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MSA Hopefuls in for Fierce Fight

BY BENJAMIN KEpPLE

W

ITH A NIERE 71 CANDId a tes throwing their hat into the ring in an a ttempt to gain election to the Michiga n Student Assembly (MSA), competition in th e Winter 1998 electi0l1s is going t o be, in the word s of one PTesidential candidate, "fi erce." Even in m aI}y sm aller schools, often seen as a way for a student to gain an easy victory, it appears that candidates might actua lly have to campaign to achieve victory . In additi on , an important ballot proposal r egarding student funding of an attem pt to gain a voting student regent on the University's Board of Regents could change student politics down the road.

THE PRESIDENCY The race for the year-long Presidency of MSA is predicted to be especially tight. Independent presidential candidate and MSA veteran Ryan D. Friedrichs, and his running mate, LSA student government (LSA-SG) veteran Albert Garcia, are expected to run an extrem ely strong campaign.

However, they will face an extremely strong Students' Party (SP) ticket of Trent Thompson and Sarah Chopp.

Thompson also has a great deal of experience on the Assembly, and Chopp, while a r elative newcomer to the Assembly, proved to be extremely popular with voters in her Fall 1997 campaign for Representative, placing first in the College ofLSA with a very high 4,470 point total. "(People) liked the work I had done on the Assembly as well as off," Friedrichs said, explaining why he decided to run for MSA President.

"Folks really did believe in the nature of a "project oriented" student team finally removed from the idea of ,play governance' .. . their support helped

me believe in myself and in it fairly tough process over winter break I

vices ... what is the best structure to bring this? It is a student government free from the play governinent set-up of the past."

Friedrid1s a nd Garcia have accomplished quite a bit overthepast few years .

Friedrichs is the man behind on-line voting and the new Candidate Information MSA Elections mean one thing: Lots of posters saying the same thing. Page in student government elections, which saved the MS~~. decided to give it a try. " over $3,000 and saved 30,000 sheets People on the Assembly asked of paper normally used for paper balFriedrichs to run within the party loting. Turnout also increased in the system, but he declined. last election by 1,000 students. In "It would have been very easy to addition, Friedrichs helped found Uthrow my hat in the Students' Party M's Voice Your Vote chapter; worked ring and win like it h as always been with MSA Rep. Barry Rosenberg to done . However ... I had decided over create Advice On-Line; created ajoint break that I had to do this how I student government publication, The believed in it. I knew the Parties were Initiator; and h elped initiate a muchn ot ideologically different and I r eally wanted class in American Sign Lanwanted just a clean break from the past." gu a ge, in the American Culture deFriedrichs also pointed out the partment.

Garcia helped to coordinate the positive benefits of running as an inEnvironme ntal Theme Semester dependent, and noted that parties are while working with LSA-SG. In addinot necessary to effective campus govtion, he helped with the Martin Luther ernance.

King Day Symposium . Garcia has "Having a President and Vice helped coordinate numerous other President leading MSA independently holds aw esome potential. No one on events, including the Residence Hall the Assembly will fe el more or less a Campus Safety summit, administrapart of the process and internal divitor-student talks with numerous officials, and created a feedback process sions can finally fade.

"MSA is a campus student govfor students who receive Academic ernment! If you ask yourself what Advising. students honestly want from their student government it is simply serSee ELECTION, Page 5

U-M Dorm

Food: How Safe Is It? BY

LEE

C.J.

BOCKHORN AND

CARNACCHIO

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HE MI CHIGAN REVIEW recently undertook an extensive investigation offood safety at the University's residence hall cafeterias and snack bars. Through the University's department of Occupational Safety and Environmental Health (OSEH), the Review obtained copies of reports from the semi-annual health inspections of the cafeterias and snackbars. (These documents are public r ecord and available for public viewing.)

OSEH is aU niversity department which provides health inspection ser-

vices for U-M food establishments under an agreement with the Washtenaw County Department of Environmental Health. Dorm cafeterias all(~ snack bars are inspected twice a year, as required by Michigan law. Inspectors review food safety with evaluation sheets · designed by the state. These sheets list possible violations of the state health code which might be found at a food service establishment. In the past, these .sheets assigned scores on a scale of zero to 100, with each violation subtracting a certain point value from a perfect score of 100, based on its importance.

A score below 70 was considered failing. This practice, however, was ended in 1997. A new evaluation sheet was instituted which did not rate the food service facilities by scores, but instead listed the number of critical violations . Of 44 possible h ealth violations, 13 are considered critical. ExSee FOOD SAFETY, Page 8 1

Connerly is coming March 18.- We-.- -interview him.

Ward . .- ----··- -..- -.. --·-.. --··-··.- . . ----.---.. ---··---.. - - ----.. ---.. - - . ------..-- . ---.. ._ . -.- . . . ji

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IS irhal interviews Propois ition 209 architect and [UniverSity of California (Regent Ward Connerly. See ;'page ~~: :_____ '. . .

• "Oh no! It's C.J.Carnacchio!" The man who criticized the hOlneless at Thanksgiving is back with his new colum,~' See ~ag~~___________.

• See who we bloody well endorse for MSA's latest round of elections. You might be surprised. See page 4.

• Our Serpent's, Your Let ters,andseethelatestLos In The Eighties™ by EdiJ tor Benjamin Kepple:!

"Cla~s ,~election and th1 CretIn. INSIDE! i I

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THE MICI-rr~EVIEW (

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REVIEW

The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan

Better Living Through Satire™

"Hit Kepple with a car?"

Ranking up there on the "that's the damned stupidest thing I've ever heard of' list is definitely the recent National Day of Inaction in which aggrieved protestors, concerned about their perceived right to go to class, decided to protest threats to that right by ... not going to class. Does anyone else here consider this to be the ultimate act of stupidity?

In other University news, sources close to South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker confirm that Cartman's father - to be announced in a new South park will indeed be University President Lee Bollinger.

Bollinger, upon hearing the news, said, "That's all a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap!"

We don't know about you, but every time we read the Michigan Independent, one thing comes to mind: Where are the coupons? Where are the coupons?

Friedrich Nietschze must have been thinking of the Daily when he said, "Sick are they always; they vomit up their bile, and call it a newspaper."

We've recently heard that the University has commissioned the AATeam to defend affirmative action on campus, with BAMN leader Jessica Curtin playing the part of B. A. Her stock quote: "I pity the fool that opposes affirmative action!" Their first · mission is to successfully mine the area around the Michigan League and Union so that no one, nowhere, at no time may have free speech, as it might be fascist.

Recently, we spell-checked the name Bollinger on our computer systems in the office. Suggested replacements: bologna, bungler, and various other words' - well, computers don't lie, now do they?

In light of the upcoming MSA elections, we'd just like to take a moment to commemorate the election's forgotten victims: the janitorial staff of Angell Hall. Never have so many people suffered for such a small gain: well, perhaps at the Battle of the Somme, but a few hundred feet of mud inhabited only by dead soliders, barbed wire, and rats the size ofhousehold pets, in our eyes at any rate, is worth far more than the MSA Presidency.

We're honestly confused by a good

deal of the mail we're getting about Kepple's Worst of Winter column .

Look, if you disagree, fine, but what in hell does that have to do with a threatened masculinity complex? What is a threatened masculinity complex? And why is it all the writers seem to live in or near East Quad?

It's that time of year again for MSA politicos to come out of their dank, murky holes. If they don't see their consciences, we're in for another y~ar of incompetence and betrayal.

WARNING TO MIKE NAGRANT!

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER: MANAGING EDITOR: MANAGING EDITOR: ARTS EDITOR:

MUSIC EDITOR: SPORTS EDITOR: CONTRIBUTING EDITOR: ILLUSTRATOR: COMPUTER CONSULTANT:

BUSINESS STAFF: Matt Fogarty, Scherrie Johnson FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT: Tom Jolliffe (Madrid)

EDITOR EMERITUS:

thing first . Not that we're bitter_

WARNING TO We also hear that after this month's MSA Presidential election, MSA Vice President Olga Savic will be giving up her amateur status and becoming a professional puppeteer. But will she ever find another dummy as lifelike as Mike N agrant? We will surely miss his rousing rendition of "I Got No Strings." Who knows? Someday maybe Mike will be a real politico.

Sorry, Mike, but you deserve it for playing the lame duck these past four months. Now ride out your last three weeks quietly -- n('~ that it will be any different.

Oh, it's times like this we're glad we don't take MSA's funding and really glad we deal with the staff at The Michigan League . (All kidding aside, they are great - and we especially love the weekly cleaning service for our office!)

Mter all, this is an office where we found souvenirs from the 1984 Sugar Bowl behind a desk and where we still haven't learned from the 1993 Donny Hanson tragedy in the archive closet.

How were we supposed to know that the green thing in our fridge survived that bleach bomb and vowed revenge? how about <"

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LAURIE MAYK!

KEEPING THE DAILY BIASED, INCORRECT, AND STULTIFYING IS GENERALLY FROWNED UPON BY MOST STUDENTS! LIVE ON PAY~PER·VIEWI SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! Fighting for the Title of World's Absolute Worst Daily Columnist Ever!

Geoff Brown

The Michigan Review is the independent, student-run journal of conservative and libertarian opinion at the University of Michigan. We neither solicit nor accept monetary donations from the U--M. Contributions to the Michigan Review aretax-{ieductible under Section 501 (c){3) of the Internal Revenue Code. The Review is not affiliated with any political party or university political group.

the March 18 appearance.of Ward Connerly, provided that socialist thugs armed with megaphones and clubs don't decide to ruin the whole

No?

.'

'CnSigned editorials represent the opinion of the editorial board. Ergo, they are unequivocably correct and just.

Signed articles, letters, and cartoons represent the opinions of the author and not necessarily those of the Review.

The opinions presented in this publication are not necessarily those of the advertisers or of the University of Michigan. We welcome letters, articles, and comments about the journal.

In other news, Review Editor-in-Chiel Benjamin Kepple and Managing Editor Chris Camacchio were astonished at the rapid response by the Ann Arbor Fire Departmentwhen their building (Couzens) began burning down. Six minutes after the first weak, Ward Cleaver like alarms sounded, the AAFD showed up to save us all. As a fire was raging in the third floor, the firemen leisurely took their time getting up to the third ftoor and spraying it with a fire extinguisher or two.

DPS was on hand to make sure that none of us hurt ourselves, and attempted to herd aU of us like cattle onto Palmer Field. They beat those who did not comply.

Please address all advertising and subscription inquiries to: Publisher c/o the Michigan Review.

Editorial And Business Offices: 911 N. University Avenue, Suite One Ann Arbor, Mt 48109-1265 EMAIL: MREV@umich_edu URL: http://www.umich.edul-mrevl Tel. (313) 647·8438 Fax (313) 936-2505 Copyrtghl C 1998, by The MIehI9I" Review, Inc. Aft rtghts ...-vod.

0/ tho Co"-9iale Networl<.

The A//chI!J8n Rrvitw 10 • _

Worse than Jean Twenge!

Worse than Adrienne Janney!

Even worse than Katie Hutchins! " Watch as PAUL SERILLA conducts "Serilla Warfare" against the "Trivial Pursuits" of JOSHUA

RICH! ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW FOR A MERE $49.951 "

~,~

Chris Hayes Rob Wood Matthew Buckley Astrid Phillips Ben Rousch

STAFF WRITERS: John Bach, Craig Garthwaite, Andrew Golding, Jen Guerra, Doug Hillhouse, Julie Jeschke, Amy Majerowicz, Jacob Oslick, Maureen Sirhal.

We're definitely looking forward to

By the way, Mike, do you think we'll get Ye Grand Old Coursepack Store before 2017?

Benjamin Kepple Sang Lee Lee Bockhorn C. J. Carnacchio Kristina Curkovic

EDITORIAL STAFF

No affirmative action supporters have returned our Racial Preferences Pledge. Why is that? Could it be, say, hypocrisy?

YOUR FREE PARKING IS OVER!

If we can't bomb Iraq France? No?

EDITORIAL BOARD

Recently, the Government of Ontario awarded the sum of CDN$2.8 million to the three surviving Dionne quintuplets. The quints, who were born Back In The Day (as in the 1930s) and were the first surviving quintuplets ever delivered, lived in state custody in a theme park called "Quint Land," which netted the Ontario government millions in revenue that the quints ne".:er saw. The quints were happy about the award until they realized that due to nose-diving exchange rates, their CDN$2.8 million only paid for toll fare at the Ambassador Bridge and a Motel 6 room outside of Detroit.

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The Michigan Review Letters to the Editor 911 N. University Ave_ Suite One Ann Arbor, MI48109 or email with subject "Letters to the Editor": mrev@umich.edu

March 11,1998

3

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o LEITERS TO THE EDITOR Ov~r

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'M NOT SURE WHO YOU [MR. Kepple] are or who you think you are but apparently you are missing out on some important aspects of life. As a Women's StudieslPsychology major I can assure you that you . are entitled to your own opinion, no matter how incorrect it is.

My guess is that you are a male who has been "oppressed" by the system and is afraid that perhaps many of the courses you oppose have credibility and importance in life. I am not sure exactly how you would define a course that teaches what you term "fundamentals," or what gives you the right to evaluate these courses, considering the fact that you seem to have no experience with them outside of the course guide. I would suggest that you take one of the courses which you so wrongly scoff at, you may learn something. Everyone can learn from someone else. There is no one in the world, least of all you, who knows everything and has nothing to gain from anyone else.

While I can only hope that your message was some sad attempt at humor, I have to tell you, it failed miserably. I'd like to take the chance to inform you and many others within the University community that women's studies has nothing to do with discussing men. Mainly our discussions focus on women (which is something you have probably never heard of) and their history, bodies, future, gender, friendships, relationships, etc. It is very "gendercentric" of you and others to assume that we must sit around and discuss men.

Generally, we have better things to do with our time and energy.

While I could enlighten you much more about [these] subjects, which once again you are clueless about, I am pissed enough that I even bothered to message you. Considering that this is Illost likely what you wanted to accomplish. Again, I would suggest that you attempt to broaden your horizons and take a class which you have deplored . You may learn something and then most people would respect you for speaking from experience instead of ignorance.

[1 ] wish nothing to ever do with you again but you are unwelcome (sic) to reply to the above address.

MARJORIE

ELLEN KNEPP

LSA

READ THE REVIEW.

BE INFORMED.

Kepple's "Worst of Winter"

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read through the well written Michi gan Review articles ..

You guys should drop off a bundle of papers in the Naval Architecture and Marine Engineering Department .. . right next to The Michigan Daily .

I'm sure that it would be appreci~.

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Sincerely,

VINOENT SKWAREK GRADUATE STUDENT

NAVARcH

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Write to: mreV@Umich.edu Or, write us the old-fashioned way: The Michigan Review 911 N. University Avenue, Suite One Ann Arbor, MI 48104

WOW! A publication that i& produced by students at the University which actually reflects the echoes of my heart. I've been a graduate student here for almost a year and have just discovered The Michigan Review.

I am constantly sickened by The Michigan Daily and it was such a relief to

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Let us know how we're doing.

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Revving up your 1974 Gremlin With a Review Staff Writer or Editor in Mind?

Review "Reflects

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Neil Rosenblatt, an LSA Senior from Kitchener, Ontario, ran over Review Editor-in-Chief Benjamin Kepple. Mr. Rosenblatt posed for us after Kepple's Iife~alterin9 misfortune.

We:re sure you'll be happy to know that in an amazing and implausible coincidence, Mr. Kepple was indeed hit by a car (see pHure). This incredible incident happened near Mr. Kepple's residence on East Ann Street.

While you'll be undoubtedly annoyed by the fact that Mr. Kepple is recuperating nicely in a secluded location near St. Kitts, you may wish to congratulate the student who accidentally plowed into Mr. Kepple (again, see our picture.) - Eds.

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THINK YOUR LIST OF classes that should be avoided demonstrates a closed minded view that all students should conform to your ideas of what is important in a world of one history and culture.

The fact remains that many cultures and people have experienced different histories and lives, and not all of these are covered in standard english and history classes. This diversity is beginning to be explored in such classes as you mentioned, and what you propose is a totalitarian view that these experiences are unimportant.

You need to realize tha t history exists for more people than average Joe Whitey, and this history is just as important. Get out ofthe 1950's idea that everyone needs to be the same so they should learn the same things.

It's people like you who I would not hesitate to hit with my car if I saw crossing the street, thinking I would benefit society.

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The Michigan Review reserves the right to edit letters for clarity or length. Please include your name, year in school. and major; if you're not a student anymore, please provide your city and state. We prefer short letters, but we also accept long ones as long as they aren't some psuedointellectual diatribe about socialism. We do want to know what you think and we do want to keep your letters coming, so by all means, please do write us, whether you love us or want to run us down with your car at a high rate of speed.

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March 11, 1998

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

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o FROM SUITE ONE Vote Friedrichs, Garcia for .MSA .

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o ENSURE THE MICHIGAN STUDENT ASSEMBLY (MSA)IS AS effective as possible, we consider it of the utmost importance that the • leaders of MSA concentrate on campus issues that directly :frect and involve students. Hence, we feel that Ryan D. Friedrichs and Albert Garcia (Independent) are most deserving of your vote for the positions of MSA President and Vice President, respectively.

This is not to say that Friedrichs and Garcia represent a panacea to cure MSA's troubles. We strongly oppose their proposal to expand Leadership 2017 to include more student leaders and MSA committee chairs. Participation in a program that causes many to question the integrity of student leaders, and diminishes the importance ofMSA in the eyes of its constituency, is madness.

A proposal by Friedrichs and Garcia to create a Diversity Theme Semester is a one-way ticket to disaster; such a Theme Semester will undoubtedly turn into an anti-conservative propaganda outlet similar to the Martin Luther King Day "Symposium" earlier this year.

However, both Friedrichs and Garcia are accomplished student leaders who have proven't hey can accomplish very real and tangible projects. Friedrichs was the chief architect of MSA's on-line voting project, which has b~en an amazing success. Not only has it made voting easier for all, it has saved $3,000 of student money, vastly increased turnout, ~d been an incredible convenience for students. Friedrichs also worked on Advice On-Line, helped found Voic.e Your Vote, and helped to start a much-:.wanted sign language class. In LSA-SG, Garcia helped coordinate the Environmental Theme Semester and the Residence Hall Campus Safety summit, worked hard to increase student .contact with administrators, and created the Student Academic Advising Feedback Process .

Both Friedrichs and Garcia have many intelligent and feasible ideas for the upcoming year, including putting a ride board on the MSA web page; establishing a phone line for complaints to MSA; integrating Advice On-Line into the new on-line course description system; and opening MSA front office machines to all student groups, among many others. We are confident that they will be able to get these things done. Friedrichs and Garcia, with their workable, amI campusfocused programs , are the smart, rational choice for students. .

A very close second to the Independents are TJ..ent Thompson and Sarah Chopp (Students Party). Thompson has also accomplished a great deal. He has worked diligently on the student regent issue, and has been an important part of the Budget Priorities Committee. He also was the force behind the recent "fireside chats" with President Lee Bollinger. Chopp has worked diligently on the External Relations Committee (ERC). While both are very qualified representatives and, suited for MSA's Executive, we have grave reservations about their stance on allowing students to vote on the affirmative action issue (no, due to "controversial wording") and their tacit acceptance of arguably frivolous resolutions.'We also do not feel they are as committed as Friedrichs and Garcia will be to internal reform and increasing student group funding .

Additionally in the Students Party, we support the (re-)election of Olga Savic (Rackham), Matt Curin (Pharmacy), and Mark Sherer (LSA) .

Savic and Curin have shown their talent and dedication to the Assembly, and Sherer has a drive and intelligence that can be of good use.

In the Michigan Party, which is not running an Executive slate, we support the re-election of Mellul Madia (LSA). Madia has been an important force for students on a variety of issues, including the M-Card and working on the Campus Governance Committee.

In the Ne,w J:i!rontif;'r Party. we support the election of" Douglas Friedmann (Rackham), Alok Agrawal (Engineering), and Martin HowryJak (LSA). All three of these candidates have one thing in common: common sense. Friedmann, who has previously resigned in disgust from MSA, is a proven voice of sanity on an often insane Assembly. All three are committed to fiscal prudence and keeping the focus on campus issues. The executive slate of Elizabeth Keslacy and Mik~ Enright is well founded but we are unsure of how effective they would be in office, We consider the Wolverine Party, whilc certainly 'i ntriguing as anOther all-outsider party, unfortunately too unsu re of concrete goals to merit an endorsenien~. We admire their resolve, but quctilion how wen their effectiveness would be if elected.

Finally, not even MSA at i.ls worst hour deserves the Defend Affirmative Action Purty. The' party, led by BAMNtNwROC leader Jessica Curtin, is :;lInilUT" to Sino Fein in that it is the political wing,o f acaqtpus extremist group unwillang to compromise on anything. This group cares nothing for student anput or opinion; God knows what would happen to student group financing if th~e rodicals became elected. We urge all students - even those under duress by a looming thrcat of rhythmic chants- to avoid the DAAP l ik~ a su'tlurbanite avoids Dutch Elm disease_l\1t

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o COMMENTARY President Lacks Character HERE WAS A TIME WHEN P~SIDENTS WERE THOUGHT OF AS paragons of virtue and integrity. The mention of the White House brought to mind thoughts of George Washington who could not lie about that fallen cherry tree, or Honest Abe Lincoln. Today, many would say that this is just naive thinking, but there was a time when the president was looked to for not only national leadership but also moral leadership. Now when children ask their parents about the president they say, "Mommy, what's oral sex?"

It is truly troubling how many Americans are willing to dismiss President Clinton's martial fidelity as a private matter that does not affect his ability to govern. The true measure of a leader, as George Bush and Bob Dole failed to impress upon the electorate, is his character. A man's character, whether it be in private or public matters;says a lot about him as a person and a leader.

A man who is willing to lie or cheat in his private affairs will have no difficulty doing the same in public matters. President Clinton has broken his marital vows, the most sacred of all covenants, before. He finally admitted, in one of his recent depositions, that he did indeed have an affair with Gennifer Flowers. Ifhe is willing to lie and cheat on his wife, the woman he pledged his life and fidelity to, what is to stop him from lying to the American people? While it is true that no one is perfect and we all have fallen far from grace, should we not expect more from the man we charge with the security of our nation?

The fault for the disgraceful state ofthe executive branch lies not only with President Clinton but also with the American public itself. Ifwe had a king who was an immoral lout, we could easily place the blame for the disgrace he brought to the monarchy square upon his shoulders. But this is not a monarchy, it is a democratic republic. The man who occupies the Oval Office is a direct reflection of the American people, and what a sad and ugly reflection it is.

To many Americans, words like character and dignity are just that, words.

It seems that as long as the people have their gross animal needs satisfied, they could care less about the character of the man who has sworn to defend the Constitution. But it must be remembered that no matter how economically prosperous a nation is, when morality has been cast aside, no nation will stand for very long. A sound financial base is of little help when the bank of morality is empty. The Roman Empire proved that. Shall Nero warm up his fiddle for our fall as well?

The president should be a man who commands respect and governs with' a certain quiet dignity. Leadership demands someone who is better than the rest of us, not someone who exemplifies the worst in us. President Clinton does not even possess the character to manage a McDonald's, much less. be the president. God bless America? No. God help America. Mt -C.J.Carnacchio . . -~ ,- ' : . ~

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Election CONTINUED from Page 1

Additional projects proposed by Friedrichs and Garcia if they are elected include the establishment of a complaint number for students at MSA, 76-GRIPE, working on making MSA a permanent part of Orientation; working on a Diversity Theme Semester, and opening MSA front office machines for student group use.

They also propose putting a ride board on the MSA web site, along with a online dialogue about Affirmative Action. Friedrichs also discussed integrating Advice On-Line into the new on-line course description, along with expanding the size and scope of Leadership 2017 to include more student groups and leaders.

Friedrichs noted that $11,000 in this year's budget can be diverted directly for student group funding, noting that an in-the-works central student database will save MSA $1,000, and that a $10,000 set-aside

by MSA to fund the ill-fated coursepack store was never used.

He also spoke about the problems many see in MSA's passing resolutions that may not be supported by a large percentage of students or that are not campus related, and is strongly in favor of a student regent.

Thompson and Chopp also spoke with the Review.

"We decided to run as President and Vice President because we felt that we are the best candidates to carry out our vision of change. We have worked together all year, and we balance each other out with our diverse opinions. Our vision for strengthening the student voice and bettering campus life is the driving force behind our candidacy," Thompson said.

"The overarching problem within MSA is student outreach. MSA is not thought of, to most students, as the vocie on campus~ and thus a theme of our platform is student outreach and accessibility. We are confronting this issue by implementing the"Ambassador Program," which will create an MSA monitored list-serv of all student groups," Thompson said.

Thompson's most recent accomplishment, that has been in campus news quite a bit, is the successful coordination of a "fireside chat" with President Bollinger, in which 30 stu~ dents were randomly selected to meet with Bollinger in an informal atmosphere. He has also been a major force in the fight for a voting student regent, along with coordinating a twoday conference of all the student governments in the Big Ten. Chopp has worked on the Communications Com-

5

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

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mittee and is Vice-Chair ofthe External Relations Committee (ERC) of MSA, and has also worked on the student regent project.

"We planned the Big Ten conference (ABTS) which U-M hosted, and are following governmental issues which pertain to higher education ... I was an MSA representative to the AffirmativeAction 101 planning committee. Being the collegiate representative to ABTS, I am working to transform the structure of the association so that it is more economically efficient," Chopp said.

Thompson noted that "we believe the Students Party has proven itself to be fiscally responsible when it comes to [MSA's] internal budget. We have increased student grou p funding from $90,000 to $140,000 and we have cut in ternal spending to a reasonable proportion."

However, Thompson and Chopp did not support a recent controversial ballot proposal that would allow students to decide how they felt about affirmative action.

"Due to the controversial wording of the proposed ballot question, we were unable to support it. When dealing wi th issues concerning the admissions process, one has to include alumni status, athletic ability, and gender. Thus, we felt we could not support a ballot question which only singled out race and ethnicity in the admissions process," Thompson said.

Friedrichs and Garcia plan to work with Statistics Professor Brenda Gunderson and using the offices of the Vice President for Student Mfairs, plan to conduct a scientific poll during the last week of March to see how students feel about the issue.

If elected, Thompson said that "we have a number of projects that we will accomplish if elected into office.

These projects are a housing guidebook, a 'know your rights' card, a lecture mentorship program, and a universal funding application."

THE OUTSIDERS But these are not the only Presidential candidates. Three other parties, the New Frontier Party (NFP), a resurrected Wolverine Party (WP), and the Defend Affirmative Action Party (DAAP) are also running Presidential slates that could also prove to be large vote-getters, and prove to be popular with students disgruntled with the MSA. "MSA is currently a misguided, slowly moving beast that needs active leadership which will actually produce some of what it promised during the election. I can do this," said NFP

Presidential candidate Elizabeth Keslacy.

And what are some ofMSA's misdeeds?

"The list goes on and on. The nonexistence of absentee voting, the lack of accountability, both fmancially and within the Assembly structure," Keslacy said. The NFP strongly supports provisions for absentee voting, opposes mandatory MSAfees, opposes a student regent, and "abhors the unorthodox procedures ofMSA meetings, the disorganization of the Assembly, and the inability ofits leadership to properly follow procedures (including Robert's Rules of Order). The NFP calls on MSA to start its meetings on time and for its members to attend meetings," according to the NFP's Statement of Goals.

The NFP also strongly opposes MSA's practice of making frivolous resolutions. .

"It is a farce to call these resolutions student supported," Keslacy said. She described her feeling at hearing that MSA voted down a proposal for students to "vote" on affirmative action as "something like grimly ~ laughing and (feeling nausegus)-'at the same time."

Her Vice Presidential candidate, Mike Enright, agreed.

"I think that students should be able to vote their opinion on affirmative action," he said.

"I do not feel that the MSA represents me. I believe that many students feel the same way. I decided that the best way to change the MSA is to run for the MSA," Enright said when asked why he decided to run.

He described the administrative cost ofMSA as "unconscionable," and also strongly opposes a campaign for a student regent.

Faaris Hussein, Presidential Candidate for the Wolverine Party, however, disagrees.

"I think it's a great idea - the [Regents] and the President are very detached from the school- they look at us as a source of income." These sentiments are the core of Hussein's campaign.

"This sounds Utopian - but [we want to] make this place a better place to go to school," Hussein said.

"It's a faceless institution. We want to give it some heart."

Hussein decries the current state of the Assembly.

"I think that all of the people on the Assembly [are acting like] junior Newt Gingrich's or Dick Armey's," Hussein said. "I haven't seen anything get done." He condemned the Assembly for not allowing the student body to vote their opinion on

affirmative action, and said that "less emphasis" should be put o_n such issues as Nike and the National Day of Action.

That concept is entirely opposite that of the fifth party running in the election. The Defend Affirmative Action Party wants to build a national student movement to defend affirmative action. If this refrain sounds familiar, it may be because the leader of DAAP and their Presidential candidate is none other than Jessica Curtin, leader ofBAMN and the campus chapter of the National Women's Rights Organizing Coalition (NWROC). They stood in strong oppositon to the proposed affirmatiVe action ballot question due to the wording of the question, claiming that "blacks, other minorities, and women have NEVER received preferential treatment in this country . We have received prejudiced and UNEQUAL treatment."

"The DAAl;' believes that MSA should put itselfin the leadership of a new national student movement to defend affirmative action,". Curtin said. She also said that the MSA should directly fund efforts to defend affirmative action "minus the bureaucracy and the red tape," although she did not elaborate on what that exactly meant.

THE REPRESENTATIVES; "CHARGING IN" WITH AN AX Some representatives are idealistic. Others are cynical. The candidates ofthe NFP seem to be the latter: down-to-earth, rational, but with an edge.

"Actually, I think MSA's main problem, student apathy, is largely unsolvable," said NFP candidate Jacob Oslick (LSA). "However, I think it can.be reduced by solid ideas. MSA candidates make bland, silly statements like 'more money for student groups,' but nobody has a platform why should the students care?" If elected, Oslick would work towards breaking up the UM-TEL phone monopoly in the dorms, work to create a more flexible meal plan, and work towards a color-blind admissions policy. He sees the student regent as a "needless expense" and is supportive of slashing funds for political lobbying on MSA. Martin Howrylak (LSA), former Presidential candidate for the nowdefunct Liberty Party and representative candidate, stated his concerns about the Assembly.

See ELECTION on Page 12

6

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

March 11,1998

o SEND LAWYERS, GUNS, & MONEY...

The Politics of,Eear and Ignorance

BY C.J. CARNACCHIO

W

HEN I THINK OF POLItics I envision Cicero delivering a brilliant oration to the Roman Senate, or the right honorable Edmund Burke waxing poetic in the House of Commons. But, alas, those days of civilized political discourse are gone forever. Today, the political arena belongs to the ideological zealot chanting some inane slogan through a megaphone while his mindless followers wave their signs and parrot his every phrase.

Nowhere is the death of civilized political discourse more apparent than on the nation's college campuses, particularly at academic gulags like our very own University of Michigan ("All hail comrade Bollinger!!"). Books and rhetoric have been replaced by megaphones and sandwich board signs.

Carefully crafted political ideals have given way to catchy slogans usually beginning with "Hey, hey! Ho, hoi ... " True tolerance for differing political ideals has been displaced by "in your face" tactics. The thoughtful campus leader has been cast aside in favor of th e campus demagogue who speaks volumes but says nothing.

College campuses are breeding the type of ideological fanatics who, to quote George Orwell, "think in slogans and talk in bullets." It must never be forgotten that politics of the fanatic can easily become the politics of guillotines and gas chambers . As Russell Kirk once remarked, "In his march toward Utopia, the ideologue is merciless ... .The radical reformer, proclaiming himself omniscient, strikes down every rival, to arrive at the Terrestrial Paradise more swiftly."

Since the 1960s, campuses have been terrorized by these militants who fancy themselves political messiahs.

University administrators are usually either too spineless to take a stand against them dr are all too willing accomplices in their schemes . Student bodies are either too apathetic or too scared to take their campuses back from the lunacy of the far Left.

The result has been campuses dominated by the politics of intimidation.

No group at the U-M better illustrates this degeneration of politics C.J. Carnacchio is the Managing Editor of the Review. Please direct all fan mail, hate mail, and death threats to chrisca~umich.edu. If you do not llse e-mail just hurl a rock with a nasty note attached through his window. Please address the note, "Dear racist , sexist, homophobic, fascist,reactionary, running-dog imperialist swine ... "

into the primordial slime than the Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action By Any Means Necessary (BAMN). Jessica Curtin and her boorish brood of mental midgets represent the most vile and base elements of politics. They are little more than a group of thugs who operate under the guise of crusading for social justice. If their actions were not so reprehensible, it would be necessary to pity them for their narrow-mindedness.

BAMNpossesses the typical militant ideology. Ifyou are not with them, you are against them. If you r epresent an opposing viewpoint, you will be shouted down and bullied into silence . .Dissent will not be tolerated and they will use whatever means neoessary to accomplish their goals.

Their street-thug methods and intolerant mentality continue the infamous political tradition handed down by the Brown Shirts and Bolsheviks.

BAMN's intellectual inferiority prevents them from engaging in a productive dialogue, so they hurl epitaphs such as "racist" and "fascist" at their opponents. Of course, they define a racist as anyone who opposes

((Jessica Curtin and her boorish brood of mental midgets represent the most v ile and base elements of politics." affirmative action or dares to criticize their brutish behavior. By their standards even the average politically moderate student is guilty of some form of racism. BAMN throws the term "racist" around much like Stalin used the term "Trotskyite" during the Great Purges of the 1930s . They are dedicated to fighting racism, be it real or imaginary.

BAMN's tactics alienate not only those opposed to affirmative action but also many who support it as well.

Even when moderate individuals support the same cause as the radicals, they are viewed by the latter with scorn and suspicion for not possessing the same fanatical zeal. To the militant, moderation is the virtue of cowards and compromise the prudence of traitors.

Street demonstrations, burning newspapers, chanting slogans, threatening violence, and all the other methods militant campus groups employ are the politics of the ignorant and vulgar. Politics should be a contest of

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ideas, not a shouting match. True political discourse begins with books and rigorous study. From knowledge flows the free exchange ofideas which ultimately leads to intelligent political action. A sagacious and imaginative mind is the most valuable and effective of all political tools. As Burke pointed out, "Political arrangement, as it is a work for social ends, is to be only wrought by social means. There mind must conspire with mind. Time is required to produce that union of minds which alone can produce all the good we aim at. Our patience will achieve more than our force."

But independent thought and rational debate are the last things the

. "BAMN throws the term 'racist' around much like Stalin used the term 'Trotskyite' during the Great Purges of the 1930s." campus militants want, for these would stifle their ability to control the campus through their strong-arm tactics. The radicals strive for conformity through fear - not diversity through truth. Groups like BAMN operate on the assumption that they are some enlightened cadre who, through a delusion of moral superiority, have earned the right to dictate policy to the rest of us poor backward wretches. They are the vanguard of social justice and anyone who would dare levy criticism against them must be a "reactionary pig."

There is absolutely no place for organizations such as BAMN in civilized politics. The fate of affirmative action, as with all public matters, must be decided by the courts and legislatures, not by the politics of the angry mob. The rule of law is what separates us from the beasts. IfBAMN cannot accept that than we should begin preparing their cages at once.

Students of all political stripes must stand up to these cowardly miscreants and prevent them from dominating campus political life any further. There are more sane and prudent students (at least I hope) on campus than this militant ,rabble. It may seem as though these groups are large in their numbers - but do not be fooled. Their numbers, much like their minds, are small. It is only their mouths which are large.

As Burke reminds us, "Because half a dozen grasshoppers under a

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fern make the field ring with their importunate chink, whilst thousands of great catUe ... chew the cud and are silent, pray do not imagine, that those who make the noise are the only inhabitants of the field; that of course, they are many in number; or that, after all, they are other than the little shrivelled, meagre, hopping, though loud and troublesome insects of the hour."l\R

Enjoy the column? Or are you going to shout "Oh, no! It's C.J. Carnacchio!" when you see his column in our April 1st issue?

Regardless, let us know what you think; mrev@Umich.edu.

March 11, 1998

7

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o LOST IN THE EIGHTIESTM

Course Selection and the Cretin . .,4'

'

~

BY BENJAMIN KEPPLE

T

HEI·m IS A NICE QUOTE BY a Women's Studies professor who was asked about graduate school by a student worried about her chances of getting into one of those fine institutions. The professor then replied, "I did badly on my SATs, and even worse on my GREs, and I'm a professor ofWomen's Studies!"Well, somebody didn't notice the doubleedged aspect of that. In a similar vein, I fear that some of my readers may not have noticed that when I wrote my "Ben's Worst of Winter" column, I was indeed serious. While I did intend it to be humorous, it was a serious, un-facetious piece (for those of you who were wondering).

These suggestions that I made back in January regarding the University's class offerings and a student's class selection have been the target of some rather nasty complaints sent the Review's direction.

Now, my suggestions were grounded in common sense, logic, a healthy amount of anecdotal evidence, and a hpalthy dose of conservative thought.

Hence, many students hated it and found it unacceptable. This prompted these individuals to send veiled threats of violence, personal attacks, and cruel and vindictive insults my way. Others, who merely detested the piece, sent me polite, well-written letters that challenged me to debate my supposedly untenable position.

For the most part, the writers were clear-headed, intelligent people.

They were able to construct a complete sentence, and even use adjectives correctly. However, some of the negative letters were, quite frankly, appalling. Here is the unedited text of one comment: "I can see why he is hiding in the Caribbean ... He is a loser, who has deemed himself intellect. How do you things courses? You know about pretend know far too much about the courses to merely have HEARD about them. Save your self the embarrassment and keep your narrow-minded opinions to yourself."

This letter - written by a student, albeit in Kinesiology contains the worst prose I have seen in my twenty-two years on this Earth.

What was my initial reaction? Obviously, I thought the letter writer could

all

Benjamin Kepple is Editor-in-Chief of the Review. He was last seen running acroSs the Diag pursued by ,an angry mob and a 1971 AMC Pacer.

You can send more irate letters to

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only think in (to quote a phrase) short, staccato bursts; that this mindless wretch with the intellectual capacity ofan sixth-grader was obviously taxed by this one paragraph message. I also wondered how this individual got into this University, although as he is in Kinesiology, maybe he can score touchdowns or shoot baskets. But after reexamining the message, I dismissed my earlier opinion, and put the poor quality of the message down to the writer not thinking. I have a feeling that was my subconscious sub.tly try-

"Only at Michigan could this uber-Nazi for the downtrodden thrive and have her own screaming mob of cretins goose-step to an ideology that sane humans have discarded.

JJ

ing to keep alive my faith in Man. This faith of mine is on life support after four years at the wonderful University of Michigan. After all, only on the college campus of today could we have, say, Jessica Curtin taken seriously. Only at Michigan could this uber-Nazi for the downtrodden thrive and have her own screaming mob of cretins goose-step to an ideology that sane humans have discarded. Only at Michigan could we have a Michigan Student Assembly that refuses to allow the student body to decide in a non-binding referendum whether it supported affirmative action, but yet take firm and courageous action to protect the' rights of laborers, working for near-slave wages, who live literally on the other side of the world.

Only at Michigan could we have administrators who lie through their teeth on a daily basis and even worse, people who actually believe them.

(Race is one of many factors in admissions, my eye.)

It's really rather appalling, and the only reason there isn't more outcry about any ofthis is because we live in an island of modern liberalism. In the Fairfax, Virginias and the Kalamazoo, Michigans of this nation, groups like the By Any Means Necessary coalition (BAMN) are an aberration. In the real world, people care about issues that affect them first, not suffering workers in Indonesia being ground into dust by some faceless corporate tyrant. And most people in the real world know bloody well .; when ,they hear a lie wrapped up in

bureaucrat-ese.

But not here! Everyday, it seems, you are always within earshot of some cretin with rocks in his head, most likely an American Culture major, babbling on about social justice and empowerment and imperialis111 and other words he doesn't know the meaning of. You turn a corner and you're face to face with 300 misguided souls in the Fishbowl protecting their socalled right to go to class by ... not going to class ... during the National Day of Inaction. Then you'll be accosted by someone, whose capacity to think for himself is comparable to that of a handball, passing out leaflets orpampblets protesting this cause or another- and is it a civil discourse or protest? No! Not on your life! You can rest assured that these left-wing protesters will be loud, obnoxious, and annoying! If it's a speaker they're protesting, he'll be lucky to even get ten words out of his mouth! And finally, you'll meet some Sociology professor, whose ideology rests on a vast total of four misguided and poorly written tomes purporting to hold wisdom in their pages, who will t~L.~u

"You're face to face with 300 misguided souls in the Fishbowl protecting their so-called right to go to class by not going to class during the National Day of Inaction.

JJ

that affirmative action is needed because of inherent social injustice and inequality that can never be corrected (although that last part, they generally leave out).

And all of us - even those of us who are die-hard conservatives become slowly used to living on Fantasy Island. We think it's perfectly normal for a screaming group of thugs that never numbers more than 25 students to create fifteen different important-sounding splinter groups (have you ever noticed that BAMN, NWROC, and the ARA people are all the same?). We tamely accept the indoctrination that is spoon-fed to us at (Dis)Orientation when we arrive.

We don't become outraged when the leader of such a group comes out and says that the question of affirmative action shouldn't be put to the ballot because ofthe conservative nature of voting, as happened in the Daily of February 27,1998. What arrogance! . What ,self-righteousuessJ . r ,- " ,

This same arrogance and selfrighteousness is taught in the very courses which I condemned. One professor I had for a History course, whose name I do not wish to remember, decided to go into a long harangue about the steel industry and the evils ofthe American steel industry during the 1960s and 1970s. The man knew nothing about steel, didn't have a whit of knowledge about business or how a modern corporation works, and he stands up on the stage, prancing about, ranting and raving as if there was no tomorrow. My family comes from around Pittsburgh - I've seen those old steel towns, or rather, what's left of them. It wasn't pretty. My disgust must have shown, because the professor stopped and looked straight at me, and admitted (at least he admitted it once during the term), "OK, I'm over-exaggerating it, but you've already turned in the course evaluations and there's nothing you can do."

There's nothing you can do. That is the underlying theme in so many messages today. When was the last time you stood up and said, "The hell there isn't!"

We can all make a conscious decision in our minds to take a positive step towards taking a stand for our beliefs and ourselves. Don't give in to the cretins who teach these courses and attempt to indoctrinate you with their pathetic, outmoded theories and their guilt-laden course readings.

Don't give in to the cretins who run the departments. If you don't like a course or you feel uncomfortable in it, you have every right to drop it - it's fun and easy to do so- and take a different course.

And if you like the course but you don't like the way it is taught, for God's sake, don't just sit there. Antagonize the teaching assistant and refute the theories being taught in class that tell you Europeans are inherently evil and men are scum. You don't deserve to be taught these child-' ish, pathetic un truths. You're an adult - demand to be treated like one. l\R Are you angry enough to write the Review about Kepple's latest column but want to be original from other' critics?

The following phrases have ALREADY been used to criticize him at some point in his collegiate career:

• • • • • • •

racist bigot white devil trite petty loser fascist

• sick bastard • close-minded • insensitive • knee-jerk • embarrassing • emulator of ne<Hconservative pundits

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _~ _ _ "'_'"~. _ _ _ _rn _ _ _ _~~ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _'

8

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

March 11, 1998

Food Safety ,JOt

CONTINUED from Page 1 am pIes of critical violations include: foods being stored or served at improper temperatures, the presence of insects andlor rodents, improper storage of toxic cleaning materials, unsanitary food handling practices, and failure of sewage disposal systems.

Some factors which may contribute to these violations are understaffing, occasional carelessness, the relative size of the establishment, and frequent staff turnover.

When violations are found by the inspectors, the facilities are either compelled to correct them immediately, or are given a certain time frame in which to rectify the problem. The time given to correct a violation depends upon the specific nature and severity of the situation; for example, a food temperature violation is usually corrected immediately, while a plumbing violation requiring the services of a professional contractor may be given a period of up to ten days.

Michigan state law, unlike several other states, does not require public notification when an establishment receives a failing score. According to Dan Lyon and Elizabeth Hall of OSEH, this is usually unnece."sary except in the most severe cases, such as the outbreak of a foodborne disease (for example, e coli). They prefer to correct most problems by working with the establishment's management. Inspectors AI Hauck and David Wilson of the Washtenaw County Environmental Health Department concurred, saying they did not see any compelling reason to inform patrons of isolated poor scores.

"The score sheets should be taken with a Nain of salt," said Wilson.

"They're not necessarily accurate indicators of relative food safety. As an example, one restaurant may have a score of 95, with only one five point critical violation, but if the one violation is a number 27 (no hot water supply) which meant ehat the restaurant couldn't sanitize dishes, that would pose a much greater threat to food safety than another establishment which earned a score of75, but only had non-critical or easily corrected critical violations. The biggest concern is not always what violations are found, but whether or not they are corrected in a timely manner."

This weakness in the 100-point score sheets is cited by Hauck and Wilson as the main reason why the state has changed the format of the evaluation sheets to simply note which violations ar~ !yscover~d, and how many of these' are critical. Hauck also urged that isolated poor scores be considered in context. "Someti.Iues..you -

just catch a place on a back;day."

The inspectors at OSBWand Washtenaw County do not see their relationship with the management of food service facilities as an antagonistic one; rather, as Lyon of OSEH stated, "One of our jobs is to go into a situation and help the manager assess the risks involved in his operation, and then help find a way to deal with those risks in a way that best protects the public."

THE SCORES: HOW DO U-M'S DORM CAFETERIAS MEASURE UP? Overall the dormitory cafeterias' average scores, from 1987-1997, ranged from a low of77.8 (East Quad) to a high of97.7 (Martha Cook). During this ten year period, two dorm cafeterias received failing scores (scores below 70). The first was East Quad, with scores of 59 and 62 in 1987, and scores of 60 and a 68 in 1993. The second was Mary Markley with a 67 in 1987, a 68 in 1988, a 69 in 1995, and a score 64 in 1996. The average campus score overall for this ten year period was 87.0.

The four snack bars ranged from

U-M

DORM CAFETERIAS AND SNACK

BARS: HEALTH INSPECTION AVERAGE SCORES,

1987

1997

TO

Dorm Cafeterias (1) Martha Cook (2) Betsy Barbour (3) Couzens (4) Mosher-Jordan (5) Alice Lloyd (6) Stockwell

97.7 90.7 89.0 88.3 88.2 87.4

(7) West Quad (8) Bursley (9) South Quad (10) Mary Markley (11) East Quad

85.8 85.5 83.6 83.4 77.8

Snack Bars (1) (2) (3) (4)

East Quad Bursley Mary Markley South Quad

92.4 89.8 88.6

85.3

Source: University of Michigan Department of Occupational Safety and Environmental Health "",...~'J;'

a low average of 85.3 (South. Quad Snack Bar), to the high average of 92.4 (East Quad Snack Bar). The overall average snack bar score was 89.0 for 1987-1997.

So, is the food served to U-M students in the dorms safe? Are students in residence halls getting their money's worth from their cafeterias?

Based on路 the data, if we ac<:ept the abberation of an occasional poor score, it appears that U-M dorm cafeterias are doing a relatively decent job of providing a safe dining environment for students. Whether students are getting their money's worth is a matter of opinion. l\R

Factors Contributing to Foodborne Outbreaks in United States 19831987 Factor

Percentage

Improper holding temperatures Poor hygiene Contaminated equipment Inadequate cooking Food from unsafe source Other

62 28

22 21 12 19

Food Service Facility Critical Violations -Food service criteria which, when unmet, result in critical violations# 01- Food Source: Sound Condition, No Spoilage # 03 - Potentially hazardous foud meets temperature requirements during storage, preparation, display, service, transportation. Product thermometer calibrated and used # 04 - Facilities to maintain product temperature # 07 - Cross-contamination, unwrapped and potentially hazardous food路not re-served # 11 - Personnel with infections restricted # 12 - Hands washed, soap and sanitary towels/devices provided. Good hygienic practices # 20 - Sanitation rinse: Clean, temperature, concentration. Exposure time, equipment and utensils sanitized # 27 - Water source: safe, hot and cold under pressure # 28 - Sewage and waste water disposal # 30 - Cross-connection, back siphonage, backflow # 31- Toilet and handwashing: number, convenient, accessible, designed, installed #35 -Presence / evidence of insects/rodents, no birds, turtles, other animals # 41- Necessary toxic items properly stored, labeled, used

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March 11, 1998

9

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o ESSAY

Six Degr~es of Segregation

BY JULIE JESCHKE

A

MIDST ALL THE HOOPLA generated by affirmative action, I learned that I had been given six extra points during the admissions process, merely for coming from the ultra-populous Upper Peninsula of Michigan. At first, I was amused. "Is that all I'm worth to them?

Six lousy points for free? Shucks! I needed all the help I could get! This reverse discrimination thing isn't half bad ... " Then I was insulted. Until reading about the now infamous point system, I thought I had been admitted based solely on my achievements; years of running myself ragged had finally paid off, or so it seemed. Like nearly every other student at the UM, I was valedictorian of my class and got involved in just about every extra-curricular activity my high school offered. My GPA was 3.9, and I had a decent ACT score of 29. I fell within the range of all the statistics,· so by admitting me into this prestigious institution, the U-M seemed it was telling me I could hack it right there next to them city slickers and their fancy private school diplomas. Apparently not ...

Exactly how disadvantaged does the University of Michigan think we Yoopers are, anyway? We're hardly illiterate, poverty-stricken, pitchfork-wielding hicks who tip cows for grins and giggles. We have just as many teenage pregnancies, smokers, and underage drinkers per capita as every other high school. Contrary to popular belief, we do have running water, electricity, and McDonald's restaurants (we even had those before Russia did). The outhouse with the crescent moon on the door does not exist, hunting camps aside. Albeit mostly in villages, there are people living in the U.P.-we have driven most of the wild beasts back into the forest. We don't exist on pasties and roadkill; we don't all say, "Yah, eh?"

We can read, we can write (I'm living proof), and we can get into the U-M without help. For those of you still drawing a blank, Michigan does, indeed, have an Upper Peninsula (look at a map-you used to think it was part of Canada, remember? And you call me the uneducated one ... ).

I was living in a fantasy worlda land segregated from the Lower Peninsula by the Great Lakes, and reconnected by the Mackinac Bridge, the longest suspension bridge in the

Julie Jeschke is a freshman majoring in English and a staff writer for the Review.

" world. According to the V-M, however, the distance was six points, rather than ten miles.

What is the point? What exactly does the point system accomplish? In my case, it only served to further alienate me from the cosmopolitan southerners. I thought I had been admitted fair and square, without being regarded as an unenlightened,' disadvantaged novelty. Thanks for the charity, but it wasn't necessary.

I'm doing fine in college, despite your vote of confidence, and where I went to high school is now irrelevant. Sure, my class options in high school were painfully.limited, we didn't have any shiny new Dell computers, and Advanced Placement credit was an unknown concept. Who cares? The instate tuition is still a nice perk.

It hurts my pride to have received a bonus for anything besides academic achievement, and one ofthe reasons I worked so hard in high school was specifically because I knew I'd be a little fish in a big pond, swimming with some of the brightest students in the nation. During orientation, it occurred to me that I would just be average here, and I accepted that; I practically embraced it. Quite frankly, I was tired of being "the smart kid" and I wanted to blend into this muchfamed melting pot of diversity.

This has been a year of firsts for me-first taxi, train, and subway rides, first rock concert, first time living in an actual city, and first real slap in the face. Thanks, V-M, for briefly making me feel like I belonged here and even deserved to be here. I probably would have been admitted without those stupid six points, but now I'll never know.

I would not want to receive special treatment based on the color of my skin, and the motives l?ehind this point system are evil and counterproductive. If you give me points based on the location of my house, why stop there? Years of enduring dumb blonde jokes in school really took their toll on me ... couldn't you spare a few more points for that emotional hardship I suffered? The point system is ridiculous and should be abolished. I resent being "helped" because I live in the boonies. And it's "soda," not "pop," dammit. Ml.

Questions? Comments?

The Advantage of Geography It is common knowledge that in-state stude'nts to the University of Michigan

receive preference over out-{)f-state students. However, according to University guidelines for admissions (here, with regards to the class of1998), instate students from "under-represented" counties, along with out-{)f-state students from "under-represented" states (e. g. South Dakota) are both given some form of preference.

ADMISSIONS GUIDELINES (ON A SCALE OF 0 to 150)

Points Added for In-State Students

100 +

Points Added for In-State Students from an "u nderRepresented" County

ADMIT

80 - 100 WAIT-LIST <80

REJECT

6

I Points Added for

Out-{)f-Sta te Students from an "Under-Represented" State

Sources: The University of Michigan, The Detroit News.

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THE MICHIGAN REVIEW. Objective New.. Campus Coverage you need. Biting Satire and Wit. Great Aria and Music. Hard-hiUiDC ~ No Paul Serilla or Joshua Rich. In short, everything you want in a paper. If you're reading thi., you .houJd unnltel7 jobt. ,!"

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March 11, 1998

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o INTERVIEW: WARD CONNERLY

The Man Behivd Proposition 209

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EW PEOPLE IN AMERICA could endure the barrage of criticisms that Ward Connerly must constantly face. For the past four years, he has put up with everything from attacks on his personal life, to allegations of sexual harassment. But Connerly understands those are the sacrifices one makes in order to facilitate sweeping changes.

Those are the "eggs" one breaks in order to "make an omelet."

After all, it was this 58 year old black man who successfully led the fight to end racial preferences in the admissions process at the University of California (UC) system in 1995. He also served as the head of the California Civil Rights Initiative (CCR!) which led the fight to ban all racial preferences in California under Proposition 209.

It is no surprise then, that Mr. Connerly's positions on race in America attract critical notice from proponents of the racial preferences that have become so pervasive in many aspects of society. But Connerly does not seem to mind. As a self-made man, he cites himself as the example from which everyone can learn. He was born in Louisiana in 1939, and at the tender age of 2 years, his father abandoned the family, leaving Connerly in the care of his mother.

Two years later, an illness claimed the life of his mother,leaving Connerly in the care of his grandmother Connerly's childhood was one of hard work. As a youngster, Connerly understood the value of hard work as he put himself through school. But never once did he think about claiming status in the "victims club of America." And he cites himself, not preferences, as the secret to his success. "I hear constantly that I wouldn't be where 1 am today without these preferences. That is pure hogwash."

As a member of the University of California board of Regents, the debate over affirmative action heated up as Connerly attacked the use of race, gender, and ethnicity in its admission process. In July of 1995 the Regents voted 14 to 10 to ban racial preferences in its admissions criteria.

Connerly led the charge after listening to compelling cases from applicants who believed themselves disadvantaged by racial preferences.

Connerly reg~rded the practice as unfair, citing that it made little sense to discriminate as a means ofretribution to other members of society.

The fight against preferences did not end there. The California Civil Rights II\itiative (CCRl) recruited Connerly to lead their push to place

Proposition 209 on the California ballot, potentially ending all racial, gender, and ethnic preferences in state government. The voters of California approved Proposition 209 by 54 percent and the Supreme Court upheld the law after it was challenged in 1996.

Ironically, much of Connerly's success derives from the fact that he is black. Likewise, it is also the center of the controversy he creates. Opponents have a hard time fighting Connerly's persuasive arguments to ban racial preferences, often resorting to smear tactics. The New York Times Magazine ran an extensive piece that explained Connerly's unique views as a by-product a psychologically conflicted childhood.

There also have been allegations of sexual harassment by a female employee in Connerly's consulting firm.

Rev. Jesse Jackson called Connerly a "house slave." Political opponents level racially charged names like "Oreo Cookie", and "Uncle Tom" at Connerly on a daily basis. It simply lends more¡ evidence to the notion that individuals like Connerly are not welcome on the libera~ide of policy; individuals who use their strength and talent to advance without the aid of liberal favoritism need not apply.

Connerly has become an icon for conservatives who have long voiced dissent for racial preferences. It has been just over a year since Connerly launched his American Civil Rights Institute, a foundation dedicated to educating people about racial and gender preferences. The Hopwood lawsuit at the University of Texas added to fuel to the growing fire of anti-affirmative action proponents.

With the addition of pending lawsuits against University of Michigan, antiaffirmative action laws could be the next step as lawmakers have already proposed legislation and simply wait for the political tide to turn in the Michigan House of Representatives.

Contrary to what critics called the undoing ofthirty years of progress, The Los Angeles Times recently reported that minority applications have increased at the University ofCalifornia, providing proof that racial preferences may not hold the key to diversity.

Recently Connerlyparticipated in President Clinton's panel on race relations in America, along with other notable conservatives. He is prominently featured in hundreds of articles, and as race continues to be a growing concern across the nation, Connerly will champion the abolition of preferences.

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The MichiganReview 's Maureen Sirhal recently had the opportunity to talk to Connerly about his views on racial preferences.

MR: When did you first decide to pursue the fight against racial preferences?

CONNERLY: It was in 1994. As a R:gent I was chairing the committee on finance, which is the major oversight committee ofthe University (of California). I was meeting with a couple from La Jolla, California whose son had applied to all of our medical schools, and was denied despite the fact that he had been admitted to Johns Hopkins, one of two Californians admitted. He had been adniitted to Harvard and MIT's medical schools, and yet was denied admission to the University of California Davis, San Diego, all of them. His parents started inquiring into the matter and became convinced that race was the factor for his denial. I had no choice but to look into the matter. and I found compelling evidence that had it not been for the fact that he was white, he would h,ave" been admitted in a heartbeat. I felt that legally we were breaking the law and morally, in the interest of diversity, we were doing something, were he black or Latino, we would not be doing. I decided as a Regent, I had a fiduciary obligation to make sure that the university complied with the law and complied with the Constitution and did that which our country compels us as citizens to do.

MR: Is there a difference between affirmative action and racial preferences? For example, aggressive recruitment programs; do you see them both as preferential treatment?

CONNERLY: There is still a difference. There are still affirmative action programs which I think meet the test of being genuine affirmative action. However, more and more, that gap between true affirmative action and preferences is being narrowed and they're blending into' being outright, blatant preferences. Yet they are being justified as if they are nothing more than giving opportunity to people - and no one opposes opportunity. But what we are doing right now is outright discrimination. I think with every passing day, our nation must realize that you cannot define discrimination against a black American as discrimination and then define the same practice against a white

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person as diversity. They are all the same. So my campaign, if you want to call it that, is to try to get the nation to realize we cannot talk out of both sides of our mout,h. We can't pretend that what is going on is just benign affirmative action, that is nothing more than widening the pool and giving people an opportunity to compete.

It is guaranteeing the results and that is where I draw the line, and where I think the overwhelming majority of American people draw the line.

MR: Then how do we help students who are in dead end situations, i.e. students from inner cities that don't have the opportunities that kids who grow up in the suburbs have? That is a charge that critics level at you all the time. Is there a way to help without using discriminatory practices?

CONNERLY: I think first and foremost we have to be fair. No one should pretend that everything is hunky dory. There are people in our society who are up against it from the day that they're born. In some cases, that is because they are black, in other cases its because they're too small, too short, too tall or too fat, too thin, too whatever. We discriminate against people in our society for a whole bunch of stupid reasons. Skin color happens to be one of those reasons, and it happens to be one of the more visible. The question is "should we eliminate them?" Well, absolutely we should. But does racial discrimination against some people entitle us to give that whole group of people the presumption that they are all disadvantaged, and therefore are entitled to some special consideration? My answer is no.

We should recognize that there are people throughout the nation, who grow up in circumstances that are less than ideal, who need some assistance in order to get them prepared for the competitions of life. A young white girl coming from a single parent household, who is being raised by her mother (and this isn't hypothetical, I have met many of these people), an alcoholic, has just as many disadvantages - more in fact - than the black student who came from a middle class family with both parents working, one being a doctor, the other being a lawyer. Yet the one who is black gets to be admitted with a 3.2

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March II, 1998

11

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

Connerly CONTINUED from Page 10

grade point average and a 980 SAT, and this white girl, who comes from dire circumstances, with a 1300 SAT and a 3.85 grade point average, gets denied admission while the black gets admitted because we want to help the historically under-represented.

There is no equity in that. It is just blatantly wrong, morally wrong. What I propose we do is try to help those who are working hard, who come from circumstances that are less than ideal, who are overcoming their obstacles. If there is a low-income student with a GPA and SAT that is essentially equivalent to someone who comes from an ideal family situation, who doesn't have to work, and we have to make a choice of one or the other, I prefer the student who has overcome the obstacles, not because the student is black or Latino. That student has demonstrated that he or she is hungry for education, and they want to make something ofthemsel\'es. When we invest $9,000.00 per student here in California, at the University of CalifornIa, I feel more comfortable investing in that student who has over come the obstacles, than I do the student who had it given to him or her. That is a policy decision that I would make.

MR: So it should be a matter of socioeconomic conditions?

CONNERLY: For me, race should be irrelevant. I would totally eliminate the boxes and say "we are not going to have these silly little boxes on forms. We don't care what your skin color is or your ethnic background or your gender - unless you are try~ ing out for the girls basketball team, or something, this stuff isn't relevant.

It tells us what you are but it doesn't tell who you are."

MR: Isn't possible to look at student's names; and draw conclusions based on that? I read that you were in favor of nameless applications. Is it feasible and would it make sense to use straight test scores and grades?

CONNERLY: Politically, it is not feasible, because you cannot get the administrations to embrace that but it is totally feasible in the technological sense. You can purge people's names from the application. Here in California, when you apply to the (California) Bar, there is no name on it. We just go about recording on the basis ofSocial Security number. When you apply for a real estate license there is no name, we just use your

Social Security number. S6iti~»learly possible for us to have students submit applications with essays, with their names being absent, and we can tell them we want you to tell us about your experiences, but don't tell us about race, or we will summarily reject your application. Believe me, the message would get out very quickly. I could write a 250 page book about my circumstances as a child and never tell you about my race.

MR: A fear of dropping racial preferences is that the proponents of these preferences will pressure the admissions process to drop the school factor; that is, the difference between private and public school. Is that a substantive argument and would that be a product of banning racial preferences?

CONNERLY: Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY), who offered a bill last Thursday in the. Senate to eliminate the racial set-asides in the transportation area, had bis head handed to him on a platter politically because he just couldn't get the votes to achieve what he wanted to achieve. He made the observation that preferences are not going to die easily. And he's right.

This has been my experience. They don't die easily. Universities are some of the most race conscious institutions in America, and they think they are doing the Lord's work. They think their mission in life is to correct this historical imbalance, even though the courts are saying over and over again, even in the Bakke decision, you cannot use race to correct societal ills.

That is unconstitutional. Now that doesn't deter most university administrators, especially public school administrators, who have the legislative black caucus in their states breathing down their throats, demanding that they achieve diversity.

So the administrators believe that it is their mission in life, for political realities, to preserve their budgets, and also because I think they happen to believe it, to have diversity. When you don't have a pool of black and Latino candidates from whom you can draw to achieve that diversity on the natural, then you do what you have to do to in order to make it happen; by any means necessary. That mentality will not change overnight.

What they will do is when the courts tell them you have to do this they will find some way to get around it.

Here in California we've been looking at policies that would let in the top 4 percent of all students from every school, and a black legislator has suggested the top 12.5 percent. Well, that

would be disastrous because you would be letting in students that may have a 4.0 (grade point average) at a inner city high school that doesn't even teach most of the "a through f' courses, those students would get in.

But students at Lowell High School who may have a 3.85 (grade point average) who are not in the top 12.5 percent at their school would be denied admission. And yet they have been through more rigorous (study) than the one who got the 4.0 at the other school. The answer to your question is yes, there is that fear, and it is a real fear that the institutions will try to find ways to get around the polices that say don't give people preferences on the basis of race. They will look for surrogates for race. They will try to preserve business as usual.

When they do that, and the case can be made that they are doing that, then they are breaking the law. They run the risk of being sued and losing.

MR: In terms of your personal crusade, what has been the student reaction to the things that you proposed? Is there a subtle culture for students on these campuses that really do support eliminating racial preferences IlIld:' they are just afraid to say it?

CONNERLY: It is significant that at Berkeley, historically, one of the most liberal campuses on the planet, we got the endorsement of the Daily Californian for my resolution at the University and for Proposition 209.

When I go on the campus at Berkeley, there is no doubt in my mind that I have well over 50 percent of the campus supporting me. On most campuses throughout the university system, I have no doubt that I have a good majority of people that support it, not publicly though. It is very threatening when you have this dumb group, Diversity by Any Means Necessary , standing on campus, stealing newspapers because there might be things (in it) that are favorable to Regent Connerly. When faced with a handful of students who are protesting on campus, threatening violence, that is not an atmosphere that makes people want to express their true feelings on an issue like this. Not to mention that you get called things like "racists." I have no doubt that we have a majority of support from the student community, and the faculty is very supportive. I have even had Chancellors who a year ago were saying "Oh my God, Western Civilization is going to end," and now are privately saying to me "We believe we are going to be able to make this work," and "don'ttell anybody I said this, but you

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really did the right thing. We couldn't go on maintaining these policies forever." There is a profound change that is occurring in the University community, and throughout the nation. In state after state, people are recognizing what the Universities have been doing is unconstitutional.

It's divisive and it is making students believe that every Black and Latino student on campus is there as a result of affirmative action, that they don't deserve to be there. Those subtle things are there and it is foolish for not to recognize that. I think it taints black students. When I graduated in 1962, there were no preferences, but I keep hearing from the black elite that I wouldn't be where I am today without these preferences. That is pure hogwash. It is the kind of nonsense that exists because ofthe silly policies that we have.

MR: Speaking of the black elite, you have been called everything from an "Oreo Cookie" to a ''house slave." Do these types of criticisms make it hard to have a civil, produ!!tive discourse on race relations in America?

CONNERLY: It makes it almost impossible because these idiots just don't know what it means to be civil.

They don't care. In the March issue of Emerge which proclaims itself as "Black America's Newsmagazine," I am featured on the cover as a puppet, with strings dangling, and inside, it calls me a "sellout." That sort of thing makes it im possible for people to come forward and to rationally engage in dialogue about any subject , especially as one as serious and as sensitive as race, because most people don't want to endure that nonsense.

Who wants to go through that? I always believe that there is a connection between weak minds and loud mouths. People who can't argue an issue on merit invariably resort to ad hominem attacks. How do you honestly argue the point that people should be given a preference because of their skin color when this whole nation has fought from the beginning of time against that?

MR: How would you describe yourself politically?

CONNERLY: I am, for the most part, a conservative. But I am not one of those "knee-jerk conservatives." I am an intellectual conservative. I think that there is just as much political correctness among conservatives See CONNERLY on Page 12

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March 11, 1998

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

Election 'I(

CONTINUED from Page 5

"Currently, it is completely irrelevant. It has absolutely no authority in saying that it is the voice of the students because it isn't. Student fees have gone up over 100% since I've been here and now the MSA wants to jack them up another $5 to start a state-wide petition drive! While the MSA is irrelevant in the minds of students, it has developed a full blown bureaucracy that would make the Soviet Union proud!

"This needs to end, and 1 take pride in saying that 1 will be the one charging into MSA chambers with an ax. And I will, unless I am threatened with arrest for carrying a 'weapon.' In that case I will charge the chambers with something else to cut out the fat - maybe a butter knife or something," Howrylak said.

Indeed, charging in with an ax! butter knife/something is bullet point number 5 on a list of goals Howrylak gave to the Review. Others include eliminating the mandatory student fee, the full-time office manager at MSA, the student regent task force, i'nd most paid lobbying. He also hopes

to allocate 90 percent ofMSl'A monies to student groups. He described resolutions passed by MSA as irrelevant and said, "it really doesn't make me pee my pants one way or another."

Mehul Madia (LSA), running for re-election on the Michigan Party ticket, disagreed with Howrylak, noting that "1 think the Assembly is moving in a pretty good direction."

"One of the main problems is that people can get on the Assembly and lost in the fray," according to Madia, noting the importance of strong representation on the Assembly. Madia, a member ofthe Campus Governance Committee and working on the evertroubling M-Card, also had different thoughts about MSA resolutions.

"The problem that Assembly members face is that they are brought up by constituents ... you kind of have your hands tied," Madia said. "Getting the issue on or off the agenda is more hassle than voting on it." Madia is in support of a student regent. One of Madia's running mates, Joe Paunovich (LSA), also supports MCard improvement and greater student outreach.

Glen Roe (LSA), running with the

other public Universities in Michigan to get us working together once again on statewide issues," she said.

She is helped in this by Mark Sherer (LSA), running with the Students Party, who is currently Federal Liasion for the External Relations Committee. "The more money we can give to the ,students the better. MSA has already cut out a great deal of unnecessary spending from previous administrations ... 1 can usually accomplish the same [result] with a two-dollar phone call as I could with a $2,000 trip to Washington."

But aside from the party structure, there are also those students trying to make a difference on their own. Josh Benninghoffis one of them.

He is running as an Independen for MSA representative.

"MSA should fund and support informational sessions with the goal of increased knowledge and educa- . tion, not to make the front page of the Daily," said Benninghoff.

With the elections on March 18 and 19, Benninghoff and his fellow contenders for seats on MSA are going to certainly have quite a race ahead of them. Mt

Students Party ,noted the importance of outreach.

"1 would also like to see the LSA Course Guide printed on paper again and better communication between MSA and the students.

"Wasteful spending is a problem within all levels of government. If MSA does indeed engage in this type offinancial mismanagement, 1do plan on helping the Assembly eliminate wasteful spending ..." Roe said.

Peter Handler (LSA), also runningwith the Students Party, agreed.

"I wouldn't have run with the Students Party ifI didn't think they had accomplished a lot since they were elected into office, e. g. cutting waste and reckless spending and increasing grad library hours ... " he said.

Erin Carey (LSA), running for reelection with the Students Party, formerly chaired the External Relations Committee and noted the importance of continued lobbying.

"1 have done my best to ensure that we are still representing students, however, planning multiple lobbying trips by MSA representatives already in DC or Lansing, and working with representatives from

Connerly CONTINUED from Page 11

as there is among liberals. We have just as many people who will take a position because they think that is what is expected of them. For example, as a regent 1 supported giving health benefits to UC faculty and staff who are legally prohibited from marrying, including those of the same sex. 1 had a couple of right-wing organizations who said that no true conservative would support promoting homosexuality. Well that is not "pro_ moting" homosexuality, it is simply saying if there are two people who legally cannot marry, we provide benefits. We have a female faculty member [at UCl, one of our premier faculty members, that lives with her mother.

They are a domestic partnership.

There are also people in nurturing relationship and yes, gays are in nurturing relationships. As a conservative 1 believe devoutly in the principles of Hfe, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and 1 don't believe that my society should tell people how they should be happy. And ifit means two consenting adults want to have a relationship between themselves, 1 may not like it, but it is really none of my business. That is what liberty and personal freedom are all about. 1 de-

fine conservatism on the basis of my allegiance to the principles in the Constitution, and the principles and declaration given to us by our Founders and the principles which I believe are really what democracy is all about.

MR.: Should laws like 209 be pursued at the federal level or at , the state level?

CONNERLY: Preferably it should be done at the federal level. It is very expensive for individuals and for states to try and achieve this state by state, student by student. Ideally it would be far more preferable for the Congress to Pass a law that says not only is it against the law to discriminate but when you treat someone differently because of their skin color, thereby giving them preference or special consideration, that is also discrimination. We need that (type of law) and we can't get it out of.the Congress. Even Republicans won't go along with it because they're afraid of being called names and they are thinking about the next election.

MR: If movements like CCRI are to continue across the nation, will it most likely be on a state by

state basis?

MR: What types of projects are you currently pursuing?

CONNERLY: Eventually the Supreme Court will deal the final blow to preferences. We are forced to fight it out state by state until we show some progress, but clearly the ideal situation would be a legislative one.

But I don't think there is a legislature in the country that can stand up to these organization like the NAACP, the Urban League, and the Congressional Black Caucus. All of those groups who are part of the race industry, it is difficult for a legislative body to stand up to them. Consider the world they exist in. They live most of their life under the dome of this one building with 125. people if you are in a state legislature. That is your community. If you are in Congress, those 535 people are a community. They eat together, play together, go to social events together. When you are a white Congressman from Kentucky, and you believe that racial preferences are wrong, and you advance a bill to do away with those, you've got the whole black caucus that you had dinnerwith last night at some Kennedy center performance that are now mad at you. And you have to see them for 8 hours a day; those are the types of dynamics that chill good legislation.

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CONNERLY: We are trying to monitor the national race initiative that the President created with that race paneL We are involved in the State of Washington trying to get an initiative passed there. We are working with some Congressmen in the State of Arizona to get a bill through there that has been defeated. We may put something on the ballot. Some of my staff has been talking to people in Michigan. I travel the country trying to spread the word to people that this is something that we have to accept and try to get passed.

MR: Are you encouraged by the results you have seen of the past few years?

CONNERLY: The opposition is starting to dig in their heels and they're getting nasty. Rumor has it I may not be able to complete my speech when I am at Michigan. That just tells you that they're scared. We just have to deal with that. You don't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. So we just have to be prepared to go into these venues and fight it out, hopefully civilly. Mt

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13

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

o POLITICS

Conservatives: Orumps or Nice Guys? ~ * /~'

BY LEE BOCKHORN

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ONSERVATIVES HAVE ALways had an "image problem,It but lately that burden has become more acute. Commonly lumped together as a group of grumpy old men or angry white males, conservatives are now being forced to defend themselves against charges that they form a "right-wing conspiracy» out to get the President (courtesy of Hillary Clinton), or that they wish to "resegregate" higher education in America (courtesy of Lee Bollinger).

Certainly the prevailing wind in our nation's media and intellectual circles contributes to this attitude. In a world where a person's "compassion"is measured by the dollar amount they believe should be spent on government welfare programs, conservatives have a tough road to hoe. And of course, there are always token conservatives who seem to be more thim willing to fulfill the stereotypes: the Pat Buchanans and David Jayes of the world, whose passions seem to be motivated by resentment as much as by ideas. The media, in turn, is quick to portray such figures as representative of all conservatives.

This is not to deny that conservatives can often be a dour bunch. It is difficult to smile when you are forced to conclude that cultural and moral principles are being toppled carelessly all around you like so many bowling pins, with little thought of the consequences. David Gelernter has written that debating whether the country is getting better or worse js a favorite party game among conservatives; as one who has played the game often, let me assure you that the pessimists usually win - a simple glance at any day's headlines proves them out.

Given this, however, those who wish to portray conservatives as a bunch of cr~ . iptent on spoiling everyone else's march-to a bright Utopia fail to make an important distinction. While conservatives' countenances may be grim, their motives are almost always pure. No conservative that I can think of wishes to "resegregate" higher education, just because they believe that racial preferences in admissions are morally and legally dubious. Similarly, while most conservatives detest everything that Bill Clinton stands for, most would MsosaythatthecOosequencesforour

nation of his impeachment or resignation would be regretful. (Not only would it increase American cynicism about politics, but AI Gore would be president - a scary thought indeed.)

What, then, lies behind the efforts ofthe Lee Bollingers and Hillary Clintons of the world to cast conservatives as the bogeymen, out to get everyone? Perhaps, understandably, their liberal world view has convinced them that this is true; however, I am inclined to doubt this. Does President Bollinger really think that conservatives who oppose racial preferences are the 90's equivalent of so many George Wallaces, standing at the schoolhouse door? (That is a question I would like to ask him at one of his "fireside chats.") I would like to give Bollinger and Mrs. Clinton the benefit of the doubt, and suggest that their name-calling is more rhetoric thaIi conviction. It is a common tactic in politics, particularly among those on the Left, to question your opponents' motives when you cannot adequately construct reasoned :responses to their arguments. Certainly rhetoric is all that remains at Bollinger'S

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((It is difficult to smile when you are forced to conclude that cultural and moral principles are being toppled ... like so many bowling pins. " of American life to conclude as he or she attempts to sort out all these notions of what conservatives are actually like? Are we conservatives really such wet blankets, desiring to kick old ladies out onto the street and deny children their school lunches?

Don't believe it for a second. Conser-

vatism is certainly a fabric of political thought woven from many different strands -libertarians, laissezfaire capitalists, born-again Christians, converted liberals, antiquarians, and so on - and, like any such . fabric, conservatism has the occasionalloose thread; the isolated misanthrope or xenophobe. However, the best and most enduring·form of conservatism is a powerful combination of two proven truths: prudence, when presented with the possibility of change or rejection of existing principles and culturM mores (hence conservatives' criticism of decadent popular culture and the Left's moral relativism); and secondly, a healthy respect for the ability of ordinary persons to do extraordinary things when given the freedom to shape their destinies (hence their suspicion ofburdenso~e, centralized government). Far from being evil bogeymen, conservatives are passionate yet reasoned defenders of what they believe is right. If that makes us "bogeymen," we have only one reply: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."rtR

The Michigan Review's Web Site: Interesting.

Provocative.

Actually Kind of Cool.

Check it out. http:// ' www.mnichErlul -mrev

[,ee Bockhom is a senior in political science and mUSic, and managing ~ditor of the Review. He's checking into a sanitarium after completing his recital this term.

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disposal, having to defend admissions policies which so blatantly draw distinctions solely ·upon race; likewise for Mrs. Clinton, who must defend a husband who, if past actions are any indication, treated a 21 year old intern like a sexual party favor.

What then, is the average observer

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Raymond Tanter, Professor of Political Science at the University of Michigan and former member of the senior staff at the National Security Council at the White House, signs and discusses his book Rogue Regimes: Terrorism and Proliferation. Professor Tanter explores US foreign policy toward nations such as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Libya, uncovering the reasons these countries are so menacing to the United States.

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Ann Arbor • 612 E. Lib"rty 734.668.7652

14

THE MICHIG.(W REVIEW

March 11,1998

o SPORTS

U-M

Hock~y:

.The End is Nigh

BY RoB WOOD

A

STHE SEASON BEGAN FOR this year's edition of Wolverine hockey, hopes were not too iofty. This was for good reason: Michigan graduated nine seniors last season. The new group of icers, along with those who remained from previous years, faced the impossible challenge of keeping the Maize and Blue a power in the Central Collegiate Hockey Association (CClIA) against such teams as Michigan State, Miami, and the weakened but still dangerous Lake State.

They've succeeded beyond anyone's expectations. At second place in the CClIA, this team of mostly underclassmen has proven themselves and kept U ofM in the hunt for the national title by consistently defeating ranked teams like Miami of Ohio and Minnesota. Michigan is taking a top ten ranking and a second place CClIA finish into the CClIA Tournament, with an almost-secured bid to the NCAA Tourney as well. At press time, the Wolverines were 259-1 overall, and 19-7-1 in the CClIA. Coach Berenson appears to have kept hope alive in Ann Arbor. Two years after winning the NCAA Ice Hockey Championship, and one year after finishing in the Final Four, the Wolverines' commander-in-chiefhas somehow managed to work with his team of assistants (and his players, of course) to keep the Wolverines poised and confident throughout the season.

While this team does need a bit more experience together to really get to know each other's moves and preferences, their execution and puck control are still good enough to give opponents sleepless nights. The discipline instilled in the squad by their coaching staff is incredible. Look for this to jump to another level as the tournaments start up, and the team spends more time together on and off the ice, and gels with each other, even more.

Marty Turco has been something of a hero to the die-hards amongst the Michigan faithful, all season.

While the Blue defense occasionally breaks down and allows a one-onone on Turco, this reporter has yet to see him flinch. As the all-time NCAA victories leader, that's understandable. In a goalie, this kind of "showme-watcha-got" look still gives fans a 1000% heart rate increase. As well as the tean'l is playing this year, it will be interesting to see how they do next year witho,u t Turco. Right now,

Rob Wood is a senior in Engineering and the sports editor of the Review.

The Wolverine Icers face off against Bovine (Michigan) State

though, he seems ready to stare down the Hounds of Hell, as the CCRA and NCAA tournaments approach.

Another upperclassman with this kind of hard, pipe-hittin' attitude is Chris Fox. While it might be wise to avoid pick-up games of hockey with the guy, it is absolutely stupid to try to outmaneuver him, or push him .around on the ice during an NCAA matchup. He'll either just steal the puck and your scoring chance from you, or lay a check into you so vicious, you11 wish your parents had made you play golf as a kid, instead of hockey.

One person (of many in this organization) committed to taking the team back to the NCAA fmals is a young star by the name of Bill Muckalt. He was there when they won the Big One in '96, and he wants to be there again before he goes pro. A professional career is definitely in the works, too, just in case you had any doubts. Speaking of the NHL, just a few weeks back, when Northern Michigan came to Yost Ice Arena, none other than all-around nice guy and head coach of the Vancouver Canucks Mike Keenan was up in the press box, personally scouting these young Wolverines. While Scotty Bowman would be a much more welcome sight on the U ofM campus, it can be safely said that Keenan was the more appropriate witness for the fans', er, "celebrated good humor," which is always on display at Yost. " The 'Michigan Hockey Team bas had its low points this season, not the least of which was meeting Michigan

State's team. The Spartans completed a regular season sweep of the Maize and Blue at the Joe Louis Arena three weekS ago, in front of a crow~.of6ver 19,000. As the fans filed to their cars, chants ofuGo Green! Go White!" left a sense of something left undone for those who had been pulling for Michigan. It got so obnoxious at times, that inserting the word "trash" at the end of their chant just felt like the natural thing to do. Unfortunately, all that could be said was "Oh well, see you at the tournament." The Blue icers may still want a piece of MSU to satisfy their thirst for revenge, but they'll just have to wait until the respective tournaments. Look for Michigan to put it all on the line if they want to finally beat the Spartans. By the same token, look for Michigan State to give these young Wolverines a tough, barnstormer of a conflict.

Other losses included those to Colgate, Miami of Ohio, and Ferris State. While these all highlighted the lack of cohesion inherent to the Wolverines' young team, they also forced the team to grow together, along with arousing the ire of one Red Berenson.

You can bet that the guys skated a few more laps for some ofthose losses.

Miami of Ohio swept Michigan in one series, and was swept by Michigan in the next. These two teams are destined for a rematch. While Miami lost the more recent series, they remain higher ranked than the Wolverines, nationally, and continue to display strong showings in each of their matchups.

None of the teams in the CCHA

this year match up to the Wolverine juggernaut of the previous two seasons, but time has finally given them the opportunity for a revenge of sorts against the Maize and Blue. A few have been able to take advantage of the current rebuilding year, but Michigan has ,been able to hold off so many more challengers to the throne. Look for them to put up a continued and valiant defense of their CClIA crown, and to once again challenge the NCAA elite for the not-so-mythical National Championship. IW.

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16

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

March 11, 1998

o Hoops Du JOUR

U-M Enters NCAA Tourney On a Roll

BY ANDREW GoLDING

C

HICAGO - WITH THE efficiency of the Chicago Democratic machine, the Michigan men's basketball team disposed ofthree inferior foes and won the inaugural Big Ten tournament in impressive .and stunning fashion.

After an up-and-down 21-8 regular season, which included losses to Eastern and Western Michigan at home, and wins over Duke and Indiana, U-M defeated Iowa, Minnesota, and Purdue on consecutive days to gain an NCAA Tournament berth, in which they will face Davidson in the first round on March 13.

While hurt throughout previous contests by confounding play, turnovers, and inconsistent shooting, U-M put everything together in a remarkable three day stretch, dominating each opponent from start to finish.

Opening the tournament against Iowa, U-Mjumped out to a commanding early advantage and in fact never trailed. Surprisingly ,it was Robbie Reid leading the scoring attack with twelve points on 4 of 5 shooting from threepoint range. Reid, averaging 7.3 points entering the game and shooting 37% for the season, credited his baseball coach, Geoff Zahn, after the February 22 Indiana victory for a shooting tip.

"He said since I was a pitcher, I was aiming for the comers. I needed to aim for the middle."

Since taking Zahn's advice, Reid has shot 49% overall, and looked particularly good both shooting and passing against Iowa, finishing with six assists and no turnovers in thirtyseven minutes. Reid was also operating with a new hairdo; Michigan State fans can no longer tease him with taunts of "surfer boy."

"My mother 楼1d the girl I'm dating. had something to do with it," he said. "I guess I just wanted to have a new me for the rest of the year."

Coach Brian Ellerbe also displayed some new tricks in the Iowa contest.

He removed freshmen Josh Asselin and Brandon Smith from the primary playing rotation, yet still managed to keep his starters fresh. Asselin played well during the regular season, and scored a season-high nine points versus Penn State nine days earlier, but with the return of Maceo Baston from a foot injury, EUerbe no longer needed Asselin to spell Robert Traylor at center.

Ellerbe used Baston off the bench, and substituted the lanky 6'9" forward at the 15:39 mark in the first half for

Traylor. Forty-four seconds later, Traylor replaced Jerod Ward, and two minutes later, Ward came in for Reid.

This pattern of frequent U-M substitutions continued in the three gam~s as all five starters averaged over thirty minutes per game, and nearly ten points each.

Iowa cut into the U-M lead at the end ofthe first half, and the second, but was never able to take the lead due to the three-point bombingofReid, Ward, and Louis Bullock, and the inside play of Traylor.

Constrained by foul trouble most of last season, and at times this year, Traylor was a factor in the game - not from the bench, but on the floor. He collected sixteen rebounds, seven offensive, and blocked two shots, and affected numerous shots with his presence alone. When Traylor followed a Bullock miss with a massive slam with four minutes remaining, the fat lady sung and U-M's meeting with the Michigan State-Minnesota winner was only a matter of time and free throws.

After the contest, in the media room, Traylor and Travis Conlan were asked who they would like to play in the next round. Traylor silently motioned for Conlan to answer, and the senior moved closer to the microphone.

"It's nice to playa basketball game, to get a win," he answered, sounding like a political candidate.

The questioning reporter asked again if Conlan would naturally prefer MSU, since they are an in-state rival and U-M recently lost to them, but Conlan refused to bite, expressing no preference over his future opponent.

Maybe he knew something the rest of us didn't; maybe he just didn't care.

At 1:00 the next day, U-M took on Minnesota, who put on a three-point shooting display in their previous encounter on February 7. This time, it was U-M playing show-and-tell. Reid, Bullock, and Ward continued their hot shooting, and U-M shot 54%-for the game, and an awesome 57% from outside the arc.

Every game contains certain subplots and this contest provided one: the Traylor-Kyle Sanden matchup.

For Sanden, this was a day to forget, or possibly use as inspiration in the future. A 6'11", 260 pound freshman forward, Sanden looked lost from the opening tip when a Gopher fan screamed "Concentrate, Kyle - concentrate!" for the entire arena to hear.

Sanden played well in the previous meeting with U-M at Minnesota, but at a neutral site, he was not as effective.

In twelve minutes, he scored two points, committed a turnover, and was pushed around by Traylor most of the afternoon, often looking for a nonexistent foul call from the officials. Traylor played Sanden as ifthe Golden Gopher was his little brother, bodying him, elbowing him, and doing whatever he wanted with the rookie, finishing with eighteen points and nine rebounds.

Traylor continued his outstanding play in the final game, a matchup with Purdue whom U-M had lost to at home during their only regular season clash.

U-M came out flat, but righted themselves with the help of Traylor and Baston. Bullock went scoreless in the first half, indicative ofU-M's newfound struggles from the three-point line, where they shot 33% for the game.

The second half was all U-M's.

Any astute fan knew the game was over when Traylor made a steal, then dribbled full-court for a tomahawk dunk. Robert Traylor, all 300+ pounds of him, going eighty feet for a dunk!

Then, Bullock going in and throwing down the rarest of all - a dunk, 9Jl'~ Louis Bullock! .

And later, Bullock leading a threeon-two fast break, slipping on an opposing player's shoe, and throwing the ball blindly in the air, where Baston caught it in stride and jammed with two hands.

Arthur Miller couldn't have written a better script.

Afterwards, Traylor - the tourney MVP - announced U-M was going to the Final Four, no player in the country can stop him, and he would like to play for Ellerbe next year.

"I see no reason he shouldn't have the head coaching job. You don't come to college to play for three coaches in four years," he stated.

Later U-Mlesrned they would face Davidson in the first round ofthe South regional, with UCLA looming in a prospective second round contest.

Though it is alluring to look ahead to the battle with the athletic, fastpaced, and inconsistent Bruins, U-M must remember they haven't advanced past the first round of the NCAA Tournament since 1993-94, when Juwan Howard and Jalen Rose were team leaders. Furthermore, no player on this year's team has ever won a single game in the Tournament.

Nevertheless, U-M is on a roll, playing their best basketball of the season at the most important time: before "March Madness" begins. Will they be in San Antonio, at the Final Four? Most likely not. But it sure will be fun watching them. l\R

WHERE'S THE LoVE?: The fans in the United Center were quiet, partly due to the horrible acoustics in the mall-like arena. Nevertheless, certain fans stood out with their comments directed at the officials. Among the most memorable: "That's a Tractor push, look for it" after Traylor knocked a Minnesota defender to the floor, "Ref, you're an idiot" and moments later, "You're still an idiot." After Iowa's Dean Oliver lost a shoe, a fan blurted out "Get a shoe" while play was going on. When a foul was called shortly afterwards, Oliver followed the fan's advice. The most laughable exchange occurred late in the Iowa game, as one official stood at the halfcourt line across from the team's benches near a group of rowdy fans. "Ref, admit it ... you're bad," one screamed, which caused the official to break into a wide grin, and subsequently laugh. The fan did not fmd that funny. "Don't laugh," he countered even more loudly, "you're bad!"

I Spy: Numerous NBA scouts were on hand for the four-day tourney, inel uding Chicago Bulls General Manager Jerry "Crumbs" Krause, assistant coach Tex Winter, and the Miami Heat's Scotty Robertson. Krause, dressed in an unusual turquoise sweater on Saturday,

had to be impressed with the play of Iowa's freshman forward Ricky Davis, who displayed tremendous athletic abililty. Davis showcased a move to remember when he went around Ward with a pump fake, and then in Jordanesque fashion swooped in for a reverse layup as Traylor was unable to get the block.

THE HACK MAN: Baston returned from a chipped bone in his right foot, which kept him out offour games, to score five points in limited minutes in路 tbe season finale versus Wisconsin. In the tourney, Baston had more fouls than points through the first two games. Amazingly, he fouled out after a measly eleven minutes against Iowa. In the Purdue game, Baston redeemed himself, scoring sixteen points and grabbing six rebounds.

OVERHEARD: "You got him, you got him," Conlan to Bullock after l{Jwa switched defenders early in the second round contest, leaving the laterally-<:hallenged Kent McCausland on Bullock. Bullock immediately drove around McCausland, and hit an easy jumper in the lane.

Psycmc FRIEND: The Ann Arbor News's Rich Thomaselli guessed U-M would reach the fmal, though he did not say whether they would win or lose the game.

Two of three prognosticators from the Chicago Tribune went with Purdue, while one chose U-M. THE LoVE HAs BEEN FOUND: Traylor's grandmother, Jessie Mae Carter, received much media exposure on CBS and ESPN during the tourney, particularly because she was sitting, and often dancing behind the路 U-'-M bench. After the Purdue win, Traylor went into the stands to give his grandmother a hug.

-Andrew Golding

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Conspiracy ,Theory Gone Wrong

BY KRISTINA CURKOVIC

T

HE AMERICAN PUBLIC has always had a love-hate relationship with conspiracy theories. From JFK to Roswell to Barney the Purple Dinosaur, people Virtual Government: CIA Mind Control Operations in America Alex Constantine Feral House (304 pp., $14.95)

have always found the conspiracies revolving around icons and incidents twisted and dubious, but irresistible: Popular cult hits like The X-Files and movies like Conspiracy Theory take advantage of such iascination to create elaborate theories for great American mysteries, which involve a variety of government and other-worldly influences.

But what if all the oddities of our country - including UFO's, OJ Simpson, Timothy McVeigh and the Mafia - were connected to the CIA? What if, more specifically, they were all somehow a part of secret CIA mind control experiments? Such a hypoth-

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agents had implanted him with a microchip and left him with an unexplained scar on his posterior. It was painful, he winced, to sit on the chip."

The majority of the rest ofthe chapter deals not with evidence that the government had forced McVeigh, somehow, to detonate the infamous bomb, but with semi-relevant information dealing with cases somewhat like McVeigh's - that is, a lot of dancing around the issue by talking about a lot of other somewhat similar topics.

The same beating around the bush is true for most of the rest of the book: although Constantine seems convinced about the subject matter and his evidence, we are hard-pressed to find an absolute, decisive conclusion -reached in any ofthe chapters. Rather, the author drops naIl!es throughout each chapter like a tortured socialite, perhaps hoping that the reader will be able to follow the tangled web of names toward the truth. But we don't.

Every new name takes us away from the central figures of the chapter whether they are the Nazis. the CIA, O.J. or McVeigh .,0 that Constantine's point is eventually lost.-,.'''''' ~

Constantine still manages to raise a few intriguing questions, one involving the Simpson case. Was O.J. framed? This question is discussed in detail: perhaps Nicole Brown Simpson was murdered because of ties to the Mafia (her sister dated a well-known mafioso), and because of a ring of drug use. The author offers a variety of possible killers to suggest that OJ was perhaps framed. How this is related to the CIA or to mind control experiments is, however, unclear, and the possibilities are dubious, at best.

While it is difficult to determine any conclusion in such situations, Constantine's book is a very poor example of efforts to uncover government cover-ups, expose the exploitation, and create furor over it all. He attempts to tackle too many issues, leaving only a string of names that leads us into a labyrinth of possibilities - possibilities that probably don't exist. Taken as a form of entertainment or satire, conspiracy theories can raise public awareness and questions; as a work of rebellious and ambiguous finger-pointing, this leaves the reader wanting. l\R

Twilight's Cast Is In Its Prime

MATT BUCKLEY

ILM NOIR IS OFFICIALLY going old school. Twilight, a moody suspense film directed

by Robert Benton (Places in the Heart, Nobody's Foo!) , stars three Oscarwinning actors who all meet any reasonable definition of "over the hill."

Harry Ross (Paul Newman) is a weathered ex-private investigator who now lives on the estate of Jack and Catherine Ames (Gene Hackman and Susan Sarandon). Shotin the leg while rescuing their daughter Mel from the clutches of a would-be wooer, Ross is a recipient of their apparent gratitude. It's an easy life: Ross hangs out at the homestead, plays gin with Jack, and flirts cautiously with fading Hollywood starlet Catherine.

Two problems emerge over a hand of gin, however. First, Jack is dying of cancer. Second, Jack needs someone to hand over a package to someone named Gloria Lamar. Though suspicious, Ross accepts the task - it's tough to refuse such things when the person making the request supports your whole life, and is a good friend to boot. For his trouble, he enters Lamar's apartment and finds himself, gunless, in the sights of eX4:op Lester I var, dying of a gunshot wound

F

esis might have proven fascinating and perhaps even entertaining - had it not been brought forward in the form ofVirtual Government: CIA Mind Control Operations in America, a study in impotent rage.

The book spans across the country and a multitude of currently popular subject matters, including the O.J. trial, the Oklahoma City bombing, and amazingly the inexplicably profuse number of deranged postal workers involved in shootings across the US. Constantine claims that the CIA has been conducting mind control experiments via implants in unsuspecting (and therefore unconsenting) citizens. He backs up his theories with a multitude of sources (each chapter closes with a lengthy bibliography), from news clippings and interviews.

Yet, such sources often lead us away from the issue at hand. Take, for example, his idea that Timothy McVeigh, convicted in the Oklahoma City bombing trial, was actually a victim of such mind control experiments. "It was in Buffalo that McVeigh's rage peaked.

He complained," Constantine writes with a straight face, "that federal

to the chest.

Evading Ivar, Ross learns that the dying man was the investigating officer ofthe death of Catherine's first husband, Billy Sullivan. The official story was that Sullivan drowned at sea, but if so, why all the gunfire?

Even more important, why does Jack's package carry $10,000 of an apparent blackmail payment? With the help of a new gun and of some friends in convenient places (most notably Ross's old partner from the police force, played by Stockard Channing), Ross begins digging, literally and figuratively, to find the truth.

Now, this movie's plot is nothing special. The screenplay, co-written

by Benton and writer Richard Russo, isn't so notable for the plot mechanisms as it is for the dialogue between the actors. Twilight has been advertised as an actor-lover's bonanza, with Newman, Sarandon, and Hackman playing off each other's formidable talents. They certainly do not disappoint. These characters are all people past their prime, who understand that in many ways life is passing them by.

Sarandon, though the youngest ofthe three actors, is particularly good at conveying the wistful sadness of her character. ( Growing old is really the sideline

commentary of the entire film. Russo, notable for his recent novels like Nobody's Fool and Straight Man, writes about people struggling with growing old, and laces the angst such aging brings with bursts of wit. This screenplay is a prime example. James Garner plays a private investigator who, unlike Harry, has done quite well for himself; the sequences between him and Newman are funny, but in a detached way their lockerroom talk is sad. Their characters realize they are old, and getting older, but they seem to be unsure of what to do about it.

There are a couple of things in this film that don't seem to ring true.

It is one thing for septuagenarians Newman and Garner to exchange locker-room talk about women, but quite another for these fortyish and fifty-something women to actually succumb to their charms. Why would Saran don or Channing be rushing out after Paul Newman, as they do in this movie? Ifa film had John Travolta falling for any of the Golden Girls, we would find it laughable. No doubt Newman has sexual charisma, but does it have any rational limit? In any event, this is a minor beef, as irrational sexual attractions aside, Twilight's acting is top-notch. !

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Film noir wannabes should take a few notes. Twilight has a few creaky plot points, but works since the acting is good. Maybe I misperceive Hollywood, but after Pulp Fiction we seem to be getting a lot of noir-esque films with lots ofconvoluted plots and shady characters talking. This can work well if the characters are strong: look at films like Bound, Blood & Wine, and even Jackie Brown. But when the film has weak characters and tries to rely on plot, film noir doesn't work.

Witness L.A. Confidential, a movie with a twisted, gargantuan plot and weak acting (l exclude Kevin Spacey from this, but not Kim Basinger). The film moves - a lot - but so what?

Anyone can make a plot complex, but getting great acting is a different matter.

Twilight has been criticized, justly, for being too slow. It certainly doesn't have the plot of an LA. Confidential. However, if film noir is supposed to be as much about the response of men and women to secrets, lies, and crimes, then doesn't it have to follow that the acting is critical? In fact, doesn't it follow that the acting is more important? Top to bottom, Twilight's cast is excellent. That, more than the relaxed plot, makes it worth seeing. Mt I

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THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

18

o FILM: THE ACADEMY AWARDS

That IrFe.sistable Oscar

BY KrusrlNA CuRKOVlC

B

REAK OUT YOUR DRESS shoes; slip on the white glove; step into that silk. dress we're headed to the 70th annual Academy Awards.

Not really, of COUl'Be, unless you've got BOme spectacular connections ~ security will most likely be tighter on Oscar night than it was at the Grammys. We1l be sitting in sweats at home to watch the endless parade of usually well-dressed, coiffured and slicked-down stars who bask in the limelight to which they've become accustomed, excited at the possibility that a little man naked on a pedestal could bestow upon them future success. No, Steven Spielberg will probably be dressed. I'm talking about Oscar.

This year, there were few surprises with the nominations - aside from the fact that nobody knows many . of the nominations, and the Titaniclauncher teen heartthrob Leonardo DiCaprio was passed over for a Best Actor nod. Generally, there are few surpriees with the Academy Awards; like figure skating. you can often guess who it is that's been p:re--ordained to walk away with that statue in hand.

Most of the watchers of the award show have only seen a few of the movies; many of the so-called popular flicks hardly make it past the bigname theaters in big-time cities. Afterglow, The Sweet Hereafter, and Mrs. Brown are a few examples of films this year that seemed to be geared toward a specific, sophisticated audience (i.e. one that will end up voting on the filma' merit during February and. March). Many of the categories involve movies that most of us haven't even heard of, like the foreign films and the "short&" that we won't even be able to find at'an oddball video store.

The movies thai are genuinely popular, by the standards of the general movie-going public that endures sticky seats, noisy audiences and flickering acreens, get nominated. for the whocares categories like "Best Special Effects," "Best Make-Up," or "Best Sound."

So we're not rich or connected enough to go; we recognize few of the films or their actors; our favorite films are usually ignored in the process: what makes us so fascinated with the

Kristina Curkovic i8 a 8enior in Linguiatics and English, and is the Arts

Editor of the Review. SMU be wearin8 a lltunning sweatsuit accu.sorized with beer and chiptJ at tAU ~8 Aoodem,Award.9. .........._

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Awards even with its faults?

One factor that will clinch my following of the ceremony is that if I happen to go see one of those "hot" films nominated for a top award, I religeously watch the awards show in its three- or fOlll'-hour entirety (perhaps well trained already by this year's Titanic, or last year's The English Patient, or Braveheart of two years ago). All ofus become attatched to that one film, or two, in particular, and anxiously await for its name to be called just once, so that our visit to the theater where we saw it can be justified.

This year, two such films will make me watch. The FuU Monty has gotten the nomination for three of the big awards - Best Film, Director, and Original Screenplay - and Good WiU Hunting nabbed an astonishing nine, including Best Film, Original Screenplay, Actor (Matt Damon) and Supporting Actress (Minnie Driver).

The Full Monty's success at award time is a little surprising, for comedies, no matter how impressive, are generally passed over by the Academy (although Tom Jones, another bawdy British comedy, won the award in 1963). Which speaks a mO\mtain of Monty, the most popular British film in history. It played at Ann Arbor's State Theater for months, and returned later to the Michigan after its nomination. How often does a foreign film, let alone a foreign comedy, strike such a chord with the general audi-

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ence? While it is unlikely that the movie will actually recieve an award over its revered, big-name competetors (namely, crowd-favorite Titanic), its nomination alone is a huge indication of its success. But surprises do happen, and I'll be waiting for Monty's name at the show.

Good Will Hunting appeared in theaters among a crowd of Oscar hopefuls at the end oflast year. Its endearing quality rests on the talent, charm, and youth of its writers and stars.

Matt Damon and Ben Aflleck, friends from childhood, burst into Hollywood with a triumphant first attempt at screenwriting together. The big awards to watch for are Best Original Screenplay and Best Actor: the young men now compete against a sagacious set of long-time writers (including Woody Allen for Deconstructing Harry), and Damon against a venerable crew of actors, to clinch a couple of statues. Again, it seems unlikely that Matt Damon, his wonderful and a ward-deserving performance nontwithstanding, could pull a Best Actor trophy away from the likes of favored screen legends Robert Duvall, Dustin Hoffman and Jack Nicholson, but Damon is a very strong contender.

As for the screenplay award, Damon and Afileck's brilliant and believable screenplay is a front runner for a sure prize. 'The fact that such writing romes from such youngsters itself deserves an award. moves Aside from such . , that have

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won our hearts, the awards ceremony often holds us with its pure extravagance - music, dancing, costly jewels and oh-tlo-designer dresses that, for days after, will be spotlighted in gushing Entertainment Tonight interviews. 'There are the usually dull1rib. utes to the wrinkled and forgetful actors or directors of Hollywood. Perhaps this year we'll have to endure a heartfelt, postumous tribute to Chris Farley; and if I have to watch another montage ofa sweaty fat man falling on furniture, I will become nauseous.

But perhaps BarbaralMadonnal Celine will sing; perhaps a famous actor will appear on an unfamiliar arm; perhaps another actor will make a shocking statement supporting or decrying causes like animal rights, pornography, or Bill Clinton. And these aret;he moments that we hope for: treats of bizarre behavior from actors who are painfully stoic upon receiving that award, or embarrassingly emotional and excited (who can forget Cuba Gooding Jr?).

For these, we watch and make our hopeful predictions, smile at the faces that moved us at the theater.

Maybe it's these faces, their supposed "real" selves that we watch for. Who are these men and women who have somehow managed to make us cry, laugh, recoil in horror, or lean forward in anticipation? And which one of them will win the award for doing it the best? Which is why we watch late into the night to 路see. m

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Fusing Jazz, P€>p, Rock: Safehaven

BY JENNIFER GUERRA

L

OOKINGFORATALENTED, new band that you can discover before the rest of radiofree America does? Then look no farther than SafeHaven; an eclectic, multi-genre band with the University of Michigan's own Ben Yonas on piano. (Yonas is a jazz pianist at

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Catching Rain Safehaven Oar Finn Records

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UM's School of Music). However, SafeHaven is not a local band . The group (Elizaeth Callahan, Aaron Gin, Timothy Glenn, Eric MacDonald, and Ben Yonas) is actually from the Twin Cities in Minnesota, where they tour frequently. After performing in Ann Arbor at Tower Records on South U., and at the Michigan League to a sold out crowd, it looks as if SafeHaven is earning a following that will soon make them a staple on U ofM's campus.

Safehaven's Catching Rain produces a unique sound that-really grooves.

style. While guitar and piano groove The band members all bring different musical backgrounds to the underneath to their own musical line, group, which greatly contriutes to Callahan's voice glides above the intheir eclectic sound. And although strumentation, following her own they are not trying to em ula te anyone musical line with jazz slides and harparticular band, the members' indimonies. The songs on Catching Rain vidual influences - which range from are for the most part straightforward in their setup - chorus, verse, choAni Difranco to Santana to Bill Evans - come through quite clearly. rus, verse . However, the interlude in SafeHaven, however, still manages ''Tolerate'' - with its driving drum to maintain its own style and its own beat, piano and guitar independently sound. jamming, and Callahan's sultry voOn their first album, Catching cals - shows that the band can, in Rain , SafeHaven mixes a variety of fact, groove.

"Don't Break Don't Bend" is a different musical styles and instru- ments in creative, innovative ways . . perfect example of SafeHaven's rock In "Breadline," one of the band's few style. Their instrumentation with non-relationship themed songs, guest acoustic guitar, drums, piano, and musician Danny Newton on accordian cello make the song move in a syncopated, fast tempo rhythm. Combined joins Glenn on dI'}lms for a syncopated, Latin-sounding introduction. with Callahan's other vocal style Later in the song, Yonas' piano solo (think Ani Difranco: half singing, half jams in a free-form improvisationjazz speaking) which shows the vindictiveness evident in her lyrics, "Don't style that definitely keeps the song Break Don't Bend" shows SafeHaven moving. It is too bad Yonas doesn't include more of these solos on Catchat their best. ing Rain.

The problem with Catching Rain Although admittedly some of is its lack of guitar, drum, and piano Callahan's lyrics are cliches ("needsolos. Only on "Catching Rain" and ing you is like a drug"), the sincerity "She Breaks Down" do Gin and Yonas and emotion with which she sings get a chance to really jam. And when makes those lines effective. On "Tolthey do, it is for a maximum of eight erate," Callahan's intensity comes bars - barely one minute's worth of through in lines like, "he had a new music! When they do play solos, howbitch to share his bed but they talked ever, they are extremely musical, about nothing." A major musical inshowing the talent these musicians fluence of Callahan is the great Ella truly have.

Fitzgerald. And Ella's influence does What is not heard on their album not go unnoticed in Callahan's vocal is made up for in their live perfor-

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mances. And SafeHaven is defmitely a live band. After playing to a sold out crowd at the Michigan League on January 30, and a promotional gig at Tower Records, SafeHaven left their audience wanting more. Along with their own songs, the band covers tunes ranging from "Pain in My Heart" by Otis Redding to bire Straits' "Romeo and Juliet" - demonstrating the scope of their ability and talent. And when they perform, their songs last well over the usual three to four minute CD range, (a stipulation record companies try to enforce, which tends to stifle any band's potential to truly jam), allowing the band to perform different, more instrumental arrangements. And because they play different arrangements of every song each show (so you never see the same show twice), the band members have the chance to improvise andjam more on their instruments, a major strong point of SafeHaven's - yet an important factor missing on Catching Rain.

As SafeHaven's first effort, Catching Rain is quite successful in creating a sound and style that is a fusion ofjazz, pop, and rock. And since all!! tracks on Catching Rain are unique, the CD caters to whatever mood you are in - funk, jazz, rock, pop, or acoustic rock Hopefully with their second effort (which will be coming out this summer) the band will feel . more comfortable lengthening and experimenting with their songs - showing their musical ability not only lies ~ . ~---

in quick, short, radio-friendly songs with the usual chorus/verse style as heard on Catching Rain, but also in the free-form jamming style seen at their lives shows.

Their current CD, Catching Rain, which is distributed by OarFinn Records, is available at Tower Records, Wherehouse Records, Schoolkids, and Borders. You should definitely pick up a copy - you will not be disappointed. And since it may be a long time before they produce a live CD, do not miss SafeHaven perform at the DClub on April 11 at 8:00PM where they will definitely entertain the -crowd and make you jam. l\R

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Lovers Wanted!

VVant to get a hold of free music?

Better yet, you want to tell the world (or at least the campus) how you feel about it?

The Review is always looking for fresh new faces to review music: cd's, concerts, and interviews.

If you're interested, give our Music Editor, Chris Hayes, or the Arts Editor Kristina Curkovic a call at the office a t 647-8438, or email us at

mrev@umich.edu . . -, . '" ..........-

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