vol_20_no_8

Ignorant Speech is Still Free Speech Review editor gets nasty in the 'Nati

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ERE WE WERE, downtown Cincinnati, Fountain Square, two blocks south of Over the Rhine, where earlier this year race riots intensified the public discourse on racial profiling. Here we were, downtown Cincinnati, Fountain Square, two blocks west of the 6'h Circuit Court of Appeals, where (his day a panel of judges was to hear the most significant aHirmative aCtion case since the inception of the program.

Here we were, downtown Cincinnati, Fountain Square, light years away from rational debate and our 1H Amendment Rights.

On December 6'\ three Review editors, Justin, Jon and myself, drove to Cincinnati to find ourselves not only fighting the dements of nature but also the elements of the new mass militant civil fights movement. As the rain poured, liberals, socialists and easily influenced Cincinnati high schoolers congregated on FOWlltain Square. We appeared to be the only advocates of colorbli nd adm issions in attendance at the rally to "defend affirmative action, and tight for integration and stop the re-segregation of higher education by any means

Continued BAMN on Page 10

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Andrew Shirvdl has been getting lome inleresting enwts as of late, but we're nor I to blame. Cross our heam, hope to die.

Editors D.C. Lee and Justin Wilson are accosted by a Minister in Fountain Cincinnati

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H.lppy Hlllid.ays tTom rhc: RL"View. Here. we: prL"5Cnt our onwned versillns of some: ci;wic holicJy music. Sir bade, rdax, ;lnd enjoy. Fed free: 10 sing O1Iong as Well.

Humor Ie's T.J.'s turn for Page .11, let's se:e: whar he's gor.

Hmm. a list of people who ~hould and who should ROI be :cloned. Did you make this lise?

Think you should have: nude rhe list? There's only one Woly ~o

and oddly enough, Affirmative Action. Nick Woomer and Waj Syed, editors from the Daily, BAMN member AgnesAIeobua, Professor Bill Thomson and Baptist Minister and Direct Action Network Leader Thorn Staffield spoke at the Teach-In regarding the an ti-war

Continued ALLIANCE on Page 11

Review Christmas

1_,Ut, pp. 6-7

Unholy alliance panders to anti-war crowd LL THAT WAS missing was a Soviet flag.

Communists of every stripe gathered Saturday morning, December 1st to . expound. oil the anti':war movement. Tens of students, former hippies and professors gathered to hear speakers address their take on the war, Iraq, Israel

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Raci.ll rrotiling on the Univc:rsiryt)f Michigan clmpw. Jnd <l c1~ic cdiror.al from l:ur YCM. M;lY G -d bios you and k~~p you .111 chis holitby .season. And Ict's nOl or~ct Sant.l!!!!

Ann Arbor's Legion of Doom "Teaches" Students

BY JUSTIN WILSON

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Brad and Man take: me: issue of doning to rhe suea, where they "duke i( ow." Ok. not really, but they do make some intcrcsling points.

T III 'I J( So BAMN brought more high school kids to Cincinnati. Well, you'd think they'd have to, because except for Agnes and Cyril, BAMN would be just as white as the Red Wings; except that most of the guys on the Red -Wings are EXCommunists from Detroit.

enslave Finland, Japan and Korea to serve us if need be. . .

An American, John Walker, was found among wounded Taliban troops last week with bullet and shrapndwounds. He claims to be a convert to Islam and a jiham, or a fighter of holy wars, and that he fought with the Taliban because he sympathized with their cause.

Now why can't more of the campus Left be as courageous as this man and go face automatic weapon fire and American air strikes? Come on you cowards, don't you sympathize with ·any cause that can result in perforation by bullets? There's got to be a revolution brewing somewhere, so go on, anel die - we mean, fight, for your cause!

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In other ~s, American kid~ ranked. first in the world in marksmanship, and only third in bombmaking, behind Palestinians and the Irish.

Recent reports have ,also stated that Walker has been feeding the U.S. valuable information about the Taliban.

Apparently, the Koran says nothing about ratting out your friends.

Actor Charles Bronson is denying reports that he has Alzheimer's at age SO. saying that he is in good health. which, for him, means that he can still kill lowlifes, psychos and Nazis better than men half his age. The nimor of his bad health may have started due to the proposed tide of his next fdm, Death WISh VI: God Plcue Have Mercy and Take Me Now.

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On a similar note, GSIs at the University of Illinois are also striking.

However, unlike the New Jersey teachers, these protesters will most likely be deported instead of jailed.

Also, reports indicate that Taub~an' s next donation to U ofM will by six cartons

With the recent folding of the Taliban headquarters at Khandahar, the U.S. forces have officially occupied and taken . control of MghaniStan, therebyeff'ectivdy accomplishing in .10 weeks ",hat the Soviets couldn't accomplish in 10 years.

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amongst students from the world, according to the results from the Program for International Student Assessment.

Finland leads . in literacy, Japan leads in math, and Korea in science. Meanwhile, American students ranked 15th, ISth. and 14th, respectively.

WeU, this mew wC'll ;l!St have to live with the fact our kids are just not as smart as Finnish, Japanese and Korean kids. and that we dumb Americans have gone to the moon and have developed weapons that can brutally

Publisher

James Justin Wilson Assoc. Publisher, M8/J1Jging Edilor

Ruben Duran MtJllaRing Edifor

James\'. Yeb Execufi ve Ediror CAMPUS AfFAIRS ED: NArL AFFAJRS ED: ASSISTANT EDITORS: SENIOR EDITOR:

Mille PIUWp. Brad SprKlKr D.. LevI

Jlrtd Suas MI«tIew Sdlwlru

STAFF WRITERS: Mike A.... Josh LaYipe. JoG .• BooII, Geoff Nat~ ,.,.

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The M'tdIipn Re,*", ;. IIIc indopaldt.nl. ftUdcnc·f\III joIw. ... of conscr.olllive and IibcrtliNn opinIoa _ !Ix Unlwnl\y of MkhipL We naIber ..&it 1IDf.:l«pl ~ dona~ (rom

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1Al-dedWible undof S«dnn $01 leN) of die ImmaI RtYc:nuc Cock. The R('viIIw ~ DOl .tfi.11Iu:d wid! any poIltial pmy ur univcnily political poup.

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This is just yet another reason why Russia (and Europe) sucks ass.

So Andrew ShlnodI has caIIcd _ • IIIr lamont other __ 0wUIIan -uti) (or ~'" him of c:IIItina _ II and baIIcIna up. The _ rCll' JUII" as well. ......·m.r. _ 100II • • DPS ailed ~ 10 Infann mn of !he complaint.

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American students rank only average

A large grQup .o fstriking New Jersey teachers have been sent to jail for not rctufning ,to work. This should provide allcxceUtntoPF0rtunity for them to .

Wiq1css firsdland the results of the public school system. .

The wealthiest Michigan alumnus, A Alfred Taubman. has recently been convicted of price fixing for auction houses. This also happened to Michigan State, however their richest alum was convicted of holding up a 7-eleven.

According to theD.-udgeReport,

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So basically they're leaving the landofJews .

'In other a Riclunond Virginia and violence to go to....rhe land of Jews highschool has eqwpped all ofits students with I-Book laptop computers only to and violence. di~over that these computers were used to download hardcore pornography.

Last week, Duke beat, Michigan by What. high schoOler$ using school only 21 points. which , means that in all . likelihood, we'd . on'lylose to the computers to download ~rn? NO .... ·Washington Wtzards by 5> ·

Osama bin Laden has ~unced he will televise his own suicide. And he thought

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OJ Simpson is currently being iq,lestigated for satellite Tytheft. He insists ·that he is innocent ~d has vowed to. find the REAL programming thief.

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The Campus Affairs Journal of the University. of Michigan

actually likes, and. to the guys who rexiews PlaYSUltion garnes, well, Playstation gameS. Andrew Shirvell ~as accuse<i the Review of sending him pornographic images via email. .Look• .we haven't sent him anything, and the emails that arrive in his inbox are his business. not olirs.

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A Michigan ·D~y~s Weak .nd Etc. columnist ~ndyd~ ,mat the MidUgan ~.ha$ bca\"iiAughty." And this is corning.troma'~ .employs' 'lUlother cOI~Whoopetdy ~ts to liking scat

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The .Weak 'and':Et,-ci)lumnistthus offered the Review one,".iota" of humor and wit, which is 6dd:tOnsKieling that even fraction of nothing is stiU nothing.

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In turn, ·we wish the Weak and Etc. columnist a copy-editor, readership and all other things ~ey 1ack. Moreover, we also wish Lyle some hair, Luke a CD .he

For the Communists, it has been made public that U.S. friendly fire has killed of our own uoops than the Taliban.

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This is just yet another reason why the U.S. sucks ass.

Vice Presidellt Dick Cheney has reported that there is now incontrovertible evidence of Osama Bin Laden's guilt.

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Love us or hate us, write us.

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Since he knows he is guilty, he is soliciting Johnny Cochran and F. Lee

Bailg for his defense.

wim subject, -Lcaer to rhe EditorOr send mail to:

The Michigan Review 911 N. Uoivcrsiry Ave. Ann Arbor. MI 48109

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December 12, 2001

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Page 3

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

"Please, do not call me a racist" To the Review: Once again our very own militant defenders of affirmative action have gotten front-page coverage of the Daily. And once again, we have been shown pictures of BAMN members ripping up posters of those who disagree with them. As shown in the picture of James Wilson getting his sign taken from him and torn up, the students here at U ofM have been afforded one more opportunity to see BAMN for who they really are; Communists.

And no, please do not call me a McCarthyite. I am in no way trying to blackball anyone or ruin anyone's lives due to their political persuasion.

However, the group BAMN is a bunch of Communists in the worst way, for their practice of silencing dissent is oh-so reminiscent of Mao and Stalin.

Although on an obviously smaller sc.'lle without any genocide, the fact that BAMN members go out of their way to take opposing signs from the hands of those holding them and then rip them up is quite scary.

Why do they feel the need to do this?

Is it because they know they are wrong and these opposing views are correct? Or is it simply because they are an extremist group with no sense of reality? I would have to say the latter. The fact that members of this "student" group threatened to throw Wilson off of a bridge should be a warning to all students that if you oppose BAMN, not only are you labeled a racist, but they will threaten your life as well. If this type of activity continues and escalates, we could have our very own "Diag Massacre" (see the 'Tianamen Massacre' for the possible similarities). This is both shocking and intolerable. These outrageous acts should not go unpunished, nor should they be forgotten, since it shows what BAMN really is. However, Ddds are it wasn't a student who threatened Wilson, so tracking him down might be difficult.

Nevertheless, BAMN's mission and tactics are hypocritical of each other. On the one hand, they daim u) stand for civil rights, yet sirnultaneouslysuppress those that happen to hinder their "mass militant revolution" such as that pesky little thing called freedom of speech. So are we to understand that BAMN only stands for SOME of our civil rights? I'm confused.

In the end, regardless of one's position on affirmative action, BAMN is far too militant to provide any sort of credible voice to this issue (or any other for that matter). However, as a proud member of a democratic nation and one who actually follows our Constitution, I do no propose banning BAMN from campus for maintaining certain beliefs.

If anything, their backwards ideology is quite amusing and helps lighten the mood on this often dreary campus. However, their violent tactics and zero-tolerance behavior of dissent should not be ignored, and for that reason, they should be barred from this campus and all others where their mass militancy is shoved in the faces of every student on campus.

Their tactics do not coincide with the principles and laws of a democratic (or civilized) nation.

And please, do not call me a racist.

Eli Segall LSA Sophomore

Maybe we can "pack courts" To the Review: I am severely disappointed in your expose into my involvement with the Central Student Judiciary (CSJ) and five of its justices. While I had nothing to do with getting any of them on the court, I definitely do have close ties. It's not sad to see you expose me, it's sad to see you miss the meat of the involvement!

For instance, you only used email groups to link us. Many members of the Review staff are on the.white.house, so that link isn't really a big deal.

You connected me to four justices with uofmeuchre, but a little deeper digging would have revealed the four of us on a much shorter list, uomeuchre, which is just a few of our, closest friends. The compadres list you reference is also not just a list - it's my 1M football team.

Deeper digging would have revealed that John "Jay" Schafer is not only on email lists with me, he's also going to be my roommate next year. Justice Jennifer Seamon, on top of being on the.white.house, was also a Blue Party Nursing rep on MSA, and went to the Orange Bowl with me two years ago.

Four of the justices have been four

of my closest friends for the past two years, and Justice Steven Couch was tlle RA for Justices Schafer, Lund, and Takayasu. On top of ALL of this, Justice Takayasu was, my orientation roommate, and Justice Lund was election director in an election I finished 1st in!

My point is twofold: one, that if you're going to do an investigative story "exposing" corruption, you should really expose someone. Two, and more importantly, these connections mean absolutely nothing as far as court rulings and MSA inner-workings go. In the grand scheme of things, having a process with integrity and honesty is much more important than ruling in your friend's favor in 'order to "not piss him off."

We all understand that and practice it to the fullest.

I still like most of the writers/staff members of the Review, but it's hard to maintain a working relationship when, as Josh Trapani put it so clearly in his letter last issue, there is a clear intent to paint my actions in a certain light that is both misleading and harmful to the integrity of student politics. Hopefully we can come together soon in the future to work together to further student interests (and pack courts).

Matt Nolan Michigan Student Assembly President

A Fond Farewell to Big Red, Matthew S. Schwartz

A;earty

farewell roJongtime Review editor Matthew S. ScbW3.tt2., who Uale5 this momh with a degree in political science. Mr. Schwart~, who has also appeared in these pages as "M. SCO[[," Big Red," and "Gaylord VanDyke." has enjoyed an illusuious and fruitful Clueer with the Review, and we will miss him grCldy upon his depanure.

To mis day, he mainrains that joining the Review was the: best decision be has ever made.

He would like to thank the current and former Review editors for [heir friendship and support o~ me years. He fc:ds incredibly lucky to have met them aU, and he wishes thml nothing but w

best.

Mr. Sc.hwara. joined the paper as a sophomore in 1998. He has since served as sl2fl" wri[cr, copy editor, campus affairs editor, c:d.itor-in-chief. editor-at-large. and senior editor. Nat monm he will cake on yet another vague and arguably meaningless tide when he joins the r:mb of Review editor emeriti across the counuy. in his time at the Review, he was quoted in various local and natiorual media oudeo, and as editor be appacared on "60 Minutes" to argue the case against racial prefi:renca. He also holds me distinction of being the only Review editOr to have: his oolumn pubLished in Morse Code.

Mr. Schwarcz le~lVC:S us fO become a night reporter wim the Sandusky RegiSter in Ohio. where he will cover crime, municipal issues. and Spot news. He is confident thar his experience dealing with BAMN will come in handy when he has to report on cruy criminals who use violence as a way fO mm their point.

Beginnjng in January, you can re:tch Mr. Schwart? over e·mail at mattbc:wscbwanz@Sandusbrcgistcr.com, or ar the AOL In.st:lJlt Mesenger screen name oh Writer21. If you're interested, you caD keep t2bs on him at his web site: www.HquidSchwara..com.

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Update: Students for Life has paid their account in full.

Additionally, the m aj ority 0 the exec. board was unaware of the debt. Th ank you.

I Pag~--4----- -

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FROM SUITE

December 12, -ioo 1

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW - EDITORIALS

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Letter Campaign to o btain Interviews Justified

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MONTHS AFTER the status. and the gray area surrounding this tragedies of September 11, the group needs to be cleaned out in order to largest criminal investigation in ensure the safety of American citizens.

U.S. history remains, in many ways, just Opposition to the plan claims this underway. Of late, U.S. Attorney Jeffrey resembles the racial profiling during the Japanese internment in WWII. However, Collins' office has sent letters to 556 Michigan men, up to 80 of whom could letters requesting information can hardly be University students, requesting be compared to herding people of a interviews to find any information particular race to sub-standard housing arrangements for extended periods of concerning terrorism. Such an action has been dubbed as an attack on a vulnerable time.

The allegation that the OOJ is immigrant population. which will not aid in the war on terrorism, but will serve a targeting particular types of people is TH A FLIP of the calendar. double purpose as a public relations correct, but the reasoning can hardly be . we are reminded that the campaign to soothe public fears. called political. For years the United States "holiday" season is upon us, Primarily, in dissecting the has held open arms to immigration as and, ergo, we sincerely love our fellow consequences of the September 11 much as possible. In this case, the system man. It is a time of special significance greatly failed to protect the U.S. from attacks, one would find that the entire and great excitement. A time when dangerous aliens and . their eorral}ce. To world has been rocked on its foundations reindeer with luminescent snouts are prevent further failure, the syste~ must and confidence for physical and economic prone to take flight and certain exotic safety has spiraled backtrack to find plants. properly hung, are said to spark downward. In this Th all . th \ftb DO' other faults in romance. Most importantly, it is the time light, it can hardly be e egatIon at e J judgment. when well-meaning grown-ups tell construed as a bad is targeting particular types . Liberals also innocent lies to their children concerning an overgrown elfl man and of his thing if the fears of of people is correct but the show hypocrisy in the public are • ' their reasoning for propensity for sliding down chimneys soothed.

Our reasonmg can hardly be this allegation. The with large patcels in tow. economy is in dire called political. argument is that Yes, the holidays are a time of virtue. need of consumer immigrants will be Out of the goodness of their hearts, spending and especially vulnerable indeed, as a public service, retailers investing, but if the consumers are because they are ofu:n unaware of their remind the public of the value of giving. huddled under their beds with a rights as an American. However, the .idea As a curiosity of the season, in which most mayonnaise jar of their savings, such a that classes in Ameriqln history and every citizen rekindles, an otherwise ' recovery is impossible. government should be mandatory. for ' dormant generosity, gift-givers may However, the idea that. the. federal immigrants would be a t:eStriction on their occasionally recei:ve gifts. in return. And government iH~lrgeting foreign university rights to learn what they will In addition, when .these potentialities QCcur, and one studenu in an attc;mpt to. coax this .public . interviewers are trying to gaininfprmation wonders whether one has given merely to confidence is ludicrous. The Department .. about the individuals and . their receive, the engines of comme£cc are.swift .of Justice has been charged with. an ) associations with regard to terrorism; to soothe the guilty c.o nsciencew:ith immense task. In realizing that multiple tricking the interviewees into confessions incessantradio .and T.v. jingles, -softly terrorist cells with supporters of Osama and trivial breaches of the law are not a reminding the consumer that although it Bin Laden may be living in this country, priority. The harassment of 5,000 Arab~ is better to give than to. receive, it is it is logically .of the utmost importance American interviewees is mqst likely not certainly no shame to invest in oneself as that the OOJ gain information on their the DOl's idea ofa good time. well.

It is important that the interviews are whereabouts to prevent further tragedies.

Yuletide takes place dllring one of the To do so, a huge effort must be made, conducted because, in general, sitting on mildest months of the Northern year, and being that it is difficult to start from their hands with the war in Afghanistan when the sky is a reassuring shade of gray ground level and build the information or these investigations in the U.S. will lead and the temperatures reach well into the upper teens. Fortunately, in recent years no where for the government to curb base such awkward tactics as the current letter campaign may be the only way to terrorism. The best way to achieve success the beauty of the snow has seld.om be productive. is to be pro-active. and soliciting no inconvenienced the .wide dilation of More specifically, the OOJ cannot interviews and not fighting for justice will Michigan eyes. Residents of this .latitude prove inactive and unsuccessful. pass the time in .exqulsite darkness. For avoid interviewing the group that it has selected because of their vulnerability. the sun sets at 5 p.m. and if one is lucky, If this campaign is an attack on a Granted, immigrants and temporary group of individuals due to their one might fail to encounter the light of foreign students walk fine lines to comply vulnerability, then what were the events day entirely. One happy consequence of of September II? Nearly 5,000 people lost this phenomenon is to offer Caucasians with visa regulations and will struggle with the difficulties of the red tape covering respite from the sun's cancerous rays. By their lives for no reason; 5,000 should the investigators in this case; however, a surely be willing to give of their time in shading themselves, whites can maintain significant number of the terrorists the name .of their safety and that of their their "whiteness," and thus carry on the involved in the September 11 attacks fell fellow man no matter what playing field work of oppressing the rest of the world.

But fear not, gentle reader: these jolly intQ the same immigration or temporary we're on.w.

May G-d Bless You and .Keep You this X-mas

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days equally benefit all races. FQr, as the open-minded will attest, it is only if the white man can maintain his "whiteness" that he can continue his job of oppression, and it is only if minorities are oppressed that selected non-whites benefit from the sweet justice of Affirmative Action programs. Indeed, these programs. far superiQr to "judging people on the content of their character," have nearly eradicated racial animosities in the thirty years since their implementation. It is, after all. because of the fundamental goodness of the white oppressor's heart that race-based preferences fail to en flame racial hatred.

The inherent beaury of the season, founded on consumer spending, Arctic myths. and the invention of new holidays like Kwanzaa, is only possible when one maintains a godless season (the framers of the African holiday are to be congratulated, since Asians have yet to nail down the specifics of their holiday celebrating yellowncss;similar efforts by Nati:ve Americans, Hispanics,. and · the indigenous peoples of Kuala Lurnpur.have also failed to produce significant results) .

Now. many religious fanatics may maintain that there is a spiritual component to the holidays. Some argue that the root of the very word "holiday" implies an outdated notion of "holiness," inherent to the festivities therein. But don't let these religious elitists confuse you with their sound reason. Their schemes have resulted in numerous crimes upon our nation. One will not help but notice their incessant .attacks upon our shQPping populace during the holiday season. Their minions descend upon .our malls with red bells and tin buckets, soliciting money in the name of "salvation" for the sick and poor. These are the same rabble rousers that left Europe some 400 years ago to found a country based on the dangerous principle .of religiQus freedom, implementing such hair-brained ideals as

Continued X·MAS on Pag,e 10

Only the Good pie Young

' PJ.

THIS IS my final column for the Review, I thought I would end it ith something appropriate: death. It seems strange that people are reluctant to think about something that is as inevitable as, well, taxes. But while there is a way to avoid paying taxes (I'm certain the homeless and unemployed don't have to pay taxes, especially in Delaware) we are all mortal. I've thought about it on many an occasions, for simply no reason other than the fact that I know I'll have to face it one day.

I've come to two conclusions: we only get to die once, so we might as well make it good, and that dying young isn't as James horrible as people think it is.

Y. Yeh Most people think that an early death is a bad thing, and in many ways, it is. Dreams go unrealized and potential goes unfulfilled, along with the usual bad things that come with death: grieving relatives, funeral arrangements, etc. But people fail to realize that it's the unrealized dreams and unfulfilled potential that gives early death its appeal.

Legend has it that at age 33, Julius Caesar, then just a minor bureaucrat in a faraway province, came upon a statue of Alexander the Great and wept, realizing that by the time Alexander had turned 33, he had nearly conquered the known world.

On December 7th , I turned 23. I must admit, like Caesar, I was a bit disappointed. I didn't weep, but when comparing my accomplishments to Alexander's, being the Editor-in-Chief of the Review for a year is just a tad less significant than conquering all of Greece and half of the Persian empire. I do realize, however, unless your name is Alexander the Great, Mozart, TIger Woods or Kobe Bryant, thilt most people haven't accomplished much by the time they hit 23. So if all of us 23 year olds died tomorrow, those that we've left behind will not think of everything that we did accomplish, but what we could've accomplished. Had Alexander died at 23, history would h;u.re speculated on whether he could've conquered the rest of the Persian empire, and if so, just how far he could've gone-an early death is not about "what is" and "what was," but "what if."

What do James Dean, John F. Kennedy, Buddy Holly, Richie Valens,

'Cuz' it

beats the hell out of getting old'

Marilyn Monroe, Montgomery Clift and River PhoeniX have in common? They're all legends. Now what do Marlon Brando, Ted Kennedy, Liz Taylor, Mickey Rooney and Michael Jackson have in common?

They're all people that could:ve been legends but went off and lived too longand are now the butt of jokes on late night

renamed in his honor. In contrast, look at Ted Kennedy. There isn't a late night talk show host working today that hasn't made a joke about Ted Kennedy. His greatest sin isn't Chappaquiddick, nor his alleged womanizing or drinking, it seems to be his longevity': People don't remember a youthful Tv. politician full of potential and, as he would True story, I went to Arlington say it, viggah, but only a fat old man who's National Cemetery with friends last been in office for as long as they can summer, and we decided to stop by JFK's remember. It's the same with Marlon grave. So, we get there and stare in silence Brando. If Marlon Brando had died in at the eternal flame for a few moments the '60s, people would remember him . before I break the silence. I had bought a a brooding sack of talent, screaming for book from the clearance section at Barnes Stella in a white T-shirt in A Streetcar and Noble a few weeks previously called Named Desire or pissing off the Star Spangled Men, about the worst U.S. establishment in black leather in The Wild presidents..i.n history. In it were the usual ene. Instead, we get to remember him group of bad presidents, Andrew Johnson, overweight in a muumuu wearing purple Warren G. Harding, Ulysses 5. Grant, eye shadow in The Island of Dr. Moreau etc., but in the back, he included a section Or bald and overweight in Apocalypse Now. on presidents' that weren't as good as James Dean got,the honor of going out in people thought, and in that section a blaze of glory. The man's a legend despite included entries on Thomas Jefferson and only three films.

John F. Kennedy.

The best thing Leonardo DiCaprio So, I started talking about how JFK can do right now is to 路find a quick way to was overrated as a president, and how die and cement his place in history before although he avoided nuclear war, he he ruins everything he got from Titanic could've avoided the by making another entire situation if he stinker like The hadn't threw a Had Alexander died at 23, Beach. Look at wrench into the Bay Elvis, if he had died history would have of Pigs invasion. in -some accident speculated on whether he when he was in the This lady also there shot me a dirty look people would could've conquered the, Army, and I shut up. I remember him rest the Persian empire; gyrating on Ed admit it, bashing the man at his grave and looking and so, how he Sullivan probably wasn't the good instead of most tasteful thing to could've gone-an dying on the toilet, do, but I wonder if fat and full ~f drugs death is not about "what .' and people would show fried peanut the same restraint at butter and banana IS an w atwas, '. ut LBl's grave or sandwiches. People "what eventually, . at no longer Reagan's grave (God remember Mickey bless him.)

Rooney as a child star or Liz Taylor as a too-beautiful-to-be-real starlet; instead, I remember seeing my local they're known for路 getting married way to newspaper commemorating what would've been JFK's 75th birthday a few years back. many times.

People today say they can't imagine Who the hell cares? What other president gets that kind of treatment? Mind you, I an old James Dean or an old Marilyn wasn't taking low blows at him at his grave.

Monroe. Well why is that? Because to us I didn't talk about his affairs or his ties they'll always be young and beautiful and with the mob or how he stole the election lived too fast for too short a time. Maybe of 1960. All I said was that there are those James Dean would've ended up like Brando, making absurd demands and who believe that he is overrated as a president. I'm sure the case is similar with making too much money for too little work, and frankly, I can't imagine what RFK. You won't find many out there willing Marilyn Monroe would've done once her to speak ill of him. Hell, just a few weeks looks left her. ago, a Republican president ordered that the Justice Department's headquarters be Next, we come to making your death

as

of if

."

just

far early .

d" h

"b

if."

count for something. You only die once, so why' not make it worth something?

People will remember you for that.

December 7th was not only my birthday, or the 60th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor, but it was also the 60th anniversary of the death of 1st Lieutenant George H. Cannon, USMC, U-M class of 1938 with a degree in mechanical engineering, recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor (Posthumous.) Most people today wouldn't know any of the U-M alums who died in World War II, bu~ he stands out, partly because he was the first to die, but also because of his actions that earned him recognition. His portrait still hangs in North Hall today, and I first heard of 1LT Cannon when my battalion CO read his citation one day at the end of drill.

I've forgotten most of the stuff I learned at drill, like my general orders or the code ofconduct, but 1LT Cannon (and all the stuff I learned about STDs) still stand out. When those who knew him speak of him today, I guarantee that you won't hear a negative word about him.

Sure, maybe he was a saint, but he could've been a complete jerk and you still wouldn't hear people speak ill of him. Today, he had a school named after him on Midway, where he died, and not only did the Navy name a ship after him, but an entire class of ships after him.

It's the same way with the men who overpowered. the hijackers on flight 93 and caused it to crash in a field in Pennsylvania instead of into the White House on September 11 tho We're not even completely sure of what these men did, ,but they'll be forever remembered as heroes, and not a ill-word win ever be spoken of them ever again. Or of the cops and firemen who died when the World Trade Center came crashing down on them. These men, like ILT Cannon, made their death mean something-more so than dying in bed at an old age would've ever done.

So, if I had a choice, would I pick an. early grave over a long life? Yes, if it meant I can't end it doing something worthwhile.

I wouldn't want to do something stupid like dying of alcohol poisoning or crashing a car doing eighty in a residential neighborhood; but if it meant running in front of a bus to push a baby carriage out of the way or rushing into a bu.rning building to pull people OUt, then sure, bring it on. There are far worse things than death, and living a long but meaningless life surely must be one of them.Mt

tuft

..

Little Fraternity Boy (Sing to the tune of "The Little Drummer Boy") I wear a dirty hat Pah rum-pah-pum-pum I want to join your frat Pah rum-pah-pum-pum I want to drink free beer Pah rum-pah-pum-pum Whyels.e would I be here?

Pah rum-pah-pum-pum Rum-pah-pum-pum Rum-pah-pum-pum

~

,.. "li! ~~-.

'"

, I'm really drunk and dazed Pah rum-pah-pum-pum I guess I have been hazed Pah rum-pah-pum-pum I can't tell west from east Pah rum-pah-pum-pum I drank way too much Beast Pah rum-pah-pum-pum Rum-pah-pum-pum Rum-pah-pum-pum Ijust puked on my belt Pah rum~pah-pum-pum And that girl from Tri-Delt Pah rum-pah-pum-pum This place is where it 's at Pah rum-pah-pum-pum Yes sir, here in this frat Pah rum-pah~pum-pum Rum-pah-pum-pilm Rum-pah-pum-pum I have some GBB Pah fllm-pah-pum-pum You wouldn't sleep with me ?

Pah rum-pah-pum-pum One slip she'll never know Pah rum-pah-pum-pum Why she woke up in the snow Pah rum-pah-pum-pum Rum-pah-pum-pum Rum-pah-pum-pum

I'm in a frat (Pah rum-pah-pum-pum) Me and my hat. ..

Gargoyle Sucks (Sing to the tune of "Jingle Bel~s") Standing on the "M" With your 'Jokes" in hand And you notice then That your jokes are bland (Ha ha hay You're not the E3 W Not even our Delay .

What fun it is to laugh at you And not a single page Oh . ..

Gargoyle sucks, Gargoyle .sucks You can clearly see , No one ever reads your sh*t Even when it's free! ' ! '~

r

rna

.'

Diverse Christmas (Sing to the tune of "White Christmas") DAAP's dreaming of a diverse Christmas Just like the slate they ran this Fall: Where whites are excluded And minorities included Yet somehow they will represent us all

.

DAAP's dreaming of a diverse Christmas It's time for their ideas they say Because they've been repressed Now they have progressed Trying to take over MSA DAAP's dreaming of a diverse Christmas They would like us to join their fight And make all our Christmases non-white ...

i

~<

Carol of the Blue (Sing to the tune of "Carol of the Bells") Blue party won Was tha~ not fun?

Vote MP, U-Dems though They really blow

Fall break have we Oh whoopty dee

Well so it goes Soon they'll buy hoes

Mat do they do Nothing that's new

Nothing to do All has turned Blue

"Yeah Blue," they scream Yeah, in a dream

Blue party won Time for more fun ...

Lots ofreps drinking Mat were we thinking Now they have smashed a Town and Country (Van)

My is it the other Parties suck so? 路路*Contributions by Geoff Brown. Matthew Franczak. Ben Kepple, D.C. Lee and Jared Suess

â&#x20AC;˘ SCIENTIA ET VERITAS

Worst of Winter, .Classes to Avoid O

NCE AGAIN, COURSE over these departments when pursuing the registration has arrived at the course guide, he also carefully crosschecks . University. As the last of the his choices to make sure that none of his freshmen try to put together a schedule selections happen to be cross listed in that consist of less these attempts to pass off ideology as than 12 wai tlisted scholarship. credits, their course The reason theSe courses are selection doesn't typically poor excuses for .education is exactly include the that they only present one side of their University's finest. subject matter. For example, if you take Thus, the Michigan a class on the industrial revolution in Review presents the the women's study department, you won't winter edition to its learn much about th$ industrial semiannual analysis revolution, but you'll learn a whole lot Matthew about what modern feminist do. of the University's course guide: The 2. RCGS - Admittedly, race, Franczak culture, gender, and sexuality actually do Worst of Winter.

There are three play impottant roles in some aspects of types of courses at this University. First, life. Unfortunately, this role typically isn't there are those taught by professors who large enough to rationalize a four-credit are actually interested in giving the next class on it. Yet this doesn't stop some of generation the skills and knowledge our professors from reading into each of necessary for them to succeed. In these these issues on everything from Greek fine courses, you will actually learn a great , linguistic structure to physical chemistry. deal about that topic and come away with If you take a class with one of these in the some real insight into the subject. course description, expect to hear how The second type of course is taught whatever the course is about would benefit because the professor, well, has to. These if it went through sOme severe sensitivity professors would be much happier if they training. did not have to teach at all, or at least 3. Liberal Buzzwords - Certain terms could pass the actual lecturing off on one are particularly chic in liberal circles and of their less-favored graduate students. \.. if they show up iri your course Thus, the professor manages to drag descriptions, you can prepare yourself for some major liberal bias. Here's a quick himself away from his or her research for look at what word~ the liberal and trendy an hour three times a week to paraphrase the textbook that he wrote and you had are using: imperialism, social inequality, to buy. environmental inequality, racism, sexism, Finally, there is the political womanhood, labor, race identities, indoctrination breed. Some teachers, cultural identities, social justice, social frequently former activists in their student construction of identitY, environmental years, have taken it upon themselves it justice, fair trade, queer the~ry, feminism, indoctrin<U4 the next generation of the . gender roles, heterocentrism, 'colonialism, radical left. Thus, we see dogma and any other -isms I might h~~e left out. masquerading as fact and courses where Now th~t you know the rules, here a politica1leanings are more important than few of the worst offenders from this Winter's Course lineup. critical thought. To help students avoid these examples of graded brainwashing, CAAS 4771 NRE 477 we provide these recommendations for Women and the Environment course' selection.

This beauty's course description reads much like the list in rule #3 and introduces The Rules: us to the idea of "ecofemenism." I don't Avoid the following at all costs: 1. Ethnic "Ghetto" Departments claim to know what ecofeminism is, and Some departments are simply fronts for I definitely don't want to waste 3 credits the sort of liberal indoctrination that is finding out. However, I am intrigued by such a ridiculous affront to academic just how radical feminism and radical environmentalism could coexist in a single standards. They were typically created not as a genuine scholarly pursuit, but to ideological movement. This would pose all sorts of difficulties, ranging from appease some liberal interest that wanted to perpetuate itself by thrusting its views decidin& whether hemp necklaces are a upon fresh student ~inds. These statement supporting a durable a~d renewable fabric source or a mark of nefarious departments include the Center for Afro-American & Mrican Studies, socially imposed genderification or if Women's Studies, American Culture, saving the trees is really such a good idea due to their phallic symbolism. And just Cultural Anthropology, Chicano Studies WHAT does this have to do with Mricanand others.

American or African Studies?!?

Not only does the wise student skip

AMCULT 206 Section 002 - American Subcultural Movements - Beatniks, Hippies and

Punks. .

Have no friends? Ever wanted to fit in? Well here's your chance to lc;arn the social mores of not just one, but three subcultures which you can integrate yourself into in order to find that everelusive sense of belonging. There's a lab fee, which will go towards providing you with a beret ~ld bongos for the first four weeks, a tie-died shirt and some hashish for the second four, and Doc Marten's and orange hair die for the third.

AMCULT 231.

Visual & Material Culture Studies Do you think that the fact that the man on the pedestrian crossi~g sign is black has significant sociopolitical implications? .If so, this course is for you.

This course promises to scrutinize everything ever drawn, painted, photographed, or built for its "ideas about power and gender and race and class and place and Nation." This course brings the liberal tradition of reading something about RGCS ipto everything to a new level. .

AMCULT 490 I FILMVID 451 American Film Genres Finally, a course examining the "gendered and ethnic" identities in romantic comedies. The romantic comedy might be useful for getting t~t special someone ir~ your life in the mood for a little something special, but they're not exacdy scholarly material.

ANTHRCUL 226 / HISTORY 229 Introduction to Historical Anthropology i

i

"Nostalgia antiqun hmtag~ antiqu~s roadshow forgiv~ and forg~t High Noon r~/ications' What DISAPpEARED How do you g~t inside 8 hr day, fiv~ day 'we~k, thr~~ day we~kmd, Don WORLDS 'the mind of someone time rushing by, pastim~. industrial time, ftÂŤ tim~ It Williamsburg Joooongggg dead?' D~adlin~ Th~ History Chann~1 original . ... Why would you want to study things ftom th~ bottom-up? (the jibberish continues).

Sometimes the course description (italicized) speaks for itself, and this one's screaming "Crazy."

ANTHRCUL 272 / LING 272.

"Most importantly, we will consider how divisions such as "grammatical" and "ungrammatical" or "educated" and "uneducated" are founded in social, rather than linguistic judgments."

Speell cheaking is socall enjustis!

ANTHRCUL 285.

Cult Archaeology You already knew that people who believe that UFOs build the pyramids are

nutjobs, bur did you know that they are racist nut jobs? Maybe it's just me, but people who can't tell a pie tin on a string from a form of interplanetary transport don't really have the mental acumen to develop a ridiculous theory for the exclusive purpose of making racist implications about the construction abilities of aboriginal peoples?

ANTHRCUL 444.

Medical Anthropology.

"The concepts of 'health' and 'illness' are culturally constructed."

I guess that I'm sneezing because the man is keeping me down. Medical school admissions should make having this on your transcript as big of a red flag as a morphine addiction and a history of kleptomania.

FILMVID 461 I WOMENSTD 461. Explorations in Feminist Film Theory.

Section 001 - Feminist Film Theory.

You know how all your friends who are physics or engineering majors always point 9ut the flaws in the science in every film you watch together; now you can oneup them. Meer taking this class, you may not know that you wouldn't be able to hear the rocket engines because a vacuum does not 'Conduct sound, but you'll be able inform those geeky fr:iends that the rocket's shape is a symbol of phallocentric oppression.

RCSSCI 381. Onteaching Racism.

Section 001.

This course essentially sends misguided college students to tell impressionable primary school students that everything they learn in school is racist. Interestingly,rhe course description claims "Students will be encouraged to develop their own ideas and understandings about this perplexing and sensitive topic rather than adopting a particular polhical stance toward it." That is, assuming students already have the particular stance that pretty much everything is racist.

WOMENSTD 483. Special Topics.

Section 008 - Queer World-Making in American Musical Modernism, 193450. Meets with Institute for the Huffianities 511.003 and Music Theory 506.001. This course had no description, so I don't know what revolutionary advances occurred in queer world-making between 1934 and 1950 that warrant a course, or even what queer-world making is, but I'm wagering that I'm probably better off for it.

WOMENSTD 111. Women in .

Popular Culture.

Section 001 - Representations of ' Women in Hip Hop. One word: Bootylicious.1vR

December 12, .2001

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW -

COMMENTARY

~ . _

-- - , -

__

- -- ~ . ..

Page 9 • I

UC Schools Engineer Racial Diversity Administrators Begrudgingly Give Up Racial Preferences DAN LEVI

• N THE PAST few years, race-based affirmative action has repeatedly been .struck down across the country. lrting in 1996 with the California Civil ~hts Initiative (CCRI), better known as >position 209, and continuing up until :ently in Georgia, racial preferences uJd appear to be on their way out.

However, five years worth of nissions data and manipulative tactics m the University of California (UC) tem suggest otherwise. In 1997, the missions numbers for the UC Los .gelcs medical school appeared very lilar to how they would have been der a system of racial preferences: 1% of whites and Asians were admitted, ereas 10.4% of blacks and Hispanics re admitted, despite a grade point :rage of 3.79 for whites and Asians vs. i2 for blacks and Hispanics, and an :rage MCAT score of 11.6 for whites d Asians vs. 9.8 for blacks and spanics. According to probability culations done by the online journal, Griffo dll Lion, the chance of the 1997 >licant pool producing results like that der a completely meritocratic system thout one in 10 364 • At first, the University of Texas >eared to be a different case - that it 5 actually attempting to follow the intent law. In 1997, the first year in which : Hopwood ruling was enforced, the eptance rates of the University ofTex:as '" School reflected almost perfectly what , expected in an unbiased system, only fering by tenths of a percent. The lowing year, however, the black and ,panic enrollment rates miraculously lbled, producing a result whose chance occurring naturally was less than one ten-million.

This does not mean, however, that re is definitely something illegal going in these cases, University ninistrators forbidden from using racial :ferences have been bending over :kwards in an attempt to create a set of :e-blind admissions standards that luJace affirmative action. In California d Texas, students in a given top centage of their respective high school tduating classes are automatically gible to attend state universities, ardless of the quality of the school and :ir individual abilities. Last year, :hard Atkinson, president of the UC ools, announced that he wished to do ay with the SAT in a few years, while loring the fact that it is .t.he best ,d ictor of college success, The UCaiso enely removed its requirement that

50% of students be admitted on academic extended library privileges. The program grounds alone. was stopped as soon as UC's General The latest case of number Counsel found out about it, stating, "I manipulation in California involves the believe rying any perks to scholarships with race/ethnic/gender restrictions is flatSAT II test. The UC system recently out illegal, so they have broken the law in decided to increase the weight of the SAT II to twice that of SAT 1. This appears to my opinion." be a bizarre move, indeed. Every criticism Given the complete indignation of the UC administrators towards colorblind about the SAT I being culturally biased is even more true about the SAT II, which admissions, the blatant illegality of the tests knowledge in specific subjects rather scholarship program is hardly surprising. than over a range of general math and Even after the CCRI was passed, the UC reading skills. The reason for the strange schools repealed SP 1, Ward Conneely's precursor to the CCRI that was originally move is because of the SAT ILlanguage passed by the DC regents in 1995. The test. It was designed to be a test of a foreign languages for non-native speakers repeal was a completely symbolic action, of that language. Not surprisingly, since the CCRI still prevents them from Hispanic students considering race in who speak Spanish at a d m iss ion s , home tend to excel Earlier this summer, before essentially making it a on. the Spanish ~est.

With the extra weight given to the SAT II, Hispanic students' acceptance rates have shot up

it was determined to be °

Illegal, Vi<;e Chancellor of Student Affairs at UCSD

statemen~ that they would resist as much as possible.

In response

to

the

Joseph'VT. ed th th cancellation o.f the watson stat at e Mil len n i u m

t rem end 0 u sly. scholarship existed Scholarship, UC Vice 0ficall ° Chancellor of External Ironically, the change . the welg . ht of t·h e speCl y. to mcrease AlI' J'1m Lan 111 .nmurs, · g Iey. SAT II has hindered minority representation on feigned astonishment, campus stating, "I think blacks more than any other racial Dr ethnic ° people would be group, showing that surprised to learn that Proposition 209 in this case prevents us when the DC says "diversity" now, it does not even mean superficial racial divers,ity from offering scholarships to students with GPAs that exceed 4.0 and SATs that anymore. It is now just a code-word for "percentage of minority students exceed 1300. Whoever thought this could enrolled. n happen?" Joseph Watson also expressed Of course, even though the UC frustration at the professor who had system has pjenry .of ways to legally originally blown ' the whisdeon the manipulate the .numbers, this-does ·not scholarship, saying, "This is very mean that they are above illegal means · regrettable. These are the types of students either. Earlier this year, after the any faculty would want."

California Association of Scholars The real losers in the numbers-fixing exposed them. UC San Diego (UCSD) system, however, are no.t just the students who are denied admission because of the admitted to using an illegal program called the Millennium Scholarship, a scholarship new "holistic" admissions .process or the only open to Hispanics, blacks, and extra weight of the SAT II. Equally Americanlndians (not to be confused with harmed are the students who are admitted Bill Gates' Millennium Scholarship which, under lax standards who are not prepared incidentally, also had the same racial for the rigor of a prestigious UC school restrictions). Earlier this summer, before like Berkeley, regardless of their race. In it was determined to be illegal, Vice the best high schools in California, the lower fifty percent of students perform Chancellor of Student Affairs at UCSD, Joseph Watson, stated that the scholarship better on average on state tests then do the top fifteen percent in the worst schools. existed specifically to increase minority Whether a person is better than everyone representation on campus.

Not only . did the Millennium else around him or not, the only thing Scholarship give $5000-$20,000 dollars that matters is whether he can perform individually, since that is the only way he to underrepresented minorities, but it also will be judged once in college. gave special ,campus privileges to scholarship reClplen ts, including There are also worries that the fervent guaranteed housing for four years, effort to admit as many underrepresented minority students as possible will degrade precedence for class choices, expanded computer accounts, honors seminars, and the definition of what merit really is.

California and Texas universities both now have as an admissions factor "overcoming adversiry." Instead of a set standard for achievement, achievement is now to be considered "in the context of the opportunities an applicant has had, any hardships or unusual circumstances the applicant has faced and the ways in which he or she has responded to them." What this really boils down to, though, is that in Texas and California, admissions to top universities is becoming more and more subjective.

One suggestion made by UC political science professor Jack Citrin is to set a low minimum requirement to be considered to attend a UC school, and then select randomly from that pool. He says that rather than pretend to have a bias-free admissions system that still results in ethnic diversity, have a completely transparent and impersonal admissions system where everyone is admitted randomly, and no one can claim that they were discriminated against.

Despite the abundant quick fix suggestions and admissions manipulations, there is one UC campus that seems to be going about adapting to > admissions without racial preferences the right way. UC Riverside's chancellor, Raymond Orbach, rather than just attempting to get minority admission rates up, realizes that the real solution will be slow to execute and require a lot of hard work. On a regular basis, Orbach goes to the poor local high schools and grade schools to motivate the students and make them aware of the opportunities they will . have if >they work hard. He makes speeches to parents telling them that they have to put an emphasis on academics, giving.specifics that all children must have a working knowledge of at least fractions by the third grade and must be taking algebra by eighth grade.

What started out as a relationship between just Orbach and Indio High School has become an official relationship between UC Riverside and the schools of seven local districts, and the results are already obvious. Minority enrollment is not only rising at Riverside, but minority dropout rates are also falling, an indication that the students are not being admitted based on superficial criteria as much as they used to be. The rest of California and Texas, along with all the other states that may soon end racial preferences could take a hint from Riverside. Instead of manufactured college admissions resuJcs, the real way to promote minority achievement and diversity is to encourage a strong work ethic from an early age. Imagine that.M{

Ipage 10

TBB IDCBlGAIf RBVIEW -

BAMN From Page 1 necessary. " Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton were to highlight the afternoon's affairs, but they arrived about as quickly as the rain stopped. Needless to say, it rained all day.

The rally was a farce. But that didn't stop BAMN or their cohorts from engaging the audience with rap lyrics and diatribes against conservatives. Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact, the 1" Amendment protects their rights to say whatever they please. It's unfortunate, however, that the majority of people in attendance were not so accepting of our 1" Amendment rights.

As the first speaker took the microphone, Justin, Jon and I noticed that no one was standing on the balcony above the podium, about fifteen feet above the microphone. Immediately, we sprinted to the top of the stairs and brandished our signs over the heads of the rally organizers and speakers. Some of the signs read: "Affirmative Action Poisons Equality," "BAMN does NOT work for you," and "Content of Character, NOT Color of Skin."

In total, we brought eight different signs to the rally. By the time the raUy ended, we left empty-handed.

On the balcony, we received our .share of boos and hissing. And within seconds, a mad rush to the balcony to "join" us was initiated by an unruly mob.

Shortly, about fifty people crowded the enclosed area, the first throng shoving us to the edge.

As the mob grew more restless, obviously annoyed with our signs, it grew with size. By this poilU, Jon had been shoved back, leaving only Justin and I on the edge of the balcony. The rain hid the sweat dripping from our brows. This was Cincinnati after all-whe~e earlier this year race riots in tensified the public discourse on racial profiling. Deaths were not unconunon. And here we were, only two.6Ioc&sM:S out h (If Qveithe Rhine;~': inciting an unruly, moo and intensifYing' the public discourse on affirmative action. ' In niany estimations, it was not the: most intelligent thing do that afternoon .•

X-MAS From Page 4 public education, representative' democracy, and a mysterious work ethic.

The descendants of these religious fugitives will complain that' we have sold the soul of the season, contending that the real reason for our holiday was the birth of Jesus Christ.

Oh godless people., we must not allow these fundamentalists to ste~ our holiday from its rightful secular roots. Shouldn't Jews and Arabs also be allowed to fully participate in what some call "Christmas"?

The very name these right-wing fanatics

N4TlON4L AI"AIRS

- December 12, 2001

I

Why, some asked, could we not have just stood in line for our tickets to the courtroom proceedings, like everyone else, and just kept 'our mouths shut? Why, others asked, could we not have "got our own rally," Because, we, like most others in attendance, considered ourselves activists. Conservative activists. It's not an oxymoron, just an anomaly.

Here we were, protesting both racial preferences in college admissions and BAMN's strong-armed tactics, They are not open to the free. exchange of ideas.

And if they are, someone, some unruly mob, didn't get the memo.

Their first tactic was to push us out of the view of the railiers, When that proved unsuccessful, as we were pushed far into the corner of the balcony, the unruly mob took to extending their posters over ours.

When that proved unsuccessful, as we were pushed far into the corner of the balcony, the unruly mob took to grabbing us from behind~ forcing us backwards and ripping apart our signs.

Cheers emanated from the rally below.

Undeterred, we gtabbed a sign we had hidden below us and re-flashed the crowd with our presence. In an effort to rip this sign as well, one individual from the mob nearly pushed Justin and me over the balcony, At the very least, the fall would have caused numerous broken bones. The worst, I prefer not to consider.

Spotting 'a number of police officers along the Skywalk,Justin and I ran over to inform them of the assault. Reluctantly (yes, reluctantly) the officer asked which individual had assaulted us.

"The black 'gJ.y rU!1!liIig down the. stairs," I pant¢d~ "'With Jhe black leather jacket and lion imprlnt' on the back.»

AIiothel'office~ch1.sed after the culpric as JIlStin tetatedthenecessary ' details to another officer.: About two :tninutes passed' when the officer who ran after th'e culprit returned.

He had a man by the arms, apparently

ready to handcuff the individual as he walked with his head down. A white man, that is-with a black leather jacket.

Disgusted, we informed the officer that he apprehended the incorrect individual. Justin is of the belief that the officer did not want to start another race riot by racially profiling black individuals.

However, I clearly remember telling the officer that the culprit was a black man.

All the while; cameras were following us as best they could. Reporters flocked to us at every chance, We were, after all, the story. Had one of us actually been thrown from the balcony, it would have been allover the news. After speaking with the officers for a time, a reporter and cameraman from local Chann~l 5 (NBC) stopped to ·interview us. Justin and Jon talked wi th the reporter as I ran back to car to secure more posters. It was not the first time BAMN had to attempted weJ~ft suppress our 1st Amendment rights, and we came aptly prepared.

Returning with more posters, I spotted the Channel 5 camera and rushed over. "Ready to go back?" r asked. Nodding in affirmation, Justin, Jon and I again took to the balcony.

Our suits, which we planned to wear to the trial after the rally, were soaked.

Ink bled from the posters Onto our hands.

And yet we returned, spreading the message that using race as a determining factor in colfege admissions was a form of discrimination. Once we returned to the balcony, a couple pacifists were willing to talk with us, openly, candidly, about our positions. But this could not last. It would not last.

As soon as the unruly mob caught sight of our posters, _th~y again ru"shed the balcony. 1'-gain th~ypushed US to the corner. And' again they ripped our signs andabridgdtour l:":Amtmdtnellt rights.

Onlythinime, 'the> unrniYll1oi::r;"'andone individual! in particular,. was not. satisfied.. !'What the f*ck are youJooking at?" he barked, "I'll throw you over. the balcony for sure."

"We have a right to be here," I said as calmly, and fearfully, as I could. "We have a First Amendment right to be here, because free speech is protected under the Constitution."

"Not ig'nant speech," the girl next to me snapped back.

From the depths of the crowd, I then heard someone, a campus liberal and ACLU bigwig, chime in, "Yes, they have a right to be here."

Activity on the balcony was getting rowdy-rowdy to the point of violence.

The man who threatened to throw Justin and lover the balcony was grabbing Justin by the back of his belt and lifting him up.

Justin's feet were n.o longer on the ground.

Pushing through the crowd, Jon and some other reasdnable folks shoved their way through the unruly mob, pushing wet shirt against wet shin, and grabbed hold of the violent man. Police officers, less begrudgingly this time-as danger was imminent-swiftly pounced on the scene and broke up the crowd. The officers ordered everyone off the balcony.

Looking to press assault charges on the violent man, we turned to the officers.

But in an instarit, the violent man disappeared, Winded and tired, we left the rallywet, ink ridden and posterless. Within an hour we were seated in the courtroom, watching the Center fOr Individual Rights and the University of Michigan make their cases for the abolition and advancement of racial preferences respectively. Spotting the violent man sitting among a few BAMN figureheads in the courtroom, Justin sought out an officer, described the man and filed a report.

And so the day ended. Just like that.

Since then, no decision has yet been issu'cd from the 6 th Circuit Court of Appeals, but regardless of the outcome, it will be appealed to the highest court in the land. In short; December 6'h was merely a microcosm .Df rallies, protests and cOlut proceedings to come. . .'

One can 0llly hope, .however, that in these rallies, protests and proceedings to come, BAMN and individuals associated with all concerned p;lfties will learn that freedom of speech covers all brands of speech: intelligent, rational and "ig'nant" speech alike.tvR

use to describe thisllo1id~y' (remember, not holy,btit "holi-") is exclusive, suggesting that they have: some special right to celebrate the birth of the Messiah.

Why do these p~~ple feel' the need to exclude the piou~ Hindu f~om celebrating His birth as well, even if they don't believe he was the son of G-d? .

As you celebrate the season this year, remember to r~main trlle to the eternal truths we find particularly fashionable.

Above all else, it is the desire of the society to allow every citizen of every race, religion and creed to celebrate the holiday.

To truly partake of the season, it is imperative that the people of this great

land hold to the tiirleless' truths we've amassed over the past 3 illustrious decades of broken 'homes,increased dr~g use, and violent crime: true 'peace, love, and happiness in thiS season is only possible if you remove G-d from public conscience. The fundamentalists will contend that sending one's Son todie fOr the sins of the world is tantamount to the highest expression of love. How can this love, which was the basis for WeStern law and justice for 2 millennia, possibly supercede the "cross your heart, hope to die" promise of love from men who continually oppress each Other? As an enlightened society we must hold to the

truth that g60d·will springs from the heart of evety white oppressor and oppressed minority in this land, not from some heavenly Father who sends his son to save mankind from eternal hell. For the sake of our sacred truths, we must maintain a godless holiday. Only then can we ensure that a fat Elf in boots will sail the December skies of the children we have found convenient not to abort, and for all non-aborted posterity.

May the sacred gods of secularism, greed, and diversity rule now and forever.

Atnen.tvR

In total, we brought eight different signs' to the rally. By the ti.Ql.e the rally ended, empty. .handed.

our

Ran originaLly December 2000

Review Guide to· Cloning The who's, what's and why's BY

T.J.

WHARRY

S

ITTING AROUND THE Review office on a Monday night, the idea of human cloning was being discussed. It really was an interesting debate; you had one tool on one side espousing the benefits that come with making "spare parts," and on the other side was just as. big .a tool, only this one was claiming it violates God's wishes.

Okay, so it wasn't an interesting debate at all. If your underwear is too tight, read the pointlcounrerpoim found dsewhere in this issue. If you have a sense of humor, join me as I run through a brief list of ' who should and shouldn't be cloned.

Should: l. laVell Blanchard - Perhaps if the Wolverine hoopsters had a few more Blanchards, they might actually win a few games this season. The addition ofTommy Amaker, one of the best coaches and recruiters in basketball today, has al~eady paid dividends, as Michigan lost to Duke by only 21 points this season. This is down from an impressive 43 point loss at the hands of the Blue Devils last season.

Add in a couple more Blanchards, and the Wolverines might actually be able to hold their own against our women's tearn.

2. Marquise Walker - Not for the reason you might expect. John Navarre seems totally incapable of looking at, or throwing to anyone but Walker, so perhaps if there were cwo Walkers, he could $We at one and throw to the other. Then maybe we Michigan students wouldn't have to lisJen to the mile of smack talk being thrown at us from all our friends and

ALUANCE From Page 1 movement on campus and across the nation.

The event was co-sponsored by the Coalition to Stop the Racist War, a derivative of BAMN, and Prof. Eric Lormand's Stop the War group.

"We've killed as many children in Iraq as we've killed in U.S. battle deaths," argued Professor Thomson, who went further to explain -that the United States' policy in Iraq was unilatei:ally declared and . violates numerous international laws.

Staffield, a Vietnam Veteran turned leftist activist, reacher and minister, spoke about the "Zionist occupation of Palestine" and the war in Afghanistan.

"Right now we have ~ genocidal national policy called Enduring Freedom under the guise of peace."

..

relatives from the glorified community colleges in East Lansing and Columbus...

3. Ralph Williams - Verily, good people, this Ciceronian coryphaeus of the English Department has a ce~ fl!J.X d~ mots that transcends both .language and lexicon. His turgid vocabulary is eclipsed only by his loquacity. A dozen mote Williamses strewn throughout the science and math ' depanments would make class a bit Nolan has more int~resting ' and . Increase attendance. Plus; the man's hands are so big that he could probably pick his nose and palm cwo

year old boy's Christmas list ...

5. Me - And why not? If you've ever seen Multiplicity with Michael Keaton, the character, Doug, clones himself a fi=w times So that the "other Dougs" can take ?I'e of the nuisance work in his life, SO that he can spend more time with his fctmily. Who wouldn't love that? I would clone myself at least cwo or three times, probably more. I would get so much tutned. the more work done,

m:ain '

assetllbly from being a .

.

• ..

bunch of self-lDlportant

knobs playing politician d·. · "d' ki· · b ch f un er HI e to a un 0 self-important ~obs ' la,vino- olitician while basket.balls ~t the same orne WIth the . p 'J -"1:) P . same hand. Fiesole! actually doing something to 4.

Brither; ' > : 'help students . .

Spears - Hey, I'm a . man. The world co.uld always use more attractive women) and she has a lime something for everyone.

No matterw~at a man looks for physically, she has it. Not too shon, not to tall. Not too thin, not too fat.

Wholesome girl next door type, but also has a slutty side. And for the catty women out there, she is far from perfect. These women could always point to the fact that her eyes are so far apan that she could stand behind a tdephone pole and still see around it. Clone a million of her and sdl them at Toys 'R Us, along with all the other plastic toys. Sell 'em for $300 each like an X-Box. And much like the new Microsoft video game console, the cloned Britneys would be at the top of every 15

.

an~ I c.o uld still enJoy life. Even better, it would give me a group of friends who think . exactly like I do .

Kinda: like being in

a frat.

Shouldn't

1.

Jessica Curtin - I'm sure she would disagree with this. I'm sure she would love to clone hersdf 100,000 times, so thatBAMN/NWROC would have 100,005 members. That way, her mass militant socialist revolution might actually occur, instead of being something that students just chuckle about.

2. Matt Nolan - You can't complain abQut the job he has done as MSA President. Nolan ~ turned the assembly from being a bunch of self-imponant knobs playing politician under Hideki to a bunch of self-imponant knobs playing politician while actually doing something to help students. But why wouldn't I done him? If there were a handful more Nolans on the assembly, nothing would ever get

done. It would just be an endless loop of Nolans bobbing their heads and saying, "cool, awesom~ ... GUYS ... please ... " over and over again. Plus, you wouldn't be able to buy Buttershots anywhere in the metro Ann Arbor area.. . ' 3. The Daily 'Sports Staff - It's a shame that the. only daily source for news about the Wolverines has to be so shoddily written. Reading the sports over the past year, there have been cwo members of the sports staff that I could stomach reading for more than 20 words, Acun Gopal and .

Allison Topp. And Allison quit. The Daily should just drop sports. And music. And news. But hey, their dassifieds are pretty decent: they're free, and my hamster doesn't seem to mind it when I line his cage with Dailys. Then again, he can't read.

4. Andrew Shirvell- I'm not going to go into his politics. I'm not the rype to take a position adamantly for or against an issue, and this is no different. But the consensus among the Review staff seems to be pro-life, and Lil' Napoleon seems to have alienated even them. It's really saying something when someone is so radically right wing that they can't get along with the furthest right conservatives on campus. Given his politics, I am sure Shirvell would be against cloning anyway, even if it were himself.

5. My clone - Again, I reference · Multipliciry. Remember #4? You know how when you make a copy of a copy, it doesn't have the same quality as the original? Remember how #4 was? He drooled all over himself, wore stupid aviator glasses and put pizza jn his wallet.

Now, I'm not saying that I don't do that now, but ... Pdt

"She detailed how the majority of rank~and-file troops were African Americans ... and ... she finished. off by saying, 'We must . build a mass movement united. against the war.' » Staffidd also showed a video he shot while protesting in Israel. He followed a rank through the streets of a small Although he claims to have seen the tank. destroy a village, he "forgot" to tum on the camcorder.

Stafficld explain that the U.S.'s suppon for brael amounts to nothing more than ethnic cleansing. .

"Every time [Bush] starts a war, he stands to benefit," explained Nick .

Woomer, the Editorial page Editor of the Michigan Daily. Woomer detailed Bush's holding in middle eastern oil holdings and their link to the Bush's war. According to Woomer, Bush Senior has major holdings in defense contractors, and with every bomb dropped, it's more. money in his father's pocket.

village.

Woomer explained later that this was merely a con8ia where the richest nation .was l?eating up 'on one of the poorest.

Agnes Alcobua, a BAMN leader, confounded the audicnccregarding the connection between the anti-war movement and the fight for affirmative action. She.detailed how the majority of rank-and-file troops were African Americans, while most officers were white. Funhermore, she explained that high school ROTC prog~ams existed almost solely in inner-city schools. And as expected, she finished off by saying, "We must build amass movement united against the war."

After the formal portion of the event, the audience was offered the opponunity to ask questions and make comments.Pdt

Want to write fluff stories about how students study more during fmals?

Join 'tIJt

»au,.

Want to write hardhitting investigative reports and news analysis?

Interested in politics?

Journalism?

Join the tradition. Join the MICHIGAN REVIEW.

.. •.' ?

12

December 12,2001

â&#x20AC;˘ FACE OFF

Put the Brakes on Cloning

BY BRAD SPRECHER

N SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 25'h, the private research firm, AT Advanced. Cell Technology, announced that it had successfully cloned cells from a human being. The news brought expected, criticism from the Vatican and the National Right to Life Committee and praise trQrn research scientists and patients who stand to benefit from the applications of this new technology (namely, people requiring tissuegrafrs or possibly even organ transplants).

The fundamental question rai~ed by human cloning is really as old as the abortion debate: how shall we determine which forms of human life are worthy of prote'ction and which are not? The question now is only slightly modified in ,that sex has been removed, and with it, the old conservative shibboleth of personal responsibility. In ages past, matters of ~fe and .death seemed to be far removed from human control, and people understood much less about physiology or the ~~~ of disease. [n those days man wai wiilfng" to admit his lack of understanding and attribute phenomena of life and death to LIte or to the will of God. It has only been since science and technology have advanced th at human beings have been able to take such patent control of their lives and even prescribe their manner of death, Although the Congress has taken bold steps to outlaw federally funded research on human embryos and the House passed a measure banning cloning in July, there does not 'seem to be a well-defined consensus as to why the narion should oppose human cloning, although the vast majority of American~ do, Beyond questions of religion or morality; a philosophical point could be made in that proceeding with human dbniqg could merely promul~te , academic arrogance with unforeseeable, and possibly tragiC;tohsequences, If (he AIDS virus, cancers and other medical quandaries have not ' already illumin~ted the limitations of medical Sd5!llce, perhaps, the recent map of the human genome, with its vast tracts of indecipherable genetic code, shoul4 instill in the research scientisr some degree of humility and wonderment. Because the implications of human cloning are not fully understood, both for the individual clone (should it survive to become a self-sufficient being) or society (how will we value human life if it becomes a mere commodity?), the hasty pace of cloning research seems irresponsible at best. the head scientists at Advanced Cell Technology ' and elsewhere promise thar

O ,

their c1o~ing techniques are intended for tissue research alone, not the manufacture of identical humans. But this begs the question (touche, Mr. Conway) of why human embryos are needed specifically for their supposed purposes. Scientists will readily admit that every adult tissue has undifferentiated stem <:ells, each capable of forming the tissues in, ' whkh they ':,.1at,e f0 und .

Why destroy an e n t ire embryo in completing the same t ask ?

Could it be that those fir m s interested 1, ';13, n

It's Egg OK Ethical Concerns Can Be Addressed Without Halting Cloning Re$ear~h

By MATrHEW

FRANCZAK

W:

ALL KNOW that there is the "" " potel?tial for, great advances in , " 'medtc:al S,lence based on

~nb4'Y(;lllic s t(,ni2 t~n liii~

research had fulls c a I e Cloning Experiment or Pledge Initiation? cloning of individuals in their sights all along? If the research on embryonic stem cells provided November 25'h announcement, involving by cloning. The problem we are faced with embryos who survived no longer than a is coming to terms with the ethical few hours (at the six-cell stage), was a media in1 plicacions of cloning, which are actually sensation, imagine what a cloned human much less significant than one might guess. individual would do for a company's name Removing arbitrary religious and moral recognition and stock value. arguments, like "it is just wrong" or "it Heading down the path of human messes up the soul," there are only a few cloning is dangerous and foolhardy. ethical concerns thar must be addressed in Considedng the vast e~pense of human responsible human cloning research. life to achieve the, g<?al ()f c;lo:fied tissue, First, individuals retain the rights to Ame~ica is right to balk at the,attempts of ' the use of their DNA. Th~t is to say, the academics and those wrong-headed someone cannot be ' cloned withoUt his or entrepreneurs who want to fUhher blur the her permission. The actual molecular DNA lines of respect for human life. How many of any person is part oftheir body and thus embryos will have to die before one heart part of their 'property. An individual's DNA transplant will be perfotmed? How many sequence should be considered part of their cloned infants will die ofbtrth defects or intellectual property in order to protect the other complications before the scientists privacy and the sense of individual identity. finally perfect a process that has rightly In the case that two people have the same been out of man's control from the very sequence, such as identical twins, they both beginning? 'There are more pragmatic retain full rights to its use. This remedies means of achieving tissue transplants or the ethical concern about people being even stimulating tissue growth than cloned without their own permission as well sacrificing human embryos on the altar of as a variety of privau concerns that "science." The unique and irreplaceable modern genetics has created. value of humap life is an American ideal The second ethical concern that must that has survived t\\lO and a quaner be addressed before cloning can proceed centuries. It is up to the current generation is where does new life begin? The most of America~s to preserve this ideal for common trap in this is assuming that the itself and for its children. Stopping human potential to create a life is the same as life embryo reSearch will be a: critical battle in itselÂŁ The aJ;gument rhatsinceazygote achieving that end.Mt has the potential to form an independent

life under the right conditions it is indeed alive is easy to fall into, but its ['ltal flaw is that it is only true "under the right conditions." The problem is that zygo'tes aren't the only cells that are capable of developing into independent life "under the right conditions." Most cells maintain the same ' full set of DNA as the zygote (the exceptions including red blood cells and sex cells) . The only difference is [he contents of the cell outside of the DNA, which are controlled by the transcription of DNA to produce proteins that conrrol the contents of the cell. The proteins in rum control the transcription of the DNA. "Under the right conditions" any cell with a full gen etic¡ compliment is capable of reverting to a zygote, so one cannot validly claim that a zygote is life, Ih order to create a viable defInition of life, we must look to the opposite side of the spectrum and consider death. The most widdy, accepted defInition of death is {he cessation of the function of the circulatory and nervous functions of th e body. Logically, we should defIne life 35 [b e iniriation of circulatory and nervous function, This typically occurs about 23-25 days after fertilization, Since in order for this even to occur, the cells must differentiate into rhe centraL nervou s system, as long as the embryonic cell s arc prevented from differentiating in this manner, thq many not be considered to be alive.

Most of the potent ial short-term prospects for cloned cells are for the introduction of genetically matching srem cells to replace cells in non-regenerating organs, such as the brain , Since these cells will differentiate into matching cells for the tissue they are in, rather than a new individual, it is not the destruction of a life.

One of the more long-term applications will be the independent generation of organs for transplant. The ethical stumbling block in this potentially life-saving line of research is accomplishing this without allowing ,the development of a central nervous system in the organs in question . Thus, it is not acceptable to creace a full clone and harvest its organs. Instead the process of differentiation must be controlled, a complicated technic..l feat, but hardly an impossible one.

Thus, as long as care is taken to make sure that it does not violate a couple basic ethical premises, cloning is an avenue of research that will provide many great medical benefi ts. The path to ethical benefits from cloning may be winding, but it is worth taking.!\R