vol_18_no_6 by Michigan Review

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THE MICHIGAN REVIEW Nov. 3 -17 1999

The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan

Volume 18, Number 6 it

Daily Rejects Ad from Conservative Author 'May offend some students,' says Daily BY MATTHEW

ScHWARTZ

N THE MIDDLE OF OCTOBER, Benjamin Kepple, a staff writer for the Center for the Study of Popular Culture, sent an advertisement to the Michigan Daily's business department. The ad showcased columnist and former Reagan adviser David Horowitz's justreleased book, "Hating Whitey, and Other Progressive Causes," an examination of race relations in America. As the title implies, the book focuses on the ideological hatred of whites, which Mr. Horowitz considers prevalent in today's society. On October 1B, Kepple - who works for Horowirz received a puzzling phone call from Steve Jones, display advertising manager at the Daily. Kepple states that Jones called to inform him that

the Daily had decided not to run the ad, as it "may offend some students here" _. specifically, any white students at the Uni, versity. He went on to tell Kepple that he felt the ad was "promoting a conflict within races [in] the paper." , (Note: Kepple is an editor emeritus of the Michigan Review.) The advertisement itself cOl!tained a favorable commentary on the author, and an endorsement of the book from the prominent black conservative Thoma, Sowell: "This is a raw and cOllfageous book that turns over some rocks and shows what is crawling underneath." he .said. Daily Business Manager Mark Thomford was not at liberty to discuss the specifics behind the rejection. "We don't share that information on the deci-

sion making process," he said. A "Refusal" clause in the Daily's rate card giv~s them the right to reject any ad they choose, without explanation , "Normally we wouldn't formally comment back" LO rhe perwn whose ad they rejected, said Thomford , Yer in rhis case they did , and Kepple's respUIJse was o ne of disbeliei, then dismay. "How any reasonable person could deem thar offensive is beyond me," he saiJ Kepple believes the advertisement was not offensive "in any way, shape, or form. ... I can only think they decided not to run the ad because ir presented vie'\'''points that the leadership didn't agree with," he charged.

RECENTLY PUBLISHED campus safety handbook . submitted by the Department of Public Safety (DPS) indicates that the number of crimes on campus has steadily declined in the past few years. Specifically, statistics for personal crimes, which include mostly larcen y, burglary, and aggravated assault have declined as follows: 2206 reported in 1995, to 2033 in 1996, 1599 in 1997, and 1544 in 199B. However, despite this plunge in personal crimes, the number of liqu or law violations steadily increased over the same time frame: 1BO reported in 1995, 271 in 1196,330 in 1997, and 373 in 1998. In shorr, personal crimes have gone down 30 percent while alcohol-related crimes

From Suite One

The Apocalypse is near: we agree with Jessica Curtin! Plus, a commentary on those "Freshmen Girls" shirts. .. ;"-"

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See CRIME, Page 8

Review Columnists

Publisher Jake exposes the campus groups that disguise their Marxist agendas by pursuing mdividual "rights." ':':-:~:'.

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BPC Btldget Funds Leftist Groups

No "Hate Crimes" Reported have skyrocketed a staggering 107 percent on the U-M campus. In evaluating the decline in campus crime, Police Captain Terry Seames told the Review, "Perhaps the current economy has a lot to do with it. The community policing efforts may also have an impact, and perhaps some of the prevention programs in place are reducing the attractiveness of the campus to those inclined to commit crimes." Captain Seames further added, "Larcenies and thefts are still our most frequently reported crime, and personal efforts to harden targets by potential victims may be contributing to the reduction. "

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See DAILY, Page 8

DPS: Crime on the Decline, BY ScOTT BEHNAN

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BY JACOB

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OSUCK

s ANY STUDENT PASSING

through the Diag knows, U-M student groups have a wide variety of goals, ranging from promoting arts to overthrowing the capitalist system. Unbeknownst to many students , most of these groups receive funding through mandatory student fees imposed by the registrar ~cmesterly on each student. The Universir)' then directs the fees to the Michigan Srudent Assembly (MSA), whose Budget and Priorities Committee (BPC) makes reco mmend atio ns on which student org:miz<ltions w fund, and how much money each deserves. On October 19, this process reach ed its climax, as MSA. passed

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Views 1'1 News

Campus Affairs

Steve Forbes lays out his battle plan in the upcoming Republican Primaries; Big Jim defends ROTC and Veterans. <:~<.;:.:.;:-i~..,:.<i':,t.>"i"wt:.;.'J~-.:;.i·(~.>·\::~~·:~ ~". -i

the BPC's final funding recommendations, allocating $96,250 to hundreds of student organizations. What follows is a brief analysis of where this sum was delegated. Since MSA breaks BPC spending down only by specific groups, and not general categories (i.e. political, religious, community service erc.), such a focus can be tricky. Nevertheless, I have arrempted such a study below, classifying each student organization based on the group's purpose. While placement of the groups was subjective to some extent, the analysis generally reflecrs precisely how MSA spends students' money. According to BPC Chair Glen Roe, the Bre makes recommendations based

Disgruntled engineering student blasts LSA; Ethnic student groups called into question . '):,:",:,,\-/,

See BUDGET, F-age 5

Living Culture

Another insightful series of wine reviews, and tasty taco treats! ·,:';i~·

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D SERPENT'S TOOTH Ways David Horowitz Can Get the Daily [0 run an ad Eor his book, Hating Whitey: 5. Change title from Hating Whitey to Hating European-Americans 4. Change tirle from Hating Whitey to Hating the Man and all his Crackers 3. Offer that if you "Buy 1, Get 4 free" 2. Add a new chapter denying the Holocaust 1. Change the by-line to read "by Rodney King."

Recently, a Review staffer came across an interesting on-line auction. It seems one bright entrepeneur is offering for sale the eggs of eight fashion models to prospective parents obsessed with having a beautiful child. The male editors of the Review wholeheartedJy support [his endevor. but our Luddite tendencies demand that, if we win our bid, we get the right to fertilize the eggs the natural way. In honor of Halloween, we've noticed that Mumia Abu Jamal is once again masquerading as an innocent man. Of course; Officer Daniel Faulkner continues to dress. up as a corpse. We here at Serpent's Tooth would like to recommend a new outfit for Mumia, to be worn next October 31. /t

Lasf week Jerry Fal lwei I met with a group of gay ministers under the pretexr of opening a dialogue with the homosexual community. We suspect his real motivation might be revealed by the name of the location where they met : Lynchburg.

Recently MIM Notes ,asked its readers to send leHers fO prisons, demanding that wardens stop denying prisoners MIM

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"I am in command nowl"

.(Seriously!) Hence, the Serpen ts Tooth has formed a bi-partisian steering commirree to advise SOLE for its "incompitence" (yes, we mispelled that on purpose). The following report w~ drawn up: Three Golden Rules of Sweatshop Activism: 1. Bring a compass and map. 1. If you're going to protest someone, call to make sure rhey're in their office firsL Leaving a note on the door makes vou look like "uch amateurs! j. It take~ hrains to make an argument, so if you lack them , go to plan B: violence, chaos, and destruction

For the past few months, the politic.aUv wise and ideologically sound Clinton administration has been repeatedly making concessions to Iran, offering to rebuild ' a relationship apparently aggravated by Iran's sponsorship of worldwid<, Terrorism. When asked how he felt ahout Iran's reluctance to cooperate. Clinton said, "I hope those crazy Iranians quit calling us the Grear Satan, because Hillary needs campaign conrributions from some hostile rogue nation that plots our demise and frankly, · I've kicked the Chinese ambassador's wife our of my bed. "

Buchanan said he hopes to put together " 3 new coalition of those left our, left l.)('hind."~ GNN Quire appropriate terminology. Aicer all, Pitchfork Pat has "left" the Republidln Party, "left" conservatism, and is generally "left" oU'economic pOlicy.

Just last week, U-M students were given the opportunity to meet GOr presidential-wannabe Steve "The Dude" Forbes at the Union. Unfortunately, due (0 tight security, not everyone was able to speak to Mr. Forbes. To get back at the annoying securiry guards, Serpent's Tooth plans on doing the following the next time a famous person comes to town. 1. Pat the famous person on the stomach and say "Boy, you sure are a lot farrer in real life~r2. Dress in 'navy pin-strip suit and sunglasses,. then get in Limo with the famous person. 3. Shout, "He's got a gun!" Then stand back and iet the fun begin.

Serpent's Tooth recently learned of SOLE's failed attempt to protest againST the University Advisory Commirree on Labor and Human Rights. The morons couldn't find the right door! And that's not the half of it: Once they did find the right door, the guy they were aiming to protest w;lsn'l even there - they had to leave d nord

Tired of readingthe same old LefOst drivel? Wartti~',[s~pPon a good cause? Then come tci ttIeFishbowl .onNo~~~~~r 8-9, where the Michigan Riviewwill·~, ~ing D,~yi4,}fiolHWttZ's new book,Hatjng Whi~. Buy:itat'theFishbowU .~e1; not only will .You:getjt.a,ttltebargain pd~()f $15, but all th~ p~~fits will go to

· . theMichigan ;Mi#u,!So~:come on down, and help suppon your , ~~ .., "J ~ \

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Matthew S. Schwartz Editor-ill-Chief

Jacob F.M. Oslick Publisher, Managing Editor

R. Colin Painter Mooagillg Editor

As of the beginning of November, ir will be the 274th consecutive day that the U.S. has been' bombing Baghdad ber-wee"! ,he hours of 4-6 a.m. The consensus: nobody still cares.

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The Campus Affairs Journal of the niversity of Michigan

Notes and MIM Theory. For once, we here at Serpent's Tooth agree with rhe Maoist International Movement. In fact. not only do we believe prisons should allow prisoners access to this literature, we think MIM lessons should be mandatory. After all, forcing convicted rapists, robbers and murderers to listen to MIM Theory for 8 or 10 hours a day, everyday for years would be a most appropriate punishment for their misdeeds. Of course, the U.S. Supreme Court would probably rule such a policy "cruel and unusual" punishment.

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JamesYeh NationalAffairs Editor

DavidGuipe Features Editor

ARTS EDITOR: ASST. EDITORS: ILLUSTRA TORS: ONLINE EDITOR: ONLINE STAFF; CORRESPONDENT: (LONDON)

William Wetmore Scott Behnan* Justin Wilson** Astrid PbiJlips Rachel Asquith Rabeb Soofi** Michael Rosen JuDe Jeschke

STAFF WRITERS: Hal Borkow, Mark CaJaguas, Brian Cook, 0Iip Englander, Matt FI'IUIIClak. DImieI Keebler, Erlene Kuizon, Ryan McCIar:ren, Anne Nagrant, Curt Robertson, Dave Sackett, Ann Yeager A~~I. ADVISER: ED~O~ DJE\RITI:

C.J. Camacchio Lee Bockbom Benjamin Kepple

The Michigall Review is the in~pendent, student-run journal of conservative and libenarian opinion at !be University of Michigan . We neither soUcit nor accept monetary dODations from the. U..,/vl. ComributioDs to the Michigan Review are tall-deductible under Section 501 (c)(3) of !be Internal Revenue Cnde. The Review is nO! affiliated with any political party or university political group. Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the editorial board, Ergo, they are unequivocally correct and just. Signed articles. letters. and cartoons represent the opinions of the author and not necessarily those of the Review. The Serpent's Tooth shall represent the opinion of individual anonymous contributors to the Review, and should not necessarily be taken as representative of the Review's editorial stance, The opinions presented in this publication are not necessarily those of the advenisers or of the University of Michigan, We welcome letters. anicles, and comments about the journal.

'Scott Behnan served as acting editor·in-chief this issue. **R, Soofi and J. Wilson served as acting managing editors this issue. Please address all, advertising. subscription inquiries, and issue payments to Publisher clo the Michigan R,'vielV. Editorial and Business Offices : The Michigan Reoie., 911 N. University Avenue, Sulle One Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265 lerters@michixanrevi(..I)i'.('om httl' :/~1t 'w. michiganrt:'view. com

TeL (734) 647-8438 • Fax (734) 936-2505 Copyrilht 0 1999 The MldJIgan Review, IDC. AU "",1S .-ned.

Love us or hate us, write us. E-mail iettm@michiganreview.com with subject. "Letter to the Editor" Or send mail to: The Michigan Review 911 N. University Ave. Ann Arbor, MI 48109

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Trouble Over "Trubell"

T IS QUITE OBVIOUS YOU missed the point of my letter. Using something termed "scarcasm," I imended to poke fun at you, the "sic"happy people at the Review, for writing "Michigan and Trubell" in your "End of an Era" article. The correct spelling of the street that borders Michigan Avenue where Tiger Stadium is located is "Trumbull." You wrote Trubell. I thought you should know that you made a silly, thoughtless mistake - and I tried to let you know by writing the 路 lerrer below. Instead of uttering a simple "touche," you tried to manipulate my letter imo some kind of praise for the un-proofread piece found in your paper. You also fixed some of my mistakes (like Willie May), bur not others (Davy Cruise? Ted William? Perhaps Deivi Cruz and Ted Williams are real baseball players) . If anyone actually read your paper, I would be afraid of looking like a moron based on the unprofessional way you presented my original . letter. Try not to be so unprofessional; it makes yciu just look dumb. jimmy Boynton O-MAlumnus When the previous ktter clZme in over email, the Editor broke all precetimce, and decided to fire a quick e-mail back: Big Jim: If the point of your letter was to criticize the alleged spelling mistakes in our original article, then that point was clearly lost on every staff member here. Frankly, we just thought you were an idiot. You're lucky we didn't put "An Idiot Writes Us" in our pages. -The Editor Big Jim happened to be online at the time, and quickly responded to the Editor:

HANKS FOR THE heads-up on the idiot thing. I just wanted you to know that it's "Trumbull" and not "Trubell." As for the point being lost, it makes sense that it was. If you can't spell Trumbull correcdy, chances are you won't be too familiar with the game of Baseball in the first place. . The Jimanator U-MAiumnus Editor's final respome: The Jimanator, You are indeed perceptive. Not only am I not too familiar with the "game" of Baseball, I hate it as well. In fact, I loathe it. Aren't "games" supposed to be fun? It's boring, and it pre-empts The Sjmpsom. -The Editor

Old Tiger Stadium Will Not Fit In a Museum s A FRESHMAN HERE AT the U of M , I must admit that I have really enjoyed reading the first five issues of the Michigan RetJiew this year. Your articles tend to be interesting, thought-provoking and significant. I was especially glad to see Ryan G. McClarren's article on Tiger Stadium in lhe fourth issue of the year. Perhaps I should clari(v, I was glad umil I actually read the article. I find it rather odd that McClarren has the abil ity to "smell the peanuts roasting" at a ballpark that sells pre-packaged nuts and the fa,:t that one-half of the most famolls

U-M Should Offer a "Broad Spectrum of Athletic Programs"

HILE I HAVE NEVER been a big fan of quotas, Mr. Behn a n's assertion that women's athletics should pay its own way seems to lack an understanding of the purpose behind offering a broad spectrum of athletic programs. From a financial standpolf!t the athletic department is not u n!ike the univer~ ity in general. This university olfers undergraduate degrees in a mult iluoe of areas , many of which I wo uld g:uus , a re not fi na nc ially selfsust:tining. Yet the university offers these programs because they reflect the philosophy of a strong, broad based, liberal arts education . If we were to ~ut every I find it rather odd that proglam at this university which was not able to independently maintain its budget you have the ability to without the support of the gened fund , I "smell the peanuts doubt that this university would have much roasting" at a ballpark that beyond a research/grant oriented curriculum in the sciences, technology, and sells pre-packaged nuts. business. I am in agreement that the selection of certain sports may be "politically" biased intersection in baseball, Trumbull (of in response to fulfilling the quotas Michigan and Trumbull), somehow slipped established by Title IX and the subsequent by your editors as "Trubell." As irritating interpretations by the Office of Civil as those errors were to a fan of Detroit baseball, the follow-up letter to the editor ,Rights. It is frustrating to see that scholarships can be more easily obtained on the story was even more embarrassing. in certain sports. I tend to see that as While the staff of the Review cannot be comparing admission standards for faulted for the writing of the letter that engineering and LSA, i.e. if you want to appeared in your Oct. 20, 1999 issue, the be an engineer at Michigan, you have to fact that this letter slipped through the score higher to get in . cracks of your editors is pathetic. The The fact that the athietic department author, Jimmy Boynton, also spells has chosen to mirror the university in Trumbull incorrectly ("Trumbell") and he offering sport opportunities in areas that seems to think the Tigers have players are 路not self-sustaining (for both men and named "Damion Easiy" and "Davy women) demonstrates the compatibility of Cruise" when in actuality their names are this department with the general Damion Easley and Deivi Cruz. Boynton philosophy of the university. If the then concludes by saying, "That stadium un iversi ty were to adopt a strict selfbelongs in the University of Michigan sustaining mandate for every program, I Museum of Art." Just a thought , but t hink this wOllld be a pretty boring assuming it was common practice to put institution (and I wouldn't have a job here). entire baseball stadiums into art museums lim Richardson when they are closed down , I have a feel in g Hr-ad Coach, Womens Swimming that Tiger Stadium would end up a.. tb e: Detroit Institute of Art before it was moved to Ann Arbor ~ that's just a hunch though. The moral of the story, do so me research and read your letters to the editor before you throw them in your newspaper. Owen Rosen U-M Freshman 'M A MSU STUDENT AND A member of the MSU Women's Crew The Editor responds: team. Even though I don't like Maze and Blue, I found your article repulsive. I Touche. can't believe you even wrote that Crew and -The Editor Field Hockey got millions of dollars they didn't even deserve. How do you know they didn't deserve it? I would love for you to

Behnan's Article "Repulsive"

observe one day in a life of a rower and tell me they didn't deserve that money. Maybe we don't bring in as much money as football and other big sports but, don't say rowers don't deserve money if you have never been in our seat. - The Upset Spart.an

Behnan Ignores "True Value of Sports" OUR ARTICLE FAILED TO mention that many tax dollars are paid by men for runnin g institutions such as Michigan . Those same men have daughters they would like to see benefit [rom their tax dollars. This article was not a fair portrayal of women in varsity sports. If the intent of sports is to earn money for schools, then there would be very little sports programs for girls or boys, women or men , from grade school through college. The article failed . to acknowledge that the true value of sports, team building, handling adversity, learning how to lose-yet be a winner in how one deals with losing路is worth much more during one's lifetime that making a profit for someone else. -Anonymous

Review Staffers are "Little Boys" Who "Fake Intelligence" LTHOUGH YOU ARE to be congratulated for taking on the liberal establishment at Michigan , you would better serve conservatism's cause by refraining from juvenile trinkets such as the parody offered on China (The People's Review, Oct. 6, 1999). To those of us who have been to the front lines in Washington it is disturb ing to see that the conservative leaders at elitist Michigan are mere el itists themselves. An unfortunate tendency of young claimants (Q the cause is to fake intelligence and sophistication through sarcasm and satire. If it makes you sleep better at night showing that you have a basic knowledge of Chinese history, so be it. But in the end, nobody will pay attention to little boys trying to demonstrate that they've read a couple books. Keep the childish arrogance to yourselves - just give us the facts. If you need this forum to make up for neglect when you were a child, step aside and let somebody else lead. -Tad DeHaven

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MSA's Flyer-Ban Violates Rights

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T IS A RARE DAY INDEED WHEN WE FIND OURSELVES IN agreement with Michigan Student Assembly (MSA) Rackham Rep. Jessica Curtin. Nevertheless, this happens to be the case with regard to the Assembly's recent decision to ban MSA campaign postering at Angell Hall. Not only do we consider MSA's stated reasons frivolous (that the postering is ineffective and environmentally harmful), we oddly concur with Ms. Curtin's assertion that the measure constitutes a significant affront to free speech. We might also add, the decision seems suspiciously designed to benefit the established parties, at the expense of independent candidates and upstart parties. Perhaps the most nonsensical reason the resolution supporters offered up was the rather silly claim that Angell postering was "ineffective.." Were postering genuinely ineffective, we hardly think candidates would routinely wake' up at 4 a.m. and spend countless hourspostering during the week before the election. MSA candidates, like all of us, enjoy sleep and possess no particular love for wasting time with "ineffective" campaigning. In fact, the energy expended in Angell postering clearly demonstrates the high value MSA candidates place on hitting Angell, and its worth in publicizing campaigns. Such importance was shown during last winter's election cycle, when the Student's

Feminists Spout over "Fat" Shirt RESHMEN GIRLS - GET 'EM while they're skinny." This expression has triggered widespread controversy throughout campus. In particular, our lovable women's groups have screamed in outrage and led protests against this garment. But the question is: Why? Db we really .neeQ to organize a protest against an article of clothing that hardly,....any' students wear around campus? If anything, the shirt only makes light of a natura phenomenon for freshmen (or freshpeople). It is well known that many people gain weight at the beginning oftheir college career, partly due to their change in / \ overall lifestyle. Simply put, what this item of clothing did was say that freshman, ; in particular females, may "enhance,,-· -- -l their figure with .the slew of slime and . slop tossed at freshmen palates during the fall semester. No more, no less. Why are women focusing their energy on a piece of cloth when there are many more relevant issues for women? Why has the feminist left displaced re\~ant issues like voting, employment, and discrimination with tee-shirts and blubber? It is hard to picture men ranting if a similar shirt mentioned thatfreshmanrnen also tend to plump up. One can .find numerous examples in popular culture

Were Angell postering genuinely ineffective, we hardly think candidates would routinely wake up at 4 a.m. and spend countless "'ours postering during the week before the election. Party unilaterally abandoned Angell postering and called on its Blue Party rivals to follow their lead. The Blue Party wisely ignored the maneuver, and went on to achieve a landslide victory. . Indeed, we feel that it is precisely because of Angell Hall importance that MSA decided to the action. Currently controlled by the well-commented Blue and Student's parties, MSA's Jeadership knows that its favored candidates will have no trouble attracting publicity. From loving Daily stories, to allies in powerful student groups, to candidates fielded from a Greek system whose houses tend to vote in a monolithic block, such candidates should have little difficulty attracting name recognition, publi~ support and votes. However, this is not the case for rabble-rousing upstarts. Often hastily organized, like last year's quasi-Libertarian New Frontier Part, these organizations campaign without any of the incumbents benefits. To win, they must go the extra mile, and do everything possible to get their name and message out. Angell Hall, as the effective center of campus, serves an unparalleled role. To deny Angell as a legal postering site would be to quadruple the work needed to get an equal level of publicity - as candidates will need to hit a series of small buildings. Such a feat might not be difficult for large, established parties, but for smaller upstart and independents it is impossible. Indeed, MSA's real intentions are revealed by the fact that postering. will be allowed at other locations - even at the MLB and Union. Were MSA truly concerned about environmental impact from non-recycled, thrown out posters, wouldn't they then ban posters at all campus locations? Such a total ban would surely restrict free speech - but only by a degree more than the Angell ban. Furthermore, if MSA's true concern is the environment, we find it curious that they have ignored other green-friendly avenues for poster regulation. For example, MSA could have requested the janitorial staff discard candidate posters in recycling bins rather than trash cans. If so motivated, the Assembly even could have authorized a small bonus to the janitors for complying. Of course, such alternative methods to compensate for the environmental externalities of MSA campaigns would still give non-major party candidates a fighting chance to compete. An MSA campaign victory should reflect hard work and bright ideas. MSA, recognizing the illegality of censoring ideas, has now chosen the novel approach .ofrestricting distribution of those ideas. Even for those candidates who run sans issues, MSNs action will serve the deleterious purpose of penal.izing hard work. Withickas and effort squelched, the only paths left to victory are connections and party name. We wonder who precisely the Student and Blue parties expect such a campaign to bepefif" .. Mt ~ ".""

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portraying the obvious shortcomings of men, such as in the situation comedy, "Men Behaving Badly." Not surprisingly, rather than holler and scream about gendered oppression, most male viewers laughed along with its intended female audience. What about The . Simpsons? Homer Simpson - "Doh!" --:- is , t'he ; most ster~otfplcal male ' character ever put on screen. Yet this show continues to be a favorite of television viewers throughout the country. Sadly, when a glob of print slightly offends a select and small group of women, the whole community throws a hissy This T-shirt fit. controversy ranks up there with the other ",_', examples of oversensitivity, which stink .,,, '" throughout our modern P.c. ./-' campus and culture. -'This "freshmen __ :: . girls" fiasco simply represents collegiate · ·satirical chicanery at its fmest,(or worst). To some, this shirt is humorous. This was ; . bound to happen . If one does not find the shirt _/ >::<,{\ \ amusing, that is just fine. ,~~7 \~ V But seriously, it's just a ~,-",./ , shirt. Why get worked'up about it? The world is not always a happy place. Fortunately, we have people who try to poke fun .at. it, which is something we shoul4.cherish while it lasts. ~ -Ryan G. McClarren

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Budget ,

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not exist. On the surface, such bias seems evidenced by one funding comparison in particular. Specifically, al-

Bleakdown of the Fall '99 BPe Budget

though the pro-abortion solely on the impact a group has on campus, and the strength of its application. rights groups Students for Choice and Medical StuCertain factors can influence the success of an application. For instance, groups dents for Choice received $300 and $200 respectively, requesting funding for campus events rethe BPS allocated only $10 ceived a preference over organizations planning to use their money for trips. to pro-life Students for Life Contrary to what some belieVe, Mr. Roe (SFL). Upon appeal, when insists that the political biasofBPC memSFL Vice-President Andrew bers does not impact funding decisions. Shirvell threatened a protest, the BPe agreed to increase Rather, he claims that MSA spends stuSFL's allotment to $150, still dents' money in a non-partisan fashion. substantially less then the In total, roughly 14 percent - about $13,500 - of the BPC budget funded groups ideological opposires. Yet , other factors mitigate explicitly political groups. Yet, from this such eviden ce. As Kym amounr, groups with a conservative or lib~rrarian focus received only $550 , the Stewart, a member of borh remainder going roward left-of-center or SFL and MSA, poinrs om . left-wing organizations. The reasons for SFL did not completely desuch a funding slant are numerous. For scribe all its activities in its example, liberal campus organizations application for funding. If vastly outnumber conservative ones. In SFL included these in its application "I would like to addition, many right-leaning groups possess ideological objections to accepting think they would have been MSA money, for the Assembly raises this more objective," Stewart said. money in mandatory.student fees. As Despite the relative lack of proved discrimination against conservative Elizabeth Keslacy, co-chair of the College Libertarians told the Rroi~ last year, "the groups, the BPC budget nevertheless does mandatory fee system is inherently wrong amount to passive, de facto bias against because students are forced to fund conservative and libertarian students. Spe-;gWHP~. I~ :'rhi~p trey flce fundamen~ally .. >. c.ifiq~Uy, through mandatory student fees, opposed." Accordingly, her co-Chair ' die-hard capitalist students, including vicGabe Quinnan notes "we refuse to partims of communist terror: musl fund ticipate in a system that promotes the very groups that celebrate such dictatorship. Such financial generosity even extends to ideals against which we fight. " A third possible .reason is the politiRAIL, a group that idolizes Communist cal bias that Mr. Roe explicitly claims does Revolutionary Mao Tse-Tung, a man re-

Potitic.il (14.1%)

Re~gious

Ethnic (19.0%)

G red-; s (3.9%)

Sel'llice (5 .3%)

PutAicaiions (3.5%)

, ponsible for the deaths of 60 million C hinese. Simil.uly. religious Christians, Moslcm~ and Jews must fund gay-rights activists, and students with no panicular cultural heritage must finance the U-M's own ethnic ghettos of race-specific clubs. Yet, as conservative groups tend to reject funding on ?cinciple, left-wing students need not reciprocate this "gesture. » In effect, the mandarory fee serves as a subsidy to the left, allowing groups to flourish despite a mere speckling of student suppon. This might change though, with

seryice -J;3Udget ... -

........

Politics HE SAME DAY THAT MSA

p..ed iu~BPe~ it also passed a corrapondin, Community Service Comiaion (esc) blJd&et. Unlikr me Bpc, the esc funds apeci& projects, not groups. according to esc member Jon A. Marcus. Younger the BPe. the esc ·completed its fine funding cyde during FaD Tam 1997 (CSC Funding Application). after U· M studena approved a S1 annual tuition increase to fund community lCrVice projectl. In tOtal. the esc allocated SS3.300 to 78 applying goupc, De.pite ill name, the CSC. ~ iDdude. a wide swada of activity baida what IIIOIt people woukt amlickr "community service.." Aa:ordins to ia fuadioc piddinca, the esc wiD fioanoe .di.a ..-.ice (ie. baiIdina. __ widl Habitat fo, Humuiry). commuairy

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community 1OFt:her and' nile .wumaa or education for certain community iIIua), and community 0IpDiz8ri0a (i.e. CYeftU or projects whkb orpaiac the community to work 0.0 cauin iaua together: activism)," Admittedly uaing non-ditcme Iangu.ge. the fundin& applicuion actually asks "Does (hi. definition seem vague to you?" and awes that the Commiaion is "currently working

Affirmative Aaion to IUppOrt me -1ep1 documents of me ltUdc:oa intem:ntionin me pcadi", aftirmatM action lawauits apimt me Uniftnily, and divied up S60 for a cdebruion of the Chin«e Traditional Moon FativaI.. Although JheIe amouna equaled only a .mall percentage of toW aUocadons, they nevertheless raiJe iaues. ThClC did not .rile due to the behavior of tbe

on fanding the pcrka language- to cxpreat their cum:nt "working dmnioon" of the

Commission's members. who, as they should, acted in accord with the esC's

committees responaibillry. 1n accordance with this broadly defined IGOpc of the esc's authority. it wound up funding a aignifiant number of projec:u that the layman mi&ht coosider to ~ quatiooable "oommunily 1erVioe" nJuc. It backed a proteSt .pUt the School of the Amcricaa C. miliwy mininl dtooI blamed b edt..... dic:raort) to the tUDe of S180, aDocaled $301 to BAYN', Uberaror . . . .iM. _ppIied '350 to United for Equality and

defined function. Ratbu, they .pring &om me esc. mandate iadf, speci6cally its -vague- funding guidelines. When StUdents VOted for a S1 tuition bike to fund ·community lervice,· did they expect that money to fund explicitly political caUKS (i.e. the School of the A.meric:u protest)? It is aD c:aipaa that d~rvel further attention. In the meantime, me esc wiD IiWy aJGtinue fundine political &Iooa witb seaaU GOIIUIWnity .mce WUIk.

esc.

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(3.4%)

PO",.

Pro1essional (12.4%)

the pending Supreme Court case, the

Board ofRegmts v. Southworth. If the Court upholds the lower courts ruling, mandatory fees at state universities throughout the country will get abolished . Consequently, U-M students would no longer need to fund objectionable groups. ~ WhClt eta you tlllllk .11)01I t the

BPC s lluoqetlfl9 choices? How .lbout malldatory studellt fC'cs? /cttef S U f71/cfllC}.1flfCIl/f'W

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Notable "Community Service" Allocations BAMN

$301

The Liberator United for Aff. Action

$350

Legal Documents of Student Intervention ICP] Student Chapter

$180

School of the Americas Protest NAACP

$150

Essay Contest Students for Choice

$100

Resource Room No War Against Yugoslavia $120

National Organizing Conference on Iraq

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I Page 6

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November 3,1999J

ROAD FROM SERFDOM

The Laundry List of Liberal Lies: Disguising ulterior Marxist agendas with "rights"

N 1989, THE BERLIN WAR FELL and with it, the hopes and dreams of an entire generation ofleft-wing radicals. Since the 1960s, they had openly preached socialism, holding up the Soviet Union as a model for their intended worker's paradise. Ignoring Communism's obvious fascination with gulags and genocide, these activists pined for the day of the ineviJacob P.M. table glorious OsIick proletarian revolution. Yet, as the Berlin \X/all turned from stone to rubble fO dust, it became clear that there would be no more October Revolutions. Un daunted, the Left: simply changed tactics. \Xlhereas they once tried to sell socialism outright, they now recognized that the American people would,rtevetaceptOO~ cialism when it's called "socialism." So, instead, they talked of "rights"- women's righ ts, an imal rights, environmental rights, worker's rights, health-care rights, etc. This became their Big Lie: that they advocated rights, not totalitarian social control. And, to get their Big Lie accepted,

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WOmen earn about 75 cents/or every dollar a man carns - This statistic, along with others about a so-called "glass ceiling," impression that males, form some sort of landed gentry (the "capital" parr of Marx's capital vs. proletarian equation), who wish to keep women down due to sheer sexism. Of course, this statistic ignores that women often vol unrarily choose family over career, choosing to stay home with a new-born infant

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for a few years, or taking a part-time job' to maximize their family commitments. Once you control factors such as number of years in the workforce, and choice of occupation, most of this wage differential disappears. In fact, as the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth indicates, young childless women earn 98 cents to the male dollar. Further, according to the Independent Women's Forum, between

pleasant truths. In reality, she was a longtime committed Marxist, and general leftist crackpot. Today, her disciples keep a similar outward appearance, hiding their socialism within. Yet, every now and than they slip up. Thus, during last year's "Feminist Fair" these costumed Communists held a pinata smashing on the Diag with pinatas created out of old Michigan Reviews. And, on each pinata were words

The Left has changed tactics - whereas they once tried to sell socialism outright, they now talk of "rights." This became their Big Lie: that they advocated rights, not totalitarian social control.

The Feminists

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they supplemented it with a series of little lies, statistics and personal stories having their basis not in fact, but in pseudo-Marxist Theory. The objective: step by step, to get government involved in people's lives, and convince individuals they are powerless without a strong state. To a large degree the Left has succeeded in getting their myths enshrined as doctrine. Today, many innocents sprout off the same statistics, genuinely concerned about "rights," completely oblivious to the underlying purpose. \Xlhat follows is a bnef chronicle of some these misleading claims, repeated ad nauseam in the hopes that the younger generation will accept them as fact. In a future column, I will focus not just on the statistics, but at the chief perpetrators of these lies.

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1960 and 1994, "women's wages grew 10 times as fast as men's wages." ~o%, or J in;), colkgc-age women witt be victims of sexual assault at some point during their college careers" (SAPAC) - Al-

though such a statistic might play into feminist fantasies of oppressive men and helpless women, it bares little relation to the truth. The 1995 Survey of Campus Law Enforcement Agencies, based on crime data from 581 colleges (and thus, 89 percent of college students), indicates that roughly 1 rape is committed per campus per year; not one per every 20 women (1 in five women times four years of college). According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice, among women ages 20-24, 1 in 200 wa5 a vicrim of senlal assault; not one ill five. Granted, some underreporting docs OCCUi', ,,·itt (Inc SA.PAC statistic suggesting only 1 in 6 sexual assaults arc reported tc the police, Even assuming the accuracy of that statistic (a dubious claim, considering SAPAC's other tlgures) the U. S. figure fises to about 1 in 50, not 1 111 5. Of course, if feminists cited the form~r, sexual assault mighr not appear ro be such an egregious crisis, requiring immedi:m: and forceful government 'inrcrv(;lltion. Perhaps the most interesting little proof of my theQry that modern feminism derives from Marxism comes from the progenitor of the current women's movement. I speak, of course. about feminist icon Betty Freidan, whose Feminine Mys~ique helped launch the feminist crusade. At publication, Ms. Freidan claimed to be a. simple housewife, awakened to un-

of encouragement for the breaker. However, these words were not phrases such as "End Sexual Assault" or "Break the Glass Ceiling." Rather, they were "Smash the Siate" and "Capitalism." Environmentalists

Global warming causes disasters - Over the past few years, the Clinton-Gore administration has blamed heat waves, cold waves, floods, droughts, fires and blizzards on this mysterious climate phenomenon. Of course, such talk ignores that global warming theory doesn't necessarily pre~ dict more extreme weather patterns; only general trends. Nor does it mention that global warming theory itself remains highly speculative. As the Washington Times pointed out on Oct. 15, 1998 "the climate is just never 'average.'" Specifically, although it's warmed over the past 100 years, it hasn't appreciably over the past fifty, but it has over the past 1000 (long before humans starred using fossil fuels). The earth's temperature has never held constant, but varied considerably throughout epochs. Further, as the Watermelons (green on the outside, red inside) never like to admit, it remains unclear whether global warming, if it exists, would benefit or harm humanity. For example, agriculture loves warm weather, which suggests that a warf!1er earth might yield the greater productivity necessaty to feed an expanding population. The sky is folli,~g- Although ,Rot a direct quote, ml),ch ~f the modern environmen~ 'tal m~v'e~e~treflects discredited, Malthu-

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\ sian "Chicken Little" attitudes towards the future. Thus , as the In vestor's Business Daily reported, Earth Science: The Challenge of Discovery, a school book for children, warns that copper, zinc, and oil "will be depleted in 60, 40, and 30 years respectively. " Of course, such predictions have been made before: in 1972, the Environmentalist Club of Rome predicted that resources such as gold, oil and copper would be extinct by 1993. For oil in particular, so-called experts have at various times predicted we'd use it all up by 1914, '19, '26, '39, '49, '80, and '92. The proposed cures to these dilemmas: limit economic growth , and "share" (redistribute) more resources to the developing world. Such policies serve as perfect recipes for destroying the world economy, and hence global capitalism , rest on un founded assumptions - such as a consistent underestimation of the power of the capitalist drive. Hence, oil, long predicted to go the way of the Dinosaurs from which it caine, has seen its proven reserves jump an astonishing 733 percent between 1950 and 1990. Why? Because the market anticipated the coming shortfall, and self-corrected. Due to the profit motive, we found new methods of extracting oil, searched harder for new Sources, and improved energy efficiency. Similarly, despite a population that.·h.<l.S.• inqe;ased 300 percent since the turn of the century, we've had no problem feeding people except when governments or warlords purposefully cause a fam ine. How?-because the market developed new ways to improve crop yield, and produce higher returns.

American standards this is still low, just not quite at su~h a shocking level. Interestingly, it was the AFL-CIO's garment workers union that calctilated the $.69 figure, an organization whose membership possesses strong fears about being able to compete with hard-working foreigners. It is also an organization that often calls for stiffer, worker-friendly regulation of business, projecting the hand of government unto the pure bosom of capitalism.

The Reagan Record

eral deficit to expwtfe - Although popularly repeated in the media and by Democrat attack dogs, such claims ba re little relation to the truth . In reality, Reagan's massive 1981 tax cut jump-started the economy, and encouraged people to work hard, starr new businesses, and invest in new technologies. As a result, income tax collections soared an astonishing 56 percent between 1981 and 1989. However, during this same period, the Democraticontrolled Congress's spending skyrocketed 69 percent.

poor got poorer - Yes, the rich did get richer, bur so did the poor. During the 1980s, as the National Center for Policy Analysis points out, the poorest 20 percent saw their inflation-adjusted incomes rise 6 percent. Interestingly, during the first six years of (he 90s, this same group suffered a 7 percent drop in real income. Yet, we hear no one calling the Clinton ian 90s the "Decade of Greed. " Why? Because the media only wishes to fight men who idealize the free-market, and will always back those who apologize for collectivism . 1vR

Ronald Reagan's tax cutting--CdUSed the fed- -- In the 1980s, the rich got richer and the

Anll(lun ci ng th e Seco nd A n n ll ;l!

Conservative Campus Journalism Awards

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P~oducing baseball caps at $.69 an hourArmed with an impressive battery of statistics, Students Organizing for Labqr and Economic Equality ("SOLE, " not "SOLEE" for some reason) has successfully lined up many new recruits to their cause. Yet, some of these statistics. whiie technically true, fail to tell the entire story. For example, they frequently cite wage levels in developing countries, such as the $.69 per hour workers receive at a Dominican Republic factory where U-M baseball caps are produced. What they neglect to mention is how they convert foreign currencies: through the exchange rate method (how much a given amount of foreign currency can purchase in American dollars). Yet, exchange rates frequently present a misleading picture of foreign price structures, ignoring the lower prices common in many developing countries. Thus, we see a vastly higher number emerge by calculating these wages instead through purchasing power parity (i.e. how much of two currencies would it take to purchase a basket of goods). In the case of those Dominican baseball cap makers, this method suggests they earn an hourly wage of $1.83. Of course, by

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Crime Continued from Page 1 .' .:

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In explaining the Iremendous increase in underaged drinking, a survey conducted las( spring by the U·M subSlance abuse research cenrer found that 45 percent of U·M undergraduate srudents are binge: drinkers (although the acce:pted definition of Ubinge drinking" has come under scrutiny for being tOO encompassing). However, it is likely that the recem rise in liquor law violations is due to increased enforcemenc, rather than an increase in drinking on campus. Some crime prevenrion programs 'on mpus include the Nile Owl, Night Ride, [he DPS Escon Service, Nonhwalk. and Safcwalk, which all ofTer an altern.uive t walking alone oil night. According to Safewalk coordinator Jim Cohen, "We: [Safewalk and Nonhwalk) arc made up of a group of volunlCC'cs that dcdicale al leasr 2.5 hours .t week to helping Ihis ~use. By walking in groups the person being walked docs not have: to worry as much, possibly even al all, about being Clacked. This is a wonderful service .and the people (hal voluntCC'r are cxcdlenc." Unfonunald)., though overall personal crimes continue to slide, the same cannot

be said for crimes related to sexual assault: 15 reported in 1995, 18 in 1996, 12 in 1997, and J 8 in J 998. In the ongoing bartle against rape on campus, SAPAC ' (Sexual Assauh Prevenrion unrer) leads the charge, and offers crisis imervenlion. counseling. and awareness for victims of .sex ual assault.

If crime statistics convey that "ntUe es" do not exist at en wntUdo WandDAAP '0 i e?

Another category on the DrS repon recorded [he number of crimes that "m.anifest evidence of prejudice based on race, religion, sexual oriental ion . or erhnicity" - otherwise known as "hale crimes." Surprisingly, there was no tracc of any Uhate crime" on this campus for the past four years. Incerestingly. this revelation tells quite a different story in comparison to the many polilical groups of the leftist ilk. especially BAMN. One can find evidence

of rhis oversight by the liberal left on the pany platform of the DAAP (Defend Affinlutive Act jon Party), (he polilical firearm of BAMN. whose candidates consti[ute a major porrion of MSA (Michigan Student Assembly). Specifically, the DAAP platform oudencs its plan to "fight racism, sexism, sexual harassment, anti·Semitism. and antiIcsbian/g;ay bigotty on campus." h further proposes to "invesligate and take action againsl racist, .sexist, and other bigoted a£lacks." Yet critics of DAAP often wonder: if crime statistics convey that "hate crimes" do not exist at U-M, then what do they intend (0 inveslig;ltc? An overall drop in crime pertains not only to the U·M campus, but (0 the nation as a whole. According to the Justice Department, the violent-<:rime rate in the United Statcs fell 7 percent in 1998. reaching the lowest jevd StnCC the survey of victims began 26 years ago. Most experts credh the continued mong U.S. economy, efforts to combar drug violence. rough sentencing laws, and improved police procedures as reasons for the currenl tn:nd. Regardless of this and other crime reports. [WO recent incidents at neighboring uOlversirics point our that campus crime Still remains a core issue for coll~e students. For example, on

OCt. J7. an intruder gained access [0 the PhiUips Hall dormitory at Michigan State University, and sexually assaulted a female student who had left her door unlodced. On the same day a male student murdered a female student at Kalamaroo College after a late· night argument, and sul>scquentally committed suicide. In [he DPS safety guide, students can discover several safety tips, especially focusing on traveJling across campus at night. DPS recommends thaI students walk in groups, avoided secluded and poorly lit areas, be able to call for help, and look for blue light emergency phones during lare hours, in which students au more susccprible to crime. • Students can find blue light emergency phones throughout campus which in an emergency alert a DPS dispatcher with no dialing required. Despite the comforring DPS report, Captain Seames still asserts, ·Crime cannot be reduced by the police aJone, we need the help of the community. Not only (0 practice crime prevention. bur [0 worle with us [the police] ro jointly find solutions to those problems that contribute to crime." Nt

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Daily ContInued from Page 1 H orowitz fdt the rejection was moti· vatc:d by the DtUIy's liberal c:djtoriaJ 5W\CC. ") think it's a sad day when college stu· dents want to silence debate rather than listen to an d partici p ate In it," said Horowin. But Thomford said that the busjncss stafrs de-cision to rejcct ads has nothing to do With c:djta. rial stance. "Advertisers don't understand tlut ad· venising is advertising and editorial content is cdira. rial coment: he said. The Dilily business staff never rejects 3n ::d beL2us~ they disagree with it, ~.. id Thomford. "We don't focus on our personal ~rspcctives." OUI of the hundreds ot ads the Dllily receives, they reject just one or rwo jXr month. "It's not a 101 Lompared to the volume of adverl isemen ts," he said. There has been controversy o\'er the book from Ihe stan. Accorrung to the WIUIJlnfl~n 7im'~, twO publishing houses r~

fused to print the book bccauJe of the title. "We have enough trouble without your ride: one conservative publisher told him. Horowitz. feds t~t "what the [MiL, did was censorship." Thomford isn't so sure. "There', such a fene line'- he said. "[We are) exercising the freedom mat we have to choose not to run ads." Nt

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Steve Forbes Campaigns at U -M BY DAVE SACKETT

ITH AN UNEXPECTED sense of humor and and new new plan for America, Steve Forbes addressed U-M students and members of the Ann Arbor community at an informal speech held in the Michigan Union on October 27. Forbes emphasized a flat tax, school choice, and the right to life as components of his new vision for America in the 21 st century. The audience responded warmly to his presentation, which outlined plans to rewrite the tax code, give parents a choice of school options, and restructure both social security and health care. On the issue of education, Forbes said that he found it peculiar that Americans are able to choose where they live and what career they have, but not where their children go to school. According to Forbes, if competition was introduced into the "educratic" K-12 education system, then schools that poorly educate children would lose student enrollment. Forbes believes that if ineffective schools like these were eliminated, then the most disac;lvantaged or poverty-stricken students would benefit as well. .

"Who's hurt the most?" Forbes asked. 'Those who start out in life with the least. ... Our schools just aren't doing the job they should with those [kids]. The only way you can [make a reform] is £0 give the parents the recourse to do something immediately v:.ith their child and not wait for political reform." Another highlight of Forbes's speech was the need (0 reform tax laws. Forbes joked that the tax code, more than seven million words in length, would confound anthropologists in the future with its needless complexity. Forbes's solution would simplify the tax code by entirely eliminating certain tax laws, such as the estate tax that demands a tax on one's possessions after one is deceased. "No death taxes either. You;ll be allowed (0 leave the world unmolested by the IRS. No taxation without respiration," Forbes retorted, as the audience cheered in support. "The system we have today is rigged against you. If your income while you're working goes up 10 percent, your taxes go up 15 percent. Everything you do is taxed." Forbes also addressed the infamous marriage penalty tax, which discourages marriage by taxing married couples. "The aver.age couple has their

income tax increased by $1,100 just for saying, 'I do,'" Forbes said. "That's Washington's version of family values: tax them!" Lastly, Forbes stressed the importance of restructuring social security and health care. "Why is the growing demand for health care a crisis? ; .. It 's because of the crazy way we finance health care in this country. You have no choice [in health care]: you are £old what doc(Or you can have, what hospital you can go (0, what you can have done .... But you should be able to choose your own Steve Forbes, owner of Fotbes Magazine, is one doctor." of the contenders for the Republican nomination For a new social for the presidential election in 2000. security plan, Forbes suggested giving Anlericans the option Information about the Forbes 2000 (0 contribute (0 their personal retirement campaign can be obtained at accounts, instead of feeding money to the www.forbes2000.com. The Forbes behemoths in Washington who, as Forbes campaign team commented that said, would horde that money in the way opportunities for student involvement a bear would greedily horde a pot of would be welcome and appreciated. ~ honey.

~-------------------------------------------------------------- ~-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Pro-Life Protest on Diag Stirs Emotions

BY ANNE

N AGRANT

HE USUAL SINGING, yelling, and fundraising on the Diag was interrupted on Ocwber 29 by the Students for Life's (SFL) somber demonstration against abortion. SFL, a secular pro-life campus organization, supports "the dignity of all human life, from the moment of conception until natural death," according to their informational brochure. The silent protest included the display of fifry white crosses on the bottom of the steps of the Hatcher Graduate Library. Each cross symbolized 800,000 abortions, and stood as a tribute to the approximately 40 million abortions reported in America since the Roe v. wade decision in 1973, which ga\l.e women the right to have abortions. In an effort to increase awareness of October as "National Respect for Life" Month, SFL organized this demonstration to remind people of the high numbers of abortions that may go unheard among college students. Members handed out literature about abortion and the right to live.

According (0 SFL President Melissa Osborn, the club did not intend to force their views on others. Instead, the members thought that a silent demonstration would more appropriately symbolize of the silent deaths of unborn babies. SFL veteran Joel Cupp found special meaning in display of crosses. "Events like this drive home the point that we're not all here forever. We have a .limited amount of time," Cupp said. "Life is really short and we need to protect it." Even though the club represents a conservative viewpoint, ' SFL has not had much negative response. according to student members. Unlike many contoversial campus events, this demonstration was met with no public opposition. This was the first such visible demonstration sponsered bySFL in the Diag, but Mr Shirvell said the event will become an annual occurance. l\R.

Interested in Students for Li&? Next meeting: Nov. 8 at 7 p.ni. in the Mkb.igan Union Parker Room.

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AND J ACOB

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OR ALMOST ALL OF THE third year studc:ms OUl thc:rc:. the 1211 of 1997 marked the beginning of their college years. For us, iI also marked the beginning of our shorr Stays in the University of Michigan's Army and Navy Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC) programs. respectively. While most people see the ROTC program as just a lickct into the military, our experience teaches us that it's much more. Although both of us have since moved on. finding that, for various reasons, a military career wa~ not for us. we nevc:rrheless cherish the rime we spent in the ROTC. We know that lessons we learned in ROTC will stay with us for the rest of our lives. and we're both glad we took the time to participate, even though we did not complete the program. We're grateful for the ROTC program for teaching us things [hat we would've never ever been able to learn anywhere else at the University of Michigan. When first waJlcing into North Hall, the ROTC building. one is muck with itS imposjng presence. The building. once the University's hospital. is over one hundred years old, and it shows. It help«! [each one of the firsr lessons learned in ROTC: we were now part of something .ir. bigger. and older, and with more traditions than anything that has existed or will exist on this campus. We were training as fumre officers of U.S. miJit.lry; a military with wdJ over (WO centuries of

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history and traditions backing it up. This wasn't something to be trifled with. All around the building are relics of the past. In the Navy's navigation classroom, the posirion of Ann Arbor on the globe is displayed on a small cardboard sheet on a bulletin board. Closer examination of the sheet wiU show chat the p0sition was plotted in 1946. I n the same room is another relic from the 19405: a sheet of wood. with the block "M" carved inco it, and with the carved signatures of the class of 1945. The men's room on the first Roor of North Hall is also a relic. by the looks of it - probably the oldest one in Ann Arbor. The only modem features are the modern soap and towel dispensers. The old ~shioned heater and toilets look like they belong in a museum. We had gonen the messag~: ROTC was to be taken seriously. This message is further driUed into your mind when you go into the midshipman lounge. In thert, one sees ponraitS of those from the unit that djed in World War II. The piclUres are old. and the print is ~ded, but rhe message is quit~ clear: this is quite serious. People didn't die playing 1M football. going to panies or writing for a campus paper. It just puts everything else into perspective. People get the wrong impression of RO'T C. We weren'r transformed into mindI~ automatons. and we never met anyone remotely like Niedermeyer from Animal House. We were instructed to be thinking leaders, just like the tholWnds that proceeded us. We learned what it took to be a good leader. and we learned the values that made good leaders. We learned

a respect and appreciation for those thar came before us in serving their country. There is another imponant reason we joined ROTC. No one can deny that the military rradition has served an essential fole in every culmre. Nations and empires have risen and &lJen through war. In every generation young men come of age. learn discipline and risk death in the service of their country. We fdt thar to not gain more knowledge of this cominuing evolving culture would deprive us of a remarkable opporlUnity: to learn more about the human condition. Through ROTC. we could learn of military custOntS, lore, tactics and values from the inside: not via a stodgy history book written br some pseudo-Marxist '¥ho never held a gun in Ius life. For example. Jim learned about how, through the use of carrier banle groups and island hopping. merican forces defeated the Japanese during World War II; not how the war against the Japanese was "racist.One of the most imporunt things that we learned was that we were representatives of our branch of the armed services. thus we had to live by a certain standard. We Wtte expected to live by the core values of our respective branch. and at least Jim h;ad to ta1ce the midshipman oath. promising nOI to lie, cheat or steal. It's one thing to say you're not going to lie cheat or sreal, it's totally different when you're sworn not to do so. And what enforced it even more what the ~a that you were juS( one of ",any who had sworn this oath, and we were bound by it together. And most memorably. we were

expected to not kick the crap out of any protesters that gOt into our faces. As ROTC students. stfuning around frequently in fuU-uniform, we learned firsthand about the sheer animosity members of the left hold for the military, and the United Statcs in general. Once. a passerby even cried out to Jacob, as he StrUtted to class in fatigues. "Where are you going. fO IciJI babics like you did in Viet-

narn.)" In the end, it didn't really maner [0 us that we didn't fanish. Jr's not that we didn't ca~ it just turned our not [0 be for us. But we sciU got the most Out of it. It didn't maner whether we learned about small arms taerics. or naval engineering; those deta.ils could be" picked up anywhere. What we learned couldn't be taught from reading a book, or writing ;l paper; it was part of the experience. And JUSt what was that ultimate lesson? The sixth code of conduer, whjch we had to memorize, sums it up pretty wdJ: "I will never forger that ( am an American. fighting fot freedom. responsible for acrions. and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. ( wiU trust in my god and in the United States of America.· This is something that we're going (0 carry around for the rest of our lives. regardless of what we end up doing for a Ijving. What we learned wasn't about being an officer; it was about being an American. That's one lesson mat should never be forgonen. Mt kttns~;mil."lTfIiew. co

Remember USA's Protectors on Veterans Day BY J AMES

YEH

ETERAN'S DAY WILL soon be upon us, and too few of us will take the time out to reflect on what Veteran's Day is truly about. Like many other holidays, Veteran's Day has lost a lot of its meaning to commercialization. To some, Veteran's Day is about going to sec what's on sale at the mall. instead of remem· bering those that fought in America's

V wan.

People seem to have some SOrt of mjsconception about the U.S. ConstitUlion and the rights it gives U5. The Constitution is a piece of paper wrinen over (WO hun~ yean ago. It has no special powers that magically grant us the right to free speech. reJjgion. and 10 forth. The Constirution is JUSt words on paper. People forgc1 what', behind the Constitution that gives those words meaning and power. The Constitution

wouldn't be worth the paper it was printed on if Americans hadn't gone off to fight for those rights. In &ct, the ConstilUtion wouldn't even exist if people weren't willing (0 fagtlt for their rights. It's because of them. that we today we can worship whatever gods we want, have the right to a fair trial. and bum the Bag that they so valiantly fought for. Veterans go and fight because thty're (old (0. not necessarily because they think the war is right and should be fought. They faght because their country asked them to do so. All through my years here. I've heard a countless number of my fellow students declare how they never would have gone off to ftght in Vietnam or any other war that they didn't believe in. But they just don't undersmnd. No one in their right mind would support war. War is a horrible thing. But what people till suppon are ideals. And if you fight for nothing . , you should flstn for ideals, especially ideals that all Americans should bold

close to their hcans. like freedom and liberty. And more often than not, after the horrors of war have made )'ou think twice about fighting for ideals. you end up fighting for your buddies.. Somehow. we've lost perspectjve on what's imponant. The media always made light of the &ct that Bob Dole was an old fogey during hi:. 1996 presidential run, but they never seemed to make [he conneaion that he was old enough to fight ~ism :n me COSt of an arm. Yet. a man who spent his youth .moking pot and dodging the draft when his country nceded him Wl1.S able to bear him and my in rhe White House. Today, John McCain can't even comb his own hair because his ;Inns were improperly set after breaking them both in Vietnam. Yet George W. Bush. a man who spent Vietnam snoning lines in the Ajr National Guard has a huge lead over him. What a way to show our appreciation of thoec that have risked their lives in our country's defen.e.

What really gets to me is the irony of it all. Some people would spend weeks defending the rights of X number of Iraqi kids that die each day from UN sanerions, but ask them to pick up a rifle to actually hdp get rid of the source of the problem, and they'lI stage another protest. Some people wiU defend affirmative aerion as a -right" of ·oppressed" people. but when it comes to picking up a rifle [0 physicalJy defend the rights of mJy oppressed people in a foreign land, they'll just sit on their asses and make copies.. Only on a college campus is someone who brutally murdered a policeman called a hero. and anyone who killed communists for his country called a baby lcillcr. 1ne most glaring question: why protest war at all? Nothing college stuclenrs do will ever dieate foreign and mili-

III VETERANS, PIge 13

[ November,3 , . 1999

TIIB IllCBlGAR REV'IBW -

CAJIPI1S AnAllfB

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III

Pointless LSA Requirements are Obsolete: An Engineer's Perspective BY MATTHEW FRANCZAK

N EVERY MAJOR universiry campus across the nation, there are two distinct groups of undergraduate students: those who pursue engineering, and those who do not. Accordingly, most universities have two major undergraduate colleges: the College of Engineering, and the College of Everything Else, which at the University of Michigan goes by the moniker, "College of Literature, Science, and the Arts" (LSA). And any hardworking engineer looking over the LSA requirements is in for quite a shock. The LSA academic advising center's web page shows the components of the LSA degree to consist of: Electives, Introductory Composition, JrlSr Writing Requiremen t, Concen tration, Distribution, Race & Ethniciry (R&E), Second Language, and Quantitative Reasoning. This is in interesting contrast to what would be the equivalent engineering pie chart: large chunks of math, science, and engineering, and a very small piece of "Other." The apparent purpose of these requirements, as the LSA

homepage states, is to develop "a liberal education ... neither too narrowly focused or too diffuse." A closer analysis suggests that the LSA requirements are behind the times and constitute a pointless burden on students. The first bloated area of LSA study is "Distribution . " This 30-credit behemoth can be larger than the student's concentration, which some student~ can complete in just 24 credits. Distribution credits may not be within a student's concentration, nor maya student place out of them with high school A.P. courses. The specifics of this requirement assure that no student can take more than 13 Distribution credits in a field even distantly related to his or her major, forcing the student to learn a diffuse body of knowledge that most likely be irrelevant to their future plans. The next pointless requirement is R&E, which is essentially a course about racism. The administration implemented this requirement in 1991 because they felt students needed to spend 3-4 credit hours learning "to listen to and understand a diversity of voices," according to LSA Dean Goldenburg.

Another useless requirement IS foreign language. Indeed, proficiency in a second language is a great advantage in many walks ()f life, but this requirement fails beduse if does not create lasting proficiency. The student who could benefit from a foreign language will likely have forgotten it by the time he graduates. If one completes his' foreign language requirement within the first two years, and oyer the course of the remaining two years spent without any foreign language practice, it is unlikely that most students wculd retain .he majority of what they have learned. The LSA degree's fatal flaw is its shocking lack of emphasis on Math and Science requirements. An LSA student can graduate without taking a single math course -- instead fulfilling their math requiremellt in social sciences or even humanities courses! By trivializing math's significance, LSA sends forth into the real \\'orld students who mav have no more mathematics skills than basic algebra and geometry. An equally disturbing trend is LSA's conspicuously missing requirement for computer-oriented courses, or even an

option to use technology courses to fulfill any LSA requirement (other than the optional 3 credit Math and Science category of distribution). As a cornerstone of the 21 st century, technology will be found in virtually every workplace. The LSA requirements should not turn a blind eye (0 this important development by failing to require a math or computer technology course for its students. LSA officials must not have stopped to calculate the price of their "breadthgiving" study. An LSA student must spend 30 credits on Distribution, 3-4 on R&E, and 16 on Foreign Language for a total of al least 49 credits, which is equivalent to 3 semesters at about 16 credits per semester. With regard to tuition, this is $9,222 for Michigan residents and an incredible $29 ,3 64 for out-of-state students, based on lower division fees. While contemplating the price of their liberal education, LSA students should keep in mind the words of the great FatS Domino: "A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A. ... Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B." l\-R

lettersfii?michiganwview.com

Ethnic Clubs Promote Ethnocentrism Hyphenated Americans must learn to put America first By

RABEH SooFI

ERHAPS YOU'VE SEEN THEIR flyers littering Angell Hall. Or maybe you have peered into dorm lounges named after anti-American minority leaders during meeting time. Or your roommate from abroad has taken you to one of their events. They are the Latino Law Associations, the Thai Student Associations, the Black Business Students Associations of the campus ... the list hardly stops there. After all, one of the of extracurricular largest legs organizations are the "Minority and Etnnic Clubs," as U-M terms them. These organizations, which seek to promote the cultural awareness of minorities on campus, offer a club for nearly every ethnicity: chances are, if yours is a minority, it will be on the list. Of course, no one can at face-value attack these groups, who claim so much in the noble name of providing support, information, and a community for rheir isolated and wayward brethren, who hunger for cultural nourishment. These groups seem to be involved wirh' nothing more than the simple, harmless task of aiding the spread of diversity on the campus as well as across the nation with regards to their patticular ethnicity. That is where the myth ends and the fifth column begins. In actuality, the U-M's vision of "diversity" is having white and ' minority students simultaneously walk . across the Diag in one glorious scene. They do not talk, they do not even look at each other,

American society and values . They comprise a sub-culture that is reclusive, exclusive, and ultimately damaging to both the student and to Ameri~an unity. Consider for example, the following: An acquaintance of mine from Colombia, whose friends are almost entirely Colombian, routinely complains about how thoroughly he detests the U.S., and how he cannot wait until he leaves with his American-attained bachelor degree to attend the University of Colombia Medical School - even though his tuition is largely financed through subsidized loans and grants. My Asian ex-roommate's friends would proudly boast that rhey had not one American friend. They spoke Cantonese on the streets, took Asian Studies Courses, and went to Lunar Balls sponsored by the Asian American Association. In the halls of West Quad and most likely, orher dorms, rhere hang signs that read "Black Male Dialogue Grc;mp" that meets every week to discuss issues like "afrocentrism," "alienation," "academic su,:sscs" and "rhe impact of attending a Eurocentric University." What could one possibly do or say after reading about rhese situations aside from sorrowfully hanging one's head in heartbreak, aghast from such fearless displays of ingratitude and hypocrisy? Instead of diersiry, minoriry and ethnic clubs provide the breeding ground for ethnocentrism. Instead of contributing to American culture, rhey reject it and ridicule those who do not

V-M's idea oj "diversity" is having white and minority students simultaneously walk across the Diag in one glorious scene. They do not even look at each other, but they are there, all together, at once. but they are there, all together, at once. But as fervently as this University assures itself of that diversity, it ignores the racial cleavages that define themselves in the' South Quad cafeteria: how the black, hispanic, and Indian kids automatically sit in one area , as if by second nature; how the Asians in another; and the rest somewhere else. Even worse, the University harbors and condones that sort of self-segregation by sponsoring ethnic clubs that consist of clumps of minority students too intimidated by the "other" to expose themselves to anything but people of their color and ' heritage. These ethnic clubs give minoriry students a chance to totally isolate rhemselves from

embrace the culture of their "true" heritage. I would suggest to my colleagues that ethnic groups like these do no more for promoting diversity on campus than affirmative action. They limit minority students to a social circle composed of people who may share their heritage or religion, but are not representative of AIllerican society. How well does isolating yourself by having only Egyptian friends prepare you to go into the real world in which Egyptians are a small, minute minority? Sadly, the root of this problem is not rhe celebration of cultural heritage among minorities. Instead, it stems to a much more subtle point: the resistance of

minorities to adopt and accept American culture and way of life. I am an immigrant to the U .S. of Persian origin, and have witnessed firsthand the repulsion that fellow Persians - with still one leg in Iran, apparently feel toward "one of their kind" who so does not refer to "her homeland" as the one in the Middle Eastern deserts. Having been born in Tehran, Iran, my parents and I left behind a countty taken

institutions. This is the ultimate tragedy for this na'ive nation, born in the vain attempt to . ensure free speech and freedom for all. It provides its 'c itizens with the best of everything: education, loans to finance that education, employment opportunities to repay those loans, and wealth to buy watermelon in the market in February. And what does it ask in return? Nothing. Not even allegiance.

You cannot reap the benefits of this precious country, and still keep your loyalty and devotion to a far-off land that would sooner execute you than let you speak poorly of its institutions. over by an oppressive, evil regime that stole from its people rhe freedom and liberty they had enjoyed earlier. But I did not come to rhis country expecting Persian to be taught in my schools: I did not expect my community to foster for me a Persian People's Association, nor did I expect to deliver my valedictorian speech in Persian. After all, society in rhose days had room for subversive rogue organizations compromising American values and culture: it demanded new fealty to a new government. When I took my oath as a naturalized citizen, I chose to be American. Not a Persian-American, not Persian. I came to this country with the hopes of making it my own, not using it for its exceptional education system and then, having gained my world-renowned education, leaving for my "home country." My cousins in Iran will never have what I have, will never walk under the eternal wings of liberty, never look up into the wondrous sky and red, white, and blue waving in air. Instead, they look at rhe world through veiled eyes, walking dirty streets that are crowded with soldiers carrying machine guns. They know the limitations of their lives from birth; they beg for what the students or" the num~rous ethnic associations have but could never appreciate. What the members of those groups do not realize, is rhat to enjoy rhe benefits of America - the freedom, the opportunity, and the blessings - you cannot be a hyphenated American when it is convenient to be so. You cannot straddle the cultural fence by reaping the benefits of this precious COUntry but still keeping your loyalty and devotion to a far-off forgotten land that would sooner execute you than let you speak poorly of its

Instead, it allows students who attend its public universities - whose tuition is subsidized by its taxpayers - to segregate themselves as exclusive groups that transcend the need to adopt and support its beliefs. These student groups hatefully profane that generosity by burning flags, intentionally misspelling "AmeriKKKa," and refutmgtbevtryvalues rhat allow them to exist. Of course, it would be tremendously naIve to say that every ethnic campus organization is like this. There are rhe few that are less concerned with segregating. themselves as an autonomous sub-culture. and more intent on appreciating rhe culture and social institutions of a particular country. Do not be mistaken; rhere is a clear diff.erence between joining French club because you want to travel to France, and being a member of the Asian American Association that limits their social circle to Cantonese-speaking Asians from Hong Kong. For the un-American, selfISh students, who abuse the unique opportun ity they have been given and beat it like an animal until there is nothing left of it, I would ask that they have the decency to leave what little is left of American unity and patriotism by ending their abuse of its gifts. If they spent a moment of their day asking themselves if the country and culture they hold their true loyalty to would have room for activities like theirs, rhey would understand rhe rare and most precious of privileges it is to have the freedom of speech and belief in a woad dominated by those who dedicate themselves to winking it out of existence. ~

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. Payne Stewart

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An American Role Model

Golfwill never be the same without him R.

COUN PAINTER

HE RECENT DEATH OF golf legend Payne Stewart left his family, friends, and millions of fans stunned, As the victims of apparently faulry machinery aboard a chartered jet, Stewart and several others, including Jack Nicklaus's course designer, lost consciousness when the cabin lost air pressure. While the jet continued to fly unmanned, several Air Force jets were dispatched to investigate why the plane stopped responding to radio messages, but they could do nothing to help, Stewart's plane eventually ran ou t of fuel and crashed in a South Dakota field. It was a tragic and senseless death of a great golfer, a loving father, and a heroic man. Stewart left behind a beautiful wife, Tracey, as well as their two children, Chelsea, 13 and Aaron, 10, As a resident of Orlando, Flori4a. Stewart was very involved in the lives .of his family and friends and was a great benefactor to the community, He voluJ}t.eer~d ¥ .the uDlpire for a local Little u~ team and donated equipment to the city's minority golf program. Payne Stewart made many charitable contribu tions during: ws lifetime. Last month he gave a gift of $500,000 to his family's church, ~e First B;tptist Church of Orlando. After his father's death in 1987, Stewart won the Bay Hill Classic golf tournament. He immediately handed

the award check in the amount of $108,000 to the"hospital where his father died: the hospital used the money to build its first Circle of Friends, a place for relatives of patients"to stay and comfort their loved ones. As a golfer, Stewarr was one of the most memorable and distinctive players ever to walk the links. He was a traditionalist, both for his insistence on wearing knickers, as well as his old-fashioned and courteous attitude toward all his opponents. He stood up for his friend Colin Montgomerie during the 1999 Ryder Cup, when the American crowd began to heckle the stately British player. And he was a very gracious loser to Ue Janzen during the 1998 Olympics - he never cursed or lost his temper. Payne Stewart was one of the finest golfers of all time. His amazing 20-foot purt for par on the nnd hole of the 1999 U.S. Open was the longest ever made to win on the final hole. According to Golf World rankings, it is considered the 5th most dramatic putt in the 20th century, and cettainly the stress must have been

intense. He also won three major championships, including the 1989 PGA Tour Championship, and the 1991 and 1999 U.S. Opens. He also had eleven PGA Tour tides, and was on five Ryder Cup teams, in 'R7, '89, '91, '93, and '99. Also, he won three consecutive Skins Games, in 1991-1 993. The 1999 Ryder Cup was Payne Stewart's last hurrah, It had been six years since his last Ryder Cup team, back in '9~, and Stewart had shown a lot of interest in playing on the team again. With Ben Crenshaw as captain and players like Tiger Woods, David Duvall, Justin Leonard on the team, it was rather surprising at first when the Europeans began to horribly trounce the US. And here, Stewart shone. He played his best, shrugged off bad putts, and kept going. Known for being polite, oldtashioned, and ~ather stoic, Stewert never let a bad game get under his skin. A lot of players crack~d under the stress of the Ryder Cup: Phil Mickelson missed two easy 5-foot putts on the 16th and 18th holes during play against Europeans Sergio Garcia and Jesper Parnevik. Ultimately, Stewart lost his last

match against Britain's Cohn Montgomerie. Even as he was losing, Stewart was gracious enough to pat "Monty" on the back, and asked if he'd like him to say a few curt words to the rude American crowd heckling the poor Brit. Mongomerie declined, but Stewart showed his true colors, and was a prime ambassador for the U.S, Payne Stewart was a good man - a real American role model. Unlike many athletes, who are only concerned about money, portfolios, and endorsements, Stewart did not care what people thought of him. After all, he wore knickers, which have long since gone out of fashion , even in golf. He gave huge gifts of his prize money to various charities, including hospitals , churches, and children's clinics, and was a devoted and caring husband and father. He had class and always showed respect for his opponents. It is fitting that he won the U,S. Open and the Ryder Cup one last time before his death, and how meaningful each of those games was to him. What he never knew was how much more he meant to the game of Golf. He will be sorely missed. Mt

R Colin Painter is managing editor of the Michigan Review and a junior majoring in political science and history.

Veterans Continued from Page 10 tary policy. The president would never listen to a group of pinko college kids over the Joint Chiefs of Staff. And while U.S. citizens are staging teach.ins and student strikes, some poor schmuck still has to go fight the war - only now he or she will know that his people are not behind him, Does that help him? Will calling him a baby killer magically make the enemy stop shooting? No. Protesting only makes it harder for those that are risking their lives. This Veterans Day, instead of going to the mall , go spend some time with the folks at the VA hospital next to North Campus. Our nation's veterans were willing to risk their lives, and perhaps commit the morally questionable act of taking another human's life, all for their country. For that, we all owe them immense respect and gratitude. Mt

James Yeh is nlltionrzi-·ajfoirs editor of the Review and aju'iti6ri'fLSA~ , . ~

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Luna Returns With Much Improved 5th Album By

Little One," 1 became immediately en tranced in Luna's signatu re lush wandering guitars, supple drumbeats and subtle, emotionally clever lyrics. The album threatens to stumble into melodrama with its next three only modestly amusing offerings, but recovers triumphantly with "Superfreaky Memories" and glides resolutely towards its wonderful crescendo, a cover of G 'N R's "Sweet Child 0' Mille." Although I preferred Serge Gainsbourg's "Botlnie and Clyde" as the choice of cover on Luna's 1995 release Penthouse, "Sweet Child 0' Mine" lends· a needed dimension to The Days ofOur Nights, Luna transforming, thi~; Glam-metal standard into a warp1. . . almost emotionally genuine soft ballad. Also along the way is the delightful standout "Math Wiz," the funky shuilling "The Rustler," and "The Slow Song," sung in German If you enjoy this album, Luna's earlier releases are more than recommended. They are classics. The band was originally called Lurur, and their first and only release under this preliminary name was 1992's Lunapark. This first record is an excellent transition from singer and guitarist Dean Wareham's earlier work with the influentia1late-80's band Galaxie 500, and a perfect overture to Luna's unique style. 1994's Bewitched,

WILLIAM WETMORE

UNA, AMERICA'S LEAST heard-of great band, returns this month with their fifth LP release, The Days of Our Nights. After slightly disappointing this long time devotee with 1997's distortion-riddled Pup Tent, which sounded. more like a shivering Beck knock-off than the gentle tidings of Luna, it is with great relief that I may announce the renaissance of this most pleasant and deliciously undergrou nd force in American pop. No longer on the major label Electra, it seems that with this new release on fericho Records, Luna faces an important choice of artistic direction. They could have either continued with the nauseatingly nineties sound of their last record - which received profoundly less jubilation during the shows of their last tour - or return to the elements that made them a calming, authentic sonic alternative in the middle of this decade. Fortunately, for most of The Days of Our Nights, the latter is lusciously true. The album opens with the first single, "Dear Diary," a mid-tempo and somewhat tediously repetitive although reasonably catchy pop number that left me skeptical. However, with the second track, "Hello,

luna til!?

likely the band's strongest effort, features some of the most pacifyingly gorgeous guitar hooks of the decade, several tracks being sampled for chic Calvin Klein ads just a few years back. Penthouse, Luna's third album, is their most searching and relaxing, and with the new release one can even compare Dean Wareham's French in

"Bonnie and Clyde" with his German in "The Slow Song." Nothin' beats that. Overall, The Days of Our Nights does not quite measure-up to Luna's exquisite first three albums, but is a welcome addition to a catalogue that desperately deserves wider public recognition. ~

BY WILLIAM WETMORE AND MILO CROGER

AND DANIEL KEEBLER

Stags Leap Merlot

!';,Shenandoah Vinyard . Zinfandel

Supreme Chalupa Taco Bell

Baja Chalupa Taco Bell

1996 - Napa

1997 - Amador County

1999 - Irvine, CA

The plum of the cork dominates like the patriarchy of old. The color, a Cardinal red, warm, inviting. A nose with consistent plum, a milk chocolate presence and hints of Anise, maple and strawberries. A reeling attack - shivering but manageable. Elegant, velvety evolution revolving continuously between sturdy plum and casual strawberries mediated by raspberries, finishing with the expected charm of Baker's chocolate. Still very young. Excellent with Stilton and artichokes. We're calling our coffeehouse friends to see which jazz artist to pair with this. Serve at 64.5 F, 65 degrees under a cold front. Not recommended for two-fisted, harddrinkin', Pete bumin' Irishmen. ~

Cocoa bulldozes the nose - a preface to the calm acquiescence of winter. Grape and blackberry plead for attention, but in a blind test, this nose would be nearly impossible to distinguish from Swiss Miss. Ahhh, but the attack - joyful cherry and strawberry intermingle with the passion of reunited love, the evolution gliding the spirit back, back to our peaceful {;oc<;>a nook. The finish rears more chocolate, long, respectful, grace. Sound value. Trllly a Revel Zinfandel! Pear accompanies further excursion, healthy, clean and refreshed. Remove your jacket, loosen that tie, this is America at its most reasonable. Not recommended for the third runner-up at the Drag Show. Mt

A limpid corona screams, "jCuidado - Piso Mojado!" and invites the taster to lose himself in uberkdse and take a flying leap into absurdity. The hyper-fried casing rewards like a long-anticipated and painful orgasm. The bovine clashing with the botanical - pure ecstasy! The a'Wak~ ening from dogmatic slumber begins. GnomIC ramblings of tomato dominate feckless gobs of sour cream 'in a vain attempt to euchre the taste buds. The Supreme is only to be experienced with an Ionesco play (the Bald Soprano notwithstanding) under the hum of fluorescent iighting, Coltrane reverberating in the background. Certainly not for those who still consider irony fashionable. ~

The rugose canyons of the casing greet the taster like a sinister omen. As the inCisors dig into the bosom, the tongue writhes in hearty filling, yet finds itself groping through a soul-starved vacuum. How does one taste a paradox? One bite at a time, my friend, one bite at a time. The lingering bouquet of efficient spices harks to the Baja's rOOts in revolutionary Chiapas. Commandante Marcos would herald the bafflingly stark, Bauhaus body that confronts one like a paranoid vision of the future yet would probably scoff at the vulgar pomp and circumstance of the robust salsa. To. be eaten anytime seated on the Diag grass, sipping a demitasse of ooIong'tea and discussing the ontology of "rralpol{hk with your hip, Maoist friends. Not for forty year-old GSIs. Mt

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INISOR 19 &Over =

From Tunnel - TURN LEFT. TWO BLOCKS DOWN, TURN LEFT ON VICTORIA

uSle CAFE Legal to Drink!

From Bridge - TURN RIGHT. TO WYANDaDE. TURN RIGHT. DOWN 3 Ml. ON LEFT SIDE

170 Wyandotte St. W. @ Victoria W indsor , Canada } ~,\ .\

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CATERING - EAT-lN .- TA.KE-OlJI' TAX NOT INCLUDED

OPEN DAILY Monday - Saturday Sunday

10;00 AM - 4:00 AM 1 1 :00 AM - 4:00 AM

605 East.1.tIIJJ.ian1s.. Ann Arbc:H:;. MI 48104 We Ac.cept r - ~-~ -

Sony. I"k» Ferson,al <::bec;:.IL..

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PIZZA

Pizzas are available in three sizes « Sicilian:

Specialty Piu.as are available in thrtt

sizes «Sicilian:

IO·mc:h

I " ·inch

I 8-irK.h

(fUSOIW)

(Medjum)

(X·Large)

Sicilian

'O·iDCh (fersoaal)

$5.50

$8,50

SI0,50

$12.50

$7.50

e.ch ..

iUa

iCc.

ikIa

.75~

1/2 .50~

$1.25 1/2 .75<

Clkll

'4·iDc:h (!'tedium)

l8-inch (x.J..argt:)

SidJian

$11.50$16.00

$20.00

Whftenzza. •.

~ · ~. Cinlted~~<W!k'

"Pesto Sausage Pepperoni Ground lkef

Ham

. Bacon MeatbaIJs .. Ricotta *feta

Extra Chee'ie Mushrooms fresh Garlic Peppers f.mpIant Broccoli Pineapple

* Artichokes

fl\&Q SaIKt, f'Iou..:lI&. ~ Onion

I'resh Tomato Red Onion Anchovies Spinach Olives White Onion

SpInIc/1. !'Iu.Woom. Green fqlp(l. I"IuII Gar1ic ~ Onion)

(J!rocall.

SUd Pizza" . (I.dluc~.

Tomato. 0Iive.s. Red Oni<>n. CIrlru. II«Is a: ~

BllledZW I'iua...

Banana~ppc

(%ltl. RkdIa. l'Iou.are!la &: ToI'n4IO

*Cbid\en

(nes/) Tomaro. Chltkm a: Mo~l TomatoaOnion iftf_~ Tornao. Onion. 0Istk.

~To~~ ~n.:d l'l:

Sicilian I'Iariaara wiUJout Otcae

$20.00

With Tomato Sauce... With Butter Sauc:e...

$ 12.50

With GaItk tr OiL ..

illam. Pepperoni. 5ausage tr Chee:ie)

$20.00

Stuffed Vegetable PimI ... (lIrtx:coli. SpinaCh. R.icotta {I[ Mozzarella)

$20.00

stuffed 1!.ggpIant... (f.qJl!anl. Ricotta Tomato Sliuce llc Mov.areUa)

$ 20.00

~ BEVERAGt:SI BoUJed Water...

$7,00 $7 .00

OIkI!.en rarmigiana.. .

S8. 50 $8. 50 $8 .50 $3.50

sauwge ~ Peppers.. . IlleatbaU Parmigiana•••

Eggplant Parmigiana .••

$7 .00

All served with PillJ Br('.ad & choice of lili, Spaghetti or Salad

With meatball. sausage or meat sauce ... $1 .50 Extra

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$ 2.50

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$2.50eJdIa

sr.avrJ) COW . . . . . C'beeIe... SalamI a I'rovoloae... italian Combo•••

$5.50 $5.50 $5.50

Tuna ...

$5.50

$6.00 ;;, $6.00 <> $6.00 : u ,- - - -$6.00 $6.50 $6.00 $6.00 $6,00

CHOPPBD SAlADS

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Sala:~DLg~rink J

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$9.99

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2 ",iCALZONES .dd~j"na' th RIcotta Cheese ,,'ppins .2 Lg. Drink SO( ea.

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$1.50 .

All Salads Serve Two Feople

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Italian Salad... tl.clil!re. To!r-~to. C \K Uf!.~ b(!r, t.armt.s. ()hvr~ It ~ ll1.!.ar r.lla ,

$5.00

(ucum!"!r; Carrots. OlivtOs. fUnn. s"lami 6: Ptovolonej

---~ 2 1411 Large

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iL~t! ",. r . TOf'I!llO,

$6.00

Greek salad... (U·(wce. TOl1lilto. CU<.uonb(!r. Canot.... h :ti' CheeK tlcetS I!c Red Onionl (I.etluce. h malo. Red Onioo & flllQ Cllkllen)

$6.50 $6. 25

Caesar SalolId. ••

$5.00

1/2 Salads...

$3.50 $1.75

___ ____ ~

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with I topping

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$15.99

B8Q Chicken Salad ...

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Chef Salad ...

Grilled Chicken...

.....

" ' ..... orOllc:lllta

$5.00

All S('.rvcd with Pizza Bread or Oar1lc Knots

$1.50 SI .OO $1.25 $ 1.50

1.JII!l\~ 124 01 ..

$7.00 $7.00 $7.00

(LeItuce. Tomato, Or. Pepper; P1u$b1OOm)

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With Narlnara Sauce ...

~°T.s~ I~ sPvt.~~~ Baked Ziti••• Baked stuffed SheIIs. •• Baked Manicotti... 6aked Ravioli... Baked Meat Lasagna... lSaked Vegetable Lasagna._

*ClIIJ*i '

$.5.50

With Sausage... With IIteat 5auce._

Arizona ked Tea...

s.saae.............

EggpIW ........... CItlckeaI'_1gNnw _ <ir8ledQdck....

$1.50

WiUll'leatball...

fountain Dtinks ... McdiWll ' 16 01.\

All Stuffed Pizza served by the SLICE for $ 2.60

$6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.50

JIIeaUMIIII'.-igI-a...

With 6ro«..olL Garlic &: OiL ..

All Specialty f'iua served by tbe SLICf for $2.35

Stuffed Meat PimI ...

Gadk KDots...(5) BRaclStic:b... Brad Sticb w/ Cbee8e... o.tic BreacL..

SaR5age a I'eppers 1"arInIgiaDa...

a: Spices'

Frc."' Tomato. fea{l[Onionl

PIZZA

$2.00 $2 00 $2:00

Sf'JMID HOT

@srAOHEIlL zm 1 'w""""''''T~

sauce,

I'MII Tomato 4'0tk:.IreD Piua...

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a: 8IlQ Chiclltnj

GarckD DdigIIt P'iua."

KeguW SLICE is $1.60 plus SOC each topping (*$3.00 extra)

Cbic:keIt I'iu.a...

~RoO ... Sausage 1'cppet"S BoII_.

Pizza Bread« Martwn Saace... a.ickeIll'aaiai.•• EggpIInt ........ SpIDacb I'aniai...

!Sausage. ~peroni. Ground !leef &" Ham)

Make your favorite piu.a from 1M combinationS below:

$3.50 $4.00 $4.00 $4.00 $4.00 $4.00 $2.50

four /Ileal Combo Piua. ••

$1.75 $1.75 1/2 $1.00 1/2 $1.01

Cheese Calr.one... Spinach tt Cbeese Calzone. .. Ham tr Cbee5c Calwnem OIic:ken Roll ...

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