Military Press, July 1, 2019

www.militarypress.com

PUBLISHER’S APOLOGY

Volume 43 • Number 13 • July 1, 2019

The June 15, 2019 issue went to press missing part of “Donald Trump - The Best or the Worst?” And it was the “best” part that was omitted. We have it for you this issue on page 3. Thanks to the readers who expressed concern and outrage at not getting the President’s BEST side.

ISLAMIC REVOLUTIONARY GUARD CORPS The United States put Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps on its list of terrorist groups in April 2019. The unprecedented move against another country’s armed forces is bound to rachet up tensions with Tehran. Turn the page 2 for more.

I

ran’s Islamic Revolution Guards Corps (IRGC) was set up 40 years ago to defend the country’s Islamic system, and to provide a counterweight to the regular armed forces.

It has since become a major military, political and economic force in Iran, with close ties to the Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, and many other senior figures.

The IRGC is estimated to have more than 150,000 active personnel, boasts its own ground forces, navy and air force, and oversees Iran’s strategic weapons.

It also controls the paramilitary Basij Resistance Force, which has helped suppress domestic dissent, and the powerful bonyads, charitable trusts in Iran that play a major role in Iran’s nonpetroleum economy.

The IRGC exerts influence elsewhere in the Middle East by providing money, weapons, technology, training and advice to allied governments and armed groups through its shadowy overseas operations arm, the Quds (Jerusalem) Force.

Such activities have prompted United States to designate the IRGC as a “foreign terrorist organization” — ­ the

July 1, 2019

IRGC

Inside Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps

The IRGC was set up after the 1979 Iranian revolution to defend Iran’s Islamic system.

first such designation of an entire foreign government entity.

Iran denies supporting terrorists and says the U.S. is destabilizing the Middle East.

Guardians of the Revolution

Before the 1979 revolution, Shah Muhammad Reza Pahlavi relied on military might to ensure national security and to safeguard his power.

Afterwards, the new Islamic authorities, headed by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, realised they too needed a powerful force committed to consolidating their leadership and revolutionary ideals.

The clerics therefore produced a new constitution that provided for both a regular Military (Artesh), to defend Iran’s borders and maintain internal order, and a separate Guards Corps (Sepah-e Pasdaran), to protect the Islamic system.

In practice, these roles have often overlapped, with the IRGC also helping to keep public order and developing its own army, navy and air force.

IRGC, continued on Page 11

www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com

DONALD TRUMP

E H T S ’ P M U R T S TOP 15 REASON

T S E B N

ever in the history of the suasive communicator. He was also inUnited States has the Pres- credibly successful at business. He also ident of this great nation fought not only the entire media, but received the hatred that’s almost 100% of both political parties to been displayed by the left, the Demo- capture the presidency. crats and the media.

3. He’s a billionaire.

Every single day, the People say that like it’s president and his fama bad thing. They also say ily receive negative that if he had taken his opinions and negative POINT inheritance (estimated at press from the newspa$40 million) and simply pers... New York Times, invested it, he would have Washing Post, Chicago even more money than he Tribune and LA Times does now. also the television stations, the big three 4. He’s a businessnetworks — ABC, NBC and CBS — in addition man, not a politician. to cable news channels Politicians are what have CNN and MSNBC. ruined politics. They are an Why do people like inbred, corrupt, venal, shalDonald Trump? After RICHARD T. MATZ low, power-hungry cabal of reviewing tons of onelites who only care about line comments, I found enriching themselves. that these are the Top 12 Reasons that Donald Trump’s sup- 5. He hates the porters say they like him. Surprisingly, media. they’re also the same exact reasons that More than anything else, the 2016 other people hate him! presidential election was a referendum against the media. Although they threw everything possible at him — coverage 1. He says he wants to “Make has been over 90% negative, and only America Great Again. a single major American newspaper enAmerica’s middle and working class- dorsed him — Trump was able to win. es have been sold down the river.

America, once the shining light of the 6. He’s rude world, became a country ashamed of it- and mean. self and that felt obligated to apologize As opposed to most politicians, who to the rest of the world for being more deliver flowery speeches and empty successful than other countries. promises while they’re stabbing you in the back. There is so much corruption 2. He’s a former reality-TV and dishonesty in politics, it’s refreshstar. ing to see someone come along who That’s right, and an incredibly suc- speaks what they say and cuts through cessful one at that. He was successful the pompous bullshit that has infected in TV because he’s an exceptionally per- our political and cultural discourse.

PUBLISHER’S

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • ads@militarypress.com

7. He’s not “politically correct.”

We are living in an age where most people have to bite their lips to the point of bleeding for fear of offending some delicate soul who will scream bloody murder and call the cops and press if you dare to say anything that hurts their feelings. This is mind control and tyranny of the worst form—repression of thoughts.

8. He says he’s not a racist.

This has consistently been the most repeated lie about him—that he’s a racist. But when pressed for an actual racist thing he’s ever said, they come up short. They will tell you that he called all Mexicans rapists, which is not true.

He simply pointed to statistics that claim up to 80% of women crossing the border were raped by the men who facilitated their journey.

9. He says disrespectful things about women.

whether doing so will render huge swaths of the American heartland jobless and pill-addicted.

12. He is pro-capitalism.

As opposed to being pro-socialism.

Take a look at socialist Venezuela—rioting in the streets as people murder one another for scraps of foods. Take a look at the massive failures and the barbaric atrocities of every Marxist / Socialist regime that has ever existed.

13. He appeals to rural voters.

More than any other group, America’s rural people have been disempowered and abandoned due to the policies pushed by urban elites. They’ve seen their jobs evaporate and their local culture obliterated, only to be replaced by a Walmart and McDonald’s in every town. They also realize that most of the media and academia see them as ignorant and backwards and laughable. instead, Trump treats them with respect.

We live in a world where it’s OK to bash men nonstop—to call them stu- 14. He is pro-gun.

If you look at what the Founding Fapid, clumsy, inept, and evil—and none thers wrote about the second Amendof this is considered sexist. ment, it was deigned to protect citizens 10. He’s against open borders. from government tyranny. Do you know Name a country on earth that has who took away people’s guns? Adolf Hitlooser borders than America. Did you ler and Joseph Stalin, two of the twentiknow that if you tried crossing into eth century’s bloodiest dictators. And for Mexico illegally, you might get shot or all you hear about gun violence, did you imprisoned? Do you know that every realize that most gun murders are comother country has far stricter immigra- mitted with illegally owned firearms? tion policies than America does?

11. He’s nationalist rather than globalist.

He realizes that the ex-factory worker in Ohio lost his job because it was sent to Malaysia. He knows that some banker in Brussels is more interested in increasing his stock portfolio than

15. He obviously thinks quite highly of himself.

Would it be better if he hated himself? He has a strong personality—so strong, the world has been speaking of him, and almost nothing but him, for the past three years. Isn’t a strong personality what you’d want in a leader?

July 1, 2019 3

NFL AND MLB UPDATES, STATS + MORE

All eyes in the NFL are on the start of training camp and the 2019 Super Bowl, which takes place at MercedesBenz Stadium in Atlanta on Feb. 3 on CBS. Major sports books are already taking action on which team hoists the Lombardi Trophy in 2019, and Tom Brady and the New England Patriots are the early Super Bowl LIII favorites. Right behind the Pats on the 2019 Super Bowl odds board are the Pittsburgh Steelers and Philadelphia Eagles.

Minnesota Vikings: 121; San Francisco 49ers: 161; Houston Texans: 18-1; Kansas City Chiefs: 18-1 ; Jacksonville Jaguars: 18-1; New Orleans Saints: 18-1; Dallas Cowboys: 20-1; Atlanta Falcons: 251; Oakland Raiders: 25-1 Los Angeles Chargers: 25-1; Carolina Panthers: 40-1; Denver Broncos: 50-1; Baltimore Ravens: 40-1 ; Tennessee Titans: 40-1; Indianapolis Colts: 40-1; Detroit Lions: 50-1 New York Giants: 50-1; Seattle Seahawks: 60-1; Tampa Bay Buccaneers: 60-1; Chicago Bears: 60-1; New York Jets: 80-1; Buffalo Bills: 80-1; Arizona Cardinals: 1001; Washington Redskins: 100-1; Miami Dolphins: 100-1; Cincinnati Bengals: 100-1; Cleveland Browns: 100-1.

Odds

NFL Props Wagering

A Look Ahead To This Year’s Superbowl

New England Patriots: 5-1; PittsMany years ago, online sports books burgh Steelers: 8-1; Philadelphia began offering Props Wagering for Eagles: 8-1; Los Angeles Rams: special occasions such as Super Bowl 10-1; Green Bay Packers: 12-1; Betting, Pro Bowl Betting and Di-

FOR SAFER PORT. AT THE READY. From vessel patrol to patrolling the streets, the Port of San Diego Harbor Police is cross-trained to protect and oversee the safety of the airport, the waterfront and all of San Diego Bay.

Learn more at: PortOfSanDiego.org/AtTheReady 4 July 1, 2019

The real WINNER is this guy!

visional/Conference Championship Games. These plays were extremely popular and now, you can play these types of wagers on nearly every game in the NFL. Props Wagering vary from week to week but they will allow you to bet on in game items such as how many field goals will be scored, how many sacks will be in the game, who will score first, who will score last, how many turnovers there will be in the game and much more! During the bigger games like the Super Bowl, they will also offer entertainment props such as what color the gatorade will be that is poured over the winning coach’s head, how long the National Anthem will last and how many times commentators will mention certain words or phrases.

There is also the option to bet on individual player props, such as how many completions the QB will accumulate, how many INT’s the QB will throw, how many combined yards the Running Back will account for and receiving yardage from the Wide Receivers. These prop plays are based on odds, similar to the money line and each player is unique and provide different odds.

Sean McVay engaged to model Veronika Khomyn

MLB STANDINGS

# 1.

2.

3 4.

5.

AL East Division New York Yankees Tampa Bay Rays Boston Red Sox Toronto Blue Jays Baltimore Orioles

GP 77 78 79 78 78

W 49 45 42 29 22

L 28 33 37 49 56

# 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

AL Central Division Minnesota Twins Cleveland Indians Chicago White Sox Detroit Tigers Kansas City Royals

GP 77 77 75 73 78

W 50 42 36 26 27

L 27 35 34 47 51

# 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

AL West Division Houston Astros Texas Rangers Oakland Athletics Los Angeles Angels Seattle Mariners

GP 79 78 79 79 82

W 49 42 41 39 35

L 30 36 38 40 47

# 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

NL East Division Atlanta Braves Philadelphia Phils Washington Nats New York Mets Miami Marlins

GP 78 77 77 78 76

W 46 39 37 37 30

L 32 38 40 41 46

# 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

NL Central Division Chicago Cubs Milwaukee Brewers St.Louis Cardinals Cincinnati Reds Pittsburgh Pirates

GP 77 78 77 76 76

W 42 42 40 36 36

L 35 36 37 40 40

# 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

NL West Division Los Angeles Dodgers Colorado Rockies Arizona Dbacks San Diego Padres San Francisco Giants

GP 79 77 79 78 76

W 54 40 39 38 33

L 25 37 40 40 43

www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com

MILTON BERLE

M

ilton Berle was television’s first superstar, also known as Uncle Miltie and Mr. Television.

He was unequivocally the single most important star in the early years of television. His Tuesday night TV show, the Texaco Star Theater ran from 1948 to 1956 and reached the number one slot in the Nielsen’s ratings with an incredible 97% share of TV viewing audiences.

Berle risked his newfound TV stardom at its zenith to challenge Texaco.

When the sponsor tried to prevent

black performers from appearing on his show, he said “I remember clashing with the advertising agency and the sponsor over my signing the Stepbrothers for an appearance on the show. The only thing I could figure out was that there was an objection to black performers on the show but I couldn’t even find out who was objecting. ‘We just don’t like them…’ I was told, but who the hell was’ we’?

Because I was riding high in 1950 I sent out the word that if they don’t go on I don’t go on. At 10 minutes of eight, 10 minutes before showtime, I got permission for the Stepbrothers to appear. If I broke the color line policy or not I don’t know but later on I had no trouble booking Bill Robinson and Lena Horne.”

Although he was never a movie star himself, Berle appeared in many popular films including the music comedy classic It’s A Mad, Mad World in 1963.

In his early years Milton’s mother was very liberal. She was an understanding mom and permitted Berle to bring young ladies home. His mom

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • ads@militarypress.com

would say hello and then discreetly slip out of the room.

Berle quickly became a Hollywood legend as a ladies man. His affairs included actresses Veronica Lake, Lucille Ball, Hedy La-Marr, and Nancy Davis, later Mrs. Ronald Reagan.

Milton had a memorable relationship with the very young Marilyn Monroe in the late 1940s. The two had a very happy time together and Milton discovered a strange passion that Marilyn had. She liked to smoke little cigars. Milton was a prolific lifetime cigar smoker. When they dated Milton took her to trendy Hollywood hotspots remembering it was like taking a hungry kid Into a bakery shop.

Milton had a very serious affair with an actress by the name of Linda Smith, whom he got pregnant and asked to marry her, but she refused, choosing to marry an older man — a producer who could help her career.

Although the producer was impotent, Linda somehow convinced the man the baby boy was his. The boy grew up never knowing that Milton Berle was his father.

Any article on Milton Berle would

be incomplete and untruthful if one of the files was not looked into at least briefly. Milton became a legend because he was so well-endowed anatomically. Upon seeing Milton’s equipment in the men’s room, comedian Phil Silvers said, “You better feed that thing it’s liable to turn on you.”

Once, a hundred dollar bet was made between a questioning male challenger and Milton to see who was more well-endowed. “Just take out enough to win,” a friend told Milton. After a few ill-fated marriages, Milton married Ruth Cosgrove who worked in Samuel Goldman’s publicity department in 1953. His marriage was a very happy one and lasted until her death in 1989.

Milton made appearances into his ‘90s, and to the end of his life, he referred to himself as a Jew and Christian Scientist.

Uncle Miltie passed away in 2002 at the ripe old age of 93.

July 1, 2019 5

CALIFORNIA’S CENTRAL VALLEY GEM

BY HOWARD HIAN MILITARY PRESS

Recent History

Chico, CA has been in the news a lot since the devastating fire that destroyed its neighbor, Paradise. It became the the staging ground for Cal Fire and volunteers from around the state and country. Chico was also inundated with almost 20,000 displaced persons. The community was impacted greatly but is slowly recovering. Bravo Chico. I’ve been a regular visitor for almost 20 years.

If you are on a road trip and in the vicinity, it’s well worth a stop.

On the Go

Chico is a cycling/hiking enthusiast’s heaven. Bidwell Park, its crown jewel, is one of the largest city parks in the US (3,670 acres), with approximately 60 miles of dirt and paved bike trails. It was established in 1905 and is divided into Lower, Middle and Upper Park. Lower Park is flat, with mature trees providing a shade canopy. For movie buffs, it was “Sherwood Forest’s” location in The Adventures of Robin Hood, starring Errol Flynn in 1938. Upper Park’s terrain is much steeper, since it’s in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Big Chico Creek runs

through the region. Sycamore Pool, at the One-Mile Recreation Area, is a local hangout. More can be found at www.BidwellPark.org. The scenic Sacramento River is a short 10 mile drive from Chico and a mecca for picnicking, tubing, and fishing.

Wandering About

Downtown Chico is a delight for roaming; historic buildings, boutiques, bars, book stores, restaurants, outdoor cafes, art galleries, and antique shops line the streets.

Don’t miss the National Yo-Yo Museum. It has the largest public display of yo-yos and memorabilia in the US. Also downtown is Chico State University.

Founded in 1887, it is the second oldest school in the California college system. Laxson Auditorium, on campus, features plays, musicals, and concerts that are open to the public (www.CSUChico.edu). There is a seasonal Thursday night farmers market, as well as, every Saturday throughout the year.

Where To Eat

Steaks - 5th Avenue Steak House is a splurge, but worth it. Make reservations.

Italian - Franky’s features freshly made pastas, pizza, risotto, etc., plus an outstanding happy hour.

Burgers - Burger Hut is a casual, family friendly restaurant for your burger fix (don’t forget to order a milkshake).

Mexican - Gordo’s Taco Truck is on 8th and Cypress. An incomparable shrimp quesadilla awaits you!

Indian - Taj Finest for sit down or carry out. Good food, reasonable prices, and they offer samples.

BBQ Smokin’ Mo’s has a diverse menu, daily specials, and features four original BBQ sauces.

Sandwiches - Foodie’s Cafe offers and eclectic menu, including breakfast. The owner/chef and his wife are “Purveyors of Innovative and Memorable Deliciousness.”

Ice Cream - Shubert’s first opened in 1938 and is still making homemade ice cream and candies.

Diversion

Like to play poker? Chico’s Casino 99 is a casual, friendly, well run card room offering table games and poker tournaments, plus a bar and grill.

More information can be found at www.Casino99Chico.com.

Home Grown

Three of my favorite companies are headquartered in Chico: ChicoBag, www.ChicoBag.com, Sierra Nevada Brewing Company, www.SierraNevada.com, and Klean Kanteen, www.KleanKanteen.com.

Information

Drop into the Chamber of Commerce, www.ChicoChamber.com, for a free copy of Discover Chico.

Also pick up101 Things to Do In and Around Butte County for suggestions, www.101ThingsToDo.net.

Visit Chico News & Review, www.

NewsReview.com, for weekly entertainment, local features, and updates.

Next time you are near California’s Central Valley, visit Chico. You won’t be disappointed.

Let’s Go! Thanks to various websites for information, logos, photos, etc.

For more Travels With Hian, visit www.travels-with-hian.com.

‘SPIDERMAN’ BRINGS EARLY FIREWORKS FOR HOLIDAY

C

BY JERI JACQUIN MILITARY PRESS

oming to theatres to help celebrate the 4th from director Jon Watts, Marvel Studios and Columbia Pictures is SPIDERMAN: Far From Home.

After Endgame, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) is dealing with the loss of Tony Stark and looking toward a school trip to Europe. He wants to tell MJ (Zendaya) how he feels and enjoy time away from his spider suit.

On the trip is buddy Ned (Jacob Batalon), Betty (Angourie Rice), Brad (Remy Hii), Flash (Tony Revolori) and teachers Mr. Bell (J.B. Smoove) and Mr. Harrington (Martin Starr). They are ready to explore Europe but a creature under them has other plans. When it rises to the surface, Peter must protect as many people as possible.

Then he sees Quentin Beck (Jake Gyllenhaal) fly in and lend a hand and he is given the name Mysterio. Peter is visited

by Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) who 8 July 1, 2019

wants Spider-Man’s help and gives him something special. Peter can only think of MJ, their trip and being a kid.

Trying to explain this to Fury, Peter discovers that their class itinerary has changed to go, oddly enough, where Fury wants Spider-Man to be. A plan is set with Mysterio and Spider-Man working together to bring down destructive creatures.

That is when Peter makes a decision that may cost far more than he could have imagined!

Holland as Spider-Man has to be one of the best choices made for Marvel, next to Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man. Holland is funny, insecure, fearless and fearful at the same time and just plain adorably charming.

Gyllenhaal as Mysterio is so cool to watch. He works with Spider-Man and befriends him which helps Peter with the loss of his good friend. Gyllenhaal fits into his role as if it were always destined to be.

Jackson is back as Nick Fury who doesn’t mind guilting Spider-Man into the club. Zendaya as MJ is still her dark

self, Batalone as Ned is there for his web weaving friend but has his eyes drawn in an unexpected way. Tomei as May is happy with her life and to have Peter in it.

Shout out to Favreau as Happy Hogan! I have come to love his character and am thrilled to see him be there for Peter Parker.

SPIDER-MAN: Far From Home is going to delight fans because Holland has done such an amazing job of portraying the young webbed one. There is something for everyone in the film with action, story, twists, turns and, well, a teen love story that has been trying to break free.

Being a superhero has its price and the talk between Happy and Peter helps the young man decide how to continue being Spider-Man. I believe that’s what makes this incarnation of the SpiderMan franchise more believable. Holland brings it all together with a tender and fun-filled performance that is so relatable.

In the end — he is your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!

www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com

GRYPHON SECURITY SERVICES

Midwifery Led Care Licensed/Accredited

Help Wanted – 20 Security Guards

Water Birth!!!

VETERAN OWNED & OPERATED HIRING ONLY THE BEST!

Well Woman Exams

CALL NOW: (858) 213-1394 Full service security guard company has an immediate need to hire 20 security guards for existing client accounts. Full & part time positions available.

Experienced with guard cards preferred but will train covering the cost of obtaining your guard card if you are motivated, professional and willing to work.

Accept: Tricare Prime/Select

Free Pregnancy Tests!

www.beststartbirthcenter.com

619-299-0840

https://gryphonses.wixsite.com/gses

1572 GARNET AVENUE

PACIFIC BEACH

SOME

GET

(858) 352-6133

25% discount to all active duty, and 15% discount to active duty military spouses, and veterans!

BOOK YOUR APPOINTMENT TODAY

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • ads@militarypress.com

July 1, 2019 9

Just for

Laughs Positively Nuts

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a pint of beer and a.............................. packet of peanuts.”

The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?”

A Grasshopper Walks Into A Bar

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, “You have a drink named Steve?”

A Measured Approach

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar.

Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table — whole!”

“Sorry,” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for everything.”

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he’s in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt , pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks.

“Yeah,” replies the guy. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first.”

Last Bar Joke

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start drinking. As the night goes on, they get drunk, and the giraffe finally passes out. The man decides to go home.

As he’s leaving, the man is approached by the barkeeper who says, “Hey, you’re not gonna leave that lyin’ here, are ya?”

“Hmph,” says the man. “That’s not a lion — it’s a giraffe.”

Elderly Lady Phone Her Telephone Company

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called —

10 July 1, 2019

and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house. The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: 1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire via a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.

4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

No Problemo

An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. “You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit.” The mortician says, “We’ll take care of it, ma’am,” and yells to the back, “Ed, switch the heads on two and four!”

No Bargain

Innkeeper: “The room is $15 a night.

It’s $5 if you make your own bed.”

Guest: “I’ll make my own bed.”

Innkeeper: “Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood.”

Q: What are a woman’s four favorite animals?

A: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it all.

Q: What do you call a dog that has balls of steel and is dragging them across cement?

A: Sparky.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a deer?

A: Beer.

Q: What do you call two fleas on top of a bald head?

A: Homeless.

Foolin’ No One

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

“Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?” she asks.

The shepherd agrees. She blurts out, “352!”

The shepherd is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

“I’ll take this one,” she says proudly. “It’s the cutest!”

“Hey lady,” says the shepherd. “If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?”

A sign in the window of a bar advertised for a piano player and one day a scroungy looking old guy entered the bar asking about the job.

The bartender was put off by the man’s looks, but pointed him to the piano in the corner.

As the old man began to play, the room was filled with the most beautiful, melodious music anyone in the bar had ever heard. During the song, all talk stopped and when the music ended, the patrons leaped to their feet; yelling and applauding wildly.

“Hey, old timer,” said the barkeep. “You’re really good.

What was that beautiful song?”

“I call it ‘Drop them panties Momma, I’m gonna do ya all night long.”

Momentarily stunned, the bartender held his temper and said, “Interesting title, Do you have another?”

The old man nodded and broke into a foot stomping honky-tonk piece that brought the bar patrons to their

feet. The crowd clapped along until it was finished, then broke into a thunderous round of applause and filled his tip mug to overflowing.

“You are amazing,” exclaimed the barkeep. “Just amazing! What do you call that one?”

“Oh, that’s a little ditty I call ‘I wanna spank yer bare butt, baby, till you scream and holler.’ Then, he rose, excused himself and shuffled off to use the restroom.

While he was gone, the patrons begged the bartender to give the eccentric old musician the job. So, when the old man returned, the barkeep said, “Mister, you are the greatest piano player I’ve ever heard. If you want the job, it’s yours.”

Suddenly, the barkeep noticed that the man’s fly was open on his return from the restroom. Not wanting to embarrass the old fellow, he leaned toward him and whispered, “Sir, do you know your manhood is hanging out?”

“Know it?” the geezer grinned. “Hell, I WROTE IT!”

www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com

Medical Pot Gaining in Legalization Worldwide Medical cannabis legalization has been sweeping throughout countries worldwide as many look for alternatives to traditionally prescribed treatments and medications.

Before the modern era, cannabis was a popular herbal medicinal treatment in Chinese, Indian, Egyptian, and Islamic cultures. However, under international regulations, cannabis was deemed illegal nearly a century ago because of the psychoactive properties stemming from the marijuana derivative of the plant.

However, despite regulatory laws, many countries have since decided to move forward and legalize medical cannabis due to its therapeutic benefits.

Countries such as Australia, Canada, Chile, Czech Republic, Germany, Italy, Mexico, the U.K, and parts of the U.S. have all adopted medicinal cannabis legislation. Predominantly, cannabis is used to treat a variety of medical ailments which includes cancer, chronic pain, depression, diabetes, glaucoma, migraines and epilepsy.

Current modern treatments and surgical procedures to treat conditions such as cancer and epilepsy can be highly expensive for an average person. For instance, the treatment of epilepsy (VNS therapy) in the U.S. can cost upwards of $20K, which includes implants and a surgical procedure. However, the costs of surgery and care can vary in different parts of the U.S. and can increase over time, according to the Epilepsy Foundation of Greater Chicago. Furthermore, patients will also need regular appointments with their neurologist to check the device, so while VNS therapy can be effective for patients suffering from epilepsy, the price can be quite hefty.

Recently, however, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration legalized Epidiolex, the first cannabisderived drug used to treat Dravet syndrome and Lennox-Gastaut syndrome common among children. As clinical trials and research continue to undergo, government regulators are becoming more inclined to evaluate the efficacy of cannabis. And as more U.S. states and countries continue to legalize cannabis for medical applications, the market is positioned to become a global phenomenon, as according to data compiled by IMARC Group, the global medical cannabis market was estimated at a value of $13.4 billion in 2018. By 2024, the market is expected to exceed a value of $44 billion.

IRGC Continued from Page 2 Despite having an estimated 300,000 fewer troops than the regular military, the IRGC is considered the dominant military force in Iran and is behind many of the country’s key military operations.

The IRGC navy is tasked with patrolling the strategically important Strait of Hormuz, a narrow waterway connecting the Gulf to the Indian Ocean through which 20% of the world’s oil supply passes.

The force’s small boats have intercepted US warships that it says have approached Iran’s territorial waters, and detained or diverted international shipping.

The IRGC’s air force, which does not generally operate combat aircraft, is meanwhile responsible for Iran’s missiles.

CLASSIFIEDS HELP WANTED

To place an advertisement or for more information, call

(858) 537-2280

WANTED

Active Duty / Spouses / Veterans Now interviewing for part-time managers. North County, San Diego and Nationwide Offices. Only careerminded individuals need to apply. Call 24/7

760-456-2242 Ext 10

WANTED:

OLD ELECTRONICS

Radio tubes, military tubes, tube testers, transformers, parts, RCA, Western Electric, Altec, Mcintosh, JBL, Marantz, Ampex, Electrovoice, Dynaco, amplifiers, speakers, microphones, mixers, turntables, etc.

713-444-3909

Visit us on Facebook @mpnewspaper

REAL ESTATE

POINT LOMA

VA/FHA approved 2 bed / 2 bath, garage, walk to all.

Low HOA fees, pool, jacuzzi. $370,000

Publisher: Richard T. Matz Advertising: Valerie Swaine Public Relations: Lisa Matz Editor: Lisa Vante Distribution: Dennis Wink Contributing Writers: Doug Aguillard, Keith Angelin, Elise Cooper, Art Garcia, Howard Hian, Jeri Jacquin (The Movie Maven), Carlos Kremer, Heather E. Siegel Contact Us: Tel 858.537.2280 333 S. Juniper St., Suite 103 Escondido, CA 92025

SPACE FOR SALE!

Reach the San Diego military community with a classified ad in the MilitaryPress!

Call 858-537-2280

Agent 619-384-7330

NEVER MISS AN ISSUE! GET THE

HOPS FOR HEROES

HOT OFF THE TEE

www.milita

rypress.com Volume 42

• Number 18

• Sept. 15,

2018

MIRAMAR AIR SHOW!

SALUTING 100 YEARS OF WOMEN IN THE

REMEMBER WHEN

1937

PACKING A

CORPS

PUNCH

LOOKING BACK AT BOXING GREATS

DELIVERED TO YOUR MAILBOX!

Just $50 for a full year • Call (858) 537-2280

www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com facebook.com/mpnewspaper twitter.com/mpnewspaper

DISTRIBUTION Distributed on the 1st and 15th of each month. Available aboard all San Diego County military bases, onboard in-port ships, at participating Albertsons, Ralphs, CVS Pharmacies and 7-11s.

For more locations, visit www.militarypress.com/distribution.

The Military Press is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th

by Military Press Publishing LLC, a commercial, free-enterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy.

The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materials appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher.

Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscription by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.

PUZZLES ACROSS 1. It delivers babies?

6. WW1 plane 10. Grizzly 14. Claw 15. High fidelity 16. Tibetan monk 17. Mountain crest 18. Absorb written material 19. Aquiver 20. Currant-like berry 22. Hint 23. Bird call 24. Creator 26. A spurlike projection 30. Prosperous periods 32. Take forcibly 33. Truly 37. Dossier 38. Stilts 39. Chills and fever 40. Ornaments 42. Play the bagpipes 43. Sarcasm 44. Internalcombustion engine 45. In base 8 47. Put clothing on 48. Dwarf buffalo 49. Swear in 56. Arm or leg 57. Autumn 58. Lubricated 59. Dirt 60. Midmonth date 61. Flip over 62. A single time 63. Carryall 64. Squalid

For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280 • ads@militarypress.com

SUDOKU

The rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the number 1 through 9.

DOWN 1. Male deer 2. Tropical tuber 3. Margarine 4. Decomposes 5. Patella 6. Termagant 7. Jetty 8. A long way off 9. Twin or double 10. Type of harmless snake 11. American symbol 12. French for “Love”

13. Anger 21. Tavern 25. French for “Friend” 26. Manacle 27. Largest continent 28. Quiet time 29. Praiseworthy 30. Tummy 31. 1 1 1 1 33. Thug 34. Auspices 35. Attraction 36. Scream 38. Productive

41. Historic period 42. Curved 44. Man’s best friend 45. Scallion 46. Comedian 47. Coarse edible red seaweed 48. Plus 50. Zero 51. Beers 52. Fully developed 53. Away from the wind 54. Care for 55. Countercurrent

This week’s solutions:

July 1, 2019 11

Serious speed!

Bundle and save today

19 Simply Broadband Max

99 Per Month With Qualifying Phone Service

6 Mbps + Free Wi-Fi Router + 1 Year Price Lock

Save with Frontier Internet Bundles Pay one price for two great services: high-speed Internet and a full-featured home phone

67

BROADBAND ULTRA + PHONE + SECURE

97 Per Month

12 Mbps + Free Wi-Fi Router + 2 Year Price Lock Protect Your Identity, Devices & Files

Call today and pay less

855-820-5834 You can’t get BS from a buffalo.™ *Internet access service and charges not included. Frontier does not warrant that the service will be error-free or uninterrupted. Nest products: Additional $9 shipping fee per Nest device. Nest products must be purchased with new Internet service or eligible Frontier Secure services. Taxes, governmental and Frontier-imposed surcharges, minimum system requirements and other terms and conditions apply. Nest®, Nest Learning Thermostat™, Nest Protect™, Nest Cam™ and the Nest logo are trademarks or service marks of Nest Labs, Inc. ©2017 Frontier Communications Corporation

July 1, 2019

www.militarypress.com • news@militarypress.com