vol_20_no_2

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Brainwashing of RA's

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It's official. After a full year

An Anonymous Resident Advisor Tells All

A

FTER A COUPLE of weeks, the indoctrination had nearly set in. Upon considering whether or not to write this story, I actually said to myself: "I don't know, I don't want to create hostile environment."

But knowing the guys on my floor, it'd take more than an article about the perils of becoming an RA to make things hostile. If I told them that Playstation 2 was stupid, well, then we might have some hostility.

I applied for the RA position ha ving never been to an information session or talking to anyone from Housing. I thought: "My RA never did anything. How hard can it beT The first surprise came with the 7 -page application that included a page-long essay on "What is your definition of diversity?" I was dying to put: "More conservative professors and administrators to dilute this liberal campus, " but I knew better

than that. Instead, I wrote good, authentic and well thought-out essays about what I really believe-that diversity comes with interaction.

It soon became apparent that I had missed s 0 m e important information abo u t applying when I went to turn in my RA application ; I was the only white m a I e applicant in line .

I looked around, thinking surely that there were- other guys like me interested in this. Nope .

The group interviews were

the first cut that slimmed down the application pool. They were held on a Saturday morning in the basement of the MLB. I'd been forewarned that if I revealed my conservative self now, I was out. Thus, I kept to myself and tried not to stand out.

The y sorted the applicants into groups (carefully calculaUng racial ratios) ail and assigned them a question to discuss. The tasks were r . a the r mundane like: Design a new residence hall. The debates, however, were much more useful for weeding out

Knowing that the pin would identify us to the public as gay or lesbian, we were thus forced to call "ally" ourselves whether or not we agreed with the homosexual . lifestyle.

without any overt exchanges, we finally have a Michigan Daily "'whippin boy." He had the audacity say a few things about u here at the Review, so we'-' taking our shots now. Enjo Ben!

conservative hopefuls and pinpointing those whom Housing didn't want around the impressionable residents.

My favorite scenario they gave us was: "One of your residents . comes to you with [Moral dilemma XI. What kind of advice do you give him or herT Wow. Could there be a more overt way . to screen applicants?

Either my inner sincerity shone through or I managed to fool them completely. because I was offered a posi tion the following week . I went to the ResHall where I was hired and signed the contract. At that point, I was in. I then enrolled in Pysch 405 . the infamous "Staff Class."

The first meeting of the class starteq wa.~ a large grol,lp meeting With the neW RA's. As I walked into the lecture hall, I realized how lucky I was. A sea of black, brown

From Suite One 55.69 might not seem like ~ lot, but it adds up in the MSA budget. We aIsoexplainho' free trade promotes cultural

unders~nding.

Columns D.C. defends his selUng of offensive t-shirts, w.h ile Justin takes issue ~ith alii things server and bartender related. And if you are a bad Ttipper, don't read this. j

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Continued RA on PAGE 7

RUBEN DURAN

R

ALLIES ARE A common occurrence on college campuses, and the University of Michigan is no exception . Last Thursday, dozens of students descended upon the Diag, bearing posters and shouting chants. However. in a strange twist. these students had a positive message. This rally was in support of America and complim enting the PreSidential administration and its chosen course of action. This rally was a sharp contrast to those of the 60·s. during another period of military offensives . Instead of being . burned:flags were waved proudly.

Replacing the usual smattering of ' . degrading posters. these read: "Support American National Security." and "5000+ Good

Reasons. " Even the chanting ("USA" and "God Bless America") was positive and upbeat.

This event was an impromptu event. Instead of handing out flyers all over campus and busing high ~cJ::loolers.in from Detroit, the organizers ' of this . event simply brought flags arid signs. The crowd grew naturally.

Not in .recent memory has such positive support for America been shown on this campus. This raily. coordinated by the Young Americans for Freedom (YAF). was held at the same time as the rally by the Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action and Inte.gration . . a ndFight for . .

Continued AMERICA on PAGE 7

'i

Informal U-M, .

War Survey

Would you to war for your; . countr}:? Are you a: Democrat? Republican?, What if it meant the loss of innocent lives? Find out what University students are thinking ... and what they, would do.

Students Support America By

I

1

Features

Well, Guipe has finally Ie , us, but one old dog is back,' and he brings us back a' couple years. But even he' remembers Jessica Curtin . . '. . geez, was she really still student back then?

a

ace-Off Jon and Ruben go head to head debating whether the U.S. should use militar~ ' force when dealing witH nations that could bti harboring terrorist threats.

Hawks va: Doves, Part n.

Young Americans for Freedom (YAF)'fallieS fOr America

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SERPENT'S TOOTH ,

The Red Chinese want a million dollars from us now that we have our plane ' back for expenses incurred while they kept the plane on Hainan Island. Congress 'responded by passing a resolution that they won't allocate the funds, while the State Department has yet to respond, probably due to the trouble they're having translating "Why don't you guys go f4'ck yourselves" into Mandarin .

But seriously, not so fast Hop Sing, we didn't get our plane back within 30 minutes.

Jimmy Carter has recently come out as saying that he's been disappointed in everything GeOrge W. Bush has done so far in his presidency. He's probably been especially disappointed by Bush's foreign policy, which Is seriously lacking in Olympic boycotts bungled rescue missions.

It's been 'reported that Jesse Jackson has been invited by the Taliban to lead a peace delegation to Afghanistan. This puzzled experts until they realized that the Taliban knew that Jackson hated white people as much as they do.

If he does go however, the Taliban will probably have to debate with their high clerics whether to let him discuss peace, to arrest him for being an alleged spreader of Christianity or to publicly execute him for being a proven adulterer.

Congratulations to those Afghan student activists who trashed the abandoned U .S. embassy in Kabul last week. Wow, they trashed a building that had been empty for over ten years. Hey, maybe they learned how to be so ineffective from our student activists ...

Sure, we can respond by attacking their embassy here (if they have one), but we have better things to do, like bombing them back to the Stone Age, although for Afghanistan, that might actually improve,' their standard of living.

British chess master Nigel Short clair'ns that he played chess over the Internet with the elusive Bobby Fischer recently. Short, who once challenged Gary Kasparov for the world chess title, was beaten soundly ,. by an anonymous player he met over the • Internet. Short claims that after chattlhg . online with the player, he's certain It's Fischer, and not only that, he's also certain that Fischer is now a IS-year old blond who would love to experiment.

Leftist guerrillas recently blocked a road in northern Colombia and abducted

October 3, 2001

TilL 'II (' III( ; \ '\ R I·:\, I L \\

15 ~ople

frc;itn: their vehici~s, ihdicating that the RWL, have founded a new BAMN chapter in Bogota.

The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan

must

Toy makers have been de-emphasizing violence in toys since the September 11 th terrorist attacks. This new policy would explain the introduction of G .S. Joe, the Real American Bureaucrat, complete with rubber-stamping inaction grip, stack of triplicate forms, and lots of red tape. Get the entire G.S. Joe team, such as DMV Dave, IRS IrVing, EPA Ed, HUD Herbert, FDA Fred , and the drab government building command center!

MSA Students' Rights Chairman Mike Simon recently took issue with campus chaikings telling New Yorkers to "go home," saying that they might have anti-Semitic undertones. Well geez Mike, what makes you instantly associa~e New York and Jews?

How do you know the chalkers weren't talking about greasy wops or drunken micks?

Pamela Anderson Lee has said that she would do "anything" 10 help raise the morale of American troops. The Department of Defense has reported that enlistments are up 70%, but only pending Ms. Lee's clarification of "anything. "

The European Union h3S recently banned unsolicited email. What, no more spam for Europe? But how will they know where to find the hottest barely legal girls or how to enlarge their penises?

We suppose they'U just have to hack into Ben Goldstein's personal computer fIles for these delectable goodies.

Finally, after years of putting up with their shenanigans, the campus has officially turned against BAMN . Students, yes , students, have formed Students Supporting Affirmative Action, with a disclaimer that they're not affiliated with BAMN . The formation of SSAA has lead to the formation of other groups like BAMN but refuse any affiliation with BAMN, like Students for the Abuse of MSA Copying Privileges, the Coalition to Cheat MSA Out of Student Funds, Students for the Busing of Detroit High School Students to Ann Arbor to Use as Puppets, and the University Trotskyites from Detroit Who Co-op Legitimate Issues to Advance their Dream of a Socialist World Order Club.

Hey, how about that "peace rally" Friday on the Diag? Maybe we missed out on the good parts, but if we had a cup of cappacino and a, biscotti, it WOUld 've made one hell of a great poetry reading. And how .about the guy talking about the Mexico , has also pledged to keep militarization of space. Its not like we're terrorists from cr~g its border to the U.S. ,uill<ing about vaporizing bin Laden with a , Oooh, Mexico , is going to try to control " , laser here. their side ofthe .border? Thanks, that Jlll!.k~· us feel oh so much better.

Mexican president Vicente Fox has pledged that MexicO will go "ail the way' to help the U .S. combat terrorism. Which, of course, delights the United States, who hasn't been able to get past third base.

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Matthew Fra ncza k Publisher

Jl mes Just in Wilson :>soc. Publisher. MaDIJgmg Editor Ru ben Dura n ClJ11IpUS Affairs Editor

J l mes Y. Yeb Executive Editor 'L AFFAJRS ED: Bn d Spn~(b«" SSISTANT EDlTO R:CIna Fnu emall EDITOR AT LARGE: Matt Stb""am OPY EDITO R! Peltr Apel STAfF WRITERS: Adam Danc). Chip Englander.

Jamifa'Lte. DIIII U\i. MIdlKI VffSer, Om Wbi«e, Janel Sial, Jon Book. CeoII' 8ro'!,," NIIk Prill, Mad Martin EDITORS EMERIT I:

Let Boc:khom Benjamin Kepple

o\lancd <'CIlloolll. rqJIUCnl dlC oplRlon or lhe edl-..nal board.. 1:rlJO, !hey I/'C uncqul\OCIII) QlfTCCI and J\lSL Sillncd ,n..:lc:s. lcucn, and c.v1OOIIS ~nl the Ilpl/lium .,r lite ,ulhor II'td 001 na:c$$lJnl)' IboIir: of the R..~ k .., The ScrpcnI ' s Toodl sbaJl Iq)miCIU \he opinlOll <l( IndJ,o!d ... 1 anonymous contnbuloB 10 \he Rl"YJC", .nd !.houJd 001 IlCClCSSUlly he ta4n as ~I\e or \he He. ic-1<' s ~dilanal _ . The opinions prc.cnlallo dIIs publiuUOft I/'C 001 nca:ss.uil)' lholic of !he 1d...:rtl1Cl'll 0(' o r \he Ullivcml), o( MlduGln. w~ ..'Ckomc Id:I<:n. anlClc:s. and commm/$ aboul lhe: JOUINI. This Is !he cdllOf'S box. No IWIC reads il exo:q'll (or Re. I~ sufTc:n. Q<dll~ Chip, and some liberals All (I( you can AOp rndin~ n&11I now Move on 10 III)' column ilI'MJmCIh ~ II', mon: InI~UIlll and dIou,ht pnwoltul80 This Is filler This IS crap. LuI luuc I Wrole _th,ne abouI \he traiCd)'. _hlng .propmt.. OUI nothilll 1C\.'fnS !IS S\K'h thl Wue. And Ir_hlnll lS. llddrH~ II In my column. So ~ n:.ad tbal.

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11oWC\'CI'. I did promISe _ that I woold.

POint 10 the year, pUI bet nallle .n !he pilper. Ofcoonc, I'\'e pmmilCCi thaI 10 _lIIC else as well, but thaI pmon has bcI:n ~lll !TIC .101 =cnIly. and thus Is 001 dcscnina or\heedtlllf', prinl IpXe KdI),Marie, ),ou bcncr Id !TIC I.now wilt..s 5IH nil on al the: ClIu.a and say .. hal ', up I" my brother for nlC rlllaik 10 you Iakr Please adcIrcs5 all Id~L'f\ I"na. Wo...'I1 J'111OO IrlqU tnc&. and

2001-2002 Daily Whipping Boy After nearly a year of dt!tente between our publications, an unprovoked attack has once again issued forth from the bowels of our more-frequently-pubUshing ugly stepsister. In the Onal pages of last year's Best and Worst ecUtion of Weak and Etc. (you know. the one you shake the Thursday DaJly to get rid of) . one Ben Goldstein, launched a personal attack against your fair editors (and an exceedingly lame one at that), stating that our esteemed pubUcation Is "where ugly men go to die." This malicious libel qualines him for the prestigious Dally Whipping Boy award . In winning thls award.

GoldstelnJolns such Dally alums as Jack "The Hack" Schallaci, James "MIller on Crap· Miller. and Jeffery "Not Worlhy of a Nickname" KossefT and wiU be recclving a year's supply of written abuse. As for his c1alms that our mortality rate is hlgher than average, we can assure you that we are all In reasonably good health due to a combinatjon of clean living and self-medlcallon. As for our appearances, you'U have to walt for next Issue for the results of our study.

donatiOllli 10 Publ"""" (10 \he MIChu::an /tc\ IC''' .

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E-mail Ittfef'S@mid7lganfPv/~w. (om with subject, "Letter to the Editor" Or ~nd mall LO : The Michigan Review 911 N. University Ave. Ann Arbor. MI 48109

Pctob~T 3,2001

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Page 3

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

A calling for the conscription of Review staff I eagerly await the announcement that the staff of the Michigan Review have decided to put their asses where their jingoistic mouths are and enlist In the upcoming war.

Ruben Duran, In particular, should sign up for a tour of duty to Iraq so he can see firsthand all the civilians that U.S. foreign policy has not killed.

Flag-waving treacle and knee-jerk "let's git 'em" rhetoric are not particularly helpful in formulating real solutions to these bestial terrorist attacks.

-Josh Ellison, Law Student

Reader doesn't give a "sh*t," still likes Review Ijust came to school here, and I picked up a copy of your paper. I'm not sure if I agree with your opinions, or disagree for that matter; to be honest, I don't really give a sh*t as of now; all I care about is that your paper is f*cking hilarious. Keep It up!

-Matt Schoomaker

using rational thought. Props!

-Thomas Park Ambrose

D.C. a "closet libertarian" First, you {D.C. Lee} explain how you portray a false image in front of your leftist professors because you don't have the balls to stand up for what you believe in. Now, you prove that you're no more than a closet libertarian.

Free-markets and individual liberty, hmm, that sounds familiar. Don't even try to pretend that your column "Tool of the Left Wing" Is being argued from a conservative perspective. Just admit it, you guys at the Review aren't real conservatives because real conservatives are concerned with the corrupting influences of immorality on SOciety. We libertarians are the wave of the future so why don't you guys stop hiding from your true beliefs and help us transform the Republican Party for Its own good.

-Dan Shelll PS. Don't think reparations are going to shut the NAACP and Jesse Jackson up.

People ate greedy and never satisfied wit~ what you give them.

"Props" for us!

Horowitz Ad "refreshing"

I want to applaud D.C. Lee's recent column in the Michigan Review (4/11101).

For quite a while now, I have seen a lot of hypocrisy on the stances that people take on the various issues when it all usually comes down to people taking the side that everyone tells them to take. You, on the other hand, have demonstrated that at least some people still think about these Issues

Kudos to you for printing the Horowitz ad! It's refreshing to see that SOMONE in this community has the guts to stand up against the ridiculous liberal "ideas" endorsed by the academic community. David Horowitz is absolutely correct about the absurdity of government slavery reparations. Thank you for having the courage to use your publication as a

vessel for his message.

-Arwen Thomas

Alumnus critiques D.C.'s conservative proposals for liberal policies I would guess that there is no shortage of mail in response to D.C. Lee's column in the last Review (4/11/01), but I feel compelled to put in my two cents, especially with respect to his argument for slavery reparations. I will overlook the assumption "that this proposal can be reasonably achieved" because It is just too absurd to address. Suffice to say, the logistics of such a program would exceed the abilities of even the smartest of us.

I move on to his next claim, that finally paying reparations to black Americans will end racial demagoguery and that "racial harmony will have reached its peak in American civilization." I would like to think this was written in jest. If it was not, then Lee's idealism is admirable, but ultimate,ly groundless. Do you really think If slavery reparations were paid that Jesse Jackson and AI Sharpton would retire and move to FlOrida, never to be heard from again? Do you thirlk that the race-baiting and name-calling would cease? The "racial demagogues" In this country don't want justice - monetary or otherwise: they want their pictures in the paper.

No amount in reparations will.fix that.

Your memory of history is also suspect, if you recall that the biggest problem with affirmative action was that it was Intended as a cure for racial ills, but ended up exacerbating the very problem it was designed to fix. This was due to the fact that, in light of the amorphous nature of Its' intentions, Its goal has slowly changed from "makl~g up for past injustices" to

"guaranteeing diversity." After all, "making up for past injustices" could actually happen and be over ' with, but diversity could be a compelling interest forever. So, even after the reparations, we would still have affirmative action (for diversity's sake) and we would be out a great deal of money.

Again, I agree that it would be great if we could end racial strife in this country with a one-time payment - I'd be the first to pay. But it is naIve to think that such a payment could ever fix the racial strife in this country. In addition to the fact that it wouldn't help, it would hurt Americans by contributing to the culture of victimhood and the increasing separatism of black Americans - but that is a whole other letter.

-Avram Derrow, University Alumnus

Job well done I read the most recent (411110 1) Reviewfront-to-back today, and I'm writing to congratulate you on ajob very well done.

I am a junior here, and have been reading the Review in conjunction' with other University publications since I first happened upon it in Angell Hall last year. I have been Immensely entertained and intellectually stimulated by the material published In the Review, and I hope you continue to keep up the great work.

-Christine Nylin

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Free Trade Promotes Cultural Exchange and Understanding

T

HE UNITED STATES enjoys a unique pOSition in the world . . Nearly all of our population is descended from people who have immigrated within the last 300 years from a wide variety of countries, and we continue to accept thousands of new citizens each year from all over the world. This has given rise to immense cultural diversity within America that is unequalled anywhere else in the world, and this has shaped every aspect of our culture .

Unfortunately, most of the world's population has not had these opportunities.

For reasons ranging from already dense populations, to poor economies, to overt hostility towards foreigners, to geographical isolation, most other countries have not experienced immigration, and thus the accompanying cultural diversity, let alone anywhere near the scale of the U.S. However, the development of a global economy has begun to change that. Just as people of less prosperous nations have come to the United. States seeking opportunities, American corporations are reaching out into countries they have not .t raditionally had a presence in, seeking new employees and customers. AndJust as these immigrants brought with them elements of their own cultures and adopted elements of American culture, as American corporations expand into new countries they bring with them American culture and bring back parts of the culture of their new host countries.

This relationship has been borne out many times within the latter half of the 2D'" century as the current community of industrialized nations overcame the hatred and fighting between them that had plagued them for so long. A perfect example of this is the relationship between the United States and Japan . In WW II U.S. attitudes toward the Japanese were extremely hostile and cultural misunderstandings ran high. Yet, after the Japanese economy was rebuilt with American assistance, the t'w o countries engaged in a mutually profitable trade relationship that has lead to a degree of cultural exchange that extends as far as trading youth fads .

Yet there are those would deprive us of these mutually beneficial relationships because of their own myopic cultural and economic outlooks. The small but vocal anti-globalization lobby has already raised chaos at the meetings of many organizations that promote free trade, resorting to making absurdly inaccurate

slanders against corporations and governments, pJcking fights with the police, and destroying anybody's property which has the misfortune of being near them. The reason they resort to such thuglike tactics is that their arguments are so iUegitimate that they could never win any sort of rational debate before the public.

Their argument that trade is economically harmful to America's partners is inconsistent with both fact and theory and have been the focus of much of the globalization supporters' arguments. Less commonly addressed is the accusation that the global economy is culturally deleterious to the countries involved. Yet any rational consideration of this accusation reveals it to be just as faulty as the economic ones.

The globalization opponents fear that allowing American culture to enter'into other countries will result in the loss of their unique identities. Thi~ argument I~ absurd.

First, it is ridiculous to assume that Ame,rican culture displaces anything when it is introduced. Did the French forget how to make quiche when Burger King opened in Paris? Assuming that cultunil traditions will be extingUished simply by the ready availability of greasy slabs of beef on a bun or reruns of Baywatch does not give our foreign friends much credit. If anything, this leads to an increase of cultural diversity in these countries.

Americans have long had the optlon of ordering Chinese when they feel like a little variety, why shouldn't the Chinese have the option of ordering American every now and then? For students in Ann Arbor to demand that McDonalds not expand abroad makes as much sense as students in Shanghai demanding that we close Lucky Kitchen. If anything, American diversity allows us to act as a sort of cultural middleman.

Cultural exchange also puts a human face on something as abstract as a nation.

Painting the citizens of rival countries as evil, inhuman monsters is a common propaganda technique long employed by governments to stir up nationalistic fervor and may account for much of the hatred against Americans in some comers of the world. Even the most insipid TV show or piece of pop music tries to appeal to universal human emotions, showing that we are' people too and diffusing some of the animosity towards us. We need to do our part to understand other cultures, but it is all in vain if they do not understand us. To fail to interact with a nation by trade is to isolate ourselves and let the animosity and suspicion grow. 1\1.

Where Your Student Fees are Going

A

s tuition bills begin to arrive in student mailboxes, the realization of college life takes effect quickly.

But, before you sign that check, you may want to take a closer look at where the money is going.

Each semester every student is issued a $5.69 fee for the Michigan Student Assembly (MSA). The purpose of this group is to support campus organizations and work on behalf of the students with man y campus concerns.

T his narrow objective leaves many gray areas that have led to the misuse of money and the misrepresentation of many students in the past.

Although $5.69 may not seem like a lot of money, when you multiply that by the thousands of students on campus you can see that the MSA is given it working annual budget of nearly $500,000. Pooling the resources of a large university gives opportunities to make real differences in the lives of the students on campus. Selftsh Individuals looking only to enhance their own agendas have squandered these opportunities, however. This has lead to the neglect of a large portion of the student body.

On the financial front, the MSA had wasted large potions of money on organizations that do not represent the ideas of the majority. Most obvious is the support of the Ann Arbor Tenant's Union.

This organization receives over $26,000 to fulfi\1 a service that is alr~dy covered by the Student Legal Service. That money represents 4,500 University of Michigan students who paid MSA dues in good faith for a service they will never use.

Sadly, the MSA has done worse than waste money. One would think that a student organization would stray from taking a strong political stance in order to more objectively represent the student body. Unfortunately, this too, has gone by the wayside. The often-extremist left-wing views of the council have jeopardized the vast majority ofthe student body. Consider the MSA's rather substantial support in the form of $5,000 for BAMN, (the Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action By Any Means Necessary). This represents 878 students' MSA dues. Does anyone think there are 878 communists at the University of Michigan?

Add to all these grievances the blatant

misuse of power. Because the MSA collects dues from all U-M students, they can make the claim that they have the authority of 40,000 students behind them. They have used this ~authority" to lobby against ' University support of worthwhile organizations like the United Way. This organization carries the primary goal of benefiting communities through the use of mentors, emergency food and shelter programs, and character building for kids.

I f lobbying against the United Way is the true character of the

Does anyone think there. are 878 communists at the University of Michigan?

~ Student Assembly then we do not want them claiming to represent us.

Finally, and most shamefu\1y, is the existence of personal agendas on the council. The best qualities of leadership require thoughtfulness, respect for others' views, and an ability to put others before oneself. These qualities are a\1 in short supply on the MSA. Stories of council members uSing .the MSA to promote personal views are certainly not rare. No doubt, there are those who truly care about the welfare of the student body. but the Executive Council reeks with those who use MSA as a platform for extremist views shared by few.

The consideration of this topic brings a great deal of sadness. The MSA has the ability to represent the student body in a nonbiased way. Consider the possibilities of half a million dollars. That is enough to build eleven Habitat for Humanity homes.

It could plant 12,500 trees. Or, It could buy 273,224 bushels of com for a starving nation. These do not necessarily represent student issues, but they give an idea of what $500,000 can do. Instead, however, they have used manipulation and misrepresentation to squander what could have been, and hopefully may someday be, an amazing opportunity.

This misuse must stop, and the only way to rally support to is to make clear that our fees should not be used as such. We call on all students to take a stand on this issue. Face it, your money is being wasted and your name is being misrepresented by individuals who care only for their own political convictions. If we do not do something now, this organization will continue its perilous slide to the extreme left and will leave us all under its tracks. M

R

pctober 3, 2001

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COLVJDIS

â&#x20AC;˘ WISE ENOUGH TO PLAY THE FOOL

One Amazing Ann Arbor Afternoon Topless, irate liberals, t-shirts, and a good ole time

F

OOTBALL SATURDAYS AT the University of Michigan are freespirited and good-natured.

September 29, 2001 was no exception, as students, alumni and Ann Arborites came together for an afternoon of football, friends and family. The same held true for myself as well. I not only had three D.C. of the best hours Lee one could hope to experience, but I also came to realize that despite the sour and often misconstrued liberalism that seems to permeate our campus, my leftleaning compatriots and I can still have a laugh together every now and then.

As my fellow conservative, justin, and I stood in front of the Union, a seemingly innocuous duo with bags strapped over our shoulders, we prepared for what we expected to be a more controversial afternoon. What if the police come? Do we need a permit for this? What happens if we are accosted by a mob of angry liberals?

The idea itself was not original, not ours by any stretch of the imagination, but we did not expect to take credit for it either, to pretend that the idea was ours, to capitalize on the innovation of others. Yet in a sense, that is exactly what became of the situation: here we were capitalizing, no, profiting from another's creation. Surely, we weren't the first; surely, we won't be the last.

Like Edward Norton in American History X we brandished our goods. Into our bags we dove, and onto our backs fell the t-shirts we had printed the week prior. "Freshmen Girls: Get 'em While They're Skinny."

Looking for allies, we nodded appreciatively at those who smiled at us, called back at those who laughed and made a sale on those who cared enough to own one. Yes, we were not only bearers of such egregiously offensive goods, we were also the purveyors.

However, it represented more than just a sale, more than just a profit. It was, and remains, i:' political statement-a political statement against the rampant culture of political correctness that exists at colleges and universities across the nation, and more

importantly, an exercise in freedom of speech. Is it possible that such shirts exacerbate the already Significant problem of eating disorders among women? Yes, it's possible. Is it likely? Probably not. This problem existed before the creation and trafficking of these shirts and this problem will continue long after the vestiges of these shirts have disappeared. This was my spiel.

I realized that at some point, in Ann Arbor no less, trouble was bound to follow a couple of conservatives looking to make a point. In fact, it was early into our shirtselling adventure when we encountered our first, and surprisingly only, roadblock. An irate liberal accosted us, yelled, screamed and made a huge scene. Allow me to extrapolate. When I say a huge scene, I mean the kind where the cops show up and where the irate liberal is, no joke, flashing us repeatedly, demanding that she gets to see "our goods." How that advanced her argument that what we were doing was contributing to the problems suffered by those with eating disorders-one that we

thirties during the whole episode. Speaking of which, one aspect of the afternoon the liberals ought to appreciate is the great diversity of people we served. The first sale of the day was to a local high school student with his mother. And as the afternoon progressed we saw as customers a group of people including, but not exclusive to a middle-aged couple, an Asian girl, a group of sorority girls, a man in a wheelchair, a self-described liberal, a self-described conservative, and a grandmother. Now that's diversity. The University of Michigan would be jealous.

But would the University approve? justin and I joked about the possibility of seeing Bollinger walk by while we were selling our shirts. We wanted to talk to him.

We wanted to know what he thought. He is supposed to be a First Amendment scholar, after all. He would have danced, like a true administrator or politician, but it would have been interesting to see. It raises questions. It makes people think.

Does it stand alone as ajoke? Does it have

liberals on campus. Their response, essentially, was that they disagreed with the idea of selling our shirts, but they could not hide the favorable smiles creeping onto their faces as they stood and read these shirts.

In other words, liberals, conservatives and those apolitical individuals walking the streets of Ann Arbor that amaZing afternoon all came to appreciate the humor and intrinsic political value of the shirts being sold. These shirts do not represent the most politically correct ideology, nor do they even represent a modicum of this ideology, but that's what makes them special and that's what has kept them around year after year after year. If we had not taken advantage of the situation, someone else would have. If there were not such a large demand, our supply would have been useless.

In the days to come, I hope to see people wandering the streets of Ann Arbor, students on the Diag and classmates in my lecture halls sporting their latest garb. I want to see the response from a narrator's perspective, not that of the protagonist. I am curious to know if these shirts will inevitably elicit the negative response justin and I had originally taken for granted. .

But until then; all one can do is wait. Imd appreciate those't'0uple hours at the University of . Michigan when this bastion of liberal thought and rhetoric actually became a bastion of liberal thought and rhetorica place where even selfproclaimed conservatives can sell openly a quantity of offensive tshirts in the name of free speech and political activism. A hearty laugh was shared by all. and no one. to my knowledge. has been harmed or violated in any way.

Again, is it possible that such shirts exacerbate the already Significant problem of eating disorders among women? Yes. it's possible. Is it likely? Probably not. It's just a joke. And I'm pleased to say that most people see it as such. t\R

Freshmen Girl s: Get 'em while they' re .

'

might have taken seriously otherwise-was not clear.

Soon enough the police arrived, and by this time the topless, irate liberal had left the scene before anyone could press indecent exposure charges against her. The officers were more than cordial, and because we were standing on private property, having bribed the fine fellows from Sigma Chi with free shirts in exchange for a couple square feet of their lawn, no formal charges could be brought against us. I didn't even have to give them my spiel.

For the remainder of the afternoon we were free to sell our shirts.

In all honesty, it was amusing. We even sold a shirt to an older couple in their late

.

the power to influence another's decisions?

Should such offensive. yet thought provoking. shirts be sold. essentially on University property?

I hope and trust these questions can and will be answered. because at the time. with the exception of the topless. irate liberal, no one questioned it. No one. The worst was, perhaps, a little glare. but nods. smiles and laughs outnumbered these glares by at least a fifteen to one ratio. Maybe all the liberals and people who would have been offended stay home on football Saturdays, but it's hard to believe that could be the case. And although we did not run into jessica Curtin, we did have a couple of words with some of the higher profile

D. C can be reached at feedc@umich.edu

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The Secret Lives of Waiters you how long it is. This is only an estimate'JUST ABOUT ANY waiter or waitress will tell you they think everyone should and don't forget she's a blond so, math is be forced to serve food at least once in not her strong suit. If she tells you it's going is or her life. Normally such broad to be half an hour, this is not the time to generalizations put your name on the list and then go to a are dangerous movie. When you leave and she calls your assumptions, name, that table sits empty while she wait but it would be for you , and empty tables means empty sort of like pockets for the server. Empty pockets conscription , means a pissed off server and probably poor c onscription service. Just go hang out in the bar, but if into the United you buy a drink don't bring it to the table States Server without paying the bartender; he made the Corp.

Their drink, you own him a tip. guns may only Once you sit down, your waiter is shoot coke and probably going to come over and introduce their knives only himself, make some small talk, and c ut meat , but generally size you up. We're not stupid; we the y are not a know who is going to leave us 20% and group to be trifled with . who is going to leave us pocket change. If The last three summers I've served my you've got a Rolex on it's probably a good tour of duty as a waiter and bartender. Why sign; cheap-looking Wal-Mart ,brand are we so bitter? I'll tell you why: because digitals, on the other hand, are not so good . people (this means you) think that they can So after all the sizing and talking, he'll treat us like indentured slaves for a three probably leave to get some water. measly dollars or whatever sub-15% tip At this pOint, do not make the mistake they are going to leave. Just because "server" of asking for a lemon in your water, or even and "servant" sound alike doesn't mean you worse, "lemon water." Water is water. It's can treat us like serfs. free , and you'U like it. Putting a lemon in What people need to understand is one it reqUires that he makes an extra trip to simple tenent: for as happy as your waiter ' the bar, grabs a lemon with h~s grubby or waitress seems , the only reason they are hands , and mashes it with his eyenhelping you, let alone smiling and making grubbier thumb. Doesn't that sound small talk, is for the money. They would appetizing? much rather be sitting in that booth with Here is another important rule to you', or better yet, doing just about remember, time is money. Mon(')y is all he anything else. If you convince the waiter . cares about, and if you drink "lemon wat~r" you are going to leave him a reasonably all night that means he's going to be angry good tip and treat him with a little respect , and probably spit in your food (we don't the service will be good , if not great. If you actually do that, although it's tempting) . start the evening by So he's delivered c racking a jok e your non:lemonized about how low of a water, now ifs ' time If there is a wait, the tipper you are to order drinks-real hostess will probably tell drinks. First of all, (people do that) i don't expect to see you how long it is. This is ,don t be cheap and him, let alone your drink water all night. only an estimate-and food , for a long Second , know what time. don't forget she's a blond, you want before he Although the gets there. Don't so math is not her strong make him rattle off money-game is the most important all twenty beers and suit. thing to consider then ask for one they when eating out, don't have. I f they that food doesn't just magically appear on had it, he would have said it, right? Right. the table. There is a lot that g~es on behind So , when he's standing there be decisive; the scenes that people never consider. Let's he doesn't want to stand while you chat with your friends about wine, or waffle examine a typical night out at a typical sitdown establishment. between Bud or Miller Lite" So far I've taken the side of waiters; You begin the evening with the hostess.

Notice she is probably quite attractive: this is nbt to say that all waiters are good. blond hair, hearty bosom, etc. This is no If you are at Steak and Shake at four in the coincidence. Her blond hair probably morning, don't expect good service. And hindered her from remember orders, so the there are plenty of things a waiter can mess up, management stuck her up front.

If there is a wait, she'll probably tell A little note about wine: Unless the

James Justin Wilson

restaurant's name begins with "Chez," your Parmesan on a Rye with Sauerkraut, then ' waiter doesn't know jack about wine and is you shouldn't be ordering the patty melt. just going to suggest the most expensive If you are really that picky you shouldn't one on the menu. Order that one. be,eating out. Just order your food .

Once the drinks arrive, it is time to Here is your opportunity to enjoy order appetizers. Chances are you are cheap yourself. If the place is full, chances are you and aren't going to order anything, but he's are going to have to wait a little while; there going to ask anyway. Here is one time is nothing your waiter can do to speed your where a waiter will let you be cheap without order up unless you want your Chicken getting angry. Just say, "We need a chance Plcatta raw. If it takes a really long time . to look at the menu. " there are a few possible problem s. Most Now is likely your you r waiter either , opportunity put in your to enjoy your order lat e or company forgot about it and look at altogether.

That 's his the menu . fault, but he'll Meanwhile , tell you it's the your waiter kitch e n ' s . is busy dealing with Otherwi se, the kit c h e n another table. People might have seem to messed it up. forget that If, wh e n he finally brings waiters have it, he warns four or five you "Watch equally obnoxious out the plates The biggest of no-no's: "Lemon Water" are hot, " he let tables to deal with. the food sit under the warmers for Way too long. If this If you have a question or feel the need to refill your Iced Tea even though it's only is the case , most anything will end up half gone, resists the urge. If it really can't tasting like tire rubber.

If there is something on or in your food wait, do not, I repeat do not snap yo~r that you didn't want, you're probably better fingers to get his attention. We are not dogs, don't treats us like weare . Additionally, his off taking it off yourself. Remember the name is not "Garc;:on ," so don't call him commercial where the waitress takes the mayo off on the side of the table? That is that. But by far the worse thing to do is just about how it 's donein every restaurant . grab another server. These people aren't So, by now you're eating. Somewhere going to see a red cent from you and in the middle of the meal he's going to stop probably have plenty of other things they by and see if "everything is ok." Just nod need to be doing besides , getting you an and say yes. If he didn't get you a refill extra napkin or some other bull shit request already, chances are they aren't free. Don't like that. Just sit tight and wait until he's at make the mistake of asking, "Do you least close enough for you to politely say charge for refills?" You really can't spare the excuse me. extra quarter?

When he finally returns, know what By now, if you've been follOWing my you want . Just like drinks , it's torture advice, you've enjoyed a great meal - you're waiting for a table of eight to squabble over happy and so is your waiter. H e'll drop off splitting an order of Buffalo Wings or the check.

Jalapeno Poppers. If you are having trouble I'm not even going to talk abo ut deciding between the hamburger and the tipping because you just leave 20%, period. patty melt, don't ask, "Is the Hamburger If you normally leave 15%, you haven't any good?" Of course it's good . Do you been leaving enough. Just attribute it to really expect him to say no? Chances are inflation. If you desire to roast eternally in he's not even allowed to . hell, YOU'll leave him less than 10%. And if Once you've decided on the patty melt, you are the guy who left me a penny last don't try to some how substitute a house summer after I gave you 5 free refills and salad for the coleslaw (People try to do cleaned up after your three kids mess, fuck that). And if you don't like onions on it, that's fine, just ask for them to be removed, you. Mt But if you don't want onions, Pumpernickel, Swiss cheese or hamburger, and would like to substitute the Chicken ..

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p ctober 3,2001

THE IIICBlGAB REVIEW - . CAJfPf1S U'AlRS

RA From Page 1 and beige faces was only lightly salted and _ even then, most of those were girls. This class didn't look very representative of the . student body, but more like the U .N .

General Assembly.

The guest speaker was very articulate and captivating- entertaining us with stories and winning our hearts with her charm and wit . Near the end of the twohours, she began to talk about sexuality. I immedi ately perked up, knowing exactly where this was going . Then, two minutes before the end , to a now-hushed crowd, she told LIS that she was a lesbian and that being a lesbian was a good thing. She even mixed religio n in there, stating matter-offa ctly that G od made her that way. So how can anyo ne be against that? Nice maneuver o n the part o f Housing. Very nice. Win us over with charm, fill our ears with rhetoric.

At the first small-group meeting, two signifi ca nt things hap pen ed. First , the fa cilitato r openly told us that we were there t o be ind oc trin a ted. Sec ond , she introd uced us to "C ross-the-Line. " The comment about indoctrination came when we were still discussing the syllabus. She sa id : "Some people say that this is the class where we indoctrinat e you . Well that's right. We're here to teach you the values that yo u n eed to b e an RA ." What a euphemistic way of saying: "We're going to us this bully pulpit to push our own personal political agenda. "

After this indoctrination, we played Cross-the-Line. Cross-the-Line is a "game" that's supposedly played to get to know each other, but is easily converted into a sifting and sorting tool. Here's how it work s: Everyone lines up and the moderator reads something like: "I have a brother." If the statement applies to you, you step out of formation and cross the line.

Simple.

The questions started out with mundane things and quickly escalated into statements like: "I believe in affirmative action" and "I consider myself an ally for lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgendered individuals." After about a dozen of these, the facilitators had gathered enough information about us and our values to plan the rest of the semester.

Another exercise and probably the most infamous from the Staff Class is the Rainbow Triangle Exercise. In this exercise, all the RA's are given a good-sized triangular pin with a rainbow pattern on it-the wellknown symbol of homosexuality. We were challenged (read: forced) to wear the pin for the next week and then write a paper on how we felt about it. Knowing that the pin wOllld Identify us to the public as gay or l ~sbian , we were thus forced to call ourselves an "ally" whether or not we agreed with the h omosexual lifestyle. But just influ encing attitud es on campu s isn't enough for Housing; instead, we had to help Patricia Gurin assemble her bogus:data for supporting diversity in the U-M

affirmative action trials.

The first day of class we tool$. her survey. Without understanding the purpqse, we filled it out and gave it back to our instructor. On the last day of class, we filled out the survey again, only this time before filling it out, our facilitator explains to us: "You guys are going to have a unique opportunity today to help affirmative action. The results of this survey are going to be used in the U-M affirmative action lawsuits. 'They are going to show how diversity increases the quail ty of education. " This was by far the worst offensive that H o using committed during th e indoctrination process. The last blitz of training occurred at the beginning of this year, right before we took our place in the ResHalls. For four days they locked us down in Bursley Hall for the Community Liviri'g E~p e rien ce. The CLE was not focused on indoctrination like the Staff Class, but it still included a presentation by the University's lawyer in the affirmative acti o n trials. It was a grossly lopsided presentation and was riddled with inaccurate statistics (like saying that 0.4% are admitted to the U-M law school) .

So the University ended up being successful In one aspect of Its goal: Building comrtiuruty among the staff members. Like prisoners of war, we all endured th e intellectual torture, mental deprivation, and Incessant brainwashing together. We came out stronger and more unified, and definitely very well versed in the ideology 01 CUe

I~l( .

Page' 7--)

AMERICA From Page 1 Equality By Any Means Necessary (BAMN) . The latter apparently held their rally In opposition to American actions . .

Historically, BAMN rallies have held the majority of support; this day, however, their voices were actually drowned out by those in support of America. The "Pro-America" rally included a march around Ann Arbor, where the U .S. supporters were pursued by the BAMN ralliers. The march concluded at the flag pole of the Ann Arbor Federal Building, where the two groups clashed once again . The American supporters were greeted with "God Bless America! " and other rallying cries from Postal workers and other federal employees. The march even garnered support from a fe w local residents.

And these residents, like th e federal workers, were in concert no t with BAMN, but with YAP. In sho rt , the rally last Thu rsday in support of the 路 United States set a n ew precedent on this campus. It showed that even in the most volatile of places, such as the University of Michigan, the pulse of America still beats. A strong, pro-American pulse. Now the world knows that the U M supports America's fo reign policy decision.r...R

Are you a member of BAMN? If yes, write us at letters@mlchiganreview.com

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U of M College Republicans "The Best Party on Campus!"

General Meeting with Special Guest Oakland County Sheriff & Senator

Michael J. Bouchard Changed to:路

Monday, October 24 8:00 PM Koessler Room of the Michigan Union

Ipage 8

THE IIICHIGAII REVIEW -

N&TIONAL U'AIRS

October 3, 2001

University Panel Discusses Globalization, its Impact on Terrorism

By BRAD SPRECHER

A

s the country ponders the best response to the tragic events of September 11 th, the University moved to facilitate an informed discussion on the issues of globalization, especially as they relate to terrorist threats. The panel presentation, held at Hill Auditorium on September 18 t h, centered upon the ways in which the modern, interconnected world faces new challenges to peace and security.

Although the audience, which was largely academic, seemed most enthused to hear criticisms of America's historical role in the region, the evening's speakers, ranging from a former member of the National Security Council to an exiled Pakistani Journalism felIow, all provided well informed, if not balanced insights on the issues of globalization and terrorism.

The most pro-American insights ofthe evening came from the University's Robert Dolan, the new Dean of the BUSiness School. It should come as no surprise that Dolan, Ann Arbor's preeminent supported of capitalism, was the most eagerto defend the expanding U.S. presence in the world.

Taking a subtle swipe at the' countless demonstrators who wish to disrupt the yearly meetings of global market moguls,

Dolan remarked that the information technology revolution is perhaps the best proletarian tool the world has yet to offer.

.It is interesting to note that only one week after the attacks on America, there would be so many in the academic community who would implicate the United States as the villain in this tragedy.

With free and public access to the Internet (available in most of the nation's libraries and public schools), almost anybody can access remote markets and products that were previously unreachable.

But just as the telephone, television, and C.D. player were once all luxuries that advanced into American homes as markets expanded and prices dropped, so the start up. costs of accessing the Internet will one day drop to a level that is affordable to even the poorest Americans. And with that access will come the power to take advantage of all of the information and goods that are available on-line. Rather

than driving a wedge between the "haves" and "have nots", the Internet and the expansion of world markets will only broaden opportunities for wealth, not only for those who have it, but also for those who have little, but want more.

Countering Dolan's quiet faith in the American system were Javed Nazir, a Michigan Journalism Fellow and former newspaper editor from Pakistan, and Linda Lim, Business School professor and ASSOCiate Director of the International Institute. Mr. Navir spared no time using his platform at Hill Auditorium to launch invectives against his host country for Its foreign policy in central Asia. In its quest to stop the spread of communism and provide safe access to Middle Eastern oil, the United States, according to Javed, has lent its support to oppressive regimes, such as that in Pakistan, that have crushed personal freedoms and the voice of democracy (Mr. Nazir fled his country in the wake of death threats that resulted from an article published in his newspaper, decrying Muslim persecution of Pakistani Jews).

Linda Lim was no kinder, npting that her friends in South East Asia questioned ,'" 'f , '. ., ' . , why Americans were so concerned about terrorist threats on its own people when it ~

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ignored the plight of people suffering under other oppressive governments. Both Nazir and Lim's comments were greeted with the warmest applause.

It is interesting to note that only one week after the attacks on America, there would be so many in the academic community who would implicate the United States as the villain in this tragedy.

The country to which Mr. Nazir has fled, in which he has found safe haven and a platform to freely express his opinions, is the very country he has chosen to defame.

To the patriot, there should be some solace in realizing that not every voice on campus criticizes the world's bastion of democracy.

There are those, like Mr. Dolan, who believe in the land of the free, who do not subscribe to the utopian vision of a perfect government, who appreciate his country's battle against the oppression of communism, and who realize that no country in the world gives more aid to the ailing people's ofthe world than the United States of America. Though there are many dissenting voices, there are still those voices that speak with faith in the home of freedom, with a patriot's love. ~

,,~

Poll: The .Michigan Stance How Michgan Students Feel About the Impending U.S. War on Terrorism ~~ , JARED SUESS

T

he latest CBS News/New York Times Poll suggests that.92%.of Americans support military strikes against those responsible for the terrorist attacks on September 11. One might wonder, "What does my beloved school, the U-M, think in comparison." Because of an informal poll conducted mostly by email.itis now known. Or the stUdents polled, 72% support military action. The most interesting part of this is that 89% of males support strikes while only 65% of females support them: a clear gender discrepancy. If there. is a possibility of collateral damage, a civilian building being inadvertently hit, only 38% of the students were still in¡ favor of strikes. The largest difference here is not surprisingly party line.

Only 26% of Democrats would support this pOSSibility, and 65% of RepUblicans.

Sinc.e conflict always has some unfortunate side effects, the deviation these numbers have from the earlier terrorist strikes shows a lack of thought. This scenario seems inevitable. .

The thought of war cannot escape the mind of a college student, especially males.

19% of those polled said they would voluntarily.enlist. Again, the Republicans and the Democrats &re the most varied: 9% of Democrats and 32%,of RepUblicans.

Those who. consider themselves independent or another party came fairly high as well, 20%.

Putting all this information together, it is possible to see the greater University of Michigan pictul'e. Although 72% of students think strikes are a good idea, only 19% would be willing to voluntarily do the dirty work .and risk their hide if war eventually came to pass. Males tend to support strikes more than females even though if war happened, they would be more personally affected. Both political parties are mostly in favor of strikes, but the Democr(lts tend to think more so that these should be done with absolutely no collateral damage. The bottom line: "Strikes are good if they kill the terrorists, innocent people are not hurt, and I can continue to go to class and complain about them." Thank you all who participated.f\.R

Student Attitudes Towards strikes .

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Page 9

Archaic Law Hurts College Athletics Overhaul of Title IX Needed By

MATTHEW MARTIN

T

HE RICH TRADITION of the . University of Michigan is well known.

Academically, the University is always on the cutting edge in developing new innovations and developing new techniques that lead to great discoveries. But anyone who really knows the U-M cares about athletics as well. The athletic tradition of the U-M is second to none. Every football Saturday in Ann Arbor, over 100,000 people pack into one of the most reCOgnizable sports coliseums in the nation.

The football team is undoubtedly the most popular sport within the Athletic Department. Although the Athletic Department would not give out exact numbers, annually the football team usually grosses a profit of over $20 million dollars. With operating expenses totaling under $10 million, the football program creates a huge profit for the athletic department. So where does all this money disappear to? Well, in this answer lies a strongly contested issue that has left many bitterly divided. Title IX has done more to hurt collegiate athletics than any other law in history.

Title IX was passed in 1972 as part of the Education Amendments of 1972.

Section 1681 part a. states that路 No person in the United Stats shall. in the basis of sex. be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance. n One case has recently been brought before a United States District Court, by Amy Cohen, a former Brown University student, who brought the case against her. school in a response for the demotion of women's volleyball and women's gymnastics as university-funded varsity status, to that of donor-funded sports. As part of the verdict of the case, a three-prong system was set up to determine if a school has violated Title IX: The first prong states that a university must have a substantially proportionate ratio of men and women's sports. The second prong seeks to see if the university has responded to the problem, and the third prong makes sure the university does something about the problem.

Presently, there are approximately 190,000 male athletes, and 110,000 female athletes competing in college athletics. If colleges are forced to fulfill quotas, then either more female sports have to be added, or certain male sports will have to be dropped for no other reason than to satisfy the government. The latter路 is what is beginning to happen. Some

programs that would have to be cut include men's wrestling, gymnastics, soccer, swimming, lacrosse, fencing, volleyball, and indoor and outdoor track. This would leave five core male sports, which are football, basketball, golf, baseball, and tennis. These five sports alone have about 100,000 athletes in them. So smaller male programs end up being greatly affected by being reduced to the level of a club team, or the team members are forced to pay a fee just to be able to be on the team.

As a state school, the U-M is able to receive funding from the state government as well as the national government. As a result, the University has to obey all federal and state laws and codes. This has had a profound effect on collegiate athletics. The

If colleges are forced to fill quotas, then either more female sports have to be added, or certain male sports will have to be dropped for no other reason than to satisfy the government. The latter is what is beginning to happen.

University was unable to be reached regarding the subject. But Tide IX has not only hwt men's sports but affected women's sports as well.

Imagine being a college woman trying out for an athletic team. She makes the team even though she has had no previOUS experience. She receives a scholarship because most of the other women on the team have 00 previous experience either.

Now picture being a college basketball player, man or woman, who has played basketball for over ten years and who has devoted many summers to basketball camps, working out, and conditioning.

They go to a very competitive tryout with the best players from around the country and are able to walk on the team. They do not receive a scholarship even though they have put considerable more time into their sport. All this happened just because of Title IX mandates. By being forced to give out equal scholarships to a variety of athletes in a variety of sports, universities are. taking scholarships from the deserving and giving them to the undeserving.

The issue of "Why" is also upsetting. A female sport such as equestrian is created just to fill a quota. A sport should. not be created just to follow some law, but rather

because there is an interest in the sport and there is enough support to justify a varsity team being created. A female equestrian team is perfectly fine if there is enough support. It should not be added though just because the U-M wants to add Men's Varsity Soccer as a sport.路 Title IX seeks equa1 treatment for men and women tn athletics. Why should equal treatment be given if certain biological issues exist that separate men and women?

Males generally are more competitive than women, but they also develop more muscle mass in comparison to body weight than females. This makes them faster and stronger than women, and thus, more likely to participate in sports. Shouldn't this be taken into account when planning out the number of sports? It looks bad for a university to keep adding sports when the demand for that sport is not there and then the team performs poorly, which is a reflection on the Athletic Department as a whole. Women can still perform very well in sports, and women's athletics can very much enhance a university's overall athletic reputation.

Today, not much attention is paid to Title IX. This attention has been. focused on an issue that is very similar to Title IX, and that is a pet project of the University and its president. That issue, of course, is affirmative action. Affirmative action strives to make sure that all underrepresented minorities are represented in the uniVersity. Thus it seeks to take spots in the University away from the more deserving, to give them out in an effort to be a diverse university.

Not to suggest that only a certain race should be admitted into the U-M, but whatever happened to the University going after only the best candidates. Race should not be a factor in the application process.

Only the best academic and athletic

By being forced to give out equal scholarships to a variety of athletes in a variety of sports, universities are taking scholarships from the deserving and giving them to the undeserving.

students should be accepted into the University. The same argument can be applied to Title IX. Title IX seeks to create a more diverse athletic atmosphere by taking away from those who deserve scholarships and giving them to

undeserving. When this happens, the. minority that once existed has suddenly received privileges that make them the majority. This would seem insulting. To have the University gift wrap an

Title IX speaks to an outdated society. Today it undermines female athletics that are a great asset to any university. It cuts men's programs where there is still much competition and creates female sports where there isn't much demand.

opportunity for you just because it's interested in maintaining its image.

Title IX is an old and archaic law. It has good intentions but is much too constricting, and does more to hurt college athletics than to help them. In a day and age where everyone is thought to be equal, sometimes this is not the case. There are basic physical differences between men and women, and that is the way we were created. When this University strives to be the most diverse, it unknowingly hurts itself. It dentes itself the best, brightest, and most athletic in its vain attempt to include all those who supposedly never had the chance to succeed.

Title IX speaks to an outdated society.

Today it undermines female athletics that are a great asset to any university, including the University of Michigan. It cuts men's programs where there is still much competition and creates female sports where there isn't much demand. Title IX tells women that they aren't good enough to get a sport on their own and that the government should take care of them to make sure that they have their opportunities. Females are smart. They know better. They know what they want and they ~ make sure they get it too. Title IX should be repealed. This would not create a sudden drop in female sports, but would allow all athletes to be able to participate in whatever sport they want and not have to worry about thegovemment interfering with their fun. The all-knOwing federal government struck out with this law and must do something to fix it, for the benefit of all collegiate athletes.f\R

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PAID ADVBRTISI!MBNT

Octo~r 3,2001

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rom the shadowy world of trendy Ann Arbor coffee bars to the mean streets of upper-middle class Grosse Pointe, ApjJle Pie is the story of the triumph of the human spirit in the face of some pretty normal, everyday, ordinary stuff. ·

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David Mazzotta

The Observer & Eccentric: "MfJ,zzotta writes in a fast and breezy style, so there's rarely a dull moment in Apple Pie ...Apple Pie will hit the spot. " The Michigan . Daily: "a comedic look at college life ... satirical commentary reigns supreme and dares the reader not to laug h out loud ... " The DaUy Helmsman: "laugh-out-Ioud funny ... both realistic and humorous ... as endearing as it is funny" The State News:· "college students can relate to some of the events at the university ... Mazzotta manages to make the situation humorous"

'- **Askfor Apple Pie at Barnes & Noble or Border's** Visit' www.ReadApplePie.comfor more information The youngest son of successful Korean immigrants, Alex Kim is less concerned with discovering his ethnic heritage thanremindirg everybody that he is an American. He's no Asian Whiz Kid, just an average student trying to make his way through the University of Michigan in a dreary reality of nerdy roommates, a lousy part-time job, and a remarkably reticent girlfriend.

As Alex's stultifying life closes in on him, an opportunity to break away presents itself - embodied in the mythically beautiful,if

somewhat dogmatic, Naomi. Alex carpes the diem, as he might say, and leads us on a comically wry journey through every form of silliness college life has to offer as he tries to make sense of his place in the universe without «swirling down the metaphysical toilet bowl."

The Definitive Novel of Ann Arbor

petober 3,2001

• ROLL

THE IIICBlGAB REVIEW -

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FOR 'THE MYSTERY TOUR

The More Things .Change • ••

By GEOFF BROWN

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hasn't. So roll up for the mystery tour, it's dying to take you away...

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even more outraged at a policy that computer geek-turned law student, I feel blatantly disregards due process and civil it would be nigh upon absurd to claim I'm H YES, ANOTHER Fall semester rights. Now, The Dude, who was a thugjust because I like to throw on some at the University of Michigan. Or, The More Things Change ... instrumental in enacting the Code as we Jay Z or NWA. In fact, if you know me, at least, that's what It is for most of know it, is an you r e you. For me, it's a rather remarkable + What the. hell happened to Tower engineer - I probably experience, one I thought was long In my Records? And Wherehouse Records? And can almost laughing your Or course, on the off chance that past. I was once an undergraduate student Burger King? And Taco Bell? And Whose understand his ass off at the here at the U-M, and I also was a member idea was it to turn Pizza House into a real seeming lack Becca is a thug, and tries to "roll up on concept of of the Review (I had the distinct privilege restaurant? Back In my day, it was.actually of regard for "Geoff my crib" to "bust a cap in my ass," I a house, and there weren't any ~throoms s u c· h of serving as editor-in-chief during ryly ~rown, want to remind her that my previous or anything, and we had to walk both way~ · . , principles. Bu~ senior year). After I graduated in 1997, I Thug . " I took my degree In biology, and bid the Uuphill... Oh. Sorry. Anyhow, many of the L~e Bollinger, print-based sparring partners and I know I am.

M, and the ReView, a fond farewell. I seedy campus establishments I came to take who also Nevertheless, always kept our print-based sparring assumed that it was the last time I would for granted are, predictably, gone now. Still apparently B e c c a good-natured. there's nothing quite like the~$O.99 grace this campus as a student. I went off fervently Isenberg to the real world, and found myself gainful Whopper after 11 pn::{..deal, and lining up . supports the proudly employment (I'm sure you all have these at "Whorehouse" R~r9s when some~g C<:id'e, · I s it declares that . distorted notions of the "real world" as a new was being released-sorry, Haifuohy m~mber of my chosen profession; as a she believes that if she "met Dre on the Hous.e Isn't quite the' same thing-and place filled with the drudgery of work, bills, lawyer, and a weli-re~pected legal scholar, street, he would know that she keeps it really, people, no one should have to live ". Lee justough.t to know better. and responsibility. Well, as someone who real." She goes on to profess her allegedly has been there and has come back to the without 99 cent bean burritos. Arid new + jesslql Cw-tin is stlll here/My God, I deep-seated knowledge of rap culture, and :'f" world of full-time studenthood, allow me buildings have sprung up everywhere. They thought shed be gone by now - she was a then turn around and admit that she "really to address your fears: you're absolutely took a rather convenient parking lot and . seni9f when I was and she's still here as a can't freestyle." Hey, Becca: real thugs know right) . turned it into the School of Social Work student, and she never lefrl Granted, I'm still how to freestyle. Now, the theme of her building, and now they're doing something For three years I toiled for The Man column is that one shouldn't judge a book here as a student, but I left for four years! rather extensive to Mason Hall. ' as a web master, before deciding that by its cover, and it's an admirable one. God And while I was gone, some pack of cretins perhaps + The went and elected her to MSA! I guess I only knows how annoyed I get when people "new U-M should head shouldn't be too distressed, Insofar as I had who know me as a fun-loving goofball back to school.

PreSident" a good time making fun of her and her that I'm not also an Intellectual, and assume Jessica Curtin is still here! My God, .I isn't So I decided new band of merrymakers, and I won't have to when people who know me as an thought she'd be gone by now - she on law school, anymore . I'm come up with as much new material. What Intellectual are shocked to find out that I was a senior when I was and she's still sure that very because I have has changed is the vehicle through which enjoy mindless, goofball humor and always had an few of you her vitriol.

When I previously cranking Metallica or Eminem. Still, I ,find she spews here as a student; and she never left! interest in the reading this graced the hallowed grounds of this It absurd when Ms. Isenberg proclaims that law, and my remember the she "comes from the streets" when I would ' institution, Curtin head~d up a group time at the Review had certainly sharpened U-M president being anyone but Lee be willing to bet that she's just some known as NWROC. Old habits die hard, my ability to debate just about anyone, I freshman or sophomore who probably Bollinger. For the first couple years of my so if I belittle NWROC in some future undergrad career, though, one James ]. comes ,from suburban New York and most continued toiling for The Man while going column, rest assured that I actually mean "The Dude" Duderstadt occupied the to law school on weekends and then, to belittle BAMN, or DAMN, or DMP, likely lives in Markley or Alice Lloyd. Of president's office. Then he stepped down, . or DUMBASS, or whatever the hell Curtin course, on the off chance that Becca is a somehow, managed to get accepted as a and then-VP of Research Homer Neal thug,ano tries to "roll up on my crib" to transfer here at the U-M Law School.

Is calling her raving band of lunatics these stepped in while the Regents searched for "bust a cap in my ass," I want to remind days.

Suddenly, everything changed. I got + Daily columnists purveying her that my previous print-based sparring a replacement. During my senior year, they together all kinds of paperwork, sold my partners and I always kept our print-based laughable tripe. During my last tour of duty elected Lee Bollinger as the next preSident, soul to student loan lenders, and quit my at the Review, I had columnists like Katie good-natured. sparring and the campus was abuzz with talk about job. And now I'm back. + The Michigan Review. As I was the new president.

Hutchins to poke fun at. Thankfully, the Now, I've worked on campus for a closing up shop and preparing to turn the + The Big House is bigger. When I Daily has continued this tradition with one couple years, but I can tell you that one's reigns over to the able hands of Ben Rebecca Isenberg. Ms. Isenberg, or wandered into Michigan Stadium as an view of campus is definitely different as a "Extravaganza" Kepple, the Review was "Becca," as she seems to prefer to be undergrad, it could only hold a paltry sum student than as an alum, or as an employee entering Its 15th year as a campus of 106,000 or so people now it's up to addressed, In her recent Daily column (both of which I've been). So I've taken institution. Now, upon my return , It's something like 112,000. At least they had ("Wait, She Leads the Thug Life?" some time, as a student, to wander campus coming up on another milestone -Its 20th the courtesy to take down that damn halo Michigan Daily, vol CXI, No. 139, 7 again, seeing what's ci1anged, what's new, anniversary. Just as proud as I am t~ have thing before I came back.

September 200 I) proudly proclaims herself and what's gone away. I've tried to bring returned as a U-M student, I'm also proud to be a "thug" because her taste in rap music myself up to speed with campus politics to see that the Review has thrived for nearly The More Things Stay the Same ... strays beyond the pop-rap limits of the and what the student culture is like. They two decades, and even more proud to have tracks played at typical frat parties (popsay that "the more things change, the more returned to be a part of the tradition once + The Code. I see the U-M hasn't had rap at frat parties is another Institution from things stay the same. " I've definitely seen my undergrad days that apparently lives on) more. ~ the wisdom to get rid of this little piece of that to be true here at the U-M . So, given to more obscure hard core rap tunes. Now, amusing bureaucracy. Enacted sometime that this is my first column written by me Geoff Brown is a second-year Jaw student I. too, have been known to enjoy hardcore toward the middle of my undergrad career, as a member of the ReView in over four and is editor emeritus of the Review . You the Code just won't go away. As an rap, both for its musical stylings and its years, I figure it'll be worthwhile to mark can email him at gmbrown@umich.edu. sometimes innovative'ly humorous lyrics. undergrad, and Review editor, the Code my "Triumphant Return" by examining However, as a biologist-turned professional angered me. Now, as a law student, I am some of what's changed and what really

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October 3,2001

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Dovesvs . Hawks Diplomacy Saves Lives By

JON

BOOK

O

N SEPTEMBER 11, we Americans saw our world collapse. A war has been declared on neither our government nor our military, but on our people and culture. Those people killed in the Trade Center were not soldiers or high-ranking government' officials, but common citizens . This war has been declared by people who refuse to distinguish between mi~ary and civilian, and it is hard not to want to strike back at these fanatics.

Bombing will only inspire more suicide bombers, more attacks on our cities, more cries for retaliation, and more death and destruction. ' This is not a solution.

c.... ,.

Despite these intense feelings , our 'reason must tell us that the response to a war on our culture cannot be a war on another culture. Instead , let us show O,ur honor, moral integrity, and respect for life by using war only as a desperate last means to end this conflict.

The first step in waging any struggle must be to understand our enemy. Our enemy is global terrorism, and right now the most evident place to find it is in the Middle East. Back in the Cold War, the U.S. and the SOViets carved up the Middle East , forming alliances and making enemies. As a by-product of this struggle , a strain of Islamic fundamentalism was created which perverted this peaceful religion and dedicated itself to 'violently remOVing any foreign presence from their lands. In many Islamic countries that suffered from poverty, weak leadership , and strife, strong and charismatic leaders gave the people a sense of purpose and protection. Today, terrorist organizations are supported by starVing , poor people who have been exploited by the Osama bin Ladens of the world . Bombing cities in Afghanistan won't solve the problems of poverty, starvation, and suffering in the Middle East; it will only create more angry, frightened , hungry people looking for a strong charismatic leader to help them . Bombing will only iJispire more suicide bombers, more attacks on oUr cities, more crieS for retaliation, and more death and destruction. This is not a solution.

Moreover, it wo'uld be a mistake for the U.S. to retreat completely from the region.

Both the terrorist leaders and those searching

for a ;trong leader in the Middle East would see such a move as signifying our defeat. We cannot bow to the threat of terror and give in just to avoid conflict. If we did so we would never be safe from this cruel extortion again .

Instead , we should engage the region diplomatically. PreSident Bush has already boldly and properly began this process.

He has built an international coalition of European allies and some Arab states . We now di p 10 matically wield over Afghanistan the condemnations not just of our traditional friends, but also of others such as Cuba, Libya, and ,' even Iran . The United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia have both cut ties with the Taliban, and Pakistan is allowing us to use their airspace. We have the support of the world behind us, and that's nothing to sneer at.

We should press this diplomatic advantage to its fullest extent, and consider bombing only after we have exhausted our diplomatic channels.

While we wait for diplomacy to deliver bin Laden, there's no reason why we shouldn't proceed full force in an assault on terrorism in other countries. Already the assets of terrorist organizations have been frozen . Without money these groups can't teach people to fly planes, buy bombs, or even procure an airline. ticket. We should use the fujI force of the investigative bodies of the world to track down terrorists and arrest these groups. To help bolster our own investigative powers we should offer salaries to the CIA that compete with the private sector so that we can keep the best and the brightest . Or, we should consid e r contracting out to the private sector.

We should avoid bombing innocent people until it is a last resort. Let us try diplomacy to catch bin Laden. Let us use better international policing to arrest terrorists. Let us fight the poverty of the Middle, ~ilst with free trade and jobs. '.-. Let us stand strong and defiant, never retreating, but rather bringing justice to the gUilty, freedom and mercy to the innocent, and honor to ourselves. Let us show the world that we are better than our enemies.~

A Justified War By

RUBEN DURAN

T

HE BATTLE LINES have been drawn clearly. T here has been a deliberate attack on our nation, by people who demonstrate a clear and present danger to this nation's security. As such, the United States needs to act with a fully mobilized military assault on the perpetrators of this crime and .those who would harbor them. As a nation , the U .S. must show its resolve that we will stand up to terrorism, that no crime goes unpunished. Were we to do nothing, or dance around In political gestures , we would be all but inviting anothe r 11 t h September incident.

It is with this mindset .that we as a nation must rally around our country in this time of war. Our military might is being full y brought to bear on the people responSible for the attack on our nation. PreSid ent Bush should be commended for his efforts, and the nation as a whole is going in the right direction: in support of the administration. The PreSident and his adviso rs are taking the course of action that will bpst serve the security and sovereignty of the nati on .

'There are many detractors to the "prowar" cause, as It is to be known. Historically, militant reaction has been the single most effective response to attacks of this nature.

The United States did not stand idly by when the USS Maine was sabotaged, but instead lodged an offensive against the Spaniards in Cuba . Thus , the Spanish American War. When the SS Lusitania (3 civilian cruise liner) was sunk I;>y German U-boats, the United States did not sit on its thumbs. Instead , America went on to assist in winning the First World War. Immediately after th e attack on Pearl Harbor, war was declared on the Japanese.

Many similiarities are being drawn between ~he two and rightfully so. Both attacks were made "out of the blue ," both involved incredible losses of life and material, and both led to a swift call for war. Military reaction to terrorism is not always the most pleasant of alternatives, but it is a historical necessity In bringing down those who would do harm, and thus preempts any further attacks.

The avenues of diplomacy have failed; the Taliban have been asked repeatedly to

turn over bin Laden, but we have been met with hostility and plausible deniability. The next step is the performance o f covert operations which, according to the medi;. have already started. After that , it is on to full-scale conflict. These are the avenues that were followed during Operations Desert Shield and Desert Storm, and they proved to be very effGctive . This caused the American people to rally around our nation and rejOice in the restoration of democracy.

This is not to say that the harming of civilians is by any means acceptable. Instead , the military must be careful in its avenues of attack . Generally, the United States has been effective in maintaining friendly relations with civilians. However, it must be made clear that any civilian intent on harming our troops has made himself part of the enemy. Just asin Vietnam, any person actively attacking our soldiers or harboring the enemy is part of the terrorist regime.

Generally, the United States has been effective in maintaining friendly relations with civilians. However, it must be made clear that any There have also been cries for full media coverage. This is inheretly bad for any military campaign . Henry Kissenger said, during an address here at th e U-M , something to the effect that, "The American people need not know everything the government does." This is ve ry true.

Cameras were rolling when Army Rangers landed in Kosovo. The press was ready for intervi ews of Navy SEALS la nding in Kuwait. There is no point to covert o perations or m.ilitary intelligence if the o ppositi o n can find out everything by watching CNN. In fact, slick moves, like those used by Gen. "Stromin' Norman" Schwartzkopf during the Persian Gulf war should be considered. Using the press against the enemy should always be considered.

This campaign, as described PreSident Bush and later Secertary of State Colin Powell, will be a war not just upon bin Laden and his followers, but also on terrorism globally. This will resonate a message to other terrorist nations, from Iraq, Lybia and Syria to the Balkans to Brazil and Bolivia: cease your actions now, or risk being turned into a parking Jot.:rvR