vol_20_no_4 by Michigan Review

Booze, Blues (Party) and Bumpers MSA Reps Allegedly Hit Bottle, Cars By

MICHAEL SALTSMAN . •

p.J

LLEGATIONS OF delinquency, drunkenriess, and· illegal ampaigning at the Michigan Student Assembly's recent trip to a national student government conference are causing a fracas. MSA President and Vice ' President, Matt Nolan and Jessica Cash, have admitted to using e-mail to campaign for the Blue Party while on the MSA· funded trip to the Association of Big Ten Schools Conference (ABTS) ~ a violation of the University's guidelines for proper computer usage, and a possible violation of MSA's election code. Nolan and Cash also admit to missing 25 percent of the conference's official issue sessions. Additionally, other representatives accused . Nolan and Cash of being obviously intoxicated at an official event, To top off the trip, both rental vans were returned with over $3,000 in damage. The weekend of October 5th, the .

If these allegations are true, someone has a lot 0 explaining to do...let's ~ for their political futures that it's not though...ooops...

Continued BOOZE on MSA President Matt.Nolanand Butt~rShots at F~bruarY ABTS

Page 7

UAC Loses $34K on Comedy Shows Loss plunges Center into debt By

MATIHEW S. SCHWARTZ

• !&!

HE UNIVERSITY Activities Center is reforming its spending practiceS and putting "strict market research policies" in place after it lost $34,000 on two comedy shows it produced last year, UAC President Brian Netter has told the Review. These losses forced UAC into deficit spending, causing the Center to end the year with a debt of over $8,~00. UAC has since signed a contract with the University, promising to end the year with a posi tive balance of $18,000. Although Netter expects to meet that goal by year's end, he said that UAC will "fall further . into the red before we end up in the black."

Despite Charging $15. dollars for tickets, .UAC's Laughtrack lost $22,00000 Andy Dick Circus of Freaks

the

Both shows were produced last fall by Laughtrack, a UAC committee that has since been

combined with another committee to save operating expenses. The first show, a

performance by "Half Baked" Gom.edians Dave Chappelle and Jim Breuer, lost $12,000 despite nearly selling out Hill Auditorium. The second, a ,show by Andy Dick, stat of MTV's "The Andy Dick Show," sold . fewer than half the seats in the Michigan Theater, costing UAC $22,000. UAC, a studetlt~run .organization ' ,that provides programtnJng for the· student community, expects· to lose an average of $8,000 to $10,000 per show, said Netter. "We are supposed to lose money," he said. "The idea is for us to provide services for the student body at a loss. Not at a big loss, but at a loss."

Continued UAC on

Page 9

•

SERPENT'S TOOTH

The letter sent to NBC headquarters in NY recently containing anthrax was supposedly intended for Tom Brokaw. Geez, we guess SOMEONE must've really hated "The Greatest Generation. "

Supposedly, UAC is really in the red this year. It looks like they've been flushing their money down the same toilet that we've been flushing their fish.

The heavy metal band Anthrax is considering changing their name due to the recent anthrax scare. "What, like being named after a biological weapon of mass destruction and bovine disease never bothered them before?

Incidentally, Anthrax's possible name change due to the threat of biological warfare is probably the first time the band has been mentioned in any news source since 1987.

Rest assured, however, should the possibility of nuclear war be imminent,

TIIF :\ 11('111<;\:\ J{FYI E\\ The campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan J..!J PII"",u.• "YAF is buiclIo, "biil

the band Megadeath will surely be poised for a mention in the news once more.

1/ ...

We're surprised that Native American activists haven't stepped-up their campaign against the Washington Redskins lately. Considering that the Redskins are 0-4 and have been outscored 135...25 in ~eir four . games so far, Native Americans everywhere should be more embarrassed than ever. '

.' Last week, it was announced .thar . NBC had bought Hispanic broadcaster Telemundo for $1.98 billion. Accordingly, there is a new change fo.r the Fall Line.Up: "Dateline: NBC" will be revamped, featuring a tramped-up Jane Pauley and with Stone Phillips being replaced by a sock puppet, El Senor Gufpe.

After pictures of Bert (of "Sesame Street" fame) and Osama bin Laden have popped up during several pro-bin Laden rallies, several world news organizations' have bt'en trying to contact the elusive muppet. They'll end up disappointed,

D.C. Lee iror-in-Chie however, as Bert would most likely have been executed by the Taliban due to his homosexwU rel~tionship with Ernie,

GoLDSTEIN

EPISODE

FILEs

2 .. IT

Ben -And This Guy Calls Us Ugly" Goldstein's now infamous two-pronged ugly/dying attack on your valiant editors consisted, of coune, of a dying prong and an ugly prong. Having already parried the pointy, fondue-fork like jab at our mortality by survivi ng to publish yet an.other issue of the Michigan RnJi~, we now tum our attenDon to me accusation mat the legends of our editorial staff's legendary good looks are somewhat overstated. To Snd the truth of (he maner, we turned to the impartial arbiter of all questions of personal appearances, www.hotornot.com. Here, random people gued deep into our souls and assessed our outer beaury on a 1 to 10 scale. And. as one can clearly see, the oracle of appearances has judged us to be -hot- and Goldstein to be, well, -noc. As per his request, we will plug his column. So, nexc Thurscby if you're bored [0 the poinr of considering selfmutilation, in order [0 break the tedium, put down thar scalpel and pick up the l.at.en edition of Weak and Ere. from the Michigan Daily, and read ·Sick!," Ben Goldsrc.in's weekly whininp about his body image. Ann Arbor not being New York and tampons. And yes, he did whine about l2moons last week.

Publisher

J ames J ustin Wilson Shortly af~er the picture became public, Kei::mitthe .Frqgwast\l$h~d to .the hospital: p~~torsdesCtibed.hi$: q,ndi'tion as Stal?Je;·but:6tPt:essea c~niqn over his greenishcq.lor, fe3ritlg might have been the victim of a ·chemical weapons attack. Lookdike it really isn;t easy being green ...

ssoc. Puhlisher. Man.aging Edilor

Ruben Duran CtJJ7Ipus A ffairs Edi lor

J ames Y. Yeh Exccull ve &bIOI'

NAT'L Aflo' ArRS ED: COpy EUITOR: SENlOR EDITOR:

A JediKnight believes that every life form in the ·universe gives 'off a certai~ energy, a~d •that the energy is called The Force; a Jedi Knight also believes that each Jedi should strive to control the Force, thus making .this religion slightly less . kooky than Scientology, butslighdy more kooky thanJohrt Travolta in ."Look Who's TaiIQng Too." . "-..- ',

THE

Matthew Franczak

Brad Sprecher PetuApel MOlthew SchW1ll1z

STAJoT WRrt'£RS: Adam Dancy, ChIp Englander, Jamif'er Lee. Dan l.e\i, Mlchlld VWiG'. <lIrW White, Jared Sus, Joo Book, CeotI Brown, Nidt Prill. Matt Martin, M1c:b8d SaItsmao, Jeapb MIc:haI.oim The M/lChigan Rlm"w Is the indo:pcodcDl. JtudtnHun jour. 11&1 or conJetVlIllve and hbclwmn opiruon III the Uruvenit)' 0( MlChlpn. We lII!ither lOIicll nor ~pc mooctII/)' doaf,. lions (rom the U-M Conllibutloas \0 the Micbipn RIl_lIlw an: w-dcdudiblf: unckr SectioD 501 (c)(3) of the InIUlUll Revmue Code. The Review is IlOl aITllillled with III)' poIitlcaI

pany or Wllwc.f'SIly politicaJ croup. nsiprd edllOOllb reprtl<'nl the opinion 0( the edllonlll bo:ud. l:.reo. the)' an: uMqU"oaIl), eomel and julI SiCned lUtlCleS. \c1Jt:1$, and cartoons repn:5f:1II the opanicllu of the :wtlxw and not IICCessanl)' Ihox 1)( the Re..JC!W 1bc Serpent's TIIOIh iII.all rcpn:5f:nl the op<nlOll 0( Individual III'IOO)'I1lOUS contribulors 10 Ihe Rc\IJC .... and should not ~I)' be IIIkrn lIS repn:5f:nlllUve 0( the cdJloriaI _ The oplnKllll ~SC!nlcd In this publi<:allon an: IlOl ncc:cu;u;1), thcHc o( the Itdverwcl1 or or the UDIWCrw.l), or Mldll"", We ...elcome !cIteD. wucles. and cornmc.n1J II.boul the JOUnW.

•

GETS UGLY

R", "'''''

HOT

Edllonl1l o:at\oon~ eOUllCIY or the ltSSle EduCllllonal FountLillOn (Il00) 767· 2267

9.9 Justin Wilson Managing Editor

Well. Yi'" JUre hope !hat '" halevcr i, pubhihcd WlthlD thIS

ruu.. o( the Re,,,, .. ~ not Pft'Chtdc us (rom (uwre IlIvlle)

9.9 D.C. Lee Editor-in-Chief

Edward Norton?

10 ''\he While IIOU.!ir .. We v.ouldll·1 w:IIIl 10 mw OUI on the keg or the en,~cml eonvcnAlion "Ith the "" Democrats on the frool JlO":h And )'cs, .. bale,.." IS published (breed)' 10 the left on t1us ;c it one-hundIW pcra:nllllXUlIIle. No results were fiu1ard in the cre:alIOO o( ibIS lile. Md no (echnl' "'ere hun clther RJghl Ikn' Althoullh the WD)' I bear II ~ndy. Mr. Goldstcin cr:u mon: u. IhwI 10I1e1 JIIlPCI WeJl done. m)' (nend And In caw: you ""vcn'l notad. "'" ~ the sale prier (Of the (oul1h. liM. ctc. Wuc:s this time. MIll )'011 Ire oin, 10 ~a1 lUI enllre IllICit. kttp In mind tNl (~Ion)' .• dmrca ""II follow subscque.ndy Thank)OII

PIclUC addn:» all ad~nl~In'. subJcnpuoo InqulrieJ. IIIId \0 ""bUsher elo the \tlCh/J!1UJ Reu: ..

doIl.aIlotu

5.7 Matt Franczak Publisher

4.9 Ben "And This Guy Calls Us Ugly" Goldstein

you expect? He'. an engineer.

Love us or hate us, write us. . Ermail ktun@mi~"ignnTtvin4J. CDm

NOT

with subject, "Lc:tte.r l O the Editor" Or send mai l [0: The Michigan Review 911 N . Universi ty Ave. Ann Arbor, Ml48109

[October 17. 2001

•

THE IIlCHlOAN REVIEW -

Ll£TTBRS

Page 3

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Daily Whipping

Boy Responds How are you gentlemen? Today I was shown the current issue of the Review (Oct. 3), which features myself as the new Daily Whipping Boy. Absolutely hysterical. Me and my friendS got a big kick out of it. So first off, thanks a lot; this is definite college scrapbook material, and one of those things I'll probably always remember from my years at U-M. A small apology / explanation is in order, however. I don't know if you were just joking around, or if you're actually insecure about your looks and were truly offended when I called you guys ugly, but here's the deal: when I wrote that line in April, I was specifically referring to James "Chink in the Armor" Yeh and David "Aesthetic Train-Wreck" Guipe (who are without a doubt some ugly, ugly people, don't try to deny it), not D.C. Lee or J.J. Wilson, who, judging from their headshots are clearly fine-looking young men. But something bothered me about my new Whipping Boy title and Page Two write-up. You mentioned a line I wrote six months ago (revenge is a dish best served cold, I guess), but neglected to mention that my column "Sick!" runs every Thursday in the Daily's Weekend section. It's too bad you guys don't publish very frequently, because you should tell your readers to check out my upcoming columns. I think the next two will be pretty funny. Well, thanks for the laughs and the free promotion. Can't wait to clip and save all the Ben Goldstein references in this school year's MR, and I'm looking forward to my new nickname.

As an organizer of the Tuesday, September 11 Vigil on the Diag, I was saddened to hear that several of your writers were upset that the National Anthem arid other patriotic odes were not part of the program. It was largely my decision not to include them, and in retrospect, the decision was my own error in judgment. For my mistake, I apologize to those who were offended in any way, and to those who felt their patriotic expression was slighted. I'll be quite honest, the idea not to include the Star Spangled Banner, God Bless America, etc., in the Vigil was a decision, while suggested by others, that was accepted by myself out of fear and confusion. I was scared for myself, scared for my University, scared for my family, and scared for my country. I remembered, especially, the lessons of history the vicious scapegoating and internment of Japanese Americans after Pearl Harbor. I saw the terror and felt the collective anguish of my fellow Americans when the towers fell and the Pentagon burned. I could see how our nation could turn

inside, against its citizens. I was genuinely afraid of what we might do, and so I intentionally left out anything that would have divided us in any way, segmented us, or turned "us against them." In doing that, I inadvertently shunned the only thing that really unites America. Have no doubts, the Vigil as it stood did great positive things for me, and I hope for our community. As I left the Vigil, I felt my faith and courage and resolve partially restored. But something was noticeably mlssmg. Singing our National Anthem, staring, teary-eyed, at our flag, which was still intact, like our strong nation, was what I needed that evening. I regret that it wasn't included as part of die organized program. Those who sang an impromptu version after the event ended were most certainly acting appropriately, and filling a void. I was wrong about how America would react to this tragedy. Patriotism hasn't brought a scourge of jingoism and xenophobia upon us. What we've seen in the last few weeks has been nothing short of amazing. The highest volume of

charitable donations in our nation's history. Nearly 60 television networks airing the same two h~urs of programming to raise money for victims' families, commercial free. Citizens stopping police and firemen on the streets allover the country, thanking them for doing their jobs to keep us safe and free. Americans helping Americans, an outpouring of love, support, kindness, and understanding. That is what our national symbols are all about; that is what they, and we, stand for. Mike Simon

More on Topless Liberals Dustin, was she hot at least? But knowing them ("irate liberal" women), I bet she was really ugly. Oh well. Keep up the good work! David Sackett

Ben Goldstein

Simon Says, "No Pledge," Sorry ~

: •

....................................................... Subscribe To The Michigan Review!

For a tax-deductible contribution of $35 or more, you'll receive a year's subscription to the Michigan Review, which includes 1 4 biweekly issues· plus our annual summer.

•• •• • •• • •• •• ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• .Please send my subscription to: •

Name:

Please make check or money order payable The Michigan Review

to:

TBB IIICB1GAR REVIBW - BDlTOlUALB

[Page 4

• FROM SUITE

October 17, 20011

ONE

ABTS Delegates Should be Held Accountable for Questionable Actions ECENTLY' THE MICHIGAN Student Assembly delegation to he Association of Big Ten Schools Conference (ABTS) came under scrutiny for a laundry list of mischief conducted on University time. This mischief includes, but is not exclusive to: skipping planned events to send mass e-mails, consuming alcohol during the conference and

As such, they not only participated in inappropriate actions, but they also broke the l~w. It is even more audacious that the Vice President herself can openly admit to "yiolating Minor In Possession (MIP) laws.

damaging two rental vans. These actions are deplorable on several levels. First, the MSA is a representative body of the University of Michigan. As such, it is the responsibility of the delegates to reflect a positive image of the U-M. Drinking and carrying on is clearly not positive. Second, no members of the MSA delegation sent to the conference were of legal drinking age. As such, they not only participated in inappropriate actions, but they also broke the law. It is even more audacious that the Vice President, Jessica Cash, can openly admit to violating Minor In Possession (MIP) laws. The members ofMSA are continually attempting to justify their positions of relative influence, though they counter this justification through their actions by failing to attend mandatory events (a la the DAAP election debacle last year), and by neglecting their required duties in favor of miscreant behavior. The continuing message during the MSA elections is that the Assembly should be taken seriously. Yet in passing meaningless resolutions, failing to accurately express the opinions of the student body and turning official U-M business into a drinking party, the Executive Board is smearing the image of the Assembly and this University.

This issue also raises the question of whether the University should spend student fees to sponsor trips under the guise of "education." As it stands, no University student group may use student funds to finance travel, except of course, the Assembly. Are student funds going to be used to pay for the damage caused to the vans by over:zealous Assembly members? The U niversi ty allotted approximately $2,000 for this planned activity, which is much more than most student groups receive for the year. That is $2,000 that the MSA could spend on LGBT Socials, Planned Parenthood Plays, and funding the "new civil rights movement in defense of affirmative action." This money was used to rent vans which were used irresponsibly, to travel to a Conference that was not even wholly attended by the participants and to rent hotel rooms that were allegedly used to facilitate underage drinking. Student fees are meant to help facilitate student groups, not help send a select few of the political elite on vacation. If the MSA wants to take a luxurious trip under the guise of

This money was used to rent vans which were used irresponsibly, to travel to a conference that was not even wholly attended by the participants and to rent hotel rooms that were allegedly used to facilitate underage drinking. goodwill, they should sign up for Alternative Spring Break, not use mandatory student fees that could be used elsewhere. While those who did not drink and actually attended mandatory events should not be held accountable, those who participated in these actions should be held accountable. Matt Nolan, Jessica Cash and the others who participated in the questionable actions during the ABTS conference should apologize formally for their actions and implement a clear-cut plan to avoid this kind of ruckus in the future. Mt

'St\ISE ~ ...

\ti\U

S\lPE~

fbWER tml'¥AI

SM\)~w\\

IN~~

~~.\~ Y~A~~

•

Well Intentioned, But Too Far Anti-Terrorism bill sacrifices civil liberties, constitution for limited security

S ATTORNEY GENERAL John Ashcroft has issued several decrees (including the AntiTerrorism Act of 2001) regarding the maintenance of National Security. Among these decrees include extradition of immigrants, detention of "suspicious peoples" and an increase in FBI wire taps. This is inherently giving the government free reign to violate the Fourth Amendment, with Executive endorsement. While the effort to secure

Allowing wanton pursuit » suspected terrorists . of " any would, in th"e long run, cause more harm than good. American freedom is laudable, the Department of Justice is going about it the wrong way. The Constitution and its clauses effectively serve as the last line of defense between the threat of the government and the public. The Fourth Amendment protects the public from wrongful search and seizure by the government. This would, and should, protect the common individual from the prying eyes of Big Brother. However, with rapid approval for wire taps, as well as "streamlining" cases against possible terrorist suspects, there is substantial room for error. Much as the post-Pearl Harbor hysteria caused the internment of many innocent American

CitiZenS, this action also seem hasty. Allowing wanton pursuit of "any" suspected terrorists would, in the long run, cause more harm than good. Part of. the greatness of this country is the "innocent until proven guilty" clause. However by "protecting freedom" the government is actually taking it away. Another aspect of Ashcroft's proposal is stemming immigration into and out of the country. While better regulation of immigration is necessary, this plan goes too far. It calls for thorough screening of applicants, and will in all likelihood target Middle Eastern applicants. This formulates worry of "guilt by association," in that innocent, law-abiding civilians run the risk of unjust monitoring, detainment or deportation. Also under the bill is a provision allowing for additional wiretaps and secret surveillance on suspected enemies of the state. This reeks of the misuse of power used by J. Edgar Hoover in the 50's and 60's, as well as the McCarthy abuses. On the other hand, it could lead to the successful capture and prosecution of members of terrorist groups. It is with this small sliver of hope that we must believe that justice will prevail. Already, at least one individual was detained by the FBI, questioned and released. This is reasonable, as long as probable cause exists for detainment. In the end, the Justice Department must use caution, common sense and the Constitution as a guide, so that civil liberties are not violated in an unreasonable way. Mt

• SCIENTIA ET VERITAS

The New Left and th·e First Amendment How the liberals have abandoned civil "

CONGRESS SHALL MAKE no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to ~ assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." - The First Amendment of ~ the Constitution

1~1 Matthew Franczak

"Congress or any other governmental body No, weddn't screw up, this is his real cotumn picture. sam h II ake no Iaw, public statement, or display complimentary of any religion, but shall back the criticism thereof; nor shall the government abridge or deny funding for any form of expression, as long as we agree with it and it does not offend a "protected" group." - As Read By the Modern Left Once upon a time, liberalism meant something more than high taxes and not having to work for a living. Back in those days liberals were interested in a Bill of Rights that didn't have the word "Patien t's'l in front of it. Unfortunately, along the path to its economic and social agenda, the left has become no better than the right in its defense of civil liberties. Most Democrats have abandoned this commitment entirely, and even the ACLU is very selective in which rights it wants to protect.

endorse religions with such inane initIatives as posting the Ten Commandments in schools and trying to find some constitutionally acceptable way to include prayer time in school schedules, they fail to follow through in preventing the government from discouraging the practice of a religion. Liberals are ready to demand the immediate removal of any nativity scene that may pop up on city property, but they have a different take when it comes to government-funded criticisms of religions. When the New York government threatened to yank funding for the Brooklyn Museum of Art for displaying dung-artist Chris Ofili's interpretation of the Virgin Mary, the ACLU was the loudest defender of his right to make a religious statement on government property. This piece of "art" is obviously a statement against Catholicism, and it is clearly being made with government support. The first amendment specifically states that the government should not act in such a manner as to prevent the exercise thereof. Just as a nativity scene on the city hall lawn is a statement for Christianity, the dung-smear~d icon is a statement against it; and the government should never be im:olved in either. Free Speech = Free Money

The ACLU's defense of public funding for art brings up another part of the modern left's betrayal of the first amendment. Somehow, liberals have fOUod that the right to free speech also includes the right to have however much money is Separation of Church and State necessary to broadcast your speech to the desired audience. Half of what liberals While not the actual wording of the decry as censorship is simply the decision Constitution, the "Separation of Church by some entity, government or corporate, and State" has become one of the to cease funding somebody's speech. So, objectives of a civil liberties advocate. The when the government decides it does not idea is that in order want to lend its floor space to a play to assure that no portraying Jesus' as a homosexual because it religion is favored or In short, 'it is a laudable to take a may offend citizens, it discriminated stand against intolerance, is not censorship; against, the unconstitutional to suggest that when Sears an~ government should refrain from Federal Express intolefa!1t speech should be decide to pull their involving itself in any banned and hypocritical to talk sponsorship of Bill religions matters, about either when you support Maher because ·a period. However, AI Sharpton. comment he made is despite their offending poten tial professed belief in customers, it is not this doctrine, censorship; when Mayor Guiliani tries to modern liberals come up short when it cut funding fo~ a museum that displays comes to actually foUowing through with artwork that offends his constituents, it it. While they strive zealously to prevent those who believe that government should is not censorship.

liberti@~e~'-

The fact of the matter is that funding is received in exchange for providing a service for your sponsor, and if your service is no longer desired, you have no right to continued funding. Your right to free speech is still as intact as before, you just might need to take your act outside.

The Double Standard of Offensiveness

Another problem with the left's interpretation of the first amendment is its view sensitivity. No view, no matter how hateful, offensive or bigoted should be suppressed, as long as it is not about a "protected" group. The view that all men are potential rapists is precious and needs Campaign Finance Ref~rin to be expressed whether or not you agree with it, but the view that Freshman girls Interestingly enough, the most should be gotten while they are skinny pressing free-speech issue of our time finds needs to be suppressed brutally. Viewing liberals firmly against it. The McCainall men as sexual predators and all women Feingold bill, the most likely incarnation as sexual objects are both highly offensive of campaign finance reform, calls for a to the respective parties, but the former cap on soft money contributions. This is acceptable and the latter is not, simply amplifies already rigorous infringements because. men are not a protected group. imposed by previous campaign finance By doing this , liberals are simply using reforms passed in 1972. Campaigning is free speech as one of the most basic another tool to forms of political expression and Just as a nativity scene on the city divide people based backing a candidate is hall lawn is a statement for on race, gender and . . . sexual orientation. In an important way to Chnstlaruro; the dung-smeared sort, h .. I dabl e ~J' It IS a au express your vIews. Giving a party or icon is a statement against it; and to take a stand candidate money to the government should never be against intolerance, unconstitutional to express their views is involved in either. that suggest the same as using your intolerant speech money to express the should be banned same views yourself. and hypocritical to talk about either when As long as the sources are disclosed you support AI Sharpton. publicly, there is no ambiguity about who is sponsoring the speech, so there should Freedom of Anything be no restrictions on it beyond any other form of speech. The final problem with the left's · Further, eliminating campaign interpretation of the first amendment is contributions will reduce the number of they believe it allows them to express ads candidates can run. Political ads are themselves however they want. The first frequently the most direct expression of a amendment only explicitly protects candidate's views. Without them, the speech, not any other forms of expression. public is reduced to gaining information Thus, while other forms of expression from the media and voter guides. This should not be banned, they have no special forces the public to get its information constitutional protection; so, if they from a smaller number of sources, involve the violation of some other law, increasing the damage that bias or one should expect to be punished for . inaccuracies can do. People realize that them. Nonviolent civil disobedience is the information candidates themselves sometimes an effective and appropriate give out is biased, but this is better that tactic, but if you are trespassing, whether no information at all. Campaign finance be in the School of the Americas or a it reform also disproportionately increases dean's office, expect to be arrested for it. the advantages of incumbents, who can Even worse is trying to use free expression use their position to increase their media as an ex'i::use to silence the speech of exposure and, in the case of Congressmen, others, a practice not unknown ·to our mail out campaign literature free of charge. campus left. So next time you are thinking Public discourse never is hurt by adding about ripping up somebody's sign, spray more voices and campaign contributions painting someone or stealing the issues allows people to do just that. However, of a certain right-leaning campus most liberals oppose this basic form of publication, remember that the first political expression, and even .the ACLU amendmen t protects speech, not is only lukewarm in its opposition. vandalism; and please state your oppositIOn rather than steal the opposition. Mt

"'"""-"",.......,,,-

Ipage 6

'1'118 1IICB1CW1 UVIBW - CO拢~"'O"'NJ'~F

1 '-

October 17, 2001

CHINK IN THE ARMOR

Uncle SaITl Wants You, and You, 路and You, and you ...

FEW YEARS ago, before the . creation of that ever-so-magical ale-paradise known as the History Channel, I used to watch a lot of the Discovery Channel, and a few years ago, they had this special called Carrier: Fortress at Sea. The details are a bit hazy, but what I do remember, other than the sight of an F-14 flaming out and James the crew bailing Y. Yeh out, was an interview with a young seaman as he scrubbed the head (bathroom, for you landlubbers.) Obviously, the poor guy was pissed; hell, who wouldn't be if he had to scrub toilets for five thousand sailors. But something he said stuck out. I forget the exact quote, but he basically said that he would've never enlisted in the Navy if he knew he'd end up scrubbing toilets. Here was a guy who volunteered to serve his country, but ended

up scrubbing toilets. He could've scrubbed toilets in the civilian world, gotten paid more, and wouldn't have had to go through weeks of basic ttaining. And what about all the other mundane but necessary jobs our Navy offers? Who in the world would want to volunteer for scraping paint or pumping out the bilge, AND get to visit exotic locals like Norfolk, VA or Bayonne, NJ? And what about the rest of the military? The easy answer would be to draft people for jobs like that. Let volunteers do what they want to do (unless of course, they really WANT to scrub toilets.) But the draft is unfair. Hell, I'll say it, it's always has been unfair. During Vietnam, the poor and minorities wen t to fight while affluent coll~ge students got to stay in school until they were too old' to be drafted. A hundred years before Vietnam, poor Irish men in New York 路City rioted because they were being called-up ,to fight the Confederacy while the wealthy got to buy their way out of being called-up. ::the solution? Universal conscription. Being from Taiwan, the concept of universal conscription is nothing new to

me. All of my male relatives who lived in Taiwan past their teen years did their time in Chaing Kai-Shek's army and none of them are any路worse for wear. The law as it stands today is that all males must serve for two years. When the new conscript starts his service, whether it be in active dury or in the reserves varies, the only people who can get out of serving are the disabled and hardened criminals. This idea is similar in Germany as well. So why can't it work here? If all males hiVe to register for Selective Service when they turn 18 here anyway, why not add on two or three years of government service? Proponents of a professional military will argue that a conscripted military won't perform as well, but World War 1, World War II and Korea were all well fought with conscripts. Today, German units using conscripts routinely win NATO armor competitions over units with all volunteers. A conscript army would also serve to anchor the military into mainstream society, one of the principle reasons the Germans have decided to keep universal conscription, despite the end of the Cold War. Recruits

here would learn new skills that they never would've learned otherwise, and incidentally, accidents involving firearms would most likely drop to almost nothing. There can be no harm done by forcing young Americans to serve their country in peacetime. Would it be legal? Why riot? If it's legal to randomly select men for military service based on their birthdays, if it's legal to not make women register for Selective Service and if it's legal to force kids to go to school for eight to twelve years of their lives, it should be legal to force all young men to serve their country. If the price !3f freedom is eternal vigilance, then let us remain ever vigil. ~

Note: to Josh Ellison, who suggested that we at the Review enlist before we start calling for war, I say this: if we stop pussyfooting around and actually send in ground troops, I'll run my ass off and grab my tomahawk and enlist when I graduate. I would love nothing more than to get myself some enemy scalps, even if they have turbans attached to them.

WTC and A Look at Leftist .Opportunism How the extreme left is perverting the war effort for. their own interests By

NATHAN PRILL

VER THE PAST few weeks, the . rhetoric of the extreme lett has become more visible on campus. Students enter their classes in the morning, arriving to find messages on the blackboards and pamphlets on the desks. These messages urge students to attend "emergency protests," to show disapproval of the recent military attacks against Afghanistan. Upon arrival at any of the rallies, however, people see a different face. These "protestors" shout sentiments that are completely irrelevant to the events following the Sept 11 th attack, phrases such as, "End oppression in Iraq!" or "Don't forget to get on the bus for the Affirmative Action court case in Cincinnati, Ohio!" These slogans leave many students wondering if leftist groups are not using the horrific attack on the United States as an opportunity to get their twisted message to the student body. As the reality of the conflict comes into perspective, a sense of purpose is emerging. With this, the desire of leftist groups to use this emotion as a means of spreading a message that seemingly calls for peace is becoming clear. This "peace"

individuals to question whether severe calls on Americans to ignore the recent harm may be done. Consider the press attacks. These groups (e.g., BAMN) call coverage of campus issues. When leftist American actions abroad racist. They groups use the events since Sept 11 th to argue that the grievances of the world, gain media attention for anti~American from starvation to epiHemics, are a, result sentiments and other unrelated issues, of U.S. intervention. The subversive students suffer. nature of these Now is not the best sentiments is leaving The misleading message of time to show many students with groups like BAMN is intended dissent or rake up concerns about confusion about where the left is only to manipulate the current issues in our going and what their crisis for the benefit of an society. We are in a intentions really are. extremist ideology that even bipartisan effort to Many on many liberals find unpatriotic end terrorism, not campus hold the to stop starvation in belief that the United and unpalatable. some obscure area States should seek a of the world. When peaceful resolution individuals protest to stop "racist policy," to this international crisis. However, the we should question whether this confusion use of the word "peace" in many of the and dissent isn't exactly how terrorists want extremists' literature is misleading. Are us to respond. By confusing the United they looking to resolve the current States, terrorists have the opportunity to conflict? Are they even talking about it plan and carry out more attacks. directly? The misleading message of One bright spot in this murky leftist groups like BAMN is intended only to rhetoric, however, is the response from manipulate the current crisis for the students on campus. The goal of these benefit of an extremist ideology that even protests is to get extremist me5sages to many liberals find unpatriotic and the student body. This seems to be failing. unpalatable. Nods of disapproval and looks of The use of this crisis to draw confusion have been a casual reaction to attention to other issues has led many

the protests. The lack of definition at the protests has been met with widespread disgust. In fact, the growing movement in favor of U.S. intervention in Afghanistan, led by the YAF (Young Americans for Freedom), is gaining great support in light of the recent attacks. Impromptu counter-protests are amassing even larger groups than the extreme left's rallies. Students of all walks are uniting again leftist opportunism by picking up flags and posters to support their country. The voices of these pro~American students drown 'out the irrelevancies of groups like BAMN to assure that the world knows that our University will not be bogged down by leftist speech-making. In the coming months, as the United States continues its efforts to snuff out global terrorism, our student body will no doubt continue to be faced with those who use current events as a means of spreading extremist literature. This calls on all of us to remain focused and vigilant, that we may continue the bipartisan support of our government in all its actions. As many on campus are beginning to realize, the war on terrorism will not be won by confusing the American public with leftist nonsense, but by the unity of the people behind the nation and its military.Mt ."

'. " 路路 -sys"fems ' for electronic exchange (such as e-mail, Michigan Student Assembly sent eight IRC, Usenet News, World delegates to the Association of Big Ten Wide Web, etc .); for Schools Conference. Nolan, Cash and six example, you shall not send other MSA members left Thursday forged electronic mail, mail October 4th and traveled to the University that will intimidate or harass of Minn es ota . "ABTS gives us an other users, chain messages opportunity to sit down , talk through that can interfere with the things we do on our campus and come efficiency of the system, up with ideas to address these issues," said mass mailings not related to Nolan. "It is more or less an info-sharing the topic(s) of the addressed . ." sessIOn group(s) , or promotional Tradi tion ally, MSA pays for the mail for profit-making delegates to attend the conference. This purposes." That being the year, the assembly allocated $2,000 to pay policy, students not for th ree nights in a hotel, two rental vans involved with MSA should and a number of other incidental costs. not be receiving campaign Besides networking and other emails . expected events, a number of allegations Moreover, this action also comes dangerously have arisen regarding MSA's delegation to ABTS. close to infringing the MSA The con fe rence co nsists of four policy on campaigning: sessions, each one addressing a specific "The Assembly and/or area of student government. its subsidiary bodies will not A number of the delegates, including endorse,subsidiz~, or MSA President Matt Nolan, VP Jessica campaign inany mannerJor any candidate,' slate, or Cash and Student General Council John Carter, skipped the fourth issue session. party nor will they give the appearance of "Attendance wasn't necessary at all endorsing, subsidizing, or campaigning in sessions, " explained Cash;" b~t it's any manner for any candidate, slate, or expected they are doing something relevant p~fty. As such, MSA facilities and for what they are supposed to be at the meetings of MSA andlor its subsidiary conference for. " Everyone did not hold bodies , cannot be used to aid in this view. campaigning. " "It Was my understanding that our This trip was paid for by the MSA, attendance was required at all the issue and under this rule critics charge that sessions," said Students' Rights co-chair members of the group should not be Robert Goodspeed. allowed to campaign during MSA According ' to Cash, the fourth issue sponsored activities, let alone while they session was about freshman involvement, were evidently skipping an event. "I had a little extra time so I decided and she feels the Michigan Student to send out , the emai!," said Cash. "I Assembly has that under control. Instead of attending, Cash explained that the Blue realize it wasn't completely appropriate but it's been done before." Party delegation, Nolan included, was Other members of the, MSA felt that privately meeti~g with some members Cash's action, though not necessarily from Penn State. Nolan explains the prohibited, wasn't suitable for the ABTS absence differently. conference. "I was having a meeting with the chair "I don't think campaigning while of the Association of Big Ten Students; attending the conference violates the he does a lot of stuff with the recreational code, " said Goodspeed, "but I think sports program in Illinois. We had a one campaigning during the ABT$ conference on ,one conversation about rec sports on is in bad taste." . campus at U-M." Greg Hayes went further to say, "The Evidently, the Blue Party delegation mass email sent by members of the Blue also used this rime to 'spam' campus with Party was inappropriate, and violates MSA em ails recruiting students to "run with policy as far as I understand it." Blue" in the upcoming MSA election. Not Altho,!gh debate can be had about the only does t'his action violate the MSA policy, Cash's actions were clearly .Information Technology Department's in violation of ITO policy. policy regarding 'spam' emails, but it also "I got an email from ITO (about the creates an unnecessary disturbance for .. spam)," said Cash. "I honestly think it's many students. something I probably shouldn't have done. "We get enough e-mail as is, nobody But there are people that are trying to make wants 12 of them," said Engineering Rep. a big deal out of it because it's political." Greg Hayes. "T~at's what I got." Another In addition to the email controversy, student reported getting 39 copies of the there have also been allegations of the same email. delegates consuming alcoholic beverages The ITO policy was created as a during the trip. Some delegates allegedly guideline for responsible computer system attended the formal dinner, an official usage: ABTS event, inebriat~d. "To respect the intended usage of

...z,.oo

~':"---"

'The van was retruned with this damage. Rachel Fisher, a former U-Dem Party MSA candidate and Peace and Justice coChair, made the first allegations of drinking. Her feelings were echoed by other delegates. "A number of ABTS delegates, including Matt Nolan and Jessica Cash, appeared to be under the influence of alcohol at our formal dinner Friday night, although I don't know what, if anything, they had to drink before," said Goodspeed. . Both Nolan and Cash denied these allegations, but admitted ,to drinking on the trip. "During the night, when students got together, we partied," said Nolan. "Never at any point were we intoxicated, as it would be highly unprofessional." "At the conference there are lots of social things," said Cash. "But we're college students. When the time was appropriate, yes , there was some drinking." "I sat with both Matt and Jessica at . the formal dinner, " explained Justin Zartman, President of Penn State. "From my knowledge and observation, neither of them were drunk. " On top of the alleged drinking and spamming, two rental vans were involved in two separate accidents over the weekend trip. "The front bumper on one van was really smashed-in on the silver van, " explained a Thrifty Car Rental employee. "The other had a lot of damage on the passenger door. You couldn't miss it. We would never rent a car with this much damage. ".The Dodge dealership gave a quote of over $3,000 to fix the two vans. Nolan and the other delegates made no mention of the accidents until confronted with the allegations. Nolan explained that

MSA Representative Zack Slates got in an accident on the way back to Michigan. "When he was on the way back, he ran into something and thought it was a minor thing and brought it back. When he turned in the van, the van people told him it was cool and he left." As for the second van, Nolan denied any accident. "On the other van we didn't know of any damages. We think it was done in the [Thrifty] parking lot after we turned it in." Thrifty explained that the vans were not inspected until after they were checked in , but that the da.maged definitely occurred on the road and not in their parking lot. The Thrifty employee added that although they vans were checked in, that it does not absolve the renters of any liability. Zack Slates, who refused to. offer any details of the actual nature of . the accidents, said they knew both vans were damaged when they were turned in. Nolan said he was talking with Thrifty regarding liability and insurance. "We're trying to figure out what is covered by insurance. We hope the University's i'n surance will cover everything. " There are some questions as to whether the students sent to these conferences should even be participating in partying and alcohol consumption. Because the MSA is funded yearly by the $5.69 fee added to students' bills, the students of the U-M technically footed the $2,000 for this conference. "I believe that going on the ABTS conference is a privilege, and we should treat it with respect," said Goodspeed. "It took many students' fees to send us ~ere, and I would hope that the delegates treat it seriously." ~

Ipage 8

1'IIB IDCBIOAII REVIBW -

CAJfPVS U'AIRS

October 17, 20011

Accomplishments Many, Po liti c S-- --Stiffk-'-路Bollinger's Brief Tenure at the U-M biotechnology corridor. Although the money for the Life Sciences effort will be shared with other state institutions, the TER FIVE SHORT years as U-M's allocation will 'serve to shore up its President of the University of own biomedical program. A new, six story ichigan, Lee C. Bollinger has Life Sciences Institute, under construction decided to return to Columbia University, where he studied law,to serve as its 19,h at Palmer and Washtenaw, will house new medical research labs and provide spa<::e president. for classrooms designed not only to teach With all the commotion that has students the fundamentals of natural accompanied Bollinger's parting, many science, but also to formulate and answer students are left wondering what the fuss some of the ethical and philosophical is all about. Aside from scanning the Ivy questions that will accompany advances League papers for presidential want-ads, in biotech capabilities. arranging the office furniture to deter student protesters, and hitting rich alumni But students will never remember the countless back-room deals and conference up for cash, many are pl.lzzled as to what calls the President made to raise support the President does each day inside the thick for his initiatives. For most students ~ the walls of the Fleming Administration President's most memorable gesture ' Compound. When one examines Lee Bollinger's tenure, he discovers that the occurred on a blustery foo~ball Saturday President's work, both in and out of the in November of 1997 . That day, Mr. Bollinger opened the doors of his South office, has made a tremendous impact on U. mansion 'and invited the throng of student life at the University. His ardent students, cheering on his lawn, to come defense of race preferences aside, the inside and celebrate. So many were the President's efforts to preserve and enhance muddy feet that trampled his pristine excellence at the University are easy to carpets, that the floor coverings had to be recognize and appreciate, and he will completely replaced. Students shot surely not be missed. pictUres with the "prd' and even shared It is little surprise that the likes of beer from his 'fridge. It was a day in which Harvard and Columbia should come to the normal barriers that come between lure the President from this campus. His people on campus were eradicated. credentials are strong and his He also recently invited students to accomplishments many. After law school, his hous<; to talk about the recent terrorist Bollinger became a clerk for U.S. Supreme attacks. Each year he encourages a select Court Justice Warren Burger, and later few students to attend a presidential came to Michigan's Law School to serve "fireside chat," in as professor and which he fields Dean. After a short stint as the Provost Aside from scanning the Ivy student questions. He stays in regular of Dartmouth League papers for communication College, Bollinger with the MSA, and became Michigan's presidential want-ads, 12'hpresident in arranging the office furniture has continually weighed ' in on 1996. During his to deter student protesters, student issues such presidency the as the relocation of University has grown and hitting rich alumni up and flourished. for cash, many are puzzled as the Tower Societies, student drinking Since he took office, to What the President does (especially following the U-M has the alcohol-related experienced an each day inside the thick death of LSA unprecedented walls of the Fleming freshman Courtney number of Administration Compound. Cantor in 1998), applicants (24,000 and safety at the for this fall) while the Naked Mile. University's As do all leaders, President Bollinger endowments have swelled to $3.6 billion has had to bind together various and (4rth largest among public institutions). opposing interests at the University and In the last year, Mr. Bollinger has carefully steer a "middle" course through helped orchestrate an extended volatile sensibilities. And, of several partnership between the University and course, the President's efforts have not the esteemed Royal Shakespeare always been highly appreciated. Factions Company. The President has argued within the University have criticized him successfully for funds from the Michigan's for hesitating to sign an anti-sweatshop tobacco settlement to develop a statewide By BRAD SPRECHER

agreement with the militant and interest in first amendment free speech issues (he has written two very influential unscrupulous Workers' Rights Coalition. When it became known that Michigamua, books on the first amendment within the one of Michigan's premier secret societies past 15 years). Bollinger has repeatedly had persisted in making derogatory use said that access to the University is access to a broad public dialogue-a meeting of of Native American paraphernalia in its rituals, the minds and Bollinger the swapping defended the of ideas. He free speech contends that righ ts of the th e society, but sat educational experience IS by while their perennial most complete U n ion when diverse occupancy segments of rights were society are revoked. He brought also came together to under fire a share their special year and a half路 ago, when knowledge. As an educator, conservative Bollinger's candidates for desire to best the U-M Regent spoke teach his students is out against noble, although misguided. His desire to David Halperin's controversial English create equity on campus is admirable, but class, "How to be G~y." In the midst of the criticism, Bollinger spent a good deal his methods are flawed. Sadly, the of time defending the ca'urse as integral admissions policies he has defended focus only on one type of diversity: that of skin to understanding the ways in which tone. Little attention has been given to humans create their identity. Bollinger also took the brunt of the criticism for allowing the ideals of intellectual or ideological diversity. The University takes great pains the Athletic Department to erect yellow aluminum siding on the football stadium. to advance the agenda of those segments of society that would subvert or reject After receiving countless letters from traditional values. The inclusive "dialogue" outraged alumni, Bollinger announced that of Bollinger's University invites every voice the "halo," as it had become known, would to the table, so long as those voices are come down. equally as interested in rejecting the timeThe longest and most contentious honored notions of truth and justice. debate during Bollinger's administration Bollinger's administrative skills, his has involved the University's affirmative interpretat,ion of "diversity" and his action policies. Four years ago, the Center staunch defense of affirmative action have for Individual Rights filed two class action made him a prime presidential candidate lawsuits against the University's race:: based for the liberal bastions of Harvard and admissions programs. Although both the Columbia. At Michigan, students will first suit, filed against the College of LSA miss his eloquent speeches, his congenial in October of 1997 and the second suit, nature, and his ability to rally influential brought against the Law School two alumni to support his academic initiatives. months later, were filed after Bollinger But although we might admire his efforts became President (in February of that to preserve the University's status as a year), one may speculate whether the premier academic institution, we may do Regent's decision to select a lawyer to head the institution was in anticipation of . well to replace the President's consistent impending legal action. As the chief. utopian efforts at路 social engineering, whatever the cost. defendant in the tWo cases, Bollinger has In the world of academia, perhaps the spoken repeatedly and consistently in conservative can only hope for a defense of racial preferences as an University president with exceptional appropriate means of redressing past talent and virtue, regardless of his liberal discrimination and creating a rich learning ideology. At Michigan we have had such environment. a president, but we will not miss him once The President's defense of these he is gone. Mt policies seems to stem from his strong

IOctober 17, 2001

TBB IDCBJOAlI REVIBW -

CAIfPl1S g,AIRS

Page 9

Affirmative Action: Definitive Primer All the facts you need to know to understand the lawsuits By GEOFF BROWN

NE OF THE most hotly debated issues on campus is affirmative action and the admissions lawsuits pending against the University of Michigan. Jennifer Gratz, an unsuccessful LSA applicant for the 1995 Fall Term, and Patrick Hamacher, an unsuccessful LSA applicant for the 1997 Fall Term, filed Gratz v. Baitinger in October 1997. Barbara Grutter unsuccessfully applied for admission to the Fall 1997 entering class of the Law School, and subsequently filed Grutter v. Baitinger in December 1997. Both cases were filed in federal court in the United States District Court for the Eastern District of Michigan, and each alleged that the U-M's use of race as a factor in" admissions violated both Title VI of the 1964 Civil Rights Act (which prohibits recipien ts of federal funds from discriminating on the basis of race) as well as the plaintiffs' rights to equal protection under the Fourteen th Amendment to the U .S. Constitution. While the suits are very similar in their claims, their outcomes were dramatically different. A different district judge decided each case; in December 2000, Judge Patrick Duggan decided for the UM in Gratz, holding that the diversity is "a compelling governmental interest ... justifYing the use of race as one factor in the admissions process ... "; In March 200 I, District Judge Bernard Friedman

UAC Continued from Page 1 But the Dick show qualifies as a big loss. "It just wasn't well-attended," said Netter, blaming the poor attendance on "bad luck." "It happen ed to be a really co ld night, there were no door-ticket sa les, and Andy Dick wasn't all that popular." Michigan Student Assembly President Matt Nolan, who did not attend the Dick show, agrees. "If it had been a free showing of Andy Dick, I still wouldn't have gone," he said. Last year UAC had no way to gauge interest in possible events. Netter does not know how last year's committee chairs decided what acts to bring in, but "I know they didn't require market research," he said. "This year we have a set of guidelines that have to be followed strictly before a show will be considered," he said. New policies include running informal focus groups and conducting surveys to

ruled for the plaintiff in Grutter, holding that diversity was not, in fact, a compelling state interest, and issued an injunction prohibiting the Law School from considering race in its admissions decisions. Both cases have been appealed to the United States Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit, which will hear oral arguments for both cases on Tuesday, Octobet 23rd. While Judge Friedman denied a stay, pending appeal, of his order enjoining the Law School from using race as a factor in its decisions, the Sixth Circuit did grant such a stay, and the Law School has not, therefore, yet been forced to alter its procedures. It is, to . say the least, somewhat unusual to see a situation where the same court (albeit acting through two different judges) has issued decisions to the same University that send completely different messages. Perhaps even more interesting is that the two judges arrived at their opposite conclusions using the same case-the landmark Supreme Court case of Regrnts of the University of California v. Baklte(wherein the plaintiffchallenged UCDavis's Medical School admissions policy setting aside a number of seats as -as their rationale. Bakke is a particularly difficult case to figure out (as Judge Friedman notes in his opinion: "The difficulty of this task was perhaps best summarized by the Fifth Circuit in United States v. City ofMiami [ ... ], which stated: 'We frankly admit that we are not entirely sure what to make

determine an event's appeal. Motioning to s1:acks of returned surveys on the table in front of him , Netter recited the two questions the surveys ask students: Would you see this comedian perform at Hill Auditorium? and How much would you pay? The "No" pile is large, but it is matched by an equally sizable "Yes" pile. "We're making sure," he continued, "before we agree to bring in any large act, that it will sell a suitable number of tickets. " Sitting just next to the two piles, though, is a single "Yes" outlier. This student indicated he would only pay $5 for a ticket, Netter explained, but UAC must charge $20 per ticket to break even at Hill. "So it really doesn't count as a 'yes.'"

It appears, then, that UAC really is trying to make up for its past mistakes. A ticket to last year's Chappelle-Breuer show cost just $10, which UAC officials admit was far too low. In comparison, Chappelle gave a solo performance at Detroit's State

"The 'difficulty of this task was perhaps best summarized by the Fifth Circuit in United States v. City ofMiami [ ... ], which stated: 'We frankly admit.that we are not entirely sure what to make of the various Bakke opinions. In over one hundred and fifty pages of United States Reports, the Justices have told us mainly that they have agreed to disagree. '" - Judge Friedman of the various Bakke opinions. In over one hundred and fifty pages of United States Reports, the Justices have told us mainly that they have agreed to disagree."'). In Bakke, a white male who had unsuccessfully applied to the University of California-Davis medical school filed suit against the University in state court alleging that the University's use of race in admissions decisions, coupled with its practice of reserving 16 seats in each class for minority student only, was discriminatory. The trial court found in favor of Mr. Bakke, and the California Supreme Court both upheld the decision and enjoined the University from ever 'using race in its admissions decisions. On appeal to the Supreme Court, the Court found itself sharply divided: four justices,

comprised of Justices Stevens, Rehnquist, Stewart, and then-Chief Justice Burger, held that Title VI of the 1964 Civil Rights Act prohibited UC-Davis from using race in its admissions decisions since it received federal funding; another group of four justices (Brennan, White, Marshall, and Blackmun) concluded that Title VI and the Constitution allow the use of race to remedy past racial prejudice, so long as "it acts not to demean or insult any racial group." Since neither side constituted a majority, the opinion authored by Justice Powell acted as a tiebreaker-on the one hand, he sided with

Theater six months later at a cost of $30 per ticket. UAC exists to provide entertainment to students at a low cos t, said Netter. "We're charging students a much lower cost than they would be charged had the act come somewhere in Detroit. And it's closer." Yet, since it is difficult to estimate a show's actual operating cost, organizers sometimes undercharge, causing largerthan-normal losses. "On very rare occasions, something's going to go wrong, and you're going to lose money, which is just the way things go sometimes," said Netter. UAC is trying to cut spending, said Netter. For instance, groups can no longer put up their own posters; all publicity is going under the direction of the marketing president. "We're not letting groups use Kinko's anymore, 'cause goodness knows they take everyone's money,Âť he added. It is also seeking advertising revenue for the first time.

Netter is worried, however, that simple budget cuts wiJI do little to fix UAC's underlying problem: its operating budget has rem ained constant since 1985. Each student pays $2 per semester, giving UAC $175,000 per year. With inflation, explained Netter, their purchasing power has decreased greatly, while committees have become more active. "There's no reason why any University entity should go 15 years wi thout having its budget changed," he said. "The Andy Dick show obviously didn't help things out, but it's a problem that would have risen, regardless . " Nolan believes that a budget increase would let UAC "bring in better performers to campus." Recent graduate Jeffrey Wank, who organized the two shows, faced a disciplinary hearing and was removed from his posts as chair of Laughtrack and Comedy Company. "He wasn't allowed to put together any other big events the rest of the year," said Netter. Mt

Continued AFFIRMATIVE ACTION on Page 11

rom the shadowy world of trendy Ann Arbor coffee bars to the mean streets of upper-middle class Grosse Pointe, Apple Pie is the sto-ry of the triumph of the human spirit in the face of some pretty normal, everyday, ordinary stuff. The Observer & Eccentric: "Mazzotta writes in a fast and breezy - style, so there's rarely a dull moment in Apple Pie ... Apple Pie will hit the spot. "

tl " tl •

•

...... . . . I

•

.. _ • •

• I

·· .. •

The Michigan DaUy: "a comedic look at college life ... satirical commentary reigns supreme and dares the reader not to laug h out loud ... "

,tt '

The Daily Helmsman: "laugh-out-loud funny ... both realistic and humorous ... as endearing as it is funny"

••

•

The State News: "college students can relate to some of the events at the university ... Mazzotta manages to make the situation humorous"

Dav-id Mazzotta

**Askfor Apple Pie at Barnes & Noble or Border's** Visit www.ReadApplePie.comfor more information The youngest son of successful Korean immigrants, Alex Kim is less concerned with discovering his ethnic heritage than reminding everybody that he is an American. He's no Asian Whiz Kid, just an average student trying to make his way through the University of Michigan in a dreary reality of nerdy roommates, a lousy part-time job, and a remarkably reticent girlfriend. As Alex's stultifying life closes in on him, an opportunity to break away presents itself - embodied in the mythically beautiful, if somewhat dogmatic, Naomi. Alex carpes the diem, as he might say, and leads us on a comically wry journey through every form of silliness college life has to offer as he tries to make sense of his place in the universe without "swirling down the metaphysical toilet bowl."

The Definitive Novel of Ann Arbor

- --- -

- - ---~~~- ..

IOctober 17. 200 1

TBB IIICB1GAlf RBVIBW -

,BA TURBS

11 1

Page

The Day Bacardi Saved My Life By JON BOOK

ellow Michigan Review readers, do you remember that assignment in high school where you had to write a company and see if they would send you free stuff? Me neither. But I always thought it would be fun if someone would write a liquor company and see what they would send. Ah, to be nostalgic about the days of high school. I mean, when Will I ever have a chance to do an assignment like that again? Hmmmm. When indeed? It's . times like this when working for the ' Michigan Re~iew really becomes worth the effort . .Call it a human interest story, or . call it a chance to get cool .stuff from a liquor company, but I'm going to send this letter off to Bacardi Inc. and see what they have to say back. Maybe if they respond, you might hear about it in a future issue. By the way, thestory is real. It happened to me last, $epte~ber. You can't make up embarrassment this bad. Dear Bacardi Inc.: Normally I use your product recreationally, but something happened to me a year ago today that changed the way I'll think of Bacardi forever. I'm a 22-yearold college student from Michigan. At the time, I was living with my brother and

commuted to school. This was a little tiring at times, but it was coolin the long-run. Anyway, the event in question happened one late September day when I decided to do some grocery shopping. I'm a guy with some rather quirky impulses, and this particular clay I had an in tens.e desire to drink a can of sweetened condensed milk (hey, don't tell me you never thought about it!). So I got home, and the ,. first thing I dia .' was crack open that can and got

readY~'tod~ink. I tipped the can, parted my lips and let that sweet gO.o ey stuff slowly '.P' ooze into my · mouth. $wee~~ned condensed milk is really, really thick, and it flows really, really slowly, so I should have seen it coming. I accumulated a huge glob of the stuff in my mouth, and then I swallowed hard. It tasted great for a second, but I don't

know if it was the amount I took in, or if

I just swallowed wrong because I felt that substance just gluing to my throat on the way down. It was going down hard, like a huge lump, like if I swallowed a ping-pong bailor something. I struggled to get the glue-like substance down, and as I did, I realized

something. , " Hey Jon, you mig h t want to try and breathe o r ~"

$0,

tried it, and low and behold I

discovered that the sweetened condensed milk had glued my epiglottis shut. I struggled and struggled to breathe and could barely take in any air and could hardly breathe out. I couldn't f"**ing believe it! I was~hoking to dtath on a semi-solid! I kept"thlnking; ' "Man! How embarrassing isch,is?J'm

choking on sweetened condensed milk! What kind of obituary 'do you get for this? Oh man, what an ass I made out of myselfl" But that's beside the point. Where were we? Oh yeah, I was choking to death. So, I realized I had to do something fast, or I would be dead. I thought to myself, "How do I clear up a thick gluey substance in my throat?" I thought back to high school chemistry class, trying tothink what could break this crap up. Then, I remembered something: alcohol has both polar and non-polar chemical properties, thereby giving it incredible abilities as a solvent. But where to find alcohol at that moment? That was when I looked to the counter and found it: a pint bottle of Ron Bacardi Silver! I had to act! I unscrewed the cap as quickly as I could, and took a mighty pull on that bottle. Almost instantly the sweetened condensed milk started to break up, and my epiglottis became unglued. I could breathe! I was saved! All thanks to Bacardi. AA tells people that alcohol destroys lives, but alcohol saved my life. Thank you Bacardi. May you make your wonderful product for years to come. ~ Sincerely, Jonathan H . Book, Southfield, _".

Mi.: .

' .

':.;.\ i' : . : ' : '

"C · 1 h ' ; . ' " ---. -d' ~ " · t' ·.'; Affirmative · ertaln y samet Ing nee-. S (f Action be done about 'B akke."" n, .

Continued from Page 9

the Stevens group insofar as agreeing that interpreted as "implicit approval" of the UC-Davis's policy of setting aside a quota diversity conclusion, a conclusion which of seats to be filled by minorities was led Duggan to rule that diversity was in fact a compelling state interest allowing illegal, and on the other hand, he sided with the Brennan group in reversing the LSA to use race in its admissions policies. Granted, Duggan is quite co~rect in stating California Supreme Court's injunction forbidding the university to ever use race that, from a.~rtain standpoint, it is just as easy v.)' i~~erpret silence as implicit in its decisions. Groups looking to uphold race-based approval 'as it is to interpret it as implicit affirmative action repeatedly cite Bakke disapproval'. Certainly in a case that as binding precedent, when, in fact, no features a majority opinion, it might be majority opinion was handed down. Judge feasible to find implicit approval for a Friedman therefore correctly noted in majority viewpoint in a concurring Grutu-rthat he was thus "faced with the opinion where t~ere is no explicit taskofpiecing together the [ . . . ] opinions disapproval. However, Bakke is a case to determine Bakke's holding." Friedman' withGut a majority opinion. It is a case pointed out that Justice Powell's opinion featuring pl~ralities, and in trying to piece was' the only one that concluded that t:ogetQe~ a llolding, it is a dangerous diversity was a compelling state interest, pt'QP()siti.c?~ .t o assume approval from <lQd P9inte<i out that while the Brennan silpnce.. v.vhere ic might ,have been just as gri:mp had joined in Qtherparts ofPoweU's easy-tor t h<: 'c oncurring opinion to opirii~n, they had n9tjoined,in that Part, ' expieSs'ly ~pprove a conclusion. Piecing causing him to conclu,de ,chat :~majorio/ - tpgeclr~r - the,J~w from such .opinions is of the Court had n.oc ,h eld.,thiit d.iver~ity; . gues.s:work .in and of itself-looking was a compelHng 'state inte~est~ Judg¢beyond ,. the :~~licit opinions to try and Dllgga~, deq.idingthe Grlt.l;z case, divine the ti'nspoken intent of Justices is however;condl,ided that,6rennan's siMnt;:esimplyadding an extraneous dimension on that matter could jtist aseasHybe " to that guesswork. .

Certainly this leaves something of a . legal quagmire, one that the Sixth Circuit will soon step in to resolve. Howeve~, regardleSs of which view the Sixth Circuit takes, the matter may not, in fact, be settled. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circui~, in Hopwood v. State ofTexas, decided in 1996, also held that diversity was not a compelling state interest, using the reasoning (which Judge Friedman relied on in his opinion in Grutter) that by agreeing explicitly with parts of Pow-ell's opinions, but remaining silen t OIJ- the diversity issue, the Brennan group "implicitly rejected" that part of Powell's opinion. The Ninth Circuit, in Smith v. University ofWashington, decided in 2000, held the opposite, that diversity is in fact a compelling state interest. Whichever view the Sixth Circuit takes, the Supreme Court may feel compelled to step in and resolve this split of authoriry, and will, perhaps, finally bring some clarity to its holding in Bakke. Certainly something needs to be done about Bakke. For an issue as volatile as race-based preferences in college admissions, the Bakke case provides

directionthac is rriiu,"ky at' best.lf~e U ! M admissiollscases havedone ' nothitig else, they have, ' at least, brought to the forefront the fact that attempting to find the law created by Bakke is a task fraught with peril. It is one thing for two district judges in different districts within the same circuit hearing similar cases to arrive at differing interpretations of the law; it is quite another for district judges in the same district hearing virtually identical cases to arrive at markedly different conclusions regarding the law. This is to say nothing of the fact that two federal circuits are now similarly divided on the same issue. Assuming that the non-prevailing parties in these suits will take the cases to the Supreme Court following the Sixth Circuit's ruling, one can only hope that the Court will take this opportunity to at least clarify Bakke, if not hand down an opinion which is more clear and conclusive on these issues.l'vR Geoff Brown is a second-year law student and an editor emeritus of the Review. Please send comments to letters@michiganreview.com.

October 1 f ,

::.\JUII

Protest .Doubleheader ,

Conservative Minutemen, YAF Provide Ratia~al Discourse-----~ . . f megaphone of a group willing to use any means necessary. "YAF waved American flags, sang HE MINUTEMEN OF the . University of Michigan chapter of national anthems, wore red, white, and the Young Americans for Freedom blue ribbons, and held up ~igns expressing (YAP) heeded'the call to show student our pride for our.countryand our support support of the ongoing conflict involving for the United States invo~vement in this the U.S. led anti-tetrorism efforts across international effort against terrorism," said Amash. Additionally one YAFer flew a the globe. The call to show support was sent out Uoited States Navy fiag.in.proud supf!9rt shortly after U-M students stumbled into of the men and. women serving overse~, With the ffrst YAF-ledchult o f class Monday, OCt. 8th, only to be the scene began Jo g~tr()Wd" "USA!" bombarded by suspicious chalkings in nearly every classroom, all calling for .an Various shouting matches. ensued. and "Emergency Rally to end the War" at 1100n Tiana Walsh, a YAF supporter,· argued on the Diag. The messages were placed by intensely with peoplesuppotringBAM~, the Coalition to Stop Scapegoating and the culminating with a confrontatioh with War, a hastily constructed extension of the BAMN figurehead, Luke Massi<:. Before long, a modest crowd .had Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action ~Integration and Fight for Equality By gathered,. including students and faculty, . DPS and roughly ttm consttUc;tion workers Any Means Necessary (BAMN). on their lunch~brea'k. Channd~7 Action S~ing a definite negative response t() the recent U.S:-led airstrikes of News WXYZ-Detroit filmed the face-off Afghanistan's Taliban regime and the an1,later aired interviews with Peter Ape!, terrQrists. themselves, Peter Apel and Chip l4ffe Massie and the construction

,",/

JOSEPH MICHALSEN

After being denied the use of BA¥N's megaphone. YAF's smaller numbers continued to drown out BAMN's chanting with additional chants and singing. "God Bless America~and "The Star Spangled Banner" were sung . with great reverence. BAMN gave up after forty minutes of attempting to connect two separate issues: prejudice at home and our war against .terror. "Unfortunately for BAMN, campus to show support for our nation and we seek justice against Al-Qaeda and the our nation's actions. According to Justin Taliban, not Muslims, Arabs or Mghanis Amash, an LSA senior and YAF member, living among us or abroad,"Amash added. Before aU left, many had pledged to "YAF works to counterbalance the antiAmerican, anti-war protesters on the return to the flagpole at 7 pm to once again • show support for the United States in the Diag." At noon, two distinct camps were face of yet another antt-American r;:dly. present on the Diag. There were Once again the call was made,afid for the approximately tWenty BAMN members and second time that day, members of the supporters on the western steps of the Grad Young Americans for Freedom answered library. Gathered on the eastern steps were that call. This evening, around· six sets of the about fifteen YAF members arid also a few stars and stripes were flown aloft on passersby who joined the protest of twelve-foot poles. Posters were carried and BAMN's call fOf an end to the military mini-flags were waved. Thirty-odd operations in Mghanistan. The BAMN camp, armed with an members of YAF were present and illegal megaphone, a BAMN ~jgn and marched to the Diag. A much· quieter atmosphere pervaded posters calling for peace, was comprised in the evening than did in the afternoon. of many non~students and began to clutter A red, white and blue line was drawn the air with noise pollution at high noon. With that, YAF supporters began to telling the so-called "peace activists" to formulate· their plan to counteract the "Stand with USA." The "'peace activists" pacifist sentiments coming from the even' allowed YAF to use their megaphone

"YAP is basically a rri6biie Fourth of July Parade."

to justifY the actions taken earlier that day party of another, the U.S. to the Taliban, a . military response was and is the only by the American g()vernment., Soon, mingling 6ccurred between the acceptable way to attempt to bring the two groups and dialogues were had for a members of both Al~Qteda and the Taliban short time. All the while, the flags Were to justice. With that, YAF stood defiant, flown high, and the YAFers never let down defending our nation's actions throughout their guard. and night. On-scene acttvities the day During this brief interchange, indicated that each YAF gathering was literature was handed to YAF from the successful. During the noon hour, YAF "peace activists" running the rally. The garnered the majority of the smiles, cheers literature called for, "the trial of U.S. officials -responsible for atrocities," and fist-pumps from the crowd passing by. essentially referring to grievances of the In the evening, YAF member Chip Third World. The literature :Uso argued Englander was kept busy collecting that any danger of harm to civilians is too information from the constant flow of passersby desiring to join Young Americans great to warrant military action. This literature was almost as anti., for Freedom after witnessing the rally. l\R American as BAMN . Six thousand American cinzef1.s~ru.' weRas citizens from many other nations, had their lives unfairly snuffed ol1t by 19 madmen. The leader of these :men is known, his location is known and the > .,..~ infrasttUc~e that helped the madmen b~co:me efficient terrorists is in a place accessible not only to new recruits, but also to military forces of the United States seeking to provid continued security of this nation's borders. After an ultimatum from one sovereign nationw;lS issued and ignQredhythe ruling

----