free
Military
Volume 37 • #18 • September 15, 2013
Serving Active and Retired Military, DoD Workers and Civilians for Over 35 Years
visit militarypress.com
l, a n io s s fe o r p e b , te li o p “Be l il k to n la p a e v a h t u b everybody you meet.” tis
— General James ‘Mad Dog’ Mat
For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280
September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 1
The best quotes from
SALEENS’ 3% MILITARY DISCOUNT TO ALL ACTIVE DUTY MILITARY
2014 SALEEN MUSTANG WHITE LABEL CONVERTIBLE 440 HORESPOWER NATURALLY ASPIRATED V-8 ENGINE
Net Cost
$39,777
One at this price Vin# 241265
Heller Price ................... $43,767 Ford Military Rebate...... $500 Factory Rebate ............. $2,000 Saleen Military Rebate .. $1,490
2014 SALEEN YELLOW MUSTANG LABEL COUPE
625 HORESPOWER SUPERCHARGED ‘V-8 ENGINE Purchase for
$599
a month for 84 months $7,500 total down payment 84 months @2.99 apr On approved above average credit One at this price Vin# 210294
2014 SALEEN MUSTANG BLACK LABEL COUPE
625 HORESPOWER SUPERCHARGED ‘V-8 ENGINE
‘Mad Dog’ Mattis An account by John R. Guardiano, a former Marine who not only met but conversed in depth with Mattis, sums up the general’s character best. “Both the left and the right are wrong about Marine Corps Lt. Gen. James N. Mattis. He is neither the Jack Nicholson caricature of a Marine depicted in the 1992 movie A Few Good Men nor the callous and mad eccentric depicted by George C. Scott in the 1970 movie Patton. And Gen. Mattis didn’t just talk the talk; he walked the walk. He led from the front. Indeed, on at least one occasion that I know of, the General was bloodied from a firefight or improvised explosive device while out on patrol with junior, enlisted Marines one-third his age. That’s what makes Gen. Mattis such a great warrior: He truly respects and cares for his Marines. “Guardiano,” he told me, “I don’t give a damn about the officers. If they don’t like what they’re doing, they can get on a plane and leave the Corps — go back where they came from. But I do care deeply about those 18- and 19-year-old Lance Corporals out on the frontlines.” — From The American Spectator
Mattis’ provocative and memorable quotes on next page PET SUPPLIES
Purchase for
$799
a month for 84 months $10,000 total down 2.99 APR On approved above average credit One at this price Vin# 239496
760-745-3361 1717 AUTO PARKWAY, ESCONDIDO WWW.HELLERFORD.COM
2 September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS
www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com
“You cannot allow any of your people to avoid the brutal facts. If they start living in a dream world, it’sMattis going to be bad.” has often talked to Marine leaders about stay-
“You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn’t wear a veil. You know, guys like that ain’t got no manhood left anyway. So it’s a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them. Actually it’s quite fun to fight them, you know. It’s a hell of a hoot. It’s fun to shoot some people. I’ll be right up there with you. I like brawling.”
ing sharp. The “dream world” he alludes to is a reference to a complacent attitude -- one that can cost lives if troops aren’t vigilant.
Some Mattis quotes don’t come without a degree of controversy, including this one. Said while speaking about his time on the ground in Afghanistan, he was later counseled by his boss Gen. Hagee, who said “he should have chosen his words more carefully.”
“If in order to kill the enemy you have to kill an innocent, don’t take the shot. Don’t create more enemies than you take out by some immoral act.”
“Treachery has existed as long as there’s been warfare, and there’s always been a few people that you couldn’t trust.”
As a co-author of the military’s counter-insurgency manual (with David Petraeus), Mattis has often spoke about following the rules of engagement and being disciplined among a ruthless enemy.
“I don’t lose any sleep at night over the potential for failure. I cannot even spell the word.” The General is confident in his abilities and that of his Marines -- he led the 1st Marine
Expeditionary Brigade into Afghanistan in 2001, the 1st Marine Division into Iraq in 2003, and led an operation into Fallujah in 2004 dubbed “Operation Vigilant Resolve”, and helped to plan the later “Operation Phantom Fury.”
“You are part of the world’s most feared and trusted force. Engage your brain before you engage your weapon.”
This line from his 2003 letter to his Marines foreshadows his contribution in 2006 to counterinsurgency doctrine, which stresses battlefield discipline, and protection of the civilian populace.
“Marines don’t know how to spell the word defeat”
As a highly-educated four-star General, Mattis probably can spell it, but he wants his Marines to know that they should never let it happen.
The Military Press September 15, 2013 Publisher Richard T. Matz
Production / Web Sandra Powers • Joe Yang
Customer Service Manager Carol Williams
Distribution Robert Wood
Advertising Manager Valerie Swaine
Contributing Writers Doug Aguillard Crystal Arriaga Mort Fretel • Art Garcia Howard Hian • Keith Angelin Jeri Jacquin, The Movie Maven Jessamyn Patterson Contact Us:
Account Representatives: Kaitlyn Burt • Michelle Hull Linda Woods Public Relations Lisa Matz
9715 Carroll Centre Road, Suite #104 San Diego, CA 92126 • Tel 858.537.2280 www.militarypress.com editorsdesk@militarypress.com The Military Press Newsmagazine is published semi-monthly on the 1st and the 15th by Military Press Newspaper, a commercial, free-enterprise newspaper. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Department of the Navy and is no way associated with the Department of the Navy. The editorial objective of the Military Press is to promote support for a strong military presence. The opinions and views of the writers whose materials appear herein are those of the writers and not the publisher. Appearance of advertising does not constitute endorsement by the Military Press Newspaper. Consumers should make informed decisions when purchasing products and services, and when considering business opportunities, and research before investing. Subscription by mail is $50 per year to CONUS or FPO addresses.
For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280
In places such as Iraq and Afghanistan, alliances can often shift quickly. Mattis spoke to Congress on this point after a series of green-on-blue attacks that left military leaders struggling to deal with.
“The most important six inches on the battlefield is between your ears.”
He often emphasizes to his troops that they need to be problem solvers, only using firepower as a last result.
“There are some people who think you have to hate them in order to shoot them. I don’t think you do. It’s just business.”
Many Marines look up to Mattis as a cult-like figure. Nevertheless, he will most likely be remembered as a consummate professional. A Marine officer we spoke with said, “the more I learned about him, the more I saw that the things we were doing right seemed to be associated with his philosophy of command.”
“A country that armed Stalin to defeat Hitler can certainly work alongside enemies of al-Qaida to defeat al-Qaida.”
The General is a student of history and avid reader. He often stresses the importance of education and training on building effective future leaders.
“The first time you blow someone away is not an insignificant event. That said, there are some *******s in the world that just need to be shot. There are hunters and there are victims. By your discipline, you will decide if you are a hunter or a victim.”
Speaking to his Marines at al Asad, he tried to motivate them to stay sharp and continue the mission. He ended the speech, telling them in Patton-esque fashion, “I feel sorry for every son of a b---- that doesn’t get to serve with you.”
“We’ve backed off in good faith to try and give you a chance to straighten this problem out. But I am going to beg with you for a minute. I’m going to plead with you, do not cross us. Because if you do, the survivors will write about what we do here for 10,000 years.”
Mattis demonstrates that he is willing to extend an olive branch to those on the fence -- but always carries the weight of Marine firepower if that doesn’t work out.
“I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you f* with me, I’ll kill you all.” After the initial Iraq invasion, “Chaos” (his radio callsign) sent home his tanks and artillery and used the “carrot and the stick” with Iraqi tribal leaders.
September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 3
Navy issues influenza policy The U.S. Navy has issued its influenza vaccination and reporting policy for the 2013-2014 influenza season. Both injectable and intranasal vaccines will be available for the 2013-2014 influenza seasons. The Navy on-line Vaccine Information and Logistics System (VIALS) is
the requisition system tool for seasonal and emerging influenza vaccines. The VIALS website is common access card (CAC)-enabled. Active and Reserve Component Navy force vaccination administration compliance will be monitored via the Medical Readiness Reporting System (MRRS).
New alcohol restrictions on installations Alcohol sales aboard Marine Corps installations will soon be restricted following a recent memo signed by Gen. James F. Amos, Commandant of the Marine Corps, aimed at supporting initiatives tied to sexual assault prevention and response, and overall health. The changes, which must be completed
within 90 days from the date of the letter, include removing liquor from all sites designated as Marine Marts adjacent to barracks, selling alcoholic beverage from 8 a.m. until 10 p.m. in all Marine Corps exchanges, and relocating alcohol and its displays to the side or rears of exchanges.
Navy claims a win over synthetic drug use The number of positive results for synthetic drug in urinalysis tests has decreased significantly since testing began in March 2012, according to data presented to Navy leaders by the Navy Alcohol and Drug Prevention (NADAP) office. For the past year, the NADAP office has focused on educating Silors on the risks to their health, career, and family,
of using synthetic drugs like spice and bath salts. There is also encouraging news in the responsible use of alcohol efforts. “During the past year, driving under the influence and alcohol-related incidents (AI) have continued to drop. The number of these incidents is down by more than 20 percent since 2006,” said Dorice Favorite, NADAP director.
JEWELRY
4 September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS
www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com
Overhaul of Military Retirement Proposed
A recent article by Military Officers Association of America’s Director of Government Relations, Mike Hayden, explains how some former Pentagon leaders and “think tank experts” have called for a complete retirement overhaul criticizing the 20-year retirement as either unaffordable or unfair to those who leave before that point, or both. Their points have gotten traction as a new commission -- established as a result of provisions in the FY 2013 National Defense Authorization Act and tasked with reviewing and perhaps overhauling military compensation and retirement benefits -- began its work in July.
Gay Marriage ‘Leave’ May Get a New Name
With Republicans raising legal issues and “unfair” echoing across military communities, Defense officials are reviewing a two-week old policy to allow up to 10 days of special “marriage leave” for gay and lesbian members assigned more than 100 miles from a state where they can marry legally. Instead of unearned leave, which might need to be backed by statute, commands might be encouraged to grant up to 10 days’ “administrative absence.” The intent still would be to give homosexual service members extra time off to travel to where samesex marriage is allowed, and thus qualify them sooner for full benefits including spousal medical care and “with dependents” housing allowances, military and congressional sources confirm. For more, see this Military.com article.
Volunteer Opportunity to Help Military Families
The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) is a nonprofit organization that provides ongoing support to all who are grieving the death of a loved one in military service to America. TAPS is often looking for volunteer servicemembers, especially those who wish to work with grieving children of our fallen servicemembers. For more information, visit the TAPS website at www. taps.org , call 800-959-TAPS (8277) or e-mail mentors@taps.org.
New DoD website helps military find quality child care Families at all military installations now have access to a new Department of Defense (DoD) Request for Care website. MilitaryChildCare.com provides a centralized online gateway for families to access all DoD-wide child and youth care options. The secure DoD site - which was tested exclusively at Nellis AFB and at installations throughout Hawaii over the past year - is designed to simplify and improve the care search process for military families and
DoD civilians, thereby enhancing family readiness. MIlitaryChildCare.com will provide families with general information about all fulltime and part-time, on-installation, DoD-certified care options, including child development centers, family child care and school-age care. Families search for care based on their needs and preferences, at which time they receive a list of all DoDwide care options that match their search parameters. Upon viewing detailed descriptions of the programs,
families submit requests and download select forms. Instead of being assigned a waitlist number, families will be informed about anticipated placement times, so that they can better plan for care. Child and youth programs will notify them when a space becomes available, and the enrollment process will remain the same. Families that are currently on waitlists will transition to the new webbased system. These families will retain the original date of their request(s) for care. For more info, go to MilitaryChildCare.com or contact MilitaryChildCare. com Customer Support at 855.696.2934 or FamilySupport@MilitaryChildCare. com.
EDUCATION
You receive it on Graduation Day. But it’s never handed to you. Because when it’s a degree from Columbia College, it’s a degree that demands effort and rewards hard work. That’s a notion our students at 18 campuses on military bases truly understand.
TRICARE Prime Update
The Department of Defense (DoD) will reduce the number of TRICARE Prime service areas in the United States beginning Oct. 1, affecting about 171,000 retirees and their family members. Those beneficiaries affected received a letter earlier this year explaining their options. Current details on Prime service areas and the option for beneficiaries to sign for email updates are available at TRICARE’s Changing to Prime Service Areas webpage at http://www.tricare.mil/PSA. A ZIP code tool is available on the site to help beneficiaries determine if they live in an affected area. As always, TRICARE beneficiaries are still covered by TRICARE Standard. For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280
® Offering Associate, Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees. Online. On Campus. Or both. (562) 799-9630 • GoForGreater.org Columbia College - Los Alamitos 4411 Yorktown Avenue, Suite 117
September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 5
Ronald W. Reagan (Feb. 6, 1911-June 5, 2004) 40th President of the United States
“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’” — Ronald Reagan
George H.W. Bush (Born June 12, 1924) 43rd Vice President of the United States
World events
• Wave of terrorist attacks in France by Carlos the Jackal • Argentina invades the Falkland Islands/Maldives • Israeli forces invade Lebanon • Israel returns Sinai to Egypt • The Provisional IRA continues its bombing campaign in London and Mainland Britain • Michael Fagan breaks into the queens bedroom in Buckingham Palace • The International Whaling Commission decides to end commercial whaling • Yassar Arafat elected President of the Palestinian National Council • Leonid Brezhnev, General Secretary of the Communist Party, dies of a heart attack
Technology
• Earthquake and volcanic eruption at El Chichon in southern Mexico kills thousands
U.S. news
• Record lows in dozens of midwestern states • Largest cash robbery in history occurs in New York when $9.8 million is stolen from an armored car • First issue of USA Today is published • Disney’s EPCOT Center is opened • Tylenol capsules laced with potassium cyanide kill 7 in ChiCarlos cago
The Jackal
• Doctors performed first implant of a permanent artificial heart designed by Robert Jarvik • Severe recessions begins in U.S. • World’s largest oil rig, The Ocean Rigger, sinks in the north Atlantic • Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C., is dedicated
Buick Riviera
6 September 15, 201315, THE PRESS Page 6 September 2013MILITARY THE MILITARY PRESS
• The first CDs are released in Germany. • First CD player sold in Japan • Weather Channel airs for first time • Soviet Spaceship Vanera 13 lands on Venus and sends back color photos • First commercial use of genetic engineering is launched when human insulin produced by bacteria is marketed • Times Man of the Year is the computer
Popular culture
• Michael Jackson releases his second adult solo album, Thriller • Graceland, the home of Elvis Presley, opens to the public • The screen legend Grace Kelly, Princess of Monaco, dies in a car crash
www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com
2 8 9 1
remember when... Excalibur
Popular films
• Blade Runner • Rocky III • On Golden Pond • Porky’s • Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan • Annie • Gandhi • Sophie’s Choice
• Income per year $21,0 50 • Minimum Wage $3.35 • New House $82,200 • Rent $320 • Car $7,983 • Gallon of gas 91¢ • Loaf of bread 55¢ • Dozen eggs 84¢ • Gallon of milk $2.24 • First-class stamp 20¢
BORN IN 1982: Above right: Prince William and Kate Middleton. Right: Nicki Minaj, Danica Patrick, Adam Lambert, funnyman Seth Rogan.
Popular TV shows
• Magnum, P.I. • Dynasty • Falcon Frest • Hill Street Blues • Knight Rider • Cheers • Family Ties • St. Elsewhere • T.J. Hooker • Newhart • Remington Steele
Born in 1982
• Anna Paquin • Anne Hathaway • Kirsten Dunst • Elisha Cuthbert • Sophia Bush • Thora Birch • Lil Wayne • Kelly Clarkson • Apolo Anton Ohno • Leann Rimes
Popular musicians
• Olivia Newton-John, “Let’s Get Physical” • Steve Miller Band, “Abracadabra” • Survivor, “Eye of the Tiger” • Chicago, “Hard To Say I’m Sorry” • John Cougar, “Jack & Diane” and “Hurts So Good”
Chevy Iroc For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280
September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS Page77
• William Shatner (Captain Kirk from Stak Trek) could never spread his fingers for the Vulcan greeting unless the studio crew taped or tied fishing line around his fingers. • Before finishing his education, earning a doctorate, and inventing the sport basketball, Dr. James Naismith was a high school dropout. • Despite the horrific display, nearly two-thirds of those aboard the LZ 129 Hindenburg survived its fiery crash in 1937. • According to Universal, the word “dude” is used 161 times in The Big Lebowski, including once in a dream sequence (in the credits for “Gutterballs”). • Mushroom clouds can be created by any huge explosion; they aren’t specific to atomic blasts.
PART 1
facts
• Turtles often bury their eggs in alligator nests. The mother alligator guards her nest so well it ensures the safety of the unborn turtles as well. • In the classic movie-musical The Wizard of Oz, the many-hued Horse of a Different Color that leads Dorothy and gang through the Emerald City could not actually be painted. Instead, animal rights activists advocated that the white horse be sponged with different flavors (and colors) of gelatin and then physically restrained from licking it off. • Scholars came up with “three” for the unmentioned number of wise men who came to see Jesus because of the three gifts mentioned in the Bible: frankincense, gold, and myrrh. • All dogs are the same species, meaning that (notwithstanding the
ENTERTAINMENT
obvious physical challenge) a Chihuahua and a Great Dane could procreate. • After coffee beans are decaffeinated, coffee manufacturers sell the caffeine to soft drink makers and pharmaceutical companies. • The launching mechanism of a carrier ship that assists planes in taking off could throw a pickup truck over a mile. • Using an orange-handled coffee pot to denote decaffeinated brew dates back to 1923, when General Foods first introduced Sanka. As a promotional gimmick, they provided restaurants and diners with orange-y pots that matched the orange packaging of their decaf coffee. • Moe supposedly got the idea for his double eyepoke after seeing Shemp use a similar maneuver when he thought Curly was cheating at poker. • There are over 40 ships buried underneath the city blocks of the financial district of San Francisco. Abandoned gold rush ships and their wharves were buried beneath landfill used to fill in Yerba Buena cove; the residents of San Francisco needed more housing. • Twinkies originally had bananaflavored filling, but switched to vanilla when WWII brought the banana trade to a halt. • Chinese Checkers is not Chinese. It was created in America to circum-
vent the patent for a popular boardgame called Halma, invented by a Boston surgeon named George Howard Monks. • Depending on the time of year, the Earth’s distance from the Sun can vary more than 3 million miles. • The 1900 Olympics featured a live pigeon shooting event. The winner bagged 21 pigeons.
CHARITY
Please designate us in the 2013 California State Employees Charitable Campaign, CFC or your local United Way
Providing support for urgently-needed programs & services, such as free phone connections to U.S. troops overseas and emergency financial assistance for military families—both nationally and in (816) 968-1128 your community. www.vfwfoundation.org
8 September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS
www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com
Johnny Manziel acted like a ‘punk’ vs. Rice
He’s such a good football player. You Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel is the talk of college foot- saw in the second half what he did, ball for both positive and negative rea- three touchdown passes and ran it pretsons following his Week 1 performance ty well. It’s just too bad he had to act against Rice. The defending Heisman like that. I’m pulling for the guy, I want him to do well. Trophy winUrlacher stopped ner has already short of calling Manrubbed a lot ziel a “punk” directof people the ly, but he believes wrong way, inthat Manziel came off cluding former looking like one on Chicago Bears Saturday: linebacker and I’m not saying he’s current Fox a punk, but he actFootball Daied like a punk in that ly analyst Brigame. Like his coach an Urlacher, acsaid, guys are going cording to Ross to come after him all Jones of FoxSseason long. ports.com. Things haven’t exAs seen actly gone smoothin this video, ly for Manziel since the future Hall Johnny Manziel has received flak for he became the first of Fame line- his actions against Rice. Here he rubs freshman to win the backer was com- his fingers together signifying money. Heisman last year, as plimentary of (Scott Halleran/Getty Images) his offseason was rife Manziel’s skills, but he clearly believes that some of his with scandals. One came in July when he left the Manning Passing Academy antics are unnecessary:
early after missing several scheduled practices. While it was eventually written off as a case of Manziel being ill, rumors persist that “partying” could have played a role in his absence. More significant was the investigation surrounding Manziel potentially being paid for signing autographs. The NCAA was unable to find any hard evidence of that type of exchange occurring, so it reached a compromise with
Texas A&M. Since the NCAA contended that Manziel should have known his autographs would allow others to profit, he was suspended for the first half against Rice. Manziel took the field in the second half with the Aggies leading the Owls 28-21, and he didn’t waste any time making an impact. Johnny Football’s Heisman form was on full display, as he threw for 94 yards, rushed for 19 more and threw three touchdowns as well. However, some of the other things he did on the field overshadowed his performance in the game, including a celebration in which he rubbed his hands together to signify money. Manziel also seemed to reference the autograph scandal by making a signing motion in the direction of a Rice defensive player. The worst offense came when referees flagged Manziel for unsportsmanlike conduct for arguing with Rice players. It didn’t cost Texas A&M, as the game was well in hand, but head coach Kevin Sumlin certainly won’t accept that type of behavior moving forward. It’s difficult to argue with Urlacher’s assessment of Manziel. There is no question that he is an incredible talent, but he may have to turn down his bravado a bit if Texas A&M is going to reach its full potential this season.
Columbia College celebrates 40 years of educating adults Columbia College celebrated 40 years educating adults at its St. Louis campus, which recently saw a major renovation. The ribbon-cutting event rededicated the renovated campus on Woodson Road. Established in 1973, the St. Louis campus was Columbia College’s first Nationwide Campus location, and is one of 35 Adult Higher Education campuses across the country. “This is a great day for the college,” said Dr. Terry Smith, interim president of Columbia College. “Serving adult learners is woven into the fabric of our institution, and our mission is to provide students with a one-of-a-kind liberal arts education as the foundation for their careers and personal lives.” Columbia College’s Adult Higher Education program began as response to requests from Army recruiters in the St. Louis area for flexible education opportunities, and, in 1973, the college established the Extended Studies Division. Today, the program serves more than 31,000 students annually and has been recognized as a leader in adult education. “Columbia College was one of the first colleges to be asked by the mili-
tary to start a program, and one of the first to get on military installations,” said Brig. Gen. David Newman, director of the Joint Staff, Missouri National Guard, who provided remarks at the event. “Ten percent of the Missouri National Guard education budget goes to Columbia College.” Columbia College-St. Louis was es-
tablished in 1973 and was located for a short time at the Army Reserve Personnel Center. The campus moved to its current location on Woodson Road in 1989. The campus served more than 1,500 students last year and has graduated 1,600 students since 2000. With more than 30 campuses across the country, 18 of which are on military
installations, students may enroll in day, evening or online classes. The college is accredited by the Higher Learning Commission and is a member of the North Central Association of Colleges and Schools. Columbia College educates more than 31,000 students each year and has more than 74,000 alumni. For more info, visit www.ccis.edu.
We Support Our Troops To place an ad or for more information call
858.537.2280
Visit us online at MilitaryPress.com For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280
September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 9
THEN
Comedy shorts
Q: What’s the difference between snow men and snow women? A: Snowballs! This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
Just for Laughs “What, this old thing...”
PUZZLE PAGE
A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked. “What are you doing?” she asks. “Mom, it’s my LOVE dress!! Don’t you like it?” “I’ll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over,” replies the mom. When she goes back, she is shocked when once again her daughter is naked. “Now what are you doing?” “Mom, it’s my LOVE dress. It keeps the marriage spicy!” Later that night the mom decides to try it for herself. When her husband comes home, he gives the same reaction: “Honey, what are you doing?” She gave him the same answer her daughter gave her, “It’s my LOVE dress! What do you think of it?” Her husband thinks long and hard and says, “I think you should have ironed it!”
Everyone thinks I’m psychotic, except for the friends in my head. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Nobody’s a virgin...life screws us all.
Adam Sandler
Rihanna
First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
You know you’re ghetto when you carry food stamps in a money clip!
Waiter: “Two teas. Which one had the clean glass?”
My wife says I never listen... or something like that...
Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men s they’re a bunch of liars.
This could be considered THE ideal world for many men: His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties. His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy. A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
A man had his VISA stolen but he decided not to report it as the thief was spending less than his wife did!
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Waiter: “Tea or coffee, gentlemen?” 1st customer: “I’ll have tea.” 2nd customer: “Me, too. And be sure the glass is clean!” (Waiter exits, returns)
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.
ACROSS 1. After-bath powder 5. Abrasive 10. Powdery dirt 14. Pearly-shelled mussel 15. Run away to wed 16. Ancient Peruvian 17. Shower 18. Change 20. Skittish 22. Physicians 23. Regret 24. Product of bees 25. Traverse on foot 32. Bad treatment 33. Angers 34. Was victorious 37. Colored part of an eye 38. Coil of yarn 39. Broad valley 40. Put clothing on 41. Portion 42. Cowboy sport 43. Notch 45. Angler’s basket 49. Ribonucleic acid 50. Remedy 53. Walks unsteadily 57. Eclipse 59. Notion 60. Japanese wrestling 61. Picture 62. Poems 63. Char 64. Prison-related 65. Gestures of assent
4. A national legislative assembly 5. Fastball (baseball slang) 6. Friend 7. Decay 8. Hurried 9. Protagonist 10. Repeat 11. Labor group 12. Gain points in a DOWN game 1. Territory 13. A Eurasian 2. A Freudian stage aromatic herb 3. 53 in Roman numerals 19. Pains
10 September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS
21. Large 25. Gave money 26. River of Spain 27. Wreckage 28. Annoyed 29. Daughter of a sibling 30. Extraterrestrial 31. One more than nine 34. Dry riverbed 35. Margarine 36. A noble gas 38. Transgression 39. An endowment 41. Heaps
42. Deliver a tirade 44. A small hand tool 45. Pass over 46. Variety show 47. Swelling under the skin 48. Mistake 51. Transport commercially 52. Identical 53. Roman robe 54. Cocoyam 55. Marsh plant 56. Back talk 58. One of the tribes of Israel
Unfaithful
A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?” “Relax,” says the Doctor, “take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?
SUDOKU The rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.
This week’s solutions:
www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com
For advertising information, call (858) 537-2280
September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS 11
THE SMOOTHNESS TO BLEND IN. THE BACKBONE TO STAND OUT. Sailor Jerry’s blend of Caribbean rums lays down a
smooth-as-hell base for any drink. Meanwhile, its bold spiced character stands out, so even fancyass cocktails taste better.
sailorjerry.com RESPECT HIS LEGACY. DRINK SAILOR JERRY RESPONSIBLY. ©2013 Sailor Jerry Rum, 46% Alc./Vol. William Grant & Sons, Inc. New York, NY.
12 September 15, 2013 THE MILITARY PRESS
www.MilitaryPress.com • editorsdesk@militarypress.com