for God'. sake. ADOAESS: RoutMl LInaIo, Poppy Reid 327, JuIgaIpa. Nlc芦agua.

.rom

EMAIL: Delay.l..eIIerst!lnlICtl.actu Woooo ooooooooo-HAAAAIIII

Will be holding on-campus interviews in the Michigan Union on Thursday October 31, 1996. Interested Applicants should plan to kiss ass like they have never done before, and should also be prepared to be treated like subhuman slime.

NEWS

Benjamin Kepple, MI&-Managing Editor

STAFF: Lea BockhOm, Man EU:lcley, Cooract DeWItte, Ellc GrImeII, catvtn Hwa1g. Aeah Johnson, Adl1ama Kamay, Wnk Kepple, Chl1s KIng, Nora OblInger, Charles OIlman, YOU9haa Patel, Drew Pet.... Jade RI!tvrnJnI, Ryan Shen111, Malreen SlIhaI, AdlIm SIan, Dnel Sulcarde, Nate Tel8man, JOfIh Trapen, '-'f8llda Wast, Ja-le YIrg, Cur1Is ZIrnrnerIn.v1.

EDITORIAL

Evan Knott, Indecisive Editor

STAFF: Gaol! Brown, Ben Kepple, WInk Kepple. Mohan KrWwIan, Tad ZIITIbonI.

ARTS

Tom Jolliffe, Somehow-Managlng Editor

WEEKEND, OR SOMETHING EDITOR : Joe Typhopouloe. STAFF: Gaol! Brown, Ben Kepple, WInk Kepple. Unnamact FoImef EdIIof.

SCANNING AP WIRE FOR STUFF TO USE

Lisa Wagner, Managing (1) Editor

STAFF: G.-.:Io ~z. WInk K8flPIe

SPORTS

Mel Myers, Barely-Managlng Editor

STAFF: PM Eskew

TWO WHITE BOYS AND ONE WHITE GIRL

Ronnie Glassberg, Zack Ralml, Adrienne Janney, Editors

USED TO BE EDITORS

Mohan Krishnan. Editor

STAFF: J.n. A Aobena. It, Joe Typhopouloe

PEOPLE WHO DON'T EXIST

Geraldo Armando-Rulz, Editor

STAFF: WInk Kepple, Adl1ama Kamay, Joe T)fhopoUoe. Tad ZIITIbonI

ILUCIT SALES AND ACQUISITIONS CLASSLESS SALES CREDIT

Geraldo Armando-Rulz, Manager

BANKRUPTCY

LQ. Snidewell, Esq., Attorney-at-Law

CIRCULATION TO OTHER'S STANDS

Call 1-900-934-TORT, and ask for Mr. Spankwell ..-.---..-"......, ...........-..............-.--..

RECOVERING STOLEN ISSUES LEGAL ADVICE

Bob Tripeston, Manager I.P. Daley, Manager

Position In Need of Filling, Quickly

INVESTMENT STRATEGIES POLITICAL STRATEGIES FOTOMA T GOVERNMENT

--.~.----- .

Joe Lester, Manager SCott Russel, Manager

- - ---- ----..--- . ..-...--...-.. .

Ivan Boesky, Manager J. Danforth Quayle, Manager Fiona Rose, Manager

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The Michigan Delay - Wednesday, October 30,1996 - 3D

FROM THE DELAY

LE'M'ERS TO THE EDITOR

Increase MSA funding

Jerk ~ys "Poor Suck"

Funding increase may be inadequate

their case against the unequivocably just Ollege-kay Epublican- ray agenda!

To THE Dr'LAY: DICK JERK I think it' s about time a real PRESIDENT, THE OLlEGE-KAY man confronted all of the EpUBlICANS-RA Y hippy-trippy liberal bullshit plaguing this once great campus. The ranks of the Ollege-kay Epublicans-ray Four-way Facts are growing daily against the Fraudulent granola crunching. sandal wearing. Deadhead East Quad To THE DeLAy: freaks. and it's time our It has ·been reported that one message gets out I've got a of your columnists claimed that couple of economics lessons the Delay was " more fun than for y'all to think about Let's suppose it costs a family $100 any four-way." However, a scientific research team. headed to live day to day. Some families make only $70 a day, by myself. has obtained. after hundreds of hours of extensive thus existing in a state of research. statistically significant unattractive and annoying data showing that there are fourpoverty. These people thrive ways which are in fact more fun off of sucking away my hard than the Delay. earned tax dollars. The In our latest paper, published problem with poor people is . in the Journal a/the American that they bitch too much. You Four-way Society (JAFA) last want to get money? Try week, we have shownthat there getting a damn job. The poor are an unnecessary problem in are indeed four-ways, designated FW-485 and FW-633, society, and I think it's high among others, that are more foo time we started feeding the than the Delay by factors of 12 homeless to the hungry. and 13.7 respectively (p<.OOl) Maybe that'll make 'em sorry (Bovine-Sporkwell. D. and J;Q.,.,'.'<" for bei~ a bunch of lazy . McSpankhaven, 1996). bastards! Now suppose you Furthermore, previous have a family that makes $500 a studies have shown anecdotal day. Thanks to the wealthy. evidence of four-ways being God-fearing. morally just more fun than the Delay by a members of society for making the world go round! They tty to factor of 83. and greater (Bovin~porkwen et ai, invest their millions into job 1995). creation for the legions of poor As dedicated four- ways MSA funding is obviously the most important issue lazy slobs on welfare just to researchers, we are appalled at have the government take a bite on campus. The next MSA elections will see a proposal the lack of jownalistic integrity out of their ass in taxes! I am on the ballots to raise the student fee for MSA from sick and tired of the rich people shown by the Delay.·To make $2.69 to $6.19. The increase in income would go such unfounded statements getting punished by a bunch of toward funding the Black Volunteer Network (BVN) about four-ways. without any Ivy League. elitist liberals who and Project Serve. We feel that not only is this fee sort of substantiation. is both spent too much time protesting unethical and possibly dangerin the 60's! increase not in the best interests of the student body, ous. Furthermore. I can't WIderbut also that the fee should be decreased even further, We hope that in the future, stand why everyone is getting perhaps, as Michigan Review Campus .Affairs Editor their panties in a bunch over our you win be more rigorous in Evan Knott has allegedly suggested, as low as $0.05 the research of your opinions. chalkings in the Diag. Let me per decade. tell you something. I for one am SIR DAVID BOVINEnot going to let a bunch of We of the Delay editorial board feel that a funding SPORKWELL, PH.D. AIDS-spreading pixies stand in decrease is requried so that MSA will not be able to . DIRECTOR, MIT FOUR- WAY the way of my free speech take more fact-finding trips, not make larger strides RESEARCH INSTITUTE rights! You want a cure for toward furthering affinnative action policies, not AIDS? Try morality! If we had Pain Sucks continue purchasing refreshments for their committee our way. we would march across this campus in the spirit meetings while denying other student groups the same To THE DELAY: of Pat Buchanan with our I feel that I need to write privilege, and not spend $50,000 for guest speakers pitchforks raised ready to spear about a very important issue such as James Carville. the liberal-homo forces into that concerns us all, and When you (all ten percent of you) head to the MSA oblivion. CJWWWWWWWWWWWW1!!!!!!! polls on November 20 and 21 , remember to vote Qearly. the Ollege-kay MY LEG!!! JESUS H. Epublicans-rny have made it against the funding increases. In fact, if at all possible, CHRIST! [EXPlEfIVE more than apparent that voting DElEfED1!! [DIALTONE1 write in your own proposal to lower the fee to $0.05 per GOP is the only choice this fall. BENJAMIN KEPPLE decade. These arguments cannot and MANAGING EDITOR, THE It is our civic duty to tell MSA what we think of issues will not be denied, and I MICHIGAN REVIEW such as this. Rem~l11~r t.9vo~ agai~st . this increase. cbaUc;ngelmY and ttll to make VIA VOtCEMAIl

MSA funding is obviously the most important issue on campus. The next MSA elections will see a proposal on the ballots to raise the student fee for MSA from $2.69 to $6.19. The increase in income would go toward funding the Black Volunteer Network (BVN) and Project Serve. We feel that not only is this fee increase in the best interests of the student body, but also that the fee ·should be increased even further, perhaps, as MSA V ice President Probir Mehta has allegedly suggested, as high as $250.98 per tenn. We of the Delay editorial board feel that this funding is required so that MSA will be able to take more factfinding trips, make larger strides toward furthering affinnative action policies, continue purchasing refreshments for their committee meetings while denying other student groups the same privilege, and spend $50,000 for guest speakers such as James Carville. When you (all ten percent of you) head to the MSA polls on November 20 and 21, remember to vote in favor of the funding increases. In fact, if at all possible, write in your own proposal to raise the fee to $250.98 per tenn. It is our civic duty to tell MSA what we think of issues such as this. Remember to vote in favor of this increase and provide MSA President Fiona Rose with a "clear mandate."

Decrease MSA funding Funding increase goes too far

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How Now. Brown ColI?

Shaking the Commu-

nity Chest Well, here I am. Finally. A columnist for the Michigan Delay. I'm not sure I have all that much to say , really. But that never seemed to stop any of my predecessors. I could use this valuable space to further society. and to make the world a better place in which to live. But thatwouldn ' t be . , .-----------. as much fun. would it? Instead. I think I will write a few tripe-<>ram a columnsabout how I was emotionally scarred by the fact that has-been hippie rock stars have

GEOFF BROWN

d ied, and about how much better _ _ _-=-.:...:.;::...:;.~ I am at kissing, and about how the Delay is much better than a four-way (but if you think that I will explain what a four-way actually is. you have another think coming). Also. true to form, I have chosen as my column name, a cliched saying that has . !Dy last name in it Cool, huh? Let me teU you now about a golden opportunity for inner fulfillment that I squandered in search of completely superficial and empty pursuits. You see. last year I was able to attend the Nobel Prize Ceremonies. As a scientist (I'm a biology major) I should have enjoyed the opportunity to meet some of the greatest scientific and medical minds known to this planet. I, on the other hand, spent most of the time looking for Captain Morgan Spiced Rum mixed with Coke, and chasing these young blonde Swedish poet laureate chicks around. Unfortunately, while I was chasing the svelte young poets past the podium. I tripped and spilled my Captain and Coke. I then had to go in search of another. Unfortunately, there was no Captain to be found. I searched everywhere. Eventually I ran into Watson and Crick. the discoverers of the DNA double-he1ix structure, widely regarded as the biggest break-through in biological science. I could have had the most fascinating converstaions with them - most of my fellow biology students would have killed to meet them. However, I begged them for some Captain. They said that they did have a fifth, but that they weren't going to share it with me. In the meantime. I lost sight of the pretty Swedish poet chicks. So as you can see. if you try hard enough, you too can trivialize any occasion. I learned that in a big hurry. I also learned that when you chase young. blonde Swedish poet laureate chicks around. don't stop to ask for Captain if you expect to catch them. -&Jail '" 41 s~()'ftI,,@_;dI.d1C, danuJUI.

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04 - The Michigan Delay - Wednesday, October 30,1996

~ Dazed and Blurry President's aim was a little off. which is why George Snuffagupoulos has been in the hospital with tetanus for the last few days. When Dole smiled after one of his unfunny lines (that his minions in the press laughed at), Clinton should have said, "oh great, he just farted again." Then Clinton should have turned to the audience and said, "whenever Dole smiles it's probably due to gas - thats always the case with those old fogies, believe me, I remember Senator Fulbright" When Dole referred to Clinton and Gore as a two-headed monster, Clinton should have said, "that is outrageous, we politicians should not be making such vicious personal attacks on our opponents." What? It Wa<! Vice President Gore who said Dole and Gingrich were a two-headed monster? Oh, well that's different. It's wrong to make such awful rotten attacks like two-beaded momter about great American statespeople like our President and Vice President But when were talking about buttmunches like Senator Dole, calling him a monster is merely telling the truth. That ' s completely different. Finally, when Dole said he wanted to be President, Clinton should have said, "you can't be President, you're not good enough to be up here on stage with me in the first place. I have provided our children with the greatest elt8Illple of integrity, leadership, and ethics ever seen in this office.}_.~,

Two HOURS To DEADUNEAND I'vE GOT WRITER'S BLOCK! By

JOE TYPHOPOULOS

Quiet, children. I'm about to say a word. It's really a neat word. I never knew bow to spell it or pronounce it Wltil I got to high school. Then that nice member of the teachers uoioo hdped me (and I bet Bob Dole would probably like to string my teacher up by the nostrils, the miserable, old, senile, reactionary, lying, won't-lie-down-in-theroad-and-get-run-over-like-a-goodloser, foul, mean, worthless, JIaJllCH:8lling Republican nominee. See, Grandma, I told you I'd make good use of that thesaurus you

old-fart candidate is using. Never mind the pundits and the polls who said that debate last week was a civil exchange. The media is biased against President Clinton; everybody knows that, otherwise he'd be ahead by 50 points in the polls. It was obvious that Dole was taking cheap shot after cheap shot at the President, I know this because I Wa<! sitting with my 13 other personalities and took a poll. The seven most manic personalities all said, "yes, accusing a President who broke his promises of breaking promises is a

gave me). Oh yeah, the word. The word is "influc:nza. " It's got four syllables and I think it's Latin. Latin is also the root for the word Latino, which are the peofie that that fllthy, awful, nasty-ass, B.O.-ridden, has-theaudacity-to-challenge-the-greatest. moraJ-leader-of-the-200H:entury-andber-busband-too, useless Bob Dole wants to hurt, maim, ta1ure, harm, cut-off-benefits-to. Oh crap, Joe Typhopoulos ended a sentence with a prepositioo. Drat, now I've done it, I referred to myself in the third person. That might really annoy a great President like "William Jefferson George Herbert Walker Bush is a patrician because he has four names" Blythe Clinton. Anyway, everyone says that influenza is bad. But look. at all the grealleaders who have had this disease: Jefferson, Lincoln, Washington, Oinb WUJfrey, aOO Wayne Fontes (Wayne bad the flu once, look at all the weight he's lost - be now looks like Barney Rubble) all bad influenza at one time in their lives. This is probably why that scum-bag idiotic fascist peopIe-bating Baby-HeadEating Bob Dole wants copies of President Clinton's medical records . He'll make some issue out of the fact that Clinton had the flu at one time. Why? I doo't know. Its just the sort of desperation tactic you'd expect from the lying sleazeballlike Dole. When you're losing the election, resort to name-<alling. that's the method that crippled, boring,

cheap shot" Five of my personalities (including the one writing this paragraph) said, "we mostly agree, but we do think that Doles line about trial lawyers was pretty funny, except we'd never really support tort reform because President Clinton is against it and he is the closest thing to human perfection we have ever seen outside of Rosie O'Donnell." Two of my personalities were comatose after an overdose of Excedrin. CDB. DBC Me. DB I-Z A B-Z B. Dammit, Junior, I told you to get back in my hypothalmus !It Sony about that. Where was I (excuse me, where were we)? I think Clinton missed the chance to tear Dole a new one, which is probably superfluous because it's obvious that the aged, ridiculous, quit-the-Senate-cuzhe's-a-wuss stupid Dole must have a c0lostomy bag somewhere under that suit [Insert "full of shit" throwaway line here]. When Dole talked about his war record, Clinton should have said, "you're probably faking that arm wound for sympathy. I saw that episode of the 'Brady Bunch' where Mr. Brady dropped his briefcase and made that guy in the neck brace whip his head around." Then Clinton should have whipped a poisonous dart at Dole's right arm in order to see if Dole would move his right arm out of the way, thus proving he wasn't really injured. I Wlderstand that Clinton's people did rehearse this prior to the debate, but an unf-ortunate- accident occurred as the-·'

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am the UberWj.llie. I am ... I am ... " Damn, I knew this medication was going to wear off sometime. Well, I did fill a full column this week. Last week the chemicals wore off after my third "Newt is an amphibian" crack and I only got about 2 column inches done. Because of my failure to write a full column, the Delay had to rerun a piece I wrote about the author of those Mike Mulligan books (which, by the way, should be added to the Great Books courses they teach here). Actually Mike Mulligan is a good metaphor for this column, as I've seen to dug myself into a pretty big hole here.

-Joe Typhopoulos is an alumnus of the School of Natural Resources and Buddhist Studies. He can be reached by taking a left turn at the Diag, sliding the kiosk off its base, crawling down into the steam tunnels. and looking for the guy cowering in the muck underneath a Newt Gingrich Swimsuit Calendar.

Would you like to write for the Delay's "Weekend. or Something" Section? If so, stop by and talk to Joe Typhopoulos, or call at 1-900-MI- DELAY.

The Michigan Student Assembly Wants You! Are you someone who is lacking that . one perfect line on your resume? Are you interested in politics, but not willing to make any major changes for fear of being labelled a "Fotomat" govermnent? If you said "Yes!" then run for MSA! Contact Fiona "Fotomat" Rose for more info, or call 1-900-14-FI-ONA!

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October 30, 1996

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o NATIONAL AFFAIRS

The Supreme Court in Flux ," '\~ <1\

MATT BUCKLEY

HILE THE LEGISLATIVE and executive branches dominate current news, 1996 will be very significant for the judiciary. The last term, though light in the number of cases, saw the Court speak on many controversial issues, particularly in the areas of raciallydivided voting districts, sex discrimination, and criminaljustice. The coming term could be more controversial, with examination of racial matters mixed in with social issues like the right-to-die. The Court will get more attention following the 1996 elections, and it's a shame, since the Court should be a focus now. The Court decides the most profound questions in our country, and does so incredible authority. While some question whether the Court should the power it holds, today our society largely does not. The judges have tremendous power, and they are picked by the President. That Dole and Clinton have largely ignored the question of appointments is understandable; people cast their votes on other things. Yet we should note that on the Supreme Court alone Justice Stevens is 76 and Chief Justice Rehnquist is 72. The chances are there for the winner in 1996 (yes, probably Clinton) to make a mark in the federal judiciary. Dole would exhibit centrist conservative appointments. Even Reagan and Bush, with five chances to sway the court to a pro-life stance, couldn't do it; it seems unlikely that Dole, uncomfortable with social issues, would make abortion a litmus test. Like most Republicans, Dole would

appoint justices with a view toward limiting criminal rights, and would be less absolutist in the free speech department than a Democrat. He would also probably steer clear of controversial appointments like Robert Bork or Clarence Thomas - Dole is a conciliator, not one to provoke a confirmation brawl. Clinton's record is, surprisingly, one of moderation. According to the New York Times, Clinton's focus is more on increasing minority representation than on pursuing liberal ideology. Unlike Reagan and Bush, Clinton's major concern is getting confirmable justices, especially at the federaljudiciary level. Justices Breyer and Ginsberg, Clinton's two Court appointments, are both moderate liberals without skeletons in the closet. A statistical study (if one is viable for matters of jurisprudence) put Clinton's judge picks as between Carter's and Bush's on a liberal to conservative scale. Yet even if Clinton up to now has been moderate, it is at least plausible that without another chance at office, he could swerve to the left for the second term appointments. The image of moderation in the judiciary is at least checked by Clinton appointments elsewhere. No matter how you slice it, Donna Shalala, Lani Guinier, Deval Patrick, and Robert Reich are not moderates, they are liberals. With Clinton seeing a second term, by his own aides admiSSIon, as a chance to secure his spot in history, the chance to put liberals on the Court for life cannot be discounted. Voters who ignore this will have no cause for whining if the Court turns drastically to the left.

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO JOIN THE REVIEW!

Though the Court has yet to come down with any major decisions this term, the Court has wielded influence by refusing to reconsider other cases, allowing cases by other courts to stand. In recent Court news: • In Thomasson v. Perry, the Court let stand an appeals Court ruling declaring President Clinton's "don't-actdon't-tell" policy constitutional. Thomasson was a Navy lieutenant dismissed from the Navy after he wrote to superiors reporting his homosexuality. Thomasson claimed the policy was limited free speech and curtailed due process. The Court disagreed in letting the case stand, but according to Reuters News Services, the decision "has limited impact and does not create a nationwide precedent." • The Court upheld the Michigan state law against assisted suicide, a law recently in the news due to Dr. Jack Kevorkian. This is not the end of the right-to-die issue: the Court will be dealing with two significant rightto-die cases later in the term.

• The Court heard opening arguments in Schenck v. Pro-Choice Network of Western New York, reviewing a lower court's injunction against pro-life protestors at abortion clinics. The lower court created a 15-foot "bubble zone" around prospective patients, which could be en tered by two demonstators for counseling purposes as long as the patient did not object. The case has significant overlap with the Court's 1994 decision in Madsen v. Women's Health Center, which established buffer zones around clinics where demonstrations were illegal. In arguments, the pro-life supporters argued that the injunction infringed on First Amendment rights of free speech; their major objection is that the wish of a prospective patient is the condition that forces protestors to leave the I5-foot bubble zone. Lawyers for the Pro-Choice Network argue that intimidation and coercive tactics by pro-life advocates make the injunction's provisions necessary. All in all, an interesting start to what should definently be an interesting term. M{

Are you sick of being taught political correct subject material of little importance? Are you sick of being forced to watch as your civil liberties are stripped away by the evil U-M Administration? Are you sick of dealing with generally annoying people who wander around the campus with Eurotrashy clothes and berets who constantly scream about Freeing Mumia and the Evil Racist Classist Fascist Conspiracy? So are we. Help make the campus safe again for readable journalism, conservative principles, and democracy. Or something like that.

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If you are interested in writing about news, campus affairs, politics, sports, arts, music, books, or anything else, give us an e-mail at mreV@Umich.edu, call us at 662-1909, or stop by our weekly staff meetings at 7 p.m. on Tuesdays in SUITE 32 of the Perry Building. Weld love to have you aboard and no previ. . ous expenence IS necessary.

With your TAX DEDUCTIBLE SUBSCRIPTION OF $25 OR MORE, you will receive all of our issues during the school year and our Fabulous, ~ummer Orientation Issue. Help us in our drive to make campus safe.

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THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

October 30, 1996

o ROLL UP FOR THE MYSTERY TOUR

The Esidential::-pray Elections-yay BY GEOFF BROWN

ERE IT IS, ANOTHER Presidential election. Woooo-HAt This time around we're treated to a race between current President Bill "Whitewater, Schmitewater" Clinton, a Democrat who is attempting to gain reelection via the clever ruse of pretending to be a Republican so that he will actually say things that make sense to the majority of the public, and former Senator Bob "Former Senator Bob Dole" Dole, a Republican who is attempting to gain election to the Oval Office via the clever ruse of pretending to not be deceased. Great selection, huh? But as we all know, it is our "civic duty" to go out and "exercise our vote" and "head to the polls" to choose "our elected leaders" who will "then go on a rampage" and totally "screw us over." Not that I'm "bitter." Ofcourse, this is the time of year when, desperate, the candidates engage in debates and non-stop campaign trips in an attempt to garner a few last-minute votes before the elections, set to happen in a few scant days from now. Unfortunately, a lot of students couldn't be bothered with the whole thing, and our voice goes largely unheard. Which may not be a wholly bad thing, considering some fellow students I can think of. Just kidding. It's a Bad Thing to not get involved in the election process. We all like to complain about "the government," but rarely do we realize that it is we who put these slimebags in place. So get ready. The magical mystery tour is dying to take you away to the realm of the Presidential Elections. If you were to take a poll right now, asking 100 people which of the candidates they would vote for, you would likely receive something similar to the followirtg results:

• BILL CLJNTON. 44. • BOB DOLE. 33 (Unless he does something stupid, or doesn't do anything, or there are sunspots, or the Yankees lose the World Series, in which cases he will drop, at the very least, nine percentage points in the polls). • ROSS PEROT. 3.

Geoff Brown is an LSA senior majoring in biology, and the editor-in-chief ofthe Review. [(he were ever to run for office, you can rest assured he wouldn It be a slimebag. You can email Geoff at gmbrown@UrtfiCh:edtt'I' .. I' I (1)

• "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING CALLING DURING DINNERTIME, YOU [EXPLE· TIVE DELETED]?!?" 19. • "ARE YOU CALLING FROM THE MICHIGANREVIEW?!? YOU TELL THAT EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF YOURS THAT IF I EVER GET MY HANDS ON HIM, HE IS TOASTllYOU HEARME?I? I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I EXPEL GEOFF BROWN UNDER THE CODE!!! [LARGE NUMBERS OF EXPLETIVES DELETED]!!!" 1 (Maureen Hartford). So, as you can see, everybody seems to have an opinion. God (and anyone unlucky enough to be standing near me) knows I do. In fact, 1 could come out right now and tell you who I'd vote for, except that, (1) I'm a journalist (sort of) and we're supposed to be impartial (and right now, journalists everywhere are laughing hard enough to pee themselves, shrieking, "Hey, Lou [OR WHATEVER-Ed.l!!! Get aload of this! He says we're supposed to be impartial!") (2) you would probably be able to guess from reading this, except for the fact that (3) you probably don't give a shit who 1 intend to vote for. But 1 digress. Of course, polls can be highly inaccurate. We all remember from our history classes the election where everybody - pollsters, old ladies, dogs, God, everyone - was sure that Thomas Dewey had defeated Harry Truman in the presidential election. In fact, I'm sure we all have ingrained indelibly in our brains the famous newspaper headline, "Truman had an Affair with Space Alien" - no, wait, wrong headline, wrong newspaper - I meant, "Dewey Defeats Truman." Well imagine everyone's surprise when it turned out that Truman wound up winning! Actually, historians are fairly sure that Dewey actually did win, but that Truman had him arrested by secret government agents and hauled away to some lonely federal penitentiary in the middle of Alaska and kept on being President anyway; think about it: what exactly did Dewey do after his supposed loss anyhow? NOBODY KNOWS!!!! But 1 digress. The basic point is that no matter who is running for office, the truth can be manipulated to suit whatever purpose one is trying to achieve. The Democrats are masters at this. They've managed to zap,the Ameli'" cmt! penple' With 'semeisOift' bf sect~tJ

ray gun or something, so that they don't seem to care that our current President is a liar, a cheat, and a probable criminal (let's face it: if you or I had as much evidence of wrongdoing against us as Clinton has in Whitewater, we'd be sitting in jail right now, and if Bob Dole had even halfthat much evidence against him, he'd be lynched by angry liberal mobs). Do people really want this?!? Clinton has become a master of spin, informing the American people that Dole "cut" Medicare (last time [ checked, a seven percent INCREASE was not a cut, but then I never was all that fond of math, and apparently Clinton and his cronies like to completely ignore it) which is categorically untrue. I guess it's just comforting to most people that one can be completely immoral and still reach positions of high success - if the ClintonIDole election has shown us anything, it has shown us that the days where a hard-working, honest man will receive any form of respect are over. Of course, this isn't to say that Bob Dole is perfect, either. He's done his fair share of tax increasing and"""~ less-than-scrupulous politicking himself. He's not exactly the most telegenic person around (in the sense that Vietnam wasn't exactly the most successful military campaign the United States has involved itselfin). And the Republican party is shooting itself in the foot a lot lately. The negative ads wherein Dole bashes Clinton on ethical issues (which, incidentally are fairly on target) are falling on fairly deaf ears. There's also a group on campus, which 1 won't mention by name (hint: "Ollege-kay Epublicansray") who are apparently completely insane. Under the leadership oftheir herein unnamed president ("Icholasnay Irk-kay") , this group has done some damn dumb things, which have accomplished nothing beyond hurting the image of Dole on an already liberal campus (yeah, you'd expect that most people here are going to support Clinton, but the people who were undecided have almost certainly decided against Dole thanks to these weenies) and embarrass decent, reasonable, and actually quite friendly conservatives here on campus (like me!). Again, I digress. Anyway, another basic point (wow, that's two points so far! Usually I don't have ANY point!) is that it's not always easy to sort out the truth from the whirling half-truths and outright lies being whipped around us 'at campaign time. As 'a resM'f} 'fX\lihJci1ii1s:(1Jeft1OOtatoodJRe~"

publican alike) tend to assume that we are, for the most part, morons (and judging by the complete buffoons I encounter in situations like driving, perhaps these politicians are on to something here) and tailor their campaigns accordingly. What we really need is someone who can sort through all that tripe and tell us what these people are really saying. What we have, unfortunately for all of you , is me. In an effort to provide a public service, I have gathered my secret contacts in the campaigns of both candidates (who have remained hidden thanks to the clever move of being imaginary) to compile the following "Politician-to-English Guide." Review Editor-at-Large Geraldo Armando-Ruiz helped a great deal in the compilation of this list, until he was gunned down in cold blood by a fanatic Code supporter at the U-M Medical Center, where he is currently in a coma. Anyway, here goes: • POLITICIAN: "I will cut taxes for the middle class." (Clinton, 1992) • ENGUSH: "I will raise taxes as much as I possibly can." • POLITICIAN: "1 feel your pain." • ENGUSH:"1 couldn't possibly care less about you if I were dead." • POLITICIAN: "1 will cut taxes 15 percent across the board." • ENGUSH: "Bob Dole hopes that this will work. Bob Dole's campaign needs a shot in the arm." • POLTICIAN: "Now let's take a look at this here chart ... " • ENGUSH: "I am completely insane. 1 am a lunatic megalomaniac with one hell of a Napoleon complex. Are you gonna let me finish?!?" • POUTICIAN: "I was not involved in Whitewater." • ENGUSH: "I was the ringleader of Whitewater." This should be enough to help out for now. As you can see, politicians count on the fact that most of us don't care enough to learn about them or the issues to make an informed decision. That's exactly why we should do that. If you're tired of the government, and the slime balls who run it, get involved. Learn more about them. Hold them accountable. If we all did that, we'd never need term limits we'd just toss the incompetent officials right out of office. That's what they're afraid of: an informed electorate. I know: -it's idealistic and naive, but, hey, it just might work. l\R'

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October 30, 199.6

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o LOST IN THE EIGHTIESTM

Chalk On{frUp For Clinton BY BENJAMIN KEpPLE

FRIEND ASKED ME ONE year ago whether I thought that Clinton was going to get re-elected as President of our Fair Republ ic. I grinned and said, "No." I will be proven wrong because I made the mistake of assuming that the GOP was going to act in a rational and intelligent manner. Silly me. I would have never assumed that the providers of the Only Viable Alternative To Clinton would be such morons in their handling of the entire campaign. I would have never assumed that the Republican Party would do everything in its power to hand the nomination to a lackluster Senator. Not that I am bitter in any way. For despite all this, Dole is still the best candidate out there . Dole at least stands for something, unlike Clinton, who changes his positions like a house built on sand . But it doesn't matter. It's pretty obvious to everyone, including Senator Dole, that he's going to lose. But this race has come to affect campus politics quite a bit, and unfortunately, affect them for the worse. The campus story is a bitter one for myself. At the Review, we spend hundreds of hours per issue attempting to convince people that conservatism is better than liberalism. People are beginning to listen. The College Democrats are in total disanay and the campus is turning rightward. This election season was the perfect opportunity for us . Then last month, some College Hepublican nimrod with the IQ of a celery stick thought that the best way to get the conservative message across was to go out and ch alk up the sidewal ks. Thi s is typical. Once anyone begin s to make progress , the Coll ege Republicans (CRs) seem to do something stupid to cowlteract that. Now , anyone with the brains of a mollusk fossil know& that chalking only serves to annoy people and hurts your cause instead of helping it. I mean, no one is going to base their decision on who to vote for because some drunken sod scrawled "DOLEI KEMP 96! CUZ CLINTON SUX" out by the bloody Fishbowl. No one, and that includes editorial columnists at the Daily. So there is point one. Secondly, let's look at the chalking totally unemotionally: the University of Michigan is an incredibly tolerant place when compared with the rest of the nation. Anyone who is intolerant Benjamin Kepple is Managing Editor ){the .R~y.'~w., ~{1rdJfM~4 CP, ~vlJftW P,9j!'Ii ~iding:ifL?it.Ma~jfur :lwLji ,'(cd ,tud

Maybe the CRs will be de-recognized make conservatism look bad? Anyone by MSA. This would actually be fortuwith the intelligence of a melon rind nate, as it would prevent them from would realize what they're doing doing any more damage to the camdoesn't exactly work, and maybe change tactics . paigns of Republican candidates. The two previous sentences are You don't see the College Libermy anger talking. For we must remember that the CRs do have their . tarians out doingthis. They're right to free speech. They are free to act stupidly and like spoiled children .. doing the right They are free to make themselves as" thing: bringing speakers to campopular as bloated cadavers. But the problem here is that they are the most . pus and educatvisible conservative group on caming the public . pus. When their members screw up, Not chalking up they screw up. When the CRs screw the bloody sideup, the rest of conservatives on camwalks like a pus have to bear it. The CRs have bunch of threeonce again made people ashamed to year old children be Republican, and have once again running amok. cost Republicans all over campus hunFrom disdreds, if not thousands of votes. I gruntled sources would be surprised if anyone on camwithin the CRs pus would willingly refer to themitself, it has been Hey College Republicans, Citizen Kepple demands to know:."Are selves as Republican now. I can only told to me that you now or have you ever been politically incompetent?" hope that the CRs will voluntarily about 10 of the either disband, throw out their leadchalkers were involved in the whole conservatism is the best choice. Turn ership, or in some way take a rational back the clock three weeks: It's N ascandal. Ten? But the CRs themselves <pproach that will emphasize educasay "three". We'll never know how tional Coming Out Week. The Queer Unity Project (QUP) is going to chalk many. What is also disturbing is th,ilt / 'hon and dialogue, not "DOLEIKEMP '961 CUZ CLINTON SUX" That way, the president of the CRs, Nick "Roy campus . They have. Now what do you maybe normal God-fearing people can Cohn" Kirk, had a chance to settle the do? Right, you either A) chalk away live their lives without having to hear from them or B) go home. You do not issue and apologize to Ryan LaLonde about the actions of the current CR deface their chalkings. So you tell me: when the CRs and QUP first clashed. simpletons, and conservatives who do But he didn't take the issue seriously. NOW GIVEN ALL TIDS, WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD WOULD THE "It's our freedom of speech." he scoffed, . have their wits about them can corivince rational people of the rational according to the Michigan Daily. To COLLEGE REPUBLICANS GO way. DEFACE QUP'S SLOGANS DURthat, may I remind the CRs of the In my two years here, the CRs ING NATIONAL COMING OUT "Ninth Amendment." Sure, he paid have done nothing to improve the WEEK? HOW STUPID COULD lip service to the whole condemnation THEY BE? WHY DON'T WE JUST of his members later , but hey, if he conservative position ~ Nothing . In my time here, they have managed to anHAND CLINTON THE UNDEwas truly sorry, he would have spoCIDED CAMPUS VOTERS ON A ken up, no two bits about it. "[They're] tagonize, and embitter...well , everyoverblowing the issue." he whined to one else here. You're not supposed to SILVER PLATTER? embitter people, you'r e supposed to Jesus Christ! Now that the entire MSA. No! Bad CR leader! Wrong reconvince th em . When eve r an y campus believes that the CRs are a sponse! But this was not the worst of progress is mad e by other organizabubbling cauldron of hate, its obviit. ously the best climate around here to The College Republicans leadertions, the CRs usually manage to nulc.onvince people to vote Dole. When ship has steadfastly refused to sinlify all the good done · by annoying undecided voters go to vote, they will cerely apologize to the community at even more people. It's always good to large for their group's actions. They know that we have to watch the all see the box marked "REPUBLIhave been sarcastic, defensive,bitter, watchers, because God forbid they act CAN" and instantly be reminded of with intelligence. some cretin's desecration of pro-hoand stubborn. Does it really help for As the sole official party organ of mosexual chalking. Thank you, CRs! them to act like asses and whine on their pedestal? Of course not. You the Republican Party on campus, you Thank you, for helping in your own little way, to screw this election up. I don't add insult to injury. How is it would think the guilty members and should not have assumed that the the leadership of this group had at that they are so incredibly stupid? group had recovered from its lapse of least some inkling of common sense. The CR leadership must have the IQ idiocy that it suffered back in 1994, If one is in tune with the campus, it of botulism infested kumquats! when their slogans of the day were makes sense for one to work with it, THIS IS INTOLERABLE. The "Want to prevent AIDS? Try Moralnot against it. Look, there is no point pathetic actions of the CRs have left a ity!" and "Celebrate Rush Limbaugh's in having a big tent if one of the tent bad taste in the mouths of sane conBirthday!" This is not 1956, folks, this servatives and liberals alike. If Dole, poles is going to pull down the others . is 1996. Ifyou want to convince people A logical person would rip out the bad according to a Review survey, was at tent pole, and get a new one. That's of anything, why not try intelligence, 17 percent before this whole imbroprudence, fact-based data, or even what the conservatives on campus glio, what's he at now? 7 percent? All (gasp) rationality. Oh, God, no, they the good we had done before this has need to do, lest the campus conserva-

is rightfully treated with unadulterated loathing. It is election season, and it is a tough challenge to convince the mostly liberal student body that

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THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o SCARY STORY

Evil BY LISA WAGNER

October 30, 1996

Lurk~LBelow for the restaurant located in Bob. It was his job to slice, dice, pulverize and chop fresh meat to serve on the following day. Ralph arrived for work promptly each night at 3 am. He slippedintoBob's loading dock, signed himself in as present for work and descended the steps into the basement. Here, lay the cadavers of various animals ready to be butchered . This whole agenda was not strange to Ralph. He enjoyed spending these early mornings alone with his animals. He passed the time by telling himself tall tales and imitating the calls of the animals. Apparently Ralph enjoyed his job immensely and looked forward to his world. He seemed otherwise, a pleasant man who disliked no one. His death was untimely and unfortunate. Untimely, because he was only 52 and unfortunate because they stopped serving chipmunk patties in Chez Bob. Ralph left this life slowly. You see, one night he forgot his machete in the freezer so he left his work to retrieve it. Alone, he stomped back down to the freezer. Nobody knows why the freezer door locked behind him since it locked from the outside. But it did, and Ralph subsequently froze to death. In the morning, his body was round fused the the head of an ostrich with his trusty machete in his hand. Authorities were notified and the coroner ruled his death a suicide. But why would he do that? Ralph's funeral was a lonely one. He had no friends, no wife, and no gerbil to miss him. Perhaps it was for this reason that our Higher Power deemed it necessary to steal Ralph from this world. Ralph has since befriended the other two specters wh6 trudge in the UM netherworld. I suppose this is a happy ending because8atph can experience eternalcomradery. It is however, a . relati~nship b~t~@eIl three specters, . undying, unresting souls which to- ; gether breed the macabre. The second story is a simple one, but it is sig:n.ijic.ant beca~se this man was evil.

HERE IS A PLACE IN THE dark recesses of a man's soul where few dare to wander. There are certain indescribable fears which are innately human. Most tend to surreptitiously suppress them from everyday thought. Personally, the Dark Side scares the hell out of me; so l tend to steer clear of horror flicks, people who tell frightening tales and in general anyone who claims to have spoken with the devil. I do this because I don't want to believe evil can exist. I live in my own sheltered world where only kittens and puppies and chia pets reside. There are no ghosts, no clinking chains and no devils in my life. At least I never thought so until I saw the underworld of the University of Michigan. It lies right below us, under the Diag. It is a separate reality-another dimension unfamiliar to any of us (I hope). There are unending steam tunnels without light which seem to lead nowhere. There is a heavy presence in the air. It hangs there, untouched and unscathed by humanity. Only those who converse with the undead would enjoy spending time here. While my guide and I clutched crucifixes in front of us, we explored this uncharted darkness. We stumbled through this emptiness not seeking anything in particular, but feeling much. In my guide's demented mind, he somehow thought it humorous to tell me' the stories of the three spirits who traipse through these corridors. Three stories of death without blood, but three deaths and three souls who will forever haunt me. All three died in a building on campus. I am not allowed to say which one, so for the purposes oftbis story, I'll name the building Bob. Bob has four floors, an attic space, a restaurant and a big, dark basement. I have not slept since I heard these stories three weeks ago, so forgive me if my words are lost. I must warn the students of the shadows who roam the campus at night. This will proYid,e the kind 9ftlterapy that I desperately need after this experience. So here. gof$ . Shiite my heavy burden with me. The first spirit roams the entire territory under the Diag. He perished in a walk-in freezer in Bop. His name was Ralph and he was:; ' ~ l5,utchei- in iile:w'jtrt~reve~{s~~~a~a~tlie mOI1~i the 19.50's., il}.trovert'ed man with ;" ~~.~i~~·;q(w.s9:~~;~purid::(;.~W~·· a slight c's'8eo/ dementia, he cut meat . W.~ bQ~Y}Ill'lY b~ g~p:e,~uthis ~il1ist~r niA'dbei- wmne~€t": dii!!. , He: 'd1d ·not Lisa a:$~lJ.m~s no resp0ll;sibili tv for : have aci.~,~Jn'BbaqtJ)j~0st was th~;lil.'a;~r:JJi.;'·~iroJ Wagoner'U'~ghtenmg"y'~'ftse to my will instill in our readers. own) .

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Mr. Wagoner was a provost at the University of Michigan (another haunting fact too close to me). Thus, his life was pretty unproductive and meaningless. Mr. Wagonerspentlong

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ __ _

Buddyyy, steeeck 'em uuup, I'm packeen heeeeat!" Of course, students didn't appreciate this much, but I don't think Zbigruev really meant to shoot those six students. Despite these senseless, unprovoked and eternally unfunny killings; Zbigniev strived to be an outstanding American citizen. He really tried to learn English, but could not seem to learn much more than, "Steeeck 'em uuup, (you know the rest)". His years as an American were cut short by the specter of death. His passing was uneventful, he just fell over one night after playing cops and rob_ _ _ _ __ _• bers with himself.

Here are the places where the specters loom....

Apparently, be was flanking Bob and he hours on campus doing nothing exbit the dust. It is a sad story, but a cept bother students and professofs:~<~ true one at that. So, Zbigniev joined the likes of Ralph and Mr. Wagoner. He researched Satanism and preached it's gospel. He was a specter even in Together these spirits wreak havoc under the Diag. life. Here is the tale of his passing. One fine, fall afternoon Mr. WagThe ghosts of Ralph, Mr. Wagoner was dining in Chez Bob while oner and Zbigniev penetrate the psyches of all who dare enter their pricarefully memorizing his sermon of sadism for that evening. After his vate realm. They chant, whisper last bite he suddenly gasped, clutched things into the darkness, they clink his chest and landed with a thud on chains, they validate parking, but to the floor. Right there, in front of sum it up, they do all of the things everyone Mr. Wagoner had a heart that ghosts are supposed to do. I can attack. He lay on the cold floor with a honestly tell you that I have been demonic grin on his face. It appeared scarred for life. The memory of my as though he welcomed his death; the excursion into the underworld will grin would be never leave my perpetually mind. They overwhelmed my beleft on his face perpetually ing, they possess my thought. I am by the morticiano I supno longer me. Me mind has been irpose this was an inten revocablyaltered. tional overNow, instead sight by the - ·of drinking mortician behe,a vily and q.atcause Mr. ing(oh, and studyWagoner was ingdiligently)Isit not very well in my room alone. liked by the Ann Arbor is full ofspooks. Now I am an inAnn Arbor trovert an thus, community. Sick bastard, that mortisocially inept. Through my' mind race ciano images of those steam tunnels . UnreThe last man to perish in Bob was lenting, thoughts ofhaunted Bob keep a security guard. His nartiewas · ·meft6m r~sting. I think I will drop niy: ~1asses, become a provost for the . Zbigniev Szczeczinski, he was an irnmigrant from Poland. He enjOyed '" : tJn~er§ity, pack heat and make chiponly one thing about his job arldJiHat ;;' :iriiilik ffii-fgers for the rest of my meaas the fact that he 'packed heat'. His sly existence. Thanks for the therapy, itl3 Eag.},isft J3ftFftSO was "Reeey l:H:lt it eitiB't woFk Ml- - .--l

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'--.~-'-----------------

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

October 30, 1996

o SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY

The Martian Ohronicles Revisited "

BY YOUSHAA PATEL

N EARLY AUGUST OF THIS year scientists unraveled possible evidence of life outside the realm of the Earth's atmosphere. Specifically, scientists at NASA claim to have found three different minerals, organic residue, and bacteria-like structures in a meteorite discovered in Antarctica in 1984 that have lead scientists to argue that ancient life once existed on Mars. An eruption of various reactions to this discovery has flowed like lava from a volcano following the tremendously controversial claim. This continuing flood of controversy demonstrates our continuing fascination with the secrets of the origin of life and our unending quest for proof oflife elsewhere in the universe. When Orson Welles made his famous radio announcement about the Martian invasion ofE arth , people took notice. The extraterrestrial tradition continues with TV shows like the Xfiles and recurring claims by people encountering aliens of all types. Are we truly alone? I am skeptical, but

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nated on Earth would surely be rattled even more than when Darwin's theory of evolution surfaced. However, even the Vatican has its own observatory and has sporadically teamed up with NASA. So maybe the literal interpretation of the book of Genesis has become obsolete. Other major religions, Islam and Judaism, seem to embrace the possibility of life elsewhere and use the possible finding as further evidence of God's greatness. The excitement borne from the discovery has superseded thephilosophical and theological and has even incited controversy within the political sphere. The space program has been struggling under its budget constraints and NASA's $2 billion program would decrease to $1.8 billion under Bill Clinton's 1997 budget request, and would continue to decline for the next 5 years under his long term plan to decrease the budget deficit. However, the discovery has refueled the space program and AI Gore has promised to organize a course for the space program in light of the new findings. The major consideration focuses on when soil and rock samples

when scientists make educated assertions about life elsewhere, I cannot help but become infatuated with the possibilities. The thought that this planet may not be the only one inhabited by life is exciting yet simultaneously a bit disconcerting. Ever since the Copernican revolution which uncovered the realization that the Earth revolved around the Sun, not vice versa, there has been a growing trend of belief in human insignificance - we are not the center of the universe. The possible discovery of life elsewhere would reassert that fact. How unique is Earth? If life can occur on Mars, the planet next door, then it implies a universe teeming with life -life loses its uniqueness and becomes ubiquitous. This trend ofhuman insignifiance has clashed with religious doctrine throughout history. Thus, many wonder what theological implications might arise from the finding. Bill Hoesh, who teaches "Creation Science" says the announcement was "99% hype and 1% fact." The fundamentalist claim, recounted in the Bible's book of Genesis, that life origi-

should be brought back from Mars to test the hypothesis. If NASA continues under the projected budget, then the samples should arrive by 2005. However, it may be much earlier, if the government infuses the necessary funds into the NASA budget. But before we go searching for Martians, we must realize that scientists have constructed a hypothesis which could easily be wrong. Geologist David Mackay, a leading researcher of the Johnson Space Center, states, "We are not claiming that we have found life on Mars ... We're just saying we have a lot of pointers in thatdirection." Comparing the sample found in the 4.5 billion year old rock to that found in Mars twenty years ago by the Viking probe does not provide enough evidence to arrive at any_ definite claims. So, NASA's findings maybevalidatedortheymayberipped to shreds. Regardless of the objections, our imaginations cannot be placated, and until the claim is completely disproved, the thought that life might exist elsewhere remains a possibility. '"'. ,

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October 30, 1996

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

SPORTSCENE

Title IX-G.:,ender Equity? BY MEL MYERS

TITLE IX, THE GENDERequity law that was part of the Civil Rights legislation, was enacted in 1973. However, more than twenty years later, most schools still have not allocated the necessary women's collegiate athletic scholarships to satisfy the guidelines of the law. Not until the 1990s when women began filing lawsuits and subsequently increased the public scrutiny, did schools begin to move in the direction towards equality. This year, Michigan by adding women's crew to its varsity-funded programs has now satisfied the required guidelines. The guid~lines are a distribution of scholarships which reflect the gender makeup of the University. This has oecured by cutting men's sports altogether (i.e. men's gymnastics) or by cutting scholarships in a particular men's program, or by adding women's sports. Title IX has produced a lot of controversy lately, due in most part to the process of cutting men's sports and having more women's teams than men's. The pure volume of scholarships in men's football (85 scholarships) means that the majority of men's scholarships are taken up with one sport, thus not leaving much room for men's scholarships other sports if they are to be the same as women's. The argument is that more males participate in sports than females and thus exact equity of scholarships is not fair. There are changes needed for this law. The ones offered center around making football a separate entity, entirely outside the formula for scholarships. Why? Football is a University's main source of revenue and allows the University to be able to fund other sports. Thus the other sports are dependent on football (excluding men's basketball) and to be competitive the University must offer 85 scholarships or else they will endanger the success and revenue of the program. One could argue that if all schools cut scholarships further down for football, the competitive balance could be maintained. However, Division One College Football is big business and many organizations have a stake in keeping the status quo, so any more reduction in football scholarships is unlikely. I recently sat down with Scott Penwell, Kurt Machemer, and Geoff FeU who are current members of the men's Club Crew. Rounding out the discussion were former women's Club Crew members, Kate and Naz who are now varsity team members, and discussed the impact of Title IX. TheYI,.1 '''' '" '...... _-,-

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also offered their OpInIOnS on Michigan's approach to Title IX and how equitable it is. Here are highlights of the conversation.

Michigan Review: What sort of impact has the separation of the teams had on this years squads? Geoff: "I think there has been an improvement in camaraderie this year, it seems like things are less bureaucratic this year and we have grown closer as a team, everything seems smaller." Scott: "We have also seen an improvement in equipment because we were able to sell the women's equipment and buy new men's equipment." N az: "I feel like this year's team is also closer because of the increased pressure because of our varsity status. Being varsity has been both physically and psychologically helpful because ofthe tremendous support staff we have (Le., trainers, managers). Also the expectations are not too high because we are a first year varsity program."

MR.: Do the higher expectations come from the athletic department, Coach Rothstein, or peers?

Scott: "I don't think it's practical the way it is set up now."

MR.: What do you mean in the way it is set up? Geoff: "Football pays for everyone else, I think it should be treated as a separate entity, because it takes upso many male scholarships (85). N az: "1 disagree with that because there would still be inequalities." Geoff: "There wouldn't be women's sports if it wasn't for football." N az: "I think it is unfair the way the system is set up now, maybe they should limit scholarships for the football team, so that they are able to add more men's sports." Scott: "It's almost like they should not be counted in the entire formula."

MR.: Do you feellike Michigan can do anything to improve the process of Title IX? Scott: "It seems like Michigan programs are too pampered, it seems like if they were to give a little less to existing programs, then more sports could be funded." Geoff: "Yeah, maybe tier II varsity programs."

MR.: What sort of advantages will being in a varsity sports program at Michigan give you in the future? Kate: "It is going to give us a whole range ofplaces to go after graduation because ofthe tremendous connections and resources ofthe athletic program."

Naz: "They have career and acaN az: "Sports is a male-dominated demic counselors that will assist you society and the only way to change it anytime, it really is a tremendous is to have more programs like this. They may not always be good by.t,.~ advantage." Ml.

CAMPUS CORNER 818 S. STATE Ann Arbor MI 48104

Naz: "Well, we are now representingthe number one sports program in the country, Coach Rothstein has always put pressure on us, but now we have no excuses because we have great resources that we have never had before." MR.: Do you guys or the men's team feel like the women gaining varsity status is unfair?

213-4900 LARGEST KEG SELECTION IN STOCK IN MICHIGAN

Scott: "I don't think we're jealous, I think envious is a better word." Kurt: "I think we're jealous."

they're necessary."

112 BARREL MILWAUKEE'S BEST

Geoff: "We are envious, we'd love to have those things (new equipment, personal trainers, Chrysler Arena weight room, new boathouse,etc). However, the more rowing is promoted, the more opportunities there are for both men and women."

112 BARREL MGD LIGHT

DIFFERENT KEG SPECIALS WEEKLY

MR.: Then you don't think Title IX is a negative thing. Geoff: "I think it is similar to Affirmative Action which is based on a quota system, I think the quota system is ridictll6usfr,ji ·'dJ '>1 'liJc)'IH

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MICHIGAN REVIEW LIVING CULTURE

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HOSEWHOPICKUPDAVID Brock's new book, The Sedu.ction of Hillary Rodham expecting a political smear job will be disappointed. Brock's previous book, The Real Anita Hill, took aim at a liberal icon and tore her apart. Seduction, by contrast, is far from a ringing

The Seduction of Hillary Rodham David Brock Free Press Books $26.00 indictment of Hillary. Brock's thesis is . that Hillary was "seduced" by a combination of Bill Clinton's boyish affability and the charms of government power. In this book, Hillary's is a tragedy of Greek proportions. Brock finds skeletons in the closet. His book on Hill named names, interviewed loads of sources, and generally went over Hill's life and the Thomas confirmation hearings with a fine-toothed comb . Hillary Rodham gets the same treatment. The result is a book mixing the tragic fall of Hillary's principles with all the humor one has come to expect following the ethical paths of our sitting President. Brock begins with a discussion of Rodham's schooling . Although a Republican in high school, Rodham emerged from Wellesley a devoted liberal in the late 1960s. Entrenched in Yale's liberal politics and possessed of great gifts, Hillary was on course for a major role in U .S . politics in her own right. And then ... she met Bill. Brock enjoys making the contrast between the campus Casanova Clinton, and the socially reclusive Hillary. The two fall into something like love, though with commitment like Bill's, Brock asse'rts , that meant little. This parallel introduction of Rodham to the alluring political position of big government liberalism and to the obsequious Clinton is the beginning of the fall for Brock's}lodham. The Clintons go to'" Ark ans as: home for Bill and a chasm away from the Northeastern attitudes ofHillary. Brock portrays an innocent and principled Hillary sucked in, via desire for Bill's success, to a world of backroom deals, political patronage, and graft. Clinton becomes governor in 1980 and loses in 1982. With Hillary backing him up, Bill rises from the depths to win in 1984 and keep on winning (largely due to issues propelled by Rodham herself.)

ofRodham 's corruption with succinct, informative explanations of complicated material. His analysis of the Whitewater controversy is a good primer on the issue. Brock asserts that Hillary could well hav.e known nothing about the deal between Bill and his (newly convicted) friends Jim and Susan McDougall. While he admits a few minor ethical breaches, he sees Hillary's role in Whitewater as largely a function o~Bill. Every corruption needs the corrupter, and for Brock the culprit of Rodham's corruption is the future President ..Clinton consistently seems weak, unprincipled, and simply sleazy ... yet Rodham stays with him. During his gubernatorial campaigns, a skilled squad of political operatives worked to get Bill women and keep them quiet later. Bill was probably in up to his neck in Whitewater. He clearly did favors for patrons. Brock's list goes on and on. Yet Hillary stood by her man . "Standing by her man" took on a whole new meaning in the 1992 campaign, a major focus of the book. Hillary in large part ran damage control for the Clinton campaign; aiding a husband obviously unfaithful to her and whom could not trust. For Brock, it was Hillary who slam-dunked the 60 Minutes interview concerning Bill's marital affairs, not Bill. Brock paints Hillary as a victim of a husband who was capable of any lapse at any time. Running damage control is bad enough; its even tougher when your own husband has a penchant for problems . Anyone thinking Primary Colors was completely fiction will be doubletaking over Brock's characterizations from the primary - and it's not just Bill's antics . Hillary chum Susan Thomasas calling Al Gore's ideas stupid in a conference call with campaign head honchos . Private detectives hired to find and "persuade" women to keep quiet, in the name of stopping "bimbo eruptions ." And of course, Hillary's fiery broadside beginning with the oft-quoted, "I suppose I could have stayed home, baked cookies and had teas ... " It takes this book to make one recall that in 1992, Bill and Hillary Clinton were anything but slick. Finally, Brock looks at the first two years of the Clinton White House. He credits most of the problems involving health care and behavior towards the press to a belief that Arkansas tactics could work in D.C . The Arkansas press played Clinton soft and knew about his ethical lapses, yet

Times and prominent national newspapers felt differently. Health care followed the traj ectory of an education plan Hillary developed in Arkansas. With parameters already decided, Rodham sponsored closed meetings to discuss the plan; the discussion was largely irrelevant. Obsessed with her own progressive vision and classifying her opponents as evil, Hillary had her mind made up and health care was her baby. When controversy over the secret panel meetings occurred and the plan was scuttled, the egg was on her face. Hillary's chance to make a huge, substantive policy change for the country was gone. As with most investigative journalism, it is the details that make the book fun. Opening to random pages leads to interesting tidbits about the life of our the First Couple. Bill asking his aides, "What am I supposed to do about these women who throw themselves at me?" Hillary and Bill yelling expletives at each other minutes before their inauguration. Hillary telling a Republican congressman that the government has to regulate health-care since "we just can't trust' the American people to make those types of choices." This!is not the type of stuff that you get on Nightline . Yet enthusiasm leads Brock to some wild overspeculation, usually where he doesn't need it. He displays a disturbing penchant for psychoanalysis, odd since he doesn't mention having any kI).owledge in the field, nor is such experience apparent from his list of researchers. The book is interesting enough without the psychoanalysis of the main players. While this book is entertaining and highly readable, at its center lies a dubious claim. Brock appears to see Arkansas, specifically Bill Clinton, as a vortex of slime into which Hillary fell. However, a claim that this was some sort of seduction seems a little exaggerated. Rodham went to school at Wellesley and Yale, and worked the ethics case of the century as an aide to the Watergate prosecutors. She better than most should have . known the danger she was getting herself into. Brock paints a tragic picture of Rodham, no doubt. But as with most tragedy, these events were not random, but were rather the result of a badly-made choice. Her choice to follow the "Comeback Kid" into Arkansas politics was hers and hers alone; and she must in the end be the one to take the blame for her choices. Besides, with so much for to blame Bill for, do we really need to add Hillary to the list?m j;': ,:1 :' : .Z. ' c'd_~

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-¥licci, Scott'Serve Up Big Night

BY TOM JOLLIFFE

ARNING: EAT PLENTY prior to seeing Big Night .. Honestly, some movies make you laugh, others make you cry, but this directorial debut from Stanley Tucci and Campbell Scott makes you get out the cookbook. From the opening credits, in which a man at the seashore munches on bread, to the poignant scrambled-eggs-and-silence ending, Big Night directs our attention to food and all of its emotional and cultural significance. And a heartwarming and palatable entree

Big Night Directed by Stanley Tucci and CampeU Scott. Featuring Tucci, Scott, Tony Shalhoub, Minnie Driver, Ian Holm. At the Michigan Theater

it is, too. In Big Night, two Italian immigrant brothers open a restaurant called the Paradise. Primo (Tony Shalhoub) is the older brother de-

voted to preparing only authentic Old World meals. He despises the successful Italian-American venue across the street, Pascal's, declaring: "the rape of cuisine occurs there night after night!" His younger brother, Secondo (Tucci), is the compromising business manager less concerned with authenticity. However, when Secondo suggests that the Paradise drop traditional meals for dishes more widely known, Primo answers: ''Yes, perhaps we should serve, how do you say, hot dogs?" On the brink of failure, the brothers learn that famed musician Louis Prima will be dining at the Paradise. Banking on favorable word of mouth, the brothers prepare a ''big night" in Prima's honor. What follows reveals much about their relationship. Big Night has layers, like an onion, that give depth to a simple story. Secondo's involvement with Pascal's mistress, Gabriella (Isabella Rossellini) creates tension with his girlfriend, Phyllis, (Minnie Driver) and makes Pascal's (Ian Holm) unpredictability especially potent. The contrast between Secondo's af-

fair-juggling and Primo's simple aftasty dishes at crowded tables while patrons crowd the dining room. This fection for a florist, Ann, (Allison Janney) illuminates the brothers' difis the life that the Paradise lacks. Frequent slow motion emphasizes ference: Primo will not sacrifice principles. However, Secondo's good inSecondo's weakness for things dazzling: the patrons of Pascal's, Bob's tentions emerge in asking Ann to their car, and Gabriella. While some bonbig party. go-beat suggests Secondo's shadier Tucci, convincing as the morally weak Secondo, plays the high-strung life, I'm still curious about the burnrole well; his explosion on a moonlit ing chef running out of Pascal's. RebeacheffectivelyrevealsSecondo'simgardless, like Secondo, we look and maturity. As for Primo, he is both carryon. • Look for good testy and vulnerable. The directors present the "big comic value in Shalhoub's nervous night" in several parts, like a concert. charm around Ann the florist. Equally As the film's showpiece, Primo and funny is co-director Campbell Scott's Secondo's dicing and food-folding turn as Bob, the young car salesman. yields cinematic excitement: at one point, the Michigan Theater audience Bob's all-American brashness is hiintoned "Mmmm" like so many Paul larious:"Beautifulcountry,Italy.... No, never been there" he says, hustling Prudhomme guests. As the party Secondo into the car. Perhaps too conwears on, we share the guests' amaze-temporary is Phyllis's sorority lingo, ment when the brothers keep rolling but her good nature is genuine. You out the grub. This scene would leave you full and drowsy were it not leadcould also say that her height next to Secondo indicates her elevated charing to an emotional conclusion. Big Night won't inspire philoacter. sophical debate, but don't dismiss this Like a good dessert, Tucci and Campbell's direction is stylish and film. Like Primo's specialty dish, Timpano, Big Night is quite an appetasteful. Meandering through Pascal's dining room, the camera hones ~n on-'~ tizing course. Mt

Elvis and "Cultural Incorrectness" BY NATE TEISMANN

LICE FULTON'S POETRY has received a great deal of attention recently, and rightfully so. Her newest book, Sensual Math, is perhaps her best yet; it is

Sensual Matlt By Alice Fulton Norton and Company,

1995. impressive first as a stylistic achievement, filled with all the flair and linguistic energy for which Fulton is so often noted, and second as an intelligent and sometimes hard-hitting critique of a contemporary American culture mired in the inadequacies of consumerism and ensnared, still, by persistent and destructive attitudes toward women. The most remarkable component of Fulton's writing, however, is the language itself. Although some of her earlier work is criticized for being "overwritten," for containing such a furious barrage of images and metaphor that her subjects are sometimes obscured in the process, in Sensual Math Fulton's verse abandons some

of itlt wildness and occasional incoherence while sacrificing none of its tenacity or energy. Indeed, Fulton's newest poems convey both an acute awareness of the meaning and effect of each word and a sense that the poet herself is constantly examining the exchange between the written phrase and the mind of the reader; she is curious about whether the words are adequate to the idea. For instance, in "Some Cool," Fulton writes "I forget voice/ and think syntax, trying to add! so many tones to words that words/ become a world all by themselves." In "Drills," she cautiously explores the limitations language suffers when trying to deal with grief: "I wanted to build complex sentences,! quivering with clauses that reveal! the meaning sheath by sheath/ and lead to, or perhaps enact, the facti that understanding is itself unbearable.! Sentences far beyond the depth of my thin French." Thus, almost paradoxically, Fulton examines the insufficiencies of language with expertly-chosen words, crafting poems that are aware at some level oftheir own limitations but which emerge as near-perfect linguistic sculptures. Fulton is often considered a "poet of style," yet the subjects addressed in Sensual Math demand perhaps even ____

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more attention. Fulton describes her own work as the "poetry of cultural incorrectness," a half-complete term since much of her writing questions not only the acceptability of certain cultural practices and assumptions, but &lso criticizes the willingness of individuals to push away these bits of "inconvenient" knowledge. In "Some Cool" Fulton describes a progression of psychological events: The speaker trims a Christmas tree with a string of pig-shaped lights, thinks about "bacon drippings simmered with black coffee," and imagines the country ham served for Christmas dinner; injected intermittently are flashes ofgrotesque images of pigs being slaughtered thoughts which, of course, must be suppressed if one is to enjoy the pleasantries of holiday gatherings. The speaker considers how this unsettling knowledge creeps into the mind at quieter moments, and wonders ifher own ethics are as "squishy" as others'. In the final part of the book, a sequence often poems entitled "Give," Fulton retells the myth of Daphne and Apollo in a modern context - the setting is a kind offlashy composite of the last thirty years of American popculture, complete with the glitter of

"reimagined" version ofthe myth/rape narrative, which originally ends with Daphne's father turning her into a laurel tree to escape Apollo's uncontrollable lust, Fulton liberates Daphne from her fate, and in the process challenges the ever-present association between women and "nature" rather than "culture," a construction which romanticizes but also objectifies femininity, and which persists as an obstacle between women and the attainment of a truly equitable cultural position. Thus, instead of a tree, Fulton makes Daphne -if only temporarily - into an electron; consistent with Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, trying to find her will only leave you more unsure of her location. Before she is "made into nature ," Daphne experiences a moment of victory, and achieves a feeling of her own spirit, complexity, independence, and power. Overall, Fulton's poetry succeeds at many levels, and trying to classify her work as either poetry of "style" or of "subject" is unnecessary. Sensual Math is proof of Fulton's mastery of her craft, and is a wonderful collection of poems from one of the most promising young poets of our culture. We will likely be hearing much more

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MICHIGAN REVIEW LIVING CULTURE

301 1996

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~ Music king With ~' I~ndie-Rocker Benna Spea it'

BY CHRIS HAYES

omewhere from the depths ofNew York City in between midtown subway stops, lies a twenty-something musician who can rock. But no one, I mean no one knows it. Her name is Benna Cohen. Her first album on Evil Teen Records, Benna-Greetincs from Port Authorilli proves this. Pick it up and listen to it, especially "Georgia's Book of Flowers," "Sleep, " and "Turnaround." I hadtheopportu.nityoftalkingtoBenna as she was painting the walls of her New York apartment. Now that the album is out, what kind of touring are you doing for itI just quit my joto audition people next week for the band. I don't think it will take too much time to rehearse because the musicians in the past have always picked up on my music really quick. We~ll start giggin' in November and December. In terms of getting into it heavily, it will probably be in January . Is Ann Arbor on your tour schedule? I don't know. Advice: Don't play Rick's. Why? Frat boys. Ewe. Are you going all around the US? We're starting to be booked and set up at ski resorts with other bands I know. I'm excited because I am definitely taking a snow-boarding lesson. It is a dream of mine to snow-board. I take it you ski. No. Good luck. I don't care if I fall on my ass . I've never even been to a ski resort. Because you're a city girl. Yeah . My sister skis, but I mean , for me it has always been 'work real hard and put your money back into music.' I would rather play guitar than ski. What are you listening to these days, now that you are unemployed? I guess I like to listen to rock artists on the fringe . I just love Fugazi. Red Medicine. Hmm, what else? .. .I am drawing a blank. I better brush up on my interviewing skills. Yeah. The radio station here changed their format, mostly for the better, but it is rather male dominated rock. Other women rockers have complained and I intend on calling them and seeing what is up. I will be listening and hear Bush, like, three times. Yuck, I woUld'call th'em tQO'.:What do you think of the rock scene? i

We plowed through it in twelve days. I think you need to have a strong I will be ready to make those deciIt wasn't something we spent months sense of who you are and have your sions. I want to reach a point where feet on the ground if you want to last. bigger labels know and respect me on and I am very proud ofthat. There are a lot of vocals that are completely I think. the whole drug scene is hard to and come to me. It is not in my touch. I lllow that ifI found any level practice to bang on doors. I have raw and the first takes. It makes it a of success I couldn't fall into that faith that people who are drawn to real and honest record. What do you think about falling because I am too r - - - - - - - - - - - - - , into a category of "singer/songvulnerable. I feel sorry for anyone writer?" who takes that stuff I hate that term. People will call me seriously . But I what they will. And if they have to categorize me to help them figure my think it is all relative. music out, then fine. But it will not I hate it when influence what I do . I love playing in people call the ena band and I made a band record. It has never been about presenting mytire scene bad and unhealthy . The self or my music in the most beautiful and eloquent way. I totally want to be music industry is very healthy, I in a band and rock. .. and all that shit. think. A lot of good Greetings from Port Authority wasn't . _ is coming from it. If L . - ' about playing it safe. It wasn't about you want to get on a Senna speaks truly in a voice of pop songs. presenting myself as a girl with a label these days , beautiful voice with beautiful things you can. coming out. That wouldn't be true to my music are those I should be workWhat is it like playing in a town ing with. If that is the case, working who I am .Mt like NYC, which is known for quite with a major label is definitely a step a music scene? in the right direction. Join the Music Staff! N ew York is always going to be thrivWhen did you record your alCall Chris at 662-1909 ing. There is always going to be an bum? _. r-~ inspired group of people. There will End of March, beginning of April.. always be people who want to make music and some who want to be famous and on MTV. People want different things out of it and there will always be people who you can relate I want to hum my encumbered reality, to socially and creatively who strive But I know I've put myself here. for the same things you do. I think So no one can feel sorry. that is what allowed me to make this album. I found my people. If you understand, stay with me, So what is it that you want? And if you don't - walk away. I want my music to reach everybody. (chuckle) Life is indescribable in many ways, I just want to go around the country I just cannot explain it, and play and have people get my Only you can experience it. record and listen to it and know my music. Anything that goes with that Love if you can, is all the unknown part. To tell you Live if you can 't; the truth, I set little goals for myself. I don't have a five year plan like some But desire makes up the world. others I know. When I first started If you yearn, out I wasn't thinking of making a Let it happen record. I was thinking of being able to sing and play the guitar at the same Nothing can be lost time. After that, I went to the next But small pride goal and eventually the record came out of the goals. That seems to work In the conclusion for me. What matters? Is working with a major label one The answer is nothing. of your goals? If you get there, Urn, well, that is the part oflooking Forget how. into the future that is so difficult for me. The entire process has been Live a lot, gradual for me and time has allowed Experience what you can. me to evolve in a much more natural No one who cares will hold it against you. and not-panicky way. The idea is to hope that I grow. And with that comes .' - .I.isa Wagner . nl'anY''{jig 'bPpbmmit1eg .' 'Buff thihk , • ~ ~ ;';' ::.. :;.'YL ,> ',", (~.\').. . . ~.<_~ ~; ;', 'r '. I j ~.'\ ." .:' j.: ;.:; : ', ,;.",; ':j l.;J. ". ·f~~ \.J:·l~·~\.~ ~,,-{ ...1 .'? 3:::' ..... ~~' (·f,\.< :: ::.:.-.\ f:·~.I \ , ,'''{ ~:.\-q t..'l..t~: "H'... ._· \:;'~ .l"':."t>.~. \ r;t ~;.;~' I.I"~J by~hat\mefiihllireWbtld wit11'{tllelli

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"Everyone gets everything he wants." -Captain Willard, Apocalypse Now want money, experience, credentials that will help you get ajob in the future or make your resume stand out from those of other applicants when you apply to law school, med school, grad school, and especially business school. Extracurricular activities are a great way to make you stand out from the others out there. A 4.0 shows you know how to study. A 3.0 and extracurricular activities snows you can stu y and that you've got what it takes to get into those postgraduate schools or those high-paying corporate jobs. For there is a way to gain that valuable experience in real world situations and continue to belt out those high grades every term.

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want people who are interested in gaining money and valuable sales and marketing experience to help us out. No experience is necessary; well teach you all you need to know! We'reThe Michigan Review, the second largest (and we think, best) paper on campus, bringing you opinions and news not found anywhere else. Our hard hitting investigative journalism, news features, political journalism, opinion, arts, and music have made us a nationally recognized "alternative" campus paper, having been quoted by and mentioned in U.S . News and World Report, the Wall Street Journal, the Ann Arbor News, the Detroit News, the Detroit Free Press, and many more nationally recognized papers and magazines. You may have seen us around campus in various stands or in your dorms (Not residence halls. Dorms.) We are searching for a business staff at all levels of production and management. The only thing requlred of you is a variable commitment of time and a willingness to learn. You can set your own hours and your own pace.

By joining the business staff of The Michigan Review, you can be a part of a winning team that for the past fourteen years h_a s worked on campus to make the Review one of the leading "alternative" campus papers throughout the nation. You can gain valuable and practical sales, marketing, and business experience that will not only look good on your resume, but help you out in real life situations and prepare you for the real world. Because once we all get out of here, well need all the experience we can get.

We are currently looking for: ADVERTISING SALES STAFF and A CIRCULATION MANAGER

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The advertising sales staff is the true backbone of the operation; it is like motor oil to the engine of an organization. By joining the advertising sales staff, you will be involved in working on selling advertisements to local merchants, receiving 5 0% commission on sales to stores where the Review has never advertised with before, and receiving 1 0% commission on sales to stores that the Review has previously dealt with. Joining the advertising sales staff is a great way to earn money and to gain experience without making a major commitment, leaving plenty of time for school and other activities. TIME COMMITMENT: VARIABLE CIRCULATION MANAGER:

The Circulation Manager will be responsible for ensuring that distribution to stands is in order. He will be responsible for distribution after each issue is printed, and will ensure that all distribution stands and drop points are adequately supplied with papers. The Circulation Manager will also be responsible for maintaining stands and stand display advertisements. The Circulation Manager will be responsible for the mailing of each issue to the subscribers of the Review, helping to maintain a vital link between the Review and the outside world. The Circulation Manager will also be involved in updating the subscriber base and will work with the Publisher to handle and manage subscription drives. TIME COMMITMENT: 3-6 HOURS PER WEEK

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