THE MICHIGAN REVIEW Volume 18, Number 13
The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan
March 15–29, 2000
MSA Elections Approaching Dewey defeats Truman, early exit polls reveal
BY MATTHEW FRANCZAK
A
S THE POSTERS AND sidewalk chalk indicate, the Michigan Student Assembly elections are once again upon us. This season brings two new parties to the always exciting scene of campus politics – the Wolverine Party and the All Peoples’ Party. Combined with the return of the Blue Party, the Defend Affirmative Action Party (DAAP), and the joke Friends Rebelling Against Tyranny (FRAT) Party, as well as the highly visible independent candidacy of Hideki Tsutsumi, this creates fierce competition for the MSA seats and presidency. When all is said and done, the MSA 2000 presidential elections will go down as the most competitive in years.
nearly a year before the intended election, and has foregone the normal posters and chalks on the sidewalks for in-person campaigning. Thus, Tsutsumi carries his
their book lists out earlier. This way, students can take advantage of better prices available online, without worrying that their textbooks will not arrive by the time
quality and exorbitant price of dorm food quality with a proposal to privatize the dining system, as has been done at Northwestern. Hideki also holds the view that MSA spends too much time addressing issues that don’t directly affect the student body and fails to connect with students, as is manifested in the perennial low voter turnout at elections. He believes the remedy is to carry his campaigning strategy of actively engaging students. As Tsutsumi emphasizes, “I think that I am best suited for MSA because I am in touch with students. … It’s important to have somebody who is in touch with students as a leader of MSA to bring MSA in touch with the student body.”
J. Wilson / Review
Independents – Hideki Tsutsumi Hideki Tsutsumi and Jim Secreto, the independent presidential candidate and his running mate, are conducting a highly visible campaign that focuses on saving students money. Tsutsumi is running a unique campaign that began in May 1999,
Wolverine Party
Since MSA passed a resolution last semester prohibiting flyering in the Fishbowl, sidewalk chalking has become the preferred form of campaigning. campaign poster with him, campaigning class begins. To address tuition, Tsutsumi wherever students congregate. thinks that MSA pressure would help To combat textbook prices, Tsutsumi convince the state legislature to appropriate would like to implement a web site listing funds to the university to alleviate the need the cheapest locations to purchase for tuition increases. Tsutsumi addresses textbooks, and encourage professors to get students’ concerns with the questionable
Headed by MSA rep and former College Republicans President Rory Diamond, the Wolverine Party seeks to change the character, function, and
See ELECTIONS, Page 8
Yale Economist Shoots Down Gun Myths at Law School BY TIM MAULL
O
N MARCH 8, YALE LAW School scholar and economist John Lott provided a refreshing look at the gun debate. He is the author of the controversial book, “More Guns, Less Crime”, which argues that increased gun ownership leads to less violent crime. In the heat of the recent gun death of a sixyear-old Michigan girl, Lott shined some light on common myths and misconceptions espoused by gun control activists. A common claim about how to react when confronted with a criminal is that
passive resistance is the best technique. Lott states that this is really false, since the claim compares passive resistance against the broad category of aggressive resistance — which includes punching, screaming for help, wielding a knife, or brandishing a gun. While it is true that passive resistance is in general better than aggressive resistance, brandishing a gun is by far the most effective response, claims Lott. Another common myth is that most murders are committed by an acquaintance of the victim. This claim makes people fearful to let people close to them have guns, since it implies that their friends or
lovers may use the gun against them in a fit of rage. However, the FBI defines the term “acquaintance” very broadly — rival gang members are acquaintances, drug dealers and their clients are acquaintances, pimps, prostitutes and their johns are acquaintances, and so on. Thus, acquaintances are not simply limited to friends and family. Another claim gun control activists make is that anyone can be a murderer (much like that many feminists claim that every man is a potential rapist). This assumes that the chance of anyone being a murderer is the same, but according to
Lott, many characteristics can predict if someone will kill in the future. For instnace, young males with a criminal history have a higher probability of killing in the future than the rest of the population. Lott said that the vast majority of the audience will never know someone who will commit a murder in the future. Gun control advocates charge that the America’s high murder rate is caused by America’s high gun ownership rate. This is simply not true, Lott says. Lott says that
First three copies free, additional copies 50 cents.
www.michiganreview.com
2
4
Serpent s Tooth
Where were you the Day the Music Died? Aren t you proud to know the bastard who killed it attended U- M?
issue315.p65
1 Black
From Suite One
We offer our endorsements for the MSA Elections. Good deal, huh? We do the research, you do our bidding.
See GUNS, Page 10
5
Columns Galore
Matt gives his 10 Cardinal Rules of Keeping Order; Jim defends the rights of hippies, and his right to beat them.
8
Party Platorms In-Depth
The Wolverine Party is back? Plus, say Hi to everyone s favorite bus-ride and cafeteria-line orator, Hideki!
3/15/00, 5:59 PM
11
More from El Señor Guípe
El Señor Guípe and his sidekick, Matt Schwartz, mistakenly try to put the good Señor s advice into action...
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW Volume 18, Number 13
The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan
March 15–29, 2000
MSA Elections Approaching
A
Yale Economist Shoots Down Gun Myths at Law School
O
First three copies free, additional copies 50 cents.
www.michiganreview.com
2
4
issue315.p65
1 Blue
5
8
3/15/00, 5:59 PM
11
Page 2
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW SERPENT S TOOTH
❑ SERPENT S TOOTH Coming into Super Tuesday, Bill Bradley started comparing himself and his circumstances to fellow Missourian Harry Truman. The comparisons were quite accurate, surprisingly, as the rotting corpse of Truman garners just as much support at the polls as Bradley does.
Bob Jones University finally lifted their almost forty-year ban on interracial dating last week. Unfortunately, by “interracial” the Chanceller meant only that Irish students may now date English students and Northern Italian students dating Sicilian students.
John McCain has come under fire recently for his use of the word “gooks" to describe his North Vietnamese captors. He quickly apologized, however, admitting the word “gooks” wasn’t particularly appropriate, and promised to only describe his captors as “dirty gooks” or “filthy gooks.”
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW
of 22 percent for similar crimes, which just proves to show that an MSU education does indeed help one excel in at least some areas.
After his massive victories on Super Tuesday, George W. Bush won the Utah state primary, surprisingly, considering the horribly rumors the McCain camp spread earlier about Bush’s past Coke usage. Quote one Utah resident, “I don’t want any crazed caffiene addicts in the White House.”
It appears that there is now such a thing as a “Sound of Music” sing along party where the attendees dress up as the characters from the movie and sing along to the songs in the movie. It has proven quite popular in London and will be appearing soon in San Francisco and New York City. Serpent’s is hearby cancelling our post-Y2K sale of survival supplies, as this, as well as Madonna’s recent version of Don McLean’s classic “American Pie,” are sure signs that the Apocalypse is at hand.
French Prime Minister Lionel Jospin was slightly injured during an appearance in the West Bank last month when several students threw stones at him after he accused the Hezbollah of being terrorists. Thirty students were eventually arrested for their part in the incident, but not before Jospin surrendered all of France to the Palestinians.
Secretary of Defense William Cohen became the first U.S. Secretary of Defense to visit Vietnam since the Communist victory in 1975. Cohen is going in place of President Clinton, who was scheduled to go, but had to leave for an emergency summit concerning “medicinal herbs” in England.
Baseball’s Darryl Strawberry was again suspended for drug violations recently, this time for a year. Following the ruling, Strawberry promptly checked himself into a new drug rehabilitation center, as his old one, the Steve Howe Drug Rehabilitation Clinic, didn’t seem to work out.
It appears that the six year old who allegedly shot and killed a classmate will be given a 90 day expulsion from school for his alleged deeds. School officials said he would have gotten a two-year expulsion, however, if he had improperly kissed her instead of just killing her.
Directly following his suspension for cocaine use, Strawberry held a press conference, and announced that he now felt qualified to consider seeking the Republican nomination for president. It has been reported that 83 percent of the first time offenders arrested for last year’s Michigan State riots were incarcerated, compared to the national rate
In response to the recent gas hikes, CNN Online published the gas prices of several western European nations to illustrate how we as Americans still pay the least for gas in the industrialized world. The people in most of these European countries have to pay upwards of over four American dollars for a gallon of gasoline, which is just more evidence that Europe sucks ass.
Want to read past Serpents to your loved ones? visit www.michiganreview.com issue315.p65
2 Black
March 15, 2000
The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan PETA, or People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, protesting the alleged abuse of dairy cows, has plans to unleash a new ad campaign calling for college students to drink beer instead of milk, claiming that drinking beer is healthier than drinking milk. This was followed by the President’s announcement that an island populated entirely of naked Amazon women has been discovered off the Gulf of Mexico, the FDA’s announcement that eating Slim Jims and nachos fights cancer, and the discovery that men who watch pornos all day long live longer than men who don’t.
You could tell the GOP Presidential race was getting nasty by the content of the TV ads airing in the campaign’s final days. Here’s a clip from a George W. Bush ad: “During the Vietnam War, George Bush valiantly served his country, heroically defending the borders of Texas in the National Guard from an armed Mexican invasion. At the same time, John McCain spent the war living a luxurious Hanoi Hilton, his room and board supplied free by Communists.”*
In honor of Lent, Madonna stopped by her local church for her first confession in years. The church made special accomodations for her, however, as it’s estimated that she won’t be done confessing for another four years.
“Let the semi-annual popularity contest begin!”
Matthew S. Schwartz Editor-in-Chief Jacob F. M. Oslick Managing Editor
James Y. Yeh Managing Editor
James Justin Wilson Publisher ARTS EDITOR: CONTRIBUTING ED.: ASSISTANT EDITOR: ILLUSTRATOR: ONLINE EDITOR: ONLINE STAFF: CORRESPONDENT: (LONDON)
David Guipe R. Colin Painter Matthew Franczak Astrid Phillips Rabeh Soofi Mike Rosen Julie Jeschke
STAFF WRITERS: Mike Austin, Alex Feng, Dustin Lee, Tim Maull, David Sackett, Kurt Rademacher, Curt Robertson, Ryan Serra
EDITORS EMERITI:
Lee Bockhorn Benjamin Kepple
The Michigan Review is the independent, student-run journal of conservative and libertarian opinion at the University of Michigan. We neither solicit nor accept monetary donations from the U–M. Contributions to the Michigan Review are taxdeductible under Section 501 (c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code. The Review is not affiliated with any political party or university political group. Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the editorial board. Ergo, they are unequivocally correct and just. Signed articles, letters, and cartoons represent the opinions of the author and not necessarily those of the Review. The Serpent’s Tooth shall represent the opinion of individual anonymous contributors to the Review, and should not necessarily be taken as representative of the Review’s editorial stance. The opinions presented in this publication are not necessarily those of the advertisers or of the University of Michigan. We welcome letters, articles, and comments about the journal. *Adapted from the Wall Street Journal
When asked what sins she plans to confess, Madonna reportedly said, “Well, there’s that sleeping with a thousand men thing, living in sin, disgracing the Holy Virgin’s name, that whole ‘Like a Prayer’ controversy thing, and my new apparently heretical rendition of ‘American Pie.’ I didn’t think it was that bad, but then the Pope called me at home and told me I’d be definitely hell-bound if I didn’t confess.” After hearing the new rendition of “American Pie,” the President declared that the song’s release date be the new official “day the music died.”
Pondering writing for us?
E-mail editor@michiganreview.com for all the details!
On stands April 1st: The Michigan Delay 3/15/00, 5:59 PM
70 degrees in the beginning of March??! That confused us Michiganders, used to keeping our winter coats on through May. Actually, this was just Ma Nature’s early April Fool’s joke on the Californians. Get them to leave their puffy North Face jackets at home, and then — BOOM! — remind them that they’re still in Michigan! Hehehe...
Please address all advertising, subscription inquiries, and Bucket Fund payments to Publisher c/o the Michigan Review. Editorial and Business Offices: The Michigan Review 911 N. University Avenue, Suite One Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265 letters@michiganreview.com http://www.michiganreview.com Tel. (734) 647-8438 • Fax (734) 936–2505 Copyright © 2000 The Michigan Review, Inc. All rights reserved. The Michigan Review is a member of the Collegiate Network.
Love us or hate us, write us. E-mail letters@michiganreview.com with subject, “Letter to the Editor” Or send mail to: The Michigan Review 911 N. University Ave. Ann Arbor, MI 48109
March 15, 2000
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW LETTERS, CAMPUS AFFAIRS
Page 3
❑ LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Students of Color Coalition has lost all credibility To the Review: The members of the SCC seem not to care about the public’s perception of them these past couple weeks. Adding even more dishonor to their organization, the SCC has now resorted to childish antics and outright rudeness to continue telling
issue315.p65
3 Black
us that the entire University is founded on racism. The type of reasoning that thinks that storming center court at a basketball game, invading a public lecture by the University’s President, renaming public buildings, or vandalizing the President’s lawn are appropriate methods of protest is completely beyond me. In order to retain
some credibility in their flawed argument, they need to recognize the important element of tact. So, SCC, crying “racism!” and vandalizing buildings may attract media coverage, but it still doesn’t make your point appreciated. — Jonathan Janego LSA Sophomore
3/15/00, 5:59 PM
Angry? Want to sound off? Then e-mail us at: letters@michiganreview.com. It sure beats storing up all your pent up anger until you explode into a killing spree!
Page 4
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW FROM SUITE ONE
March 15, 2000
❑ FROM SUITE ONE
Vote Diamond for MSA President Impressive record and admirable policies outweigh suspect character
T
HE PAST YEAR HAS SEEN AN IMPROVED, horrendous admissions policies, we believe he would lack by what right should MSA deny them this choice? albeit far from perfect MSA. Not once did the the will to stand up to Ms. Curtin and her henchmen. Additionally, the existence of parties allows the normal Assembly attempt to stick its nose into Thus, we begrudgingly throw our support to Mr. student a way to quickly identify those candidates who international politics (a la last year’s resolution on Iraqi Diamond. In many ways, we view Mr. Diamond in much are in line with his own beliefs. Without parties, and with sanctions). Instead, under Blue Party leadership, the the same fashion as Democrats look upon Bill Clinton — no more flyers adorning the halls of the Fishbowl, the effort Assembly has focused more on student concerns. As a a man with suspect character, but admirable policies. After required to research and select individual candidates would result, the current MSA has achieved a record of all, last October this newspaper reported how Mr. drastically lessen the number of informed voters. accomplishment far surpassing any Assembly in years. Diamond falsified MSA documents, leading to the It is on the relative strength of its platform that we Among other things, MSA rewrote the hated Code of canceling of his College Republicans’ status as an official similarly make a general endorsement of the Wolverine Student Conduct to strengthen student’s civil liberties, Party for MSA. In contrast with the Blue Party, which produced worthwhile “Know Your Rights” cards, and, posts an impressive website (www.umich.edu/~voteblue), established the non-partisan Democracy Project. Yet, but a wishy-washy and idea-deprived platform, the despite these positive endeavors, traces of the old MSA Wolverine Party stresses grand but still obtainable goals. remain. The Budget and Priorities Committee funding Further, unlike the Blue Party, the Wolverine Party does process once again was horribly politicized, as not carry the stain of engaging in political monkey business. demonstrated by the paltry $10 allotment initially given With the Wolverine Party in control of the Assembly, we to Students for Life last fall. The Assembly continued to are confident the Assembly will no longer waste its time Representatives: support BAMN’s inane “Days of Action,” throwing its and credibility supporting Ms. Curtin’s thuggery. Similarly, weight behind Fearless Leader Jessica Curtin’s attempts to we place in them the hope for a more equitable, less Entire Wolverine Party get moose and squirrel. And, unfortunately, MSA neither politicized funding of student groups (Blue Party LSA: Shari Katz (Blue) made nor attempted progress towards a host of issues of Presidential Candidate Glen Roe, we might add, chaired Bus: Nanye Ukawuba (Blue) pressing student concern, such as meal plan reform. Thus, the heinous Budget and Priorities Committee last Fall). when considering candidates for the upcoming MSA Still, despite our overall endorsement of the Wolverine Med: Roberto Miller (Blue) elections, we urge voters to look not just at previous Party, we find a few exceptions to the rule. Most brilliantly accomplishments, but ideas for the future. From this shines the star of the Blue Party’s Shari Aviva Katz. perspective, we give our endorsement to Rory Diamond student group. Likewise, Mr. Diamond’s chairmanship of Although on the center-left politically, Ms. Katz helped for MSA President, and his generally his Wolverine Party an MSA commission was nearly revoked last semester due found and direct the Democracy Project, whose monthly for MSA. However, recognizing that the electorate should to what many of his colleagues on the Assembly deemed forums present students with both sides of important support individuals, giving only some credence to party incompetence. issues. Similarly, as the only LSA candidate running for label, we wish to make three additional endorsements. In Still, Mr. Diamond also has an impressive record of re-election, she would bring a little experience to guide a the school of LSA, we urge the re-election of the Blue Party’s accomplishment to counter-balance the ethical worries mostly new Assembly. Shari Katz, and in the Business School, the Blue Party’s surrounding his candidacy. He resurrected a moribund To a lesser degree, we also encourage the election of Nanye Ukawuba, and in the school of Medicine, the Blue College Republicans group and again made them active Messrs. Ukawuba and Miller. In the case of Ukawuba, we Party’s Roberto Miller. admittedly know little about the candidate. Of these endorsements, the most difficult Yet we are strongly impressed by his platform for us to make concerned candidates for the We strongly admire the dedication that Hideki has of separating the student identification Executive Slate. We strongly admire the from student’s Social Security shown over the past year, but we fear he lacks both number dedication Independent candidate Hideki number. In this age of rampant credit-card Tsutsumi has shown over the past year. theft and electronic impersonation, we find the experience and the gumption to fill the Trudging through heat, sleet, and snow with shocking that the University continues to presidency. Given his genteel manner, we believe itinscribe his “Hideki for MSA President” sign, Mr. Social Security numbers on the back Tsutsumi has clearly shown a willingness to he would lack the will to stand up to Curtin and Co. of every M-Card. To our knowledge, meet students and address their concerns. He Ukawuba stands out as the only candidate also has emphasized a few issues that we pledging to change this system. certainly feel deserve MSA’s attention, such as requiring on campus, if only briefly. As an MSA Representative, he We know even less about Mr. Miller. However, Mr. professors to release textbook information early so that consistently battled Jessica Curtin and Co., and always Miller is running in the School of Medicine, opposed only students may order on-line, and privatizing the meal plan. stood by his conscience. Further, he personally organized by candidates from the Defend Affirmative Action Party However, after careful consideration we realized that while the Wolverine Party, creating the perhaps the strongest (DAAP) and the All Peoples’ Party (APP). While we we can give Mr. Tsutsumi our praise, we cannot give him party organization in existence out of basically thin air. recognize that party affiliation cannot be an absolute guide our endorsement. Simply put, we fear Mr. Tsutsumi lacks When combined with his stances on issues—such as to endorsement, we still give it some weight. In its three both the experience and the gumption to fill the presidency. removing politics from MSA, supporting a 24-hour library, semesters on the Assembly, DAAP has consistently shown For one thing, despite his perpetual year-long Presidential and urging better off-campus lighting, the waving blatant neglect for the rules and procedures of MSA. From campaign, Mr. Tsutsumi neglected to get involved in the pendulum of endorsement tilts in his favor. running off 17,000 copies on the MSA copier to filing day-to-day actions of the Assembly. Why, we rightfully One word of caution: we ask that Mr. Diamond relawsuits on MSA’s behalf without first consulting the question, if Mr. Tsutsumi cares so much about his issues, consider his plan to drop party names from the MSA ballot. Assembly, we see the curtailing of DAAP’s power as the and the student body generally, did he not seek a simple Although we understand that, by eliminating parties, MSA first goal of the newly elected Assembly. The new All LSA Representative seat last Fall? Similarly, given his genteel would make great strides towards becoming a truly nonPeoples’ Party is a harder animal to judge. However, a quick manner, and passive support for the University’s partisan party dedicated to serving students, such a perusing of its on-line candidate information indicates the proposal creates problems as well. Most notably, a ban on party’s general tilt towards promoting ethnic ghettoization. Vote online at www.umich.edu/~vote party affiliation serves as a serious affront to student’s rights This we cannot support. Thus, we prefer the totally March 22 and 23 to free speech and association. If students wish to jointly unknown Mr. Miller to the threat of DAAP or APP campaign under an identifiable label for a core set of issues, influence. MR
Review Endorsements
President/VP: Diamond & Greenberger
issue315.p65
4 Black
3/15/00, 5:59 PM
February March 15, 23,2000 2000
THETHE MICHIGAN MICHIGAN REVIEW REVIEW CAMPUS COLUMNS AFFAIRS
Page Page 57
❑ PICTURES AT AN EXHIBITION
Putting Them in Their Place A handy guide for all future college presidents
I
Matth ew Schwa rtz
T’S OBVIOUS, AFTER GOD knows how many weeks of occupation, that no one gives a damn about the Students of Color Coalition’s numerous concerns – even the SCC itself grew tired of its protest, and out of nowhere, gave in. Everyone realized that the SCC and its supporters demanded too much. After bringing to the University community’s attention the manner in which Michigamua used Native American customs and artifacts in the past. Michigamua genuinely wanted to engage in a dialogue. But dialogue is a two-way street, and compromise is necessary for anything to happen. The members of Michigamua were willing to completely eradicate almost everything anyone foundoffensive, save for their name and their room. The SCC, however, refused to compromise from the beginning. From the beginning, the SCC has refused to compromise, and the University’s mediation was quite unhelpful. (It’s hard for mediation between student groups to succeed when each group has its lawyer present! Is it just me, or is it just a bit excessive for a student group to hire a lawyer?) Throughout the entire ordeal, our dear president, Lee Bollinger, was seemingly unable to assert any kind of authority. He obviously wanted to be done with the SCC and its demands, but he refused to say so to their face. When protesters decided to take over the Presidential Lawn for two hours, demanding he come out and listen to their complaints, he granted them their wish. He even donated money to the food fund for the few thugs who took over the Michigamua office. Encouraged by this show of support, the protesters later stormed a speech he was to give before spring break. They took over the podium and refused to let Bollinger speak. Did he display courage then, in front of hundreds of colleagues and audience members, and demand that the protesters leave the premises? Of course not! He simply walked out. Critics say it’s no surprise the sit-in lasted so long; with a president who basically guaranteed them the right to do whatever they wanted with absolutely no threat of repercussions, why on earth would they have chosen to be civilized any sooner than they did? Some people believe that during the course of this ordeal, Mr. Bollinger forgot
issue315.p65
5 Black
that he has final say around here. Students from all sides of the political spectrum implored Bollinger to take charge. One could hear those students fluent in Ebonics gathering on the Diag, urging Bollinger to “put the smack down.” The entire University community collectively felt that our esteemed president had lost his ability to lead. Yet I find this supposition laughable. Our president, a first amendment scholar, knows things that we, the common lay folk, have never even contemplated. After careful analysis, it is obvious that he knew what he was doing all along — the sit-in is over, after all. To figure out what exactly our very tolerant Bowlman did to solve the problem, I kept a log of his actions the course of the past month, and from that log derived a series of rules for keeping order. Should you ever find yourself in control of your very own University, you will now know exactly what to do:
Ten Cardinal Rules of Keeping Order 1. If a rogue student group decides to take over another student group’s office, don’t step in and demonstrate your ability to keep order on campus. This would force you to take a stand, and that might offend some people. If anything, you have learned in your tenure at the University of Michigan that you should always place the possibility of bruised feelings over everything else, even, say, the property rights of a hypothetical student group whose seventy-year home has been hijacked by terrorists. 2. Send out a vague and wish-washy press release that reiterates your “commitment to diversity” no less than a half-dozen times in each paragraph. Don’t elaborate and specify exactly what you mean; less is more here. No one can take commitment to diversity as a bad thing. (Note: While University presidents and administrators usually only use the word “diversity” to mean “of many different skin colors,” in this case the word can apply to different cultures and ideas as well. Don’t worry — as soon as this mess is over, the word will revert back to its common Department of Justice approved meaning.) 3. Do nothing. Statistics compiled by
top academicians reveal that the average office-takeover scenario will correct itself within a period of one week. Just sit back, hold tight, and watch the episode unfold from your secret office on the tenth floor of Burton Tower. Don’t worry about possible negative media coverage; the worst press you might get is from the alternative student newspaper. But take their biting criticism with a grain of salt — no one reads them conservative bastards’ paper anyway. 4. Should the infested building start to smell, call in the fire department to hose the protesters down. They’ll thank you for the shower, the displaced group will thank
always thought they had power, so you might as well give them some — this makes them slightly less deluded. Should the parties involved start whining, claim that you no longer have any say in the matter. Go hide out in your cottage on South U, while repeatedly kicking yourself for encouraging a more activist student body in your inaugural address. 8. If the standoff lasts more than a month, start reluctantly telling yourself that it might just be time to grow your first set of cajones. In a session of the faculty senate, mention that while the protesters have the right to free speech, you are starting to get
Cardinal Rule #4 Should the infested building start to smell, call in the fire department to hose the protesters down. you for cleaning its office, and you will come out smelling like roses. 5. If the standoff lasts more than a week, and the natives get really restless, schedule a meeting between the two groups and the administration. Make it clear that you’d rather not get involved, because, well, you’ve never had cajones and you’re not about to grow them now, dammit. State your intentions of forming a “task force” (read: useless administrative body) to “look into the situation” (read: peruse back issues of the Daily to find out what you’ve missed over the past week) and “review the possible options” (read: maybe this thing really will solve itself — you just need to give it more time). 6. There is a slight possibility that the esteemed Reverent Al Sharpton will involve himself, take sides, and call in the national press corps. If this happens, stay as far away as possible. While you have the common sense to realize that Mr. Sharpton is not the kind of person with whom the U-M administration should associate, also realize that if you stand up to Sharpton and let him know that his presence is unwelcome on this campus, you would violate Cardinal Rule #1. Just keep releasing feel-good press releases. 7. With your back against the wall, relegate all power in this matter to the student government. After all, they’ve
3/15/00, 5:59 PM
just a little bit frustrated with the situation. Add that while your patience is almost infinite, it does have its limits. Quietly declare that the protesters have made their point, and now you think it’s time for them to leave. But quickly reiterate that you still “feel their pain,” and just because you’re possibly considering maybe someday thinking about putting your foot down, you remain committed to diversity. 9. Laugh as the resilient protesters start failing all their classes, and realize that they’ll never get into your Law School. Laugh as everyone else goes on Spring Break, while the protesters stay holed up, out of sight and out of mind, in a musty office in the tower of the Union. 10. If you wait long enough, the problem will eventually solve itself, either in an explosion of violence and bloodshed, or in one group’s sudden and highly anticlimatic surrender. Only then can you demonstrate your authority. Write an email to the entire campus and say that you didn’t appreciate the takeover, for it made you look like a weak pansy. Mention your “task force” along with some random dates, so people will think that you were really serious about that. After mentioning “diversity” again, hit Send. Congratulations — yet another crisis averted! All thanks to your strong leadership. MR In memory of the great Captain Nicaragua.
Page 6
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW CAMPUS AFFAIRS
March 15, 2000
❑ A CHINK IN THE ARMOR
Burn the Flag, but Watch Your Back!!!
I
AM A man down a flight of stairs, Republican. As but you SHOULDN’T. such, it is not You CAN burn the flag, usual for me to disagree but you SHOULDN’T. with the Republican I bet everyone here congress. It’s even rarer knows someone that for me to concur with fought in one of America’s the libertarian many wars. Most of you hogwash that may even know some that sometimes creeps its have died in one of way into our editorial America’s wars. Most of policy. Some things you either had some sort have bugged me of relative or know of a before, like the entire friend’s relative that died in impeachment debacle, one of America’s wars. And or removing the James Funky of course, having English requirement international students, Chinaman Yeh some have had relatives or from Puerto Rican statehood, but most know of a friend’s relatives recently, it’s their attempts to ban flag killed by America’s finest. But for those that burning. I know it’s not terribly recent, but know of those that died in defense of their I think you and I know that they’re going country, they should know that those men to keep on trying and the Supreme Court and women died for America and for the is just going to shoot them down again flag that represents her. Presumably, he or and again. she got a military funeral, and that same First off, don’t think I like flag flag was draped over their casket, then burning. Don’t think I advocate or support carefully removed and folded, and then it either. Frankly, I hate it. I hate those that turned over to a grieving family member. take part in the burning of a flag. But That flag is given as a symbol of what that despite that, I don’t think it can be banned. man or woman died for, of why he or she If there were some where Constitutional is going into the ground instead of going loophole in which it would be legal to ban home to their loved ones. Some may think flag-burning, then sure, by all means, but that burning that flag is a symbol of protest as of now, banning flag burning is simply against their nation’s policies, but it’s also unconstitutional. pissing on the graves of those who have As much as a hate to admit it, flag sacrificed it all so that they’d have that right burning is a form of free speech, and it in the first place. It’s also a slap in the face should be protected. Just like I dislike those of those that still with us that risked their in Congress that wish to hinder our right lives for that flag and the country that it to bear arms, I also dislike those in represents. Congress that try to hinder our freedom Burning a flag isn’t merely a protest of speech. Because that’s what flag burning against the policies of a nation. It’s an insult is, freedom of speech. If a little pinko to everyone who’s ever risked their lives for bastard hates America feels that he wants their country. Instead of burning a flag, to voice his hatred for the greatest country how about go to Washington, D.C. to the
I’m not trying to incite violence here. I’m just trying to get you all to think for a bit. Think of who you are, think of what you are and why you are and who you are. on earth by burning a flag, then that’s his right. He can, but he shouldn’t. This is the same old argument used when people want to push the v-chip and crap like that on us. Everyone CAN watch violence and sex-laden television, but they SHOULDN’T, or at least shouldn’t allow their kids to do so. You CAN kick an old
issue315.p65
6 Black
Vietnam memorial, stand in front of the wall, and hawk a big loogie, the green and yellow kind, right on the wall. I want to stand there with a stopwatch and time just how long it takes for the people there to stomp your guts out. And that brings me to my second point. We all have the right to burn flags
as a symbol of political speech. If there was a demonstration going happening on the Diag because, oh, I don’t know, because American boys are defending U.S. interests in a country students feel sorry for, and someone lit up a flag, I wouldn’t want anyone to arrest them. No, that would be wrong because it keeps them from expressing their political beliefs. Accordingly, I don’t expect to be arrested when I run out with a fire extinguisher to put out that burning flag. Now if they want to arrest me after I smash said protester’s face in with said fire extinguisher, I wouldn’t be so against it. Yes, I would beat the crap out of that protester with a fire extinguisher, and with any other blunt object I could get my hands on. Because I would be protesting their treatment of the symbol of America. I would be protesting their treatment of something that demands our respect, and I would be protesting their treatment of our veterans and our fallen, because they also demand our respect, more than anyone. And if you love America, it is your solemn duty to make sure that this disrespect does not continue. No, we shouldn’t make a law banning flag burning. We don’t need the government getting into this. If you see some purple-haired freak out on the Diag burning a flag, rip that flag away from him, put it out, and lay him out with a great big American right hook, because while he may have been making his political statement, you were also making yours. Think if it this way: when a leftist scumbag burns a flag, he or she’s not simply protesting something the government did. No, a letter, an editorial, or, as they seem to be in vogue now, an office takeover, would’ve voiced that protest. No, he or she had to go and burn a flag. He or she is saying “I don’t care if your Grandpa George stormed the beaches at Normandy,” and “I’d rather be pissing on the grave of your Uncle Carl who died in Vietnam.” There’s thousands of ways to protest. But he or she chose the most insulting way possible. He or she chose to take a collective dump on all those who fought to this country, your country. And if that doesn’t make you want
3/15/00, 5:59 PM
to puke your guts out, then maybe you should be lighting up a flag too. I’m not trying to incite violence here. I’m just trying to get you all to think for a bit. Think of who you are, think of what you are and why you are who you are. Think of the past as you live your life, day by day. We live in the greatest nation on the face of the earth, and we can’t take that for granted. Two hundred years ago, we were nothing. We were some puny excolony experimenting with a new and radical government. Along the way, this country and our way of life had to be fought for, no matter the cost. And two hundred years later, to burn the flag the banner that those people rallied behind and fought for or to stand by idly who people burn that symbol of America would be like flushing all those achievements and sacrifices down the toilet. The government can’t stop people from burning a flag in protest, but at least they don’t have to tell you that it’s wrong. The American heart that beats in every one of our American chests tells us it’s wrong, and that American heart also tells us that we will not take it. Let those around you know that flag-burning is wrong, with the business end of a crowbar, if necessary, and give respect where it’s due. MR Disclaimer: The Review, its editors, and Mr. Yeh absolve themselves from any violence inflicted on any flag burners by the readers of this column. You’re not sheep, people! Take responsiblity of your actions! Take a stand!
March 15, 2000
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW COLUMNS
Page 7
❑ THE ROAD FROM SERFDOM
How the SCC Lost My Support
T
HIS MAY SURPRISE YOU, gentle reader, but I initially had sympathy for the Students of Color Coalition (SCC), and their protest of Michigamua. So, with the SCC finally ending its protest in failure, I thought it wise to reflect on these past weeks and see how the SCC turned me (and perhaps the rest of campus) from ally to enemy. Partially, my early support stemmed from a personal antagonism towards Michigamua and what it consists of: a group of selfimportant snobs who think they’re better Jacob F.M. then us. You might Oslick want to trivialize it as saying I don’t want to be part of any group too snotty to have me as a member, but there’s something more at play. Stripped of all their nonsensical rhetoric about bringing a diverse group of campus leaders together, Michigamua the past few years has consisted of people I wouldn’t want to be part of: athletes, leftist activists, and winners of Serpents’ Tooth’s annual affirmative auction (the student with the moast culturally diverse background wins). That these people think themselves superior should come as no surprise. After all, the 20th Century is replete with cases of so-called physical and intellectual elites seizing power and then announcing that, because they are so smart, they will dictate everybody else’s personal and economic choices. We see this pattern consistently, from Joseph Stalin’s 5-year plans to Hillary’s health-care reform proposals. So, here’s this group on campus holding the same misguided sense of superiority. What’s more: the U-M itself legitimizes their false egotistical beliefs by permitting them office space perks unrivaled by any
other student organization. Yet, even without my feelings of animosity towards Michigamua, I think I still would have supported the SCC. Why? Because if Michigamua in fact continued to use and abuse Native American symbols and rituals, people should know about it. This is not to say that the U-M should ban Michigamua, or any other group (or, for the sake of argument, student newspaper) that some people find offensive. Simply that we as stakeholders in this University (itself beholden to the people of Michigan) should have some knowledge about the types of activities and groups the U-M supports, either directly or indirectly. And yes, when people find the U-M aiding stereotypes or bigotry, they should expose it to the world. So, given this early bias in favor of the SCC, why do I now dance merrily on the Coalition’s grave, and support the very elites I despise? Because over the past few weeks, the SCC proved that it was not really attacking Michigamua. Rather, in the SCC’s eyes, the true target was much grander: the entirety of Western Civilization and the liberal tradition. I probably should have seen this leftward tilt coming when the protest began. After all, if the SCC simply wanted to draw attention to Michigamua’s practices they had many moderate options. They could have held a protest on the Diag, marched around Ann Arbor, written letters to the Daily and Bollinger, speak to Michigamua members to establish a dialouge for change. Instead, they went and seized Michigamua’s office, demanding the University abolish Michigamua and turn the Tower into yet another ethnic studies ghetto. By this action they demonstrated their utter contempt for two key principles of constitutional government: property rights and freedom of association. For the SCC, the fact that their own membership didn’t like Michigamua justified banning it for everybody—a supreme act of totalitarian chutzpah. Don’t like the Southern Baptist Church? Ban ‘it, and who cares if some other people do like it (namely Southern Baptists). The NRA? The Heritage Foundation? The National Right to Life Movement? Ban ‘em all, and take their property They killed Bullwinkle! We ll get you for this because we say so. Michigamua!! In effect, in their
issue315.p65
7 Black
battle with the elites, the SCC adopted the central tragedy of elite movements: the paternalistic attitude that the elites should run other people’s lives. But after just a few days, it soon crystallized in my mind that it wasn’t just Michigamua the SCC wanted to eradicate. Why, if their true target was Michigamua, did the SCC hang an upside down American flag from the tower? Perhaps because (gasp) we live in a country that allows Michigamua to exist. Or maybe because, like Michigamua, the United States once treated Native Americans
declaring every pre-1964 individual unquestionably evil. For there has never existed a nation on earth without an “other” to fight, an “other” to stigmatize as less than human. This includes even the supposedly pristine Native Americans, who consistently engaged in inter-tribal warfare with one another, centuries before the white man set foot on Plymouth Rock. Its support already slipping, the SCC then committed a fatal error in my eyes: aligning with the stench of one Rev. Al Sharpton. Despite insisting that they were protesting in favor of “tolerance” they
There has never existed a nation on earth without an “other” to fight, an “other” to stigmatize as less than human. horribly. If the former, the SCC only further illustrated their hatred of freedom. If the later, a childish attitude towards a deeply complex history. While both of these theories have some support the later seems more likely, and is consistent with the SCC’s further ridiculous demands that the U-M rename campus buildings in honor of multicultural icons (i.e. Angelou Hall instead of Angell Hall). True- Michigamua and the United States both committed wrongs towards Native Americans, as did some of the University’s alumni whose names grace our campus edifices. Still, by focusing in on this one thing, the SCC ignores a key part of historical study: an understanding of time, place, and degree. Namely, that we must judge the deceased with respect to the climate in which they lived their lives. Let me give you an example. Unquestionably, William Shakespeare is the most famous, and arguably the greatest English playwright in history. He is also the man who, in his Merchant of Venice, incarnated generations of Christian antisemetism and blood libels into one character, Shylock. Does this mean we should reject the entirety of Shakespeare— his writings and accomplishments, just because he denegrated Jews? Of course not. Instead we should appreciate Shakespeare’s work, while recognizing that some of it inevitably was painted with the biases of his time—and Shakespeare’s bias was hardly strong compared to his comtemporaries. In much the same way we should look upon Michigamua’s former copying of Native American rights and rituals: as behaviors utterly unremarkable in their day, that we accordingly must largely excuse. While this might seem tough, even insensitive, the alternative is worse:
3/15/00, 5:59 PM
requested the help of a man who practices hatred. This is, after all, the man who, as the Jewish World Review recalls, in 1991 falsely accused a Jewish ambulance company of refusing to help a dying black child. This incited three days of riots, with crowds of the Rev.’s supporters chanting “Get the Jew.” In the end, dozens of Jewish homes and businesses were vandalized and a young seminary student, Yankel Rosenbaum, was brutally beaten to death. In 1995, when a Jew dared to open a clothing store in Harlem, the Rev. organized a protest, denouncing him as a “white interloper.” Members of the Rev.’s entourage, then warmed that they “would make this cracker suffer.” In a speech, one referred to Jewish businessmen as “these people don’t kick nothin’ back or help do nothin’ but just sponge and parasite our private dollar.” Following the Rev.’s organized incitement, the store was burned down, killing seven people. Now, you might rightly ask why I, if I have no problem with Shakespeare’s Shylock, object so strongly to the Rev.’s anti-Jewish hatemongering? The answer stems from my aforementioned forumla of time, place and degree. Creating Shylock in Elizabethian England is understandable, perhaps even acceptable. Inciting violent pogroms in 1990’s New York is not. The moment Sharpton’s 235 pound or so physiche slithered into Ann Arbor, the last trace of sympathy I had for the SCC evaportated.The simple fact that the SCC evidently thought Rev. Sharpton would make them look more credible made me realize exactly what type of people they were. They were not sane, rational students with a legitmate gripe against Michigamua. They were just angry. And I could no longer tolerate angry Native American activists with a passion for Jew scalpers.MR
Page 8
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW CAMPUS AFFAIRS
ELECTION Continued from Page 1 reputation of MSA. The Wolverine Party believes that both MSA and the University need to be more accessible, and wants to transform MSA into a respectable means of addressing student issues. As it is now, says Diamond, MSA is a “joke” compared to other student governments in the Big Ten. The Wolverine Party seeks to give MSA a greater impact on campus life, via a set of changes to the Assembly’s operating procedures and attitude. The first reform that the Wolverine Party supports is the elimination of party names from the ballot to reduce partisan divides in the assembly. They believe that with reduction in Party influence, MSA members will be more willing to vote for what they believe is in the best interests of students.
To increase MSA members’ level of commitment, the Wolverine Party plans to increase members’ office hours and cut allowed absences in half, while requiring that the vice president and president be informed about all MSA projects, so they may effectively lead the Assembly. MSA also needs to change its relationship with other groups, they say, becoming more involved with the student population, the Ann Arbor’s municipal government, and other student organizations, and not being afraid to stand up to the administration. Furthermore, the Wolverine Party wants to revise the budget process to allocate funds gradually to student groups, allowing them to react to changes in budget needs in the middle of a semester. Finally, to change the focus away from partisan politics, the Wolverine Party also wants to limit the debate of the Assembly’s support of affirmative action to once a semester. The Wolverine Party’s proposals to improve the university in general center on
the theme of accessibility. They want to to identify and assist depressed students. increase Shapiro Undergraduate Library Diamond decided to form the party and Union hours to 24 hours a day, and after having been approached by increase the hours of individuals who MSA P R E S I D E N T I A L the Central Campus were wished to form C A N D I D A T E S Recreational a movement to take Building. The the partisan politics INDEPENDENT Wolverine Party also out of MSA. HIDEKI TSUTSUMI & JIM SECRETO wishes to use MSA’s Despite Diamond’s BLUE PARTY considerable stature reputation as a GLEN ROE & ELISE ERICKSON to encourage the state conservative, the ALL PEOPLES’ PARTY government to Wolverine Party KYM STEWART & BRIAN CHANG exempt textbooks contains some WOLVERINE PARTY from sales taxes, and Democrats as well. RORY DIAMOND & MARCY GREENBERGER the local government The unifying factor, FRAT PARTY to intensify the front says Diamond, is GALAXOR NEBULON & SARA SWEAT porch light campaign the belief that MSA DAAP and install emergency should focus on ERIKA DOWDELL & JESSICA CURTIN phones and panic addressing issues buttons off campus. that affect students The Wolverine party seeks to improve and are within the scope of MSA’s power. student health by installing seat cover and According to Diamond, “We just want to soap dispensers in all dorms and public fix it … we want to bring MSA back to buildings on campus and increasing efforts life.”
Return of the Wolverine Party BY
DUSTIN LEE
G
ENERAL APATHY TOWARD student government at the University of Michigan has, in the past, plagued the lives of students. However, with a record number of students turning out for last semester’s round of Michigan Student Assembly (MSA) elections and with the Republican and Democratic primaries coming to an end, political awareness and governmental concern has reached new heights. The upcoming days promise to offer an exciting and interesting battle between the many students and their respective parties for seats on MSA. Moreover, not only are seats available merely for representatives, but a new student body president will also be elected. And perhaps no one is more excited about this opportunity than MSA presidential candidate Rory Diamond, leader of the newly revived Wolverine Party. Says Diamond, “MSA has dropped the ball. And we’re here to pick it up.” The truth echoing in Diamond’s statement clearly resonates the predominant reason for student apathy towards MSA. Ask any number of students at U-M what their student government has accomplished in the past semester and few would have a substantial answer. Instead of focusing on student concerns, MSA is more concerned with passing resolutions concerning foreign governments and squabbling over issues not even within its jurisdiction. “MSA has become too incestuous,” says Diamond. “MSA should be for everybody; not just a group of friends.”
issue315.p65
8 Black
Diamond further went on to explain that MSA has also become too political and that the majority of its resolutions are initiated by a select group of representatives whose interests do not represent the interests of the student body. Enter the Wolverine Party. Designed with the intention of taking the politics out of MSA and creating a student government with “simple, attainable goals” such as twenty four hour libraries, decreasing the tax on textbooks, and more accessible transit systems, Diamond has put together a slate of candidates who vow to fight for student interests. Furthermore, Diamond’s vice presidential running mate, Marcy Greenberger, is a staunch Democrat, while Diamond affiliates himself with the Republican Party. Putting aside their political differences, these two candidates will eliminate the political parties that currently dominate MSA. Drawing support from a mass of students has propelled the Wolverine Party into the limelight. And perhaps the greatest reason for such an overabundance of support manifests itself in the fact that the Wolverine Party has no targeted demographic—just students. Other parties such as the Defend Affirmative Action Party (DAAP) and the All People’s Party (APP), however, have a very narrow focus, and therefore will unlikely win many seats on MSA. Confident in his ability to win not only the presidential chair, but also lead his party to a victory come March 23, Diamond is excited with his current opportunity. Furthermore, current MSA representative and proud Wolverine Party member Ryan Gregg voices his support of their mission. Gregg, who ran as an
March 15, 2000
Independent last semester, has joined the Wolverine Party to help campaign manage and reveal the sham that MSA has become. Says Gregg, “the Wolverine Party is the best way to represent the voice of the students.” However, despite the confidence of the Wolverine Party, it is sure to face a bit of competition. Many believe presidential candidate Hideki Tsutsumi, who has been campaigning for over a year now and is, perhaps, the most widely known non-athlete on U-M campus, will make a run at the presidency. Diamond says he “admires his spirit,” but is confident of a Wolverine victory in the coming weeks. Also, the Friends Rebelling Against Tyranny (FRAT) Party will likely win its first seat ever in MSA history, despite its short lived presence and odd campaign message. Says Diamond of the FRAT Party, “even if they win some seats, they couldn’t make a bigger mockery out of MSA than it already is.” And that’s a Blue Party dominated government. When asked why he choose to revive the former Wolverine Party, a party that dissolved several years ago due to lack of cohesion and support, Diamond claims that his Wolverine Party has no affiliation with the old Wolverine Party. “I like the name and feel it really encompasses the passion and respect we have for Michigan,” he remarks. “With a name that immediately calls to mind the University of Michigan, we feel that we have the proper tools in place to support the students attending this great university. And they’re the reason we have this party—the students.” MR
3/15/00, 5:59 PM
Blue Party Founded by current MSA president Bram Elias and VP Andy Couloris, the Blue Party is the home of many incumbent MSA candidates. The Blue Party executive nominees, Glen Roe and Elise Erickson, are both current MSA members with experience in a variety of roles within MSA. According to the Blue Party’s executive nominees, Blue Party candidates are selected based on recommendations of current MSA members and group leaders and without considering their political alignment in an effort to best represent student interests. The Blue Party’s executives are running under a platform modeled about the acronym C.A.T.C.H. The first ‘C’ represents connectivity. To address this concern, they propose the creation of an organization called the Quality of Life Consortium. It would consist of members from various types of organizations on campus and meet monthly to discuss how various issues common to the entire campus and make recommendations. ‘A’ represents Academics. To improve academics, Blue Party candidates advocate an online advising system that will allow students to determine what classes are necessary to complete their majors, a universal academic honor code, direct linking of course descriptions and MSA’s Advice Online, mid-term course evaluations, and better counseling. ‘T’ for teamwork represents the Blue Party’s dedication to working together despite ideological differences. The second ‘C,’ which stands for concepts, represents their desire to restructure MSA, including a plan to organize like groups under umbrella committees. The final letter, ‘H,’ is health. To accomplish this objective, the Blue Party proposes that MSA review the services of UHS, will continue to work on establishing a student oversight board for UHS, plans
March 15, 2000
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW CAMPUS AFFAIRS
to work with the administration and local government to improve lighting, and supports the creation of health education and awareness centers at the Union and Pierpont Commons for after UHS closes. All Peoples’ Party Another newcomer to MSA, the All Peoples’ Party seeks to address issues of accessibility and inclusiveness and to promote cooperation between MSA and student groups. The party’s presidential ticket consists of Kym Stewart, a current MSA member, for president and Brian Chiang for VP and the party’s membership is characterized as heavily involved in student groups. The All Peoples’ Party seeks to emphasize the role of MSA as an umbrella organization for student groups. To that end, they propose increased involvement of the MSA representatives in other student groups, as well as a simplified funding process and advice on procuring additional funding. Additionally, the All Peoples’ Party would like to increase the diversity of MSA in “thought, age, and race” and encourage students to make use of the resources MSA provides. The APP also plans to address general issues of university accessibility by advocating extending bus routes, 24-hour library access, and the simplification of the financial aid process, including workshops for students on filing FASA forms. Additionally, to address inclusiveness, APP proposes adding women coordinators to residence halls and improving the MutiEthinic Student Affairs office and seeks to end the “segregation” of students.
Page 9
Everyone Loves Hi deki Could his unconventional campaign pay off?
BY ALBERT FENG
M
OST PEOPLE KNOW OF Hideki Tsutsumi, but few know much about him. In the complacent politics of MSA, he is more progressive than John McCain, more optimistic than Bill Bradley, and has outlasted both candidates in his crusade for MSA presidency. One can spot him anywhere — in the Diag, near bus stops, or at the Commons. From time to time, he will put aside his large, simplistic blocklettered sign to climb onto the nearby steps for an impromptu campaign speech (whether anyone is listening seems inconsequential to him). It is hard to imagine what motivates a man to carry a three by four feet sign everyday and everywhere for ten months. In an exclusive interview, the Review caught a glimpse into the inner workings of this resilient candidate and his unorthodox campaign. Unlike most candidates for MSA presidency, Hideki is an international student, hailing from Japan. When asked why he stepped into the limelight from
what is frequently perceived as a political passive minority, he simply answered that he wanted change. Running on an antiestablishment platform, Hideki is very critical of the complacency of the MSA and the political parties. “Most students have never met the candidates running for office, and some don’t even know the name of the incumbent president.” Because his antiestablishment platform (and perhaps a lack of support and resources), Hideki decided to adopt a very unorthodox campaign method in UM politics — going out to meet people. For two hours each day, he has engaged in active campaigning: shouting campaign slogans, giving speeches, and talking to random strangers. He does not associate himself with any political party, nor has he formed any personal support group; his campaign is a one-man crusade. Hideki started to campaign ten months before the elections because “the longer you campaign, “ he revealed, “the more people are going to know and remember you. My consistence also shows people my dedication and determination.”
Whether Hideki’s strategy works, we will find out in two weeks time. But so far, his person to person campaign has already influenced the Defend Affirmative Action Party, whose candidate now also carries around a big sign. Hideki Tsutsumi’s campaign has certainly struck a chord with many students. Hideki predicts that his campaign will increase voter turnout this year. Indeed, with no party support and limited funds to campaign, Hideki will have to rely on the support of those he rallied to win the election. Will Hideki win? “I think my chances are decent,” he said. “If I win the election, I’ll flip my sign over and write ‘Hi Hideki MSA President’ so anyone can talk to me about his concerns.” Perhaps he is a bit too optimistic; like national politics, successful insurgencies in MSA politics are rare. But whether Hideki prevails or not, his campaign certainly has raised awareness of MSA politics, and may in the long run improve MSA politicians’ responsiveness to the needs of their constituency. MR
The Defend Affirmative Action Party’s presidential ticket consists of Erika Dowdell for president and Jessica Curtin as her VP. Although the DAAP leadership has refused to speak to Review reporters, the party’s views can be extracted from its flyers and web site. DAAP’s goal is to use MSA as part of a “new mass civil rights movement.” To accomplish this goal, DAAP seeks to use MSA to defend affirmative action, reverse the drop in minority enrollment, support the occupation of the Union tower, “fight racism, sexism, sexual harassment, anti-Semitism & anti-lesbian/gay bigotry on campus “ and end the “discriminatory policies” of DPS and the Union. In addition to its “mass civil rights movement” goals, DAAP seeks to implement a variety of other policies, such as a tuition freeze and increased financial aid, abolishing the Code of Student Conduct, supporting the Graduate Employee Organization, and lifting sanctions against Iraq. DAAP also opposes the harassment of parties by DPS and the “scapegoating” on fraternities and sororities. MR
issue315.p65
9 Black
Astrid 2000
Defend Affirmative Action Party
A star is born, circa 1978
3/15/00, 5:59 PM
Page 10
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW CAMPUS AFFAIRS
March 15, 2000
Leftist Professors Help Create Leftist Students BY DUSTIN LEE
A
S THE SCHOOL YEAR DRAWS to an end, many first and second year students consider the futures of their academic lives. Choosing a concentration, arguably the most important academic aspect of one’s undergraduate education, becomes of paramount importance, and while students weigh the costs and benefits of undertaking certain concentrations, it’s important to keep in the mind the faculty with whom they will be dealing. At a “liberal” arts college, students should not be surprised that the faculty within the college of the Literature Science and the Arts (LSA) and other nonprofessional schools, undeniably misrepresents the population as a whole. While the diversity and gender of the University of Michigan’s faculty strongly represent the various races and ethnicities prevalent in today’s society, the political bias of our esteemed faculty should not be taken for granted. Indulging in left-wing, socialistic lectures and forcing students to read only those books that deal with race and gender inequalities, the majority of these professors cram into the minds of unsuspecting students their political ideologies. It’s no wonder, therefore, that over seventy faculty members endorsed the actions of the Student’s Coalition for Color
GUNS Continued from Page 1 gun control advocates pick a handful of countries with low murder and gun ownership rates to imply that America’s murders are linked to gun ownership, while ignoring nations with high gun ownership and low murder rates like Israel, Finland, and Norway. Gun control t e l e v i s i o n advertisements state that guns kill 13 children each day. These ads use pictures and voices of children ages eight or younger who were killed by guns. Lott says that this figure is misleading, since nine 17, 18, and 19 year-olds die each day from guns, compared to fewer than two children per day under age 15, and less than one child under age 10 every two days. While even one child dying from guns is too many, it is far from the 13 young children the advertisements imply. Another common claim is that a family gun is more likely to kill people the family knows than killing a criminal in self-
(SCC) in their quest to eliminate the constitutional rights upheld by the first amendment. In a March 6 letter to the Michigan Daily, these faculty, ranging in departments from American Cultures to Women’s Studies, endorsed not only the actions taken by the SCC, but also their demand that U-M dissociate with Michigamua. Moreover, nearly ten times that number of U-M professors, assistant and associate professors signed a statement supporting the use of race based admissions. Of the 692 faculty who signed the Faculty for Affirmative Action statement, the overwhelming majority teach in the crank, leftist, liberal arts departments. Instead of teaching the classics, and as opposed to lecturing on broad based, nonpartisan histories, we have classes that deal with “social constructions,” a nonsensical term about which professors are as equally ignorant as their students. Furthermore, a look into the several departments at U-M reveals courses such as “Sociology 595: Racial and Ethnic Identity” and “African American Studies / Sociology 303: Race defense. Lott claims that the researchers who do these studies assume that the family gun commits any gun death of a family member in a confrontation, and that they only count gun deaths of the criminal as benefits and ignore guns stopping crime from happening. This research method inflates the number of gun deaths of family and friends caused by the family gun and leaves out many of the benefits, such as
and Ethnic Relations.” All these overlapping departments do are allow more room for the academic left to further perpetuate their political agendas. With the overabundance of Marxist course listings, U-M destroys the
basic fabric of higher education—a diversity of ideas. What need is there for two classes whose functions and course descriptions are essentially, for all pragmatic reasons, identical? Here at U-M, students suffer at the expense of a biased faculty. However, this problem spreads far beyond the region of Ann Arbor, the liberal bastion of a town it is. At the University of Colorado, the number of faculty registered as Democrats vastly outnumbers those registered as objects that lead to children’s deaths. For example, five-gallon buckets kill more than 40 children under five years old per year. Similar objects like bathtubs and cigarette lighters kill more young children accidentally than do guns, but the public does not hear about it. Lott states that firearms without mandatory gunlocks are an extremely safe common household object to children in the house. After putting to rest some common myths and misconceptions of gun control advocates, Lott presented evidence of the effect of gun laws on crime. His evidence suggests that storage laws increase violent crimes. He also states that “conceal carry” laws reduce violent crime, but may increase property crime including burglaries and auto thefts. MR
Five-gallon buckets kill more than 40 children under five each year. Similar objects, like bathtubs and cigarette lighters, kill more young children accidentally than do guns, but the public does not hear about it.
issue315.p65
10 Black
brandishing the family gun to cause a criminal to leave the family’s home. Lott also criticizes the claim that gun locks will save lives. Lott states that less than 200 children per year less than age 15 are killed when they get access to their parents’ unlocked guns, and only four to six children under ten years-old are killed by the same unlocked guns. While these numbers are too high, Lott compares guns in the home to other common household
This talk was hosted by the Federalist Society, a group dediecated to promoting conservative ideas in the legal community. Its web page is www.law.umich.edu\ students\orgs\federalist\society.htm
3/15/00, 5:59 PM
Republicans by an astounding thirty-one to one ratio. And this is in a state where the total number of Republicans outnumber their Democratic counterparts by more than one hundred thousand people. Apparently, a severe injustice manifests itself in the teaching agents of today’s youth and tomorrow’s leaders. And at the U-M, the same unfortunate situation applies. Brainwashed by the tenured left, susceptible students fail to recognize the inequalities presented right before them. So, before choosing a concentration, students should consider the costs associated with a liberal arts degree. Tuition at the University of Michigan tops all as far as public universities are concerned and even rivals the tuition at the elitist of private institutions. The job market will no doubt recognize your superior skills and abilities as a graduate from U-M, but only at the cost of potentially becoming single minded. It is a shame that at the greatest university in the country, students should be oppressed as they are. It is a shame that we have faculty who endorse the leftist actions of the SCC and advocates of affirmative action policies, and suppress the voice of the conservative minority. So much for an “open minded” university... maybe next year they’ll support changing the legendary “M” to a hammer and sickle? MR
Join the Review’s War on Buckets. Each year, stray five gallon buckets kill over 40 children, most of them innocent bystanders. For just $5, you can feed one member of the Review’s specially trained Bucket Squad — led by Funky Chinaman himself — for an entire Wendy’s spicy chicken meal. This will in turn make him stronger and give him more energy, allowing him to jump in front of children and take the buckets himself. Save a child — Join the War on Buckets. Send your $5 to the address in the staff box on Page 2. Thank you for your support.
March 15, 2000
THE MICHIGAN REVIEW FILLER, NATIONAL AFFAIRS
Page 11
❑ STOP ME IF YOU VE HEARD THIS ONE
From Rhetoric to Reality...
POR
EL SEÑOR GUÍPE
I
F YOU’RE ONE OF THE TENS OF students who just cant get enough of the good Señor, you’re probably expecting another one of my classic self-help guides. “Gosh, I can’t wait to see what kind of advice that El Señor Guípe, the all around coolest guy I know, has for me this week!” you say aloud as you El Señor hurriedly flip to Guípe the “Filler” section of the Review in an attempt to find my column. Well, I’ve got a little surprise for you in this issue, friends. Instead of telling you what to do in order to improve yourself, your character, and your sex life (or lack thereof ), I’m going to show you what to do. You see, it was literally days ago that our hero, Guípe himself, took some of his own advice in an attempt to pick up girls. What’s that? You say you want to know all of the juicy tidbits? Then sit back and enjoy while El Señor Guípe proves to the world that he has no shame. It was a chilly Saturday evening. Parties were underway all over campus, scantily clad girls adorned the streets, and the homeless lay unconscious in various alleys and crevices. In other words, it was a perfect evening for the Potentate of Partying, El Señor Guípe. But our hero wouldn’t be alone. At his side would be his trusty sidekick, Michigan Review Editor Matt Schwartz. Both of these cool guys
BY RYAN SERRA
H
11 Black
Guípe: “Hey Matt, why are you wearing a Looney Toons tie?” Matt: “Señor, don’t you realize what the girls will think when they see me in this tie?” Guípe: “Um, that you like Looney Toons?” Matt: (groaning) “No, this tie will send the message that I am a humorus, happenin’ guy!” After finishing getting spiffed up, the determined duo headed for the perfect place to get their groove on: Papa Chulo’s Tex Mex Cantina! Yes, Papa Chulo’s, a restaurant that offers a true Mexican atmosphere. I mean, where else can you get high quality Mexican food, liquor, and prostitutes for less than twenty bucks? Anyway, Matt and Guípe entered the restaurant and headed for the bar, where Guípe became quite intimate with a Mr. Jack Daniels, and Looney Toons boy ordered his usual “Sprite, No Ice.” Standing next to the bar in a fashion similar to that of the Roxberry Guys, our protagonists began to observe the surrounding population of females. While in the process of looking around the room, a pair of glorious vixens caught the eyes of both of the studs. Matt leaned over to
Guípe, nudged him, and whispered “Check those two out.” Guípe glanced over and nodded approvingly. Now came the tough part. True, the amateur hunters had spotted their prey, but they still had no means by which to capture it.* “Come on Guípe, we’ve gotta do something!” Matt insisted. “And do something we shall,” Guípe replied confidently. After several more minutes of discussion, the idea of sending drinks over to the girls, compliments of Matt and Guípe, was put forth. This idea was soon rejected, however, due to the fact that both men were too cheap to pay for the drinks. Just when it seemed that all hope was lost, Matt came up with a brilliant idea: he immediately called the waitress over and asked that a pitcher of water be sent to the two “sexy ladies.” After stifling a laugh, the waitress walked away shaking her head in shame and/or disgust. “Did you see that?” Matt shouted angrily. “That’s it, no tip for her!” he said in true Soup Nazi form. In one last attempt at saving the day, Guípe made eye contact with the Restaurant Singer Person who walks around the dining area playing music for the customers. After using his powers of mind control to force her to come over to their table, Guípe and Matt convinced her to play a song for the two girls. Realizing that there was a huge tip in it for her, Restaurant Singer Person headed for the girls’ table, pointed to us, and began to sing. A look of sheer and utter terror came over the faces of the Señoritas as they nervously glanced over at us. Matt broke into a nervous sweat and hid his face behind his hands while I offered a cheesy grin to the girls. Immediately following the
song, the girls bolted, running for dear life. “Dammit!” Guípe shouted. “Not again!” Realizing that they had been defeated, Matt and Guípe paid their bill and walked solemnly back to the parking garage to get their car. “Why didn’t it work?” Matt whined as he pushed the button to the garage elevator. “Now we’ll never see them again. Not in a million years.” “I know, I know,” Guípe said as the elevator opened, only to reveal two very embarrassed girls who had apparently forgotten something in their mad dash from the restaurant. As they scurried by the two without making eye contact, Matt and Guípe erupted in maniacal laughter. Yes, another awkward situation created, and another young mind warped by everyone’s favorite humorist, El Señor Guípe. Guípe’s Final Thought
S
o, what have we learned today? We’ve learned that chivalry is, in fact, dead. We’ve learned that the ever-popular Looney Toons tie does not double as a “chick magnet.” Most importantly, we’ve learned that the bar at Papa Chulo’s does indeed validate parking — but only if you remember to ask. MR El Señor Guípe and his compadre, el Rojo Grande, would like to extend their sincere gratitude to those two snobby girls, wherever they may be, for acting as the inspiration for this week’s column. Should any nice girls wish to undo the psychological damage of our two heroes, feel free: dguipe@umich.edu *Note to SAPAC: Metaphorically speaking, of course.
John McCain, DOA in CA
ALF A LEAGUE, half a league, half a league onward, all in the valley of death rode the six hundred. Forward the light brigade, or John McCain anyway. To the appall of millions and the relief of the rest, Arizona Senator John McCain bowed out of this year’s Republican presidential primary race on Wednesday March 1, following a merciless thrashing at the hand of GOP opponent Texas governor, George W. Bush. After such a successful campaign preceding super Tuesday, this came as a shock to many, but in reality, did McCain really stand a chance against such a well entrenched enemy? California, the brass ring of super Tuesday, implemented a limited open
issue315.p65
were dressed for success — Guípe donned in only the highest quality clothing, all purchased at a Meijer superstore near him; Matt, on the other hand, going for the more sophisticated look, wearing — among other things — a “Looney Toons” tie that his mother purchased for him at the post office. Upon seeing this tie, Guípe was puzzled, and decided to inquire as to what its purpose may be.
primary system this year allowing members of all political affiliations to vote for their favorite candidate, regardless of their party. However, in an effort to thwart any potential left wing subterfuge, the California Republican convention elected only to count votes cast by those registered with their party. Some McCain supporters would argue this to be his undoing, claiming that this action robbed him of the vital independent and liberal support, which was so crucial in the previous victories. Still, the fact is that, even with the independent and liberal vote, McCain fell well short of Bush. It is more likely that the abundant political support McCain received from the liberals and conservatives was more of an attempt by local leftist saboteurs to sway the outcome of the election away from George W.
In the end, what it all balled down to was dollars and sense. Money, the incarnation of authority and the perfect tool for which to exercise one’s will over others, is the great equalizer in every contest of endurance. Much like the Japanese folly in the pacific, McCain’s limited resources could only carry him so far. With his limited resources, exhausted from the previous months, McCain could not hope to traverse a state that goes through campaign funds like an MSU alum through a book of food stamps. California is the land of apathy, but no one really cares about that. What they do care about is: What have you done for me lately, and what are you going to do for me in the near future? Have I seen your face on TV in the last thirty seconds, and is your smear campaign scaring me more
3/15/00, 5:59 PM
than your opponents’? Bush’s salvation was that his pockets were deeper than McCain’s. He could shovel faster than his opponent, and consequently did a more thorough job convincing California republicans that McCain was the prince of darkness, and the root of all sin and evil, than McCain did of him. People are sheep and will follow whomever’s face appeared on the last bill board they saw while driving along the expressway that day. Although he may beg to differ, the common man is less concerned with what a candidate says than how or how often he or she says it. Appearance is everything, and it doesn’t come cheap. MR Ryan Serra is an LSA sophomore. He could be reached at rserra@umich.edu
issue315.p65
12 Black
3/15/00, 5:59 PM